KNOCK OFF MASCOTS
By Grant Howitt (@gshowitt)
All credit for the name to Jeff Good
YOU are an unofficial mascot for your football team. You wear an
oversized costume that your mum made for you, and you’ve
earned what little fame you have with sweat, hard graft and
sacrifice. For years now you’ve been in the shadow of the official
mascot who’s got all the sweet gigs - access to VIP parties,
lucrative endorsement deals, and celebrity connections. What’s
worse, they take every opportunity to rub your nose in it.
You’ve had enough. You and your friends are going to murder
them. THEN the club will take you seriously. THEN you can show
them what you’ve got.
ALTERNATIVE SETTINGS
You don’t have to be an aspiring football mascot. Other sports are
available; and if you set the game in Japan, that lot will assign a
mascot to anything. Sky’s the limit, mate.
COSTUME THEME
1. Bird
2. Food/Drink
3. Mammal
4. Mythical
5. Regal
6. Reptile
7. Robot
8. Working Class
GETTING THINGS DONE
When you act and the outcome is in doubt, roll 2D6.
Add 1D6 if you’re acting in accordance with your Nature.
Add 1D6 if you have an audience (other mascots don’t count).
If none of the dice rolled show 4+, you fail to achieve your goal and mark HEAT.
If one of the dice rolled shows 4+, you fail to achieve your goal - try something else.
If two of the dice rolled show 4+, you achieve your goal.
If three of the dice rolled show 4+, you achieve your goal and mark HEAT.
If four dice rolled show 4+, you achieve your goal spectacularly and mark double HEAT.
HEAT
A measure of police attention, stress and actual heat (it’s hot
inside those suits!). When you mark HEAT, roll a D6 and add it to
your score. If your HEAT ever goes over 21, you’ve been arrested
- or passed out from exhaustion - or got scared and given up - or
whatever. You can’t take part in the game any longer.
You can reduce HEAT (yours or another players’) by covering up
evidence, framing someone else, rescuing someone from police
custody, fleeing the scene of a crime and other suitable actions.
Reduce HEAT by D6 for each successful action.
THE KILL
Before you murder the official mascot, you’ve sworn to undo
everything that makes them feel powerful. Players take it in turns
MAKING YOUR MASCOTS
First, make the official mascot for your team. They’ve got it all
figured out: their costume makes sense and isn’t home-made,
they have a coherent backstory and probably a theme song (or
two!), etc. Each player should pick an aspect of the official mascot
that a) defines them and b) makes their character so jealous they
can barely think. (Details of the person inside the suit are
unimportant.)
Then, define your own character. How does your character
struggle with living up to the official mascot? What’s your costume
like, what’s your shtick? Do you have a prop? Are you an original
creation, or adopted from a different mascot job? Below are some
tables; roll on or pick from each, or come up with your own. Name
and then draw your mascot. This final step is mandatory and
non-negotiable.
COSTUME FLAW
1. Awkward
2. Constricting
3. Heavy
4. Huge
5. Loud
6. Sweaty
MASCOT NATURE
1. Bashful
2. Cute
3. Friendly
4. Gullible
5. Hungry
6. Passionate
7. Patriotic
8. Wacky
to frame a scene where the crew is attempting to ruin the aspect
of the official mascot that they suggested. Once all the aspects
have been destroyed, the official mascot is vulnerable, broken and
ready to be eliminated in the final scene.
THE END
At the end of the game, work out how everyone’s story ends. The
player with the highest HEAT that’s under 21 is selected to be the
new official mascot; everyone else is still a no-name loser, unless
they end the game with 21 or more HEAT in which case they’re a
no-name loser in prison. Give everyone a couple of sentences
each to describe how the events of this murderous evening have
changed their lives.