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[The cob-webbed workshop of the witch, Malvolia.Stage Right reveals an old table piled with books,
bottles, peculiar objects. Stage Left, a large cauldron, with a smaller table nearby.Upstage, bookcases
crammed with musty volumes. Along the back wall, a "Magic Door" painted with mystic signs.

AT RISE: with afrilly apron and feather duster, BEUNDA, a pert and saucy young maid, cautiously peers
into room, then enters. She loo/cs around]

BELINDA. A fine mess! But Mistress never wants me in here! [Mocking] "This room is private!" [Spying a
long red apple peel on table, BEUNDA picks up and dangles the peel] They say it always works on
Halloween: First, you pare the apple in one long peel.

Then-with your

closed-swing it overhead: [She swings the peel

as she chants:]

By this peel let me discover The initial of my true lover.

[She hurls peel across the room, hurries over and looks at it] T ill! For Tobias! The handsome new
student! [Gathers peel, enthralled]

[With a shoclc of bright red hair and freckles, TOBIAS enters, totally absorbed in his book]

TOBIAS. Well, I'll be a monkey's grandmother! "Abracadabra ... cadeebra ... " BELINDA. [Trying to gain
his attention] Good evening, Tobias! TOBIAS. "Three pickled worms . . . powdered snake skin . . .
chopped snails." Don't that beat all!

BELINDA [Trying harder] HappyHalloween, T obias!

TOBIAS. [Checks table] Belinda-please-I'm studying for my lesson with Mistress Malvolia. [Examines
bottle] "Flying oinunent"! What's that? [Studies label] "Boiled blackbird.. . baked bluebird . . . " BELINDA.
[Nuzzling] They say anything can happen on Halloween. But I'm not afraid.

TOBIAS. [Amazed] ''Frog spit!"

BELINDA. [Crushed] Tobias!

TOBIAS. I'm busy- [Indicates bottle] BELINDA [Marches away in disgust 1 He hardly knows I exist!

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TOBIAS.[Shudders, tasting from anothu jar] Ugh! Bear blubber! BELINDA. All he cares about is- [as
TOBIAS sniffs bottle] smelly bottles- [as TOBIAS lifts long ugly worm] slimy creatures[as TOBIAS dangles
giant spider] creepy crawlies!

TOBIAS. "Minced magpie" . . "vampire venom"! Hope they're not homswaggling mei [Exits reading]

BELINDA. The initial of my true lover: T-for Tobias! [Tosses peel into cauldron] That charm is worthless!

[Witch's mischievous cat, VINEGAR TOM, enters yowling, bounds about. CAT speaks clearly, in me-owing
whines and growls]

VINEGAR TOM. Bel-in-da! [Hisses] Ouuu-t! Ouuu-t!

BELINDA. I'm going. I'm going. [Cwtsy] To gather herbs-for the Mistress-[Aside:] I'm a dog lover myself.
[Exits}

[Discovering broomstick, CAT rides in wild cowboy style. MALVOUA, a middle-aged witch, enters-
laughing at Cat' s antics]

MAL VOLIA. What would I do without my own dear Vinegar Tom!

VINEGAR TOM. Broo-mm-stick.

MALVOLIA. Oh, you clever cat! You always know when it's Halloween. [CAT fiendishly rides broom] Yes.
Yes. Later. We'll ride together in the moonlight.[CAT eagerly hands her bottle]

VINEGAR TOM. Oint-ment!

MALVOLIA. No. No. Not my flying ointment! That's for later, silly. [CAT circles room on broomstick,
scrambling over chairs] Later. Later. First there's work to do. A very important potion! [CAT snatches
curious jars from table] Ohhh-buzzard blood. Thank you, Vinegar. [They chortle as CAT hands Malvolia
ingredientsfor cauldron] Five toadstools. Excellent. You clever cat. How did you know making-[CAT hugs
himselfl Exactly! My love potion! Your mistress has fallen in love. That young man has bewitched me. I
admit it.

VINEGAR TOM. [Swly] To-bi-as?

MALVOLIA.[Thrilled} Yes, Tobias! My new pupil-

VINEGAR TOM.[Furious] To-bi-as!

MALVOLIA. My handsome new apprenticei[CAT showing claws] Jealous as you are, I'm surprised you
don't turn bright green!

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3

[CAT growls] Listen to me, Vinegar Tom: You will always be m.y favorite:-could I run this School of Black
Magic without old Vinegar Tom? Never! [CAT swats, knocldng over objects on table] Vinegar! Do you
want to go riding tonight? [CAT Then mind your manners! Are you going to misbehave again? [CAT
shakes head no] Promise? [CAT nods yes] That's better.[CAT grins devilishly to audience]

BELINDA.[Enters, curtsies] Good evening, Mistress. Here's your dandelion and sassafras. [Teasing] Do I
clean up now?

MALVOLIA. [Snatching herbs] Of course not, stupid girl. This room is private.

BELINDA. If you say so-[pointedly] Malvolia.

MALVOLIA. Mistress Malvolia! Go at once and find seven yellow spiders and a bat's wing.

BELINDA.[Obliging smile] Yellow spiders. And a eat's wing.

MALVOLIA. I said bat's wing, dummy!

BELINDA. [Curtsy] Yes, Mistress.[Aside:] I just like to get her goat! [Turns] Did you say rat's wing?

MAL I said bat's wing, pinhead! Now get out of here!

BELINDA.[Impudent] Each to his own taste.

MALVOLIA. Out! Out! [CAT pushes her to doorway] That new maid is useless-hasn't got the brains of a
pumpkin!

[A flustered, somewhat addled, white-bearded wizard (PROFESSOR) rushes on, bumping into Belinda.
PROFESSOR is outfitted as an astrologer: silver wand, peaked bright cape trimmed with moons and
stars]

BELINDA.[Curtsies] Oh, Professor! [Exits promptly] MALVOLIA.[Stomps, enraged] RATCHAFRATCH!

PROFESSOR. [Desperate] Malvolia! Do you realize this is All Hallow's Eve! In short-aMALVOLIA [Sarcastic]
Halloween?

PROFESSOR. Of course! Halloween! Halloween!

MALVOLIA. Even Vinegar Tom knows that! .[CAT struts smugly] PROFESSOR. [Pleading] I am your
brother. Help me. Please, Malvo lia! On Halloween people expect miracles from me. Magicmystery-
e tcetera- Malvolia, I am in deep trouble.

MAL You? Professor Know-it-all!

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PROFESSOR.Alas, they expect wonde rs-chan ging brass into gold, turning small gems into large ones- All
I can do is remove a fewwartsl .. •·· MALVOLIA. So the Marvelous Magician isn't marvelous any more?
The Wonderful Wizard isn't wonderful any more?

·,

''

PROFESSOR.My confidence has vanished. Truth is, I am a failure . MALVOLIA. Because you wasted your
time on White Magic. Curing disease! H ing the sick!

PROFESSOR. Making crops grow ... preparing medicine . . . maybe find a kissing me-er-a-missing key!

,' ;,

MALVOLIA. In the old days, you were the powerful one. Now I have the power! [She rapidly performs a
simpl e magic trick or two, perhaps producing a long-s mmed rose from sleeve:] I have poisons,
powders-tricks galore.

I have charms and spells and more in store.

PROFESSOR. You have success - triu mph! New pupils-new servants! Nothing I do seems to work any
more. P lease help me, Sister.

MALVOLIA. On Halloween?.'fhe. night all witches gather under the twisted oaks! Professor, I don't time
for the likes of you.

PROFESSOR.Just one charm for old times' sake-or as we say in LatinMALVOLIA. No.

PROFESSOR.One teeny weeny little spell7 MALVOLIA.I said NO!

PROFESSOR. Perhaps a harmless love potion? [Presenting] Here: My silver wand!

MALVOLIA.Who needsyour worthlesswand? {Tosses wand into cauldron] PROFESSOR. offer] How about
my Magic Cape ? [Panic] Oh dear-my my cape?

MALVOLIA. You're wearing it! Noodlehead!

PROFESSOR.Oh.[Swirling cape with flourish ] Here: My amazing MALVOLIA. No thank you! [Howling,
CAT pushes Professor to doorway ] PROFESSOR. Just one secret form u laMALVOLIA. N othi ng! [CAT
pushes Professor out] Thought the old fool would never go. [Quickly] back to business. This love

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. potion only works on Halloween. And Toby will be here in a minute! [CAT S114Tls] Vinegm; Tom, do
you expect to go riding on my broomstick tonight? [Kneeling, CAT begs] Then I suggest you behave
yourselfl {CAT promises, vigorously shalcing head] Good.Now fetch the

