she tries numerous remedies and is naturally given time in her daily life to sit around, do nothing, and

think about her life. even with all of this, she is unable to help herself.
she is convinced that someone needs to help with her isolation issues. On the daily she is pretty happy;
potionmaking has always been one of her passions and joys in life. even then, there are numerous things
in her life that cause her to worry. a lot of philosophical and self-deprecating thoughts of her past self,
the neverending hatred of her younger person, all of this has been eating her up since her early teenage
years.
everything she does now distracts herself from these thoughts. nobody has ever been able to help her,
so she gets by on the daily living off of making potions, going on adventures, keeping herself busy living
her somewhat leisurely life. (tina is quite good at making potions. the most recent addition to her
arsenal of potions has been a special concoction that is used to help people cope with difficult
situations. the mixture is a mix made of many different ingredients that work together to create a
calming effect and a more pleasant environment.)
one such potion makes tina feel much better about herself. it is a combination that tina uses frequently,
and it helps her stay calm in the days leading up to her departure. this potion causes her eyes to water
slightly whenever she opens the vial. as soon as she finishes it, (unfinished)

i’ll teach you. i’ll sing a little… and you sing after me. (she smiles and nods)
(sings) saylenay…
saylenay…
olinay…
olinay…
oliskam…
oliskam…
olisbray…
olisbray…
ranyonberginmaderenchayle...
ranyon… (she giggles) i can’t say that!
let’s skip it. (sings) oli impan… n, skip that, too. (sings)
slipinebenlipis…
slpinebenlipis…
slipinebenlipis…

I close my eyes, then I drift away

into the magic night, I softly say,
a silent prayer like dreamers do
then I fall asleep to dreams, my dreams of you
in dreams i walk with you, in dreams i talk to you
in dreams you’re mine, all of the time
in dreams you’re mine, all of the time
we’re together in dreams, in dreams

yes, everybody’s gonna need a witness

everybody’s gonna need a little backup in case the scene gets nasty
you throw the attic window open
and i throw myself all around you
and night comes to tallahassee

“if we’re both single by a certain age we will marry each other” is always a fun story concept but it could
be even better if the pact is made between rivals as a drunken dare and they go to sabotage each
other’s relationships because they’ve been secretly in love all along
“you’ve taken away every person that could make me happy, why do you hate me so much?”
“i don’t, that’s the problem.”
“you’ve taken away everyone that’s ever loved me.”
“not everyone.”

can someone tell her i miss her

“why did you do it?”

“this is my wake-up call to the rest of you. not everyone has the luxury of being heroes of their own
story.”

--
find love or die trying, dreams

(day 1)
the sound of waves, crashing against the shore.
“hey.”
…?
i can hear a woman’s voice call out to me within a dream.
“you probably can’t hear in there, but…”
i try to respond, but no words come out.
“… tina. promise me one thing.
“don’t forget… don’t you dare forget. you promised. promises are unbreakable, right? that’s what you
told me.”
…
“you promised. but you lied, didn’t you?”

(day 2)
…
…?
i see waves crash soundlessly against the shore, and dissolve to nothing before they reach my feet.
this must be my dream.
she’s next to me.
i can’t make out her face, or even hear her voice, but I know it’s her. the way the pale moonlight dances
in her hair is so nostalgic.
“you look like you’ve seen a ghost, tina!”
… you. somehow, i can’t see your face, nor hear your voice… but i know it’s you.
“i’m fine, don’t worry about it.”
i hear my own voice speaking, as if it were coming through an old cassette.
“are you thinking about what’s going on out there now?”
“ten bucks it’s better on this side.
“out there, every day’s a fight to stay alive. here, at least there’s good. shelter. a place to call home. and
most importantly, high-speed AND unlimited internet.”
i reach for her hand, and hold it tight.
“… and people that love you.”
“… i know. and i love you too.
“i know how lucky i am to be here, but… i still want to see the other side.”
“why? you wouldn’t survive a day out there. same goes for me.”
“because it’s real! it’s real life. where things happen that aren’t planned by some producer, where living
isn’t just following a script. i’d do anything for a taste of it.”
“… we’ve been over this.”
“… i know.
“i’m just so tired of this, i… what the hell are we doing here, tina?”
“…”
i felt the same way she did, but there was nothing we could do. not if we valued our lives. there’s no
escaping from here alive.
“we’re living another day.”
“… but what are we living for?”
i sighed.
“you really want to see the other side that badly?”
“yes.”
i laughed – when she had that look in her eye, i knew there was no convincing her otherwise. even if she
had to go alone, she’d see it through.
… and i loved her for that.”
“i guess you’ll owe me ten bucks pretty soon.”
she laughed.
“you’ll be the judge of that.”

(part of day 3)
“… if we get caught…”
“i get what you’re trying to say. are you still with me on this? it’s not too late…”
“you didn’t even have to ask. of course i’m with you.”
…
who… are you??
somehow, i know you’re close by.
but every time i see your face… the dream ends.

(day 4 conversation)
we talked for hours about how we both felt about our situations. the good things, the bad things, and
forgetting who you are. we laughed about forgetting the embarrassing moments that probably plagued
others for a lifetime. we lamented the moments that truly made life worth living – the moments that
made your life unique.

