25 indeed my worst stages probably. I felt in a great big storm. In every aspects of my life.

Judge me
all the way you want. Whether I’m being selfish, rude, ungrateful or else. This is supposed to be my
honest thought.

First of all, I felt collapse in my career. I’m getting used to it, that my ability in my field is replacable
and mediocre. Even the fresh graduates more compatible than me , I guess. You and I could ask,
what am I doing these years, am I not learning? All I know I’m doing my best (so far as I recognized)
but it’s something that you couldn’t push. I couldn’t push my self to be the greatest but better, I still
could do it. I admit that I’m way more better now than to my fresh year of becoming so called
“architect”. I do thank to God, supports system and ofcourse myself for not quitting until now. But to
be feeling more alive, u need something that really I don’t know what to called it. Lovers of life. I
mean to pursuit more what you love , to give love on what you do. So probably we can assume that I
didn’t enjoy what I’m doing right now? It’s not like that, but I still not find any comfort feeling and
hunger in what I’m doing. It always making me stress, scared to let down my result by my abilities. Is
it normal?