RS 5 - Module 4

Objectives: At the end of the lesson, the students should be able to:
1. explain conjugal spirituality
2. cite and explain the six aspects of Christian marriage
3. enumerate the male and female differences
4. discuss the theses in the complicated anatomy of love
5. discuss the counterfeits of love
6. list the indicators of true love
7. cite four qualities that characterize sexual relations patterned on truly Christian norms

Conjugal Spirituality

Is spirituality only for the religious, the cloistered nuns, and slightly old women who go to evening
devotions?
 RS 5 - Module 4

Conjugal Spirituality

Is spirituality only for the religious, the cloistered nuns, and slightly old women who go to evening
devotions?
Spirituality basically means being responsive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit of Love. In
marriage, spirituality does not mean you have to undertake old-fashioned or unusual pious practices.
Marriage in and of itself is a way of spirituality.
Spirituality in marriage may mean some asceticism and slf-discipline, sometimes chosen, like cutting
down alcohol intake or guarding temper, sometimes accepted like a limited budget or unpleasant
relatives. This sort of discipline is good, not in itself, but because it helps us to learn and to love more
deeply. The man who wants what he wants when he wants it, who is driven to fulfill every flush of
impulse that comes into his imagination can never put himself second and truly think of another.
“Love can make sacrifice easy, and perfect love can make it a joy. “ It is easier to do something, even
something difficult, for your boyfriend or girlfriend than it is to do the very same thing to an annoying
brother or sister. Spirituality is loving and then having the understanding and strength to do what love
demands.
In marriage, too, spirituality means that you take the trouble to foster an awareness of the Christian
dimension of life in your relationship. One can perhaps occasionally go to special liturgies which really “
speak to hum/her.” One can also do it by having some helpful discussions with friends, by setting
aside a few pesos for the purchase of magazines and books in the field of religion. If the Christian
dimension is to be kept alive and have some meaning, it must be nourished. You can’t get by on what
you remember from your elementary school catechesis.
Conjugal spirituality means moving beyond the family. Marriage is not enough. Marriage is not the
total answer to a mature man or mature woman’s needs. . . psychological, emotional, and spiritual.
Marriage does not fill all of man’s needs for achievement, interest, involvement, status, and
opportunities for service.
Marriage is a means. It is an excellent way to live the Christian life and learn the lesson of love. But
marriage is not an end. Rather, it is a launching pad that occasionally sends you out, sometimes
together, sometimes separately, to greater service in career, the neighborhood, community, and the
world. The family is a nuclear community of love which should reach out and radiate its power to heal,
console, inspire, and serve all other people.
Marriage, therefore, should not be an “ egoism of two people, exclusive and unconcerned with
mankind.”

The Aspects of Christian Marriage

Spirituality basically means being responsive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit of Love. In marriage,
spirituality does not mean you have to undertake old-fashioned or unusual pious practices. Marriage in
and of itself is a way of spirituality.
Spirituality in marriage may mean some asceticism and slf-discipline, sometimes chosen, like cutting
down alcohol intake or guarding temper, sometimes accepted like a limited budget or unpleasant
relatives. This sort of discipline is good, not in itself, but because it helps us to learn and to love more
deeply. The man who wants what he wants when he wants it, who is driven to fulfill every flush of
impulse that comes into his imagination can never put himself second and truly think of another.
“Love can make sacrifice easy, and perfect love can make it a joy. “ It is easier to do something, even
something difficult, for your boyfriend or girlfriend than it is to do the very same thing to an annoying
brother or sister. Spirituality is loving and then having the understanding and strength to do what love
demands.
In marriage, too, spirituality means that you take the trouble to foster an awareness of the Christian
dimension of life in your relationship. One can perhaps occasionally go to special liturgies which really “
speak to hum/her.” One can also do it by having some helpful discussions with friends, by setting
aside a few pesos for the purchase of magazines and books in the field of religion. If the Christian
dimension is to be kept alive and have some meaning, it must be nourished. You can’t get by on what
you remember from your elementary school catechesis.
Conjugal spirituality means moving beyond the family. Marriage is not enough. Marriage is not the
total answer to a mature man or mature woman’s needs. . . psychological, emotional, and spiritual.
Marriage does not fill all of man’s needs for achievement, interest, involvement, status, and
opportunities for service.
Marriage is a means. It is an excellent way to live the Christian life and learn the lesson of love. But
marriage is not an end. Rather, it is a launching pad that occasionally sends you out, sometimes
together, sometimes separately, to greater service in career, the neighborhood, community, and the
world. The family is a nuclear community of love which should reach out and radiate its power to heal,
console, inspire, and serve all other people.
Marriage, therefore, should not be an “ egoism of two people, exclusive and unconcerned with
mankind.”

