MEMOIR

An Introverted me
By Kim Alexis Delloro

       About ten years ago, my grandmother died. Whom I considered my mother for several years
because she always took care of me. For years I did not accept the incident and the fact that she
was gone. I just woke up because of some cold hand holding my arm. The day she was already
attacked by her chronic disease. And I did not know she had an illness for a long time, and she
hid it from us all. I was shaking and nervous at that time. Grandma was taken to the hospital, and
my parents did not take me with her. 
       I entertained myself and earnestly prayed to the Lord that she would be well and healed. But
my prayer was not answered. That is why I lost faith and belief in God. There was anger in my
heart, and I was even more reluctant to talk to other people. Even going to church, I never did
because I always remembered my grandmother. After all, she always took me there. It was just
hard to accept the loss of a loved one, especially since I consider her a parent. 
      When she was alive, she always told me to be a responsible firstborn to my siblings, never to
give up, and never to be spoken of wrongly. She educated me, disciplined, and strict with me,
especially with my studies, which is why I was very focused on my studies. She always supports
me in everything and is very proud of my singing talent. She has introduced me to the choir at
our church since I was six years old. But everything has changed for me, and I feel like I have
been devastated by her loss.
      Seven years ago, in another year of class, after losing my grandma, I started to weaken in
school, and my rank in honor dropped. I just became the 5th honor and used to always be in the
1st or 2nd honor. My parents were disappointed about the outcome and what was happening to
me. I did not have any friends or any gadgets to bother. I lost my study habit because I was
always stunned in the four corners of my room. My grandma and grandpa's room were both in
heaven. 
        I am not happy with how I saw my parent's reactions at those times. So, when I was in the
sixth grade, I started focusing on my studies. Then, I placed 1st honorable mention. But it should
have been a salutatorian or valedictorian because that is what my parents and I want. Their
expectations were high, as well as those of my relatives. But it is okay for them all. The
graduation ceremony was great, and we had a simple celebration at home with my family,
relatives, and neighbors. I got more awards and medals added to my collections. 
      It was two years ago since my grandma passed away, and I turned to serve the Lord. I
apologized for everything I said and lack of faith in Him just because my prayer was not
answered. And at the same time, I have changed myself. I strengthened my belief in Him and had
the strength of heart and mind to face all the sorrows and problems that would come into my life.
I remember and carry with me all the beautiful teachings of my grandma. That has shaped my
thinking then and still does today. She said I have to be brave, clever, thoughtful, fair, and
positive. And she always supports me every time. When I say that I want to become a
policewoman someday like her, and even taught me the International Radiotelephony Spelling
Alphabet. The only thing I do not like is that she makes me wear dresses, and I do not know why
I don't want to until I cry when forced (haha). I just haven’t been girly since then, even until
now.  
        A few years passed before I accepted that my grandmother was gone because I was so dear
to her, and despite everything, her beautiful memories and teachings remained with me. I will
never forget her, and she will be forever cherished in my heart and mind, as well as her good
manners and respect for all fellow human beings, not just the elderly. I will cherish those
moments I am still with her because she is a big part of my life. So, I am now a responsible child
to my parents, and I am very grateful. And, also my three siblings and other loved ones are the
inspiration for me to be changed and rise again.