Emotional intelligenece consists of a set of

skills that contribute to the appraisal of

emotions in oneself and others.

Developing emotional intelligence skills

can help navigate all kinds of social

interactions by understanding the feelings

behind cues and signals from others

(Salvoy & Mayer, 1990).

Emotional intelligence expert, Daniel

Goleman (2019), believes that emotional

intelligence can contribute to success as

much (or even more) as your 1Q. He

developed a model of emotional

intelligence which includes five domains:

1. Know your emotions

2. Manage your emotions

3. Motivate yourself

4. Recognize and understand other people's

emotions
5. Manage relationships (others' emotions)

As seen in the post above, these five

realms are divided into four quadrants,

namely self-awareness, self-management

social awareness, and relationship

management. These four quadrants lie

upon a base of competence (either

personal or social), recognition of

emotions, and regulation of emotions.

Understanding the different

characteristics of the emotional

intelligence domains can be useful when

Tntelligence domains can be useful when

being on the personal journey to

optimizing your emotional intelligence. A

big part of learning to be more

emotionally intelligent includes learning

more about your own emotions and which

categories they fall into.

Emotional Intelligence is the capacity to

acknowledge ones and others' emotions,

then leverage emotional information to

adapt thinking and behavior to the

environment and to achieve one's goal.

Here, we will review the Social Skills from

Emotional Intelligence. In other words, the

emotional competences to handle

relationships.

Table Of Contents:

Empathy, the fourth competence of

Emotional Intelligence

Empathy, the fourth competence of

Emotional Intelligence as described by

Daniel Goleman, structures overs 5 skills:

Understanding others, Service orientation,

Developing others, Leveraging diversity

and Political awareness.

Empathy is the awareness of others

feelings and needs. To put it differently, it

is our social radar. Surely, the prerequisite

for empathy is self-awareness. Indeed,

before identifying and understanding

others' feelings, we need to identify and understand feeling in general, starting

with our own feelings.

Empathy is an automatic response to our

environment. Actually, we tend to

unconsciously mimicry the others'

feelings. This comes from the most

primitive parts of the brain and the

objective is to enforce survival. For

instance, when people that surround us

experience fear, then we will feel fear too,

so we will be ready to manage the threat

even if we have seen it yet.

But how well we use Empathy depends on

our will to do so and how much we

practice it.

Understanding others: detect and decrypt

others' feelings and needs and show

compassion

The root of this principle is listening.

Indeed, all start with true listening. In

other words, active listening. As I am used

to define it, listen to understand, not just

to answer

Grant full attention:

Suspend judgement.

Reflect the other person

infra-communication, but also emotions.

Dig the topic, asking open questions to

explore, specific questions to clarify. Then

summarizing to make sure that we have understood properly.

Truly, without listening, there is no step

further to understand the others. Actually,

people will close themselves when they

face a poor listener.

The listener especially if quite sensitive

should protect himself or herself. To

illustrate, we may experience empathy

distress when someone we care about is

going through a lot of pain and we

become as a result deeply upset. So, there

is a need for self-regulation to calm our

own sympathetic distress.

This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following

Be an active listener

Be attentive to emotional signals.

Demonstrate sensitivity and understand

others' feelings and needs.

Support others based on the

understanding of their feelings and needs.

Service orientation: identifying, even

anticipating needs, and meeting them

Daniel Goleman presents this practice as

sense of service to client. In truth, service

orientation is more that just for client, as it

can happen internally in the organization.

So, the same as we care about serving

clients, we watch about others and how to

support them. All the more so, their tasks

may contribute to the group's or organization's goal.

01) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following

Understand needs and match them to

services or products.

Look how to increase customers

satisfaction and loyalty.

Offer appropriate assistance

demonstrating good mood and authentic

desire to help.

Get into the shoes of the customers to

advise and serve them better.

Developing others: detecting needs of

development for the others and help them

to grow their skills

This practice is about helping the others

to grow. It starts with feedback for the

coworkers or the collaborators to identify

their areas for improvement. Then, it

continues with mentoring and coaching

02) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following:

Acknowledge and reward people's

strengths and achievements.

Propose constructive feedback to support

others' growth.

Propose and deliver regular mentoring.

Offer opportunities to foster others' skills.

Leveraging diversity: generating

opportunities for people with different profiles to collaborate

Having a different product or service on a

market is a competitive advantage.

Without a doubt, different people bring

different ideas. So, when an organization

properly values but also properly

leverages diversity, it makes the

difference. But diversity is also a

challenge. Indeed, there is still a need for

a given group to have a minimum

commonalities to be able to work together

and deliver a consistency.

This practice covers at the same time the

ability to include people with different

profiles and to build connections with

them and between them.

03) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following:

Connect well with people having different

profiles and backgrounds.

Understand diverse point of views, and

culture coming from different

backgrounds, social groups or countries.

Consider diversity as an opportunity.

Create an environment for diversity to be

fertile.

Challenge bias and intolerance.

Political awareness: reading a group's

emotions and relationships of power

This competence starts with being able to empathizing at the organizational level. In

other words, being able to grasp the

emotional climate and culture of an

organization. Then, the competence

continues with being able to see the real

and informal organization where actual

power stands with alliances and rivalries.

04) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following

Read key power relationships.

Detect crucial social networks.

Understand what shapes thinking and

acting of clients, customers, or

competitors.

See through official organization to

perceive the informal network.

Social Skills, the fifth competence of

Emotional Intelligence

Social Skills, the fifth competence of

Emotional Intelligence as described by

Daniel Goleman, structures overs 7 skills:

Communication, Influence, Collaboration

& Cooperation, Conflict management,

Leadership, Change catalyst, and at last,

Building bonds. Note that Team building

capacity skill has been merged in this

post with Collaboration and Cooperation

skill.

As we have seen above in the introduction

to empathy, we influence each others with

emotions that are a primitive way of communication, for instance to alert on a

threat. Furthermore, influence with

emotions can be with negative but also

positive emotions. These emotions come

in various level, most of the time too

subtle to notice.

Social skills are the emotional intelligence

skills to properly manage one's and

others' enmotions, to connect, interact and

work with the others. If empathy is

outward driven to the others, social skills

are inward driven and focus on how to

interact with and leverage the others to

reach our goals.

When we master social skills, we choose

emotions we show and those we hide, like

some sort of theater. To illustrate, in our

backstage, we feel our emotions, and on

Our front stage, we choose the emotions

we want to reveal.

Smile is a good example. For instance, we

can choose to smile even if we are

worried. But this smile will turn our

coworkers in a positive state. Indeed,

smile is the most contagious emotional

signal of all. As a result, people cannot

resist and smile in return. Clearly,

collaboration will be easier and we may

even feel a little bit better with all those

smiles we will get in return. In addition, we

will trigger and get back positive energy.

Communication. Iistening actively and

delivering a clear and appealing message

Communication is key to connect to the

others and build the best of our

collaboration with them. Surely, control of

the mood is essential. Indeed, we can be a

good communicator, be clear in what we

say, with the others ready to listen, only if

we stay calm and positive. Then, this may

require buffering with our real emotional

state if different.

05) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following:

Identify emotional cues and adapt

message accordingly.

Listen actively to understand, not just to

answer, and build common

understanding.

Promote open communication and

welcome all information sharing,

including bad news.

Influence: smoothly guiding the others

toward a direction that is valuable also for

them (if not, this is manipulation)

Prerequisite of influence is, of course, the

capacity to read emotional cues. To begin

with, this principle starts with building a

bond or highlighting a commonality with

our audience. Then, the second step is to

integrate the emotional drivers to make

people move. Especially, when logical arguments have failed. 1o illustrate, some

influence tactics include: legitimizing with

the authority source of the request,

socializing, appealing to values or

exchanging or building an alliance.

06)This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following

Inspire sympathy and trust to the others.

Master influence strategies and tactics to

build adhesion.
Leverage all audience's motivation drivers

to make them move in the right direction. ,

Collaboration and cooperation: working

with others to a common goal

Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence are

not just for individuals, but scale to teamn

and even organization levels. Indeed,

when a team operates at its best,

individual 1Q and EQ does not just simply

add, they multiply. As a result, outcomes

are far beyond what anyone could have

imagined.

07) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following:

Balance between delivering tasks and

preserving relationships.

Collaborate sharing information,

resources and efforts.

Promote a friendly and cooperative

climate.

Identify and mature new opportunities for

collaboration.

And when collaboration is on the long

term:

Propose a frame for collaboration to

enforce respect and cooperation.

Build a common identity and a shared

vision to support motivation and

commitment.

Preserve the group from external

challenges and promote it outside.

Note that we have merged what Daniel

Goleman calls Team (building)

capabilities in this collaboration and

Cooperation competence.

Conflict management: resolving

disagreements and preventing conflicts

This practice requires as prerequisite to

master our emotions in stressful

conditions and to read the emotions of

the others. Then, it is about facilitating

smooth debate, preventing conflicts and

when they happen, working to de-escalate

them and support a win-win solution.

08) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following

Handle difficult people and situations with

diplomacy.

Encourage debates and open discussions.

Facilitate win-win solutions.

Identify and defuse potential conflicts by

supporting disagreement resolution.

Leadership: inspiring and guiding people

Leadership is about generating internal

motivation that can make a whole group

mobilize toward the same objective.

Emotions are a source of charisma for the

leader: be able to feel strong emotions

and express them with force and impact.

09) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following

Build motivation through an appealing

vision.

Step forward to lead when required.

Support and develop the others without

micromanaging them.

Lead by example.

Change catalyst: initiating and managing

change

Today, change is everywhere, it never

stops and its rhythm accelerates.

Therefore, being able to manage change

is a key competence.
10) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following:

Identify and build awareness around the

need for change.

Build the frame to channel the chanae.

identify and manage actions to support

the change.

Role-model the change one's wants to

happen.

Building bonds: cultivating useful

relationships

As collaboration within a team multiply

the efficiency, collaboration at the level of

a network does the same for each person

involved. Surely, each member of a

network is an immediately available

extension of knowledge, expertise and

potentially more.

11) This competence of Emotional

Intelligence covers the following:

Cultivate and maintain living and informal

networks.

Seek and grow relationships that are

mutually beneficial.

Make and maintain personal friendships

among coworkers.

IELTS Trainer Mohsin Ihsan

17:30