TWELFTH NIGHT

By William Shakespeare

adapted by Paul Murray and Jonathan Salway

CAST IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE

DUKE ORSINO – Mikhail

CURIO - Maria
VIOLA - Lilya
SEBASTIAN - Mansur
SEA CAPTAIN - Maria
SIR TOBY BELCH – Timur
MARIA – Milana
SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK - George
OLIVIA – Natalya
FESTE - Katy
MALVOLIO - Timofey
ANTONIO - Daniil

1
 ACT I SCENE 1. OUTSIDE OLIVIA’S HOUSE.

OLIVIA crosses, dressed in black, crying, followed by MARIA.

OLIVIA My brother, my poor brother, my poor, poor brother.

MALVOLIO opens door and they exit.

ORSINO enters followed by CURIO with heart-shaped balloons and tape player.
He turns it on.

SX 1 ORSINO’S LOVE
MARIA appears from the house.

MARIA Quiet!

She turns off the tape player.

My mistress is in mourning.
ORSINO If music be the food of love, play on
Give me excess of it!
He turns it back on ….

SX 1a ORSINO’S LOVE
(again)
…. she turns it off again.

MARIA Go away!
ORSINO I love the fair Olivia
And all my love I give to her.
Go, tell her.

He gives MARIA a balloon and she exits.

SX 2 BALLOONS
POPPED
We hear balloons pop and MARIA re-enters.

MARIA Duke Orsino, my lady, having lost her little brother, says she cannot take a lover. Come
back in seven years. (Exits)
ORSINO Seven years, seven years!
CURIO My Lord, hold back your tears.
ORSINO I don’t give up so easily.
I’ll come back when I have ‘plan B’.

ORSINO exits with purpose.

2
 ACT I, SCENE 2. THE SEA COAST

SX 3 STORM AT SEA
VIOLA, SEBASTIAN, ANTONIO and CAPTAIN at sea.
VIOLA and CAPTAIN drift away from the rest.

VIOLA What country, friend, is this?

CAPTAIN This is Illyria, lady.
VIOLA My brother! Perchance he is not drown'd.
CAPTAIN Perchance, for I saw some on drifting wood lay hold.
VIOLA For saying so, there’s gold.
Do you know this place?
CAPTAIN Aye.
VIOLA Who governs here?
CAPTAIN Duke Orsino does rule this place.
He loves Olivia, but she hides her face
For she does mourn her brother’s death
And so she spurns his lover’s breath.
VIOLA I understand the sister’s pain.
But she should learn to love again.
I’ll help the Lord, the Lady to woo!
CAPTAIN But they hire men, not girls like you.
VIOLA Well, I’ll play a man, they’ll call me ‘he’
Cesario I’ll pretend to be.
Now help me with my keen disguise
That I may fool Illyrian eyes.

ACT I SCENE 3. OLIVIA’S HOUSE.

3
SX 4 SIR TOBY BELCH’S
ENTRANCE
SIR TOBY enters dancing. MARIA enters and turns off music.

MARIA Sir Toby, soft your noise, my mistress sleeps, ‘tis late.
SIR TOBY Nay, ‘tis early …
MARIA How now early? ‘tis near 2 in the morning.
SIR TOBY 2 in the morning? Why, that’s early!
MARIA Hast thou forgot that my mistress is in mourning.
SIR TOBY What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus?

SX 4a SIR TOBY (again)

MARIA By my troth, Sir Toby, your cousin, my lady, takes great exception to your ill hours; and
of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be my lady’s wooer.
SIR TOBY Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
MARIA Ay, he.
SIR TOBY Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.
MARIA Ay, but they say he’s a very fool.
SIR TOBY By this hand, they are scoundrels that say so of him. Who are they?

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!
SIR TOBY Sweet Sir Andrew!
MARIA Why art thou here, ‘tis late.
SIR ANDREW I have come to woo Olivia with my charm.
MARIA You woo?
SIR ANDREW Aye, me.
MARIA With my mistress you have no chance!
SIR ANDREW Just wait until she sees me dance!
SIR TOBY He kicks a caper, skips a jig.

SX 5 SIR ANDREW
DANCES
SIR ANDREW dances badly.

MARIA Enough, enough, hush!

I know not what Toby has said is true
But truth my lady has no affection for you!
Now away, not one more peep
‘Tis time for the household to sleep.

MARIA exits.

SIR ANDREW I will not stay a second more

You niece she hates me that’s for sure
SIR TOBY Nay, you should stay and take your chances
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 You know she spurns the dukes’ advances
She’s doesn’t go for brains or style!
SIR ANDREW Then …… maybe I will stay a while!
SIR TOBY Good man, now, come, let’s drink some more!

They cheer.

CAST Sssh, sssh, sssh ….

They exit “sshh-ing”.

ACT I, SCENE 4. DUKE ORSINO's PALACE.

ORSINO enters playing “she loves me, she loves me not” with a flower. It
finishes with “she loves me not” so he throws it to the ground angrily.

DUKE ORSINO What, ho! Ho, Cesario?

SERVASNTS Cesario! Cesario! Cesario!
VIOLA [entering] On your attendance, my lord;
DUKE ORSINO You’re new, so let me explain …
Olivia will not see me face to face
So you will see her in my place.
Unfold the passion of my love
Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith.
Are you listening?
VIOLA Aye my Lord, every word, every syllable.
DUKE ORSINO Good.
Tell her how much I do love her grace
Her body, mind, her hair and her place
Is by my side is all I ask
I’ll leave you now with cupid’s task
VIOLA I'll do my best
To woo your lady:

ORSINO exits

yet, a barful strife!

Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

5
 ACT I, SCENE 5. OLIVIA'S house.

SX 6 FESTE
SINGS
OLIVIA enters followed by MALVOLIO.
FESTE approaches from the other side.

FESTE God bless thee, lady!

OLIVIA I am NOT in the mood.
Take the fool away.
FESTE Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
OLIVIA Go to, you're a dry fool.
FESTE Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.
OLIVIA Make your proof.
FESTE Good madonna, why mournest thou?
OLIVIA Good fool, for my brother's death.
FESTE I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
OLIVIA I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
FESTE The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul being in heaven.
Take away the fool, gentlemen.
OLIVIA What think you of this fool, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal:
OLIVIA Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio
MARIA (entering) Madam, there is a young gentleman much desires to speak with you.
OLIVIA From the Count Orsino, is it?
VIOLA (entering) Aye, madam. Art thou Olivia?
OLIVIA I am. Have you been sent to advance Orsino’s part?
VIOLA Your beauty explains the poor Duke’s heart
He sighs, he moans, he must be seen
OLIVIA He’s nothing but a drama queen!
He knew my answer long ago
VIOLA Your cruel words will hurt him so.
Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,
If you will lead these graces to the grave
And leave the world no copy.
If I got such a cruel reply
I’d lie awake each night and cry
OLIVIA You’d do all that for me.
VIOLA Aye, in truth.
OLIVIA Get you to your lord and say:
I cannot love him: let him send no more;
Unless, perchance, you come to me again,
To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:
VIOLA Farewell, fair cruelty.

VIOLA exits.

OLIVIA His master I will see no more

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 But that young man I do adore.
ACT II SCENE 1. THE SEA COAST.

SX 7 THE SEA
SHORE
ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN enter.

ANTONIO At least to tell me where you’ll go

SEBASTIAN Alas my friend I do not know
The man you pulled out from the sea
Was Sebastian…that’s me,
A noble man from Messaline
Until recently a twin I’d been
The storm that hit us out at sea
Took my sister Viola from me
ANTONIO Tell me, your sister, she looked like you?
SEBASTIAN Identical we are… were … aye, once was true
ANTONIO My poor sweet boy, don’t go alone
Let me be your bosom companion
SEBASTIAN No, I must alone to Orsino’s court
To hide my pain with royal sport.
SEBASTIAN exits.
ANTONIO I’d follow you if I could dare
But I once got in some trouble there
It’s dangerous for me to follow
But if I don’t, I’ll die of sorrow.
He follows

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 ACT II, SCENE 3. OLIVIA's house.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW singing noisily again. MARIA
enters.

MARIA For the love of God, peace!

I’ve told you afore, cease your hollering
You’ll wake the lady’s steward and he’ll give you all a ……
MALVOLIO enters.
MALVOLIO My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to
make an alehouse of my lady's house,
SIR TOBY Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

MALVOLIO Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you, that, if you can separate
yourself and your misdemeanors, you are welcome to the house; if not she is very willing
to bid you farewell.
Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any thing more than contempt, you
would not give means for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

MALVOLIO exits.

MARIA Go shake your ears.

SIR TOBY He’s pretentious and dim
I’d love to make a fool of him
SIR ANDREW He’s only got a servant’s job
But he’s all puffed up and such a snob.
MARIA Gentlemen, be patient.
True, he thinks he’s so much better than us but with all these flaws I know what I can do
to bring him down a peg or two!
SIR TOBY Excellent! I smell a device.
SIR ANDREW I have't in my nose too.
SIR TOBY So what’s your plan?
MARIA I’ll write love letters for him to find - I can write very like my lady your niece -
SIR TOBY He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they come from my niece, and that
she's in love with him.
MARIA My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.
SIR TOBY And your horse now would make him an ass.
SIR ANDREW O, 'twill be admirable!
MARIA Sport royal, I warrant you:. For this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.

They all exit.

8
 ACT II, SCENE 4. DUKE ORSINO's palace.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, and CURIO.

SX 8 CURIO SINGS
DUKE ORSINO Tell me boy, have you felt love for real?
VIOLA Just a little…
DUKE ORSINO Describe her my Page
VIOLA A little like you
DUKE ORSINO And what was her age?
VIOLA The same as yours
DUKE ORSINO Too old by Heaven.
VIOLA Not to me by Heaven.

They look at each other.

DUKE ORSINO Cesario, To Olivia again you’ll go!

VIOLA But if she just cannot love you?
DUKE ORSINO I can’t believe that could be true
A female love is weaker than ours
VIOLA I must disagree.
My father had a daughter loved a man,
As, perhaps, were I a woman,
I should your lordship.
She never told her love,
But concealed it, like a worm i' the bud.
Was not this love indeed?

DUKE ORSINO To this lady,

To her in haste; give her these gifts; say,
My love can give no place, bide no delay.

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 ACT II, SCENE 5. OLIVIA’S GARDEN.

Enter SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW and MARIA

MARIA Quick you, hide you all, Malvolio is on his way. Not a peep, you all must hide.

MARIA places the letters and exits.

Enter MALVOLIO, picks an apple.

MALVOLIO What’s this I see ….. ?

He picks up the letter.

SIR TOBY For the love of God, read it out loud.

MALVOLIO It’s my ladies handwriting!
[Reads] 'To my unknown beloved, with all of my heart'. I’ll open it, I cannot wait
SIR TOBY The fish is hooked
SIR ANDREW He’s taken the bait!
MALVOLIO “Jove knows I love: But who?
No man must know.
M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.”
SIR ANDREW A fustian riddle!
SIR TOBY Excellent wench Maria, say I.
MALVOLIO M,--why, that begins my name.
This is for me!!!!!!
“In my stars I am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some
are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.
If this letter is in your hands,
Follow carefully its commands
Show this woman you love her and wear yellow, yellow, yellow. O Yes!
One thing more, my love,
If thou entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling;
I would go more than a thousand miles
To see you smile, smile, smile!!!!”
By Jove, she loves me.
I foresee a great romance
SIR TOBY I think I’m going to pee my pants
SIR ANDREW Shhhhhhhh.
MALVOLIO A new life awaits me.
Wait till those lowlifes, like Sir Toby see!

MALVOLIO exits as they fall into laughter.

SIR TOBY I could marry you wench for this device!

MARIA You think that that’s funny?

You wait for a while
Till he wears yellow and a big stupid smile
My mistress hates yellow and continues to mourn!
So stick with me to see her attack

10
SIR TOBY We’d follow you to hell and back

They exit.

ACT III, SCENE 1. OLIVIA’S HOUSE.

VIOLA and OLIVIA, SIR ANDREW watches.

OLIVIA Give me your hand, sir. What is thy name?

VIOLA Cesario
OLIVIA (in love) Cesario.
VIOLA Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
On Orsino’s behalf.
OLIVIA I bade you never speak again of him:
Prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.
VIOLA That you do think you are not what you are.
OLIVIA If I think so, I think the same of you.
VIOLA Then think you right: I am not what I am.
OLIVIA Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
By maidhood, honour, truth and everything,
I love thee so
VIOLA My lady, this cannot be!
And so adieu, good madam: never more
Will I my master's tears to you deplore.
OLIVIA Yet come again.

They exit as SIR TOBY enters.

SIR ANDREW That’s it I’m off, I’m out of here

SIR TOBY Man, what’s your reason!?
SIR ANDREW I was watching your niece just now
She was flirting with some youth; and how!
SIR TOBY She’s trying making you feel jealous
Challenge the youth to a fight
There is nothing a woman loves more
Than a show of might
SIR ANDREW What a good idea!

Enter MARIA

MARIA Drop everything and follow me

The funniest thing you’ll ever see
Enter OLIVIA.

OLIVIA Where is Malvolio?

MARIA He's coming, madam;

MALVOLIO enters.

OLIVA How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho. Ho.

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OLIVIA Smilest thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO Sad, lady! I could be sad:
but all this yellow stops the blood! (he smiles)
OLIVIA Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO I think I know your handwriting.
OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.
OLIVIA God comfort thee!
MALVOLIO 'Be not afraid of greatness:'
'Some are
born great, Some achieve greatness,'--
OLIVIA What sayest thou?
MALVOLIO 'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'
OLIVIA Heaven restore thee!
This is very midsummer madness.
He’s gone mad! Take him away.
SIR TOBY Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. Take him away!

MALVOLIO is led away.

MALVOLIO [leaving] I am not mad, she loves me!

They all exit.

12
 ACT III, SCENE 3. A STREET.

SX 9 IN THE
CITY
Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO

SEBASTIAN I thought we said you’d stay on the beach

ANTONIO I was worried the moment you’d gone
To think that something could go wrong
SEBASTIAN Ok, thanks friend.
Let’s go and look around the town
You know the place, what’s worth a look?
ANTONIO I owe some money here, so I’ll keep low.
Meet me later at The Elephant.
Take your time and my money;
SEBASTIAN Well I don’t need all that
ANTONIO I insist
SEBASTIAN Then what can I do?
You really are benevolent
ANTONIO I’ll see you at The Elephant.

They exit.
CESARIO enters followed by SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW.

SIR TOBY You sir! You have offended my friend.

CESARIO Me?
SIR TOBY Aye, you.
CESARIO I don’t wish to offend anyone.
SIR TOBY He would fight you. Read this. (Gives him the letter) He is a very devil. He has killed
three men.
CESARIO But I don’t want to fight.

SIR TOBY goes to SIR ANDREW.

SIR TOBY He’s ready to fight. He is a very devil. He has killed three men.
SIR ANDREW Well, tell him, let’s forget about it.
SIR TOBY No, no, he says you must fight.
Come gentlemen, let’s have this fight.

SX 9 FIGHT
CESARIO and SIR ANDREW draw together. ANTONIO enters.
ANTONIO Leave this gentleman alone. If you fight him, you fight me!
SIR ANDREW O Lord, two of them! (Hides behind Toby)
SIR TOBY Who are you?
13
ANTONIO Antonio. This man’s friend.
SIR TOBY And the same Antonio who fled here some years back. Owing money!
Officer! Arrest him. You remember this villain Antonio?
ANTONIO I beg you friend, to let me have the money back I lent thee.
CESARIO You lent me no money.
ANTONIO What? Just now I lent you money.
CESARIO I don’t know what you’re talking about.
SIR TOBY Take him away Officer.
ANTONIO (as he is led away) I thought we were friends. Sebastian! Sebastian!
CESARIO Sebastian? He calls my brother’s name. Perchance my brother is still alive!
They exit as SEBASTIAN enters followed by FESTE.
SEBASTIAN Leave me alone!!!
FESTE Not until you come and see my lady – she asks for you, begs for you, cries for you!

OLIVIA ENTERS.

OLIVIA There you are. I’ve been waiting for you. Come with me to church for I have a priest
ready to marry us.
SEBASTIAN Do I know you?
OLIVIA Follow, sweet, my love.
SEBASTIAN If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep

THEY EXIT.

14
 ACT 5
ENTER ORSINO, VIOLA, and ANTONIO with GUARDS.

VIOLA There’s the man, sir, that rescued me.

DUKE ORSINO Guards, what on earth is going on?
OFFICER This man’s name is Antonio. Some years ago he took our cargo from a boat in Crete. He
robbed us and now he’s come back and we’ve got him.
ANTONIO Once, yes, I was your enemy but those times are gone.
But he, HE has done me wrong!
VIOLA But I don’t know you.
ANTONIO Aye, deny me again.

OLIVIA ENTERS.

OLIVIA Cesario, there you are my love, come away now husband.
ALL CAST What?!?!?!?
DUKE ORSINO What???? You got married!!
But I love you and would have you as my wife.
VIOLA It’s not true, never in my life!
OLIVIA How can you deny me? ‘Tis true. The marriage was witnessed and signed.
DUKE ORSINO Cesario, how could you betray me thus!!!
You are so cruel.
VIOLA No, no, I love you.
ALL CAST WHAT??????

Enter SIR ANDREW and SIR TOBY holding their heads and bloody cloths.

SIR ANDREW Is there a doctor in the house?

He’s broken us, the dirty louse
OLIVIA Who’s done this? Someone we know.
SIR ANDREW (sees VIOLA and screams) Ah!!! Him, him, hold him back.
SIR TOBY Do not attack! I’m hurt enough, now where’s the quack?

Enter SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN My dear Antonio! There you are, I’ve been looking for you both near and far
ANTONIO Sebastian?
VIOLA Sebastian?
OLIVIA I see two husbands.
ALL CAST What?!?!?
SEBASTIAN What trick is this Mister? You look like my twin, but she was my sister.
VIOLA (letting down her hair) And I am a woman.

15
ALL CAST What?!???!??!
VIOLA And my name is Viola.
SEBASTIAN And my sister’s name was Viola.
VIOLA Is. For I be she.
SEBASTIAN You weren’t drowned in the storm at sea.
VIOLA And neither thee.

THEY HUG.

ALL CAST Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

OLIVIA Who did I marry today?
SEBASTIAN Me.
DUKE ORSINO You told me you loved me. Is that true?
VIOLA Aye my lord, from the first day I set eyes on you.
ALL CAST Ahhhhh.
DUKE ORSINO You’ve called me Master through all our strife
Now you will be your master’s wife
ALL CAST Double ahhhhhh!

MALVOLIO enters.

MALVOLIO ’I swear to God you’ve done me wrong

I have the letter you did send
That nearly sent me round the bend
OLIVIA This is not mine.

MARIA STARTS TO SNEAK AWAY.

Maria!
FESTE Let me answer for Maria
Malvolio often has such airs and graces
Is rude to Maria and others to their faces
It was to teach a lesson that he
Must live with more humility.
MALVOLIO I'll get you all back if it’s the last thing I do. (Exits)
OLIVIA That really was most cruel of you.
DUKE ORSINO Follow him and calm his pain
But let us to happiness again.
Wife
VIOLA Husband
OLIVIA Husband
SEBASTIAN Wife.
The cast dance.

SX 10
FINALE

16