 RISHTA

 We have been doing it wrong all along. The kings fighting over the prettiest princess, the kings offering
their daughters to the attacking king as a bribe, and we have celebrated women being a trophy to be won
or prize to settle scores.

 But I believe that women should be set free. Let their wings decide which nest they want to build their
castle on. The real man does not control his women. The real man just loves his women enough. Real
man does not cage their women. Real man sets them free. But then you need to be man enough.

 They are being shown on a day of wedding like she's some sort of thing to be show cased. I
wholeheartedly believe that the entire Rishta enterprise in our country is stupidly regressive.

 While marriages may be made in heaven, it is here on earth that women have to go through lot of hoops
to find a partner.

 Marriage is beautiful thing when done with the right intention but it drastically flip over if your
intentions aren’t good.

 Marriage is all about two people agreeing to live together with love, understanding, trust and mutual
respect for each other.

 But, Marriages in India are like a business where very little importance is given to love. The whole
meaning of marriage in India is more to do with economics, wealth and looks. It is demeaning for both
men and women-but mostly women. It places value on things that shouldn’t really matter in a
relationship - looks, social, background, how much a person fits into conventional stereotypes of a
good bahu or biwi etc.

 If our society let the girls grow, educate themselves properly and have their own career, this stereotype of
“men’s family having a sip of tea and finding faults in girls for “Rishta” will gradually change.

 I will give just an outlook of how marriages are arranged in few cultures especially by the family of a
girl. The family searches bachelor or appoints people to search for an eligible bachelor for their daughter.
Also, by eligible I mean a person who earns good, is respected by society, has a good family
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background, and obviously looks good. I've just prioritized the traits according to the Indian families.
They search for a guy according to their own specifications. After that, they look at his pictures, judge
him according to his looks, ask about how much he earns and take out a thorough investigation of his
family background as if they’re FBI or something. If they get satisfied with all this then they meet the
family members of the boy to know more about them. And then, when they’re on the verge of finalizing
things, they meet the boy. After that, they give the girl and boy few minutes to talk alone to get married
to each other. Just imagine two people who barely know each other are now going to get married. Stop
binding two people together as your own liking. Make marriages easy for everyone. Stop making it a bad
thing, stop making our generation hate the idea of getting married. You are in no way supposed to know
or make a call in one meeting. That’s what I’m talking about when I say “tradition”. These practiced
existed way before monotheistic religions did. That’s also where knowledge about your faith is power.

 Nikah is a contract that transfers responsibilities. Therefore, know the man you are thinking of marrying
and be sure that he is able to take care of you more than your father did. Islam empowers women with
honor dignity.

 Dating is a discovery period. It is a fact-finding phase, as you get to know somebody don’t be afraid to
be clear about what direction you want to move in, this means creating an intention without having a
checklist.
 When someone gets stuck in the friend zone, they have entered into an exchange that isn’t even.
 They have sold themselves short.
 Un- Reciprocated feelings is one of the most unpleasant experiences. For many people who are afraid of
vulnerability or rejection often sabotage themselves because vulnerability is what turns lust into love, it
moves us past attraction and chemistry, it allows us to see people in their internal reality, accept them
other than the idea we have created about them in our head. People are attracted to mysteriousness on a
subconscious level but the truth is, it’s hard to fall for someone you know almost nothing about.
Basically, we need to get into a state of balance using your boundaries, values, and awareness to increase
your level of trust and to move into a deeper connection.
 When you want to marry someone ask yourself can this person help me with my Imaan, my deen?
 Can this person remind me of Allah through ups and downs of the dun-ya?
 Can this person uplift me spiritually and mentally?
 Can this person help me become a better person, a better Muslim?
 And finally, can this person raise my children upon Islam?
 These are very important things to ask yourself. These factors will have a great affect on you and your
future, in this life and the Next.
 The partners we choose to date are reflections of our own self-love or lack thereof.
 Relationships are our mirrors and those we choose to have around us reveals more about us and what we
believe about ourselves than it does about them.
 When you decide to marry someone, please do it for the right reasons.
 Compatibility is a lot more important than chemistry.
 Getting on with someone, laughing with someone and having similar interests is not going to lead to a
successful marriage.
 If you have goals and ambitions, does your potential have them too?
 Are you on the same wavelength?
 Do they have the same mindset, values, and morals as you?
 Do they take care of their family.
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 Are they kind hear-ted?