VINEGAR TOM [Offering large, ornate volume] Shad-ows. MALVOLIA. Exactly. My "Book of Shadows."
[Searching] Legends .. . Lockets ...Love potions! To win the heart of young Tobias! [MALVOUA studies
recipe; CAT mixes brew] One teaspoon left eye of homed toad. Only one, Vinegar. Otherwise it tastes
bitter. [Idea dawns on CAT. He wickedly spoons out jarful] Threetablespoons lizard gizzard. Too much
gives you a stomach ache.[CAT merrily empties large bottle into cauldron] Fourth-cup beetle juice.
Careful. More could kill you.[CAT pours correct amount into large glass measuring cup, proudly slwws
Malvolia] Exactly.[MALVOUA turns; CAT gleefully fills cup, heaves it all in] And a dash of cinnamon to
spice things up. [Adds spice, closes book] Good work. Thank you, Vinegar. [MALVOUA ties knots in
golden cord worn round her waist:]·

With these knots I do entwine-

Let Toby's heart be linked with mine!

VINEGAR TOM. [Stirring with Professor's wand] Po-tion.

MALVOLIA. Almost forgot. The appl e cider! To sweeten our romance. [CAT balks] Vinegar! The cider!
[CAT only pours a drop] Vinegar! The whole pitcher! [She turns; CAT guzzles cider. TOBIAS enlers]

TOBIAS. Evening, Mistress Ma'am. Hope I'm in time for my lesson.

MALVOLIA. [Putting on the charm] Come right in, you darling boy.

TOBIAS.And a Happy Halloween to you, Mistress Malvolia.

MALVOLIA.Tobias, it is indeed a Happy Halloween. And I've just prepared some delicious cider in honor
of the occasion. [CAT gets mug]

TOBIAS.No thanks, Ma'am. Not one for drinking.

MALVOLIA. [Inventing] But fresh apple cider ... Halloween ...always brings good luck!

TOBIAS.Do telll [CAT presents foaming mug. He drinks, grimacing] Tastes kind of peculiar.[UGHTS flicker
as GONG sounds. TOBIAS twitches and trembles in comic spasms]

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MALVOUA. My secret herbs and spices.

TOBIAS.But good! Think I'll take another-if you don't mind! MALVOLIA. Drink! Drink up, my pel [CAT
refills mug; TOBIAS drinlcs. UGHTS flicker, GONG sounds. Even more powerful shiver aiuJ shake reaction
from TOBIAS] And bow does my lovely little Tobias feel now'? [1'0BIAS hops about the stage in a wild
seizure]

TOBIAS. Great gobs of galloping goose grease! There's a weird tingling all overt [MALVOUA sh/Jkes
hands with CAT] I'm all atwitter. All a-glow. Don't mean to be greedy, Ma'am, but can I have IJKX'C?

MALVOLIA.[Ordering] More! Morel Most certainly.[He drinks: UGHT and SOUND effects; again TOBIAS
quivers and quakes. Aside:] Works like a charm. [Seductive] Do you find me attractive, Tobias dear?

TOBIAS.[Dazed] I think I'm in love-

MALVOLIA. [Hysterical] MORE! MORE! HAVE MORE!

TOBIAS.I think I'm falling in-

BELINDA. [Returns, still teasing] Couldn't find the eat's wing[Spying Belinda, TOBIAS swoons]

TOBIAS. LO . VE .. . [TOBIAS falls back into MALVOUA' s arms. BEliNDA races over]

BELINDA.Are you all right, Tobias? [Drawing him close. MALVOUA yanks him back. A brief tug-of-war
ensues]

TOBIAS.[Rapturous] Why, Belinda! You're pretty as a speckled pup!

MALVOLIA. [Dumps Tobias to floor] RATCHAFRATCHI

BELINDA. [Down beside him] Me? Why, Tobias, no one ever said thatbe-

MALVOLIA. He's fallen for that stupid maid! [CAT snickers. MALVOUA jerks Belinda away from Tobias]
Lazy good-for-nothing. [Shoving her out] Get to work-get busy- [BEUNDA exits] I swear I don't know
what he sees in that girl! [Still dazed, lovesick TOBIAS tries crawling after Belinda]

VINEGAR TOM. [Mocking] ...

MALVOLIA. Vinegar, the potion worked! Toby's filled to the brim with love.[Angry] Right potion-wrong
person!

VINEGAR TOM.[Taunting] Bel-in-da ...

MALVOLIA. Your mistress doesn't give up so easily. no! At this very moment, Toby's bubbling over with
love. [Seductive] I'll merely attract allthat love right here to me.

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VINEGAR 10M. Bel-in-da ...pret-ty MALVOLIA. Well, I'm pretty too. And I can still win him over. Just
watch! [CAT giggles rutkly] Vinegar!