(day 4)
“we’re finally going to leave, tina.”
“about time, if you ask me.”
“i’ve dreamt of this moment every day since…who knows how long we’ve been trapped here by now.
but i never thought i could escape till i got to know you.”
i laughed.
“you’re giving me too much credit. it was your idea. find any other sane person, and they would have
told you the same things.”
“sane people didn’t try to escape with me.”
“i wouldn’t have stayed sane if it weren’t for you, though.”
she laughed. that was my favorite sound.
“let’s get back to matters at hand. we both know that this is where the rubber meets the road.”
“… yeah.”
“now it’s just a mad dash to the finish. you ready to run?”
“no.”
“…?”
“i’m kidding, let’s go.”
that favorite sound of mine once more – i hope it’s not the last time i hear it.

(day 5 conversation)
we walked together through the forest, hand in hand. talking about things we’d do after we got off this
island… talking about everything and anything.
“after we’re off this island, whatever happens… do you maybe… want to catch a movie together?”
“sure, but why a movie?”
“you can laugh, but there’s a part of me that just wants to be a regular girl for a day. that’s something i
could never forget. and i’d like it if i could be that way, with you. what do you say?”
“i’d like that.”
“yay!”
scarlett did a little dance of happiness. we spent the rest of the morning together in the woods, enjoying
each other’s company… and maybe a little more than that. somehow, in the middle of it all, i forgot
what kind of show i was on in the first place. it was just me and her.
in this moment, more than ever, i was glad to be alive.

(day 5)
someone tampered with it… and there’s no time to fix it.
“that’s… that’s it, then.”
i couldn’t find the words to say.
“… i love you.”
“… i love you too, tina. i wish we could have met… anywhere but here.”
she held me in her arms with the last of her strength. all that’s left to do is wait.
… goodbye, love.
(day 6 events)
“please, kat. don’t do this.”
i could hear the hum of a massive generator turning on behind me. she raised her hand, revealing a
trigger switch, with a single red button.
“i just want to get out of here. i want to get back to my life, whatever it is. please.”
“not today, tina.”
she pressed it – the sound of crashing waves. a world without time or color.
… i’m back.
this time, it’s as if i’m sitting in an audience, watching myself from afar. the escape had failed. i’d been
separated from her and captured. we really never had a chance, did we. i find myself praying that she’s
safe – if anything happened to her-
for a moment, the world exploded with color.
“always the hero, aren’t you, tina?”
“what did you do to her?!”
“… you should be more worried about yourself. you knew the rules. if you try to escape the island, you
die. it didn’t have to be like this, but you…
“i’m done talking. goodbye, tina.”

(ep 2 day 1)
the sound of waves.
“hey.”
i can hear her call out to me within a dream.
… it’s you.
“i love you, tina. … i always will.”
“and i’ll always love you too.” my mouth moves on its own.
“even if there’s so many other women on this show?”
“they could never be you.” i held her tight and kissed her.
“you promise?”
“i promise.”
“promises are unbreakable, you know. that’s what you told me.”
“i meant every word i said.”
she smiled at me.
“you better have!”
your face is becoming clearer to me with every day that goes by. i know you’re here with me… but which
one are you?

(ep 2 day 2)
sometimes the most precious moments are the most mundane. it’s just the two of us, spending the
evening together in the games room. i’m reading a book, and at the same time, watching her rage
against an opponent in a fighting game. it’s fun to watch her savor each victory, or explode with
profanity when she loses.
… life is good.
sometimes in those moments, people wish for more excitement – for fame, for fortune, for anything but
the ordinary. but all i want is the ordinary with you.
“- quote –“
… i love this woman.

(ep 2 day 3)
we borrowed a boat and went for a cruise around the island.
“i love the way the wind feels.”
“why’s that?”
“feels like freedom! can’t get enough of it. no cameras, no people, nothing to stop me from…” she
pulled me close and kissed me on the lips. for a moment, time stopped, and we were the only two
people that existed. “… doing what i want.”
i smiled. “i’m pretty sure we don’t need to be all the way out here just for a kiss.”
“i guess you’re right. after all, it’s hotter if people are watching.”
we laughed together as we cruised along till the sun went down. the world was ours. the sound of waves
grows louder and louder, threatening to pull me back into reality.
… will i know you, before i’m taken under?

(ep 2 day 4)
the two of us were lying down in a grassy field, watching the world pass us by.
“where would you want to go, when we’re out of here?”
“… the countryside. seems like it’d be the only place nowadays that you can get some peace and quiet.”
“that does sound nice.”
“… would you come with me? i know it’s not for everybody, and it’s missing a lot of the…”
“you don’t even have to ask, love. of course i’m coming with you. we’re a team, right?”
“… we’re a team.” she moved closer. i held her tight in my arms. “… mom would have loved you. i wish
you could have had a chance to meet her.”
“… i know. we’ll make sure our kid gets the chance to meet theirs, though!”
her face turned bright red.
“w-w-w-w-w-w-what-“
“?”
“s-s-say that after we’re actually engaged!” it’s cute how embarrassed she gets. “… you mean it?”
“every word.”
“… you’re sweet.”
“not as sweet as you.”

