A game of time travel and well-deserved comeuppance

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 Eat Hitler – The Nazi Taste Treat!
A game of time travel and well-deserved comeuppance
By Howard Whitehouse, from an idea by Bruce Pettipas, influenced by Nic Robson, with additional material
by Patrick Wilson, and others I don’t remember owing to being a bit drunk at the time. Historical authentication
and German translations by Dr Sam Mustafa, actual academic historian.
Photos by Dave Taylor, courtesy of Wargames Illustrated.

APRIL 1945. BERLIN. Things aren’t going well for the Third Reich. Mistakes have been made. Plans have mis-
carried. The Russians are close, very close, and they seem uncharitable in their intentions. Luckily, Nazi scientists
have been working on important developments. Not practical new weapons; or even zombies, werewolves or
war-robots. No, they’ve got the time machine set up. In the bunker, next to the ersatz-coffee machine.
It’s a brilliant scheme. Knowing what he knows now, Adolph Hitler will travel back to 1933 and Get Everything
Right This Time. He’ll take Bormann, and Eva Braun and Blondi the dog. There’s no room for Himmler, no mat-
ter how much he whines. It’s not a very big machine. They get in and make ready for the big moment.
But, as Herr Professor Projekt Direktor reaches for the operating lever, adjusting the date dial twelve years
backwards, a shell blast rocks the bunker. The director is thrown forward. Lights go out. There’s a strange whir-
ring noise, like something the Dr Who sound engineer might have come up with in 1963. And then, suddenly,
it’s light again. Everyone looks out of the windows,
“Ach! Dummköpfe!” screams the Fuhrer. “Dies ist nicht Berlin in 1933! Das ist kein Brandenburger Tor!”
(“This is not Berlin in 1933. That is not the Brandenburger Gate!”)
Eva Braun knew that her sweetie was right about this, although she could not have told you that the big thing in
front of her was known as a brachiosaurus ---

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 Eat Hitler
The Objective of the Game The Time Machine: Suggestions made to rep-
The players are meat-eating dinosaurs. Their objective is resent this item include various German WWII
to Eat Hitler and – to a lesser degree – his companions. The vehicles: a black Mercedes, an Opel truck, a
Nazis and herbivores are moved by players with the inten- Kubelwagen, a basic VW bug. A tank, even a
tion of preventing their fellows from eating Hitler before little Panzer-II, seems like overkill. A phone
they get their own chance to do so. box has already been done. I’m using a diecast
Schwimmwagen myself. More ambitiously, Ed
The Set-up and Brendan Watts use a truck lashed between
two Schwimmwagens, with a model Flux-ca-
Lay out a table at least 4 feet square. You can make it larger pacitor attached!
if you like; it’s not like this is a historical simulation or any-
thing. Place pieces of terrain in patches around the table –
jungle, rocks, cave formations, swamp, long grass etc – with clear spaces in between. Be as prehistoric as you like
– get into a Mesozoic frame of mind. The terrain can be as elaborate as you like. We’ll assume that dinosaurs can
move through what is, after all, their own habitat without much difficulty, but that Nazis have problems moving
through rough terrain, what with their shiny boots and spiffy Hugo Boss-designed uniforms.
Place the time machine in the middle of the table.
Place the Nazis in groups within 12” of the time machine. Make sure each group has at least one SS guard. Place
any other SS guards out in a scouting formation, as if it’s going to do them any good.

The Cast
On the Nazi side we have Hitler, Eva Braun and Blondi the dog, plus a selection of Nazi ‘personalities’. Add a
time machine driver/operator if you like. Add a few SS men if you want; they can even have machine-pistols, be-
cause it doesn’t really make any difference. Goering, Bormann, Himmler; bring ‘em on! I tend to have one Nazi
‘personality’ and one nameless soldier per player, so that everyone has a chance to eat. I don’t worry if that’s a lot
of people in a small vehicle. Realism is the least of our concerns.
Opposing them are carnivorous dinosaurs. They can be any type you like – small packs of velociraptors, huge T.
Rexs, or anything in between. Each player gets one big dino or three medium carnosaurs, or a pack of six Velo-
ciraptors. It’s not as if we are inviting any actual paleontologists to the game (and if you are a paleontologist, we
expect you to behave like a gentleman and keep your opinions to yourself!).
Cluttering up the table are various herbivores, who serve to get in the way and step on things they aren’t sup-
posed to. The larger ones are like moving terrain obstacles, while the smaller ones just run about. Don’t overdo
this – that would be unrealistic.

Picking your Carnosaur

Each player selects his weapon of choice from the charts at the end of the book. Each player gets one T. Rex or
Allosaur, three medium-sized carnosaurs or pterodactyuls, or a pack of six velociraptors.

The Rules
Place each carnivore anywhere on the edge of the table, equidistant from the time machine. Give each player a
playing card as their own ‘your turn’ card, and deal them into a deck with a joker. Decide who moves by drawing
the top card. When the joker comes up the turn is over. Shuffle the deck, even if some players haven’t had their
turn yet. This is meant to be unfair.

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 Eat Hitler
When your card comes up, roll your movement dice
Note: The Watts Expedition—whose games involve
and move your carnivore towards the nearest Nazi. You
many family groups with children playing – prefer
must attempt to eat the closest Nazi within range—
not to use the Joker, as young players may be up-
you can’t bypass an SS guard to reach a high-value
set when the Joker appears and ‘steals’ their turn.
officer!
Indeed, adult players may feel the same way. So the
If you reach your target, you eat him up immediately; Joker may be used, or not, according to choice.
make suitable chomping and slurping sounds. Unless
it’s Goering—it takes an extra turn to eat him.
You will not chase smaller herbivores unless they are directly in front of you and no Nazi is within reach. If you
don’t reach anything edible (as you won’t, first off), you may move:
A) The Nazis—any and all of them, in any direction you like. They may cluster in groups, cower in shelters, or
run about alone. Note, however, the special rules for several of the characters.
then,
B) The Herbivores, any and all of them.
Use the guards and herbivores to block your opponents!

Nazi Movement
On the first turn, they have just climbed out of the
time machine and begun to explore. Do they hold
together in tight little groups? Do they run in all
directions? Who knows? It’s your choice.
Roll 3D6” for each Nazi and move them as you
like.
Use lower value Nazis as decoys to protect the se-
nior ranks from being eaten, as they aren’t worth so
much! The SS men will always try to protect Hitler.
You aren’t allowed to make the Nazis run into the
mouths of dinosaurs. These people may be evil, but
they aren’t completely crazy.

Herbivore Movement
Herbivores move after the Nazis move, but a Her-
bivore may also be moved on a Player’s turn if the
moving Carnosaur gets too close to said Herbivore,
to maintain a safe distance. This movement is done
by the gamer immediately to the right of the acting
player, with the intention of causing as much chaos
as possible.
The herbivores fall into four classifications: the
small, snack-sized ones; the huge long-necked sau-
ropods; the armoured triceratops; and the famously
stupid stegosaurus.
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 Eat Hitler
If an herbivore moves within 1” of a Nazi, they might accidently squish the puny human without noticing; roll
on the Herbivore Vs. Nazi table.

Herbivore vs. Nazi Table

1D6 Result
1-2 Crushed Nazi. No points for anyone.
3-4 Brushed against Nazi. Unbelievably (!) the Nazi survives, but only moves 2D6” from now on.
5-6 Terrified Nazi escapes, diving out of the path of the dinosaur.
-1 from die roll for sauropods
+1 to die roll for small herbivores

Shooting
The player moving the Nazis has an option to shoot with one or more figures, rather than run. This applies only
to the SS troopers – officers will always run, unless they are cornered. Typical shabby Nazi trick.
The SS troopers have either rifles (1D6) or SMGs (3D6), and can shoot at anything on the table in line of sight.
If the figure does not move it may fire, hitting on a ‘6’. See the table for how many hits it takes to kill a dinosaur. If
you get a hit, roll 2 dice and a pair of sixes is a brain hit (instant kill!), otherwise it’s just a normal hit.
Officers and Eva have pistols: 1D6 and a range of 6” or less. Running is a better plan.
All firearms have effectively unlimited ammunition. No-one has grenades, MG42’s, panzerfausts, or other
“heavy” weaponry (there wasn’t any room in the time machine…)
Any Nazi who is about to be attacked by a carnosaur, or walked over by a careless herbivore, gets a point blank
shot at that dinosaur.
I include this shooting aspect of the game purely to give the illusion that there is a chance of killing the carno-
saurs. Effectively, there isn’t. Sorry.