 By knowing this you will come to understand how they will treat you and your family. These are the
questions you need to be asking. These are the conversations you need to be having. And most
importantly, do they have Allah in their hearts?
 Do they strive to be better?
 Will you take each other to Jannah?
 It is so important to have these discussions.
 Simply loving someone is not enough because that love will start to fade once you realize how different
you are. What you look for in a spouse reflects who you are.
 What you look for in a spouse reflects who you are and what you are about,
 Your children are a reflection of you and everything you teach them.
 Choose wisely on who you want to raise them with.
 Ask the questions.
 Have the conversations.
 It’s important that your partner matches you in ambition, drive and vision for life cause otherwise you
will have incessant stress.
 A life partner is someone that complement you, have enough similarities that you can get along well with,
and also have the differences that complement your strengths/weaknesses. It is very important to teach
your kids the concept of equality and humanity.
 Teach your kids about gender equality by never using gender as an excuse for behavior, Boys will be
boys” isn’t a thing. Neither is “ it’s a girl thing.” Kids are kids and all kids are different.
 When you use gender to excuse certain behavior or to explain certain preferences, you put your kid in a
box.
 Often times, I see girls planning way too much for the wedding.
 They want that perfect day, yet they never think about the life ahead.
How do you balance work with this new life?
How do you manage your finances?
How do you deal with the whole transition of moving into new house?
How much are you ready to invest in this new relationship?
These are all things we need to think about before marriage and be as prepared as we can be.
Here are my advice for you.
A) Be yourself. If you’re outspoken and opinionated don’t pretend to otherwise. If you’re ambitious,
don’t try to hide it. Too often women have to shrink themselves to fit into molds that society created for
us and in the Rishta process more so than ever. But if someone were to reject you because you have too
many opinions, or like going out too much, ask yourself If this was someone you even wanted to marry.
B) Be very clear about what you want from life and be sure to communicate this to potential partners.
Whether you want kids, whether you want to live independently, whether you want to work or stay at
home, these are all things to discuss before you choose to marry someone. It may seem awkward to
discuss your views on parenthood with someone you may have just met, but just because it’s awkward
doesn’t mean you should avoid it.
C) Don’t think of marriage as an escape from your current life. Relationship are hard work even when
based on love and mutual respect- don’t make yourself work even harder by marrying someone you don’t
love just because you want to escape your current circumstances.
D) Don’t settle. “Your expectations are too high- Aisa larka tou factory se order par banwana paray ga”
is a statement often said. But that doesn’t mean you have to lower your expectations though.

E) Mutual love and respect and understanding are essential in a marriage. Especially when it comes to
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multitask by focusing on their career as well as managing the household. Marriages should be supportive
and each partner can bring something to the table from the past experiences and help each other grow
each day.
F) For all my alpha females. Never lower your boundaries or standards. You can’t settle with beta
individuals in life.
Alpha individuals will get you. Eagles can fly only with eagles not with pigeons. Never change yourself
even if it intimidates others.

H) Men’s families have to stop asking for gold and women’s family have to stop looking for rich damaad.
The greed is really a two-way street in the roads of Indian marriage. People have to start thinking how
much their daughter will earn after she grows up instead of thinking how to get a rich damaad. That’s
also our reality. And we should question that parents of the girls as much as we question the parents of
the boys.

You judge people based on their caste, which side of town they come from, their economic background, the color
of their skin, while you parade your xenophobia, and glorify the wife beaters, you can use it to cover your
insecurities by making up stories of everyone one you know while you fester and carry your necrotic hearts to
make your sons dependent man-babies and criticize your daughter for thinking beyond the construct you had set
for her because you don’t possess the understanding to think beyond your delusional glorification because you are
victim of same structure which created your forefathers and which as a futile inheritance you want to pass it onto
your sons and your daughters. Well….

