Why Are We Emotionally Dependent on Others?

1. You’ve dealt with abandonment in your childhood.

You may have had a parent who wasn’t there when you needed it. Maybe you graduated from
high school and your parents didn’t even attempt to come.

If you’ve dealt with abandonment during your childhood, you’re going to have more of a
tendency to pull people towards you and be fearful of letting them go. Worse off, you’ll have a
tendency to seek men where you can recreate those childhood moments… even if you don’t
know you’re doing it. You’ll subconsciously attract men who don’t give themselves fully, you’ll
seek their approval, become dependent on it, and begin to feed off of it.

You need to realize, that you’re no longer a helpless child. You’re an adult who can make
decisions for herself. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t mean it needs to happen in the
future. You can open your heart to a man that wants to be with you fully. Just remember, during
those first few months of dating to give enough space and not allow yourself to dive in out of
fear of losing the person.

2. You get distracted by “shiny” male qualities.

The thing that attracts you to someone in the first place is unlikely to make the relationship
better. And sometimes, the very thing you were attracted to in the beginning is what makes the
relationship difficult.

For example, let’s say you meet this great guy. He happens to own a couple restaurants, he’s
super successful, and everyone really likes him. As the relationship progresses, these same
attributes can be the very thing that makes your life miserable… You won’t spend much time
together because he’s hyper ambitious and works constantly. Remember that charm you found so
appealing, he may cross the line with the women at work.

The point… the next time you meet a guy and find yourself overly attached and drawn to his
shiny attributes then you need to take a step back. Don’t value flashy qualities too highly because
in the long run they could be the very thing that ends the relationship.
3. You give away responsibility for your happiness.

People who are unsure of how to take care of themselves emotionally will desperately reach out
to someone else. They are constantly seeking approval and happiness from others. This vicious
cycle will cause you to be even more emotionally attached to one person and put a major strain
on your relationship.

4. You make dating decisions based on your emotions rather than logic.

By basing your decisions on emotion you become reactionary. For example, if a guy doesn’t text
you back you get really mad and text something embarrassingly over-reactive. Or when you are
feeling lonely, you instantly text him and want him to console you. Or when you’re feeling
envious about another girl you seek validation from him.

In a healthy relationship it is great to have someone there to listen to your emotions and be able
to respond accordingly. However, you want to avoid becoming completely dependent on getting
all of your emotional validation from one person.

It is important to work on managing your own emotions. You have total control over your
emotions. If you find you’re constantly reacting based on how you feel in the moment, then it’s
important to take a step back and develop a practice to calm yourself before acting.

5. You don’t believe that you can be happy when you’re single.

The biggest reason why you get emotionally attached too soon in relationships is because you
don’t believe you can be happy when you’re single. The moment that you become happy with
your single life is the very moment a guy will come in and sweep you off your feet.

You can be happy when you’re single. It just takes a little bit of work every day.

Interdependent relationships

Interdependent relationships, the healthiest type of relationship, fall in the middle.

Interdependence means you can recognize your own emotional needs and do the work to get
many of them met.
When you can’t fulfill them on your own, then you might reach out to your partner. In other
words, you depend on them for some emotional needs, not all of them.

At the end of the day, you alone can’t fix the issue, but there are a few ways you can offer
support while protecting your own emotional needs.

Set boundaries

Boundaries are necessary in all relationships. If you don’t have clearly defined boundaries, it
becomes pretty difficult (if not impossible) for anyone to get what they need.

Say your partner has a habit of calling you at work whenever he/she has a bad day. You want to
support him/her, but this makes it tough to get your own work done, and you’re worried what
your boss will say.

Setting a boundary here can help. You might say, “I care about your problems, but I have to
work, too. Instead of calling, please text instead. Then I can reply when I have a moment.”

Or perhaps they want to spend all their free time together, while you want to make sure you’re
both making time for other relationships.

Try saying, “I love spending time together, but let’s set a limit of four nights a week. Time apart
is important, too.”

Ask for what you need

You might worry asking for what you need can make them feel as if you don’t care about
what they need. But that shouldn’t be the case.

Both of you have valid needs, but you can’t completely fulfill these needs for each other. You
know how to get your needs met, and they have to learn how to do the same.
You can encourage them by practicing (and promoting) healthy behaviors. There’s absolutely
nothing wrong with communicating your needs when you do so with respect. I-statements are a
great way to do this without expressing judgment or blame.

For example: “I need some time to myself right after work. After that, I’d love to spend time
discussing our days.”