Professional Documents
Culture Documents
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could
discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you.
You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”
After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss the use of the
car. They again went into the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you.
You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair
cut!”
The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You
know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long
hair….”
To which his father replied “Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went.”
MATHS
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so
they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing
into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and Dad are a little worried
about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his
homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year, the son brings
home his report card and gives it to his Mom and Dad. Looking at it they see under math an A.
Mom and Dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind about learning math?”
The son looked at Mom and Dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I
saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the front of the class and I knew they meant business.”
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams
practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The
Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale
sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be
found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective
action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person
steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of
study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many
people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure
was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering
managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide
work incentive.
The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off
the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem."
Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their
hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing
in their hands look like they are heading for the cafeteria. Above all, make sure you carry
heavy loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you
work longer hours than you do.
Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual
observer. You can send and receive personal mail, calculate your finances and generally have
a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal
benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they are not bad either.
When your boss catches you- and you will get caught- your best defense is to claim you’re
teaching yourself how to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You are
not a loafer, you are a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you have learned. That will
make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.
Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like
you are not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To
the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile
them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document
you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
SAVED BY A CONVICT
Ever since I was a young boy, I had only one dream in mind, to become a lawyer…. a
criminal lawyer and to be the best at my job. All through my school days I worked with this
one aim in mind. Things were not easy though because I came from a large family of six
brothers and three sisters. It was a constant battle for my parents to make ends meet. It’s
going to be different for me and my family I vowed as I struggled to look for part-time jobs
to help pay my way through college. I am going to be rich and have all the comforts of life
that money can buy. I graduated from law school with honours and soon after got a job with
one of the most prestigious law firms in the city. I was now on my way to success and
nothing was going to stop me.
I began working filled with determination and enthusiasm. I am going to make it to the top
of this company and my target was to become a partner. I was told that becoming a partner
was something that took many years of experience, there was the question of capital, etc,
etc…This did not deter me in the least. I worked hard, learning and soaking in everything
like a sponge. Annual leaves and weekends were literally foreign terms to me, except for a
brief two-week break that I took to marry my high-school sweetheart Brenda. Brenda
understood my ambition and she stood by me offering encouragement and support. I thought
myself extremely lucky to be married to a wife like Brenda. She never complained even
though she spent most of her weekends alone. “I promise you Brenda,” I would tell her (as I
left for yet another out-of-town case), “as soon as they make me a partner, life is going to be
different. “We’ll go on all those trips we’ve always dreamed about and spend weekends by
the sea.” She would nod at me, “I understand Jack, don’t worry about me.”
3. Make the heading Bold, underline it and add the effect called Shadow to it.
4. Set the line spacing for the document to 1.5.
5. Use the Find option to look for the word “school” and replace it with the word
“instruction”.
6. Insert the following header “ CONVICT STORIES” and align this header to the
center.; also insert the following footer: “ READERS DELIGHT” and align this
footer to the center.
7. Insert Page Numbers to this document. Use the numbering format “a,b,c” and align
the page numbers to the left.
A Glossary Of Bread
BREAD: From Old English, in turn from Old Frisian, bread (OED), originally meaning
morsel, or crumb (Clark Hall's Concise Anglo-Saxon Dictionary, 1966).
Rolls. This is what we call them nowadays, any miniature loaf of any consistency or shape - a
generic label on supermarket shelves everywhere in an age of mass distribution and
multinational food corporations, the old specific local names deleted or displaced as national
retail specialties. It's what Janey and I now call the soft round ones we are buttering for our
father's funeral.
BARA. The Welsh word for bread. We never took it on our tongues, which we'd stopped
with our thumbs. We sat dumb in the lessons. In the evenings we were speechless and stilled
as music outside sobbed from the arcades and we waited in fear for Daddy to come home.
And then suddenly, unexpectedly, we moved again, to a town in the English Midlands where
the bread rolls went by a different name. Was this the place where they called them buns?
Dear Sir/Madam,
We also supply office equipment such as desks, chairs, typewriters, calculators; you name it,
we’ve got it!
Enclosed herewith is our current off-the-shelf items catalog for the items you experessed an
interest in.
We would greatly appreciate to be called upon to give our quotation per requirement.
Yours faithfully,
TAB STOPS
Create the following TAB STOPS.
ZONE ONE
COLUMNS:
Put the text below into 2 columns:
The Intensive Care Unit has seven fully equipped beds. It provides continuous close
monitoring and life support technology for the critically ill patients.
The nursing staff are specially trained in critical care nursing and there is a 24-hour doctor
cover.
The ICU is open for visit from 6.00 a.m. to 9.00 p.m. but is restricted to immediate family
members only. To minimize the risk of infection flowers and plants are restricted in the unit.
However, a picture or a photograph is acceptable.
The unit has 7 beds and is a step down from ICU. It is designated to care for patients
requiring close high dependency nursing and monitoring.
The nursing staff have the additional training required for care of these patients. Flowers and
plants are restricted in the unit.
Dialysis Unit
This is a specialised unit providing haemodialysis for patients with renal failure. It is a day
unit providing services Monday to Saturday from 7.30 a.m. to 8.00 p.m.
Each treatment session lasts 4-5 hours. Patients are required to make advance booking for
treatment. The unit serves both In and Out Patients.
Theatres
The hospital has 3 main theatres; one Labour Ward theatre, one Casualty theatre and one-Day
Surgery Unit theatre. Surgeons are able to reserve allocated sessions and there are also free
sessions when other surgeons can use the theatres. Emergencies always take priority over
elective cases.
TABLES:
Create the following tables in MS-WORD:
8.10 - 9.10 9.10 – 10.10 10.10 – 10.25 – 11.25 11.25– 12.25 12.25 – 2.15 – 3.15 3.15 – 4.15 4.15 – 5.15
10.25 2.15
L (RM 11)
T U
Tuesday WATSON KENNETH MATTHEEW, MARK, LUKE AND
E (RM 11) N JOHN
(RM 11)
A C
R B
E R
Thursday GEORGE JACK CHARITY SARAH TERESIA
(RM 11) A (RM 11) (RM 11) E (RM 11) (RM 11)
K A
MAIL MERGE
Type the letter below and merge it with the names of the 5 people below.
Strathmore University
P.O.Box 59875 Nairobi
25th June 2003
<<NAME>>
<<ADDRESS>>
Dear <<NAME>>
This year marks 40 years since Strathmore opened its doors to students. In order to
celebrate this great occasion we have planned activities for 3 days 26,27 and 30 June
2003 in the University. We will have the Students Graduation on Friday, 27th June. On
Saturday, 28th June there will be a Congress on the Family. And there will be a Fun
Day on Sunday, 29th June. Funds raised through the Fun Day will be used to enhance
our capacity to give scholarships to needy students.
I am appealing for your support by attending. Looking forward to seeing you all there.
Yours Faithfully,
You are supposed to send this letter out to the following people: