I leave the window closed.

I leave the window closed

As my room fills with darkness
And the shadow settles in
Lurking in the little light that’s left
Devouring the star that barely stands
Mocking the way of light
Gently yet ferociously creeping into
What seems like a ray of shine
A flower that blooms
But withers as another takes its place
The sun sets in the end
Transforming into something so bright
It disguises the cold night
The moon is overwhelming
It disappears yet the only thing that’s seen
A million stars appear
But not one is named
We forget that the sun is behind it all
Yet all that’s seen is the moon
But it rises again
Every day, every month, every year
Never truly wanting to fade
And the window opens once more
Letting the half-hearted breeze take over
As the shadow stands still
But it’s enough for the flowers
Enough for the stars to blink again
Inception
The cold wind travels down my spine
I can feel the way it chills my insides
Near the shore, I look out to see
Thundering blue waves stare back at me
They dare me to step closer and believe
Calming my nerves to prepare for what’s ahead
Running forward and out of breath
Submerging deep down
I let them take control
Drowning as expected
But I’ve chosen to let go
Vicious sounds overwhelm the ocean
Hundreds of sirens with unhinged notions
I open my eyes to a peculiar sight
Creatures that shimmer in a million lights
They must be the knights in shining armour
They must be here to waver the outcome
Shivers start to travel down my spine
Crawling up my legs, scratching my eyes
Invading my mind, polluting the night
Over and under, berating all might
Sinking in the deep
This must be the end
A sudden jolt awakes me
It’s time for bed
 I open my eyes
Drink Drank Drunk The bottle is empty
I can feel the way it travels down my body And the moment has passed
From my throat to my chest to my stomach
The way it cools my insides I no longer see red
The rage has dissipated
I can feel the way it evaporates my skin The appetite is long lost
The way it holds me back All that is left is my stomach full
And calms me down And the familiar numb feeling in my chest

It grounds me back to earth

Back inside my head
Back inside myself
It soothes my burning face
I can’t help but drink
Its effect on me is far too good

I close my eyes, letting it take control

Letting it consume me whole
Hoping desperately for everything to disappear
Hoping that once my lips separate
I wouldn’t need to blink again

But hope is pointless

Emotions are useless
And nothing lasts forever
 Shades of green appear
Every Day Colours fade to blue and grey
Shades of green disappear The day has begun
Grey moves in, overcome with despair
Colours fade to darkness
The day has begun

Another rose of thorns pricks at my skin

I reach out to the rain
The water feels soothing on the burning pain
I chase after it, desperate to feel relief
But nothing is forever
Beautiful doesn’t exist
It’s a spinning wheel and I’ve become a hamster

The past is a frame of white

The future is a frame of black
The present is a mixture of them all
A myriad of realities
It resembles a prism
As long as it is present, the light is a rainbow
But there shall only stand one
Another threatens to turn it black

A shadow takes over me, a strange comfort

Have I lost myself,
or have I finally found you?
I lay awake without the light
The present long forgotten
A wall of empty portraits remain
 It’s strange when I never even liked you
Where I reside But go ahead, I’ll let you try
In your eyes, there’s an ocean Lie to me, I’ll lie to myself
A myriad of emotions It’s all I can say
A black sea with no light
Just a tired-out knight For in you I see no shine
Who’s already lost his fight Your mind and soul are withered
And your eyes left blind
In your mind, I see no devotion
Just a pathetic little kite
Ripped and torn
With air suffocating its might

In your soul, a child resides

A broken, hurt smile
An exhausted little body
With no colour, no sight

In you, I see a twisted lair

But to me, you’re like an open share
I deny the reality with delight
For it boosts my failed sides

I allow another try

The page folds to the other
To a new, uncovering stage
Just a repeated little chase

Parting ways
Just a little lost today
Not a new occurrence
Just felt a little numb today
But then again when don’t I
Ever think I’ll be out of here
Not as of now
Probably not any sooner
They think they know my way
But even I don’t know what path I walk on
It’s a little less grey
It’s a little less blue
Just another facade today
It’s just a phase, nothing new
I feel alive
But stuck in a cage
And the only way is to fall out
It’s just another day
So why bother trying to find a way out
It’s all known pretend
Even you know how it’s like
Just fade away already
It’s not needed anymore
I never liked you anyway
We can both separate or stay
But I’m really done with this page
We can go our merry ways
We should end this petty stage
It’s time we break open those gates
And unleash the held back rage
We can finally part our ways
You just have to say which path to take

