With All My Heart

With All My Heart

Chapter One
It was in the middle August of 2005, that was the day a new friendship was born
MDIZZZOHHHHH Jamie screams as Marcus entered the room. She was with her friend Sharon. JAYMIZZLE Marcus replies, How are you?! Jamie tells him that shes doing fine and introduces him to Sharon. She was the most beautiful girl hed ever seen. They talked all day and all night. Right away they had become best of friends. Since that day, Sharon and Marcus became inseparable. Everyone would see them together everyday, and start to question where their relationship was going. They would tell everyone they were only friends, but everyone could see there was a lot more there than that. On December 23rd 2005, they decided maybe they could take their friendship to another level. Few months after that, seeing as how great their friendship was, they feared that if something happened, what would be of their friendship? So before anything happened, they decided to just stay friends. Months have gone by, and Marcus still had feelings for Sharon. He thought the only way he would be able to get over her was if he had gone to date someone else to get his mind off her. So he decided to get with his friend Joyce. Over the months while dating Joyce, all he could think about was Sharon. He would make up excuses just to call her, like somethings wrong or he needs to talk to her about something. She never realized that in the end they dont talk about the subject and they have a fun chat about ridiculous things laughing for hours until one of them have to go. Day after day, Marcus would go take walks alone just to reminisce. Think about the days when he was with Sharon and how perfect things were. The times he would go for walks, Sharon knows he thinks a lot when he does, so she would call him just to check up on him. When she calls, Marcus would think even more about how things used to be. He would stare into the night sky and watch the stars, wishing he could spread wings and fly to her. Staring up at the starry night, he started to think about the fact that hes staring up into the same sky as Sharon, how they are so far apart but so close in the heart After he figured he wouldnt be able to get over her, he decided to just stop using Joyce as a tool and just break it off. But at the same time, Sharon had been dating this guy named Matt. So Marcus tried one more time to get over Sharon by forcing himself to get with another girl named Karmen. But still, things never changed, Marcus still felt the same way about Sharon. For the longest time, IBUs I cant get over you (lyrics at bottom) has been replaying in his head over and over again. He just couldnt get over her. After that, he had no other choice but to break up with Karmen and not use her as a tool like Joyce. Almost a year has gone by and his friendship with her has only gotten stronger and stronger, and so has his feelings. As her best friend, theyd talk every day and she would talk about her drama with her boyfriend. Listening to it everyday made him wish that he was the one who could make her happy. Knowing he could make her happier than she was right now. But he thought it could never be true, because he thought she didnt feel the same way as he did. A few weeks after the drama with her boyfriend, she decided to break it off with him. And Marcus actually thought he had another chance to be with her... until Sharon told him she had a crush on another guy named Steven. For two weeks, Sharon had told Marcus about the dates she would have with Steven, and how much fun it would be. For those two weeks it hurt him, trying to pretend to be supportive, but at the same time having these feelings for her. Sharon told him about the Sadie Hawkins Dance coming up at her school and how she was planning on asking her crush to go. Being the supportive best friend he is, he encouraged her to ask him. A few days after that, he thought maybe if hed admitted his feelings things would be different. Marcus had called Sharon and he started to tell her about how she has always been there for him no matter what it was. When he calls and she misses the call, she would always call back a few minutes later. Youre always there for me whenever I need you, and I can always count on you to support me I Love you. Then there was an awkward silence on the phone. So Marcus immediately changed the subject so that she wouldnt feel weird about the situation. Weeks before the dance, Marcus talked to Sharon everyday, and she would always talk about the dance. With Sharon thinking he was fooling around, he would ask her to bring him to the dance instead. He got rejected every time, even though it hurt him he laughed along with her to make it seem as if he was joking around. The day of the dance came and he wished for her to have a good time. While she was at the dance, he went for a walk in the middle of the night and started to think Would things be different if I was there? That night he fell asleep thinking about how different things would be if they actually started once again. The next day, things were going to change... a lot. The Saturday morning after her dance, Sharon called Marcus to wake him up so she could tell him about the dance. She told Marcus that when she was dancing with her crush, she kept imagining that he was Marcus. That same morning she said to Marcus, Its time for me to cause an awkward moment, I Love you too. After that she told him that she had forced herself to like her crush in order to get rid of her feelings for Marcus because she didnt want anything to ruin the friendship they have already. With all that said he let her know that he did the same exact thing and after letting it all out, he asked since they felt that way should they just give it a try? She said she wasnt sure yet and had to think about it. He told her to just give him an answer whenever shes ready. Few days later she gave him an answer and they decided to give it a try. [To be continued...]

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With All My Heart

Chapter Two
April 20th 2007, Marcus went to Los Angeles to visit Sharon
His flight had landed at 11:39am, and he was eager to see her. He arrived at the hotel around 12:30 and started to freshen himself up before he goes to see Sharon. When 2:30 came around, Marcus started heading to her school to meet her up. He waited for the school bell to ring and started to look into the crowd of people coming out for her. A few minutes later, he got a phone call it was Sharon, she told him to go into the school and look for her. So he went inside and started searching for her. He walked by the gate and walked straight looking left and right for her. She was walking out of the classroom while he was looking for her. He called her when he didnt know where to go, and she directed him in which way to go. He finally saw her and walked up to her and hugged her. At that time, he felt a warm feeling rush through his body it was one of the best feelings he had ever felt in his life. He spent that whole day holding her; while they watched the movieall he did was hold her. On Sunday, they spent the day at the mall together. Walking around checking out every store, hand in hand, just enjoying the time left that they had with each other. Marcus told Sharon that he really wanted to stay and not go back to Boston. But she wouldnt have that; she said If you truly do care about me, youd go back. Finish up school and come back, Im not going anywhere Ill wait as long as it takes for you to come. With that said, it made him think just finish so hell be able to support her for sure. The week after he left, things had gotten weird. Sharon had been trying to avoid Marcus, but when Thursday came along Marcus confronted her. He said youve been acting pretty funny lately, is something bothering you? She replied yeah, sorry. After that, he asked straight up, You still have feelings for Matt dont you? It wasnt the answer he was hoping to hear, but he thought at least shes not hiding anything from me. She told him Id be lying if I said no. After that, Marcus wanted her to be absolutely sure about what she wants. And with that, he told her that if she wanted, she could take a break from the relationship and think about what she really wants. It took two days to figure out what she wanted, in the end; she wanted time to think about what she really wanted. On that day, Marcus watched a Chinese movie called P.S I Love You. In the movie, a group of people played the guardian angel game. In the guardian angel game, girls put their names into a box and the guys pick out a name, and he will become that girls guardian angel. There were two couples in this movie, couple one: Xin and Xiaoyue, and couple two: Feng and Jing. Xin and Xiaoyue had a cute relationship where Xiaoyue would get mad at Xin over trivial matters. In one scene, they had gone out on a date and Xin had gone to get water for Xiaoyue but he saw an old lady who had lost her way and tried to help her. Xiaoyue kept calling and calling Xins phone but the battery was flat. When he came back, she completely flipped out on him and wouldnt even let him explain. She had told him that shes angry and not to talk to her and stay there and dont follow her, and she stormed off on him. After a few minutes of walking and cooling down, she saw Xin STILL standing there; she let out a little smile. Why are you still standing here? He replied, Because you told me to stand here. At that time, Xiaoyue admitted that shes very domineering, and she gets angry over trivial matters. Xin replied to her that when shes mad, he will stay quiet until she finishes throwing her tantrums. She then threatened that she would run away and he said that he promises to stand there and wait for her. On Christmas Eve, Xin had to fly to Thailand to pick up his sick father. When he told Xiaoyue, she was worried because there was a typhoon in Thailand. After that the story continues three years later. Sadly he became a victim of the typhoon and Xiaoyue ended up waiting three years for him. On the other side, Feng and Jing had broken up because she didnt trust him. But they still had feelings for each other after three years. Feng and Xiaoyue meet each other again after getting scammed by the same real estate agent. Things have gotten hard for the both of them losing the one they wanted. As the days gone by, Xin came back, but as an angel not only as an angel, but trying to hide his identity so that Xiaoyue would finally be over him. The sole purpose of Xin coming back was so that he could set them up together and be an actually Guardian Angel and protect Xiaoyue. Feng and Xiaoyues relationship grew stronger and so did their feelings towards each other. One day Feng proposed to Xiaoyue but she was still unsure because she still deeply had feelings for Xin. She had a talk with Yan (Xin as an angel / separate identity) and he talked her into accepting his proposal. Feng and Yan were playing basketball and Yan cut his arm on a piece of wood. Feng ran up to him to see if hes okay and the wound healed itself right before his eyes. Thats when Feng found out Yan was Xin. [To be continued]

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With All My Heart

Chapter Three
What happens when you sacrifice your happiness for just to make the one you love happy?
While picking out a wedding dress with Xiaoyue, Feng was feeling uncertain about his marriage to Xiaoyue. Thats when he had to make a hard decision. He said Every person has thoughts about the person they want to walk down the aisle with. For me, youre the one I want to walk down the aisle with. But I want you to fully be sure about this with no regrets. I know I might be losing you if I said thisbut if I truly love you, I must do this. and he tells Xiaoyue that Yan is Xin. After telling Xiaoyue that, she ran off to look for Xin. She got to the house screaming for him, telling him she knew the truth, but he wouldnt come out. She searched all over the house for him and she couldnt find him. So she decided to jump into the pool and drown herself, just to force him to come out, which is what he did. Xin let her know about the typhoon back three years ago and how he became a victim of it. He told her how she and Feng were going to live a happy life together. But she wouldnt have it, she wanted Xin. He also said that he came back as an angel just so he can protect her and set her and Feng together so she could move on with her life. Sadly Xiaoyue declined the proposal and lived her life alone for a few days one day she went to the beach and laid down and stared off into the water. To her surprise, Xin came walking out of the water towards her, and embraced her. This time, he said he was staying. Next day they got married, and on that night they went to sleep with Xin holding her tightly. The next morning, she woke up next to Feng it was all nothing more than a dream. They got up, walked to the balcony and stared into the sky. Xiaoyue thanked Xin for giving them this opportunity. That was the end of the movie. After watching that movie, Marcus felt like shit. Week after week moping around, not knowing he was worrying everyone around him. He saw himself in that movie in so many parts. How he was supposed to die due to a heart condition. How he is willing to do anything to make her happy even if its setting her with someone else. How he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness just so she can be happy. For three nights straight, he drank himself to sleep. One of the days he vented out all these problems to his Godmother, who has helped him a great deal before. He told her about the movie and how the parts reminded him of his situation. He told her how he was willing to help set Matt and Sharon back together if Matt was willing to try harder to make some contact with her. But before Marcus could finish his sentence, his Godmother smacked him upside the head. She told him that in a relationship there is no such thing as try harder. If you didnt try in the first place, that means you either didnt give a shit, or you took the situation for granted. Her explanation made him think how it was really true. But he also questioned the limitations Matt had. The reason that he couldnt do anything was because of money and his parents. Then she gets into her real form, the truth hurts form, and goes on to say You dont have any money and you take all the money you saved for a month to see this girl for a weekend and when your parents say something, you dont give a shit you do it anyways. After that, she gives this dumb ass example to him. My husband comes home from work hes tired and he throws his socks into the hamper. If he didnt give a shit, and didnt care about how it would affect me, he would have just tossed it onto the ground next to the hamper. But he loves me, and he doesnt want to upset me. So he tries to get it into the hamper. I mean think about it, if youre going to try to throw something in the hamper. Youre going to make it into the fucking hamper. And that made Marcus think how could something so simple relate to what he was thinking and how he was feeling so much. At that time, he was really confused, but it also helped lift a lot of weight off his shoulders. Just to think that his thoughts for days and moping around for days, was so simply related to socks in a hamper was just wow. Knowing that made him realize that his moping was hurting others around him, people who cared for him, and he needed to stop moping around and do what was most important to him. Ill do anything to make Sharon happy, even if its not me in the end, ANYTHING, as long as shes happy, Im fine with that. "In the end, if you truly love someone, you will do anything to make them happy even if you have to sacrifice your own happiness. It's something I don't want to do, but it's something I have to do just so I can achieve my life time goal, to make her happy, but I'll be waiting as long as it takes just for her to come back, even if it takes an eternity. Till that time comes, Ill just stand aside and become a guardian angel for her. Like Xin was for Xiaoyue, Ill always be there till the end. I love her. And I miss her." -Marcus [To be continued?]

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With All My Heart

Chapter Four
Looking back to the past
Man, back then life was a pain in the ass. I remember my older cousins, well the guys. They would always randomly pick on me and beat me up just for the hell of it. Maybe that explains why Im kind of crazy, but when I look at myself now Im kind of thankful for that. I mean, look how I turned out. It sucked though. One day my parents decided to move when I was around nine years old? I lived near a lot of my family members. Neighbors, few minutes walking distance. Moved far away, away from my family and hometown, about thirty minute drive. Thats not even walking distance! My grandfather was about the closest person, or the nicest person to me. Everyday after school he would have food ready for me, and ask me how my day was, all of the good things a grandfather would do. One day, I was over at my grandfathers house, and I was talking to him. He told me that he was tired, and I should go downstairs to play with my cousins. So I went and a few hours later, I heard the ambulance. I remember wondering what was going on, my grandfather passed away. During his wake, I remember crying a lot while my cousins were all playing downstairs, away from the mourning adults. My aunt in law came over and told me that everything would be alright, that if I was crying, my grandfather would see me from above and be sad that Im sad. I didnt understand what she meant at first, but after a while I caught on. After that day, I pretty much isolated myself from my family, not wanting to care so much afraid that Id lose them one day and hurt like that once again. But doing that too much, ultimately made me suffer even more. I say that because they hardly care anymore. Even in school I had to isolate myself. Moving in to a new town, I didnt really have many friends. And the fact that it was a racist community didnt help either. Going to school hearing ching-chong and getting jumped nearly everyday didnt help much. Withstood it for about four years, thats when I started doing stupid things to myself. Thinking life was hard, I started cutting myself on the forearm. That really didnt help, it just hurt I was too afraid to just slit the wrist. But one day, I decided maybe I should nothing really to live for, just racism and fights. I ran into a busy street and got hit by a car. Sadly, I lived. Well duh, Im still here telling this story. But back to the point, they deemed me suicidal and stuck me in a mental institute. Sucks right? Afterwards, more people tried to keep their distance away from me. Still getting jumped and getting racial remarks at school everyday, I didnt have anyone to vent out those problems too. I had to hold it in, maybe thats another reason why Im crazy ha-ha. It was about when I was sixteen or so, I started playing this game called MapleStory. Thats where I met my best friend Sharon. She was actually the first person I had opened up to and let everything out. Thanks to her, that made me the person I am today. Well lets put it this way, I wouldnt be here today if it werent for her. She also made me realize that, if I could make a great friend like her by trying, whats stopping me from making more great friends? Well anyways back to Sharon. She was always there when I needed someone to talk to, or when things went wrong. It was about three or four months into our friendship when I found out. Damn I love her. Yeah, kind of corny but its true. Whats there not to love? She was beautiful and caring, always fun to talk to and great to hang out with. But, being the punk ass coward I was, I didnt want to risk the friendship. Sigh imagine, having to watch the one you love with another guy, and you would talk to her almost everyday about her and her boyfriend. I remember trying to get over her by trying to like someone else. Yeah it didnt work out so well. Whats worse about it was that I had already felt bad for doing it. But since no one knew my plan, they kept telling me how that person was hurting and everything. That made me feel even more shitty. I hurt someone else for my own personal benefit, which didnt even work out the way I wanted it to. Sucks right? Well thats life for you; no one ever said it would be easy. About a year later, I actually got my chance and took it. Bad thing is it only lasted a month, ha-ha good game. But it was a great time. I got to express how I felt, and didnt have to hold anything back. Only thing that sucked about it was that she didnt talk to me afterwards! It was actually around that time, I had watched a movie called P.S I Love you and I saw myself in that movie so many times. It was actually kind of scary that I would find a movie like that right after the breakup. I felt like shit for days, I remember telling my godmother about the movie and how it related to me, yeah she smacked some sense into me ha-ha. Shes great, I love her to death. Shit was still hard though, I remember falling in school and not eating as much as I usually do. I think I even lost ten pounds in two weeks. Can you say anorexic? But I also had great people supporting me, always there telling me that everything would be okay. They were actually there to listen to me vent out EVERYTHING. Yeah I came to get awesome friends. I dont think I would have met them if I were my shy self years ago. Heh but even though I have great friends now, I sometimes wonder. Back when I was a kid, thinking life was hard. I did stupid shit like cutting myself and getting hit by a car on purpose. But the pain is about a hundred times stronger than it was back then, why am I not doing stupid shit like that now? I thought to myself, maybe it relates to what my aunt in law said years ago. What if I died, people might care and be sad over me. My only purpose in life is to put a smile on peoples faces. Help make them forget their worries, even if its just for one moment. Ill do anything I can just to turn a persons day around, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness. As long as I can help someone out, that makes every day worth living. And thats pretty much what Im doing now. Even though Sharons not mine anymore, Im trying to do anything I can to make her life happy. I guess thats it. In the end, if you truly love someone, you will do anything to make them happy even if you have to sacrifice your own happiness. It's something I don't want to do, but it's something I have to do just so I can achieve my life time goal, to make her happy, but I'll be waiting as long as it takes just for her to come back, even if it takes an eternity. Till that time comes, Ill just stand aside and become a guardian angel for her. Like Xin was for Xiaoyue, Ill always be there till the end. I love her. And I miss her. Its going to be hard, knowing that I had a chance thats gone, or that I may not have another chance. But its worth anything to make her happy. I owe her a life-time debt. Since the day I met her, my whole life has changed for the better. Since theres really no way to pay her back completely for that, I have to do what I can. I still love her a lot. And Ill never let go. When you cherish something, you dont let it go. Grasp it with all your might. Youll never get something better or find another, because that special thing you cherish is something you hold dear to you. Never let go, never forget. I know Ill never forget. May 13, 2007: Interview with Marcus.