The Aspects of Christian Marriage

God’s eternal plan is that all men and women should participate and share in the divine life and
being. The Father summons people to realize this plan in union with their fellow beings, thus
forming the People of God.
To carry out this plan, man and woman are enjoined in an intimate union of love for the service of
life. This divine plan shows us why the Church believes and teaches that the covenant of love and self-
giving between two people joined in sacramental marriage must be both permanent and indissoluble. It
is a covenant of love and life. The transmission of life is inseparable from the conjugal union. The
conjugal act itself, as the encyclical Humanae Vitae tells us, must be fully human, total, exclusive, and
open to new life.
There are 6 aspects of Christian marriage:
1. spiritual union
2. psychological union
3. physical union
4. social union
5. economic union
 6. educational union

1. The Spiritual Union

The spiritual union of the Christian husband and wife occurs due to the fact that their sanctification
depends upon their attitude toward themselves and toward their children. Since Christian marriage
involves the sanctification of spouses in their love, cooperation, and common achievements, a most
intimate mental and affective relationship results, a relationship which brings them into physical
intimacy from which according to the natural purpose of marriage, a new life is born.
These six aspects or levels of union in Christian marriage are interrelated, inasmuch as each one of
them is subordinated to the preceding one in the order in which they are presented.
The importance and dignity of the spiritual union make it the highest aspect of the togetherness of
Christian marriage. It is most important because all other aspects of marital unity are based on it. Its
dignity comes from the role that the grace of God and the teachings of Christ play in it. The married
couple should therefore, try to understand the message of Jesus to humanity and bring it into married
life.
Once a doctor of the Law asked our Lord. “Master, which is the greatest commandment of the Law?”
“You must love your God with all your heart, your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the greatest and
the first commandment. The second resembles it. “You must love your neighbor as yourself.”
According to the words of Jesus, the essence of religion is love: love for God and love for one’s
neighbor.
The extent of Christian love has no limits, for every human being is a neighbor, as Jesus clearly
explains in His parable of the Good Samaritan. Yet, in practice, love cannot possibly reach all men, and
since the natural formation of society requires certain duties of care and assistance, love has to be
directed first to those who, according to the providential plan of God, are closer. Now, the closest
human relationship is the one established by man and woman in marriage. Therefore, the first duty of
love for married people is certainly toward their spouses. From the spiritual standpoint, it would be a
deadly mistake to think that a married person could sanctify himself by not loving his wife, and the
wife sanctifies herself by not loving her husband. For this reason, St. Paul offers the holiest example of
love as the model for marital love. “Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church.”
The mutual love of Christian spouses must be inspired and motivated by their Christian love for Christ:
“Wives should regard their husbands as they regard the Lord.” Only this divine motivation can give to
human love the lasting driving power necessary for total self-giving and to meet without faltering, the
sacrifices or disappointments which may be encountered through years of life together. A love moved
by mere human affection may not survive for long, because a merely human motive is liable to lose its
interest and its value. In the assimilation of divine and human love, the Christian marriage has its
essential enduring factor which justifies the command of Christ: “What God has joined man must not
divide.”
Marital love, as well as all other forms of love presupposes mental security, for true love demands
self-forgetfulness and self-giving, two mental attitudes which are impossible as long as the person is
anxious about himself or is self-centered. Man, however, cannot find total security in anything in this
world not even in other human beings, because all creatures may fail. Absolute security can be
obtained in God alone. Only a lively Christian faith can remove all worries about personal needs and
even about one’s moral weakness. Jesus strongly urged us: “Do not worry . . . your heavenly Father
knows your needs and knows you need them all.”
 The spirituality of Christian marriage is not simply an addition to the natural contract of marriage.
The spirit of Christianity is the foundation stone of Christian marriage because it gives a wonderfully
sublime meaning and end to marital love. For this reason, Christ made of marriage a grace-giving
sacrament, i.e., a direct means of personal sanctification.