(ep 2 day 5)
the scent of something delicious being freshly baked wafted through the kitchen. it’s just the two of us.
“looks like this batch didn’t turn out well either.” she frowned.
“hey, on the bright side, i can at least tell it’s bread this time.”
uh oh, that wasn’t the right thing to say.
“it… has been a while since i’ve done this. sorry, tina. i… i wanted you to have something good.” i
reached for one of the pieces of bread. “wait, i’m sure it’s—”
i took one bite, then wolfed the bread down like it was the last of its kind. “it’s delicious!” i reached for
another to prove my point.
“… you really mean it?”
i took a moment to wolf down the second piece.
“cross my heart.”
“you’re just saying that!” she smiled. ah, that’s the moment i’ve been waiting for. she hugged me with
all her might. “… but i love that about you, you know? i love you, tina.”
i held her tight. “i love you too.”
for a moment, the whole world was just me and her. and that was all that mattered. what i wouldn’t
give to have you back like this…

(ep 2 day 6)
the performance is coming to a close. the actors and actresses come out, one by one, ready to take their
bows.
i would clap… but i’m waiting for you, and only you.

(ep 2 day 7)
the curtain closes. … you’re taking your bow. and when you lift your head… … i can see you clearly, for
the first time.
it’s you. the one i’d been waiting all this time to see. the one who made me dream of a life together, far
from this island. you’ve been right by me all this time.

(ep 2 day ??)

“can you do me a favor?”
“… what’s that?”
“don’t shoot the face please. i’m rather proud of it. i don’t know what i’d do without my supernaturally
good looks.”
she laughed through the tears. “i would have still loved you, even without them.”
“… right back at you, kat.”
she kissed me for the last time.
“i love you, tina.”

(some other time)

he looked down at me, then back at her.
“but mark my words… you’ll both wish i had (killed him.)
“do whatever you want. i don’t… care about tina anymore.”
he laughed maniacally. “i never did like tina much anyway.”
my vision’s fading. his words turned to vapor as i could feel myself crumple into nothing. the last thing i
saw was her face. she was holding the river back with everything she had.
… who are you going to fool with a poker face like that?
… kat.
i love you. always have, always will.

(another time)
damian’s finger pulls back on the trigger.
what am i doing? i see the world turn to slow motion.
why am i throwing away my life, for kat? these memories… thyey’re mine, yet… not, at the same time.
who can say if i’m the same person as before, who loved her so much? who can say if these memories
form a completely different me, compared to what i am now?
there’s no time for answers. even if i’ve forgotten you, over and over… somehow, i remember you, and i
know… … that i would do anything for you.
i run past kat, and throw myself in front of her -
because i love her -

(epilogue)
“i love you, kat.”
“i love you too, tina. more than you could ever know. wherever life takes you… is where i’ll go.”
we held each other close, and kissed for the first time in years. memories flooded back with each
passing moment. the day we met. our first kiss. fights in the rain. making up. the joy of just being with
the person you love.

(alternate ending)
“goodbye, tina. … i love you.”
…
goodbye, kat.
goodbye, island.
i’ve earned my freedom, but at what cost? every step i take back to the boat gets heavier and heavier. it
feels like i’m sinking into the ground. for some reason… i’m… crying? my heart hurts so much. it feels like
a part of me has died.
i fall to the ground. i try to get up, but i just sink deeper and deeper into the ground.
… i’m so sorry, kat.
i’m so sorry.

--

my boyfriend has this thing where any time we experience something for the first time together he goes
“this is our first __” and it makes my heart so warm

“don’t break my heart…”

“it’s already broken enough.”

dear friend, the stars will forever remind me of you.

i love that when we deeply love a book, we tend to say things like “it destroyed me” “it fucked me up”
“i’ll never be the same again.” like yes, bestie! reading is an intensely visceral experience and that’s both
a gift and a privilege.

the book of love is long and boring, no one can lift the damn thing. it’s full of charts and facts and figures
and instructions for dancing. but i love it when you read to me. you can read me anything.

a lantern lit with borrowed light to rouse the creatures of the night. the chorus starts as if on cue. when i
arise they sing:

--
dreamily ai generations for inspiration

it’s neither of our faults, and if it’s anyone’s fault, then it’s mine. all i’ve done is fall in love with you—
you’re a force to be reckoned with! when we fight together in the war, your hands shake against my
shoulders as we watch the enemy flee the battlefield.

do you blame me for taking you home, or does it make sense that you wanted to stay at all? i’ll tell you
everything when you’re ready for me. and now we know who wrote those words. you may be angry at
me, and i will understand completely, but please remember that there are worse things than dying
alone.

i think it’s our fault for loving each other so much, even after all these years. when we meet again,
everything should change. but, if anything, it should change more than what it already has. “the most
beautiful rose,” you’d say, picking out a blossom in the shape of a crown.

or maybe you’re telling me that what we had was more than friendship?
but let’s pretend, like we always do, that we were never anything to begin with. let’s pretend that i
never kissed you beneath the moonlight, and you never gave away my secret. i’d gladly leave you for
someone prettier.

if we are meant to love each other with all our hearts, does that mean we can’t share some of them?
you didn’t get the chance to know her yet. maybe i should wait until she meets you to reveal myself as a
lover instead. it was only fair that she knew i was there when she met you, after all.