••

lOBIAS. [Rises, dizzy} What's come over me? When I stand up, m y mind sits down.

MAL VOLIA. [Stroking him} Oh handsome Tobias. My darling app:entice. Most talented student I ever
had.

lOBIAS.Sure was powerful cidu, MistressMa'am.

MALVOLIA. Call me Malvolia. [Wooing] Sweet Tobias, you will be m y very own special assistant [CAT
growls] Vinegar! [Taldng Tobias's Mnd] I'll teach you everything I know.

lOBIAS.Everything? Well, dog bite my buttons!

. What's mine is yours. Vinegar, the jewels! [CAT balks] Vinegar! [CAT grudgingly displays jewels in
small chest] Pearls. Rubies. Take whatever you like, precious. [Petting him] All my treasures are y ours.

TOBIAS. [Trying to escape] You're mighty generous, Ma'am[Aside} But ugl y as the wart on a
pickleMALVOLIA. [Pursuing him arowul table ] Here. [Shows necklace] My golden lOBIAS.[Aside} And
homely enough to sour milk!
MALVOLIA. My golden locket-filled with magic powderTOBIAS. [Asitk} Her face looks like seven miles of
bad road!

[CAT applOJIIls}

MALVOLIA. [Desperate] Listen to me, Toby. I'll explain the mystery of the Magic Door! [Points} lOBIAS.
You wouldn't be fibbing me?

MALVOLIA. I promise. I promise. Toby dearest, am I not beautiful?

TOBIAS. [Searching} A . .. a bewitching-you might could sa y . [Asitk} Fact is, she's so ugl y she has to
sneak up on a mirror!

MALVOLIA. [Aside} Almost have him in my power. [To Tobias] Then how about a kiss? One its y kiss from
my little Tobykins. lOBIAS. [Resisting] Ever so much obliged but-butMALVOLIA. But what?!

TOBIAS. But I am in love with- [BEUNDA enters] MY BEAUTIFUL BELINDA!

BELINDA. [Rushing to his arms] MY HANDSOME TOBIAS! MALVOLIA. [Stomping] RATCHAFRATCH!

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BELINDA I nevez dreamt you cared about me. Toby.

TOBIAS. [Holdillgltu lrmuls] Belinda, you're pretty as a new red wagon on Saturday night.

BELINDA [Beamillg]Hooest'l MALVOLIA. Never have I been so humiliated! When I get y'll both live
unhappily ever after! races to Magic Door, eagerly poillting] Yes! Oh, you cle¥et cat!

BELINDA Toby, seemed like all you cared about was this silly magic business.

TOBIAS. That was before. [Longingly] Belinda. my sweet. BELINDA. Tobias, my dear.

MALVOLIA. How sickening. Well, those lovebirds tasted the treats. Now fcx the tricks! [llltemlptilgl the
romD Ce] Tobias, I promised to teach you the Secret of the Magic Door!

TOBIAS. Glory bel Forgot all about that. [Shyly] Just carried away, I guess.

MALVOLIA. Now is the perfect time. Though I will need some assistancefrom Belinda.
BELINDA. I'm not so sure. [Warning] Tobias-4hat woman is a witch in sheep's clothing!

TOBIAS. Plum ridiculous. Sheeps don't wear. clothing. MALVOLIA. Belinda, would you kindly step over
here to the Magic Door?

TOBIAS.[Excited] Go ahead, I'm cwious as a calico cat. BELINDA. Toby, I thought you didn't care any
more about this foolishness.

TOBIAS. But, Belinda-! just got to learn about the Magic Door! Why, that trick is slicker than a boiled
onion! Please.

BELINDA.[Relucta1tt] Well, just this once.

[BEUNDA marches Upstage to door. MALVOUA performs a magical gestwe: the Magic Door-painted with
cryptic designsslides open (see Production Notes). BELINDA steps audience. Aided by·mysterious sowtd
effects, the sliding DOOR opens and closes as if by magic. Masud in black, area behind door sptiTkles
strangely]

MALVOLIA.

BELINDA [Impatient] Now what?

FOR AUTHORIZED DIGITAL USE ONLY ONCE UPON A BROOMSTICK 9 MALVOLIA.Tobias, listen carefully.
F"lfSt, you open this locket and take out a bit of golden powder TOBIAS. [Repeating] Golden powder ...

••

MALVOLIA. Abracadabra Witch's hom, witch's bell, Who can know, who can tell The word or deed 10
break my spell?

TOBIAS. It rhymes! I like it [Repeating] "Abracadabra witch's hom witch's [forgetting] a a ..[MALVOLIA

.
•

scatters magic powder-gold glitter-at BEUNDA, who then freezes. TOBIAS is stwuu!d] Ain't that the
berries!

[Another dramatic gesture: with SOUND effect, DOOR closes. CAT rings raucous BEU : MALVOUA blows
harsh HORN. Again MALVOUA gestures. DOOR opens. there stands a huge green CATERP/u.AR!]

TOBIAS.[Ho"ijied] Belinda? Is that you? [CATE RP/u.AR steps into room and dmaces about, speaks in odd
squeaky voice:] CATERPILLAR. I can wiggle, I can squirm,

I'm a squishy squashy worm.

Look what happened 10 me!

TOBIAS.Belinda! Belinda!

MALV OLIA . [Laughing] Now what do you think of your beautiful

VINEGAR 10M. [Excited] Cat-er-pill-ar! [CAT chases CATER PilLAR around stage]

MALVOLIA.[Screaming] Vinegar, stop that! Vinegar, do you hear me! Cats do not eat caterpillars. Causes
indigestion! [CATERPIUAR returns to safety, still visible inside Magic CAT desists] That's a

good boy. Good Vinegar Tom.

TOBIAS.Mistress Malvolia, what went wrong? Do something! MALVOLIA. Not now, dearie. I'm on my
way to the Society of Witches.

TOBIAS.Must be some mistake. You've got to help me. MALVOLIA.Sorry. We need all thirteen witches at
the meeting orTOBIAS.This is your fault!

MALVOLIA Or there's no dancing 'round the ftre. TOBIAS.You can't leave me in this picklement No-sireel

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VINEGAR 10M.[Presenling] Oint-menL MALVOLIA. Thank you, Vinegar.[Dabbing it behind ears, like

perfume] My flying oinbnent.Never leave home without it.

VINEGAR TOM. [Presenting] Broom-stick.[MALVOUA vaults away on broomstick] MALVOLIA.Through the

skies we sail and sweep, Over flames we dance and leap!

VINEGAR TOM. [Stomps, whimpering] Me too! Me too!· . MALVOLIA.You act so' peculiar on Halloween!
Would I leave my Vinegar Tom? Of course not! Jump on, silly.[ C AT leaps on broomstick] We're off!
["Flying" o&U with CAT] 10BIAS.No! Stop! What about Belinda-we've got to be together again!

MALVOLIA.Wait here, dearie! I'll be home by midnightlOBlAS. Then what?

MALVOLIA.Then I'll tum you into a caterpillar! Before the clock twelve! Right, Vinegar? [CAT applauds)
MALVOLIA & VINEGAR TOM. [Laughing) Happy Halloween! [Exiting , MALVOUA cackles and CAT howls]
CATERPll..LAR.Help!

TOBIAS. Don't worry, Belinda.I'll fix everything. Long before midnight.

CA1ERPll..LAR. I can creep, I can crawl, I'm a fuzzy fat greenballLook what happened to me!

TOBIAS.Hold your Belinda I can change you back-I'm very good at this sort of thing. Mistress said so. [He
rummages through boo/cs:) "Light and Easy Witchcraft." "Self-Help for Witches, , and Warlocks."
Here's the one: "The Book of Shadows: Secrets of Simple Sorcery." [Skimming] Apples ... Bats Blood ...
Channs . . [Readsfrantically] CATERPll..LAR. I can wiggle, I can squirm, I'm a squishy squashy wonnLook
what happened to mel TOBIAS.Trust me, Belinda I learned a lot from Mistress Malvolia.And that's not
just bragging.

CATERPILLAR.[J g up and down] HELP! HELP! TOBIAS.Be patient, Belinda! [Tugging her back to Door]
Kicking won't get you anywhere 'less you're a mule! [TOBIAS gestur es with

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11

wand: SOUND effect as DOOR closes] Where was I? [Reads, adding ingredients] "One tablespoon black
cemetery dust. Two ounces rattlesnake. Half stalk Deadly Nightshade-diced and sliced." There-that
should do it. [Sniffs] Smells worse than an acre of garlic. [Fans air. SCREECHING OWL, CREAKING DOOR
so unds as TOBIAS sti rs, chanting:] Ice , soda water, ginger beer-

Fat greencaterpillar, vanish from here!

[TOBIAS wave s wand; DOOR opens: CATERPILLAR has vanished. Another wand gesture; DOOR closes]

Ice , soda water, ginger beer-

Beautiful Belinda willappear!

