Lesson 1

Reading People: How to Win

without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to
Influencing Your Audience
Lesson 1. Reading People: How to Win without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to Influencing Your Audience

Hello and welcome to the course, Reading Peo- stage—your facial expression. That’s what you are going
ple: How to Win without a Fight. My name is Mario to see in the mirror. After all, you want to know who
Schmidt. I am a moderator and speaker at the Eil- you’re going to be spending the night with. And you
ert-Akademie, where I study the science of emotions. have the chance to start the day on the right track. Give
I am a qualified coach specializing in body language yourself a smile. Take an active and positive approach.
and empathy. But, in addition to that, I’m also passion- Send a signal to your brain that says, «Things are look-
ate about «winning people over.» I’m often invited to ing great. I have a lot of plans for today, but I’m not
speak as an expert and travel all over the world doing going to stress out. I’ve planned my time, and I am
so. And I’m happy to be here with you today. going to get everything done.» Thanks to mirror neu-
rons, your brain will perceive this smile as genuine and
The purpose of this course is to teach you how to win true. And it will be as if your brain is sending this pos-
over the minds and hearts of people. I will also share itive impulse straight back to you. But not only that.
some tips and tricks on how to be more perceptive of Smiling affects our thought process. This effect is called
the people around you and of yourself, how to speak «facial feedback.»
confidently and impact your audience to the highest
degree, and how to use these skills to become more Your face muscles are directly connected to your brain,
happy and successful. and your smile (or a burst of laughter if you’re capa-
ble of that in the morning, perhaps if you’ve recalled
THE FOUR ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS OF A a funny story) sends a signal to your brain that says, «I
SUCCESSFUL MORNING am doing great!» Your brain thanks you for that with a
release of dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter
that plays an incredibly important and essential role
First, let me ask you a question. How did you start in the central nervous system. It has a purely positive
your day? Perhaps, with a cup of coffee? Or maybe you effect on people, which may even lead to a feeling of
missed the alarm and had to jump out of your bed in a lightness throughout the body.
hurry? Or did you keep hitting the snooze button for a
few more minutes under your warm duvet? Of course, That’s how you lay the foundation for the fourth stage:
this is a pretty general question, so there are going to your attitude. With the right mindset, you can tackle
be a number of different answers. Now let’s move on to any task. You can’t take on a difficult problem when
something more specific. What was the first thing you you’re all hunched over. Square your shoulders, stand
did before getting out of bed? That’s right. You woke up straight, and imagine that your body is stretching
up. That’s true for 100% of people. We wake up from upward to the sky. Assuming the right posture will make
a calm and deep (hopefully!) sleep. What’s next? Per- you feel invincible and help you tackle any obstacles
sonally, I use this time to get to know myself better. that you might face throughout the day. A positive atti-
Since I’m always on the go, I often ask myself, Where tude will make you feel like jumping for joy, defying
am I exactly?. And as soon as I get a sense of where I am gravity. It’s never a good idea to start your day with
and realize that my alarm clock has released me from bad feelings, anger, or low spirits.
the arms of Morpheus, it’s time for the next stage—get-
ting out of bed. When I get up, I try to stand on my two
feet at the same time. This sends a signal to my sub- A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION WILL BE YOUR
conscious that I have both feet on the ground, and that SUPER POWER
nothing and no one can knock me down. In other words,
nothing can «throw me off balance.» Also, that way, no Why is this morning ritual so crucial when you have,
one can accuse me of «getting up with the wrong leg.» let’s say, an important presentation to give? Because
In Germany, we use this expression to describe some- the first impression is what can make or break it. We
one who is in a bad mood and gets easily annoyed by make judgements within the first few hundreds of mil-
everything around them, like the English expression liseconds. The memorial for American humorist Will
«to get up on the wrong side of the bed.» This kind of Rogers says, «You never get a second chance to make
person radiates negative energy, causing others to feel a first impression.» If you make a bad first impression,
bad as well. things are going to be much more difficult for you. It’s
called the first impression error. If you cannot pres-
No one will ever say that I «got up with the wrong leg.» ent yourself successfully, people are not going to trust
Now, it’s time for the third and equally important you, meaning they might not include you on important

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Lesson 1. Reading People: How to Win without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to Influencing Your Audience