2. Psychological Union

The second aspect of marital union is concerned with the psychological adjustment and relationship
of the spouses. Love, everyone in his right mind agrees, should be the main psychological bond in
marriage. False concept about love and the wrong attitudes toward it are quite dangerous and as a
matter of fact has led to many conflicts, disappointments and frustrations in married life.
Man is a rational being, and therefore is responsible for whatever he does with his life., In marriage,
man as a rational being, should know the important things that would affect greatly his behavior as aq
Christian married man.
Love in marriage is a very important subject which both spouses should know, if they want their
marriage to last. Love involves marriage and parenthood.
Marriage, accordingly, is an advanced school of love. It is a school of love par excellence because of
the following reasons:
1. It provides special circumstances, motivations, and challenges that make love grow.
2. There is a the mystery and excitement of sexual attractiveness.
3. There is the security of committed love and the partner’s responsiveness.
4. There are countless opportunities for sharing and serving the other.
5. Fears of loneliness are left behind.
How often persons who consider themselves sensible and experienced say that love in marriage is a
50-50 proposition, that is, you give to receive, and because you receive, you have to give. This opinion,
although common, is wrong and misleading. To give certain things for the purpose of receiving
something of the same value is business but certainly not love. Married love could hardly be lowered to
a cheaper level. A gift is evidence of love because it is given solely for the purpose of pleasing the
person for whom it is intended. Love, therefore, is simply giving. The more one loves, the more one’s
desire to give is free and eager. In marriage, the gift should be one’s very self
Love from the viewpoint of motivation and behavior can well be defined as the use of one’s means or
one’s self for the good of the other.
Much confusion arises because the verb “to love” is frequently confused with the verb “ to like.”
“Loving” and “liking” may occur together, yet their meanings are opposite. “To love” means to use
oneself for the good of the person loved; while “to like” means to use somebody or something for one’s
pleasure. A husband, for instance, should like his wife because he loves her. If he should love her only
because he likes her, his so-called love may not survive for long.
When love deteriorates, hatred follows. When one feels that there is no more love where love
should be, then hating starts. Selfishness is the opposite of love, not hatred. While the main concern of
the person who loves is the happiness and welfare of the person loved, the sole concern of the selfish
person is his own pleasure and satisfaction.
Troubles in marriage can easily be detected from the way the husband or wife talk about their
difficulties. When selfishness has been substituted for love, the complaints are always about personal
suffering and disappointments without concern for the other person.
All normal adults need to love. In love, there is always happiness and efficiency because there is a
motive for living. The self-centered person drags himself through life in sadness and resentment. This
psychological paradox is observable in human nature: man finds happiness by seeking the happiness of
others; man takes good care of himself by taking good care of others; man finds his better self when he
forgets himself. In marriage, the spouses have a lifelong opportunity for self-forgetfulness, self-giving
and happiness.
Selfishness is a sign of immaturity or a sign of a return to immature behavior. Infants are naturally
selfish because they cannot cope with their own need. The selfish adult is still an infant at heart and is
not capable of love, marriage and parenthood.
Failures in life and especially personal mistakes and faults maty make a mature adult regress to
infantile behavior. First, temper tantrums reappear, then unreasonable and uncontrollable desires and
whims follow. Lack of any sense of dignity and propriety also follow, until finally, all sense of
responsibility is lost. In all serious marriage troubles, patterns of immature behavior can be found.
Love for marriage begins with the natural attraction that normal people experience for persons of the
opposite sex. Since love is self-giving, God has planned human nature in such a way that the husband
can give to his wife what she needs but does not have, and the wife can give to her husband what he
needs but has not received. In other words, masculine and feminine personalities are different and
complementary, and therefore, their union in marriage completes their human nature. Generally, it is
said, that the more a man has masculine personality, and the more a woman has feminine personality,
the better the chances are for marital adjustment.
Love and good adjustment deepen the masculinity of the husband and the femininity of the wife,
making it possible to completely complement each other in all aspects of marital union and cooperation.
This is not true for selfish people. Interested only in themselves, selfish people cannot realize that
others are different, and they try to force their own will and ways of acting on them.

Male and Female Differences

Married couples should be aware of the purpose of sex differences in giving the partner what they
need and should respect these differences in each other. An understanding husband can make his wife
feel like a real lady, and a good wife looks up to her husband as her strength, her pride, and her security.
Both husband and wife should try to know and understand some differences in the psychology of the
two sexes. The differences between the sexes are not differences in terms of superiority or inferiority.
The differences point to a difference in role, but not in worth.
Going through some of the emotional and psychological differences between male and female is not
for the sake of amusement or of building up one’s defenses but for the sake of understanding the
spouse a little better, so that one can be more tolerant and accepting of the spouse because he or she
does not think, feel, and act in exactly the way one does.
The following are the more significant but not absolute differences between male and female
responses and behavior:

1. A woman does not love in the same way that a man does.
The loving of the male for the female is periodic or sporadic; whereas the loving of the female
for her loved one is more lingering, spread-out, and pervasive. We have to be careful not to
confuse quality of love with quantity of love. A difference in quality is not necessarily a
difference in quantity. And this where many spouses misjudge each other. “In the life of a
woman, love undoubtedly plays the primary role.” The majority of men expect to find self-
realization and self-fulfilment not only in marriage, but in marriage plus or side by side with a
 profession or outside job. The majority of women, even today when career-oriented women
are growing in number, expect to find the greater part of their fulfilment in marriage. Because
of this difference in the way of loving between a man and a woman, a danger lies, which
constitutes our next difference.

2. Man tends to neglect his wife emotionally; woman tends to nag her husband.
A husband takes his wife for granted; forgetting some gestures of thoughtfulness and
courtesies. The wife’s emotionalism and mother instinct , her concern for details combine to
make her a potential or actual faultfinder. Nagging is used by the wife as a device to get the
attention that she needs. “A clever husband will not take his wife for granted; a clever wife
learns how to keep her trap shut.”

3. Man tends strongly to be essential-minded ( thinks of the big things); woman tends to be detail-
minded. Most often, husbands forget anniversaries, and most often, the wives always
remembers even very minute details. A woman has always a way of manifesting her
thoughtfulness in various little ways, and has a way of remembering details about her love-life.
A man is usually different. He plans for the big things and big deals, even if many of them are
imaginary. He forgets little things that seem so important for the wife.

4. Husband needs wife’s reassurance concerning his work; the wife needs reassurance
concerning her being loved.
When a husband brags about his success in a business deal, the wife should try her best to be
supportive. The husband strives to rise above, to be better than others. To give him support
and attention, the wife should admire and esteem him. She should not humiliate her husband
privately or publicly. She should make him feel important. An understanding wife laughs at the
jokes of her husband not because the jokes are clever, but because she is the wife and she has
always to be supportive. The wife, on the other hand, in her craving for attention, becomes
monopolistic. She is inclined to be possessive, to make sure that her man is exclusively her own.
Every woman is her rival. If the husband is smart, he continuously reminds his wife that she is
The only woman he loves.

5. Man’s psychological weakness tends to be discouragement; the woman’s is loneliness.

When the husband experiences failure in his work, the understanding wife should try to
bolster his ego. The wife’s inspiring words are needed in this particular situation. A man never
succeeds enough, and will never be satisfied. The wife can either push or inspire her husband,
make or break him. If the husband is a success in the eyes of the wife, he will never fail. Being
more emotional, more subjective, more dependent, the wife is more sensitive to human
aloneness. She experiences a greater need for interpersonal relationships and for a heart-
to-heart communications. A wife needs her husband at the end of the day for companionship.

6. Man tends to be more logical, while a woman tends to be more intuitive.

A wife is often heard saying, “I know,” without knowing how she knows. The husband on the
other hand, investigates things before making a conclusion. The woman usually relies on
intuition or instinct, while the husband usually studies the evidence; then, step by step, reasons
to a conclusion. The husband, therefore should not expect the wife to be logical as he is, and
 the wife should not expect the husband to be sensitive as she is because this will just lead to
frustrations on both sides and a source of marital disharmony.

7. The husband tends to be emotion-modest, while the wife tends to be body-modest.

A husband prefers to be seen naked than be seen crying. The woman, on the other hand,
prefers to be seen crying or shouting over something rather than seen naked. The man is not
usually embarrassed by his physical nakedness, but reluctant to reveal his true feelings or
emotions. Often, he has the wrong notion that tender feelings are only for women and are
equated with lack of manliness. The woman loves to talk about her feelings and emotions but
does not seem to expose her physical self if she is not sure of her attractiveness.

