501 - You're Gonna Love Tomorrow
Sooner or later the time comes
VOICE OVER MARIE-ALICE: There is 5 years,
Susan Delfino gave birth to a boy in the
delivery room of Memorial Hospital of A
Ferview. Moments later Lila Dash gave birth to
a daughter in delivery room B. Towards 10
o'clock the next morning, while the two new
moms leaving the hospital, he came very close
that they collide. They obviously never knew it.
In fact, Susan and Lila were surprises in the
number of times their paths crossed over the
years, she very nearly meet in the cafeteria at
the corner, another time in the waiting room
of their veterinary and again in bleachers
during a game of Ferview Flyers. But despite
these various occasions Susan and Lila never
met. Until Tuesday evening when Susan
decided to enmener her husband in this fancy
restaurant to celebrate their wedding
anniverssaire. Meanwhile Lila decided to
enmener her daughter with her to buy ice. It
was that night that Susan Delfino and Lila
Dash renter eventually collide.
The two cars collided viollement.
Lila Dash was blood in the front head on the
wheel, she died. Susan tries to get out of the
car. When she sees the body of Mike who was
ejected from the car unconscious, blood on
his face.
SUSAN: Miiiiiiiiiiiiike!
Home of Mrs. McKluskey, Karen is in the
process of removing dust on photos.
VOICE OVER MARIE-ALICE: Finally, none of us
is immune.
when we wonder, what did I do all these years?
How do children ... I rocked Porter and Preston
down the stairs with a baseball bat while
Lynette cleans the table .... could they grow so
fast? Twins got big and Lynette their gives
Clées voiture.Comment of life I dreamed of ...
Bree is in her kitchen and took a pie in his
hands ... it has turned into a career that I had
never considered? Bree goes into a huge
kitchen with a laptop in hand business woman,
there's there in that kitchen full of employees
doing the cooking. And how this woman that I
saw everyday in the mirror ... Gabrielle is
dressed in an expensive dress and into a
shop ... has it become that person
méconaissable? Gabrielle got all big and
carries in her arms and is holding his two
daughters obese.
Dressing Gabrielle tries to put a princess dress
for her daughter.
GABRIELLE: Juanita that dress is too tight it's
horrible. Ever you get back inside.
JUANITA: If she is beautiful! I will y'arriver.
A saleswoman arrives
VENDEUSE: Then and model?
GABRIELLE: Oh, uh ... we will need the next
size up.
VENDEUSE: Uh ... Hum Hum.
The saleswoman gestured for Gabrielle to join
her outside.

VENDEUSE: Uh ... size above is no, they do
these princess dresses that up to seven years
do you see?
GABRIELLE: It is only four and a half years!
VENDEUSE: Oh ... So tell Bah!
GABRIELLE: As my daughter is invited to a
princess party, thus there is no question that it
is not the only princess dress.
VENDEUSE: Have you been to the radius
disguise? They also have a dress Mrs. Shrek
which should go.
GABRIELLE: JUANITA REMOVE THIS DRESS
NOW GOES ON.
JUANITA: No! I will y'arriver!
VENDEUSE: Oh, you know I feel for my niece
also has a huge weight problem!
GABRIELLE: My daughter has no weight
problem!It's just a bit chubby! The only
problem she has is that your shop has not at
all suited to a little girl of four years in quite
the norm!
A ripping noise is suddenly heard.
JUANITA: Uh oh.
GABRIELLE: You can cash it is good.
Kitchen work of Bree, Bree did a photo shoot
for the cover of his book and pulls out a pie
from oven.
PHOTOGRAPHER: No, no, no!
BREE: Rooh, but then what's wrong yet?
PHOTOGRAPHER: I go back for the umpteenth
time on the concept sweetie, you remove the
pie from oven and suddenly your face radiates
surprise.
BREE: And why am I surprised?
PHOTOGRAPHER: Because everything went
perfectly!
BREE: But, it does surprisingly, my pies are
always completely successful!
PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, in this case it's the
best you've ever made. You have surpassed it?
BREE: Hun Hun, and I should know before
even having tasted it?
PHOTOGRAPHER: Ook sweetie, you're head
you want me equals ca. But I think you will
sell more cookbooks if you do not seem to
have made love to a cube!
BREE: Andrew, darling? I'll grant me a break.
Will you tell this gentleman that if the urge
comes to give me "sweetie" again, I would
grab his camera and I photographed the
colon.
ANDREW: You have captured?
Katherine arrives.
BREE: Katherine? But what are you doing here?
KATHERINE: I have to pay the servers and you
took the key of the box Bree, yet!
BREE: Oh sorry. Why pay them?
KATHERINE: The Armenian wedding.
breakfast three hundred guests, it was just
after breakfast at the Garden Club that you've
also missed.
BREE: Oh sorry, I did not know that this photo
shoot is éterniserait, I never would have
thought it was so hard to ask for a book cover!
KATHERINE: Oh, you'll y'arriver! You EXELLE in
the art of taking the pose of head.
BREE: Okay Katherine, I know this cookbook
take me almost all my time and you feel
overworked and undervalued but know that I
like you, I'm also a gift for you, it s' is the test
of my new book. Read page two.
KATHERINE: "A Katherine Mayfair, a great cook
but also the best friend ever." Thou has
dedicated Bree?
BREE: It was you who made it all possible! Oh,
it was the least we can do! Katherine Bree
takes her in his arms.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Hum hum! Excuse me, time
is money. So fast fast sweetie.
BREE: Andrew, do we have a second pie
somewhere?
ANDREW: Yes, of course, bah!
BREE: Okay.
Bree the pie in hand getting ready to send.
At the Scavo pizzeria. Lynette goes inside and
A finds a bunch of kids and her twins in playing
poker.
PRESTON: And like everyone else goes down,
it's for me! Oh yeah, in this case, it is for me.
LYNETTE: Preston?
PRESTON: Mom?!
LYNETTE: I can know what is it?
PRESTON: Do not worry it's nothing, there is a
card game.
LYNETTE: Yes, bah you could make at
home!Pourqoui behind our backs?
Porter arrives.
PORTER: TEQUILA THE GUYS. FIVE DOLLARS
THE GLASS!
LYNETTE: Oh, I think I have the answer. OK,
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, ALL THE WORLD
OUTSIDE THE PARTY IS OVER. Give me your
chair for a second. Lynette climbs on a chair.
HEY, IT'S HERE THAT HAPPENS CA, THE MOM
IS THE PARTY IS OVER, THE DOOR IS OPEN,
OUTSIDE! Scat! You both for what is to make
the sausages you can not rest, but that! But
it's not, we risk losing our license to the tavern,
our livelihood, but name ...
PORTER: Who knows? What go, it's been a
month since we organize parties and poker
person ...
LYNETTE: Huh? So here it is unbelievable!
Since that's it, you are both private output for
fifteen jous!
PRESTON: Well, but you're hard on this ...
LYNETTE: That is it, go ahead and continue to
complain fortnight will devenier a year, it puts
me right away!
Lynette takes a tequila.
In the room of Susan, Susan ends up making
love with Jackson.
JACKSON: Waho, you were fantastic!
SUSAN: And you exeptional. Hin hin.
JACKSON: You were incredible!
SUSAN: You too. Hin hin. You're leaving ... now.
JACKSON: Susan, for how long, four months?
Is it that one day you'll let me spend the night
here?
SUSAN: Che not. Dressed again go up, quickly
dressed again go up!
JACKSON: I understand, the trick is that you
live in general, girls are begging me to keep
me.
SUSAN: So much the better, that way you
should have no problem finding another bed.
JACKSON: Okay, I know the song. No passing
the night here, to be presented to your
girlfriends, to be introduced to your son but I
wonder is it that one day this relationship will
become normal?
SUSAN: I'll do the short, you're a guy, we just
have fun and I've not forced to be cuddly, so
fast you will brag to your friends!
JACKSON: Look, I like you Susan! I know you
like me ... so why is not cequ'on become a
couple?
SUSAN: Uh ... I'm not ready for that. And
there's us that this is the only thing I can
manage.
Susan Jackson embraces.
SUSAN: File!
JACKSON: Okay, but watch ca can have only
five or six hundred times the very most!
SUSAN: Hahaha!
Former home of Edie Britt, a man knock at the
door.A man opens.
DAVE: Good evening.
RAYMOND: Did I help you?
DAVE: No, I do, I can help you. That's the right
question.
RAYMOND: Well, if you try to sell me any
product I have no money.
RAYMOND: You know, my name?
DAVE: I have made a very generous offer and I
am convaincut you'll make the right decision.
Five ...

DAVE: Now if! RAYMOND: Five? How does it five, I'm not
following you.
Dave gives her a wad of large bills.
DAVE: Four ...
RAYMOND: I'm not sure to understand.
RAYMOND: Wait, I do not understand, it's
DAVE: You have a lease and I'm here to too ...
redeem it.
DAVE: Three ...
RAYMON: Pardon?
RAYMOND: Okay, wait a second.
DAVE: It's innatendu I know, but you see, this
home has something ... comments say? Makes DAVE: Two ...
me feel at home, so I would like to
enmménager tonight. Outside the home of Edie, Dave Raymond is
with suitcases in hand.
RAYMOND: Tonight? No but you're crazy?
DAVE: Hihin. Dear Raymond, thank you very
DAVE: Yes, a little. Dave ... Hold hands him much. Hold. Good luck.
another wad of large bills ... I cover more than
your cost of moving with it. Dave approaches a car with black windows.

RAYMOND: You know, I ... I am settled in his DAVE: Case carried out efficiently Mrs.
house and then the property owner would Williams.
never agree.
The window opens and Edie appears.
DAVE: You worry about it, I'm on it.
EDIE: Thank you, Mr. Williams.
RAYMOND: No, I have no other place to go. I
think you should leave. VOICE OVER MARIE-ALICE: The next morning,
Edie Britt decided to announce his return to
DAVE: Listen to Raymond. Wisteria Lane, in a way that certainly ... would
make sense.
Edie fills a bucket watering hose nozzle at the
same time lay the fate Lynettes
poubelles.Lorque Lynette saw her, it took his
laptop.
LYNETTE: Ok, you'll never believe
but ...essst it back!
The four girls rush to go see her.
SUSAN: Edie, it's really you ... Ouu
EDIE: You know other women my age as well
carossées?
BREE: So you are back with us?
LYNETTE: Uh ... And where was your tenant?
EDIE: Oh, he had come into some money
unexpectedly and moved, but we thought it
was the occas' returned to the fold!
GABRIELLE: "On" you say?
EDIE: Oh, you're not aware? I have a husband.
SUSAN: Oh yeah? Who is he?
In the living room of Edie, Dave is an orange
juice girls.
DAVE: I'm living in Las Vegas real estate as a
speaker, I serve them a little pep talk and then
the sixth largest in the middle row, is the most
beautiful woman I ever ever seen.
EDIE: Hihihi
DAVE: At the end of my speech, I stay in the
room and I invite the goddess dinner.
EDIE: His seminar was entitled: "Getting what
you want" and ... he got it ... three times
this, before dinner.
LYNETTE: Hinhaha.
BREE: It is a pleasure to meet you Dave and
be the first to welcome you in Wisteria Lane.
GABRIELLE: I have an idea, organize a dinner
or something like that.
LYNETTE: We n'à to have a party, so why not
at the pizzeria.
DAVE: I'm really pleased.
GABRIELLE: Thank you.
EDIE: Gabrielle In fact, I have a question I
tarode, what made you arrived? Look at
yourself, your clothes, your hair, haa, Carlos
may be blind but it is not us!
GABRIELLE: I had two children.
EDIE: You mean for breakfast?
DAVE: Edie, the day when you come rhabitter
in the neighborhood?
EDIE: You are right my dear, I'm sorry Gaby, it's
rude tact I missed, I'd do more.
GABRIELLE: You're sincere? ... Okay.

DAVE: What if we offered something to eat to
your friends?
EDIE: Oh, I made muffins.
Edie goes. Lynette catches Dave.
LYNETTE: Please do not misunderstand me
but ...we love you.
Carlos is in the kitchen and prepare food.
CARLOS: Niquita, lunch is ready, go find your
sister.
Gabrielle enters the cuisine.Carlos begins to
add the cheese on Brussels sprouts.
GABRIELLE: Carlos, why you added the ceedar
melted?
CARLOS: You know what Juanita think of
Brussels sprouts, I manage to vegetables are a
little more sympathetic.
GABRIELLE: Next time, give him a carrot and
after a roller coaster ride. Have you tried to lift
these days?
CARLOS: Yeah, I know it is grasouillette but it
will get better as they grow.
GABRIELLE: Oh, Hope Is Vital! Finally, the
genes with which thou hast sent ...
CARLOS: Say at once that I have fat in the
genes!
GABRIELLE: Oh, not make me out the album
with photos of your family! Looks like a bunch
of sea lions laying on a rock!
CARLOS: Sorry, my parents can not hold a
candle to the team whose emaciated alcollo
you yourself are following.
GABRIELLE: What I mean is that our daughter
has a weight problem and the sooner you
admit it the better.
CARLOS: It is only four years! But if you want
it to have a weight problem, go on the
harassment, the critical-, file-complexes him
and see what happens!
Carlos adds this on a huge spoon of cheese
on Brussels sprouts.
Before the Scavo house, Tom is cleaning up a
beautiful vintage car while Lynette talks to him.
LYNETTE: And apparently, the communication
goes wrong with the twins, no matter what I
tell them they multiply bullshit. I have more
than enough.
Lynette begins to rely on the car.
TOM: Oh dear, you ...
LYNETTE: Oh, sorry.
TOM: Yes, hihi ... good, as you would have is
that I talk to them?
LYNETTE: No choice, I've ras and tired of
constantly being the bad cop, you are going
to have patrols too.
TOM: Well, it's true that in c't age, the boys
would much rather listen to their father. I'll fix
that.
LYNETTE: Thanks, I appreciate.
Lynette begins to rely on the car.
TOM: Well dear, you know what I appreciate?
Is that you ...
LYNETTE: Oh, sorry.
TOM: Well, um.
Lynette is going up the laundry when she
heard laughter coming from the living room,
she comes and sees the twins laughing with
Tom.
PORTER: Hahaha, jte swear hahaha! Kurby had
several trump cards in reserve and résulatat:
Bobby will have to go to school in dress
Monday.
TOM: Hooo hohoho noon, the gag! Hahaha,
so there it ... you must take pictures of the
guys!HOHO, oh yeah that's too funny that
thing!Hahahaha!
LYNETTE: Tom?
TOM: Haha!
LYNETTE: I can see you a second?
TOM: Yes.
In the room of Tom and Lynette.
LYNETTE: You do not feel they have sent the
wrong message here?
TOM: What? Ok, I ... I know you do not agree
with what they did, but you ... but we must
admit it was not creative? Do you realize them
cover their casino!
LYNETTE: Oh yes, as creative as when they
came of fake identities and where he flew the
body of Mrs. McKluskey, so what about that
artist's work!
TOM: Aah yes it ... darling, market ... it
darling ... it has nothing to do with it other
times. No, but ... now its just the whole school
who speaks their poker evenings I ... I do not
know if you realize but it was the place where
he had to show Monday night!Haha.
LYNETTE: Oh, but then ...
TOM: So what?
LYNETTE: You'll find them cool, you?
TOM: Uh ... rather yes.
LYNETTE: Oh no, I mean you find them cool
because of that shot, you would be in their
places.
TOM: Oh, mercy!
LYNETTE: Oh no, but I am sure that if! The is
little Tom the former high school student who
lives corny stuff exitants through its two
offspring so great.
TOM: Well, I was super cool when I was in my
chest.
LYNETTE: Is it redefines the word "cool" with
trombone player in a marching band?
TOM: Hinhin you ... hahahin, no I think you
exaggerate, okay they are a little fiery, but I
trust them, so I decided to lift the ban on
leaving the high school prom.
LYNETTE: But I have said that their was no
question that they go to this event!
TOM: Yes, and you told me also to manage
the crisis, this is what I have done, hin. ... Oh
by the way, I played trombone not I played
the tuba ... you and the brass that's two!
A princess-party, Juanita is eating a huge slice
of cake.
GABRIELLE: Juanita!
JUANITA: But you said I was right!
GABRIELLE: I know, but such a big part? You
might have to recover from!
JUANITA: But my second hand chest.
Gabrielle is in the process of washing a glass,
when she heard two moms chat.
WOMAN 1: Juanita is not there for nothing,
oh, in those cases it is the parents that I want.
WOMAN 2: My daughter would eat sugar all
day if I allowed her.
WOMAN 1: Gaby is obviously one of those
moms who can not say no. And it's a shame if
Juanita has a pretty face.
WOMAN 2: Hmmmm.
Susan comes home, Jackson is being painted
the kitchen walls.
SUSAN: I'm back. You want something fresh.
JACKSON: A real say ... I'd rather something
very hot.
Jackson starts to undress.
SUSAN: You want me to tell? It is why it takes
four months to finish the painting.
JACKSON: Do you know what they say in the
trade? You can have it quickly or it can be
done well.
Susan also began to undress.
SUSAN: I think I want it quick is well done.
Susan Jackson embraces. Suddenly we knock
at the door.
LYNETTE: Susan?
SUSAN: Oh, uh ... Lynette?! I'm sorry but you
fall ill.
Lynette begins to return.
LYNETTE: I only need five seconds to rant
against Tom and then ... Oh, it's not true! It
has still not finished your painter?
SUSAN: Uh ... n ... not.
Jackson disappeared.
SUSAN: Uh ... j 'you confess that sometimes I
have trouble knowing where he is.
LYNETTE: Yes, in short, Tom refuses
recognize that the twins are in the process of
falling into delinquency.
We see the hand of Jackson through the
window to get his jeans.
SUSAN: Oh, my poor darling.
LYNETTE: Well the other day ...
SUSAN: Do you need a hug.
Susan Lynette takes her in his arms and goes
to the jeans while Jackson hug Lynette.
LYNETTE: You're drunk or what?
Bob and Lee are on their deck drinking coffee
when they apperçoivent Jackson out of the
window of Susan and trying to put his suit,
Lee takes a photo with his cell phone.
Again with Susan, Lynette goes to leave.
LYNETTE: Exucuse me, to have landed like that,
it's nice they let me off my chest.
SUSAN: Each time that you'll need to talk you
sound on my door and wait for you.
Susan then closes the door on Lynette.
Jackson enters through the back door.
SUSAN: Well, new rules, now it will be sex in
the bedroom with the door locked and only
between 7:00 p.m. and 7:30 p.m..
JACKSON: Hin, you know what? It would be
to easier for me to follow the rules if I knew why
you landlines.
SUSAN: I have no desire that my friends know
that there's us.
JACKSON: Why? Are you ashamed of me?
SUSAN: Of course not! What you seek. It's
just ... complicated.
JACKSON: But I'm pretty simple as boy and I
can not be your dirty little secret. Susan, I
need more.
SUSAN: I'm sorry, that's all I can give you.
A princess-party, and Gabrielle are sitting
Juanita Juanita Boie and a fruit juice.
GABRIELLE: Honey, I know you want to go to
watch your cartoons, but you ate so many
cakes I thought we could go to the park, like
that you can run and do some exercises, it will
be nice and funny.
JUANITA: No.
GABRIELLE: You sure? It will do you good to
jog in any direction to clean air and sun.
JUANITA: Mmmmmh ... not.
GABRIELLE: Okay. Good going, it will throw in
the trash, I'll get the car.
Gabrielle then saw two little girls courirent one
after the other around a car.
Gabrielle comes driving by Juanita.
GABRIELLE: Juanita, how would you like not to
play a new game on the way? And buy a doll
that wins.
JUANITA: Okay.
GABRIELLE: Come quickly then!
Juanita will go up when suddenly Gabrielle
advance.
JUANITA: Eeeeh!
Juanita tries again to go up but Gabrielle
again.
JUANITA: Mom, but what are you doing?
GABRIELLE: It's a new game I just invented and
it was you who led 1-0 darling.
Working in the kitchen of Bree, Bree kitchen
when Katherine arrives.
BREE: Oh, Katherine, I have a new thunder you,
"Get cooking Ferview" will send a team
tomorrow to make a topic about me and the
book.
KATHERINE: Oh, I just finished this morning.
BREE: You've read?
KATHERINE: Yes, I could not let go. But know
that there is at least a dozen recipes where
maheureusement you forget an essential
ingredient.
BREE: Really? But which one?
KATHERINE: My name!
BREE: Excuse me?
KATHERINE: Bree, your book is full of recipes
that we have together developed and strong
and some are just copy and paste mine.
BREE: wait that's absurd, I am perhaps slightly
inspired but I always changed something in
the end.
KATHERINE: What, the printing characters?
Cite me a difference between the proceeds of
your meatloaf and mine, c'mon!
BREE: While the necessity of taking into percil
chopped kale, mine however Requires percil
chopped flat.
KATHERINE: It's percil chopped who sees the
difference? Bree, it there's recipes in this book
that you would be unable to do!

BREE: I never heard anything so abérant!
KATHERINE: Oh yeah? The cake and then, with
the veil of spun sugar, I've never worked for
Boiled since we know each other, it's always
me who makes this cake!
BREE: Let Katherine, it's not because I'll run
some catchy pads that sate your need to
flaunt your talent I am unable to do as well as
you.
KATHERINE: You leave me no but ... I thought
we were related!
BREE: Of course! That's why your name
appears on the dedication of the page.
KATHERINE: You were right to end
dedication. It was really the least of things.
Katherine goes.
Gabrielle on the road stops and looks behind
Juanita is breathless.
GABRIELLE: Whaouu, 18-0!
JUANITA: Han!
GABRIELLE: Still two points and you'll break
the record!
JUANITA: Mom, I'm tired!
Juanita sits on the floor.
GABRIELLE: Oh? I thought it would have given
you a boost of having raced PIPES between
watering. Hurry go!
JUANITA: I want to play anymore!
GABRIELLE: Oh, oh ... I feel that Mom will mark
his first two points. Juanita go, Mom shows
you're a winner.
A bus stops outside Juanita. Juanita gets up
and goes inside.
GABRIELLE: Juanita, what are you doing?
Juanita stop!
The bus leaves with Juanita inside look of
horror as Gabrielle who is quick to follow.
GABRIELLE: JUANITA! JUANITA!
this
In the lounge Scavo, Lynette is sitting next to
Tom and talk to the twins.
LYNETTE: Well, I was sure that the deprivation
of output was the proper punishment, your
father has convinced me that I was a little too
hard on you.
TOM: Absolutely.
LYNETTE: And by mutual agreement, we
decided to indulge in the famous ball tonight.
TOM: Yeah. Hehehehe!
TWINS: Hoooohoooo!
LYNETTE: With the convertible your father.
TOM: ... but uh ... no ... no ... no ... of ... wait a LYNETTE: Hmmmm?
second ... that ... qoi?
Before the professional kitchen of Bree is Bree
LYNETTE: Resets yourself Tom, we can trust and the TV crew.
them anyway right?
Director: And three, two, one ...
TOM: Yes, yes ... but I I ... I would not unless
their confidence if they went with your car. ANNOUNCER: Welcome to "Get cooking
Ferview". We are in the company of Bree Van
LYNETTE: No! You do still want that cool two de Kamp, the best caterer in the city that is
boys also show up at the ball in a poor car about to publish her first cookbook. Bree, you
mother especially since they have bashed me are doing we visit?
in style last month! Catch.
BREE: Hahin. So here is my kitchen. And here
PORTER: I think so! is my staff. People's most gifted and most
workers are. Well beyond my expectations, I'm
PRESTON: Thank you, class too! never quite complimentary when I refer to
their skills.
LYNETTE: No, it's your father that he should be
thanked. We then see Katherine in the process of
cooking.
TWINS: Thanks Dad.
ANNOUNCER: Who has the oldest
TOM: No, but oh well ... no, no, no, no, no, no, colaboration with Bree?
there, eh, eh, eh ho. Some basic rules: I do not
want shoe rubbed on my carpet or ... KATHERINE: Logically it's me.

LYNETTE: Toom, we stay zen. You and the little PRESENTER: So, tell me something, how is it
fiery, make sure whether the big breaks working with Bree?
tonight.
KATHERINE: It's exciting.
TWINS: Haaaaaaaahééééé!
BREE: Haha!
PORTER: Too cool!
KATHERINE: In the kitchen, there is nothing
PRESTON: Yeah! she does not know how.

TOM: But ... BREE: Katherine, I am ashamed.

KATHERINE: Working with someone like her is
so informative that I have ... Ahh, Aie.
Katherine by putting in a saucepan of boiling
water burns.
BREE: Oh, lord, are you?
KATHERINE: Oh, I think I wake wrist. Oh, what
a shame.
BREE: Oh, my poor darling, anyone can make
ice?Oh, no.
KATHERINE: Oh, and I was about to ask this
veil of spun sugar on our famous cake. Will
you do it?
BREE: Hinha. Katherine, I'm sure your wrist is
going to hold on.
KATHERINE: No! It throws me this is terrible.
PRESENTER: I have a feeling called Bree to the
rescue.
KATHERINE: Be careful not to miss anything,
it's worth ole quick look at.
Bree seizes the pot.
BREE: The secret of spun sugar is especially in
the way of the whip and get it for lovely angel
hair.
KATHERINE: Caution, very expensive, sugar
thickens.
BREE: Yes, I have seen!
Bree gives a mighty cares and a little sugar
and melted beyond the key presenter.
PRESENTER: Aaaah.
BREE: Hannnn:
KATHERINE: Haaaaaaan!
ANNOUNCER: This is hot.
BREE: I'm sorry. Hinhaha. Oops! Hinhin.
Gabrielle is in the living room with Carlos and
watch the girls play outside.
CARLOS: That's for you to exercise, jog back to
the car?
GABRIELLE: Carlos, our daughter has
swallowed half a cake anniverssaire then no
one has found the candles. Wake up my friend,
we have a problem!
CARLOS: Listen, I doubt we get to deal with
the blows of humiliation. Although she has a
bit forced, Juanita has the right to feel good
about yourself right?
GABRIELLE: This is to protect it at last! She is
not aware of today's reality. Women have only
a few seconds to be young and beautiful,
farewell after finished. In less than two you
end up old, fat and married and one wonders
what happened to our own beauty.
CARLOS: Roooh! Gaby.
GABRIELLE: No Carlos. Jveux say, sometimes
chui glad that you see me not, ca has more
little girls, never the time to care of visageou
gym classes is ... the end of everything. I
changed ... so the other times when Edie saw
me they would not die she reconaîssait me.

CARLOS: Gaby, listen to me. Nobody in the

world knows your face better than me, every
time I kiss you and I see him in five years or
fifty years what is certain is that you will
always be as beautiful as before. Get it?
502 - We're So Happy You're So Happy
Previously on Lives change in five years.
Some families grow, while others grow apart.
So I thought I'd bring him back sunday
around 6:00 or so.
Fine.
And we find ways it's not really a good time.
To ease the pain.
Yes, in five years Edie, is that really you? I have
a husband now.
Many things change.
You're required to check in once a month.
It was a condition of your release.
All in all, Susan mayer's boyfriend knew he
had a lot goingor him.
He was romantic Had a nice smile And was
consistently thoughtful.
Yes, jackson braddock had many wonderful
attributes.
Sadly A sense of timing wasn't one of them.
Hello.
Can I help you? I guess you could tell susan
I'm here.
Okay.
Uh who are you? Oh, I'm mike the ex-
Husband.
I, uh, I take it you're Jackson.
I'm, uh Susan's, uh Friend? Friend.
That's right.
Wow.
Could this be any more awkward? Well, your
robe's open so yeah.
Well, you be the judge.
I don't know, man.
It--It's pretty good.
Well, I got the feeling that Hey, your ex-
Husband is Mike! Uh, what's going on? I was
just returning m.
J.
'S video game.
He left it at my house.
Oh.
Thanks.
So I guess you met jackson.
Yeah.
Nice legs.
Oh, clearly this is not How I would've wanted
the two of you to meet.
He's--He's really a nice guy.
Yeah, well, just to make sure, I'm gonna need
To hang with him a little bit, check him out.
Oh, I don't know that that's necessary.
If he's sleeping in the same house as my son, I
think it is.
Oh, well, first off, um, m.
J.
Was at a sleepover last night.
And, in fact, jackson and he haven't even met,
So, uh, there's really no need for you to be
hanging Or checking.
Oh, just tell jackson I'll pick him up here
tomorrow night.
Hey, hold on.
You don't get to just decide these things by
yourself.
You remember how nice I was about our
custody agreement? I can haul you back to
court tomorrow If I'm not 100% satisfied with
who you expose my son to.
Got it? Uh, I'm sorry.
It's so not how I wanted to meet your ex for
the first time.
Well, when you meet him for the second time,
You can tell him that.
He's picking you up here tomorrow night.
What? I'll explain over breakfast.
Did you get the paper? And that is w jackson
braddock realized He needed better timing
Who are you? And a longer robe.
If there is one thing everyone in suburbia can
appreciate oh, hey! It's a good neighbor.
You know, the kind that helps With the last
bag of groceries Or brings over misplaced
mail Or offers to mow your lawn.
Yes, everyone appreciates a good neighbor.
You are so sweet to do this.
I just know how tricky these bulbs can be.
And no one knew this bette than dave
williams, Who was determined to be The best
neighbor steria lane had ever seen Assuming,
of course, His wife didn't get in the way.
What's going on? Packing our bags.
Karen mccluskey insulted me again, And I can't
put up with it anymore.
All right, what did she say to you this time?
Nothing.
It doesn't matter.
We are moving.
Adults don't pack up and move Because of
some good-Natured teasing.
She said that my breasts were a triumph
oferman engineering.
You call that good-Natured? Come on.
She's a cranky old lady.
It's not just her.
It's all of them.
I mean, it's been five years.
I have changed.
But the people on this street don't care.
To them, I will always be a joke.
I'm sorry you had a bad day.
Please don't use your motivational voice.
I really hate that.
You're upset and you're tired.
Why don't you take a nice hot shower, And I'll
makus some lunch? Does that sound good? I
just never understood it.
We--We could've gone and lived in any city in
this country.
Why did you insist on living here? 'Cause we
can be happy here.
You just need to give it some time.
And I promise, I'll personally see to it That
people start treating you with a little more
respect.
You didn't answer my question.
Didn't I? Carlos, we got invited to michelle
downing's party! I'm gonna have to buy
something nice to--Aah! Gaby, I'm giving a
massage.
I can see that.
I can see a lot of things-- Things that can
never be unseen.
Uh, sorry.
I guess the towel must've rode up.
Carlos? Kitchen.
Now.
I know you don't like it when I work down
here, But he couldn't get up the stairs.
He's got a bum hip.
He's also missing a testicle.
Carlos, how much more of this am I supposed
to take? Okay, okay, maybe I could set up my
table in the garage.
No! That's only part of the problem.
Have you checked our bank balance lately?
Gaby, I am not taking the country club job.
Why not? You'd be massaging rich people.
They tip better and they tend to Flake less.
Yeah, but I like working here I get to spend
lots of time with you and the kids.
Carlos, I don't need to spend lots of time with
you.
And frankly, the kids are on the fence.
Gaby! Bottom line, I miss our life.
I miss shopping. You will lose.
All I have to look forward to Is the occasional Peyton manning Is the greatest quarterback
invitation to a fancy party. who ever lived.
And I can't even afford a dress to go to it. Thank you.
Carlos, please, I am begging you. Now go shave.
Fine. You look like a hobo.
I'll-- I will take the job. Got a sec? Not really.
Thank you. So I assume you know about what happened
Sorry. to jimmy conrado.
Ah, no. I guess.
Unh-Unh. Your friend gets busted for dealing drugs at
Come on. school, And all you have to say is, "I guess"?
I really don't think mike's gonna care what He's not my friend.
shirt I wear. - What are you talking about? You were on
Well, I do. the same little league team.
We need a shirt that says, "I'm a responsible Yeah, like a million years ago.
citizen," Not "my favorite clothing store also Anything else? No.
sells bongs. Not really.
" Are you dissing my sense of style? Absolutely. Parker.
Put this on. Can I ask you something, just between us?
Now Let's talk about acceptable topics of Does porter hang out with jimmy conrado? I
conversation. don't know.
You like sports, right? Yeah. I could check out his Friends list on silverfizz.
I'm a huge socr fan. His what on what It's like myspace.
No, you're not. You have a web page.
You like football-- American football. It shows your hobbies, your favorite music,
Specifically the colts. And you can talk to people.
Okay. Really? Can anyone talk to him? Yeah.
And here are some other things you can talk He just has to invite you.
about-- Cars, barbue, fishing. And, uh How would somebody make that
How about fire? Mike like talk fire? Jackson, happen? Now it's just a mock-Up, But this is
please take this seriously. what the book is going to look like.
I am. Mom, that's fantastic.
I'm just--I'm not gonna pretend to be Thank you, dear.
somebody I'm not. Orson, what do you think? Well, I think it's
If he doesn't like me, wh's he gonna do? He strange To see my wife billed as "mrs.
could take me to court, And the judge can Van de kamp.
make me choose between you and my son. " Well, you knew what the book was gonna be
And I'm sorry. Called.
Yes, but it's differen actually seeing it I mean,
is it too late to go with "mrs.
Hodge"? My company, which I formed when
we were separated, Is called mrs.
Van de kamp's catering.
It's how I'm known.
Oh, in fairview.
But this book will be national.
I mean, it's your chance to rebrand yourself.
Is there something wrong with "hodge"? I
think I just heard the milk go bad.
I should check.
Orson, I adore you, But your name our name--
It has no music.
"Van de kamp" trips off the tongue.
"Hodge" sounds like the noise a plunger
makes.
That's preposterous.
Listen Van de kamp.
Hodge.
Also, she's got a radio interview wednesday,
And they're already promoting her as mrs.
Van de kamp.
See? The ship has already sailed.
Oh, don't be hurt.
It's my professional name.
In this house, I will always be mrs.
Hodge.
Now would it help if mrs.
Hodge Cooked you your favorite pot roast
tonight? Yes, I guess it would help.
Uh, meeting with your publicist? Oh, right.
Um, tomorrow for sure, then.
Van de kamp.
Hmm.
Hodge.
Here you go.
Oh, thank you.
Toby, get off my chair.
You know better.
So what's on your mind? It's Edie.
You said something to her yesterday That hurt
her feelings.
That thing about her breasts? Come on.
That was a joke.
Perhaps, but it upset her so much That she
suggested we leave wisteria lane.
I can't have that, mrs.
M.
Hey, this is what Edie and I do.
We tease each other.
I say she's easier to get into than community
college.
She says my face looks like a knee.
It's fun.
Still I would consider it a personal favor If
you'd apologize to her.
You know, make her feel accepted and loved.
No.
No? If Edie wants to change the way we talk
to each other, She's gotta ask me personally.
And I think you've got a lot of gall Making me
feel like I did something wrong When you
don't even know me.
Oh I know you, Better than you think.
Oh, really? For starters, You talk to your cat
like it's a person.
When I knocked on your door, you
immediately invited me in.
Doesn't take a genius to see that you're lonely.
I'm thinking you had people in your life at one
time People who cared about you.
But somethg happened to them.
Some probably died.
The rest, well They just don't come around
much anymore.
Why do you think that is? I know you, mrs.
Mccluskey.
And it seems to me That a woman le you
would like to keep The few friends that she
has left.
I think you'd better go.
Thanks for tonight.
And, uh, before I forget, the colts suck.
Oh, here's what sucks-- Watching a zero-Zero
game With no cheerleaders, soccer boy.
You guys were insulting each other.
That's good, right? Yeah, we had a blast Really?
Yeah.
In fact, we're getting together wednesday
night at o'brien's, Which he claims has the
best bacon potato skins in town.
Potato skins at o'brien's? You've made his
inner circle! This is fantastic! Thank you.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Ah, you can think of A more creative way to
thank me than that.
Nice.
Yeah? Yeah.
Mmm.
You've never done that before.
Wait.
You've never done that before.
Why are you doing that now? I don't know.
Don't you like it? Yeah.
But how did you know I would like it? Oh, my
god.
What? Mike told you about the ear thing,
didn't he? No.
So you just happened To stumble across my
secret turn-On The same night that you and
mike became b.
F.
F.
S? But aren't we losing sight of the fact that
you like it? This is I mean, I'm just I have been
violated.
Oh, honey, come on-- Don't touch me! Or my
ears! My ears are dead to you.
It just slipped out.
We were talking about how girls-- They--They
all like different things, right? And I-I was
talking about this girl in high school, How she
liked to do it with her shoes on, And--And
mike talked about the lobe nibble.
He has a name for it? Okay.
That's it.
You and mike are not hanging out anymore.
And this little Wednesday "potato skins and
susan sex tips night"? I forbid it.
Did mike mention he likes having his toes
sucked? Oops! That just slipped out.
Hmm.
Gaby Bree! What's up? Well, um, michelle
downing asked me to speak to you.
I don't know if you heard, But I'm catering her
birthday party-- I Heard.
I can't wait.
Ooh, I was gonna ask you Should I wear the
navy blue chanel Or the red sleeveless dress?
You can't come.
Sorry.
I just had to rip the band-Aid off.
What? She's disinviting me? It's not personal.
You know how carlos just started at the club?
Well, her guests are all members, And she
thinks they might find it awkward Socializing
with Staff.
She called us "staff"? Oh, gaby, it's just one
party.
I'll save you some cake.
No! It's not just one party! It's the kickoff to
the whole social season.
If people see we're off michelle's list, Then we'll
be off everyone's.
And then it's gonna be the start of our slow You're right.
slide From gowns and galas to flip-Flops and You're right.
keggers! Okay, if carlos working at the club is I luvs me some walt whitman! Emlly dickinson
the problem, Then tell her he just quit. kicks walt whitman's ass!! Yeah, if you're into
Oh, hon, I don't think that's gonna fly. spinster poetry.
He's already rubbed too many members. Oh, really? Is your girlfrend into poetry,too?
What's happened to my life? We used to have Don't have one.
help. There's a girl I lile.
Now we are the help! What are you doing? I But we haven't gotten to that yet.
am just Talking to porter on silverfizz. Aw.
Who is saraj from macarthur high school? Me. That's sweet.
I'm 16 and cute. Girls love romance.
I like graphic novels and tokyo police club. Send her a poem.
Oh, my god. She won't know what hit her.
You--You're pretending to be somebody else? Still talking to poetry girl? Bite me.
Our brooding son has a classmate Who got Dude, she didn't put up her photo.
arrested for selling drugs. like she came out of an egg.
I really think the end justifies the means here. Whatever.
Okay, we'll address your major ethical breach Toby? Toby! Where are you? Toby! Everything
in a moment. all right, mrs.
What did you find out? Well, the good news is M.
He really doesn't hang out with jimmy ? It's toby.
conrado. I can't find him.
But I am a little worried about anita47, Who Oh, no.
told him cherry fruit pops are an aphrodisiac. How did he get out? The living room window
Okay, great, you know who he hangs around was open, which is bizarre Because I don't
with now. remember opening it.
You got what you came for. Can you help me find him? Have you given
Time to stop. any more thought about apologizing to Edie?
You're probably right. She's still pretty down in the dumps.
It's just Did you know porter writes poetry? I've kind of been busy.
Serious? Yeah. Of course you have.
Our porter, The kid who communicates with It's just that Well, since I'm about to help you
grunts and shrugs, Writes this Beautiful, heart- find your cat, It sure would be nice if you
Wrenching poetry. could help me out with Edie.
Maybe one day he'll share it with you Instead Doesn't that seem fair to you? I guess.
of your fantasy alter ego. Here.
Until then, shut it off. Thank you.
Okay, okay. Okay.
Toby! Toby! Come here, boy! Toby! So they'll
finish with the news, do a quick traffic update,
And then we're on the air.
Uh, do you need anything? No, I'm good.
How do I look? We're on the radio.
Oh.
I'm a little bit nervous.
This is my first national interview.
And I am a huge fan of your cookbooks.
Well, I've heard good things about you.
I understand you're catering Michelle
downing's birthday dinner tonight.
Oh, you know michelle? Yes, and I'll be there.
I can't wait to see what you dish up.
Okay, now I'm terrified.
Here we go.
Good afternoon.
I'm linda flanagan, and this is "gourmet
americana.
" If you've been to fairview's best parties, Then
you've probably tasted the mouthwatering
food Dished up by my first guest, bree van de
kamp.
Now she's about to publish her first book,
"Mrs.
Van de kamp's old-Fashioned cooking.
" Welcome, bree.
Hi, linda.
Tell me.
Why "old-Fashioned"? Well, I think a lot of
people miss the way life used to be-- Back
when women had more time to cook.
It's always been important to me To have the
family gather around the table every night For
hot, lovingly prepared meals.
So you're a traditional kinda gal.
Is there a mr.
Van de kamp? No.
Uh, mr.
Van de kamp is deceased.
Oh.
But in regards to my husband, I should make
one thing very clear-- His passing had nothing
to do with my cooking.
Is that my yeats book? I love his poetry.
Yeah.
I'm borrowing it for school.
This is the kind of poetry that melts a girl's
heart.
So romantic.
Oh! Here's a great one-- "The lover tells of the
rose in his heart.
" My first boyfriend gave me this poem.
I was a junior in-- Mom, I'm--I'm running late.
Can I have the book back? Oh.
Sorry.
Enjoy! Katherine, it is not too late to change
tonight's menu.
If linda flanagan likes my food, She might give
me a quote for the book jacket.
I have to knock her socks off, And I am not
betting the farm on haddock.
Argue with me all you like.
I just bought 40 pounds of pork, so get your
tushie over here.
Orson! Did you get my message about linda
flanagan? Yes, I heard.
Isn't it amazing? Mm.
Almost as amazing as my on-Air death notice.
What? "So, bree, do you have a husband?"
"Nope.
Used to.
He croaked.
" She didn't ask if I had a husband.
She asked if there was a mr.
Van de kamp, And there's clearly not.
Well, there's a mrhodge.
Would it have killed you to have mentioned
me? And waste valuable airtime? The show
was about my cookbook, Not about my
tortured marital history.
That's not what this is about.
It's because I went to jail, isn't it? Orson, I have
6 hours to prepare a meal for 80 people.
We're not having this discussion now.
Just admit it.
You're ashamed of me.
Should I be proud? Do you want me to go on
the radio and boast That my husband served
time for running someone over? I went to jail
because you told me It was the only way
you'd take me back.
And because it was the right thing to do.
I just didn't know then That I would be a
public figure someday.
But I am.
I have a name now.
And luckily for you, it's not mine.
Orson, please don't be hurt.
I am under so much pressure and so terrified
I'll fail That I don't even know what I'm saying
half the time.
Just let me get through this.
As soon as the plates go out tonight, I will
come home and cook you that pot roast I
promised.
Okay? Okay.
Hmm.
It's just that I-- Chives! How could I forget
chives? Hey, susan, it's me.
Listen, I'm not gonna be able to make dinner
tonight.
My college roommate's in town, And this is
the only night we can get together.
Oh.
Is his name mike delfino? Did you room
together at liars' college? Um, I know it's last-
Minute, and I'm really sorry, But I stilwanna
see you.
So how about I drop by later? Call me if that's
a problem.
Yeah, you'll drop by later With potato skins on
your breath, You miserable two-Timer! What's
wrong, mom? Nothing.
Just, the answering machine lied to mommy.
I finally found a poem as beautiful as you.
You're all I think about.
"The lover tells of the rose in his heart" by
william butler yeats.
Oh, crap on things.
Crap on what things? Porter sent me a sex
poem.
What? Why? He may be in love with me.
Why would he be in love with you? Okay
remember how you told me I should stop
talking to him online? Well, of course, I didn't,
And I sort of told him I liked his poetry.
You told a teenage boy that you liked his
poetry? Jeez, lynette! Why not just flash him a
boob? Shh! He'll hear you.
So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna
tell him the truth now, or are you gonna Wait
until after he kills me and blinds himself?
Calm down.
I'm gonna break it off in an e-Mail.
Oh, great.
Just like that? That'll kill him.
I know that you have only been the receiving
end Of break-up letters, but I've actually
written a few, And I know how to let him
down easy.
"Dear porter, "I really like you, But I wanna see
other offspring.
" Go away.
You know, I'm kinda surprised We still made
michelle's list this year, What with me working
at the club.
Oh, don't be silly, carlos.
We're still on everyone's list.
Now let's go.
Okay.
Gaby, are we in the banquet hall? What's all
the noise? Oh, it's just the caterers Putting
glasses and silverware on the tables.
They make some racket, huh? But
decorations are stunning.
Especially that waterfall effect.
Gaby? Bree! Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?
Don't move, honey.
The press is taking your photo.
What are you doing here? You were disinvited.
I got it all figured out.
We duck inside, make sure we're seen by all
the right people-- Except mrs.
Downing-- And then after about Well, I know
nothing.
Just keep me out of it.
What is carlosoing? Where is he? Where is
who? Like you don't know-- Jackson.
Well, he's not here.
Really? Whose is this? I d--I don't know.
Some guy's.
"I I don't know"? Well, I hope that "some guy"
Doesn't mind this.
No, susan, really, I wouldn't Lady, what are you
doing to my beer? We're not married anymore,
So I don't have to protect you.
I am so sorry.
Miss? Um could you just Please take good
care of my friend? Jackson canceled on me.
He said you weren't comfortable with us
hanging out.
He said that? And I think I said, "meow.
" I am such a jackass.
So why don't you want us hanging out? Well, I
was pretty ticked off That you told jackson
about the ear thing.
Oh, god.
The second I said that, I wished I hadn't.
I-I'm really sorry.
Apology accepted.
So if I promise to behave, can we still hang
out? 'Cause I really think it'd be good for m.
the J.
, Just seeing that we're all friends.
I don't What? I'm just not comfortable With
you and jackson getting that close.
Okay.
It's just I don't want him to see me through
your eyes.
How exactly do you think I see you? Well,
those last few months we were together, I The
things I said to you, the way I acted I mean,
I'm not proud of the person I became.
That was a bad time, susan.
We're not those people anymore.
And if you could see yourself through my eyes,
You'd know you got nothing to worry about.
Could you please take care of this guy? He's
my friend, too.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
Where you been? Out, uh, doing some
thinking.
And I've decided that I may have gone a little
overboard About you and mike.
In fact, I think it's cool if you wanna hang out
with my ex.
Hey, susie q.
! Just shakin' the dew off the lily.
And speaking of, That paint job in the guest
can is nice.
Kudos.
What are you doing here? Well, julie needed
me to cosign some insurance stuff for her,
And I guess I lost track of time talking to And then slip out the side door.
crunchy granola here. Right.
Plumber to housepainter in one move, susie? Yes, sir, he has absolutely no-- That was the
Don't get dizzy climbin' that social ladder. matre d', wasn't it? Yes, and he appears to be
Can you leave, please? Just think If I'd been a checking the guest list.
roofer, we might still be together. Which we're not on.
Sigh. Okay, you can fix this.
Get out. Just explain you're going to a different party
See ya around, hacky sack. Here at the club and that you got confused.
So any more exes I should know about? Don't Mrs.
you just love michelle's parties? Oh, they are Downing never has to know.
fun. Right.
Mm-Hmm. You need to leave! Out.
But I enjoy my intimate lunches with michelle That's mrs.
even more. Downing.
We have intimate lunches. How am I gonna fix this? At this point, I would
We're friends. just run off screaming into the night.
Well, you simply must come To the charity Thank you.
auction at ted's gallery next weekend. Mm-Hmm.
Really? We'd love to. Get your hands off me.
Gaby! Well, it's the caterer! Everything is Gaby! Gaby! Poor blind bastard.
fabulous. I'll meet him outside.
But would you be a dear and get me some What? Hi, Edie.
more wine? I would be happy to. I just wanted to say I feel awful about what I
I just want to make sure it's the kind you like. said to you.
You're still here? Dinner is about to be served. You know, that crack I made the other day?
Whose seats are you in? The bowmans. Okay.
I found out mrs. That's nice of you.
Bowman is home with the flu. Are you all right? Actually, no.
Score! Oh, will you unclench? It'll be fine. My cat's missing.
No, no, no, no, no. Toby? Mm-Hmm.
These are my seats. Since when? It's been two days, and he's never
This is my mother. been out this long.
That was mr. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Bowman, wasn't it? Yes, and I'm pretty sure I'm sure he's fine.
That elderly woman with him was his mother! Yeah.
What kind of man leaves his sick wife at home Well Could you tell dave Tell him I apologized?
To go party with mommy?! - You can fix this. And, uh, you and I are good, huh? I guess I
Just tell them that you're at the wrong tabl could.
Why do you want him-- Oh, just tell him,
please.
I cannot believe you pulled a stunt like that.
What? I was just trying to salvage what's left
of our social life.
Now just let it go And start thinking about
where we're gonna move.
This is not a joke, gaby.
I work with these people.
I have to show my face tomorrow.
It's humiliating.
You wanna know what's humiliating? Waking
up one day And finding out you're invisible.
Now it's official.
I've lost everything.
Everything? First our money, then my figure,
Now the last shreds of our social standing.
We haven't lost a thing Except the chance to
hobnob with a bunch of unhappy snobs.
What do you mean, they're unhappy? They're
rich! They have jewels and cooks.
They use "winter" as a verb.
I rub them, gaby, And there is nothing That a
blind masseur doesn't hear about.
Trust me.
They are every bit as miserable as I was When
I was out there chasing that stuff.
We have lost nothing that matters.
We have a home, we have each other, We
have work that supports us, And we have two
beautiful little girls that Love us more than ice
cream.
I've never been happier in my life.
Are you serious? Yes, And the only thing that
would make me happier Is forou to realize
how good we've got it.
"I have never talked to such a wonderful guy,
But I should've told you I'm already seeing
somebody" Blah, blah, blah "Continue to trust
your heart, and your dreams will follow.
" Wow, lynette.
Best dear john letter ever.
Uh thanks.
Except you might wanna change that part
Where you signed it "love, mom.
" What? No I didn't.
Yeah, you did Right there.
You sent it?! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my
god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Why didn't
you say something?! I did! You said it was
great.
Way to bury the lead, tom! Tom, don't you
dare! Hey, One of needs to live to take care of
the other one Hey.
Mind if I join you? Okay, I know what I did
Was unforgivable.
And I am not trying to make excuses, But We
used to talk all the time, And then one day it
just stopped, And it killed me.
I felt like I lost you.
And then I was saraj, and I had you back, And
we were talking again, and you were telling
me thin.
I wasn't telling you anything.
I was telling her.
Okay.
Well, for what it's worth, I loved our
conversations, And I'm going to miss them.
Me, too.
Orson, you're still up.
Oh, I wish you could've been there.
Linda flanagan loved my food.
She said I was "god's gift to the table" And
that I could quote her on the book jacket.
Are you all right? I'm hungry.
It's after midnight.
Haven't you eaten? I was waiting for you.
You said you'd make me pot roast.
I am so sorry.
I-I lost all track of time, And linda had so
many questions about the food.
I'll make you that pot roast tomorrow, okay?
No.
I want it now.
Now? You promised.
Orson, I've been cooking all day.
I I'm so tired, I can barely stand up.
You really want me to make you a pot roast
now? You promised.
Toby! Where in the world did you come from,
huh? Yes, everyone appreciates a good
neighbor You know, the kind that helps you
with the groceries But doesn't ask, "why is
your son so moody?" The type that delivers
misplaced mail But doesn't point out your wife
seems discontented The sort that offers to
mow your lawn But doesn't mention your
husband seems cold.
But if you're not sure the man next door Is as
nice as he would have you believe Now why
would you bring me flowers? 'Cause you've
got a computer, And I need to find out some
stuff about Edie's husband.
Do everything you can to get to know him
better.
503 - Kids Ain't Like Everybody Else Yes, There Were A Lot Of Things Benjamin
Katz Couldn't Understand, And No One
Seemed In A Hurry To Explain Them.
Previously On Susan's New Boyfriend Met The (Bree) Here They Come, Finally.
Family. You Know, Bree, Things Will Be A Little Strange
Who Are You? Hi. At First, So Please, Be On Your Best Behavior.
I'm Mike, The Ex-Husband. I Do Not Require Lectures On Tact.
Ah. I Know.
Gaby's Life Was No Longer Glamorous. It's Just That We've Missed Benjy So Much,
It's Official. And It's Taken So Many Olive Branches To Get
I've Lost Everything-- First, Our Money, Then Them To Come Back.
My Figure, Now The Last Threads Of Our I'm Aware Of What's At Stake, Orson.
Social Standing. Good.
Gaby, We Have A Home, And We Have Two So If You Feel An Impulse To Criticize
Beautiful Little Girls. Something, You'll Keep The Thought To
Danielle's Decision Was Devastating Please, Yourself.
Just Don't Take Him! Benjamin Is All I Have. Hi! (Chuckles Nervously) I've Already Started.
You're Just Gonna Have To Find Something Danielle! What A Delightfully Ethnic Ensemble.
Else. Hey, Mom, Orson.
And Edie's New Husband Showed A Dark Side. Hi, Danielle.
I Would Consider It A Personal Favor If You'd Oh, I Want To Meet My Husband Leo.
Apologize To Edie. It's Nice To Finally Meet Both Of You In Person.
No. Lovely To Meet You, Leo.
Now It Seems To Me That A Woman Like You Hey, Who's This Little Linebacker? Hi, Benjy.
Would Like To Keep The Few Friends That She Remember Me? I'm Not Sure.
Haseft. That's Okay.
I Think You'd Better Go. That's What This Visit Is For, Right? Getting To
Why Would You Bring Me Flowers? 'Cause You Know Each Other.
Got A Computer, And I Need To Find Out Now We Have You For The Whole Weekend,
Some Stuff About Edie's Husband. Right? Yep, Whole Three Days.
(Mary Alice) Benjamin Katz Was 6 Years Old, Oh, Good.
And There Were A Lot Of Things He Didn't 'Cause We've Made Lots Of Plans.
Understand. We're Gonna Take You To The Circus If It's
He Wasn't Sure Why The Woman You Call Okay With Your Folks.
"Mommy" Isn't Always Your Mother. Can I Go, Danielle? "Danielle"? Did He Just Call
Or How The Man Who Was Always There For You "Danielle"? Well, It Is My Name.
Him Could Suddenly Be Taken Away. Yes, I'm Aware Of That.
Or Why You Could Go For A Ride And Never I Picked It.
Come Back Home. I'm Just Concerned People Might View It As A
Sign Of, Um, Disrespect. That's The Second Time This Week.
By "People," You Mean You? Uh Leo. Is Someone Picking On You? Who Is It? Is It
Look At All The Luggage You Have Here. Jeffrey Hixon, That Weird Kid Who Eats Paper?
I'll Give You A Hand Here. Is It Timmy Crowley? His Mom Slept In Her
Okay. Car Last Night.
Oh, Thanks. Who Knows What's Going On There? Is It That
Um Let Me Be Clear. Boy From Your Birthday, The One Who
(Lowers Voice) I Do Not Want Him Calling Me Slugged The Pony? Oh, Sweetie.
"Bree. I Know You're Upset, But You'll Feel Better If
" Oh, Don't Worry. You Talk About It.
I Told Him To Call You "Granny. And There's Nothing You Can't Tell Me.
" Yes, Benjamin Katz Was Only 6 Years Old, But I'm Your Mommy.
Even He Could Understand This Was Going To I Wanna Talk To Daddy.
Be A Long Weekend. Okay.
-==ÆÆÀÃÐÜÀÖÔ°ÇãÇé·îÏ×==- We'll Give Him A Call.
±¾×ÖÄ»½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½»Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓ (Man) Okay! You're Not Gonna Find Another
Ã; ¾øÍûÖ÷¸¾ µÚÎå¼¾µÚ3¼¯ ·­Ò룺¸öÈËID One In This Condition.
У Ô£º¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺¼Ó·¹µÄ²ËÖí Any I Mean, The Car Is A Classic.
Child Will Tell You That Where You Find A Well, What Do You Think, Nabila? Eh.
Playground, You Will Also Find Bullies-- Young I Like It.
Tyrants Who Bring Pain Intimidation And I Don't Love It.
Violence. (Carlos) Tell You What.
What Can Children Do In The Face Of Such Gaby And I Want To Find Our Car A Nice
Torment? Well, There Is One Obvious Option, Home.
But Not Every Child Is Eager To Go Running So I'm Prepared To Knock A Grand Off.
Home To Mother. What Do You Say? I Say Knock Off 5 Grand,
Ugh. And We'll Talk.
Hey. Oh, Come On.
Hon. It's Already Priced Way Below Blue Book, Not
How Was The Park? Wait. To Mention It's Mint.
Hold On. This Is Not Mint.
Mommy Just Found Her First Gray Hair. Hey, Can You Not See This Ding In The
I Need You To Grab It, Yank It And Never Bumper Here? Okay, This Car Goes Zero To 60
Speak Of It Again. In 5 Seconds.
Oh. By The Time Someone Says, "Wow, A Ding,"
Look At Your Face. You're In The Next County.
It's Scratched. You Got Yourself A Deal.
What Happened? Nothing. Deal.
And Your Shirt Is Ripped. What? No! No, No Deal! The Nondriving Blind
Guy Does Not Speak For Me. Really Appreciate It.
Would You Excuse Us? Gaby, We've Been Take Care.
Trying To Move This Car For A Month. I Just Can't Go Through With This.
We Need The Cash. He--He Just Strikes Me As So Nice.
(Sighs) God, Isn't There Any Way We Can Keep That's Supposed To Comfort Me, Given Your
It? I Mean, This Car's The Last Thing I Have Track Record With Men? Katherine, Please.
That Tells The World, "I'm Better Than You. The Guy Is Bad News.
" Sorry, Babe. I Can't Prove It, But I Feel It In My Bones.
We Have To Pay The Mortgage. And I Can't Sit Around Doing Nothing When I
We Can't Afford To Be Better Than Anyone. Know That Edie's Waking Up Every Morning
Here. Next To Him.
Take Good Care Of Her. If Anyone Finds Out We're Doing This No One
Actually, It's Not For Us. Will Know.
It's For Our Nanny. And When They Do, They'll Probably Thank Us.
Okay, That One Hurt. Because I'm Telling Ya, This Guy Is Up To
Hey. Something.
So What'd You Dig Up On Mr. Cleaning Out The Old Garage-- My Deepest
X. Sympathy.
? You Mean Dave? Yeah. Hey, Dave.
Nothing Yet. You--You Settling In Okay? Yeah.
It's Been Two Days. Yeah.
What Gives? Well, For Starters, When I Search Well, They Finally Delivered My Flat Screen.
For "Dave Williams," I Get A Million And A I Was Dying Without It.
Half Hits. I Mean, It Is 65 Inches.
To Narrow It Down, I'm Gonna Need More Wow.
Information, Like Where He Was Born, Where Sweet! Hey, W--The Play-Offs Are On.
He Went To School. You Should Come Check It Out.
Did He Serve Time In The Military? Oh, Believe It's Like Being Right On The Field.
Me, If He Served Time, It Was In The State Pen. Yeah Um, Lynette's Really Busting My Hump
Hey! Dave! Morning, Ladies. About Clearing This Place Out, So Well, Maybe
(Tires Screech) (Under Breath) Sick Bastard. Later.
How Are You? Hey, Katherine, Your Sprinkler The Game Doesn't Start For A Couple Hours.
System Working Okay Now? Like A Charm. We Could Order One Of Those Giant
And Thanks Again. Sandwiches.
I've Never Been Able To Get That To Work. Sorry, But, You Know, Check Back With Me,
Oh, I Hear Ya. Make Sure I Survive This Whole Thing.
To Program Those Things, You Need An Okay.
Engineering Degree. Hi, Dave.
Oh, Yeah? You Got One Of Those? Anyway Hi.
Hey, Tom? Yeah? Why Are There Two Piles?
Well, That's The Pile That I'm Throwing Away,
And, Uh, This Is The Stuff I Still Need.
You Need Unopened Mountain Climbing
Equipment From 1986? You Don't Climb
Mountains.
Not Yet, But Someday.
I Mean, You Know Who Knows? (Laughs) I
Know.
You Get Winded Just Climbing Out Of The Tub.
You're Never Gonna Climb A Mountain.
(Scoffs) You Know What Else You're Never
Gonna Do? Learn German, Make Your Own
Beer Or Have 8 Minute Abs.
Come On, Not The Ab-Tastic.
Toss It, And Keep Tossing Until This 2-Car
Garage Can Hold At Least One Car.
Please Tell Me You're Not Getting Rid Of Your
Bass.
No Point In Hanging On To It.
I Mean, Being In A Band Is Just One More
Thing I'll Never Do.
Before He Moved, Mike And I, We Used To
Get Together On Saturdays And Just Jam.
Man, That Was Fun.
You Know, I Play The Drums.
Maybe You And I Should Jam Sometime.
I Guess We Could.
Maybe Even Later Today? Just Yeah! Yeah, You
Know What? Just Give Me A Couple Hours.
I Gotta Stash These Old "Playboys.
" (Laughs) I'll See You Later.
Now Remember, You Can't Just Start Grilling
Edie, Or She'll Get Suspicious.
We Have To Be Subtle.
I'll Just Follow Your Lead.
Okay.
Sorry I'm Late.
What A Great Idea! I Haven't Done This In
Ages-- A Fun Lunch With The Girls.
Yeah, It's Fun.
Where Was Dave Born? What? (Chuckles
Nervously) We Were Just Wondering Where
He Got His Great Manners.
He's Got That Gentle Bearing Of A (Southern
Accent) Southern Gentleman.
No, He's From Somewhere In The Midwest.
"Somewhere"? You Don't Know Where Your
Husband Grew Up? Well, He Showed Me A
Picture Of His Childhood Home Once.
It Had A Cow In It.
(Sighs) I Lost Interest.
Honestly, Edie, How Can You Be Married To A
Guy And Not Know These Things? You Know
What? What? I Think It's Time To Order.
Where's Our Waitress? I'll Be Right With You,
Mrs.
Mayfair.
Oh, No Problem, Debbie.
You Take Your Time.
She Is Such A Sweet Girl.
She's Saving Money For College.
Speaking Of Which Where Did Dave Go To
College? Come On, Debbie! While We're
Young! I Don't Know.
All Right.
What About High School? Why Are You
Asking Me All These Questions? I Just Think
It's Odd That You're Married To Some Guy--
You Don't Know Anything About Him.
Other Than The Fact That He's A Lovely Man.
He (Chuckles Nervously) Fixed My Sprinkler.
I Don't Want To Talk About This Anymore.
I'm Going To The Ladies' Room.
Well, Your Subtle Approach Got Us Nowhere.
I've Been Through A Lot With This Baby.
I Hate To Sell Her, But, You Know, With My
New Sports Car Coming, I Don't Really Need It.
Yeah.
Here She Is.
How's It Look? Be Glad You're Blind.
We Have To Be Practical.
We Just Need Something To Get Us From
Point "A" To Point "B.
" Now Let's Buy The Thing.
Okay, Just Let Me Handle This.
So Do We Have A Sale? I Don't Know, Andrew.
I Mean We Like It.
We Don't Love It.
Yeah, Well, No One Buys A Car Like This And
Loves It.
It's All About The Price.
And You're Not Gonna Do Better.
Yeah, About That Price-- You're Gonna Have To
Drop It.
I Mean, Look At All These Dents.
Yeah, It's Also Missing Three Hubcaps, And It's
Got A Hanger For An Antenna.
Full Disclosure-- It's A Piece Of Crap.
You Want It Or Not? Well, I'll Tell You What.
Since Your Mom And I Are Dear Friends, I'll
Take It Off Your Hands If You Knock Off $300.
And Since My Mom And You Are Dear Friends,
I'll Resist The Urge To Flip You The Bird.
Andrew! Unless You Lower This Price, We're
Walking Right Now.
See Ya.
(Scoffs) I Mean It.
This Is It.
Fine.
Fine.
Okay, Fine.
Knock Off $200, And We'll Give You Cash.
No.
$100.
No.
Wh-- (Scoffs) Will You At Least Have It
Washed? I'll Empty The Ashtray.
Final Offer.
(Scoffs) Damn You.
You Beat Me Again! Curse You And Your
Diabolical Checkers Prowess.
All Right, Orson.
Don't Overexcite Him On The Upholstery.
So, Danielle, What Would You Like Me To
Make As A Side Dish For Your Welcome Home
Party? I Can Do Anything So Long As It
Complements Beef Tenderloin.
Actually, We Don't Eat Meat.
We're Vegetarians.
Excuse Me? So Is Benjamin.
Oh.
Well Since When? Since I Realized That Meat
Was A Byproduct Of Murder.
Would It Be More Acceptable If I Shopped For
A Suicidal Pork Loin? Bree, It's No Big Deal.
I'll Just Make A Nice Risotto.
This Isn't About Dinner.
This Is About Her Nutty Liberal Politics Getting
In The Way Of Our Grandson's Nutrition.
He Gets All The Protein He Needs From
Cheese And Beans And Tofu.
Well, This Isn't Just About Nutrition.
Do You Want Him To Be Teased At School
Every Time He Pulls Tofu Out Of His Lunchbox?
Actually, That Won't Be An Issue.
Danielle Is Homeschooling Him.
Excuse Me? You're Teaching Him? Yes.
I Take It You Have An Opinion? So Instead Of
Sending Him To A Proper School, You're
Gonna Give Him The Benefit Of Your Straight
"C" Average? Hey, He's Only 6, And He's
Already Reading At A Third Grade Level.
Well, What Happens Next Year When He
Overtakes You? Uh, Bree Ahem.
Best Behavior, Remember? I Am Sorry, But Am
I Supposed To Sit By While She Degrades His
Body And His Mind? (Danielle) Fine.
Criticize My Parenting All You Want.
I Don't Care, Because You Don't Get To Decide
How He's Raised Anymore.
I'm His Mother.
And By The Way, Mark Your Calendars, 'Cause
Seven Years From Next Saturday-- Benjamin's
Bar Mitzvah.
Hey! (Laughs) (Chuckles) Hey.
Isn't This Cool? Dave Brought His Drums Over
So We Could Jam.
Your Boy Is Pretty Good.
Yeah, And We Figured Out We Got Bass, We
Got Drums.
Mike Plays Guitar.
I Think Orson Plays Keyboards.
You See Where I Am Going With This? I Do,
But I'm Hoping I'm Wrong.
We're Gonna Start A Garage Band! And I
Wasn't! Maybe If We Get Good Enough, We
Can Even Get, Like, A Couple Of Gigs.
How Fun Would That Be? "Gigs"? Did You Just
Say "Gigs"? Now All's We Need Is A Little Time
To Practice-- A Few Nights A Week, Some
Weekends.
What? Well, Yeah, Just Until We Get The
Rhythm Section All Dialed In.
Okay, I Need To Dial You In To Some Gigs You
Already Have, Which Are Running
Restaurant, Being A Husband And A Father.
And I Thought You Were The One Who Said
You Wanted To Spend More Time With Your
Family.
But We Could Play Clubs.
I Mean, He's Just Having A Little Fun, Lynette.
Guys Need To Blow Off Steam.
Could You Just For A Sec? Come On.
You Know I'm Right.
You're Far Too Busy For This.
You Can't Just Decide For Me Like That.
I Mean, If I Wanna Play Bass, I Will Play Bass.
I'm Not Hurting Anybody.
Those Of Us With Hearing Beg To Differ.
(Laughs) Okay, You Know What? Please Leave
Our Rehearsal Space.
Oh, Come On, Tom.
This Is Not Your-- (Juanita) It's Mine! No! Give
It! Give It! No! No! Give It To Me! It's Mine!
Don't! Guys! Hey! Knock It Off Back There.
Oh, God.
What Now? .
Oh.
Hey.
Ws T's Up? You Sold Me A Lemon.
That'satwhat's Up.
Atwhat Yre You Talking About? Yo Your Car! I
Took It To A Mechac, Who Told Me The
Radiator's Shot.
Oh.
That.
Yeahhu(Chuckles) Itit's Been Giving Me Trebl
Yer S.
Ars.
Just Use Jue Jug.
what jug? Oh, Oh, Itn In Truntrk.
Justjuee Keep Itl Ull Of Water, and ??? Oh, And,
Uh, Try Not Going Up Hills And Stay In The
A Shade As Much As Possible.
Okay, I-I Can't Drive Around Avoiding Gravity
And The Sun.
Well, Sorry.
If You Want A Car With No Flaws, Buy A New
One.
Or I Could Get The Radiator Fixed, Which Is
Gonna Cost $300, Which You Are Paying For.
Remember Full Disclosure? Crap? This Is Your
Car.
It's Your Problem. Uh, M.
Okay, You Know What? That's It. J.
I Wanna Talk To Your Mother. , Can I Talk To Your Mom For A Second? What?
Uh, Well, She's In A Meeting Right Now. I Can't Teach Him To Hit A Girl.
Can I Take A Message? Damn It, Andrew. That's Not Just Any Girl.
You Tell Bree To Call Me By The End Of The You Saw Her.
Day. She Could Take Down A Small Deer.
May I Ask What It's Regarding? All Right, We'll It Doesn't Matter.
Talk About It More Later, Buddy. If It Wears A Skirt, It's Off-Limits.
Why Don't You Go On Outside And Play For A That Is Sexist.
While? Okay. If Feminism Means Anything, It's That It's Okay
Well, What Did He Say? Well, He Still Won't For A Big, Mean Girl To Get Her Butt Kicked.
Tell Me Who's Picking On Him, But He Did Ask You, Teach Him One Of Those Brazilian Kung
Me To Teach Him How To Fight. Fu Cha-Cha Things.
He's Only 5. I'm With Mike.
I Don't Want Him Fighting. You Can't Hit Girls.
I'm Sorry, But Every Boy Has To Learn How To Ah! Couple Of Wusses.
Throw A Punch Eventually. I'll Handle It Myself.
You Know, If You Wanna Give Him A Leg Up, Oops! Didn't See That Coming.
You Could Teach Him A Little Capoeira. Just For That, I'm Breaking My Rule About Not
Capo-What? Oh, It's A Brazilian Martial Art Hitting Girls.
That Incorporates Dance. Gaby, We Have A Problem.
Yeah, 'Cause There's Nothing Scarier Than A I Just Saw Juanita Push M.
Guy Coming At Ya With Jazz Hands. J.
That's Funny, But Actually, The Dance Part's To Down.
Catch Your Opponent Off Guard. Really? Really.
Like That? No, There's A Little More Nuance To It's Not The First Time.
It. Juanita's Been Bullying Him.
Ooh! Like That. Wow.
Where's The "Dance" Part? (Grunts) Oh! I'm Sorry.
(Laughs) There It Is, Ginger! You Know What, I'll Talk To Her.
Boys? Not In The House. (Sighs) Thank You.
Oh, My God! Give It Back! It's My Ball! It's My And Don't Worry.
Ball Now. No One Will Hear About This From Me.
Hey! You Leave Him Alone. Hear What? That M.
Oh! Honey! Is That Who's Been Picking On You? J.
Juanita Solis? Well, She Is Going To Get A Big 'S Getting Beat Up By A Little Girl.
Surprise, Because Your Daddy Is About To Turn A Girl.
You Into A Killing Machine. Are You Suggesting That Juanita Is Fat For Her
Age? Gaby, Juanita's Fat For Your Age.
(Scoffs) Yeah? Well, Let's Face It.
M.
J.
Could Get Beaten Up By A Kitten.
You Know What? Maybe You Could Teach Your
Daughter How To Use Her Words And Not Her
Fists.
Yeah? Or Maybe You Could Teach Your Son To
Grow A Pair! What You Looking At? Oh, Just
Some Old Pictures.
Can You Guess Who That Little Girl Is? That's
Your Mom Way Back When She Was Your Age.
What's She Eating? Oh! Uh, A Hot Dog.
No Way.
Oh, Yes.
Your Mother Loved Hot Dogs.
Every Day At Lunchtime, She'd Say To Me,
"Mommy, I Want A Hot Dog.
" How Come She Doesn't Eat Them Now? Well,
Because She's All Grown-Up.
You See, Hot Dogs And Hamburgers Are What
Make Little Boys And Girls Grow Up To Be Big
And Strong.
And Now That She's Grown-Up, She Doesn't
Need Them Anymore.
Doesn't Mommy Want Me To Be Big And
Strong? I've Been Asking Myself That All Day.
Maybe She's Afraid If You Get Big, You'll Leave
Home And Go Play For The Red Sox.
But I Want To Get Big.
I Want To Play Baseball.
Oh.
Well In That Case Can I? You Have To Promise
Not To Tell Your Mommy.
Okay.
Well, What Do You Think? It's Like Tofu, Only
Better.
Yes.
Yes, It Is.
Two, Three, Four! When Tom Scavo Threw
Himself Into His New Hobby His Wife Told
Herself It Was A Phase, And It Would Pass
Quickly.
But Three Hours Later, She Realized It Could
Not Pass Quickly Enough.
So Lynette Began To Plot Against Her
Husband's Instrument Of Torture.
Ooh! Careful, Honey.
Sorry.
You Could Break Your Dad's Guitar And It Was
At That Moment Her Daughter Provided Her
An Idea For A Simple Accident And A Clean
Alibi.
(Tom) Damn It! Hey, Is Everything All Right?
Oh, My! It Was Lying In The Middle Of The
Floor! How In The World Did That Happen?
Has Penny Been Playing In Here Again? I've
Told Her A Million Times! Now I'm Sure It Was
An Accident, Tom.
Please Don't Yell At Her.
This Was A $1,600 Bass.
I Can't Afford To Replace It.
Penny Lynn Scavo! Where Is She? Oh, Tom!
She's Up In Her Room.
I'm Gonna Go Play Outside.
Oh! Wait.
Your Forgot Your Whistle.
Okay, Sweetie.
This Is Just To Be On The Safe Side.
If Juanita Comes Around, You Just Blow It.
I'll Be Right There.
Okay.
Good Boy.
(Whistle Tweets) Hey, Give Me Back My
Whistle! Juanita Solis, Don't You Move! You
Are In Big Trouble! What's On Your Head?
Never Mind.
What Did You Do To M. Daughter.
J. You Can Dye That Hair All You Want, But The
? He Wouldn't Let Me Blow His Whistle. Gray's Just Gonna Keep Coming.
So Your Solution Was To Push Him Down? Do And They Call Me White Trash.
You Think That's Nice? How Would You Feel If Hey.
Someone Did That To You? I Wouldn't Care. You Got A Minute? Yeah.
Oh, Really? You Don't Think It Would Hurt? Sure.
Even If It Did (Whines) I'm Not A Crybaby Like Come On In.
M. I, Uh, I Heard There Was A Little Accident.
J. So I Got This For Tom.
I'm Sorry. You Bought Tom A New Bass? It's Not As
Juanita, I Just Wanted You To See How It Felt. Smooth As His Old One, But It's Good.
Are You Okay? Susan, I Saw That! Kids, Get We Can't Accept This.
Inside! Okay, First Off, It Wasn't As Bad As It It's Mostly Selfish On My Part.
Looked. I Was Having Too Much Fun.
Really? 'Cause It Looked Like You Body- Well, Sorry.
Slammed My Daughter. But Maybe You Could Go Skateboarding With
I Barely Tapped Her. Orson.
She Was Milking It. All Right.
That's Your Defense? You Were Only Forget About Me.
Assaulting Her "A Little"? I Was Trying To Tom Was Having Fun.
Teach Her Not To Be A Bully-- Something She And From What I've Seen, He Needs It.
Should Have Learned From Her Mother. And What Makes You Think You Know What
Well, I'm Sorry. My Husband Needs? Just Something That I
I Was Too Busy Trying To Explain To Her Why Saw The Other Day, When You Were Making
M. Him Get Rid Of All His Things.
J. You Mean His Junk? It May Be Junk To You,
Doesn't Wear A Dress Like All The Other Little But To Tom Well, That Was Stuff He Was
Girls. Gonna Get Around To.
This Conversation Is Over. You Know What A Midlife Crisis Is? I'm
Tell Bob And Lee That I'll Pay For The Dent In Married To A 45-Year-Old Man Who Has A
Their Lawn. Red Convertible.
You Did Not! I Did. Yeah, I Think I Know.
You Know What? We've Both Been Incredibly But You Know How It Happens? A Man Gets
Childish Here, And It Is Time One Of Us Took To A Certain Age, And He Realizes He's Gonna
The High Road, So I Am Now Going To Walk Die Someday.
Away. Really Die.
Please Take Note Of This Conflict Resolution And What's Worse Is That He's Everything He's
And Try To Pass The Lesson On To Your Ever Gonna Be.
He's Never Gonna Be Rich.
He's Never Gonna Climb A Mountain.
Now Some Guys Do Bad Things When They
Get Those Thoughts In Their Heads.
By Comparison, Playing In A Garage Band--
Well It Seems Pretty Harmless.
So Now My Marriage Is In Trouble, And You're
Gonna Save It By Giving Tom A Bass? No.
No.
I'm Not.
You Are.
Most Of The Guys In My Class Went Into
Corporate Law, But I Wanted To Do Something
That Would Influence Environmental Policy.
That's How He Ended Up At The E.
P.
A.
So, Leo, Where Did You Study Law? Cornell.
Now I'm Jealous.
I Always Wished That I'd Gone To A School
Like Cornell.
But It Just Wasn't In The Cards For Me.
How About You, Dave? Me? No.
Wasn't In My Cards, Either.
So Where Did You Go? After Listening To Leo,
I'd Be Embarrassed To Tell You.
So E.
P.
A.
What's Your Opinion On Global Warming--
Fact Or Fiction? Hold On, Darling.
Mrs.
Mccluskey Asked You A Question.
Tell Her Where You Went To School.
Oh, Edie, I Think She Was Just Making
Conversation.
So-- Okay, Then Why Don't You Tell Me Where
You Went? After All, I Am Your Wife.
Shouldn't I Know? Actually, I Didn't Go To
College.
I Took A Job Out Of High School Because My
Family Was Having A Hard Time.
Not Having A Degree Is Something That Has
Always Been Embarrassing To Me, Especially
When I'm With People Who Do.
So, My Darling, Is There Anything Else You'd
Like To Quiz Me About In Public? My
Childhood Stuttering? My Dad's Drinking
Problems? No.
I'm Good.
I Came To Say I'm Sorry.
You Attacked My Child And Then Me.
Why Should I Even Listen To You? I Brought
Booze.
Come On In.
Like, I Have This Rule-- No Toy Guns.
Except Everything That M.
J.
Picks Up-- Whether It's A Hairbrush, A Hanger,
Everything-- He Pretends It's A Gun.
Well, What Do You Expect? He's A Boy.
That's My Point! I Know Nothing About
Raising Boys.
And I Think M.
J.
Has Figured This Out, So He Goes Straight To
Mike Whenever There's A Problem.
But That's Okay.
Mike's A Great Dad.
Yeah, Sure, On Alternate Weekends.
That's Fine Until (Sighs) M.
J.
Needs His Daddy, And His Daddy's Not There.
Susan, It's Not Your Fault.
Well, We Split Up, So It's At Least Half My
Fault Any Way You Slice It.
Well, If It's Any Consolation, Carlos Is A
Hands-On, Full-Time Dad, And I Still Feel Like
I'm Not Getting The Job Done, Like I'm Not
Preparing Them Enough.
Preparing Them For What? For How Hard Life
Is.
I Mean, I Have To Admit, When You Told Me
Juanita Was Bullying M.
J.
, My First Thought Was, Thank God! Let Her
Do The Pushing, Just As Long As She's Not A
Victim.
Well, I Don't See Any Kid Of Yours Being A
Victim.
(Laughs) You're The Strongest Person I Know.
I Used To Be.
Look At My Life, Susan.
I I've Been Beaten Down.
Well, I Thought I Had You Beaten Today, And
The Next Thing I Knew, I Was Eating Grass.
Today Doesn't Count.
Today I Was Mad.
Well Maybe You Need To Get Mad More
Often.
Maybe You're Right.
This Is Nice.
We Should Rumble All The Time.
To Susan Mayer-- Good Mom.
To Gabrielle Solis-- Another Good Mom.
(Juanita) Mommy, We're Hungry! So?! There's
Waffles In The Freezer! And Get Mommy
Some Ice! Isn't This Nice? For The First Time In
Years, My Family Is All Here Under The Same
Roof.
Here's To Many More Meals Together.
Yes.
(Edie) Aw.
Welcome Home.
Cheers.
I Don't Feel Good, Danielle.
(Under Breath) "Danielle"? I Think I'm Gonna
Be Sick.
Let's Get You To The Powder Room.
Here We Are-- Mushroom Risotto.
There's An Unfortunate Coincidence.
I'm So Sorry, Mom.
I'll Clean It Up.
No, Um, You Take Benjy Upstairs.
I'll Get It.
Orson, Could You Get The Mop, Please? Oh,
My God.
Is That Meat? No! Of Course Not.
Does This Look Like Meat To You? It's Hard To
Tell.
Just So We're Clear, What I'm About To Throw
Up Is A Western Omelet.
That Is Not Meat.
(Chuckles) That Piece Right There-- That's
Definitely Meat! Still Waiting On That Mop.
(Scoffs) What Did Grandma Give You To Eat?
She Said Not To Tell.
You Gave Him Meat And Then Told Him To
Lie?! I Gave Him A Hot Dog, All Right? He
Liked It So Much, He Asked For Another.
Two Hot Dogs? All Right, I'll Concede The
Second One Was Clearly A Mistake.
Come On, Leo.
We're Leaving.
No! Danielle, Please.
I'm Sorry, Orson.
She's Made It Impossible For Us To Stay In
This House.
(Orson) Danielle, Wait, Wait.
Well, We Can Still Drink, Right? Oh, Yeah.
Well, I've Apologized Till I'm Blue In The Face,
But They're Still Leaving In The Morning.
Now You're Not Speaking To Me, Either?
They're Just Mad.
Things Will Be Better Next Time.
You Honestly Think There'll Be A Next Time? It
Took Us Three Years To Talk Them Into This But Her Behavior Reminds Me Of My
Visit. Grandmother, When We First Started To Notice
To Ruin It. The Dementia, That Is.
Orson, I'm Truly Sorry. You Think Karen's Going Senile? I Remember
It's Just, Seeing All These Mistakes That She's My Poor Grandmother Started Getting So
Making With Benjamin, It's Just So Hard For Paranoid.
Me. She Thought People Were Breaking Into Her
You Know What Hard For Me? When I Left For House And Stealing Her Things.
Prison, Benjamin Was In My House, He Was In We Finally Had To Put Her In A Home.
My Life. I Just Hope That Doesn't Happen To Karen.
He Called Me "Daddy. I Want My 300 Bucks.
" And When I Came Home, He Was Gone. I Told You.
And You Think That's My Fault? Yes, I Do. It's Your Car.
Orson, You Weren't Here. You Deal With It.
She Came Back. That's It? No Compassion? No, "Hey, Let's Split
She Was Married To A Lawyer. The Bill And Call It Even"? Look At It This Way.
And Don't Forget, She Is His Mother! I Tried To You're Not Losing 300 Bucks.
Fight, But-- You Should've Fought Harder. You're Gaining A Valuable Lesson--Buyer
I Was On My Knees. Beware.
I Was Sobbing. True.
She Said "No" And Then Ripped Him Out Of Now Here's A Valuable Lesson For You.
My Arms. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! What The Hell
(Whispers) You Have No Right To Say That To Is Wrong With You?! Give Me My Money, Or
Me. Next Time We're Trading Paint.
You Kind Of Blindsided Me Tonight. You're Bluffing.
I Know. I Am Tired Of Being A Victim, Andrew.
I Am So Sorry. And Trust Me, That Is No Bluff.
I Was Clearly Uncomfortable. (Brakes Screech) Hey! You--You Touch My Car,
I Don't Understand Why You Kept Pressing Me. And You're Paying For It.
Honestly, It Was All Karen Mccluskey's Fault. Luckily, I'm Insured.
Really? How So? Well, She Kept Asking Me All (Gasps) Oh, Wait.
This Stuff About Your Background And Why I Our Policy Lapsed.
Don't Know More About You, And (Sighs) I Hope You've Got Good Coverage.
Should've Just Never Let Her Get To Me. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait, Wait.
It's Okay, Sweetie. I'll Get My Checkbook.
Now I Understand. I Prefer Cash.
Kind Of Sad When You Think About It. Bullies Any Adult Will Tell You The Playground
What Do You Mean? Oh Maybe You Guys Is Not The Only Place To Find Them.
Don't Notice Because You're So Used To Her. Everywhere You Look, You Can Find People
Unconcerned Or Unaware Of The Pain They
Inflict.
It Might Be A Neighbor Preying On The
Suspicions Of Her Friend Or A Daughter
Punishing The Choices Of Her Mother.
Or A Housewife Seeking Justice From The Man
Who Sold Her A Car.
Yes There Are Bullies Everywhere.
And The Worst Are The Ones Who Take
Advantage Of You Without You Ever Knowing
What They've Done.
504 - Back in Business parents Saw her portrayal of their drinking.
And Jason Monte's parents Saw his illustration
Previously on Desperate Housewives Bree's of their hygiene.
husband felt rejected. You see, ms.
I think it's strange to see my wife billed As Butters felt it was important For parents to see
"mrs. themselves through their children's eyes.
Van de kamp. She knew the experience Ed, he's got me
" it's how I'm known. vacuuming in my bra.
Is there a mr. Do I do that? Could be very Educational.
Van de kamp? No, uh, mr. I know, I know.
Van de kamp is deceased. Did I not say 7:00? You missed their little show.
Would it have killed you to have mentioned M.
me? It's because I went to jail, isn't it? Lynette's J.
husband was excited. Was tooth decay.
We're gonna start a garage band! I thought Well, crosstown traffic killed me.
you were the one who said you wanted To And I told you to videotape it.
spend more Time with your family. Well, did you tell me to take off the lens cap?
Guys need to blow off steam. Next Time, be more specific.
Edie's new husband had a past You've been Mr.
here six weeks, And you don't seem any closer Delfino, glad you made it.
to coming to terms With your rage. Uh, did you get to see m.
I've come to terms with it, And I like it just the J.
way it is. 's artwork? No, not yet.
Which remained a mystery. Can't wait.
I just think it's odd that you're married to Oh.
some guy. Oh, hey, look at that.
You don't know anything about him. There we are, Standing in front of the house.
Well, she kept asking me All this Stuff About Look what he did with my hair.
your background. I kind of like the bangs.
And Susan tried to move on. Yeah, look, he put a wrench in my pocket.
Well, I sort of started seeing someone. And see how big my muscles are? Which is a
Good for you. good thing, 'cause there's a shark attacking
Every year, ms. the house.
Elenora BuTTers Would ask her kindergarten Hey, daddy.
class To draw a picture of their families Which Hey, buddy.
she would then display on "meet the teacher" Your mommy and i Were just looking at your
night. wonderful painting.
That's how Ty Richmond's parents Saw his You like it? I love it, especially how big and
depiction of their fighting And Amy Hines' strong you made me look.
That's not you.
That's Jackson.
See the paintbrush in his pocket? Oh, who's
Jackson? He paints our house Until my mom
makes him drink wine and have a sleepover.
Because Mike and I are divorced, so that's why
It was supposed to be a picture of the family,
So you should've put your daddy in it.
Did.
Oh, the The bug with the little hat? That's you,
'cause you're Always so far away.
Oh, yeah, that's, um Now I see me.
Yes Every year, Ms.
Elenora BuTTers would ask her class To draw a
picture of their families, Even though she knew
the portraits Might not be that flattering.
If you look closely into the faces of your
friends, You'll see it.
Congratulations! Hi! Come on in! Right behind
their smiles, You will see a certain Green-eyed
monster, And then you'll understand How
envious they are of your well-kept home Your
delious recipes And yourasteful ssessions.
Here's my cookbook.
But you'll have to work hard to see the
jealousy, Because good friends Always work
hard To hide it.
Look at you, right on the cover! These are
advanced copies.
I wanted you to be the first to have them.
Oh, and look, you signed it-- "to Lynette, The
sweetest, most wonderful friend I've ever
known.
" "to Susan, the sweetest, most--" We don't
have to read them out Loud.
Don't mind me, ladies.
I'm just grabbing a kiss on my way to the Salt
mines.
Mmm.
Oh.
Mmm.
You have a good day Thanks, babe.
Oh, did you show thethe Ad? Yeah.
Oh, I Almost forgot.
Uh, bye Isn't this nice? They're running it next
month in "woman's day.
" You're gonna be in magazines, too? They've
come up with this whole Marketing plan--
Radio, print, book signings.
Wow! Isn't it fantastic? No, it's horrible! She's
gonna become this famous author And have
no Time at All for us.
No, come on, Gaby.
You know that Bree Will never change.
Thank you, Katherine I will never become
Stuck-up and full of myself.
I didn't say that.
I said you'd never change.
Very funny.
I hardly think you have to worry about me
becoming famous.
You have a Marketing plan.
You wanna see my Marketing plan? "milk,
bread, vodka, condoms--" Could I see that? I'd
love to read it.
Why? Well, back before I consecrated my life
to mozzarella, Marketing was sort of what I
did.
Oh, right! Of course.
I would, uh, love to hear your thoughts.
So you're still gonna Wanna hang out with us,
even when you're totally fabulous, And we're
still nobodies? Girls, you are making way too
much of this.
I am not a bit more fabulous than any one of
you.
Excuse me.
What is it, Andrew? I hope you're free for
lunch on the 12th, 'cause the chamber of
commerce Just named you businesswoman of
the year.
Oh, my god! That is so amazing! The, uh, dry
cleaner just, um Found my sweater.
Girls, catch up with you later! Orson, I have
amazing news.
The chamber of commerce just called.
Oh? What about? I wanna buy you lunch and
tell you in person.
I will be at your office in two minutes.
Uh, no! No, don't come to my office.
You know, I can't have lunch now.
Um, I'm in a meeting.
Well, I'll wait in reception until it's over.
No, it'll take hours.
It's a very urgent, high-level Stuff.
What kind of meeting is it? George, hey! Turn
that radio down! Where are you? I told you,
I'm in a meeting.
I gotta go.
I'll see you soon.
Yes, you will.
Mike! What's going on? Daddy got me a bike.
Yes, I see.
And here, Mommy thought we'd agreed to
wait till your birthday.
Crazy mommy.
Can you teach me to ride it? No, not today.
I gotta go install a water heater.
But, uh, you keep practicing, And the next
afternoon I have free, we'll bust off Those
training wheels and go kick up some dirt.
Okay? Okay.
All right.
Oh, my god.
This is about m.
J.
's drawing, isn't it? Wh? He does not love
Jackson more than you.
He knows who his father is.
I know that.
Can't a guy get his kid a bike without being
psychoanalyzed? So you're totally fine with
that drawing? Well, I won't go sticking it on
my fridge anytime soon, But yeah.
Look, I'm glad you're dating a nice guy.
I'm glad he likes my kid, and my kid likes him.
Here's a bike.
That's All it is.
Hey, guys.
Jackson, look at my new bike! Pretty cool.
Uh, that's a custom titanium frame.
Make sure m.
J.
Nows that.
So, Wendy, I gotta know about the weather.
Mommy, can Bethany go home now? Honey,
she's only been here 20 minutes.
We invited her over to play, so go play.
But All she does is spin.
Somewhat across the reach of the state,
Knocking temperatures down I would say a
few degrees Honey, we want Bethany to be
our friend, So if she wants to spin, just suck it
up and spin.
Why are you shoving that little weirdo down
Juanita's throat? That little weirdo is the key to
you and I having more sex.
I know I should ask a few questions, but I'm in.
Bethany's mom hosts a weekly playdate.
I'm trying to get Juanita an invitation.
How does that lead to quality Time with your
boobs? Carlos, the only Time you and I have
to ourselves Is late at night, but by that Time,
we're too exhausted.
And now that we have Celia in afternoon
preschool, All we have to do is unload Juanita,
And then we can get back to doing the nasty.
This doesn't seem right.
I mean, dumping our kid off on some
unsuspecting woman So that we can have sex?
Wake up! Playdates were invented by mothers
For this exact purpose.
Shopping, sex, drinking in the afternoon--
Playdates make All these things possible.
I-i don't know.
I feel bad making my kid playing with
someone That she obviously doesn't like.
Bethany's mom will take Juanita once a week
for two whole hours.
That is sex and a nap.
Juanita! I don't hear you spinning! I don't
understand.
You said the job was going so well.
It was.
Then three weeks ago, My parole officer left
me a message at work.
That's when they found out I lied on my
application When I said I didn't have a
criminal record.
So you've been pretending to go to work for
three weeks? I know you're angry.
Honey I'm not angry.
I'm hurt that you didn't feel like you could tell
me.
I was embarrassed.
Bree, when we married, I was the breadwinner.
Now you--you have your company and you
have your book.
I-i'm a felon who can't hold on to a job.
Orson, we're partners.
We share everything.
Any success I have Is just as much yours as it
is mine.
Thank you, darling.
So Why did the chamr of commerce call?
Apparently, we've been named businesswoman
of the year.
Is that good enough?! Wow! You'd be killer in
our band.
I mean, wouldn't he be killer, Dave? Uh,
Donald, why don't you let us talk it over And
we'll get back to you? No problem.
I have to get back to the office anyway.
Quarterly tax Time has got me swamped.
Well, we'll--we'll definitely call you today
Thanks, gentlemen.
Don't you think he crushed it? He was good
You know, technically.
He didn't really have heart.
What do you mean? When he played "voodoo
child," it was like Hendrix has risen.
Hey, what about Mike? I thought that's who
we were gonna get.
Well, I asked, but he said he's too busy.
Too busy to live a little? Not gonna fly.
Call him.
Give him my number.
I'll talk to him.
Okay, sure.
But--but what about Donald I mean, 'cause if
we don't get Mike, I wanna make s-- Tom,
Donald's out, all right? Have Mike call me.
What a rehearsal.
Dave and I were smokin'.
Did you hear us? Lynette? Lynette.
I'm sorry.
What? Never mind.
What are you working on? What, is this Bree's
ad Stuff? Oh, god, no.
Her agency really whiffed Hmm? So I'm
coming up with a whole new campaign.
I was looking through my old portfolio For
inspiration.
Mm-hmm.
Oh! I remember this one.
"feet? Meet your new best friends.
" it was a classic.
You know, it been years since I looked through
this Stuff.
I'd forgotten I was Kinda great.
You were awesome! I mean, come on.
How lucky is Bree To have a neighbor that
used to be a big advertising hotshot? Well,
Maybe I'm the lucky one.
This could be a perfect way for me To stick my
toe back in the business.
Nothing big, Maybe just pick up some
freelance work.
But, honey, if you do that, where you gonna
find the Time For the family and the restaurant?
Well, gee, I don't know.
