CECILIA

Written by Fernando Vieira

SCENE 2

A work office. There are two

desks facing the stage. Each
one has a telephone and a
computer. JOSEPHINE is sitting
at her desk. She is drinking
her morning coffee while
looking at her cell phone. Her
office phone starts ringing,
but she ignores it. CECILIA
enters the office and rushes
to her desk. She is carrying a
large purse and holding a cup
of coffee and a bag.

CECILIA
Good morning Ms. Josephine.

JOSEPHINE
Good morning sweetie.

CECILIA
I thought I was going to be so late. I ran so much to make
sure I didn't miss the train. I'm so tired.

JOSEPHINE
Don't worry about it. You're good.
(The phone continues
ringing.)

CECILIA
Do you want me to get that?

JOSEPHINE
Let it ring.

CECILIA
It may be someone from corporate.

JOSEPHINE
They can go to hell. There's still two minutes left. They
ain't paying me.

The phone continues ringing.

 2.

CECILIA
They're not giving up.

JOSEPHINE lifts the phone receiver

and hangs up.

JOSEPHINE
It's only eight fifty-eight.

CECILIA
I hate the morning rush. The stupid six train was packed
sardines.

JOSEPHINE
I sure don't miss taking the train to work.

CECILIA
You're so lucky.
(She looks at an
imaginary mirror
behind her and
starts fixing her
hair.)
Jesus, I look like a complete mess. Look at this hair. No
wonder I'm single. I wouldn't want to go with me if I were a
man.

JOSEPHINE
Sweetie, your hair is fine, but you should trim those
eyebrows.

CECILIA
Do they really look that bad?

JOSEPHINE
I can do them for you if you want?

CECILIA
No, that's alright.

JOSEPHINE
Are you sure? I carry tweezers in my bag.

CECILIA
No, thank you Ms. Josephine. I appreciate it, but I'll take
care of it later.

JOSEPHINE
So tell me! How did your date go last night?

CECILIA
It was terrible! That's why I'm so annoyed too.
 3.

JOSEPHINE
What happened?

CECILIA
It was just bad.

JOSEPHINE
You didn't like him?

The phone rings again. JOSEPHINE

checks the time on her wrist watch.

CECILIA
Ms. Josephine, I think you should answer.

JOSEPHINE takes the call while

CECILIA unwinds herself and sits
from her coffee.

JOSEPHINE
(In an exaggerated
professional voice.)

Good morning, thanks for calling the Citizen's Opportunity

Bureau. This is Miss Josephine speaking. How many I help
you?...Hours of operation start at nine, which is like
twenty seconds from now...Oh really? It wasn't me. I
wouldn't know...How can I help you? Ma'am I just told you
hours of operation start at nine...Yes, it's posted online.
I'm sure it is...No, I'm not being condescending. Is there
anything I can do for you?...No thanks, I don't do that, but
it sounds like you have might experience doing that. Have
fun.

JOSEPHINE hangs up.

CECILIA
What was that about?

JOSEPHINE
It's that crazy lady with the lisp.

CECILIA
Oh lord, she's crazy. You know she's going to complain.

JOSEPHINE
Let her complain. Who cares? These customers think that they
can shout and swear at you and that we're going to take it
with a smile and apologize to them. Not me. Fuck that shit.
I'll put them in their place.

CECILIA
I wish I could be like you.
 4.

JOSEPHINE
Now finish telling me the story before that bitch calls
again.

CECILIA
There's not much to say. We met. I tried to be cordial. You
know how I am. I think I'm a nice person, but we just didn't
click.

JOSEPHINE
He wasn't cute?

CECILIA
He looked alright, but that wasn't even the problem. He was
so weird and very hick.

JOSEPHINE
Hick? From the country?

CECILIA
Wait, you're from the country too, right? I'm sorry. Was
that rude of me?

JOSEPHINE
It's okay sweetie. Why do you think I left Watertown?

CECILIA
Anyways, things were so awkward. He looked like a serial
killer. He told me he was into these crazy kind of movies
and blood and stuff like that.

JOSEPHINE
Sounds pretty creepy.

CECILIA
He was creepy, and then towards the end, he asked me if I
wanted to go home with him and spend the night?

JOSEPHINE
And you didn't, right?

CECILIA
Of course not. He wasn't my type.

JOSEPHINE
That's not the point.

CECILIA
What was it then?

JOSEPHINE
You can't just go off with somebody you just met once?
 5.

CECILIA
I've done that.

JOSEPHINE
I see.

CECILIA
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression about me
Ms. Josephine. I'm not a slut.

JOSEPHINE
That's none of my business.

CECILIA
I have standards too, but it's just that it gets lonely not
having a boyfriend. You know what I mean.

JOSEPHINE
Get a cat. You don't need a man to be happy.

CECILIA
I do.

JOSEPHINE
But you've been out on so many dates. Every week you have
one or two or even three dates. What's happening?

CECILIA
I don't know. That's why I'm so frustrated. It's like guys
don't want anything serious anymore. They either just want a
one-night stand or they're just looking for friends with
benefits.

JOSEPHINE
What's that?

CECILIA
You don't know what friends with benefits is?

JOSEPHINE
No.

CECILIA
That's when you just sleep with a man from time to time, but
you're not actually a couple, but you're more than friends.

JOSEPHINE
That's disgusting.

CECILIA
That's what most of them want now. I think I'm a good catch.
Don't you think? I mean, I'm independent, I'm pretty, I have
(MORE)
 6.

CECILIA (cont'd)
a nice figure, I'm worldly and smart...There's no reason I
shouldn't find a good man.

JOSEPHINE
Those things happen when you're not looking. That's how it
happened to me.

CECILIA
That's because guys from the past acted like gentlemen.