The Tear Tore
Tittering, the tear tore its cue
Rather than fear came the numbing hue
Laughs were heard instead of cries
The tear tore yet no one even sighed
Shouts were roaring, but screams were silent
Crocodile tears and soaring violence
Labelled heroine of pretend and intent
Inside voice, no space for vent
Confined in big sympathetic walls
Trying to hold on, afraid of any falls
A comfort of sorts is seen in cement
Burying in here feels better than to mend
Hear, hear, the door has opened
Rather than asking, actions are questioned
Wondering what’s happened
When nothing is wrong
Everything is fine
The tear has gone
Issues within
The solution not found
Drained of constant agitating sounds
Perhaps it is that time of the month
When hell breaks loose
And anger resounds
The tear was torn, a tsunami awaits
Uncontrollable crying with hesitant state
The day bid farewell before it began
Only time can fix the leaking dam
 Quiet My Love
Dear My Love There’s no need for snipes
Dear My Love It’s okay to be cold
My precious sunshine In the dizzy summer skies
Spring shall come
The stars will shine Follow My Love
The awaiting tries
With a hint of rainbow The rising constellations
And a glint of mine In the valley of life
Your winter shall pass
With overdue time Trust My Love
For in you lies
Steady My Love The slowly thawing ice
Be patient, don’t sigh On the daisies and rhymes
This marks the beginning Of forgotten promises
Of colourless signs And hopeful eyes
To fade away
With your blinding smile Look My Love
The view is bright
Breathe My Love Your luck is within
You’re a glow of kind The frozen winter inside
You’re more than enough Spring can come
And beautiful inside And the stars can shine
If snow angles can be made
Speak My Love In the thick of rimes
I shall lend eternal night
From the moon to the stars
I shall cherish your tales
Forever in mind

In another world
In another world, we’re free
In another world, we’re apart
In another world, we’ve died,
and bent this wind afar
In another world, I’m not you
In another world, we never met
In another world, I lay on this ground
without you who’s so afar
I’m free as the clear sky
I roam like a lost bird
Lost yet never so found
Grey yet never so blue
I’m not even myself
And I never knew you in this world
But I feel so uplifted
My spirits at their worst
Don’t exist in this world
I’ve never felt so happy
I’ve never felt so free
Even if it doesn’t last long
I want to live it like I’m free
Free from all of you
Free from all that you bring along
Free from your world
Free from your curse
In another world, I’m flying
I’m drowning in the sea
Perhaps I’ve already drowned and died
But here I am, with no wounds
No cuts, no injuries
I roam in this sky
I roam like I’m free
Because in this world, there’s no one
There’s no one but myself and me

Drive
Going on a vacation today
I’m going far away
Running down the hills
And up the mountains I sway
It’s a long drive to the sea
To the desert
To the Netherlands
To where silence breaks free
And screams are prominent
I’m going far away
Climbing out of this world
Where my mind separates soul
From my body and my zones
Till my individuals limbs
are able to walk on their own
I am no longer a human
or a hamster or a slug
I’ve gone far away to a place
A place with no chore
A place with no memories
No heartbreaks, no core
Gone is my sanity
Gone is my conscience
Gone are those who I once adored.
With no remorse, no regret
I’ve come this far
There is no turning back;
What’s left are my dying scars
I’ve reached the place with no destination
I’ve crossed the sea, the desert, the Netherlands
I’ve crossed the world for this moment
To at last be away from nothing but the cruelness
of self, of I, of my soul and my mind
I’ve driven the trip with no spar
I’ve driven it bravely,
and cowardly and pathetically
I’ve driven far away on a vacation
To where I’m no longer me
And I’m finally at peace.