I gus the same place that you find Time for
your garage band.
Lynette, I'm just saying that if--if you Okay, I
dropped off Celia at preschool, And Juanita's
at her playdate.
Drop trou.
Why don't you put on that sexy red Teddy?
Can I ask why? I mean, you can't see it.
Yeah, but I can feel it, And I love the sensation
of sliding silk off your body.
What's it like, Carlos? What? Sex as a blind
man.
I mean, you used to be so visual.
Is it still as good? Oh, it's better.
I mean, having to rely on Your senses of touch
and taste and smell It's actually way more
intense.
Really? You're so lucky.
What, you want blind sex? I think I can
arrange that.
Hey there.
Looks like somebody's job interview went well.
Nope.
They turned me down flat.
Aw.
But as I was driving home, it suddenly hit me.
I May be persona non grata at every company
in this town, But there's at least one employer
I know Who would love to hire me.
Oh.
Who? You.
You wanna work here? Why not? I'm great
with food.
I understand business.
I can't beat the commute.
Well, that's certainly an intriguing notion.
But wouldn't it be awkward having me as your
boss? Absolutely.
But as you said in the park, We share
everything.
So I would be more of a Partner.
Partners? Oh.
Well-- Bree, would you give me a hand with
this arrangement? Just give me a sec.
I think the lilies need their own vase.
If you hire him, I will cut you with these
scissors! I don't think we need to do that.
I think they're crowding the irises out.
Just like he's trying to crowd me out.
You Already have a partner, remember? Oh,
well, I think the irises and the lilies Could work
together.
Nope.
One of them has to go.
If I May offer an opinion-- not a good Time,
Orson.
Tell him now, Or I will walk.
Orson, you really don't wanna work with me.
I mean, you only see me at home.
But at work, when the pressure's on, I can be a
bit of a handful.
Kathine's seen how I get.
Oh, yes.
Bitchy, Tyrannical, shrill-- He gets it, dear.
Honey, you're my partner in life.
But if we want to keep it that way, We
shouldn't mix marriage and business.
But no one else will hire me Well, you've only
been looking for a few weeks.
I mean, give it another Say, month or two,
And you still haven't found anything, Then
we'll revisit the idea.
Okay? Okay.
It was just a thought.
Oh, so what'd you think? Oh, my god, you
were right.
Blind sex is incredible.
Ahh, give me ten more minutes and an energy
bar, And we can go one more Time.
No, I think we're done.
Honey! What are you doing home? I thought
you were at Bethany's.
I got a tummyache.
Her mom brought me back.
Well, how long have you been Standing there?
I don't know.
What were you two doing? Um, we were, uh
We were wrestling.
Wrestling.
Did daddy hurt you? You were making Loud
noises.
No! No, that wasn't real.
Sometimes I fake it when I wrestle with daddy.
Please don't wrestle th mommy.
You're too big.
You could hurt her.
Yeah, Carlos, stop that.
Okay, go to your room, And I'm gonna bring
you something for your tummy.
I think she bought it.
You mean the story of how daddy beats up
mommy? Relax.
I told her I was fine.
Look, I could hear the worry in her voice.
Why don't we just tell her the truth? What,
that sometimes mommy rides daddy Like a
mechanical bull to get jewelry? She's 5.
She's too young to understand Either half of
that.
It's the facts of life She's gonna learn 'em
eventually, And it's the most natural thing in
the world.
Carlos, if she was Standing there Any longer
than five minutes, There was nothing natural
about what she saw.
By the way, thank you for that.
Hello? Hey, it's me.
Listen, I've got some free Time, So I thought
I'd come over And teach m.
J.
How to ride his new bike.
Great.
He's so excited to learn.
Are you sure he's ready to go without training
wheels? Oh, he'll probably have to take a few
spills, But luckily, he'll have his old man there
to pick him up.
Yeah.
He's been asking when you're coming.
I can't wait to tell him.
I know he'll be just All right! What's the Matter?
Spider.
Big one.
Gotta go! Mommy, look, no traing wheels.
I know! You did great! Jackson, can I see you a
sec? That was amazing! He learned so fast.
Yeah.
You know what I learned? Mike is on his way
over here To teach his son how to ride the
bike he bought-- Something he was looking
forward to until you ruined it.
W-why didn't you tell me that? I didn't know I
had to tell you not to steal a father's precious
moment.
M.
J.
--he just kept asking me.
He--he made me do it.
You could've walked away No, I couldn't! He
said, "pwease!" Damn it.
As you can see, the graphic works just as well
On a free-standing display unit.
Neat, huh? Goodness, Lynette.
When you offered to share your thoughts on
my campaign, I wasn't expecting anything
quite so Elaborate.
Well, who knew your Marketing guys were
such lame-os? What they came up with is so
Tepid.
Um, I think "understated" was what they were
going for.
Well, they overshot and wound up in "bland,"
Right on the border of "sucky.
" You need to grab your audience, just grab
'em.
I've gone for jazzier colors, Oh, I have really
played up the whole nostalgia angle.
"let mrs.
Van de kamp Turn your oven into a Time
machine.
" I see women really responding to that.
Do you? Because I see children Crawling into
ovens, hoping to see dinosaurs.
Okay.
Well I've got a whole bunch of Alternatives.
Oh, Lynette, I appreciate everything you've
done.
But I've actually approved the old campaign,
And I can't just tell them I've changed my
mind.
You don't have to.
I'll be the bad guy.
Just tell 'em you've hired me, And I'll go in
there, six-guns ablazing.
So Do we have a deal? Just give me the word.
No.
No? Sorry, but I prefer their campaign.
But mine is better.
Well, you're Entitled to think so, but I don't.
Look, Bree I think I know a little more about
Marketing than you do.
When I was in it, I owned this town.
I had every big account.
Hell, I was even named businesswoman of the
year.
Oh.
Well, I'm familiar with that award.
In fact, I'm this year's recipient.
Really? Yes.
There's a luncheon on the 12th.
I do hope you can make it.
Oh.
By the way, You're right about those colors.
Very Jazzy.
Come on, m.
J.
Your daddy's waiting.
Mommy, I don't wanna fall.
Oh, honey.
You know how you like to push the button
When we go on the elevator, And if somebody
else pushes it first, It makes you sad? But I
don't wanna fall Just listen.
Daddy really wanted to be the one To teach
you to ride your bike, and if you can Already
do it, It's gonna make him sad.
So just let daddy push the button.
Understand? Oh, man. Oh, thank you.
Wow, he's really picking it up fast. But I did wanna ask--m.
Yeah. J.
I think it's just beginner's luck. Said that he fell on purpose, Something about
Uh-huh. you telling him To "let daddy push the
Are you sure he hasn't been practicing? No. elevator button"? You told him to fall?
He was absolutely waiting for you You know, I Remember, it's the pavement you're mad at.
think I'm gonna go check his helmet. What the hell, Susan? Why would you do
What are you doing? We talked about this. something like that? Jason taught him to ride
You're supposed to be new at it. the bike.
I don't want to fall. Jackson.
I'm scared. Who's Jackson? He does sleepovers with
Oh! Of what? You're 3 inches off the ground. mommy.
You're completely padded. They drink lots of wine.
So just do what I say-- Wobble, wobble. Hey, doc.
"daddy, look at me!" crash. Uh, don't you hand out lollipops to brave little
Boy He was just telling me How glad he is to boys? I'm sorry.
have his dad here. M.
Really? 'cause I Almost feel like he doesn't J.
even need me. Was excited about the bike, So Jackson took
Oh, that's just silly. off the training wheels And taught him.
Whoops-a-daisy! Oh, it's a good thing your He didn't know.
dad's here To teach you how to do it right. He didn't know I'd wanna be the one To teach
Oh, looking good, buddy, but remember, my own kid how to ride a bike? Okay, you
When you stop, you gotta put your foot down know what? This is not Jackson's fault.
first. You can't give a 5-year-old a bike And expect
Okay? Ow! Oh, what, does that hurt right him to wait to ride it until you have Time.
there, buddy? Oh, he's fine. You know, this is what it means to be divorced.
No, mommy. It means that sometimes you won't be there.
It hurts. I know.
This is All my fault. It's Just harder Than I thought it would be.
Oh, will you stop? The doctor said it was just a Well, it's hard for me, too.
sprain. I miss things when he's with you.
I know, but still, I shouldn't have pushed it. And i Am trying to come to terms with my
You know, why look for blame? Kids fall. guilt, because I have to.
If you have to find fault, Blame the pavement, So do you.
not yourself Or me. There's nothing else you can do.
Mommy! He should have his pitching arm Has Mike called? Hi, honey.
back in no Time. You're home.
Sorry, hon.
So did he call? No.
Hey, listen to this.
Mrs.
Hudson's putting her house up for sale.
I think we should buy it.
Why? As an investment.
I-i mean, it's fantastic.
My friend Mary Alice blew her brains out in
this house, And All I'd have to do is let that
slip, And we'd get it for a song.
Yeah.
I don't think so.
Well, why not? We'll rent it out.
We could make some serious money.
Last thing I wanna be is a landlord, Get a
phone call every Time a toilet overflows.
That's why we hire a management company--
damn it, Edie, I said no! Why are you yelling at
me? I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I just got a lot on my mind.
I'm sorry.
Hi, Bethany.
I'm here to pick up Juanita.
Is she around? Boys have sperm.
Excuse me? We need to talk.
So apparently, after we had our little chat with
Juanita, She went straight to Bethany And
passed on the facts of life in excruciating
detail.
Well, did you explain to Peggy why we had
The little chat? She didn't wanna hear it Not
with Bethany running around the house,
Screaming "intercourse!" at the top of her
lungs.
So we're out of the playdate? Oh, yeah.
Way out.
Well, I guess it's back to the old schedule Of
ten minutes of grope 'n snore at midnight.
I'm not going back, Carlos.
I can't.
If Juanita doesn't get her playdate, You're not
getting yours.
Fine.
I will fix it.
I just don't know why Peggy's making such a
big deal out of this.
Sperm! Juanita! Stop talking to your sister!
Orson, what are you doing in the guest
bedroom? Oh, I couldn't sleep.
You were snoring too Loudly.
Me? Snoring? Mm, like a donkey with a head
cold.
Honey, I don't snore.
Oh, you can't Always hear yourself.
But I hear you Loud and clear.
Oh, for heaven sakes, come back to bed.
No.
I'm good here.
Dave Williams Look, hate to bother you, But I
got a busted pipe outside the house.
Probably some kids playing a prank.
No problem.
I'm across town finishing up on another job.
So depending on traffic, give me Say an hour?
Oh, thanks.
I really appreciate it So when Juanita thought
that I might be hurting her mother, We
decided it was best that she knew the truth.
It just seemed like the right thing to do at the
Time.
See, honey? I-i knew there had to be a
rational explanation.
Well I guess under the circumstances, You
didn't have y other choice.
So Do you think there's any chance Juanita
could rejoin your playdate? We've talked to
her.
She will never discuss sex ever again.
Not if she wants to see her favorite dolly Alive.
Gaby, we don't need to let them know All of
our parenting secrets.
I Think that'd be okay.
I probably overreacted.
We just wanna keep Bethany's innocence as
long as we can.
Oh, we totally agree.
Kids are forced to grow up way too fast these
days.
No kidding.
I want my girls to believe in santa claus as
long as possible.
They're gonna find out soon enough that it's
All a lie.
What? There's no santa claus?! So Next
playdate's monday at 1:00? Wow, whoever did
this really went to town.
Yeah, I know.
Damn kids.
By the way, Did you put any more thought
into joining the band? Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
I've been meaning to get back to you.
I appreciate the offer, But I'm really stretched
thin these days.
Oh, come on.
Every man's got Time for a little music.
Believe me, I'd love to play with you guys, But,
uh, I live 30 minutes away--an hour in traffic.
Whatever Time I've got left's for my son.
Yeah, I hear ya.
Hey, you ever look into living a little closer by?
With the rent prices in this neighborhood? I
might play guitar like a rock star, But I don't
earn like one.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I wasn't thinking.
Oh, it's All right.
Uh, appreciate you trying to help.
Believe me, I wish I could do more.
I've never seen Bree so happy.
She's glowing.
She won't be glowing when that agency sinks
her book.
Lynette I'm telling you, the only thing staler
than that ad campaign Is this dinner roll.
Yeah, and the water was as flat as the ad
campaign.
Your Martini was as dry as the ad campaign.
Let it go.
Hi, everybody! You having a good Time? Hi!
Hey, beautiful! Um ,this is-- Stu! Lynette Scavo.
I thought that might be you.
Hey! Everyone, this is my old assistant, Stu, um
Durber.
Durber.
Hey! Well, this was one great guy.
He would schlep All the way across town Just
to get me my chinese food.
So What are you up to? Actually, Stu's
company is doing all my advertising.
Your company? You have a company? Three
years now.
Huh.
How about you? Are you still at, uh, Parcher &
Murphy? No, i Also went into business for
myself.
Her place makes the best pizza in town.
You own a pizzeria? Well, it's really my
husband's.
And I'm still doing some freelance Stuff.
Well, that's great.
You know, we're Always working late.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Give me your card.
We'll order from you some night.
Oh.
You know, of course, we're across town, So it
May be a bit of a schlep.
Oh! It w great catching up, Lynette.
Yeah.
Bree, let me introduce you to some people.
Yeah, mm.
Great.
There's my beautiful wife.
What are you up to? Why? Looking for a
reason to scream at me? You're right.
I was awful the other day.
How about I make it up to you By buying you
mrs.
Hudson's house? Seriously? Well, I thought
about it, and I agree.
It's a good investment opportunity.
Oh! Thank you! Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And I promise that we'll rent that place out for
top dollar.
Oh, I'm not worried about that.
But first I want to do someone a favor.
Where are you? It's after 2:00.
I'm getting ready for my job interview.
Oh, that's not until 4:00.
I'm reading the company's annual reports.
I want to be prepared.
Oh, honey.
Everybody's asking about you.
I want you to be here.
It's my big day.
Well Enjoy it.
You've earned it.
You know what this tastes like? More.
It would seem Somebody's taking their
designated driver position A little lightly.
Stu? Stu is doing Bree's ad campaign? I rode
in his hatchback once.
It smelled like mu shu.
I gotta warn her.
Oh, wait! No, honey.
Why don't you wait till after the ceremony?
Yeah, just until you can blink both eyes at the
same Time.
Guys, I am just gonna offer her a little advice.
Geesh.
Whoop.
Still waiting.
The great thing about the internet is that With
a minimal investment, you actually can reach
All your specific target audience-- coupons.
Coupons? Do a cross-promotion with some of
the major food companies.
Knock off 20% On some of the items featured
in your recipes, Then they do the same
Towards the purchase of your cookbook.
Yeah, our research shows, you know, People
aren't so hot on gimmicks-- zip it, Stewie.
Would you excuse us, please? Lynette, you're
drunk.
Yeah, that's immaterial.
What do you think of the coupons? Lynette, I
am really not able to deal with that right now.
Oh.
I know.
You've got your book and--and your big fancy
award, And I'm just a housewife.
I never said that.
You know, when I had a high-powered career,
And you were just a housewife, I never looked
down on you.
If you could All please take your seats, It's
Time to present our award.
You need to leave now. him, You're his fairy godmother.
Fine. All right, consider it an investment in good
And don't worry. karma.
Even though I'd like to, I'm not gonna make Screw karma.
some big, ugly scene. I finally do something nice in this neighbhood,
Hey. And I can't even brag about it? The man who
I, um, I bought m. is silent in his good deeds Is the man who
J. reaps the greatest reward.
So stilts, Thought I'd teach him how to use So Give me some guidance.
'em. Do I grovel, send flowers, or Just move? I'm
Har har. not angry with you.
Uh, actually, he's at Juanita's watching a dvd. I'm just sorry that you felt so-- Drunk? Jealous?
Do you want me to call him? No. You have nothing to be jealous of.
No, it's cool. Don't give me that.
I just wanted to tell him about my new place. You are having the kind of success I only
You're moving again? How far are you gonna dreamed of back in my ad days.
be away now? The Hudson house? Yeah, she But that doesn't mean I look down on you.
sold it. No.
And Edie told me the new owner wants to But watching you, I look down on me.
rent it, So now I'll have a fighting chance Of When I held your book in my hands, I felt so
being around when m. jealous my stomach hurt.
J. And I thought, if I could just hitch a ride, Have
Hits his milestones. a piece of it, I wouldn't feel so bad about your
Is this okay with you? Yeah. success.
It's great. For god sakes, Lynette, stop calling me a
Uh, we'll be like One big, happy, divorced success.
family. There's nothing successful about me.
You sure? It's a little weird. My friends think I'm gonna drop them, My
I--i but, you know, m. partner resents me, And my husband Has
J. moved into the guest bedroom.
Will be thrilled, and Yeah, I'm fine with it. Everything I gain comes at some horrible price,
Good. And I'm starting to wonder if any of it's even
So, um I'll see you around, neighbor. worth it.
I still think it's strange You won't let me tell It is.
Mike that we're the new owners. You're at the start of an incredible journey,
Well, the man's got a lot of pride. And I am going to be there every step of the
I want him to feel like I'm his neighbor, not his way, Cheering you on, Telling anyone who will
landlord. listen That the Bree Van De Kamp is my friend.
Landlord? Hell, with the rent we're charging Thanks.
And the rest of the Stuff You'll find a wayto fix
it.
Just know that All your friends are very proud
of you.
Bitterly jealous, but proud.
If you look closely Into the faces of those
around you, You will catch a glimpse Of a
certain Green-eyed monster.
And then you'll see they envy your career Your
love life The Time you spend with their child
How do you deal with such jealousy? There
are many ways.
But the best Is to simply share What you have.
Thank you.
Promise me you'll never leave our bed again.
I promise Partner.
505 - Mirror, Mirror
My Name Is Bree, And I Am An Alcoholic.
Bree Put Her Problem Behind Her.
(Camera Shutter Clicks) There's At Least One
Employer Who'd Love To Hire Me.
Who? Orson Asked For A Job.
You.
Dave Lost His Temper Damn It, Edie! I Said No!
And Aroused The Suspicion This Guy Is Up To
Something.
Of His Neighbor.
It Was All Karen Mccluskey's Fault.
She Kept Asking Me All This Stuff About Your
Background.
She Reminds Me Of My Grandmother When
We First Started To Notice.
The Dementia, That Is.
You Think Karen's Going Senile? (Mary Alice)It
Could Have Been Such A Lovely Evening.
You See, The Idea Was To Have A Surprise
Birthday Party.
People Would Bring Food And Gifts And Wait
In The Dark For The Guest Of Honor To Arrive.
But It Turned Out To Be A Night Full Of
Surprises-- The Kind Most People Don't Care
For.
Damn It, Lynette.
Why Do You Have To Be Such A Buzz Kill?
Why Can't You, Just Once, Give Me A Little
Support? Fine.
(Scoffs) I'll Get You A Towel.
For What? If I Was With Another Woman, That
Wouldn't Bother You? No, It Wouldn't.
I'm Sorry That I Lied, And For What It's Worth,
The Guilt Has Been Tearing Me Apart.
Get Your Hands Off Me, You Selfish Son Of A
Bitch! (Thud) Orson, Please.
You're Putting Me In An Impossible Position.
Then Let Me Make It Simpler For You.
I Want A Divorce.
Oh, Yes, It Could Have Been Such A Lovely
Evening, But This Was One Party That Was
Over Before It Even Began.
(All) Surprise! You Think You Can Screw With
Me? -==ÆÆÀÃÐÜÀÖÔ°ÇãÇé·îÏ×==-
±¾×ÖÄ»½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½»Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓ
Ã; ¾øÍûÖ÷¸¾ µÚÎå¼¾µÚ5¼¯ ·­Ò룺¸öÈËID
У Ô£º¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺¼Ó·¹µÄ²ËÖí
Moments Before She Was To Leave For The
Party, Gabrielle Solis Was At Her Mirror,
Halfheartedly Putting The Final Touches On
Her Lips.
You See, A Problem Had Come To Her
Attention (Whispers) Damn.
One She Couldn't Gloss Over.
Mommy, What Are You Doing? Uh, Well,
Mommy Has A Friend Who Visits Her Every
Month, And She's Late, And That's Bad.
Why? Because She's The One Who Assures Me
That You Won't Get A Baby Bther Or Sist.
But I Want A Little Brother.
I Don't Care.
(Sighs) Oh, Sorry.
It's Just Mommy Really Misses Her Friend, And
Mommy's Gonna Be Really Sad If Her Friend
Doesn't Show Up Soon.
Now Go Downstairs And Play.
Mommy Has Some Praying To Do.
Well, I Have Your Test Results.
Congratulations.
You're Pregnant.
Mrs.
Solis.
I Don't Care.
You Told Me This Couldn't Happen.
You Said It Was Impossible! The Human
Reproductive System Is Complicated And
Often Unpredictable. Nobody Likes A Fickle God.
Sometimes Miracles Happen. Babe, Believe Me.
This Isn't A Miracle. You Getting Pregnant Is--Is-- Is A One-In-A-
This Is A Disaster. Million Shot.
My Husband's Blind. It's A Miracle.
Neither One Of Us Have Jobs. Now Let's Embrace It And Celebrate.
My Husband's Blind. Hello, Mrs.
Trust Me. Solis.
Children Are A Blessing. I Have Your Test Results.
You'll See. Great.
It'll All Work Out. So Do I Have Anemia? Is That Why I've Been
Well, I Hope To God You're Right. So Tired? No.
And What Does This Number Mean Anyway? Not Exactly.
That's Your Beta Number, And It's High, Which And Please Don't Slap Me.
Indicates The Possibility Of Twins. I'm Pregnant! Oh, My God.
Gaby, Relax. It's Another Miracle.
This Baby Is Gonna Be The Best Thing That Yeah, We're Up To Two Miracles, And If You
Ever Happened To Us. Come Back From The Dead After I Kill You, It'll
I Am So Sick Of Everybody Looking At The Be Three.
Glass Half-Full. (Laughs) W-Why You Mad At Me? "Oh, Gaby,
The Glass Is Empty, People, And So Is Our Why Do I Need To Wear A Condom? There's
Bank Account. No Way Lightning's Gonna Strike Twice.
Is That What You're Worried About--Money? " Well, I Didn't Think It Would.
Look, I'll Get A Job. Put The Baby Down, Carlos.
What Are You Gonna Do, Take Up Piano And I Don't Want To.
Get A Contract With Motown? Actually, I Was Do It.
Thinking About Becoming A Masseur. I Need To Hit Something, And It Needs To Be
You Don't Need Your Eyes For That. You.
It's All About The Touch. You Are Looking At This All Wrong.
Well, I Guess That's Not The Worst Idea You've This Is One-In-A-Million.
Ever Had. We Should--We Should Celebrate And
But It's Not Just About The Money, Carlos. Embrace-- Oh, Cram It, You Fertile Freak.
It's (Sighs) Oh, After My Miscarriage, I Gave Up You're Getting A Vasectomy.
On This Dream. I Can't Do That.
I Just Figured God Decided I Couldn't Possibly We're Catholic.
Be A Good Mom, So He Didn't Make It It's Against Our Religion.
Happen. I Got News For You.
Well, He Obviously Changed His Mi. We Just Converted To Judaism.
Well, I Wish He'd Stop Doing That. Problem Solved.
Mazel Tov! Gaby, It's Not Just That.
There Are Other Reasons-- I Am
Fighting Off Your Bionic Sperm.
You're Getting Snipped, And That's Final.
You're Awfully Quiet Tonight.
Got A Lot On My Mind.
I Think I'm Pregnant.
What? I Know.
It's Crazy.
You Had A Vasectomy.
It's Impossible.
Yeah.
So What Makes You Think You're Preant? My
Period's Late, And That Never Happens To Me.
I'm Like A Swiss Clock.
Oh, Come On.
There Could Be A Lot Of Reasons For That.
So Let's Not Worry About It Right Now.
We're Going To A Party.
You Gotta Lighten Up.
Okay.
But I'm Gonna Talk To Bob.
Bob? Why? Because He And Lee Are Here.
Bob's An Attorney.
I'm Gonna Get Him To Sue The Qck Who
Obviously Botched Your Vasectomy.
Oh, Gaby, Let's Not Go There.
Hiring An Attorney's Expensive, And I Don't
Know That We Can Prove Anything.
Well, I'm Gonna Find Out.
Fine.
But Let's Not Talk To Bob.
I Don't Want Our Neighbors Involved In Our
Business.
(Rings Doorbell) Oh, Don't Worry.
He's A Professional.
He'll Keep It Confidential.
Gaby, No.
You Can't Talk To Him.
Why The Hell Not? I Never Got A Vasectomy.
Done Hi, Guys.
Welcome To The Party.
Earlier That Evening, As She Waited For Her
Guests To Arrive, Susan Mayer Took A Moment
To Do Her Eyebrows.
Of Course, She Had No Way Of Knowing Just
How Hh Those Eyebrows Sorry I'm Late.
Would Soon Be Raised.
What Took You So Long? People Are Gonna
Be Here Any Minute.
I Need You To Pour The Cheap Vodka Into The
Expensive Bottles.
I Couldn't Find My Pants.
I'm Here So Much That When I Go Back To My
Place, I Can't Remember Where Anything Is.
Well, Just Please Change Your Shirt.
You Know, I've Been Thinking That I Spend So
Much Time With You Now Anyway That-- Fine.
You Can Have A Little Space In The Closet.
I Think I've Got Some Clothes From The '80s
I'm Ready To Part With.
Actually, I'm Talking About Moving In.
Moving In? Here? Yeah.
That's Where We're Headed.
We Should Take The Plunge.
What Do You Think? So Obviously, This Is The
Bedroom.
Right.
So Do You Want To Stick With This Color Or
Switch It Up Or What? I Don't Know.
Um I'm Sort Of Going Through A Difficult
Transition In My Life Right Now.
I Need A Change.
Uh, I Was Thinking.
Taupe.
Sounds Good.
You Know, I Like This Place.
It's Got A Good Vibe.
Uh, Thanks.
And A Nice Scent.
What Is That, Your Perfume? Get Ou (Sighs)
Excuse Me? I Was Not Born Yesterday, Pal.
You're Coming On To Me.
No, I'm Not.
Oh, Please.
Telling Me I Smell Good? (Sniffs) I'm Not Even
Wearing Deodorant.
I Said The House Smells Good.
Semantics.
And Then The Not So Subtle Sit-On-The-Bed
Maneuver? You Know, Why Not Just Ask For A
Massage? I Sat Because My Feet Hurt From
You Dragging Me Around For An Hour, Telling
Me You Want To Paint Every Room Taupe.
You Said You Liked It.
Look, You're Obviously Going Through A
Rough Patch.
I Was Afraid If I Suggested Anything Outside
The Beige Family, I Might Send You Over The
Edge.
I'll Let Myself Out.
No.
No, Don't Go.
That Was Very Sweet Of You To Consider My
Feelings.
You Know What? You're Hired.
Uh, Thanks I Think.
So Do You Need To Look These Over One
More Time? Okay, Then Just Sign Them, And
You'll Be Officially Divorced.
You Know What? We Need A Minute.
Take Your Time.
(Door Opens) Are We Doing The Right Thing
Here? You're Kidding Me, Right? Once We Sign
These Papers, There's No Going Back.
I Can't Believe This.
You Were The One Who Called The Lawyer.
I Know.
I'm Thinking That Maybe That Was A Mistake.
We've Been Separated For A Year.
All We're Doing Today Is Making It Official.
We Wouldn't Be Here If It Weren't For That
Accident.
You Know That.
Before That, We Were Good.
(Sighs) We Could Get Back There.
Susan It's Nobody's Fault, But I Can't Do This
Anymore.
Oh, Come On! We Were Mike And Susan,
Remember? You Only Get One Of Those In A
Lifetime.
We Could Make Things Right Again.
Yeah.
And Here's How.
(Door Closes) Hey.
You're Back.
So What Do You Think? Uh It--It Looks Good.
Yeah, I-I-I Think You Were Right To Stick With
This Color.
It Looks Fantastic.
Thanks.
Do You Like Scotch? Okay I Need To Be
Honest About Something.
H-Honest? Okay.
I Don't Usually Do This Kind Of Thing, Hook
Up Like This, Out Of The Blue.
Not That It Wasn't Great, 'Cause It Was, But
I'm Not Really Looking To Start Anything.
Work Is Crazy, And I Just Got A Dog, And I'm
Just Not In That Place Right Now.
So Just To Be Clear, You're Saying You Don't
Want A Relationship? Sorry.
I Probably Should Have Said That Right Up
Front.
No, Uh (Scoffs) It's Fantastic.
Really? I Don't Want A Relationship Either.
All I Want From You Is Exactly What We Just
Did.
Except Next Time, It's Susan.
Yeah.
"Mrs.
Mayer" Was Probably A Little Formal For The
Moment.
(Laughs) So There's Gonna Be A Next Time?
Unless You're Not Interested.
Are You Kidding? I'm This Close To Doing A
Victory Lap Around The Bed.
So You're Really Fine With This, Just A Purely
Physical Thing? I Gave Romance A Shot And
I'm Ready For Something A Little More Casual.
I've Heard Of Women Like You, But (Laughs) I
Thought You Were An Urban Myth.
Did You Hear What I Said? Uh, Yeah.
You Want To Move In.
I-It's Just That When I'm Not With You, I'm
Waiting To Be With You.
I've Never Felt Like This Before.
So What Do You Think? Do You Want To Live
Together? No.
So That's It? Just No? You're Not Gonna Give
Me A Reason? What's Wrong With The Way
Things Are? Why Change Everything Now?
Because I've Fallen In Love With You.
Hi, Guys.
Welcome To The Party.
The Last Thing Lynette Scavo Did Before A
Party Was To Check For Gray Hairs.
Penny! Let's Go! Time For Bath! She Had No
Way Of Knowing Before This Evening Was
Over, E Would Have A Few More.
(Knocks On Window) Penny! Oh.
Penny.
If You're Thinking Of Taking That For A Spin,
I've Got Bad News.
You're 9.
Hey, What's The Matter, Sweetie? Is Daddy
Dying? What? Of Course Not.
Why Would You Say Something Like That? I
Heard Porter And Preston Fighting About
Who's Gonna Get Daddy's Car When He Dies.
Oh.
They're Just Being Silly.
They're Always Silly.
That's Why We Won't Be Sad When They
Move Out Of The House.
Come On.
But Everybody Dies Someday, Right? Yes, But
Daddy's Gonna Live To A Ripe Old Age Unless
He Doesn't Get Home In Time For Mrs.
Mccluskey's Party, And Then All Bets Are Off.
Oh, Daddy's Gonna Be Fine.
Come On.
Hi.
My Husband-- I'm Lynette Scavo.
Dr.
Baron Called Me-- I'm Dr.
Baron.
Oh.
Hi.
What Happened? Your Husband Was Working
On An Electrical Panel At His Restaurant Uh-
Huh.
And Received A Massive Shock.
Essentially, His Heart Stopped Pumping.
(Voice Breaks) Oh.
Is He Fortunately, There Was A Policeman
Eating In The Restaurant.
He Administered C.
P.
R.
Until The Ambulance Got There.
So He's Okay? His Heart Restarted.
Now It's A Matter Of Determining If There's
Any Tissue Damage.
We're Optimistic, But The Next He Hey.
(Clears Throat) So I'm Thinking No More
Electrical Work, Okay? The Kids Know
Everything's Fine.
They Send Their Love.
Don't Worry About Anything, Okay? Just Rest.
I'll Come Back Soon, Okay? You Know What I
Thought? When I Was Lying There On The
Floor, I Thought, I'm Gonna Die In A Pizza
Place.
I Mean, My Whole Life Was Gonna Be
Summed Up With This Obituary Headline--
"Local Pizza Shop Owner Dies.
" But It Doesn't Matter Because You're Not
Dying.
I Need More, Lynette.
I Need-- Th-There's Gotta Be More.
Okay.
Okay.
We'll Find More.
Just Rest Now, Okay? (Horn Honks) (Tom) Hey,
Sexy.
Drop The Rake And Get In.
What The Hell Is This? This Is The Car That I
Have Wanted My Whole Life.
When I Was 12 Years Old, I Had A Poster Of
This Baby Up On My Wall.
And When I Was 12, I Had A Poster Of Shaun
Cassidy, But You Don't See Me Driving Around
In Him, Do You? I Want To Show You
Something.
What, Do Machine Guns Come Out Of The
Headlights? (Chuckles) I Carry This Around To
Remind Me Of The Day That I Almost Died.
That Day You Promised Me That We Would
Find More.
I'm Keeping The Car.
So Do You Want A Ride? Where Have You
Been? So Help Me, If Mccluskey Gets There
Before Us, I Will Brain You.
Sorry.
Let's Go.
Well, Sheesh.
Oh.
Sweetie, We Already Got Karen A Candle.
An R.
V.
Might Be Overkill.
Yeah, But That's Not For Her.
That's For Us.
I'm About To Blow Your Mind, Lynette.
(Chuckles) Oh, Don't.
I Like My Mind The Way It Is.
What Would You Say To The Idea Of Taking
The Kids Out Of School For A Year And
Bopping Around The Country In One Of These
Sweet Rides? Well, I Might Not Say Anything.
I Might Justut My Finger To My Ear And Twirl
It In Small Circles.
We Can't Do Something Like That, Tom.
Yes, We Can.
We Can Do Whatever We Want.
Life Is Short.
Okay, Let Me Ask You One Tiny Question
About This Big Adventure Plan Of Yours Who's
Gonna Be Running Our Restaurant While
We're Off Doing The Electric Kool-Aid Acid
Test? That Won't Be Our Problem.
The Last Few Weeks, I've Been Talking To A
Guy From Passentino's Pizza.
They Want To Buy Us Out.
(Scoffs) This Afternoon, I Said Yes.
Hey, Guys.
You Ready To Party? Moments Before She Was
Due At Her Friend's Party, Bree Hodge Was At
The Mirror, Applying Her Eyeliner.
Aren't You Dapper? When I Tell Everyone I'm
Your New Partner, I Want To Look The Part.
It Would Not Be The Last Time That Evening I Want Fun, Laughter.
Bree Would Find Herself Um, Actually, Dear Anyway, Prison Won't Be Such A Big Change.
Drawing A Line. You're A Dentist.
I'd Rather You Not Talk About The Job Tonight. You're Used To Cavity Searches.
But, Bree, This Is The First Party In Months You Vowed To Me That You Wouldn't Say That.
When I Can Answer The Question, "What's (Orson Chuckles) Bree Tells Me That You're
New?" Without Mumbling Into My Drink. Going To Make Very Good Use Of Your Time
Well, It's Just Vulgar To Discuss Business At A Away.
Party. Mm.
Mm. Uh, Yes.
You Haven't Told Katherine Yet, Have You? It's He's Going To Read A Lot Of Classic Books,
Not That Easy. Maybe Study A Language.
You Know She'll Be Furious. Oh.
Yes, But The Great Thing About Katherine Is Yes, Uh, He Can Learn The Italian For, "I Cost
She'll Express It So Passive-Aggressively, We'll Five Cigarettes.
Hardly Notice. " (Laughs) Andrew, Really.
Look, I Know She's Your Friend, But She's Also Bree, He's Joking.
Our Employee. Everything's Fine Except My Glass, Which
Why Is This So Difficult For You? It's Seems To Be Empty.
Complicated. Bree? Bree? Oh, For God Sake.
Well Another Dead Soldier. Get Up.
Careful, Dear. We Have The Garden Club Lunch In You've
You Don't Want To Be Ill Tomorrow. Been Drinking? Go Away.
Yes. I Don't Feel Well.
Nothing Like A Headache To Spoil A Perfectly We Have A Lunch To Cater.
Nice First Day In Prison. I'm Too Tired.
Uh, Would Anybody Like Some More Frittata? Can You Do It? Get Up.
Is My Wife Amazing Or What? I Mean, How When Did This Start? When Orson Left, I
Many Inmates Get Sent Off With A Festive Began Having A Glass Of White Wine Now
Champag Brunch? Uh, W-When You're In Jail, And Then.
You Might Want To Avoid Words Like "Festive" Then When Danielle Took Benjamin, I Didn't
And "Brunch. See Any Reason To Stop At Just One.
" They Kind Of Say, "Hi. So Is This Why You Missed The Lunch Last
I'm Husband Hunting. Week And The Braverman Bar Mitzvah? I Can't
" Andrew, Please. Help Myself, All Right? My Husband's Gone.
It's Fine. My Son's Gone.
This Is My Last Taste Of Freedom For Three I Have Nothing Left.
Years. No, Actually, You Have A Lunch For 40 In 3
I Want Jokes. Hours, And I'm Not Letting You Out Of It.
Oh, Katherine, Please.
Okay, So You Have A Void In Your Life.
Welcome To The Club.
Don't Fill It With Wine.
Fill It With Work, With Accomplishments.
Just Think About The Woman You Could Be By
The Time Orson Gets Back.
Or Is This The Woman You Want Him To Come
Home To? He's Gonna Be So Ashamed Of Me.
No, He Won't Because You're Not Gonna Tell
Him.
You Know He'd Just Blame Himself.
I Don't Know If I Can Make It This Time.
Yes, You Will, Because I Am Moving In.
You Would Do That? When I Had Nothing, You
Made Me Your Partner.
I'm Not Gonna Forget That.
I Am Gonna Get You Through This.
And When We're Done, That Scary Woman
Over There-- She's Never Gonna Be Seen In
This House Again.
When You Think About It, Tonight Is The Ideal
Time For You To Tell Katherine.
The Presence Of The Other Guests Will Keep
Her From Causing A Scene, And As Word
Spreads That We're Partners-- And How Is
Word Going To Spread? I'll Be Spreading It.
People Will Be Congratulating Me, And
Katherine Will Have To Join In And Risk
Looking Petty.
And She'll Be Twice As Mad At Having Been
Put In That Position.
I Am Not Telling Her Tonight.
Fine.
Then I Will.
No, You Will Not.
I Forbid It.
You Know, For A Partner, You're Sounding A
Lot Like A Boss.
