INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY AE2 WRITING (2021-2022, Semester 1)

ENGLISH DEPARTMENT Dr. Vu Hoa Ngan

HOMEWORK 7: EDITING AN INTRODUCTION SECTION

Instructions:

Analyze the following student writings according to the Introduction framework. What is/are missing
component(s) of Introduction Section?

1.1. Establish the importance of your field
1.2. Provide background facts/information (possibly
from research)
1.3. Define the terminology in the title/ key words
1.4. Present the problem area/ current research focus
2. Previous and/or current research and
contributions
3.1. Locate a gap in the research
3.2. Describe the problem you will address
3.3. Present a prediction to be tested
4. Describe the present paper

Student writing 1:
Higher education courses often require students to conduct a lot of presentations and studies. Most of us,
the Vietnamese postgraduate students, have to study and work simultaneously, so they have a limitation of
time for both activities. In order to handle a great amount of workload in studies, students have to employ
effective strategies and ways of learning. Collaborative learning can be a solution to make higher education less
burdensome. It is a twenty-first-century educational approach that provides learners with many benefits in
terms of social supports, psychology, academic achievements, and assessment (Laal & Ghodshi, 2012). That
students simply form a group, but work separately for their own goals cannot consider as collaborative
learning. Research is showing that a collaborative learning practice has to contain five key elements that are
positive interdependence, promotive interaction, individual accountability, social skills, and group processing.
Students can enhance those five factors with the help of the social networking site Facebook. Facebook has
many technical support items and social applications to facilitate learning (Al-rahmi, Othman, & Musa, 2014).
We can use the social networking site Facebook and its features can support some aspects of collaborative
learning, thus facilitating its implementation.
Although students in higher education know the efficacy of collaborative learning, they cannot exploit
the potential of that type of learning due to some factors regarding the lack of time, interaction, and social skills.
(Scager, Boonstra, Peeters, Vulperhorst, & Wiegant, 2016). First, some students do not have enough time to
gather and work together. Most postgraduate students in Vietnam have to handle work and studies at the same
time. Therefore, students' time for work may influence their time for study. Moreover, each member has
different working hours, so arranging a common time for a group discussion is sometimes difficult. Second,
students' lack of time can also lead to the lack of interaction among group members. When students do not
have enough time for discussion, they may have to do the task on their own without fair task assignment and
support from their group members. Consequently, good students tended to dominate the group while weaker
ones may feel left out and isolated. Third, the lack of social skills such as communication and conflict solving
skills also are preventing students from learning collaboratively. Students without social skills may not know
how to listen to other people's opinions and to exchange information effectively, which may lead to conflicts
among group members.
This study conducted in higher education setting with the aims of: examining the difficulties that
postgraduate students have in collaborative learning; exploring the features of Facebook that can help enhance
collaborative learning in higher education; examining the effects of Facebook on collaborative work; suggesting
effective strategies to use Facebook for collaborative learning to postgraduate students.

Sen Sentence Component Description

# number
1 Higher education courses often require students to conduct 1.1 Establish the importance
a lot of presentations and studies. of your field
2 Most of us, the Vietnamese postgraduate students, have to 1.4 Present the problem
study and work simultaneously, so they have a limitation of area/ current research
time for both activities. focus
3 In order to handle a great amount of workload in studies, 3.2 Describe the problem you
1
Sen Sentence Component Description
# number
students have to employ effective strategies and ways of will address
learning.
4 Collaborative learning can be a solution to make higher 1.3 Define the terminology in
education less burdensome. the title/ key words
5 It is a twenty-first-century educational approach that Provide background
provides learners with many benefits in terms of social facts/information
supports, psychology, academic achievements, and (possibly from research)
assessment (Laal & Ghodshi, 2012).
6 That students simply form a group, but work separately for 3.1 Locate a gap in the
their own goals cannot consider as collaborative learning. research
7 Research is showing that a collaborative learning practice 4 Describe the present
has to contain five key elements that are positive paper
interdependence, promotive interaction, individual
accountability, social skills, and group processing.
8 Students can enhance those five factors with the help of the 1.4 Present the problem
social networking site Facebook. area/ current research
focus
9 Facebook has many technical support items and social 1.2 Provide background
applications to facilitate learning (Al-rahmi, Othman, & facts/information
Musa, 2014). (possibly from research)
10 We can use the social networking site Facebook and its
features can support some aspects of collaborative learning,
thus facilitating its implementation.
11 Although students in higher education know the efficacy of 1.2 Provide background
collaborative learning, they cannot exploit the potential of facts/information
that type of learning due to some factors regarding the lack (possibly from research)
of time, interaction, and social skills (Scager, Boonstra,
Peeters, Vulperhorst, & Wiegant, 2016).
12 First, some students do not have enough time to gather and 1.4 Present the problem
work together. area/ current research
focus
13 Most postgraduate students in Vietnam have to handle 2 Current research and
work and studies at the same time. contributions
14 Therefore, students' time for work may influence their time 3.1 Locate a gap in the
for study. research
15 Moreover, each member has different working hours, so
arranging a common time for a group discussion is
sometimes difficult.
16 Second, students' lack of time can also lead to the lack of 1.4 Present the problem
interaction among group members. area/ current research
focus
17 When students do not have enough time for discussion, 3.3 Present a prediction to be
they may have to do the task on their own without fair task tested
assignment and support from their group members.
18 Consequently, good students tended to dominate the group 3.1 Locate a gap in the
while weaker ones may feel left out and isolated. research
19 Third, the lack of social skills such as communication and 1.4 Present the problem
conflict solving skills also are preventing students from area/ current research
learning collaboratively. focus
20 Students without social skills may not know how to listen to 3.2 Describe the problem you
other people's opinions and to exchange information will address
effectively, which may lead to conflicts among group
members.
21 This study conducted in higher education setting with the 4 Describe the present

2
 Sen Sentence Component Description
# number
aims of: examining the difficulties that postgraduate paper
students have in collaborative learning; exploring the
features of Facebook that can help enhance collaborative
learning in higher education; examining the effects of
Facebook on collaborative work; suggesting effective
strategies to use Facebook for collaborative learning to
postgraduate students.

The missing components of the Introduction Section:

Student writing 2:

Schneider-Electric SE is a French multinational corporation that specializes in energy

management, automation solutions, spanning hardware, software, and services. Native of France, the company
is headquartered in Rueil-Malmaison and is also based at the World Trade Center of Grenoble with offices
throughout the world. It is a Fortune Global 500 company, publicly traded on the Euronext Exchange, and is a
component of the Euro Stoxx 50 stock market index.[2] In FY2016, the company posted revenues of about €25
billion.

Schneider Electric is the parent company of Square D, Pelco, APC and others. As of 2016, the company

has 20,000 patents either active or in application worldwide; the company has 144,000 employees in
approximately 100 countries.
Therefore, in order to maintain relationships with customers, to improve competitiveness, the company have to
build up prestige with customer and quality of products. However, after considering the revenue in recent
years, it was found that the company's revenue tended to decrease over the years. The IOTD (In-time order
transfer delivery) of company in five recent months tended to increase but still low. We always have problems
with high BOL (back order line). The company always find ways to overcome the BOL to reduce costs for the
company.

The IOTD (In-time order transfer delivery) of company in five recent months tended to increase but still
low. We always have problems with high BOL (Back order line). Therefore, the company always find ways to
overcome the BOL to reduce costs for the company.

When I make analysis for high BOL, the main cause of this was low productivity (35.2%) and lead time
(20.9%). Therefore, the company's goal is to use lean manufacturing process improvement tools to increase
delivery rates on time by increasing productivity (reducing cycle time to meet Takt Time) and reducing time
Production Time (Lead Time Reduction).

Sen Sentence Component Description

# number
1 Schneider-Electric SE is a French multinational 1.2 Provide information
corporation that specializes in energy
management, automation solutions, spanning hardware,
software, and services.
2 Native of France, the company is headquartered in Rueil- 3.3 Present a prediction to
Malmaison and is also based at the World Trade Center of be tested
Grenoble with offices throughout the world.
3 It is a Fortune Global 500 company, publicly traded on the 1.4 Present the problem
Euronext Exchange, and is a component of the Euro Stoxx area research focus
50 stock market index.[2] In FY2016, the company posted
revenues of about €25 billion.
4 Schneider Electric is the parent company of Square 1.2 Provide background
D, Pelco, APC and others. facts

3
 Sen Sentence Component Description
# number
5 As of 2016, the company has 20,000 patents either active or 1.4 Present the problem
in application worldwide; the company has 144,000 area
employees in approximately 100 countries.
6 Therefore, in order to maintain relationships with 1.3 Define the terminology
customers, to improve competitiveness, the company have in the title/ key words
to build up prestige with customer and quality of products.
7 However, after considering the revenue in recent years, it 3.1 Locate a gap in the
was found that the company's revenue tended to decrease research
over the years.
8 The IOTD (In-time order transfer delivery) of company in 3.3 Present a prediction to
five recent months tended to increase but still low. be tested
9 We always have problems with high BOL (back order line). 1.4 Present the problem
area/ current research
focus
10 The company always find ways to overcome the BOL to 1.4 Present the problem
reduce costs for the company. area/ current research
focus
11 The IOTD (In-time order transfer delivery) of company in 3.3 Present a prediction to
five recent months tended to increase but still low. be tested
12 We always have problems with high BOL (Back order line). 1.4 Present the problem
area/ current research
focus
13 Therefore, the company always find ways to overcome the 3.1 Locate a gap in the
BOL to reduce costs for the company. research
14 When I make analysis for high BOL, the main cause of this 1.2 Provide background
was low productivity (35.2%) and lead time (20.9%). information
15 Therefore, the company's goal is to use lean manufacturing 3.2 Describe the problem
process improvement tools to increase delivery rates on you will address
time by increasing productivity (reducing cycle time to
meet Takt Time) and reducing time Production Time (Lead
Time Reduction).

The missing components of the Introduction Section: