if i keep my eyes closed (he looks just like you)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/47035864.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Boys Planet (Korea TV), ZEROBASEONE | ZB1 (Korea Band)
Relationship: Kim Taerae/Sung Hanbin, Kim Taerae/Park Hanbin
Character: Sung Hanbin, Kim Taerae (ZEROBASEONE), Park Hanbin
Additional Tags: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Explicit Sexual Content, Phone Sex,
Accidental Voyeurism, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Trans Character,
Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Anal Fingering, Boypussy, Squirting,
pussy slapping, never posting this on main, 3am brainrot, I am so sorry,
Ambiguous Relationships, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Collections: Anonymous
Stats: Published: 2023-05-09 Words: 6,080 Chapters: 1/1

if i keep my eyes closed (he looks just like you)

by Anonymous

Summary

Hanbin knows he'd treat Taerae right. He'd hang the stars and the moon for him and love
him like he should be loved, if only Taerae would just let him in.

But the problem remains: he's the wrong Hanbin.

Notes

me sliding into my friend's dms: babe who in zerobitchesone would treat a pussy right
my friend: ...
me: ...
my friend: ...shanbin.
me: ...shanbin.

this fic is...well i can't even say 'inspired by' because this fic EXISTS because of that fic.
atp I exist because of that fic like that fic legit changed the trajectory of my mind broke
something in my brain i cannot live my waking hours as i used to every time i close my eyes
i see this fic in my head my friends are SO sick of me ajsbdhsjkling in the gc about this fic
ANYWAYS without further ado, i present to you: my favourite bp fic of all time (aka the
current reason why i Live and Breathe and Jshdhsjsjdkls)

some things to note:

- the Hanbin mentioned here is Sung Hanbin. rip my phanrae agenda ig but i wanted to
 bicycle taerae with a zerobaeone member
- fk honorifics
- fk rooming arrangements too
- this is FILTHY. just FILTHY. this is me putting the PORN in porn with plot. absolutely
filthy. i would be ashamed of myself if i owned enough brain cells to actually think things
through properly.
- no, i have not been kidnapped. no, i have not been hacked. no, i am not currently being
held at gunpoint by robot sharks and being forced to write this. totally not! haha! why
would you think that?
- i am so so sorry

soundtrack: Eyes Closed by Halsey

See the end of the work for more notes

It's two in the morning when Hanbin startles awake.

Moonlight bathes the room in sheets of pale silver and slits of bright white, illuminating the neon
green 02:00 on his nightstand, a stark contrast to the hazy, fleeting shadows sneaking around the
edges of his vision. His brain feels muddled, disjointed, still foggy from sleep. It hadn't been the
dream---something pleasantly mundane about going to a theme park with Matthew---that had
woken him up.

He'd heard something.

Groggy and disoriented, Hanbin lets his gaze sweep around the room. He doesn't think he'll ever
get used to the spaciousness of their rooms, a far cry from the tiny Cube dorms or the squashed
bunks at Planet Camp. But as it is, there's only two beds in the room, and in the other one lies his
snoozing, snuffling roommate.

Taerae's never been the heaviest sleeper, but he's not the type to wake up just from Hanbin rolling
over, so Hanbin lets himself stare until his brain clears a little. Even bathed in the pearlescent
glimmer of the moonlight, all he can make out is Taerae's clothed back, swaddled in the thin
blanket and whichever supremely ugly t-shirt had fallen victim to his hands this morning. But if he
thinks hard enough, he can form images in the haziness of his mind, Taerae's wide mouth and
bright eyes coming into clear view.

It's no secret that Hanbin's completely whipped for Taerae. No secret that everyone is. He's just so
loveable, almost annoyingly so, so sweet and gentle and almost endearing, filled to the brim with
faux innocence and loser-like charm.

And above all, he's an enigma. A closed book. Glittering eyes and a thousand secrets shining even
brighter behind them. So many things hidden in the depths of his openness. Like what he thinks
and what he wants and who he is. The others are easier to read: Jiwoong being far more friendly
than his icy exterior would suggest, Ricky unfurling gradually as the days tick on, Zhang Hao
being a mirror image of Hanbin himself. But not Taerae. No matter what anyone does, he's still a
mystery to them all, and Hanbin can't help wanting to solve him.

It shouldn't be this hard to dig into the little ticks and tocks that make up Kim Taerae. What Hanbin
knows is that he's sweet, and kind, and doesn't have a bad bone in his body. But that's just
scratching the surface of his character, Hanbin can tell. And he can't help the way he wants to
unscrew Taerae's lid and dive right in. The way he stares at those gleaming dark eyes for hours on
end, trying to decipher the secrets in them. The way he's gotten maybe more than a little obsessed.

They get along. Of course they do. Hanbin gets along with everyone, and Taerae's the same way.
But despite the fact that they've been assigned roommates ever since debut, Hanbin's forced to
confront just how little he knows about Taerae---about pretty, clumsy Taerae, who doesn't seem to
know what he's doing even up until now.

There it is again. The noise that had sliced right through his head and dragged him out of
dreamland. A high, keening whine, so quiet that it's barely a whimper.

Hanbin glances over.

Taerae is still an unmoving lump in his bed, but if Hanbin squints ever so slightly, he can make out
the tremble of his body, a quick shudder that nearly shakes the blanket loose from his spine. Ever
so silent. Soft. That almost imperceptible sound drifts from Taerae's form again, and Hanbin
thinks: must be having a nightmare.

Then he hears the moan.

It's taut, strung-out, louder than it should be in the silence of the room, as if it's been waiting to slip
free from his lips for a while. It's then that he moves, rolling over ever so slightly to slap a hand
over his mouth, and it's also then that Hanbin notices the thin white cord snaking from his ear.

Taerae, ever the old soul, still uses earphones instead of Airpods like the rest of them. The slender
wire protrudes from his ear, the bud half-hidden by his smooth skin. And now that Hanbin's eyes
are gradually adjusting to the near-dimness of the room, he can make out the faint blue glow of a
screen peeking from Tawrae's mattress, brightness turned nearly all the way down, sapphire light a
thin swath over Taerae's drawn cheeks.

Oh, Hanbin realises. He's calling someone.

They're all still in touch with most of the guys from their Boys Planet days, trauma-bonding
creating something far too heavy to simply let go of. Heaven knows Hanbin's had Hoetaek and
Yedam on the line more than once, lamenting about the gruelling Wakeone practices or about how
they're barely allowed to see Woonggi and Sungmin even though they're all literally in the same
building. In fact, he's fairly certain it's been at least a month since he'd last caught sight of Haruto.

And Taerae calls the other guys too, talks to them loud enough for the rest of the dorm to hear
sometimes, words short and simple and sweet. But there's only one person he'd be calling at two in
the morning, and it's not the Hanbin watching him right now.

Truth be told, Hanbin has no idea what Taerae and Park Hanbin really have. They've always
seemed a little too close to just be best friends, but Park Hanbin seems like the kind of guy to
broadcast it to the world if he were dating someone, so Hanbin supposes they're not really
boyfriends, per say. But there's no way to explain away the hickeys littered over Taerae's neck over
the course of the show, or the way he seems to completely disappear from time to time, or his
phone call now, earphones plugged in, two a.m. caller on the other end.

Taerae's breath hitches. Hanbin's heart grinds to a halt in his chest.

Oh, shit. Ohshitohshitohshit. His brain is very rapidly beginning to catch up to his eyes now that
sleep's nothing but a foreign memory, and Hanbin's now starting to register the way Taerae is
shaking, like he's not just shuddering but actively moving in place. He catches the up, down, up,
down of Taerae's shoulder, heaving ever so slightly, and the pieces click into place.

The noises. The movements. The call.

He glimpses the thin sheen of sweat shining on Taerae's skin as he rolls over on his back, covers
falling away fully from his frame, phone clutched in a death grip in one hand. Hanbin realises that
his shorts are pulled almost all the way down, and---oh.

That is not a dick.

Hanbin's brain goes completely blank. He's fairly certain there's not a single coherent thought in his
head right now as Taerae frantically pumps two fingers in and out of the space between his legs,
cheeks illuminated with a glaring crimson flush as he desperately tries to hold the noises slipping
free from his bitten lips back. He watches like a man starved, hardly able to tear his eyes away as
Taerae's legs fall open ever so slightly, knees parting wide enough that Hanbin can make out the
obscene slickness of Taerae's digits as he drags them along his cunt.

Fuck. Park Hanbin, if that's really who's on the other end, is one lucky man. Hanbin can't take his
gaze off Taerae's writhing form as he stifles his moans with his teeth, incisors tugging desperately
at his lower lip as his fingers work themselves in and out of his dripping hole, practically glistening
in the pale, pearly hues of the moonlight.

