[10:28 PM, 9/28/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I am trying to do that.

The person that I am today is mainly

created by the books that I have read, the people have met and the places I have visited. In recent times
there has been a decline in my traveling. And I know that very soon I will be receiving it at a crazy level.

[10:28 PM, 9/28/2021] Mcc Anashwara: One thing I have always felt is that the kind of rules and
regulation is that surround us a completely divorved of the natural instincts that we have. The natural
animal that I am can at times hardly relate to my surrounding and that creates a great level of conflict.
And this is also the reason behind the back of war between me and other people, between my wishes
and what is possible and so on

[10:28 PM, 9/28/2021] Mcc Anashwara: And this is very true what is mentioned here that at times we
have to walk alone I totally agree to what though people find it very difficult to accept. Especially as I
have seen a girl is not supposed to have secrets. I will have matters are to be known to others. Whatever
happens in her life should be of the standards of being able to discussed with others - clearly, only good
things. A girl with secrets are not appreciated. A girl with matters that are not appreciated by others are
not good. A girl is always supposed to be measured and ranked by others. Realizing all this I have always
felt that walking alone is much better mainly because others cannot understand you others cannot
accept you. And the dreams you have may seem ridiculous to others mainly because they are unable to
have such dreams, leave alone fulfilling them.

[10:28 PM, 9/28/2021] Mcc Anashwara: What am I doing here back at home is being with myself.
Looking inside myself. Sending myself love so that I feel better tomorrow. Patching up the wounds with
the bandages so that I can smile tomorrow.

I do accept that fomo and other such feelings are highly taken advantage of corporate and big tycoons. I
even think such feelings are rather created by such big shots

Apologies for the considerable delay in getting back to you. Yeah messages are something that I can
never rush through. These are the kind of content that I usually refer to as "the content that is to be
chewed well and swallowed". It takes me a peaceful environment, no need for any rush at all and all the
time in the world to go back and re-read as required. I am reading your texts and writing this note even
with the network turned off so that I don't get distracted by any means.

And my intention here is not to respond to every on that you have mentioned here. My intention is to
learn as much as possible and to understand how far I have to go before I can understand all that you
have shared and eventually the meaning of life. I wonder how much you have read and researched to
come up with all this. I am not sure if I will ever be able to do such deep and wide study.

I have one question for you - how religious are you?

And are you religious or rather spiritual?

And this is one big aspect that I am finding very difficult to address, but solely accept that this is the
aspect that I should really address. To be able to live in the present and to have the courage to accept
life as it comes. I hope all the pain that I am going through and have gone through and will go through
are just to make my spirit stronger and wiser. Lately I have come to accept loss as not loss, but an
experience and a lesson.

I hope this is another lesson that a life had plans to teach me.

I had been agonist for a long time. But as it is said in this writeup, being spiritual even if it isn't small
amounts, can be very helpful.

I love listening to tamil speeches and readouts... I remember a poetess's speech.. such a soother to ears
and heart

I believe, telling the truth about how much you understand is rather better than pretending to
know/understand everything and finally ending up being a joke

[8:12 PM, 9/23/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hmm..I got some insights now

[8:14 PM, 9/23/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I would seriously say, that you should work on the financial part,
else everything can crumble.. that one thing alone can kill the peace of mind...

[8:15 PM, 9/23/2021] Mcc Anashwara: These are so deep.. I should say, I am nowhere near to
completely understanding this

[8:21 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: This is for the exact reason that I keep my social guard up.. I am a
good collaborator, but don't look for it in every venture...I try to finish off things in my pace..and others
might not be able to catchup, which can make me end up. frustrated

[8:21 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hmmm

[8:21 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: All are lessons..that's the only way we should accept it, so that
we won't be hard on ourselves

Women always look for stability, coz after all, they play a major role in generating and taking care of the
next generation...
I would suggest that you build your career in photography, coz u have the skill and passion, rather than
now going for a got job, which can become taxing at one point, and I am not sure how far you would
enjoy it. Market Yourself and build the career...

[5:22 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Not at all .. I used to live with hardly 800rs as pocket money
during mcc days.. now, even with a 5 digit number, I keep rolling my eyes

[5:28 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I don't know in fact. there are a lot of factors involved, for
instance if I have to live in Chennai and to make Chennai my home I cannot live in a totally cramped
house. I would need a little bit more space and a secured environment to bring my children up. so I
would have to go with a slightly expensive home and then a safe car and again this home has to be
closer to my office because I will not be in a position to commute everyday for long distance. So quite a
lot of factors involved and at I don't know maybe if I get 1.5 crores right now I may be able to
accommodate all these things - home which is closer to office and not so cramped and also something to
leave behind for the children's education are the medical expenses or other miscellaneous expenses.

[5:30 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I had some preparations going on because my parents wanted
me to be in some Central Government job. ButI knew that I would not be able to mug up so much of
data to prepare myself to appear for examinations and I am not really interested in being in a position
where there are rules and regulations and politics involved. even if I want to leave a job I would not be
able to make the decision very quickly because I would have spent years of effort to get into a central
government job. I rather wanted to be in a pretty much flexible working environment

I did.. at a point of time, I realised that there is no addition to my knowledge Bank and I asked this hell
lot of times and that is why I completely turned into non-fiction

[2:44 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I can read, understand and speak tamil

[2:44 PM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I tried learning bit of german

[11:21 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Haha.. taking leaps.. trying to face camera

[11:22 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I meant our freshers. This is our PR campaign

[11:22 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Or some other pic from the very early days of college

[7:15 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hmmm

[7:16 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I am scared of sacrificing things..I know if I need to find a job that
makes me happy, I need to leave behind the security of my current job.. so m not sure what to do

[7:16 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: 😊😊

[7:17 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Rare pics of me smiling with all teeth shown

[7:17 AM, 9/22/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Pic*

[10:33 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: There is a lot for me to unlearn as well, to unleash myself... I
should stop expecting, I should stop being afraid of uncertainty

[10:33 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Fear is gripping me

[10:28 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: You should write down all that your parents and grandparents
have taught you

[10:29 PM, 9/21/2021] Starkarts: Sometime I wrote , sometime I tear !! I don't want them to be slave !!
They need to love !! I have whole time for them !! 😁😁

[10:31 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Just write and keep them aside, don't tear off . It might turn out
to be a treasure for someone else

[8:33 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I am trying this now.. moving around a lot.. I had become a couch
potato.. esply with the kind of work I do

[8:33 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: That's an adorable pic.. I do remember clicking lots of pics of kids

We both are in the same path, I feel.. even when something bad happens in my life or when I am hurt I
just try to believe that it is fine to teach me something or somebody else who is around me in the same
situation. I try to take solace in such thought and I feel more peaceful

[6:55 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hahaha...loving oneself, embracing ones imperfection, attaining
self respect, finding happiness inside oneself. These are the most discussed topics especially during
these times but I find it very difficult to achieve these.. maybe I am in the path to the destination first
step that I have acknowledged these aspects of life

[6:56 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: This is something new for me

[6:57 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Even I have been suffering from weight gain and recently I am a
trainer who put me on daily physical challenges and it did work out on me. I just need to attempt more
consistency and I'll be there

[6:04 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hahaha .this is hilarious...

[6:05 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Definitely I am having a lot of stress and all the consequential
issues..I put on lot of weight, sleep cycle is ruined, m always tired... Hell

[6:07 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I try to keep friendships alive.. I have friends sinc long time, ppl
with whom I can just like that start a conversation even after a long time, ppl with whom I can share my
deepest thoughts.. but biggest thing is that I am too tired to make phone calls or even keep texting

[6:07 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: At time there are long breaks... Broken conversations...
Social media overwhelms me

[4:15 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Seems like a lot of homework has gone into this

[4:16 PM, 9/21/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Totally thought provoking... I was wondering, with all my
overthinking, I had not thought of the point you mentioned

[10:09 PM, 9/20/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Haha . I am a good secret ppl.. u know why? I hear it and forget
it..haha..

[10:10 PM, 9/20/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I get it.. I wish u wrote this down even more elaborately.. the
thoughts are deep

[10:11 PM, 9/20/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hahaha..I had..I truly had.. that part is kinda missing now, has
been for a while.. esply in the last 1.5 years being stuck at home... But I will be back!!!!

