4 STAGES OF A

RELATIONSHIP
WITH A NARCISSIST
...AND HOW TO MOVE
FORWARD

COMMONEGO.COM
 A MESSAGE FOR YOU
When you notice the same patterns over and over again —
belittling remarks about your appearance, withholding
affection, shallow apologies and extreme rage — you're
seeing the hallmark signs of a toxic relationship.

And you may have discounted narcissism in the past because

the person you're dealing with is covert -- or you think
narcissism is rare (the truth is it's just massively
underreported).

This guide will help you better understand the very predictable
habits of a narcissist and begin to pick up the pieces after
you’ve identified that you are or were in a toxic relationship
(narcissist or not).

COMMONEGO.COM
 4 STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP
WITH A NARCISSIST

IDEALIZATION

ALSO CALLED THE "LOVE

BOMBING" PHASE, THIS IS WHEN 1
THE NARCISSIST SEEMS TO PUT
YOU ON A PEDESTAL
DEVALUATION

2 SLOWLY OVER TIME, THE

NARCISSIST BEGINS TAKING
JABS AT YOU AND UNDERMINNG
YOUR SELF-WORTH
DISCARD

WHEN THE NARCISSIST IS

READY FOR NEW SUPPLY, THEY 3
ABRUPTLY (AND BRUTALLY) END
THE RELATIONSHIP

HOOVER

4 IF A NARCISSIST HOOVERS (NOT

ALL DO), THEY WILL COME BACK
WITH A COMPELLING REASON
FOR YOU TO TAKE THEM BACK
RINSE &
REPEAT

IF YOU DO MAKE THE MISTAKE OF TAKNG A NARCISSIST BACK, YOU'LL BEGIN

AGAIN AT THE IDEALIZATION PHASE (BUT IT WILL BE MUCH SHORTER WITH
EACH PASSING CYCLE)

COMMONEGO.COM
 STAGES OF NARCISSISTIC
RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST
IDEALIZATION
FAST MOVING

FEELS LIKE A SOUL-MATE OR TWIN FLAME CONNECTION

RELATIONSHIP FEELS INTENSE (AND THAT

STRENGTHENS THE CONNECTION

QUICKLY MAKING FUTURE PLANS (I.E. FUTURE FAKING)

SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

DEVALUATION
ISOLATED FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS

PERIODS OF EMOTIONAL ABSENSE (OR APAHTY) FROM

THE OTHER PERSON

SUBTLE INSULTS OR JOKES AT YOUR EXPENSE

YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS TO

AVOID SETTING THIS PERSON OFF

YOU EXPERIENCE JEALOUSY, GASLIGHTING OR

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Narcissistic Abuse Checklist COMMONEGO.COM

 STAGES OF NARCISSISTIC
RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST
DISCARD
INTENSE DEVALUATION

MORE SILENT TREATMENT THAN CONVERSATION

GHOSTING

SUDDEN END TO RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT MUCH

WARNING OR DISCUSSION

COMPLETE WITHDRAWAL AND SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR

HOOVER
RANDOM MESSAGES JUST TO "SAY HI"

SHOWING UP IN PLACES THEY KNOW YOU'LL BE

SENDING MESSAGES THROUGH A FRIEND OR LOVED

ONE

SENDING PICS AND REMINISCING ABOUT THE "GOOD

TIMES"

MANIPULATIVE APOLOGIES (FAUXPOLOGIES)

Narcissistic Abuse Checklist COMMONEGO.COM

 REFLECTING ON THE
IDEALIZATION PHASE
1. How did it make you feel? (use descriptive words for your
emotions during this time)
e.g. I never felt as loved and connected to one person as when I met [narcissist]

2. What promises did the other person make? And did they
follow through?

e.g. Three days in, he/she was talking about getting married and starting a family.
Three years later, we're no closer than we were then.

3. List any red flag moments you had early on and whether
they're telling of where the relationship ended up
e.g. They told me they were selfish to the point where people get hurt. I brushed it off,
but BOY were they right!!

Narcissistic Abuse Worksheet COMMONEGO.COM

 REFLECTING ON THE
DEVALUATION PHASE
1. List 3 or more tactics this person used to make you feel
unloved or unworthy. Prioritize ones that had most impact
e.g. silent treatment, triangulation, name calling, gaslighting, cheating

2. How did each tactic make you feel in the moment?

e.g. They all had the same impact: they made me feel unlovable and not enough

3. What would you say to a friend who just shared their

answers to 1 and 2 with you?
e.g. I'd tell them the truth! They deserve worlds better than that &$% and it's not their
fault they got mixed up in this.

