RETHINKING ELEMENTARY EDUCATION Chapters» Building Classroom Community Creating a Gay- and Lesbian- Friendly Classroom. ° MARY COWHEY See rn aa ee ee = ee Se ee ee apt et ewe SS ee armgenrete ee Se reer aa eee Sy elie er eee a pone onesie ces ee ie rae aChapters» Busting lssoom Community Consider showing a video like Oliver Button Is @ Star as part of a profesional development workshop for faulty and sail. Oliver Button Ie @ Stare a docs mentary that weaves a reading and musical produc tion of Over Button Is a Sissy with imterviws with adults lke arctic explorer Ann Banctof, authori trator Tomie dePacla, and dancer Bill. Jones, who recall their childhood experiences, tinludes scenes (ome from my classroom) where Ist and 2nd grad- rs do activities about name-calling and challenging ender stereotypes. That's « Family and It lementary are good choices too. Inthe event that you encounter an intolerant col league, administator, or parent, keep the folowing points in mine: ‘The diversity of families in our schools more bedutful and complex than any one of us could presume to know. Whether we have any selfdenti> fied Cou”) gay- or lesbianparented Faslies in our school community or no, its safer to assume that they are here than not. An estimated nein 10 student may grow up ta be ‘yor lesbian adults All of our students deserve a safe and supportive stool experience Gays and lesbians are entitled tothe same rights as “others. We are talking about equal rights, not spe cial rights, ‘We are not talking about “sexuality” when we die cuss gay and lesbian issues any more than we are Aiscusing sexuality when we read Cinderella of any othe story with all heteroseual chatacters 16+ AReninting Sehot Pbeation RETHINKING ELEMENTARY EDUCATION Resources on Family Diversity All Fas Are Different e. Nonfiction 3y Sol Gordon Prometheus Books, 200,50 pp Wiiten by a clini psychologist, thier ed book fr readers 7 and older defines fails in multiple way, considering economic and ral factors a8 wel a including sme sex, ‘vorced, and foster parents, All aries Are Special Fiction By Norma Simon Albert Whitman and Company, 2003, 32 pp A teacher tls her students se is going to be 2 grandmother initaing «conversion about family diversity in which stdnts share how theihome lives ar silo ferent Color ilusrations camplement an appropistly ens- tive book for young readers. Families Al Matter Book Project {Maze PO Box 17417, Minneaplis, MN S417 worwaimazeworks.org “This terature-based elementary shoo uric Jum includes annotated lists fcilze's books, creative actives and teachers guide. Many aspects af family divert are covered “That's Fan: A Bn for Kids About Fay Diverty Nonction, VHS and DVD Women’s Edocational Medi, 2180 Bryant St, Ste 203, San Francisco, CA 9410 | we groundspackorg Children’ voices ae central oth gentle ap- proach to taking about and developing respect for family divertyIt’s OK to Be Neither Teaching that supports gender-variant children MELISSA BOLLOW TEMPEL acne st ou It-grade classroom wearing 4 swesshict wth ood, Iasked A teri ee og on ie and ignored it, Aer breast we go i line fr art and | noted that she still had not removed her hood. When we arrived at the art room sad “Ali, Fn not paying I’ time frat The rule i no hoods o¢ hats i school eked up wit her eyes and I realized there was something wrong. Her Jassmates went into the art room and we moved tothe art storage area eo her classmates, wouldat hear our conversation, I softened my tone and asked her if she'd like to tll me onytai” she cried Tssked(hapers + sullengclsscem Conmunty She nodded and pulled down her hood. Alles braids had come undone overnight and there hadn't been time to redo them in the morning $0 they had tbe put back in « ponytail t wae high up on the back of her head like those of many gis in our dass, but I could se that to Allie i ust felt wrong. With Allies permission, I took the elastic out and re bei fed her hair 0 it ould hang dowa, “How's tha?” Tasked ‘She smiled. “Good” she sald and skipped off to Join her fiends in at. “Why Do You Look Like a Boy?" Allison was biologiclly a grt but flt more com fortable wearing Tony Hawk long sleeved T-shirts, Dbaggy jeans, and black tennis shoes. Her parents ‘were accepting and supportive. Her mother braided hher hair in cornrows because Allie'thought it made her lok ke Will Smith’ son, Trey, n the remake of ‘The Karate Kid. She preferred to be called Allie. The fist day of schoo, children who hada’ be in Allie’ class in kindergarten referred to her as “he” 1 dida’ want to assume I knew how Allie wanted ‘me to respond tothe continual gender mistake, so ‘made « phone call home and Ali's mom put me on speakerphone “Alli” she sai, "Ms. Meliss is on the phone. She ‘would like to know if you want her to earret yout classmates when they sey you are a boy, or if you ‘would rather that she just does say anything” Allie was shy on the phone "Ui. tell them that 1 ma gil” she whispered. The next day when I corrected classmates and told them that Alle was gic they asked her a lot of questions that she wasn't prepared for: “Why do you look like a boy?” “Hf you a idl, why do you al ‘ways wear boys’ clothes?” Some even tld er that she wasnt supposed to wear boys clothes if she was 2 ge Itecame evident that I would have to address gender directly in order to make the classroom