KINKY EVENTS

9 STEPS TO

KINKIER
SEX &
HEALTHIER D/S
RELATIONSHIPS
A practical quick-start workbook
for beginner dominants and
submissives.
WRITTEN BY CHIEF
(KINKYEVENTS.CO.UK)

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INTRODUCTION
INTROS. WHO READS THEM ANYWAY?
But if you are reading this, I wanted to
congratulate you. Youʼve taken the first
step to kinkier, more orgasmic sex, as
well as crafting the dom sub dynamic of
your dreams.
As long as you complete the steps
outlined, I promise youʼll see fantastic
results.
HOW TO USE THIS WORKBOOK
This workbook has been broken down
into daily bite-sized “I can do this
chunks”. Each has:
› A quick lesson
› An activity for the day
› Recommended reading
Even though the course is designed for
you to complete one lesson per day, feel
free to go at your own pace.
USE OF PRONOUNS
I write from the perspective of a male
dominant interacting with a female
submissive because thatʼs what I know
best, and for convenience when writing.
// 9 STEPS TO KINKIER SEX AND HEALTHIER D/S RELATIONSHIPS
KINKY EVENTS
However, many of the techniques
described in this guide can be used no
matter your gender or sexual
orientation. So please, donʼt take offence
at my heteronormative use of language!
I love all of ya, I promise :)
WARNING
“
BDSM may cause injury if not performed
properly. There are so many misconceptions about dom sub
Neither the author nor Kinky Events will
dynamics out there. When I first started I didn’t know who
be held liable for any damages caused to turn to, and what advice I could trust. Over several years,
either directly or indirectly by the involving much research and experimentation, I slowly
instructions contained in this guide, or
by the products described herein. The began to uncover my own personal style of D/s. Along the
reader accepts all responsibility for their way I discovered what I enjoyed, how to have kinkier, hotter
actions.
sex, how to communicate with partners more effectively,
The author has made every effort to and much more. Now let me help you on your journey.
ensure the accuracy of the information
herein. However, this guide is given
without warranty, either express or
Chief
KINKY EVENTS FOUNDER
implied.
// 4
 KINKY EVENTS

TODAY’S ACTIVITY

1. Familiarise yourself with the BDSM

terminology in todayʼs lesson.

2. Explore more terms on the Glossary

of BDSM Wikipedia page.

LESSON 1
LEARN THE LINGO
situation.

• Bottom. One who receives physical

THE BDSM WORLD IS LITTERED WITH CONFUSING
sensation from a top in a scene; the
LINGO.Brats, Riggers, Sadism, DDLG, SSC.
receiving partner (may not be the
What does it all mean?
Dom).
Overwhelming isnʼt it.
• Top. Person “doing the action”. Not
always the dom (for example, the
Hereʼs a quick summary of the main
dom may ask the sub to do
terms you should know:
something to them).
• BDSM. Stands for Bondage and
• D/s. Dominance and submission.
discipline (B&D or B/D), Dominance
Play or relationships that involve a
and submission (D&S or D/s), and
psychologically based, power
Sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M).
exchange.
• SSC. Safe, sane, and consensual. A
• Slave. A person (always a
motto to ensure you are engaging in
submissive) who consensually gives
BDSM in an appropriate way.
up total control of one or more
• Dom. Short for Dominant. A person aspects of their life to another
who exercises control. The female person (their Master). A subtype of
version is often written as Domme. D/s dynamics.

• Sub. Short for Submissive. A person My website concentrates on the D/s

who gives up control either all the aspect of BDSM, be that in the bedroom
time or for a specified period or a more 24/7 style of dynamic.
(different to a ʻslaveʼ or ʻbottomʼ).

• Switch. A person who is sometimes

the dominant, sometimes the
submissive depending upon the

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LESSON 2
EXPLORE SUBTYPES
NOW YOU’RE MORE FAMILIAR WITH THE BDSM
LINGO, LET’S EXPLORE WHERE YOU FIT IN.
As you signed up to receive this
workbook, Iʼm assuming you are either a
dom or sub.
But thatʼs a broad categorisation
because two domʼs are the same, just
like no two boyfriends or girlfriends are
the same.
Here are some of the more popular D/s
dynamics you might be drawn to:
› DDLG (Daddy Dom/Little Girl).
Sometimes referred to as Caregiver/
Little Girl (CGLG). The name of this
lifestyle refers to the nurturing
relationship between parent/child or
teacher/student, but does not always
mean age-play is involved. The
dynamic focuses on the dom taking
on a caring role to bring out the best
in his sub and ensure sheʼs ok. That
may include making decisions for her,
helping her relax when anxious, and
providing for her. Thereʼs plenty of
laughs, affection, and romance.
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TODAY’S ACTIVITY
Tomorrow weʼll explore your kinks in
more depth, but for now:
1. Head over to BDSMTest.org and
complete their short (10 minute) test.
Youʼll end up with a result which
scores you against different
dominant and submissive
personalities subtypes.
2. Take a screenshot of your results so
you can share it with future partners.
If you ever visit BDSM related website
such as Fetlife.com (the Facebook of
BDSM) youʼll often see these results
in peopleʼs profiles.
› Master/slave. A consensual
relationship in which one person
receives control (the Master) when
given it by another (the slave) for
mutual benefit. If as a sub you enjoy
being at your domʼs beck and call,
doing exactly what he says, and
giving up your freedom to serve him,
this is the dynamic for you. And if
youʼre a dom who enjoys control,
discipline, and regiments, look no
further. M/s dynamics may be 24/7 or
during scenes only.
› Rigger/rope bunny. Not always a D/s
dynamic, but if youʼre into being tied
up, or restraining someone, youʼll
want to explore bondage. The Rigger
is the one who does the tying, and the
rope bunny is tied. BDSMTest.org rates your BDSM style
according to a number of categories, and is
› Sexual. The dynamics above often do widely used in the community.
have a sexual element to them, but
they donʼt have do. If youʼre only into
being dominated, or dominating
during sexual play then this is the
dynamic for you.
› A mixture!
As I said, no two D/s dynamics are alike,
and the list above is by no means
KINKYEVENTS.CO.UK
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 KINKY EVENTS

TODAY’S ACTIVITY

› Read Sex Menu: A Beginnerʼs Guide

for Doms and Subs.

1. Download my sex menu template.

2. Open the Excel file (if you donʼt have

Excel you can open it in Google
Sheets).

3. Go through the rows line by line,

scoring each activity.

4. Add useful notes where appropriate

LESSON 3 (e.g. ʻNeed to research thisʼ, or ʻOnly
SEX MENUS done this once but want to againʼ).

always come back and refine later.

› Complete at your own pace. There are

A SEX MENU IS A LIST OF SEXUAL ACTIVITIES
over 350 items in the sex menu.
AGAINST WHICH YOU PLACE A SCORE INDICATING
HOW MUCH YOU’D LIKE TO TRY IT.
Some people enjoy completing it all at
once, others do so over multiple
It will help you: sessions.

› Uncover your turn-ons and turn-offs › Pick a time when you wonʼt be
disturbed so you can give it your full
› Discover kinky things to try attention.

› Communicate your turn-ons to a

partner

› Give and get consent

Today I want you to complete your very

own sex menu.

Iʼve already created a template for you to

complete which includes over 350
activities to try, some you may not have
even known were a thing!

Top tips

Here are my top tips to bear in mind

when filling it out.
The sex menu template describes over 350 kinky things to try with
› Go with your gut instinct. Pick a score your partner, and is an essential tool to foster good
which first springs to mind. You can communication.

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 KINKY EVENTS

TODAY’S ACTIVITY

1. Read How to Talk to a Partner

About Your Kinky Desires Without
Fear (8 Proven Steps).

2. Complete the 8 steps listed to open

up communication with your partner.

3. Write down 3 activities which both

you and your partner are keen to try
(or do more of).

4. Set aside some time to try those 3

LESSON 4 activities.

COMMUNICATION
8. Thank them

I explain each of these steps in more

BEING ABLE TO DISCUSS SEX OPENLY AND
detail in the article to read as part of
WITHOUT JUDGEMENT IS THE GOLDEN TICKET TO
todayʼs activity.
A MORE FULFILLING SEX LIFE.

Donʼt skip this step!

That said, opening up can be tricky. You
may feel uncomfortable saying certain Kinky relationships need even better
words aloud, or unsure how your partner communication than vanilla ones. Unless
will react if they find out what youʼre in you are able to communicate your
to. desires, and listen to your partner
desires, then work together to see where
But communicate you must!
there are overlaps, youʼll never have the
dynamic you want.
So, armed with your recently completed
sex menu, the next step is to share
some of it with your partner. My 8
recommended steps for doing this are:

1. Pick your top five

2. Suggest a talk

3. Set the scene

4. Share your vulnerability

5. Explain the sex menu

6. Discuss each activity in turn

7. Find common ground

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LESSON 5
DOMINANT SEX
TODAY IS ALL ABOUT SKIPPING THE CLASSIC
LOVEMAKING AND HEADING TOWARDS
PASSIONATE FUCKING.Common ways to
spice things up by accentuating the
power dynamic are:
› Spanking
› Hair pulling
› Orgasm denial/control
› Engaging in dominant positions such
as doggy
› Slapping
› Talking dirty
› Bossing her around
› Pinning her down
If that sounds like heaven and your
partner has consented (check their sex
menu), then read on.
If you donʼt know where to start, then I
suggest spanking. A light bottom
spanking when done correctly increases
blood flow and releases hormones in the
sub which can feel wonderful. Pain and
pleasure are closely related it turns out.
As the dom you get to admire the
handiwork of your subʼs bum bright red,
// 9 STEPS TO KINKIER SEX AND HEALTHIER D/S RELATIONSHIPS
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TODAY’S ACTIVITY
1. Read How to Dominate a Woman in
the Bedroom: A Beginnerʼs Guide
with Pictures (NSFW).
2. Try out any of the activities which
take your fancy.
3. Complete one spanking session as
described.
4. Debrief with your partner.
and as a sub you experience the feeling
of being powerless and at your domʼs
mercy (as well as getting the chemical
surge of course!)
Hereʼs how to get started:
1. Command your submissive to strip
off and bend over the side of the
bed.
2. Stand behind her and spank her ass
cheeks lightly, around ten times each
cheek. Use about the same force
youʼd use when quietly applauding
someone. The aim of these spanks is
to get the skin warmed up.
3. After the warm up spanks, give her
five firmer spanks on each bum
cheek. If she flinches with pain then
youʼre spanking too hard. The aim
isnʼt to cause lots of pain. Itʼs simply
hot and a turn on because sheʼs in a
compromising position.
4. End the session, and ask your
submissive for feedback. What did
she think? Were the spanks you too
hard or too soft? Should you add it to
your regular sexual repertoire?
KINKYEVENTS.CO.UK
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 KINKY EVENTS

TODAY’S ACTIVITY

1. Watch a video of the Somerville

Bowline double column tie.

2. Practise a simply wrist tie using this

know on your partner (please do it
safely!)

3. Take a look at my online rope

bondage course if youʼd like to learn
more.