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 Eat Hitler
Hand to Claw Combat
Each figure on the table has some sort of hand-to-claw weaponry. Humans have fists, knives and rifle butts – it
really doesn’t matter, they still get 1 die no matter what weapon they have. Blondi has a nasty bite. Herbivores can
head-butt or stomp. Carnivores have teeth and claws (on really small arms).
Roll the appropriate melee dice for each combatant, hitting on a ‘6’. Apply all hits – the dinos might kill each
other. There is no chance of a “Brain shot”, like there is with firearms.

End of the Game

“Eat Hitler” is meant as a quick entertainment, not a marathon gaming session, so it’s important to keep the
game time short- perhaps an hour. Therefore it is decreed that the time machine will make a buzzing sound at
the start of turn 3 (if there are a lot of players) or 4 (to make it last a bit longer). The Watts Experimental Group,
running games with young participants, have a deliberate policy of keeping the game going until all players –at
least those who don’t shave yet – have bagged at least one Nazi.
As soon as the time machine buzzes (someone, please, make the noise!) all surviving Nazis will move towards
the device until they reach it. The time machine will return to 1945 at the end of the turn (when the Joker is
pulled) , carrying any survivors (and any dinosaurs currently clambering on the roof).
If Hitler reaches the time machine before all other surviving Nazis are present and accounted for, roll aD6:
• If both Blondi and Eva are in the machine with him, he will press the return Button on a roll of 2-6, leav-
ing everyone else behind in Jurassic Park. He’s never really liked any of them.
• If either one isn’t aboard (but is still alive), he’ll press it on 4-6. He’ll wait for them.
• If they have both been killed, he’ll press it, sadly, on 3-6.
Dinosaurs will not attack the time machine if it has no people inside, because it smells funny. If humans are
inside, carnosaurs can try to rip their way in. They must attack the time machine by rolling their usual number
of dice for melee, hitting on a ‘6’. 3 hits will tear the roof off, revealing the tasty filling inside. Velociraptors only
need 1 hit, however, as they understand how locks work. Once dinosaurs gain access, roll for the ensuing blood-
bath as usual.
The time machine returns to April 1945, possibly carrying Hitler and other Nazis who are pleased to be back
in the much safer surroundings of the Berlin Bunker. Or, possibly, just the bloodied and mangled remains of the
craft, and three angry velociraptors. Which might provide the makings for a sequel…

Winning the Game

Decide which Carnosaur wins as follows by checking the Nazi table at the end of the book.

What happens next?

Some people, who should probably know better, have asked what happens after the events portrayed in Eat
Hitler. It is entirely possible to stage a wargame set in the bunker complex under Berlin in which irate Mesozoic
carnivores rampage through concrete corridors chomping on the last survivors of Hitler’s Thousand Year Reich.
It would be conceivable to present a battle in the wreckage of the German capital, where the tanks of the Red
Army face off against angry carnosaurs—T. Rex versus T-34s.
If that floats your boat, we say “Go for it!” Just don’t expect us to do the work for you.

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 Eat Hitler
Creating the world of ‘Eat Hitler’
Model figures of WWII Germans are not hard to find. Mine are metal 28mm figures made by several compa-
nies – Foundry, Black Tree, Bolt Action and Crusader Miniatures all come to mind. Pulp Figures have a nice
selection of what are termed ‘Gestapo guards’ – jackbooted thugs in black uniforms and ties – which would make
an attractive change from actual 1945 SS in camo smocks. Likewise, Pulp Figures provide several female figures
who could serve as Eva Braun, mad scientist types, and at least one dog.
My own model of Hitler is by Black Tree Miniatures, and shows him making what Jerry Seinfeld referred to as
the “Casual Sieg Heil” salute. That said, many German officer figures could portray the fuehrer simply by paint-
ing in that distinctive moustache – which, oddly enough, has been completely out of fashion everywhere since
1945...
There is no reason that you can’t play Eat Hitler with any size figures you like, from small 15mm metals, 1/72nd
plastics, up to the 1/35th to 1/32nd scale models that are common in plastic modeling.
Model dinosaurs are available in many materials, from cheap vinyl to harder plastics to metal, and from ‘dollar
store’ items to very detailed and expensive scale models. I own small dinosaurs—velociraptors and the like – in
metal, from Ral Partha and the Honourable Lead Boiler Suit Company. Larger creatures are from a number of
sources. I especially recommend the range of quality toy dinosaurs by Safari, which are very close to matching
my 28mm figures in terms of scale. The Carnegie Collection makes very fine dinosaurs, but they are too large for
28mm figures.
Vinyl and soft plastic models are notable for their resistance to paint; they either refuse to ever dry (remaining
sticky and unpleasant to the touch) or flake. I recommend they be primed with the kind of spray paint specifi-
cally created for plastic surfaces; once this is applied, standard paint will adhere properly.
As to model scenery, you’ll have to make your own. All the scenery shown in the photos is my own work. The
rock formations are built from foam core and tree bark. The vegetation is a mix of aquarium plants from pet
suppliers, plastic palm trees usually associated with cake decorations, and a variety of items found by trolling the
aisles of craft stores looking for suitable ‘bits’. Have fun!