tasks. To avoid that, you need to be in the right mind- radiate joy always appear more attractive. Have you
set. Don’t miss your opportunity. Remember the rule of ever been able to deny a child who asks for some-
the «four stages»: waking up, getting out of bed, facialthing with a smile from ear to ear? Probably not. Smil-
expression, and attitude. ing makes us happy because it means that someone
is glad to see us. It’s a little boost of positivity. How-
Studies have shown that when it comes to first impres- ever, you need to consider exactly which type of smile
sions, nonverbal communication is much more impor- is going to be the most effective. There are four types
tant than verbal. Nonverbal processes involve body lan- of smiles in the world of emotions.
guage and personal style, rather than speaking.
1  Smile of dominance. We can usually observe this
Therefore, nonverbal communication concerns your kind of smile among people who think very highly
appearance, body language, gestures, and counte- of themselves or those who would like to come
nance. Think of your face as a stage for self-presenta- across as superior. Maybe even with the intention
tion, where you display a whole spectrum of emotions. of overpowering others. For this smile, the head is
We perceive some people as being incredibly charis- slightly tilted back. The person behaves arrogantly
matic from the very start. Why does that happen? «Cha- and contemptuously, trying to make others feel
risma» is a hard word to define. People tend to see it as inferior. «Yes, Mr. Muller. Yet again, you’ve failed
a natural ability, like a gift from above. Broadly speak- to sign a contract today.» When this is said with a
ing, however, charisma is made up of a number of sneer, it just makes things a million times worse.
specific qualities: This kind of «smile» is not going to help you. Quite
the opposite: it can be damaging. You put your-
▶▶ Self-love, satisfaction self at risk of losing a good employee, a colleague,
or a friend. That’s because the dominating smile
▶▶ The ability to express one’s feelings triggers an increase in the stress hormone, corti-
sol, which likes to linger in our bodies and can be
▶▶ The ability to show empathy and compassion hard to get rid. So this kind of smile is certainly not
one to add to your repertoire.
▶▶ Faultless and expressive speech
2  The lying smile. This one is normally used when
▶▶ Confident presentation people are trying to hide their true emotions. They
smile no matter what, trying to appear as though
▶▶ A sense of purpose
everything in their life is amazing. They do not
When you present yourself to an audience for the first show their true feelings: fear, sadness, anger, or
time, try to keep all of these points in mind. That way, disgust. You could say that these emotions are
you will be able to influence your colleagues and make being «censored.»
them remember you. When I say «audience,» I don’t
mean just giving a report on stage in front of a large 3  Smile of affiliation. You would use this kind of
group of listeners. Life has plenty of different «stages» smile to let the other person know that you appre-
on which you must perform, or where you may want ciate them, are happy to know them, or that you
to perform after completing this course. And you need are thrilled to finally meet them after a long period
to present yourself effectively every time. It doesn’t of correspondence over the phone or email.
matter if it’s a work-related report for top managers or
mothers and fathers at a parent-teacher conference. 4  Smile of praise. This smile expresses genuine hap-
The methods that I am going to cover can be applied piness, perhaps about achieving a goal, receiving
to any situation. an unexpected guest, or witnessing a sports vic-
tory in the final minutes of a game. This smile is eas-
ily recognizable by the «crow’s feet» that form in
THE POWER OF A SMILE: FORMS AND the corners of the eyes. We’ll discuss this later on.
FEATURES
The following lectures will focus on different approaches The American biologist and psychologist James V.
to these and other qualities. Your smile is your most McConnell once said, «People who smile tend to man-
important and most effective tool! Smile! People who age, teach, and sell more effectively and to raise happier

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Lesson 1. Reading People: How to Win without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to Influencing Your Audience

children as well. There’s far more information in a smile ▶▶ It’s short but leaves a memory that can last for a
than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much lifetime.
more effective teaching device than punishment.»
▶▶ No one is rich enough to refuse it, and even the
Smiling works its magic even when you can’t see it. most poor can afford it.
That’s why radio hosts are always smiling on air. You
can hear it in their voices. Try listening to your favorite ▶▶ It brings happiness into homes, fruitful cooperation
morning show hosts. You can hear them smiling as they into business and is the main symbol of friendship.
talk. They share their positivity with the audience, and
the audience is too captivated to switch to a different ▶▶ It gives peace and rest to those who are tired, hope
radio station. Who would want to listen to a person in to those in despair, and joy to those in grief. It is also
a bad mood? I worked as a radio host for many years the best weapon against anger.
and can personally guarantee that a smile affects the One cannot buy it, ask for it, or steal it, because it is
mood of the hosts as well. Can you imagine anyone only valuable when willingly given.
radiating with joy when they have to wake up at 5 a.m.
every day? But when you put a smile on, you send a No one needs a smile more than the person who has no
signal to your brain that says, «Hi brain, I’m in a great more smiles left to give. If the staff is too busy during
mood today!» And that’s when you start laughing and the last moments of holiday rush to give you a smile,
making jokes, and the communication with your col- please give us a smile first!
leagues and the audience becomes truly enjoyable. And
to keep the morning hosts in a truly good mood, the Besides the smile, you need to make a good visual
best thing to do is let them go home and have a good impression. Social psychology has determined the
sleep after 4–5 hours. existence of the «Halo effect» and the «Horn effect.»
The Halo effect occurs when you give a good presenta-
So if you remember to smile during your first presenta- tion. People tend to assume that you have other good
tion and every other presentation after that, you will be qualities as well. On the other hand, a poor presenta-
well on your way to winning other people over. When tion will trigger the horn effect, and people will assume
you show that you are happy to meet someone, that that you have other negative qualities.
person will be glad to meet you as well. Whether you’re
speaking to one person or to a full audience of people, As someone who frequently moderates discussions
winning them over is a real success. And, most impor- and presents reports, I always need to be careful
tantly, they will all want to do something good for you about my choice of clothes. What kind of effect am
in return. I trying to achieve at this specific event? What is my
goal? I try and answer these questions before every
public speech I give. The organizers also have their
NEW YORKER: «THE VALUE OF A SMILE» expectations. For instance, a business casual dress
code is hardly the right fit for an opera premiere.
Before we move on to looks and style, I would like to First of all, my outfit must be in line with the nature
quote the shop, the New Yorker, that drew attention of the event. It must «radiate light» and finally accen-
to their staff’s heavy workload during the busy period tuate and emphasize my contributions during the
leading up to the Christmas holidays. discussion or report.
A smile for Christmas

▶▶ It costs you nothing, yet means a lot.

▶▶ It makes the recipient richer, without making the Find out more in our next lesson of Reading People:
giver poorer. How to Win without a Fight. Yours, Mario Schmidt.

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