Blue Eyes

Written by Jacob Menke

Jacob Menke
menkejacob@gmail.com
 1

I am the first actor.

I play the son.

I am the second actor.

I play the mother.

I am the third actor.​

I play Blue Eyes​.
______________________________
Indicates a change of scene

Any combination of actors from all races, genders, and body types can play all characters, but
the actor playing ​Blue Eyes​ must be stunningly attractive, whatever that means.

For My Father
For My Mother
And For Mikey
 2

I could be your father.

You could be my father.

Look at his eyes.

His big blue eyes.
They could be your eyes.

What about my real father?

What about the man you married?
What about the man who picked me up
and gave me kisses
and scratched my face with his beard
and put me on his shoulders?

He’s gone now.

This can be another chance.
He could be your father.
He could pick you up.

I could do that.
You could have my eyes.
My big blue eyes.

Your eyes are like marbles.

Your eyes are so blue.
You are wearing a suit.
Your hair is nicely parted.
You smell like death.

He could be your father.

He smells like my father.

Would you like that?

Would you like me to be your father?
Would you like that?

I’d like to try.

 3

_____________________________________

I am alone at night.
I am trying to stay quiet.
The walls are thin.
If I knock they will knock back.
I should be asleep.

Give it a rest.

I cannot rest.
I am looking at photos.
Things that are forbidden.
Things that should not be seen.
I am excited by them.
I am disgusted by them.
Why am I like this?
Why am I seeing these things?
I didn’t try to see them.
I didn’t search for them.
They found me.
They hunted me.
They made me watch.
It’s not my fault.
It’s not my fault.

Listen to your mother.

I can’t stop watching.

I am excited by them.
I am disgusted by them.
I am disgusted.
I am disgusting.
I am excited by my disgust.
I am disgusted by my excitement.
I cannot rest.

Blue Eyes?
Do you think,
Well,
Do you think he,

No, my love,
I don’t think,
 4

No, my love.

I need to rest.
I cannot rest.
I need to rest.
I cannot rest.
I search for more photos.
_____________________________________

Blue Eyes?

Yes, my love?

Tell me what you do.

My love, I sell insurance.

Everybody buys insurance from me.
I am the most beautiful man they have ever seen.

You are.
You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen.
I’m sad my son looks like me.
I want my son to look like you.

My love, our son is beautiful.

Our son is beautiful because you are beautiful,
And I am beautiful.

You are.
You are beautiful.
I love your eyes.
I love your big blue eyes.

I love my eyes as well.

You can swim in my eyes.
My eyes are the sea.
My eyes are the sky.
My eyes are everything.

They are.
 5

Thank you for marrying me.

My love, I wanted to marry you.

Thank you.
I wanted to marry you too.
I wanted to be your wife.
I loved you for a long time.

Thank you, my love.

_____________________________________

Blue eyes?
I mean,
Dad?

Yes, my son?

Are you like me?

Do you look at photos at night?
Do you feel disgusted?
Do you feel excited?

I don’t see what you mean.

Do you feel excited?

Do you feel disgusted?
Do you look at photos at night?
Are you like me?

I see what you mean.

Well, are you?

Are you, Blue Eyes?
I mean,
Dad?

Your mother will be home soon.

 6

I have to go sell insurance.

Who do you sell insurance to?

You are gone at strange hours.
You always sell insurance
They always buy insurance
But you are never home.
We barely have a home.

I have to go.

You’re so beautiful.
Your eyes are so blue.
They are like marbles.

I have to go.
Your mother will be home soon.
I have to go sell insurance.

Who will hold you tonight?

Who will see you tonight?
Who will see your big blue eyes?

My son, my world is larger than yours.

My son, my world is harder than yours.
You could never understand.

I understand.
I get it.
You look at photos at night.
You feel disgusted.

My son, we’ll speak of this no more.

Just tell your mother I’m going to sell insurance.

Will you tell my mother?

There’s nothing to tell

 7

You do not understand

You could never understand
You are a child
I am a man
Do not pretend you know the world
My son.

Okay.
I’ll see you soon,
Dad.
________________________________

A wife.
A home.
A job.
A car.
White picket fences.
Friendly faces.
The American dream.
The way it should be.
Although...
I never wanted kids.
The shit.
The piss.
The time.
The money.
The questions.
So complicated.

I cook and clean and hold the home.

I call my sister, listen to her gripe.
She tells me to visit.
Her husband left her.
Again.
She needs support.
Come stay with family
She says.
I need you, we need you.
Come stay with family
 8

She says.
It’s a mess.
I don’t want to stay with family.
I have my son.
And my Blue Eyes.
And he is beautiful.
And everything is perfect
I say.
Everything is perfect.

Teeth together
Lips apart
Teeth together
Lips apart
Teeth together
Lips apart.
________________________________

I am alone at night.
I’m trying to stay quiet.
The walls are thin.
I look at photos.
I am disgusted.
I am excited.
I look at photos.
The walls are thin.
I hear a breath.
A cry?
A sob.
She knows the walls are thin.

I know the walls are thin.

Her husband.
My father.
Blue Eyes is still not back.

My Blue Eyes is not back.

I miss him.
I start to have doubts.
I am disgusted.
I push
and push
 9

and push
them down.
My son?

My mother.

Do you know how much I love you?

I do.

Do you know how much you hurt?

The hospital is so far.
I pushed
and pushed.
You didn’t want to be born.
Isn’t that funny?

It is.
I suppose.

You were a week late.

I pushed
and pushed
You didn’t want to be born.
You were still so small.
Even after it all.
You were still so small.
Isn’t that funny?

Why was I so small?

You were so small.

Your eyes were so blue.
So blue.
What happened to your eyes?

My eyes are brown.

I know.
You have my eyes.
Why?

One day I woke up

and my eyes were brown.
When I was little they were blue
And my hair was white.
Now my hair is dark
 10

Now I’m old, and they are brown.

I’m sorry you have my eyes.

I wish you had his eyes.
You would have been beautiful.
________________________________

I have to stay quiet.

My client is sleeping.
He just bought insurance.
I stayed to thank him.
He told me how much he loved my eyes.
I stayed to thank him.
He told me how beautiful he thought I was.
I stayed to thank him.
I thought he was beautiful too.
He has a Little Nose.
He has a loud laugh.
I thought he was beautiful too.
But now he is sleeping.
It’s late.
My wife is going to be angry at me.
She will forgive me.
She will look into my eyes and find forgiveness.
I don’t think she knows.
Does she know?
I don’t think she knows.
Does my son know?
My son is like me.
Does my son know?
I hope my son is not like me.
________________________________

We should go visit family.

They need us.
My sister is in trouble.
Her children are pregnant.
Her children are children with children.
We should help them.

My love, for how long?