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 Eat Hitler
One Tyrannosaurus Rex: The mighty King of the Cretaceous Era, or, alternatively, a scavenger with ridiculous little
arms, depending on whose reconstruction you like.
Move 3D6”. May not climb terrain obstacles more than 2” in height, or move through caves or tunnels.
Melee Dice 12
Hits to Kill 20
Special Rules Pugnacious: May attempt to challenge and seize the prey of another carnosaur which has killed this
turn. The owner of the pre-existing diner decides whether to concede the half chewed Nazi (points are
split) or to fight – roll dice for melee combat. Whichever combatant gets most hits wins and takes all
the Victory Points, and the other withdraws, shamefaced. Can’t challenge herbivores who have simply
stomped on a Nazi in passing.

One Allosaurus: Jurassic Era killing machine.

Move 3D6”. May not climb terrain obstacles more than 4” in height, or move through caves or tunnels
Melee Dice 10
Hits to Kill 15
Special Rules Sprint: May add a fourth dice to its movement if three doesn’t reach the Nazi chosen as a target.

Three Medium Carnosaurs: Eryththrosuchus or Ceratosaurus types.

Move 4D6”. May not climb terrain obstacles more than 4” in height, or move through narrow caves or tunnels
Melee Dice 4
Hits to Kill 4 each
Special Rules Pack: Move as a group, combining melee dice when they attack.

Six Velociraptors: Small, fast, smart group hunters. The villains of Jurrasic Park
Move 4D6”. May not climb terrain obstacles more than 6” in height. May move through caves or tunnels
Melee Dice 2, combined when the group attacks a target.
Hits to Kill 2 each
Special Rules Hunters: Velociraptors are cunning and stealthy; only one Velociraptor is placed on the board at any
time (and so only one can be shot at). The others are concealed within 3” of the model shown, and will
be revealed when the Velociraptor makes an attack.

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 Eat Hitler
Three Pterodactyls: Death from Above!
Move 4D6”. Flies over any obstacles. May not move through caves or tunnels
Melee Dice 1. Pterodactyls do not combine their dice.
Hits to Kill 2 each
Special Rules Fly: Can ignore terrain unless carrying a nazi—then it may ignore rivers, rocks, etc, but not trees or
such.
Must have an Aerie—a nest where it can eat in peace (or feed the kiddies). To count VPs, it must carry
its prey to their aerie (a rocky piece of terrain, Acheson makes a resin nest with large eggs) located at the
edge of the table.
Each pterydactyle group must have its own aerie.
A Pterydactyl attacks by swooping on a Nazi to carry him off to its aerie. It succeeds if it causes a hit and
does not receive one in return. A pterydactyl must fly low to the ground while carrying its struggling
prey (a la Raquel Welch in 1,000,000 Years B.C.). Roll on the Dinosaur vs. Nazi every time they fly over
a sauropod (those long clumsy necks!), a carnivore or a rival pteranodon attempting to snatch the prey
away.
Must reach aerie to count points!

The Nazis: Dinner!

