D
Divorce in Couple and Family
Therapy
Amy Wagner1 and Rachel Diamond2
1
The Family Institute at Northwestern University,
Evanston, IL, USA
2
University of Saint Joseph, West Harford, CT,
USA
Synonyms
Marital and/or Relationship Dissolution and/or
Termination
Introduction
Issues related to divorce in couple and family
therapy are often challenging and complex and
are increasingly common presenting problems
for clients. According to a national survey, the
divorce rate remains around 50 % (Copen
et al. 2012). Indeed, a legally married,
two-parent household with children is no longer
representative of the typical American family.
Theoretical Context for Concept
Divorce and the transitions and reorganization of
family structure that follows have become a nor-
mative experience. In the United States, the term
# Springer International Publishing AG 2016
J. Lebow et al. (eds.), Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-15877-8_448-1
“divorce” is used to refer to the termination of
legal marriages, but it can also apply to the disso-
lution of long-term committed relationships. This
is of particular importance as more couples are
deciding to cohabitate as an alternative to mar-
riage, not as a precursor to it (Cherlin 2004).
Therefore, while the legal aspects of divorce are
unique to marriages, the discussion presented here
also has relevance to relationship dissolution* of
long-term committed relationships that involve
cohabitation.
It is important to understand that divorce is not
a single, discrete event. Instead, the most com-
monly accepted theoretical model of divorce sup-
ports a process perspective (Amato 2010).
Divorce is an ongoing couple and familial process
that increases relational conflict and emotional
instability and inevitably involves the dissolution
of the partnered relationship and original family
that once existed. By holding this perspective of
divorce, it is understood that clients can enter
therapy at any point during the process. Client
needs can vary greatly based on where they pre-
sent across the transitional continuum: Clients
may come to therapy contemplating divorce
(e.g., prefiling or separation), others may seek
therapy in the midst of the divorce (e.g., in unison
with court proceedings), or others may enter ther-
apy as a means to assist with post-divorce adjust-
ment (e.g., post-legal divorce and/or following
physical separation). Therapists who understand
the typical challenges and adjustments necessary
at these various stages can more directly and
2 Divorce in Couple and Family Therapy
appropriately respond to both couple and family
needs.
Description
Clinicians should consider each individual in the
family system, the interparental relationship, and
parent–child relationships when working with
divorcing families. Before initiating the process
of relationship dissolution, one or both parents
likely contemplated separation and/or divorce for
some time. Typically upon beginning the physical
separation, parents inform their child(ren). While
legal/court proceedings may move slowly for
many, the transitions in the family’s life often do
not follow the same timeline. Upon telling the
child(ren) of the relationship dissolution,* there
is typically a rapid series of transitions as the
couple separates and begins any legal proceedings
and one parent may leave the family home. Dur-
ing the divorce process, children may experience
other losses such as extended family members,
their home, neighborhood, friends, and/or school.
It is vital to support children in these losses and
subsequent transitions. Throughout a divorce,
children often are exposed to high parental stress
and/or conflict. This may tax parents’ abilities in
caretaking and responding to their children’s emo-
tional needs. Parents need support in staying cen-
tered and competent in a leadership role in the face
of stress, change, and emotional turmoil.
The impact of divorce can vary based on a
variety of factors (Wagner and Diamond 2017).
These include the ages and number of children,
the family’s financial situation, the existence of
social support systems (e.g., extended family),
and the meaning of divorce to family members.
These beliefs are often related to culture, religion,
and gender. Indeed, parents who divorce may live
in a community where they feel stigmatized or
judged because of their decision to end a marriage
and are concerned it will negatively impact their
social standing.
Overall, research indicates that children raised
in a two-parent family experience better psycho-
logical, social, academic, and physical health out-
comes compared to those children raised in
divorced families, separated families, or never-
married single-parent households (Clarke-Stewart
and Brentano 2006). However, differences
between groups are small and decrease over
time. Therefore, it is not divorce per se, but the
family processes such as the increase in parental
conflict around relationship dissolution* that are
linked to childhood adjustment difficulties. These
include both externalizing behavior (e.g., aggres-
sion, delinquency, and conduct disorder) and
internalizing behavior (e.g., depression and anxi-
ety), as well as physical health problems
(Fabricius and Luecken 2007). Children with
cooperative parents have better psychological
functioning and academic performance compared
to children with noncooperative parents
(Hetherington et al. 1998). Indeed, the quality of
the parental relationship has been linked to both
short- and long-term adjustment, regardless of
family type (Cummings et al. 2012).
Additionally for parents to support children
and bolster their resilience post-divorce, the
parent–child relationship must remain warm and
supportive (Amato 2010; Simons et al. 1999).
Parent–child conflict during stressful transitions
like divorce is related to children’s abilities to
emotionally regulate and feel secure (Davies and
Cummings 1994). The more positive the relation-
ship a child has with his/her parents, the better the
child will adjust to divorce.
Application of Concept in Couple
and Family Therapy
There are various models of therapy that can be
appropriately applied to working with couples and
families of divorce. However, it is advised that in
this work a therapist take an integrative approach
in order to address the range of distinct tasks
across the transitional continuum (Lebow 2015).
The major focus of couple and family therapy
with this population is on facilitating family reor-
ganization, establishing a new binuclear family
structure with clearly defined boundaries and
roles, and facilitating healthy communication
between co-parents (Wagner and Diamond
2017). Families who seek treatment during
Divorce in Couple and Family Therapy
divorce frequently experience periods of conflict
or turmoil. Often there is a lack of organization
during the transition to a new, single-parent family
structure. Couple and family therapy focusing on
divorce is often complex due to these frequent
periods of upheaval and transition. Thus, it is
imperative that the therapist provide clear struc-
ture within the therapeutic setting while also allo-
wing adaptation as the family transitions through
the divorce process. One of the most important
goals of therapy is to provide the family with
stability in a time of often rapid change while
also encouraging flexibility and adaptability
(Wagner and Diamond 2017).
It is essential to clarify legal agreements
regarding consent for treatment of minors before
beginning treatment, as laws may vary by state.
With that being said, having the cooperation and
participation of both parents maximizes the like-
lihood of a positive treatment outcome. When
beginning treatment, it is imperative to distinguish
the role of the therapist and purpose of therapy
from that of couples counseling, custody evalua-
tion, or legal mediation to facilitate the establish-
ment of a positive treatment alliance with both
parents with the goal of acting in the best interest
of their child/children. While treatment with the
most members of the family system is generally
the starting point for family therapy, in divorcing
families this is contraindicated due to the common
presence of high emotional reactivity and conflict
between divorcing partners. As divorce is often
not a mutual decision by the couple, they each
may need to first process their feelings individu-
ally with the therapist. Initially meeting with each
parent alone or with the parents together prevents
children from being further exposed to conflict
and creates a safer therapeutic space. As parents
may be actively involved in the legal system, a
therapist should have a comprehensive therapy
contract to clarify agreements around confidenti-
ality for parents and children. There should be a
clear expectation that the therapist will only share
information from the children that will facilitate
family treatment, without withholding essential
information. Even though former partners may
have negative emotions toward each other, thera-
pists ask parents to resolve, accept, or set aside
3
these feelings in order to be functional, coopera-
tive co-parents. After the parental subsystem is
stabilized sufficiently so that shared goals for
therapy can be established, subsequent sessions
can include each parent and their child/children
and/or the sibling subsystem. This method of
working with each household separately sets a
clear boundary and reinforces family organization
as a binuclear rather than nuclear family. There
may be times when therapists work with the orig-
inal family together; however, this should be
attempted only after emotional negativity has
been reduced, and these sessions should focus
on specific treatment tasks and goals.
Clinical Example
The following case example illustrates how to
therapeutically approach a family adjusting to
divorce. Since their separation 6 months ago,
Cindy and Mike are struggling with their school-
age children’s adjustment to living in two different
homes. They entered therapy at the suggestion of
the school social worker, who was told by teachers
that both their son, Jason, and daughter, Sally,
were missing assignments, coming to school
late, and having behavior problems not exhibited
prior to the parents’ separation. Cindy and Mike
met with the therapist together. They reported
there was not a consistent schedule and often the
kids forgot their homework or books at the other
parent’s house. In addition, the couple was going
through a difficult divorce that had recently
reached an impasse. While they tried to keep
their differences from the children, the kids had
recently witnessed an argument during a drop off.
Additionally, Cindy, the primary custodial parent,
felt overwhelmed getting the kids off to school in
the morning and getting herself ready for work,
and Mike felt he had so little time with the kids he
didn’t want to spend it forcing them to do home-
work and study. Cindy reported their son was
defiant with her and missed his dad; Mike reported
their daughter often cried at night before bed and
wanted to return to Cindy’s house.
Facilitating family reorganization. Begin-
ning tasks and goals in therapy involve supporting
4 Divorce in Couple and Family Therapy
and facilitating family reorganization (Wagner
and Diamond 2017). These include establishing
clear boundaries between households and clarify-
ing parenting schedules, rules, and other func-
tional logistics. While daily routines may vary in
each binuclear household, they should be similar
around important issues such as bedtime/curfew
or expectations about homework and school per-
formance. This clarity helps all family members
better adjust to the changes in family organization
and increases a sense of safety and predictability.
For Cindy and Mike, this involved discussing
practical issues in therapy, such as coordination of
school and extracurricular schedules, appoint-
ments, transportation, and exchange of personal
possessions during transitions between house-
holds. The therapist explained that predictable
routines and direct, consistent communication
help children feel more in control and less anxious
or uncertain in their daily lives. Lastly, while most
parenting agreements require siblings to shift
between parents homes in unison, given their
concerns about the children’s distress and emo-
tional needs, the therapist discussed the impor-
tance for each child to also have one-on-one
time with each parent.
Redefining parental roles. Divorce involves
redefining and renegotiating family roles; the
adults must transition from being romantic part-
ners and parents to strictly being co-parents. The
new logistics of solo parenting can be emotionally
overwhelming with multiple responsibilities for
childcare, logistics, or finances that had previ-
ously been shared. Unresolved issues and a lack
of acceptance and closure often interfere with
parents’ abilities to establish a cooperative
co-parenting relationship.
The therapist worked with Cindy and Mike to
normalize these common divorce challenges and
the inevitable adjustment period of confusion and
conflict. The therapist discussed ways they could
be supportive co-parents and suggested the par-
ents utilize a software program designed to assist
parents of divorce with scheduling and communi-
cation (e.g., Our Family Wizard). With time,
newly established emotional and physical bound-
aries between Cindy and Mike became clearer as
the “new normal” was established, supporting the
goal of having cooperative, competent leaders in
each household.
Developing healthy communication.
Research evidence supports that ongoing parental
conflict and triangulation of children in parental
disputes is related to poor child adjustment. Chil-
dren whose parents are involved in a highly con-
flictual divorce or ongoing custody litigation are
especially vulnerable. The therapist advocated for
Cindy and Mike to protect their children from
parental conflict and having to “choose sides” so
Jason and Sally could continue to have a loving
relationship with both parents. The therapist
discussed how the children should not be treated
as buffers, mediators, or messengers; instead,
parental communication should occur directly
between them. Both parents agreed that negative
emotions were not only hindering each child’s
ability to adjust to the divorce, it was also inter-
fering with their relationships with Cindy
and Mike.
Therapy also aided Cindy and Mike in making
joint parenting decisions and negotiating differ-
ences on topics such as healthcare, extracurricular
activities, education, and behavioral expectations.
They agreed to focus on their children’s needs and
that they were both committed to do what was best
for them. With this understanding they felt they
could use therapy as a safe place to problem solve
or resolve conflicts, rather than using attorneys
and the legal system to resolve disputes.