8. The husband tends to be more passionate, while the wife tends to be romantic.
A man accordingly, is aroused sexually any time, any place, anywhere. He is more prone to
think of intercourse as a physical act which spouses do something. The wife’s desire for sex,
however, depends on her mood, a romantic setting, on what the husband says to her to
motivate her. She approaches intercourse as an emotional experience by means of which
husband and wife say something.

9. Gifts have a different unconscious significance for women and men.

For wives, gifts from their husbands are things given to them unasked, not the things they tell
him they would like to have, but things he would like them to have. Objects for which they must
ask do not deserve the name gifts. Women are generally not embarrassed or annoyed at getting
gifts from men, only pleased or flattered. Men are often embarrassed. Men are bad recipients
of gifts or objects as such, and not the giver perhaps and the spirit in which the objects were
given.

10. Men and women speak different languages, different words and gestures.
Different ways of verbal and non-verbal communications: Men tend to be more direct, blunt,
and brief. Women tend to be more indirect and symbolic, puzzling, and loquacious (talkative).
To attempt to understand and judge the spouse in terms of one’s own way of speaking and
gesturing is to easily misunderstand, distort, and invite an insoluble quarrel.

11. They say that women tend to lie more about facts, while men to lie more about feelings.
Accordingly, women lie out of vanity or to cover something they are ashamed of or
embarrassed about. On the other hand, the male is more truthful about facts and less so about
emotions. A man may not hesitate to lie about feelings. A boy may swear he loves the girl when
in fact he only desires her.

In all that we have been saying, we may give the impression that there are more differences
than similarities between male and female. This is not so. The only reason why we have
highlighted the differences in male and female responses is to enable each spouse to
understand the other better and be able to accept each other, and adjust to each other by
loving effort. But the total reality shows us that males and females are actually more similar
than different, and that their most significant similarity is their humanity. To be human is the
goal of every male and female.
 A woman, on the other hand, should not feel inferior or less worthy when she accepts her
femininity and her feminine role. The woman must not be subservient like an inferior to a
tyrant, but she must assert herself and must learn to appreciate that today, the traditional
feminine values are very much needed, not so much in the same mode or fashion as yesterday,
but in a new personalism and unique way.
The cooperation of husband and wife to help develop each other in a deeply human way is
needed more than ever. The complementarity of male and female rather than their rivalry or
competition is still the key to marital success.

Salvation in and through Love

A profound change in a person never comes quickly or easily. Modification in habits, a
revision in basic attitudes and life orientations; unknotting old prejudices and running the
risk of openness - this is a wide round curve that can be negotiated only slowly, not a sharp
corner that can be turned all at once.
However, one thing is clear. Psychological research has established the fact that a one-to-
one relationship of love is one which heals and promotes human change and growth.

The Anatomy of Effective Love

1. Love is not a feeling.
2. Love is a Decision-Commitment.
3. Effective love in unconditional.
4. Love is forever.
5. The commitment of love involves decision.
6. The essential gift of love is a sense of personal worth
7. Love means the affirmation, not the possession of the one loved.

The Counterfeits of Love

Love between a man and a woman can and should be the most liberating, maturing and fulfilling
experiences of adult life. However, the kind of profound union from which such blessings come is not an
easy achievement. The Spanish existentialist philosopher Ortega y Gasset describes three different
counterfeits version of this love that can exist between man and woman. The counterfeit versions
distort rather than develop human personality.
1. Physical Conquest
This is manifested when one or both partners see each other primarily as a source of physical,
sexual pleasure. The partner is “used” as a source of bodily pleasure, and, is viewed only as a
thing, an object, a condition and a source of self-gratification.
2. Psychological Conquest
The second delusory fiction of love is more vicious and perverse than the first counterfeit of
love. The goal is here is psychological conquest. In here, the moves of the person are subtle,
designed to seduce the partner psychologically, to get him/her to fall in love, to fall at the feet of
the conqueror, to be dominated and submissive not just as a body but as a person. When the
strategy succeeds, the supposed “lover” almost immediately loses interest in the other who has
been won over. He or she becomes just one more mounted trophy in the game of the mind.
3. Projected Image
Usually, when a man and woman first “fall” in love, it is not with the reality of the other
person but with a “projection” of what a loved one should be. The projected image may be
 derived from a mother or father or a dream. Karl Jung says that “ every man carries his Eve in
himself, “meaning that every man carries in his subconscious the image of what a lovable
woman is. This explains why certain men “fall for” certain types of women, and vice-versa. The
image projected may, in some cases, have very little relationship to the real person. The
problem with this is that if the person insists on keeping the image and making the other
conform to it, he will love only an image, only a projection. He will not even get to know the
other person.

