The day that my grandma passed away was the worst day.

I still remember
everything that happens like if it was yesterday. Ever since that day, I keep on
telling myself that things happen for a reason. How can you say goodbye to
someone that raised you. It was the first time I was not happy to see my grandma
at all. As I was walking into the room, I started to feel dizzy. I was not ready to see
my grandma laying down on the bed but this time it was not to go to sleep but to
say goodbye forever. It took me about five minutes before I was able to step in
that room, I was hesitating a lot but then all that I was thinking was that if I did
not man up to step to the room the time was just ticking; minutes of life. I did, I
finally had the courage to step into that room and slowly walk to her. Tears rolling
down my face heavily and all I was able to say to my grandma was “ don 't leave
me, I need you here”. I was not ready to let her. She pulls me in close to her as
she slowly grabbed my hand. Her hand was warm and soft. She looked straight at
my eyes and the only words that she said to me were “ I love you”. She was
grabbing my hand tightly but slowly she was letting go but I was not ready to let
her go. I was shocked, I could not believe what was going on. I started to pour like
there was no tomorrow. The world had ended for me. All that I was able to do
was to hug her tight, I did not want to let go of her. I was shouting for her to wake
up for all of this just to be a nightmare. I was not letting go but eventually, it was
going to happen as hard as it seems you have to let go of people. My head was all
over the place. I felt hopeless, alone and weak. I was only 14 years old. I was
afraid of what was going to happen next after all of this. I was not hungry nor
sleepy, I could not get through my head that my grandma “mom” was gone. I
went home to change, I couldn 't help but to go to my grandma 's room, the
house felt empty it was not the same. The vibe from the house was dead. I
remember sitting in front of my grandma 's coffin and all that I was able to think
was that why her out of all the people in the world. I still needed my grandma in
every way possible. I was devastated but it got to the point were no tears were
coming out. I was physically there but not emotionally stable. People will try to
comfort me but that would not work because they were not my grandma. I was
refusing to let her go. Right after the moment everything and everyone was dead
to me. Somehow I had to get the courage to go up to her and say my last
goodbyes as much as it hurt. I wanted her to open her eyes, as I was touching her
hand I couldn 't help it but to kiss her cold forehead and ask why she left me all
alone. I just wanted everything to be over with. As the people were leaving they
would approach me. Her so-called sons and daughters my aunts and uncles were
acting normal. It was obvious that they were just there for the testament nothing
more or nothing less. I couldn 't believe how cruel they were but it did not matter
anymore because I knew that at least my grandma will be in a better place but
without me. I didn’t know how to grieve. I didn’t know how to deal with my
emotions. I didn’t know if I should just act like everything’s okay or act like how I
really felt. But I knew if I acted how I felt, it would be frowned upon. I cried a
week later at my grandma’s funeral because I knew that day, my feelings were
valid.