environment moe comfortable for Alle nd to squash the gender stereotypes that my Ist graders had absorbed in their short lives Gender Training Starts Early Gender isnot a subject that I would have broached Jin primary grades afew years ago. Infact, I remember 16» ARecitng ScboolsPbleaton RETHINKING ELEMENTARY EDUCATION scoffing with colleagues when we heard about young [Kindergarten teacher wi taught gender related curic lum. We thought her lessons were a waste of instru: ‘onal ime and laughed at her “irl and Boy lesions My own thoughts about gender curiculum shift fed when I became @ mother. As 1 shopped fr infant clothes for my rst daughter, [was disgusted tha a: most everything was pink and there was no mistaking ‘the boys’ section af the store from the il reused to make my baby daughter fit inthe box that society had erated for het. “Wha if she doesn ike pink?” 1 ‘ought. “What fhe likes tigers and dinosaurs?” ‘As my two daughters gre; talked with ther about gender stereotypes [let them choose “boys” clothes if they wanted to (nd often encouraged them because they are more practical). The first week of kindergarten, ry younger daughter’ teacher told me that she had a Inated argument with a boy while they played dressup. “She insisted that boys can wear dresses if they want tothe teacher tld me, I beamed with pride, ‘fortunately t wasnt until had a child dealing with gender variance (defined as “behavior or gender expression that doesnot conform to dominant gen- er norms of mile and female" in my cassroom that 1 realized how important i sto teach about gender and break down gender stereotypes. Why did I wait 0 long? I should have taken a hint from that kinder- grten teacher years ago. As I thought about how to fpproach the topic, I realized that the lessons I yas developing werent just for Allie. She had sparked my thinking, but al the children in my class needed to Jeaen to think eniticaly about gender stereotypes and sender nonconformity, ‘We started off with a lesson about toys because its «simple topic [knew my students thought they had ‘dear idese about, The cass githered on the carpet and [read Willem’ Doll, which is about boy who, guint the wishes of his father, wants doll more than anything ‘Aer we read the story I taped up two large pees of paper and wrote "Boys" on one and "Gils" on the other. “Students” I said "what are some toys that are for boys?” Eageny, che students began fo shout out their answer: “Logos” "Hot Wheel!” “Skateboard!” Bikes” The lst grew quke long. "OK" Isai, “now tell me some toys that are for gis” “Baby dolls” ‘Nall polish” "Babies!" “Makeup!”RETHINKING ELEMENTARY EDUCATION When we had two extensive lists, I read both lists cout loud tothe cass and then studied them carefully "Hm," sald. “Here it says that Legos are for boys Can gil play with Legos” “Yes” most of them replied without hestation. "wonder if any of the gies in our clas ike to play with Hot Wheels?” "I da I dal” blurted out some ofthe girls. We can tinued with the rest of the items on our “Boys” list ‘making a check mark next to each one as it was de lared acceptable for gil ‘Then we went on othe “Gin list, We started with bby dolls. Because we had just read and discussed William's Doll, te children were OK with boys play- lng with dolls “I's grat practice for boys who want to be daddies when they grow up” I mentioned, ‘Bat when we got tonal polish and makeup the chil dren were unsure. "There are some very famous rock "a roll binds" I sad, “and the men in those bands ‘wear alot of makeup” Some of the children gasped. “Then Isabela raised her hand: "Sometimes my uncle ‘wears hack nll polish” The students took a moment to think about this “My cousin wears nail polish, to!” said another stodent Soon many students wore eager to shate x amples of how people pushed the limits on gender (Our school engineer, Ms. Joan, drove a motorcycle. Jeremy ked to dance. could se the gears turning in ‘heir brains as the gender lines started to blu Supporting Gender Variance Every Day ‘Tew that broadening my students’ ideas of what was aceptabe for boys and girs was an important first step, but to make Allie fet comfortable and proud of herself I was going to have to go farther. For example, 2 teachers, we often use gender td: vide students into groups or tam. It seems easy and obvious. Many of us do this when we line students up to-go to the bathroom. In one conversation that Thad with All's mother, she told me that Allie did not lke using public bathrooms because many’ times Alle would be accused of being inthe wrong bath room. As soon as she told me T felt bad. By dividing the chidcen into two lins by assigned gender, {had unintentionally made the children whose labels arent ‘so clear fel uncomfortable in more ways then one Chapters + suing Cassoom Community ‘When we lined up to go tothe bathroom, I kept my students in one line until we reached the bath oom, and then let them separate o enter thir bath ‘rooms. Allie usually said:she didn't need 16 use the bathroom. The few times that she did, 1 offered the bathroom around the corner, a single-sall bathroom that was usually unoccupied. When the kids came cut ofthe bathroom, they wanted to line up as most lass rooms do, in boys and gir’ ins. instead, 1 thought up anew way for them to line up each day. For exant- ple: “If you lke popsicle, lie up here. f you like ice ‘ream, ine up here” They loved this and it kept them entertained while they waited for their classmates Here are afew more examples Which would you choo? + Skateboard Bike Miluice + DogsCats + Hot daiSnow day + Fetion Nonfiction + Soccec/Bsketall 1 Besch/Pool also became very awate of using the phrase “boys and girls” to address my students, Instead, 1 used fender-neucal terms Uke “udente™ of “children” A first, the more I thought about it, the more often Yd say "boys and gis” I tried not to be to hard on myself when I sipped, and eventually I got ast ofthe Inabit and used "stadents” regulary ‘Around the same time, another chil’s mother told’ me that her son had becn taunted for wearing a Hello Kitty Band-Aid. She mentioned that his sister ‘vas also teased at school fr having lunch bag with skulls on it. planned more lssons to combat gender stereotypes in our classroom. “W's OK to Be Different” Im order to deepen our discussion of gender, Ie lected another read-loud, Before we rsd I asked my students: "I would ike to know—how many of you ike to dance?” Most raised their hands “How many of you have been told you cant do for boys or ‘only for ng because i was isl’?” Many bands weat up ‘Then I read Oliver Button Isa Sis In the book, Oliver ie bled because he prefers dancing t sport.(hoper 3 Bulting laseroom Community “he students quickly realize that this wae not fair and empathied with Olver Button, ‘The following day we rad Ir Okay to Re Different by Todd Part. Parr’ books are quite popula in the primary gredes because they include an element of humor and simple, colorful iuerations, We read Ws OK to wear glass. 1k OK to come from a diferent place, tS OK tobe a diferent coor [As we read, T asked questions to empower the students: "Who used to live in a diferent place?” Students proudly held up thelr hands, “Awesome!” 1 replied, "My mom comes from a diferent place, too. ‘She waed to lve in Hong Kong” Then T guided the direction of the conversation toward gender. As 2 class, we brainstormed a list of things chat students thought were “OK" even though ‘hey might challenge society’ gender norms. Monica told us very matter-offactly, “Ite OK fora git to marry a girl” and Jordan sald, "My dad carries @ purse and that's OK!” At that point I explained that Im father and my friend Wayne both call their man purse a muse” The children were fascinated ‘Toward the end of the discussion | explsined: “People make all kinds of different decisions about gender. Sometimes, as we grow, we might not want to pick one or the other, and that's OK; we dott have to" T wanted them to begin to see that our lessons were not only about expanding the gender boxes that ‘we've been put into, but also questioning or elimina ng them altogether “Afterward, I had the students do simple write- and-respond exercise. I asked them to pick one acti- lity that they associat with girls and one associated with boys to write about and illustrate, Monica drew two brides in beautifl wedding gowns. Miguel drew aman witha pure shin ove his shoulder | showed ofthe pictures on the hallway bulletin board around the words “t's OK to Be Different” Although things were getting better for All, she still faced many challenges. At the end ofthe school year, Allies mother tld me a heartbreaking try. She said that for Allie’ recent birthday party, her grand- ‘mother ad bought her colorful, forming clothes 18+ ARetintng Seat Pabletion RETHINKING ELEMENTARY EDUCATION and then demanded them back when Alle didnot ike them. "Does she know she is gir” she yelled, and announced she would sever buy her thes agin, Iwas so sad torhear this [visualized Allie on her special day excitedly ripping open gis infront of her family and friends only to fnd, again and again, the sift were things that she would never be comfortable with. As 2 mother, the feeling of extreme disappoint ‘ment was unbearable for me to imagine, ave just begun to empathize with the challeng 8 that gender-variant children deal with, For some it may seem inappropriate to address these sues in the classroom My jo isnot to answer the questions “Why?” or "How?" Allie is the way she is (although asking those questions and doing some research in onder to better understand was defintely part of my proces). My job isnot to judge, but to teach, and I ‘an' teach ifthe students in my class are distracted ‘or uncomfortable. My jb is also about preparing stu- ents to be a part of our soclety, eady to work and play with all kinds of people. I found that teaching about gender stereotypes is another sci justice iesue ‘thar needs to be addressed, Ike racim of immigrant rights, or protecting the envionment. ‘Later in the year, I opened my inbax one morning and read: "Andrew says he wants a Baby Alive dol, and he doesn't care ifs for gil. Thank you, Ms, ‘Melissl" ‘Melissa allow Tempel (mljoytempel@gmail com) works as a teacher for the students of the Milwaukee Publi Schools and isan editor of Rethinking Schools Resources ‘dePaoa, Tome. Oliver Burton Is a Sisy, Orland, Fl Sandpiper Books, 1979 are, Todd. i's Okay to Be Diferent. New Yor: Little, Brovn Books fr Young Readers, 2007 Zolotae, Chaeote. Willams Dol. New York: Harper Row Publishers, 1985. For mor information: tp: wwwacceptingdadcom/ supportive-book-media-for-gender-variant-non- conforming kids