THE FIRST DICTIONARY SALESMAN SCRIPT

Sami is sitting on a broken chair in his room and thinking how to fix the broken leg of
the chair, then doorbell rang. Sami opens the door
SAMI: Hello, Can I help you?
SALESMAN: Hello, No good Sir, but surely I have to be a grantees assistance to you.
SAMI: Are you speaking a foreign language, we don’t understand foreigners here.
SALESMAN: No Sir, I am offering you an opportunity for eloquence simply by listening to
my diatribe and partaking in a simple remedy for melody that has plagued mankind
forever.
SAMI: Oh my god! He’s got the fever.
SAMI panics and closed the door.
SALESMAN: Open the door.
SALESMAN knocks at the door multiple times.
SAMI: No way, you are infected.
SALESMAN: I am not
SAMI: Oh man, you got the fever, go away.
SALESMAN: I don’t have the fever.
SAMI: You don’t? Are you sure?
SALESMAN: No way, now can I come in please?
SAMI: Are you sure, you’re clean?
SALESMAN: I’m clean.
SAMI opens the door.
SAMI: Then why are you talking like that?
SALESMAN: I’m trying to sell you a book.
SAMI: A book?
SALESMAN: Yes a book.
SALESMAN : My name is Dictionary and I have here a book of words.
SAMI: Oh,story.
SALESMAN: No, no story.
SAMI: But, there’s words.
SALESMAN: Yes there are words and their meaning.
SAMI: What’s the plot?
SALESMAN: There is no plot.
SAMI: Mary! Come here someone is trying to sell us a book.
MARY: A book? But what’s the story?
SALESMAN: There is no story.
MARY: No story, well does it have words?
SALESMAN: Yes, it has all the words.
MARY: What’s the plot?
SALESMAN: There is no plot.
MARY: A story with no plot?
SALESMAN: There is no story.
JUILIE: Story! I love stories, read it to me.
SALESMAN: There is no story!!!
JUILIE: But you got a book.
SALESMAN: Yes it’s just words and their meanings.
JUILIE: A book with words but no story.
SALESMAN: Exactly.
SAMI: Then what good is the book then?
SALESMAN: Ha ha, it’s a book you can look up words that you don’t know.
SAMI: Well, if I don’t know them then how can I look them up?

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 SALESMAN: Well, let’s just say you heard someone use a word that you didn’t know such
as assistance. SAMI: I don’t know what that means.
SALESMAN: Exactly, then just look into this book.

SAMI: But how?

SALESMAN:Well, all the words are reached in alphabetical order.

SAMI: What is alphabet?

SALESMAN: An Alphabet is a series of letters.

MARY: Letters?

SALESMAN: Yes like ‘a’, ‘s’, ‘q’ and ‘t’ they come in order.A is on first.

JULIE:I’ve heard of that.

SALESMAN:See!And assistance stars with”A”. You simply go to the section with the
books with the A words
like eggs and assistance is also there you simply go to the section in the book with the
‘a’ words and find ‘assistance’.

JUILIE: What’s that mean?

SALESMAN: Help.

SAMI interrupts with a question.

SAMI: This is your book how we are supposed to help?

SALESMAN: No, Assistance means help.

JULIE: Then why don’t you just say help?

SAMI: I understand “help”.

SALESMAN: Wait.OK.Let’s try this.You want to write a letter..

SAMI: But I don’t know how to write.

SALESMAN: Suppose you know how to write and you want to write a letter about your
sick aunt.

SAMI: But none of my aunt is sick.

MARY: Maybe Aunt Tilly is sick.

JUILIE: Aunt Tilly is sick? Is she going to be all right?

SALESMAN: Wait!No one is sick, just suppose you have a sick aunt and suppose you
could write,you want to send a letter to your relatives.

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 SAMI:But,all my relatives are right here.

JULIEyou can walk to their houses in just a few minutes.

SALESMAN:Suppose your relatives live in Ireland.Suppose there was/is a mail
system,suppose your aunt is sick and suppose you can write.You want to send a letter to
your relatives so they could read about your aunt.

SAMI:But,none of my relatives can read.

SALESMAN:Suppose they could!They want to know about your sick aunt.

MARY: I thought you said aunt Tilly wasn’t sick.

SALESMAN:She’s not!

SAMI:Now,let me get this straight.Suppose our relatives CAN/COULD read.I wish they
can.Supposing that my relatives live in Ireland.I wish they don’t or WHICH THEY
DON’T.Supposing we have a mail system.Which we ain’t.Supposing my aunt was sick-
which she ain’t.

And,supposing I could write,which I can’t.Then your book would be useful.

SAMI: Now, let me get this straight, supposing my aunt lives in Ireland which she is not,
suppose we have a mail system which we have not, and suppose my aunt is sick which
she is not suppose I could write which I cannot, then your book would be useful for us.

SALESMAN: Yes! Let’s try this! You want to write a letter to the duke. Suppose you can
write and you want to send a letter to the duke.

JULIE:Why would the duke care if my aunt is sick?

SAMI: He wouldn’t!Suppose,suppose you weren’t happy with your taxes.

SALESMAN: Let me explain again, suppose you are not happy with your taxes.

SAMI: I’m not happy with my taxes.

SALESMAN: There you go.You could write a letter to the duke expressing your plight.
Your troubles.

SAMI: And,this would help?

SALESMAN: Sure it would.

SAMI:……then.I’ll write him a Q.

SALESMAN:Very well. A what?

SAMI:A Q.I like that letter.

JULIE:Me too. Can I send him a Q too?

SALESMAN:No,you can’t send him a Q.

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 JULIE:That’s a discrimination. A man can send him a Q but a woman can’t?

SALESMAN:No,no ,no! nobody can send him a Q.

SAMI:Then T.

JULIE:T is good,but I do like Q.

SALESMAN:No,no T.

MARY:Well,how about S?

JULIE:Yes,yes,that’s a good idea.

SALESMAN:You can’t just send him a letter.

JULIE:But you’ve just said to send him a letter.

SALESMAN:I meant a letter…Not just one letter. I meant a whole…….a Q…he wouldn’t
know what you meant.
SAMI: Maybe you could just sell him a book.

JULIE: Can I help you?

DIRT GUY: Hey, I’m selling a revolutionary new floor leveling system.

MARY: What is it?

DIRT GUY: It’s a bag of dirt you just wear around to load off the floor.

SAMI: That’s sound great.

MARY: We will take one.

SALESMAN:You’re buying dirt? But I am trying to sell words and meanings that would be
really useful for you.

SAMI: Let’s see.

SAMI : He is right, we will take one.

SALESMAN: That’ll be five pounds.

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