BANK ROBBERY

Written by

Yunhan Liu

Phone: 347-982 6681

Email: yl3972@columbia.edu
INT. BANK - DAY
Few customers are waiting in line silently. All
employees are doing their jobs. Suddenly, a masked
robber breaks into the bank, holding a gun.
ROBBER
(waving the gun at the
crowd)
This is a robbery. People get down
now! Hands on your head!
(walks to the counter
pointing the gun at one
teller)

TELLER
Please don’t shoot me. I will
cooperate.

ROBBER
Good, now put money into the bag as
quickly as you can. No tricks.
(throws a bag to the
teller. Then turns around
to check the crowd that
are now all on the
floor.)
Nobody move! Or else...

When he’s talking, a man in bank’s uniform stands up slowly.

ROBBER(CONT’D)
(points the gun at the
man)
Wow, wow, wow, what the hell? I
said, nobody move! You got a
problem, buddy?

MAN
No! It’s just...you said “Nobody”
move. I’m “Nobody”.

ROBBER
(confused, frowning)
What...what?

MAN
My name is “Nobody”, Nobody Simons.
(points to his name tag on
his shirt)
You said “Nobody” move, so I
thought you need my assistance.
 2.

ROBBER
What sort of name is that? We are
not in Neil Gaiman’s young adult
fantasy novel, are we ?
(sigh)
I wasn’t talking to you. I meant no
one move. Now get down!

Nobody Simons gets down.

ROBBER(CONT’D)
Everybody do as I said and nobody’s
gonna get hurt.

NOBODY SIMONS
Hey, that’s not fair!

ROBBER
(scowls at him)
I was not talking about you!

NOBODY SIMONS
(sighs with relief)
Thank god!

In the background, a woman, also in bank’s uniform, stands up

and slowly approaches the robber.

ROBBER
(notices the woman near
him and points the gun at
her)
What the hell do you think you’re
doing, woman?

WOMAN
(hands in the air.
Nervously and very
frightened. In a very
small voice.)
What...what do you...want me to do?

ROBBER
(confused)
What? I didn’t call you.

NOBODY SIMONS
(shouts from the crowd)
Yes, you did! You said, “Everybody”
do as you said. She’s “Everybody”,
Everybody Thompson. The intern.
 3.

ROBBER
(in shock)
Okay...now get down, “Everybody”. I
mean, get down, woman. I was not
talking to you either.

The robber turns around to see if the teller has filled the
bag. The counter shields the teller so the audience can’t see
what’s going on behind it.

ROBBER(CONT’D)
Hey, you! Are you done? I’m losing
patience.

TELLER
(stands up)
No, she’s “Done”, Done Stewart.
(points to the woman at
the other counter)
Oh, I’m “Kidding”. Nice to meet
you, Mr Patience.

ROBBER
Kidding what?

TELLER
Kidding Morgan.

ROBBER
What?! I meant, you finished yet?
Jesus Christ! You people are crazy.

JESUS
(opens the door, with his
Jesus look)
I’m not crazy. I simply honor my
Father, while you dishonor me. I am
not trying to get anything for
myself. God intends something
gloriously grand here and is making
the decisions that will bring it
about. I say this with absolute
confidence. If you practice what
I’m telling you, you’ll never have
to look death in the face.

ROBBER
(in shock, with his mouth
open)
What?

People are whispering to each other about the advent of JC.

 4.

ROBBER (CONT’D)
(angrily)
Everybody shut up!

EVERYBODY THOMPSON
(in a small voice)
I didn’t say anything.

ROBBER
(cries out)
Oh my God!

GOD
(the voice and a light
come from above)
Yes, my child?

ROBBER
Wait, I think I know what’s going
on here. Matthew McConaughey?

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
(enters, with his Matthew
McConaughey accent)
Alright, alright, alright.

ROBBER
Right, I’m outta here.
(to the teller Kidding
Morgan)
Give me the bag!

The teller rolls out a man with the bag over his head from
behind the counter.

TELLER
I’m sorry. The bag’s too small. I
tried my best.

ROBBER
(sighs)
Let me guess, that’s “Money”, isn’t
it?

TELLER
Yes, Money Anderson. Our manager.