Understanding the Bible Living a life that Matters Nicholas Gilman

Reflection Paper
Living a Life That Matters by Harold S. Kushner offered useful insights into how we frame

ourselves within the world, our responsibility to society, and how and why we matter to the world. I

found this book to contain useful insights, though a bit repetitive a times, in how we view our sense of

self-worth and purpose. Even if I disagreed with some of the author’s opinions, they did allow me to

reflect on and synthesize my own beliefs into a more succinct and pointed idea. There were passages

that I found interesting, whether it for my intrigue or dissent, that I intend to discuss in this reflection

paper.

I think (or idealistically hope) that most of us actively reflect on our actions and character in an

effort to identify the qualities that we do not desire of ourselves and try to address ways to improve or

remove these qualities. Admittedly, in my youth this was not something I consciously engaged in, but

subconsciously we recognize characteristics of ourselves that we resent. Kushner reflects on the story of

Jacob returning home for the first time in twenty years. He describes Jacob as hating himself for always

lying and running away from his problems. He also points out that at one point Jacob is said to hate his

wife Leah, not because of who she is, but because she reminds him of how he was tricked into marrying

her, just like he tricked his father into blessing him. Leah holds a mirror to Jacob, exposing the character

flaw that he has continued to try and escape from. This is something I have battled with my whole life,

but I continue to work on self-identifying the root of my disdain for another’s behavior or character.

Looking back on my youth, there were many behaviors and traits I carried that make me cringe now.

When I see these characteristics in others it immediately triggers an anger or frustration response. If I

can identify that my frustration is from seeing a reflection of the shortcomings of my former self, I can

ask myself if there is an opportunity to make a positive impression on this person or share some small

interaction of enlightenment that helped me make changes in my own life.

Understanding the Bible Living a life that Matters Nicholas Gilman
Reflection Paper
This chapter was followed by a chapter titled What kind of Person do you want to be? It was

filled with multiple examples of his personal experiences, movies, and biblical references that highlight

the idea that all people are susceptible to temptation, lust, and otherwise immoral behavior, not

because they are sinners or evil, but because they are human. It is this very vulnerability to temptation

that makes us human. Of the discussion he provided on why is it that good people do good things when

no one is looking, I found the chapter to dismiss the idea that people can be good simply because that

helps them define their sense of self. I don’t believe that our moral compass is explicitly guided within

the confines of risk and reward, or praise and condemnation. As an introvert, I find that praise for a

good deed makes me more uncomfortable than if it goes unnoticed. My desire to do good comes from

my wish to be the idealized version of myself, for myself. Of the examples he provides for this

discussion, I particularly enjoyed his description of the internal dialogue that exists within the character

of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. While he does give into, and even begins to enjoy, the wicked behavior

personified through Mr. Hyde, it begins through a critical self-assessment of his feelings. Where do

these feelings of anger and aggression come from? Why do they manifest and are they reasonable? Like

Kushner attests, our feelings of anger, resentment, and temptation are part of the vulnerability that

make us human, but how me manage these feelings define our character. I continue to work on self-

assessing my feelings in the moment to help me determine if my feelings of anger or frustration are in

fact warranted or simply a result of external anxieties. This then allows me to manage my reaction to

these feelings.

One of the most interesting chapters of this book, Wild Justice: The Seductive Pleasure of

Getting Even,” covered a concept I was not previously familiar with. The concept that the instinctive

desire for revenge is less about hurting the person who has inflicted the crime, but more about restoring

the power balance to what it was before the crime was committed. The more I reflect on this idea and
Understanding the Bible Living a life that Matters Nicholas Gilman
Reflection Paper
my wrongs committed in my life, the more real and powerful this concept is for me. I am finding that

when I was craving revenge for an injustice that was committed, what I really wanted was to overcome

the feeling of helplessness I was left with. Revenge is our instinctual reactionary mechanism that will

allow us to overcome the helplessness and restore the power balance between us and our offender.

This chapter was filled with powerful examples of how victims have been able to move forward without

a desire for retribution simply by being given the opportunity to have their voices heard following a

crime. I plan to integrate this idea of restorative power balance into my own process of interpersonal

conflict resolution moving forward.

Kushner’s chapter on the quest for integrity was also compelling in its presentation of the

characteristics of a leader. He presented many examples of industry leaders who represent to epitome

of integrity through their actions. One such example was Kenneth Blanchard, author of One Minute

Manager book series. He believed that much of our workplace interactions have become impersonal.

That we treat people like expendable pieces in a machine instead of human beings. His philosophies on

interpersonal communication and workplace relationships really resonated with me. Before moving to

Nashville, I served in the Navy as a nuclear machinist mate aboard the USS Michigan SSGN submarine.

When given the opportunity to lead my division, I questioned if I was capable of the job. I was relatively

young and inexperienced, and there were certainly more qualified personal to fill the position, but I had

the opportunity to learn from some of the best leaders I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. What I

found so powerful in their leadership was the humanity they were able to restore to our command. My

strength in leadership was in ensuring that the voices of my division were always heard whether it be for

personal or professional issues, and their successes were acknowledged. Blanchard has distilled these

ideas into concise directives to improve the compassion of a workplace. Kushner describes his

philosophy as, “not simply a tactic for getting them to be more productive but part of an effort to make
Understanding the Bible Living a life that Matters Nicholas Gilman
Reflection Paper
the office or factory a more humane place to work, a place where neither manager nor employee has to

sacrifice his soul for the sake of the company.” This is a philosophy that I will continue to practice as I

continue beyond my time at Belmont.

There were many more excerpts and viewpoints I wished to discuss from this book, but I will

leave them for my own reflection. I believe everyone could benefit from the concepts presented in this

book even if they are just a mechanism to allow you to assess your own beliefs and values.