Genuine Love
What is the reality worthy of the name LOVE. The two partners gradually drop the projected
image which is most often the first source of attraction. Once the projected image is dropped,
the two will then find the even more beautiful reality of the person. Both would be willing to
acknowledge and “respect the otherness” in each other. Each person values and promotes the
inner vision and mysterious destiny of the other.

Indications of True Love

Can one ever tell whether the state of true love exists? What are the indications of true love?
According to a psychologist, these are:
1. willingness to sacrifice
2. genuine interest in the other
3. happiness in being with the other, and unhappiness when not with the other
4. similarity of tastes, ideals and standards
5. no false fronts or pretenses when you are with each other.
It has been said that there is no love without sacrifice. “Love is using oneself for the good of the
other.” This implies putting the interests of the other before one’s self. And yet, where love is
concerned, sacrifice is not pain but happiness. Happiness of the loved one is happiness enough for
the lover.
Is one genuinely interested in whatever concerns the other? Interest in the beloved influences
the pattern of behavior towards the object of love. This is manifested through one’s interest in the
work, studies, activities, family of the person. In short, everything that concerns the beloved down
to the smallest detail, will be of interest and concern of the lover.

3. The Physical Union

Many think that the attempt to solve the problems of marriage should be directed to sex life.
They feel that to speak of marriage in terms of sex adjustment sounds realistic, broadminded,
scientific, and modern.
It cannot be denied that sex maladjustment is a frequent symptom of marital failure.
Symptoms, however, should not be confused with causes, and it is not difficult to prove that
causes of unsatisfactory sex adjustment are other than sexual. A lack of understanding of
human nature can mislead even those who specialize in the field of marriage guidance. If this
problem is not approached realistically, no improvement can be expected, and usually, worse
problems are created as a result.
Properly speaking, sex is not an action but a reaction. In psychology and physiology, a
reaction is a response which takes place if and when the proper conditions for it are present and
no obstacle renders it impossible. For a satisfactory sex reactions and adjustment, mere
 physical closeness is not sufficient. Because love in marriage involves the whole personality of
the spouses, mental, and affective closeness are also needed. Satisfactory sex adjustment can
hardly be expected when there is no companionship, when there is much misunderstanding
and when there is no trust and confidence but only resentment and selfishness. How can a
woman give herself willingly to her husband if her feminine need for appreciation and courteous
attention is badly neglected? How can a man approach his wife with spontaneous warmth and
affection when the home itself is cold for lack of feminine care and receptivity? Sex is a part of
the pattern of love proper for marriage; it is not something that can stand by itself. If selfishness
is substituted for love, sex loses its natural power and beauty. When true love is lacking in
marriage, sex life becomes a problem and instead of helping the mutual adjustment, makes it
more difficult.
Sex, it has been said, is part of marital love. Yet, in fact, sex is not marital love itself.
Therefore, sex adjustment in marriage depends primarily upon the psychological adjustment of
the spouses and not vice-versa. Psychologically well-adjusted spouse are also sexually adjusted.
Elaborate attempts to achieve sex compatibility without marital love are bound to fail because
genuine love cannot develop merely from the pleasure of sex. Sex helps to foster a love already
existing but cannot create true love.
Since sex depends upon love, it has to follow the essential pattern of love which has been
repeatedly stated , consists in unselfish self-giving for the partner. When a brutal desire for self-
satisfaction is the motive for the approach to marital intimacy and the happiness of the partner
is not considered, love is frustrated and with it, the harmony of marital relationship. Selfishness
also destroys this aspect of marriage, and men should sincerely admit that the fault is more
frequently theirs than their wives.

Aspects of Marital Sex

To retain its true character as a human expression of love, certain aspects of marital sex must
be respected. These are:
1. Reason
2. The act of love must be expressive of the true qualities of the love that exists
between spouses.
3. Sex should not be the only expression of love between spouses.

There are four qualities that characterize sexual relations patterned on truly Christian norms.
However, this will not cover every attribute of sex in a Christian marriage.
1. Joyful
2. Committed
3. Chaste
4. Christ-centered