As long as we need.
I mean,
 11

As long as they need.

My love, my job is here.

My clients are here.
We cannot leave.

Please.
Just for a week then.
Please.

My love, a week?
So much can happen in a week.
A client could break his back.
A client could lose his home.

Please.
Just for a day then.
Please.

My love, a day?
So much can happen in a day.
A client could lose his job.
A client could break his car.

I can go alone.
You can care for our son.

My love, for how long?

I never know when I am needed.
How can I cook and clean and hold the home
Like you?

I do not need to be taken care of.

You can go to our family.
My family.
Tell them I say hello.

I will.
I love you both.
 12

I will see you soon, my son.

I will see you soon, Blue Eyes.
________________________________

I am alone at night.
I don’t need to be quiet.
Blue Eyes is not here.
But I cannot be loud.
I am afraid he left an ear behind.
I look at photos.

I am drunk.
I am drunk with a client.
I am drunk with a client in my home.
I am in my home.
Can anyone hear us?
No, we are alone.

I can hear everything.

We laugh and laugh.

We play music.
He’s from Spain.
He has big ears.
I love his big ears.
I love your big ears.
Can you play, “A quien le importa?”
The 80’s one.
Thanks.
Or rather,
Gracias.

I hear music.
I hear laughing.
Two men.
The music is loud.
He forgot I am here.
He forgot I am here.
I don’t hear laughing anymore.
The music is loud.
But I still hear the silence.
I can hear everything in the silence.
 13

I can hear the glances.

I can hear the touches.
I can hear the smiles.
I can hear the breath.
I can hear the moment he holds tight.
I can hear the moment he takes off his shirt.
I can hear the moment he thinks he hears something.
I can hear the moment he decides he didn’t.
I can hear the sweat.
I can hear the shame.
I can hear the love.
I can hear the lust.
I can hear everything.
________________________________

Maybe we should go to Spain?

But your clients.

A client could break his back.
A client could lose his home.
A client could lose his job.
A client could break his car.

We should go to Spain.
I have a friend we can stay with.
We should go to Spain.

What about my mother?

What about your wife?

I am with family.
They hug me and kiss me
They tell me they love me
They tell me they care.

She doesn’t need to know.

She is far away.

I am so far away.
I am getting trapped here.
I am letting myself get trapped.
 14

What do we tell the neighbors?

What do we tell the school?
What do we tell my mother?
What do we tell your wife?

Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Only for a week.
I run the books.
I am the man.
She would never know.
She never calls.

I have no time to call.

I want to call.
I have no time.

Are you sure?

This is what we need.

Father-son time.

Okay Blue Eyes,

I mean,
Dad.
________________________________

I am with my mother.
She never clips her nails.
They have grown
And grown
And grown.
They trail around the room.
They create ribbons in the walls.
They have formed a cocoon around her.
They have formed a cocoon around my family.
 15

I try and trim them back.

She screams and strikes me.
She cries and says it hurts.
They are scratching into the walls.
Ripping into the couch.
Tearing into the floor.
She won’t let me cut them.
Why can’t I cut them?
________________________________

I am scared of flying.
I have never flown before
But I am scared of it.
Are you afraid?

I’m not afraid.

I like the tiny seats and cold wet pasta.
You’ll like flying.
It's like a million tiny earthquakes.
The plane shakes and shakes.
But Earth can’t get us.
You think,
Wow! Why was I scared of flying and earthquakes?
And then you drink your drink and sleep.

I don't think I'm old enough to drink.

You can drink in Spain.

We are going to Spain.

I remember.
What will Mom say?

I don't know they are going to Spain yet.

She doesn't know we are going to Spain.

She doesn’t need to know.
This can be our secret.
You can write about it for your college admissions essay.
 16

You're welcome.
________________________________

Every day, I get up.

Greet my sister
Greet my mother
Greet my father
Greet my brother
Greet my nephews
Greet my nieces
Greet my cousins
Fall to pieces
Start a fire
Rob a bank
Eat hot glue
Drive a tank
And last of all:
I go the fuck to bed
And do it again the next day.
________________________________

This country is pretty.

Spain is so pretty.
This house is pretty.
That man is so pretty.
He has big ears.

I say hello.
Son, say hello.
This is my friend.
He has big ears.
We are staying in his home.

Nice to meet you sir.

Mucho gusto.
His ears are so big.
It’s not a problem though.
His face looks nice.
 17

I don’t think so.

I only think your mother is pretty.
No offense.
You know what I mean.

Where will we go?

We’re going out.

Where will you go?

We’ll be back soon.

Have fun.
Where will I go?
________________________________

My family is good to me
They tell me I’m beautiful
They thank me for coming
They fill me with praise
But also…
They load me with worries
They fill me with fears
They tell me I can save them
And I want to save them
I want to help them
I want to feel wanted
I want to be a person
I want to be the perfect daughter
The perfect sister
The perfect aunt
The perfect person.
________________________________

Hello?

Hello?
Hello?
 18

I can’t hear you.

Hello?
Hello?

Hello?
How are things?
I finally got away.
I finally called.
Things are not so good here.
Things are getting worse.
How is home?
Are you feeding the dogs?
Are you going to classes?
Are you doing your homework?
Are you eating your vegetables?
How is Blue Eyes?
Is he taking care of you?
Is he helping lots of clients?
Is he washing the dishes?
Is he doing the laundry?
Are you helping him?
How are the neighbors?
Are you being nice?
Do they ask about me?
Do any of them ask about me?
Do they know that I’m gone?
Do they care?
Do they ask how I am?
Do they ask if I’m sad?
How are you?
Do you miss me?
Does Blue Eyes miss me?
Do you miss me?
I miss you.

Hello?
I can’t hear you.
Hello?
 19

I’ll call back later.

I love you.
________________________________

Photos of nieces
Photos of nephews
Photos of cousins
Photos of friends
Line the wall of the stairs.
This house is big
The stairs seem endless
They go up
And up
And up...
Some photos are old
Some are new
Some are facing the wall
Some are ripped apart
Some have broken glass
Some have lipstick marks.
I think Big Ears wears lipstick
I’d like to try his lipstick
Maybe I could be beautiful
Maybe I can borrow some
Maybe Blue Eyes won’t mind
Maybe I can be beautiful.
________________________________

I want to see the world.

I want to love the people in it.
I want to experience life.
I want to be held by strong arms.
I want to laugh and be happy.
I want to live my dreams.
I want to wake up excited to be alive.
I want the days to be more bearable.
I want God to be more kind.
I want to skydive without a parachute.
I want to swim in shark infested waters.
 20

I want to sail through the stars.

I want to have a purpose.
I want the pain to go away.
I want the world to be full of color again.
I want my fantasies to be real.
I want a reason to not be afraid anymore.
________________________________

I’m at the beach.

The moon is full.
Everything is silver.
I put my toes in the sand.
I put my hands in the water.
It’s all so gentle.
It’s all so calm.
I see a boy nearby.
I’m not afraid.
I see a boy.

The boy is tall

He is handsome

He has thick black hair

And round brown eyes

He has no intentions

Good intentions

Kind intentions

Hello.
He joins me by the water.
He joins me in the sand.
Hello.
He says.
How are you?
 21

He says.

The boy is funny

He is sweet

He has large soft hands

And warm red cheeks

He savors this moment

Protects it

Cherishes it

We’re at the beach.

We talk and talk.
The sun is rising.
Day is starting.
Soon he must go home.
He kisses me.
It’s all so calm.
It’s all so gentle.
I’m not afraid.
_______________________________

The club is full.

All eyes are on me.
I like the attention.
His eyes are on me.
I hold his face.
I feel his ears.
I whisper sweet nothings.
I tell him I love his mouth.
I tell him I love his ears.
I tell him I love him.
I want his attention.
We talk.
 22

We laugh.
We talk.
We laugh.
I drink too much.
It’s just enough.
I drink too much.
It’s just enough.
I see his eyes.
He sees through mine.
I see his eyes.
He sees through mine.
I feel his thigh.
He licks his lips.
I feel his thigh.
He licks his lips.
We start to dance.
He grabs my dick.
We start to dance.
He grabs my dick.
He kisses me.
I don’t kiss back.
He kisses me.
I don’t kiss back.
I drink too much.
It’s not enough.
I drink too much.
It’s not enough.
_______________________________

My love?
My Blue Eyes?

I ignore her call.

I am sitting on a bench.
I have no more cash.
I’ve lost my way.

My Blue Eyes?
My love?
 23

I ignore her call.

I am looking through photos.
I am remembering her face.
Oh God, I have lost my way.
I want to come home.
Can you hear me?
I want to come home.
I want to see you.
I want to be happy.
I am not happy.
I love my family
But I am not happy.

My love?
I miss you too.
I want you to come home too.
I want you to be happy.

Hello?
It’s so good to hear your voice.

It’s so good to hear your voice.

Our son loves and misses you.

I’d love to hear his voice.

Can I talk to our son?
I’d love to hear his voice.

He’s asleep right now.

He cannot speak.

I am alone at night.
I am thinking of silver.
I am thinking of sand.
I am warm and happy.

Is it late?
My mind is upside down.
 24

I don’t know.
The sun isn’t the same.
The moon isn’t the same.
I’ve lost my way.

Blue Eyes…

I’d like to see you.

When will you be home?
I’d like to see you.

I’d like to see you too.

Have I told you how I loved you?

Do you know how I knew?

No, my love.

It was us.
Driving with the hood down.
The wind blowing in our face.
Music was playing so loud.
You saw me with those big blue eyes.
You held my hand.
I’ve never forgotten it.
Even

Even what, my love?

It’s nothing.

Tell me.
Please.

Even
Even when I loved my other husband.
Even when I had his child.
 25

Even when he scratched my face with his beard.

Even when he kissed me.
I loved him.
But I loved you too.
I wanted to be happy again.
Is that so bad?
I wanted to be happy again.

Are you angry?

What other husband?

I am your husband.
I have only ever loved you.

I made you angry.

I’m sorry.
I shouldn’t have brought him up.
I married you.
I married you and no one else.

I have to go.

Are you sure?

I have to go.

Alright.
I’ll see you soon.
I’ll come home soon.

Your family needs you.

You cannot leave family.
Your sister needs you.
Your mother needs you.

Okay.
I love you.

I have to go.
 26

_______________________________

Big Ears is home.

Hello
I say.
Hello
He says.
And he looks at me
And he looks at me
And he looks at me.
Are you having fun?
Do you like my country?
Where did you go?
He says.
I am having fun.
I do like your country.
I went to the beach.
I say.
You have a beautiful home
I say.
Thank you
He says.
My grandfather built it
He says.
Did you see my photos?
Yes
I say.
They were very nice
I say.
I liked the one at the end
I say.
With the lipstick marks.
And he smiles.
And he purses his lips.
Maybe you can try it
He says.
I think you’d look nice
He says.
I think so too.
 27

But I don’t say that.

I say nothing
I just smile
And I purse my lips
And the world stands still.
_______________________________

The ocean of people never rests

It crashes again and again against the sand
It gobbles up land like nobody’s business
It’s very efficient
But...
In a non efficient way
Does that make sense?
My family is an inefficient ocean
And I am the shore
And I don’t know how much more I can take
Fuck
I really really don’t know how much more I can take
I’m dissolving
Does that make sense?
I’m dissolving
I’m not a person
I’m the sand
I’m their servant
I’m their best friend
I’m their daughter
I’m their slave
I’m not a person.
_______________________________

We’ve been here a month.

We’ve seen the whole country.
I’ve learned so much.
I’ve felt so much.

I’m glad you’re having fun.

I’m having a nice time too.
This place, it knows you.
 28

I’m having a nice time.

What would you like to do?

We should do something together.
What would you like to do?

What would you like to do?

We should do something together.
What would you like to do?

I’d like to dance.

I’d like to drink.
Is that alright?
Can we do that?

I’d like to do that.

Let’s do that right now.
I’d like to do that.
_______________________________

The music is loud.

I can’t hear a thing.
The lights are bright and dark.
Blue Eyes?
How are they bright and dark?

I see what you mean.

I go and get a drink.

Would you like anything?

I shouldn’t.

Alright.

I’ll take a vodka.

I go and get us drinks.

 29

The music is loud.

I can’t hear a thing.
Dos vodkas, por favor.

I slip away.
The lights are bright and dark.
The room glitters and shakes.
The lights are bright and dark.

The music takes me.

It is loud.
It dances with me.
It whispers into my ear.
It is intoxicating.

The music is loud.

I see it take my son.
It dances with him.
It whispers into his ear.
It intoxicates him.

The music is loud.

The lights are dark.
The music is loud.
The lights are bright.
The floor is water.
I am swimming.
I am dancing.
I am drowning.
I am crying.
Earth is moving.
Plates are crashing.
Shattering.
Smashing.
I am smashed.
I am so smashed.
Fuck.
Why am I crying?
Why am I drowning?
 30

Are these my tears?

The music holds him

The music kisses him
The music carries him
The music comforts him
The music lifts him high
And higher
Higher still
He is the sun
He shines so dark
He shines so bright
He’ll burn out.

Hard fingers on my skin.

Soft fabric on my lips.
Oh God I’m gonna be sick.

My son is like me
I say in disgust
My son is like me
I see him
Smiling
Happy
Beautiful
Alive
Like I used to dream
My son is like me
I say in disgust
My son is like me.

Soft fingers touch my lips.

Hard fabric slipped from skin.
Oh God...

I see it all
I see it all
The music is loud
 31

The lights are bright and dark

But I see it all
I see it all
I see his big ears
I see the man I came here for
I see him hold my son
I see him grab his dick
Oh God I’m gonna be sick.

I see his eyes

I feel his muscle
I hold his face
I feel his big ears
I love them
I love them so much
I love them so fucking much
Oh God.

The music is loud.

The lights are dark.
The music is loud.
The lights are bright.
The floor is water.
I am swimming.
I am dancing.
I am drowning.
I am crying.
Earth is moving.
Plates are crashing.
Shattering.
Smashing.
I am smashed.
I am so smashed.
Fuck.
Why am I crying?

He picks me up
He grabs my thigh
He pulls my hair
 32

I feel so loved
I feel so wanted
Oh God

In the corner
By the drinks
I see a boy
The boy is tall
He is handsome
He has thick black hair
And round brown eyes
He had no intentions
Good intentions
Kind intentions
He watches my son
His fist is clenched
He holds a drink
I say hello.

The world is bright

The room is full of color
I see it all so clearly
He kisses me so well.

The world is dark

The room is full of shadows
It’s all so blurred
I kiss him so well.
_______________________________

I want to go home.
I can’t stand this any longer.

Her tongue is bruised.

Her ego is tied.

Their ears are cold.

Their hearts are closed.
 33

I can’t survive here.

The lines are too long.
The sun is too hot.
The air is too cold.
Are you listening?
Can you hear me?
Are you listening?

Their backs are made up.

Their minds are turned.

Her bags are booked.

Her ticket is packed.

Are you listening?

I’m leaving.
Are you listening?
I can’t take this anymore.
My mind can’t take this anymore.
Are you listening?
I’m leaving.
Do you have anything to say?
Can you stand this?
I’m leaving.
I said I’m leaving.
Are you listening?
Are you fucking listening!
I’m fucking leaving!

I love you.
I’ll call you when I get home.
_______________________________

Still drunk ​Still drunk

Big Ears takes me upstairs
He stumbles
Almost trips
He laughs
I laugh
 34

I put on music
Something fun
Something young
I kiss the brown haired boy
With all his good intentions
I kiss him
And I open our motel door
And I kiss him

Big Ears sits me on the bed

Don’t tell your dad
He says
Don’t tell your dad
And rushes to his bathroom

And I kiss him

And I hold him
And I cherish him

But it doesn’t work

It’s not the same
It doesn’t work
I’m feeling nothing
I pinch myself

Big Ears has bright red lips

He kisses me
Now you have bright red lips
He says
I want more

It doesn’t work
It’s not the same
It doesn’t work
I’m feeling nothing
I slap myself

He kisses me
My lips are bright red
 35

I want more
I put on the lipstick
Delicately
Carefully
He helps me
I feel beautiful

It doesn’t work
It’s not the same
It doesn’t work
I’m feeling nothing
I bite his neck
Too hard
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I bend his arm
Too much

He sits me in front of the mirror

You look beautiful
He says
I look beautiful
I say
And I mean it

I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I say
I have to go
I’m sorry.

The color matches your eyes

He says
I see it
I feel beautiful
I feel so beautiful.
_______________________________

What’s wrong with me

 36

Why am I like this

What’s wrong with me
Why am I like this
What’s wrong with me
Why am I like this
What’s wrong with me
Why am I like this
_______________________________

The lights are still on

It’s almost sunrise.
The lights are still on
My son and Big Ears are still awake.
They shouldn’t be awake.

I shouldn’t be awake
We’re dancing to music
I look so beautiful
I feel so beautiful
I’ve never felt this good.

Blue Eyes
I mean,

What is this?
What are you wearing?
What’s happening?
What is this?

This is nothing.
I’m just having fun.
We’re just having fun.

Take that shit off!

What is this?
Big Ears did you do this?!
What is this?!
 37

This is nothing.
I didn’t mean anything.
I didn’t mean to make you mad.
Why are you mad?

Because you can’t be a faggot!

You couldn’t take it!
The aching!
Breaking!
Emptiness inside!
You couldn’t take it!
And if you keep this shit up
with your lipstick
and your lies
your mother will know!
And I’m not getting caught!

But I don’t say that.

I say,
Take that shit off!
We’re going home!
I’ve had enough!
I’m done with this place!

But Blue Eyes

Now!
I am your father!
And I’ve had enough!
_______________________________

Planes aren’t so scary now.

Blue Eyes?
I mean,
Dad?
Planes aren’t so scary now.
 38

I told you.
Just sleep.
Just sleep now.
It’s okay to sleep.

I will.
Thank you, Blue Eyes,
I mean,

It’s okay.
You’re welcome.

Dad?
I didn’t want to leave.
I wanted to stay forever.
Is that bad?
I wanted to run away
And fake my death
And live on that beach
And in that club
And with those lights.
Is that bad?

No.
That’s not bad, my son.
No.
That’s not bad at all.

Dad?
I felt things on that beach
And in that club
And with those lights.
Is that bad?

Let’s not talk about those things.

It’s better to say nothing.

But
 39

It’s better to say nothing.

Let’s not talk about those things.

Okay.
_______________________________

I am home.
I am home alone.
The newspapers have piled.
The garbage has flies.
The car is still in the garage.
Where is my family?
Have they disappeared?
Is there a gas leak?
Was there a war?
Were they kidnapped?
Are they dead?
Were they murdered?
Were they chopped into tiny bits
And left in mailboxes
And fed to animals
And buried in dirt
And ​nothing else.

Hello my love.

Hey Mom.

When did you get back?

Today.
I’ve been gone a long time.
So have you.

My son, you should go to bed.

 40

Okay.
Goodnight.
I give her a kiss.
She does not look at me.

Whispering a question.

Question repeated.
Harsher tone.

Short response.

Body language shift.

Clarifying response.
More words.
In a condescending tone.

Sad laugh to self.

Hands to face.

Opening mouth to speak.

Deciding against it.
Bracing for the storm.

Whispering a question.
It is rhetorical.

Genuine response.

Lashing out.
Growing louder.
Reigning it in.

Quick glance to the stairs.

Holds breath.
Makes no noise.
 41

Listens harder.

Chastising words.
Accusations.

On the defensive.
Accusations back.

Inhale of breath.
Growing anger.

Growing anger.
Offhand comment.

Resentment to comment.
Raising voice.

Responds in kind.

Refers to trip.

Pleads innocence.
Uses son as scapegoat.

Screams.
Slams hand on table.
Pointed, accusative tone.

Screams back.
Louder than before.