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With All My Heart

IBU I cant get over you (Verse 1) Silly dreams I wake. It was just a memory of how we used to be baby. Early in the morning you would always call me. And say how much you've missed me. (Yeah babe) I think about, the times we shared. Girl I'd give the world to have it all back again. Even though the seasons been passing by, I can't seem to get you off my mind. (Chorus) I can't get over you. No I can't get over you. Over and over I've tried to say goodbye. (No, I can't. No I can't) I can't get over you. No I can't get over you. Night after night I've asked myself why? (Why I can't get over you.) (Verse 2) What can I do to stop this madness inside? Should I go out? Should I stay at home? Just the thought of you with another guy, Makes me lose control, I'm going out of my mind. When we're together, you made me feel better than anyone could ever. All the pain and troubles, just burst away like bubbles baby. And when the seasons are standing still, it feels like eternity in my mind. (Chorus) (Rap Bridge) Ever since the day we said Farewell my life's been filled with silence, Can't deny it Laws of love and I can't defy it. Driving down to your house one day, trying to think of sweet words to say, then I saw in your eyes that look of demise. Now I can't stop thinking 'bout the times we Made out by the fireside, Had dinner by the candlelight, Broke up and made up so many times, All vanished in just one night. Now what am I supposed to do, in a nightmare that I thought would never come true? You used to say time heals all wounds. Tell me why I can't get over you. (Chorus x 2)

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With All My Heart

Marcus My Lady (Verse 1) The days have come and gone so fast Who knew that our love was going to last Cause God knows weve been through some bad- bad times But baby every time I see you smile It takes me back girl, its been awhile Since the first time I held you close and looked in- in your eyes (Chorus) My baby, my lady Youve opened my heart and saved me My true love The one I hold, so tight My baby, my lady Youre everything that drives a man crazy My best friend The one I kiss, goodnight (Verse 2) The days have gone but youre still by my side What a joy its been to have you in my life Im so proud to say that youre my- my girl Youve changed my life in so many ways Youre the reason why Im here today You are the sun that shines on- on my world~ (Chorus) My baby, my lady Youve opened my heart and saved me My true love The one I hold, so tight My baby, my lady Youre everything that drives a man crazy My best friend The one I kiss, goodnight

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