Which is why it's barely a shock in his fuzzy brain when Taerae's gaze snaps straight over to him.

Taerae lets out a short, sharp scream, phone and earphones dropping face-down on the mattress
with a soft thunk. He rips the covers back over himself, eyes going wider than saucers as he flattens
himself against the wall, nothing but pure fear in his expression as his gaze meets Hanbin's own.
Even in his sleep-hazed, slightly sex-crazed mind, Hanbin is vaguely aware of two things: firstly,
the way Taerae quickly presses the End Call button before dropping his phone again, and
secondly, the sudden tightness of his own shorts.

Theoretically, Hanbin should go back to sleep. He should close his eyes and try to get both his
heart rate and dick under control and try to forget about both the fact that he's just caught his
roommate having phone sex in their shared room and the fact that Taerae apparently has a pussy.

Instead, what comes out of his mouth is, "Was that Park Hanbin?"

Oh, fucking hell. Hanbin is going to die.

Taerae looks like he might die first as he presses himself harder against the wall, staring at Hanbin
like he's just seen a ghost. His mouth moves like he wants to say something but doesn't know what
to say, hanging open like a fish.

"I-I'm---so sorry!" he manages to get out, cheeks so red Hanbin actually worries he might
spontaneously combust any second. "I was---I thought you were---"

"Sleeping? Yeah, I was." Even though he's pretty much made a career out of being calm and
relatively unproblematic, Hanbin's fairly certain the only thing keeping him this collected right
now is the fact that his mind hasn't fully woken up yet. He's sure that if whatever braincells he
does have were actually working properly, he'd either be bolting out of the room from sheer
secondhand embarrassment or panting like a fucking dog, because fucking hell his pants are tight.
"Um, you kind of woke me up."

"Oh, fuck. Oh fuckohfuckohfuck." Taerae is definitely hyperventilating. Hanbin can't blame him.
(Honestly, he's not entirely sure how he's not hyperventilating too.) "I'm so sorry!"
"Hey, your business is your business. If you want to have phone sex with Park Hanbin in the
middle of the night, that's...your business, I guess." Hanbin tries for a casual shrug, but every nerve
in his body's strung far too tense. His blood feels too hot for his skin, bubbling out of his veins and
spilling over the edge until he melts into ash. Fuck. He's so fucked up. He's just caught his
gorgeous roommate with his fingers in his cunt and the only thing he can think about now is
fucking him until he forgets his name.

"Are you---" Taerae chews on his lower lip, hardly able to look Hanbin in the eye. "Are you...going
to tell the others? That I'm---"

"Taerae." Hanbin shifts, fully intending to reach over, maybe give Taerae a reassuring pat on the
back---but the way Taerae instinctively recoils has him settling back on his haunches. "Why would
I do that? It's up to you whether you want to tell them or not. It's not my place to tell."

Taerae's shoulders slump ever so slightly, before drawing themselves taut again---as if recalling
that his lack of a dick isn't the sole issue here. "Promise?" he whispers, his voice shaky.

"Promise, Taerae-yah." The all-too-familiar words linger on Hanbin's tongue: do you want to give
hyung a hug? like he always says whenever his juniors cry, when they need a shoulder to sob on
and Hanbin is rock-solid and ready. Instead, what comes out of his mouth is, "You didn't cum."

Hanbin's brain is finally waking up and in this half-asleep, half-alert stage, it has nothing good to
say. He resists the urge to slap his hand over his mouth as Taerae's eyes go wide and he scrambles
back, limbs scrabbling wildly beneath the sheets, and Hanbin briefly realises that he never saw
Taerae pull his fingers out of himself.

Fuck. He's so fucked. Why's he thinking of shit like this?

The urge to hold Taerae, to comfort him and reassure him that he's fine, that he's okay, that
everything's alright, has morphed into something far more carnal. It is a lightning bolt in the
bottom of Hanbin's stomach, twisting his insides into jelly until he can barely feel his limbs
anymore. He feels sick. Sick---and deliriously horny.

"You and him," Hanbin manages to get out, and fuck, he should really stop talking now, but his
mouth just refuses to stop. He's not usually like this. Scratch that, he's never like this. But
something about seeing Taerae so fucked out on his own fingers has awakened something in
Hanbin. Something feral. Dangerous. "Are you two---a thing?"

Taerae shakes his head frantically, cheeks still burning red. "No. We fuck around a lot but we're not
exclusive or anything---Hanbin...um, he messes around with Jeonghyeon too, sometimes, and I can
mess around with other people too if I want---"

Hanbin can see it. All the little inflections of Taerae's stuttered, embarrassed words, hidden
between the lines. We fuck around a lot, but I want us to do more than just that. We're not
exclusive, but I want us to be. He messes around with Jeonghyeon, and I don't want him to. I can
mess around with other people too, but I don't, because the only person I want is him.

But he can't say that, so instead, he opts for the safest option: "You don't like it when he fucks
around with Jeonhyeon."

The blush returns tenfold, blooming over every exposed inch of Taerae's skin like cherry blossoms
in spring. "I---I didn't say that."

"I can tell."

"We're not---we're not exclusive! It's fine if he messes around with other people, because we've
never---never agreed on exclusivity and things like that, and---"

But you want to be. "But you don't like it."

Taerae glances down at the sheets covering his body from the chest down. "No," he admits, neck
blazing. "I don't."

This is where Hanbin should stop. This is where he should pull the brakes and hold himself back
before he goes too far. Instead, he's leaning over, gently heaving himself onto Taerae's bed.
Taerae's eyes widen, but he doesn't push Hanbin away. He lets him move closer until Hanbin's
knees are pressing into the sheets, skin rough against the smooth cotton.

"Want to get back at him?" Hanbin breathes.

Panic fills Taerae's face, and for a second, Hanbin's heart grinds to a halt. He mentally curses
himself for being so fucking impulsive, because Taerae's obviously in a very vulnerable spot right
now and Hanbin's a terrible person for saying shit like this to him just because his dick wants to get
itself wet at two in the morning. Fucking hell. Hanbin wants to shoot himself. In the cock,
preferably.

"We---we can't, Hanbin---" Taerae whimpers, but he doesn't pull away.

"Why not?" Fuck it. Hanbin's fallen in too deep to pull out now. It's either he sees this through or
things are going to be very awkward for the next two and a half years.

"We just---we just can't!"

"You're horny, I'm horny, and we're sharing a room. We could help each other out," Hanbin
suggests before he can stop himself.

Taerae's mouth opens and closes like a fish, and just as Hanbin's about to fully chicken out and call
it quits, Taerae hangs his head and replies with the slightest nod. "Okay."

Okay. He hadn't exactly been expecting that. "Wait, what?"

"I said okay. I'll fuck you. If you treat me well tonight. You've already seen everything, anyway."
Despite the redness of Taerae's cheeks, there's a strange sort of iron in his words. A flickering
flame, scorching all Hanbin's inhibitions away. It's probably just his interrupted orgasm talking, but
Hanbin has the feeling that it's a lot less to do with hormones and a lot more to do with Park
Hanbin, and his stomach churns uncomfortably.

Still, it doesn't change the fact that Taerae, against all odds, has somehow actually taken him up on
his stupid fucking offer, and as Taerae hesitantly pushes the covers aside, drops his phone and
earphones on top of the nightstand, and lifts himself onto Hanbin's thighs, cheeks burning scarlet,
Hanbin thinks: Oh. This is happening. This is really happening.

And now Taerae is seated fully in his lap and it hits Hanbin like a truck that this is really
happening.

He's usually a lot more confident than this. Calmer, more collected. The school president, the
perfect man. But that flawless Hanbin doesn't have his gorgeous roommate in his lap. That flawless
Hanbin certainly isn't learning this many new things about Kim Taerae. And even though these
little tidbits of knowledge hadn't exactly been what Hanbin had wanted or expected to learn about
Taerae, he's long figured out to take what he can get.
Taerae's skin is a wildfire against his own, a blaze that threatens to swallow him alive. Even
through several layers of clothes, Hanbin can feel just how warm he is. He can't help leaning in a
little, lips poised to capture Taerae's own mouth.

When Taerae pulls away before he can, Hanbin tries to tamp down the gnawing pit in the bottom of
his belly.

We're just fucking, he tells himself. Helping each other out. That's all. Nothing more to it.

A pushover, Matthew would call him, but Hanbin can't help it. He just wants to make everyone
happy. And if fucking without even the slightest trace of feelings is what makes Taerae
happy...well, Hanbin supposes he's happy too.