Move 3D6”: Half movement over rough terrain. Cannot move through water. Can climb at 2” per turn, in piti-
ful attempt to escape inexorable doom.
Melee Dice 1
Hits to Kill 1
Special Rules Hitler: When grabbed prior to eating, roll aD6. On a roll of ‘1’ dinosaur spits him out. Yuck, evil tastes
bad! He immediately runs 2D6” away from the dinosaur (direction picked at random).
Eva Braun: If Eva is attacked, any Nazi minion within 6” of her will rush forward 1D6” in an effort to be
eaten in her place. He must reach her to do so—‘close’ isn’t good enough!
Goering: Any dinosaur who eats him must miss the next turn to digest this supersized snack..
Himmler: May grab any figure within 2” (except Blondi, who bites him) to throw in front of an attack-
ing dinosaur. He’s a real bastard.
Bormann: Roll 1D6 at the start of each turn. On a ‘1’ he disappears completely, and moves to Argen-
tina. Or Paraguay. We aren’t sure.

Blondi the Dog

Move 4D6”: No deduction for rough terrain or water.
Melee Dice 2
Hits to Kill 3
Special Rules Blondi, being a German Shepherd, will attack any carnivore that comes within 12”; Good dog!
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 Eat Hitler
Small lunchable sorts of herbivores are unaware that today’s Blue Plate Special is Nazi al Dente and so run about on the
assumption that someone wants to eat them.
Move 3D6”. Always away from the nearest carnosaur.
Melee Dice 1. If they pass over a Nazi, roll on the “Herbivore vs. Nazi” table
Hits to Kill 3
Special Rules No small herbivore will deliberately come within 12” of any carnosaur, and will move towards (and off!)
the table edge rather than get that close to a creature that they believe will kill and eat them. They can be
brought back on the table at any point (either representing the same herbivore coming back on the table,
or a different herbivore coming in from another direction)

Sauropods – by which I mean the Brontosaurus (or the Apatosaurus, if you learned your dinosaurs after 1974 or so…)
and other really big, slow dinosaurs. Treat these as mobile terrain features, which must be moved around.
Move 2D6”. Cannot climb rock formations at all, but my move into water at no penalty.
Melee Dice 6. If it moves over a Nazi, roll on the “Herbivore vs. Nazi” table
Hits to Kill 50
Special Rules They ignore all carnivores except T. Rex and Allosaurus within 6” from them. They will move away from
T. Rexes and Allsauruses that approaches within 6”, simply moving enough to maintain that distance.

Tricerotops move in herds of three creatures in any direction the player chooses, As an option, players may opt to take a
triceratops group as their own playing piece(s) instead of a carnosaur, trying to ‘accidentally’ step on stray Nazis, as one
might.
Move 2D6”
Melee Dice 6. If a it moves over a Nazi, roll on the “Herbivore vs. Nazi” table.
Hits to Kill 15
Special Rules They won’t deliberately go within 12” of a carnosaur. They won’t, however, move away if a carnosaur ap-
proaches; it must go around them.

The stegosaurus is a solo dinosaur, famously having a brain the size of a walnut. That’s what they always say: “Brain the
size of a walnut.”
Move 2D6”. Will walk in front of (or over) anyone at any time, according to the player’s wish
Melee Dice 4, at anyone or anything that comes within 2” of its spiky tail. If a it moves over a Nazi, roll on the “Her-
bivore vs. Nazi” table.
Hits to Kill 15
Special Rules May be given to a player as a moving obstruction.

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 Eat Hitler
Nazi Victory Points Who is this Guy?
Adolf Hitler 35 pts Leader of the Third Reich, and generally acclaimed as the most evil
man in history (beating Stalin, Genghis Khan and Idi Amin Dada,
among others, for the gold)
Eva Braun 20 pts Some women have terrible taste in men. Few have had worse taste
than Eva.
Blondi 20 pts Nice dog. Big dog. Good dog.
Hermann Goering 15 pts Commander of the German air force. Resembles a Zeppelin.
Heinrich Himmler 15 pts Head of the SS. Even by Nazi standards, the guy’s a jerk.
Martin Bormann 15 pts Hitler’s second-in-command and BFF. Vanished in April 1945,
possibly to Argentina, Paraguay or the Jurassic Era.
Werner Von Braun 10 pts Rocket-science wiz. Officially trading his black hat for a white one,
he became an ace scientist for the US space programme. Just don’t
mention the V2.
Karl Von Doenitz 10 pts Admiral-in chief of the German navy. Apparently a pretty normal
person for this crowd.
Colonel Klink 10 pts Best known for his TV work.
Other named officer 10 pts
Nameless minion 5 pts

Brett Abbott directing a game of Eat Hitler at Fall-In, 2012.

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