LESSON 6
BONDAGE
› Have a pair of safety sheers nearby in
case things go wrong
BEING RESTRAINED IS ENJOYED BY MANY
To start off, I want you to learn a
SUBMISSIVES.
In fact, when you think of
fundamental of rope bondage, known as
kinky sex most peopleʼs minds go to
the double column tie.
being tied up and blindfolded.
Columns simply mean two straight
There are many reasons a submissive
ʻthingsʼ - arms, legs, wrists - you get
may enjoy being tied up, including
the picture. A double column tie is used,
feeling out of control and powerless.
as the name suggests, to tie two
columns together.
And the great news is you donʼt need
any expensive equipment. Just a piece of
Learning how to tie your partner's wrists
rope (the pros use Jute and Hemp, but
together in a safe way using a double
the cotton stuff you can find on Amazon
column tie is an ideal skill for a
will work just as well when youʼre
dominant to have.
starting out).
There are many different knots you can
However, bondage is risky, so you need
use to accomplish this, but the ones I
to do it correctly. Complete this lesson
recommend you start with are the
at your own risk and remember these
Square Knot and the Somerville Bowline.
golden rules:
There are plenty of videos and articles
› Always monitor your sub for loss of
online demonstrating these techniques,
feeling
so find the format you are most
comfortable learning from by searching.
› Never leave your partner whilst they
are restrained
I also demonstrate this knot, as well as
how to incorporate bondage into your
› Donʼt tie too tightly. Leave a gap of
sexual play in my online rope bondage
1-2 fingers between skin and rope to
course.
avoid cutting off blood supply

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LESSON 7
SEX TOYS
IF YOUʼRE NOT INCORPORATING TOYS INTO YOUR
SEX LIFE YOU ARE MISSING OUT!
I recommend building up a core set of
toys you can either use on yourself or to
tease your partner. My top six
recommendations would be:
› Bullet vibrator (for teasing)
› Magic wand (for intense orgasms and
forced orgasms)
› Small butt plug (for wearing during
sex or when out of the house if youʼre
feeling extra naughty)
› Dildo (for use during oral sex or
double penetration if you enjoy anal
play)
› Bed restraints (to tie her down)
› Nipple and clit clamps (if youʼre into a
bit of pain)
Hereʼs an idea that uses all of toys listed
above in a single scene...
Tie your partner to the bed using rope
// 9 STEPS TO KINKIER SEX AND HEALTHIER D/S RELATIONSHIPS
KINKY EVENTS
TODAY’S ACTIVITY
1. Read my 34 BDSM Sex Toys I Own
and How I Use Them article for
inspiration.
2. Assess where your toy chest might
be lacking and purchase some toys.
3. Create a scene with your partner
which focuses on teasing using toys.
Have the dominant partner fully
clothed, and the submissive fully
naked for added power play.
or under bed restraints. Warm her up
with some oral and the bullet vibrator on
her clit, then insert the butt plug. Use
the dildo, teasing her by running it
between her thighs and over her labia
until sheʼs squirming and pleading for it
inside her (which you can do if sheʼs
been a good girl).
Finally bring out the magic wand and let
it pulsate on her clit to finish with an
incredible orgasm (remember to have
her ask you if she may come first for an
added power dynamic).
If you enjoy orgasm denial then have her
tell you when sheʼs 95% of the way to
orgasm, then remove the vibrator and
let her cool off for 30 seconds. Repeat
as many times as you like. Youʼre the
boss, remember ;).
KINKYEVENTS.CO.UK
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LESSON 8
RULES & PUNISHMENTS
DOMINANTS SET RULES.Submissives obey.
Rules create structure in your
relationship and ensure both parties
know what is expected of them.
The rules you set depend upon your
kinks and the style of dynamic you have
(see lesson 2) but here are a few
examples to get you thinking:
› I will learn how to massage my domʼs
cock expertly with my hands and be
available to provide this service when
requested.
› I will not start eating until after my
dom.
› Between the hours of 7pm and 8pm I
am to remain silent, only speaking
when spoken to.
› I must ask permission to come.
› No clothes allowed in bed.
› I will take the time to communicate
my thoughts and feelings, preferably
in written form, so my dom knows
which parts of my service I enjoy and
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TODAY’S ACTIVITY
1. Read Submissive Rules: A Complete
Guide to Setting Rules.
2. Create a list of 5 rules youʼd like to
be part of your dynamic and agree
them with your partner.
3. Spend the next week ensuring those
rules are enforced (if the rules are
broken, consider introducing
punishments).
which areas can be improved.
› I will read for 30 minutes a day after
work to relax.
There are many more examples, as well
as advice on setting rules, in the article
listed in todayʼs activity.
Once youʼve agreed upon the rules with
your partner, keep the list handy (I sent
it to my sub via WhatsApp and email).
You might also want to write up a BDSM
contract to make it more official.
If the rules are broken itʼs time for
punishment.
These can vary from ʻfunishmentʼ to
painful, depending upon the severity of
infraction. As a beginner, I recommend
you err on the side of funishments,
progressing to more disciplinary action
if you enjoy that sort of thing.
KINKYEVENTS.CO.UK
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LESSON 9
TRAINING
TRAINING IS FOR THOSE WHO WANT ELEMENTS
OF A MASTER/SLAVE DYNAMIC WITH THEIR
PARTNER. Training is a useful tool for a
dominant to help his submissive learn
his routines, and how he likes things
done (both sexual and non-sexual).
Here are some ways training can be
incorporated into your relationship:
› Testing your submissiveʼs knowledge
of the rules youʼve set.
› Ensuring your submissive knows how
to act when you give her commands
such as ʻSitʼ, ʻKneelʼ or ʻDisplayʼ.
› Training your sub as your sex slave,
to know exactly how to pleasure you.
› Anal training to prepare for anal sex.
› Having your sub take a massage
course so she can give you them to
relax.
The extent to which you incorporate
training into your dynamic is entirely up
to you.
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TODAY’S ACTIVITY
1. Read Getting Started with Anal
Training: 10 Step Process.
2. Read Slave Training: A Masterʼs
Complete Guide to Training His
Submissive for a more rounded
picture of the types of training that
exist.
3. Decide on one form of training youʼd
like to incorporate into you dynamic.
Start small with something like “I will
train my sub to perform blowjobs as I
like them” or “I will train my sub how
I like my breakfast prepared each
morning”.
4. Set aside time in the week to conduct
For the purpose of this lesson letʼs take a training session.
the example of anal training, because
many people are curious about anal play
(plus it opens up a whole new subset of
kinky scene ideas to try).
Anal sex isnʼt like regular sex. You canʼt
just dive right in (pun intended!). Much
like going back to the gym, if you start
off over exerting yourself youʼll be in
pain the following days and be loathed
to return.
This is where the training comes in, to
help someone progress at a safe and
effective pace.
If your sub is curious about anal play but
nervous, you as the dom can help ease
her anxiety and walk her through the
process of going from vanilla to pro with
the correct approach.
The anal training regimen I recommend
boils down to starting with light finger
stimulation on the outside to full
intercourse by progressing through 10
steps, each week building on the last.
You can read an example about how
much fun this type of training can be
here.
KINKYEVENTS.CO.UK
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CONGRATULATIONS
CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING THIS GUIDE.
I really hope you enjoyed reading it as
much as I enjoyed writing it, and it has
helped you have kinkier sex and become
clearer on how to create the dom sub
dynamic youʼve always dreamed of.
The lessons and activities in this guide
will set you squarely on the path to
becoming an excellent dominant or
submissive, but your journey doesnʼt
end here.
It takes time and practice to master D/s
dynamics, and youʼll need to continually
learn and evolve. But I promise you will
get there if you keep working on it.
// 9 STEPS TO KINKIER SEX AND BETTER DOM SUB RELATIONSHIPS
KINKY EVENTS
So continue to read. Continue to learn.
Continue to strive to be the best you can
be, whilst also loving and respecting
your partner, acting in a safe, sane and,
most importantly, consensual way.
I wish you every success.
Stay kinky,
Chief
P.S. Donʼt forget to come back to
kinkyevents.co.uk. Thereʼs a TON more
content waiting for you.
chief@kinkyevents.co.uk
// 24