No room at the inn

Brian finds himself the object of unwanted attention

INT. HOSTEL - RECEPTION- DAY

A generic European youth hostel reception desk, staffed by

RECEPTIONIST 1. Each time we see the desk it is staffed by a
different person, varying in age, gender, height and skin
color.

BRIAN stands in front of the desk with passport and wallet in

hand. He carries a large rucksack.

RECEPTIONIST 1
So that will be one hundred and
sixty-five zloty for the room,
which can be paid by card, plus ten
zloty deposit for the key card,
plus another five zloty if you wish
to rent a towel for the duration of
your stay.

Brian counts out the necessary funds in cash. The

receptionist picks it up and counts it.

RECEPTIONIST 1 (CONT'D)
Thank you. Your room is number
twenty-two on the second floor and
your bed is number one. You have
also been assigned a locker which
is activated by the same key card
that you use to gain entry to the
hostel and your room. The kitchen
and the common room are downstairs.
You are welcome to use the
facilities but we ask that you do
not store food anywhere other than
inside the refrigerator.

BRIAN
Thank you.

He takes the key card and starts climbing the stairs.

INT. HOSTEL - ROOM 22 - DAY

Brian unlatches the door with the key card and enters.

There are four bunk beds, two berths each, two on each side
of the room. On the far side of the room the ceiling slopes
downwards rapidly. As a consequence the two bunk beds are
placed close together with a negligible gap between them.

Bed 1 has been partially made up and there is an egg salad

roll sitting on the pillow.
 2.

The remaining berths are either partially or fully made up

and have apparently been claimed by the placement of items of
clothing on the bedding, with the exception of two.

Of the lower bunks on the far side of the room, one is

unclaimed - bedding folded neatly on the base sheet - and the
other is occupied by BRENDA. She glares at Brian as he enters
and continues to stare at him throughout.

Brian picks up the egg salad roll and inspects it carefully.

INT. HOSTEL - RECEPTION - DAY

RECEPTIONIST 2 is manning the desk. Brian approaches.

RECEPTIONIST 2
Hello sir. How can I help?

BRIAN
There appears to be an egg salad
roll on my bed.

RECEPTIONIST 2
An egg salad roll? That seems oddly
specific.

BRIAN
I’m fairly sure that it was an egg
salad roll.

RECEPTIONIST 2
You are aware that food is supposed
to be stored in the communal fridge
in the common area and nowhere
else?

BRIAN
It’s not my egg salad roll. I don’t
even like eggs. I’m supposed to
stay off them. Too much
cholesterol.

RECEPTIONIST 2
I will let it go this time but
please don’t do it again.

BRIAN
You don’t understand. I have been
assigned bed one but someone has
already slept in it, and that
person has staked their claim by
leaving an egg salad roll on the
pillow.
 3.

RECEPTIONIST 2
Are there any unclaimed beds in
that room?

BRIAN
Yes, but the only available bed is
directly next to someone. It would
almost be as if we were sharing a
bed. Can I get a bed in a different
room?

RECEPTIONIST 2
I am sorry sir, but we are
completely booked up for the night.
I suggest that you take the
unclaimed bed and sleep there.

INT. HOSTEL - ROOM 22 - NIGHT

Brian has made up the bed and is lying in it, staring at the
ceiling.

Snoring heavily, Brenda snuggles over and puts her arm across
his chest.

Brian attempts to move her arm.

Brenda splutters in her sleep and snuggles closer.

INT. HOSTEL - RECEPTION - DAY

Brian approaches the desk. RECEPTIONIST 3 is in attendance.

RECEPTIONIST 3
Yes?

BRIAN
I didn’t get much sleep last night.
The person in the berth next to
mine spent most of the night with
her arm around me.

RECEPTIONIST 3
Well, congratulations.

BRIAN
It’s not a good thing. I expect at
least to be left in peace when it
is time to sleep.
 4.

RECEPTIONIST 3
Which room and bed number are you
in?

BRIAN
Room twenty-two, bed four.

RECEPTIONIST 3
Ah, that will be Brenda, one of our
long term residents. You are lucky.
With most people she is not nearly
so accommodating.

BRIAN
But I don’t want that! I’m quite
happy to be left alone to do my own
thing. Please can I get a new bed
in a different room?

RECEPTIONIST 3
As you wish.
(checks computer)
Apologies sir, but it looks like we
are fully booked right now. However
I believe that the festival of
Mongolian throat singing comes to
an end this evening. There should
be some new beds available from
tomorrow.

INT. HOSTEL - ROOM 22 - NIGHT

Brian lies awake, staring upwards.

Brenda rolls over and begins spooning him.

INT. HOSTEL - RECEPTION - DAY

Brian approaches. RECEPTIONIST 4 is on duty.

RECEPTIONIST 4
Good morning sir. How can I help?

BRIAN
I would very much like to change
rooms, if that is okay.

RECEPTIONIST 4
I’m not sure if that will be
possible, unfortunately.
(MORE)
 5.

RECEPTIONIST 4 (CONT'D)
The convention for Insurance
Underwriters opens today two blocks
from here. Beds are in high demand.

BRIAN
If a bed becomes available can I
switch to that one instead, before
the new guests arrive?

RECEPTIONIST 4
Sure, just as long as you transfer
over all your bedding, including
the lower sheet, and leave the old
bed as you originally find it. Then
please come back here to let us
know so that we can update the
system.

BRIAN
Okay, thank you.

INT. HOSTEL - ROOM 22 - NIGHT

Brian lies awake. Apparently sleeping, Brenda cuddles him

with both arms and strokes his hair.

A slow pan around the room reveals that all other beds are
made up and on the pillow of each one is an egg salad roll.

FADE OUT