Change of tactic.
Crocodile tears.

Hands raised in disgust.

Grasping at straws.
Baseless accusations.

Frustrated disbelief.
 42

Pushed to the defensive.

Further accusations.
Cruel insults.

Genuine fury.
Genuine disgust.

Punches a wall.
Shatters a plate.

Responds in kind.
Refers to son.

Accusation of apathy.
Accusation of ignorance.

Accusation of infidelity.
Accusation of emotional abuse.

Accusation.

Accusation.

Accusation.
Brutal, honest truth.

Quiet, genuine sobs.

Leaves the room.

Slams door to bedroom.

Opening of bottle.
Muffled tears of frustration.
 43

Internalizes conflict.
Tries to go to sleep.
Cannot sleep.
Looks at photos.

_______________________________

I’ve never felt so alone. ​I’ve never felt so alone. ​I’ve never felt so alone
It’s just ​I miss my family. ​I’ve made such huge mistakes.
You know. ​I miss the fighting. ​I don’t want to fight anymore.
Hard. I miss the crying. I don’t want to cry anymore.
I don’t know what to say to them. ​I miss the tears. ​I can’t say anything to make it better.
I don’t know what I could say. I miss the lies. They’d think I was lying.
They never listen to me. ​I miss it all. They’d never listen.
At least I don’t think they do. ​I feel so lonely. I just want to run away.
Am I a bad son? ​My son isn’t ready for this. ​ I never wanted this life.
I don’t think I am. I can’t talk to him. I just wanted to be happy.
Maybe they’re bad parents. ​I need support. ​I didn’t want to be a parent.
But then who has good parents? ​I want to be loved. I just wanted to be needed.
Maybe we’re all supposed to be alone. ​Is that so bad? I didn’t want to be alone.
Maybe love was a mistake. ​I want to be loved. ​I’m always so close to love.
Maybe I should just focus on me. ​I feel like an idiot. ​I tried so hard to love them
Maybe I should just try to be happy. ​It’s so hard to be happy. I​ ’m trying so hard.
Everybody deserves a chance. How didn’t I see? I can still do it.
Everybody deserves a chance to be happy. ​It’s so hard to be happy. I can play this game.
I want to know what it’s like. I wish I could see my family. I can win their love.
You know? I wish I wasn’t alone. ​I can bend these rules.
I want to know what it’s like. I just want to talk to someone. I​ can win their game.
Maybe this is all for the best. ​Anyone. ​I’ll be the perfect husband.
That must be true. ​Maybe I’m supposed to call them. ​ I just needed a push.
Maybe this is all for the best. ​Maybe this is all for the best. ​Maybe this is all for the best.

_______________________________
My son?
Are you awake?
 44

The moon is out

The birds are silent.
The world is still
For a moment at least.
Yes, I am awake.

We need to talk.
Are you awake?
We need to talk.

Yes, I am awake.

First:
You need to know we love you.
You need to know this isn’t your fault.
You need to know this changes nothing.
You need to know ​that this is over now.

Are you getting a divorce?

No.

No.

No.

Second:
Blue Eyes and I are having troubles.
Blue Eyes and I need some help.
Blue Eyes and I are going to work this out.
Blue Eyes and I a​ re going to die alone.

How long have you known?

We knew we needed work.

We still love each other.
But we knew we needed work for...
A day.
 45

A month.
A year.
Time flew by.
​ ho
Time flies w

Third:
My family is going to stay with us.
My family is going to live in this house.
My family is going to help us out.
My family My family is going to help.

Okay.
Thank you for telling me.
Is that all?

Yes.

Okay.
Thank you for telling me.
I’m going to sleep.
You should too.
_______________________________

Do you remember them?

Do you remember my family?
Do you remember them?
I do.
They always hated me.

They do hate you.

They hate your attitude.
They think that you are distant.
They think that you are rude.
They think you’re going to hurt me.

I would never hurt you.

Why did they say that?
 46

I would never hurt you.

Okay.
They remember you.
They’ll expect a hello.
Every one of them.
Do you remember their names?

I can try.

You need to remember them.

You cannot try.
You need to remember them.

I remember them.
They are my family.
I remember them.

Even my Mother?
And my Father?
And my brothers?
And my sisters?
And my nephews?
And my nieces?
And my cousins?
And my aunts?
And my uncles?
And their cousins?
And their nieces?
And their nephews?
And their sisters?
And their brothers?
And their fathers?
Even their mothers?

I can try.
I will remember them.
For you.
For us.
 47

I will remember.
_______________________________

The tips of my fingers feel different now.

There’s a coldness.
It’s like I held ice for too long.
Or I got lightheaded and the blood drained away.
My memories sit in the back of my mind.
Of the club and on the beach.
Red lips against a mirror.
It’s like an itch I can’t scratch.
When I hold my pencil in school I feel nothing.
When I rip grass from the Earth I feel nothing.
When I touch myself I feel nothing.
I’m worried I will feel nothing everywhere.
Is this what Blue Eyes feels?
I listen at the stairs each night.
I want to hear that music that he played.
I want to hear the glances.
I want to hear the touches.
I want to hear the smiles.
I want to hear the breath.
I want to go back to Spain.
I want to feel wanted.
I want to feel something, anything.
I want to feel.
_______________________________

I am alone at night.
My bed is large and empty.
My husband i​ s utter shit
My Blue Eyes ​is full.. of s
He’s downstairs on the couch.
It’s been a few nights like this.
I knock on the wall.

The walls knock back.

My son.

My Mother.
 48

It’s been a while.

It has.
I’m sorry for that.
I’m sorry I’ve been distant.

It’s okay.
I’m sorry I lied to you.

You didn’t lie.

You couldn’t have.

I did.
I’m sorry I lied to you.

Is our family really coming?

They are.
All of them.
I’m worried our home isn’t big enough.
They won’t be comfortable.
What do you think?

They’ll be fine.
They can get used to it.

That’s what I thought too.

That’s what I told them.
You’ll be comfortable.
I told them
You’ll be comfortable.

Did you want to ask me something?

Oh.
I did.
I can’t seem to remember what though.

Are you sure?

Was it about my trip?

No.
I don’t think it was.
 49

I’d like to talk about my trip.

I’d like to tell you what happened.
There are many things that happened.
Important things.
Things that happened on the beach.
Things that happened in the dark.
I’d like to talk about my trip.

I don’t want to talk about it.

It makes me sad.
That’s why I don’t want to talk about it.
It makes me hurt and angry.
I don’t want to talk about it.

Okay.

Okay.
I’m sorry.
We can talk about something else.
What would you like to talk about?

Many things.
I want to talk about love.
I want to talk about life.
I want to talk about fucking.
I want to talk about the future.
I want to talk about what it all means.
But you don’t want to talk about that.
So I don’t bring it up.
And I say nothing.

