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1
“You are so young, you have not even begun, and I would like
to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with
everything that is unsolved in your heart and try to cherish the
questions themselves, like closed rooms and like books written
in a very strange tongue. Do not search now for the answers
which cannot be given you because you could not live them. It
is a matter of living everything. Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then, gradually, without noticing it, one
distant day live right into the answer.
— “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke
An ARMY project Applies to pdf or physical copy of this

volume to prevent monetization. None of
Compiled by @Listening2Rain
the individual contents belong to me and
February 28, 2023 thus are not covered. See p5.
2
3
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Notes & Trigger Warnings 5
Acknowledgements: Translators & other credits 7
2008-2013 Pre-Debut 11
2013-2014 School Trilogy / Dark & Wild 67
2 Cool 4 Skool (June 12, 2013) 68
O!RUL8,2? (September 11, 2013) 91
Skool Luv Affair (February 12, 2014) 113
Dark & Wild (August 20, 2014) 133
Wake Up (December 24, 2014) 145
RM — First Mixtape (March 20, 2015) 151
2015-2017 HYYH /Wings 197
HYYH pt 1 (April 29, 2015) 198
HYYH pt 2 (November 30, 2015) 231
HYYH: Young Forever (May 2, 2016) 251
Youth (September 7, 2016) 265
Wings (October 10, 2016) 271
You Never Walk Alone (February 12, 2017) 319
Appendix 355
For free public use; do not monetize.

I do not own any of the material contained in this volume,
which has been compiled from a multitude of publicly available sources.
Printing/Sharing: Is permitted so long it is not monetized and includes the
initial page with my compilation credit (@Listening2Rain).
Utilizing Sections/Clippings: Any screenshots or clippings of the contents
must include the appropriate translator credits in the image or as a caption as
well as attribution to original author (Kim Namjoon or other party).
4
Notes
What is the structure of this book?

Chronological. The table of contents breaks the sections by album era;
however, each ’album section’ contains the letters, vlogs, and vlives that
Namjoon shared at that time. By placing each piece in chronological order,
the works can be read in context of when they were written, enabling the
reader to better trace how Namjoon’s ideas develop over time.
What songs, letters, vlogs, etc., are included?

The project originally began as a collection of fan letters and vlogs, then
slowly expanded to include an increasing number of song lyrics. It should not
be used as an exhaustive source of BTS or Namjoon lyrics. See the Appendix
for a complete list of included songs.
The selected songs need to have Namjoon in the writing credits, but did not
require him to be the primary writer (for example, “Tomorrow” is included). I
chose songs I thought best represented Namjoon’s philosophical
“fingerprint” — the development of his thoughts across time. Soundcloud
songs are included.
I’ve included many of Namjoon’s fan letters, V-Lives and vlogs (transcribed),
though I have omitted some where he simply exchanges pleasantries. Also,
please note that because the vlogs are transcriptions, I did omit portions
where he is simply saying hello, repeating himself, or answering random
questions. I did my best to mark those sections with ellipses (…) and put any
summaries of his words in brackets (for example: “[here he’s talking about
how just sharing stories is enough, we don’t need to get answers.]”). For a
complete understanding of everything he said in any vlog, please refer to the
original YouTube video.
I’ve included a very few twitter posts. I did not include interviews — with
one exception — because it was simply too much content, both to compile
and for readers to meaningfully sort through.
5
Which lyrics were penned by Kim Namjoon?

It is impossible to determine which lyrics RM is responsible for aside from his
own rap verses. He says in the Wing’s concept book that he didn’t make any
of the choruses for title tracks until Spring Day, but he may have been
referring to the melody rather than the lyrics, since on a phone call with
Supreme Boi at a DNH concert he excitedly told the crowd he wrote the hook
for “No”. Regardless, it is clear that he is responsible for many of the vocal
line lyrics in BTS albums — less so in earlier works and increasingly so in later
works— as he describes in his many album behind Vlives. However, even then
he often describes that he often building off a word, phrase, or set of lyrics
someone else in the team may have begun with.
I do not indicate which vocalist sings which lines because the singer does not
correspond with the line’s author. However, unless they are not credited in
the song (rare), the rapline always writes their own verses, and therefore I
included their names before their verses to credit them for their work.
Trigger Warnings
Namjoon has two songs that reference suicidal ideation, “Suicide” (p33),
released on 1/1/2012 and “Always” (p309), released on 1/1/2017.
I also included a brief article about the death threats that led to a Red Bullet
concert being ended early, as well as several twitter posts from that day
(p211-212). I included information on this disturbing and heartbreaking event
to give context for Namjoon’s twitter post (posted 2 days after it occurred)
and fan letter (posted ~6 weeks later) that followed, the latter of which is
now known as his famous “Love Yourself” letter.
6
Acknowledgments
Translator Thank You

This book is only possible because of the countless hours of work done by
ARMYs translating and compiling BTS content. I owe them a tremendous debt
of gratitude for making Bangtan’s words accessible to me. Thank you, thank
you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
None of the translations (except a very few where no official translations

were available, marked as “machine translated”) are my own. Translators are
credited at the end of each work. Many of the translations were only available
as a jpeg or as a subtitle and thus needed to be transcribed; any errors that
occurred during the transcription process are my own. For many works, the
translation I provide is a compilation of multiple sources edited together to
improve flow or clarity; this will be noted in the translation credits. I
IMPORTANT Note on Machine Translations:

I was unable to find translations of a few pre-debut tracks and—when this
was more of a personal project — translated them myself using a combination
of Papago and Google Translate, comparing and editing. I DO NOT SPEAK ANY
KOREAN. I was hesitant to publish the works in this book because online
translations often contain errors. Ultimately, I decided to include them in the
hopes that with more attention they may one day be officially translated. In
order to warn readers for the potential for error, I put “Machine Translated”
in bold next to the title. Please, please, know that any machine translated
work has a potential for error.
If anyone knows of an official translation to these songs (or decides to

translate them), feel free to let me know at @Listening2Rain on twitter.
7
My deepest thanks to the following translators:

2-gehl.tumblr.com
Bangtan.tumblr.com
BangtanSubs (see @BTS-trans)
btsdiary.com (site no longer exists)
@btsfc
Instagram: @btsfc Tumblr: btsfc.tumblr.com
@BTS-trans: including Aditi, Alissa, Alli, Annie, Bon, Christie, Denise, Faith,
Iraide, Jessie, Jisoo, Juliana, June, Kel, Laura, Lam, Lim, Lyn, Mary, Maya,
Monica, Nara, Nicole R, Rinne, Sharon, Sheena, Sihyun, Teekay, Vicky, Wendy,
and Yein, who are the team members cited in this book.
Website: BangtanSubs.com
Tumblr: BTS-trans.tumblr.com
Twitter: @BTS_Trans
YouTube: BangtanSubs (used for all Vlogs)
@BTS_thailand (twitter)
@_candyclover
Instagram: @_candyclover Website: candyclover.com
DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com (*links provided to translations throughout in
accordance to their terms of use*)
genius.com
gracee.h (acct could not be found)
jueunjojo.tumblr.com
kgasa.com
kimmyyang @ Kimmy-trans.tumblr.com
kimseokjinhyosang.tumblr.com (acct no longer exists)
letmesuga.tumblr.com (inactive since 2016)
muish.wordpress.com
@tea with DNA on lyrictranslate.com
@peachBOY_0613
Tumblr: boypeachgarden.tumblr.com (last active 2017)
Instagram: @peachBOY_0613 (no posts)
Twitter: @peachBOY_0613 (on rest, last active 2020)
@renkiger_ on twitter
seobangniiiiim.tumblr.com (account no longer exists)
thesoulmusiq.tumblr.com
tonguetechnology.blogspot.com
@vely_bts (acct could not be found, jpeg on btsinterviews.wordpress.com)
YASUIS @ Tumblr (@ryuveiys) (this account could not be found)
8
Photo Catalogue
Most of the official content photos used in this book were pulled from links in
the “Official Photo Collections BTS” google sheet put together by @LadyNuala
on twitter.
Spreadsheet link: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/
d/1xsrFOeyu1Sa_g5c6q3h3Lks2QEtKd_k7ljX1GDVRoKc/edit#gid=1719517062
One fan photo from a BTS concert in Brazil during the Wings tour has a
watermark from the original poster.
Special Thanks — WinterlyBlooms’ Compilation Website

And a special thank you to @winterlyblooms (twitter), whose website
btsinterviews.wordpress.com made this collection of letters possible.
BTSInterviews.wordpress.com is an essential compilation of translated BTS

text material including: fancafe posts, weverse posts, festa materials,
interviews, Japan fancafe, and more. It also includes articles about BTS or
Hybe and a lyric directory where you can search all BTS songs for a specific
word, (for example, if you want to find all songs that include the word
“shadow”). Transcripts of press releases and other video content are also
slowly being added (if you ever want to find a quote from a press conference
w/o watching an entire video—check for the transcript!).
@winterlyblooms also has a YouTube channel where they have organized BTS
interviews into playlists by year, as well as organized playlists of Award Show
stages, encore performances, BTS introduction and history videos, and more.
I’m not sure when they published their website, but I began this book long
before I found it. I spent weeks thinking my efforts would be fruitless as I
couldn't find any type of list of Fan Café letters — there was no way to even
know how many existed to track down! Finding their site made me believe
this book would one day be completed, and now it is.
I have shared my transcripts of these letters (many of which were only

available as jpegs) and vlogs back to winterlyblooms and they are now
included on their site — so if you would like to be able to do a quick “copy/
paste” of any letters or transcripts from this book, you can find them there.
Please be sure to always include translator credits.
9
10
PRE-DEBUT
Runch Randa 13-18 y/o
11
7 Days (2008)
Written by Popinjays & RM
Before counting ‘1,2,3’ in the rap scene that strikes at me,

I first put aside lyrics and praises of “well done”
to build a new shelter from the wind.
That’s right.
My energy already reaches
from zero all the way to the top.
I’m exhausted now.
The past’s revolution that became a miracle and fortune
little by little resolves itself.
Right.
Breath and dreams are just a mirage.
Even that one thing can’t protect me, uh.
But still, I don’t know how I managed to stand in this place.
Like the time the breathless cripple choked me,
my lost beginner’s mindset doesn’t return —
yet I try to lean on it —
that completely strangling thirst,
my obsessiveness keeps limiting me.
In front of the reality blocking me again

there is no way to be honorable.
I, really, uh, now,
I take off my heavy burdens.
Translation: Genius.com, Namjoon’s lines only
Note: Predebut songs on genius were compiled by @siannve and

@baepsayed, who also penned most notes. It is unclear if they were also
the translators. Songwriting credits on pre-debut songs are unofficial and
may be incomplete.
Information about Bangtan’s predebut history can be found in several in-

depth reddit threads here: www.reddit.com/r/bangtan/wiki/archive/
Most of the background knowledge included in this section comes from
those threads unless otherwise stated.
12
Kanji Player (September 2008)

Written by Tangent & RM
Yeah, I wasn’t like this from the start.

My flow isn’t such a drag;
Fucking amateurs who can’t hide how much they suck at rapping
keep an eye on me — see whether I rap or not.
And now I hate myself —

for no matter how fast I spit it out,
it’s the same pattern.
I stopped wishing for new hopes long ago,
I keep on repeating “check tha-” a hundred times but it’s the same.
What about it? People keep demanding it.
Fuck you guys who always cease me and piss me —

Losers who can’t say shit.
Why are you crawling on the floor in front of me ?
It’s like Civic vs Lamborghini ? Full option ? Not worth it to me.
Yeah, I think I’ll stop here
He’s more aggressive than I am so watch out
Yeah yeah yeah yeah T’S BACK
[Tangent’s verse begins]
Translation: Genius.com, edited, Namjoon’s lines only
13
Fuck Cockrochez (2008)

Written by Zico & RM
Ayo
Fresh morning,
Waking up defenseless, I throw the day again.
Reality is harsh as it hits me even in my sleep,
I don’t even have a safety net.
Fuckin’ life.
Reality like fucking shit.
My life is just scribbles with a part of it erased.1

The broken pieces are endless no matter how I try to gather them up.
These things corner me even more.
Darkness seems to want to kill me as it strangles my neck.
Uh fuck that,
My fucking worthless choices that fail
this endless war.
The kids who push me around like they want to castrate me
should shut up quickly.
I won’t go easily.
Like a thunderstorm in snow, it only seems I’m letting it go easily.

After dissing like wack,
I suddenly work to clear my head
from reality tightening around me.
What the hell am I?
I try to innocently go my way but it’s not easy.
Translation: Muish.wordpress.com, edited

1
In the 2014 song Hip Hop Phile, Namjoon would write “On a blank sheet of
paper between pages of my studybook, I put the ‘myself’ that everyone
know. And then I erased it, I emptied it.”
My Note: Original song is with Zico, but only Namjoon’s lines are included
here. Zico remains friends with Bangtan to this day. He attended J-hope’s
listening party and sat next to him at MAMA.
14
Wicked Man (2009)

Original Track: Mouths to Feed by Ludacris / Composed by Reslug & RM
Randa, the king is back, you know I’m wicked man.

Not gonna look at you above the ring in case you piss your pants.
I break it; whatever you curse at me I’m just rhyming.

“You idiot,” Next time come bring something else other than that.
Oh ESL, please freshen it up.
No matter how much oxygen gets blown into this place

the atmosphere’s still murky.
But I’m clean, I’ll finish this off sharply.
Cause I’ll shut up only after I build my reputation and fame.
The very ‘94, I’m the only representa.
Mostly If I have spirit, my self-confidence is 200%, uh.
Yeah, give me your white flag,

I’ll only use it as a starting point
Every song is a new start to me,
you all just temper my courage
I’m gonna ask one thing,

Why say you are going to tackle me?
As long as my mic’s not snatched away from me,
when I take one step, the vibration trickles.
They fall like domino
While you can’t come to your senses,
I’ll snatch away your good beats one by one, hey.
Notes from Genius.com: Collab with Reslug. “Wicked Man is the fifth track on
Reslug’s second mixtape, 왕의 귀환 (The Return of the King) . The song was
released in January 2009”. (by @baepsayed)
15
2nd 94-liner Group Rap (2009) — [Machine Translated]

Randa.
You’re choking on a fictitious day,
benchmarking where nothing can be done,
but I'm straight forward with a rap mind.
It's hard to take just one step, don't stop even if you die.
I'm hot enough even without a killer shot
that destroys your pride without your hands
I told ya: if I’m method man, you soulja,
Boy, you’re a soldier who only keeps your place, WUT~
Translation: Korean lyrics from genius.com, machine translated, may contain

errors. Namjoon’s lines only.
Notes from Genius.com: “This track, produced by CHANGMO [then LUPE], is

the second of three group songs made by a group of underground rappers all
born in 1994. RM did not participate in the first group track, but appeared on
this one as well as the third group track, also known as “The Swagger” . RM,
Supreme Boi (then going by Suprema), Kyum2 , and 삼순 (Samsoon) would go
on to form hiphop crew, “DaeNamHyup (대남협)” in 2010.” [by @baepsayed]
16
Listen First (2009) — [Machine Translated]

I do keep spittin’ —
It’s been a few days, but this killing beat does have no pity.
Until this road opens all night, givin’ it a go.
I try to understand that even if it’s hard, it’s worth it.
Rip it, write it again and spit it out.

I tried hard, but I struggled.
Since then, several testin’ and numerous tryin’
Now, that tight rhyme that everyone wants —
I know how to match your taste.
When it’s fast, it’s fast.
When you want something different, it’s different.
Twist it again with a charming flow —

It’s an important process of making myself.
It’s all flesh and blood lessons.
Being young is still pressing me a little,

but I’m still throwing a shot,
looking at the possibilities.
All gauges are full.

I’m ready.
That’s me.
Translation: Korean lyrics from genius.com, machine translated, may contain

errors. Namjoon’s lines only
Genius.com Note: “일단 들어봐 (Listen First)” is the song RM used to

audition for the underground rap crew Big Deal Squad in 2009. He passed
the preliminary round....Though he did not win a place in the Big Deal Squad,
RM’s performance caught the attention of Sleepy of the rap duo
Untouchable who got RM’s contact info after the show. Sleepy later
recommended RM to Pdogg, leading RM to join Big Hit Entertainment in May
2010.” (by @baepsayed)
17
Grey City (2009)

No known audio recording available
Mic covered in dust,

saying you’re going to throw it away,
a false delusion.
The reality is,

one’s nose is cut off as soon as one closes their eyes.
I hate it, so I struggle,
but R E A L I T Y —
those 7 letters —
can’t be modified.
Even if you build a house of sincerity and work hard,

they have a rigid standard.
Why do they misunderstand me so much?1
A cold grey city where loneliness is flowing around.

People’s eyes are blank.
Everyone is just going somewhere.
Where is there a place for a bird flying above their cold heads?
People don’t even remember how to give a warm helping hand
in this grey city where night suits me more than day.2
Translations: Genius.com, edited
My Notes: If my timeline is correct, this was likely shortly after Namjoon

failed the “Big Deal Squad” auditions but before being contacted by Big Hit.
He had generally given up on rapping professionally and reapplied himself to
school.
1
“I live to understand the world, but the world has never understood me.”
Always, 1/1/2017
2
“We, more than anyone else, need the night scenery.” Moonchild, mono.
2018
18
Free Fall / Hook Gayo (2010)

Written/Produced by IRON, Supreme Boi & RM
BigHit represent
Bravesound vs. Bangtan Sonyeondan
Let me see who's more brave
You say you just wanna be 'The Classic' like Nas?

Got nothin' to say, ‘Nas hyung’, u mad?
Have you ever seen anything absurd like that?
Why just blindly insult right away?
We can seduce other people's ears without using the F word

Got into YG with your rapping, dug yourself into a hole with your mic.
'Last Farewell' really became your last farewell.1
You closed your eyes tight at the development in the music business
but the public's eyes are paparazzi.
You sold off all your hook songs, you might really be finished.
Yeah and this is a real Brave Entertainment.
Maybe DISS is what u want, our Special occasion.
The facts that everyone knows but you, shall I stop?
Ok, ok, no more jokes and will end it here
1
Brave Brothers was a rapper who entered YG entertainment and became a
producer/composer. He composed Big Bang’s song (“Last Farewell”). Big Bang
took a 2 year hiatus after the album.

Notes from Genius.com: “Before BTS debut, Rap Monster and former BTS
members Supreme Boi and Iron released this song as a response to South
Korean producer and rapper Bravesound (also known as Brave Brothers).
Bravesound allegedly dissed famous JYP producers such as Bang Si Hyuk, Jo
Young Soo and Shinsadon Tiger in his song “Round and Round” from his first
album The Classic.” (by @retensi)
19
Supreme Boi and Namjoon
20
Where U At (written 2010, posted January 3rd, 2013)

Written by RM
You know
Time flows like stars.
You don’t know your future
So where you at baby.
Lets ride with me.
Time passes and I’m already in the 10th grade.

But I haven’t done anything so I’m worried about my future.
Afraid of the reality, I become timid these days.
I can feel it when I look at some of those friends that study.
We learned that money isn’t everything in life,
but the school implores you to earn a lot of money when you’re older.
Seeing successful people it makes me wonder ‘how much that person making?’
Well, that’s what’s on my mind.
The guys are still interested in pretty girls and celebrities.

Well, I can’t help it either; I just go with the flow.
Despite flipping through the pages of the book I still feel anxious.
The only thing we take from the words we don’t understand
is sleepiness and exhaustion.
Oh, there isn’t one thing that I’m good at.

Does this world need somebody like me?
Boy, you’re not an adolescent any longer.
I don’t have anymore excuses to give, where am I going
Where u at?
Where are you going, baby where u at?

Where u at? where u at baby?
Where u at boy? where u at baby?
Where u at boy? where u at? x2
Where u at?
Okay, you’re feeling distressed
21
at the growing insecurity of your future.

In a daze most of the time and out of it,
speak up instead, you’re self-indulgent.
Ok, school is a step you take to the interchange station.

Academies are considered as short rest stops.
At times I suddenly feel sorry towards my parents.
Thinking about how much money they’ve put in for me..
‘what is the matter with me?’
I wish I could wait for the day the report card arrives.
As I walk down the streets most of the music that flows out
are love songs that are irrelevant to me, man.
I feel annoyed again today; forget about studying,

I want to eat something delicious. Where do you want to go?
“Hey forget it, let’s skip academy and go to the internet café?”
Alright we can go and eat cup ramen there.
Worry for 3 minutes, we can learn the rest tomorrow.
Where are you going, baby where u at

Where u at where u at baby
Where u at boy where u at baby
Where u at boy where u at x2
Translation: Genius.com
Note from Genius.com: You will notice several of these lines and ideas repeated
in the next song, “Seventeen”, which was released as a recruitment song in
2010. This song may be the draft that became “Seventeen”, or vice versa, as the
exact time of writing for this song is unclear. (@baepsayed)
22
Seventeen (2010)
Produced by Pdogg & RM, Written by RM
Uh yeah,
I’m already 17.1
Time flows too fast.
Yeah, sometimes I lift my head to look at the stars and begin to think
Wondering where my life is heading? Uncertain of my future.
Every standard is judged by the basis of your education.
As I resent this reality, I turn on my mp3.
I’m tired of these love songs that don’t have anything to do with me.
Tomorrow I have my school performance evaluation, what should I do?
I worry all night and end up falling asleep on the desk.
Ugh why am I like this? Where do I stand?
At least I have some kind of dream.
How old are you?
I’m slowly becoming an adult and I still want to do many things.
But time flies too fast, you can’t even notice it.
I feel as though nobody will understand how I feel.
I don’t want to give up like I have with other dreams.
I don’t know why I feel so immature,
like describing my life is a cup of Cola.
Life is the same (life is the same yeah)

But it’s not that lame (but it’s not that lame)
You can change the game
You and I can’t be more tamed
(x2)
You think your life’s the same?

The money, the fame, that’s not all your life’s about.
You already know it’s a game, but you can never betray it.
No one can live my life for me.

They can’t take away my time and memories.
It’s eventually you who will be living out your life.
23
The lack of motivation that I once had will seduce you too.
Write your emotions into music or a rap and let them go.
Don’t stop finding yourself in you, never stop.
As you walk around you’ll notice you seem to be losing your mind —
that the world you thought you knew is not at all what you think.
So don’t lose confidence.
You still have a long way to go; the future is bright.
Your experience will grow and flourish.
You know, you’re the most foolish one here.

You understand what I’m saying. You’re not a rock.
Now that I know there’s no need to regret,
I know it will forever ever and ever be my life
[Life is the same (life is the same yeah)

But it’s not that lame (but it’s not that lame)
You can’t change the game
You and I can’t be more tamed.
(x2)
Everybody who feels life’s the same,

Your life is not the same.
You have to rise and dream again,
And say the line “life is not the same”
It’s all a dream
Translation: Genius.com, edited
My Note: Namjoon wrote this song as a recruitment video for Big Hit’s
website. (@baepsayed) The video of this song was the one that Jungkook saw
that caused him to choose Big Hit despite invitations from larger companies.
1
Namjoon would have been 15 or 16 in international age.
24
25
Dreamin’ (2010)
Produced by Pdogg, Written by RM
The dream
Always headed for...
Drums...Yeah
Uh, yeah, yeah, ye-e-h
It’s going down baby
Uh, we can do it
Let’s go, uh, I’ve always chased after my “dream”.

Almost falling into the trap of giving up because it seemed too far away.
The seemingly never-ending stop,
The stuff that I could never get used to.
Epik High’s Fly is what first brought me to this path.
Could never help but repeatin’ it, just felt like dying1.
And illmatic, just said life’s a bitch2.
Cannot flip, now I can’t say my life’s a bitch
Can’t forget the times when I stayed up all night writing and memorizing lyrics,
the first time I went to Hongdae in my tacky tee and New Era.
Even the feelings of excitement during my first performance,
I remember everything clearly and even now.
Everything is happening, step by step.

You’re emerging.
Don’t forget the start, don’t forget the start.
Don’t forget those times.
(x2)
Never forget, baby
Yeah, verse two

Yeah, uh, I can’t forget the one who opened my ears, Eminem “Without Me.”
Yeah you say, now I can never live without this.
Oh, to the old me, the one that thought studying was everything
To the many people who showed me a new world – thanks, men.
This is my shy confession,
26
A tiny matrix inside a caterpillar starting to develop.

Anyone can succeed it if they just try.
I’ll eventually fulfill that dream, even with a miracle.
Have you forgotten?
Have you been washing your face only, forgetting what’s truly dirty?
Clinging to the hope that the next might be me,

My growing blindness, just hoping.
I don’t want to forget anything,

even the times when I was in pain from frustration.
My light attitude towards problems—
Uh, if I don’t have music
I can’t live, even if you turn back time.
Everything is happening, step by step

You’re emerging
Don’t forget the start, don’t forget the start
Don’t forget those times
(x2)
Never forget, baby
Note: This was Namjoon’s second track he made for Big Hit recruitment
purposes, along with “Seventeen”.
1”
Even falling in a discouragement. Never die.” - lyrics from Epic High’s “Fly”
2
Illmatic is the debut studio album by American rapper Nas, with the title
track “Life’s a Bitch.” It was released on April 19, 1994, by Columbia Records.
(Wikipedia)
27
Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok moved into the dorms in November and December 2010,
respectively. As part of Suga’s audition, he needed to write his own lyrics to one of the
recruitment tracks. Suga chose RM’s “Seventeen”, but (in typical Suga fashion) re-mixed
and re-produced the entire track instead of simply laying his own lyrics over it.
28
Rap Monster (2011)

Written by RM
Born in Ilsan, from Ilsan to Apgujeong.

I don’t want to get caught up in it.
I was born as a man and came all the way here,
but what are you hesitating about?
If you do, do it.
Ayo DJ let's go, get it poppin'
(Reset)
Keep it down, the attraction is Taeji and Lee Ji-ah .

It's a secret. Beat is Supreme, I'm a team.
My name is Namjoon Kim. I'm really hot.
Take a look, your raps are dementia that I hear once and forget.
Every time I play like Kevin, I rule the entire stage by myself.
Next-generation rap stars who will lead the young hip-hop craze,
because I only know rap, I just can't stop.
It's a hook song that I always wrote and spit as I wanted
and stayed up all day to prove it's not over.
I've already stolen both ears of so many people, my unstoppable kleptomania.

The Rap Monster, that's my second name.
Rhyme is my note and every syllable is my command name.
Even if I die, hip-hop goes down to the bone
The real new classic, up to this point.
Translation: Lyricstranslate.com @tea with DNA and Genius.com
Note from Genius.com: “Although not released until 2012 on the Bangtan Blog,
RM stated that he made the song around April 2011. According to an interview
for a book called, Doing Hip Hop, RM included the line “the rap monster” as a
reference to the San E song “Rap Genius,” however, something went wrong
when he was first recording it and only the sound of him saying, “Rap Monster”
came out. After that, other people at Big Hit Entertainment began jokingly
referring to him as Rap Monster, leading him to eventually take it as his first
stage name as a member of BTS .” (@baepsayed)
My Note: In April 2011, Supreme Boi was still a part of BTS, and the original rap
line (with the possible exception of Iron) had not yet been disbanded.
29
Jeon Jungkook joined in June 2011, having chosen Big Hit after hearing RM’s
recruitment song “Seventeen.”
Kim Seokjin became a trainee right before Jungkook, but would not move into
the dorms until July 2012.
30
Glory (2011)
Written by RM / Interpolations from ‘Glory’ by Ryan Leslie
Listen
You say that I'm pathetic.
Said I staked everything on this one thing, BTS.
You said I threw away those years away.
That's right, the underground —
that either left cruel comments about me under my songs,
or ignored me — they tore my hymen.
The only issue is, I've never shown you ‘me.’
The real realm in me, you'll never know what it is.
From the start, I was acknowledged as a genius to the bone

Why would my name be Rap Monster? (It's obvious)
The pencil that I grabbed during my first birthday
is the fate that God gave me.
I thought that it was for studying,
but it was a young misunderstanding for sure.
I stayed up all night working to translate myself into lyrics.
What the hell did you do? Like a calculator, say my name.
Bitches will say my name after I debut like a comet.
Y'all get it on, try to follow me, I'll rap.
Y’all just fallen persimmons, you’re all soft and burst here.
You say I'm a dick? Yeah, that's right, as you mess with me, I get bigger.
Yeah, the glory, give it to me.

Yeah, wassup, get it
The glory, give it to me
Yeah, I'mma get my glory,
Give it to me, yeah,
Glory.
Translated: Genius.com, edited.
31
Kim Taehyung moves into the dorms in November

2011.
32
Suicide (January 1, 2012)

Written by RM / Samples “Acura Integurl” by Frank Ocean
I’ve walked this long way from home to find my real utopia,
but now I’ve got no place to go and now I feel agoraphobia 1.
Can’t describe how lonely I am.
I know this isn’t a game, but a bit of a fan, a bit of a fame, 2
I do this shit again and again.
Boy, what the hell are you afraid of?

You’re your life’s creator,
something you definitely ain’t gonna get paid of.
Just don’t be a bench, be a real player.
There’s nothing, I’m sick of this,
Need somebody to stand by my side,
for a moment,
no forever,
Never would’ve looked for a safe to hide.
I’ll wait for you, I’ll stay for you.

If’n I think I’m made for you,
Just for you, what’s made for you.
Don’t know your name yet, but just for you.
They always say, ‘one day you’ll be way better’,
but I don’t believe their chatter.
Honestly, I’m falling up the ladder.
Maybe this song will be my last letter.
All the historys and times, all we have,

Just tell, “I’m sorry” and now give me a rest (I’ll take it to you).
If my passion is what you need, (I’ll give it for you)
If conclusion is what you mean, now set me free so that I’ll forget.
Source: Consulted Genius.com and energizerkyung.tumblr.com, edited

according to what I hear. Original lyrics are entirely in English.
Notes: Uploaded to Soundcloud January 1st, 2012. The previous year, “Bullet
33
Proof Boys” had failed to debut as planned and instead most of the original rap
line-up was disbanded. Big Hit decided to change BTS to an idol group and
recruitment was ongoing with no finish-line in sight. Namjoon was already
facing criticism from his friends and peers in the underground at this time for
not leaving with the rest of the rap line-up and he was told he was wasting his
time with a hopeless company.
1
Some sources replace “agoraphobia” with “pro-phobia”, believing Namjoon is
expressing his fear of leaving the underground to become a ’professional’. I
personally hear agoraphobia.
2
Some sources heard: “I’m beating the fan, I’m beating the fame”.
34
U Can’t do That (2012) — [Machine Translated]

a Daenamhyup (DNH) song
When my pen bleeds, I get excited, too.
All the hungry people are swept away by this atmosphere.
All eyes, I’ll steal everything —
That’s a real rapper’s swagger.
Flow unstoppable, blow all the obstacles
How remarkable I am I make an impossible to a possible
Stop playing around, you’re damn depressing.
I respect Underground, but I’m so tired of all those bullshits.
You stupid assholes, only shellfish1,
my words pry you open. [My Note: like a knife prying apart a clam]
“That’s bulletproof idol shit”, I say.
Fuck flow, fuck rhyme, fuck groove, fuck style
Don't define me with a few shallow words.
Source: 이구역의남준 youtube channel, machine translated, may contain

errors (RM’s verse only; full song with SupremeBoi, i11evn, Marvel J, Kyum 2)
1
Namjoon also uses this
metaphor in Naa, Am I Wrong,
and Gajah
My Note:
Namjoon continued make
songs with DNH while being a
BTS trainee. On the show “4
Things” (2014), it was shown
that DNH had recently asked
Namjoon to be on their
mixtape but he was unable to
because of his hectic BTS
schedule. There is also a
youtube clip of DNH calling
Namjoon from their show
after BTS debuted so he could
talk to the audience.
35
Tipsy (2012, with Supreme Boi) — [Machine Translated]
Produced by Supreme Boi
I know I am not Jay, I am not Nas,

I don't want the fame, I don't want your applause,
I don't know I'm just lovin' rap,
And all the bosses please go take a nap.
Back to the real shit, I'll speak in Korean.

I'm not even drooling yet. Why are you surprised already?
Oh my god, what the fuck, you guys are ‘Holy Moly!’
Mine is Roly-Poly that even old men will hear,
Yo, here comes the ‘two to the three, to the four.’
They complain about bad pronunciation in English.
I can't stand that (Suckers)
You're LA (Dodgers)
I'm a New York (Yonkers)
Look, I have a lot of work to do, and I'm still too young.
The fruit after the pain is sweet, but patience tastes bitter.
Since I pulled out the knife, I'll choose bitter persimmons 1
while you choose to be lazy.
So let me take you again to the chorus.
Now errbody in this bitch gettin' real shit (x4)
1
Persimmons are bitter before they are ripe, so this is likely a metaphor
extended from the previous line — he’s so impatient to get working towards
his success that he’s cutting into the “fruit” while it is still unripe.
Source: Genius.com, machine translated, may contain errors, RM’s verse only
36
37
Naa (date unknown, possibly 2012) — [Machine Translated]

Written by RM / Samples Deuces by Chris Brown
Yeah, uh
These days, I've been livin' so hard to do my thing.
Just wanna do my rap and do my stage about angry shellfish 1
These days, I'm betraying everything with the excuse that I can't help it.
I’m a machine that raps.
Got no time to stop, no place to go —
Only straight.2 Only dark.
Who could ever understand me?
Rappers claim they sick and classic,
Feels like nothin' to pay me.
I dream about when I’m the Jay-Z, uh.
Sweet dreams and an invisible end:
as if I could see what lies beyond that mountain.
The breeze coming to me tickles the tip of my nose.
Like the sigh that follows, reality is complacent.
I can never ever stop, but
If you’re a scared bitch just-just-just drop,
Another hot silhouette's getting caught
but you’re still not the answer.
A dirty world that only remembers first place:

I'm just blaming you, I hope you leave me alone.
Sources: Genius.com, machine translated. May contain errors

https://sonichits.com/video/Rap_Monster/Naa
1
This is a play on words that Papago isn’t picking up well. The complete phrase
I translated as “angry shellfish” is “분한 게”. The first word “분한” translates
to “angry/furious”, while the second word “게” is “crab or shellfish” - which is
similar to his shellfish -> selfish wordplay he uses “U Can’t Do That” with DNH in
2012 and “Am I Wrong” released in 2016. (The actual release date of ’Naa’ is
unknown.)
2
This phrase may continue the earlier line to mean, “no place to go but
forward.”
38
Pre-debut work as part of BTS

As part of their lessons, trainees would be split into teams to write songs
together, a few of which were later uploaded to SoundCloud.
Namjoon used the track “Like a Star” to introduce Jungkook on @BTS_twt on

February 2, 2013. In his introduction tweet, he called Jungkook the “golden
maknae”
39
Waterfalls (2012)
Original Track: “Waterfalls” by Junggigo / Lyrics by: Namjoon & Jungkook
Yeah, you know. It’s the double J

(One) You just stole my mind
(Two) My heart and now I’m dying
(Three) I see you the other day and you look just fine
(Four) Now still back on my mind
It’s already been a few months since we’ve broke up.

Coming across you in the street,
you seemed to look much prettier and happier than before.
I pretend I didn’t see you. Maybe it was the cold weather,
I had tears in my eyes.
You grew out your short hair and cut it a few times —
That’s when it hit me, you’re not mine anymore.
I didn’t realize when you left me because of my rash pride and arrogance;
I try to forget it but like a habit it goes astray.
After that day, instead of biting my short fingernails, I bite onto the memories.
Anywhere I go, everything I see is a haze.
Even though I know the answer, I continue to ask myself:
While you laugh, will I be able to laugh with you?
I’m more familiar with the two of us instead of being alone;

my heart shivers in the never ending blizzards.
When I think of you my heart drops just like it did today.
Where could you be?

Where do I have to go to meet you by chance?
Wherever I go, they all seem like you.
My heart drops just like it did today.
Waterfalls, waterfalls (like waterfalls) (x4)

Love is just like the waterfalls.
It just drops down by its side forever and ever.
Waterfalls, waterfalls (like waterfalls) (x2)
Translation: thesoulmusiq.tumblr.com
40
Like A Star (2012)

Original Track: Like A Star by J.Cole / Lyrics by Namjoon & Jungkook
[Jungkook]
Just like a star across my sky
Just like a bird flying at dawn
I have a dream of the freedom
Feel like I’ll never be the same
Just like dream of last night
Just like pictures in my head
Oh I can’t realize that
Still I wonder why it is
[Rap Monster]
Just like a star, my gray life:
Yeah, I who wasn’t black or white
The time was just passing by
Sometimes I committed myself this way
Even though I’ve chances, I painted my courage in gray when I was young
Without being able to stand up, sitting like that going to the next one
Again, trembling from fear, how many regrets groaning
Like those morning dramas it continues like a clear sequence
A sensitive personality that builds a wall
Only feeling out of place because of the surroundings, I really have no friends
Uncertain grades and a uncertain departure
The world alone and the never-ending amount of nights
Even if the dreams are a lot like the stars are, they’re also as far as them
My mood is like a detective with a criminal child
Even if I’ve a rope to the sky it can’t reach
Even if I know who’s the culprit I can never escape
[Jungkook Chorus Repeats]
[Outro: Jungkook]
You, shine more in the night
You, look farther than other people can
Your life is white
Translation: @bts-trans (translator name not stated)

Published on soundcloud on February 2, 2013
41
RM VLive on November 28th, 2016, about “Like A Star”:

In my trainee days, I had an assignment to write a song about a friend…
‘Like A Star.’ It’s about me too; but actually that friend told me about it. That
friend told me—he was a quiet person who went along well with me, we
were sitting at a café and the first thing he said was, ‘My life was…’ he was 19
at the time, ‘…. My life was so grey.’ That sentence was so shocking to me. It
was like from the novel, The Stranger: “My mother died today. Maybe it was
yesterday.” My friend said, ‘My life was gray.’ I’m not sure why that was so
shocking. He told me this. “I neither went astray, nor studied hard. I kind of
studied. I have a lot of friends, but it’s ambiguous.”
When people recall black and white, although everyone might have
different thoughts, the colors are quiet clear. But when people think of ‘grey,’
it will be more diverse. It could be light gray, almost like white, or dark gray.
It could be graded grey. There could be a lot of grays people think of. So
when he said that, I felt for him.
I thought about what I did passionately. I just studied hard because I
42
vaguely thought that I wanted to enter a decent university. I didn’t know what
I liked. I like music, but was not sure if it’s a sure thing for me. I didn’t have
conviction at the time. So I wrote about him.
If I listen to your stories, I think that I could make an album quickly. But
since I can’t do that, I’m searching for it inside me and watching movies and
reading books. It’s not easy, but let’s live our lives to the fullest. You don’t
have to live it to the fullest, but you can still think that you are living it to the
fullest.
What am I talking about? Anyways.. [Paraphrase to shorten: ‘When we
hear each other’s stories, that’s enough. We don’t tell our stories to get a
solution, or listen to stories to give one.’]…. Just sharing with each other is
enough. I hope this VLive was enough for you in that way. I hope my music
and BTS’s songs give you comfort like that. Music is good because it can be
with you all the time… That’s the good thing about music: it can be with you
like air. I will work harder for great music. I’m happy to be with you. Feeling
good is happiness, it’s not something big.
In May 2012, Jimin moved into the dorms. In late July, 2012, Jin moves into
the dorms. In August, Jungkook travels to LA for several weeks for intensive
dance training.
43
Vote (December 2012)
Original Beat: “Power” by Kanye West / Composed by RM
Big Hit exclusive

Bulletproof Boys Scout, I’m Rap Monster.
I’m 19, I got no rights to vote.
You know the future is mine too, leggo!
Beginning December 19th, the clock starts winding in Korea.

It’s the day the whole country uses their magic.
From the tip of your hands, all the results come in.
However, I think many of you still don’t know
the power that you and I possess.
In order to not elect the opponent, we continue campaigning.
Calling ourselves a nation is wrong when you’re being apathetic.
(21st-century Schizoid Man)
30 years ago some would do anything to give in that one vote,

But now you avoid it despite being offered rewards for voting?
(Are they stupid?)
Your vote is worth 30,000 won ($29-30 USD).
That’s how much your total tax is worth for these 5 years specifically,
So giving up your vote isn’t making things neutral
It’s just an undeclared vote.
Go vote or do something, before you make any blames and criticisms.
It’s like the college entrance exams. Why?
Because it all depends on how you do
If you don’t pick something then don’t expect anything significant.
During the 5 years, will you note how much weight that one paper holds?
The voice of the everybody, just vote.
If you want to voice out your opinions, then go ahead by voting
The power that you and I possess:
In order to not elect the opponent, we continue campaigning.
Calling ourselves a nation is wrong when you’re being apathetic.
Today’s vote is yours, but future is ours
Vote
or just shut up.
Translation: Genius.com (edited)

Posted @bts_twt December 17, 2012; their 2nd post on their official twitter.
44
All Vlog Translations are from BangtanSubs on YouTube, transcriptions are

mine and are slightly edited to cut out filler words, tangents, etc., for length
and ease of reading.
VLog: January 7, 2013

A new year has begun. I got a new hairstyle and bought some new
clothes. This year feels like it will really become an important year for me. I’ve
always vaguely thought about it. But now it really… how should I say… after
what Bang PD-nim said to me yesterday, it feels like some things will become
certain. So when I went home, I sat and thought a lot to myself before going to
sleep.
I felt that I might have lost sight of where I started from. However, I feel
like I still haven’t shown even half of my music or my rap to the company. And
I believe in myself. So, uh…. I cannot entirely agree with Bang PD-nim telling
45
me that I won’t be as good as the people in the major or underground scene

these days. But I have become conceited and anybody is allowed to have those
kinds of thoughts, so I think now is the time to show who I am.
So to show the half that I haven’t showcased yet, I really need to wake
myself up and show the full extent of my potential. They say life is what you
make of it, but I will not live it recklessly. I’ll make that promise. I just really
want to make this year, my year. So, like that, January 7th, 2013, Rap
Monster’s log, end.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Nara, Subbed & Uploaded: Alissa

& Bon

Right now I’m in the studio. In the studio I am writing rap, as befits Rap
Monster, but it’s not going too well. And to be honest, I’m cold, I’m hungry and
I’m sleepy… I just want to go home. But like I promised myself in yesterday’s
log, I plan to show the company what I’ve got, so I’m going to do my best to
give them a proper shock. And right now… I’m really hungry. I’m really hungry,
but the fact that I will gain weight if I eat at this time of night… it’s such an
obvious truth… so I have to endure it. You need to endure, Namjoon. I’m trying
to endure it. I want to praise myself for doing my best to produce music, even
in horrible conditions such as these.
It’s just passing midnight…. I’ve been working for 8 hours, but I feel that I’ll
need to work at least 8 more hours before I get some kind of results. I feel that
rappers these days write rap that is extremely trendy and that are relatable for
the people who listen to them. There are people watching these logs that say
they are awkward to watch, but since there’s no script for these and it’s just
something that I use to organize the day, it’s not at all awkward for me. Really.
Also, while working on music I finally rediscovered the feelings I had back
in the beginning when I worked really hard. Did I find it? I feel a little like I
found it again. And I had the thought that now, I really want to show the
people my voice. And be acknowledged for it as soon as possible. I hope that
these things will become the small steps to the beginning. Therefore today, as
well, I will work hard. Yeah. Hwaiting!
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Yein, Subbed & Uploaded: Kel &
Bon
46

Today, I met friends, friends who did music in the past and let them listen
to my raps and listened to their opinions. I spent time doing that. But the
opinion that they all shared was that ever since I joined this company, my rap
has become more stable and I’ve improved in more pop-like, generic aspects,
but I heard many statements that I’ve lost a lot of the roughness that came out
when I reached that climax. I definitely agree too, and I’ve been hearing this
since about a year and a half ago, so I’m pretty confused.
I’m confused about how to rap but I think that from here I need to go in
the right direction because when I debut I’m going to want to show the final
killer result. So I think right now is an important time. Also, nowadays I have a
lot of things to do. I have to start dancing and working out again, and this is
when I really have to think and do a lot of things, so I need to set a good pace,
and keep my health in mind and take care of it.
They say boys normally can’t multitask, and I especially can’t multitask, but
nowadays I can’t focus on just one thing. So I really need to think properly and I
think that in order to do a lot of cool things from now on I need to do
everything systematically. Anyways, Sunday will end today and tomorrow will
be Monday, finally the long-awaited very busy week will start. The busier it is,
the more I want to satisfy both the public and the management so that I can
show cool stuff.
Also, I want to have a cool side. I really want to become cool. That is one of
my goals. Let’s stay strong, and starting tomorrow I promise I will push myself
harder with a a new heart and show you a better side of myself. Yeah.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Jisoo, Spot Checked: Yein,

Subbed & Uploaded: Kel & Laura
VLog: January 18th, 2013

Actually, it’s not January 18th, it’s January 19th at exactly 5:30 am. I stayed
up all night because I wanted to rap. Staying up all night… those who have
stayed up all night may know what I mean… my mind is blank as if I’m drunk. So
I really have no idea what I’m talking about right now. If I stay still for too long I
don’t think I can snap out of it. That’s how it feels like.
This week, I danced for the first time in a while. Ah, dancing is fun. I’m not
47
sure why, but it’s fun. But it’s a pity that I haven’t had time to practice. I don’t
know how well the monitoring will go tomorrow.
Anyway, now… Why am I always tired when I film a log? I want to go to
sleep quickly. Quickly, quickly. I really want to go to sleep quickly. And from
now on, I need to be really good at working. To show the proper image of an
artist. I think I need a lot of practice with managing deadlines.
Am I speaking properly right now? I’m not sure if I am.
And… I went on the blog and twitter, and it was fun. As expected, playing
with it was very fun. I’m very thankful to the people who leave comments on
the blog. I look at them a few times a day, and it feels like they sincerely care
about me — not me, about us, so it’s very uplifting. So thank you. And so, I’m
starting the day with a thankful heart.
Now is the time when newspapers are being delivered. It’s time to sleep. I
should go to sleep now. Children of the new world…. Sleep late? (he’s altering
lyrics of a children’s song) Anyway. Yeah. End of log. Fighting.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Sharon, Spot Checked: Yein,

Subbed & Uploaded: Kel & Laura
48
School of Tears (January 20, 2013)

Original Track: “Swimming Pools” by Kendrick Lamar / Lyrics by: RM & Suga
[Intro: RM, Jin]

School-wrong, society-wrong
Parent-wrong, teacher-wrong
Victim-wrong, perpetrator-wrong
Bystander-maybe, bystander-maybe
[Verse 1: RM, Jin]

"Nice kid complex" that was my illness
“But I was still nice to everyone.”
That was my excuse
Behind my back they were talking shit
In front of me they were acting nice
I pretended not to notice, school was a battleground
Perhaps this was my own battle in the ring called classroom
Someone would've brushed it off as something you shouldn't carе about
Oh I don't care, but that's something only adults can do easily
Not perpetrators.
Not victims.
49
This is a place where we've turned into bystanders!

Even if you point your finger at me and call me coward
I'm fine with it, but how would you define it?
You know I can't lend you a hand
If I did that I'll end up the same as you
Don't be blinded by justice, the hero is dead
This is a reality, the only way to survive, there are no options
[Chorus: Jin]
This is the ring called classroom
This is a stadium without any referee, only an audience
You know there will never be victor everyone will lose
(x4)
[Verse 2: SUGA]
The basis of a school violence
A vicious that can never end
There's no exit in this crowded ring called a classroom
That's right, in the end
School is like another mini society
A jungle made carelessly by adults
They made the weaklings weak, they made the strong powerful
Of course since they were strong
They made the weak suffer
A society built on the teachings that friends are only to pretend
The morals of adults made us step on the weak to rise the top
Corporal punishment has been banned
In a moment of force
"I didn't know because I was out of it" became an excuse
That's right, this society is filled with bystanders
That are no different from perpetrators
The students trapped inside classrooms
Known as themselves are also victims
Note: After a documentary about school bullying aired, Namjoon posted on
twitter asking people’s opinions (Jan 15) and replied to several. Jin, Namjoon
and Suga then wrote these lyrics over Kendrick Lamar's song "Swimming Pools"
and posted it to Soundcloud on 1/20.
50
RM’s Freestyle Series

Muish Wordpress description:
“[RM posted a series of four freestyle raps from] Feb-Mar, 2013, pre-debut, on
BANGTAN BLOG.
I guess these were done based on some jotted point form and words (as seen
in the image he posted with the raps) without writing the lyrics out. RM’s ver-
sion of rambling…. I don’t know how he can be so poetic.
These are from a few months before his debut. He would have been 18 and
1/2 years old international age, and 20 by Korean age at this time. He would
have had his high school graduation in Feb 2013. He would be considered a
legal adult for some things starting Jan 1, 2013.
I couldn’t find Korean typed lyrics to these, so I had to do these by ear – so

some of it may be off. Also, slight adaptations have been made.”
(Note: above description and all four of the following translations for the
freestyle series are from muish.wordpress.com, with some edits, footnotes
are theirs.)
Image posted with Freestyle 1
51
Freestyle 1 (February 6, 2013)

Muish Wordpress Note: Some of these lyrics may be similar to “Adult Child”
cover they did, because he did this right before they did that cover.
Yo
There is no longer the thrill of faking an ID to get into a bar.
I’ve now come to be an adult.
There is no deal.
Really, there are so many paths out there,
but there is no path for me.
I’m just stopped right here.
There is no fuel.1
All the hyungs that used to do music with me are all up there.
I’m the only one without a name.
Like spam KaTalk,
There is no hope for me2, and no work.3
Because I know that of myself,

There is even less time for rest for me.
Since I know this of myself,
There are no more worries for me.4
Now I’m coming to know the things I didn’t want to know.

Friends tell me to go to college,
not understanding my heart.
A little bit of feeling of freedom,
And a bit of feeling of regret,
And a bit of hostility about the unfamiliar world are felt.
Graduation has passed and I already miss the school uniform.
The timely snowfall is piling softly.
I’m like an deserted island, among my friends.
Entrance exams have finished, but my world is still full of problems
Yeah…
1
gil-eun eop-seo = there is no path // gi-leum eop-seo = there is no fuel
2
Literally, “there is no answer/solution for me” — which in Korean means that
it’s so hopeless, there is no answer.
52
3
The “no work” ending is a wordplay with the “spam KaTalk” from the line be-
fore. The word “work” could also be translated to “1”.
“il” = work / 1. On KaTalk, when the recipient reads the message, the “1” be-
side the the message disappears. Spam on KaTalk gets read (the “1” disappear)
but don’t get replied to (thus, there is no answer).
4
This line might instead be: “There is no more hate for me”
시름/싫음 (worry/hate) sound similar and no written lyrics were provided
with the song, so there may be an error in hearing these lines.
Translation: Muish.wordpress.com
53
Freestyle 2 (March 3, 2013)

Yo.
It’s now 6 AM
I’m so tired, I think I’m gonna go insane.
Think about it, why did I come here?
Right. It’s to be cool like a rap star,
but reality is a bit different.
The moment I was about to accept this,
the company separates us members.
My tears have dried up,
Three years have already passed.
Time has passed since then,
I’ve already become 20.
I used to be like a child but now I’ve become an adult.
Some say if you wanna go, you gotta take this slow,
You gotta cool it off.
Right, this is the dream that I’ve hungered for all this time,
so I must move forward.
But because I get tired,
because I’ve whipped myself this far,
because this is not what I need anymore,
sometimes, I have to take a rest too.
I think of this,
so I heal myself with music.
I heal myself like this.
I want to share these emotions with people.
If I could, I’d be really happy.
My emotions are deep to that extent;
it’s not superficial.
The last 3 years where I did not get to pay back my gratitude to people,
Now is the time for me to pay it back.
I must love people.
I want to share these good feelings with people.
I believe I can.
I want to heal people and give them strength.
I think of that as my job.
54

(first line is unclear)
Life, lights, all those things, yo.
When I first came here, I was alone.
Maybe because of that, I was so lonely.
Yeah, I’m the first male trainee for Big Hit.
I didn’t have a buddy anywhere.
After locking myself in a lonely empty room at a young age,
these kids called “members” came.
Then the time passed

and the number of kids I knew increased, haha.
And somehow, now there were more than twenty already,
And my age was more than twenty,
And three years have passed.
All that sweat, all that time.
If we could be compensated for those, I will do anything
I’m not kidding, I’m even going to sell my soul1
(quietly) Maybe not that.
But you know what?

They’re not the initial members
But they’re members that would not be lacking, no matter where they go.
I’m proud of them.
Sometimes I feel sympathetic towards them.
Sometimes, I’m deeply sad
I dreamed of being a rap star with them here.
Just like Bang PD-nim said, I buried my roots here.
Not causing problems, going with the flow,
trying to appeal my presence all this time.
And now, the debut is not far off.
I’m thankful to the company

To such a good team, Bangtan,
allowing me to live as a cool leader for them.
To think that BTS will be written on the white A4 page on dressing room door,
55
it makes my heart race,

makes me excited.
It fills my heart all day
How will I leave a good impression?
I worry about things like that.
I seem a bit insecure.
But if I keep going like this, someday I’ll be a rap star.
I won’t forget how I came with my untainted heart

like a blank page when I was seventeen.2
Those initial feelings,
I’ll carry with me always.
BTS debut is really only a short time off now...I only realize it now.
And I just now realized that the important thing is not the ideals or reality,
but the things that I trust in now,
and the things I wish for,
and that I will someday bloom brightly.
These things are more important
….Ah! Really..
The debut is really not far off!
Oh, yeah..
1
Unclear
2
15 or 16 in international age
Translation:
Muish.wordpress.com
56

Just like everyone else,
There was a childhood I wanted to go back to.
Eating and reading comic books,
everything seemed to be mine back then.
The worries back then were how much money I can get from my mom,
and which game I would play at the PC café.
Why were those things so serious back then?
Back then, my whole world consisted of that apartment complex.

Back then, we had so many dreams:
from scientist to pro-gamer, to president.
Where did all those many dreams go?
Now all our dreams are all the same.
Back then, I didn’t need to wear a watch on my wrist,
all I had to do was go home when the sun set after playing.
There was no need to watch the time.
Life was so leisurely.
We used to wander around.
All the dragonflies and cicadas we used to catch.
Now dragonflies signify something else to us. 1
Now even better at sleeping,2

we’ve come to know too many things.
Can’t ever go back to that time
The world I’ve come to is too cruel.
It’s so cold and so brutal.
If I can go back to that time.
I want to enjoy more of that time of simplicity
without thinking of the future.
I want to just dream there.
잠자리 = dragon fly // I guess if you put a space there, 잠 자리 would be a

1
place to sleep? I don’t know if that’s what he means.

2
Unclear
57
58
VLog: February 28, 2013
It seems that recently, I don’t know if it’s because there is not much time left
and that we are gradually getting nearer, but as a leader there are many
tough issues too….
But I think I figured out how to take a step back and enjoy things. So
somehow I also know how to enjoy myself — even if I do a certain something
that just ends up tethering me on the end of a cliff.
Just in everything — if its something I can’t avoid then I just want to enjoy
doing it. Well, just enjoying myself like this while making music. Riding the
beat, working hard dancing, and working hard sprucing my appearance, doing
all these and then debuting — do well and debut well. Show people the cool
me and somehow, I think to myself a lot that I myself have to enjoy things so
that I can give that enjoyment to others.
So I hope that while everyone does what they do, if its something they
really can’t avoid doing, then I hope they would just enjoy themselves while
doing it.
To just, listen to music when times get tough, while making music that
everyone could enjoy—I want everyone to enjoy themselves. Why do I keep
repeating the same thing? To have everyone enjoy themselves and become
happy, I do hope for that. Anyway, it is important to enjoy yourself. Enjoy
yourself. I want to enjoy myself in everything I do. End of log.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Nara & Denise, Subbed &

Uploaded: Yein & Laura
59
Fan Café post: March 11, 2013 [Machine Translated]
Hello, I’m Rap Monster,

I’m 20 years old. It’s a good day. Recently, I’ve been working on something
with the members. I’ve been thinking a lot about my worries and thoughts
that I’ve had since the new year changed and the new semester started.
I’m sure there are people who are similar in age to me, younger people, and
more, but what are your biggest worries as you enter the new year of 2013
and March? Sincerely, anything is fine, so just write it in the comments and let
us hear it.
kekekekekeke That was a warm ^^ and friendly ^^ writing that doesn’t suit
me. I’m in a hurry, so hurry up and write something. You know there’s always
no choice. It makes me dizzy.
Machine Translated by @winterlyblooms at btsinterviews.wordpress.com,

edited
Fan Café post: March 3, 2013 [Machine Translated]
Thank you for posting your concerns.

I hope this song comforts you.
[Soundcloud link to Adult Child w/Jin & Suga. Lyrics on the next page.]
Machine Translated by @winterlyblooms at btsinterviews.wordpress.com,

edited
My Note: This is the 2nd time Namjoon has asked ARMY for their thoughts
and written a song with other members in response. The first being “School of
Tears” on January 20, 2013. They would later write “2! 3!” (Wings, October
2016) in for ARMYs about their struggles together.
60
Adult Child (March 13, 2013)

Composed by RM, Suga, Jin
Note: Written in response to communication with fans, see fan letters on
previous page. “20” in Korean age is similar to 18/19 in international age.
[Jin]
I’m 20 now,
Now that I’m actually 20… it’s nothing special.
So what am I supposed to do now.
I’m 20 now and it’s a good day.
I’ve become a free body.
But what is this, there’s nothing to it, I’ve only become an adult.
I’ve only become and adult,
I’ve only become an adult.
I’ve only become an average adult,
The average adult is what I’ve become, an adult.
[RM]
Some have gone to whichever college, some have gone off to military service.
Some are repeating a grade and some are looking for work.
The tender touch of our families, that sweet romance has come at its end.
Haste and clumsiness are all that’s left.
The weight of being 20, I thought would be like a feather.
Now it’s a boulder that pins me down, the regret at age 20.
All the Peter Pans who’ve freshly jumped out of fairytale books;
it must’ve never existed from the start, this Neverland they dream about.
A little sense of liberation, a little sense of regret,
A little sense of hostility towards this world that’s strange to me.
Because I’m now an adult, I want to keep a straight face and play it cool.
Youth and naivete, they’re both in vain, really.
Would you look at my lyrics, I’ve matured.
A friend who’s been hired is lifting files instead of being in season.1

I was once a young adult but now I’m an adult child.
Mom’s not around to take care of me, I’m skipping meals.
[Jin’s chorus]
61
[Suga]
What every man in their 20s experiences is a deep sense of remorse.
Fearing military draft notes, the things that once felt so far away become reality.
They said “N. and S. Korea would be unified by the time you’ve grown up.”
That’s what mom said and I had completely believed her.
But the reality is that I’m able-bodied first-rate soldier material.
This friend who’s perfectly healthy is a fourth-rate so why am I first-rate?
How could I be so uselessly healthy?
Civil duties? It’s a juvenile death sentence.

I envy and envy the nation’s lowest 10%.
It blows away this flowery adolescence, I’m evading military service.
The roaring 20s, a time when everything is luscious.
They try to set fire to flower-blossomed youth.
The moment I graduated after the hellish exams,
I attend another school: its name is Society.
Applause for courageous males in their 20s forced to break from Society.
A handshake of gratitude to the nations 60,000 officers and men of the armed
forces.
[Jin’s Chorus]
[RM]
I turned 20 and started attending a school; its name is Life.
But there were no teachers there.
[Suga]
Some will repeat a grade and some will be drafted.
But don’t forget this time of blissful ignorance.
[RM, Suga, Jin]

Adulthood, it’s nothing really. (x2)
It’s nothing like how it seems, really.
Really, it’s nothing like how it seems.
1
This is a wordplay with “seorycheol” which means “lifting files” and “cheol”
which can mean “season” or, colloquially as “growing up”.
62
Twitter: March 19, 2013
Note by btsinterviews.wordpress.com: “hyfr’: “hell yeah, f*cking right”
VLog: May 3rd, 2013

It’s really been such a long time. It’s been a long time and I’ve been living a
very busy life in the meantime. We were busy with working on things such as
our album, our music, choreography and doing the jacket shooting. We’ve only
just reached the stage where everything is almost finishing up. We only have
the awesome MV shooting left. I’m very excited and I’m already very nervous
about how it will turn out.[…]
I really feel this a lot these days: something about how serious words can
be. I feel a lot about how important what you say can be. Really. Although my
name value is not of much worth, I used to receive a lot of attacks. Stuff like,
unilaterally putting me down endlessly. All the criticism. Although I don’t know
how much of these I will be getting in the future, well, I will be getting these a
lot, I’ll really be getting so much of these.. But it’s okay. It’s really okay, I always
try to be prepared to speak out to people who criticize me that I’m this kind of
person. I’m at least a few thousand times better of a person than what you
think of me.’
63
And I really do think I’m a person like that. I always think ‘I’m a much better
person that what they think of me.’ And we worked hard preparing for this.
Music as well, we worked very hard, no less than other groups, to decide our
tracks. So I hope everyone will anticipate for us. There’s really not much time
left now, about a month? We have a month remaining. I’m preparing to go out
there trying hard to the best of my ability. We really worked hard preparing for
this and spent a long time, so we’ll be awesome and get out there, and we
won’t have any regrets afterwards.
So I hope people who are waiting for us will be able to wait with patience.
As the leader of BTS, as a member, I’ll become greater and more improved. … I’ll
be getting out there showing a greater me!
I will be put down so many times, and will be receiving a lot of compliments
and criticism, but I’ll always be proud and I will always want to tell them that I’m
this kind of person. That I’m really a great person and that we’re a really great
team.
It’s all really music composed of our stories. There’s nothing fake in this
whatsoever, but its made up of our stories that we dug out from right inside of
us. So we would appreciate it if you could also really listen to our lyrics and
please do anticipate the performance perspective of it as well.
Let’s do well! All of us! Let’s live busily. BTS Fighting! Fighting! Fighting! Ah,
end of log.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Vicky, Subbed & Uploaded: Lyn
64
Fan Café post: May 21, 2013
Hello you all, after a long time I’m RapMons, BTS’ leader.
It’s not the first time I’m in the official fancafe… I think my hands are shaking.
The day has come for me too to write in the official fancafe. MY heart is
pounding. You all too??
Currently, we finished recording the MV in 3 days and we’re very busy

preparing for the broadcasting stages without resting. In the practice time
when I’ve a little break, all the seven members are doing our best looking
through the posts without commenting . I put a hand on my chest!
Please, wait a bit till so we can show you storm-like activities [T/N: he means
start promoting]..
Bangtan too, and you all too, even if our beginnings will be seem humble, so
prosperous will our future be!1 (proverb)
The people who don’t want to be disappointed, really, really; in order to meet
your expectations, we’re doing our best practicing.
Even when we’re sleeping, sitting, standing all we think about is debuting…
right now, this feeling is really like we’re gonna complete something.
In these 3 years, still when the puzzle wasn’t in order, and looking just at how
it was being hardly formed (or imagining doing it); just the thought of it made
my heart flutter. I waited so much.
Please, stay tuned to watch how this puzzle completes.
All the fans via twitter, fancafe, all the support /cheering messages you sent
to Bulletproof Boy Scouts are being monitored.
I hope the day I can repay you for cheering me on like this can come quickly,
I’ll attack cooly.
I’m always thankful and I love you.

Translation: @bts-trans
1
My Note: “Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future
be.” — Job 8:7 (Christian Bible, NIV translation). Min Yoongi uses this
quotation in “So Far Away”, Agust D (August 15, 2016).
65
@BTS_twt June 21, 2013
66
2013-2015
Kim Namjoon 18—20 y/o
School Era
“On behalf of the

teens and
twenties, we
freely tell our
story.”
— Intro: 2 Cool 4
Skool
(trans: Kim Youngdae)
67
We are Bulletproof Pt. 2 (2 Cool 4 Skool — June 12, 2013)
Produced by Pdogg // Written by Pdogg, “hitman”bang, Supreme Boi, Rap
Monster, SUGA, Jung Kook, J-Hope
[RM-Chrous1]
(What) Give it to me.
(What) Be alert, everyone.
(What) The final round boss.
(What) We are bulletproof (x2), Bulletproof
[JK]
The name is Jungkook, the scale is nationwide1
I pulled all-nighters, dancing and singing in the practice room instead of
staying at school.
When you are playing, I tailor my dream, force myself to stay awake.
[Suga]
I hold a pen all night every night, closing my eyes after the morning sun rises
Against double-standards and so many oppositions, I broke my own limit.
On the other hand, for you guys, contacted by your company by luck
and became rappers because you couldn’t sing —
Your rapper title is an extravagance.
[Chorus2]
Everywhere I go, everything I do,
I will show you how much I have sharpened my sword.
Those who used to look down on me, now,
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh) Hey shout it out!
Oh! Throw stones at me if you’ve ever worked as hard as I have.
We go hard, we are not afraid.
(Click click, bang bang) We just sing it like (x2)
[J-hope]
Look at my profile, there’s nothing there yet
Still a trainee and a rapper man, yeah I do know that’s nuthin’.
I once distressed myself, but now there’s no need to worry.
You’re still an amateur, I’m a major, I hope you rust away like that.
[RM]
Rap monster, just like my name, I eat up any kind of beat like a monster.
I fully live up to my name, hey guys, come here and take a preview —
a plot twist presented by a mere idol.
Haha, hyungs who are full of their hip-hop pride told me it’s impossible, but
look carefully at me, placing a period on impossible, I’m possible
Hey, is it good now, boy?
68 Translation: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com
No More Dream (2 Cool 4 Skool — June 12, 2013)

Produced by Pdogg // Written by Pdogg, “hitman”bang, Rap Monster, SUGA, J
-Hope, Supreme Boi, Jung Kook
Hey you, what is your dream?

Is your dream only that?
[Suga]
I wanna big house, big cars & big rings,
But actually, I don’t have any big dreams.
Haha, I’m really living a comfortable life —
even if I don’t dream, people don’t say anything to me.
69
[RM]
Every single one thinks the same way as I do —
They’ve completely forgotten their childhood that was filled with dreams.
Don’t worry about college, I’ll go somewhere even if it’s far away.1
(JK:) “Okay, mom, I told you I’m on my way to the library now!”
[Pre-Chorus]
What is the you that you’ve dreamed of?
Who do you see in the mirror now? I gotta say,
Go on your own way.
Even if you live only one day,
do something
Put your weakness away.
[JK]
Why aren’t you saying anything? You said studying isn’t your thing.
You’re actually scared to drop out of school, right? Look at you, you’re al-
ready preparing to go to school
Please grow up, dude, you’re just all talk with a glass mentality
(Stop!) Ask yourself if you have ever tried hard
[Chorus]
Hey you, what is your dream? (x3)
Is your dream only that?
It’s a lie, you such a liar.
See me see me ya, you’re a hypocrite.
Why do you keep telling me to go on a different path,
hey, take care of your own business.
Please don’t force me.
(La la la la la) What is your dream, what is your dream, what is it?
(La la la la la) It is only this, is it only this, is it?
[Suga]
On a same boring day, on every repetitive day,
adults and parents forcefully instill dreams that are molded
No. 1 dream job… a government employee?2
It’s not a forced dream, a relief pitcher in the bottom of the ninth.
[J-hope]
Throw a fast ball to the self-study time that is a waste of time
Rebel against this hell-like society, give your dream a special pardon4
Ask yourself what the profile of your dream is
Be the subject of your own life that has been only suppressed 5
70
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
[RM] You don’t know how to live through

[Suga] You don’t know how to fly away
[JK] You don’t know how to decide
[RM] Now you don’t even know how to dream
[RM]
Open, open, open your eyes
Everyone, now dance, dance, dance
Then dream, dream, dream again, everyone
You, don’t hesitate, don’t be indecisive, wussup!
[Chorus]
To all the youngsters without dreams
1
Note: Most ‘good’ colleges are geographically concentrated in Seoul (though
there are few exceptionally well-known private institutions elsewhere in the
country). There is a term “In-Seoul,” commonly used to describe universities
in Seoul. Whether students can get into In-Seoul universities or not is a major
criterion when evaluating their academic performances, and even further,
their future career path/success. “I’ll go somewhere even if it’s far away”
means that he will go to any college not necessarily in Seoul because “getting
the diploma” is what matters more than what he learns.
2
Note: As the economy slows down and the youth unemployment rate keeps
remaining very high in Korea, a lot of students now wish to become govern-
ment employees for the sake of job security. A majority of students state that
they’d want to become government employees in surveys.
4
Note: I remember that when I listened to the song for the very first time, I
thought he said dick (좆; pronounced jot) instead of hell (지옥; pronounced
jiok) and wondered how it didn’t get censored. 좆같은 (dick-like) is a curse
word similar to “fucking,” so I’d say it’s very likely that the pronunciation was
intentional.
5
Note: “Be the subject as opposed to the object”
Translation and Notes by DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com, with some edits
71
Skit: On the Start Line (2 Cool 4 Skool — June 12, 2013)

Hidden Track // Written by RM, “hitman” Bang
“Trainee.”
In many ways, this term defines my existence, but at the same time it is a
term I can never truly explain. A period of time, a state of transition where I
could neither belong anywhere nor do anything. The biggest concerns I had
living as such a trainee were the questions of friends and family– “when are
you going to come out?” “when are you going to debut?” Questions like
these. I couldn’t give them an answer, because I didn’t know either- such
answers were unknowable.
Though I came here through a certain confidence and belief in myself, what
awaited me was a different kind of reality: even now, after three years have
passed, even as I occasionally gain the self-certainty to think things like “once
I debut, I will conquer the music industry”, whenever I hear the criticisms of
the producers and teachers I am once again overwhelmed by the realization
that I am nothing, that I am as inconsequential as a speck of dust. It’s as if
though before me lies the bluest ocean, and if I turn to look back, a vast
desert.
In this hourglass-like mindset, in this mood, I spent my three years as a

trainee. And now, my debut is finally drawing near.
Even after I debut, new oceans and new deserts will likely await me. I am not
afraid, because what has made me who I am are the oceans and deserts I
have witnessed until this moment.
I will never forget the oceans and deserts I have seen.
Because I am a trainee.
Posted on alwaysdreaminghigh.wordpress.com, Translation credit given to

kimseokjinhyosang.tumblr.com. However, this tumblr no longer exists.
72
Road/Path (2 Cool 4 Skool — June 12, 2013)

Hidden Track // Written by Rap Monster, J-Hope, SUGA, “hitman”bang, Pdogg
[RM]
Yeah, wassup
You know time flows like stars1
In the beginning, it was Eminem, Garion, and Epik High
Going beyond imitating them, I wrote and carved my own rap.
and somehow found myself at Hongdae already 2
Back then, my lyrics were all (****) per stubborn old fogeys.
But we dunno, we dunno, we dunno the future

The trap of reality that tied me up who had been dreaming non-stop,
oh, that trap of youth.
My fiery heart lost to my cold head (Damn)
To me who had a blind faith that my choice was right,

the thing that I can’t tell whether it’s an angel or a devil speaks to me:
asking me if I want to do rap seriously,
‘Yes or No’, telling me that there’s no time to hesitate.
I, who didn’t want to be any bigger of a fool, came to this place

And three years have passed by.
Some say art is long, life is short
But now for me, art is life, life is sports
Just do it, uh
73
[Chorus]
Would I have been different
if I had chosen a different path?
If I had paused and looked back?
Oh hey ya, hey ya
What will I get to see

at the end of this path?
Where you will be standing?
Oh hey ya, hey ya
[Suga]
Countless times have passed, and it’s 2013.
I have been a trainee for three years.
My appearance, from a high school student,
became a grown-up child, without my knowing.
There are more premature gray hairs of greed,
and those many friends of mine split off one by one
Without family, lonely,

I greet the third spring in Seoul.
I thought all the worries would be gone when debut is before me.
To the present with no room for change, I closed my eyes.
The reality was different, and even though people around me tried to stop me,
I walked through the tunnels without any lights, alone.
I thought I was alone, but then learned that it was seven.
Rather than being barefoot, I wear the shoes that are called “Bangtan”
and go forward another step, afresh, more, woah.
The fourth spring that I will greet in Seoul, woah.
[Chorus]
Oh hey ya, hey ya

Oh hey ya, hey ya
[J-Hope]
The year of 2010, my steps head to Seoul.
74
I, who started out just because of the love for dance,

now stand on the stage.
Overcoming many pains and scars that occurred in between,

I prepared myself.
Making use of my life principle to bend rather than to break,
I ran for three years
and ignited the stars in my heart.
Now I try shining a new light on me

and, carving “Bangtan” into a blank page that is called the world,
I walk towards my future with more lights turned on.
I put on a smile, in the far future, haha.
[Chorus]
Oh hey ya, hey ya

Oh hey ya, hey ya
[x2]
1
“Time flows like stars” is a line from “Where U at?”, 2010.
2
Hongdae is an with many indie music establishments where Runch Randa
performed.
Translation & Notes: Doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com
75
76
77
Born Singer (Soundcloud — July 12, 2013)

Original Track: “Born Sinner” by J. Cole
Lyrics: RM, SUGA, J-Hope
[Vocal Chorus]
I’m a born singer, a bit belated confession (I swear)
A mirage that used to be ever so far away is in front of my eyes (It’s here)
I’m a born singer, perhaps a bit early confession
But, I’m so happy, I’m good
[Suga]
The stage that I stepped onto in the name of Bangtan for the first time,
I revisit how I felt three years ago on my very first stage
I’m still not any different from a Daegu hillbilly rapper, but
on the word ‘amateur’, I rewrote the word ‘pro’
Rapping and dancing on the stage where I’ve wanted to be so much,
I feel that I’m still alive.
Though coming to and from work is tiring and exhausting,
I can bear it because my people are watching.
Though my body suffers from pain,

I can stand it because cheers are coming in.
Though I live on the boundary between idol and rapper,
the difference before and after debut, my note is still full of rhymes.
I hold my pen and write lyrics in between the waiting room and stage.
How have I, who’s like this, become any different to your eyes?
Damn, shit, I’m still the same.
Did someone say I’ve changed? Go tell them.
I still keep my essence as ever I’m still rapperman.
I still rap and sing just like three years ago.
[Vocal Chorus]
[RM]
To be honest, I was scared that I couldn’t prove myself after talking big.
The fact is, I, who used to know only pens and book, am now surprising the
world.
78
I dunno, I was afraid I’d stand asymmetric to the world’s expectations.

I was scared that I might betray everyone who had faith in me.
I straighten my burdened shoulders and step onto the very first stage.
A moment of silence, I steady my breath.
The people who I had been watching are now watching me.
The people I always watched on TV now beneath me.
Like a kaleidoscope, without even a short moment to brush over the past,
the one-time play began.
My three year’s battle with the mic doused in blood and sweat
evaporates in three minutes.
The fierce tension between the mic and me:
it was merely 10 seconds, but I pour them out clearly:
I’m fucking real.
Kid, what’s your dream?

Mine is to become a rap star,
Can’t you feel
And the shouts at the moment I stepped down from the stage,
Yeah I could read your mind, i could read your mind.
Just a gentle smile instead of a question mark.
The members pat me on the shoulder wordlessly.
It feels just like the day before yesterday,

but 20 nights have passed since then.
And let the haters hate on me,
the thing they’ve been doing all this time.
While you were talking through your keyboard, I fulfilled my dreams.

Sunglasses, hairstyle, I know why you ridicule me.
Anyways, I, a 20-year old, rides higher than you.
Haha.
[Vocal Chorus]
[J-hope]
Days when we ran, days we went through together,
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Three years of time, our hearts that altogether became one.

My blood and sweat drench me.
My tears well up in my eyes after the stage.
I remind myself every single moment to not forget the very original intention.
I always stay as myself so that I don’t feel ashamed of myself
when I stand in front of my self from the beginning.
So we go, we go, we go,
Higher, higher, higher.
[Vocal Chorus]
But, I’m so happy, I’m good.
Translation: Doolsetbangtan.wordpress and @bts-trans (Trans cr; Juliana &

Yein | Spot Check cr; Aditi, Annie, Faith & Mary), edited together
80
Vlog: July 2, 2013

[…] People… They say people live to be happy. If you actually think about what
happiness is, it’s really nothing much. When you get to eat ramen after feeling
really, really, hungry, that’s happiness. I feel like maybe what people are going
out of their way to find are just not… it. So what I’m saying is, what I want to
say in fact is that it’s really, really, great to think you’re sacrificing now to be
happy later on, but I wonder if it’d be another way to live peacefully if you just
let go and, if you’ve accomplished something, to enjoy a little now and savor
those moments.
I mean, it’s great to be ambitious and aim for more and more to be happy
in the future, as I’ve lived up until now, but I think it’s one of the nicest ways to
live life if you know how to enjoy what is in the present. So I’m trying to enjoy
what is now and work diligently at the same time. To live like this, my body is
sure to suffer quite a bit. Haha.
Anyways, that’s the kind of person I want to become and I want to come
back to everyone the mainstream population, etc., through my music. I was
very thankful that the reporters were so kind to us during our interviews. I’m
feeling good and proud of myself because I feel like I’m finally getting a hang of
portraying myself as a celebrity, professional, singer, and artist through these
experiences. I shouldn't make any mistakes. I’m going to live diligently and stay
busy in the future. I’m feeling really, really, great because I know this year is
going to be a very important year for us.
Fighting! Rap Monster fighting! Kim Namjoon fighting! BTS fighting!
That was random… hahaha. Anyways, log end.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans & Timing: Juliana, Encoding &
Uploaded: Iraide
81
Fan Café post: July 12, 2013

Hello ARMYs,
It’s Bangtan’s leader, Rap Monster. After always using, “Hello, it’s Rap
Monster”, it’s awkward giving such a serious and formal greeting, haha.
It’s been a month since we’ve debuted! Wow… I always thought about
what I’d be doing after debuting, a month after debuting, a year after, how I’d
feel….. I guess this is how it is. I’m happy every day.
Born Singer was revealed. Personally, it’s a song that I put a lot of work
into writing. Suga-hyung and J-hope also worked hard. Even though 20 days
had passed, we tried hard to put in the emotions we felt after completing our
first performance. On stage, off stage, in the waiting room, in the fan… it’s
truly best to write honestly than to do it in a roundabout way. My fear,
weaknesses, carefreeness, happiness, anger, sadness—in other words, my
emotions — are all 100% real. I’m not embarrassed at all about revealing this
to you. After it was completed, I got a bit emotional after adding the vocal
line’s voices into the song.
Fans…. Ah, now it’s ARMYs. I always wonder how to show my thankfulness
but now I’ve realized all I can do is work hard on stage and bow, wave, or smile
once more when there’s time. I’m so happy that I’m able to give a present
now. I’m even happier that it’s music. Bangtan will be a group that is always
thankful for ARMYs and a group faithful to the stage and music.
We’ll never lose our original intentions and become artists that ARMYs
won’t ever be embarrassed of.
I love you!
From Rap Monster
Fancafe post link: café.daum.net/BANGTAN/jbaQ/15

Translation: Christie @ bts-trans
82

Hello ARMYs! We’re already nearing the end of July. June and July 2013..to
me, the former trainee, the days I thought would never come to me passed by
so quickly. The past month were so busy and exciting that I can’t even
remember what I did during those times. Also, after promoting, we’ve finally
had a goodbye stage..the term itself is very foreign..you could say that the
feeling is very new to us. It makes us think of a lot of different things. ARMYs,
what did you think of our goodbye stage and overall month-long promotions?
Were you satisfied with them?
As rookies, lots of things were very new to us and as we tried things for the
first time we thought “Ah, reality is like this.” and “In these kind of situations,
you have to act like this.” We learned little by little to create a basis for future
promotions we’ll have as Bangtan for the next ten, hundred years. It was a
very important time for us. It’s a time I’ll never be able to revisit. How nice
would it be if we could be this busy and able to have fun times with ARMYs
again in the future? We’ll work hard so we can accomplish that.
Like in the lyrics of Born Singer, the pressure to appear cool and perform well
was big. I don’t think the three-year training period was long or short, and I
don’t think it was not enough either. However, now that we’ve actually
debuted, I see all my weaknesses and look back at my past self. I guess this is
how you grow up, right? I want to believe that it is. These are hectic days
when I think deeply about the pressure and responsibility I have as the leader.
I expect that it’ll be like this in the future as well.
As time goes on we’ll have more goodbye stages, but they probably won’t
make us as moved as we did for our first-ever goodbye stage. I’m just happy
that we successfully finished without running into trouble or getting sick. Of
course we’ll have to do well in the future as well, but as the old saying goes:
“Too much is as bad as too little.”
If we don’t become too greedy and work as hard as we are right now, I’m sure
that we’ll be able to become bigger and better. The ARMYs here right now,
you’re Bangtan’s first, right? After lots of time has passed by, I want us to be a
group you can proudly say you were a fan of since the very beginning. So you
can say “I was a fan of Bangtan since the start!” And so everyone can be
jealous; jealous that you knew us since the beginning.
Our future first stages and goodbye stages..all the stages that Bangtan will
have! We want to make them something that ARMYs won’t be disappointed
in.
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We hope that you’ll always stay by our side! We’re here because you’re here
ㅠㅠ You know that, right?
I love you!
Fancafe post link: cafe.daum.net/BANGTAN/jbaQ/16

Translation: Christie @bts-trans
Twitter posts: July 27, 2013

Hello, it’s Rap Mon. Truth is, we tend to remember things that are best left
forgotten. Memories are things that leave us when we most need them and
come back when we least want them. If you’re struggling with an unwanted
memory, I wish you’d just accept it and wait it out because that’s the way
they are.
I just put that up because I thought it was a great quote from this book I’m
readingㅋㅋㅋI’ll be putting more up from now on Kim Nice Quotes Bot~~
If I just keep at dropping drips it’s no fun so~~ I write lyrics so I think it’s
healthy to be true to one’s ‘dawn emotions’ once in a while. Guys, don’t be
ashamed of your emotional sensitivity at dawn. It’s only natural that humans
embrace a few weaknesses as they live on!!
Translation: @bts-trans
84
Series of Twitter posts: July 30—August 10, 2013
Translation Note: Original posts were in Korean, translated through the

internet browser.
85
86
T/N Note: Original posts in Korean, translated through internet browser.
Note for all tweets:

Several people mentioned in the above tweets were one-time trainees at Big
Hit but either left or were cut before becoming members of BTS, including
Supreme Boi, Eleven (ikje11), and Kidoh. DNH was formed in 2010, with
Namjoon (then Runch Randa) as one of the founding members. In fact, BTS
was originally intended to debut as a purely hip hop group with Supreme Boi
and Eleven but plans were eventually scrapped. Please refer to Freestyle 1,2
& 3 (p52-56) for a time Namjoon reflects the heartache and sense of loss he
felt over the lost members. (Source: @baepsayed on reddit. For more
information on BTS’s predebut timeline, please see: www.reddit.com/r/
bangtan/wiki/archive/)
As mentioned in the “Pre-Debut” section, Namjoon continued to compose

songs with DNH, and even occasionally perform, as an early trainee at Big Hit
before finally being forced to stop due to his busy schedule. Namjoon was
often remorseful he was unable to continue activities with the group. For
more information, see “4 Things” (episode 4) on YouTube, where he
apologizes to the members for not being able to appear on their recent mix-
tape (2014).
In this context, it is easy to understand why Namjoon faced such an intense

internal conflict over whether he was “hip hop” or an “idol” and why criticism
from the underground hip hop community felt so personal. I find it
interesting that in “4 Things”, Jungkook says he ‘never thought of [Namjoon]
as an idol,’ even a year after BTS’s debut.
87
Note on first Aug 11 Post: During his time at Big Hit, Kidoh became good
friends with Kim Seokjin and they stayed close for years afterwards. There is a
chance this post was made by Jin. I simply assume it was Namjoon because he
made several posts about the concert.
Twitter post: September 8, 2013

Sometimes I smell the music. If you listen to this song, last year’s autumn in
Cheonryanri Gyeondong market trading second hand bought knit riding that
bus… anyways, I remember that smell. 브로콜리 너마저 - 졸업 (Broccoli
you too - graduation)
You all, don’t you sympathize? when ithe music has a smell.Like how in
January it smells like snow, or how the summer nights smell like mosquitoes…
this is the smell aka synesthetic images.. you all will be sympathetic right? try
to think about it well!
Translation: Iraide @bts-trans
88
Fan Café post: September 11, 2013

Finally, this is our first mini album, one that we’ve worked extremely hard on.
We thought long and hard about how to show our real selves in the songs.
The large amount of songs is equal to the amount of effort we put in.
I hope that the messages and inner thoughts I want to send out get across.
I’m happy because I feel that I’m slowly getting the chance to show my real
self. Our first performance is on my birthday, so I think that this album is very
meaningful.
No More Dream and N.O. are both songs that send a message to my past self;
the one who was unhappy and only focused on studying and nothing else. It
talks about how living a vague life is an insult to yourself, and I never want to
go back to that kind of lifestyle. The keyword of this album is “happiness” and
I feel much happier now.
I want to mention that this is only our first mini album and so we still have
many things to show you all. I think I’d be beyond happy if you all could be
with me and the rest of Bangtan, who are still rookies. We hope to have a
positive influence on you all in every possible aspect. If you think “Ah, I like a
person with a troublesome mind and thoughts”, there’s no point in us going
further.
If thoughts become music and later become performances, my mind says that
I want to give endless energy to the ARMYs I love the most. How is that?
You’re not thinking that you’re finding happiness too late like I did when I was
a sophomore, right? O! RUL8, 2?
I hope that everyone can be happy. I always love you!
Fancafe post link: cafe.daum.net/BANGTAN/jbaQ/25

89
Posted on @BTS_twt on November 9, 2013
90
Intro: O!RUL8,2? (O!RUL8,2? — Sept 11, 2013)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, Rap Monster
Nothing lasts forever

You only live once
So live your life, not any other’s lives
Take chances and never regret, never
Never be late to do what you wanna do right now
Because at one point of someday

Everything you did
Would be exactly what you will be
Right?
My father told me, “enjoy your life”

I’d like to ask my father, “did you enjoy your life?”
Why did the right become wrong
and the wrong became right?
Why am I not in my life

but just living others’ lives?
This is real, neither a gamble nor a game.
The life that you’re given only once—
who do you live for?
My heart stopped when I was nine or ten.1

Putting my hand on my heart,
I ask, “what was my dream?”
Wait, what was it really?
Source: doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com
1
RM would quote this line in his 2018 UN speech: “In an intro to one of our
early albums, there is a line that says, ‘My heart stopped when I was maybe
nine or ten.’ Looking back, I think that’s when I began to worry about what
other people thought of me and started seeing myself through their eyes. I
stopped looking up at the night skies, the stars. I stopped daydreaming. In-
stead, I just tried to jam myself into the molds that other people made. Soon,
I began to shut out my own voice and started to listen to the voices of others.
No one called out my name, and neither did I. My heart stopped and my eyes
closed shut. So, like this, I, we, all lost our names. We became like ghosts.”
91
92
N.O. (O!RUL8,2? — Sept 11, 2013)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, “hitman” bang, Rap Monster, SUGA, Supreme Boi
[RM]
A nice house, a nice car, could such things really bring happiness?
In Seoul to the SKY, would the parents really be happy?1
[JK]
‘Dream’ has disappeared
without even a moment to breathe.
Living the same lives on a running wheel of school, home, and gaming café,
pressured to be number one, the students become double agents between
dream and reality
[Suga]
Who are the ones that made us into studying machines?
That the ones who categorized us into number ones and stragglers
and locked us in a trap
are the adults, you can’t help but agree easily
Even if we think simply,
under the rule of the law of the jungle,
the ones who made us step on even our close friends to climb up,
Who do you think they are, what?
[Chorus]
The adults tell me
that the suffering lasts only momentarily now
that I should endure it a little more
that I should do what I want to do later
Everybody say NO!
The word “later” can’t do anything anymore
Don’t live your life by being trapped in someone else’s dream
We roll (We roll) We roll (We roll) We roll
Everybody say NO!
It really is now or never
There’s nothing we’ve even tried yet
We roll (We roll) We roll (We roll) We roll
Everybody say NO!
[J-hope]
I want to live idly
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I want to tear apart my school uniform

Make money good money
My view is already skewed
My bank account only filled with vagueness
My unhappiness exceeded its maximum limit
A studying sigh factory
I keep digging a hole to fill another2
[RM]
The adults make a confession
that we have it so easy
that we are happier than we deserve to be
Then what am I, who feels miserable like this?
There is nothing to talk about together other than studying.
Kids like me overflow out there,
The same lives of puppets.
Who is going to take responsibility for our lives?
[Chorus]
1
Note: As explained in No More Dream, In-Seoul and SKY both refer to specific
groups of universities in Korea. In-Seoul is a term commonly used to describe
universities in Seoul. Most “good” colleges are geographically concentrated in
Seoul (though there are few exceptionally well-known private institutions
elsewhere in the country). Whether students can get into In-Seoul universities
or not is a major criterion when evaluating their academic performances, and
even further, their future career path/success. SKY is an abbreviation (made
of the first letters) of Seoul National University, Korea University, and Yonsei
University, which are considered the top three universities in Korea.
Note: 돌려막기 is an idiom used to describe a tactic to pay off one debt by
2
incurring another debt.
Translation and Notes: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com
94
We On (O!RUL8,2? — Sept 11, 2013)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, Rap Monster, SUGA, j-hope
[RM-Refrain]
Whatever they say, I’m here for my muzik.
here for my muzik, here for my muzik.
Whatever ma haters say, I’m real for my muzik
Real for my muzik, real for my muzik.
[RM]
Runch Randa and Rap Mon, they are all parts of me.
The jealousy of the aspiring rappers of my age,
you guys only see what you want to see anyway.
Stupid little pedants, you lack education like capri pants.1
When you demonstrate your cuteness, I demonstrate my power and energy.
Those with inferiority complexes, they’ll criticize anything and everything,
they’ll again criticize everything — my sunglasses, my hairstyle, and my name,
A tragic comedy of real-life losers.
My rap that smothers and suffocates you,
immediately making you — who’s been stuffy and salty — speechless.
Saying they hate this dry and busy world of pop music scene,
kids pretend they know something while scratching their heads,
I know you 썩썩 [sseog sseog]
I know you pretty well.2
Damn, fans, the general public, and manias —
yeah I’m makin’ em mine.
Big Hit and Bangtan Sonyeondan —
yeah I’m makin’ em shine.
A hooligan who’ll live up to his name,
I’ve never wanted a hole-in-one.
Yeah I wanna be the one,
Only one, rather than number one.
Swag
[Chorus]
I don’t know you, and you don’t know me,
Would you please shut up?
Don’t worry about me, I’m doing better than you.
It’ll continue to be like that.
Where are all those friends who looked down on me from the past? We on,
This isn’t some kind of joke.
95
I’ll show you, I promise ya, we on.

(Gimme dat, real fact)
(Gimme dat, real fact)
[RM-Refrain]
[Suga]
Oh oh my haters, dis me a little more.
Keyboard warriors, try harder.
Yeah, look down on me like that —
Proving you wrong is my hobby.
Uh, my controversial ability, it’s too early to judge me.
I’m killa, Jack the Ripper, I stab you with my sharp tongue.
I’m illaa, though I might be lazy, I’m still busier than you, a home truth.
The hater who used to look down on me before debut
Full of your hip-hop pride, you are now beneath me.
Look closely, I’m major.
You must be jealous, right? Hey, chaser,
It looks to be that it’s beyond your ability to keep up with me,
Just stay there.
These lyrics that I wrote down with my own hands are hand-drip.
I graduated from being a trainee, celebrate.
I’m a rap black-belt, you guys are just green-belt,
There’s no improvement, hey guys3,
Keep feeling inferior a little more.
[Chorus]
[J-Hope]
2 COOL 4 SKOOL promotion brought a standing ovation —
This is a lesson I’m throwing at those who used to laugh at us.
“Congratulations,” sure, just a word you always say to build connections. 4
Your “senses” are rotten, carve them out.
Uh, a guy who’s now on another level,
He knows and she knows.
Everyone’s number 1 object of interest —
It’s too early to be awed, wait and see my future:
As much as you’ve looked down on me, I’ll proceed onto the road to success.
[Chorus]
96
1
가방끈이 짧다 (bag strap is short) is an idiom used to describe someone
who did not receive a proper amount of education. 7부, which is usually
associated with clothes (pants or shirts), refers to something that is 70% of
the full length.
2
Wordplay: 썩 means “pretty well” but it is pronounced “suck,” which makes
the whole line just sound like “I know you suck, suck.”
a
My note: “illa” is likely a fun pronunciation of “ill”, which the rappers have
used in various contexts as a wordplay that can mean “cool” or “sick / ill”,
including in the song ‘So 4 More’ and ‘Dis-ease.’
3
Wordplay: Greenbelt also refers to an area of land where building activities
are restricted by laws, hence “no improvement/development.”
4
Notice how he pronounces 퍽 fuck instead of puck.
97
98
Cypher Pt 1 (O!RUL8,2? — Sept 11, 2013)

Produced by Supreme Boi // Written by Supreme Boi, Rap Monster, SUGA, J-
Hope
[RM]
Damn, hip hop pride
Idol rapper? Cut that ember1
Saying my essence is a shitty idol, you look down on me.
You give away your principles and spinelessly laugh at my name.
You, who only know about watering things down and belittling others,
how you kill me?
So I bring the monster back, my monster swag
So this is the monster track cuz of my freaking monster rap.
The Hong Gildongs of the modern era, you see a good thing and can’t even
say you like it.2
The third generation leader3, so imma lead ya,
this is a transition of generations
I’m sayin yeah im the top of the top of the top
poppin’em, rockin’em, stoppin’em, blockin’em, like the Cassius’ lance
Imma don, don’t turn off the beat, becuz im not freakin done
Don’t play around on the beat cuz every kick is my freaking zone
I’m usually generous but imma murder your rappers
I’m going to cut you one by one then imma murder you haters
Now look at me and tell me, who are your top 5?
Rap Monster, Randa, leader, RapMon, your daddy.
[J-Hope]
It’s hope world, from BTS
Everyone follows me, my possibility gets retweeted
I announce my flow to everyone,
It flows through your eardrums and fills up your body
I sharpened my knife for tomorrow,
get back in the days
My age was one thing, but I was also a kid who didn’t even know what a
rhyme is
I was just one of those kids in Gwangju who wanted to become an idol
Yeah, let me show you now
In the cypher on this track, I reveal my ambition
i’m above the minors
Yeah, a major unlike you, uh
I fill the TV screen, uh
Rapper costume?
No, after wiping away the bubbles, I spit out what I’ve wanted
99
Wherever I go now, it’s makes an issue

If your stomach hurts, go to the hospital, it’ll take two weeks to recover
Everyone who hoped for my defeat holds the back of their neck
In this game where hip hop pride overflows, j-hope is a cheat-code
[Suga]
I haven’t served my military duty, but my hobby is sniping
I gave them a punch with We Are Bulletproof
Clumsy dummies respond, feeling guilty
Keep exploding your inferior complex
The resolution of my pronunciation is 4K, I’m dope man
On the beat, I’m a Chopin
I never change, From when I was born, I was a born rapper
My attitude is my mentor
Even if you chew and bite me off, I’m a memento
Show me your hip hop pride, the feeling of powerlessness you have from
seeing me
Hide your jealousy, your IP might show
I’m a boiler, I became hot instantly
Like a spoiler, you became predictable without
I fixed the helplessly stupid hip hop losers
In this pop scene that has grown in size without fundamentals, it’s tough to
coexist
So just rap as a hobby
The world is going to the dogs
If you feel guilty, try harder, what
Wordplay: 불씨 is literally the seed (씨) of fire (불) and is used as a

1
metaphor for a small thing that can spark up something bigger. The
pronunciation of 불씨, bulssi, is similar to bullshit, which justifies the
placement of 불씨 (“cut that BS”). (My note: Suga would later use this same
metaphor in the opening lines of UGH on MoTS:7, “Spark, those embers
flaring up again / Before getting touched by the oil, they are swallowed”)
2
홍길동 (Hong Gildong) is the main character of The Story of Hong Gildong.
Born as a child of a concubine, he could not call his father “father” os his
hyung (who is the legitimate son of his father) “hyung”.
3
BTS belongs to the 3rd generation of Korean idols.
Translation and Notes: DoolsetBangtan.Wordpress.com

100
Fan Meet Letters: September 21, 2013

I am Rap Monster. When I look at ARMYs, these thoughts come up. I wonder
if I’ve ever supported and cheered on someone so passionately. Looking back,
I realize that I used to live only caring for myself, and I find that really
embarrassing. Back then, expressing my feelings for another person was
something I wouldn’t even think about doing.
I knew one way or another we would get hate, but meeting our ARMYs truly
changed and is still changing my outlook on the world and my life. I learn so
many things from you all every day. The thing that I’m most scared of is
disappointing you all. It’s because like I always say, without you all, I don’t
exist.
ARMYs, there’s a saying that if someone fulfills their dream, it becomes the
dream of another. I want to be that kind of person. I want to be your dream. I
think that’s my role. Tomorrow will be better than today, and the day after
that will be better than tomorrow—I, Rap Monster, will work towards being
an artist and leader like that. I love you all.
Source: Bangtan Subs (YouTube)

Translations & Timing: Christie & Denise @ BBI
Typesetting: Denise @ BBI
101
Fan Café post: October 14, 2013
Hello everyone I’m RapMon. What are you doing up this late~~? I’m working
on a new piece after Something1. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I invite you
to the inside to the inside to the world of my feelings come come in in~

1
”Something” is a song by Namjoon he posted on SoundCloud on September
21, 2013.
Image posted with letter.
102
Vlog: October 17, 2013

This is Rap Monster’s log.
First of all, I realized that a log is not something I do to show to someone
but it is something I do for myself.
Well, to talk about a few things, these days I have a few things I am
troubled about. I am quite often confused about whether I am an artist or an
idol. I did think to myself that I was an artist in a form of an idol, but I realize
people’s viewpoints can differ, and I believe there are many sides of me as an
artist that I can show more in the future.
And…. I just came back after dance practice and I had a lot of thoughts in
my mind. I really think the phrase “mountain over mountain” is correct. I
thought everything would work out well and things would be alright after we
debuted, but really, as we get to see the big world we ought to have bigger
troubles. And although I didn’t realize that I would worry about things to this
scale, I do tend to have troubles.
And… how should I say this….I think my confused mind has been mixed up
even more. So I am in the midst of working hard, but I’m actually not quite
sure what kinds of things I should talk about. I did write about something,
but…. I feel like my confidence has dropped and I’m not as sharp as I used to
be. I’ve become a bit thickheaded, and I feel like I’ve become quite used to the
daily life of keeping to busy schedules. Although I have always had many
thoughts, I have even more things that I am thinking about, and its just
repeating endlessly like a Mobius strip. I think the time has come for me to
have to cut this continuous cycle.
There is an old term that I am thinking of these days, ‘Hwejajeongri
Geojapilban.’ It means that people who meet will meet again. I mean, people
who meet must part, and people who part will meet again. Yeah, it means
something like that. I think it’s something that really comes to my heart
because my friends who I thought left me in the past are contacting me again
and we talked about things we used to talk about. It made me think about a
lot of things and I think I have met again with the friends I will end up with and
I want to believe that real fate will end up meeting again.
I mean, the way people live, I can’t tie up the people around me close
forever. I will send them off when I have to, and it would be great if I can meet
them again. And to anybody, if I give them a good image and impression of
myself I believe they will give me support. And so these days I have a lot of
103
thoughts about the relationships between people and just human relations in
general.
Although it is complicated and confusing, I think it is my duty to be able to
manifest my thoughts in my music. To be honest, for example, if I tweet
something like, “I’m having a hard time,” it’s not like it’ll be solved or anything.
It’s not cool either. And it’s not like it will be solved if I talk or nag about it to
my parents, friends, or my members. That’s not cool either. I believe the only
thing through which I can express my inner desires and conflicts in a cool way
is music. So I want to dissolve and sublimate them into my music to give you
true, better music.
Now, I’ve come after dance practice and it’s past 3:30am, almost 4am. I
am planning to record a new mixtape. It’s going to be free to the public.
There’s a track containing my complicated thoughts inside my head and my
true feelings. What should I say, I think it will be one of the tracks out of all of
them where I express the most of my true feelings. And I suppose out of all my
music…. It’s the one that holds the most sincerity and it contains my current
remorse as well as my love and hatred, so I want to finish it as soon as possible
for you to listen to.
I did go on for quite a while now, but anyway, these days I am working
hard and doing well, so I hope you hang in there Rap Monster, Kim Namjoon.
Well I suppose a serious log once in a while is not so bad either. Anyway, I
will believe that I am doing well, and I will do well. Let’s not think about it too
much! Fighting! Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Vicky, Subbed
& Uploaded: Monica & Lam
104
Too Much (Soundcloud — November 21, 2013)
Everyday like a machine I wake up, automatically put on make-up.