[10:11 PM, 9/20/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I consider this as kinda break to energize myself

i lost beautiful women in my life because of 'delusion for virgin sex ' , i loved her from 2009-2012 !! then
i broke completely that guilty with my wife around 2013 !! then she accepted my confession !! so i can
get 1000 horse power , when i came to MCC !! she is the one fill my application form 😇😇 !!
….at one point even i was a small town guy but when i saw the megacity for the first time i was
completely taken aback by the vastness of it all. And everyone was busy with their work, no one had
time to talk to you.

The difference’s a small town guy and a metro city guy is the simplicity. Being from a small town your
fashionable clothing will not necessarily be great here. The city guys won’t take much time to think
about travelling in a taxi while a small town guy will want to walk or think about taking a bus first!

A city guy or people in a mega city wont have time for others but a guy from the small town would.
Actually there are many other differences and similarities which you will find out once i am in the metro
city…

[8:02 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: You did not bore me at all. But I was so tired as I had I woken up
around 4 a.m. in the morning and had to do an entire shift.

[8:03 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Got it!!!

[7:07 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I had work in the morning and I slept off by 3

[7:08 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Totally

[7:08 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: There is a lot of material go through

[2:36 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Lots of my thought/emotions are colliding with this..guilt,
impulsiveness, wondering to whom.i can open up, what happens if I open up..and everything..

[2:36 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I used to wonder

[2:36 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: There are only couple of ppl who took my by surprise with the
kinda studies they pursued..

[2:37 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: You are one.. then Vyas and Vinita

[2:25 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: This is something very new to me.. I am excited to check this
out.. meanwhile, you should write about alll this and combine this shared knowledge

[2:25 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Suee

[2:25 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Sure

[2:20 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I should read him, thank you so much for sharing this

[2:20 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Oh my..I can relate to several of this.. anxiety for instance

[2:21 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I am trying so hard believe that I am a spiritual being on earth to
gain knowledge... And not just to be tangled with human life

[12:36 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I have not been into fiction for few years now

[12:37 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Now I wish I could find a really feel good fiction

[12:37 PM, 9/19/2021] Starkarts: That's good !! Fear and sadness are just delusion , you must overcome
boss , nobody can't help you !! You don't need guru because you're gonna be saint 😁 !!

[12:39 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hahaha... At times when I think of my own thoughts I feel the
same.. but the material world's expectations, esply on a girl makes me find it difficult..Haan..let me
know go there.. I shall figure it all out.. but recently, I have found myself more accepting of the life as it
is, rather than trying to control everything... Just breathing

[12:30 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I try to ensure that as much as possible, not to mix professional
and personal things..

[12:31 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: But yeah, I struggle a lot with decision making, only with high
stake things like should I resign this job and all

[12:33 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: And I am under the grip of fear of uncertainty Many a times..
that literally ruins my life

[12:09 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Keep writing, keep writing

[12:09 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: And I wish I reached that place of pure emptiness.. most of the
times, I am weighed down by the material world and expectations

[12:10 PM, 9/19/2021] Starkarts: 🤯🤯 but sometimes I lost reality like " I am just fire like burning machine
"

[12:11 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: With all the thoughts right, which you don't know if the world
around you would understand even a bit

[12:11 PM, 9/19/2021] Starkarts: I breath 8 sec circle , so my circadian rhythm always calm ! Tell me
about yours ??

[12:12 PM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I definitely need to check that. For for sure my breaths are
shallow, with all the worries and stress that I carry..I don't even pay attention to the most important and
fundamental thing of life – breath

[9:48 AM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Oh my

[9:48 AM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: I had shared this with my sister in law just couple of months ago

[9:48 AM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hahaha

[9:48 AM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: But I thought I was hated by many in our class

[9:22 AM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Oh my, that is a huuuggeee comparison to make

[9:23 AM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Hahaha.. please explain further "you do not know how to lie". I
am eager to know your thoughts

[9:23 AM, 9/19/2021] Mcc Anashwara: Only they should avoid their comfort zone --- I totally agree.. I
have been introspecting a lot recently and understood this big fact