Narcissistic Abuse Worksheet COMMONEGO.COM

 REFLECTING ON THE DISCARD

PHASE
1. Describe how the discard phase went down
e.g. I was ghosted after a 10-year relationship

2. Describe how it made you feel in the moment

e.g. I felt unlovable, unworthy and not enough

3. Were there similarities between your feelings in the

devaluation and discard phases?

Narcissistic Abuse Worksheet COMMONEGO.COM

 REFLECTING ON THE
HOOVERING PHASE
1. List the most impactful things the narcissist said to get
you back (the ones that swayed *or almost swayed* you)

e.g. They said they were blind for treating me like they did, and anyone can see how
amazing I am

2. Describe how it made you feel in the moment

e.g. I felt loved, worthy and enough

3. Did you feel validated when the narcissist came back?

Narcissistic Abuse Worksheet COMMONEGO.COM

 MOVING ON FROM THE NARCISSIST

So much of narcissistic abuse is pure projection (i.e. their wounds projected upon
you). But the reason it feels so deeply personal is because it touches on those
wounds that we all have.

Nestled deep in the subconscious, we all have beliefs that drive our actions every
day. Some of these are positive yet many hold us back.

I'm talking about beliefs like, "I'm not worthy" or "I am not enough" or "I don't
deserve true, healthy love."

In this section, reflect on how the narcissist made you feel in each phase of the
relationship -- and consider whether those beliefs may shed light on
subconscious beliefs that may be holding you back.

Note: Absolutely none of this is about taking responsibility for your abuser's
behavior. Subconscious beliefs are implanted within us early in life yet they can
leave us vulnerable to predatory people. Reprogram them and you can narc-
proof your life.

Narcissistic Abuse Worksheet COMMONEGO.COM

 WRITE A NEW PROGRAM

Your subconscious program is designed to keep you safe -- but it can only operate based on
the program that has been installed.

And even though it seems to drive us towards unhealthy things or people, that program has a
purpose. The drive towards what is known (and sometimes unhealthy) is the subconscious
mind's attempt at fulfilling a deep need that has been left unmet.

And naturally, the subconscious tries to meet the need in the only ways it knows how. After all
what else could we expect from it?

But here's what no one tells us: You can TEACH the subconscious new ways to get those
needs met.

Through reprogramming work (including things like affirmations and gratitude), you can teach
the subconscious mind new and healthier ways to get those needs met -- and FINALLY shut
down those old patterns.

AFFIRMATIONS WORK
MRI evidence that suggests that certain neural pathways are increased
when people practice self-affirmation tasks, such as repeating positive
affirmations daily. This is literally your brain adjusting to your new story.

GRATITUDE BOOSTS HAPPINESS

Several studies confirm that exhibiting the attitude of gratitude is associated
with happiness and appreciation for life. This is the perfect counterbalance
to a life where you felt like you could never be, do, or have enough.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Validation is an important step that will help you find acceptance that your
story, you feelings and your experience are all valid. This must happen
before you can even begin to process those feelings.

Narcissistic Abuse Worksheet COMMONEGO.COM

 GET A HEAD START

You don't have to go it alone! I created the Vibe Shift Challenge for people who are precisely
in your shoes right now.

So if you're looking for some guidance and validation....

If you're ready to start seeing positive changes in your life....

Join the VIBE SHIFT CHALLENGE to get a head start on creating that new program.

And as a THANK YOU for getting through this guide, for a limited time you'll get $10 OFF!
This is the lowest price you'll ever see, so now's your chance to join the challenge.
Today is the day you choose YOU!

THE VIBE SHIFT CHALLENGE INCLUDES 7 DAYS OF:

RECORDED AFFIRMATIONS
Start writing a new program right away with daily
affirmation videos that explains the reason why we
need each of these affirmations after a relationship with
a narcissist.

GRATITUDE JOURNALING PROMPTS

Watch a daily video explaining each gratitude prompt and
how to use it. Research shows that gratitude journaling
has a measurably positive impact on your outlook and
general wellbeing.

MOTIVATIONAL VIDEOS
Join me as a tackle a new issue each day to help you
better understand the experience of being with a
narcissist and why their narrative about you was never
true.

LET'S DO THIS!

Narcissistic Abuse Worksheet COMMONEGO.COM

 ONE-ON-ONE
COACHING

how can I help you?

HELLO lovely! Elimnating toxic patterns
Are you ready to live your truth?
Overcoming self-sabotage
Up until now, your path may have
seemed unfair. It was a series of Going and staying no contact
emotional highs and lows… and then Rocking the Gray Rock method
lows and lows. But here’s the good news:

If you’ve taken that first step to break free

Setting and keeping healthy

from emotional abuse, you are one step

boundaries

closer to living your purpose. Reconnecting with your sense

of self and purpose

@commonego

/commonego

commonego.com/coaching @thecommonego