That kind of life has grown familiar to me,
since when have I been so satisfied with myself?
Did I, after achieving my dream, indulge in it?
To live “comfortably”, “appropriately”, I swallowed the flames that had welled
up to my throat.
That’s right, I’m quite disgusted with myself as well.

The sharp knife has dulled, forming the wrinkles of my twenty year old self.
I was afraid of such changes
If somebody could look inside my head, they’d probably mock me:
Smirking at the me who’s lost his path.
I can I can hear my old friends laughing.
Hey, but I just wanted to show what I got.

All I ever wanted to do was rap. You said I’m a puppet, fuck I’m not.
There’s too many of these countless, infinite thoughts in my head.
Now I’ll put myself aside and wait for the endless waves of negativity.
Yeah I’m a monster,
once you become a monster you can no longer be a person. 1
I can no longer be a human like the likes of you all,
even if that’s the very reason why people curse me.
Whether I’m an artist, or an idol, I don’t give a fuck — this is my life!
105
Whether it’s porridge or gruel, this is the meal I’ve prepared for myself.
Don’t think about it too much too much too much

There’s no need for us to rush it through
Don’t think about it too much too much too much
This is more than just a new lust for you
The me who could only see deserts and seas is now looking up at the universe.
The small child who thought the tiny studio was the whole world is only just
peering outside.
I thought it was a real, got no time to chill, no time nobody to get healed.
Too many stars, too many dreams, the reality is
in front of these things I’m just a speck of dust.
Once I realized that, the only thing I could do was more severely lock myself in,
tamper back my fury and press it down, more strongly hide myself away.
Yeah I’m a fucking monster, young idol fans hate me cuz Imma fucking monster.
Hiphop fans hate me too cuz I’m a fucking idol rapper who can’t come to their
concert.
Yeah right? You’re happy now right? So how you doin’ bitches?
I’m earning a lot of fucking money, fine thank you and you bitches.
Every interview I said to them, ‘go find your happiness.’

But lately I get confused about whether I’ve found my own happiness.
The fact that I’m making the music I want to make,
saying the things I want to say —
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for,
now facing the dream I so desperately wanted.
I definitely achieved my dream, but after the dream I find myself hesitating
with too many thoughts.
I just showed the me that’s hungry for something.
Don’t think about it too much, too much, too much, too much.
There’s no need for us to rush it through.
Don’t think about it too much, too much, too much, too much.
This is more than just a new lust for you.
(x2)
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Whatever it is.
Translation: kimseokjinhyosang.tumblr (this tumblr now deactivated, a

106
translation exists on genius.com, but may contain slight variations to this one)
1
My Note: In a May 17, 2018 interview with J-14 Magazine, about their
newest album, Love Yourself: Tear, the group was asked: ““If you could say
something to yourself back in 2013 what would you say?” To which RM
responded: “Hey Namjoon, don’t name yourself rap monster. You’re a
human. You’re not a monster okay? You’re a beautiful human. I love you
bro.” (He had officially changed his stage name from Rap Monster to RM on in
November 2017.) This 2018 statement shows a tremendous change from his
sentiments in this song, where he states:
Yeah I’m a monster,
once you become a monster you can no longer be a person.
I can no longer be a human like the likes of you all.
My Background Note: This song was released shortly after the B-Free
incident, during which Suga and Rap Monster were rudely interrogated by a
senior underground rapper about ‘selling out’ and being ‘girls’ for becoming
idol rappers. For years, Rap Monster had been facing such criticisms from the
underground that had once embraced him (as can be seen in earlier releases,
such as “Glory” and “U Can’t do That”). After debuting, the idol world also
criticized him for not fitting the standard idol image. The B-Free incident
caused those emotions to roil over.
“Too Much” was criticized by rappers for its sloppy delivery. According to
Namjoon on the show “4Things: Episode 3”, his peers critiqued how he tried
to fit too much into one song, that his enunciation wasn’t clear and his
delivery was sloppy. Namjoon accepted those criticisms, saying he regretted
the song because he wrote and recorded it when he was too emotional.
Regardless of any technical shortcomings, the raw honesty of this track is
undeniably moving. So much so, that this song inspired a short documentary
series by Mnet. In an interview, the producer Lee Ye Ji was asked what led to
the show. He responded: “When I was on M Countdown before, I disregarded
idols. But seeing each other like this, everyone has their own story. There is
someone called Rap Monster in Bangtan Boys; he uploaded to his blog
emotional lyrics about not being respected because he’s an idol. I cried after
reading that. I wanted to produce a truthful show for hip hop idols.”
Rap Monster re-wrote the track for the show, titling the new version: “Unpack
Your Bags.” However, he would later perform this original version live with
Jungkook in 2015.
107
Unpack Your Bags (April 15, 2014)

Produced by DJ Soulscape // Written by RM
Lovers go from breakups to makeups,

I wake up to makeup.
Let’s not grumble, I’ll probably get to breakup.
Even despite my grueling schedules
and my exhaustion, I manage a smile,
Cuz in the family called Bangtan,
I’m not an only child.
Among my friends
I’m notoriously known as a lonely isle,
but I pretend that it’s not true.
My stupid lies,
and I gotta smile.
Know why? Cuz I’m an idol.
I just live my own life,

don’t give a fuck with the title
never been idle.
I recite the same raps everyday and sweat profusely,
A beautiful milky way dotting my shirt and my pants.
On living two lives—

while others live only once, I live twice.
Thinking just how many rappers in South Korea
get to stand on a stage before 10,000?
I’ll achieve my dream of gaining fame for my rapping
and then that dream will become someone else’s dream again.
Feel my mind, feel my heart,

Opening my bag, taking out my real self,
How are you? I’m fine.1
I’ve spent seven years honing my craft.

I love it.
108
The type of music you looked down upon

is now my livin’.
My conscience is clear, I’ve never had a single one of my lyrics written by
another.
Containing all my mind all my soul,
even if you beat me to death I’d never lie.
Even up to and around my debut,

I found myself conflicted between major and minor,
trying to measure out exactly where my place was,
disguising myself behind a pointless mask.
All the bad memories that filled my brain,
forget them all.
After all, in the end it’s the mainstream public that determines what title I
wear— why didn’t I realize this?
After time passed I realized,

only the realest hyungs free from prejudice
would ever recognize my true worth.
I believe in the myself of now
and I believe in my conviction.
If I don’t believe in me
who on earth will?
‘Respect.’2
The word you rappers with no manners yell time and time again.
If you’re not gonna respect
don’t you dare even mouth the word, bitch.
Juss wanna
tell you ain’t shit.
Feel my mind, feel my heart

Opening my bag, taking out my real self
How are you, I’m fine.
Sometimes I’m nice.

Sometimes I’m fucking mean.
A twenty one year old man [19 in international age]
who goes crazy for Supreme.
109
That’s who I am.

You think you know me?
Even through this little fact alone,
I’ve made it fucking big.
In the day I’m a star.
In the night I’m a man who does his own music.
That’s who I am
You think you know me?
Fuck you, man.
Translation: bangtan.tumblr.com
My Notes:
1
Notice the ambiguity of this line. Directly after saying he was going to take out
his “real self” he responds, “I’m fine,” which could be true or it could be the
stereotypical idol mask he brought up earlier: “I gotta smile, know why? Cuz I’m
an idol.” The ambiguity of this stanza may reflect the general confusion of his
identity—just what is the ‘real self’ he’s trying to pull out?
2
In Map of the Soul:7, RM and Suga subunit’s track is titled “Respect.”
110
111
Fan Café post: November 19, 2013
What I think about a lot these days is this: It’s something that I’ve felt a lot
after reading ARMYs letters and during fansigns also, but you know how if you
keep doing something you really like with a strong passion, you eventually
reach a slump at one point and wonder what you’re doing with your time,
right? I personally have a problem because I think too much, but nowadays,
my new motto is Nike’s just do it. If you like. No matter what you like doing, I
think you should push aside your worries about what will happen in the future
because you’re going to gain experience from it anyways.
I think it’s best to do what you like with dedication now instead of
listening to what others say about it. Music is also best when it’s produced like
that. A fragmentary example would be this: I didn’t dislike studying but if I had
chosen to give up what I had liked the most back then — which was holding a
microphone and performing — I would not be here right now.
I guess I’m slowly becoming an adult in this kind of way! Our second
album promotions have already ended and it’s time to produce and practice
hard but what I hope for the most is that you will always stay by our sides as
we grow and develop. We got the rookie award because of you all!
These are happy times. I have a lot of questions but right now, I’m
focusing on doing what I want and finding my own path. I hope you all can do
the same! No matter what you want to do, I believe that you always need
courage and generosity.
We’ll come back energetically with our next album! Euhahaha, I love you
ARMYs!!!
Fancafe post link: café.daum.net/BANGTAN/jbaQ/77

Translation: Christie @ bts-trans
Twitter post: January 19, 2013
In whatever it may be, I think it’s best to become honest with one’s heart.
May it be work or something else. I may sound like my head is in the cloud [by
giving this advice], but you should eventually come to terms with whatever
you enjoy and persist on despite others laughing behind your back.
I’m running that course to make it true for myself~ I’ll make good music~
Translation: Juliana @bts-tran, edited
112
Tomorrow (Skool Luv Affair — Feb 12, 2014)

Produced by SUGA, Slow Rabbit
Written by SUGA, Slow Rabbit, RM, J-Hope
[Suga]
Same day, same month
24/7, every moment always repeats itself—
an ambiguous life of mine.
A jobless twenty-something is afraid of tomorrow.
Funny, right? When young, I used to believe that anything is possible.
Realizing that it’s hard even to live from hand to mouth,
my mood is like Control beat, it keeps getting down.
Every day repeats itself like Ctrl C, Ctrl V.
[Pre-Chorus]
Why am I remaining in the same place when there’s a long way to go?
Even if I scream out of frustration, it only gets echoed in the empty sky.
That tomorrow will be somewhat different from today,
I can only beg.
[Chorus]
Follow your dream, like breaker.
Even if you crash, oh better.
Follow your dream, like breaker.
Even if you collapse, oh don’t run back, never.
Because the night just before dawn is the darkest,

you, in the future, never forget yourself of now.
Wherever you’re standing right now, you’re just taking a short break.
Don’t give up, you know this.
Don’t get too far away, tomorrow (x3)
[RM]
Tomorrow that we’ve waited for so badly,
when you open your eyes, it’s become the name of ‘yesterday.’
Tomorrow becomes today, today becomes yesterday,
and tomorrow becomes yesterday to stand behind my back.
Life is not something you live along but something you live through,
accomplishing life, and then, someday, disappearing.
If you keep spacing out, you’ll be swept away,
if you ain’t no got the guts, trust.
In the end, everything will become yesterday,
so what is the meaning of each day?
113
I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be resilient,

but why do I keep becoming weaker?
Where am I going?
I try going here, going there, but always end up here.
Yeah, I’ll flow along too…. Somewhere…
Will there ever be an end to this maze?
[Pre-Chorus & Chorus]
[J-hope]
Tomorrow, keep walking, we’re still too young to stop
Tomorrow, open the door, we’re seeing too many things to close the door
Like there is a bright morning arriving after a dark night,
there will be a bright light shining on you when tomorrow arrives, so don’t
worry about a thing
This is not a stop but a pause for a brief rest in your life
Raise your thumb and play yourself as if you’re showing yourself to everyone
[Pre-Chorus & Chorus]
Translation: Doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com, Muish.wordpress.com, edited

together
114
Young Love1 / Ambiguous Relationship

(Released on Proof: CD 3, date of writing is unknown)
Produced by Pdogg, Written by Pdogg, RM
Note: I include the song here on the timeline because the sound and lyrics are
reminiscent of the Skool Luv Affair era for me, but I could be wrong.
I love you (I love you)

I miss you (miss you)
Love, that jerk, turns out he’s pretty difficult (ay girl)
Young love
I love you (I love you)
I need you (I need you)
(You know what)
Yeah 1, 2
[JK]
This must be love
How foolish
Whenever I see you, I get discouraged
Whenever I stand in front of you, I get smaller
This must be love
It keeps making me laugh
Why do we keep passing each other by?
When I move closer, you move further away
[RM]
Love
My love is so young
It’s like the littlest child
This heart keeps beating like it took several spins around the globe
Without anyone knowing, completely by chance
The day I got to know you, I bumped into my heart
Oh it goes fast
Time spent with you flies by too fast
But that doesn’t mean that my heart’s moving too fast
What happens between others isn’t a TV show,
why do people keep pressing play?
But why are we so fond of each other?
I like you— Ah, there’s no reason.
When I’m with you, it’s like I’m paint spreading around,
At some point, even little things about the way I speak seem like you.
To put it simply, I’m becoming you
Then girl I like that.
115
Always with you.

You always keep me within you but I can’t do without you²
You’ll be in all the songs that I sing (young love).
[JK]
This must be love
How foolish
Whenever I see you, I get discouraged
Whenever I stand in front of you, I get smaller
This must be love
It keeps making me laugh
Why do we keep passing each other by
When I move closer, I grow further from you
Love
I don’t know my heart (so young)
I don’t know my heart (my love is so young)
I don’t know my heart (so young)
Our love is so young
(x2)
I don’t know my heart (young love) (x3)
Young love (x3)
1
The word used here is ‘애매한’, a Korean word used to describe something
awkward, ambiguous, uncertain, or even in-between. It does not really have a
direct English equivalent. When used to describe a relationship, it implies that
the relationship between the two is not very clearly defined, and that there is
a slight awkward element to their interactions.
2
The Korean plays on the words ‘안에’, meaning ‘inside/within’, and ‘밖에’,
meaning ‘outside’. The phrase “너 밖에 없어” in Korean is often used to

mean “I have no one but you”, but can also be literally translated to mean “I
have none outside you”.
Translation & Transcription: @BTS-trans: Transcription cr; Faith | Translation

cr; Faith | Spot Check cr; Aditi, Annie & Rinne
My Note: One piece of evidence indicates this song was written later than this
book places it — the guitarist on this piece (EVAN) is a producer for Butter
(Holiday Remix) and Intro on JitB, two very recent songs. However, he could
have been a guitarist for several years before being hired as a producer.
116
따옴표 (Quotation Mark)

(Released on Proof: CD 3, date of writing is unknown)
Produced by Pdogg, Written by Pdogg, RM, j-hope
Note: I include the song here on the timeline because the sound and lyrics are
reminiscent of the Skool Luv Affair era for me, but I could be wrong.
[RM]
If I die, I’m probably going to hell
because I live my life lying more than a dozen times a day.
No book on ethics has ever taught me how to make my feelings true
so I don’t know how to be honest.
I might be your stalker, perhaps an investigator.
My heart is a precious jewel, it’s been stolen by you anyway.
This lump in our relationship, will it become a full stop? I just put a comma.
Even though I keep in trying in vain to forget you,
tear you up, or wash you out,
it doesn’t work, it doesn’t, what I want on the inside
is to welcome you. “My lady welcome to my world,”
It’s just one phrase but my lips are unwilling to say it.
Next to you, a fool like me, like me,
I sing of you every second, I want it.
[JK]
Every time I run into to you,
Every time I needlessly think about you,
Always like this, like this.
I whisper, on the inside,
‘If anyone’s listening right now,
mark me with quotation marks
So that you can hear me hear me
So that I can confess my feelings for you oh baby.’
[J-Hope]
The day after I meet you, I'm filled with regret.
It’s like the words I didn’t say burst into flames, my insides are on fire
My heart isn’t a box, why is it storing you in it?
Overnight, I go from kicking my blankets in embarrassment to becoming a
demon that wants you
When will it be? I’m constantly, so frequently in a battle with myself
Today, I make sure to throw my heart to you first,
a safe landing with you, the catcher
I hope for that and move, but when I'm in front of you, I'm behind
117
I want you so bad, it’s already a wish I’m pleading for, oh my genie
Do she love me?

Do do she love me now?
Has this chilling fear frozen all my strength?
An exclamation mark for emphasis, not a question mark of doubt
Just a few words full of sincerity, a big quotation mark of courage, I want it
[JK]
Everytime I run into to you
Everytime I needlessly think about you
Always like this, like this
I whisper, on the inside
If anyone’s listening right now
Mark me with quotation marks
So that you can hear me hear me
So that I can confess my feelings for you oh babe.
Transcription cr; Faith | Translation cr; Aditi | Spot Check cr; Faith, Annie &
Rinne @ bts-trans
118
Vlog—May 13, 2014

The 4 Things Show ended recently. As I was shooting the program, the
conclusion that I arrived at is that… I’m just me. I’m not an idol, or an artist, or
hip hop. I’m not anything, I’m just me. I’m Rap Monster, I’m Kim Namjoon.
This.
Because….I don’t’ know why I was fretting so much over wanting to
categorize myself or regulate myself. Truth is, I guess any person could feel
that way. It’s really, just….. Once this program ended, I was like, oh, I’m just
me. I’m just a unique person, and if someone thought of me as an idol, then I’d
be an idol. If someone thought of me as hip hop, then I’d be hip hop. And if
someone thought of me as an artist, then I’d be an artist. I wonder if I wasn’t
the one longing for it the most.
Honestly, I think that it was obvious that I was confused or lost, but life I
think life is about being lost. Life is just continuous wandering, I think that,
especially since I’m young, I’m wandering a lot. So I think there’s some value to
it. And I, as myself, as a human being named Kim Namjoon, think this is a
normal part of growing up. It’s just the way it is. It’s normal to feel uncertain
and question things about yourself. About where you’re going in life, where
you belong. These are things everyone questions. I think I just, right after I
debuted, questioned myself a bit more.
Anyway, I’m just me. There’s nothing I have to be, I’m just me. Too Much
is a song I have a love/hate relationship with. Because of that song, I ended up
filming the 4 Things Show. Because of that song, I both laughed and cried on
the inside. Because of that song, I got a lot of hate. A lot of people worried
about me, including my mom and dad. Other people.
It’s a song I felt a lot of emotions over. But with the release of the new
song “Unpack Your Bags,” I hope that people pay more attention to the
meaning within the lyrics if they’re curious about me. Because my current
thoughts, my current mind, and my attitude are all in that song. If someone is
curious about me, I hope they deeply think about the song’s lyrics.
When I make music, I think about how I want to create music that people
can really contemplate over. Music that intuitively sticks with you and that you
can understand from the start is nice, but I feel like it’s my duty and also the
best way to create long-term fans is to create music that gets better with every
listen, music that makes you go, “ah, so this is what this meant. This was the
meaning behind what he wrote.” That’s how I feel.
119
I’m just me. That’s what matters. Because that’s what’s most important.
That to myself, I’m just me. I think I’m going to have to try harder to close my
eyes, cover my ears, and bring out the me that’s inside and just go my own
way. Since I’m just me. I’m just a person who makes music. Because I’m… a
person who wants to make good music. I’m going to do well. Because I’ve
been doing well. Maybe. Because I’m me. I’m me. Okay. Let’s continue… to
make good music. Fighting!
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Jessie & Teekay, Subbed &

Uploaded: Alissa & Laura
My Note: For more information on the 4 Things Show, see the explanation after
“Too Much” (p105) and the song “Unpack Your Bags” (p108). Episode 3 is
Namjoon and is the source of the famous clip of Namjoon reading hate
comments and replying “I’ll prove it to you” as well as the hidden camera trick
when BangPD asks Namjoon if he wants to stay in Bangtan or go solo, to which
Namjoon responded “Bangtan” without hesitation. The episode can be found
with English subtitles on YouTube.
120
So 4 More (Soundcloud — June 13, 2014—1 Year Anniversary)

Original Track: Pro Era – Like Water // Lyrics by Rap Monster, SUGA & j-hope
NOTE: This song is on SOUNDCLOUD and is NOT the song on Dark & Wild
(which on some platforms is titled “Second Grade”)
[RM]
Yo, It’s been a year.
It’s been a motherfucking year.
Come on. We’re livin’ in the good life.
We’re livin’ in the bad life. Whatever.
It’s not important because we’re here.
[Chorus]
Even when a year passes
and even when another year comes,
you and I will be walking on the same melody again.
Even when the night comes
and even when it passes,
our performance for a better life will continue.
[RM]
I don’t wanna fuckin’ lie, I don’t do such things.
My dream is above Seoul Tower, my mind is under the ground floor.
Having become a hostage to life1, I chose to be ambitious.
To get lost and wander is my hobby, every day I feel clueless and overwhelmed
Like monthly rents, my loneliness is piling up overdue.
If you know the antonym of loneliness, lend me some. 2
There are many places where I belong
But why is it that I can’t find the real me anywhere
Who knows? You know? you don’t. I know I don’t.
It’s been already a year, but I can’t get used to it

no matter how many times I try.
Every night, touching around my chin, I look at myself in the mirror,
asking, “Are you really the Kim Namjoon that you’ve known?”
I should probably just lay it all down —

all my agony, introspection, fear, and even the responsibility as a leader.
I know this so well, but I can never put them down:
they are the unavoidable friends of my life.3 You know what?
Rap doesn’t have to be fast to be rap, and the same goes with life.
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We all pour oil into water sometimes.

Why can’t I get close to those mountains? My goals, success and dreams?
was feeling impatient because the water won’t turn into fire even though I tried
so hard.
Water and oil, they will never mix,
This scientific theory looked like it would never change.
But now things have started.

Look at me who came to boil.
Soon I’ll become a fire
and burst into flames.
[Chorus]
[Suga]
No space for myself.
For a year it felt as if I were walking on thin ice.
I don’t know where I’m going.
My conflicted emotions and anxiety, like a deep sigh
now belongs to yesterday,
But I still can’t sleep at night.
It was predictable chaos though.
I still can’t sleep at night.
I put myself in the prison of envy, jealousy, and competition

and it oppresses and suffocates me frequently.
My future is like an ink-wash painting4
The two-letter word, “success”, fills my mind.

Things I have to do and things and I want to do—
I’m Gulliver, standing in between the two.
Fuck it, I don’t give a shit
Am I living my dreams or losing them?

I still don’t know. Maybe I’ve dropped my dream for success.
Behind the smile I put up like a fool, exactly a half of me is crying.
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This is the evidence of my confusion about my identity.
Dream and reality...I became more indifferent but also more desperate.
My sigh of despair bursts out of my desire in music.
[Chorus]
[J-hope]
The “time over” that I can feel — occupied with life,
I didn’t realize the steps I took for one year.
I’m ill5 when the sun goes up, and, at night, I write lyrics again.
I live every day, my life is like a live performance, there is no lip-sync.
With this effort, I open the door of my beginning.
The more I sweat, the bigger my stage gets.

Cheers and applause, the support feels like a gift to me.
More attention brings me more tears,
as pressure and big worries accompany it.
I feel burdened by the amount of love I received
So, I’m nervous every day.
I have a good sense, but it’s not mature yet
I try ironing myself, smoothing out my wrinkled mind, rewinding myself.

No matter how stormy it gets, Bangtan comforts me.
My steps will take me to success, wanna be now.
Yeah, I’m Sirius, shining brighter than all other stars.
At this moment, I’m still a ‘born singer,’ I hold my mic.
[Chorus]
1
”Forever Rain,” from mono. (2018) includes the line: “I’m still the hostage of
life….”
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2
In “Life“, from RM (2015), RM still wonders why there is no antonym for
loneliness.
3
In “Reflection”, from Wings (2016), RM describes fear as a friend that holds his
hand.
4
My future is blurry.
5
In “Dis-ease,” J-hope’s song from BE (2020), RM would also use “ill” in an
extended play on words. “Ill” is often used in rap and hip hop to mean “cool”, but
also has the true meaning of being sick. Like the line from this song, writing lyrics
from dawn until night, the song “Dis-ease” addresses being addicted to work and
unable to relax.
Translation: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress, BangtanTV (YouTube) [footnotes are

mine]
124
Fan Café post: June 13, 2014 (1 year Anniversary)

One year…. A time long enough for many couples to break up. There have
been people who have left us, and people who have been with us for less than
one year, but both are fine. What’s important is the people who are reading
this letter.. I am more sure of what I need to do than I was a year ago! I hope
you have felt the same feelings as I have after you discovered BTS.
Lately, I’ve been realizing that everything is conflicting and everything is
double-sided. Just like how you want to find security when you feel lost, but
when you feel secure, you want to be drawn to something and wander. I think
there is a need to step away from your own perspective and look at things
from multiple perspectives.
I also realized that humans are inevitably lonely by nature. I always
thought that I was a happy person because I had many friends and people
around me, but I realized that somethings you become unbearably lonely in
certain situations. Everyone has a natural loneliness in them, and are faced
with it when certain issues arise. But I don’t think loneliness is only a bad thing.
It becomes nourishment for my feelings, and sometimes loneliness makes me
realize many good things. So, if you’re lonely, I hope you can re-read this letter
and be comforted. Because I know how it feels ^^!
Anyway, my explanation of my current state of mind and recent thoughts
was unnecessarily long. Why does my writing above keep going diagonally?! I
guess I want to get crooked….
Anyway! If I were to end this letter that I wrote in one breath like lyrics, I
hope that you would all live while doing ‘something that makes your heart
flutter’ to the best of your abilities. Whether its loving us, racing after your
dreams, taking a break (of course, it’s not good to just lie around either, ^^).
Anything is fine. I hope you don’t hesitate. Rather than regretting it, you will
learn something important once you do something. And then you will regret
less! It’s something that requires courage, but there’s nothing more important
than being honest with yourself.
As I was writing, it became like a life lesson (^^;), but it’s actually because I
can’t organize my own thoughts. It’s like a maze! A very complicated one… You
have to face it head on, and then you realize what you have to do, and then
face it head on, and then realize…! Doesn’t it seem like I’ve grown a lot in one
year? Keke But I think I’m still a kid. Anyways, a life of wandering, one year of
wandering, hasn’t been that bad. I’m really curious about how many people
125
will be watching us in one year, and whether you will still be with us. I believe
that many people will stay with us if we show and provide good music ~
Let’s stay focused on the present! Because it’s a happy one year
anniversary!
Everyone worked hard, thank you!
BTS, Kim Namjoon, congratulations
Translation: seobangniiiiim.tumblr.com (since deactivated, jpeg of translation

can be found on btsinterviews.wordpress)
BTS’s first year anniversary dinner in their blue dorm. They would write their song
“Moving on” (HYYH pt 1) about their move from this dorm into a larger one .
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Twitter posts: June 19, 2014

When I make song recommendations, some people go “I don’t listen to pop
songs~ I can’t understand it anyway~” but I too listen to a lot of songs that has
lyrics I don’t understand. As the song grows on you and you listen to it in
detail, you’ll get what I mean. Simply just feel the emotions, and language is
but a *narrow strip of water!
*T/N: to mean that it’s an insignificant barrier
Also, if you come to like these (pop) songs it’ll help a bunch with learning
English. I do think that 1/3 of my exposure to English is because of this (pop
songs). Continuously get to know the expressions, study the lyrics.
I think with that, music becomes one in language.!
Translation: Denise @bts-trans
Twitter posts: June 19, 2014

I pretty much listen to songs on repeat most of the time. That’s why, when i
get hooked on one song, I listen to it till I get sick of it. 50 to over 100 times,
every single word is chewed (listened) carefully, sounds I didn’t get to listen to
properly would be heard eventually~~ That is why, I would listen until I get to
feel the artist’s emotions even if its a little bit? That’s how I communicate
(am).
Translation: Tiffany @bts-trans
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Twitter posts: August 5, 2014
I was just laying down and looking up at the sky in a long time, and the sky is
really, really blue. It’s not just blue, but bluuue. It’s cloudy, but blue. ‘What
am I living for?!’ When you have thoughts like that, then look at the sky.
Thoughts like that disappear
Oh I just found out, but if you look carefully, the clouds are pink. Light pink!!
Cute puffy clouds
Translation: Hyejin @bts-trans
Picture included in Namjoon’s twitter post
My Note: Throughout the years, Namjoon has repeatedly encouraged ARMY

to look at the sky. On VLive on August 27, 2016, he says, “I hear that you get
much happier if you look at the sky 20 minutes a day. Please look at the sky.”
On July 12, 2020, in Weverse, Namjoon posted, “The sky always gives us
reason to live.”
In response, #SkyForNamjoon has become a common hashtag on ARMY
Twitter, accompanying beautiful photos of the sky.
128
129
Twitter Posts: August 13, 2014
This is Rapmon. From time to time while reading letters I realize that you’re all
same people like me. Although I haven’t been able to show all of myself due
to being split in a series of sides, we all cry and laugh together and get happy
at small things and be enthusiastic and sad. The same simple people.
While I look mindlessly towards the front and hang onto the end of each day,
there are times where I forget the important truths. I rethink those things
while looking at everyone’s words, and think that “Ah I’m receiving a lot of
love” and I feel happy.
Anyways, me and Bangtan also are more thankful and care more than you all
think we do. Sometimes I think that it’s good to converse like this too, so I’m
writing a few words before I go to sleep. All of a sudden. I hope for everyone’s
happiness. I’m always thankful!
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ARMYs who are desperately fighting again with life today, be strong.
Since you became a hostage to life, you need to choose your ambition.
Everybody’s a fighter. Fighting. (Trans: Hyejin @BTS-trans)
My Note: Namjoon uses the phrase of being a “hostage to life” in both So 4

More (June 13, 2014— “Having become a hostage to life1, I chose to be am-
bitious.”) and Forever Rain (mono.,2018 — “I’m still the hostage of life….”).
In Gajah (April, 2017), he includes the lines “You don't choose life chose
you,” and in “Always” (January 2017) he writes, “If I ever meet God, I’d tell
him that life is a coffee that I never ordered.”
Throughout his songs, he repeats the idea that we didn’t choose to live, but
what we CAN choose is to fight for ourselves in this life we have.
“Having become a hostage to life, I chose to be ambitious.” — So 4 More
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BTS Facebook — August 6, 2014
132
Hip Hop Phile (Dark & Wild — Aug 20, 2014)

Produced by Pdogg // Written by Pdogg, RM, SUGA, j-hope
[RM]
It was a new world.
To me who would normally scribble just stories or poems,
like Sim Cheong1, it suddenly came
and made me open the new eyes of mine that I couldn’t open.1
But people keep askin’ baby

why you love that HIPHOP shit?
Then I say, “There’s no reason from the beginning cause it’s HIPHOP.”
There’s nothing special– Epik High3, and like others, Jay-Z and Nas,
and of course, the classics– Illmatic, Doggystyle, In My Mind, and KRS-ONE,
and Ready to Die, Eminem, The Chronic, and the next masterpiece 2001
Gang Starr, Black Star, Eric B, Rakim, Pete Rock and CL Smooth
They juss keep poppin’.
I listened to them all the time.

Back then, I was an old lady—
I had so much to say that the stories told by others were not enough.
I first just put layers and layers of nonsense and lies and called them lyrics.
And that was it! uh that was it, that was when I became myself.
On a blank sheet of paper between the pages of my studybook,

I put the ‘myself’ that everyone knew.
And then I erased it, I emptied it.
I’m free at least when I’m on the beat.
7 years ago or now, I’m the same, this is the most me.
[Chorus]
I’ll be down for your rap
I’ll be down for your rhythm
It still makes my heart beat
It makes me be my true self
Yeah I love this
(Hip! Hop!) that has the scent of humans
(Hip! Hop!) that I write down with my life
(Hip! Hop!) that has now become a part of my life
(Hip! Hop!) Yeah this ma (Hip! Hop!)
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[J-Hope]
Yo how did I start learning ma Hiphop? I got into it by feeling it with my body
Boogaloo, King Tut, Old School, I rode the rhythm.
Thanks to BitHit’s trust, I stuck my tongue to the rhyme.
I stood out and now I’m in the intersection of rap and dance.
Yeah ma role model, Dynamic Duo2, Verbal Jint with Epik High3.
Writing the resume of my clumsy self,

I break out from my nameless self and fly over the stage.
The artists who rang my heart, raised up the me who knew nothing, ring.
Biggie, 2Pac, and Nas, who I could express only with my body.
I learned more about myself, uh.
Hope, hope world, before I built my own world, there was Cole world.4
When he lit up Friday night,
I became more inspired to write my own music.
Mac Miller, Kanye, Kendrick, their music hits my ears.
The best musicians in my life shaped the frame
so I can go crazier every day.
Endless diction, all right, my instincts choose
Whatever rap it is, whatever dance it is, my sensuous communication.
Now the space within my life melts in hip hop.
Wild for the night today as well,
my body feels like A$AP, A$AP.
[Chorus]
BTS Facebook — Dark & Wild concept photos, Aug 8, 2014

134
[Suga]
Hip hop came to me gently.
Like a little child looks for his mother,
it naturally permeated into my life.
I, who was only an elementary school student at the time,
tailored my dream.
I want a rapstar—
a mature kid who loathed a life that is similar to everyone else’s.
Though everyone around me held me back and dissuaded me,
hip hop, settled itself inside me,
completely shook me — the me who was so young.
My 16 bars that I wrote down on the corner of my textbook pages—
thanks to them, I declined a stable life
and threw myself into a studio in Namsandong, Daegu.
I sharpened the blunt nib of my pen all night.
At the end of my efforts, finally —
thanks to the rhymes that I filled my schoolbooks with —
instead of receiving grades for Korean, math, and English
like others would do during school days,
my dreams come true.
Everyone around me asks me, “What is hip hop?”

I answer with pride, “It’s my everything.”
As a result, I buried my life itself in music
If loving this culture was a sin, I would have died hundreds of times
[Chorus]
Translation: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com
My Notes:
1
The Story of Sim Cheong: In short, a girl decided to sacrifice herself to the
sea god in exchange for 300 pounds of rice, which she gave to her blind
father. As she dove into the ocean, she prayed her father’s sight would be
restored. The sea god granted her wish and returned her to land floating on a
lotus blossom.
2
Namjoon would later feature in Gaeko’s song “Gajah” on April 5, 2017.
Gaeko is one of Dynamic Duo’s two members.
3
Suga would later write Epik High’s song “Eternal Sunshine”, released March
11, 2017. Tablo, the leader of Epik High, featured in Namjoon’s song “All Day”
from his 2022 album Indigo.
4
On March 3, J-Hope released “On the Street”, a collaboration with J-Cole.
135
Rain (Dark & Wild — Aug 20, 2014)

Produced by Slow Rabbit
Written by Slow Rabbit, RM, SUGA, j-hope
[RM]
(Over Seoul is the thick color of a rainy day)
Racing cars, squirming umbrellas here and there,
cloudy sky, clear air,
(Reflected in a puddle left by the rain,)
why did I, with a light gray background, pause to stand here?
I don’t know if I have a lot of thoughts or no thoughts at all.
When it’s about to get bright outside, I wake up from my sleep.
With my exhausted hands, I keep brushing over my hair.
On the memo pad is a song that I couldn’t complete last night.

“I’ll finish it today,” I shut my eyes tight and let out a deep sigh.
“How should I make excuses?” I try to make something up.
I couldn’t do it anyway, so I might as well just make something up and send it.
As I turn my eyes, outside the window is saturated grey.
A grey building in a grey city, the grey rain on a grey road.
Everything in this world is slow1
My dongsaeng, awakened from his sleep, keeps slurring his words at the end.
I keep opening and closing the innocent refrigerator,

as an unknown empty feeling washes over me.
I think that I should just go outside without even an umbrella.
The sound of rain touching the world feels vivid.
I put on a brief smile for the best background music.
I hum like a crazy guy.
I wonder what time it is.
136
[Chorus]
Over Seoul is the thick color of a rainy day.
I, still not being able to fall asleep, fade away.
Reflected in a puddle left by the rain,
I, looking even more miserable today, am drawn on the water.
[Suga]
The rain that knocks on my window at night hits my heart.
A text that I read, holding my sore shoulder, “How are you these days?”
The text from a friend soaks me with emotion.
Smelling the scent of the wet rain,
I stretch my body, and go to the bathroom.
I say hello to myself, half-asleep, in the mirror,
and take a long shower even though I have no one to meet.
It still rains outside the house.

With nowhere in particular to go,
I plod along with my umbrella and no set destination.
The rain makes its mark on my dirty shoes
as if it’s letting me know of its existence.
Would I be someone who left a mark on you like this rain?
If not, would I be someone who just comes and goes like a sudden shower?
[Chorus]
Above Seoul of a deep color in the rain
I, still not being able to fall asleep, fade away
Reflected in the puddle formed by now-stopped rain,
I, looking even more miserable today, am drawn on the water
[J-hope]
I look outside the window, heave myself up and feel sore.
It’s raining as if it knew how my body feels.
As I see the raindrops gathered on the window,
I feel that they are like teardrops flowing down my heart.
Putting the subtleness behind,
I look outside, which resembles my current life.
Everyone is andante as the rain falls like a melody.
I get ready and go outside,

opening up the umbrella that is as wrinkled as my face.
As I walk, listening to the rain,
I wonder who this rain is falling for.
137
The sound of the rain touching the lonely gray cement

makes me hear:
‘Come slow down.’
[Chorus]
Over Seoul is the thick color of a rainy day.
I, still not being able to fall asleep, fade away.
Reflected in a puddle left by the rain,
I, looking even more miserable today, am drawn on the water.
I, even when this rain stops, even when the clouds clear,
am standing still just like how I am now.
Without saying anything, I look down at the world.
There, a not-so-beautiful me is looks back.
138
Second Grade (Dark & Wild — Aug 20, 2014)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Supreme Boi, RM, SUGA, j-hope, Pdogg
[Chorus]
In the blink of an eye, we become second grade.
We pull the trigger again, ’cause time is flowing fast.
(Still every day) Bang it bang it, bang it bang it (x2)
In the blink of an eye, we become second grade.
Me, who used to chase dreams, is now setting fire on stage.
(Still every day) Bang it bang it, bang it bang it (x2)
[RM]
I haven’t changed much baby —
Second grade in pop music industry.
Still 181cm baby, only my heart got taller.
In a way, we got top score within our grade, baby,
We received Rookie award too.
Walking down the hallway, we receive greetings from new juniors.
I’m kind of starting to get it, doing the rehearsals with ease.
I got some 1 year juniors too, and I think I’m going forward a bit too.
Ahhhh shhhhh1, ah.. but in front of our eyes —
Fifth and sixth year seniors.
(Hello!) And then I really feel it, the “now” that still has a long way to go.
Our teacher, Mr. Public,
until last year did not burden us with expectations.
That ‘we’re just first year rookies’, that ‘it’s alright,’
Sat us down and taught us how cold the world is with few subjects:
Prejudice, slander, double standards, swearing,
And indifference.
Teacher,
Is there Sooneung2 here too?
If I get #1, am I a successful singer?
I like that kind of stuff too, but I want to do music
For now, just leave me be to do what I want.
139
[Pre-Chorus]
Work it out, work it out, 24 hours.
Burn it up, Burn it up, burn up each moment.
Put this or that worry behind us.
Even after a year has passed, we still live the “today”.
[Chorus]
[J-Hope]
Ah, I’m already becoming second grade. (Oh no!)
In the blink of an eye, the time passes quickly. (Go go)
Study hard and play hard, right?
Just like that, a year went “bye” like magic.
But what do I do? I’m kinda worried.
While I won’t have to worry so much about being perfectly tactful,
there are so many subjects I have to take.3
When it feels like there’s a moment for a break,
the teacher shoots nagging at us, Bang Bang Bang.
“You have to do well on the Sooneug!”
What the Sooneung is Sooneung.
Teacher, we’re people too. Accept it accept.
Should I ditch everything and go tease the juniors today?
I’m off to PC cafe, I won’t get any sleep!
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
[Suga]
If I give score as a second year rapper —
Thankfully, we at least defended our position.
We’re still neophytes, we continued to run.
We’ve just became second year —
The Gulliver between the ideal and reality.
I won’t worry about what others say,
I’m gonna just push forth in whatever way I feel like.
The old men wearing prejudice-tinted glasses, line up in front of me.4
140
Looking back on the past, it was totally draining.

Shut up, I’m now in second grade
This is a new era, a new starting point 5
Hide well, my slyness in my head might show.
Whether you’re senior or junior or teacher, Get the …… out.
[Chorus]
1
in Korean, “shhhh” is proununced as “shhhht”, or “shit”…so can mean
“shit” or “shhh”
2
Sooneung = national standardized exam for university entrance.
3
In the preceeding 2 lines the phrase for “being tactful” is written something
like “eating the rice of tact”. The Korean word for this “tact” also implies that
they’re not given much instruction so they have to figure out subtleties of
what they’re supposed to do.
He then says the “table is fully set with subjects he needs to learn.”
4
“Line up in front of me” is something that a teacher says to his students dur-
ing assembly, etc. This line implies that these prejudiced men should learn
from him, as well as line up (get organized/behave).
5
He uses a word for “starting point” that sounds the same as “fucking point”
Translation and notes: Muish.wordpress.com
141
142
Twitter posts: September 27, 2014

It’s Rap Mon. To all who are standing strong and living the lives you’ve paved
for yourself, breaking free from discriminatory views and objections of
others, I’m supporting you. But again to those who are bound by the present
reality, I’m supporting you too. I understand what it’s like.
That whole thing about life being ‘smooth sailing’ and whatever. But when
there’s something significant and that you want for yourself, that’s the most
progressive step to getting closer to this concept we call Happiness. Though
it’s like this, we can’t blame this on people who don’t agree. It’s all very real.
People who are fighting with the Angels and Demons within them, you’re all
beautiful. It isn’t possible that happiness is ours to begin with. Can it be that
we’ll defeat that demon? It’s almost like a mirage that God created. It’s true.
And slowly, I think that if we become more honest, we’ll all see that in
ourselves.
However it is, all who are lost are also lovely.
Today too, tomorrow too, let me and you be so obsessed with happiness and
live. As much you’re unable to see that (happiness), just be happy. There’s no
need to punish yourself for moving forward. There’s no need to listen to my
words even. I simply want to say that the answer you know of right now, is
the right answer.
Translation: Denise @bts-trans, edited
143
Twitter posts: October 13, 2014

Namjoon’s letter for Jimin’s birthday
To. JM who wants to be cooler

I’m RM. Your efforts and will to become cooler
are already helping you become cooler, one at a time.
So there’s nothin’ to worry about, nothin’ to be anxious.
Have some faith in yourself, and be more confident.
Ah, that may be something that I’ve wanted to tell myself.
Let’s live coolly. Happy 20th birthday.
-From a cool hyung
Translation: Christie & Mary @ bts-trans, edited
Picture included with tweets.
144
Wake Up (Wake Up — Dec 24, 2014)

Composer: SWING-O, RAP MONSTER, SUGA, J-HOPE
Japanese Lyric: Daisuke “KM-MARKIT” Kawai
Lyrics: SWING-O, RAP MONSTER, SUGA, J-HOPE
[Verse 1: Rap Monster]

The morning that wraps my thousand emotions
I think the best would be if everything ends
At that time when I almost went to the wrong path
I heard my parents voices saying "Wake up already!"
Aight mom, I’ll stand up now
My fam, my friends and also my fans
For you who are like a dream, more than my own dream
I won’t sleep anymore
I have to make my face and body keep going to work
My pen is a sword, my whole body is a pistol
And all my haters, if you tried living you’ll also feel tired
But I gotta kill ya’ll for the sake of living myself!
Gotta beat ya’ll
Lately, I understand my parent’s feelings
These feelings seem like they’re going to overflow in my mind
No matter how tired or sleepy I am
The morning that won’t change, juss keep on and on and
Juss keep on and on and (x2)
Juss keep on and on and on and on and on
[Chorus: Jungkook, V]
Wake up
Look, open your eyes !
Wake up
Everyone is waiting for you
Wake up
There’s no time
Wake up
So, we’re gonna run hard
[Hook: Jungkook, Rap Monster]

Gotta live my life
Gotta take my pride
Gotta shine my light
Wake up, Wake up
Gotta live my life
Gotta take my pride
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Gotta shine my light

Wake up, Wake up
[Verse 2: Suga]
The clock points to 6 o’clock
When everyone wakes up I go to bed
My face is reflected on the mirror
I know, I’m tired
It’s not someone’s fault, I’m doing it to myself
Even the music that I like turn into a battlefield
Sh*t! There’s no other way but to do it crazily!
I’ll keep going forward on my destiny
I start a bit later than everyone else
A day, a feeling of hoping to play is postponed
Today is crucial for my dream
I don’t care about the things ahead
22 years old, nothing more
I feel the difference from my surroundings, it’s like an hypnosis
I sleep like I was drunk, but I wake up
I change into my tired face, today’s life
I chase the reality but I’m a Dream Chaser
I might be lethargic, so if I wear my costume, I turn again
On the stage, the moment when I’m on it I wake up
That’s the meaning of my life, with this step up!
[Chorus: Jin, Jungkook]
[Hook: Jungkook, Rap Monster]
[Verse 3: J-Hope]
Wake up day, climb up

Today’s plan is to be have a surprising day
Going downwards with the body and mind
But when did I put on my costume?
Go make up, no break up
The makeup which hides my tired face
We go on the stage like pros, we the player
We get showered by everyone’s cheers, I’m enchanted!
If it is Mike who dribbling a burning ball instead of the normal Ball
So exciting if no one can’t stop my shoot
Even my sweat drops fall to the rhythm
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Water and oil, just like myself in the morning

I'm ill, I'm real
The time is passing by but the thrill
I keep on living on the day that I feel like I understand but I don’t
But I can’t stop, let’s go still aye…
I can’t rest at all so I’ll fly
I can’t surpass it, my polished sneakers
Shine with the light woah
[Chorus: Jungkook, Jimin]
[Hook: Jungkook, Jimin, Rap Monster]
[Outro: Rap Monster]
Juss keep on and on and

Translation: Iraide @BTS-Trans
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Twitter posts: February 13, 2015

While working at the hotel, I suddenly turn off the music. When I’m stuck in
this kind of unfamiliar silence like this sometimes, I can clearly hear the
second hand sound of the clock. Tok tok… Those who aren’t sleeping, try
listening to it. It sounds just like my heartbeat.
When I listen to it when I feel lonely, it sounds very lonely to me. I hear a
sound that seems somewhat like a mirror right now. The sound sounds just
like it holds me and this world. The clock must be lonely too. I’ll have to listen
to and understand it at least like this sometimes.
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Please Don’t Die [P.D.D.]

(Rap Monster x Warren G, March 4, 2015)
[Hook:]
(Plz Don't Die) Before I shoot you.
(Plz Don't Die) I should have my revenge.
(Plz Don't Die) You know ma’,
(Plz Don't Die) This goes out to suckers and the haters and the wankers.
[Verse 1:]
You can't fuck with me, I'm with ma man Warren G.
Then now by myself, now workin' with Krizz Kaliko,
this is just an opening of my turnabout.
You should stay tuned, the title of the drama is My Ego.
I won’t starve to death before I become a star.
Keep slandering all day long on your double standards,
You ain’t a listener—
Rather speaker sounds better.
Yeah we the same prisoners
to the fate God has given us.
They’re mostly swearing at me,
but I’m still in mother’s womb, they are my placenta—
Thank you for all the hating.
Once I release my mix tape, which is super cool at that, try rating.
I don't care that shit, go twitter, go share that shit.
Your narrow sight, prejudice, pride, I'll tear that shit.
So clear born-haters would shut their mouths up,
Look at the mirror, see whether you are confident.
[Hook:]
(Plz Don't Die) Before I shoot you
(Plz Don't Die) I should have my revenge
(Plz Don't Die) You know ma
(Plz Don't Die) This goes out to suckers and the haters and the wankers
[Bridge:]
All the haters, do you wanna ride wit me?
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Now you can ride wit me.

Keyboard warriors, do you wanna ride wit me?
Rap suckers, do you wanna ride wit me?
All the listeners, do you wanna ride wit me?
From now on, let's ride wit me.
[Verse 2:]
Yes sometimes my shade goes far ahead of me.
I’m not embarrassed, I know well my own darkness.
Every night I turn into a flower perfectly flaring up—
I know very well that fire doesn’t have shadows.
Flame is also a flower1 — Do you know the meaning of me in the language of
flower?
No, you cannot even smell my scent.
Even when my ego crawls over the floor of Sinsa station,
I never beg for your compassion or superficial praise.
Please don’t die; be the witness of my success.
Be ashamed to death that you failed to recognize me.
Although a distant sense of loss is filling me,
those who still trust me make me warm.
You know I go, yeah, I make the storm.
The creation made from my inevitable loneliness —
That’s my life, 'RM'. That’s my mixtape.
After listening, you all gon' miss me.
1
The Korean word for flame is 불꽃 which is made up of the root word for fire
(불) plus the word for flower (꽃).
Translation: genius.com, edited
My Note: Namjoon will revisit this idea of flames and flowers several times. In
The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Series (Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa), “Hwa” can
mean ’fire’ or ’flower’. In ‘Wildflower’ (Indigo, 2022) he would write “From a
flaming flower of fire to a flower of the field” (translation DoolsetBangtan)
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March 20, 2015 — RM’s 1st Mixtape
151
(20 years old)
152
Track 1 — 목소리 Voice

Written by RM
I didn’t have a dream.

It was like that every day, just like my lyrics.
Functions and equations that couldn’t give me any answer
eventually became very harmful.
With their light, they prevent me from seeing the stars hiding behind them 1
Killing myself day by day like that,

I occupied myself all day with being graded with meaningless numbers like
beef gets graded.
I just wanted to succeed because that’s the only thing I was told by others
so much that I almost got sick of it
The mirage called happiness- I thought it would be held there.

But, sitting at my desk, I was never happy, not for a single moment.
I secretly hid a blank sheet of paper between the pages of my study book
without my mom’s knowing.
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My identity that I wrote down along the sound of drums and bass,
the feeling of breathing that is different from that of receiving grade reports.
Even when I was the top of my class, my mind was never at ease.
Is it absolutely necessary to want something that others want?
Rather than spending my whole life letting out sighs of Han,2
I chose the path where I take Han out and live by simply breathing.
All the shallow people around me pointed their fingers at me.

My dream is to give my voice to everyone
with my music and lyrics, no matter how I look or where I am.
I don’t know how you’d feel listening to this,
but it’s okay even if you curse at me
because you’ll eventually look for me again.
Yeah, though seven years have passed, still with a ₩50,000 mic, [$40]
this mixtape that is created by me alone in a corner of my room.
Some say I’m fake, yeah I admit my shameful past.3
I can make excuses, but I won’t. Such a thing will never happen again.
Yeah I be real
This moment, the thing that I wanted desperately-

I’m finally oiling the pedals that I’ve been stepping on for seven years.
You can’t kill

Come take it if you do wanna piece of me.
I only speak through music, I have no interest in anything else
If you really think you ready to fly with my power

This is what R is about, fella the time is now.4
I secretly raise the volume of my voice
so that you can know so that it can reach you
(x4)
Translation and Footnotes: DoolsetBangtan.com
1
Note on the wordplay used for the previous three lines: 해 (pronounced as
hae) could be interpreted in many different ways, and I can think of three
interpretations that are most relevant in this context. (1) given that the first
line talked about functions and equations, it could be 해 (解), the value of an
unknown variable of an equation. (2) It could be 해 (害), which means harm/
154
damage. Lastly, (3) the sun. My interpretation thus is: “Functions and
equations couldn’t give me any 해 (解; answer) but only became many 해
(害; harm) to prevent me from seeing the stars hiding behind them with that
light of 해 (the sun).”
2
한 (Han) is a mix of sorrow, nostalgia, anger, pain, and hope. It’s the
emotional journey and state of mind of someone who has been gravely
wronged but is powerless (made powerless) in society to take revenge but
decides eventually to cling to the hope of a better future when you overcome
your Han. (credit: /u/lagamine86 of r/bangtan). Here, RM is separating 한숨
(sigh; pronounced as hansoom) into 한 (Han) and 숨 (breath). Taking 한
(Han) away from 한숨 (sigh; hansoom), he is left with only 숨 (breath; soom),
which lets him live by simply breathing rather than constantly sighing.
3
Word-to-word translation of 흑역사 is dark history, which refers to (a
certain period in) one’s past that is so shameful that s/he wants to rather
forget it. He is referring here to the rage and ridicule he faced from the
underground because BTS used the track of Kanye’s “Black Skinheads” in their
debut MV but re-wrote the lyrics. This situation had been forced on Namjoon
when BTS discovered last-minute that the lyrics of “Black Skinheads” would
not be allowed on air. After the company failed to find another song that
matched the choreo, RM wrote and recorded new lyrics to the soundtrack.
According to one interviewer, re-writing lyrics is an extremely common
practice in hip hop and the issue should not have been contentious because
the song was not included on their album nor monetized in any way. (For
example, much of this mixtape samples beats from other tracks—which is
why it is not on any monetized platforms. This is extremely common for
rapper mixtapes.) However, for an audience already skeptical at the idea of
an ‘idol hip hop group’, this move made Namjoon a prime target for
accusations of plagiarism—something that would plague him for years.
4
These two lines are variations on two lines by Nas, RM’s favorite rapper.
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Track 2 — Do You
Melodies & Lyrics by RM
Original Track: Aerosol Can by Major Lazer
I hate self-help books the most in the world,

stupid rubbish telling people to do this or that.
People have no backbone and easily believe what others say;
That’s why all this bullshit ends up being best-sellers.
What do they know about you?

Do they understand your dreams, your hobbies?
If you just stop being so self-conscious, things can change a lot.
Why are you born as a master of your life, but try to be a slave?
“It’s Youth1 Because It Hurts.”2

That kind of justification is the biggest problem.
In life, a defined genre is a trap, just like in music.
Once you get hung up on that, you’ll become stupid.
Fuck that. You the only one ever.

Even if you’re not perfect, you’re a limited edition LEGO.
In the end, someone is bound to value you.
So please, you just do you.
Do you, do you, do you, do you.
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(Do the fuck you want) (x3)

What the fuck you want?
I’m not pop, I’m not rock, I’m not funk, I’m not R&B or hiphop.
All the kids who don’t know what’s going on should clean their ears.
“Skirt and skinny jeans? That’s not hip hop!”
Does that mean A$AP is not hip hop?
Are you more hip hop than A$AP, Kanye?
Those inflexible prigs should move to the back.

I say, fashion is passion.
Written in Korean, it’s the same, “pashun” (패션).
The kids who feel like they need sagging pants to go to Hongdae —
Why don’t you just wear what you like, that’s swag.
That’s it.
(Whoa!) If you follow the trends, good.

(Whoa!) If you’re fucking different, good.
Just you, yourself is hood.
From the beginning, there was never right or wrong.
Everyone is just a bit different, that’s all.
Haters gon hate and players gon play,
Mufuckas keep mufuckin all day.
Follow my shit, my friend and I’ll pay.
I’ll spit on your behalf, ptui!

Having been told to do whatever they want,

there are now adults in their thirties who don’t even know where to shit.
They shout “respect” with their own mouths.
Actually, it’s not like they don’t know the meaning of that word.
Freedom and Recklessness – they’re clearly different.
Behave according to time and place.
Suckers who copy and package it as if they haven’t,

at least my music is better than theirs.
“This one raps better than that one;
That one does this better than this one.”
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Fuck that. I am just doin my thang.

So you just do your own thing too, bitch.
I’m doin’ me, juss doin me.

Who were you all this time?
Yes, we were friends.
Nothin’s everything, everythin’s nothin’. (x4)

Translation & Notes: Muish.wordpress.com, DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com

1
The HYYH series is about 청춘 (chungchoon), which roughly translates to
youth. Chungchoon refers late teens to about 30 years of age, with focus on
early twenties. This is the age to take the first steps as an adult. This is the
age you make your mistakes, suffer the consequences on your own, and
struggle in the adult world. It is the age where you still dream of ideals, and
where failures and struggles are not meaningless as it shapes your character.
2
“It’s youth because it hurts” is a concept from a popular self-help book during
that time, which encouraged people to work hard while young.
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Track 3 — Awakening
Lyrics by Rap Monster
Original Track : Big K.R.I.T. – The Alarm
At the moment I fall1

who’s going to hold my hand?
The moment I come off the stage
who’s going to stay by my side?
Just tell me that I can survive

in this cold world. Just feel my vibe.
I know one day at a time,
the sun gon’ shine.
I lost too many friends.

You know that I did lost too many clans.
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Being a singer I lost too many bands.

I couldn’t help but spit and spit keepin’ repeatin’ too many ‘damns.’
Gotta let my eyes watch too many ends.
Outside was a whole battlefield so I bring out the chopper.

While every night, I fight myself inside me.
My heart pounds, my colleagues stab me in the back.
Saying I became a fool2 after joining a company,
yeah fuck you I’m an idol. Yeah, yeah, I’m an idol.
At one time, I hated it, but now I love to get that title.
Unlike those who deny it to the end on broadcasts,
I now fully accept myself, and I just do me.
Whether I’m an idol or artist, it never actually mattered.

The way you guys look at me was what defined me;
I obsessed over titles and was hung up on how people described me.
Listen well to the rap of the guy who became a little smarter over time.
These words are not a wordplay,
it’s just a warplay the world plays.
We’re fighting again like soldiers errday.
Yehh, I walk properly, when I hang my life on the beat.3
Today, when I sing this song, is my second birthday.
My buddies— the way you taught me, the confidence that you got me,
was more than ‘”rarri, lambo mercy, Maserati” you got me?
Now just come give me an XO. Go bring your next soul.
Endless cynical smile but I’m Rimbaud, the “Four Seasons in Hell”4
BOOM.
The moment of my fall

Will someone hold my hand?
The moment I come off the stage
Will there be someone beside me?
Just tell me that I can survive
in this cold world. Just feel my vibe.
I know one day at a time,
The sun gon’ shine.
(x2)
Translation & Footnotes: DoolsetBantan.wordpress.com,

Muish.Wordpress.com
1
The word “fall” that was used here is the one often used by airplanes falling/
160
crashing. In metaphorical terms of falling from fame, it’s used to fall rapidly
from height of fame to disgrace, rather than to fade from fame… and has a
bit of implication of fear.
2
Doolset translated this “cripple” instead of “fool”.
3
per Muish, the line can also be translated:
Yehh, I hang properly, when I hang my life on the beat
걸어 – to hang or to walk.
Doolset translated this, “I bet right when I bet my life on the beats”
4
Rimbaud is a French poet from 1800’s. He wrote a book of poem called “A
Season in Hell.” Rimbaud was in a same sex relationship with Verlaine. The
relationship ended when Verlaine turned against Rimbaud and shot him,
causing him to be wounded…after which Rimbaud wrote this book. The
situation also goes well with RM’s mixtape in that it came out after he
probably felt back-stabbed by those he thought were close to him.
According to Wikipedia, two different personalities of Rimbaud are
arguing with each other – which would fit with the narrative of RM mixtape
where his idol self and his rapper self are seen as opposites trying to come to
terms.
RM’s lyrics indicate “Four seasons in Hell” instead of “A Season in
Hell”. Four seasons is a year, so I guess it’s implying “a year in hell”…..? This
came out early 2015, and 2014 was the year that BTS got a lot of hate from
various Korean Hip Hop communities and it would have been a difficult year.
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Track 4— Monster
Original Track : J. Cole – Grown Simba
(Despite its appearance as a simple diss track, the explanation of the wordplay
for this song was longer than the lyrics. If interested, refer to doolsetbangtan.)
21 years old, a fully grown-up son of my mom. [20 years old]

181 (cm) and 68 (kg), long arms and legs like a model‘s. [5’11, 150 lbs]
A better brain than stupid hyungs’ and an open mind.
You guys will defame me for a variety of reasons.
But I howl, now I’m a grown Simba.
I live every day crazy busy, my calendar is always December.

You’ll know soon too—the symbol that’s worthy of the name,
I’m still RAP MONSTER.
You immediately diss me.
Yeah, from intro to outro, I sweep up all your ears.
Instead of those idiots who don’t understand even if I spoon-feed them,
hyungs who know the style, come gather here quickly.
RM‘s emotion that explode cannot be described by any lengthy explanations.
What whipped me who was innocent

is the careless chitchats of those fuckers.
My spirit doesn’t change during the change of seasons.
You’ll get to live with me all day, I’m a sneeze,
another name is indigestion, so mufuckin check it.
Pathetic lives, just play LOL while I rap this.
Left side (c’mon!)

Right side (c’mon!)
If you feel this rhythm, come this way (c’mon!)
R to the M I’m a mu-fuckin monster. (x2)
(x2)
This life I livin’, I live life, I livin’.

You live, they leavin’, I spit right I’m heaven.
Sick of your gimic so get right you bitches.
I eat up your high pride1, I’m a giraffe standing outside the house.
If I make a sound, even all the men stand upright.2

I’ll take on my own debt, and I’ll be my own guarantor.
When you play LOL, you know I play the roles of
Rapper, composer, a star— so lay low (I fuck you up).
162
The problem gets bigger like your message to one-sided love.

You’ll all get completely wet, so make sure to bring an extra underwear .
I’ve diligently walked like this for 7 years,
and now the doors are opening.
Diss me while you can, you’re a loser who only worries about others’ lives.
Oh shit.. that was childish.

Don’t worry, I live a fucking good life—
Singapore today, Taiwan tomorrow, bitch.
I’m so busy poppin’ tags, you so busy shoutin’ nags bitch.

R to the M I’m a mu-fuckin monster (x2)
(x2)
Turning any emotion into lyrics, I’m an alchemist, bitch.

I glue the mouth of those bastards who are poor in spirit
so that they can’t talk anymore.
Why do you smack your lips again?
They say it’s just fun to chew me, tear me apart, and taste me.
Low-life, bitch, comfort yourself3 like that if that helps.
Yeah, “Hiphop, hiphop~”, What else can you do? I guess that’s all you have.
Bastards like traffic jams4, my rap ain’t for you.
My music ain’t for everybody, especially not for you bitch.

The bastards who can’t feel this, go that way (fuck up)
(x2)

1
따먹다 means (1) to win, (2) to pick something (a fruit) off a tree and eat, or
(3) (vulgar slang) to have a sexual intercourse (taking someone’s chastity or
virginity).
곧추서 [gotchuseo; stand upright] sounds similar to 고추서 [gochuseo]

2
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where 고추 means a pepper, which also is a slang for a dick. So another way
to interpret the line is, “If I make a sound, even all the men get erections.”
3
자위 (自慰) 하다 means (1) to comfort oneself and (2) to masturbate.
4
Bastards like traffic jams can mean (1) those whose minds are closed and
blocked or (2) those who block RM’s way.
Translation & Notes: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com, Muish.wordpress.com
164
Track 5—버려 Throw Away

Lyrics by RM
Original Track: Hypest Hype by Chain & Status
How far should we go? Let’s go until we die.

My heartbeat is accelerating.
This is a bazooka that eats you up.
Throw away your Bottega wallet.
Throw away your attitude of a living dead and your mindset of an old fossil.
Burn it all, your head, shoulders, and even heart.

(Oh!) Put some liquor on it.
And put some mudafuckin beatbox on it.
(Oh!) The current speed is 100.
Yeah put some mudafuckin 100, 100, 100.
Let’s all leave. (Where?)
Are you ready to throw it all away? (Up there)
Throw away all you have suckers.

Your body, your mind, burn everything up suckers.
Like Wu Tang Clan, bring da ruckus.
Scream, jump, chew them up, burn up mudafuckas.
Like San E, this is a hiphop circus.1

If you know how to have fun, gather here suckers.
Shove it into your mouth and cheer up, this is homemade food suckers.
We go 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100.
Throw away, throw away, throw everything away. (x4)
Got an automatic dick, got an automatic stick, got an automatic.

Got an automatic beat, got an automatic bitch, got an automatic.
Got an automatic shine, automatic, automatic mind.
Automatic flow, automatic rhyme, automatic, automatic, automatic, automatic
Like Suga hyung, dope man, ‘RM’ is my domain.2

Roll your eyeballs and go sane.3
This is a hardship you’d even pay money to go through when young.4
Like San E, this is a hiphop circus.1

If you know how to have fun, gather here suckers.
Shove it into your mouth and cheer up, this is homemade food suckers.
We go 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100.
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Throw away, throw away, throw everything away. (x4)
La-tti-ssu-bbi-kka-dda-bbo-ssei5
Having eyeballs rolled back, we fucking party.
We go 100, we can’t go easy.
I’m alright, you alright.
Partying hard is a hard work.
Why did you come to my place? I came here to fuckin’ party.
Everyone goes lodi dodi like a snoopy doggy doggy6
I’m alright, I’m alright.

I fucking love it, I’m alright.
We go 100, we go 100,
Throw away, throw away, throw away everything, yeah, yeah
Throw away, throw away, throw away (x4)
1
Reference: San E – Rap Circus. Notice how circus rhymes with mudafuckas and
suckers.
2
Reference: BTS Cypher Pt. 2: Triptych where Suga raps, “my domain is
dopeman.com.
3
눈이 뒤집히다 (eyeballs are flipped) is an idiom used when someone goes
insane after getting shocked or getting extremely angry, which makes it
interesting to be followed by “go sane.” It could be interpreted as “stay sane
by preparing yourself to go insane,” an idea that became a central line to
MotS:7 song “On”.
4
Idiom: 젊어서 고생은 사서도 한다 (When young, you’d even pay money to
go through hardships) because the lessons learned from hardships when young
are invaluable as you live the rest of your life.
5
I tried hard to decode this, but so far there’s nothing that comes to my mind.
It might indeed be just a combination of meaningless (yet funny-sounding)
sounds.
6
Reference: Snoop Dogg – Lodi Dodi
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Track 6—Joke
I’m not including the lyrics here, though they are full of incredible wordplay.
Namjoon describes this track as for “100% for the auditory pleasure of rap.” It
was a track he used to flex his technical rapping skills, and it’s an absolute
beast of a rap track.
167
Track 7 — God Rap

Lyrics by Rap Monster
Original Track: J.Cole – “God’s Gift.”
Amen.
I tell it to the sky, mo’fucka no lie, Amen.
Sucka!
I tell it to myself, mo’fucka no lie, Amen.
Bitch!
I tell it to the sky, mo’fucka no lie, Amen.
sucka! Amen. Yo!
Thank God that I can live.

Thank God that I can breathe.
Thank God that I can spit.
Thank God that I can dream.
I can see this beautiful but horrendously ugly world.

I can snore, even when someone is dying somewhere.
I only care about me.
Yes, whether I’m always happy or sad,
if asked who I would want to be born in next life, I choose me.
I can tell ya, if I can’t prove myself,
after I drop dead, feel free to spit on my grave.
Fuck you, this is my own god rappin’.

I don’t have to become “die legend” cuz I’m my legend.1
Do you know that there is no shadow to a fire?
To be fire, or to be light, that is my question.
I’ll become a flame, and during the day become darkness
As I close my eyes briefly when it’s bright, and I open them when everyone
else is sleeping.
Even for the fact that I feel pain, I thank you.
If there were a god, I tell you.
Yo, this is god rap.

There is no such thing as religion, ’cause my god is myself.
No matter what tribulations face me, I put my hands together.
And I say to myself again, Amen.
Sucka!
(x3)
Once I was just a rapper wannabe like you.
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I easily belittled whoever I wanted, and I worshiped easily like a cult religion
follower.
I must have wanted to feel good with my reality,
when I was nothing but an amateur rapper.
Claiming I’m different, that my tastes do not run cheap
I rejected almost everyone.
I thought that was what it meant to be cool.
Back then and now, the need for faith in me is same.

At that time, I was blind, but now I’ve seen myself—
my salvation, my enemy that will push me,
the precipice that seems endless,
these are all myself.
Foolish believers, you can become a god as well.
Hold your head up high and smile the smile of a Buddha.
The steps of Jesus, the prayers of Allah.
The love of Maria, it’s all inside you.
This is unconditional salvation and unconditional faith.
I’m my god, my world, my every symbol.
Yo, this is god rap

There is no such thing as religion, ’cause my god is myself.
No matter what tribulations face me, I put my hands together.
And I say to myself again, Amen.
Sucka
(x3)
1
-This is homage to Drunken Tiger’s “Die legend.”
-“Die” is “the” in German –> word play to mean “I don’t have to become the
legend, cuz I’m my legend.”
-word play to mean “I don’t have to die a legend, cuz I’m (already) my leg-
end”
Translation & Notes: Muish.wordpress.com
169
170
Track 8—Rush (feat. Krizz Kaliko)

Produced by Pdogg
Melodies and lyrics by RM, Krizz Kaliko
[Chorus]
I should be the biggest star in the world.
I should be hearing Oppa from every girl.
Got to put a rush on it. (hurry)
God, help me put a rush on it. (hurry, baby)
And you could be the biggest star in the world.
Don’t matter, one day you’re going to leave the world.
Trying to put a rush on it. (hurry)
God, don’t let me put a rush on it. (hurry, baby)
[Krizz Kaliko]
I want to be the one they listen to people then broke they ears.
I provoked the fears of them.
Who she think about when she kissing you.
When the smoke clears I provoke the tears of them.
They cry. they cry,
When they see the dude with the thing on his eyes.
Then I can open em wide, my mind.
I can put the feelings of women aside,
when they just feeling the vibe he got.
Money for condo and a Fiat. And begat the son of genius an a re-up.
So we up the creek wit out a paddle or a pre-nup,
and he ‘bouta take Ya real far like a Prius.
And make it to the top of this here and get popular.
Cause when people think Ya poppin’ and popular they watchin’ Ya.
And if a cloudy day and baracades is stoppin ya,
put in da stunner shades block ’em from ya ocular.
And I feels like I’m the biggest one.
I’ll rock it till the wheels falls off and the feelings gone.
And ima push it till my digits done.
Races ain’t givin to the swiftest but the realist one.
[Chorus]
I should be hearing Oppa! from every girl.
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Trying to put a rush on it. (hurry)
God, don’t let me put a rush on it.
[RM]
The only voice still ruling my world,
Spreadin my voice, to the whole world.
Keepin’ shinin like a pearl,
Taking money hearing oppa from your bitches and all the girls,
Making all the listeners flip-flop, tick-tock & switch-swap,
they lanes and finna mufuckin curl.
Young monster just tryna get by
Young kali we tryna get high
Gettin’ B.I.G, get ready to die, mufucka u slide
look at me gettin fly
Makin career like my mother nation man.
What’s KOREA in this modern Asia, man?
I am used to my moderation
But I’d lose it if you give me mo underration and...
Remember, my friend? My earlier days
Remember those days when I was just going around rapping
I just do it, I just do it, keep rushin’ with Krizz Kali,
Watch carefully how far I go
[Chorus]
I should be hearing Oppa! from every girl.
trying to put a rush on it. (hurry)
God, don’t let me put a rush on it. (hurry, baby)
[RM]
Hating? ain’t about it
Complaining? ain’t about it
We juss keep rushin’ on it
Ke-keep rushin’ on it
What? Blaming? ain’t about it
Exclaiming? ain’t about it
We just keep rushin’ on it
Ke-keep rushin’ on it
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[Chorus]
I should be the biggest star in the world
I should be hearing Oppa! from every girl
Got to put a rush on it
God, help me put a rush on it
And you could be the biggest star in the world
Don’t matter, one day you’re going to leave the world
trying to put a rush on it
God, don’t let me put a rush on it
[x2]
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Track 9—Life
Melodies and lyrics by RM
Original Track : Life by J Dilla
I felt after drinking up a glass of alcohol

that to live is to continue to learn about the loneliness
No matter how many people are there, or not there at all, around me,
the little me inside me was always lonely
Why would there be no antonym of loneliness

Perhaps it’s because we never have a moment of no-loneliness until we die
Even if there’s a time when it feels like our surrounding overflows with
an uproarious crowd,
there surely comes a moment when we need to be alone.1
Yeah that’s a life

We live in danger
in return for being able to see this beautiful world
Even bulletproof vests, streetlights, and sturdy cars
can never perfectly hide us from death
Life is more beautiful because everyone has their death as a collateral from
the moment they are born
just like a light can truly be a light only in darkness
just like the sun shines after a rough storm
Life, fall in love

Life gets hurt by people
and feels lonely by the blowing wind
We wanna be right
but always wrong
Were we born to be wrong?
Perhaps that’s what a life is
((What it’ll be like tomorrow, we never know for our entire life)
(We can’t avoid it even if this building is going to collapse)

We tryna be bright
but always dark
Though we think we’ve lived enough,
we still don’t know.
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The world is a decalcomanie

A friend who I thought was on my side would change into a even more vicious
enemy
It’s all over once we end our relationship like how we’d fold a paper2
In no time, he’s sneering at me from the other side in the exact same way
But boy, there’s no reason for you to get angry
Some parents don’t even care about their own children when it comes to
money
We have to burn into a rising flame because the world is too cold
So that no one can freeze us, though we might harm ourselves. 3
Maybe there is no such thing as right or wrong,

But what we have always been taught
is to step on somebody, catch somebody, erase somebody, and hate some-
body
Fuck all the peace and love, I know that they are the natural enemy of success
Those quotes that are so naturally talked about as if they are the truth
make me even sadder
But what can I do, I’m just all talk as well
I’m just a wind that brushes past someone
Life, fall in love

We wanna be right
but always wrong

Were we born to live
Were we born to die
Were we born to live
Were we born to die
Am I living to die
Am I dying to live
The nametag on my name-
would that be life
or death
Who knows..
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Life, fall in love

We wanna be right
but always wrong
(What it’ll be like tomorrow, we never know for our entire life)
(We can’t avoid it even if this building is going to collapse)
We tryna be bright
but always dark
Though we think we’ve lived enough,
we still don’t know
1
This part really describes the feeling of being “alone in the crowd.” I’m also
linking 작은 나 (little me) above to a concept in Buddhism: 소아 (小我; little
self) as opposed to 대아 (大我; great self). Basically “little self” is me as an
individual whereas “great self” is me as a part of larger social bodies. It may
not be something RM had in mind when writing the lyrics, but it randomly hit
me.
2
Wordplay: 접다 can be (1) fold (a paper or a linen), (2) end or put aside (a
project, a thought, etc.)
3
타올라야해 (burn and rise) can also be interpreted as 타고 올라야 해,
meaning “climb up,” which, in the context, will make these two lines read “We
have to climb up the social ladder because the world is too cruel. Only by do-
ing so we can prevent anyone from touching us, though we might harm our-
selves.”
Translation & Notes: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com
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Track 10 —Adrift
Melodies and lyrics by RM
Original Track : Lust 4 Life by Drake
I don’t know what we live for.

They say we live for happiness, but I don’t understand what it even means.
There are so many things in the world that I can neither know nor see.
Those words that the adults say,
“you’ll get to know with time,” can’t seem to ease my mind.
“Let’s be happy.” “Let’s be happy.”

Though I say those words every day like a habit,
I honestly still don’t know
why I keep getting lonely .
Lost in life,
Lost in life.
Lost in you,
Lost in you.
Perhaps I have lost my way,

or maybe there was never a way at all from the beginning.
Because even if I’m with someone else, a corner of my heart feels lonely.
I’m scared because I have already been born.
Death is so painful,
and the reality is so hopeless.
Where is my meaning?
Where is my mind?
In this wide universe,
I drift along endlessly.
I drift along endlessly.
Lost in life
Lost in life
Lost in you
Lost in you
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178
Track 11 —I Believe
Melody and lyrics by RM
I believe in me, I believe in myself.

Even if time passes, I’ll be livin’ in myself.
Believe my faith, believe my rap,
I believe my damn voice will one day be spread.
I’ve had times where I doubted my dream and my existence itself,
but I’ve never doubted my voice so real.
In my world, I’m a God that not a deal.

If we were to talk with rankings, I’m 1.
How you feel babe, do you believe that you’re your own master?
Are you balancing it well, the seesaw of reason and sense?
Everyone wants to become their own leader.
But one has to believe in themselves, if they’re their own leader.
Bad thoughts and pessimistic rationalization are MSG —

You think they taste good, but they erase your real flavor.
We’re so used to looking only outward,
when the galaxy is inside me.
Wherever I am, whatever I do,

I believe, I believe.
Wherever I am, I protect myself,
You know, I believe in love, believe in hope,
Believe in thoughts that I got while I be livin’ this life,
Livin’ this stuff like breathin’.
I, too, get confused sometimes about who the heck I am.

Sometimes I’m like an angel, sometimes I’m like a devil,
but everything coexists- positivity and negativity.
What leads the world and me, after all,
is the synergy between the two of them.
Even all the wanderings about my existence,
and even those moments I’m so empty I’m agitated,
seem lovable now.
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When I get confused about what is right and what is wrong,

I think about what makes me want to live again —
this muzik, passion, those beautiful places out there, and fashion,
Whisky to pretend that I’m a grown-up (uh, mom you kiss me).
I hope you make a meaning that you can lean on and rest.
All paths are seemingly different but similarly lead towards death.
Anyway, we all are held in the palm of time.
(Keep walkin’) I’m going to believe in myself rather than forgetting myself.

Though you don’t believe in your own dream,
you believe in every dream that others tell you to dream.
Even dogs and cows are called leaders in books, TV, and online articles.
Follow your heart, not your head.

It’s not that I’m saying this easily,
but anyway it’s closer to your heart.
You can hide your face, but you can’t hid your heartbeat.
You can hide your face, boy, but you can’t hide your heartbeat.
It’s one life to live and one heart to give.

Who the fuck ya want to be? Got no life to miss.
Wherever I am, whatever I do.
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Interview — March 24, 2015 [Abridged]

HIPHOPPLAYA — “Rap Monster: ‘Even if it’s to say bad things, I really hope
you would listen to the mixtape.’”
Q: ‘P.D.D’ is definitely a song that has the traditional vibes of west coast hip-
hop. Was there a specific reason in adding these kind of lyrics to this kind of
sound?
RM: As soon as I heard the song, the words of ‘Please Don’t Die’ naturally
came to my mind. I think I unconsciously thought that it would be fun to
speak of a slightly brutal story on top of a soft beat.
Q: When you think of a ‘battle rap’, people normally think of very

straightforward lyrics. Something like, “I will kill all of you!” (laughter).
However, this song felt somewhat like an indirect speech.
RM: It reflects how I feel lately towards those who hate me and criticize me. I
used to find it really upsetting and got very angry a long time ago. However,
I’ve been able to rise above that a bit more that. I wanted to truthfully add
that feeling. This is also the reason behind the lyrics of “If you want to come
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with me even now, then let’s go.”
Q: When I see those lyrics at the bridge, I feel that you have more ease than
before.
RM: That’s true. It’s not made with force, but it really feels like that lately. If
there’s any person who made personal attacks towards me, but want to come
with from now on, then I want them too. I’ve gained that much ease. I also
feel that I have matured a bit as well.
Q: For those who don’t know the various narrations of battle raps from
traditions of west coast hip-hop sounds or the specific hidden beauty of hip-
hop, could continue to view this song as boring or nothing great.
RM: I just accept it. I respect the tastes of those people. I don’t want to force it
upon them or explain it. Although I’m thankful to those who understand my
intention or feel enjoyment.
Q: Do you normally enjoy writing lyrics to battle raps like these? Even if
you’re not specifically attacking anyone.
RM: That’s it. I enjoy writing it. And I also think that you don’t need to
specifically attack something.
Q: What do you mean exactly when you say that you don’t necessarily have
to attack any one?
RM: I’m not the type that enjoys attacking. Even if I were to attack, I’m not the
type to attack with an immense amount of aggression. However, I’m the type
that has to say everything I want to say. No matter what the nuance may be,
should I say that it should be resolved through music. Although someone may
think “if you were going to attack someone, you should have done it properly”
after listening to ‘P.D.D’, but this is my tendency and method.
Q: Let’s talk about your mixtape, [RM]. If you can give us the concept of this
mixtape?
RM: If you look at the album cover, my face is divided in black and white. I
wanted to show that I was two-faced. I’m positive at some times and then
negative at other times. I speak of hopes at some points and then forget about
it later. You can just see it as something I made by pulling out the various
rooms inside myself. I wanted to express the thought of, “There’s this many
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sides inside of me, but in the end, this is me, and you who’s listening to this is
just you too.” I normally enjoyed India Arie’s ‘Just Do You’. It’s a song that
gave a lot of comfort to me when I felt confused. I believe that the message of
this song gave a lot of influence towards this mixtape. That’s why the song
that represents the entire message for this mixtape is ‘Do You’.
Q: This is a solo, not a group and it’s a mixtape, not an album. Was there any
specific structure you had in working on it?
RM: I tried to work on it as comfortably as I could. I tried not to have many

thoughts on it. Even if there were lyrics that could start a controversy, I just
went with it if it wasn’t too harsh. A BTS album is something that’s not just my
own, and it needs to fit the group’s concept, which is why there are many
things to think about, but since this mixtape is mine, I tried to self-examine the
closest to my true self and work on it comfortably.
Q: The curses and aggressive expressions stand out.
RM: Honestly, I’m not someone who enjoys cursing. However, I believed that
there was an emotion that could only be released through ‘shit’ or ‘fuck’. So I
used words like those in places that were necessary. It’s not like it was a piece
of work that had to go under deliberation.
Q: How did you pick the placing for the mixtape tracks?
RM: First off, after I picked the order, I discussed it with my company. For
example, when I made the 1st track, ‘Voice’, I thought that it should be the
first track since I had made it. This song is the only song that talks about my
past story since I was young till now. It’s also a song I made after receiving
influence from seeing foreign rappers rap over a piano sound. After that, ‘Do
You’, which has the main message of the mixtape, came out and I wanted to
talk more affirmatively about what I wanted to say through ‘Awakening’. After
that, ‘Monster’, ‘Throw Away’, ‘God Rap’ came out, and in these songs, I just
wanted to ‘rap’. I made it while thinking about rap songs that are good to
listen to and hmm… that made my heart beat.
Q: Are you talking about the “auditory pleasure” that can only be given
through raps and not singing.
RM: That’s right. That’s it. I couldn’t express it well (laughter). And for the last
song, I put in ‘I Believe’. The reason why I thought I had to put this song as the
last one is because no matter how the process was before, I end up believing
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in myself. I wanted to wrap it up.
Q: Is there a message that you wish those who are listening to it wouldn’t
miss?
RM: “You Do You, I Do I” is the catch phrase for this mixtape. What I want to
say is that, “You do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to. But I’m like
this.” The thought of, “You’re you, and I’m me” is the largest thing that’s been
taking control of me lately.
Q: There are a few songs that focused on rap techniques. For example, ‘Joke’
is like that. Could you talk about this song?
RM: ‘Joke’ is a song whose lyrics were written with a stream of consciousness.
That’s why the title is called ‘Joke’ as well. There’s nothing hidden behind the
lyrics. It’s 500% for the auditory pleasure of rap songs. Since the other songs
have messages or emotions placed into them, I felt that it was necessary to
add in a refreshing song without any thoughts. I put in a lot of what I believe
are rap ‘skills’.
Q: I agree with you on your thoughts about the El-P beat. It’s a sound that
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burns a rapper’s fighting spirit with ‘I have to chew and eat this
beat’ (laughter). If you could talk about ‘RUSH’ next, where Krizz Kaliko had
participated.
RM: There was a time where we made a dance performance to Krizz Kaliko’s
‘Spaz’ last year on a year-end awards ceremony. And I don’t know how he
found out about it, but that video came up on Krizz Kaliko’s Twitter. He said,
“Look at these guys. They danced to my song, but it’s really cool.” I normally
enjoy Krizz Kaliko’s songs, so after seeing that, I sent a message to Krizz Kaliko.
I asked about working together via DM, but he answered so coolly that we
should work together. So I sent him a few beats, but Krizz Kaliko picked out
the one that I personally liked the most. I thought that as expected, he has
good ears (laughter). In the end, he worked really hard. He first asked, “Want
me to do the chorus too?”, and I don’t know how he knew, but he placed the
word ‘oppa’ inside the lyrics before sending it to us. He probably knew it from
‘Gangnam Style’. And he also left one space blank during the chorus and gave
the suggestion of, “Wouldn’t it be fun if you added in Korean during this
part?” And for the mix, he replied, “I’m currently on tour in Mexico, but the
mix isn’t really good because it’s not with the engineer that I normally work
with. So, I think it would be good if you guys re-did the mix. Sorry.” Even after
the work was finished, he proposed, “Since I worked on your mixtape this
time, let’s officially work next time and release a track.” The next time I go to
America, I really want to meet him once.
Q: Do you like Krizz Kaliko’s rap included in ‘RUSH’?
RM: OF course. I felt that he really genuinely worked on it. I also like the
melody as well. The fun thing is, whenever we receive an award at some
ceremony, Krizz Kaliko always sends us a congratulations mention (laughter). I
think he’s slightly cute as well.
Q: From ‘Voice’, I could hear the part where you gave an homage to Nas’
‘One Mic’.
RM: I normally enjoy ‘One Mic’. I like the movie-like development, and silent
mood of it. I received a lot of influence from ‘One Mic’, and used a small
portion of the lyrics from the clean version of ‘One Mic’. It’s respect in my own
way.
Q: In ‘Voice’, there’s a line that goes, “I admit to it, my dark past”.
RM: Just like how it says, it’s my dark past. Something that can be summarized
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with Kanye West and Kendrick Lamar.
Q: If you say Kendrick Lamar, then are you talking about your ‘School of
Tears’ where you covered over his song, ‘Swimming Pools’?
RM: That’s right.
Q: But isn’t that song just a ‘cover’ like you say? Using the original song’s
flow over the song’s beat and rapping is something that can be seen often
on a hip-hop mixtape or a released song.
RM: Although I did film the music video for ‘School of Tears’, it was a cover
song where I revealed what the original song was before releasing it. So it
was just a successor, but it got criticized a lot, saying that it was plagiarism. To
be honest, if plagiarism was the goal, who would do it like that. Also, because
it was a cover song, there are many parts where I did the exact same flow as
Kendrick Lamar on purpose, so that I could learn his flow. However, there
were a lot of negative comments like, “This is a nation’s disgrace”, “Don’t you
even have the guts as a rapper”.
Q: When I see it, that doesn’t make sense. If anything, it just sounds like
attacks that started from ignorance. Don’t make it your dark past, let’s
make it your bright past. Now, what do you mean with Kanye West?
RM: During the choreography practice for BTS’ comeback, we matched it to

Kanye West’s ‘Black Skinhead’. Now that I look back on it, I think it may have
been a bit too ignorant by the company. Because we couldn’t just use ‘Black
Skinhead’ on broadcast. Anyways, our choreography teacher is amazingly
skilled, so he had perfectly set up the choreography to fit with ‘Black
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Skinhead’. So we were fretting over how to change it before our comeback

stage. But after changing it numerous times, the dance completely died. So in
the end, we had to make a new song that was similar to ‘Black Skinhead’ and
do our comeback stage. If I had to make an excuse, this song wasn’t added to
the album, and it wasn’t used for business purposes. It was simply used for
our stage performance. Like a BGM. However, I believe that people could
definitely criticize this. No matter what the situation or process was, the
results ended up like that.
Q: I think if you wanted to see this as a dark past, it could definitely be seen
as that. Although it would be thankful if people understood this process,
there’s no possibility for that. Now, let’s talk about ‘God Rap’.
RM: ‘God Rap’ undoubtedly received a lot of influence from Nas as well.
Should I call it the hidden beauty of Nas? I thought of Nas’ vibe a lot while
making it. To be honest, I thought a lot when I was trying to give it a title.
Because there’s already Eminem’s ‘Rap God’. However, ‘God Rap’ isn’t
something where I’m shouting out that “I’m the god of rap.” The story is
completely different. It talks about how there is no god in the world, and that
the only gods are ourselves. It’s the thought that the only thing that picks my
fate is my own self.
Q: Do you not have a religion?

RM: No, I don’t.
Q: Are you Atheist?

RM: Yes.
Q: For things that talk about religious or are related to gods remind me of
Joey Bada$$’s ‘Christ Conscious’. Did you happen to make a reference to
that?
RM: Ah, I didn’t refer to that song. If anything, like I previously said, I received
influence from Nas. However, now that I listen to it, it seems like there’s a
connection (laughter). I did normally listen to ‘Christ Conscious’ a lot too.
Q: Now let’s talk about controversies and issues. ‘No More Dream’, which is
your debut song that talked about the realities of education, received a lot
of criticism, saying that it was ‘clearly a business method since H.O.T days of
idol groups that are worn and can be seen through’.
RM: For this problem, there’s already a solution within me. My thoughts is
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that people in their 10’s are the same now as they were back then. They
continue to not have dreams, don’t want to study, and have no idea what it is
that they want to do. They just want to become a civil servant or make a lot of
money. I believe that it’s the same now as it was when ‘Warrior’s Descending’
came out. That’s why we’re just trying to plainly express the reality of now. “A
student that just studies hard even though they don’t have a dream” is
exactly who I was. It’s not something I was trying to pull out old stories for,
but something that was purely my own story.
Q: I saw that you studied well during your school days.
RM: I felt like I had to do something. I believed in the words that, “If you don’t
study now, then you’re unable to succeed later on.” That’s why I studied
really hard. The only thing I enjoyed from studying was the sense of
achievement and superiority. I didn’t like studying itself. To be honest, when I
wrote the lyrics for ‘No More Dream’, I received multiple rejections from Bang
Sihyuk CEO. I wrote about money and a lot of other toics, but he said that it
didn’t seem like our true stories. After going back and back again, I ended up
being able to write what I truly felt.
Q: It makes me have this thought. There can definitely be criticisms towards

‘No More Dream’ from the historical viewpoint of idols or from the flow of
the music industry. Since no one needs to know the reason or meaning for
the creation. However, if that’s really your own personal story, I think
there’s a hip-hop side to that from the context of it being ‘real’.
RM: Although I believe that I can receive criticism, I don’t have any
embarrassment towards the lyrics for that song. It was really my story.
Q: You shouted, “Westside Till I Die” during ‘If I Ruled The World’.
RM: That’s well. I was really wrong then (laughter). After the album came out
and I listened to it, I thought “Ah”. I think I was immersed in the emotions
while recording and ended up shouting like that.
Q: What’s the specific reason why you feel you were wrong?
RM: First off, I didn’t even live in the ‘west side’… And even if that song had a
G-Funk sound, what I shouted wasn’t the way to respect the west coast hip-
hop musicians. I believe there are many meanings inside the words “Westside
Till I Die”. Sweat, struggles, pride, etc. Isn’t it a phrase that compressed all
these factors of life.
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Q: Are you saying that you overlooked the weight and complex undertones
that the phrase has within hip-hop?
RM: That’s right. I believe it’s different from words like “Yo!” or “Check It!”. As
a result, I was thoughtless.
Q: Are you admitting it to be a mistake?
RM: Further than a mistake, it was a wrong. I have nothing to say.
Q: Then let’s talk about the battle(?) with Bobby. What started it?
RM: Bobby made references to me a few times on Show Me The Money. He

seemed to enjoy using words like ‘sangnamja (T/N: true man, also the title for
‘Boy in Luv’) and ‘leading a fast life’ (T/N: pronounced as Bangtang). Saying
“Like a true man, I lead a fast life” isn’t a common mix of words, right? I
thought that it wasn’t just a coincidence. He not only attacked Bangtan, but
Boyfriend as well. It was the context of, “Everything you guys messed up, I’ll
show it all here.” However, I didn’t even have much thoughts on it at that
point either. I just thought, Bobby probably just dislikes us. However, on his
lyrics for ‘Come Here’, there were lyrics that seemed to be targeting us again.
“I live a fast life, there’s no need for pretty boys / They call me a monster, I
never called myself that / You guys like a full-length mirror much better than a
basement dungeon / If my skills were looks, then I would look like Wonbin in
front of a bulletproof mirror.” But to be honest, Bobby isn’t really a Wonbin…
(laughter)
Q: Then is he Hyunbin?
RM: Anyways, these lyrics were the third time. I felt like I would be an idiot if I
just endured it till the third time. If I didn’t give feedback in any way, then it
would also be insulting to fans, and I personally couldn’t let it pass as well.
Truthfully, I was planning to use lyrics from my [RM] mixtape on the MAMA
stage. However, after listening to ‘Come Here’, I quickly changed the lyrics to
reply to Bobby. And then as people caught onto those lyrics, it ended up
becoming a hot topic. However, I personally respect Bobby. He does really
well on stage. Although I don’t think his raps are exceptional or that he has a
wide spectrum, his ability to dominate the stage is good, and he has a cool
style of hip-hop that rappers aren’t able to achieve. And the fact that he won
SMTM whether or not he had his company’s power or not is definitely
something that confirmed himself.
189
Q: It became a topic whether it was a diss round or battle.
RM: I think it became an even larger topic, because both Bobby and I are in
the category of idols. I also felt like they were putting us together to fight
(laughter). However, it wasn’t to that point.
Q: I heard you guys greeted each other behind MAMA.
RM: After the performance ended, I went down but Bobby high-fived me
from behind the stage. He said that he mouthed my lyrics and saw it well. I
found out that when I was performing on stage, Bobby was watching me
attentively.
Q: If you push and see that situation, I feel like Bobby’s mind is very hip-
hop. Doesn’t it seem like he realizes that it’s both a competitor and game
that forms within music?
RM: That’s exactly it. That’s exactly what I want to say, but people don’t
understand it well. Our fans are worried that we’ll end up fighting like this
(laughter). However, I hope that they realize that it’s not like that.
Q: Pushing aside who’s good or bad or whose side you’re on or not, I think
it’s just nice to see. I feel like you guys would give synergy to each other too.
RM: That’s true. Wasn’t Swings’ ‘control crisis’ also a way to pull up all the
levels of everyone through competing musically. However, because Bobby
and I are both under the category of idols, I think it became a larger
controversy. I hope that many people are able to realize that within hip-hop,
this is a way to express yourself and that it’s natural.
Q: You did the MAMA stage with Zico. Did Zico give you this or that kind of
advice?
RM: I knew Zico hyung ever since I was a young child. I believe that hyung’s
actions in general show me a lot. It gives me help, but also stimulates me.
Q: What does idol group promotions mean to Rap Monster. A good step in
order to reach my goal? Something that’s actually my goal? Or just
something you ended up finding yourself doing?
RM: Although I’m not trying to be discourteous towards our fans or the group
190
itself, I think the closest definition would be something that I just found myself
doing. To be honest, my goal is very clear. It’s to have many people listen to
my music. I want to confirm my existence even more by standing on a large
stage. Honestly, I wanted to continue just studying prior to my debut.
However, the thing that brought me back to music again was this company
and this group. That’s why I don’t want to say idol group promotions are a
step towards my goal. This is because there’s just so much I’m receiving from
these promotions.
Q: Are you saying that at first, you just wanted to do music and just wanted
to rap?
RM: That’s right. However, when I was about to just concentrate on my

studies, I received a call from Untouchable’s Sleepy hyung, and I ended up
auditioning to this company through him. At first, BTS wasn’t within this kind
of format. It was in the format of YG’s 1TYM, where we wouldn’t dance. That’s
why I went into this group. Because they said that I would be able to rap in
such a large company like this. And at that period, I also was rejected from an
audition for Big Deal Records, so I was desperate. I thought that I had to do
this no matter what. It was the perfect company to work out my dream in
wanting to confirm my existence towards more people. However, as the
group’s format switched to an idol group, I had a lot of confusion. I also felt
191
really hopeless. However, I ended up somehow accepting it… And have come
up to here.
Q: The fact that you didn’t reject it could also be seen as a ‘passive choice’,
right?
RM: That’s right. I just… I think it was just fate to be lke this (laughter).
Honestly, I really hated dancing at first. Because I’m not good at it. I still Don’t
like dancing. However, the reason why I keep staying in this company is that
they said they would allow me to do my music with my lyrics and my rap, and
it’s slowly becoming a reality. It’s like that for BTS’ album and in my solo
works too. For example, the [RM] mixtape is really no different from just
myself. I believe that the company is keeping its promise with me. I liked hip-
hop, wanted to do rap, and wanted to stand on a large stage. As those three
interlinked, I came up to here. If you look at it in another angle… it’s
something that I chose.
Q: However, this is a world that clearly divides hip-hop between real and
fake, and has a compulsion towards its purity. Criticisms will continue to
exist.
RM: I completely understand. Sometimes I have that kind of critical mind to

myself as well. This is because there are times where I have to do things that I
don’t wish to. When I see other rappers’ lyrics of “I don’t do what I don’t like
to do”, I feel like it’s really cool and there’s also an envious side to me about
it. Like I said before, I understand that people have a critical mind towards my
position. And receive a lot of confusion too. However, because I believe that I
know about that aspect of hip-hop better than any one else, I’m trying my
best in order to be the most real I can in this situation. And more than
anything, I want to just have the largest amount of people possible listening
to my music. This is the biggest thing to me.
Q: The standards for ‘many people’ could differ for each person.
RM: That’s right. However, if someone were to ask me if I could just have my
music be played for many people no matter what method or way is used, I
would reply that that is not the case.
Q: As a result, ‘many people’ is your standard, and the things you’ve chosen
and set compromises on through your life till now is because it doesn’t
192
violate your own standards or values. However, your standards will

probably remain unmatched with others.
RM: I understand those people too. I believe they can definitely be like that.
However, I believe that the only thing that remains in the end is my music.
Q: Is there a criticism you agree with that relates to idol group promotions?
RM: There are many. Why do you do smoky makeup, why do you try to act
pretty on broadcast, etc. For hip-hop where purity is important and
masculinity plays a large part, I believe it’s definitely a critique that could
come out. So from some point, my self-conscious has been divided in half.
The reason why the cover for my [RM] mixtape is divided in black and white is
to show my two-faced self. I believe that there’s no improvement if you have
an inferiority complex and victim mentality. I decided upon the thought that I
can only find myself once I can admit to myself and approve that both sides
are sides of myself.
Q: However, towards the tradition of hip-hop that sets ‘actions’ as

something importance, they could be thinking that you’re receiving
everything possible through your idol group promotions and then try to act
hip-hop by releasing a solo mixtape. Criticisms that that’s a contradiction
and isn’t cool. Even if your mixtape’s completion level is high and is well-
made.
RM: I understand that thought. You can see it like that. However, I have a lot
of greed. The types of music I want to show are on this side and on that side.
Conclusively, if I’m able to make good music and people continue to look for
my music, won’t this kind of controversy get better… is my thought. I’m going
to not be wavered by things like that any more. I’ve been shook by it too
much up till now. When G-Dragon released ‘Heart Breaker’, I remember it.
The reactions to when that was released as opposed to ‘One of a Kind’ is
really like heaven and hell. Didn’t he do well like that? However, people that
dislike G-Dragon still continue to dislike him. There’s nothing you can do
about that (laughter).
Q: If there’s something final you want to say?
RM: I hope that you’ll definitely listen to this mixtape. Just download and click
it. Even if it’s to say bad things about it, I hope that you can listen to it at least
once.
193
Source: https://btsdiary.com/2015/03/25/interviewtranshiphopplaya-rap-
monster-even-if-its-to-say-bad-things-i-really-hope-you-would-listen-to-the-
mixtape-150324/
Source: HipHopplaya “Rap Monster: ‘Even if it’s to say bad things, I really
hope you would listen to the mixtape.”
Translation: BTSDiary.com [TRANS. CR; YASUIS @ TUMBLR (@ryuveiys)], both

sites have since been deleted
All Force One hip hop festival (September 20, 2015)
194
Rap Monster Vlog: March 31, 2015
First off, my mixtape came out. To be honest, the mixtape has been on
my mind since long ago. I started it in 2007 and it was around June when I
started writing lyrics. I released a mixtape in 8 years. I have a lot of regrets
and think I could have done better. I also feel accomplished. Most of the lyrics
are based off of me, because I figured I needed to reflect on myself. This could
be a risky way to reflect on myself, but in this moment I needed to organize
my colors.
Also, I collaborated with Tiger JK hyung, Bizzy hyung, and Mirae noona. It
was a very fun and fortunate thing. And also, I was able to feature in Primary
hyung’s song. This can be thanks to Yoongi hyung. And I’m also thankful for
the members who came during the mixtape shootings. I think I should work
hard thinking about my members. Through Problematic Men, I was able to
come up in the search rankings. I got a lot more attention from that than I
thought I would, so I’m thankful for that. I was lucky to be featuring in the US
and appearing in Problematic Men. Through that, I got a lot of synergy from
those and popularized both me and BTS. I’m happy that our names are getting
known. It made me feel like, ‘oh, it is time when people are beginning to
know us.’
At the same time, I worked on ‘The Most Beautiful Moment in Life’. It was
pretty tough. No albums before this have been as hard and difficult to put
together. Having a lot of individual activities and photoshoots might have
been the biggest reason. Also, the singing about the theme of trying to save a
dying relationship….. I think I had an experience like that, but I can’t
remember when exactly, so trying to immerse myself in that emotion was
difficult. It was just hard.
The songs should have been finalized by now. Once they are finalized, I
195
don’t listen to them anymore. I listened through all of them once and haven’t
since. Well, in the process of making the tracks, since it was generally hard, I
prepared the tracks lightly and didn’t try to make it so technical. Pretty much
all of them except the title track was done in one go. The album itself wasn’t
such a burden, it was just our outside activities.
This album may be lacking… for me, at least. But our members worked on
writing lyrics and producing, so they lifted a lot of weight off of me. Although
the others don’t have much in terms of individual schedules, they are slowly
picking up roles within the group. One by one, they’ll shine on their own soon I
believe. I’m happy about that.
Ah, I don’t know… February, March and April have been very strenuous
for me. Extremely strenuous. Just… I loved it. I enjoyed everything and learned
a lot. It was an unbelievable time in those two months. But as glorious as it
was, I’m mentally and physically drained. I don’t think I even slept 4-5 hours a
night in the past two weeks. It was maybe 2-3 hours of sleep? But I still do it
because the output is worth it.
About the album, I’m mixed with fear and anticipation. The title song
seems great and the stage looks cool, so I can’t wait. I’m waiting. I can’t wait
to see what will happen from here on. I wonder what kind of image I’m giving
off to people. I’m anticipating how we will appeal to people soon.
Even now, I’m still confused despite releasing a mix-tape. I did release my
chapter one, RM, but still don’t know. I solved one of my concerns, yet,
nothing is certain. Since I’m still at a loss, I’ll probably release another one. I’m
working on a new mixtape now; I have been since our album was finished. For
now, I want to cleanse my mind. Instead of trying to produce something, I
want to cleanse and work on it with an empty mind. But of course, that is a
difficult and ridiculous thing to do. At the same time, I believe it is a good
experience. Like scientists say about space that infinity and the infinitesimal
can be essentially the same thing, reflecting back on my troubled inner self can
be empty in itself. I’ll try not to be pessimistic about myself and instead work
guided by my gut feelings. Perhaps, it can lead to a better production than
before.
Anyways, if the most beautiful moment in my life is now— when I’m
shining most brightly — then I’m probably happy. I’m busy and tired and
confused, but I’m doing what I want to do and I’m able to show myself.
Once again, I want to say thanks to the members. I resolve to become
cooler, sexier. Fighting.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: June Subbed & Uploaded:
Nicole R & Sheena
196
HYYH/Wings ERA 2015-2017
Kim Namjoon 20—22 y/o
197
이사 (Moving On) (HYYH pt 1 — April 29, 2015)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, RM, SUGA, j-hope
[RM]
Ayo SUGA,
Do you remember when we first got here 3 years ago?
When you and I used to fight each other without any reason?
Wallpaper, bathroom, and veranda were all blue.
Back then I thought this was really a huge house,
But my ambition has grown too big,
a new house that used to look so big now feels so small.
17 pyeong [605 sq ft], 9 trainees, when we were small kids.
It feels like yesterday, but yes, we have grown up.
Everything good was always for someone else.
We would lose our voice worrying about the uncertain future.
We would get choked seeing senior singers perform at year-end award
ceremonies.
Let’s not forget but keep those pitiful moments.
This place smells like us.
Let’s not forget this scent wherever we are
We cried a lot, we laughed a lot, but it all was pretty beautiful.
Nonhyeondong 3rd floor, thank you.
[Chorus]
Let’s move,
Goodbye to this place that we became attached to.
Let’s move,
Now to a higher place.
As taking the last box from the empty room,
I look back for a moment,
Times when we cried and laughed, goodbye now.
[J-hope]
3 years felt both short and long.
Many things happened, many memories
hit me now that we’re about to leave.
The traces left like bank statements and credit cards,
We could get closer to each other thanks to the small house size.
Fight right here we would hit each other a few times.
Maybe that made us develop love and hate toward this place.
It’s going to be taken away like dust.
198
There is more stuff than the beginning.

There are more things I own than the beginning.
Now I’m going to take pride and aim at a bigger world, a bigger dream.
A new start, a new beginning.
A time of excitement, thinking how we will decorate again.
Move the boxes, place them, and dust them off.
After we’re done, let’s get a bowl of black bean noodle for our hard work.
That’s right.
[Chorus]
Let’s move,
Goodbye to this place that we became attached to.
Let’s move,
Now to a higher place.
As taking the last box from the empty room,
I look back for a moment,
Times when we cried and laughed, goodbye now.
[Suga]
For the first time in my life in mother’s womb,
I used to count the days until my first moving.
A vague memory, the cost of my moving was
a machine in my mom’s heart and a big scar.
In the winter of 2010 in Daegu,
a naive and childish me would measure the size of the world.
The cost of my moving into a house called ‘commercial’
was people pointing fingers at me accusing that I was following money.
Moving left me many things like this.
Whether or not I liked it, it changed a lot in my life.
My life is about paying monthly rent, I struggle, you know?
But my pride is to live every day risking the deposit,
so I’m moving again.
I’m about to dream something that is a level higher than just being an idol.
When would be the good day for moving?
I hope it’s soon.
[Chorus x2]
[RM]
Everyone’s afraid of changes.
Staying, moving on, staying, moving on,
We keep repeating the same things again and again.
I guess that’s life, I’m afraid.
199
Old or new, new or old, that isn’t really important.

What’s important is that we still breathe and live in the same place.
So let’s move on.
Top picture: BTS’s 1st anniversary dinner in the blue dorm Suga refers to.
Bottom picture: The larger dorm that I believe they were living in when they wrote
200this song.
I Need U (HYYH pt 1 — April 29, 2015)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, “Hitman” Bang, RM, SUGA, j-hope, Brother Su
Fall (Everything), Fall (Everything), Fall (Everything),

Everything scatters.
Fall (Everything), Fall (Everything), Fall (Everything),
Everything falls.
[Suga]
I’m becoming a mess because of you.
I’ll stop, I won’t have you anymore.
I can’t do it because it feels so shitty.
Please don’t make any excuses.
[J-hope]
You can’t do this to me.
Everything you’ve said is a blindfold,
It covers the truth, rips me apart, and spears me.
I get crazy, I hate it all.
Take everything away, I just hate you.
[Vocals]
But you’re my everything (You’re my)
Everything (You’re my)
Everything (You’re my)
Please just get away, Uh
I’m sorry (I hate you)
I love you (I hate you)
Forgive me (Shit)
I need you girl

Why do I love alone and say goodbye alone?
I need you girl
Why do I need you again, knowing that I’ll be hurt?
I need you girl You’re beautiful
I need you girl You’re so cold
I need you girl I need you girl (x2)
[RM]
It goes round & round, Why do I keep coming back?
I go down & down At this point, it must be that I’m a fool—
That I can’t help it no matter what I try.
201
Though I don’t understand why,

my own heart, mind, and feelings won’t listen to me.
I speak to myself again, I speak to myself again.
I speak to myself again, I speak to myself again.
You aren’t saying anything, oh please, I will do better,
The sky is so blue again .
[Vocals]
The sky is so blue and the sun is so bright
so my tears are more clearly seen.
Why do I love you, why does it have to be you,
why can’t I leave you?
I need you girl

I need you girl

I need you girl You’re so cold
I need you girl I need you girl
Girl, please say goodbye to me.

Girl, please say that the love wasn’t love.
I don’t have the courage to do it, so
give me this last gift
so I can’t go back anymore.
I need you girl

I need you girl
need you girl You’re so cold
My Note: In a tweet on May 7, NJ explained that the English “I need you girl”
sounds like the Korean “a-ni jul keol~”, which means “No, I might give”. He
continued: “Even so it has meaning to it. No, (I) might give~ my heart. [lyrics]
why did you love by yourself and leave by yourself~ (I) might give~~” (Trans:
Tiffany @bts-trans)
202
I Need U — DEMO VERSION

Released on “Proof” June 2022
Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, RM, Jung Kook, SUGA, Brother Su, j-hope
Fall Everything
Fall Everything
Fall Everything
Falls apart1
Fall Everything
Fall Everything
Fall Everything
Falls
[Suga]
The shadow of separation swallows me up tonight
Without even knowing why, I swallow my tears
A painful separation (separation)
My memories in full bloom (memories)
I feel as much pain as I did joy, so I can’t erase you
I hate you, goddamn
[RM]
To have lingering feelings is to have an ending that's not an ending.
It's when things remain.
A breakup is something that comes rushing in even if you try to stop it.
I can’t stop it at all.
Words like “a flower is the first song”, to the last separation.
The memories all scatter in the wind,
They break white into pieces, beautifully.2
I wish it was all just a lie instead, oh baby
I wish it was all just a lie instead
Your tears, your (unintelligible)
And even your smile
[J-hope]
You broke me and it together
Our promises flutter away in the spring wind
Who are you to decide that it’s the end all on your own?
You’re the one who said you were in love
203
[JK]
Such a cliche, so shameless
I know you’re going to throw me away
But still, don’t let go of my hand
na na na na na na
Don’t ever forget me oh
don’t you say (x4)
I know you’re going to throw me away
I know
[RM]
Your tears, your (unintelligible)
And even your smile oh
**Transcription cr; Faith | Translation cr; Aditi | Spot Check cr; Faith, Annie
& Rinne @ bts-trans
BTS Trans Note: Demo songs are an early step in the music making process
used to present the general idea of a song. The lyrics may not always make
sense as they are often just placeholders for the artists to reference flow or
melodies before the actual recording.
1
My Note: This may or may not be a reference to the poem “The Second
Coming” by W.B. Yeats, which opens with the lines:
Turning and turning in the widening gyre1

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
“Things Fall Apart” is also the title of a novel by Chinua Achebe, who titled the
book after the poem.
2
This reminds me of cherry petals blowing in the wind. In his April 19, 2017,
he talks about the ephemeral nature of cherry blossoms: “I suddenly won-
dered why the cherry blossoms bloom and fall away so quickly.”
204
Hold Me Tight (HYYH pt 1 — April 29, 2015)

Written by Slow Rabbit, Pdogg, V, RM, SUGA, j-hope, Kim Bunchang
[RM]
As I empty my glass, it gets filled up with my longing for you.
I should have just given in, why did I try to argue over it?
Even a trash bag thrown in the streets
makes a lonely sound in the wind.
All I did was to just paint you over my white canvas,
As I come to my senses, I realize it’s already a beautiful drawing.
You and I are like cellphones—
When it falls, you know it’ll break.
Only the smell of you can complete me;
hold me now.
[Vocals]
I see only you.
I see nothing but you.
Look I’m fair and impartial to everyone but you.
Even for a day I can’t do anything without you, please,
Hold me tight. Hug me.

Can you trust me, can you trust me, can you trust me?
Hold me tightly into your arm.
Can you trust me, can you trust me?
Please, please, please, hold me tightly into your arms.
You still shine bright.

You still feel like a fragrant flower.
Trust me now and hold me again.
Hold me tightly into your arms so that I can feel you.
I can’t breathe without you,
I’m nothing without you.
Please open my closed mind and drench my heart.
[J-hope]
Your arms, your warmth, your heart,
I pray that I want to see them again.
At this moment, even the warm flower-scented wind
and even the clear sky without a single speck of cloud
feels cold. And even the clear sky feels dark.
205
I’m a dead body without you, how would I breathe?

I’m hurt always. Cry, cry, cry.
I get crazy, I get tired without you.
I think of you frequently.
I h- hate everything I h- hate everyday.
It makes me cry, ring ding dong.
If I get a chance, I’d hold you.
I’d run, start countdown.
With my mind determined to be pricked by a thorn on rose-like you,
I hold you again.
[Vocals]
I see only you.
I see nothing but you.
Look I’m fair and impartial to everyone but you.
Even for a day I can’t do anything without you, please,

[Suga]
Your cold facial expression says it all.
I face our parting that comes to me like the rising tide.
Though I know it’ll soon be our last, I can’t let you go.
Don’t say anything, don’t leave me, hold me quietly, girl.
[Vocals]
You still shine bright.

You still feel like a fragrant flower.
Trust me now and hold me again.
Translation: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com, Genius.com, edited

206
Twitter posts: July 14, 2015
How am I and how are you
“Self-esteem is believing that you are an important person who deserves to be

loved and that if you work hard, you have the potential to pursue your
dreams. Even if you’re not first place and have outstanding looks, if you have
the capability to love yourself for who you are and be optimistic about it, then
you can say that you truly have a strong sense of self-esteem.”
Our hearts are like a game of zero-sum. The person who gives or empties can
also receive and fill themselves up!
To know that you are entitled to be loved is knowing that you too can also
give to your heart’s content
Trans cr; Wonnie @ bts-trans
Twitter post: July 26, 2015

“The rashness of youth” [+picture on the next page]
Picture translation:
Lake [Title]
If onto my memories that are folded like squares

you let the lake pour, drop by drop
Time gets wet

Endlessly wet
Wandering through my memories of Alaska

Who am I
Every moment becomes the past

And so does the future
207
Even though I know that, I regret, hesitate, and fear

A life just like a horror movie.
The lake doesn’t dry up.
Trans cr; Mary, Ria & Sevina @bts-trans & an unknown translator, edited
together (jpeg of unknown translation can be found on
btsinterviews.wordpress.com)
Picture included in tweet.

208
U (August 12, 2015 by Primary, ft Kwon Jin-ah & RM)

Written by OOHYO, Primary, RM, Suran, Kim Hyun-seung
Produced by Primary
included Namjoon’s verse only
[Verse 4: Rap Monster]

‘I’ll be your underline because you’re important,’
‘I’ll make your name my dying message,’
I can’t say romantic things like that.
I’ve thought about it but I’ve never been checked.
You keep featuring in my daily life —
This is my solo album, why do you keep interfering in every track?
You keep on scratchin, you rappin, you beatin my whole life.
Confessing my love? I don’t know.
When I lay down with loneliness, my bed keeps getting bigger.
No matter how much I roll around, it’s lonely.
Cuz your lips and your thighs and your everything fine,
You look good with me, I want your everything mine.
Oh sh*t, I’m not usually like this.
But I become a fool in your maze.
I keep getting lost but my destination is set on you anyway
You’re my destination, destiny and definition
209
210
It has been revealed that BTS has cancelled their hi-touch event after the death
threats on BTS member Namjoon also known as Rap Monster.
On July 16, BTS has cancelled their hi-touch and photo-op events in New York
City for their “The Red Bullet US” nationwide tour after recent Twitter posts which
has went viral. The said Twitter posts where death threats on Rap Monster.
The Tweet saying, “Just brought my gun, it’s about to go down RIP namjoon.
#TRBinNYC” along with a photo of a toy gun has immediately gained the attention of
BTS fans.
Another Twitter user has also posted a death threat to Rap Monster, “Namjoon
oppa better watch out, I’m coming for him lol #TRBinNYC” along with a photo of
herself holding a gun.
Source: https://www.kpopmusic.com/artists/bts-cancelled-their-hi-touch-event-
after-the-death-threats-on-member-rap-monster.html
Note: Namjoon was 20 years old. Another death threat occurred ten days later in
Mexico. One article headlined, “Rap Monster collecting death threats like taxes.”
211
ReturnNamjoon’s tweet 2
to Table of Contents days after death threats:
212
213
Fan Café post: August 27, 2015

“Love yourself.”
This phrase is easy to say but at the same time it’s hard. What in the
world is the real definition of love and how many colors of love are there?
Love seems like a prism. It may be that the phrase (“love yourself”) can only
be spoken by those who truly love themselves. But for the majority of people,
those words (“love yourself”) seem like a heat shimmer that’s unattainably
flickering.
So the keywords of love that I embodied, from my point of view, are

‘courage’ and ‘forgiveness’. It could be that we don’t have the courage to
honestly face the ugly sides of ourselves. So if one day we can muster up the
courage to fully face ourselves, then in the end, maybe we can truly start
loving ourselves. I suddenly thought that everything starts from that courage:
a word that meant nothing to me recently has become extremely special.
An interesting thing is that courage can also mean ‘vessel’. That’s why it
holds an even larger special place within me. In the end, what is important is
the kind of vessel that holds the heart. What kind of vessel might I be….
During a recent interview, I was asked what kind of life I want to live in
the long run. I told them that I want to live a life in which I can forgive myself. I
don’t know how much the interviewer understood me, but they nodded so I
was very grateful. There is nothing braver than forgiveness. I want to live a
life with full forgiveness, not that I merely pat myself on the head, but one
where I can eventually forgive all of myself. Loving myself may just be
forgiving myself.
As endless waves of time pass by, I suddenly thought that although there
is no one who is identical to me, there are a lot more people who are similar
to me than I think. So dear, don’t cry, thinking ‘there is no one similar to me,
there is no one who can understand me.’ If you, dear, have a warm heart,
then there is definitely a person out there somewhere with a heart of similar
warmth who will appear in your life. Someday that will happen, since there is
nothing greater or more admirable than living with a warm heart.
There are definitely, definitely certain things in this world that happen out
of our control.
So we, let us forgive ourselves.
Translation: @vely_bts and 2-gehl.tumblr.com, edited

214

‘I usually drink cappuccino; I drink café latte when I need a little comfort, and I
drink americano when I really need comfort.’
These are the type of words I would’ve written in cyworld (a Korean

blogging site) around 2008-2009 (when he was in middle school). It seems like
‘2nd year of junior high sickness’ (a term for the self-conscious stage in
puberty), but I don’t care. To be able to be back in the heart of a 2nd year
student is not that bad. However I distinguish it, I love people who can do that.
I should write about this later on—
When I was a seventeen year old trainee, I used to go in and out of cafes,
unlike other kids.1 I liked sitting there to death, and talking to friends about
issues that weren’t even issues, talking about life. I liked cosplaying as an adult;
it felt as though I were a part of society? I used to drink macchiato back then
(because it’s sweet) and switched to americano. Who was it? One of my
friends said americano is just coffee! Back then when I didn’t know anything, I
thought that was really cool. He would talk about the bitterness of life, etc.,
and after drinking it there was a good taste to it. It took me a year to figure it
out. Anyway—
It took me a longer time to figure out that different types of coffee are
mixes of bitter espresso, or water, or milk. After knowing that, I drank
cappuccino for 2-4 months, café latte for 2-4 months, then americanos. My life
had a rhythm. It’s stupid, but addiction is like that. It brushes though, soaks in,
and tinges things. Now, without drinking two cups, I become tired. I don’t even
earn a lot of money, but about $5 gets spent. I still don’t like milk even at 22.
Coffee has had meaning for me since before. Is that just a bluff? I don’t know.
When I drink alone, sitting, or walking alone, I look back again and again. With
or without music, it is good. That’s just my world.
Espresso to americano, cappuccino, café latte. They all have significant

taste. Sometimes americano tastes like barley tea. Really. But it’s still bitter.
But sometimes it’s not bitter at all. Normally, I like cappuccino that isn’t like
that. I feel like café lattes will make me fat. But if the day was a little hard, then
lattes are also good. When I drink a latte, it feels like it is hugging me. It is
warm. I feel like I’m writing a professional coffee magazine right now.
I wonder what I was thinking in order to be talking about new things for
hours with my friends and other people, what type of coffee I ordered and
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drank. I remember the ‘younger me’ who wanted to give off this feeling on
two cups of coffee. Coffee is lighter than alcohol and heavier than water. A
long time ago I hated coffee and beer because they are bitter, but I really feel
like I need them now, so I feel like I’ve become an adult. Don’t you think so?
You probably hated americano and beer in some part of your life.
Maybe you hate it now. Frankly, I hate it sometimes. Like grumbling.
With what feelings do I drink coffee nowadays? During days when I can’t
laugh or cry, what type of coffee should I drink? I sometimes pace back and
forth in front of the menu board. But still, I usually drink cappuccino; I drink
café latte when I need a little comfort, and I drink americano when I really
need comfort.
I don’t drink iced coffee often. It hurts my head. Seeing that, I might drink
coffee just to discover more. But $5 is a bit too expensive, don’t you think?
End of diary.
Translation: jueunjojo.tumblr.com
1
The other members have mentioned in interviews that pre-debut Namjoon
frequently asked them to one-on-one hang outs at cafes to talk about
different things.
216

22nd street.
Today’s post is a little bit long.
In 2009, when I was 16 [15 international age], I listened to Younha’s

‘22nd Street’ and I kept imagining how my life would be like when I am 22
years old. At that time, I thought I would go to a university, get a part time
job, and go to the military just like others. That’s how I vaguely imagined it.
It’s important to protect and defend my faith and be the owner of my
own life. Also, it’s important that we live like the Earth, living with rotations.
It’s unavoidable. Whether you like it or not, we belong to this world in which
we live, which both rotates on its own and constantly revolves around
something at the same time. That’s what I’ve been thinking lately.
The things that happen in this world are out of your control.
Nowadays, a certain someone says to me: “There are many people who
want to live special lives and have spent almost their entire life trying
helplessly and fail. So I should know that people like that exist.”
I’m thankful, but, unfortunately, I’ve never been the type of person to
dream of an extraordinary life. Even now, I don’t regard my life that way. I’ve
just experienced different things compared to others, and, in exchange, have
had to give up certain things. It’s just a different path of life—a narrow,
rugged path that people don’t easily walk, full of many thorny bushes. It is a
path that I didn’t want, but at the same time wanted, and eventually I came
to walk on it. This is how I’ve ended up walking my 22nd street of life.
Even as a child, I always worried a lot. I don’t remember all the useless
things I worried about in that small world, but as I grew up, I was called a
‘elderly-child’ countless of times.
It’s blurry now… similarly, the things I’m holding onto will eventually
become blurry as time passes, right? I will probably hold onto different
thoughts again. I sincerely like time—time that helplessly slips by like the
sand.
Even though there may be many worries and thorn bushes and
crocodiles, I like my life that may be slightly different from that of an average
person. Good or bad, I can influence many people. For a child who wanted to
be recognized, that feeling of touching people’s hearts was a light in my life. I
think it’s possible that even if I wasn’t into music or wasn’t an idol, I would
probably still endlessly be craving other’s attention. So, in the end, I would
217
still be walking down a similar path.

Oh right. In a week, I have a performance [Air Force One]. It has been
almost 6 years since my song and my rap have made it onto the stage. You
don’t believe me, do you? It’s true. August 2009 was the first summer that I
stood as “Runch Randa” and said that I’d do my best so that the audience
wouldn’t regret coming. I prepared everything the best I could and the
audience screamed their heads of when the MC called me. I was really
nervous.
That’s why this birthday is a little bit special. The middle school student
Runch Randa from 2009 finally now became 22 year old Rap Monster of 2015.
I do have regrets, but I don’t regret it. Twenty-two years old, my world is
like this. Everything is nothing, nothing is everything. I feel like this universe if
full of contradictions.
But if there is a scale that can measure a heart, I want my scale to say I’m
a little happier. Therefore I can move on, therefore I can tie my shoelaces,
therefore I can smile.
I also want the people who love me to do the same. I don’t know if
you’ve done that if you have anything that weighs you down.
How about your 22nd path? How was it? What would you do again? I
hope there’s someone who can give me a few warm words. If so, then the
path will feel like a good path! And I really like my 22nd path, fortunately.
Thank you for being on this path with me. I feel that heart is greater than
anything else in the world. I love you all.
— Namjoon Translation: letmesuga, 2-gehl tumblrs
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Vlog: September 20, 2015

An All Force One log I’m filming at home. What’s the date? September
20th.
It feels like I’ve finally debuted as Rap Monster. Since it’s the first time
I’ve done something alone I wanted to
say that today is the day of my 2nd
debut. I also brought Suga-hyung and
Hobi. Many people ask why — just, I
think that they’re curious why I brought
them as hidden guests. It’s just because
at first I was a little like, well, Suga-
hyung and Hobi are equal members.
But if I bring them as my hype men or
back up, I thought “wouldn’t they
dislike it a little?” Wouldn’t it be
strange?
How other people would see it, I
worried about that a little. I was going
to use other friends. But Suga-hyung
and Hobi are the people I trust the
most and we’ve done lots of fun tracks
together. I asked them to do it.
Thankfully they said ‘okay’ and said
they wanted to do it. So I was really thankful and relieved.
After it ended, hmmmmmmmm, I told Hobi and Suga-hyung that if either
of them get to do a solo like this too, I could go as back up five times or more.
Well, if that’d be helpful. And thanks to them, I was kind of—I think I was able
to do it relatively easily. Rapping alone for 40 minutes is really difficult. I could
have done things like “Throw Away” and “Cypher” so more crazily and
excitedly; I don’t think I did that well in that part, so I was a little
disappointed. But after it ended and the staff came, they said “it was really
cool even though you did it alone for 40 minutes,” “it was amazing” and, well,
“let’s see you again next time.” So it was really nice.
In it’s own way, I think it was a successful performance. Also, something
that I enjoy was when I was rapping for 40 minutes with my own songs —
really the price to be in the audience wasn't cheap, well other than money
219
although money is important too, the fact that somebody made the time to
come and listen to my songs — to those few-hundred people who came, uh,
really, I thought it was something for me to be really thankful for.
And also, because of that, I wanted to show them Suga and Hobi as the
hidden guests, like a present, I wanted to give like a surprise guest to the
crowd and show them the side of use working together too. To the people in
the front and the people who came to watch, I’m really thankful. Anyways, I
was really thankful for those who worked hard with me. Well, although it was
a little disappointing, it made me think about the past.
Really, it really made me think a lot about 6 years ago, doing street
performances and club performances in front of a few tens of people. And it
was really, really extremely enjoyable. Really, it’s when I could really, really
fly. I was really, really happy. I want to do performances like this often in the
future as well. As long as there’s time. The end.
Anyways, I’m really thankful to everyone who came. It was an amazing
day. Suga, J-hope, thank you. Namjoon, thank you. I love myself, me.
Namjoon, I love you.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Sihyun, Subbed & Uploaded:
Wendy
220
Running.
Maybe it’s Cheongdam? I’m writing this post in a drive-in theater in some
place with a fishy smell.
It feels like I’ve been running for an hour. These days I like to run, I don’t
really have sad days, but I have days when I suddenly feel like crying. It could
be when I’m working or anytime.
It was long ago that I could cry so much. When was it that I stopped
crying even when I felt like crying? Now, if I even feel like crying once, I can’t
shake it off for the whole day. But I get better after running awhile. It doesn’t
fully disappear, but I feel like the wind leads me to somewhere instead.
And once I run, it’s like I pass the dead point so I can’t stop running. I feel
like someone is spinning my legs like a wheel. Even if I want to stop, it would
be a waste after running that far. I won’t rest for long and will continue
running so that it won’t be too difficult. I’ll run like crazy. I think life is the
same.
Now I’m going to run like crazy back home again. I came here with my
legs, I’ll go back again with my legs.
When I listen to Sunwoo Jung Ah’s ‘It’s Crooked,’ I keep on running and
running. If you guys ever feel like crying too, try going to Han River or any
221
parks and run like crazy, like you have nothing to lose, you don’t know where
the wind will lead you.1
These days, the weather is best for running.
I hope today will be the same for the rest.
Ah, fighting.
Translation: letmesuga.tumblr.com, picture from Namjoon’s fancafe post
1
My Note: “Run” would be released in their next album, HYYH pt2, on Nov 30.
Lyrics of “It’s Crooked”

by Sunwoo Jung Ah (popgasa.com)
How does my face look right now? Your shoulder is always next to me so I
I’m always feeling suffocated and can lean on it
frustrated You try to look into my eyes and hold
How can everyone maintain my hands
Such peaceful looking faces? We’re definitely in the same place
But we’re going in different directions,
I’m sure the weight of the world I can’t hold you
Isn’t just pressing down on me
But my head feels so heavy, I can’t [Chorus]
smile
Why are you coming to me? So I’m sorry to the beauty
You’re holding out your hand to go To the bright light that shines through
together the darkness
But I can’t grab it To the eyes that preciously looks at me
To your scars that have gotten crooked
[Chorus] because of me
I’m looking at the world backwards
Then I’m saying everything is wrong You’re looking at, who is standing
The world and the people who are backwards
around me Then you tell me, you look tired
They’re all crooked The world and the people who are
No, it’s just me around me
Please tell me how I can go in their
What I’m stepping on right now, is it direction together
land?
Is it the sky? I don’t know [Chorus]
Everything I can see right now
Is it real? I’m dizzy
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For a while I’ve wanted to write a song about the topic “goodbye.”
After growing up, one day I started to not really like saying goodbye. After
seeing people I love then leaving and going home, hearing ‘goodbye’ would
deeply stain my heart. For some reason—like in movies or novels—it would
seem like the end, like the person was saying it without any meaning. My
mood was just weird. Instead, ‘see you then’ and ‘see you later’ are better.
I’ve tried time and time again to write a song about goodbye but keep
failing. From the beginning to the end it is a hateful word. Where is there
something funnier and crueler than this? But what’s even worse is that it’s a
world I’ve felt before.
Whenever I would receive ‘goodbye’, my heart would drop. After a while I
became afraid, thinking… even though something probably won’t happen,
could it be the end? Because horror makes imagination. Where could such
feelings have possibly originated from?
Goodbye is definitely one of the first words we learn in our childhood, so
now I’m curious as to what meaning your ‘goodbye’ has. Because it is such a
popular word, it could be a dull word with no meaning, or it could be a happy
start, or it could be traumatic. I just wanted to say that I’ve made an
interesting discovery—that completely from start to finish, I found the world.
Goodbye
Goodbye?
Goodbye!
Goodbye,
Goodbye.
Goodbye..
Goodbye…
Just one period, one exclamation mark can give a totally different
emotion. That is the world and life I think about. Another funny thing, another
meaning that comes with goodbye is our safety and condition. In other words,
we become that in itself. Advancing, reversing, and neutrality are all
calculations we have. This greedy person!
Translation: @btsfc
223

(November 7th was the Melon Music Awards, where BTS won the “Best Male
Dance” for “I Need U”. They were nominated for, but did not win, ‘Top 10
Artists’. The previous ten days had been packed with shows: Asia Youth K-Pop
Festival 10/31, K-Pop Jeju Festival, Asia Dream Concert, 17th Korea & China
Song Festival, Sports World’s 10th Anniversary ’Hope Concert’)
Thankful.
Sometimes, especially during big events where people come and go, I feel
empty. Definitely I am one of the main characters there; I won’t be ignored
completely, but sometimes I feel like that. Honestly, I can’t tell if the empty
feeling is loneliness, inferiority, a sense of loss, or depression. But it doesn’t
matter that much.
Running until I’m out of breath for two and a half years, either by myself
or with other, I think I’ve changed and achieved a lot but at the same time it
feels like I didn’t do anything at all. When I feel that way, it seems like my
feeling of emptiness is large. I feel like I’m lost. Even if I’ve prepared
everything, I don’t know what else to do. It feels like my body is following
everything, but my heart is following the clouds.
But nevertheless, despite all of that, I still feel thankful.
Numbness, and emptiness, they are just a sense of feeling like being
touched on the skin. I’m probably receiving love from people.
So let’s run.1 Whatever I’m doing, wherever I’m heading, even if I don’t
know a single thing, I’ll think about the fact that you are looking at me and
listening to me. I’m quite happy. It’s a good feeling.
Now BTS is finding their place too. Even if we keep looking back
repeatedly, wandering in and out, I trust you to look after us like this again,
and I’ll do the same for you. Nevertheless, I think we will all be okay.
I’m doing good. Got an award. I feel good. I hope tomorrow will be the
day that I be myself, and you be yourself a little bit more.
Thankyou. I’m rambling but this is me right now!
I’m truly grateful.
Translation: @btsfc
1
My Note: “Run” would be released in their next album, HYYH pt2, on Nov 30.
224
November 5, 2015
I feel that sometimes people should be respected just for being alive and
existing.
Translation: Mary @bts-trans
HYYH Concert (Day 1), Namjoon Endments

November 27, 2015
Everyone says that we’re all in our most beautiful moments. And we
really are, but I wanted to look at the meaning behind that. What’s the
meaning of Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa? Why did we decide to name the album
that? What do we think Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa really means? So I looked up the
Chinese letters. The letters literally mean ‘flower’, ‘shape’, ‘year’, and
‘shining’.
What does that mean? It may sound like a flower shape is shining in the
sun. But the actual meaning is—there’s a Chinese movie named the same:
“Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa”. The first two letters together mean ‘like a flower’, and
the next two letters mean a ‘period of time.’ So a ‘blooming period of time.’ It
means the most beautiful period of time in your life.
I like how the phrase starts and ends with the same letter, Hwa. It starts
with a flower and ends with shining. What our members say about the phrase
is nothing is too special. It can be our youth. Maybe it’s a period of time
where something big happens. I think it’s always in our minds though. If you
know and feel this moment truthfully with the heart, and if you’re ready to
accept the moment, then from the time you are born, your entire life can be
beautiful. If someone doesn’t know, then their life is never beautiful how rich,
how famous, or how successful their life is.1
225
So when we talk about the most beautiful moment in life, maybe you can
think about your own beautiful moments again. I mean, it’s a transition period
for many people, right? So many young people are suffering—trying to get a
job, or—like in my lyrics— we’re giving up many things. But even in that
transition period, you can think that happiness is not something that you have
to achieve. You can still feel happy during the process of achieving something.
So if you change the perspective a little bit, I know many people are going
through difficult times right now. But this moment can be the most beautiful
moment of our lives. I’m not just saying this. I really wish you would think
that. Yes, so if you guys can feel the most beautiful moment in life, I’m sure
from this moment till we die, our entire life will be beautiful.
Source: @renkiger_ on twitter
1
My Note: Namjoon’s fan café post on May 10, 2016 develops these ideas a
bit more — exploring how he’s trying to not let any “emotion slip by him
carelessly” whether it’s “despair, comfort, hope, or wonder.”
226

November 28, 2015
I thought a lot about what to say. First of all, my dad who goes to work
every day, my mom who is a realtor, my little sister, even the stray cats and
dogs on the street, or even the rocks—we all have the galaxy in our hearts.
But there are some people who never find that out until they die. Hwa Yang
Yeon Hwa pt 1 and 2 that we made, I said they are the risk and energy. I told
that story because I wish you would find your own galaxy.
Really, HYYH means the most beautiful moment in your life. The phrase
begins with ‘flower’ and ends with ‘shining’. It’s beautiful. Beautiful moments.
But what is beautiful?
Something can be beautiful because there’s something horrible [or
darkness]. So, there are tough times. ‘Life can be tough or it can be good, so
just hang in there,’ that’s not what I mean. If you can accept that those tough
times are part of beautiful moments in life, I think you can truly understand
our Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa and we will be very proud of you, ARMY.
And I think my personal beautiful moment is how I can be on the stage
right now in front of my mom and dad and my little sister and tell so many of
our fans my story. In front of my parents, I’m telling our fans my own story.
I’m a little piece of this world, but I’m having some kind of effect on people
227
and helping them, which makes me a proud son. That’s the beautiful moment
of my life.
And lastly, when you listen to our Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa, ‘Hwa Yang Yeon
Hwa’ kind of sounds like a flower, so I hope you find yourself a flower
blooming in your heart—maybe even the galaxy—and feel comforted by our
songs.
I love you.
228

November 29, 2015
There are three things I realized while making Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa and
today Is the time to tell you the third. I mean this will summarize everything I
wanted to say. What I want to say is that the word is now… I don’t know.
Adults say things about the current society and compare it with old times.
Maybe the world has always been like that. But there is a lot of anger in the
world. [crowd: “Yes.”] The Chinese letter that means “fire” is “Hwa”. There
are many fiery people. And there are many disputes between people. They
persuade people, still in their youth, to give up. New words describe how our
society says that we didn’t have motivation in the first place. They blame
everything on us. I think the current society is kind of like that right now.
That’s what youth is these days—all of those discouraging words. It
made me really sad. When I read your letters, there are some people who are
going through really tough times right now. Who have troubles and problems.
Some people are more fortunate than others. But we all experience
difficulties since we’re born, right? We all have different kinds of troubles, but
nobody wants to give up in the beginning. We didn’t lose our dreams
229
because we wanted to give up. We didn’t go after our dreams because we

knew we’d give up. That’s how society is right now, and it’s really sad. I felt
frustrated as a younger person in today’s society. That’s how I started to
make HYYH.
I really like the phrase Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa because it has two ‘hwa’s.
One means a ‘flower’, the other means ‘shining’. The letter ‘hwa’ can also
mean ‘harmony’. Hwa is a pretty letter and it has pretty meanings. It may all
sound the same, but it depends on how you look at it. If you look at it
differently, it will mean something different to you.
The HYYH we’re telling you is a message to comfort everyone: whether
you are a celebrity, a student, or working in the real world. We’re all living
together in the same moment. Whether you’re a teenager or in your
twenties. So you can still love your life through that. The songs like “Moving
On” or “Dope” tell the story about society and what we think about it. You’ll
know once you listen to the album. We wanted to give a message to comfort
you in our own way. We hope that it gets through to everyone. There is too
much anger in this world, but don’t think that others are only going to hurt
you or blame them for everything bad. “This is too much. I can’t handle it, I’m
too angry,” Don’t think like that. Try to remember what we think our own
Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa means. The letters sound the same, but I wish you can
make the best out of it in a most beautiful way.
There’s a hidden track in our first album [‘On the Start Line’] in which I
tell you that I go across a desert and a sea many times a day. I see so much
anger within myself, and in other people. I feel discouraged many times and I
get disappointed in myself. Whoever you are, whatever you do, I think
everyone feels the same. I hope that when you listen to HYYH 2 that comes
out tonight, you can gather the anger within you, and the anger you see in
other people, and turn it into something flowery and shining so that your
youth can shine like a flower.
That’s what I hope.
Thank you.
230
Run (HYYH pt 2 — Nov 30, 2015)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, “Hitman” Bang, RM, SUGA, V, Jungkook, j-hope
You’re my one and only sun, the one and only in the world.
Though I’ve bloomed towards you, I keep getting thirsty.
It’s too late, too late, I can’t live without you.
Even if my branch dries out, I stretch my hand out even harder. 1
Even if I stretch my hand out, I’ll soon wake from the dream, dream, dream.
Even if I run like crazy, I’ll remain at the same place, place, place.
Just burn me off, yeah, push me further.
I am a fool, crazy in love, running.
Let me run more.

Let me run more.
Because, though my feet are covered in cuts and bruises,
I would be smiling whenever I see your face.
Again, run run run, I can’t stop.
Again, run run run, I can’t help it.
This is the only thing I can do anyway,
Loving you is the only thing I can do
Again, run run run, it’s okay even if I fall.

Again, run run run, it’s okay even if I get hurt a bit.
It’s okay even if I don’t have you.
Silly fate, just point your fingers at me.
(Run) Don’t tell me bye, bye

(Run) You make me cry, cry
(Run) Love is a lie, lie
Don’t tell me, don’t tell me
Don’t tell me bye, bye
They say it’s all over, but I can’t stop.

Whether it’s sweat or tears, I can’t tell anymore, oh.
Even my love stripped naked and even the severe wind storm
only make me run more with my heart beating.
Let me run more.

Let me run more.
Because, though my feet are covered in cuts and bruises,
I would be smiling whenever I see your face.
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This is the only thing I can do anyway,
Loving you is the only thing I can do.
Memories, like dry flower petals,

get shattered into pieces.
From my fingertips, from underneath my feet,
towards your back who’s running away,
like chasing a butterfly, life wandering in a dream,
I follow your traces.
Please tell me the way, please stop me.
Please let me breathe.

This is the only thing I can do anyway.
Loving you is the only thing I can do.
(Run) Don’t tell me bye, bye

(Run) You make me cry, cry
(Run) Love is a lie, lie
Don’t tell me, don’t tell me
Don’t tell me bye, bye
1
Wordplay: 마르다 can be (1) to be thirsty (second line) and (2) to dry out
(fourth line).
2
Wordplay: 뛰다 can be (1) to run and (2) to pound (heart).
Translation & Notes: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com, edited
My Note: Namjoon’s 2015 fancafe letters form October 6 (p221) and

November 8 (p224) both focus on his emotions and thoughts around
“running” — what it means to him, why he does it, etc. I recommend reading
both with the lyrics to this song. In 2022, this was the song Namjoon chose to
represent the HYYH era (see note on p241).
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Butterfly (HYYH pt 2 — Nov 30, 2015)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by “Hitman” Bang, Slow Rabbit, Pdogg, Brother Su, RM, SUGA, j-hope
[Vocals]
Don’t think of anything.
Don’t bring up any word.
Please just smile at me.
I still can’t believe it.
All of this feels like a dream.
Don’t try to fade away.
Is it true? Is it true?
You, You,
You’re so beautiful that I’m scared.
[Chorus]
Untrue, Untrue,
You, You, You,
Will you stay by my side?
Will you promise me?
If I touch you, that you might fly away, that you might be shattered,
I’m scared, scared, scared.
I would stop the time.
Once this moment passes by,
it might become something that didn’t happen.
233
That I might lose you,

I’m scared, scared, scared.
Butterfly, like a Butterfly

Just like butterfly, bu- butterfly
Butterfly, like a butterfly
Just like butterfly, bu- butterfly
[Suga]
You’re just like a butterfly.
I steal a glance of you from far away
fearing that I might lose you if my hand touches you.
The butterfly effect that shines on me in this pitch-darkness,
just a gentle hand gesture of yours makes me forget reality.
[J-hope]
Like a wind that gently strokes me,
like a dust that lightly drifts in the air,
you’re there but, for some reason, I can’t reach you.
Stop
A dream-like you, you’re a butterfly to me, high
[Chorus]
[RM]
My heart makes a dry sound.
I don’t know if it’s a dream or the reality.
My Kafka on the Shore,
please don’t go to the forest over there.
My heart still breaks into pieces over you,
melting black and flowing down.
(I just want to evaporate away like this)
My love is eternity,
It’s all FREE for you1
baby.
[Chorus]
Wordplay: 영원 (永遠) is eternity, but 영원 can also be 0 Won, making the

1
above line mean “my love is free,” which is to be repeated in English in the
next line.
Translation & Notes: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com, edited

234
Whalien 52 (HYYH pt 2—Nov 30, 2015)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, Brother Su, “Hitman” Bang, RM, Suga, j-hope, Slow
Rabbit
The 52-hertz whale is an individual whale of unidentified species, which
calls at the very unusual frequency of 52 Hz. This pitch is a much higher
frequency than that of the other whale species with migration patterns
most closely resembling this whale’s – the blue whale (10–39 Hz) or fin
whale (20 Hz). It has been detected regularly in many locations since
the late 1980s and appears to be the only individual emitting a whale
call at this frequency. It has been described as the “world’s loneliest
whale”. Source: Wikipedia / Doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com
[RM]
The most lonely creature in the world,
I’m a whale.
Do you wanna know my story?
I’ve never told this to anybody.
Yeah, c’mon
[Suga]
In the middle of this wide ocean,
a whale talks in a low, calm, and lonely voice
that can never reach someone else no matter how hard it shouts.
It feels so lonely that it closes the mouth
It’s fine, whatever it is. Now I don’t care
When this guy called loneliness stays by my side by himself,
I become completely alone and lock a padlock in solitude.1
Some say, “This kid became almost a celebrity”
Oh fuck that, yeah whatever.
It’s fine even if someone’s not able to stay by my side.
Words that are carelessly directed at me soon become a wall.
Even my loneliness is a pretending in your eyes.
[Vocal]
Trapped by those walls.
Even if I get suffocated,
I go towards above that water surface.
Hey oh, oh hey oh yeah
[Chorus]
Lonely, lonely, lonely whale,
235
I sing alone like this.

Could someone like me, who’s like an isolated island,
shine brightly as well?
Lonely, lonely, lonely, whale,

I try singing once again like this,
until this song with no reply
reaches tomorrow.
[Vocal]
No more, no more baby
No more, no more
[RM]
This one endless signal
will reach, someday,
even the other side of the earth.
[Vocal]
No more, no more
[RM]
Even the blind whales
will be able to see me.
Today as well, I sing, yet again.
[J-hope]
The world never knows how sad I am.
My pain is unmixable, water and oil.
The attention on me is only there when I breathe above the water surface.
A lonely kid under the ocean,
I, too, want to let the world know
my value Everyday.
I get motion sickness from my worries
The sticker is always behind my ear2
Never end,
Why is there never an end but only a hell every time?
Even if time passes, its Neverland in the cold abyss.
But I always think,
even if I sleep curled up like a shrimp now, I must dream like a whale.
The praise that will come one day,
will make me dance every day
like me, Ye I’m swimmin’.
I go towards my future.
I believe in the blue sea and my hertz.
236
[Vocal]
Trapped by those walls.
Even if I get suffocated,
I go towards above that water surface.
Hey oh, oh hey oh yeah
[Chorus]
Lonely, lonely, lonely whale,
I sing alone like this.
Lonely, lonely, lonely, whale,

I try singing once again like this,
reaches tomorrow.
[RM]
Mom said that the ocean is blue.
She told me to raise my voice with all my strength to reach farther.
But what should I do?
This place is too dark
and full of other whales that speak other languages.
I juss can’t hold it ma,
I want to say I love you,
a round that I sing alone.
I run over the same music sheet.
This ocean is too deep.
But I’m still fortunate,
(since no one will know even if I cry)
I’m a whalien.
[Chorus]
Lonely lonely lonely whale
I sing alone like this
Lonely lonely lonely whale

I try singing once again like this
reaches tomorrow
237
[Vocal]
No more, no more
[RM]
This one endless signal
will reach, someday,
even the other side of the earth
[Vocal]
No more, no more
[RM]
Even the blind whales
will be able to see me
Today as well, I sing, yet again
1
‘To lock a padlock on lips’ means ‘to close one’s mouth or to remain silent
and not talk at all. This line is thus meaning-wise parallel to ‘feels so lonely
that it closes the mouth,’ appeared earlier.
2
‘The sticker’ refers to Kimite-patch, a motion sickness prevention medicine
that is to be placed on skin behind ears
238

According to @renkiger_: “Run reached #1 on Kcharts and HYYH pt2 also
dominated. It was the first time BTS topped streaming charts. Joon tweeted a
brief, ‘thank you for 1st place’, shortly after Run topped the Kcharts and said
“Let’s RUN” (around 1:30am). BTS then flew to Hong Kong that morning (Nov
30) to start rehearsals, etc., for MAMA, and as they were leaving, Joon
tweeted again: “A thankful morning” and also left a long post in the FanCafe”
Today, to convey this thankful heart, I’m writing a long post in this place,
where it can only be seen between us.
I’m surprised it’s already 1 a.m. I’m happy beyond words, I called my
parents first. If I had ARMYs’ numbers, I would have called all of you one by
one to thank you and to scream. Until now, my heart is beating
uncontrollably.
I left a sincere but slightly weak message on Twitter, but I wish I could run
to each and every one of your gates and hug and cry together. I was
speechless when I saw “BTS” written at the top; I didn’t know what to say. I
had so many complex thoughts in my mind. From the days I first came to
Gangnam, when Bangtan was formed and many people came and
went….When I ran out of the dorm… and wandered around….even though I’m
still always wandering. We debuted after years of hard work and all the sweat
that was shed. Receiving lots of cheers….praises...curses and
criticism...feelings of inferiority...feedback….I stood in the middle of it all and
looked at it. Finally, I thought about how I, BTS, and all of you finally, finally
reached here. How far can we go? I’m curious too.
I think it’s a miracle that I don’t dare to think about being alone. Just like
in Whalien 52, I was a lonely whale, but I didn’t realize you guys are the wide
sea that hugged me when I’m breathing and swimming1. Catch my hertz and
willingly listen, guys.
What more can I say? I’m really thankful. Thank you so much.
All of you made this small person’s heart into a big and endless whirlpool,
you are the protagonist of my history and the ones who changed my life.
When I’m doing music, writing lyrics, or thinking of ideas, ever since debut,
I’ve always said that communication works two ways. Neither I nor all seven
of us have made this path alone. Perhaps I don’t know that all the things I
undeservingly received far exceed the things that I give. Is it alright to do this?
I always reach the same conclusion to these questions: ah, I have to work
239
hard, coolly, to give all this back. I think that’s the only way I can pay this back.
I write songs, sing and dance. In the end, it’s all for ARMYs who listen and look
at us.
Just like the phrase “Beautiful Moment in Life,” I’m in the middle of the
most important moment in my life.
I love you.
I got rid of my original hate for the word ‘love.’ I want to say that I love
you with all my heart.
I will be a Rap Monster who will silently lead the team to a cooler route,
who will make better music and who will give a better performance.
Thank you.
Translation: letmesuga.tumblr.com
1
Later, in “The Best of Me” from LY:Her (September 18, 2017) — which RM
would specifically state was written about ARMY—RM would write the lines:
“I wanted to be gentle waves,
but why didn’t I know that you are the sea?
What would I do when I’m already speaking in your language?”
On My 28, 2022, the first episode of Apple Music’s series “BTS Radio:
Beginnings” aired. In the series, members each chose songs “that help tell our
story” and “this episode is about the beginnings of BTS and songs that really
shaped our sound a style.” Namjoon chose “Run” because “this song
summarizes and symbolizes The Most Beautiful Moment era. When you all
hear this song, you can run and you will feel like you’re in the most beautiful
[moment] in your life.’ Like the young and the 20s. So here’s my song, ‘Run.’
240
Fan Café post: December 5, 2015

I certainly know that not everything will be fine, nothing lasts forever,
and I know that I can’t always get what I want. However, as you and I always
think, I really think people who I love will just see the good things and be
happy all the time.
I really appreciate you giving out a part of your heart. The only thing I can
do is just do my best on the given conditions and circumstances. That’s the
way of my love
Take care of me today as well
Translation: @btsfc
picture from Oct 2016
During my 8 years of music there have been many meaningful things.

Since it’s the end of 2015, I slowly, slowly looked around by myself.
I feel like I lived very recklessly. I have lots of regrets...
Did I take good care of my surroundings? Did my surroundings take care
of me?
Whenever I occasionally meet people who watched me back when I was
241
a high school student in Hongdae1, I feel strange and I choke up for some
reason.
While I had music, while I was looking at the world with my own values,
while I had love, while I had friendship — the key words I cherished always
change. Before it always had to be rap or hip hop, but one day I looked at
music itself. I saw how one wordplay becomes one verse, one verse becomes
one song, and one song becomes an entire album.. I began to study
philosophy, I started to think about others..
Whether or not this is the right path…... as expected, I still don’t know if
this is the “right” path.
Compared to before, the people who rely on me can’t be compared to
the people I rely on, so it makes me feel uneasy. But beyond that I earned an
endless amount of supporters so that’s good. No matter what, I feel like we
can’t exist without getting attached to anything.
Today also with love, with people, with music, with dreams, with any
mediators, we try to fill our incompleteness from the outside. That’s why I’ll
always be jealous, uneasy, hateful, and act like an idiot.
When I see the people who have watched me since pre-debut, they
especially talk a lot about events from a few years ago.. but.. It’s like my
feelings are complicated. The past, you can either love or hate things from
the past. To me. But still the things that have passed~ they do have meaning.
My mid-to-late teens and also twenty, twenty-one, twenty-three years
were all bittersweet times. That’s why I really like the word “bittersweet.”
Anyway, today I am still existing here. I’m breathing, I’m running while
looking forward, but sometimes I look back too. The path in front and behind
me is still long. But still, if the people who look at me are still dreaming their
dreams and picking up their strengths, that alone makes me feel good. It’s
okay to live this way. Breaking down, getting hurt and looking back at the
past.
I will live. I am living like this. Me. Us.
Translation: @btsfc, letmesuga.tumblr.com, frostyoongi, edited

1
Hongdae is the area in Seoul with indie music venues, so he is likely speaking
of people who knew him in underground rather than his high school friends.
On December 27th, BTS cancelled their concert in Kobe, Japan. After an

unexplained half-hour delay, five members came on stage. Namjoon announced the
concert was cancelled because Suga and V could not perform. They then sang “Hold
Me Tight”, while standing still under dimmed lights before RM explained Suga and V
were in the hospital. After performing “I Need U”, they apologized and left the
stage. Fans described seeing JK, Jin and Jimin crying during the performance. In
January, Yoongi would post his twitter thread about his failure to perform. After the
release of Agust D, fans speculated he may have been having a panic attack.
242
Fan Café post: January 2, 2016

It’s already 2016….!!
We’re already entering our fourth year… but actually it’s two and a half
years. There are a lot of things I want to say, but after taking a deep breath I
decided I will save it for the future.
Take one deep breath.
Even if we are not aware of it, don’t forget that we are always breathing.
Another new friend has shown up.
Meanwhile, take care of your health. It’s almost impossible to not have
any troubles but still, take care.
Happy another new year.
Translation: @btsfc & gracee.h, letmesuga.tumblr.com, edited
243

Thank you for being my fans. Our fans. I am also your fan. I am the fan
that silently supports you through your personal battles and loneliness in life.
Whether I be back stage or in the work room, I send you my fan letters
written in long musical notes, through music. I wish you’d read the sound of
missing you dearly.
Even though I’m incapable of expressing it all in words, even if I can’t do
it all through music, I send you my most sincere support!
-RM
Translation: Juliana @bts-trans

Genuineness. [Note: can also be translated ‘innocence’/’purity’
throughout. Different translators used different words.]
It has been a while. I’m writing here because my mind is at ease.
Living genuinely is difficult. It can even be uncomfortable and harmful to
others if you go entirely by your own perspective and think that being
‘genuine’ is good. I didn’t know much about this before. I still don’t know if I
know everything now, but I just liked the fact that I was genuine. That was
important to me.
Being genuine is probably a very important feeling in the majority of our
individual lives. And that’s why I simply liked my own purity. The things I say
in interviews and even my music—which I thought was the purest—earned
misunderstandings from many people and they unintentionally hurt others.
There are also many times it seems unfair — it wasn’t my intentions, my
lyrics weren’t out of hatred or to hurt someone. I was ‘genuine’, I wrote them
for me. I thought, ’Why did this become offensive?’, ’Why did it cause
damage?’ But it makes sense that I could’ve been irresponsible about this
whole situation. I didn’t know the influence I could have on people, and
therefore I gave equal hatred to the people that hated me.
Anyway, it’s impossible to make everyone like you, that’s a selfish
thought. But in reality, people feel that they live in order to give and gain love
from people. In the end, people want to give up on life when they feel that
they haven’t received love from anyone, or when they feel as if they haven’t
gain acceptance as a human being.
244
“Why can’t anyone understand me? It’s so disappointing..,” I always

mutter to myself like a habit. But an adult told me this:
‘People have the right to hate you or not. Why is it that you are trying to
dominate over this? You have no rights to take away their rights to hate you.
You have no control over their opinions. However, you can choose whether to
be hurt or affected those individuals. That is your opinion and your own right.’
Although I received a lot of love, I also received an equal amount of
careless hatred thrown at me, which caused me to explode, suffer inside, and
make excuses. I hated being hurt, so I put up all sorts of defense mechanisms
to protect myself. But in the end, the results were almost always the same. It
hurt. It made me upset. It was such a pity. I’ve gotten a lot stronger now, but I
still can’t help but feel a little bit of doubt inside of me. When I’m fighting with
this frightening subject, acknowledgement, acceptance, vengeance,
selfishness and anger, I just… I thought ah… I should be someone I hate… I
really hate that.
To me, genuineness had always been my first priority. As I’m becoming
an adult, I can see now that harmfulness, hurtfulness and the approaching
future events of someone’s life as something similar to the genuineness that I
talked so much about. And as someone who knows very well the feeling of
receiving as much love as hate, I don’t want to be a person who blindly
dislikes people. That’s not cool.
Because of this, I became an adult. In the end, anger became a blessing
and that blessing may become anger again too. Adults always say that life
consists of so many paths that it is impossible to predict their outcomes. I
learned that this is entirely true. Just… I hope that anyone that has a kind
heart shouldn’t blindly hate others for no apparent reason. Being a person full
of hatred isn’t great. You have no idea how great of an effect your words can
have on someone.
Words become genuineness, then values, and eventually fate. I felt it
from the words that came out of my mouth and from the words that came
into my ears. And you have to bear with the effect for a very long time.
Because I’m making music to make this world a bit of a warmer place to
live, I think that I need to become a warmer and purer person. I still have a
long way to go, but I’m learning bit by bit.
Being an adult is difficult. It makes me wonder how adults in their 30s and
40s were able to fight through hardships alone.
245
I want to give more love, receive more love, and observe things in a
warm way, for myself and the world.
So I still love music like I always have. Even if I’m not warm, even if I’m
not an adult yet, endure and listen to it. I will give you a cool voice to listen
to, which is why these days I’m always working. I love music the best.
Let’s keep our chins up. I will be a better me. Of course.
Translation: letmesuga.tumblr.com, @btsfc
246
Fan Café post: February 28, 2016

Even though I’m just a dust in the universe, I don’t really like dust. It blurs
my vision, it makes me cough, it makes me feel timid so I hate it.
But today, while I was walking I suddenly thought that it would be nice to
be able to see dust with my eyes, then the world might appear as a pointillism
painting, dotted with dust of all sorts of colors.
Sometimes I feel sorry for dust. Their existence isn’t a mistake but they
still always get swept and thrown around like a mistake. They’re unwanted
and harmful even when we’re breathing.
The fate of these dusts are quite sad. There isn’t a single person who sees
dust as a precious thing. I don’t know if it’s possible, but what if these dusts
each have a character..
Won’t all the dust in the world gather in one place and make a city for
dust? A republic for dust?
Then, will a place without dust be clean and pleasant? I don’t know.
Besides the real dust, there’s a lot of dust floating between humans now
too. We might all simply be huge ‘piles of dust’ as well.
I wonder what color of dust I am to the universe.
Again I spend tonight blowing away my dust-like day.
Translation: letmesuga.tumblr.com, @btsfc, edited
247
Fan Café post: April 5, 2016

When the day is completely filled, I can usually fall asleep easily. But
today for some reason I can’t fall asleep, so I’m wide awake writing this.
Lately I’m surrounding myself with music. I’m also rearranging my studio.
I have so much inspiration but so little time, my skills also lack, my mental and
physical aspects can’t coincide, so I feel frustrated. I’m also preparing some
things to show in May’s concert, but I always feel anxious about everything.
Though I feel confident at the same time. I can’t always feel at ease. As
always, my heart/mind go up and down. It seems that I can’t do anything
about it.
From the moment I pay attention to myself and others, there are so many
melodies and keywords that arise in my mind. I wish there were 48 hours in a
day because there are things that I have to do and want to do, and I also want
to close my eyes for a moment. I feel like I’m in the midst of different
emotions. I feel like I’m wondering with no direction/aims.
But I still feel 23 years old [21 international age]. I get headaches, but it
feels like I’m wearing clothes that suit me, so I like it. As it is always said,
people want to be alone but they don’t like being lonely. This is what humans
are like.
Lately, as I’ve begun arranging songs, I am grateful that I can clearly show
my own spectrum of colors and that I can do something at this age in this
environment. I just hope the inspirations and energies that I feel will reach
your ears through nice music notes.
If I suddenly think of something, the air immediately changes. Even the
smell of my breath becomes different. Does perfect understanding really
exist? I still don’t know myself.
As expected, I can’t make up my mind like the weather. The weather is
always cold and then it gets hot.
Be careful not to catch a cold. Soon we will meet in a better state/
appearance.
Good night and thank you.
Translation: Kimmyyang @ Kimmy-trans.tumblr.com, edited
248
249

Time passed by so fast!! It is already May.
It feels like just a few days ago I listened to the beat of ‘I Need U’ on the
rooftop, racking my brain and screaming while working for HYYH pt 2. There
were really painful moments and there were happy ones as well. It is a relief
that the outcomes were good. We were lucky.
Tomorrow (release of ‘HYYH: You Never Walk Alone’ compilation) will be
one of the most important moments for us. We hope many people will
receive the same emotions that I feel.
The weather is getting warm~ but unlike the weather, there must be
many of you who feel tired, right?
Still, let’s gain strength. I may be rambling about this and that right now,
but at the end of the day I always have to trace the steps back to my studio. I
sincerely hope all of you, too, have some sort of shelter in your mind—like a
place you could go as a last resort.1 That’s how people can live. I always feel
lonely and pained, but this is a new feeling. Giving something after pondering
for a long time is, after all, my happiness, and it becomes my comfort. Being
able to do something feels like a luxury.
Now that the day has gone and the time to burn is almost here. There’s
never a time I feel my heart beat faster than in moments like this. Please look
forward to Fire, Save Me, Young Forever and the other tracks with
excitement.
I’m happy that you guys are always waiting and listening to us. Thank you.
BTS hwaiting. ARMY hwaiting. Namjoon hwaiting.
Translation: letmesuga.tumblr.com, @btsfc, edited
1
”a shelter in your mind” — this idea is captured in the song ‘Magic Shop’ in
Love Yourself: Tear (May 18, 2018), “On a day you hate being yourself, on a
day you want to disappear forever, let’s build a door in your mind. Once you
open the door and enter, this place will wait for you. It’s okay to
believe Magic Shop that will comfort you” (translation:
DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com). It is also reminiscent of one of his earliest
songs, “7 Days” (2008), when he speaks of building a “shelter from the wind”
— a place he finds inside himself before stepping onto the stage that ignores
outside voices.
250
Save Me (HYYH: Young Forever — May 2, 2016)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, Ray Michael Djan Jr, Ashton Foster, Samantha Harper, RM,
SUGA, j-hope
Note: This song is intrinsically connected to the 2018 song “I’m Fine” on
LY:Answer. “I’m Fine” calls back musically to this track and RM reverses the
order of ideas in his verse — providing a more complete ’answer’ to the pain
depicted here. They are often performed together in concerts.
[Jimin]
I want to breathe, I hate this night.
I want to wake up, I hate being in the dream.
Trapped in myself, I’m dead.
Don’t wanna be lonely,
Just wanna be yours.
[Jungkook]
Why is it so dark in this place without you?
It’s dangerous, how wrecked I am.
Please save me because I can’t get a grip on myself.
[Pre-Chorus]
Listen to my heartbeat
It’s calling you on its own will.
Because, in this pitch-black darkness,
you’re shining so brightly
[Chorus]
Please reach your hand to me save me save me
I need your love before I fall, fall
(x2)
Please reach your hand to me save me save me (x2)
Save me, save me
[Suga, J-hope]
The moon shines brighter today on the empty space in my memory.
The lunatic that swallowed me, please save me tonighta
(Please save me tonight, please save me tonight)
Tonight, save me from this childish lunacy.
I knew that the salvation called you
is a part of my life and the only hand to embrace my pain
The best of me, I have only you
So that I can smile again, please raise your voice more
251
[Chorus]
[RM]
Thank you for making me be me
for making me fly
for giving someone like me wings
for straightening my frowning face1
for breaking the suffocating shell surrounding me 2
for waking me up who lived in my dreams only
Because the sky clears up when I think of you,
I gave my sadness away3
(Thank you for becoming ‘us’)
1
Direct translation: for folding me up who was crinkled
2
Direct translation: for breaking me who was feeling stuffy
3
Direct translation: Such a thing called sadness, I gave it to a dog
Translation & Notes: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com, genius.com, edited

a
Might also be “It swallowed me, that lunatic, please save me tonight”, per
genius.com
RM’s verse from “I’m Fine” (LY: Answer, 2018)

*notice the lines are reversed from his verse in Save Me in order to highlight
how his ideas have changed/reversed.*
It’s okay even if it’s not us,
even if the sorrow erases me,
even if the sky gets covered with dark clouds again,
and I’m in an endless dream
Even if I get endlessly crumpled,
even if my wings get torn apart,
and I become someone that is not me,
it’s okay– only I am my own salvation
(translation: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com)
My Note: “I’m Fine” does not seem intended to supplant the ideas of “Save
Me” but to demonstrate the end of a journey. There are times in our lives we
are at “Save Me” — needing to rely on others — and BTS always stresses the
importance of never walking alone, but they hope the hands we are holding
will walk us to a destination where we can say “I’m Fine” — not with a lack of
troubles, but with a newfound strength to weather them knowing a spring day
is coming.
252
Epilogue: Young Forever (HYYH: Young Forever — May 2, 2016)

Produced by RM, Slow Rabbit
Written by Slow Rabbit, RM, “Hitman” Bang, SUGA, j-hope
[RM]
The curtain falls, (I get out of breath)
and my mind gets complicated. (I breathe out)
Were there any mistakes today?
How was the facial expression of the audience?
But I’m happy because I became who I am,
because I can make someone scream out loud.
As I, embracing the yet lingering feelings,
stand on the empty, still hot, stage.
[Suga]
Standing on the empty, but hot, stage,
I get scared of the idle emptiness.
In my complicated mind,
and on the verge of death in life,
I pretend to be more numb, for no reason.
It’s not even the first time, and I should be used to it by now,
but even though I try to hide it, I can’t.
When the empty stage is about to cool down,
I turn away from the audience seats
I comfort myself now.
[J-hope]
I tell myself that a perfect world doesn’t exist.
Gradually, I empty myself.
The huge applause can’t be mine forever.
I talk to myself, shamelessly,
“Raise your voice, to reach farther.”
Even if there is no everlasting audience, I will sing.
I wish to remain forever as today’s myself.
I wish to remain forever as a boy, Ah
[Chorus]
Forever we are young.
In the fluttering flower petal rain,
I wander and run in this maze.
Forever we are young.
Even if I fall, get wounded, and it aches,
I run endlessly to my dream.
253
Forever, ever, ever, ever

(Dream, hope, forward, forward)
Forever, ever, ever, ever, We are young.
254
Young Forever — RM DEMO version

Released in ‘Proof’, June 2022
Produced & Written by RM, Slow Rabbit, Pdogg
Take it back to the time, turn back time

My childish sighs and heart filled with despair
Having lost something,
eyes shut tight, you wander in search of something that cannot be captured
Life is beautiful, so it’s even more cruel
If you look at it the other way, it’s cruel but beautiful
This might not be much comfort for your wounds
The world feels like wordplay, you need to feel it too
We are in between everything
Our self-love and shame
Love and hate, reality and the ideal, in between all of those jerks
You can love them:
Your own inadequacy [and]
Your shadow who, in the end, doesn’t even need a light to shine, that jerk.2
23, I still don’t want to live out my youth.
Because I believe in my foolish arms and legs and heart [and]
In the wings my parents gave me, let’s do our best not to bring them shame
In the future. Youth, just take me with you.
We are young
We are young forever
Whether dead or alive
We’ll always be young
We are young
We are young forever
Whether alive or dead
Even when we become corpses
Baby never worry

You ain’t got to hurry1
(x4)
Transcription cr; Aditi, Rinne, Faith & Annie | Translation cr; Aditi | Spot
Check cr; Faith, Annie & Rinne @ bts-trans
255
[BTS FESTA 2016] BTS 3rd Anniversary Photo Album : '3rd June'
1
”You ain’t got to hurry” is a direct reversal of the ideas of “Rush” from his
first mixtape where he feels the intense desire to “rush” to be the “biggest
star in the world.” However, even Rush shows internal wrestling (“God don’t
let me put a rush on it. (Hurry baby)”) Young Forever’s demo lyrics
demonstrate a maturation from his earlier restlessness when he struggled
with a desire to be perfect and touchless ‘at the top’. Here, he instead begins
to befriend his shadow: “You can love them: Your own inadequacy and your
shadow….. You ain’t got to hurry”
2
”Shadow who...doesn’t need a light to shine, that jerk.” Suga’s lyrics from
Shadow help me understand this line. Suga states, “my shadow that gets
darker as that light gets brighter” (DoolsetBangtan), indicating his shadow
grows as fame and success increase. However, in Young Forever (Demo),
Namjoon laments that his “shadow” exists even without fame — it’s always
there.
256
May 9th, 2016—HYYH: Epilogue Concert behind

257
258

Initially, I was going to write as soon as the concert ended, but it took
time for me to calm my emotions a little because it was such a huge moment
in my life. I want to say sorry if you were waiting to hear from me.
It’s been awhile since I’ve actually ‘cried’ in front of someone, and I mean
‘crying’ as bawling, not just tearing up. I stopped wanting to cry, and even
when I do want to, my tears just don’t flow easily. I simply wanted to tell you
guys that these past two days were such dramatic moments for me that I felt
frustrated and sorry for myself that I couldn’t shed tears.
I just…. feel so thankful. As I recited in our hidden track on our debut
album1, I still journey back and forth through my own ocean and desert
hundreds of times at the slightest breeze. Even though I always tell myself
that I’ve become stronger, better, to trust and believe in myself, I still end up
collapsing and it’s very difficult for me to do anything about it. I still feel
afraid.
A lot of you guys probably feel the same, right? There’s nothing more
terrifying than properly admitting you are “afraid”. But now, little by little, I’ve
come to realize there are so many people standing by my side. I’ve thought
over and over that from now on I want to offer you my hand and help you up
when you fall down.
Despair, comfort, hope, wonder…. Lots of thoughts and emotions seep
through the cracks, like the crevasses in Antarctica. I can’t let you guys listen
yet, but I’m making many songs alone in my studio. It’s all stuff from deep
within me, so sometimes I get too absorbed and forget my surroundings. Even
though too much self-pity is dangerous, I want to give stronger certainty
towards myself knowing that I may regret it someday if I don’t. Since so many
people protect me now, I don’t ever want any word, any emotion, slip by me
carelessly. If I look back, there are so many memories I let pass me by only
because I couldn’t win against my exhaustion. I want to become mature, a
better adult. This concert made me want to have this type of commitment
and attitude, beyond a regular performance.
Although my body is nowhere nearly as big as the gymnastics stadium, I
hope that my voice was. I tried my hardest to show my face to the shadowed
areas — the places not easily seen—so I hope many of you saw my emotions
and sincerity. There is no better fortune than this anywhere.
I still genuinely think I was blessed with a huge fortune, and I believe that
259
I have to divide this fortune among us. I’m so thankful for so many things. I
want to become more attentive and I want to show you guys even cooler
things. I hope someday you will be able to hear melodies and vibrations even
deeper than the tears I shed during this concert.
Until then, my head is going to ache and I’ll need a lot of courage. Even
so, I’ll press on, diligently. Please trust me a little more.
It’s the middle of the day, but it is raining where I am. You can find hints
of winter somewhere, even in May. I hope that the hot aftertaste of our
performance still lingers within you, warm and breathing.
Thank you so much.
Translation: @btsfc, edited
1-
Skit: On the Starting Line—Hidden Track, 2 Cool 4 Skool: “Occasionally I gain
the self-certainty to think things like “once I debut, I will conquer the music
industry”, but whenever I hear the criticisms of the producers and teachers I
am once again overwhelmed by the realization that I am nothing, that I am as
inconsequential as a speck of dust. It’s as if though before me lies the bluest
ocean, and if I turn to look back, a vast desert.”
260
Fan Café post: June 13, 2016

I was the first of Bangtan to start training without any kind of guarantees
in June of 2010. Then we officially debuted in June of 2013, and it is now June
of 2016. I’ve already been an artist for three years, which I thought was a long
time when I spent it as a trainee. It is still very, very unbelievable.
Before debut, there were many moments when I spent my time
wondering where I would be in three years. Would I be in despair, regretting?
Or feel the complete opposite?
I just wanted to thank you once again for this lifetime — for all these
precious moments in every single second.
I think we easily forget things we try to remember and remember things
we try to forget. Perhaps the heavens did this intentionally because they
thought the world would be too boring if everything went our way… I’m not
sure, but I believe that is why we never wish to forget all the beautiful things.
It is impossible not to face any hardships, but I hope that many peaceful
and majestic moments continue to stay by our side for a long time. I’m finally
at a place where I consider myself to be somewhat like a professional.
Everything so far has been very awkward. I always think about the ahead of
us, what may be waiting for us the next day. Sometimes I get exhausted and
tired, but I live by the thought that the heavens help those who help
themselves and that only those who are prepared are able to benefit. I hope
for lots of expectation and encouragement. I’ll become better, more thankful.
Thank you for three years, which is nowhere close to a short time at all.
261

August. It is already August. It’s so hot. Stiflingly hot. People always
complain that it’s super hot, which is why I think the word ‘stifling’ was
created.
Agust D. Suga’s month. His mixtape is actually going to be released. I
watched him work and I never thought this day would come. I listened to a few
songs and it’s a lot different form my music taste, but that’s why I like it.
There’s one song that is exceptionally amazing. He probably faced many
difficulties because he produced all by himself, from start to finish. He’s a
perfectionist, especially when it comes to music. I tried producing and its not
an easy job at all. Its somewhat similar to embroidering.
My mixtape was released before HYYH. Suga probably feels burdened
because it’s the first mixtape after HYYH. I hope you all will embrace his work
with enthusiastic cheers. I’m also anticipating it very much.
It seems like yesterday we were repeating, “It’s cold, it’s cold” daily, like a
habit. But it’s already the hottest time of the year. You can feel how time runs
freely by itself. My mind feels busier and busier as time passes.
I feel extra busy now that I can say, “When have I not been busy?” and
also because there are many more things I want to do. Our next album and my
second mixtape are slowly being prepared. I’m dusting off every last bit of my
soul to show you more of me.
Even I can’t help but be affected by this weather, no matter how I wish to
not be bothered. Hot weather, cold weather, whatever temperature it may be,
it paralyzes my mental state and leads me to think all sorts of thoughts. For
those of us in the position of vigorously or leisurely fighting life, let’s stay
strong. I hope that our tomorrow is a better tomorrow than today. If we gotta
fail, then let’s fail better.
Have a good night!
- Namjoon of August
P.S. Right, thanks to you guys, I found out it has been 8,000 days since I’ve
been born. It feels strange having lived 8,000 days in the 8th month, August.
I’m very fortunate, being able to know things like this about myself. Anyway, I
hope that this not-so-fortune-like fortune all goes towards Agust D’s mixtape.
262
VLive: August 27, 2016

Transcript abridged
[…]
My friend sent me a picture of the sky in Korea, but I’m not in Korea right
now. They sky was even prettier than yesterday. If I were in Korea today, I’d
go somewhere nice to watch the sky. How sad. You know, fall is really short.
It’s really short. So go somewhere nice alone or with someone. go to parks, go
everywhere. I’ve been to Seonyudo Park a while ago and I strolled around.
The sky is really beautiful so look at it. We often forget to look at the sky.
When we’re working on our music, we stay in the studio and never look at the
sky. I hear that you get much happier if you look at the sky for 20 minutes a
day. Please look at the sky.
[…]
These days I’m thinking about, well, in the past I wanted to put some
message in my music and influence others to change. I thought about that.
But as time goes by — as a week, a month passes, it seems that my own
beliefs change. I think different things all the time. Sometimes I think, “I’ll
work really hard,” other times I think “do I really have to?” It gets repeated.
And these days I think that there’s no need to live your life based on the
standard of others. Everyone says, “Dream big”. But I don’t think you need to
live so fiercely like that all the time. And some people live fiercely without
seeming like it. So if you hear, “You should be more diligent”, “You don’t
seem to have a dream”, if you hear that, don’t be discouraged. That is not the
truth. The person who tells you that might not know what he wants to do or
what he is up to. Just trust yourself and live a healthy and happy life like me.
It makes me really happy to watch a movie or drama and work on music.
I feel happy to watch the sky in the park and buy some figurines form time to
time. So find what makes you happy. And work hard in your school or work.
Let me turn off now. Good night everyone. Oh, and a song that Producer
Bang and I wrote, Homme’s “Dilemma” will be out soon. It’s weird that I
wrote a ballad, huh? My share—I contributed a lot to that song. So please
listen to the song when it’s out. I wanted to mention that. I love you
everyone. Good night.
Source: Vlive (now Weverse Live)
263
Dilemma by Homme (August 29, 2016)

Produced and Written by “hitman” Bang and RM
[Chorus]
I hate you so much
But I love you.1
Love is a harsh game.
Why does it have to be?
Oh, I hate myself for this, but I love you so much.
This maze called “you”, I’m trapped you again.
It’s like Dejavu, You and I,

When we are apart, I feel so distant,
so isolated even when we are together
You feel like a stranger.
The way you treat me is always the same.
So used to us, too familiar, no matter how long it has been .
But I can’t even hate you, oh why?
[Chorus]
You say you love me, but what does it mean?

There’s no love there.
You don’t even see me, I fade away.
But I’d rather be “us” than you and me.3
If you feel the same
If you still love me, please show me.
Why am I so serious?
By this point, I feel like this is all my fault.
[Chorus]
Source: MV, 1theK (YouTube)
1
RM would revisit paradox of love and hate in his song ‘Seoul’ (2018, mono).
2
RM would adapt this metaphor of a maze in “Love Maze” (2018, LY: Tear)
3
These two lines would be echoed in the ideas of “134340” (2018, LY:Tear):
‘us is just a plural form of u, perhaps I wasn’t there from the beginning.’
264
Good Day (Youth — Sept 7, 2016)

Produced by Ryuja & Matt Cab
Written by RM, J-hope, SUGA, Ryuja & Matt Cab
[Chorus]
I said it’s alright, oh yeah
One day it’ll be a good day, for sure
You won’t be alone, always
I’ll be by your side, we’ll be okay
(If) we’re connected, surely it’ll be brighter tomorrow
[Verse 1: SUGA, j-hope, Jung Kook]

As you share happiness, it multiplies
But if you share sadness also, it multiplies too
So always laugh
And rest on my shoulder
We may argue sometimes, but we make up quickly
I understand your feelings too, well~ it’s written on your face
Things like appearance, hmm hmm it’s as if it doesn’t matter
It has no relationship with our “relationship”
It’s fine even if it’s everyday
Showing off at this point, no thanks
Even without money, just seeing you is OK
So don’t worry, let’s laugh again
Yep bro, always the same
Yep bro, by your side
At anytime, we happy together
This unchanging feeling is the same as from back then
[Chorus: Jin, V, Jung Kook, Jimin]
[Verse 2: j-hope, RM, Jung Kook]

It’s already been three years since we’ve started walking together
Between men, the idea of the “Oath of the Peach Garden”1
We’re pretty much family
Like the blood that flows through our bodies
Like “lifting” weight, I’ll “lift” you up2
Laughing with friends until the end of our thoughts
Ma friend, don’t be afraid
The swag amongst those who can hold on to their hope seriously
Ay,
Hold up
Grab onto my hand
265
Let’s fly! We in Gangnam

Now cheers! The Champagne that pops
You can depend on me
You can say “it’s hard” to me
You can lean on me, lay on me
Lean on me
[Vocals]
So laugh, oh yeah
Tomorrow is a new day, that’s why
The night is over, oh yeah
The light is shining in, just go your way
[Bridge]
The space between dreams and reality
We keep walking till the end of life
Joy and even pain
If we share it…
[Chorus]
One day it’ll be a good day, for sure
You won’t be alone, always
I’ll be by your side, we’ll be okay
(If) we’re connected, surely it’ll be brighter tomorrow
One day it’ll be a good day, forever
1
The “Oath of the Peach Garden” is a famous passage from a Chinese literary
classic, Romance of the Three Kingdoms. In it, three men take an oath to be-
come sworn brothers.
2
To “lift” is slang for turning up and getting excited.
Translation & Notes: Maya @ BTS-Trans
266

Sometimes,
even though there are many thoughts,
I think there are moments when it’s good to have unconditional faith
in some things without any evidence.
I’m just going to try to believe that I’m doing well!
Because no one is perfect.
To all the people who are reading this post,
who make me believe in myself,
thank you for being you.
I will also try to believe in you!
The weather is nice, so I hope you all smile a lot.
Thank you.
-Namjoon
Translation: @btsfc, letmesuga.tumblr.com, edited
267
Fan Café post: Semptember 12, 2016

To ARMY,
I—I’m glad that my birthday is on September 12th. If I wasn’t named Kim
Namjoon, then the words ‘Kim Namjoon’ wouldn’t be special to me. And if I
wasn’t born on September 12th, maybe those numbers would mean nothing to
me.
Anyway, most of the time during my birthday, the sky is the highest and the
weather is the best of the year. 940912...912… before I knew it, the
combination of these numbers became special to me.
I think this is how the relationships between people turn out eventually. You
step into each other’s lives and interfere without even knowing that it would
become meaningful. Just like you guys and I.
This birthday, like always, I want to go to a secluded park or village. I want to
go there and see how my favorite people are living, look at the building colors
and appearances, just look at the nature and so on while reflecting.
In a similar context, when I’m thinking of you guys and become curious,
sometimes I’ll open the letters you have sent me. While reading them, I’d feel
that we are similar, and then I’d feel that we are very different, but I can clearly
feel that we’re sharing the same part of the world—which means that we’re
looking at the same parts of the world that others can’t see! Like Atlantis.
People still don’t know whether it exists or not, right? But I believe that
Atlantis exists somewhere.
You and I, in our Atlantis, we’d meet like this today and share each other’s
world while laughing and crying. September 12th will be no exception.
Especially today, I think more and more of the world’s waves are surging
against me.
Such content of letters remain in my memory.
If you type ‘RM’ in a qwerty keybord, it’d be “그”! “그” means ’him’, but the
English pronunciation of “him” is “힘”, Korean for “strength/power”. I hope
that my world gives you all “힘” in some way.

Sometime ago, I wished that my Atlantis were completely filled with music.
It’d be great if I could see you all when I’m looking at the world — looking at
the things only I could see.
So, this letter is another part of my world that I’m showing. Can you see it?
What is everyone’s world like? I’m curious about what colors you will show me.
By the way.. Happy birthday!
268 — RM, “그” Translation: Kimmyyang @ Kimmy-trans.tumblr.com


Wow, time goes by so fast. I feel like I barely did anything but a whole
digit increased in our month count! 2016 is pretty much over. (Note from
translator: in the next part, Namjoon goes into some etymology. Month and
moon in Korean are homographs, “dal”.) Oh wait, is one dal (month) two dal
the same as that dal (moon)? Is that the correct etymology? I’m suddenly
curious.
Anyway, WINGS is being released soon… I feel relieved, disappointed and
proud all at the same time. When the time comes to prepare a new album
again, I usually feel stuck. However, when an album is formed after all the
hardships are endured, I feel very, very happy. So I hope that you guys will
wait for this album with excitement. To me, it is one of the few precious
moments I’ve had. That feeling of waiting for release after making
something… I wonder if my mother felt the same way…
I think I’m a bit excited because Jungkook worked on the album as well. It
hasn’t even been that long since we finished working on it, but me being
myself, my thoughts and worries have increased (if they don’t increase, then
I’m not myself), but I decided to take a break and enjoy this feeling for at least
a little while.
Today, I just genuinely hope that everyone’s day gets better even by a
slight amount. Good night!
P.S. This album especially has a lot of my work. I don’t know how it
happened, but it should be fun trying to discover those, ahahaha.
P.S.S. Mmmmmmm… just, I just hope you guys like it. It’s always been
like this, both in the past and the present. That’s the best. I thought about this
a lot while making music and writing lyrics.
Translation: @btsfc & bangtansnapchats
Vlog: October 5, 2016

I have acne which I rarely have. I think it’s because of the mask I wear
when I sleep. It bothers me. Umm…. My biggest difficulty is not being able to
practice the choreography because of my leg. I feel apologetic to the other
guys. I think that’s the biggest hardship. I should work on the choreo as
quickly as possible. I wish I were the type of person who can learn choreo just
by watching it, but I just can’t do that!
269
The album will be released soon.

So I should work hard and I should do
well. What else can I do? And… um….. I
live for buying figures these days and…
for making music. Working on mixtape;
it’s a relief that it’s going well in its way
too. Well, that’s how it is. Well.
Wouldn’t I make it someday if I keep
working hard?
… I don’t have much to say to be
honest. These days, I’ve just been
working on the album and mix tape. I
haven’t been able to dance because
I’ve been injured. Watching films and
finding figures. That’s all. Ah, what
should I do about this acne? It is here
too. Anyway, if the album becomes
successful and I can make a cool
mixtape and release it, there’s nothing
more I could ask for.
But every time I make a song, I feel
like I’m lost, because I don’t know what
to do about the next song. That’s just
how I feel. Because I’m not an amazing technician or anything, for each and
every song, I put ever last fiber of my being into making them. I hope they
come out well. I sent the songs that were roughly completed to Bang PD-nim,
but he hasn’t replied. So I’m scared. Fighting!
You can do it, punk.
You can! Do it! Tomorrow, let’s be less lazy and work harder… working to
become a person who loves himself. It’s important to love myself. Just
please! Cherish myself. Have a rest sometimes! Enjoy what you have
sometimes too! Comfortably, okay? Everyday, you’re like… because the other
guys are practicing the choreo, I feel guilty if I enjoy myself while they’re
practicing, so I haven’t even read books. Other than books, I’m making music
instead. Let’s not think that way too much. You got it? Gain strength! Cheer
up!
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Lim, Subbed & Uploaded: Kel
& Bon
270
Reflection (Wings — Oct 10, 2016)
271
Namjoon’s handwritten lyrics to Reflection.
272
Reflection (Wings — Oct 10, 2016)

Produced & Written by RM, Slow Rabbit
I know every life’s a movie,

we got different stars and stories,
we got different nights and mornings,
our scenarios ain’t just boring.
I find this movie really fun

I want to film it well every day
I want to embrace myself
I want to embrace myself a
But you know, sometimes, I really, really hate myself.

In fact, quite often, I really hate myself.
When I hate myself so much, I come to Ttukseom. 1
I just stand here with the familiar darkness,
the who are smiling, a beer that makes me smile,
and the fear that gently approaches me and holds my hand.
It’s okay- everyone is in twos and threes,
I guess it’s nice I have a friend too.2
The world is another name for despair,

my height is another diameter of Earth.3
I’m my whole happiness and my worries,
they repeat every day, the love and hate directed at myself.
A friend over there who’s looking over Han river,

would we be tied by fate if we brushed past each other?
Maybe we brushed past each other in our past life?
Maybe we have crossed paths countless times?
In the darkness, people

look happier than during the day.
Everyone knows where they are supposed to be,
I’m the only one walking aimlessly.
But it feels more comfortable to be here, blended into the scene.
The Ttukseom that has swallowed the night
hands me a completely different world.
273
I want to be free.
I want to be free from freedom.
because now I’m happy now but unfortunate,
I see myself at Ttukseom.
I wish I could love myself (x8)
1
Ttukseom Hangang Park, commonly called as just Ttukseom, is a park in the
north-side esplanade along Han River.
2
He’s perceiving the fear that came to him and held his hand as a friend that
keeps him company.
3
OR, “My musical note is another scream of the world.”
Key = musical key/height.
“Jireum”=diameter/scream or shout.
In the line “My height is another diameter of the world,” I kind of also think
of this line as expressing how everyone measures/perceives the world, re-
flecting on their own measurement/perception of self.
Translation & Notes: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com (primarily),

Muish.wordpress.com (consulted), edited
a
Note: Doolset used “caress” and Muish used “pat myself on the back”; I used
‘embrace’ because I felt like it was a good combination of those two feelings.
Namjoon cried the first time he performed this song, explaining backstage that
he found himself reliving the headspace he was in at its writing. In Brazil, ARMY
chanted “We love you” during the ending lines.
274
Lost (Wings — Oct 10, 2016)

Produced by Pdogg // Written by RM (lyrics), Pdogg, Supreme Boi, Peter
Ibsen, Richard Rawson, Lee Paul Williams, June
I’m still standing here with my eyes closed,

lost between the desert and the sea.
I’m still wandering, not knowing where to go, yeah.
I never knew that there would be so many ways-
ways that I couldn’t go and ways that I can’t go.
I never felt this way before,
Maybe I’m becoming an adult.
[Chorus]
It’s so hard for me to know whether it’s the right way.
I’m so confused,
never leave me alone.
But I’m still believing it, although it’s hard to believe it,
that to lose my way
is the way to find that way.
Lost my way,
In a ceaselessly raging harsh rainstorm,
Lost my way,
275
in a complicated world without an exit,

Lost my way,
Lost my way.
However many times I wander, I will still believe in my way
Lost my way, found my way (x2)
Have you seen ants going somewhere?

They never find their way at once,
crawling forward by constantly crashing
and wandering for days to find food (You know)
Even this frustration is worth it
I believe that we are on the right way
Some day, when we are able to find the way,
the way back home will be easier once we find the way to ‘there’,
like ants.
[Chorus]
(So long) A hope with no promise, goodbye now

(So long) Even if it’s a bit slow, I will walk on my own feet.
Because this is my way for sure,
because I will reach there someday, even if I take a detour,
I never, I will never, I will never lose my dream.
Lost my way,
In a ceaselessly raging harsh rainstorm,
Lost my way,
in a complicated world without an exit,
Lost my way,
Lost my way.
However many times I wander, I will still believe in my way
Lost my way, found my way (x2)
Translation: Doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com
276
Cypher pt 4 (Wings — Oct 10, 2016)

[RM]
“Name, name!” Sorry bae
“Pronunciation, pronunciation!” Sorry bae
“Diction, diction, diction!” Sorry bae
“Oh, face not an idol..” Sorry bae
That I’m breathing, I’m sorry bae
That I’m too healthy, I’m sorry bae
That I’m Bangtan, I’m sorry bae
Errthing errthing errthing
Sorry bae
The sound that I’m making now bae

will feel like a dog’s barking to somebody bae
You should change the pattern of condemning me bae
It’s making me bored boring bae
Now I don’t hate you

Now I don’t hate you sorry bae
I’ll be a punching bag for you, so just hit me hard and leave.
Yeah, let’s do Samulnori bae1
I’m a monster, my tail is so long bae.

You’re anyway going to shoot me bae.
If that’s the case, staying in the zoo is convenient bae
You want someone to chew on as well bae
Though you hate me, YOU KNOW ME
Though you hate me, YOU KNOW ME
I like hate comments better than no comments
I don’t know you
BUT YOU KNOW MY NAME
I love I love I love myself

I know I know I know myself
Ya playa haters you should love yourself
brr
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[J-hope]
I wanna get sleep time
Spotlight I get without a brief moment to rest.
Ahh you wanna be my life?
Those you are starved should just take my bullets.
Experience it gently.
Like a policeman takes a suspect, I’ll take you to the stage covered in my style
All innocent? (Okay)
But I can never be satisfied here.

I go up high over the top, higher, higher, higher.
Yeah, the ways are different.
Though I have to ruminate, it’s the way to go.
If you can’t sew stitch by stitch, just tie a knot.2
Now it’s not possible anymore
to pronounce “giving up”.
I love me rule the thing that I do with my bros.
Players of their own league,
I’ll be the director on top of them.
Do whatever you can do.
Continuing 1 VERSE,
I’ll draw a bigger picture.
Try shouting from where you are for your entire life.
‘Dream come true’
Fame and wealth isn’t that, you
all eventually kiss on the bottom of my feet .
Click on it, I’m a cat and you’re all mice
Select them and torture them like KAWS
I’ll high five with my bricks in ma house that I’ll move into next year
Open your eyes and see my ambition
Bring your ear to me and listen to my words that I’ll say for the first and the
last time

brr
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[Suga]
Back, back to the basic,
microphone check.
Call me a crow-tit or a strong character
Yeah, I’m the noble and generous in the rap game —
to rehabilitate those slacking rap men
is my first plan, hashtag.
Sucka betta run and
gang gang on Instagram,
That’s that guy’s life
and my life is- well, every day,
payday, paycheck, ROLEX on my wrist
Click clack to the bang bang
Click clack to the pow
I’m so high, what are you even looking at.
Even if you do a run-up, I’m too high to be touched by your hand.
A fairly big difference, you can never see.
I’m going to destroy the blind love for the shitty car you are, 3
play you all, and fly over your dead face.
Click clack to the bang, you and you,

I’m always thankful that there’s nothing that I earned easily.
Why do you blame me for your mediocre life?
Just keep living like that, just moderately.
I’m sorry but I’ll earn more going forward, so watch me
and be healthy, please.

Brr
1
Samulnori is a percussion music performed with four traditional Korean
musical instruments, playing off the ‘punching bag’ of the previous line
2
매듭짓다 (tie a knot in thread) also means to conclude or to wrap up.
Because of the lack of clear subject, the above line can also be interpreted as
“If I can’t do it, I’ll rather quit. (= I do it right as long as I’m on it.)”
3
(1) There’s an expression “when a shitty car leaves, a Benz arrives,” used to
jokingly comfort a someone who broke up with their boyfriend.

279
280
2! 3! (Wings — Oct 10, 2016)

Produced by Slow Rabbit, Pdogg
Written by RM, j-hope, SUGA, Slow Rabbit, Pdogg, “Hitman” Bang
[RM]
Been trying to tell you this
I was supposed to tell you this
This is all for you
“Let’s walk only along the flower path,”

I can’t say such words.
“Let’s see only the good things,”
I can’t say such words as well.
“That, from now on, there will be only good things
that we will not get hurt anymore,”
I can’t say such words.
I can’t say such lies.
[Suga]
“I haven’t heard your music but it must suck since you’re idols.”
“I haven’t read them but I know I don’t like your lyrics.”
“You don’t have a power, so you must’ve done some shady things.”
“Seeing how you act, I can see that you’ll fail real soon.”
(Thank you so much) Your inferiority complex —

Thanks to you, I have completed a proof that I couldn’t do even in high school.
Clap clap yeah, keep doing it constantly.
We’ll be happy by ourselves.
good yeah I’m good
[Chorus]
It’s okay. When I say, ‘one, two, three’, forget it.
Erase all the sad memories. Hold my hand and smile.
It’s okay. When I say one two three, forget it.
Erase all the sad memories. Hold each other’s hands and smile.
But still I hope, in the future, there will be many good days.
If you believe my words: ‘one, two, three’
If you believe me: ‘one, two, three’
(x2)
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[J-hope]
One two three,
I hope everything changes once I say it,
for a better day
because we’re together.
Me in the shadow behind the stage, me in the darkness

I didn’t want to show you everything including my pain,
but I was still too awkward and clumsy.
I wanted to make you only smile.
I wanted to do it well.
(So thanks) for believing in someone like me,
for bearing the tears and wound.
(So thanks) for becoming my light,
for becoming that flower in the most beautiful moment in life.
[Chorus]
It’s okay. When I say, ‘one, two, three’, forget it.
It’s okay. When I say one two three, forget it.
Erase all the sad memories. Hold each other’s hands and smile.
But still I hope, in the future, there will be many good days.
If you believe my words: ‘one, two, three’
If you believe me: ‘one, two, three’
(x2)
If you believe me: ‘one, two, three’ (x3)
If you believe me: ‘two, three, say!’
It’s okay. When I say ‘one, two, three’, forget it.
(x2)
My Note: 2!3! was BTS’s first fan song. In 2021 Festa (23:56), BTS explained its
meaning:
YG: “We had been through a hard time but ARMY… were enduring it with us.
Through this song, I felt like that became a secret code for ARMY and us.”
NJ: “I feel like we can talk about this now… For those 3 years—2015, 2016,
2017—it was tough for us and our fans and there were many people who
hated us. ARMY were trying to hard to protect us. And we tried harder than
anyone else [to prove ourselves]….. When I look back on those 3 years, they
mean a lot to me. :
JM: “It was such a good song that comforted us.”
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Outro: Wings (Wings— Oct 10, 2016)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, ADORA, RM, j-hope, SUGA
Take me to the sky
[RM]
Put your hands up to the sky
Yeah, if you feelin’ the vibe
Uh, if you’re ready to fly
Yo J, let’s do it
[J-hope]
I remember my childhood self
Because I didn’t have many worries,
I was full of the belief and conviction
that this little feather would become wings
and that the wings would make me fly
along with the sound of laughter.
[RM]
Going down the path that others tell not to go,
doing things that others tell not to do,
wanting things that are not supposed to be wanted,
and getting hurt again, hurt again
You can call me stupid
then I’ll just smile back
I don’t want to succeed with something that I don’t want to do
I push myself
Word
[Suga]
I believe myself and that my back’s hurting is
for the wings to sprout
I believe you and that though now it seems humble
in the end you’ll leap into a prosperous future
Fly, fly up in the sky
Fly, fly get ’em up high
This is the path you’ve chosen Kid, don’t get scared1
This is only your first flight uh
[Vocals]
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Take me to the sky

If I could fly away freely
If I could escape forever
If my wings could fly
I fly through the air that gets heavier and heavier
I fly, I fly, I fly away
Higher than higher than

Higher than the sky
I fly, I fly, I fly away
With all my strength, I’ll spread my wings that are colored red
Spread spread spread my wings (x2)

Wings are made to fly fly fly
Fly fly fly
[J-hope]
Now I know
I break up with the idea of getting old while regretting
I chose
to have an unconditional faith
It’s time to be brave
I’m not afraid
because I believe in myself
because I’m different from before
I won’t cry going down the path I chose
and I won’t hang my head low
because I’ll be in the sky
because I’ll be flying fly
[Vocals]
Spread spread spread my wings (x2)
Wings are made to fly fly fly
Fly fly fly
1
In 2021 Festa Room Live, the subtitles translated this “You chose this path,
don’t be a bitch”.
284

And like this, an album is out again. From when I lived alone in the dorm
during my first year of high school to when I became BTS’s Rap Monster, life
just has many ups and downs. I wondered when we would be able to release
our second album…. So this is just like a dream.
I was so exhausted when I wrote ‘Blood, Sweat and Tears.’ I went to
Ttukseom to write ‘Reflection,’ and then wrote ‘Lost’ when I came back. Just a
lot of memories in those summer nights. I felt the most lonely when making
this album. My mind was full of worries—who would listen to this? Would
they listen to it carefully with all their hearts?
But when the album came out, I really felt that we are enjoying this
honor with extravagance. Every time. Let it be music or performance, if we try
our best with all our hearts, there will always be people listening to and
watching us. That’s really a comfort for us.
There will be more ups and downs ahead, but we should get up on our
feet even if we fall; it’s not death anyway. I’ll try to think the end is not the
end. Though it might sound ironic, I sometimes try to think that the present is
the worst. Drizzly. Just feel appreciative, look back at ourselves and feel
happy. Past and present are just like my desert and sea.
I’m sure tomorrow will be another history for BTS. We tried really hard to
make it… so we will spread our wings. You have wings and so do we. Despite
all of this, I strongly believe there will be better days ahead in our lives. I
really, really, hope for that. I feel thankful for our members everyday. It’s an
honor to have you with us again. Please take care of our wings.
P.S. This was just my flow of thoughts.
P.P.S. I think of Epik High hyungs’ ‘Fly’, the song that made me into
another person. Are we ready to fly? I’ll think about it.
Translation:
@btsfc
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V-Live October 20, 2016: Wings Behind

RM’s VLives are always stream of consciousness, but he jumps around a lot in
this one, saying whatever comes to his head in the moment. So if it seems to
be chaotic… that’s because it is.
I’ll do a behind broadcast today. Are you guys listening to “Spring Day”
and “Not today”? […]
I’m continuing with the live broadcast that Suga didn’t do and today, I’ll
talk about “WINGS”. As someone who put a lot o f my ideas into this album,
I’ll review the album ‘Wings’ for you guys. You may not be familiar with this
setting. This is J-Hopes room. […]
I will talk about the album now. “Wings: A Supplementary Story”. The
title of the song is “Spring Day”. And when you hear that keyword you realize
that it’s not a phrase that you use often. But spring day isn’t a new phrase
either. Spring Day? I think it’s a work that makes you feel flustered, I really
like it. When I got the track, when I first heard the song — everyone writes
their own melody and we all write it in our heads. The part where it says “I
miss you” was written down beforehand. But the melody was “I miss
you~~” (singing) That’s all it had. I couldn't think of anything else. I put that
melody aside. I was thinking about what to do, because I wanted to write an
amazing main melody. I was just thinking about that and… did you know that I
like to look for hidden attraction spots? I’m always looking for hidden attrac-
tion spots. There’s a Saetgang Eco Park near Yeouinaru Station. I decided to
go there. I’m not sure why I did that, but if I see something I like while I’m in a
taxi, I’ll turn on the NAVER map and tell myself that I need to go there next
time. Then I end up really going. But that day… I wanted to go to Saetgang Eco
Park. […]
As I was walking in the park, I was getting emotional and listening to the
track for Spring Day. As expected it is Pdogg. He made us an amazing track,
but I’m not good at making popular melodies. J-Hope is a lot better than me,
so as I was contemplating what to do, I saw fallen leaves. When was that? It
was in December or November. Anyways, there was a pile of dead leaves. It
was just a pile of leaves. But the leaves that day were very… what was it? I
felt very strange while I was looking at them. So I picked one up and I was
looking at it. The reason I picked up the leaf was because when they fall,
they have the remaining parts left. The dead leaves that were closed looked
like an umbrella. It looked like they were holding an umbrella. A dead leaf
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umbrella. Do you guys know who “Totoro” is? [...] I love it. I love the charac-
ter. I really liked the leaves that were crinkled into an umbrella and it looked
like the umbrella from “Totoro”. Do you remember sending dry leaves in a
letter when you were younger? You’d dry up the leaves and leave them in
your wallet or notebook for a year. You would see a dry gingko leaf and send
it in a letter. Have you guys done that before? You've don’t that for home-
work, right?
That’s what I thought about. I was thinking about how pretty the leaves
were, and there was wind blowing all of a sudden. It was passing like the
wind~ (singing.). All the leaves fell. The leaf that I was holding fell and that’s
when I thought of the phrase ‘Leaves are falling.’ The leaves are falling. It was
fate that I came up with the melody after that.
It was leaves, not snow flowers. The leaves are falling~ (singing) It’s slowly
going farther away. It was up to here, but after I attached it to “I miss you”,
the melody matched it perfectly. So wow, but, at that point, my emotions
just vanished! I had gone to Saetgang station to rest, but that was definitely
not what happened. I just listened to the beat for an hour and walked around.
Not Han River.. As I was walking around Saetgang, located in Yeouido, I was
verifying whether it was a good melody or not.
(singing) “The leaves are falling~” I’d do this by myself. I thought it was
really great. As I thought about it, I liked it too. I’m influenced with what I
write. I’d think that it sounds really great at the time, and after I refresh my
head and listen to it again, there are times when I think it’s horrible. Have you
guys experienced this before? You’re writing a letter and you feel very embar-
rassed reading it the next day. “Wow! How did I write this letter?” There are
times when I’ve felt that before. I turned off the track and sat in front of the
leaves for 20 minutes. When did I listen to? I listened to ‘MAMA’ and ‘Lie’.
After refreshing my ears, and listening to the track again… I tried singing it
again and it sounded so great. I was set with that. So when they send us the
melody, they send a lot of alternative ones as well. They send this and that,
because they hope that we’ll pick one out of the bunch. However, I received
this and it was a one shot one kill.
To be honest, this is a really high pitched song for me. So when I sent
them the song, I tried doing this, (*singing*), but I increased the pitch and
sent it back like this. At first, Producer Bang listened to it and said it was
great, but that he couldn’t tell for sure because I was the one singing it.
*laughs* “I think it sounds good, but I can’t tell because you’re singing. I
287
think the vocalists should try singing it.” So I said, “Yeah, it probably doesn’t
sound that great because I’m singing it. It’ll sound great if Jungkook, Jimin, V,
or Jin sings this song.” I left it alone thinking it was approved. As expected—it
was accepted. I was very happy about that. I wrote the chorus, my rapping
part, and half of the lyrics for “Spring Day.” It started off at leaves, and it was
changed to snow flowers according to the season. I think a great song was
produced because other people helped me with the melody and lyrics.
Do you guys like the song “Spring Day”? “Spring Day” is similar to “I Need
U” and “Run”. Out of my friends, there was someone who always said, “I
don’t know any of BTS’s songs”. But he called me recently saying, “Hey, your
guys’ songs are pretty good.” I said, “Oh, okay, but they were good to begin
with.” I said it how Jin would say it. It’s delightful, isn’t it? If you know anyone
who doesn’t like our songs, have them listen to “Spring Day”.
[He then translates his story of writing the song into English.]
It was the first time I wrote the chorus part of the title song. I was a bit
lacking when it came to thinking about the melody for the title song. I
thought maybe I wasn’t sensible enough, but this was my first time doing it, so
I was a bit excited. It’s not anything big, but I wanted to tell you guys because I
was so excited. I’ve been listening to “Spring Day” often.
[…]
Okay, “Not Today”. If you like “Not Today” better than Spring Day raise
your hand. Ahh….. Please don’t do that, I wrote Spring Day. *laughs* I’m just
joking. I think “Not Today” is a bit similar to “Fire” and “Dope” if you like faint
and calm emotions you'll like Spring Day better. If you like Fire and Dope, then
I think you’ll like Not Today better. However, I like both songs, so I choose
both. BTS likes both of them. […]
‘Aim you gun and fire~’ (singing) something like that. That part was given
to us from our respectable Producer Bang Si-Hyuk. Producer Bang Si-Hyuk did
that part with his unique voice, and I was very worried at first. I said, “Isn’t
‘Aim your gun and fire’ a bit strange Producer?” Who is it? Who sang, “Aim
your gun and fire?” [on the track] You guys know who it is. Jungkookie did
that part, and I think he did a great job. There’s a voice that comes out when
the older members are growling, “Hey ! Hey! Do you want to get hit?” There’s
a voice like that. He did the “aim your gun and fire” line with that voice, so we
were very thankful. I think that’s a great part from the song “Not Today.”
I wrote only the rap part for the song “Not Today”. J-hope and Suga were
busy at the time, so I wrote all the rap parts and that’s what we ended up
288
using. Other people helped us with the melody and lyrics.

