Old Antone's

by

Daniel Shakespeare

Draft 1 - 20/07/2022
INT. "OLD ANTONE'S" - NIGHT

The diner is about what you'd expect from any eatery in LA,
'88: Fading walls, a few posters of male actors (Stallone,
Cruise, Schwarzenegger), colourful salt shakers, and a
blaring radio.

Said radio is playing:

HUEY LEWIS
...The perfect boy will meet the
perfect girl,
And the perfect love will set the
world on fire...

In the corner of the diner is the most half-assed attempt at

a Christmas tree you'll find anywhere in Hollywood.

ANTONE (late-30's, bearded) is behind the counter, YAWNING.

He fiddles with a napkin.

LOUIE (O.S)
Hey, shut it off, will ya? It's
Christmas and they're playing Huey
fuckin' Lewis.

ANTONE
What's wrong with that?

LOUIE (late-30's) is sat at one of the tables, sipping a

Coke.

LOUIE
What happened to good music on the
radio? Festive stuff?

ANTONE
I get tired of it. It's all over
the other stations, KHJ's been
non-stop Santa shit.

LOUIE
And what's wrong with that?

Antone sighs, turning it off...

...as the entry bell RINGS. The two of them turn like a whip
towards the door.

Towards MACOY (early-30's), who stays in the doorway.

MACOY
You open?

ANTONE
'Course. Whatcha want?
MACOY
What d'ye have?
 2.

ANTONE
You know, burgers, soda, fast
stuff.

MACOY
Cheeseburger then. Take yer time.

He sits down...as far away from Louie and Antone as he

possibly can. Antone walks to the kitchen.

LOUIE
So what blew you in?

MACOY
Work. Paramount want me to do some
mattes. Workin' overtime.

LOUIE
Even Christmas?

MACOY
Well if it's for Indiana, I'd work
through the year.

LOUIE
Indiana? Indiana Jones? Trailer
came out last month! What are you
doin' on mattes? They're still not
done?

MACOY
In time. Not much left now...
What're you so worked up about
anyway? You Stevie's brother or
something?

ANTONE (O.S)
He's obsessed with the guy. Says
Jaws changed his life. Schmuck.

MACOY
Heh. Well, I ain't never seen props
like Brucey boy, so you might have
something there.

Louie pulls a seat up to the matte designer.

LOUIE
You work in props too?

MACOY
Used to be a prop master. Razorshot
was the gig that got me on the map,
but...didn't like that line o' work
all that much. Bad memories.

LOUIE
I see.
 3.

MACOY
Say, you got a cig on ya?

LOUIE
No, don't smoke.

MACOY
A'right, I'll ask the owner--

LOUIE
He don't either.

MACOY
...how close are you two? Regular
customer?

LOUIE
Me and Antone have been together
for...eight years now, I think.

MACOY
To-Together?

LOUIE
Gotts problem with that?

MACOY
(quickly)
No, no, 'course not. I take it you
two run this place then.

LOUIE
Yeah. I tell 'im to rename the
store to Antone and Louie's, but he
says no-one'll take too kindly to a
name like that. Even in LA.
MACOY
Heh. Sorry 'bout that.

ANTONE (O.S)
Don't be sorry for nothin'.

Antone returns with a cheeseburger in his hands.

MACOY
Fries?

ANTONE
Fryer's out.

MACOY
Shit. Oh well.
He's about to take a bite...

...when the entry bell RINGS AGAIN.

 4.

This time, CAROL (early-20's, British) stumbles in, tripping

over herself. One of her high heels SNAP in the doorway.

CAROL
Argh!

Her knee hits the floor, but she tops herself before
anything serious can happen.

Macoy runs over to her, pulling her up, while Louie gets a
seat ready for her.

She sits down with the rest of them.

LOUIE
You alright, lady?

CAROL
Yeah...yeah, I'm fine. Sorry.

ANTONE
Oh, don't be sorry for nothin'.
Now, whatcha want?

CAROL
Do you have tea?

ANTONE
Tea? What kinda fuckin' place do
you think I run here? You Brits and
your fuckin' leaf juice. I ain't
got any tea--

LOUIE
Top shelf, next to the salt. Make
the girl some tea, Antone.
ANTONE
...Fine.

He trudges to the kitchen.

CAROL
Thanks.

LOUIE
Don't mention it. You an actress?

She nods.

LOUIE
What have I seen you in?

CAROL
Nothing big yet. A cheerleader
here, fitness instructor there.
Trying out for a New World picture
tomorrow, much more promising role.
 5.

LOUIE
Well, hope you get it. What's your
name?

CAROL
Carol. Carol Wednesday.

MACOY
That's not your real name, is it?
No-one calls their...wait a second,
you were in Razorshot, weren't you?
I saw you on set!

CAROL
Erm...yeah. I was one of Darkstar's
prisoners. No lines, though. Just a
face in a torn crop-top.

MACOY
Hm. Well, Macoy Davis, prop master
for the first Razorshot film. Now I
do mattes. Nice to meetcha.

He extends a hand. Carol shakes it.

CAROL
Erm...hi! Don't remember you from
set, I was only there for a day.

MACOY
Don't blame ya.

LOUIE
What's Andy up to these days? Don't
think he's been in a pic since...
Well since Razorshot 2!
MACOY
Good fucking riddance. I told 'em.
A guy like Andy has no staying
power. You know, they thought about
making Razor 3 a New World picture?
They turned it down. Could ya
believe that? Roger Corman's ilk
turning a film down, now that's
dire.

Antone walks in with a steaming mug of black liquid.

ANTONE
No milk, missy. Sugar's on the
side.

CAROL
That's a'ight, thanks.

She takes the mug in her quivering hands, while the

restauranteer pulls up a seat next to Louie.
 6.

ANTONE
So...you two had no better place to
be, eh? Christmas lights all around
Tinseltown, and I've got two
industrialists in Old Antone's.

MACOY
Erm...

CAROL
Well...

ANTONE
Bah, what do I care? You're here,
you're here. You all seem to be
doing reasonably well.

MACOY
Are you?

ANTONE
Are you what?

MACOY
Doing reasonably well?

ANTONE
...No. Not really. We're priced too
high and look too shabby for a
joint in this slice o' real estate.

LOUIE
(rubs Antone's shoulder)
I keep telling him that it'll get
better, because it will! I mean,
the Dome's not too far from here.
People eat after the movies, right?
CAROL
...yeah, I guess.

LOUIE
What brought you to Hollywood,
girl? You a kiddie star or
something?

CAROL
Oh God no. I just...really like the
movies. Thought I could make it.

MACOY
(under his breath)
That's how it starts.
CAROL
What?

MACOY
Oh, er...nothing.
 7.

Macoy takes a huge chunk out of his burger, which has

started to grow cold from all the conversation.

ANTONE
Some love lost for Tinseltown, huh
Macoy?

MACOY
Not lost, just...well what's the
last film that really wowed you?

ANTONE
Er...what's that boxing one with
Bobby D? Raging Bull, yeah, great
picture.

MACOY
Alright, Raging Bull. Decent pic.
Came out at the start of the
decade, right?

ANTONE
Right. What's your point?

MACOY
I'm saying these films are getting
more disposable by the day.

LOUIE
Hey, fuck that. I don't buy it for
a second. I mean, The Terminator?
Aliens? Great fucking movies.

MACOY
They're okay, but... I mean what do
we stand for, huh? You two are
sorted out, you know, you've got
jobs. Real jobs, not make believe
celluloid shit. What's the point?

Carol puts her tea down, mostly finished.

CAROL
I think we have a responsibility to
entertain. People put in shifts,
come home, go back, maybe meet a
few people in between, and at the
end of the week they need something
to look forward to. Not everyone
can afford to kiss supermodels and
fly jets around, but get movie
stars to do it on screen, and
maybe... Maybe that kiss is for
them, too.
The men consider this for a while.
 8.

LOUIE
See? She's right. You guys are
important, you give--

MACOY
There's better ways to spend a
Friday night than seeing a picture.
Movies are all the same now, right?
Seen one, seen 'em all. I just
wonder if we've...lost something,
you know? Good, maybe even
"nourishing" ways to unwind. Jazz
clubs, good plays, good books, you
know kids are getting dumber by the
fucking second.

ANTONE
You got any kids, Mr. Davis?

MACOY
No. No, er...me and the wife split
last year. Didn't want 'em anyway.
Imagine bringing life into this
fucking place, right?

Macoy chuckles, but stops when no one joins in.

MACOY
It was...a joke, fellas.

He takes another chunk out of the burger.

ANTONE
Well, if conversation's died down a
bit, hope you fellas don't mind a
touch o' radio.
CAROL
No, not at all.

ANTONE
Good.

Antone crosses the diner in his lumbering way, cranking the

radio back on.

HUEY LEWIS
...Give me the keys, and I'll drive
you crazy,
Give me the keys, I'll drive you
out of your mind...

LOUIE
For God's sake, they're still on
Huey Lewis and the motherfucking
News, are they? Jesus.
 9.

MACOY
Whatcha have against Huey Lewis?
Have you heard Small World? Great
album, probably their best--

LOUIE
They make one song, one goddamn
song, again and again.

MACOY
Yeah, but it's a great song.

Antone walks back to his seat.

ANTONE
It's something to return to, you
know? It's not the grooviest thing
ever made, but it's nice to throw
on after a long shift.

LOUIE
No, it's a waste of ear space,
that's what it is. Heard one, heard
'em all. There are better things to
listen to.

ANTONE
Oh, shut up.

Macoy finally finishes his burger, licking his fingers.

MACOY
How much is that?

ANTONE
Eh, on the house. It's Christmas--
LOUIE
$2.49.

ANTONE
...Louie.

LOUIE
$2.19.

Carol laughs, as the song from the radio fades out.

RADIO
That was "Give Me The Keys" from
Huey Lewis and the News's hit
album, Small World! There's talks
of an LA tour next year, so keep
your ears peeled and your wallets
open. Now Daddy's gotta pay the
bills, but don't go anywhere! This
is Aragmar Ardilles wishing you a
Merry Christmas, and we'll be back
after the break.
 10.

The radio starts to ditter on about hair products.

LOUIE
Well, whatever you have to say
about the picture business, I'm
glad you two could make it over to
Old Antone's tonight. It's been
nice having you here.

CAROL
Thanks for the tea.

ANTONE
Any time, girl.

A CLAP of THUNDER outside. It starts raining BUCKETS.

CAROL
I thought it never rained here?

MACOY
Another one of our LA lies. When it
rains, it pours. Although have to
admit, it's usually not that bad.

LOUIE
...I've got Escape from New York on
video. TV's in the back.

Macoy looks out of the window.

A FLASH of lightning.

MACOY
(shrugs)
Beats swimming.
Carol nods in agreement, as the four of them make their way
to the kitchen...

RADIO
You know, we're getting reports of
heavy rain in Downtown tonight,
who'd a thunk it? Anyway, to keep
you company, here's The Pointer
Sisters, with "Neutron Dance"!

...Antone shutting off the radio on his way out.

FADE TO BLACK