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Communicate with confidence: a practical guide

Article  in  Dental Nursing · September 2012

DOI: 10.12968/denn.2012.8.9.584

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 Professional
Communicate with confidence:
a practical guide
There is an art to getting your message across and it is vital to your personal and career success that you
master the skills of communicating with confidence. Kate Atkin, author of The Confident Manager, sets
out strategies and techniques for improving self-confidence, effective networking and clear communication
I
f you’ve ever had a crisis of confidence, either at
home or at work, then you’ll be all too familiar
with how your thinking can spiral out of control.
Your mood changes, you find your concentration
lacking and then your work suffers. In my experience,
self-doubt is something that occurs frequently. It is
how you deal with it that makes the difference.
For many years I lacked confidence. I was shy at
school and when I started work I wasn’t sure how
to speak to people on a professional basis. That’s all
changed and I now find myself training international
sales teams in presentation skills and giving networking
tips to Olympic business delegations. So what’s the
secret? Have I had a personality transplant? Am I now
free of nerves? Do I feel completely confident all of
the time?
No, no and no. I’m still me and occasionally the
shy school girl still pops her head up, even though
I’m now in my forties. I still feel nervous, though less
so most of the time. I certainly don’t feel completely
confident all of the time.
Confidence is elusive
Often when we want to have confidence, it’s just not
there. There are other times when we exude confidence,
yet don’t realise it. We tend to only notice when we are
lacking in confidence, not when we have it.
So what is confidence?
n It’s an inner feeling of self-belief
n It’s knowing you have the right information
Kate Atkin is an international speaker,
facilitator and author
Email: Kate@aspire-2.com
510
n It’s knowledge... and more.
Here are the secrets I have found helped me grow
my own confidence, network and communicate more
effectively.
Everyone feels nervous at some
point
If you have spent some time listening to athletes’
interviews after their Olympic successes you will
realise that even though they have just won a medal,
they feel nervous.
Actors and actresses even get nervous. Dame
Judi Dench admitted to lacking in confidence in an
interview for a national paper (The Guardian, 2011).
Dental nurses get nervous too.
However, athletes and actors don’t show their
nerves when it matters, be that at the start of the race,
on stage or in front of patients. Whatever the situation,
you can be sure that you won’t be alone in feeling that
you lack confidence. There will be others who will be
feeling just as nervous as you. Maybe all you notice are
the people who seem to exude confidence. Well, here’s
a secret. Those who appear fully confident are often
doing just that—appearing so. That doesn’t mean they
have confidence, just that you believe they do and
that’s all that matters.
Watch your posture
Have you ever noticed how your body posture changes
when you lack confidence? How do you stand when
you’re feeling a little nervous? The chances are you
will have hunched your shoulders, your eyes will be
looking downwards and there will be a lack of a smile,
maybe even a worried frown on your face. All this
helps to send messages to your brain that tell it that
you’re not feeling too good about yourself. What does
your brain do? It produces chemicals, such as cortisol,
Dental Nursing September 2012 Vol 8 No 9

