Session 1

- Individual Governing Purpose

- We all need a “North Star” or moral compass to keep us on track with our vision of the
future.

- We all can easily get tossed o course if we do not have a sense of purpose. The bigger
the purpose the more motivated we are in maintaining our course.

- A purpose is not a goal it is a statement of vision or a mission statement of what our life
will mean to us as we unfold it.

- We all require a Master purpose and then several sub purposes and then goals to get
us through.

- To be 100 percent while we will de ne our Governing Purpose clearly along with values
and character traits that are required to maintain progress.

- Marital Governing Purpose

- Marital Governing Purpose is the marriage between TWO 100% whole individual pur-
poses. It is the “Family Proclamation” for the marriage and family.

- Boundaries shared by couple are described in the statement

- Shared Vision is created within the statement.

- Top 5 needs to be happy

- We all have needs. Thousands of needs.

- It isn’t sel sh to admit you have needs. How you achieve your needs may be sel sh, but
it is purely human to have needs.

- The higher up on your list of needs they become more mandatory and less negotiable.
Need number 6742 is way more negotiable than need number three on this list.

- We spend a lot of time in relationships negotiating needs, attempting to have our needs
understood, and feeling joy or sad because of what is happening with our needs.

- I challenge you to write down your top 5 needs, share them with your lover, and stay
still until you both completely understand what the need is, how it looks when it is met,
why its important…

- NOTICE how we use our governing Purpose to place personal controls on getting our
needs met. If my marriage purpose is to be a great communicator and raise healthy kids
I won’t meet my excitement needs by starting a heroine addiction and not telling my
spouse…

Session 2

- Communication
- Expressing needs
- No assumptions that your needs will just be gured out…you need to sit quietly and
meditate, de ne your needs, and then express them.

- Remember each of us use words di erently. I need excitement is completely di erent

for me than my spouse. You need to ask questions and explore what your needs look
like.

- Patterns of communication
- Some folks think through things until they know how to say things and then say them.
Other folks speak their mind and continually adjust what they are saying until it
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 sounds correct. Two very di erent ways of processing information both OK but can
cause problems if the di erences aren’t understood.

- Listening to understand
- Listeners duty is to listen. Not listen waiting to respond but listen to understand. The
listener must listen ask questions and listen some more until the speaker is com-
pletely understood.

- Listen

- Summarize what you heard and ask if your correct

- Listen to what was not correct without judgment

- Restate what you heard until the speaker states that you understand.

- Now its listeners turn to speak ….same routine…

- Keeping talking points clear and understandable

- Many couples begin talking about a certain thing. This stirs up issues that are con-
nected or even triggered into the conversation.

- This triggering and adding issues on top of issues will overwhelm the conversation.

- You must keep on ONE topic at a time. Do not think you can both track the issues
involved in three di erent issues at a time.

- Watch out for the mistake of slipping around accountability. Almost getting to an
agreement, but not making an agreement with each other because the topic changed
and we are now arguing over something else…

Session 3

- Three meeting a week mandatory!

- Date Night
- 5 hour date!
First step is have a clear understanding of who is in charge of the date. The person in
charge can make assignments, but is owning the whole date from babysitter to funding
it. 
Second step is remember the date night is courtship. This means doors are opened
and hands are held, hygiene perfected, be your best self etc…

The 5 hour date: (Example)

• Dinner or picnic at a scenic spot.
• Dinner discussion is aimed at nding out something brand new from your lover.
(Questions list will be provided later)
• Take an after dinner walk and chat about future goals and dreams, think outside the
box together and really create a fantasy about a future event that each of you wish for.
• Do an activity: enjoy a new hobby or play a game. Pickle ball, dominoes, Yahtzee,
tennis...
• Drive home and relax until bed time...
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 Upload questions to build Friendship
• In what ways do you operate well as a team? In what ways could you improve?
• How is this relationship different than those that have not worked out?
• What are your main strategies for coping with tough financial times?
• How will you decide who is responsible for which chores?
• Who was your best friend in childhood?
• What was your favorite vacation?
• What kind of books do you most like to read?
• Do you have a secret ambition? What is it?

• 1. What is your favorite hobby or way to relax?

• 2. What is your favorite food?
• 3. Where do you like to go when you need space to think?
• 4. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
• 5. What is something you are currently worried about?
• 6. Who is your best friend?
• 7. Do you prefer dinner out or dinner at home?
• 8. What is your favorite sport? Have you played the sport?
• 9. Where did you live when you were growing up?
• 10. What relative or kin did you feel closest to as a child?
• 11. If you had a nickname as a child, what was it?
• 12. Are you a morning person or a night person?
• 13. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
• 14. What is your favorite childhood memory?
• 15. Do you prefer hugs, gifts, or when your partner says, “Thank you?”
• 16. What is your favorite TV show? Favorite movie?
• 17. What song reminds you of your relationship?
• 18. What is your favorite memory of a date, activity, or moment you and your partner
shared?
• Questions about Your Partner
• 1. What is your partner’s favorite hobby or way to relax?
• 2. What is your partner’s favorite food?
• 3. Where does your partner like to go when he/she needs space to think?
• 4. What is your partner’s favorite ice cream flavor?
• 5. What is something your partner is currently worried about?
• 6. Who is your partner’s best friend?
• 7. Does your partner prefer dinner out or dinner at home?
• 8. What is your partner’s favorite sport? Has he or she every played it?
• 9. Where did your partner live when he or she was growing up?

 - Couples Council upload

Couples Council

Date:

Open with Prayer/6 minute meditation:

Thought for the day:

• What is working in our relationship:

• (take turns sharing stu that you have noticed your lover doing correct or being awe-
some!)

• Follow Up On Last Councils Agreements:

• Make certain you write down agreements and follow up to see if the agreement is work-
ing or if it needs adjusting.

• What needs to improve to be a little bit happier, more satis ed, and have juicy
fun:
• Be clear with need or issue. Use “I” Statements not “you” statements.

• You need to help more at night vs. I could really use help in the evening doing the af-
ter dinner chores.

• Don’t make “global statements” it’ll cause an argument.

• You always ignore me when I’m trying to talk about important things. VS. I am wor-
ried that you might ignore me when it’s something i think is serious.

• Logistics of managing family

• Date night set

• Vacation planning

• Parenting

• Needs lists

• Rides for kids

• Help needed out of ordinary

• Closing Prayer/6 minute meditation:

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 - Family Night Outline (upload)

- Opening Prayer/Meditation

- Thought for the Week (Inspirational)

- What is working in our family (gratitude)

- Each family member gets to share

- What will make our family stronger

- Each person shares ideas for growth Learn to complain healthy.

- Schedules Activities managed

- Each family member explains schedule needs for upcoming week.

- Budget/s discussion

- Activities Budget

- Family council about expenses that include kids input

- Activity for family:(assigned)

Closing Prayer/Meditation

Session 4

- Big 4 marital issues

- Money - What does it mean to each person.

- Sex - What is non-sexual & what is sexually intimate. Boundaries and beliefs

- How we spend our time - Screens, extended family, holidays, vacations, rituals we will
create rituals we will borrow from our families of origin &etc…

- Parenting thoughts - How many kids, where we want to raise them, boundaries and
agreements...

_———————————-Done—————————————

Session 5

Continue session 4

Session 6

Continue session 4