EMMA, PAUL, BILL, and TED are holding drinks, TED sitting on a

chair on one side of the stage, EMMA sitting on the ground on the
other side, the other two with TED.

BILL:
He said this was a full bar! How the hell am I supposed to make a
Shirley Temple without any cherries?!

TED:
Jesus Christ, Bill. It’s the end of the world and you’re gonna get your
drink on with a Shirley-freaking-Temple?

BILL:
Well, if it’s as serious as all that, I figured we might need a designated
driver!

TED:
Okay, so when the zombie-cops pull you over, you can pass their
breathalyser test before they infect you?? Come on!

BILL:
If you make one more crack at me, I am gonna… do something to
you!

TED:
Oh yeah, Bill? What are you gonna do?

BILL:
I am gonna… kick your head!

TED:
Oh. My head.

BILL:
Yeah!
 TED:
Not my butt?

BILL:
… Yeah.

TED stands up.

TED:
Alright then, let’s see it, huh! Kick my head! Come on karate champ,
I wanna see you kick above your waist alright, show me that
roundhouse, show me that sweeping crane kick that your kung-fu
master taught you!

PAUL:
Okay, you two calm down! Ted, Bill is not gonna kick your head.

TED:
Why not?? It’s the most vulnerable part of the body. That’s what
sensei Bill taught me!

PAUL:
Okay, it was a dumb threat, stop rubbing it in. I’m sure if he could do
it over again, he’d say butt.

TED:
Uh-uh, uh-uh! You know, if you wanna kill a snake, what do you do?
You cut off it’s head. Where does the fish rot from? The head. Take
out the head, and the whole thing goes down! That’s why a fisherman
always goes for the head!

As he says this last part, TED makes a hand motion as if to cut of

something’s head. BILL slaps his hand.
 TED:
Ow! Come on, Bill, come on!

PAUL:
Gimme that!

PAUL takes vthe drink from TED’s hand.

PAUL:
This is supposed to relax us, not make us kill each other!

TED:
Whatever!

PAUL goes and sits next to EMMA.

EMMA:
Ugh, why did I come back here.

PAUL:
To uhh… drink?

EMMA:
No, back here. To this town. I spent the first eighteen years of my life
trying to get out of this place. Should’ve just stayed in Guatemala. I
mean, yeah, they’ve got volcanoes and coatimundis everywhere, but
wh-

PAUL:
What’s a coatimundi?

EMMA:
Oh, it’s like a little raccoon thing. Eh, they break into places, people
hate ‘em. But at least they’re not zombies.
 PAUL:
So is that what drove you back here? Coatimundis… breaking into
your house?

EMMA:
No, no. It was my sister, Jane. She was the good one. She had this, uh,
Lisa Frank binder when she was little where she mapped out her
entire life, and I swear to god, she stuck to it! Bullet point by bullet
point. It was like; job, husband, house, kids. And, you know, when
one sister is so on top of her game, it kinda demands that the other
one be a total screw-up, right?

PAUL:
What is Ying without Yang?

EMMA:
That’s what I’m saying! Yeah, man. I came back here when I got the
invitation to her funeral.

PAUL:
I’m sorry.

EMMA:
Hey, it’s fine. And now here I am, dying here.

PAUL:
It could be worse. You could be dying in America.

EMMA:
Screw America!

PAUL:
Screw ‘em!
 EMMA:
Hey, we’re the same age. How come I never knew you at school?

PAUL:
You probably went to Longhill Secondary, I went to Sycamore.

EMMA:
Oh my god, we hated you guys!

PAUL:
We hated ourselves!

There’s a little silence.

EMMA:
Listen, Paul-

BILL:
Guys do you hear that??

PAUL:
We better get moving.

They all leave.