Masquerade Ball
Underneath the moonlight
I dance, sing, sway
Away from the normal
I slowly shift my pace
Filled with abnormalities
With no one to notice
I dance as if it’s my last day
I let myself enjoy
This moment may never come back
I try to blend in, to be like them
To be as if I’m not a maniac
I can put on a dress, a hat, or a sac
Anything I wear, they seem to like
Yet everything is invisible to the naked eye
I do what I can’t do in this body
I can visit a museum, a studio, or a party
I make friends with her and him and them
They seem to like me just as I am
Rhythm and beat and tone, I know it all
I know everything but it can’t be proved at all
This is my moment
I am the main character
My new little world
is better than the real one
Everything is perfect here
Everything is shining
Everything turns out to be exactly how I like it
A dialogue here and a dialogue there
A script made just for me to hear
I am the director, the actor, the producer
This is my story, my history, my future
Shot 1, Take 17
A clap of the slate begins the ceremony
The cycle repeats and repeats and repeats
The walls get tired of the exact same scene
Laughter and joy that no one can hear
Madness disguised in the face of cheer
Addiction is the result of escapism and fears
Cameras distort as confusion comes near
Heads snap, mannequins cackle
Demons arise as sirens start to settle
Numb is felt more than pain
Conscience is thrown out the window in vain
Me with my little crumbling world
Still seems better than the reality’s curse
Rush Hour
Hush, hush, hush
Don’t let them know
It started off innocent
Now it’s just a foe
A mistake was excused
For taking it easy
Messed up once
But twice was just lazy
Lies were told
yet never ever taught
Now it’s rush hour
There’s no time to halt
1, 2, 5, 17, and counting
Things won’t be done any sooner with taunting
Don’t do it today, do it now
Principles drowned themselves, there’s no doubt
No motivation, no devotion, no passion
Mindlessly going through it all with no caution
Checking off 1 makes a thousand arise
This has happened before, a couple hundred times
Failure still doesn’t seem like an appropriate choice
Millions of voices drown the right noise
Awake all night with lots to do
Cooking up new recipes of recycled menus
Sleep became the least important task
Woken up yet again to put on a dirty mask
Time has slowly slipped away into past
Now it’s rush hour
How long will this last?
Newly Deceased She crosses the bridge, leaving the stranger behind
From blue to grey to white to blue
She walks over to the bridge Colours flicker in her eyes like a cue
With no regret, no sorrow Memories flash, thunders roar, rainbows fall,
The reflection isn’t hers the wind soars
It couldn’t be Quivering and shaking but she doesn’t stop
Soulless eyes, scratched arms She must make it through, she must
Her body floats on the surface Her suffering must come to an end
She can barely see the legs The stranger was sacrificed for her to find peace
This can’t be the girl she knew How could she still struggle and wheeze?
This can’t be the girl she had lived with her entire life Pushing against the storm, she crawls
Had it really come to this? The lightning seizes her remaining might
She wanders Why did the bridge suddenly feel so far?
Should she seek for help? The ground cracks and she dives in
No one would come, she knew Blinded by the stillness of a pitch black hole
Yet even now she can’t help but wonder She breaks the silence with her screams
If someone had been here a few minutes early Not even bidding a last farewell,
Maybe, just maybe The cruelty of peace hushes her to hell
But no one was here The sparks and ashes suffocate her bones
If they were, her screams were ignored Newly deceased, she’s finally made it
If they were, the loud splash of her body Yet nothing is better and everything burns.
hitting the surface was ignored
She was ignored
It was nothing new
Yet how could it still hurt?
She was finally rid of her misery
Yet she hurts
Why?
The floating stranger should be hurting
Then why her?
Why must she hurt?

Maze Runner
Walking down the hill
I wonder what path she took
To get where I am
What highways did she choose
Across the little alley
Along the valley of life
Deep inside my head
Crawling up the hives
She’s nowhere to be found
She’s everywhere to be bound
A funnel of nostalgia,
filters out the sounds
I see a tiny windshield
Clearing up the daze
I reach out to grasp
A jammed dusty gate
Opening up its doors
I finally catch the view
It’s not as it seemed
It’s crazier than it ensued
I hear a little murmur
A whisper and a mewl
Use your inside voice
How can you be so rude
Oh my gosh, just stop it
You don’t have to be so cruel
Why is everything this harsh
Why do you do you
You know you’re the problem
Get it over with, it’s due
I’m really sick and tired
Can’t I just be brand new
Voices overlapping
Hazing up the cue
I forget for a while
It’s just what I knew
Closing all the roads
Backing up the hill
Making big excuses
Excusing them for meals
Sealing up with sleep
Through restless long nights
Running in the maze
I’m just another broken kite

New Moon
Striving through the storm
Another moon sinks
Fragile as ever
It surrenders to the void
In search of peace
The moon finds chaos
Another day, another phase
Another facade and the cycle repeats
Cracks on its surface
Hollow deep down
Soundless cries and numbing grounds
Filled with sorrow, the moon drowns
Striving through the storm
A new moon arises
Fragile as ever
It battles day and night
Another day, another phase
New facade, a new little chase
Searching for peace, a day shall come
The new moon will find its roaring thrum
Cracks in its surface
Hollow deep down
Silent no more with thundering grounds
Filled with grief, yet the moon rebounds