Okay.
I’m sorry.
I’ll let you sleep.
I love you so much.
_______________________________

I’m so glad you’re here.

I’m so glad to see you.
I say
I’m so glad to see you.

An army marches into the house.

They annex the kitchen and occupy the bathroom.
 50

My cheek is pinched a million times.

Apparently I’ve grown so much.

It’s so good to see you.

It’s so good you’re here.
I say
It’s so good to see you.
How long will you stay?

Hugs, kisses, handshakes.

Hugs, kisses, handshakes.
Hugs, kisses, handshakes.
Hugs, kisses, handshakes.
How long will you stay?

I surrender to the force.

A smile pushes past my lips.
How long will you stay?

_______________________________

The ocean has arrived

But now I am a mountain
And it pounds against my chest
I am in control now
And I control the oceans
I am in control
I have control
I am in control
I have control
I am a person
I am a person
I am a person.
_______________________________

This morning I sat on an eyeball.

It was lying on the couch.
When I sat on it, a second one showed up on the pillow.
I stuck my finger in it.
 51

Then a third eye appeared on the wall.

I spat on that one.
An eye for an eye, every time.
I’m worried I’ll see ears next.
Then I’m worried I’ll see mouths.
A million faces watching me.
Hearing me.
Telling me what to do.
Telling people what I’ve done.
I’m trapped here in this house.
I can’t be who I really want to be.
I can’t go where I really want to go.
I’m trapped.
Nobody watches my son like this.
He doesn’t have eyes appearing for him.
Someone should watch him for a change.
_______________________________

They have brought their everything

Their hunger
Their thirst
Their ambition
Their drive
And I have to bear it all
I get to bear it all
I want to bear it all
I am Atlas
I am in control
I will bear it all.

_______________________________

I am not alone at night.

I am not looking at photos.
I am with a man.
He is sleeping next to me.
He’s snoring loudly.
He’s also lying on my leg.
Hey.
Hey.
 52

You’re lying on my leg.

Thanks.
He falls asleep again.
He has a little nose.
It’s a pretty little nose.
He told me I was beautiful.
I think he’s beautiful too.
I can see my future with him.
I can see a wedding date.
I can see three children.
I can see a house in the suburbs.
But I don’t really want those things.
I don’t even think he knows my name.
Isn’t that funny?
Or
Isn’t that sad?
_______________________________

I am with my mother.
We never clip our nails.
They have grown
And grown
And grown.
They trail around the room.
They have already created ribbons in the walls.
They have formed a cocoon around us.
They have formed a cocoon around my family.
It’s almost done.
I can see the light disappearing.
My son and Blue Eyes watching.
My mother taking my hand.
She laughs and holds me.
She cries and says she’s here.
They are scratching into the walls.
Ripping into the couch.
Tearing into my heart.
I don’t want to cut them.
Why did I ever want to cut them?
_______________________________

Dad?
I mean,
 53

Well,
Nevermind.

Talk to me.
You are my son.
Talk to me.

We both hid here.

Upstairs.
In my closet.
Away from our family.

Yes.
That sounds about right.

Isn’t that funny?

Or
Isn’t that sad?

Well, my son.
Sometimes these things happen.
Sometimes you have to hide.
In a closet I mean.
Do you see?

I see what you mean.

You aren’t subtle.
Also,
We are literally hiding in my closet.

Yes.
So you see, what I mean...
Sometimes family.
Well.
Family.
They.
Sometimes.

I see you what you mean.

You aren’t subtle.
You’re saying:
Sometimes family.
Well.
Family.
They.
Sometimes.

Yes.
 54

You see what I mean.

My son?

My father.

Do you remember Spain?

Did you have fun?
Do you remember Spain?

I do remember Spain.
I remember light and dark.
I remember big ears.
I remember soft beaches.
What do you remember?

It’s not important.

I’m glad you had fun.
Were you happy there?

I was very happy there.

I’m not so happy here.
I’m trying to be happy here.

I’m sorry you’re not happy here.

Everyone deserves a chance to be happy.
Everyone deserves a chance.

_______________________________
My love?

What do you want?

I want to make things better.

I want to help.
Can I cut your nails?
Can I fall to pieces?
Can I start a fire?
Can I rob a bank?
Can I eat hot glue?
Can I drive a tank?
How can I help?

You can stay out of sight.

 55

You can be silent.

You can play nice.
You can be a different person.
Does that answer your question?

I’m sorry, my love.

Stop calling me that.

I’m sorry.

You want to make things better?

I do.

Be a father.
Be a husband.

I don’t know what that means anymore.

Prove you care.

Prove you love me.
Do anything.
Act.

I will.
I will make things right.
I will try.
_______________________________

My family is like the Mall of America.

Really fucking big.
Really fucking noisy.
A little gross.
 56

Fun in small doses.

They leave their garbage everywhere.
Food droppings and empty cups
And dirty clothes and stinky socks
And half smoked joints and dirty needles
That I keep stepping on.
But also…
They leave little thank you letters
And tell me they care
And tell me they’re grateful
And say that they love me.
And I love them.
I am their servant
I am their slave
I am their daughter
I am their sister
I am theirs.
_______________________________

I’m lonely.
When things go wrong
When life gets harder
When you think you can bear it all
It’s just so lonely.
I wish I could be held.
I wish my wife would hold me.
I wish she would let me try.
I wish I can make her happy.
I want to be happy.

I want to feel loved.

I want to call Big Ears

or Little Nose
or someone.

I just want to feel loved.

Is that so bad?
I want to be a person
 57

And have the life I deserve.

I want the wife
And the white picket fences
And the job
And even the children.
My own children.
I want to live that life.
Is that so bad?
_______________________________

I am a person.
I am a person.
I am a person.
I am a person.
I am not their servant.
I am not their slave.
I am a person.
I am allowed a break.
I am allowed some sleep
I am a person.
No, listen,
I am a person.
I am a person.
Stop laughing.
It’s not a joke.
I am a person.
I am a person.
They love me.
They do.
And I love them.
But I am not them.
I am a person.
Alright?
I am a person.
_______________________________

They stand in the hallways.

Always taking up space.

 58

Growing and growing.

So inconsiderate, so selfish.

Never ending seas of bodies.

Family is family is family.

I can’t hear myself think.

The family is loud. ​ hey talk so loudly.

T
Constantly talking. ​What do they have to say?
Asking so many questions. ​ eaningless noises and sounds.
M

I can’t hear myself think!

Talking. Screaming.
Chatting. ​ Yelling.
Gossiping. ​Gushing.
Fighting. ​Ranting.
Whispering.
Tattling.
Yelling. J​ abbering.
Cackling. ​Blathering.
Snorting. ​Gushing.
Ranting. ​Yakking.
Prattling. ​Gossiping.
Gabbing. ​Chatting.
Gushing. ​Whispering.
Muttering. ​Fighting.
Babbling. ​Cackling.
Tattling. ​Snorting.
Jabbering. ​Muttering.
Yakking. ​Prattling.
Blathering. ​Gabbing.
Screaming. ​Talking.

I can’t hear myself think!

 59

Thank you.
That’s better.
______________________________

I am alone at night.
The bed is large and empty
I never knew how large it was.

I am also alone at night.

On the floor.
Next to the bed.

I said, I am alone at night.

 60

Sorry.

Is it lonely up there?
Are you cold?
Do you need another blanket?

I’m fine.
I’m trying to be alone.
I’m never alone.
My family is always around.
I love them.
But my family is always around.
They took up the house.
That’s why you’re here.
On my floor.
Next to my bed.
I want to be alone at night.

Sorry.

Is it lonely down there?

Are you cold?
Do you need another blanket?

I’d like another blanket.

I am cold.
I am lonely down here.

Here.
Now shut up.
I’m trying to be alone.

Sorry.

Has my family talked to you yet?

They remember you.
They hate you.
Did you know that?
 61

They hate you.

I remember.
I know they hate me.

I said shut up.

I’m trying to be alone.

I hate you.
I think.
I never want you in this bed again.
I think.
You ripped my heart apart.
Did you know that?
You ripped my heart apart.
I never want you in this bed again.

Was I not good enough?

Did I not love you enough?
Was I not beautiful enough?
What else could I have given you?

Do you still love me?

I still love you.
I think.

I’m sorry.

Shut up!
I’m trying to be alone!

I just want to be alone.

_______________________________

I’m lonely.
I want to be touched.
I want to touch someone.
Is that so bad?
Is that such a crime?
What am I supposed to do?
Where am I supposed to go?
In whose bed am I supposed to sleep?
 62

Who will get to see my big blue eyes?

I’m lonely!
Is that so bad?!
Jesus Fuck I’m So Lonely!

I just want to be held.

Is that so bad?
_______________________________

I am at his house.
Little Nose invites me in.
He plays music.
I am laughing.
The music is loud.
He sees me for me.
He sees my body for me.
I see his little nose.
I’m not laughing anymore.
The music is loud.
But I can still hear everything.
I can hear the glances.
I can hear the touches.
I can hear the smiles.
I can hear the breath.
I can hear the moment he holds tight.
I can hear the moment he takes off his shirt.
I can hear
I can hear knocking.
I can hear knocking on the door.

Hello?
Are you there?
Can you hear me?
Do you remember who I am?
I have blue eyes.
I’m beautiful.
Do you remember me?
Let me in.
I want to be held again.
 63

I am afraid
I am afraid of the man at the door
I am afraid of Blue Eyes at the door
Don’t open the door
Don’t let him in
Don’t take his coat
Don’t invite him to stay
Don’t whisper in his ear
Don’t bring him to the bedroom
Don’t

Son?

Hey, dad.
_______________________________

I tried to tell him

He wouldn’t listen
I tried to tell him
He wouldn’t listen
I won’t get caught
I won’t get caught!
I tried to tell him!
He wouldn’t listen!
I tried to tell him!
He wouldn’t listen!
I won’t get caught!
He wouldn’t listen!!
I tried to tell him!!
He wouldn’t listen!!
I won’t get caught!!
I won’t get caught!!
I won’t!!
______________________________

My-
 64

I need to speak to you.

Something has happened.
Something has happened with our son.

Our son…
He…
Well...

I saw him.
In the arms of another.
A man.
A grown man.
He had a little nose.
They were together.
Intertwined.

I know it’s late.

I know you’re tired.
You may be sleeping.
I hope you’re sleeping.

Tell me more.

My love, I can’t.
It was disgusting.
I am disgusted.
I can’t, my love.

Tell me more.
What did you see?

Say it.

I saw him.
In the arms of another.
A man.
 65

A grown man.
He had a little nose.
He was inside of him.

There were others.

They had cameras.
They had drugs.
I lie.
I saw the fear.
I saw the lust.
I saw the pain.
I saw the sweat.
I saw it all!
I lie.
Quivering!
Shaking!
Spitting!
Tearing!
Bleeding!
Ravaging!
Raping!
I saw it all!
They were screaming!
They were whipping!
Locked in cages!
Trapped like animals!
I saw your little boy,
Who has your hair,
Who has your mouth,
Who has your eyes,
That hair was pulled!
That mouth was full!
Those eyes blood red!
I saw it all!
I lie.
I saw it all!
I saw it all!
I saw it all.

Why were you there?

Why did you see it?
 66

My love,
I went to find him.
Did you know he leaves at night?
Did you know he lies?
No.

He’s with these men.

He sells himself.
I lie.
He sells himself.
Did you know?

No.

Go back to sleep, my love.

I will try to make it right.
I will teach him honesty.
I will try to make it right.
I will try.

_______________________________

Fear
Anger
Mousetraps
Clamps
Slamming
Roaring
Breaking
Swallowing
Tears
Blood
Lions
Jackals
Whipping
Starving
Stroking
Smoking
Beating
Loving
Holding
 67

Clawing
Touching
Ripping
Tearing
Begging
Crying
No more!
No more!
No more!

_______________________________

I walk the streets with nothing but the cool

orange light and constant buzz of street lamps far
removed from roads they mean to guard.

My body’s bruised, my clothes are torn apart,

and in the distance you can hear the rats
prepared to make a late night snack of me.

My eyes are bloody red, my mind a husk,

but even though I don’t know where I’ll go
I know I’m safe because I’m far from him.

Blue Eyes,

Go fuck yourself.

_______________________________

Blue Eyes?

I enter the house.

My fists are caked with blood.
I have not slept.
Yes, my love?

Blue Eyes…
What have you done?
 68

Oh God, what have you done?

My love, I made it right.

Your son is gone.
He will not stain this home.
He will not lie again.
I sent him away.
I told him you knew.
I told him you hated him.
I told him the truth.
We can go back to our life.
The way things were.
Before your family.
Before we fought.
Before my trip.
When things were good.

Oh, God.
Oh God, what have you done?

My love, come close to me.

Send your family home.
We can sit in silence.
We can be together.
I will always love you.
I would never leave.

Blue Eyes.
I want you gone.
I want you far away.
I want you gone!
I wish you were dead!
I want you dead!
I wish you were dead!
Get out!
Get out!
Get out!
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
 69

Get the fuck out of my house!

I never want to see you again!
If I see you again I will kill you!
My love!
This is what you wanted!
I did this for you!
I did this for us!
Look at me!
Look at my big blue eyes!
Don’t you want to see me?
Don’t you want to kiss me?
Don’t you want to love me?
I love you!
I’ll never stop loving you!