Why is it that only women and a few men raise their voices or even get disturbed by the news of a brutal murder,
rape, assault, and abuse of women? Why don’t I see “not all men” and “decent men” shiver to their core like we
do? Do you not get scared and disturbed by such things happening around you or are you waiting for it to happen
to your own daughter/wife/sister/mother?
PETITION TO BAN RISHTA CULTURE
Talking to a bunch of people who've been through it, I have to say that the desi rishta process seems like the most
toxic, non-sensical, meaningless, and outright horrid process. Focus is on all the most pointless things and all the
things that really matter are not even bonuses
Girls have a to be pretty (read: fair and tall), college educated, and cook/clean; and guys have to be rich (lit
nothing else). And there's this toxic +/- attitude. Like you have 4 minuses against you, so you can't expect to get a
match with someone decent
It's entirely divorced from the realities of what makes good marriages today, and, MOST importantly, it's entirely
divorced from Islamic ideals: character, kindness, mercy, compassion, etc I know some people who do it right
(shout out), but God most of this stuff is toxic
And no I've never been through it myself nor plan to, so this is not a venting about my life post. This is a listening
to a bunch of stories and going "omg this actually happens holy shaista"
And no I've never been through it myself nor plan to, so this is not a venting about my life post. This is a listening
to a bunch of stories and going "omg this actually happens holy shaista"

Just the trauma of having people come to your house with the sole purpose of finding that one thing, anything that
makes you human and making your entire personality and achievements succumb to dust in front that is
agonizing. So what youre a good person? u cant have curly hair!

Rishta culture in our society is the most toxic thing ever to exist. Everyone knows that it should end, but the only
argument in its support is,"yh aese e hota aaya hy, tum log toh abhi bachy ho, tumhy kya pta". And I don't see
anyy trace of logic in it, rather it's disturbing+

This rishta culture is toxic af and they’ll defend this toxicity with the most absurd things “toor tareeqa” “society
mai yhi chlta hai” “Aesy e hota hail” and you just standing there like
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This rishta culture is toxic af and they’ll defend this toxicity with the most absurd things “toor tareeqa” “society
mai yhi chlta hai” “Aesy e hota hail” and you just standing there like
This rishta culture in our society is so sick. A random khandan come to see a girl, make her feel uncomfortable
with judgmental looks n questions. And then reject her for no valid reason, without even thinking that their munda
has no aukaaat !!!!!
Our condolence culture is just as toxic as our shadi/rishta culture. We are a nation that doesn't know how to
participate in others' happiness, and we are equally clueless about how to empathize when someone is grieving.

Meeting boys and befriending is already banned (almost as per cultural norms) , if rishta culture is also banned
then how girls will get married..
They also reject on the basis of gap between teeths height and complection tou bht hi agy ki bat
Just the trauma of having people come to your house with the sole purpose of finding that one thing, anything that
makes you human and making your entire personality and achievements succumb to dust in front that is
agonizing. So what youre a good person? u cant have curly hair!
G)We need to start snubbing those interfering “bacha nahi hua ab tak? Aunties. we need to discuss with our
husbands to be when do we want to have kids. I feel a women should have baby when she is 200% ready for it
because there is no tougher job than that of a mother but it is really sad when I see women around me who just
had babies because they were pressured by families. Women is often being pressured into having kids.Women is
expected to take care of child as If she alone has given birth and there’s no involvement of her partner. Most men
even in our generation think their children are wife's responsibility.All he has to do was donate a sperm.Lack of
control over her own pregnancies within our marraiges at a scale so large it has becomes the norm.Society
pressures and expects one to have children as soon as one gets married.Neither the society nor the relatives have
to bring the child up.Brown girls are expected to pop out a baby right after marraige and as a man or women you
wouldn’t want children when you are not financially stable.With Allah’s will, when the parents are ready for it,
that’s the right time. For the first few months, the couple needs to get used to living and even bearing each other
in certain ways. When the two haven’t even gotten to know each other well, how can they co parent a child. The
girl is still getting used to a new family and the family is yet adopting to the new addition. Don’t rush things. It’s
your decision.Both mother and father will always be equally responsible for raising their child. However, the
society always questions the mother when it comes to the upbringing of a child. Why? It is shame that some
people still think that a “good mother” is one who gives up work to stay home with her children. However, no
scientific evidence says children are harmed when their mothers work. A child’s development is influenced more
by the emotional health of the family, how the family feels about the mother’s working, and the quality of child
care.A child who is emotionally well adjusted, well loved, and well cared for will thrive regardless of whether the
mother works outside the home. And both parents have the equal responsibility in nurturing and growing the
child. Co parenting is the duty of both parents to look after their child, Just because a mother has given birth, it
doesn’t signify only a mother’s responsibility towards her child.A father is equally responsible for every minute
detail of the child, In this way, both the parents can bond with their child and get to know about their baby’s likes
and disliked equally.