[As TOBIAS stirs, smoke billows ev erywher e. Lively MUSIC. Suddenly DOOR opens: a variety show! A s
uccessio n of en te rtainers app ea r-SCARECR OW , CLOWNS, ACROBATS, KEYSTONE COPS, TAP-
DANCING WAITRESSES, WARRIORS, whatever. Use available talent and costumes. Improvise dialogue to
suit apparitions. For example, DOOR opens, BALLERINA appears:]

TOBIAS. Great balls of frre! She's beautiful! But she's not my Belinda. [Distraught, TOB IAS empties
another jar. More apparitions:] Huge heaps of hominy! Now what have I done! Belinda, what's become
of you? [TOBIAS chants, sings, stirs with frenzy. More apparitions] Well-things can't get any worse. Here
goes the whole shootin' match: [TOBIAS reckle ssly slings everything into cauldron] You'll be beautiful
again, Belinda. I swear. Just need more time.[Prattling:]

Pigs in a blanket. Pigs in a sack.

Bring my beautiful Belinda back.

[A HAREM DANCER spins on, undulating. TOBIAS is tempted] Humdinger! She takes the cake! My, that
girl has talent! [Ca tching himselfl But wrong-all wrong. Definitely not Belinda! [ AP PARITIONS enterta i
n a frustrated TOBIAS. Wand gesture,· APPARITIONS whisk away. DOOR closes] I give up. It's hopeless.
And my time's running out. Probably never seeBelinda again. [Mournfully stirs

PROFESSOR. on] My wand! Where's my wand! I feel undressed without it Lad, that is a wand-not a soup
spoon . [ R etrieves

wand]

TOBIAS.Professor! Thank heavens! You're the only one who can save Belinda.

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PROFESSOR. What's a Belinda?

TOBIAS.The maid!

PROFESSOR.[Quicldy] I don't seeany Belinda.

TOBIAS. 1\Jat's the problem, sir. She was sumding right there in the Mag ic Door. Then Mistress turns
her into a catetpillar quicker than greased lightning.

PROFESSOR. No!

TOBIAS. Yes! And when I try to change her back-she ups and disappears!

PROFESSOR. Alas, there is nothing I can do . sister has the true magic. Or as we say in
LatinTOBIAS.[Inte"upting] You're a Wizard! Why can't you perform

marvels?!

PROFESSOR. [Sadly] I regret to say, I'm simply no good any more. Too old, I suppo se. All m y confidence
has vanished.

TOBIAS. By golly, you can try. Must be something you can do. PROFESSOR.[Consitkring] H alloween is a
special time for enchantment ...

TOBIAS.[Urgent] Some charm or spell-some potion or powder? Anything! Hurry!

PROFESSOR. Unlike my sister, I use my knowl edge for good deeds.

TOBIAS. Please hurry, Professor, sir. Mistress will be right back-at midnight!

PROFESSOR.[Decisive] Soon as Halloween is here, I promise to

help!

TOBIAS. Galloping galoshes, Professor! Halloween is here! PROFESSOR.[Portentous] I mean when the
unearthly power of Halloween fills the air: when you seethe signs.

TOBIAS. Signs ! What signs? [STAGE DARKENS as PR OFESSOR crosses Downstage to check outdoors]

PROFESSOR. [Mysterious] When the moon is full and glowing orange. When spirits wander the earth
[TOB IAS follows. They sense an eerie, ominous presence] When you hear lost souls moaning and
groaning ...

TOBIAS.[Shivering] Colder than a polar bear's nose. How come it's so chilly , Professor?

PROFESSOR. [Mystical] The time is near.

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13

[Frightening NOISE, flashing red UGHTS. Sinister MUSIC as - scary phantoms-SKELETONS, ZOMBIES,
MUMMIES, MON-

STERS-emergefrom wings, or lumber through aisles threatening audience. The PHANTOMS circle Tobias
and Professor, menacing. A GHOST ]

10BIAS. [Terrified] O h no! A g-ghostl G-g-gooooa-w-way. PROFESSOR. Good. Good. [Warning] Please
don't make him angry, Tobias. [Another PHANTOM appears and 111/Jkes an unearthly noise]

TOBIAS. A g-goblinl With p-pointy ears! [ANOTHER one] A g -

ghoul-whatever that is- Ohhh-I'm freezing.

PROFESSOR. A skeleton! Good. Very good indeed.

