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Boundaries 5/14/01 12:37 PM Page 46

46 Boundaries

freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you.

We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are
withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my
children—open wide your hearts also” (2 Cor. 6:11–13).
Our loving heart, like our physical one, needs an inflow as
well as an outflow of lifeblood. And like its physical counterpart,
our heart is a muscle, a trust muscle. This trust muscle needs to
be used and exercised; if it is injured it will slow down or
weaken.
We need to take responsibility for this loving function of
ourselves and use it. Love concealed or love rejected can both
kill us.
Many people do not take ownership for how they resist love.
They have a lot of love around them, but do not realize that their
loneliness is a result of their own lack of responsiveness. Often
they will say, “Others’ love can not ‘get in.’” This statement
negates their responsibility to respond. We maneuver subtly to
avoid responsibility in love; we need to claim our hearts as our
property and work on our weaknesses in that area. It will open
up life to us.

We need to take responsibility for all of the above areas of

our souls. These lie within our boundaries. But taking care of
what lies within our boundaries isn’t easy; neither is allowing
other people to take care of what lies within their boundaries.
Setting boundaries and maintaining them is hard work. But, as
you’ll see in the next chapter, boundary problems take some
very recognizable shapes.