Huma Ashraf

MGMT 569, Section 56

Trade Book Summary and Analysis
How To Win Friends and Influence People
Author: Dale Carnegie

Overview
How To Win Friends and Influence people was written by lecturer, author, and expert on
interpersonal communication—Dale Carnegie. It was originally published in 1937 and then
revised by the original author multiple times till his death in 1955. How To Win Friends is one of
the best-selling self-help books of all time, over 30 million copies have sold worldwide since it
was published. In this book, the author provides techniques and principles for how to get along
with others. In 1912, Dale Carnegie started teaching educational courses for business
professionals. It was not long before he realized that many adults had difficulties in how to get
along with other people. This manifested in both personal and professional environments and
so acquiring these skills would help one better all types of relationships in their life.

Content Summary
The book is split into three parts. They each outline techniques, principles, and rules one
should apply when desiring to better their relationships with others. It teaches skills on how to
understand people better, become more personable, improve relationships, and influence the
behavior of others. Part I is titled Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. In this chapter,
Carnegie offers readers three fundamental techniques to employ when handling other people.
The first is, “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive” (Carnegie, 1955).
Through information gathering Carnegie learned that most people do not like to admit that
they are wrong or even have the awareness to consider that perspective. Criticism makes
people defensive and ends up being a major hinderance to getting along. The other person may
feel hurt and immediately raise their defenses. The first technique is summarized as, “Don’t
criticize, condemn, or complain” (Carnegie, 1955). The second fundamental technique is also
known as “The big secret of dealing with people” (Carnegie, 1955). Carnegie says that people
like to hear compliments and we tend to neglect gratitude om a daily basis. He suggests that if
you have a positive experience, such as a really good meal or a seamless sales transaction—that
you should go out of your way to compliment the chef who prepared the food or the
salesperson who helped you out. Sincere appreciation makes people feel special, important,
and recognized. He says this is a good way of getting people to do what you want. The second
technique is, “Give honest and sincere appreciation” (Carnegie, 1955)
In the third technique, Carnegie says that in order to influence people you have to talk
about what they want and show them how to achieve it. Before persuading someone to do
something, one must ask, “How can I make this person want to do it?” When working with
others, you should plant an idea and let people think they came up with it on their own. This
way, your goals will be aligned with theirs and others will feel a personal inclination to help you
accomplish those goals. The third technique is summarized as, “Arouse in the other person, an
eager want” (Carnegie, 1955).
 Part II is called Six Ways to Make People Like You. In this chapter, Carnegie says that if
you want people to like you, have real friendships, and help others you should become
interested in other people. Not in a superficial way, but with the true genuine intention of
actually getting to know them. Real friendships are created through organic connection where
both parties are equally interested and invested in the other’s friendship. You should do things
for other people that require time, energy and thoughtfulness. The first way to make people
like you is to be genuinely interested in the other person. The second way to make people like
you is through non-verbal body language of the happiest kind—a smile! Carnegie says that a
real, heartwarming, sincere smile creates a good impression of who you are to others. People
become more humanized when they smile, it can brighten up someone’s day and help them to
remember you. The third way to make people like you is to remember people’s names.
Remembering someone’s name is very positive and can be seen as a compliment but forgetting
people’s names puts you at a “sharp disadvantage.”
The next principle, which is the fourth way to make people like you is to, “Be a good
listener and encourage others to talk about themselves” (Carnegie, 1955). Carnegie continues
to reiterate that people are much more self-absorbed than we think and generally prioritize
their own wants, needs, and problems more than anything else. By encouraging others to talk
about themselves, we are bringing up their favorite subject. Also, in order to be a good
conversationalist, one must be an attentive listener. The fifth way to make people like you is to
put the other person’s needs first by talking about their interests. The author cites Theodore
Roosevelt, who said “The road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things they treasure the
most.” This is a beneficial business technique because it pays off for both parties and helps to
make communication easier. Finally, the sixth way to make people like you is to make the other
person feel important, with sincerity. People love to feel important and when you make them
feel that way, they will gravitate towards you naturally.

Part III is titled How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. There are 12 principles in this
part of the book, the author simplifies and summarizes them so that we can use the book as a
handy guidebook.

1. Do not argue 7. Let the other person feel the idea is

2. Show respect and never tell some theirs
they are wrong 8. Try to see the other party’s
3. Admit wrongdoing quickly and perspective
emphatically 9. Be sympathetic
4. Be friendly and find common ground 10. Appeal to noble motives
5. Use the Socratic method 11. Dramatize your ideas
6. Let the other person do the talking 12. Create a challenge

Part IV is Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing

Resentment. In the conclusion of the book, Carnegie bring focus to the leader admitting their
own faults and how that can help them change people. The first principle is to begin with
honest appreciation when offering negative feedback. This helps lessen the impact of the bad
news by starting off with a compliment. The second principle is to be subtle about calling
attention the mistakes people make, because that can be embarrassing. The third principle is to
take responsibility for your own mistakes before critiquing anyone else. The fourth principle is
to ask questions instead of giving people direct orders, this helps stimulate the mind. The fifth
principle is to let the other person save face and don’t give any negative feedback. The fifth
principle is to celebrate the smallest accomplishments and often. Principle seven advises that
we must give a person a great reputation to live up to. People will work in comparison with the
appreciation and praise they are given and their efforts are likely to improve as a result. The
eighth principle advises to use encouragement so that people can correct their faults. Finally,
the ninth principle is to make the other person happy about doing what you are suggesting.
Carnegie says that these nine principles can teach you how to be a leader and incite change
through changing people’s behavior and attitudes.