which enhance that stressed-out, nervous feeling. Isn’t
the human body a wonderful machine?
The good news is that it’s a process that’s easily
reversible. Ask your brain to do something helpful and
create the chemicals that will help you feel confident.
Your brain does what your body asks it to do. Taking
a deep breath and adopting a positive posture helps
to calm the nerves. Deep breathing gets more oxygen
to your brain and helps to slow the heart rate, while
standing tall with a smile on your face can actually stop
the spiral of negative thoughts. It’s impossible to think
negatively with a truly positive posture. Go on, try it.
Control the internal chatter
It can be a struggle to control your internal thoughts,
but instead of concentrating on getting rid of negative
thoughts, try something else. Think about turning
the volume down on the negative and find some
positive thoughts to focus on. We all get random
thoughts that appear to come out of the blue. The
difference between someone who appears confident
and someone who doesn’t is the control they take over
the thoughts they focus on.
It’s just as vital you give your brain good thoughts
to mull on, as it is to give it good body signals.
Being positive doesn’t mean being unrealistic. I’m
not advocating that you look at your garden and
say ‘There are no weeds’, expecting the weeds to die
without you taking any action. Believing you can do
something and creating confidence is not about lying
to yourself; it’s about being realistic and keeping a
positive frame of mind.
Would you allow your best friend to talk to you the
way you talk to yourself in your head? No? Well, start
having your mind as your own best friend and think
positively. Stop thinking:
n I’ll never be able to…
n I’m no good at…
n They won’t like this
n They’ll probably think I’m stupid.
Replace with:
n I’ll give this a go
n I’ve done something similar before
n They might like this
n I’ll ask someone else. They may be wondering the
same as me.
Choose your words carefully
The language you use can fit into one of three
categories: positive language, neutral language and
negative language. Positive words are words such as
Dental Nursing September 2012 Vol 8 No 9
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Negative chatter can really impact your productivity throughout the day
and ruin your ability to live in the moment
‘certainly’, ‘absolutely’, ‘definitely’, ‘great’, ‘fantastic’.
On the negative side you have ‘no’, ‘definitely not’, ‘no
way’, ‘things are horrendous’, ‘it’s a nightmare at the
moment’ and so on. Neutral language includes words
such as ‘hopefully’, ‘I’ll try’, ‘I’ll have a go’, ‘we might’,
‘possibly’, ‘it’s okay’, ‘I’m all right’, ‘not too bad’.
Often people tell me they stay neutral, partly because
they don’t want to upset anybody and partly because
they don’t want to over-promise and under-deliver,
thinking it is safer. The downside is that staying
neutral doesn’t instil confidence in anybody else.
Have you ever noticed the impact of someone
saying he will try to get you the report done by
Friday? Compare that with the words ‘the report will
definitely be with you by lunchtime on Friday’. In
whom would you have the most confidence? I heard
Andy Murray say two years ago he was going to ‘try
and win Wimbledon’ and he’s done just that, tried!
However, his language was much more positive when
talking about the Olympics and he walked away with
a gold medal.
That’s not to say that you need to be positive all
the time. It’s better to be definite one way or the other
and let’s face it, there are times when the answer is a
resounding negative. Just be sure to say so in a positive
way, by giving the reasons why something can’t be
done before you tell them that you can’t do it.
Catch yourself if you start thinking ‘what will he/
she think of me if I say…’ or ‘what I say won’t make a
difference’ or ‘I’m new to running clinics’ and turn the
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The next time you have the opportunity to meet and mingle with ‘strangers,’
why not come prepared. Plan to ask questions, not sell anything
thought around to a positive, such as ‘I have X years’
experience which means I do have the ability to do X’
or ‘If I have spotted something that can be improved
it’s worth mentioning it’ or ‘My views are as valid as
everyone else’s’.
Have the right balance
With the positive posture and the internal chatter
under control you are feeling ready to go out and
communicate with confidence. But what happens if
at the first hurdle you stumble and someone takes
what you meant to say the wrong way? Should you
give up and go back to keeping quiet? There’s a great
temptation to retreat. Please don’t. Take a moment
to analyse what you said, what you meant to say and
what they heard. All three could be different.
Confidence is about having the courage to speak
out, to say what you want to say and to put your
viewpoint across. However, if that’s all you do it lacks
something and could be seen as arrogant: a common
mistake with people who lack confidence. Sometimes
in focussing on the courage it takes to say what you
want to say it is easy to forget what is else is needed.
Consideration is needed to balance the courage. Show
consideration for the other person, their views and
their feelings by acknowledging them as a statement
or asking them questions.
Fearful of networking?
The mere mention of the word ‘networking’ strikes
fear into the hearts of many. Sadly, the word has
become synonymous with selling. Yet that really isn’t
the case. There is a side to networking which can
generate sales, and even result in completely new
businesses. These ‘serendipitous meetings’, as I heard
512
them described by Hermann Hauser, a successful
Cambridge entrepreneur, have spawned many a
company. ‘But I don’t want to start my own business
and I have no interest in being an entrepreneur or
sales person,’ I hear you say. However, the art of
networking with confidence is applicable in many
more situations than just these two.
Imagine you are attending a dental conference. You
have just heard a great speaker talk about gum disease
and it’s now the coffee break. Do you stand and talk
to those you know? Do you seize the opportunity to
meet someone new? Do you catch up on emails on
your smart phone? Or perhaps you take the chance to
talk to the speaker?
Approaching someone you don’t know is often
a big hurdle, especially when thoughts such as ‘will
they mind?’, ‘will they be interested?’, ‘what if we don’t
have anything in common?’ take over. My advice is to
think of something you may have in common with
the person you want to talk to. Then be bold and seize
the opportunity. The more you think about it, the less
confident you end up feeling. Making eye contact and
smiling as you approach is always helpful. Breathe,
smile and say ‘hello, may I join you?’
A little preparation goes a long
way
Preparation before an event can also help. Find out
who is going to be speaking. Do a little research
on those who interest you. Find out who else is
attending and identify those you would like to speak
to. You only need a comment or two on a topic to
give you an opportunity to ask questions. People are
generally very willing to talk about areas they are
working on if you show a genuine interest.
Speakers are often happy to answer questions
after their talk. If you see they are busy packing up,
perhaps you can offer to carry some bags for them
to give you a little extra time? Or ask permission
to contact them at a more convenient time in the
future, and when that might be. But it is better to
know a little background before mentioning topics
they might like to consider for future research, as
one friend of mine learnt when she made such a
suggestion to a scientist and received a curt ‘I take it
you haven’t read my papers on xxx then’.
Networking is as important today as it was when
I first started speaking on the subject over 10 years
ago, but the technology has changed. Don’t rely solely
on technology to develop your networks for you.
LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and other online networks
Dental Nursing September 2012 Vol 8 No 9

