DAY THREE – RELATIONSHIPS – Tony and Sage Robbins

Love and passion. A broken heart can bring a warrior to their knees.
Success leaves clues. Learn from other’s mistakes.
We all have both masculine and feminine energy. One is more dominant.
Our differences can make each other exciting.
Energy/state and meaning.
Intimate relationships don’t die from a lack of love, they die from a lack of intimacy.
Life is relationship. The quality of your life = the quality of your relationships.
A relationship is a place you go to GIVE, not to GET.
- You feel what you give.
- If you’re trading and comparing, your relationship will be weak.
Not a transaction. Transactions leave no love. Be a giver.
I own the state of this relationship.
100% personal responsibility will transform your life. I AMN RESPONSIBLE TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP
GREAT.
1. The mental and emotional state you bring to your marriage. Bring your best self to the table. Innovate and market
myself so they desire me. Think about their needs. Get in your head and you’re dead. Don’t get trapped in the law of
familiarity, don’t take it for granted. Train your nervous system to be in peak state. If I put labels on my wife then I
am in my head and not in my heart. The ultimate power is my own happiness. Do what I did in the beginning of the
relationship and there won’t be an end.
2. The meanings you create. Men and women are not the same. Information without emotion is barely retained. I
remember where I was on 09/11 because there is emotion attached to it. Men want to fix problems immediately;
women want to share problems to connect. Men and women are different species. Men are about the outcome, but
women value the process. Men were hunters so had to be quiet to not scare off the animal. Women need to talk so
they don’t surprise the animal and get attacked, where to pick the berries.

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The juice of lemons makes fine punch. (sounds like static the first time).
What do I hear in the middle of static? - conditioned to hear the message.
I am already conditioned and have reactions; I need to be trained…
Example: Maureen and Mark married 27 years. We focus on our spouse’s shortcoming instead of our own. I can only
control my own part. Responsibility is about the ability to respond and do something to make the relationship better.
What are the judgements I have about my spouse? Lack of polarization, opposite energies, meaning changes. You can't

Fred Zach 01/24/2021

influence them when you are judging them. Intimate relationships don't end because of lack of love, its
DEPOLARIZATION. Love is not enough.

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Four 4’s
1. Resistance – own that it is my issue, my own crap. Survival - should I attack/destroy or run/flee?
2. Resentment – they stack up. Resentment. Generalize, Distort, Delete. When you’re made to feel as if you’re not the
most important thing in your partner’s world; depolarization follows. Appreciation is when suffering stops.
Depolarization is the loss of attraction. Own it.
3. Rejection -
4. Repression - some people are more committed to the ship than the relation. When do you kill Godzilla? When it’s a
baby or when it has destroyed your entire village?

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How do people enter relationships? Three P’s.

Courage - to open up again.

Faith- to believe in something 100% even though there’s no certain. Without faith you stay in one place, like prison.
Faith because you’re not 100% certain. Uncertainty = fear. Fear will trap you and keep you uncertain. Viscous cycle.
Do what your mind tells you not to do. Get out of your head.

Hawaiian term. Say it three times.

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My thinking, beliefs, and assumptions can ruin my relationship. It disconnects me from reality.
What sticky notes am I putting on wife? Take them off one by one. Unconditional love, not I will love you unless you do
this...
Parents need a united front, always put each other first, carve out time for relationship, date night. Strict bedtime so we
have alone couple time. Don’t put kids first and they will feel loved. Make your moments matter. Do what makes me
happy so I can come back with my best self. My internal conflicts almost always become. Whose love did I crave more,
mom or dad, and who did I have to be to get their love? I act that way because love is the ultimate power. My decisions
are controlled by beliefs that I didn’t even create myself.
Depolarization – different energy is exciting.
Three feminine U’s:
1. Unseen – women want to be seen. Honey I love your shoes, I love what you did with your hair. Love grows by
praise, not by challenge.
2. Not Understood – she may not even understand what is wrong in her mind. I am here and I love you, I can’t even
imagine what you are going thru. Women have diffused awareness and can see and feel many different things at
same time. Women magnify human emotion. I don’t know how you do it (be sincere when you say this)!
3. Unsafe – be calm and connected. Go take a jog, shower… change your body change your focus. Women want you
feel your presence. Makes sure she is seen, understood, and safe.
Four masculine C’s:
1. Criticized – men don’t want to be coached unless permission given. Criticism is kryptonite. We want you to depend
on me and be proud of me. Women love to be please but hate a pleaser. Don’t do what I know is not right, don’t be
manipulated. Admiration and appreciation, acknowledge. Men don’t want to be told what to do. I’m sorry, that
wasn’t my best self.
2. Closed – men don't want to feel closed off. You must be willing to be vulnerable. Willingness to express deeper
truth, to be vulnerable. I won’t change because you told me to. Women close because of the 3 C’s. Courage and
faith.
3. Control – control and love do not go together. Women feel unsafe and try to control in survival mode. Women need
to be open to the man. There is no control, there is only influence.

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Live with passion and excitement!

Fred Zach 01/24/2021