In how many years of marriage does this evolution happen? Or it's devolution.

I'm sure he was a

wonderful, romantic, wonderful man at one time. I don't know in how many years of marriage does he
become a nasty creature? And how much role you have in making a nasty creature? Especially if he is
nasty creature, especially if it is so, this is your perception.

You're seeing something in a certain way is not about them. It's about you. Do you want to keep your
eyes, your mind, your heart, your body, pleasant or unpleasant? You make up your mind on that one.
Now, if you look at him, I said even that nasty creature, please look at him. It's like me. I'm not telling
you that: you have to listen to his teachings or take new practices from him. No, I'm saying, if you have
looked at me with a certain sense of reverence, devotion, love, affection, whatever is your emotion. If
you have, please seen everything with that, because you have a body, you have a mind you have an
emotion, energy we're talking about your emotion right now. If you hit a certain level of sweetness of
emotion, at one point in your life, either because of your love or devotion or compassion or whatever,
you hit a certain level of sweetness. This is the highpoint in your life.

Now you should not come back from that you must see how to go beyond that. I am saying whatever
was the highest or the sweetest or the most wonderful emotion you had make that the base line. Why
are you coming back again? If you did not know such an emotion, then what would I tell you? Which is
the sweetest emotion you had in your life? My child, okay, see,everybody as your child. We’ve told you
that at one time. Then I saw you sat here with tears ofblissfulness and love coming out of you. Then I
said, see everybody asyou're looking at me, right now. Because this will make youreyes, your mind, your
heart, your body and your verybeing sweet and wonderful. This is not about him. Especially if he'sbeing
difficult. Then you're being well trained. Even if you go to hell youwill do well. Yes. Because nobody
hasguaranteed you. Have I ever told you,“I will get you a ticket to heaven?” I've been constantly
threateningyou, “Right here things will happen”. So, you must understand thisis about your
transformation. The problem with you is because you read,what are those? Well, I don't wantto take
names anyway. You did, read all those romanticbooks when you're a teenager and then you imaginedall
kinds of things. You're not first of allstraight with yourself. Your hormones are working up. Suddenly you
look atsomebody, “Wow! I can't believe she's sobeautiful. She's so fantastic. He's so handsome.He is so
wonderful. Everything he does, ah.” You'rebullshitting yourself. No, no. Whatever they do,you make you
yourself beautiful. Now even if they're doing nastythings, you're still wonderful. This is different. You
know, they're doing nastythings, and you're still wonderful. This is fantastic. They are doing nasty things,
but youthink they're doing beautiful things. This is a stupid nonsense. I’ll tell you, somebody who was
servingin Indian Army told me this story because we went through asimilar situation somewhere else. So
at that time,he was narrating this. They were posted in thenorth-eastern region where there's a
certainamount of elephant population. So he is a battalion leader, he's headingabout a group of
eighteen to twenty people, I think they are marching in theforests and they see a huge tusker,
everybody backs off all of them have weapons,okay, powerful weapons. This is anti-insurgency group
thatmeans they are fully armed and equipped. They can shoot down a tusker from hundredmeters, two-
hundred meters, whatever they want. But they all back off because that'snot the reason why they are
there. But he was telling me this because this some situation happenedlike this with one South Indian
person, so suddenly there was one Tamilman in the thing who was a sergeant, Havildar, he put his
weaponsdown and he said, “Ganapathy has come. Ganesha, Ganesha!” and hestarted chanting a
mantra. He knew some Ganapathymantra, he started chanting, he ran in front and he went closeto the
elephant just fifty feet away and went down on his knees andstarted loudly saying the chant, the
elephant looked at him,“Who is this bloody fool?” You know, calling him all kinds ofnames that he
doesn't like. And these people were watching,this is some kind of a miracle happening. The elephant is
just standing there andthis guy's on his knees chanting, the elephant moved so quicklyand within less
than two seconds, or within probably fiveseconds, he was upon him, he just crushed him,turned back
and went. These people were just aghast andthey just watching him being crushed. Then some people
pulled out theweapons when the person whom I knew, was in charge of it he calmed them
downbecause it's already dead. The man is dead in one shot. Why I'm saying this to youis: elephant will
not do, wild elephant is not going to do pleasantthings to you because you call him a god. You call him
Ganapathyand try to worship him. He's not going to do,he will do what he has to do. Similarly,the
creature in your house. He will do what he has to do.Whatever is his characteristic. It is just about
you.I'm talking. You're always thinking oflife as a relationship. No, no,I want you to understand, before
you were born,or even when you were being born you did not have arelationship even with your
mother. This is going tobe very unpopular. People are going to pick onme, but please look at it. You
don't have a relationship. You just have an existence. Relationship happened because of your needs,you
saw her as your food, you went for her you saw her asthe basis of your survival. You recognized that
quickly, youknow, the moment a child is born, hand her over to anotherman or another woman, and let
them take care of allthe child's needs, child will immediately go to them. This whole idea that youthink
it's coming to you because you're the motherand you delivered, no, it is because ofthe needs you form
relationships. Otherwise thereis just existence. This existence can eitherbecome conscious and live in a
phenomenal presenceand become available to it. Or just do or go ondoing the circus. Initially, your
mother was everything.She was the most fantastic creature and then you grew up, you becamean
adolescent and you saw a boy, he was the most fantasticman, in the world, then your mother came in
betweensuddenly you started hating her. Hello. Then the man came,he was most beautiful. Then he
became a nastycreature, or so you thought. Now you think he's the worst humanbeing, this goes on. I
want you to understand you'remaking up both beauty and nasty. I am not asking you to make up. I am
not asking you to think whateverthis person is doing is fantastic. That's a stupid way to exist. It's just that
if you see everything,whatever is the peak experience you had, make that the baseline,this is growth.
You played the snake and the laddergame, choing, choing, chisk, You played that game?Snake and the
ladder game. So when you play this game,your intent is once you climb a ladder, you don't want to
come back.You don't want to hit a snake. You want to find anotherladder, another ladder go up, that's a
natural expression of life. So once you know a certain level ofsweetness, within you, don't bring it down.
That should be the basis. The next thing shouldbe better and better. So when I said, every, right now you
weresitting here with tears of ecstasy and love like this with me, then Isaid, “Let this be the basis. Don't
go down from this. See everything as this.” Atleast let this much happen. If this is
continuouslyhappening, constantly happening, then of course youwill hit another ladder. Just a little bit
of time. Don't come down.That's all I said. And please don't describe him as a nastycreature, poor man.
This happened,I think I told you, maybe one of these days only I told you,I don't remember but let me
repeat this, Shankaran Pillai thought his wife ishaving an affair, hired a detective. I'm saying it loudly
because just to remindyou, said, “I want proof against her”. So detective just waited outside thehouse,
the she left the house. He followed her. Then she went to,parked near a park, went inside. A man was
sitting on the bench. The moment he saw her, he came running,she went running, they hugged each
other held hands and sat down on the benchand chatting away joyfully, laughing. He took the whole
videoand within a few hours, he came to ShankaranPillai in his office and said, “I got all the proof that
youwanted, just in one day. I did my job. I have theproof, here watch the video”. Shankaran Pillai
startedwatching the video and said “No, I can't believe this. No, no,this can't be, I can't believe this. No, I
can't believe this.” He said,“What you Can't believe? It's a video. It's not doctored. It's just a videothat I
took just now.” He said, “That's not the point fool,I can't believe she's so much fun.” So after fifteen days
is over,when the man goes away somewhere, then you will seehow much fun he was. Don't do this
toyourself.