Tactics Tuesdays: Nested DHV Stories

By: Chase Amante

When you talk to somebody else, that person only knows two things about you:

What you tell him about you

What you show him about you
The way you talk about yourself, the types of stories you tell, and your manner of
telling them is all part of this, too. All these things both show and tell.

The name of the game in human social interaction is to convey valuable traits, but
do so in an adroit way that others can recognize without it being in their faces.
This amplifies the value you have on display, because it positions you as a
socially savvy man. Social savvy is a key aspect of a man’s attractiveness; in
fact, it is one of our four categories of attractive fundamentals.

So you want to tell people valuable things about yourself, but you don’t want to
come right out and brag. How can you do it?

One way that we’ll talk about today is by nesting displays of higher value inside
entertaining stories that on the surface appear to display lower value.

Displaying Credible Value with Nested DHV Stories

One of the reasons I got really good with girls is because I kept going out and
getting rejected by them over and over again. It was a pretty painful process, but
along the way I learned all kinds of things from them. I learned what women like,
what they don’t like, how they think about men. And ultimately I learned how to
approach them, what to say to them, and how to come across and behave in order to
end up in bed with them. You never stop getting rejections, but you do learn to
appreciate them – and they always teach you a lot.

That’s a nested display of higher value (DHV) story.

If I repeat the same story but leave out the display of lower value (DLV) elements
of getting rejected and feeling pain, look how less credible it sounds:

I got really good with girls. I learned all kinds of things from them. I learned
what women like, what they don’t like, how they think about men. And ultimately I
learned how to approach them, what to say to them, and how to come across and
behave in order to end up in bed with them.

It’s not nearly as strong nor as credible told that way as it was when the DHV was
nested within a DLV.

The mind zeroes in on things that sound like displays of lower value. It trusts
them much more than displays of higher value.

If someone says something LOW value about himself, it’s probably true. It might be
a slip of the tongue or it might be a confession. Or he may just be a really honest
guy.

When people display HIGH value, purely in isolation, we’re a lot less likely to
trust that. Everybody wants to make himself look and sound better. People will
inflate, exaggerate, and outright lie. So your typical brag doesn’t carry as much
weight, generally.
When you can nest a display of higher value INSIDE a display of lower value,
however, you receive both the trust benefit from the DLV plus the value benefit
from the DHV.

As an example, let’s say you’re sitting around a table in a nightclub with three
other guys. Call them Alvin, Billy, and Clint. The topic of girls comes up. These
three guys make the following claims:

Alvin: “I’m extremely talented with women.”

Billy: “I’ve been rejected by tons of women.”

Clive: “I’m extremely talented with women too, but only because I’ve been rejected
by tons of women.”

Which claim do you judge the most credible?

You probably think Clive’s is the most credible claim. Billy’s is probably pretty
credible too, though you’re not sure if he really sucks with girls or if he’s just
using self-deprecating humor after Alvin’s brag. Alvin’s brag, meanwhile, is the
least credible claim.

Clive’s claim is more credible because his DHV is nested within a DLV, and people
instinctively trust what they’re hearing when you DLV – and everything else around
it, too… including your DHV.

Creating a Nested DHV Story

I am the BIGGEST nerd at my gym. Everybody else just goes in and works out. Me, I
have this table of workouts I follow. I have my diet down to a muscle-building
science. I mean, it works, and I have packed on tons of muscle in a pretty short
time, but it’s only because I’m this gym super nerd.

When you tell a story like this, with a DHV nested inside a DLV, your listener will
be laughing at the DLV, accepting it as true… and then she is going to accept
everything else you’re saying is true, too.

Calling yourself “the biggest nerd at your gym” is a DLV. It is, until you reveal
that your nerdom actually works: that you have packed on tons of muscle in a short
time. Which says one thing about you: you are a capable man. Women are highly
attracted to capability in men.

man talking to woman with wine glasses seated on floor near couchShowcasing a
capability of yours enhances your attractiveness.
Anything you do or say that communicates “I’m capable” is a massive display of
higher value.

The fact that it’s nested within an apparent DLV (“biggest nerd at my gym”) just
makes it more credible.

There are a few different formulas you can use for nested DHV stories.

There’s “DHV Because DLV”: “I am/have [DHV]” because “[DLV].”

For instance, “I’m an amazing chef because I had this latchkey childhood and was
forced to either cook for myself or starve. So I got really good at making all
these different kinds of dishes.”
(DLV: lonely latchkey child. DHV: is an amazing chef)

There’s the “DLV with an Incidental DHV”: “I am so [DLV], one day while I was
[DLVing] [DHV elements].”

Example: “I am really bad at parallel parking. I always have to get out and let
someone else do it. My last three girlfriends thought I was joking until I had them
get out and walk over to the driver’s side and park the car for us. After a month
or so they don’t even complain, it just becomes the routine.”

(DLV: really bad at parallel parking. DHVs: has had at least three girlfriends;
makes the girlfriends park for him, which they do without complaining. Don’t sleep
on DHVs about people doing stuff for you / complying / investing; having people
doing stuff for you paints you as an authority, a very attractive position to hold)

There’s the “DLV with a Redeeming DHV”: “I am [DLV]; my only redeeming quality is
[DHV].”

Example: “You’re going to have to help me talk to this guy; I’m really bad at these
kinds of conversations. My only redeeming quality is I’m excellent at keeping the
right people in my life.”

(okay, that’s more of a statement than a story, but you see how it’s used)

None of these, by the way, did I come up with on my own… these are all structures I
have had various women use on me repeatedly. I just recognized the patterns and
repurposed them for use when talking to girls (or guys).

Using Nested DHVs to Escape DLV Double-Binds

You can use a nested DHV story when you need to escape situations where a girl
tries to get you to jointly DLV with her. For instance, she tells you she’s really
bad with money, or that most of her dates come from online. Both these are DLV
double-binds. Your superficial options seem to be:

Admit to the same thing. But being bad with money or getting all your dates online
is a DLV. So, while you preserve similarity with her by agreeing and don’t
sacrifice attainability, you also lower your value.

Admit to the opposite thing. You’re not some spendthrift and you meet your girls in
the real world. Great! You keep your value. But, whoops, she wanted to bond with
you, but you told her you’re the opposite and better thing from her, so you lose
similarity and your attainability goes down.

How do you escape? One way is a nested DHV story:

Oh I’m strictly real-world for meeting women, but that’s just because of some of
the experiences I’ve had online. The first girl I ever met from online, back in my
young and dumb days, she had this hazy photo but from what I could see looked good.
We talked on the phone for a month and had such fun talking. Well, when we finally
met up, she was not attractive at all… and she had this horrible body odor. Really
nice person, really fun, great sense of humor, but Jesus! I met a bunch of girls
who looked great in their pics but terrifying in person. I met this girl who
legitimately WAS hot, but she was completely psycho, and spent the entire date
telling me these demented things about herself, then when she took her shirt off
she had this skull tattoo on her back with the word “PAIN” on its forehead. So
yeah, it’s real-world only for me these days.
That’s a DHV nested within a DLV. The DLV is “I had all these horrible dating
experiences come from online.” The DHV is “I’m able to meet girls in the real world
and don’t need to rely on online.” There’s also a second DHV I sneaked in there –
did you spot it? – of “a legitimately hot girl took her shirt off for me” (girls
like preselection).

The formula for the “nested DHV double-bind escape” is:

“Oh I’m [THE HIGH VALUE OPPOSITE]”

“But only because [NESTED DHV STORY]”
“So yeah, in conclusion, I’m [THE HIGH VALUE OPPOSITE]”
Simple, right?

Tips for Your Stories

Here are a few tips to make your nested DHV stories better:

The DLV can be funny. For a lot of these you are poking fun at yourself when you
say it. It’s self-deprecating. And it’s okay, because after you say it you move
into the DHV. “I am so terrible at remembering people’s names” is a funny DLV if
you go into a story about an awkward situation where you could not remember
someone’s name… it then turns into a nested DHV when you mention how you’ve had to
devise this system for remembering names because you meet so many people, but
sometimes it fails and your terrible name-memory rears its head.

Sandwich with the DLV for added effect. I usually like to begin and end with with
the DLV, just because it’s funnier that way (assuming the DLV was amusing), and
because it makes the DHV even more likely to stick because you move her mind on
from it before she can object. So like, “I’ve been trying to get into this really
cool club for years but they never let me in, lol… I’m friends with all the other
owners and managers of clubs in the city, skip the lines, don’t pay cover… but this
one cool club, I am just forever denied, I guess!”

Follow general good storytelling principles. I lay many of these out in my (quite
long) article on how to tell a story. Tony Depp has shared a shorter article on
telling stories you may prefer to check out for a quicker read.

Remember that your nested DHV stories serve a dual purpose:

They are not just to show off, but to ENTERTAIN.

They should be fun to listen to, and fun to tell. You want to entertain the girl,
and also entertain yourself (because if YOU aren’t having fun telling the story,
then why even tell it?).

Wrap Up
The nested DHV gives you a way to display higher value in a more credible fashion.

Rather than bragging/boasting, you nest your DHV into a larger story about a DLV
(display of lower value). The DLV ends up not really being such a DLV at all, too,
in light of the DHV nested within it.

Nested DHVs are DHVs in and of themselves – a sort of “meta DHV.” The very fact
that you are able to use these tools showcases strong social fundamentals. Most men
are a lot less elegant than this, and are not able to showcase their social skills
this way. Only the more socially savvy men, plus a greater number of women, use
nested DHVs.

man speaking to woman on couch in darkened living roomThe ability to use nested
DHVs signals your social savviness.
This can be just another tool in your toolbox… or it can be one of the main ways
you tell stories.

For me, it’s a pretty common storytelling device, partly because it makes
everything you say more credible, partly because the DHV-in-a-DLV pattern creates
twists and turns most listeners don’t expect.

“I’m great” or “I suck” are both boring as far as story structures go. Yet “I suck
although actually I’m great” or “I’m great but only because I really sucked” tend
to be a lot more interesting.

Chase Amante