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Stephanie Castillo
Writing and Inquiry in Academic Contexts
Mrs. Lukens
February 3, 2015
Intuition
I remember that day like it was yesterday, it was supposed to be the best day of my life, I was 13 graduating
eighth grade and going into high school, I was a big girl now. Everyone from my class was going to some type of
big end of the year party, but the event was much more special to me and I've always been the type of person to
choose a good family time over anything since they only came around but so often. It seemed right they were
talking, they bought my cake and other family members were going to be there which assured me that at least in
front of people it wouldn't become world war III. Everyone was outside, school was out for the year and it was
practically summer, although I noticed it wasn't everybody I didn't pay it much mind. I quickly stopped playing on
the sidewalk with my cousins and I snuck upstairs, I couldn't wait for the cake and I wanted to glance at it and
maybe sneak a couple of frosting dabs. "You stupid bitch!" Said a roaring voice whos sound echoed as if he was
hollering down an empty tunnel, I automatically identify that voice as my fathers. Screw you! followed the voice
of raging woman who happened to be my mother. You wouldve thought I would have picked up my pace, or be
scared of the thundering voices, but instead I was now dragging my feet up the stairs, this was the norm for me.
How dare they, I cannot believe that out of every other day they can insult, disrespect each other it had to be on my
day, I thought to myself. The fact that people were there didnt modify or stop the war what so ever. Before I can
reach the stairs my aunt Angela brushed right by me in defense, or hopes on mediating or stopping the fight
whatsoever, as she zoomed past me I whispered, Youre wasting your time. Once I reached the top of the stairs I
realized my grandmother ( mothers mom), was already up there she was actually trying to stop the argument, while
Angela (my fathers sister) was only adding fuel and now it was her and my mother exchanging derogatory words
to each other. Call your brother and sister and pack all that you can were moving out! Yelled my mother. I was so
used to packing my whole closet to then coming back a day later that I was starting to ask her for how many days
are we going to be gone REALLY, but I assumed this wasnt the right time so I went on ahead and grabbed as much
of my personal belongings as I could. By the time we were headed to the car I started to burst out in tears today was

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so perfect I had cousins from both sides of the family coming together to play games and celebrate such a special
day for me, but instead it had turned into a battlefield in my fathers army outweighing my mothers and I despised
that. In the back seat of my mothers car, which was now a total chaos and an utter confusion of yelling and
opinions, I was balling out crying. I hear a soothing voice from my grandmother telling me that everything was
going to be okay and that I had to listen to the voice inside of me, to my intuition, that although something might
seem a certain way if deep down inside a special voice is contradicting all that I can actually see, then that voice is
right, nine times out of ten its always right even when we dont want to pay it no attention. I was immediately
confused, what sense does that makes if what I can see is whats factual, and how do I know when its this magical
fortune telling voice and not just my own stupid thoughts, she told me smiling youll learn to distinguish.
As we got to my grandmothers house, all my mother side of the family was there, my cousins from my
mother side as well, and it seemed like the day would be picking up after all. I thought to myself is this what my
grandmother meant, although I witnessed the huge brawl not even 10 minutes ago a voice inside of me told me that
it was going to be just like any other time so dont stress it, Ill be back home by the end of the night and my mother
would be cooking dinner for my father as if nothing ever happened, this was the redundant cycle of my parents
anyways. I was starting to enjoy myself and almost forgot the horrific events of earlier until I had an uncomfortable
urging feeling to go check on my mother, as before everyone was outside except for her. As I started to go inside my
grandmother pulled me and told me to not go upstairs, to leave my mother alone because she needed grown up time
to figure somethings out. Usually I never disobey anything my grandmother says but this feeling was so unsettling.
I was anxious all of a sudden, and I had no particular reason to be, I acted as if I was going upstairs to get a drink of
water, looked around to see if anyone was paying me attention, and I ran all the way to the third floor as quickly as I
could and there was my mother. Ive never seen her look so tired, as if she walked a thousand miles throughout the
desert with no escape her eyes were pools of blood with how red they were as well as shut. Her face was also puffy
as if she was stung in the face by a nest of bees. I knew she would be furious that I had even seen her in these
conditions but she was calm. She asked me to come over and I ran quickly wrapping my arms around her I wanted
her to know that I was there for her and that she wasnt alone. She held me tight for almost two hours, at least it felt
like it then looked me in my eyes, but her stare was so empty, through her eyes I can see her soul, she was tired,
battered, and she couldnt stand faking a smile anymore. She said, Elidet, you are the oldest I love you, I want you
to always be there and try to help your brother and sister as much as you can, I really dont think Im doing that

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good of a job. She hugged me again only this time she broke down in tears and told me to go on my way I was
merely turning 13 I didnt understand, let alone make sense of what and why was she telling me this. As I was
exiting the room I glazed at my grandfathers desktop and felt this overwhelming heavy feeling, I was walking at a
normal pace but everything around me was moving in slow motion, the tv was mute my mother was at a standstill, at
one point everything around me froze and I concentrated on the contents that were on the desktop, nothing serious
out of the ordinary, but I couldnt shake the feeling. All of a sudden I heard the magical voice, Go to grandma
now! was this the intuition grandma was talking about, I didnt know but one thing that felt sure was that I had to
warn my grandmother. I went downstairs as quickly as I could and I practically begged her to go check on my
mother, we both went upstairs everything was still very normal. WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP! my mother
had emptied out all of my grandfathers medication, she had about 100 pills in her mouth, she was tired of life.
When I saw her I felt a force of invisible rapid winds damn near knock me down, as if a bowling ball was dropped
inside my stomach. Although everything was pretty self-explanatory it was all so confusing to me how dare she? I
dont know if I was relieved that I got help just in time or go ballistic like a raging caged monster who hasnt eaten
in a year, how she can plan to leave me like this. I got there just in time and at that moment that was the only
thought I was completely sure of.
Seconds later my whole family came upstairs it was such a wave of emotion, the police, the ambulance and
my mother was taken to a rehabilitation center. That moment surprisingly made me closer to my mother, today my
mother and father are not together, and lord knows thats whats best. Shes very emotionally stabled and happy
with life, people in my family never even talk about the incident is almost as if it never happened, I guess it just one
of those things that are too painful to relive. I would just never forget the moment I was able to tune in to my
intuition, to what my guts tell me. Instead of ignoring my inside voice I was able to sense something was wrong and
save my mothers life. I now have a habit of dwelling on things and thinking about them deeply I always search to
what my intuition tells me. If Im in a situation and something seems fishy I immediately react, or avoid. Ever since
I started to distinguish that magical, special voice I always make sure that I listen, and thus far it has never steered
me wrong.
Stephanie,

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I cant imagine what you mustve felt that day, but there were a few places that you used descriptive
language very effectively to transport me into your situation.
My challenge to you in revision has to do with my above margin comment about sentence structure. I
believe Ive mentioned this to you before, and youll need to find a way of improving this or it will likely be a big
issue for you moving forward. Your sentences are all jumbled together, and I had a VERY difficult time making
sense of this story. You could possibly find a future professor that wont try to work through it and just give you a
failing grade instead. This had the feel of something that you wrote down in a stream of consciousness (meaning
just wrote down everything you thought as it came to you), which is a great way to get flowing if youre having a
hard time getting started. But it doesnt feel like you did ANY sort of proofreading or editing to make it better. To
the reader who doesnt know your story, some of the events jumped around and didnt make sense because we cant
follow your train of thought.
This is all to say that I believe you could make this (and ALL your writing) better if you made more time to
improve and work on these issues. These are things that will affect you on everything you write, and specifically, I
am worried about how Ill be able to understand your analysis of genres if you dont clean it up.
75/100