SUB SC RIBE S IGN IN

BOOKS LI F ESTYLE BEA UT Y S

Our editors handpick the products that we

feature. We may earn commission from the links
on this page.

lifestyle > relationships

Not Sure If You’re

Falling in Love? Here’s
Exactly How to Know
It’s not always easy to know if that “can’t eat,
can’t sleep” feeling is the real deal.

BY S T EPHANIE L. KING AND AR IEL L E

TS CHINK EL PUBL IS HED : AUG 1 6, 2022

Kelvin Murray // Getty Images

Wondering whether you're really, truly

falling in love with someone? Chances
are, you've probably already asked a
close friend or family member for the
telltale signs. And if they're like most
people, they probably responded with
"you just know," "it's hard to describe," or
something equally vague—all of which,
needless to say, are pretty unhelpful.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

-29%

Dresses, Skirts & Sleeved…

Shopee

REL ATED ST ORIES

60 Love Songs to Get

You in That Slow
Dancing Mood

The 30 Best Celebrity

Love Stories

Romantic Love Quotes

to Share With Your
Partner

But just as there is no hard-and-fast rule

for how long it takes to fall in love,
there's no set checklist for how to know
if what you're feeling is the real deal.
Some people know after a single
moment; others develop the feelings
after months or even years of small
gestures.

That said, though, there are some

common (and scientifically backed)
signals that you're likely falling in
love...and we're not talking about those
all-encompassing "can't eat, can't sleep"
feelings that let you know you're living a
real-life version of your own rom-com.
For instance, you feel the need to share
even the smallest moments of your day
with your person, and maybe you
discover that their interests are suddenly
becoming your interests, too. Or, perhaps
you seamlessly start rearranging your
schedule to make more time for your
partner. And, of course, you might start
wondering—perhaps even daydreaming
—about the moment when your special
someone will admit they love you, too.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Ahead, we ask therapists, researchers,

and other relationship experts to share
the classic indications that you are,
indeed, falling in love. So now all you
have to do is prepare to say those three
big words.

You want to share

your world with
them.
Dawoon Kang, cofounder and co-CEO of
online dating platform Coffee Meets
Bagel, tells Oprah Daily, “Falling in love
is different for everyone,” adding she
believes in Robert J. Sternberg’s
triangular theory of love, which
identifies three main aspects: intimacy
(the desire to feel closely connected),
passion (physical and emotional
stimulation), and decision/commitment
(the resolve to stick together).

“You don’t need all three components to

know that you’re falling in love, but they
are strong indicators that you’re on the
way,” she explains. “But don't conclude
that someone isn't falling in love with
you because they aren't showing the
same exact signals as you do.”

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

REL ATED ST ORIES

The Most Creative

Summer Date Ideas

The Most Popular

Dating Apps

How to Increase
Intimacy in Your
Relationship

That said, the most telling sign,

according to Kang, is if you find yourself
wanting to divulge as much as you can
to your love interest, from a small win at
work to your relationship history.

“I knew I was falling in love with my

now-husband Jack when I found myself
calling him every night, wanting to share
every little detail about my day and
wanting to know about his,” she says.

They’re always in
your thoughts.
Sure, it might be trite—but it’s true. You
know you’re falling in love when your
someone begins to take up major real
estate in your thoughts. You might find
yourself rehashing your conversations in
the middle of work, thinking about your
next date days in advance, or even
envisioning your future together. For
Kang, she remembers rereading her
husband's text messages and viewing his
photos over and over again when they
first began dating because she thought
about him so often.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

And you’re dying to

know if they love
you, too.
If you find yourself considering whether
this person feels similarly and you look
for for signs that they're missing you,
too, that's another signifier, Jacqueline
Olds, MD, an associate professor of
clinical psychiatry at Harvard Medical
School, tells Oprah Daily.

“Your stomach and heart may take a leap

every time they contact you or suggest
spending time together,” adds Olds, who
has completed extensive research on
long-term marriage, alongside her
husband of 41 years, Richard Schwartz,
MD. (The couples therapists cowrote
Marriage in Motion: The Natural Ebb and
Flow of Lasting Relationships.)

REL ATED ST ORIES

Do You Know Your

Love Language?

16 of the Best
Relationship Podcasts

Along this same vein, if you’re falling in

love, you tend to experience a warm
feeling when you think about your
significant other, according to Kang. That
may mean you can't stop smiling, or you
might notice that you generally feel
more positive and hopeful.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

You feel like a

teenager again.
Falling in love has a way of making you
feel like a wide-eyed, wild-hearted
teenager again, and that's no
coincidence, says Kelifern Pomeranz,
PsyD, a California-based clinical
psychologist and certified sex therapist.
"When you fall in love, your body
produces a cocktail of chemicals,
including dopamine (for wanting more),
noradrenaline (for excitement, focus,
and attention), testosterone (for sexual
interest and drive), and a drop in
serotonin (which can cause that low-key
obsessive feeling). These chemicals make
us feel happy, giddy, energetic, euphoric,
and youthful."

They become a
priority.
“We make time for what–or who–we
love,” says Rachel DeAlto, the chief
dating expert for Match (formerly known
as Match.com). “If you’re rearranging,
reprioritizing, and reimagining your life,
you may be falling in love,” she explains.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Equally important: It doesn't feel like a

sacrifice when you have to make changes
to your calendar (say, brunch with your
girlfriends) in order to ensure you're
available to attend something important
to them (like a family party or dinner
with a sibling who's visiting from out of
town).

You crave them.

Yes, you read that right. Similar to how
you can crave a favorite food or even a
seasonal cocktail (hello, frosé), you can
crave a person, too.

Match’s chief scientific advisor, Helen

Fisher, PhD, has studied these feelings
and found that an area of our brain
associated with focus and craving called
the ventral tegmental area (VTA) causes
increased levels of dopamine to be
released when you’re falling in love.

As DeAlto notes, this yearning is usually

coupled with feeling a rush when you
think of them.

You even find their

quirks attractive.
Perpetual apologizer? Neat freak? All
(innocuous) traits of your beloved are
fair game and welcomed when you’re
falling in love. “You start to find
everything about them irresistible,"
explains DeAlto. "That even includes
their little quirks, their odd sense of
style, and their particular way of doing
things, which all become endearing.”

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

REL ATED ST ORIES

The Most Helpful

Marriage Books

Couples Reveal Their

Sweetest Stories

There is one thing, though, that's more

important than how they act or what
they do: You’re mindful of the emotional
climate within the other person,
including what troubles them, what
brings them joy, or what triggers anxiety.
“You care about their happiness, as much
as your own,” says DeAlto. “Empathy
and compassion for your partner rises as
you fall in love.”

They make you feel

better about
yourself.
People in the throes of falling in love
often report feeling like they know more,
or can do more, according to Theresa E.
DiDonato, PhD, an associate professor of
psychology at Loyola University
Maryland. She describes how an
experience of “self-expansion” often
occurs as people fall in love, meaning
their own sense of self grows through
their relationship with this new person.
For example, someone whose partner
loves hiking might start to see
themselves as a hiker too.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

You’re ignoring
other attractive
people.
Gone are the days of swiping right on
dating apps or DM'ing other potential
partners. If you realize you’re not as
inclined to investigate those other fish in
the sea, that can be telling, DiDonato
tells Oprah Daily.

“Falling in love may correspond with

changes in attention–specifically people
in loving, committed relationships show
less attention to other viable partners,”
she says.

You feel the love

everywhere.
Finding yourself suddenly enjoying small
chat with your less-than-pleasant
coworker, or striking up conversations
with your crabby neighbor? Your loved-
up vibes could certainly be radiating
beyond your partnership, notes
Pomeranz. "Falling in love can knock us
out of autopilot and allow us to see
everything and everyone in a new light.
Love can contribute to an increased
sense of well-being and lead to a positive
outlook, which can extend far beyond
the person directly in front of us."

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below