I personally think “Not Today” is a great song. “I will not die today.” I
must die… we will all die someday, but not today. We’re all going to die, but
not today! Not today! We’ll have a concert, but not today! Today is Valen-
tine’s Day. So, yeah, maybe tomorrow, I don’t know what I’m saying. Arigato!!
I thought about “No More Dream” as I was writing “Not Today”. When I
first wrote “No More Dream” a while back, I thought, “Hey, what’s your
dream?” That 18-year old spirit! [he says ‘20 year old’, 18 is international
age.] That hot bald head. No, it wasn’t bald. That extremely curly hair. I
thought about that while writing the lyrics.
I didn't talk about my friend when I was talking about ‘Spring Day.’ [yes,
he did just change topics that abruptly.] I thought about my friend while I was
writing Spring Day. The best school years of my life were during my third year
in middle school and first semester in high school. I still meet a lot of my
friends from that time. I meet the friends who are now adults, and there are
friends who went to the army or are employed. There are also friends who
are still in school or doing other things. I’ve always wanted to write a song
about my friends. I wrote a song called “Take Care” when I was a trainee, and
those were the lyrics. I couldn’t see my friends often when I was a trainee,
because I was living in Gangnam. “Don’t ask me if I’m doing well. I’ll always
be like that~” (singing). It was something like that, and my friends…. I do this
because it’s a habit as well, but friends that you don’t see often usually ask,
“How have you been?”
I’m sure you guys do this as well. To those friends who live far away, if I
live in Busan, and there are friends who moved to Ilsan or Seoul, we ask
whether they’re doing well. That’s so sad, but the friend is asking me without
thinking about it. Asking someone if they are doing well makes me sad be-
cause it makes me realize that there’s a distance between us. So I especially
wrote that song thinking about my friends from middle school and high
school.
I have 5 friends that I’ve known for more than 10 years now and those
friends, I wrote the song thinking about the times when we used to play at
the karaoke room, kindergarten, and elementary school. My 1st year in high
school was the most memorable. My school was very strict at the time, and I
was bald. People called it 12mm. It was 9mm. I would get in trouble if my hair
was sticking out. Those were the days. But all the guys were bald. Everyone
looks the same when they’re bald. There were times when we’d go out at
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night and go buy food at 10 or 11 o’clock. We’d secretly watch “Music Bank”
on the PMP. It was fun throwing erasers at your friends at that time. The
friends that I want to go back to. Although we can’t go back to those days, I
wrote the lyrics as I thought about my friends.
There were many friends that I got in touch with and since I contacted
them first they said — those friends that I talked to after a long time said,
“Why didn’t you contact me? You should’ve!” Everyone said that. They said,
“If I contacted you, I didn’t want to come across as someone who uses you
just because you’re famous now. It was difficult for me to contact you even
though I know your number…” But I would think about why they weren’t con-
tacting me. As I think about it, I should’ve contacted them first. I didn’t know
they were thinking that way. I learned a lot, and I was shocked that they
wanted to contact me but were hesitant to. I felt thankful, and sorry, and
realized that I should contact them first. If you have friends that you want to
see, make sure to contact them first. It’s not easy to message or call them
first, but you can redevelop the connection that you’ve been forgetting
about. Seriously! I have a lot of friends like that. So I hope you guys do that.
[Translates what he just said into English. Then he acts out calling his
friend in English. Then Japanese. Then translates his advice into Japanese.
This vlive is so fun, I love it.]
What am I saying right now? I wrote down what I was going to say.
[That’s news to the viewers because he hasn’t once looked at a piece of pa-
per. Nor does he do so now.] There’s a music video for Not Today. I’m going
back and forth with Not Today and Spring Day. I can’t choose which song I like
better. So, Not Today, to be honest, I like Spring Day better. Anyways, we
couldn’t watch the music video for Not Today yet. I’m assuming the music
video turned out amazing. Are you guys looking forward to it? Stay tuned for
the video for Not Today. It’s going to be dope! It’s going to be super hot! Not
Today!
[…]
I’m sorry everyone. I thought hard about what to say, but I’m talking
about whatever I want because I love you guys. What’s wrong with my face?
It’s so dark. However, love is true. It says “Luv is True” on my hat. And I’m
doing a live broadcast at J-Hope’s studio. Come on J-Hope!
Next, full version of “Wings”. How was it? Did you like the full version of
Wings? I liked J-Hope’s additional rap part. I think it’s really cool and I liked
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the full version. I’ll stop there. I’ll post a short version of Wings on my SNS
soon. I made the draft for Wings. It’s a different vibe than the one that’s out
right now. There are strings and (*sings*). It wasn’t like that to begin with
and my emotions… I’ll let you guys hear it after I ask Jungkook to guide it. “If
my wings could fly~~” (sings). It’s something like that. “If I could fly, if I could
run away forever~~” If my wings could fly ~~” it’s something like this.
It’d be great if we could make something with that version. Producer
Bang… was it Producer Bang? Producer Bang and Pdogg said that it was really
good, but it suddenly became another song. I couldn’t say no to that song
because it was really good. But please keep in mind that Wings had a draft
version. I made the original version of Wings. But it couldn’t come out into
the world (*fake crying*) because Pdogg and PD Bang made a new version
but it was super dope and better, but I admit it, I admit it, the new version is
better, but some day I’ll show you guys my original version. Okay?!
I don’t like this filter. Sheesh! I should have changed it earlier! Namjoon!
It’s been 5 years and you’re still not good with the lighting. […]
A Supplementary Story “You Never Walk Alone~” (singing), it’s some-
thing like that. To be honest, I didn’t know that I’d be in charge of the third
rapping part. The producer said something, so we decided to come together,
because this project was as difficult as Young Forever, so with the topic of
“You Never Walk Alone,” we wanted to come together and write the story.
The phrase “You Never Walk Alone” was repeated in the music video.
After changing my style, my tone has gotten deeper, so songs like “What
am I to You” (*sings) I’m not good at doing things like this—I really liked that
kind of style, but I was able to change my style after I began to like this kind
of style (*sings in a different style). However, after I was in charge of the in-
troduction and climax, I — what were the lyrics? (*Raps nonsense) I do this
kind of stuff. It was fun. After listening to it, I thought that it came out great. I
made the ending part of “You Never Walk Alone” . What were the lyrics?
(*sings nonsense). I wrote that part.
And that’s a bit—do you guys know who Anderson Paak is? Anderson
Paak. Do you know Usher or Anderson Paak? It’s like (*sings*). I told my vo-
calist friends to sing it like that. “If you end up recording this part, make it like
this~~.” (*Sings) I told them to sing it like that and Slow Rabbit edited it to
make it smoother. I told Jimin to sing it like that, but Jimin changed it like this
(*sings), so I was a bit upset. That’s a behind story. “Crawl, crawl, crawl, baby
walk it like ~” (sings, again) I wrote this part. It’s not time for to brag about
291
myself. Pay attention. (*playfully smacks his own face*).

[English:] Do you know what I mean. There is no language barrier be-
tween you and me? Between BTS and ARMY, we are above the walls of lan-
guages. Got it? Do you see that? Do you feel that? Can you feel that?
[Korean:] Anyways. What was I talking about? Uh, I have to talk about
things you guys are curious about. And lastly, shouldn’t we end this with a
rappers voice? “Can you smile if we are together?~” (*sings) Doesn’t every-
one say this at the end? Suga did a great job of doing the ending, but the
three of us recorded this part. To be honest, I had high expectations. I was
hoping the song would end with my voice, but it ended with Suga’s voice. I
think J-Hope was looking forward to it as well. “Can you smile if we’re togeth-
er?” I’m sure he thought he would do it, but Suga’s voice sounded the best.
I’m a thorough and capable person. No matter how many melodies and
lyrics I write, the person who sounds the best is chosen. And that’s why
Jungkook wrote the melody for “Run”. Since the results have to come out
great, we must choose the person who’s most capable. Although we record
three people, we only need one person to sound good. Like that—I’m not
sure if it’s cool, but (*awkward laugh) that’s how it goes.
It’s J-Hope’s birthday soon, and ‘Hwarang’ is going to be on soon. Right? I
wanted to do this broadcast before ‘Hwarang’ comes one, because I have to
watch that drama too.
[English:] Guys! We’re having a concert soon! Real soon! Wings tour Real
soon! We’re ready for it. We’re preparing for it. We’re getting ready, memo-
rizing the lyric, memorizing the choreography, and other things as well. You
know.. It’s going to be lit. Yeah!
[Korean:] I must talk about the concert, and we’re all working very hard.
There are some members who are practicing right now. I need to go practice
with them, and I think it’s going to be really great. Are you guys curious about
what we’re going to do? Are you curious? Thinking about our set list is one of
the greatest factors of having a concert. That’s what I think everyone. We’re
thinking about a set list. We’ll do this song? We don’t do this song? We’ll do
this song? We won’t do this song? It’s like that…. That’s the fun part of it.
Doesn’t this make your heart flustered? I just caught a Dragonite, and right
when it came out! I hope you guys feel that flustered feeling too. Everyone!
Please look forward to it.
[Reading comment] “Namjoon is definitely going to be kicking his blan-
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kets tomorrow.”
Kicking my blankets… To be honest, I—as someone who has done that
often, I think I’ll be okay. I wanted to increase the tension in order for ARMY
to enjoy our Channel. You guys know that I’m a calm, awesome and passion-
ate person, right? So.. I just lifted up my tension a little bit. For the ARMY
members who subscribed to our channel. I just raised my energy for ARMY
members. Please understand. I’m not usually like this. I’m a versy sweet and
calm… do you know what I mean? Feel the vbe? Thanks.
Chinese. I need to practice my Chinses. [In Chinese:] I’m Rap Monster.
Fighting!
[Korean:] That’s it. The Behind the scenes is finishe dnow. There are a lot
of behind the scenes stories, but the other members must reveal them as
well. I will reveal them with the other members.
Look forward to “Not Today”, the concert, and Hwarang.
There are a lot of things ahead of us, so let’s enjoy them together.
[English:] Enjoy BTS, and enjoy being an ARMY. We are together.
(mumbles in Korean: ’I like being together.’) You never walk alone. I never
walk alone. We never walk alone.
[Japanese:] We are never walking alone.
Korean: I hope everyone has a good day today. Make sure to listen to
“Spring Day” and “Not Today”. Listen to “You Never Walk Alone” as well! Lis-
ten to them often. This was fun, and my throat is hurting now. I will take care
of my throat.
Heart.
I love you.
Bye! (almost drops the camera)
Bye!
Source: Vlive (now Weverse live)
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I wanted to tell this story so badly…
The day before yesterday, I took a taxi to my studio. The taxi driver’s
voice was so cool that I unconsciously started to admire it and talked to him
about this and that. Even his replies were cool. “It’s just cool because you like
it that much. Hahaha”, He used very polite expressions…
Despite the clear generational difference between us, I felt so respected
by him that it were as though I were one of his business colleagues. I secretly
thought that I wanted to grow old like this. He asked where I wanted to go. I
told him I was going to the studio so he asked if I was making music. He asked
what group I was in, and when I replied BTS, he said he knew us very well. He
even turned on Melon and the most recently played song was ‘Dope.’ It
turned out that the driver was 57 years old. I asked how he knew about us.
He smiled and said he drove many of our fans when we had a fan meeting at
Hwajung gymnastics last year. He said that if he had passengers from Japan
or China, he always turns on BTS music first. He even thanked me because “I
got tip money thanks to BTS, haha.”
He said he was a fashion designer when he was young. He always tried to
live with a young mind. He said BTS music was great, so he listened to it and
began liking it. He even caught up with the news and told me about Billboard.
The best thing about this was that I could feel the sincerity in his heart. It was
my first time having an experience like this. I didn’t know elders would listen
to our music so genuinely, so it gave me hope.
Yes— Maybe the winter wind isn’t so harsh. Things like this do happen
when you live long enough… You must stay alive to see this.1 Just about thirty
minutes talking with the taxi driver warmed up my day. I didn’t forget him
wishing me a good day when it was time to get off.
That moment, more than others, I appreciated it. Thank you, driver.
Translation: @btsfc
1
On January 1st, 2017 (in two months), RM would drop “Always” on
SoundCloud. The song begins with the lines, “One morning I woke up and
wished I were dead.” In an upcoming V-Live on November 28th, Namjoon
will urge his listeners to “Keep living.”
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I think that winter is here! Winter has a smell. It gets carried in the
wind and I definitely smelled it in the air today. Chinese silver grass is pretty
during this season, so I quietly went to go see some. It was pretty cool
because no matter how much their thin bodies were swept around this way
and that way, they never fell over completely.
I was going to order some coffee but ended up getting the hazelnut
flavor, which tasted like water with a bit of hot chocolate sneaked in (I
should've just ordered hot chocolate…). Despite the fact that the wind felt
like knives and that I burned my tongue drinking the hazelnut coffee, I was
in a pretty good mood. I went back and forth between listening to music
and not listening to any because sometimes the random chatter of people
sounds better than any lyrics in the world. There was a couple taking their
wedding pictures, but they didn’t look cold despite the freezing
temperature. Probably just my imagination. The couple was beautiful, just
like the Chinese silver grass. October passed by more intensely and quickly
than any other month. We’ve passed the three week mark since our
comeback, but I still lose track of time. A lot of things have happened.
There will be many things happening in November and December as
well. We’ll talk later about what happened in those months after the time
has passed by.
I’m thankful that I have a workplace to return to even after resting,
looking at the beautiful Chinese silver grass. I think that we live while not
really being able to distinguish between work and daily life. Someone told
me once that this separation is important. Imagine Paris and the
Mediterranean and a field of Chinese silver grass while working and be
thankful. Be thankful that you have a workplace to return to during times of
reward and rest.
What about you? How are you living? I ask myself about how I’m living
my life, and I am incorporating these answers into the mixtape I’m making.
Sometimes the process is slow and other times it’s fast, but I’m bound to
have a result if I keep working at it like this, right? I think a lot about the
kind of music I should make, the types of stories I should tell. It’s always
been like this.
I think winter hardens the body but loosens up the mind. It’s bad for
your posture if your walking around bunched up from the cold, so always
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keep your neck and shoulders warm. I suggest you keep turtlenecks and
scarves close for this winter. Don’t have your heater on for too long… you’re
going to swell up.
School, work — it’s all hard, but let’s keep going while thinking of Paris,
and the fields of Chinese silver grass! Some people were waiting for winter
while others dreaded it, but it’s finally here. I’m not sure. Time goes by slowly
yet quickly, and we are still alive, aren’t we?
I always, always pray that my thoughts and my mind will reach you and
that you will wave your hand at me—like the Chinese silver grass. I look
forward to another winter with you.
Translation: @btsfc
296

BTS have finished their last stages. Our final stages ended and it rained. It
was as though it had been waiting to rain.
I don’t remember whether I started to like the rain at the same time I
started to learn about loneliness. No one understands, but I usually go out
without an umbrella to feel the sprinkling rain while wandering alone.
(Actually, I only do this sometimes these days.) The rain is just like music. They
both change their looks and imply different things according to the situations
and backgrounds at the time. There are times rain is the ultimate sorry, while
other times it is the complete opposite — the purification, relaxation, bitter
smile, etc.. I still like the scent of the rain just like before. Maybe because it
washes the dust away.
During these years, I’ve always wanted to write songs about rain (We
have ‘Rain’ but… I want a version with my own style.) I couldn’t make it yet…
There are many songs I like about the rain: Epik High hyungs’ ‘Umbrella’, ‘Let
It Rain’, Younha noona’s ‘Sound of the Rain’, X-Japan’s ‘Endless Rain’,
FreeTEMPO’s ‘Rain’, Razah’s ‘Rain’, Mr. Kim Hyunshik’s ‘Like Rain, Like Music’,
etc. We can tell the rain is just willing to be someone’s muse. And the rain
makes the world more live-worthy.
When I was young, I learned from a science book that the amount of
water on earth is fixed — it becomes seas, rivers and rain, it just goes around
the earth. It’s really amazing. The raindrops from my window now may be
from Himalayas faraway, many times mixed and divided. I wish I could live like
those raindrops, and then I wonder whether raindrops feel lonely. It’s a little
bit pathetic. Such thoughts came over and over.
Anyway, a month has passed just like a panorama, with events as
numerous as the rain. I just can’t believe we finished the last stage. I know
I’ve said it a lot but this time I truly felt it—for myself and you all, it’s been
four weeks with more rain than ever. People say this time there have been
many records: “highest rainfall in Korea in many years”, “first time rain like
this like that”, “x00mm” Of course, it’s a good thing, but our rain cannot
remain just by those figures like that. Those figures are just for us to know.
Because before becoming these raindrops, they had rained countlessly over
again—it always rains on our eyes, your eyes, and also on my body every time
I stand on stage. Floods and waves are raging all the time.
I’m so happy at this moment. I’m not that far away; the raindrops right
here are getting mixed and raining down on you all. So I want to say, I don’t
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want us to just stay as various numbers and figures. They say singers follow
titles. Like this song title, our blood sweat and tears are all in this rain. Listen
carefully to the rain sound this moment! What is it trying to tell us?
P.S. I’m sorry if it sounds a little greasy. But it’s the last stage anyway! Its
my last stage feeling.
Translation: @btsfc
Note: Namjoon is likely focusing on the ‘records/figures’ of the rain because

of records/figures of the commercial success of their recent Wings album (less
than a month old) - reminding himself of the difference between the numbers
and the story of things.
According to Wikipedia:
Wings pre-orders reached 500,000 copies on its first week, 200,000 more than
BTS' previous album. "Blood Sweat & Tears" then broke the record for fastest K-pop
music video to reach 10 million views.
Shortly after release, the group achieved an 'all-kill', simultaneously holding the
No. 1 position on all major South Korean music charts. The album's lead single, "Blood
Sweat & Tears", became the group's first domestic No. 1 hit on Gaon Digital Chart. All
15 song s on the album charted in the top 50 of the Gaon Digital Chart. Thirteen of the
album's songs charted on Billboard World Digital Songs with the lead single debuted at
No. 1 on its first week.
It broke South Korea album chart records as the highest-selling album on its Gaon
Monthly Chart and was the highest-selling album since the Gaon chart's inception.
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V-Live: November 28, 2016

Paraphrasing will be in italics. Transcript is slightly abridged, with omitted
sections marked with ellipses.
I’ll start talking with 1,000 viewers…. Our fan meeting was today and it
was great fun. The excitement lingered. So I turned this on…. It’s great that
we can meet, right? Well, for now, I don’t know what to say…. College
entrance exams were not long ago. Great job. You did great. Exams reminded
me of the day I took it. I just took the exam. I meant to do well. But I don’t
think I did well. I didn’t study much then so it’s a sure thing that I didn’t get a
good score. I just took it……
Korean! I wanted to talk about Korean! Korean. What was it? Korean is
very pretty, right? Korean is really pretty. I think Korean is really great because
it is fun. The Korean word for human is ’saram’ (사람) and love (’sarang’, 사
랑) are similar. Human and love. They sound similar. Throughout our lives,
everyone loves. Not only guys and girls, you love your parents, and you love
the world. You love your friends too. So many different types of love. You love
your teacher, so many more. You can’t live without love. So I think since long
ago, when Korean was first made, ‘human’ and ‘love’ were made similarly on
purpose. Don’t you think so? Isn’t that fun? And the word ‘to live’ ‘(‘salda’, 살
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다) . ‘Human,’ ‘love’, ‘live’. These three words are undeniably connected. So I

think they were made to sound similar.
And there are these two Chinese characters. “Daily” and “ideal”, these
two. Daily is what you do everyday. Ideal is what’s quite different. I’m not
sharp on Chinese characters. They’re maybe different Chinese letters, I’m not
sure about that. I think the words “daily” and “ideal” are like this — they both
include the character “image”. For “daily,” “image” is on a primary level, but
for “ideal”, its on a second level of the meaning of “image”. That’s what I
thought. I wanted to talk about that. And I wanted to just show you my
face……
I also wanted to talk about teachers. It’s important to meet great
teachers in school days. I visited mine not long back. I keep in contact with
some great teachers. Back in high school when I came to Apgujeong, I met
great teachers. They were truly understanding. I had a lot of luck with
teachers. So I’ve always received their consideration and teachings.
They all said this: “I never expected you to become and idol”. That’s what
many say. Yeah, you never know. Everyone—you have to wait and see what
happens, how you’ll turn out in 10 years. Aren’t you curious? I always thought
of my ‘10 years later’. When I was in 6th grade, I thought I’d become a poet or
writer. I’m doing something similar, right? But then, I didn’t expect to be an
idol. I didn’t expect to be in BTS, to hold fan meetings and sing at concerts. So
see how you’ll turn out. There might be turning points in your life. So live to
see them through. What am I saying?
There’s another thing I wanted to say. I brought my laptop to work but
then I forgot my cord. So I can’t work. I have my mic and amp and everything
else. But no charging cable…..
… In your neighborhood you can walk around. Eating and drinking alone is
the trend these days. I think that’s great. Even if you do something alone,
people don’t’ think you’re weird. But it’s like that—you live life alone. When I
walk alone, I straighten out my thoughts and get inspirations for music. Lots
of that comes to mind. So I hope you walk around pretty spots. But no matter
the inspirations I get, I didn’t bring my charger. Don’t be like me today; be
more sharp. Be sharp and take care…..
I wanted to say this too, about my school days. It was the most fun in
high school and my last year of middle school. My high school was really
strict. Everyone had really short hair. We got in trouble for putting on wax. My
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school was really strict, so it was hard. Some students run off from night
classes, but you’d get in trouble so no one could. But it was the most fun
then.
I went there for one semester. For our night class, this what I did. I
wanted to study. I fooled around at first, but before tests, I turned my desk
backwards and studied facing the lockers. Then others shot erasers at me.
They threw erasers. You know those kind. The round, small erasers. They
threw them at me. I’d ask, ‘who threw that?’ but no one answered.
And every Friday, ‘Music Bank’ was always on. PMP was the newest
technology then. I watched ‘Music Bank’ on PMP during the self-study time
after school. I wonder if there are fans who do that these days. It was amazing
when I first appeared on Music Bank. I was like, “I’m on the Music Bank that I
used to watch during self-study time. I thought, ‘oh my god, it’s so amazing.’
And I’m amazed at ARMY who are in uniforms. Time flies so quickly don’t
you think?
Anyways, some viewers asked about what types of songs I listen to these
days. I listen to Lee Sora’s songs these days. Its’ coming up. Her 9th album is
coming up and I’m looking forward to it. And Bruno Mars also released a new
album. And there’s also Weekend’s new album. The best.
And I’ve been reading… Michael… I can’t remember the name…. Michael
Saunders? Michael Kors? No, I think he’s a designer. I remember Michael
something. There are so many Michaels….. I don’t know his name. But he
wrote “Justice”. I think I’m always late. I always read books after others read
them. I heard about Justice a while ago. My teachers recommended it. I think
it’s great.
There’s a saying that I love. It’s by Nietzsche. It’s also at the back of V’s
concept photo. It’s a saying I used to like. I ‘ve always written in the memo
application in my cell phone: “One must still have chaos within oneself to give
birth to a dancing star.” I’m not sure how to say it in English. [tries.]
It’s a special saying because a dancing star… “One must still have chaos
within oneself to give birth to a dancing star.” I think it’s a very pretty saying. I
love the texture of the words.
I have a teacher who counsels me and helps me with what I feel. I call
him Mr. Ju. I’m not sure if he’s watching this. He always tells me that I go on
and on because I have a lot on my mind. I talk for an hour at a café and my
teacher listens to my stories, and when I ask, “Am I a weirdo?” “Am I thinking
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too many useless things?”, well, some people say I have too much on my mind
for nothing. And some people say that I’m immature. But my teacher told me
this — there might be some people like me out there, so let me tell you this
too — my teacher told me that having so many thoughts at the age of 23 is
not weird, since your thoughts put out branches. And it hurts and makes you
confused. But you’ll be in your 30s one day—my teacher is in his 40s—when
you’re in your 30s and 40s, the branches will be pruned and become a very
large tree.
That consoled me a lot even though it might not mean anything. I’m sure
there are people like me out there, having a lot on my mind and thinking more
than anyone else. Thinking I’m the weird one. I think some of you might be like
me. Consider it as branches of your younger days, of a young tree. It will be an
experience. Of course it will hurt. You’ll have to go through a lot and pruning
will hurt. But after time, you will be a great tree. I hope that each of you could
be a great tree. Trees have names. I’m not sure if they have meanings as well.
As trees have names, I’m sure that you all have great names and meanings. I’d
like to say this in English [repeats what he said in English].
I sometimes meet some really good and cool old people. They’ve got so…
they got the attitude and the experience. So maybe we can one day have that.
Anyway, I’ve spoken in English a lot. I wrote about it in Fan Café, about the taxi
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driver. There are a lot of gentlemen who aged well. And they are so… there’s a
saying that ‘a dying man is like a library on fire’. They’re the ones who have
gone though all the hardship we’re going through. Despite all that, they
respect us and use honorific language. There are a lot of amazing seniors who
teach us so many things. After pruning and cutting our branches, one day we
will be a great tree like that. To me, they are great trees. Trees that lived for
200, 300 years have very strong roots. I wanted to be like that.
I’ve talked so much about trees. That’s why I love trees. I love trees so I
search for trees too. I’ve been to most parks in Seoul. Yeouido Park, Seoul
Forest, Hyochang Park, I go to Sky Park a lot. I love nature and all you do is
hang out with your friends, I used to have a lot of friends in the past. Just
friends. It’s fun to be around them. That’s not weird. I used to play ‘Sudden
Attack’ with them. But as time goes by and we get to be in a certain position
in society and things change, there are fewer people you can share your heart
with. It doesn’t mean that I’m not opening up. It’s not good to think, “The
friends that I make now won’t understand me.” Anyways, if you have one or
two friends you can share everything with, share what’s on your mind.
Also, I try being alone. Instead of being together, you need some time
alone. Myself who is inside of me is also my friend. This friend has lived with
me for 22 years. This friend has been in me for 22 years, but I might not know
this friend perfectly. So it’s important to take time to get to know this friend. I
think that’s why people these days eat alone, drink alone and even watch
movies alone. And that has become natural. I think it’s a good phenomenon.
Being alone is not a weird thing. Eating alone doesn’t mean you’re an outcast.
That’s really… since we’re born alone, we all need some time to be alone. Ok?
So don’t think it’s unnatural. When I was in school, I felt embarrassed when I
went to eat lunch alone. But actually, I was alone quite often in my high
school years. I left early and slept a lot. And I ate alone too. But there were
friends who would wake me up when it was time to eat and consoled me.
They’re still around me and I travel with them. Although I travel alone more.
Although my friends would like to just drink and play billiards, they go to
travel with me silently and enjoy the sunrise at Jungdongjin. They like to lie
down on the grass of Olympic Park and look at the sky. Although there aren’t
many friends like that, I’m grateful I have some. In my heart, I’d like to go with
you too. I think like this a lot. If you read a letter, you can see what kind of
thoughts and life the writer has. I think that I’d like to talk with this person at
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a café for an hour and share what I’ve been through and what this person has
in mind. Something that makes me difficult. I’d like to share that. I think like
this a lot. I’m not sure. I think that it could be possible one day. We’re all
people. Since we are people, as I said, we should love. As we love right now,
and as we love our parents, we should love. We should love as we love our
friends, and that’s what keeps us going. ‘People’ (’saram’ 사람),
‘love’ (’sarang’ 사랑) and ‘life’ (‘insaeng’ 인생). There could be a new word
for this. Anyways.
Yes, we’re doing well….. Some people might have not done well on their
exams. Some of my friends went to the military and just now took exams. I
shouldn't talk about other people’s business recklessly.
But anyway, the fact that we’re alive is enough for us to be respected.
Right? I think that’s why people like movies. Through a movie, you can
experience the life of another person. You can just lie down and watch how
others live and love. That’s why we watch movies and read books and get
absorbed in them for a while. I was so absorbed with “The Truman Show”. For
a while, the entire world seemed fake. I think everyone who watched the
movie felt like me. That the world is a play and we could one day go to the sky
like Jim Carrey in the movie. That could really happen. I thought like that……
I’m going to end the V soon. I can’t work on music these days. I’m
working on it. It worked out well for a while, but now I’m in a stagnant period.
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I’m listening to a lot of things and reading your letters. I think the answer is
inside me. Your answers are also inside you. You can find them.
One of my friends that I made in Apgujeong when I was a trainee, I had a
homework from the company to write a song about a friend. So I searched
for my friend, and it was about him. Do you know what song was based on
him? “Like A Star”. It’s about me too, but actually my friend told me about it.
Have I ever mentioned this? That friend told me. He was a quiet person who
got along well with me. We were sitting at a café, and the first thing he said
was, “My life was…” — he was 19 at the time. — “My life was so grey.” That
sentence was so shocking to me. It was like from the novel, “The Stranger”.1
My mother died today. Maybe it was yesterday.” He said, “My life was grey.”
I’m not sure why that was so shocking. He told me this: “I neither went astray
nor studied hard. I kind of studied. I have a lot of friends, but it’s ambiguous.”
When people recall black and white, although everyone might have different
thoughts, it is quite clear. But when people think of “grey”, it’ll be more
diverse. It could be light gray, almost like white, or dark grey, or graded grey.
There could be many greys people picture.
When he said that, I felt for him. I thought about what I did passionately.
I just studied hard because I vaguely thought that I wanted to enter a decent
university. I didn’t know what I liked. I liked music, but I wasn’t sure it was a
sure thing for me. I didn’t have conviction at the time. So I wrote about him.
If I listen to your stories, I think I could make an album quickly. But since I
can’t do that, I’m searching for it inside me and watching movies and books.
It’s not easy, but let’s live our lives to the fullest. You don’t have to live it to
the fullest, but you can still think that you’re living it to the fullest. What am I
saying?
Anyway. I’m sure you have a lot on your mind, right? Some of you might
be waiting for the news that you entered the university. Some of you might
be facing the problem of your life. Some of you may be happy or tired
because you’ve found the solution. Some of you might not have. Anyways, we
have similar thoughts and troubles. But that doesn’t mean that there’s a
solution. Meet your friends and share your stories. Talk about what makes
you difficult. ‘This bothers me these days.’ ‘Really? This bothers me. What
should I do?’ ‘I think you should do it like this.’ ‘No, it’s actually like that.’
It doesn’t give you a solution even if you talk on and on for hours. I think
it will be the same for you. It doesn’t give you the answer. My friends and I
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don’t have the answer. I don’t think the great 57-year-old taxi driver that I
met will give me the answer. I’m the one with the answer to my life. But the
fact that you listen to it gives you a lot of consolation. Just that gives you
consolation. Just eating and talking. Although there was no solution, he
listened to my stories and I listened to him, that is enough. I hope this V is
enough for you in that way. I hope that my music and BTS’s songs give you
comfort like that.
Music is good because it can be with you all the time. You can play it
when you take a shower or when you sleep. It’s not good when you study, but
I turned it on when I studied. I don’t recommend you do that. (laughs)
Anyways, that’s the good thing about music—it can be with you like air. I will
work harder for great music. I’m happy to be with you. Feeling good is
happiness. It’s not something big.
Bye. Go to sleep. Thank you. Thank you everyone in the world. Look out
for the 2017 Wings Tour, we’ll be right back. Right in your country. Bye. Good
night.
Source: Vlive (now Weverse Live)

1
Namjoon may also reference the novel “The Stranger” in his song “Yun” on
Indigo (2022), with the line “F*** that s***, the lifestyle of an
étranger“ (DoosletBangtan). Using the French word for “stranger” seems a
specific choice that reflects the novel’s original-language French title.
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The critical point.
Bangtan has received a Daesang. We received the album of the year for
MMA and artist of the year for MAMA. [Note: their 1st two Daesangs]
I really can’t believe it at all. I really don’t know how many times we’ve
received these unbelievable things lately. Just like what I often say: can
dreams come true, or is this reality actually a dream? My mind keeps going
to places.
Even though I’ve told myself to forget about figures, but daesang…
daesang as in the artist of the year, with the weight of it, it’s really different
for me.
We’ve been asked, ‘What is BTS’s power?”, “Where did our charms
come from?”, “How did they make it?”, countless times. And I would
answer nervously because I also don’t know the answer. This may be a bit
ironic, but sometimes, I even thought that “I don’t know” is our power.
As I said, nowadays not even I know the answer. Why did they talk so
nicely to us? The things we are doing right now, what is their meaning?
What will be left? How did we receive this much love? Actually, I’m still
curious. This may sound weird, but I still don’t know the answer. But at this
point, I think all I need to know is actually just: music, performances,
members, and a feeling of thankfulness towards our fans.
Every morning — sitting up and lying back down again — I still feel
thankful from the beginning of the day till the end. With thankfulness
towards the world, it felt that if we made one mistake, we could end up in
the abyss. But with trust and the strength that everyone has together, with
the help of many, we were able to come up and feel thankful. Ah, I’m so
thankful for the weather today. Thankful for the sky that shines brightly.
Thankful for the raindrops that fell on a gloomy day. Thank you, and
thankful for my family and friends and others that love me. Ah, I wanted to
thank you. Thank you so much.
Sometimes, I think to myself that if we realized we were in the abyss
back in the days we were trainees, we would have been running around
just to find places to hide. Maybe this while thing wouldn’t even exist now.
If I wasn’t marked in history, my life wouldn’t be as it is, right? That is why
I’m so thankful. I’m sorry and thank you to my self, to this whole world, and
to others.
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My heart is still the same, no matter where we are. We want to be able to

make eye contact with you at your same level right? If everyone puts me on
their shoulders, I’d see a different world. But I actually want you all to sit on
my shoulders too. The word ‘understand’ comes from ‘under-stand’. It is
because we are humans that we all have the feelings of happiness, sadness,
fear, accomplishments, laughter and tears.
I feel like we are walking towards a different world, a whole new world.
After this, no matter what happens, I also want to see where we are heading.
Aren’t you curious about the place we are flying to? We went through a lot
together; I believe that we’ll be able to do a lot of great things in the future,
things that we never even conceived. I know that being ambiguous is not a
good thing, but this is actually the best ambiguous feeling.
And yeah guys, how about that daesang? I am always ambitious towards
things, but this is just a dream that shines too brightly, something I had never
seen before. Thank you for brining it out to us. Everyday, I understand myself
more because of you guys.
Yesterday, I went to a lake and picked up some leaves that fell. It
reminded me of my childhood, picking up red maple leaves, using one as a
book mark or giving it to a special friend. I’m still like that nowadays. There’s
probably a red maple leaf in everyone’s heart too. Let’s walk together and
support each other to see what the future holds.
Thank you for today too. Thank you.
Translation: @peachBOY_0613
2019 picture, I used it here for the maple leaves

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Always (Soundcloud — January 1, 2017)

One morning, when I opened my eyes,
I wished that I was dead.
I wish someone killed me
in this loud silence.
I live to understand the world,
but the world has never understood me, why?
No, exactly half is missing—
it’s trying to harm me.
I miss me miss me baby

I miss me miss me baby
I wish me I wish me baby
Wish I could choose me
Why is it that I’m so desperate like this

but it doesn’t work out?
Always
Always
Always
Always
Always (I lost my all ways)

If I ever meet God, I’d tell him

that life is a coffee that I never ordered.
I’d tell him, grabbing him by the collar,
that death is an Americano that can’t be refilled.
Are you confident that you’re alive?

If so, how would you prove it?
If I blow my breath, my breath becomes visible in the cold.
The window would get fogged up at least.
You are dead

You are dad, but you are dead
Dead dad you don’t listen to me
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Dad please listen to me.
Why is it that I’m so desperate like this

but it doesn’t work out?
Always
Always
Always
Always

Translation: doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com
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VLive—January 3, 2017
Nice to see you all. I hope you are doing great. Okay, now its 2017,. As
you know, BTS always sees you on Vlive. How have you been? How do you
feel? It’s been three days since 2017 began.
[…]
There’s no special reason for broadcasting, I just wanted to say hi.
[…]
Let me talk about my plans as I’ve been quiet for a while. My plans for
the new year is to become a better person. It may sound like nothing, but it
holds great significance to me. My fans would know what it means to me.
Don’t you feel that I look more comfortable these days? Like I’m more
relaxed? Including my facial expressions? In the past, for example, when we
promoted the previous albums, I tried to have sharp, fierce eyes. “I’m the
monster!” “I need be strong!” You’ve seen me like that in pics or videos.
These days, I look more comfortable and relaxed. You may have noticed me
looking more comfortable.
I changed my mind. Recently, I decided to let go of myself. That’s how I
changed. Right, I recently released a song. The song is titled “Always.” I knew
a lot of fans would feel sad. Despite that, I released it. Why? In fact, I released
the song because I no longer feel like that. I was able to release the song
because I no longer feel like the lyrics. So I was able to release it. When I
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wrote the song, I decided not to release it. I thought the status described in
the lyrics would go on forever. Blaming others — no, not others, but the
world. I thought my status would stay the same and I would never release the
song. The reason I released it now is because I no longer feel as described in
the lyrics. That’s why I was able to release it.
Many fans felt sad about it. However, by releasing the song, it was like
saying ‘bye’ to myself — to my ‘self’ who had been sad in 2016 and 2015.
That’s how it felt. Because, it may sound too serious, but after a series of
incidents that were not beautiful, I had many thoughts. In the beginning,
when others talked about me in a criticizing way, or rather –when others gave
unfavorable feedback or advice — it could be criticism; it could be
condemnation. In the beginning, I thought “Why? Why?” Because I thought, “I
have been like this.” I thought, “I’ve never caused any trouble or
inconvenience to others.” I’ve never thought that I have.
I studied hard when I was young. I worked hard on music. I performed
hard. I liked playing games. That’s what my life consisted of. At school, I was
an obedient student. I did well at school, so teachers liked me. I never fought
with classmates and I was around friends. I’ve never thought that my
behaviors or my music or words could hurt others or cause inconvenience to
others. I’ve never thought that way. As I went through the year 2016, I came
to think about that. My words or behaviors, regardless of my intentions, could
cause troubles or hurt others’ feelings. In the process, I thought, ’I need to
hold responsibility for that and I need to think about such things.’
What I said or did wouldn’t be undone. I realized this. Then, I learned
how to admit myself. It was hard to admit that I could hurt other’s feelings. It
took a long time. I didn’t like to admit that I was wrong. Or, rather than
admitting that I was wrong, it was hard to admit I could hurt others’ feelings.
It was hard to admit. Because I’d never felt that way before.
In the beginning, when I was faced with such criticism, I thought: “Why? I
did it for a reason.” Now, as I said, I feel much better about my feelings and
emotions. Now, when I hear something about me, even if it’s a criticism or
condemnation, I am able to think about what made them say so. What did I
do wrong? What did I do that caused others to feel uncomfortable? What
made them criticize me? I am now able to think about that. For now, I can’t
talk about what was changed in detail. Still, I may have another chance to talk
about it later.
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Anyways, to become a better person, I need to hold responsibility for

what I do. I need to change my mindset. I need to know how to change my
way of thinking if its wrong. I learned I need to hear from many people. I
mean, I came to think like that. When I do something, now I think about ’How
will people feel about my actions?” And then I take action.
That’s why I was able to release ’Always’. The lyrics are very defensive. I
wrote the lyrics a year ago when I felt stressed. A year or so ago—I wrote the
lyrics back then. I am now able to release it because I no longer feel that way.
Now I feel relaxed. In a recent interview with Joongang Ilbo, I talked about
how I feel about myself and my attitude. I talked about this in detail in the
interview but because there were many interviewees, what I said wasn’t
covered in full. I thought that would be the case, but I talked about it
anyways.
In the past, I was so youthful that I stuck to my attitude or way of doing
things whether in music or words. In a bad way, I insisted that I was right.
Last year, I went through some tough times, during which I wrote “Always”. I
fought with myself, and I kept asking, “Why? I think like this. What’s wrong
with it? Why do others not think as I do?” After going through this, I came to
think, “Is there anything I did wrong?” I had a lot of thoughts. “Oh, this is not
good for me,” I came to think.
Anyways, now or in the future, I want to be an artist who has a good
influence. I hope my music would help others. So I decided to go in a better
direction. My goal for 2017 is to be mature in many ways including my way of
thinking. I want to become a person who thinks more righteously, and makes
greater music. That’s my goal. Some songs produced after I made ‘Always’
may be released in the future. They are not that gloomy. I’ve read all the
comments about ‘Always’ on my blog. Some said, ‘thank you,’ some said, ‘its
sad’, some said, “I’m disappointed.” Anyways, I’m fine now since I got out of
that state. I feel much better. I think I’m more relaxed. When others think in a
different way, now I’m able to put myself in their shoes. My heart has
lightened.
I am glad such changes are seen on my face. Many fans have told me that
I look much better now. I am grateful and I feel better now. I met an old
friend and he told me, “Hey, you’re more flexible now.” I said, “What? What
do you mean?” “You’re more flexible now”. It’s so funny. Flexible? I didn’t
dance in front of him. He’s my old friend. We’ve been friends for 15 years. He
explained that I responded better and showed better reactions. I smiled
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more often and looked more comfortable. When he said, “You look more
comfortable,” I said, “Right. I let go of my old self. Because I admitted myself
and accepted myself, it’s easier to admit now,” I said.
In the past, I was concerned about how others think about me. For
example, the issue about hip-hop and being and idol group. I had similar
attitudes about other things. Now, I think about an issue from various
aspects. I realized that there is no absolute truth in this world. Nothing is
absolutely true or absolutely wrong. It gave me a chance to put myself in
others’ shoes. I will continue to become even more comfortable. This will be
the foundation for better songs. Now I am engaged in several projects. The
results will come out this year. They will be greater songs that reflect the
more mature me. I’m learning a lot about the concert.
How do you feel about 2017? Why does “2017” sound so awkward? It
sounds awkward. I feel like the year 2017 doesn’t exist. I feel like it will never
come. Right? I don’t know why it feels surreal. I’m working on great songs. I
don’t know when we can release them. They will be great. I look forward to
them. I want to let you hear them soon. I guess I’ll go to the studio to work on
them after this. It’s fun to work.
[…]
Yoongi?! He’s okay. BTS had dinner together. Yesterday or so we had
dinner together. We had Moroccan food and pasta. We had a great time. We
said, “Right, we need to try harder. Let’s work together. Let’s move in the
same direction! The wall that we need to overcome now is a wall that is much
higher than those we already overcame.” We talked about that.
I’m glad other members have sparkling eyes. They listen to what I say
and I’m doing my best to hear from them. We have sparkling eyes. They are
saying, “We have a long way to go. Let’s work harder!” My dear younger
brothers and J-Hope. J-Hope is my chingu. I’m so glad about that. Jungkook is
doing fine. Right. I want Taehyung to stop playing Overwatch. Is “Hwarang”
on air right now? I don’t think so. It airs at 9pm. BTS can do well this year
without any big accident. We will do out best in each one’s area.
I prayed that we could spread out wings as a group. Everyone shouted
“Bangtan! Bangtan! Bangtan!” at the restaurant. “Bangtan! Bangtan!
Bangtan!” J-hope made us this word: “UWS, DWF”: “United we stand, divided
we fall.” That’s our new jargon these days. UWS, DWF. I believe it’s a
keyword that describes us well.
Everyone, I hope you’re making a good plans for 2017. It’s going all right,
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huh? The fact that you set up goals is important, even if you can’t keep
them. Don’t make grandiose goals. Like me, I’ll have a bigger heart this year.
Or just one. ‘Quitting smoking.’ ‘Losing weight.’ In fact, you need to work on
this during your lifetime. I gain weight if I’m on a diet. I recently suffered
from enteritis. I may look slim now. It makes you sick, but you lose weight.
Be careful not to catch a cold. Stay healthy.
Please listen to “Always” when you feel down and think “Namjoon was
like this.” I may feel that way in the future. Listen to it when you’re sad. Sad
songs can be the best consolation when you are sad. Please listen to it when
you feel sad. I no longer feel like the speaker in “Always”.
Other members are staying at the dorm, producing music or playing
overwatch. Your goal is to be in the top 3 of the whole school? Challenging. I
hope I can be a better person. Another wish I have for this year is, well, a lot
of people are having a hard time. My friends these days, those who started
college, those who finished service in the military, and those who entered
companies are having a hard time too. When my friends have hopes, when
they say, “I want to do this, I want to live like this in Korea,” I wish their
hopes will be treated as a valid right. Because some people say, “Having
hope is a luxury for me,” or “Isn’t it a luxury to have hope?”
How can having hope be a luxury? Hopes are the basic thing that we
need for our lives. We need to have them all the time. I was sad when my
friends said having a hope was a luxury. I wish hopes would be something
basic that everyone can have. I hope everyone has a hope and achieves it in
our society.
315
Let’s cheer up, everyone. I want to support you. I’ll turn this off in 5
minutes. I love you so much. Don’t get sick and stay healthy. You can’t have
only good things all the time. Still, I guess everyone has some wishes for this
year: ‘I wish something, something. I wish my family, or me, or my friends
would be like this.’ Such things. It could be like love or a dream. I hope your
wishes can come true this year. That’s why people go to see the sunrise.
I wanted to see the sunrise but I was so sleepy since BTS performed in
the Korean music festival, as you know. I was so happy since we were there
with you to greet the New Year. Goals for 2017! I remember in the past
thinking that even remembering the goal was a success. Most people forget
goals in February. “What was my goal for this year?” Please write it down and
remind yourself.
The year 2017 has come. Are you so excited to see what BTS will achieve
in 2017? Me too. I’m so excited to see how far others members will reach.
[…]
You know, it’s hard to achieve all your goals, but I hope you can have a
goal and that everyone can have a hope this year. It may not be the year that
you achieve all your goals. When you dream of something like entering a
college, passing an audition, for me it’s becoming a better person. When you
have such goals, I hope you are able to feel like, “I can achieve this. I think I
can.” I hope our society and the world changes so that everyone has a hope.
We’re preparing for our Wings tour. […]
I need to go now. Even though things are tough, let’s cheer up. We each
have a dream! Even if you don’t have it now, it’s somewhere in your heart.
You may not have found it yet, but don’t say “I don’t have a dream.” See?
Let’s do our best in the future.
Love you! Bye.
Source: Vlive (now Weverse live)
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Thoughts.
You guys are spending your holidays in happiness, right?
These days, I also feel like I want to disappear, even though I’m by myself
all of the time. I can make my dreams come true as well as put myself down.
Growing older makes me understand that one day we have to let go and have
in mind that this is just a step for us to overcome. It seems like forcing a state
of mind and controlling my thoughts is becoming more difficult for me.
I’ve heard someone say this before: when someone tells you, “”xx leaves
a wound me!,” it’s actually an illusion. Despite what happens to us and how
much a wound hurts us, whether we can accept it, whether we fall from it or
reach out to it, we have to be the one who makes the decision. Really, we
think it’s something we already know, but it reality we don’t know it at all.
Either way, no one will know how I really feel. And what about you? How do
you feel? To what extent can you feel?
The affliction of how you use your life… I believe you must do what you
truly desire. You will realize later what you have accomplished. But it seems
like there is no actual answer. Either way, whoever writes a book will always
be the author.1 How should we live our life? What type of happiness should
we have? Whenever we read a book, we will find many authors are straight to
the point with their answers to these questions. I know I’m not the only
person who is against this, right? Anyways, those are just the words written in
the books of those authors. Because gold may not be as valuable as stones to
someone.
I don’t want to be a twisted person.
Not long ago, a taxi driver told me his book recommendations, saying, “If
you read this book, you will understand why you should read the works of
geniuses like Leonardo da Vinci, Einstein, or Edison. Because younglings like
you are not geniuses, if you try reading their words, you may receive even a
little something and it’ll be like the intelligence of those geniuses surging into
your head like dewdrops. It’ll help you a lot in living life too.” I nodded several
times without knowing, but I thought it was just their own business. That was
a type of my resistance. But because some phrases in books have helped me
before, I could only agree with the words of the taxi driver.
However — this thought is long indeed — it seems like I’m like this as an
effect of not having gone to the studio in weeks. Everyone needs his own
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hiding place. I hope you all can let go of meaningless answers that take root
by leaving replies on this post, or by writing your own posts or music like me,
or through the works you are doing, or by having a good rest over the
holidays. Honestly, I hope we can spend this year a little better. Nevertheless,
let’s smile more. Your own luggage will always be the heaviest, but let’s share
them together sometimes. Because everyone needs rain.
Wishing this lunar new year to be the happiest till tomorrow’s! (New
Year’s bow in my heart)
- RM
Translation: @peachBOY_0613, @btsfc, edited

1
btsfc translated the preceding sentences as: “Thinking about how to live, I
believed I should just do what I like, fulfill and achieve something and after
that things will become clear, but it’s still so vague. It seems to become more
complicated and become a darker grey than when just dreams were my
everything. But I thought everyone has to write his own book.”
Rap Monster Fan Café post: February 13, 2017

Good.
I hope you have good days (as much as possible)!
Is there a set amount of happiness and despair in this world? Then I wish
that when I am a little sad, the ones I love smile a lot.
I wish the weather will get warmer quickly, then our steps will get a little
lighter too.
I hope you are smiling a lot because tomorrow and today are both
important days.
Hoping for a spring day upon us!

*^-^*
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Spring Day (You Never Walk Alone — Feb 12, 2017)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, RM, ADORA, “Hitman” Bang, Arlissa Ruppert, Peter Ibsen,
SUGA, Jin
I miss you.
Saying this out loud makes me miss you more. 1
Though I’m looking at your picture,2
I still miss you;
Time is too cruel.
I hate us–
us who began to find it difficult to see each other even once.
It’s all winter here.
Even in August, winter comes.
My mind leaps through time;
Snowpiercer that is left alone.
Holding your hand, I go to the other side of the world.

I wish to end this winter.
How much longings must fall like snow
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before that spring day arrives?

Friend,
Like a tiny dust wandering in void,
Like a tiny dust.
If I were a fluttering snowflake,
I would be able to reach you a little faster.
The flowers of snow fall
And little by little, they drift apart.
I miss you.
I miss you.
How much longer should I wait?

And how many sleepless nights should I spend
before I get to see you?
Before I get to meet you?
Past the edge of cold winter,
until the spring day comes again,
until the flowers bloom,
please stay there a while longer.
Please stay.
Would it be that you’ve changed

or I’ve changed?
I hate even the time that is passing right now.
I guess it’s us that have changed.
I guess everyone has changed.
Yeah, I hate you—
though you left,
even for a day, I haven’t forgotten you.
To be honest, I miss you,
but I’ll erase you now,
Because doing so hurts me less than resenting you.
I try blowing out you who aches my heart.
like smoke, like white smoke.
Though I say that I’ll erase you,
I can’t actually let you go yet.
The flowers of snow fall
And little by little, they drift apart.
I miss you.
I miss you.
How much longer should I wait?
And how many sleepless nights should I spend
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before I get to see you?

before I get to meet you?
You know it all,

You’re my best friend.
The morning will come again.
Because no darkness, no season
can last forever.
It seems like the cherry blossoms are blooming,
This winter is also coming to its end.
I miss you.
I miss you.
If you wait a little bit,
if you spend just a few sleepless nights,
I’ll come to meet you.
I’ll come to pick you up.3
Past the edge of cold winter,

until the spring day comes again,
until the flowers bloom,
please stay there a while longer.
Please stay.
1
Note: The first line 보고 싶다 [pronounced bogoshipda] feels very heavy to
me. It’s in the stem form (no conjugation), which means that it is not meant
to reach any specific listener. It’s like the longing for “you” grew so strong
inside that it got released on its own. This explains the second line “이렇게
말하니까 더 보고 싶다 (Having said it like this, I miss you even more)” since
the feeling has now been realized.
2
“your” here is plural.
This is a departure from the earlier lyrics, “얼마나 기다려야 또 몇 밤을 더

3
새워야 널 보게 될까 만나게 될까 (how much longer should I wait and how

many sleepless nights should I spend before I get to see you, before I get to
meet you),” which represents the change of his attitude: rather than hope-
lessly waiting for “you,” he’s now actively coming for “you”.
321
My Note: In 9 months, Namjoon would officially change his stage name from
“Rap Monster” to “RM” (Nov 2017). In a May 17, 2018 interview with J-14
Magazine about their newest album, Love Yourself: Tear, the group was
asked: ““If you could say something to yourself back in 2013 what would you
say?” To which RM responded: “Hey Namjoon, don’t name yourself rap
monster. You’re a human. You’re not a monster okay? You’re a beautiful
human. I love you bro.” Also see lyrical note to “Too Much”, Nov 21, 2013.
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Not Today (You Never Walk Alone — Feb 12, 2017)

Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, “Hitman” Bang, RM, Supreme Boi, June
*RM wrote all rap parts for this song, as J-Hope and Suga were busy
[RM]
All the underdogs in the world,
A day may come when we lose,
But it is not today.
Today we fight!
[Suga]
No not today.
Someday flowers will fall,
But no not today.
That day is not this day.
No no not today,
It is too good of a day to die.a
No no not today, no no no not today.
[RM]
Yeah, we are extras1
But still part of this world.
EXTRA plus ORDINARY —
Even that’s not anything special.
Never die today.
Light penetrates the darkness.
You also want a new world,
Oh baby yes I want it.
[Pre-Chorus]
If you can’t fly, then run.
Today we will survive.
If you can’t run, then walk.
Today we will survive.
If you can’t walk, then crawl.
Even if you have to crawl, gear up.2
[Chorus]
Ready! Aim! Fire!
Not not today! Not not today!
Hey underdogs, all hands up
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Hey friends, all hands up

Hey if you trust me, hands up
Ready! Aim! Fire!
We don’t die.
Don’t ask3, just shout! Not, not today!
Don’t kneel down. We don’t cry.
Raise your hands up! Not, not today!
Hey! Not, not today (x3)
Ready! Aim! Fire!
[RM]
Too hot, doublin’ my success.
Too hot tumbling on the chart.4
Too high we’re on a trampoline.
Too high somebody better stop this.
[J-Hope]
What we couldn’t do is fail
because we trusted each other completely.
What you say? Yeah!
Not today— yeah!
We don’t die today, never. yeah!
[Pre-Chorus 2]
Trust me by your side —
Together we won’t die.
I trust you by my side —
Together we won’t die.
Trust the word ‘together’.
Trust that we are bulletproof . [Bangtan]
[Bridge]
Throw it up! Throw it up!
Throw away the fear in your eyes
Break it up! Break it up!
Break the glass ceiling that locks you up
Turn it up! (Turn it up!)
Burn it up! (Burn it up!)
Till the day of victory (fight!)
Don’t kneel. Don’t fall.5
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That’s no not today!

Not, not today! Not, not today!
Hey underdogs, all hands up
Hey friends, all hands up
Hey if you trust me, hands up
Ready! Aim! Fire!
We don’t die. Don’t ask, just shout! “Not not today!”
Don’t kneel down. We don’t cry. Raise your hands up! Not not today
1”
Extra” here is a noun: a person engaged temporarily to fill out a scene in a
movie or play, especially as one of a crowd. (My note: This reminds me of
lines from T.S. Eliot’s Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock: “No! I am not Prince
Hamlet, nor was meant to be; / Am an attendant lord, one that will do / to
swell a progress, start a scene or two…”)
2
It seems pretty obvious that the above four Korean lines are inspired by one
of the famous quotes by Martin Luther King Jr., “If you can’t fly, then run. If
you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. But whatever you do,
you have to keep moving forward.” The same quote was used backward in A
Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone
3
묻지 마라 can also be interpreted as “don’t bury [us]” instead of “don’t
ask.”
4
Tumbling as in gymnastics tumbling
5
무너지지마 can be “don’t fall (individually)” or “don’t fall apart (as an united
group)”

a
My note: mid-2015 through the end of 2016, RM frequently tells his
audience to “live” and speaks about how he “will live” and “can live”. In his
mixtape track “I Believe”, he writes “When I get confused about what is right
and what is wrong, / I think about what makes me want to live again” On
January 1, 2017, he released his song “Always”, which opens with suicidal
ideation. While this line in Not Today (and others that follow) may refer to
merely “not losing/being killed”, in the context of RM’s headspace during the
previous year, I think it could also easily be interpreted to mean “not giving
up / harming oneself.”
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A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone

(You Never Walk Alone — February 12, 2017)
Produced by Pdogg
Written by Pdogg, “Hitman” Bang, RM, SUGA, j-hope, Supreme Boi
[Suga]
Yeah why does God keep
making us lonely? OH NO
Yeah even if we’re covered in bruises,
we can smile if we’re together.
At the end of this road that I walk alone,
whatever is there, I’ll set my foot on it.
Though I’d get tired and hurt sometimes,
it’s okay because I’m next to you.
Because, you and I, if we’re together,
we can smile.
[J-Hope]
Although I want to fly, I don’t have wings.
BUT your hands become my wings.
All the dark and lonely things,
I will try to forget those
with you.
These wings, although they came out of pain,
are wings towards the light.
Even if it’s tiring and hurting,
if I can fly away, I’ll fly.
So that I won’t be afraid anymore,
would you hold my hand?
we can smile.
[RM]
Even if it is the path I chose,
and everything is a fate that I created,
Even if it is a sin that I committed,
and this whole life is only about paying for my sin,
Walk with me.
Fly with me,
so that our hands can reach the end of the sky.
Even if it hurts like this,
we can smile.
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[Vocals]
Ayy I never walk alone.
From your hand that I’m holding, I can feel your warmth.
Ayy you never walk alone.
Feel me, you are not alone either.
Come on, Crawl, crawl,

crawl, crawl, I like it like that.
Baby Walk, walk, walk
walk ,I like it like that.
Baby run run run run
it like it like that
Baby fly fly fly fly
it like it like that1
Even if this road is long and rough,

would you be with me
Even if we fall and sometimes get hurt,
would you be with me
Ayy I never walk alone

Because you and I, if we’re together, we can smile
Ayy You never walk alone
Because you and I, if we’re together, we can smile.
Because you and I, if we’re together, we can smile.
1
A backward usage of the quote from Martin Luther King Jr. – “If you can’t fly
then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatev-
er you do you have to keep moving forward.” BTS also adopted this quote in
the lyrics of Not Today.
Translation & Note: DoolsetBangtan.wordpress.com
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Fan Café post: March 1, 2017

Recent conditions.
It was a busy week. I’m now writing these words as I’m laying on my bed
because I feel like I haven’t been able to give even a single word of thanks.
There was a lot I wanted to say, but all my words only filled me up
without anywhere to go, so I desperately waited for a moment I could share
them while alone in my studio in my spare time; but the situation didn’t allow
it, so I was a little sad.
This was a week where we received endless comforts during fansigns,
letters, your words, and your gazes and expressions. I became a little surer:
that I can become a better person, that I will be able to calmly accept my
many fates and wisely handle them. I felt sure when I heard your words and
felt your hands and eyes.
I hope that my eyes have the same light as when you all look at me. As I
felt surer of my belief that as much as there are people who are ignorant of
the truth, there are more who acknowledge it, I was able to become a little
more open minded. I now want to be loved as a better version of myself,
while still being true to myself. I believe that it is a very great fortune that I
am able to express these emotions and thoughts at age 22.
So if you do love me, I hope you will watch me a little more comfortably. I
just feel that this way is the way destined for me. I feel a little cold
somewhere deep inside, but I think that I am getting a little stronger. I am
sure that these times are trying times. In the times I want to be numb, my
member friends—who have silently watched me and put their arms around
my shoulders and wordlessly spoke to me through their eyes—are a great
comfort to me. What does it mean to be beside someone? It is just being
beside each other.
I have to nod over and over, accepting that they may be much closer to
adulthood than I. Maybe I will manage to succeed to matter what. And after
that, I’ll just be myself for sure. I don’t know, I just have a premonition like
that. So I can smile no matter how bad it feels. Just like how when you wait
for spring days, spring days come but also winter is coming again. However,
after winter, spring will come again. Isn’t there a great difference between
going through winter knowing that after this, a spring day will come, and
going through it without knowing this?
From time to time, I can feel the shadow under my feet, but it’s not that
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uncomfortable. That friend is simply stuck there. In the end, it won’t be able
to harm me. The same goes for you.
Thank you for being with me in days as dark as a tunnel. Above all, I thank
you for understanding me and trusting in me even when I was a mere
stranger. I, too, want to know you and trust in you. I’m now trying to be a
little more comfortable. The days are getting warmer, so won’t the sunlight
shine on our shaky attempts someday? I want to believe that peace will come
to your and my lives from time to time.
This dream-like week was busy and trying, but thank you for crying and
smiling with us. I give you all my thanks. And to all who are enduring lives that
deserve the highest respect, to all those I love and all those I look up to—this
is my fan letter!
Namjoon keeps this picture of BTS on his desk. It was released on June 1,
2017 as part of the 2017 FESTA.
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V+ Chat: March 10, 2017
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March 13, 2017 — Chile Endments (Wings Tour)
“Looking for answers when there aren’t any, but we still learn. Isn’t that what
life is about?” — RM
Note: I have been unable to find the full endments from this concert, though I
see this widely quoted. I apologize if it is an incorrect quote, since I do not
have the full endments.
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Change (RM & Wale—March 19, 2017)
[RM]
Oh, tell me that dark could never win the light.
Oh, tell me that wrong could never win the right.
Baby, tell me that we gon' someday stop the fight.
And tell me that every, everything gon' be alright.
Oh tell me who's stupid, baby, is it me or them?
Just tell me who's insane, baby, is it me or them?
In this crazy world after patience, could we get the pearl?
But this world, which teaches me, preaches me how to curl,
Oh, fuck the school --
All we got is mad teachers and some visible classes,
Divided spaces, and forever-lastin' stresses.
Everybody's mad.
Kill people with fingers on Twitter.
More than a gun, more than a knife,
The tip of your tongue just glitter.
Would the pain always win you gain? (Nah)
How could you bet? It's damn checkin' game (Yeah)
We're losin' again, homie, we losin' too many things.
What should we tell our sons?
You know that they will be the men
Like you and me
[Pre-Chorus: RM]
If hope is a taste,
What is yours, what you eat all day?
(What you eat all day?)
And if your love is a game,
Are we losin', losin'? Oh!
[Chorus: RM]
World is gonna change
(Ooh ooh ooh)
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(Ooh ooh ooh)

(Ooh ooh ooh)
(Ooh ooh ooh)
[Wale]
Yeah, yeah, tell me what is really real?
I'm tryna buy a new Ferrari for my newest deal.
Baby girl say, "The world really hate us, huh?"
Pray a lot and maybe God give you Saint Laurent.
Wish that I could change the world but they hold back.
When it's time to go, the people just be mad again.
And what if I could change the world with a pen and pad?
When it's time to vote, the people turn to mannequins,
Challenge that.
Namjoon, I'm the man too.
I'm out in Chevy Chase the teachers used to lampoon.
I sing songs, haikus
Over rap tunes,
High IQ
Lookin' for a Song.
Hye Kyo, hey cuuutie.
Yeah
I'm tryin' to keep it a hunnit
Got no faith in the government
That's why we need each other, hey
Laughin' to keep from cryin'
Folarin's a rap monster
BTS is the ARMY
Now it's on me
I'ma keep the piece until I see some more peace
I'ma keep it G, forever keep it low-key
Take a trip to South Korea with some DC OGs
Chiefin' OG, I'm chiefin' OG
Hated by alt-rights and racist police
Say, woop woop, man, 12 comin'
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They make them kids really freeze, when they say, "Freeze!" Freeze!
[Chorus: RM]
World is gonna change, ah, ah, ah
(Oo-ooh-ooh)
(Oo-ooh-ooh)
(Oo-ooh-ooh)
(Oo-ooh-ooh)
[Post-Chorus: RM, RM & Wale]

The world is gonna change
The world is gonna change
(x4)
[Wale]
Moonz, prayin' for better days for you and I
I see progress via my daughter's eyes
I think I think too much now and drink too much now
I numb it 'cause I don't wanna cry
[RM]
Prayin' for better place for you and I
I see some grass growin' in winter's eyes
I think I think too much now and drink too much now
To numb it 'cause I don't wanna die
I believe that real friends love you to no limit (Yeah)

I believe that real change lies in the mirror (Yeah)
Since I was a lil' one wasn't 'posed to get much status
Now they got they hands up for me like a stick up
Say, "Hands up, hands up" like a stick up
"Hands up, hands up" like a stick up
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Since I was a lil' one, wasn't 'posed to get much status

Got they hands up for me like a stick up, check it
[Outro: Wale & RM]

Take it day by day, night by night
It's on you and me, if I'm gon' shine
Not stoppin' day by day, night by night
It's on you and I, Moonz and the ARMY right
(My hands up)
Source: Genius.com (original song in English)
Note: “Change” was released only two months after the inauguration of
Donald Trump as president in the United States. The vote to impeach former
South Korean president Park Geun-hye took place on December 9, 2016 and
she was formally removed from office on March 10 — 9 days before the
release of this song. Park was in office at the time of the Sewol ferry tragedy
and blacklisted “more than 9,000 artists, authors, and movie industry
professionals” who referenced the tragedy or criticized the government.
(Source: Reuters, “South Korea prosecutor paves way for charges against Park
if impeachment upheld”. March 6, 2017)
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Gajah (by Gaeko, feat. RM — April 5, 2017)

[Gaeko]
After getting through a lethargic day,
I open the beer bottle cap with a 'pop'.
Though the drunk world seems slow,
The time goes by honestly, tick tock.
In this battlefield of a society,
My eyes are like a target-less sniper.
I'm disconcerted and sweating.
Why am I endlessly looking for a goal?
Over-influx of information, influx, influx, over-influx,
My head is like a smoking room.
Because all sorts of thoughts and various desires
Are huffing and puffing on a cigarette, burning smoke,
I didn’t realize the embers were dying out inside me.
So keep blowing on it, hoo, hoo.
Again, blow on it, hoo, hoo.
Everywhere you go there'd always be likes and dislikes.
Some say to look at the big picture,
But the drift of clouds given by the big picture
They try to slash my world and my expressions that'd been precise
If my passion, by any chance, won't make much money
Don't say that it's a mistake
I'm just gonna go my way
[Chorus: Gaeko & RM]

You shouldn't hesitate, too
Just do what you want.
When it comes to matters of people, even matters of tomorrow,
There is no way of knowing what will happen, so just take
Elephant steps, steps by twos and threes, twos and threes.
We gotta go with elephant steps
Elephant steps, steps by twos and threes, twos and threes.
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[RM]
Life it just, it just, comes through,
We ain't never ever want to.
We're all forcibly-selected players,
You don't choose life chose you.
The world is a "mono" that's pretending to be colored1
Cuz everything so gray.2
The night is even longer than the Nile river
And our sadness is ambiguous.
In this complicated world one thing is clear —
The state of you and I, who have been pushed around by life.
That bastard called destiny puts price tags on us
and pressures us into lifelong loneliness.
Even If you say you are frequently discordant with the world,
we, like the black piano keys,
are certainly still a part of the piano.
Just sit still and play the sharps and flats.
Think about it,
Are you gonna be a star or a starfish?
No disrespect for starfish
But if you want a fish, be selfish.3
If you looked in the mirror this morning,
Think well about what came to your mind.
Then look again and tell yourself —
‘You fight for yourself.
You hone the blade for yourself .’
[Chorus: Gaeko & RM]

You shouldn't hesitate, too,
Just do what you want.
When it comes to matters of people, even matters of tomorrow
There is no way of knowing what will happen, so just take
Elephant steps, steps by twos and threes, twos and threes
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[Bridge: Gaeko & RM]

Ppoo-ppoo-ppoo-ppoo-ppooy
Ppoo-ppoo-ppoo-ppooy
Ppoo-ppoo-ppoo-ppoo-ppooy
Ppoo-ppoo-ppoo-ppooy
[Verse 3: Gaeko]
In success there are shadows
Even in failure there is light
The famous' lives are monitored by CCTV
They knead us with a couple of words
Squabble and quarrel with it a bit, then dispose of it
Then pretend they did nothing wrong
I won't be swayed, I'll keep going
I remember
When my bank account had 0 won
I talked about eternal things all night
Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye
Yoo Jae-ha, Lee Moon-se
What they gave me, I respect
I hope I can by chance permeate into someone's life as their BGM
I remember back then DT's "I Want You"
I want to think deep not long
I want my actions to be easy and brave
What should be more of a discourtesy than failure
Is this, self-disrespecting myself
Don't force networking on the introverted me
Leave me be to manage my own results
I'll undoubtedly make it work on my own
Keep this in mind, you
Translation: genius.com and tonguetechnology.blogspot.com, edited.
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My notes:
1
’mono’ would be the name of his mixtape released a year later.
2
’Life is so grey’ is a call back to the pre-debut song “Like a Star” and the
conversation the had with his friend (see p40-42).
3
RM loves this wordplay of ‘shellfish’ and ‘selfish’, also utilizing it in “Am I
Wrong?” and as far back as his pre-debut songs ’U Can’t Do That’ and ‘Naa’.
However, this is the first time uses it in a positive way — telling the listener to
‘be selfish’ and ‘fight for themselves’ in this life that they ‘didn’t choose’ and
‘pushes them around’.
RM posted the above picture of him and Gaeko on twitter on March 27,
2017. Gaeko is a members of Dynamic Duo, a legendary hip hop group in
SK and one of J-hope’s hip hop inspirations he names in Hip Hop Phile.
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Vlog: April 19, 2017

We are back from Hawaii. We
are also done with our concert
tour in America. I was asked to do
a live interview all of a sudden so, I
was feeling really stressed. Still,
since they say that pressure and
responsibility make a person grow
up, it was fortunate that I could
overcome it somehow and I feel
somewhat proud. When I carry out
my duties faithfully, I feel the most
proud and happy about it.
My skin somehow started
breaking out in Hawaii. The water
and food didn’t really go well with
me.
Well, I’ve got a lot of things on
my mind recently. The biggest
worry I have is: the start of a
transitional period is the ‘beginning’, then the middle is called a ‘transition’,
but I don’t know what one calls the very end. So I always think I’m in a
transitional period, but well, I am always thinking about the future, and that
the future might be different. I mean—it will be different but I have a lot of
such thoughts.
There’s not substantiality in ‘the future’ and what I said just now was in
’the future’ only a few moments ago. In a way, people often think, “I will be
happy in the future.” Some people live with that mindset until they die. To
receive a Daesang, to receive congratulations and have people say “it must be
nice to achieve this and that” — I am always wanting more. I always feel like
I’m being held back, in the midst of all these, hence my comment about it
being a transitional period. I think that there’s no substantiality in my
transitional period. Since it’s always the transitional period, the present is the
present, the future too. The future is the end of the present, the present is
the continuation of the past. So it’s probably something like that? I feel like I I
still have a lot I have to fill in yet. The transition.
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It’s been 10 years since I’ve started doing music, so I thought it wouldn’t
take much for me to write a song at this point. But everything still consumes a
lot of time, and it needs much preparation of the heart too. It isn’t the easiest
thing to do. If it were easy, well, there’s no way it’s easy. It’s really tough,
there are so many things: How should I write it?, How should it be written?.
Many people would think that I know how to do that, but I still don’t know
much. I wish to know how. When will I be able to know? I don’t know that
either.
To be a little stronger and a bit bolder, I wish to become a me that’s
fearlessly diligent. That is a small wish of mine. Because that is what I’m
wishing for, I should work harder to do that. That’s the truth. So I will be even
more hard working. Though hard work alone will not be enough, I don’t think
there is any other way.
I wish I could write songs without much difficulty. But I hope to not
become someone who wishes for a fluke. Because there’s no such thing as
‘trends’. It is something that is made after many small hearts and efforts are
put together. I hope to become a me who’s braver and will do well even on
my own. Although it’s our 5th year (since debut) I’m still fearful and sad, but
that’s who I am. I should keep moving forward. This log is a video only to
reaffirm that. I should be a bit more hard-working. Fighting.
Translation: BangtanSubs (YouTube)— Trans: Denise, Spot Checked: Lim &

Alli, Subbed & Uploaded: Alissa & Laura
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Fan Café post: April 19, 2017

Cherry Blossoms, Stage Plays, and Wildflowers.
“Why do cherry blossoms bloom before their leaves start sprouting?”
I came back to Korea late, thinking I wouldn’t be able to see the cherry
blossoms. Luckily, these past few days, I’ve been walking here and there, so I
saw them, much to my desire.
As I was enjoying the scenery, my dad asked me, “Do you know why
cherry blossoms bloom before their leaves start sprouting?”
My mind started racing; I only wanted to see the cherry blossoms and the
many fully bloomed cherry blossom trees, never once thinking of these
questions.
The answer I received was their need for survival and reproduction…
Even though the answer was like that, I suddenly wondered why the cherry
blossoms bloom and fall away so quickly. Why do they bud first and then
their leaves sprout? It seems that only the cherry trees know the answer.
When we look back, we also see the times when we were very much like
cherry blossoms, right? Our first love when we were children seemed to be
like that. The new year’s goals that we set the previous years and have
forgotten about now… the sudden urges to break the short belief you once
believed in… I don’t know if those moments were beautiful too, ha!
I also watched a play in Daehak-ro for the first time! I liked the episode
where it said, “If you have confidence, you don’t need much confidence from
others”. Recently, I haven’t been writing many songs, that’s why my mood
was like this. So I went back and asked myself why I started making songs. I
once thought… if my melodies and lyrics are well-written and are able to
comfort people and make their dreams come true, that would be good. Why
did I start doing this…. What was I thinking?
If next time I have the time, I will go watch it again. I like their perspective
even though it might be different from the movie. The story is told right in
front of us! It’s a new weird feeling for me.
If my dad told me about the cherry blossoms, my mom told me about the
wild flowers. Seeing that they bloom peacefully, she told my dad that’s why
she liked them. I also like wildflowers, but the expression ‘blooming
peacefully,’ from my mom really touched me.1 Nonetheless, I was really
happy to have seen my parents’ faces after being away for a long time.
I hope everyone gets to watch the cherry blossoms, stage plays, and
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wildflowers! That is, if you have time for such things. At least I was very
happy.
I guess we have to run as hard as we can again. It’s kind of uncomfortable
not knowing what will happen in ten years’ time. Wondering if I will still be
here. But no matter what, I have to do this. I have to.
Maybe rather than fireworks or cherry blossoms, we need wild flowers.
The kind that grows peacefully. Like that.
Translation: @_candyclover, @peachBOY_0613
1
In P.D.D. (March 4, 2015 collab with Warren G), RM wrote,
Every night I turn into a flower perfectly flaring up—
I know very well that fire doesn’t have shadows.
Flame is also a flower1 — Do you know the meaning of me in the
language of flower?
His mother’s sentiment of a flower blooming peacefully perfectly contrasts

his earlier image of a flower blooming like a flame — except for it is a type of
flame that still contains a shadow.
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Since the beginning, I thought the fifth month was more the middle of the
year than the sixth or seventh month. I thought it was a month that marked
the beginning of change in the year. It’s like that because of the many
holidays, such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day… Teacher’s Day, as well as
the important holiday, Children’s Day!
If you tell me it’s May, then BAM! I always become excited. It’s the month
where schools are constantly closed, right? So… if your school also closes,
you’re probably thinking the same thing. Most importantly, it’s because May
has a weight that differs form other months that our childlike behavior sticks
to us, right?
At the end of the year stages last year, our members and company said,
“It’s already 2017,” and here we are, already in the middle of the year. Time is
really bashful. I tried thinking of the word “Future” today and yesterday. It
made me wonder how we relate our lives to the words “Happiness” and
“Love” even though we don’t even think of the word “Future.”
Anyways, the 2017 that all of us long awaited has already passed to May. I
actually don’t know if the thing you call “Future” even exists, because the
most important thing is right now. Just know that the better future we
pictured won’t be there forever. How do you say this…. It may seem obvious
to say, but we’re going to face the future soon. I desire things in the future —
what I want to change, things like that. But still, I can’t even put up with the
scent of the tree you call “Present.” It’s as if the present is becoming the
future; you’ll either get watered or left to wither away.
I don’t know if you guys are curious or not, but recently I’ve prepared
some exciting things once again. When I get to do many things, I realize I’m a
lot slower than before. It’s because I want to experience everything intently
and to it’s fullest. Sometimes I think of our terror and how frail we were back
then towards the world. However, everything comes with positive and
negative outcomes. I only thought about how I could express things better
and show them well. I still…. Try to do everything with bravery, a lot of
bravery.
Right now, BTS has just started. We are trying to do things we’ve never
done before, as well as wanting to try new things. We’re already in May… but
it feels like May hasn’t arrived yet. The May that passed 10 years ago and the
May of now are really different. Even though I am still excited and jealous
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when I hear people talking about going on a trip to Lotte World, we are all like
that. Already warm, 2017 flies by like the summer that is arriving so suddenly.
How was your May? Try to think of which season and month yours, mine,
and our hearts lie in. It’s a shame I can’t listen to all your stories, but even so, I
got to do everything bravely and intently. If I can do that, I will do it like the
song, with warmth but at the same time passionately.
Translation: @peachBOY_0613 (Thai -> Eng) @BTS_thailand (Korean -> Thai)
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Fan Café post: June 9, 2017

“4 O’Clock”
It began when, during a certain concert, I said, “There are no songs where
Taehyung is the intro…. Oh, I’ll make it!”
And we passed over it, laughing. Hahaha
We just passed over it, laughing, but it was stuck in a corner of my heart.
But a few months ago, maybe because Taehyung’s will to write songs was
passionate, he played me a song and said, “Hyung, I want to try making this
kind of song,” and asked me if I could make him a track. “Alright,” I said, and I
played some chords and gave it to him.
But because it was a song with simply a few EP chords and snap, it was
honestly embarrassing to even call it a beat. Truthfully, I didn’t like it.
During that time, talk of the Festa came up.
“Should we try it properly this time?” I asked.
“That’s great, hyung!” he replied.
That’s how it started but…. we kept travelling overseas and — for me the
most important thing when writing a song is deciding the instruments at the
beginning — it was hard to concentrate. So I asked Taehyung.
“What do you want to say?”
“Dawn.”
“Dawn? What kind of dawn?”
“I was just waiting for my friend at dawn in the park… and the bird’s
chirping… I just liked that moment very, very much.”
“Oh, that ambiguous, bluish moment??”
“Yes!! I like that bluishness and quietness.”
“Yes, me too!!”
Well, in this way, we made an understanding and I started right away.
Afterwards, I asked who the friend was and it was mostly Jimin. Anyways, so
now I really like dawn too. Because I’m a fan of the moon and the dawn. That
moment where twilight and evening transitions to night and the moment
when dawn transitions to morning…. those who know will surely understand.
That’s why there is a guitar.
‘Let’s try starting with a guitar,’ is what I thought, so I kept playing the
guitar and piano and gave him that. Fortunately, they said they liked the
track, so we decided for each of us to write a melody and put them together.
I always like seeing the moon so much. So I thought, ‘I hope we can start
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it with this intro.’ So we wrote them and when we worked to combine them,
Taehyung fortunately said he would like to start with my intro.
Starting with my intro was Taehyung’s B part, and for the hook, what
Taehyung wrote was better. But there was too much of a flowing feeling, so I
touched up some parts.
For the lyrics, Taehyung asked me to do them, so I mainly wrote it, but
Taehyung provided the lyrics for the beginning of the hook. (Following the
deep night ~) Since Taehyung was the one who inspired the song by coming
up with the theme, I see it as an almost 50:50 work.
We’re both low tones, so I always wanted to work with him. I’m happy
that this was an opportunity to try working together. I took a step away and
put the emphasis on materializing Taehyung’s emotions. Through this song,
Taehyung may not be able to express all of his emotion, but I hope that we’ll
be able to express it as much as possible.
I hope it is the closest possible expression of Taehyung’s dawn!
I personally think that Taehyung often took the difficult role in our group
songs, so I wish he would do these light emotions often as well. After working
on this song together, I wonder if the one with the sweetest voice and
emotions among the seven members of Bangtan is Kim Taehyung.
Great job Taehyung-ah and thanks for singing so wonderfully :)
348
4 O’Clock (Soundcloud — 2017 Festa, June 9)

Produced/Written: RM, V, Shaun
[V]
One day, to the moon,
I wrote a long, long letter.
Though it wasn’t brighter than you,
I lit a small candle.
At a park in the half-light of dawn,
a nameless singing bird,
‘Where are you?’
Oh you. Why are you crying
when it’s only me and you here?
Me and you,
Oh you
Following into the deep night,

the sound of your singing,
by one step by two steps,
brings the red morning.
When the dawn passes
and that moon falls asleep,
the blue light that was with me
disappears.
[RM]
Today, too, I live my life just moderately
Keeping pace with others, I get worn off moderately
The sun suffocates me,
and the world strips me naked
With no other alternative, I have no choice but
349
to collect myself scattered under the moonlight

I call you moonchild
We are the children of the moon
breathing the cold air of dawn
Yes we’re livin and dyin
at the same time
But, for now, you can open your eyes
Because just like some movie, just like some line,
the whole world is blue under the moonlight.
[V]
At a park in the half-light of dawn
a nameless singing bird
Where are you
Oh you, Why are you crying
when it’s only me and you here?
Me and you
Oh you
[V sings, then RM sings, then V]

Following into the deep night,
the sound of your singing,
by one step by two steps,
brings the red morning.
When the dawn passes
and that moon falls asleep,
the blue light that was with me
disappears.
Note: Namjoon explained that the themes and ideas behind this song were
Taehyung’s
350

July.
‘Let’s be sure to write on café for the 4th anniversary’…… only, I couldn't
put my thoughts into words on time and it’s already the 8th of July. I’m sorry.
Meanwhile, the WINGS TOUR Japan portion has also ended, and we’ve
been travelling here and there meeting various kinds of waves.
The sea is cold and dark but… if I have to become a wave for someone, I
wish I could be a tender one.
I still feel like there’s a long way to go, so I’m happy but frustrated too.
Have I perhaps been repeating this in different words for years? Still, it’s a bit
of a concrete feeling, maybe like an unhappy feeling from having too many
choices and dilemmas, right? Somehow, I think it’s the right time for me to
review what has happened, organize it, and swim out of it again.
And still… I can’t fully trust myself. But I have a strange belief that the
team will do well. Kind of like an invisible hand.. haha.
It’s not that I want to give up on myself, it’s just that I think of course I
have to grease and operate my invisible gears well.
We’ll have to show our nice images again soon. I want to attach my new
wings and set my heart on them firmly. I have to do it once again. Every
album has a new sense of mission and enthusiasm. It’s so hard and confusing,
but I’ll try to do it once again. Let’s see how far we can go.
I’ll be a nice warm-hearted wave. I would like to send all of my gratitude
and appreciation that I wasn’t able to send during the 4th anniversary. Thank
you. Please wait just a bit more with an overflowing heart like me. Thank you
always.
Good night for everyone. Even if it is not really a good night, I wish for it
to not be a bad night and dawn!
351

Everyone!!
Let’s take it easy today!
I spent a lot of time thinking of this and that, but I just don’t know! And
for everyone who is loving us, I decided to cheer up!
Comeback is getting nearer!!
Everyone is working hard, so please expect a lot!!
Thank you, good night!!
352

“Hello, everyone!”
How are you all doing? Are you healthy?
Thankfully, the preparations for the new album are going well. For this
album, I feel good because a song I really adore is in the album. Yesterday, I
received the mix and I listened to it while walking down the street. I was really
happy. I want you all to listen to it and have the same feelings I’m feeling.
Whatever other people say, we will keep walking forward and think only
of you all, who are waiting for our music and stage. Actually, that’s what we
are already doing. Thank you so much for waiting a long time, and we hope
our new songs will make up for that. We didn’t have much time, but we tried
— and are trying—our best.
Recently, I started reading and monitoring our videos again in the hope
that we can show you an even better stage. We hope your Fall will be a
fresher and happier season because of us. It is also my favorite season of the
year.
Rather than writing lyrics that are heavy and dark, I want to write lyrics
that are honest and straightforward. Words or writing may not be enough to
express it fully, but I want to tell you that the lyrics have been prepared and
thought over. I hope I can become a better me. I will come back after
preparing a lot harder.
Thank you.
I love you ~~
353
“To be honest, for me, I thought there will be nothing after

‘Blood, Sweat & Tears’. I figured that would be our peak.”
— Kim Namjoon, Bring the Soul (episode 2)
To be continued in Volume 2…..
354
Appendix
Namjoon’s KOMCA songwriting credits—2010 through Wings
*Bolded titles are included in this book., not in order of appearance
Source: Wikipedia
2010 Jump
Love U, Hate U Miss Right
I Like It (Slow Jam Remix)
2012 Intro: What am I to You
Party (XXO) Danger
War of Hormone
2013 Hip Hop Lover (Hip Hop Phile)
I Like That Let Me Know
Adult Child Rain
We Are Bulletproof pt2 BTS Cypher Pt. 3: Killer
Outro: Circle Room Cypher Would You Turn off Your Cellphone?
I Like It Blanket Kick
No More Dream 24/7=Heaven
Road / Path Look Here
Skit: On the Starting Line 2nd Grade/So 4 More (Spotify)
Intro: O!RUL8,2? The Stars
N.O. Jump (Japanese Version)
We On Danger (Japanese Version)
If I Ruled the World Boy In Luv (Japanese Version)
Coffee Just One Day (Japanese Version)
BTS Cypher Pt. 1 I Like It (Japanese Version)
Attack on Bangtan I Like It pt. 2
Satoori Rap No More Dream (Japanese Version
Perfect Christmas Attack on Bangtan (Japanese Version)
N.O. (Japanese Version)
2014 Wake Up
Intro: Skool Luv Affair Outro
Boy In Luv Too Much
Where did you come from?
Just One Day 2015
Tomorrow Changmin’s Music Plaza
BTS Cypher Pt2: Triptych (HipHopVersion)
Spine Breaker P.D.D (Please Don’t Die)
355
Appendix p2
I Need U I Know
Hold Me Tight Introduction: Youth
Dope Run
Boyz with Fun Fire
Converse High Dope
Moving On Good Day
BuckuBucku Save Me (Japanese Version)
Prometheus Boys with Fun (Japanese Version)
U Baepsae (Japanese Version)
Voice Wishing on a Star
Do You? Butterfly (Japanese Version)
Awakening For You
Monster I Need U (Japanese Version)
Throw Away Epilogue: Young Forever (Japanese
Joke Version)
God Rap Intro: Boy Meets Evil
Rush Blood Sweat & Tears
Life Begin
Drift Reflection
I Believe Awake
Fantastic Lost
Run BTS Cypher pt 4
Butterfly Am I Wrong
Whalien 52 21st Century Girls
Ma City 2! 3!
Silver Spoon / Beapsae Interlude: Wings
Dead Leaves / Autumn Leaves
2017
2016 Spring Day
Fire Not Today
Save Me Outro: Wings
Epilogue: Young Forever A Supplementary Story: You Never
Love is Not Over Walk Alone
I Need U (remixes) Gajah
Run (remixes) Change
Butterfly (alternative remix) 4 O’Clock
Dilemma
356
Appendix — p3
Namjoon’s SoundCloud / pre-debut songs included
Pre-Debut After Debut

7 Days Born Singer
Kanji Player Unpack Your Bags
Fuck Cockrochez So 4 More (SoundCloud)
Wicked Man Awake
2nd 94-liner Group Rap 4 O’Clock
Listen First
Grey City
Free Fall / Hook Gayo Demos from Proof
Where U At? Young Love / Ambiguous Relationship
Seventeen Quotation Mark
Dreamin’ I Need U (Demo)
Rap Monster Young Forever (Demo)
Glory
A Song to Make You Smile (feature on
Lee Seung Gi track)
Suicide
U Can’t Do That
Tipsy
Naa
Waterfalls
Like a Star
Vote
School of Tears
Freestyle 1
Freestyle 2
Freestyle 3
Freestyle 4
Adult Child
357
Appendix — p4
List of Namjoon’s Fan Letters (includes some Tweets)
*compiled on btsinterviews.wordpress.com/namjoons-letters/
as of February 28, 2023 bolded letters included in this book
2012 130909 ARMYs on the way to school

121227 Christmas Day trainee review 130911 O!RUL8,2? Release
130911 Our first mini album
2013 [2013] First Official Fanmeeting
130103 Where U At [song lyrics] 130911 4th week of July BillMon
130111 Typical Trainee’s Christmas Chart
130128 Favorite Girl 130912 It’s Kim-birthday!
130201 During a rap lesson 130916 1st week of August BillMon
130202 Like a Star [song lyrics] Chart
130206 To international fans 130920 Lotte World photo
130214 Expensive Girl [now deleted] 130920 2nd week of August BillMon
130221 Rap Monster Freestyle Chart
130310 Rap Monster Freestyle 2 130921 Something
130311 I’m Rap Monster 130924 3rd week of August BillMon
130313 Adult Child Chart
130319 team work makes the dream 130927 Wardrobe Malfunction
work 131014 I’m working on a new piece
130324 Rap Monster Freestyle 3 131017 4th-5th week of August
130401 Rap Monster Freestyle 4 BillMon Chart
130521 HOLLA 131026 Whether it be the studying
130610 Jimin, Teaser and Abs 131101 In the studio
130709 ARMY 131112 Before I sleep
130712 It’s Rap Monster 131114 MMA Rookie Awards
130717 1st week of July BillMon 131115 Woowoowowowoow!!!
Chart 131119 I love you
[2013] BTS complimenting each other 131127 Wow
130722 Fan letters 131210 Suga hyung’s hospital ward
130726 End of 2C4S Promotions 131210 1-3rd week of September
130727 Hello ARMYs BillMon Chart
130730 2nd week of July BillMon 131211 First Japan Showcase
Chart 131220 What you believe in
130803 Truth is we tend to 131220 4th-5th week of September
remember BillMon Chart
130806 3rd week of July BillMon
Chart 2014
130814 Work smarter, not harder 140101 New Year’s Messages
130907 N.O. Comeback Pre-recording 140103 Beginning of October BillMon
130908 Sometimes I smell music Chart
358
Appendix p5
140105 Bluish dawn 141013 Birthday letter for Jimin
140106 End of October BillMon Chart 141111 I hope people
140112 Honest with one’s heart 141113 Wu Tang music
140116 Golden Disk Awards 141116 The poems don’t move me
140123 Seoul Music Awards 141127 Lyrics example
140201 Relating my excited self on 141201 Snow
the first day of Chinese New Year 141204 MAMA 2014 Rap
140204 Are you living today to its 141210 Writing a song
fullest? 141227 KBS Gayo verse
140213 Gaon Chart Award
140218 Our ARMYs!! 2015
140219 I promise 150101 To my loving ARMYS
140219 Kim sexy 150104 My dears
140220 2nd-3rd week of November 150112 Q&A
BillMon Chart 150122 Strength/Him/RM
140224 Didn’t Bangtan as well as 150213 While working at the hotel
ARMY 150428 Sparkle
140225 Cypher ruff 150429 Thankful
140313 Affirmation from my mom 150506 Like a journal entry
140320 4th week of November 150507 I Need U wordplay [Note]
BillMon Chart 150512 When I was producing
140326 Because you’re precious 150515 Me and my people
140423 Everyone’s heart is precious 150518 Life
140520 Unpack Your Bags [lyrics] 150519 Dalla
140613 One Year Anniversary 150622 Original Converse High
140613 So 4 More 150714 How am I
140619 Music and language 150726 Lake poem
140626 Working is fun 150802 So Cold
140730 Listen to songs on repeat 150827 Love yourself
140805 Looking up at the sky 150909 Coffee
140812 KCON 150912 22nd Street
140813 You’re all the same people 150920 All Force One
like me 151006 Running
140821 ARMYs who had 151025 “Goodbye”
140823 Rookie-like impression 151105 People should be respected
140829 Be strong 151108 Thankful
140912 Birthday wish 151125 As I was writing RUN
140912 Day of Chuseok 151130 Thankful heart
140914 Reading birthday letters 151202 Lyric Issue
140927 To all who are standing 151205 I know very well
strong 151212 Wherever you live
141012 Thanking everyone 151218 It comes to my mind
359
Appendix p6
2016
160102 It’s already 2016….!!
160112 Thank you for being my fans
160130 Innocence/Genuineness
2nd Muster VCR Letter
160228 Just a dust
160309 Birthday message for Yoongi
160405 Music
160501 Time passed by so fast!!
160510 HYYH concert
160613 Debut Anniversary
160806 August / Agust D
160831 Sometimes
160912 Birthday
160916 Black cat
160927 Time goes by so fast
161011 Wings album
161101 Taxi driver
161102 Winter
161108 BTS have finished the last stages
161204 The critical point
2017
170101 Always [lyrics]
170129 Thoughts
170213 Good
170301 Recent Conditions
170310 yall are people who can
170419 Wildflower Games
170506 May
170609 4 O’Clock
170708 July
170729 Everyone!!
170818 Hello everyone
**Please Note: FanCafe posts and important tweets continue to be collected,

and the most up-to-date list can be found at btsinterviews.wordpress.com
Volume 2 will begin with:

170828 Her...
360
Appendix p7
Namjoon Vlogs (@BangtanSubs, YouTube)
*Vlog transcripts included in this volume are bold
2013 2014
130107 140105
130108 140401
130113 140513
130118 140715
130123 140913
130129 141021
130212
130225 2015
130228 150224
130313 150331
130327 150513
130503 150920
130514
130621 2016
130702 161005
130724
130825 2017
130907 170419
131014
131017
131116 *remainder of list will be published in
Vol 2
361
Appendix p8
Namjoon Vlives (Weverse)
November 28, 2015 — BTS on Stage Live
August 27, 2016—Live in Tokyo
October 20, 2016 — Wings Behind
November 28, 2016— RM
December 14, 2016 — RM
January 3, 2017 — RM’s Hello 2017!
March 17, 2017—RM
May 21, 2017 — Las Vegas Live
June 25, 2017 — RM
**Volume 2 will continue with October 7, 2017 — “Love Yourself: Her”

Behind
Other Content
HipHopPlaya Interview — March 24, 2015
HYYH Concert Endments, Day 1, 2 & 3 — November 27-29
362
363
364

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Return to Table of Contents

An ARMY project Applies to pdf or physical copy of this

Notes & Trigger Warnings 5

Acknowledgements: Translators & other credits 7

2 Cool 4 Skool (June 12, 2013) 68

O!RUL8,2? (September 11, 2013) 91

Skool Luv Affair (February 12, 2014) 113

Dark & Wild (August 20, 2014) 133

Wake Up (December 24, 2014) 145

RM — First Mixtape (March 20, 2015) 151

2015-2017 HYYH /Wings 197

HYYH pt 1 (April 29, 2015) 198

HYYH pt 2 (November 30, 2015) 231

HYYH: Young Forever (May 2, 2016) 251

Youth (September 7, 2016) 265

Wings (October 10, 2016) 271

You Never Walk Alone (February 12, 2017) 319

For free public use; do not monetize.

What is the structure of this book?

What songs, letters, vlogs, etc., are included?

Which lyrics were penned by Kim Namjoon?

Translator Thank You

None of the translations (except a very few where no official translations

IMPORTANT Note on Machine Translations:

If anyone knows of an official translation to these songs (or decides to

My deepest thanks to the following translators:

Special Thanks — WinterlyBlooms’ Compilation Website

BTSInterviews.wordpress.com is an essential compilation of translated BTS

I have shared my transcripts of these letters (many of which were only

Before counting ‘1,2,3’ in the rap scene that strikes at me,

In front of the reality blocking me again

Translation: Genius.com, Namjoon’s lines only

Note: Predebut songs on genius were compiled by @siannve and

Information about Bangtan’s predebut history can be found in several in-

Kanji Player (September 2008)

Yeah, I wasn’t like this from the start.

And now I hate myself —

Fuck you guys who always cease me and piss me —

Translation: Genius.com, edited, Namjoon’s lines only

Fuck Cockrochez (2008)

My life is just scribbles with a part of it erased.1

Like a thunderstorm in snow, it only seems I’m letting it go easily.

I try to innocently go my way but it’s not easy.

Translation: Muish.wordpress.com, edited

Wicked Man (2009)

Randa, the king is back, you know I’m wicked man.

I break it; whatever you curse at me I’m just rhyming.

No matter how much oxygen gets blown into this place

Yeah, give me your white flag,

I’m gonna ask one thing,

Translation: Genius.com, Namjoon’s lines only

2nd 94-liner Group Rap (2009) — [Machine Translated]

Translation: Korean lyrics from genius.com, machine translated, may contain

Notes from Genius.com: “This track, produced by CHANGMO [then LUPE], is

on to form hiphop crew, “DaeNamHyup (대남협)” in 2010.” [by @baepsayed]

Listen First (2009) — [Machine Translated]

Rip it, write it again and spit it out.

Twist it again with a charming flow —

Being young is still pressing me a little,

All gauges are full.

Translation: Korean lyrics from genius.com, machine translated, may contain

Genius.com Note: “일단 들어봐 (Listen First)” is the song RM used to

Grey City (2009)