are well placed to help you, but nothing replaces that
personal contact to strengthen relationships.
A very effective communication tip
Once you have given your confidence a boost and
decided to network and communicate your ideas,
what is the best way to present your information?
Often facts and figures, data analysis and full
reasoning are the areas focussed upon. Why good oral
hygiene is needed to prevent oral cancer, why regular
dental check-ups are best and why brushing your teeth
twice a day is the basic grounding to oral hygiene.
Surely the logical argument will affect the outcome? It is
necessary to have the back-up of the logical argument,
yet, as Aristotle so wisely knew, logic (logos) alone will
not suffice. There are two further areas, which if not
present, mean that no amount of logic will persuade
anyone to do anything: Ethos and Pathos.
Ethos: credibility or character (of the
speaker)
Ethos is demonstrated by your reputation, how
trustworthy others believe you to be and how
authoritative you are. Ethos can be built through time,
experience and knowledge. It is not a precise measure;
ethos can’t be quantified in numbers. It’s more like
goodwill—there’s a value to be placed on it, but that
value is hard to quantify.
Pathos: emotional connection, empathy
Pathos, the emotional connection, is where the key
lies. Decisions are made not on what people know, but
on how they feel about what they know. Logically, you
may know something is good for you (your ‘five-a-day’
fruit and vegetable intake, for instance), yet you still eat
Dental Nursing September 2012 Vol 8 No 9
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KEY POINTS
Everyone feels nervous at some point in their lives.
n
Watch your posture. Stand tall, smile and breathe deeply.
n
Control the inner chatter and choose your words carefully.
n
Be bold in your decisions and actions.
n
things that are bad for you (such as chips and chocolate).
Making an emotional connection, using analogies and
asking questions to truly understand the other person
will help build your pathos. My dentist once told me
that I brushed my teeth too hard in an effort to keep
them clean; my enthusiasm was wearing away the
enamel. Yet he didn’t present this information in plain
language, instead he took me back to an old Hovis
advert, describing the boy walking down the steep hill
passing the lady scrubbing her stone step. He likened
my teeth to that stone step; too much pressure when
brushing and I would wear away the protective surface.
A powerful analogy. I took notice and immediately
bought myself an electric toothbrush so it could do the
brushing without needing my pressure.
A three-step process
By using Ethos, Pathos and Logos as a three-step
process, placing the logical argument at the end of
your spiel, you will be a more effective communicator.
As a result, your patients will be more convinced to
take better care of their oral hygiene. DN
Connor M (2011) This much I know: Judi Dench. The Guardian.
13 November 2011. Available at: http://www.guardian.co.uk/
culture/2011/nov/13/this-much-i-know-judi-dench (accessed 12
August 2012)
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