Building Your Marriage with Words

B-Group Lesson

###Icebreaker
What is the most uplifting thing your spouse has ever told you? (For singles, a parent,
coach, or sibling)

###Prayer
Lord, teach us to build up others with our words.

###Key Scripture
>Proverbs 18:20–22 (NLT): “Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring
satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the
consequences. The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”

###The Big Idea

Your marriage will never rise above the level of your mouth. God’s words are so powerful that
He creates galaxies when He speaks. Created in His image, we too have tremendous spiritual
authority and must consider the the power of our words. They can be very creative, or they can
be very destructive.

In the passage from Proverbs, God describes the fruit of our lips as being productive and
satisfying. Then the goodness of marriage is discussed. This is not  a coincidence. Our words
have a powerful effect on our marriages.

Matthew 12:35–37 (NLT) says, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a
good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. And I tell
you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. The words
you say will either acquit you or condemn you.”

##Discussion
We will be judged for every idle word we speak. Do you feel confident that you are growing in
control of your tongue, or do you lack control of your words? Share with the group.

###Words are like seeds.

You will reap what you sow. In fact, you will reap more than what you sow. A farmer throws out
a few seeds but brings in bushels of harvest. That can be a little scary, because if you sow
poisonous words, you will reap a poisonous harvest.

There may be a delay between sowing and reaping, but the harvest is inevitable. Harsh words
do not disappear but tend to linger. We must repent of them and put them under the blood of
Jesus.

>##Discussion
>Are your words mostly edifying, or have you developed the bad habit of sowing bad seeds?
What are you trying to build with your spouse? Share with the group.

###The desert of love—NO COMMUNICATION

Communication is the oxygen of marriage. Are you and your spouse suffocating? A man may
feel that he is naturally quiet natured, but that is not an excuse not to have conversation with his
wife. Sometimes men are selfish or lazy and do not want to put out the effort to engage in
meaningful conversation. On the other hand, women can clam up because of abuse or neglect.
They may begin filling their communication needs by seeking the companionship of others.
Sometimes women simply give up.

Let’s look at how we can start communicating better in marriage. First, look into your spouse’s
eyes when he or she speaks. This will help you focus and not tune out your spouse. Next, open
your ears and listen. Finally, open your mouth and speak. If you think you have nothing to say,
begin by encouraging your partner.

>##Discussion
>How would you rate the communication level in your marriage? If asked, how would your
spouse answer the same question? Do you think your spouse is satisfied, or does it feel like a
desert to him or her? Share with the group.

###The thornbush of love — BAD COMMUNICATION

Now let’s look at the fruits of bad communication. We must avoid sarcasm, which uses irony to
mock or convey contempt. Also, never demean your spouse, causing him or her to lose dignity
and respect. These are love-busters that make huge withdrawals from your spouse’s love bank.
It is better to live in a garden of love where you praise your spouse.

The Garden of Love – GOOD Communication. – Filipenses 4:8

###Application
Make a commitment today to improve the positivity of your words. Eliminate critical and harsh
words. Don’t create a desert in your marriage because you refuse to have meaningful
conversations.
###Action Point
Repent of harsh words. Begin to praise your spouse. Your partner will become powerful and
beautiful.

Reset Your Marriage

B-Group Lesson

###Icebreaker
Who was president when you got married?

###Prayer
Thank You, Lord, that Your mercies are new every morning.

###Key Scripture
>Exodus 34:6–7 ESV: “The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the
Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in covenant love
[hesed] and faithfulness, keeping covenant love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and
transgression and sin.’”

###The Big Idea

God wants us to have a fresh start, a reset, in our marriage. Marriage is based on
“steadfast love” or “covenant love” (hesed in the original language). A marriage
covenant has two distinct parts: the legal contract of the marriage agreement and the
loving connection that involves mercy, loyalty, and faithfulness. You need the legal
contract side of covenant so that sentimentality and feelings do not rule the relationship,
and you need the loving connection side so that your marriage does not feel like a debt
or an obligation. Let’s look at this element of steadfast love, or hesed, as it relates to our
spouse. Remember that marriage should mirror the love and faithfulness of the Lord.

>##Discussion
>Many people do not value the legal contract of marriage and instead opt to live
together in open sin. Why do you think that happens?
When we mirror God’s faithfulness, we respond to our spouse in love and forgiveness.
Hesed in marriage declares the following:

Merciful—“I will show you compassion when you are at your lowest point.”
Gracious—“I will be generous and give to you whatever you need, even if you don’t
deserve it.”

>##Discussion
>Who shows the most mercy in your marriage: you or your spouse? Share with the
group.

Slow to anger—“I will have infinite patience with you, giving you time for God to change
you.”
Steadfast love—”I will be devoted to you for the rest of our lives, regardless of what we
go through.”
Faithfulness—“I will be loyal to you and never bring my affection to an outsider.”

>##Discussion
>Are you easy to approach to receive the loyal affection of your spouse? Share with the
group.

Forgive and forget all the retained memories that you hold on to in your mind: the words
spoken, the disappointments, the times your spouse was not there for you, the times
they failed you spiritually, financially, or even morally.

>##Discussion
>Why should a disappointed spouse put steadfast love, or hesed, above their own
personal feelings? Share with the group.

###Application
Everyone fails in marriage. We are frail and human, but through Christ we can forgive
and show steadfast love, preserving our marriage covenant. You can have a reset with
your spouse only if you have a reset with Lord. Anything is possible with the Lord.

###Action Point
Let mercy be your default response this week. Let your judge and jury take the week off.
Be slow to anger, and value loyalty as your highest goal.