Get out!
I’ll kill you!
Get out!

You don’t mean it.

It isn’t true.
This can’t be happening.

_______________________________

My son?
Please pick up the phone.
Oh God
Please pick up the phone.

I send it to voicemail.
I’m walking.
I don’t want to stop walking.

Fuck!
Okay…
My son?
Come home.
 70

Blue Eyes is gone.

I’m so sorry this has happened.
Our family is looking for you.
I am looking for you.
Just give us a sign.
Tell me you’re alright.
I love you.
I love you so much.
Be safe.
_______________________________

The world is wide

And empty
And cruel.
Isn’t that true?
I feel like that’s true.
The world is tall
And violent
And rough.
Isn’t that true?
I feel like that’s true.
The world is big
And malicious
And dark.
Isn’t that true?
Right?
Isn’t that true?

_______________________________

This is a nightmare.
I feel like I’m in a nightmare.
The world is so wide and tall and big
How will I find him?
How will I save him?
How will I tell him he’ll be alright?
How will I tell him I’d protect him from the world?
How will he know I love him?
_______________________________
 71

The world is water.

I am sinking.
I am drowning.
Pulled deeper
And deeper
And deeper
Into the blue.
Oh God I’m gonna be sick.
Pale arms clawing at my legs.
Insects eating my eyes.
My beautiful blue eyes.
Everything
Everything
The world is
The world is…
I’m seeing red.
My arms are cold.
The water is holding me.
Inviting me deeper.
I want to go deeper.
I want to go deeper.
I want to be eaten by a squid.
I want to ride a shark.
I want to kiss a mermaid.
Oh God.
Oh God.
What have I done.
Sweet Jesus what have I done.
I go deeper.
I want to go deeper.
Take me away.
Eat my eyes.
Claw at my arms.
Cover me in red.
I want to see red.
I deserve to see red.
I’m gonna be sick.
Take me away.
I want to go deeper.
 72

_______________________________

I’ve seen so much of the world.

I never thought I’d make it this far.
Who knew feet could traverse continents?
I’ve seen so much.
And I’m still so lonely.
Is this what they’re feeling?
Are they alone?
I hope they aren’t alone.
No one deserves this feeling.
I hope they aren’t alone.
_______________________________

Thank you for searching.

I know this is hard
But it means a lot.
There are so many of you.
We’re family.
He’s family.
I need to find him.
We need to find him.
But when we do…
When we do I want you to go home.
I want to be alone with him.
Do you understand?
I love you.
But I can’t be in this cocoon.
I am a person.
I am a mother.
And he is my son.
Do you understand?
And I worry they’ll scream.
And I worry they’ll cry.
We hate you!
They’ll scream.
We hate you!
They’ll cry.
 73

But they don’t say that.

They say nothing.
They hold me in their arms.
And I know they understand.
_______________________________
Why am I here?
What’s the point?
Why am I on this Earth?
Was I here to cause pain?
Did I only cause pain?
Am I the devil?
I feel like the devil.
I deserve to burn.
Isn’t that funny?
I deserve to burn.
I want them to burn.
I want to become ash.
I want to leave this Earth.
I’ve only caused pain.
What a life I’ve lived.
Isn’t that funny?
Hahaha.
Hahaha!
I’m going to burn.
I’m going to burn!
Hahaha!
Isn’t that just so fucking funny?!
Hahahahahaha!!
_______________________________

My son?
How did you find me?

I never stopped looking.

I knew I would find you.
I never stopped looking.
Come home.

I can’t.
 74

I could never.
How could I face them?
How could I face him?
How can I face you?

I’m sending the family home.

I told them I needed space.
They listened.
They gave me quiet.
That man is gone.
Blue Eyes is gone.
You don’t have to face him.

What did he tell you?

It doesn’t matter.

Tell me what he said.

Please
Tell me what he said.

He told me you were with a man. He saw you.

Is that true?

That’s true.

He told me there were others.

He told me you were paid.
He told me you were beaten.
Your hair was pulled.
You were bloody.
You were bruised.

That isn’t true.

I was only worried about you. I wanted you to be safe.

I wish you could have told me.
I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me.
 75

Where did he go?

I sent him away. He’s gone for good.

I’m ending our marriage. He never loved me. He never loved you.
He used us.
Can’t you see?
He used us.

He used us.

Yes, my love. I’m sorry I couldn’t see it.

I’m sorry you had to feel my mistakes.
I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a father.
I’m sorry.

Mom? Let’s go home. We can eat ice cream and watch a movie.

I’d like that. Let’s go home.

_______________________________

I want them to see

I want them to see
I want them to see
I want them to see
I want them to see
I want them to see
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be here
I want them to see
 76

I want them to see

I want them t​ i see
to see
I want ​them​ to see
I want ​them to see
I want ​them t​ o see
to see
I don’t want to be h ​ ere
I d​ on’t want to be here
I don’t want to be here
I don’t ​want to be here
I don’t ​want to be h ​ ere
I don’t
I don’t want to be!!!
Here!!
I don’t want ​ to n here
Dfgefgdrgdrgdrg​!!!​ I dont want I​ don’t
I want them
them to see​ sfdsfgsfg
I want them​ to see h ​ ere!!!
I don’t want​ dfgefgdfg​!
I want ​dfgdfgdfg
I want

_______________________________

Hello?
 77

We’ll be right there.

_______________________________

I don’t want to see the body. Why can’t his family identify it? I’m not his wife anymore.

There’s probably some legal reason.

Well it’s ridiculous. I don’t want to look at his face… Oh god… I don’t want to look at the blood.

I know. I can do it if you want.

I’m not gonna make you do that, sweetie. It’s not your responsibility.

I want to see it. I can do it. I promise.

We’ll do it together, okay? We can… tell him goodbye.

Okay. I’ll tell the coroner we’re ready.

He’s right over there.

Oh God…

Hold my hand. I’m here. We can do this.

Jesus. It’s him.

Yeah. It’s him.

Where are his eyes?

 78

He’s an organ donor. They took them.

Oh.
That’s not right.

He should’ve kept his eyes.

He should have been buried with them.

They were perfect in his head.

They fit perfectly.

He should have kept his eyes.

Why did they take away his eyes?

I’m going back to the car. I can’t stand to look at him like this.

Okay. I’ll come out in a second. I love you.

I love you too.

We’re doing an open casket.

It’s in your will.
You have marbles now.
You have marbles now instead of eyes.
You are wearing a suit.
Your hair is nicely parted.
You smell like death.
I’m sorry you weren’t happy.
Everyone deserves a chance to be happy.
Everyone deserves a chance.
 79

_______________________________