JOSEPHINE
Not true. Jerks have been around in every era.

CECILIA
I bet you were crazy about your husband, Miss Josephine.

JOSEPHINE
He was alright, most of the time.

CECILIA
How long were you married?

JOSEPHINE
Ten years. And then one day he died.

CECILIA
I'm so sorry. I bet you suffered so much.

JOSEPHINE
If you ask me, I'm doing better now, alone. Just how I like
it. I can do whatever I want, when I feel like it.

CECILIA
Did you ever date again after your husband passed?

JOSEPHINE
Never.

CECILIA
Seriously? Not one guy?

JOSEPHINE
Not once since my husband died twenty years ago.

CECILIA
You haven't been with a man in twenty years?

JOSEPHINE
That's right.

CECILIA
Oh my God. I would just die.
 7.

JOSEPHINE
Bull. Men are so overrated. And they're all cheaters.

CECILIA
Not everyone.

JOSEPHINE
I never once met a guy who hasn't cheated, and that includes
my father and my grandfather.

CECILIA
My first boyfriend never cheated on me.

JOSEPHINE
You young girls are so naive. He probably did it in front of
your nose too.

CECILIA
Did your late husband cheat on you?

JOSEPHINE
He sure did.

CECILIA
How did you find out?

JOSEPHINE
I knew it...A wife knows.

CECILIA
How?

JOSEPHINE
When a man comes home late at night and he can't look at you
straight in the eye for more than three seconds, believe me,
he's cheating.

CECILIA
Did you confront him about it?

JOSEPHINE
What for? So he could deny it? I'd rather save my breath. I
tell you, don't you ever trust a man. Remember my words. All
men are pigs.

CECILIA
Damn. But I'd like to think that somewhere there must be my
guy waiting to meet me.

JOSEPHINE
Then you better hurry up. You ain't no spring chicken
either.
 8.

CECILIA
What do you mean?

JOSEPHINE
You're thirty.

CECILIA
Don't say that.

JOSEPHINE
But you are thirty!

CECILIA
I know, but it just sounds so awful. Thirty. I hate saying
it. It makes me feel so old.

JOSEPHINE
Then wait until you're forty.

CECILIA
Oh God! Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to find a good
man nowadays. They must think I'm too old. Why would they
want me when they could have a girl who is twenty-two or
twenty-three?...You know, I used to have so many guys
flocking around me all the time. It was annoying to be
bothered by their constant phone calls, but now, I can't
even get one, except perverts or weirdos. I'm so depressed.
I wanna go home.

CECILIA's phone rings. She picks it

up.

CECILIA
Good morning, thanks for calling the Citizen's Opportunity
Bureau. This is Cecilia. How may I help you?...Oh, hello Mr.
Adams. Of course. I would recognize your voice anywhere.
Yes. I'm doing very well thanks. How about you? Hope to see
you around here soon...My pleasure Mr. Adams. I'll transfer
you right now. Have a lovely day.

She hangs up the phone.

JOSEPHINE
Doesn't sound like you're that depressed...Sweetie, I'm sure
you'll find your sweetheart soon or later.

CECILIA
You know, I've been chatting with this other guy.

JOSEPHINE
Another one?
 9.

CECILIA
Yes, another one, but I haven't met him yet.

JOSEPHINE
I don't believe in those dating apps. Back in the days we
didn't need those.

CECILIA
I know, but anyways, I've been talking to this guy for
months already. He's very sweet and very good looking. I
think he has a nice job too. He works in midtown, but
there's just one thing.

JOSEPHINE
He's married?

CECILIA
No. Of course not. At least I don't think so.

JOSEPHINE
So, what's the problem?

CECILIA
He's missing one leg?

JOSEPHINE
So?

CECILIA
I've never been with a person that was missing limbs or
anything like that.

JOSEPHINE
How does that make you feel?

CECILIA
It makes me feel strange and I hate feeling that way, but I
can't help it...I always thought I was a very open-minded
person, but it scares me a little.

JOSEPHINE
Have you told him that?

CECILIA
Of course not, but I did cancel on him already. We were
supposed to go out last night, and instead I chose to go out
with that jerk. I feel like a jerk myself.

JOSEPHINE
So he doesn't have a leg? What's the problem? How does that
affect you?
 10.

CECILIA
I know I'm being such an idiot.

JOSEPHINE
Yes, you are.

CECILIA
Ms. Josephine, have you ever been with a man that was
missing a limb?

JOSEPHINE
No, but I've been with men that were missing other parts.

CECILIA
I wonder if...you know.

JOSEPHINE
Know what?

CECILIA
Could a man like that satisfy a woman?

JOSEPHINE
Unless you're into kinky stuff, which I don't want to know
about, I don't see how that has anything to do with it?

CECILIA
You're right, Ms. Josephine. That's why I love talking to
you. You're so bright.

JOSEPHINE
That's why I am single.

CECILIA
He wrote to me this morning. He says he still wants to go
out with me.

JOSEPHINE
What did you tell him?

CECILIA
I told that I'd let him know...Do you think I should go out
with him?

JOSEPHINE
Just go for it, but he may turn out be a jerk just like the
rest.

CECILIA
Do you think disabled men cheat too?

JOSEPHINE
I'm sure they do sweetie.
 11.

CECILIA
That's terrible.

JOSEPHINE
So are you going to go out with him or not?

CECILIA
I don't know. I can't make up my mind yet.

JOSEPHINE
He may be the one.

Both telephone rings. They each

pick up.

JOSEPHINE
Good morning, thanks
for calling the Citizen's
Opportunity Bureau. This
is Josephine. How may I
help you?
CECILIA
Good morning, thanks
for calling the Citizen's
Opportunity Bureau. This
is Cecilia. How many I
help you?

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT.