Alex Burzlaff

April 27, 2023

SEL Lesson Plan

Name of Lesson: Assertive, Passive, and Aggressive Communication

SEL Competencies: Relationship Skills and Social Awareness
Grade Level: 4th grade
Estimated Time for Lesson: 45 minutes

Theory:
My lesson plan is designed to address the Social-Emotional Learning Competencies of
relationship skills and social awareness. CASEL (2023) defines relationship skills as “the
abilities to establish and maintain healthy and supportive relationships and to effectively navigate
settings with diverse individuals and groups.” Social interactions become increasingly complex
and nuanced as children reach the upper elementary grades, so it is critical they learn how to
resolve conflict respectfully and effectively. This will promote better collaboration for classroom
activities and build a stronger classroom community. Further, in order for students to develop
strong relationships, they need social awareness, or “the abilities to understand the perspectives
of and empathize with others, including those from diverse backgrounds, cultures, and contexts”
(CASEL, 2023). Social awareness helps students recognize when their actions or words may
harm others. By participating in lessons focused on relationship skills and social awareness,
students can see their own patterns of behavior and develop strategies to help them in conflict.
However, rather than always rely on the teacher to lead the conversation, the goal is for students
to be able to initiate and navigate conflict resolution independently.
I chose to focus specifically on assertive communication because of my experiences in a
fourth grade classroom. I found that small moments of conflict, such as cutting someone in line,
often escalated because of how students responded. Some would become angry and
argumentative, while others would cry, run to a teacher, and avoid confrontation. Many students
struggled to consider the other person's point of view or take responsibility for their actions. For
certain students, these behaviors were consistent patterns. According to Marzano & Marzano
(2003), these students could be categorized as aggressive or passive. Aggressive students
demonstrate behavior that “dominates, harms, and controls others” while passive students “avoid
domination of others or the pain of negative experiences” (p. 10). As these students have
drastically different ways of approaching and responding to conflict, it is critical that teachers are
“aware of high need students and have a repertoire of specific techniques” (Marzano & Marzano,
2003, p. 11). As a one-size-fits-all approach is insufficient, teachers need to recognize and target
the needs of each individual student. However, all students will benefit from learning how to
stand up for themselves using assertive communication.
Practice:
This lesson formed out of my SEL activities, Listen & Draw and I-Messages, which also
focused on the development of relationship skills. Specifically, I wanted to explore best practices
for teaching students about assertive communication. Overcoming Obstacles (n.d.) created a
middle-school lesson on assertiveness. I followed their objective, “students will develop
definitions and examples of passive, aggressive, and assertive behaviors” but adapted the lesson
to fit a younger audience. I liked that their lesson had students create their own definitions for
each communication type, as this gives students ownership over the activity and allows them to
bring in their own experiences. However, I wanted to make the lesson more engaging. First, I
looked for charts and visuals about assertive communication. Counselor Keri (n.d.) taught a
similar lesson using weather imagery for each behavior: light breeze (passive), warm sun
(assertive), tornado (aggressive). With her idea in mind, I thought it would be fun for students to
come up with their own way of representing each communication style, such as with colors,
animals, characters, etc. Then I needed something to grab students’ attention at the start of the
lesson. Many websites, including Edutopia (2020), suggested role playing and modeling
situations where assertive communication would be valuable. This inspired the activator, where I
enlist students to model aggressive, passive, and assertive responses to me asking to copy their
homework. Finally, I wanted students to practice recognizing each communication style, so I
thought a game would be an engaging format. Using sample scenarios provided by American
Hearts Association (2020), I created a game where students would get up and stand by the label
that matched the behavior described in the scenario.
I focused on the “SAFE” mnemonic throughout my planning. My lesson is sequenced as
there is a clear structure of an activator, group activity, share, and game. It is active because
students engage with the material in several different formats, such as through collaborating with
partners, using movement, and looking at visuals. The lesson objective is communicated to
students from the start, so they know the focus is on understanding what each behavior looks,
sounds, and feels like. Skills within the SEL competencies of relationship skills and social
awareness are explicitly referenced throughout the lesson.

Procedures:
Before the Lesson
● Prior to this lesson, students would have engaged in the activity described in my previous
paper, “I-Messages.” In this activity, they learned how to use I- statements to
communicate assertively.
● I will gather the necessary materials. Students will need chart paper and markers for the
activity. I will need the model chart and sample scenarios (see appendix for examples).
● I will choose students for the opening activity. I will consider their personalities and
choose students who are comfortable speaking and role playing in front of the class.
Students will be given a script on what to say before the lesson.
● I will put the following agenda on the board: Activator, Group Activity/Share, Game
 ● I will put the following objective on the board: “We will be able to describe passive,
assertive, and aggressive communication and determine why assertive communication is
the most effective.”

Opening (5 minutes):
● I will invite the three selected students to the front of the room. I will explain to the class
that I am going to ask these students the same question, but I want them to notice the
differences in the way they each respond.
● I will say to the students: “Hey I didn’t do my homework. Can I copy yours?”
○ Student 1: (softly) “Oh ok… here you go..”
○ Student 2: (yells) “It’s not my fault you're too dumb to do your homework!! *grab
my paper and rip it*
○ Student 3: (clearly/firmly) “I don’t feel comfortable sharing my homework with
you because I worked hard on it.”
● I will call on students to share their observations about how the students acted and
sounded. I will prompt them to share words that describe each student's behavior.
○ I will then write the terms "passive", "aggressive" and "assertive" on the board
and identify which students acted with each type of behavior.
● Orientation Script: Last week, we learned how to send “I-Messages'' to each other
(hold up example). This helps us express our opinions when we disagree or share our
feelings when we are upset. Can someone give me an example using this structure of I
feel/when/ because? Now, it is not always easy to be strong and kind when we are in a
conflict. However, it is important that we try, because the way we behave can really
impact others. So today, we will define these three different types of behavior by
considering what they look, sound, and feel like. Identifying examples of these behaviors
and understanding how they make people feel will help us become more aware of how
our actions impact others.
○ I will point out the agenda, explaining that we will do a group activity/share, and
then a game to wrap up.
During (35 minutes)
Group Activity (25 minutes)
● I will hang my model chart on the board. I will share that to help me categorize these
three behaviors, I have compared them to the porridges from Goldilocks and the Three
Bears: too hot, too cold, and just right. I will share that students’ first task is to identify
comparisons for each behavior and draw them under each box (see appendix).
○ If students struggle to come up with comparisons, I will offer the following
examples; weather (light breeze, tornado, sunny day), animals (mouse, lion, owl),
colors (red, yellow and green), or emojis (angry face, sad face, neutral/smile).
 ● I will then explain that students will fill in their charts with what each behavior looks like
(body language), sounds like (phrases and tone of voice), and feels like (impact on
others).
● I will separate students into small groups (about 4 students) and provide each group with
a large chart paper that matches the structure of the model. They will have 20 minutes to
complete the chart. I will be available for support.
● When time is up, I will bring all the groups together and hang their posters on the board. I
will point out the similarities and differences between the students’ work, as well as ask
students to share how they developed their ideas.
Game (10 minutes)
● Students will have the opportunity to apply their understanding of each type of behavior
with this scenario-based game. Students will stand in the center of the room. Three walls
of the room will be labeled assertive, aggressive, and passive. As I read each scenario, the
students must move to the wall that matches how the person in the scenario responded.
○ I will use the scenarios included in the appendix, created by American Hearts
Association (2020).

Closing: (5 minutes)
● To conclude this lesson, I will ask students to share what assertive communication looks
and sounds like.
○ Responses: Eye contact, stand up straight, clear and confident voice, I-statements
● I will end by sharing why assertive communication is important:
○ Assertive communication…
■ Makes other feel comfortable
■ Builds confidence
■ Allows you to express opinions respectfully
■ Helps you to take responsibility for actions
■ Can be used to stand up for yourself and others

What I Learned:
In my job, I am faced with conflict and behavioral challenges almost every single day.
There are moments that students’ refusal to follow directions or fights with peers feel intentional
or spiteful. However, exploring SEL competencies and curriculum has helped me understand that
students are often acting out because of some unmet need or undeveloped skill, not just by
choice. As emphasized by Rapport & Minihan (2013), “if a student can’t behave, it’s often
because he or she has not developed the necessary skills such as self-regulation, social skills, and
executive function skills” (p. 20). When it comes to social conflict, students likely know what
they want to express, but either they don’t know how to communicate their ideas or they are
overcome by their emotions. My role is to help them navigate those conversations, provide them
with opportunities to practice new skills, and encourage them when it gets tough.
 I find the SEL approach so valuable that this summer I will be researching and creating a
SEL curriculum as part of an independent study course. I want to develop and teach
free-standing lessons, likely during morning meetings or in weekly sessions, in my future
classroom. Additionally, I think it is equally important to allow students to practice SEL skills
within the academic content and incorporate them into my teaching practices. Overall, students
must feel safe, respected, and welcomed in the classroom before they are able to build
relationships or engage in learning.

References:
American Heart Association. (2020). Speak up & stand up.
https://www2.heart.org/site/DocServer/YM_SpeakUpStandUp.pdf.

CASEL. (2023, March 03). What is the CASEL framework?

https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/what-is-the-casel-framework/#social-awareness.

Counselor Keri. (n.d.). Communication styles activity I do in 4th.

https://www.counselorkeri.com/2023/01/11/teach-kids-about-communication-styles/.

Marzano, R. J., & Marzano, J. S. (2003). The key to classroom management. Educational
Leadership, 61(1), 6-13.

Overcoming Obstacles. (n.d.). Lesson 4: Be assertive.

https://www.overcomingobstacles.org/portal/es/curricula/middle-school/leccion-4-ser-ase
rtivo#section-accionreaccion.

Rapport, N. & Minihan, J. (2013). Breaking the behavior code. National Association of
Elementary School Principals. 18-22.

Willis, J. (2020, December 2). Teaching assertiveness in the early elementary grades. Edutopia.
https://www.edutopia.org/article/teaching-assertiveness-early-elementary-grades/.
Appendix:

Model Chart
Looks Like Sounds Like Feels Like
(body language) (phrases and tone) (impact on others)

Passive Lack of eye contact Speaking softly or not Scared

at all
Shrinking body or Giving in
slouching Agreeing, not saying
no

“Ok, whatever you

“Too cold” want”

Assertive Eye contact Clear, confident voice Respectful

Firm posture I statements: “I feel Helps self esteem

sad when you say I
can’t play” Fair

Expresses opinion Kind

“Just right”

Aggressive Eye rolling or Yelling or speaking Angry

judgemental looks loudly
Damaging
Getting in others’ “Let me copy your
space homework” Mean

Pushing or shoving One person wants to

“Too hot” control

Examples of student work

Scenarios for group game