He slips his hand beneath the waistband of Taerae's shorts, the elastic tight against his fingers.
Hanbin gently pulls it away from Taerae's body, then lets it slap back onto his skin with a loud
smack. A noise that could be a gasp escapes Taerae's lips, and Hanbin resists the urge to pull
Taerae's pants down and see the reddening mark he's left behind in favour of repeating the action.
This time, Taerae whimpers, actually whimpers, clutching at Hanbin's arm desperately.

"Come on," Taerae whines. Despite the neon pink of his cheeks, the inflections in his words are
clear: you started this. Now finish it.

"Sorry," Hanbin apologises, and then, after a moment of hesitation, he brings his mouth to Taerae's
neck, gently kissing up the flawless skin there until Taerae moans. He scrapes his teeth up the
column of Taerae's bare throat, tenderly, intently, hyperfocusing on trailing faint ruby lines down
every little dot of pale flesh. His lips travel without rhyme or reason, pressing an affectionate peck
to the base of Taerae's throat before darting up again to suck violet just beneath his jaw, a bruising
little spot that has Taerae writhing in his hold, both trying to get away from his touch and lean into
it. His hand finds the curve of Taerae's hip, fingers pressing infinity into the space beneath his
clothes.

He's done this before---with Matthew in the Cube dorms, with Zhang Hao during the show. But
still, even though Hanbin objectively knows what he's doing, his fingers tremble anyway as they
slip beneath the waistband of Taerae's shorts and yank them down.

The lack of underwear and just how wet Taerae is elicits a raspy, "Fuck," from Hanbin that
practically sounds like it's been punched out of his throat. The way Taerae's blush deepens only has
him stiffening even more, so hard it hurts. The urge to just rip down his own pants and shove
Taerae's dripping cunt onto his cock is a wildfire in his chest, but Hanbin holds himself back,
catches himself before he can tip over into the flames.

Fuck, Taerae is so deliciously slick, already riled up from his own earlier ministrations. Hanbin
can't help dragging a finger through Taerae's wet folds with a strange sort of reverence, gently
running his thumb over his protruding clit. Taerae lets out a strangled little noise that's a cross
between a gasp and a moan, hips bucking against Hanbin's hand desperately.

"You're so fucking wet," Hanbin murmurs, digits already soaked as he toys with Taerae's clit until
Taerae's head falls against his shoulder. He feels Taerae's mouth drop open, but no sound comes
out---only a high, keening whimper as Hanbin gently slides two fingers between Taerae's pussy lips
and spreads him wide, cunt on full display, just for Hanbin to see. His thighs fall open wider, so
pliant and obedient and ready, soaked cunt practically begging to be filled. To be fucked until it's
so loose it can't even close anymore.

"Can I---" Hanbin starts, swallowing until the lump in his throat finally makes its way down his
gullet. Taerae nods frantically, burying his face in Hanbin's clothed shoulder. He presses one finger
against Taerae's wet little hole, and the ease with which it goes in shocks Hanbin---sure, he'd seen
Taerae with two fingers buried up to the knuckle in himself barely fifteen minutes earlier, but still.
The way Taerae sucks him in is ridiculously addictive, the warm heat enveloping his digit even
more so. As if he'd been made to be fucked.

Taerae lets out a low whimper, teeth sinking into Hanbin's shoulder. Even though Hanbin knows
his t-shirt is the only thing standing between him and the pain, he can't help the carnal desire that
flickers through him, the urge to rip off his clothes and claim Taerae as his own. He holds himself
back. If you treat me well tonight, Taerae had said, and Hanbin wants to, so badly. He wants to treat
Taerae the way he deserves to be treated. Wants to love him how he should be loved.

He presses the heel of his palm against the base of Taerae's spine, keeping him steady as he grinds
down wildly on Hanbin's hand, as if trying to get more of him into himself. Trying to take take
take all of Hanbin until he has no more left to give, and Hanbin knows that he'd gladly throw every
part of himself away for Taerae.

"More," Taerae gasps, face flushed, sweat sticking his messy hair to his forehead. "Hanbin,
please."

"Shh." Hanbin slides his other hand under Taerae's shirt, pulling it up gently. "Patience." He traces
his thumb over the scars dotting Taerae's chest, finger slowly pumping in and out of him. He
carefully slots a second digit into Taerae, mouth engulfing Taerae's nipple at the same time, just so
he can hear the way Taerae wails, feel the way his nails dig into Hanbin's arm like he'll die if he
lets go.

Taerae's thighs fall open even more, a loud, desperate moan slipping free from his strawberry-
tinted lips as Hanbin gently mouths at his nipple, teeth grazing over the oversensitive bud before he
hurries to soothe the sting with his tongue. The fog that's settled over his brain is thick, hazy, lust-
drunk as cherry wine, but Hanbin refuses to let himself stay complacent, if only to bask in the way
Taerae whimpers when Hanbin spreads his fingers wide inside him. Wide enough to tease a third
digit at the entrance of Taerae's soaked hole.

He doesn't miss the way Taerae's eyes go wide as three fingers sink in with almost no resistance,
his cunt swallowing them whole like he was made for this, made to be touched and held and
fucked absolutely stupid. He's so wet that slick drips down Hanbin's wrist, and the sensation drives
Hanbin absolutely mad.

"You can take it," Hanbin whispers, pulling his mouth away from Taerae's chest, and he knows
Taerae can. He knows that he's taken this and so much more, that he's been wrapped around a cock
before, that he'll be wrapped around Hanbin's own before the sun comes up.

He flicks the pad of his thumb against Taerae's neglected clit, and Taerae gasps. "Hanbin," he
whimpers, grinding down on Hanbin's fingers so hard that Hanbin actually worries they might
break, so wet and needy and desperate. Hanbin wonders if they've done this before, somehow,
maybe in their dreams, because Hanbin's name seems to roll off Taerae's tongue far too easily. And
when Hanbin looks at him, all damp lashes and broken little cries as he clenches around Hanbin's
hand like his life depends on it, he realises he has.

But not with him. Because he's not the right Hanbin. Because he'll never be.

He pushes the thought out of his mind. Can't think about that right now. Won't.

"Hanbin," Taerae repeats urgently, the word broken, shaky. "Please---I---need your---need your
cock---"

Hanbin's not sure what comes over him, but his hand slips out of Taerae and lands itself right over
his pussy with an audible smack. Taerae stiffens like a spring wound too tight, a sharp cry drifting
from his lips. The sound horrifies Hanbin, before that terror is replaced with something far more
primal when Taerae moans, long and loud, something resembling a sob escaping his throat.

"Do that again," he pleads.

Hanbin hesitates, suddenly worried. "Taerae---"

"Fucking hit me, Hanbin!"

The Hanbin he shows to the cameras would never. Heck, Hanbin himself would never. He'd dust
Taerae off, maybe eat him out until he's squirting on his tongue, treat him like the beautiful, fragile
porcelain doll he looks like. He'd certainly never hit Taerae, not even if he wants it so much that
he's begging for it.

But this Hanbin---this Hanbin has Kim Taerae in his lap and his slick coating his fingers, and his
trickle of obsession is now a hurricane swirling around in every fiber of his veins. He feels it like
he feels the zipline of desire his blood has become, a boiling, crackling thing, lightning in his
arteries.

He smacks the inside of Taerae's thigh this time, fingers so wet they leave damp imprints behind.
Hanbin watches his milky flesh blossom red, the shape of his palm rapidly forming on Taerae's
formerly-unblemished skin, drinks in the cry Taerae lets out like fine wine.

"More," he whispers, the sound so broken and desperate that Hanbin can't help cooing before he
draws his hand back and lands another hit on Taerae's pussy.

Taerae spasms in his hold, helpless sobs escaping his mouth as he jerks away, hands wrapping
themselves around Hanbin's arm as if to keep himself in place.

"Maybe I should sto---"

"No, please, I can take it, please, I'm so close---" Taerae babbles, words a barely decipherable
cluster of syllables, threaded through with tears and the audible echo of desperation. There's no
way Hanbin can deny him when he's like this, and so he obliges, delivering three swift smacks to
Taerae's dripping cunt, the last one easily catching his clit, and Taerae is gone. A scream far too
loud for the thin walls of the room tears itself free from his throat as he squirts all over Hanbin's
palm, his entire body a livewire, shuddering out of his skin.

Hanbin doesn't wait for him to stop shaking before he's shoving three fingers back inside Taerae's
spasming hole, Taerae's usually-steady voice cracking on a wail far too high for his deep timbre.
His head thunks against Hanbin's shoulder as Hanbin rapidly pumps his fingers in and out of
Taerae's clenching, soaked pussy, working him through his orgasm as he trembles in Hanbin's hold.

Fuck. Taerae's so fucking beautiful like this, hair a tangled mess, eyes squeezed shut, crystal tears
dripping off his damp lashes and soaking through Hanbin's shirt as he shakes his way through the
final fireworks of his orgasm, mouth thrown open in a cry. Hanbin wants to see him like this
forever, wants to keep him strung out and needy and desperate to be filled. He wants to pin Taerae
down on the mattress and watch him squirt on his cock, stuffed so full of dick that he forgets Park
Hanbin exists, until Sung Hanbin's the only name he remembers.

Because he's jealous. He's jealous that Park Hanbin gets to see Taerae like this, that he gets to kiss
Taerae, that he gets to keep Taerae's heart in his hands without even knowing it. That Taerae's in
love with Park Hanbin and not him. That the Hanbin Taerae really wants is the other one, the one
on the other side of the Wakeone building, the one that Hanbin will never be.

Unable to tamp down the fire bubbling in his chest any longer, Hanbin yanks his fingers out of
Taerae, watching the way his cunt clenches desperately around air as he lets out an indignant
whine. Taerae is a mess, soaked in tears and his own juices, and a hint of pride fills Hanbin at the
knowledge that he was the one to do this. That he's the one touching Taerae like this right now. Not
Park Hanbin. Not anyone else. Just him.

He pulls down his shorts, hardly bothering to tug them all the way down his thighs before he's
gently pulling Taerae onto his lap. The way Taerae's eyes widen at the sight of Hanbin's cock sends
warmth rushing through Hanbin's veins. He knows he's big---all his previous partners have told
him as much---but for Taerae, with his pleasantly empty gaze and surface-level sweet nothings, to
have such a visceral reaction...it means more than words could ever say.

"Think you can handle it, baby?" Hanbin asks, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Taerae's neck
with an obscene smack. "Want you to squirt on my cock."

Taerae's eyes are wide, hazy, completely blank, and it's maddening how absolutely desperate he
gets when there isn't something inside him. He nods frantically like a bobblehead doll, words
slurring themselves together. "Please," he begs. "I need you inside me. Hanbinnie, please."

The nickname makes Hanbin stiffen, because he knows it's not meant for him. He knows that that's
what Taerae always calls Park Hanbin, both on the show and off it. And he knows that the Hanbin
on Taerae's mind right now is not him. That it'll never be.

The thought makes every inch of his body burn with the urge to prove himself, to show Taerae that
he's better than Park Hanbin, or at least just as good. That he's Mr Perfect for a reason, and he can
be the perfect lover too.

He slips his hands under Taerae's arms, heaving him up and sinking him down on his cock.
Taerae's head flies back, mouth falling open in a silent scream as Hanbin stuffs his wet little hole
full, hands clawing at Hanbin's chest in a desperate attempt to regain his composure.

Hanbin's not much better off. Taerae is so hot and tight and wet around him and he thinks he might
actually lose his mind. He's going to go insane from just being inside Taerae, and he hasn't even
started moving yet.

He thrusts his hips upwards, and Taerae wails, strung out and oversensitive, hands grabbing
uselessly at Hanbin's chest. His hair flops over his forehead, sticky against his skin, sweat beading
over every exposed inch of his body. Hanbin can't resist leaning forward to mouth at Taerae's bare
neck, teeth tugging his collar aside as he presses his fingertips into the sides of Taerae's waist. He
pulls him up so only his tip's left inside before slamming him down again, eliciting a cry from
Taerae that sounds like it's been punched out of his chest.

"It's so much," Taerae sobs, clenching madly around Hanbin's cock as Hanbin fucks up into him
steadily, channelling every ounce of self-control in his body into the jerky movements of his hips.
Hanbin's actually going to lose his mind. Taerae is just so fucking perfect, so wet and tight and
pliant, practically begging to be stuffed full with Hanbin's dick until he can't even think anymore.
"Fuck, Hanbinnie, yes---"

Hanbin reaches behind him, hand still slick with Taerae's juices as he presses one finger against
Taerae's asshole. "Has he touched you here before?" he asks, a particularly harsh thrust forcing a
cry from Taerae's lungs.

Taerae's gaze is glassy, but he nods, head bobbing dumbly. "He's fucked me there before," he
admits, voice quiet, the blush on his cheeks reddening even more.

The notion makes Hanbin's heart still, the thought that he will never be as good as Park Hanbin
bouncing around the echo chamber of his chest. Because Park Hanbin has undoubtedly been
Taerae's first in so many ways, and Sung Hanbin is nothing more than the groupmate who fucks
him when a phone call won't suffice. But shit, he'll be damned if he doesn't at least try to measure
up. Because he's good, and he knows it, and if he works so hard that all his bones nearly break in
the dance studio, he should be able to work at least half as hard in the bedroom.

His finger slips in past Taerae's rim with the slightest resistance, and Hanbin wonders if he touches
himself there, if he thinks of Park Hanbin when he does it. If he fingers himself in the shower, one
hand working at his clit, the other one reaching behind himself, and if Park Hanbin is always on his
mind until the water washes everything away. Taerae is so tight around his finger and the added
pressure makes him clench around Hanbin's cock and it is so fucking difficult to focus but Hanbin
tries. It's what he does best. He tries and tries and tries, fucking his finger in and out of Taerae
while his hips brutally assault Taerae's cunt.

"Hanbinnie!" Taerae wails as Hanbin pushes in a second finger past his straining rim. His own
digits find his clit, rubbing at it desperately as Hanbin stuffs him full, and just like that, his cunt's
clamping down so tight on Hanbin's cock that he can barely move. Taerae throws his head back as
he shakes over the edge, falling into another shuddering orgasm that has him gushing all over
Hanbin's dick, slick dripping onto Hanbin's thighs.

Hanbin is losing his mind.

Once Taerae's finally stopped shaking, he pulls his fingers out of him and lifts him off his cock,
hand wrapping itself around his dick. He's fully planning to jerk off into his hand, fuelled by the
image of Taerae lying boneless and panting in front of him, completely fucked out with his glassy
eyes and scarlet cheeks and messy hair, but Taerae evidently has other ideas. He crawls forward on
his hands and knees, and before Hanbin can figure out what he's doing, he's taking Hanbin into his
mouth.

Hanbin wonders how many times Park Hanbin's fucked his throat as Taerae, clumsy, inexperienced
Taerae who looks like he wouldn't know how to treat a dick if it hit him in the face, takes Hanbin
in whole like it's nothing. He gags a little around Hanbin's dick, and his tongue's a bit sloppy, but
Hanbin's too worked up to care. It isn't long before he's cumming in Taerae's mouth with a moan,
watching Taerae choke on it, the excess spilling down his chin.

"Shit. You're a fucking menace," Hanbin remarks once he's caught his breath enough to realise that
Taerae fucking swallowed, solely because Taerae opens his mouth to show it empty.

Taerae seems to come back to reality somewhat, gaze finally focusing on Hanbin's face as a small
smile crosses his lips. "That's what Hanbin always says, you know," he confesses, and it doesn't
take a genius to figure out that the Hanbin he's talking about isn't the one next to him right now.

The notion is a bucket of ice water over Hanbin's head, effectively waking him up from whatever
horny trance he'd slipped completely into. Because---oh. Because Hanbin is gradually realising that
he may be more than a little obsessed with Taerae. Because Taerae is obviously in love with Park
Hanbin, even if he's never said it. Because there is no way to be the right Hanbin, the Hanbin
Taerae wants in his life, no matter how perfect Sung Hanbin is. Because Park Hanbin isn't perfect,
but he's Taerae's.
 "Thanks," Taerae finally says, the word slicing through Hanbin's thoughts. His voice is raspy,
hoarse, fucked out of his throat. He manages a shaky smile at Hanbin before he's standing up on
trembling legs, cunt still dripping down the insides of his thighs. Hanbin tries not to stare. "That
was---really good. Thank you."

Was I better than him? Hanbin wants to ask, but something tells him that he already knows the
answer, so he stays silent until Taerae stumbles off towards the bathroom.

Hanbin watches him go.

End Notes

me, sliding into all my biologically female friends' dms: darling where is your clit
my friends, who have heard Stories from that one guy friend who i consult every time i
need sex/genitalia/dick writing advice, such as 'can your dick actually touch your hip':
...babe wtf are you writing now
(shoutout to my one ao3 friend *user censored for anon purposes* for actually teaching me
where the clit is)

*head in hands* if i had a nickel for every time i put my head in the fridge while writing
this i'd have three nickels but it's weird that it happened thrice

anyways this is lowkey me rn:

 if you enjoyed this, kudos and comments are always appreciated <3 thank you for reading!
i really hope you enjoyed my...uh, extremely questionable brainrot

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