Often boys and girls handle the stress and
transition of divorce differently, and same-sex
siblings may have varying reactions based on
their age and development. During parent–child
(ren) sessions, therapists can help support children
in expressing emotions to parents. Once Cindy
and Mike were more cooperatively co-parenting,
the therapist had family meetings with each parent
and the children. In the family sessions Jason and
Sally were able to express their sad, scared, and
angry feelings about the divorce, while the thera-
pist coached each parent in responding so the
children felt accepted and understood. The thera-
pist also helped Cindy and Mike recognize that
problematic behavior had underlying emotional
meaning. With time, this decreased Jason’s acting
out and Sally’s withdrawal and increased Cindy
Divorce in Couple and Family Therapy
and Mike’s feelings of competency in supporting
their children.
Over the course of treatment, Cindy and Mike
reported seeing indications that the children were
better able to handle their transition between
households and their school performance
improved. They reported that although they had
conflict over divorce negotiations, they were both
committed to protecting the children from their
conflict. In addition, the children seemed happier,
and while they still wished their parents would get
back together, they were adjusting well to their
new schedules and routines.
In conclusion, most children in divorced fam-
ilies adjust well to a new binuclear family form
over time. By understanding the predictable sys-
temic issues and transitional process of divorce,
couple and family therapists can better support
their clients in successfully negotiating the com-
mon developmental challenges associated with
this journey of change.
Cross-References
▶ Divorced Families
▶ Post-divorce Families in Couple and Family
Therapy
References
Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing
trends and new developments. Journal of Marriage
and Family, 72, 650–666. doi:10.1111/j.1741-
3737.2010.00723.x.
Cherlin, A. (2004). The deinstitutionalization of American
marriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66,
848–861. doi:10.1111/j.0022-2445.2004.00058.x.
5
Clarke-Stewart, A., & Brentano, C. (2006). Divorce:
Causes and consequences. New Haven: Yale Univer-
sity Press.
Copen, C. E., Daniels, K., Vespa, J., & Mosher, W. D.
(2012). First marriages in the United States: Data
from 2006–2010 national survey of family growth. In
National health statistics reports (Vol. 49, pp. 1–22).
Hyattsville: National Center for Health Statistics.
Cummings, E. M., George, M. W., McCoy, K. P., &
Davies, P. T. (2012). Interparental conflict in kindergar-
ten and adolescent adjustment: Prospective investiga-
tion of emotional security as an explanatory
mechanism. Child Development, 83(5), 1703–1715.
doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2012.01807.x.
Davies, P. T., & Cummings, E. M. (1994). Marital conflict
and child adjustment: An emotional security hypothe-
sis. Psychological Bulletin, 116, 387–411. doi:10.1037/
00332909.116.3.387.
Fabricius, W. V., & Luecken, L. J. (2007). Postdivorce
living arrangements, parent conflict, and long-term
physical health correlates for children of divorce. Jour-
nal of Family Psychology, 21, 195–205. doi:10.1037/
0893-3200.21.2.195.
Hetherington, E. M., Bridges, M., & Insabella, G. M.
(1998). What matters? What does not? Five perspec-
tives on the association between marital transitions and
children’s adjustment. American Psychologist, 53,
167–184. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.53.2.167.
Lebow, J. L. (2015). Separation and divorce issues in
couple therapy. In A. S. Gurman, J. L. Lebow, &
D. K. Snyder (Eds.), Clinical handbook of couple ther-
apy (5th ed., pp. 445–463). New York: The Guilford
Press.
Simons, R. L., Lin, K. H., Gordon, L. C., Conger, R. D., &
Lorenz, F. O. (1999). Explaining the higher incidence
of adjustment problems among children of divorce
compared with those in two-parent families. Journal
of Marriage and the Family, 61, 1020–1033.
doi:10.2307/354021.
Wagner, A. C., & Diamond, R. M. (2017). Families and
divorce. In S. Browning & B. Van Eeden-Morrhead
(Eds.), Contemporary families: At the nexus of research
and practice. New York: Routledge Press.