Analysis
I found this book to be very generalized in context. While it was interesting to read and
the principles are supposed to be fact based—I thought many of them were too anecdotal. A
number of the principles are techniques that have a psychological factor attached and those are
the ones I believe to be accurate. In Part I, Carnegie says to give honest and sincere
appreciation. I fully agree with this, it is a recommendation that can be applied differently
based on your personality. On the other hand, one of the other techniques in Part I says that
criticism is futile. This I disagree with because throughout my professional experience I have
been able to use constructive criticism to advance my skills. In terms of objectivity, I do not
think the book is very objective. Although some principles can be generally applied today,
others are very outdated. The third principle to arouse in others and eager want feels a little
manipulative to me. The author notes that “He who can do this has the whole world with him"
(Carnegie, 1955). Carnegie reiterates multiple times throughout the book that these principles
are not meant to be manipulative. I disagree with him, I think some of them can be construed
as manipulative.
In Part II, the author outlines six different ways to make people like you. I believe all
these principles to be important, thorough and useful to the reader. Being interested in other
people, smiling, and remembering their name are all ways to develop relational connections
with others. Being a good listener, talking about other people’s interest, and making them feel
important are all positive ways to enhance interpersonal communication and connect with
others. It was very relatable when the author gave examples of people who like to monologue
and end up having one-sided conversations.
In Part III, there are twelve principles to help you influence other to your way of
thinking. Some of these are universal, like show respect and be friendly. Others like “let the
other person do most of the talking” and “let the other person feel the idea is theirs” have been
talked about in previous parts. At this point the book started to feel boring and redundant. It
became frustrating to read the same point multiple times. In Part IV, there are more principles
on how to be a good leader so that you can influence the behavior of others. I disagree with
this—being a good leader should be important enough on its own. People are likely to follow
leaders who motivate, inspire, and encourage them. Although all the principles are applicable
to any modern workplace, most of them like “Be liberal with encouragement” and “appreciate
improvements” have already been discussed in the previous parts of the book. At this point I
think the book got repetitive and boring to me.
I had previously read this book in college over 10 years ago. I read it because I always
saw it on display at bookstores and it was highly regarded in professional and academic circles.
At that time I enjoyed reading all of the stories and anecdotes the author provided. This time
around, I read it from a completely different perspective. I am older and have had many more
experiences, both professional and personal. After working in the corporate world for almost 10
years, I have learned that my personal leadership style is not one that uses any type of
manipulation or influence at all. In one of my other graduate classes we learned about the
servant leadership approach. This is a non-traditional leadership approach which focuses on
team-based empowerment. In this approach, the leader speaks less and listens to their team
more. Not to plant ideas or to influence them indirectly, but because they value the team input
and respects their professional needs. This is different from what Carnegie teaches in his book,
where there is more of underhanded control the leader has over their team. To me, it feels
sneaky and contrived rather than organically forming connections with people and
collaborating in a way where everyone feels heard.
The way I consume data now is also different from how used to. Based on my work as
an analyst, I must consider what is good data versus bad data. Carnegie provides many
leadership examples from the same type of people—upper class, Caucasian men in positions of
power. As a woman of color, I do not relate to their experiences. Many of these experiences are
told anecdotally, like stories. I would now prefer to read statistics from studies to confirm some
of these principles. This book would have to be written differently because people
communicate differently in the digital age than they did 50 years ago. Carnegie also recognizes
that these principles need to be revised and he routinely created revisions for the book until his
death in 1955. I think he would on board with modern day revisions.

Summary
This book goes over many of the specific topics covered in our course this term. One of
the principles in Part II says one of the best ways to make people like you is to smile and
remember their name. We covered this in Module 3 where we watched a TedTalk on non-
verbal messaging and researched about the Duchenne smile. In Module 4, we read an article by
DB Rane titled “Good Listening Skills Make Efficient Business Skills” where we learned that
effective listening is an essential tool for effective interpersonal communication. In almost every
part of the book, Carnegie recommends that we listen to others and be genuinely interested in
what they have to say.
In Module 5, we watched a video titled, “How to have difficult conversations and stay
true to yourself” where Fred Kofman reminded us that in order to have conflict resolution from
difficult conversations, one must not interrupt the other person to argue or disrespect them. In
Part III of the book, Carnegie also recommend to not argue, show respect and let the other
person dominate the conversation. Many topics we covered were aligned with the book. The
main difference was the time period this book was written for. In our class discussions, there
was always the caveat that we exist in a very digital time period and technology had to be
factored into every conversation. These things did not exist during Carnegie’s time and so he
never really had to consider them while writing the book. Much of the advice in this book is still
relevant today but as previously mentioned, some parts seem manipulative to me.
The content can be improved by presenting the data more officially instead of personal
narratives. Information can be statistically gathered and presented. Examples from different
races, classes, and cultures can be included. Technological advancements and the way people
communicate digitally needs to be a part of the conversation. Modern workplaces and remote
work environment dynamics should be considered. I read this with a much more critical
perspective than I did when I was younger. I appreciated the positives, like expressing gratitude,
smiling, being a good listener and motivating others. It was good to be reminded of these things
and I plan on implementing them into both my personal and professional life.
References:

Carnegie, Dale, 1888-1955. How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York :Simon &
Schuster, 2009.