i don’t care what we did, but this story doesn’t exist without you.
please write about this story, and the things that happened in your childhood.
in case this wasn’t clear already, let’s start with you.
*
the wind blows hard against his face as he runs towards his destination.

did i do anything wrong, and if so, what was it? i didn’t say or do anything to make you think ill. maybe
you wanted them for someone else, perhaps? or maybe you were jealous of him—because who else
would dare to talk about our past in our presence?

i should’ve known better than buying those damn roses for you. i guess you’re too selfless to accept
anything less. so please, just… don’t tell me that there’s nothing left between us, and leave before we
both fall apart completely.
*
i had forgotten how much i missed him.

i’ll blame neither. we were both so desperate to hear each other out. but now, all that remains are
words. you know what they mean. i don’t. why would you expect anything less? i’ve been searching the
world for someone who has ever felt the same. there’s nothing left for you.

are we truly that different after all? i know that i am. i may not be a saint, but there are worse ways to
be than with your love. for i will not leave you alone. i’ll stay until your smile returns and until the sun
rises once more. i will wait forever if you’ll let me.

do i deserve to wear red instead? do you deserve to walk away from me? do we deserve each other?
what was i thinking? did he hurt you while i wasn’t there?
what if you had died out in front of me? i don’t think i could bear it. you’re the sun to my moon. i didn’t
(unfinished)

is it mine that my hand aches so terribly i must sit for three hours straight while my mother pesters for
more painkillers? i don’t know who’s truly at fault here but we both seem to be blaming someone else
when we really shouldn’t. i’ve been a fool, and you’ve been a villain.

did you get the letter i sent you? it said to come and live with me at the manor if the marriage contract
had failed. you were so eager that day, begging to meet my family. i felt so bad seeing your tears.
“they’re going to despise me! they’ll hate me!”

i’ve made mistakes but i don’t regret making them and so will you, someday, when you look at this
manuscript. all the love i’ve poured through the pages will be enough to bring down a wall of walls but
maybe we’ll make it better than they are now. maybe we’ll fix ourselves up. maybe—

no—my hands are clean enough to wipe the blood off yours. i’ve always been careful with you. i was so
caught up in you, i didn’t notice you had grown up. you say you’re my best friend. we’re still close
enough. don’t tell me you aren’t still my best friend.

or maybe i should’ve given you a realistic reason why i’d like to marry you. is it really so bad if i tell you i
don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you? or maybe we’re not meant to be together. maybe there
are people out there who are meant to make each other happy and not vice versa.

or is it your doing that i cried at home? when we first met, i thought maybe you were kind; maybe you
could’ve been a gentle soul, the kind who didn’t judge. you know better than anyone that we don’t
belong together, and yet here we are.
and here i am.

this isn’t the usual type of courtship. he knows better than to bring flowers for someone who doesn’t
know who their lover is, nor does he want to make them uncomfortable at all. yet here they are, sitting
across from each other after their first date. “you didn’t even say yes,” he points out.

maybe it was the wrong choice to make. maybe we’ll regret it. maybe we’ll never recover.
“you don’t even know if that’s true,” she says softly.
“i do know, though. i promise. i’ll prove it to you.”
and so they fall into a similar pattern—

does he dare make the first move when his own heart beats so erratically?
“you sure you’ll be able to handle it?”
“i’ll manage.” she stands up, walking away from him as if she were leaving for her last day on earth. she
looks down at him, “if you really don’t—”

he wonders if he should make a move on her first. it’s been too long since they’ve seen each other.
maybe he’ll wait a little longer. maybe he should propose next. it could work out in the end anyway.
she’s so beautiful after all. why not start with something small?
a ring has been prepared.

he feels as though he has done something wrong. he’s not sure what, but he feels as though he has.
the clock strikes midnight, and i sit up, wide awake. i’ve been awake for nearly two hours, but i couldn’t
fall asleep until i heard this song. the piano music is so familiar to me.

“i think i’ll settle for being with you old enough to get married.”
the smile disappears from her face and she looks him dead in the eye. “well, if that’s what you really
want to do, okay,” he nods his head. “if you’re sure… i don’t mind.”

maybe we’ll figure out our mistakes in the end. it doesn’t matter now. you’re here with me, holding my
hand tightly as we walk through the park, listening to our friends talk about their crushes. i don’t think
i’ve ever felt this alive, like a spring has been pulled loose and let me free.

is it my fault that we’re broken, or yours that we’ve changed? is it even my fault when we fell so deeply
that we couldn’t ever get up? this love story ends here. this is the end. it always has been.
so here it is. the end. and here it goes. it’s over.

is it our fault that we fell in love as children? i don’t know, nor do i care. i just want you to know that i’d
never leave you, so even if you choose to walk away, i’ll still be here waiting for you. even if it kills me.

they could even write about the two of us kissing, and make it a sweet little happy ending—if we
wanted.
i will never be the type of person who loves someone ese. i will never fall in love with another. it’s too
painful, too messy. it doesn’t belong inside me.

—
hearts are fragile things. they are delicate enough to be broken. hearts are also strong enough to
survive a thousand years without a scratch, let alone a single tear.
(and now, they will die.)
—

i don’t care who that someone is; they could be a king for all i care. i’ll love whoever that person is until
they make me love them too. if that someone turns out to be you, maybe then we’ll know how to be
honest with each other. maybe someday our words will taste sweet when spoken aloud. maybe.

let’s pray to every god that will listen hat we don’t destroy each other’s hearts when the moment
comes.
for now… let’s just write our own stories. let’s make our own promises to ourselves as we watch the
pages fill up. the first line is always where i leave off, after all.

when we sat across from each other but were never supposed to meet. how badly i’ve ached for you
ever since that kiss that sent me running. the story ends here; it was always bound to end at this point. i
hope you had fun while it lasted, love.
i will always think about you every single night.

laughing and drinking and having the most fun i’d ever had in my enter life.
it was hard watching you from afar, wishing to be the person you could confide in. you’d always been so
open when it came to things like these, and it made me feel bad because i wasn’t there anymore.

just so we could watch movies with them afterwards. you didn’t even realize all these things were
coming true until they were actually happening to you. you didn’t realize all of these things could
happen until you had already experienced them.
let’s try to remember those times, even though it’ll probably feel like hell.

“let’s go home,” he mutters in defeat. i take his hand and guide him away, down the empty street and
across the parking lot. the silence between us is so thick that you’d think you couldn’t breathe. the car
starts up and we drive off into the dark street without saying a word.

“why don’t you try saying something else?”

“like what?”
“you’re the writer,” he says, trying to lighten the mood. “what would you read if you could pick the book
from the shelf without being able to see it anymore?”
there’s a beat of silence. “i wouldn’t know.”

we sit side by side in silence. i stare into space, as he stares into the distance. the night feels colder than
usual. maybe because of that, the air feels heavier than usual as well. we feel the weight of what we’re
doing weighing us down. perhaps, that’s also the reason why we need to take things slow.

—
i don’t understand why nobody understands us. maybe it’s simply impossible. maybe it’s simply the
price we pay for not having anyone, but we should have been born with everyone. and perhaps there’s
some sort of irony in it that we’re the ones that got to stay in each other’s world but none other.
—

and i’m sure it was. i’m sure it was worth it.

so please don’t hate the way i write this. you don’t understand that i love them with all my being, but
my love wasn’t enough. i want to take their lives so that we can live together. i want to give them the
world.

if i hadn’t chosen to live like this i might have died long ago. this is where i belong, and i am glad that it is
here with my friends. the place i will leave you soon will be beautiful. i will leave you someday in a
beautiful city, perhaps in the north.

if i could be with you in any way, then i am. and that is something we will share. if it doesn’t happen, i’ll
remember this moment for a lifetime and i will cherish these feelings.
the moon shines brightly upon your face, my darling.
love,
your wife and love,
me.

this time i’ve taken up residence with your house. my feet rest on its porch, and i watch as the world
goes by. i am waiting. for a sign. something tells me, if we can get rid of the past and start anew, then
the future will have a new path.

for those of you who’ve taken this journey already, i’ll say farewell. it might take me a while longer to
reach the final part of the story—a few weeks, i guess, since we both have lives ahead of us and we need
to start thinking about where we’ll go next.

maybe life is not so terrible.

i lay here and stare at their faces, the way they smiled. i imagine them looking at me like how i looked at
them all those years ago. i imagine their eyes with laughter and warmth and tenderness. i imagine them
holding my hand and kissing my cheeks.

“goodbye, love,” you say. your voice sounds like a soft breeze passing over me and brushing the surface
of my skin, as if we shared this moment together. “i will see you soon.”
i am in a room filled with white flowers. they smell sweet and sweet.

(please forgive me, for writing about someone like you.)

—
THIS FICTION OVER-------------------------------------------------------------------------- i’ve spent too long living in
darkness. i can never remember my past. but here’s a brief moment of light:
you’re beautiful.
so beautiful. so kind. so perfect. so pure.

perhaps it’s true that love is a luxury reserved to the poor. maybe the rich should have everything the
poor can’t afford. i think to myself, maybe i am a prince. i wish for the stars and moon to shine brighter
and for this life to last longer. i’m grateful to everyone here in the world.

there isn’t a single thing i wouldn’t do for these people. i love you so much, they’re a part of me and all
my feelings for you. i’m sorry i couldn’t bring myself to say it earlier. it’s true, though.
this is how we met. this is how we lived our lives. these are the last words we speak. we are a family.
we’re not children anymore. we’re married. you’re my wife, and i’m your husband. you said you loved
me long before you even knew the meaning of love.

perhaps i should write this down. maybe that’s why i can’t sleep.
in your hands lies the key to happiness: the love between you and the person you love.
this is a story that started from our eyes meeting and ended somewhere along my path. i know that i
couldn’t love anyone better than myself.

(so what’s wrong with falling in love? is there really anything wrong?)
the sun has barely risen on our bedroom floor, illuminating the ceiling like the sun does at dawn, as if
we’re in heaven. it’s a beautiful sight, as you lay beside me, hair messy and eyes still closed. you’re so
beautiful.

i know you’re the best thing i’ve got. maybe one day we’ll meet.
so far, the world hasn’t changed.
and if it has, well, then you have a beautiful view of the ocean right here. you can still hear it calling for
you, can’t you?

this is a dream. this is just one more dream. i’ve lived this dream countless times in every lifetime of
mine. this is where i belong. i can feel it here. i can feel it in the way my toes curl in the sand beneath
me.

sometimes you need someone who will understand you, who will remind you what you truly care about,
and then who cares about you too. i’ll make sure to remember.
i don’t like the idea of you staying with me forever. but i think i might like it even less when you leave.

i’m going to ask you one last time.

will you still love me?
i wonder when that kiss is, where it happened. i wonder if it meant anything or not. i wonder if that was
the first kiss.
it’s okay if you won’t answer me right now.

of your hand in mind while walking down the aisle towards the alter where you held up all my hopes
and dreams for the next couple decades. of your arm around my shoulder during that ceremony,
holding up my dress that you helped me sew. my favorite memory. and the second best: you.

i don’t know where i’d be without you…

so that’s why you can’t stay mad forever. i know you don’t really understand what i wrote, and it’s
alright. you’ll find it soon enough. it’s just the beginning of the story and you will realize what you mean
to me.

my love, my best friend. don’t look back. don’t look to the skies, or the stars. don’t wait for me. just
follow the stars. you’ll see that i am always right by your side.
in my heart, your name shines like the brightest star of all. you shine brighter than anything else.

“you didn’t tell me about a boyfriend,” her voice sounds distant and strange coming from inside my
head. and even though i know it’s her voice that’s talking, i can hear something different in her tone; an
unfamiliar, unsettling tone, and i wonder why she’s so out of it.

this might seem very strange to someone like you, who hasn’t yet lived his life fully. to you, everything’s
always going too fast. but to me, the world is slow to move, even in its fast speed. time is something
that flows slowly; it’s something you could see and feel and hear.

[a photo of a girl wearing the same shirt and pants]

[i wish i didn’t have to say goodbye to her]
[a picture of herself smiling brightly]
[i wish i didn’t have to say bye to her]
(the one i miss the most is her.)

the sky looks dark, but in reality it’s light blue with no clouds in sight. you can see the stars clearly, and it
takes your breath away. there’s something magical about seeing something so familiar yet so foreign all
at once. and the way your mind races. the thoughts racing through your head. you wonder what
happens in dreams.

“hey,” he says, “that’s really nice of you,” and looks up, “to give your girlfriend something so precious.”
“it’s not a gift,” she whispers. “it’s just what i can give her.”
“why did you give it to her then?”

my love for you isn’t something i can force. i don’t mean to say it’s impossible. i can only say that it’s
difficult for me to put down on paper because i’m afraid the truth might come out as a lie. and i’m afraid
the truth isn’t real either.

the words you wrote on my palm echo in your ears as you walk, and i wonder why it feels like you’re
walking home with me in the darkness. maybe it’s because i’m holding onto your hand with both of
mine, because the darkness makes us feel closer, and because we’re finally free to let go of each other.

it’ll be okay,
my darling
as love as you love me,
even though it hurts
i’ll never run away again.
love,
the moonlight will never shine
so brightly for ever.
i remember a few years ago, you told me you wanted to be a writer.

when the wind blows, the smell of coffee and chocolate wafts out of my mouth, and suddenly i feel
warm. i imagine you wrapped around me, hugging me and giving me kisses as i press my cheek onto
yours. i imagine you whispering sweet words into my ear.

you appear in the shadows and in the light, and you’re always there, just waiting to see what happens.
you’ve seen me at school, at home, at school again. at parties, in the bathroom, under the table, and in
your dreams. you’re always there. i never thought i’d meet somebody so fascinating.

it's funny how some people feel so empty inside. it feels good and bad all at the same time. when i read
books in the library, i always feel like something isn’t quite there. it makes me wonder if there really is a
soul that exists beyond the pages. sometimes i want to open the window and see if there’s (unfinished)

you’re a shadow who follows the path of light and darkness, always moving on. you are the night, and i
am the day. you are the rain, and i am the drought. you are the wind, and i am the sea. a reflection of
you, a reflection of me.

i’m so lucky that you appeared to me in person. it felt like you wanted to be seen. you kept me alive, and
you gave me purpose. and although you may not remember me now, i still remember you. the way you
smiled and laughed as i tried to read my poem, and the way your hand touched me softly.

a familiar voice calls out to me, beckoning me to come closer, and i obey. your hand holds me, gently,
and yet my legs feel unsteady as my feet tread against the soil. the ground shakes violently beneath me
and suddenly i’m not so sure where i am, or why i’m here.

you’re everywhere in my dreams. your presence fills me up, your voice fills me up, your scent fills me up,
your touch makes me warm, your smiles make me happy. i want to remember the feeling of holding you
tight in my arms, and kissing you under the rain.
your eyes are beautiful.

i can almost hear you laughing when i fall asleep.

you’re here. somewhere nearby. i see your reflection everywhere i turn. in the mirror. in the streets. i’m
always watching over you. i want to be here for you. in your sleep. when you wake up. when you eat.
when you drink.

you are a star that rises above us as we walk through the world, and you are a meteor shower that
crashes into a lake. you are a moon that shines brightly, and you’re an eclipse that hides among the
clouds.
it's not everyday you come back to me, to this very spot.

that’s why i love you so much. you are the one who gets up early to wake up in the mornings and walk in
circles on purpose. you have a strong spirit. and you’re kind and smart. and you’re the one who makes
me laugh even when i’m being sarcastic. and that’s (unfinished)

i don’t believe in destiny or destiny, and i don’t believe in luck either. i believe in the power of love. and i
also believe that love is inevitable, but that love is always worth fighting for.
i’ve fallen in love with you for who knows how long. you may not return my feelings.

sometimes we’re the ones who suffer for the sake of others. sometimes we’re the victims.
maybe the world isn’t meant for us to be happy, and maybe the rest of the universe can only laugh at
our misery. and i don’t know why it’s always me who’s going to fall, and i wonder if you’ (unfinished)

don’t be shy now, darling. you can say it. say the word out loud. tell me exactly what you want. let’s
pretend it’s just us, in our bed. we’ll talk for hours on end about anything and everything, and you’ll
never regret giving me your heart, because i will never regret accepting yours.

i want to hear you speak. i want to hear your voice. i want to hear all your stories. i want to know
everything that you’ve ever wanted to know, and i want to hear the things that you’ve always wanted to
say.
you’re the star i’m always looking for, and now it’ (unfinished)

maybe then i could teach you how to be brave enough to confess your love. maybe i could make you feel
safe again. i’d like to hold you in my arms and feel your skin against mine again. i want to taste the
saltiness of tears that flow from your beautiful brown eyes whenever i pull you towards me.

there are no stories without love.

in the end, everyone finds themselves on stage. but sometimes the ones onstage aren’t meant to stay
there. sometimes their paths lead to nowhere, to a lonely corner of earth. sometimes the roles fit them
perfectly, and the audience loves them regardless.
(diamonds and mirrors and memories)

in which you have no choice (because it’s me)

you’re always reading, but you never stop. you know exactly where to start, and you always end up
somewhere better. it doesn’t matter what your work is, you never seem to run out of material to write
about.

when i met you, it felt as though fate itself decided it wanted us to meet. we fell in love the moment we
first saw each other. we found ourselves walking the halls together and sharing stories, telling the truth
even if we didn’t necessarily want to. we found love, and we were lucky enough to call it ours.

--

hopeful romantic
someday, true love will find you. then it will hold you. stare into your eyes, and say, “i’ve loved you
through the ages, and i’ll love you forever.” and then, after years of happiness, you and true love will
buy a private island and retire there. sure, you’ll both perish in that freak hurricane, but you’re together,
and that’s what counts.

if this is love, then this is why i love you. this is why i’m alive.
“i still remember you as a little girl who overwaters plants because she doesn’t know when to stop
giving.” –trisha mateer

you can decorate absence however you want, but you’re still gonna feel what’s missing. –siobhan vivian

these violent delights have violent ends

and in their triumph die, like fire and powder
which, as they kiss, consume
(romeo and juliet, act ii, scene vi)

in this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything and i will not abandon
you. unwrap your worst things you have done. watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch. –
trisha mateer

i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and
see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go
grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here.

when i am feeling dreary, annoyed, and generally unimpressed by life, i imagine what it would be like to
come back to this world for just a day after having been dead. i imagine how sentimental i would feel
about the very things i once found stupid, hateful, or mundane. oh, there’s a light switch! i haven’t seen
a light switch in so long! i didn’t realize how much i missed light switches! oh! oh! and look—the stairs
up to our front porch are still completely cracked! hello, cracks! let me get a good look at you. and
there’s my neighbor, standing there, fantastically alive, just the same, still punctuating her sentences
with you know what i’m saying? why did that used to bother me? it’s so… endearing.

saw someone sitting on a park bench that looked just like you. i almost crashed my car. i feel like the
universe is playing some kind of sick joke on me, and i’m not laughing. i’m falling apart in my own hands.
you did this to me and you don’t even care. never even cared at all.

goosebumps at how richard siken uses anaphora here to stage these imaginary situations, and draw on
the pulse between desire and fear, or the world-tearing part of eros.

imagine this:
you’re driving
the sky’s bright. you look great.
in a word, in a phrase, it’s a movie,
you’re the star.
so smile for the camera, it’s your big scene,
you know your lines.
i’m the director. i’m in a helicopter.
i have a megaphone and you play along,
because you want to die for love,
 you always have.
imagine this:
you’re pulling the car over. somebody’s waiting.
you’re going to die
in your best friend’s arms.
and you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down, you’ve memorized it
it’s all you know.
i say the phrases that keep it all going,
and everybody plays along.
imagine:
someone’s pulling a gun, and you’re jumping into the middle of it.
you didn’t think you’d feel this way.
there’s a gun in your hand.
it feels hot. it feels oily.

i’m the director

and i’m screaming at you,
i’m waving my arms in the sky,
and everyone’s watching, everyone’s
curious, everyone’s
holding their breath.

“oh my god you’re so tensed you should learn how to enjoy the joys in life they’re important too you
know” then proceeds to make irene look up to see the sea of stars in the sky.

how fucking romantic. all the stars are out. twinkling twinkling twinkling, and fluttering about.

if i tell you something, will you promise not to laugh at me or mock me or be mean to me?

- shakespeare
- queen elizabeth
- renaissance
- romeo and juliet
- canterbury tales
- sonnets
- gothic fiction
- romance
- castle
- statue of liberty

the calling
so lately, been wondering
who will be there to take my place
when i’m gone, you’ll need love
to light the shadows on your face.

if a great wave shall fall

and fall upon us all
then between the sand and stone
could you make it on your own?

if i could, then i would

i’ll go wherever you will go
way up high or down low
i’ll go wherever you will go

and maybe i’ll find out

a way to make it back someday
to watch you, to guide you
through the darkest of days.

if a great wave shall fall

and fall upon us all
well then i hope there’s someone out there
who can bring me back to you

if i could, then i would

i’ll go wherever you will go
way up high or down low
i’ll go wherever you will go

run away with my heart

run away with my hope
run away with my love

i know now, just quite how

my life and love might still go on
in your heart, in your mind
i’ll stay with you for all of time

if i could, then i would

i’ll go wherever you will go
way up high or down low
i’ll go wherever you will go

if i could turn back time

i’ll go wherever you will go
if i could make you mine
i’ll go wherever you will go
i’ll go wherever you will go

if you could you would destroy this classroom, and everyone in it. you hate it here. nobody would get it.

how do i tell you? (how do i tell you?)

the way i like you (i like you)
is the same kind (a lot)
i just wanna do your makeup
and then have you mess up mine

it's important to me that you know that every single fic i write is fueled by this specific tumblr post that
completely shifted my entire perspective of romance two steps to left
--
post

a lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. and i know they expect an
answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do i tell them that when i
was 17 i took a class called relationships for life and i learned that most people fall out of love for the
same reasons they fell in it. that their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to
compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is
now money down the drain. their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on
you dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. nothing saddens and scares me like
the thought that i can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

i never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds i’ve written. i was extremely
bitter and sad when i wrote this and i left out the most beautiful part of that class.

after my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? or is it a choice?” we were
all a bunch of teenagers. naturally we said it was a feeling. she said that if we clung to that belief, we’d
never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

she made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their
marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. at the end, i asked every single person if love was an
emotion or a choice.

everybody said that it was a choice. it was a conscious commitment. it was something you choose to
make work everyday with a person who has chosen the same thing. they said that at one point in their
marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. they said feelings are
always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

the married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to
identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
the divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

i’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. i’ve chosen the people who
were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

i no longer fear the day someone who swore i was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes
as long as they still choose to look until they find them again

--
i will write my opinions on this just not now bc lol

moving into a retirement community felt like taking a seat in heaven’s waiting room. then who should
roll up in a golf cart? under the gray hair and wrinkled skin, you recognize the twinkling eyes of your high
school crush.

sharing a blunt <3 (LOL)

to be in love is to be so enraptured with someone that time doesn’t matter anymore. if you could live an
in-between life with your lover, you would. you want to spend all the time that you have with the
person you love. you take your time, and that’s okay. you know when you’re in love because you’re
suddenly so comfortable around that special person.

pick a moment i wish was living in right now

it's 11pm and you’re in your best friend’s car. you’re a little bit in love with them, but you won’t admit
that. they’re driving with the car radio turned up, singing to your favorite song so loud that the next
town over can probably hear. the streetlights look like stars, and you don’t want this night to end.
you’ve never felt this alive before.

it’s 2am and you’re lying in the grass with someone who you know better than yourself. you’re madly in
love with them, but you’ll never tell them. you’re talking about your darkest secrets. they point at the
stars and tell you that it’s a beautiful night. you say that you agree but it’s not the stars that you’re
looking at.

it’s 4pm and you’re eating ice cream with your childhood friend. you’re too young to know what love is,
but this is something innocent and special that you’ll come to miss when you’re older. you chat their ear
off about how your day went, and they do the same. when the ice cream is gone and your lips are numb,
you race for the swing sets. they beat you there, but it doesn’t matter because you know you can swing
higher than they can anyway.

it’s 5pm and you’re dancing in the kitchen with the most important person in the world. you’re married,
and so comfortably in love that you feel them in your bones. dinner is simmering in a pot while you twirl
them around and around in your arms. you know the shape of them better than you’ve ever known
yourself, but they still knock the breath out of you every time they meet your eyes.
it’s 6am and you’re waking up next to your one night stand. last night was fun, but looking at them like
this- asleep, peaceful- you realise that you’d like to see them again. you decide to watch them for a little
while longer before you get out of bed, debating how to tell them that you’ve caught feelings. the sun is
just starting to glare in the windows, and you wonder if this is the beginning of something special.

it’s 8am and you’re on the train of the daily commute, meeting eyes with a stranger. you know you’ll
never speak again, but in this moment, you feel something unspeakable between you. you watch as
they smile at you, and think that this will be a person who you will never forget. they eventually get off
at the station before yours, but you wonder if you would’ve asked for their number if they got off when
you did.

pick a body part to worship (but it’s a metaphor)

hands. i will kiss away the pains of a hard day’s labour.
lips. i will cherish the part of them that i want the most.
throat. i will take care of what is most vulnerable.
stomach. i will let them know that i love what they cannot.
thighs. i will touch them in the spaces they can keep secret.
eyes. i will love them for who they are inside.
hips. i will hold them until they know they are safe.

my dad telling me how him and my mom tried to kill each other in university to be #1 and how he dated
my mom to distract her from school so he gets to be the smartest but instead he got distracted first.