10BIAS. [Trying to be brave] P -Profess<r, what do you say to a 1g host with th-three heads? Hello, hello,
hello. G-get it? [PHANTOMS

swirl around them]

PROFESSOR. Yes! Excellent signs. Or as we say in Latin, "Bonis avibus-" TOBIAS. Is it t-time yet, P-P-
Professor?

PROFESSOR. Soon , Tobias. Very soon [Huge BAT swoops

across stage. PHANTOMS shriek and moan] TOBIAS. To tell the t-truth, 1-l'm afraid of b-bats- [BAT
chases other SPIRITS. More horrible SOUNDS] PROFESSOR. [Ptophetic] Tobias, the time has come.

TOBIAS. H-H-Halloween's r-really h-here, isn't it, P-Professorl [PHANTOMS vanish] PROFESSOR. Yes! And
I feel my old confidence returning! Ex-

celsior!

TOBIAS. You can do it, sir-if you tryPROFESSOR. [Crossing up] Success is at hand. Tobias, in moment,
you shall see your fadin' uh-maiden fair!

10BIAS. But hurry, Professor.

PROFESSOR. Close your eyes, lad. [PROFESSO R dashes about

whirling cope dramolically:]

Bumble bee. Purple flea. Catnip brew. Brown toad stew.

[PROFESSOR waves cape infront of Magic Door]

Tail of goat Tooth of hen.

Open your eyes: She'll come again!

FOR AUTHORIZED DIGITAL USE ONLY 14

ONCE UPON A BROOMSTICK

[DOOR opens: TOBIAS opens eyes to discover a very confused CA T ERPILLAR] Oh dear. Must be some
mistake. My apologies.

CATERPILLAR. I can wiggle, I can squinn,

I'm still a squishy squashy wonn-

Look what happened to me!

PROFESSOR. Do not fret, Tobias. At least I'm on the right track. Looks bad, I know-but once again you
shall have your beer duty-I mean ear beauty. My wand! Where's my wand! [TOBIAS locates wand]

CATERPILLAR. I can creep, I can crawl,

I'm still a fuzzy fat green ball-

Do you know what happened to me?

[TOBIAS escorts CATERPILLAR back. PROFESSOR twirls wand; DOOR closes]

PROFESSOR. Haggis paggis, ghoulish day. Caterpillar go away! [PROFESSOR whirls cape with a flourish.
SOUND effect; DOOR opens: there stands a BUTTERFLY with beautiful, filmy wings. MUSIC as BUTTERFLY
gracefully dances through room] How interesting. A butterfly! Never managed that before! Rather
clever, if I do say so myself.

TOBIAS. [Sits] Horsefeathersl That's no magic. If you wait long enough, caterpillars always turn into
butterflies.

PROFESSOR. I know you're disappointed, lad.

TOBIAS. Disappointed! It's almost twelve o'clock: Mistress Malvolia and old Vinegar Tom will he here in
seconds-with more mischief! [BUTTERFLY dances back inside. PROFESSOR waves cape; DOOR closes]

PROFESSOR. Haggis paggis, ghoulish day. Butterfly must float away! [Wand gesture; SOUND effect.
DOOR opens to reveal a downcast CATERPILLAR who waves dismally]

TOBIAS. Not again! [SOUND as DOOR closes]

PROFESSOR. Haggis paggis- [S to ps] Oh, what's the useNothing works! [Flings himself into chair] I give
up;

You can't give up now, Professor!

PROFESSOR. I'll never try again.

TOBIAS. Never say never.

PROFESSOR. It's hopeless-

TOBIAS. Come on, Professor. I'll help you.

PROFESSOR. [Conceding] One last attempt-

FOR AUTHORIZED DIGITAL USE ONLY ONCE UPON A BROOMSTICK 15 PROFESSOR & TOBIAS. Haggis
paggis, ghoulish day. Caterpillar, go away!

[Most dramtUic SOUND and UGIIT effects. DOOR opens. A mysterious figure, enveloped in a shimmering
floor-length circle of cloth, steps forward. PROFESSOR and TOBIAS quickly lift cloth, WICovering
BEUNDA]

TOBIAS. BELINDA!

PROFESSOR. I did it! I did itt BELINDA. [D elighted] Thank you, Professor!

PROFESSOR. Success at last. After all these years! Or as we say in Latin, "Ad astta-" BELINDA. [Marching
over] And what have you got to say for yourself, Master Toby!

TOBIAS. Grasshoppers can kick me to death if I ever mess with magic again. [Hand raised] I swear.

[Offstage, MALVOUA shouts. BEUNDA hides behind Professor1

minute! [Threatening Cat with broomstick, MALVOUA enters alone] Well,

MAL VOLIA.

Vinegar
Tom,

you

Tobias, where's your beautiful caterpillar?

get

in

here

this

BELINDA.[Steps forward] Happy Halloween, Mistress!

MALVOLIA. [Stomping] RATCHAFRA TCH!

PROFESSOR. I am the Wonderful Wizard again, Malvolia. The Marvelous Magician!

MALVOLIA. You're a complete fool and always will bePROFESSOR. My White Magic
triumphedMALVOLIA. [Attacking with broom] That's what you think! My Black MagicPROFESSOR.
[Battling Malvolia] The charm! The charm! Quickly! While it's still Halloween!

MALVOLIA. [Screaming to Professor] I'll turn you into a pumpkin! Where's that worthlesscat? Vinegar
Tom-help-help!

[PROFESSOR gestures with wand. DOOR opens. Struggling fiercely, TOBIAS and PROFESSOR shove
MALVOUA toward Door. BEUNDA searches for props-horn, bell]

BELINDA. Don't forget the gold locket! [TOBIAS tugs locket

from Malvolia]

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ONCE UPON A BROOMSTICK

MAL VOLIA. [Still screaming] My locke t! My magic powder! [CHIMES slowly toll the hour of midni g ht]
PROFESSOR. Almost midnight. Hurry-before the powerful magic of Halloween vanishes.

MALVOLIA. Vinegar, help! Vinegar, do something! [MALVOUA stands in Doorway; TOB IAS hurls magic
powder] Vineg- [MALVOUAfreezes.DOOR closes.As MALVOUA vanishes, CAT returns, looks around
bewildered] PROFESSOR. [C oun tin g chinu!s] Five six [TOBIAS and BEliNDA quicldy repeat
transformation business] TOBIAS. [Muttering] h's hom-witch's bellPROFESSOR. Eight ... nine [BELINDA
rings raucous BELL] Ten ... [TOBIAS sounds harsh HORN] E leven ALL. Midnight!
.

•.

••

BELINDA. Y ou did it! Just in time! [PROFESSOR whirls cape, about to try a new effect] TOBIAS. [Urgent]
Please don't open that door again, Professor. PROFESSOR. There's no problem, I assure y ou! [Another
magical gesture] BELINDA & TOBIAS. [Fear and dread] OH NO- [DOOR opens: a perky MOUSE steps out .
MOUSE waves] BELINDA. Mistress?

MOUSE. HI-I-I-1-I-1-1- [MOUSE spots Cat, leaps up infear] 00-0-0-0-0-0H- NO-O-O-O-O! ! [MOUSEflees,
racing around room] VINEGAR TOM. Mou-se! Mmmmmmm . [CAT chases MOUSE around stage and into
wings] MOUSE. [ Dashin g off] EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE!!

BELINDA & TOBIAS. Congratulations, Professor.

PROFESSOR. [Ela ted] My old confidence is back. I feel my powers restored. My vigor ren ewed. Tobias,
you are a true friend. [CAT returns pantin g] VINEGAR TOM. [Peers around, mystified] Mis-tress?

BELINDA. just ran her off-tail and all!

PROFESSOR. I'm afraid your mistress is more of a Moustress. VINEGAR TOM . Mis-tress TOBIAS. What's
wrong, Vinegar? Are you sad? [CAT wipes tears] BELINDA. Because you're all alone? [CAT1Wds so"owful
yes]

•.
.

FOR AUTHORIZED DIGITAL USE ONLY ONCE UPON A BROOMSTICK 17 PROFESSOR. Never fear, Vinegar
Tom. You shall be my gnat cow-l mean-my cat now. [CAT perlcs up} Henceforth, Vinegar Tom shallbe my
helper.

VINEGAR TOM. [Greeting him with open arms ] Why Mizarduh-My Wizard! [T hey hug. CAT winlcs at
audience with mischievous

grin]

PROFESSOR. [T riumphant] Once again I shall devote myself to good works! And you, Tobias, shall be my
special assistant.

TOBIAS. [Hesitant} Well, don't rightly know Promised Belinda I'd never mess with magic again.

BELINDA. Toby, if you can help Professor-! say fme and dandy! TOBIAS. Can't beat that with a hickory
stick! Thanks, Belinda.

[BEUNDA and TOBIAS embrace.CAT dmaces]

PROFESSOR. Ghosts and ghouls and goblins greenAnything can happen on Halloween!

CURTAIN

FOR AUTHORIZED DIGITAL USE ONLY