I Am Telling Her.
Look, If We Can't Agree On Something This
Basic, Maybe We Shouldn't Work Together.
What Are You Saying? I'm Saying, Maybe You
Should Reconsider Joining The Company.
I Have No Intention Of Reconsidering.
Fine.
You're Fired.
?? The Party Was In Full Swing, And Everyone
Was Waiting To Surprise The Guest Of Honor.
Little Did They Know, An Even Bigger Surprise
Was On Its Way.
Sorry I'm Late.
There Was A Line At The Bakery.
Well, You Really Went All Out.
Yeah, She Deserves It.
Can I Help You, Mrs.
Mccluskey? This Letter For Edie Came To My
House By Mistake.
I'm Making Sure That None Of My Stuff, Uh,
Came Here.
Well, It's All Yours.
(Door Closes) Hey.
Anything Interesting? Fortunately, No.
I Just Saw Your Friend Karen Outside.
Is She Still Asking You Questions About Me? A
Few, But Don't Take It Personally.
Prying Is What People Too Old To Have Sex
Do To Keep Life Interesting.
She's Turning 70 Next Week.
No Kidding.
Hey, We Should Throw Her A Party.
I'm Already Taking Her Out For A Drink.
That's Plenty.
She'll Be 70, Sweetheart.
Don't You Think That Calls For Something
Bigger? Look, Karen's A Friend, But I Don't Like
Having Her In My House.
It Would Be One Thing If We Had A Bathroom
With A Window You Could Open, But Well,
Couldn't You Ask Someone Else To Host It?
Well, I Suppose I Could Palm It Off To Mayer.
Good.
Tell Her We'll Supply The Food And Liquor.
You Know, Karen's Not A Fan Of Yours.
Why Do You Want To Throw Her A Party? It's
A Big Day For Her.
I Just Want To Make Sure It's Special.
So What Do You Think? I Think That Is One
Hell Of An Outfit To Wear To A 70th Birthday
Party.
It's My Gift To Karen.
I Figure She'll Get At Least Five Good Boob
Jokes Out Of It.
Well, She'll Be Here Soon, So Let's Go Over
This One More Time.
Okay.
I Take Her Home, Then I Come Up With Some
Excuse To Get Her Over To Susan's, Where
Everyone Jumps Out And Yells, "Surprise!"
Which I Still Say Isn't The Smartesthing To Do
To A 70-Year-Old.
(Knock On Door) Mrs.
Mccluskey.
Happy Birthday.
Jeez, Edie, Are We Going For Drinks Or
Mammograms? That's One.
Oh, Let Me Grab My Earrings, And We're Good
To Go.
So It's Quite A Milestone.
How's It Feel? No Big Whoop.
Edie Told Me That She Takes You Out For A
Birthday Drink Every Year.
I Think That's A Great Tradition.
Look, I'm Just Trying To Be Friends Here.
(Edie) All Righty Then.
I'll See You Later.
Mm-Hmm.
Come On.
Let's Go.
I've Got Enough Friends.
Where's Karen? She'll Be Here As Soon As She
Gives Her Cat Some Medicine.
Mm.
Mm.
Do I You Think She'll Be Surprised? Oh,
Absolutely.
What The Dave.
Just So I'm Clear, You Want Us To Sell Our
Thriving Business So We Can Live In A Bus,
Like Carnies? Come On.
This Is Cool.
We Can Go Wherever We Want.
The--The Kids Could See America.
And When We Start Stealing To Support
Ourselves, The Ki Can See The Inside Of A
Prison.
You're Right, Tom.
It's A Brilliant Idea.
Damn It, Lynette.
Why Do You Have To Be Such A Buzz Kill?
Why Can't You, Just Once, Give Me A Little
Support? Fine.
(Scoffs) I'll Get You A Towel.
For What? ?? Not After All The Sacrifices I
Made For You.
Orson, Stop Throwing Jail In My Face.
You Cellmate Was A Crooked C.
P.
A.
Who Helped You Form A Bridge Club.
It Wasn't Exactly Attica.
Bree, I Need This Job.
Do You Have Any Idea What It's Like To Wake
Up Every Morning And Have No Reason To
Get Out Of Bed? To Smile And Nod At
Neighbors Who Know Your Wife's Supporting
You Because No One Will Hire A Felon? I Am
Drowning, And For You To Throw Me A Lifeline
And Then Snatch It Away-- Orson, I Should
Have Never Offered You That Job.
It Wasn't Fair To Katherine.
I Am Your Husband.
Why Are You Putting Katherine's Feelings
Ahead Of Mine? Orson, Please.
You're Putting Me In An Impossible Position.
Then Let Me Make It Simpler For You.
I Want A Divorce.
Hi.
Katherine, Great Dress.
You're Gonna Turn Some Heads With That One.
I Hope You're Enjoying This Party, Carlos,
Because You're Not Gonna Live To See
Another One.
Look, I'm Sorry That I Lied, And For What It's
Worth, The Guilt Has Been Tearing Me Apart.
You Know What's Gonna Tear Me Apart?
Another 10-Pound Baby Shooting Out My
Hoo-Ha.
Honey, Look At It This Way, God Blessed Us
Again Because You Are Such A Great Mom.
Oh.
Get Your Hands Off Me, You Selfish Son Of A
Bitch.
I Told You I Love You.
Doesn't That Mean Anything To You? Yes.
It Means That Someone Forgot That We Had
An Agreement To Keep Things Casual.
Wow.
Okay.
So If We're Not In A Relationship, If I Was
With Another Woman, That Wouldn't Bother
You? No, It Wouldn't.
Quiet, Everyone.
She's Coming.
Move It.
(All) Surprise! You Think You Can Screw With
Me? What Do You Mean? Karen, What The
Hell Are You Doing? Ask That Husband Of
Yours! (Edie) No! Let's Not Be Doing That.
No, That Man Broke Into My House Tonight!
What? Yes, And He-- And He Moved Things
Around, And He--And Heook A Picture Off
The Wall, And Then He Put The Table Next To
The Couch, And The Dish For The Keys-- It's
Always By The Shh.
It's Always By The Door.
And That's Not The First Time He's Broken In
Either.
He Stole My Cat, And Then He Put Him Back.
Okay, Mrs.
Mccluskey, Why Would I Do Those Things?
Karen, I Hate To Say It, But You're Not Making
A Lot Of Sense Right Now.
Maybe You Need To Lie Down.
You Hey! I Think We Should Call 9-1-1.
Let Go Of Me! Why Are You All Acting Like I'm
Crazy? Halle-Damn-Lujah, I Got My Period! Oh,
Was She Surprised? She Seemed Totally
Disoriented, Babbling.
I Just Hope It Isn't Dementia.
She Lives By Herself.
We'll Alert The Hospital.
We're Gonna Need A Psych Evaluation.
Thank You.
Thank You.
Poor Karen.
I Hope She's Okay.
Yeah, Me, Too.
We Should Probably Talk Now, Huh? Yeah.
Let's Talk.
Does This Relationship Have A Future? Jackson,
What We Have Here Has Been Working Pretty
Well.
Answer The Question.
Can't We Just Keep Going The Way We Are?
And There's My Answer.
(Siren Wailing) It Seems Like They're Taking
Good Care Of Her.
I Hope You Didn't Mean What You Said Earlier.
You Just Don't Understandwhat I Owe To K
You're Right.
I Don't.
You Started The Company And Gave Her A
Job When She Needed One Badly.
Why Are You The One Who Owes Her? You
Know That Brunch We Had For You Right
Before You Left For Prison? (Whispering) I Was
Very Tense, And I Was Very Unhappy.
So I Had A Glass Of Champagne.
She's Tough.
I'm Sure She'll Be Okay.
How About The Crazy Married Couple
Throwing Drinks? How Are They Gonna Be?
You Know, I Just Thought That You Got It, That
You Knew What I Was Going Through After
Accident.
You Know, Obviously I Was Wrong.
No, I Get It.
The Sports Car, The Garage Band Maybe What
We Need Now, Tom, Is For You To Get It.
Hey, I Was The One Laying On The Floor With
A Cop Pounding On My Chest.
And I Had Cancer.
I Get It.
I Get It.
You Want Your Life To Countor Something.
Exactly.
I Just Don't Want To Keep Making Pizzas Every
Day Till I Drop To The Floor For Real.
I Want My Life To Be Exciting.
You Know, I Need Adventure.
Scavo's Was The Adventure.
We Changed Our Whole Lives So You Could
Live Out Your Dream, And Now You're Bored.
We Can't Keep Doing This, Tom.
We Can't Keep Throwing All The Cards Up In
The Air Every Time You Get A Little Restless.
Let's Call It A Night.
We Have To Work Tomorrow.
Are You Coming? I'll Come When I'm Ready.
Did She Really Need An Ambulance? I Don't
Know.
But You Would Have If I Hadn't Started My
Period.
How Could You Have Done This? Isn't It
Obvious? I Want Another Kid.
We Can't Handle Another Kid.
We're Living Hand To Mouth As It Is.
That's What You Said Before We Had Juanita
And Before We Had Celia, And Somehow We
Manage.
And Can You Imagine Our Lives Without Them?
Of Course I Can't.
It's Just How Could You Have Lied To Me? I
Just Couldn't Shake The Idea That Maybe God
Had One More Miracle In Store For Us.
Maybe A Son.
And We Have So Much Love In Our Lives, I
Got Greedy, And I Wanted More.
But You're Right.
It Was Selfish And Stupid, And I Am So Sorry.
I Will Call Tomorrow And Schedule A
Vasectomy.
Or We Use Birth Control, And I'm Talking
Double-Bagging, At Least Until We Both
Decide It's A Good Idea.
I Think I Gotta Kiss You.
And Until We Get A Box Of Condoms In That
House, That's All You're Gettin'.
Orson.
What's Up? Bree Told Me What You Did For
Her When I Was In Prison.
I Just Want To Thank You.
It's Nothing.
Not To Bree Or Me.
And You Were Dead Right To Stop Her From
Telling Me.
I'd Consider It An Honor To Work For
Somebody That Wise.
Work For? The Last I Heard, It Was Partner.
All Right, How's This? I'll Become A Partner
But Only After You Decide I've Earned It.
I'm A Patient Man.
I Don't Care If It Takes Two Years.
Oh, Honey Working For Bree-- You're Not
Gonna Last Ten Months.
Mind If I Say Good-Bye To Our Girl? Sure, But
She's A Little Groggy.
You Planned The Whole Thing.
You're Trying To Get Rid Of Me.
Yes.
And I'm Sorry It Had To Be You.
'Cause I Know You're Up To Something--
Something Awful.
You Don't Know What "Awful" Is.
You Take Care Of Yourself, Karen, And I Mean
That.
» Ó­¼ÓÈë Yes, It Was A Night Filled With
Surprises.
Some Had Learned Of Their Husband's Plans
For The Future Others Had Discovered The
Truth Of Their Wife's Past Some Were Touched
By Their Husband's Secret Longings Others
Were Hurt By Their Lover's Quick Departure.
But For One Resident, The Evening Had Gone
As Planned, And He Now Turned His Thoughts
To His Real Agenda.
It Wouldn't Be Long Now Before He Destroyed
The Man Who Had Ruined His Life, But He
Knew He Had To Move Carefully.
After All, He Wanted It To Be A Surprise.
506 - There's Always a Woman know.
I can barely give my girlfriend one, and I try
Previously on We had an agreement to keep really hard.
things casual. All I did was touch her back.
Susan made her feelings clear. Are you sure? Some of these old broads--
So if I was with another woman, that wouldn't their bodies drop.
bother you? No, it wouldn't. Not everything's where it's supposed to be.
You work here? I'm great with food. I may be blind, but my sense of touch is just
I understand business. fine.
Bree made Orson a partner. Well, then maybe she just really liked the
Is she still asking you questions about me? A massage.
few. You wouldn't believe the moaners I get on my
And Dave took steps to get Karen McCluskey table.
out of the way. I'm telling you, her body was quivering, and
You think you can screw with me? Karen! Stop she could barely breathe.
doing that. All right, well, there's one sure-fireway to find
As a masseur for the Fairview Country Club, out.
Carlos Solis had become an expert on how to Where's your tip envelope? - On the counter.
make women happy. How much she leave me? Enough for two
That's why he always had scented candles orgasms.
waiting for Sue Bridges New age music for Yes Carlos Solis was an expert on how to
Betsy Daniel And apple schnapps for Shannon make women happy.
Glenn. I'm about to go get groceries.
Yes, Carlos had made a lot of women happy Where are your tips? Oh, my god! How did
over the years. you get so much? And he knew the best way
But on one very unusual Wednesday to keep his wife happy Just good at my job.
afternoon He made Mrs. Well Mwah.
Virginia Hildebrand a little happier than he was to lie.
intended. There are dangerous women in this world--
Helen said your last reservation just canceled. devious predators waiting to strike.
Do you want a ride home? - Thanks, Clay. You can spot them by the lipstick they use,
That'd be great. the shoes they wear and the perfume they
Um can I ask you something? How long you choose.
been a masseur? Okay. But the easiest way to spot a dangerous
And in all those years have you ever woman is to see how she behaves I am about
accidentally given a woman an orgasm? - An to make you so happy.
orgasm?! Keep your voice down. with another woman's husband.
You want to get me fired? How do you Amy, don't worry about the lunch specials.
accidentally give a woman an orgasm? I don't I am only two blocks away.
I'll take care of it once I Actually, you do them.
I'm gonna be a while.
Tom? H--Lynette, hey.
What--what are you doing here? So funny.
I was gonna ask you the same question.
But I was gonna start with "what the hell?"
You remember Anne, right? Anne Schilling.
Kirby's mom.
We were room parents together in the third
grade.
Right.
So what the hell? Tom, why don't we just show
her? It's for my band.
Anne has been helping us find a rehearsal
space.
Oh.
Oh.
That's right.
You're a realtor.
Now I know what you're thinking.
It seems like a waste of money.
But I just got them to reduce the rent and
throw in the utilities.
And you're always complaining about the
noise when we practice in the garage, so, you
know what do you think? It's great.
You do? Yeah.
- Ah! Wonderful.
Yeah.
Listen, I have to be somewhere by 10:00, So
why don't we sign a lease right now? Wow! I-I
was convinced that you would think it was a
dumb idea.
Well it's a little dumb, but compared to what I
was thinking What we you thinking? Well, it's
just I saw you two together, and I I didn't
know that you were And she looks so For god
sakes, Tom, the woman has to be somewhere.
Just sign the damn lease.
So out of nowhere, Jackson says, "let's move
in together.
" I-I mean, of course I was stunned.
And then when I said no, he just broke up
with me.
I mean, does he really expect me to be in love
after just five months? That's crazy.
Yeah, I guess, although his work on these
moldings is amazing.
You really want me to repaint these, Suzanne?
It's Susan.
And he was the first one to say he didn't want
to get serious.
Which is why I was happy.
We were just having fun.
Well, maybe you should call him.
How do you like this color? - Not so much.
Frank, how can I call him? He's the one that
ended it with me.
Look, the guy makes you happy.
He says he loves you.
You gonna let pride stop you From finding out
where this thing could go? Come on.
Don't be stupid.
How much am I paying you? $14 an hour.
That's not enough.
No, ma'am, it's not.
Carlos, what are you doing home? Uh, Virginia
insisted on giving me a ride.
You must be Gabrielle.
Carlos has told me so much about you.
I'm Virginia Hildebrand.
Oh! You are the Mrs.
Hildebrand.
Well, you're Carlos' favorite client.
Oh! Well, mine, anyway.
I bought this top with that crazy tip you gave
him.
Your Carlos has helped my back problems like
no masseur I have ever had.
I'm pain-free for the first time in years.
Oh, that's Carlos for you.
Mr.
Magic Hands.
He hits the ol' sweet spot every time.
Okay, Gaby.
I should go now, but promise you'll at least
consider my little proposal.
What proposal? I hate to stop when we're
making so much progress, but I need to go to
Europe for two months, mostly London and
Rome.
I'd be so grateful if Carlos were to accompany
me as my personal masseur.
Two whole months? See? I told you.
It's too long, and Gaby has the girls and-- I
know it's a lot to ask, which is why I'm
offering Carlos $50,000.
$50,000? Per month.
Well, pip-pip and arrivederci! Gaby.
- I'll leave you two to discuss it.
Well, uh, what's to discuss? For that kind of
money, you can lock him in a cage and feed
him peanuts.
I'll see you tomorrow, Carlos.
Lovely meeting you, Gaby.
Carlos, don't even think about saying no to
this! She is not my only client.
I'll be letting down the rest if I go.
Mr.
Banks could even fire me.
Oh, don't worry about Mr.
Banks.
I'll take care of him.
Gaby! - And so what if he fires you? Once
Virginia tells all of her rich lady friends about
what you did for her, they'll be lining up
around the block.
Great.
Hey, great news.
I just got a call from my old friend, Peter
Hickey.
I don't recall ever hearing that name before.
He's a friend from college.
Anyway, he mentioned that his parents' 50th
anniversary was next month, and I convinced
him to let us cater it.
Dinner for 80.
He shoots, he scores! Orson! You are amazing!
Oh! One week on the job, and he's already
bringing in huge accounts.
That's great.
Well, better go marinate those scallops for the
lunch tomorrow.
Oh, scallops? Done.
Done? Mm.
Oh, I also made the pesto mayonnaise, and I
put the individual cobblers in their ramekins.
Oh.
Well, it looks like we're all set until the
morning then.
Hey, why don't you, uh, take the afternoon off?
And do what? I don't know--read, relax, give
yourself a pedicure.
Fine.
What do you bet I take my socks off and see
Orson's already done it for me? What are you
doing? Refrigerator needs cleaning.
No, it doesn't.
And besides, I gave you the day off.
Now go home.
I'm thinking about moving to Maryland.
Maryland? Mm-hmm.
Dylan's there with her husband, and the baby's
coming soon.
Maybe it's time for me to go inflict myself on
them.
You can't just up and move.
You have a life here.
- No, I don't.
I have a job--period.
No kids to raise, no husband, no boyfriend.
Might as well throw in the towel and go be a
grandma.
Katherine, you are a vibrant, attractive woman.
You-- Who hasn't had sex in two years.
That spells "grandma" to me.
I haven't made up my mind yet.
Just let me think about it.
And help keep me busy.
When you're done with that, The oven could
use a really good scrubbing.
Bless you.
Karen? Oh.
Those must've set you back a chunk.
Yes, they did Not that you deserve them.
I don't blame you for being mad.
I'm not mad.
I'm furious.
Now what the hell were you thinking, coming
at my husband with a baseball bat? I know.
I'm really sorry, Edie.
The doctor had me on these new meds, and it
made me loopy.
I thought Dave was messing with my head,
And all the time, it was the damn pills.
Well, I hope you stopped taking them.
You bet.
I had to get my marbles back.
Uh, look, I know you just got here, but I am
so sleepy and Of course.
I'll see you when you get home.
Actually, I'm gonna call my sister and see if I
can stay with herr for a while.
I don't think I should be on my own just yet.
Okay.
Then I'll see you whenever.
Oh, be sure and tell Dave how sorry I am.
He will be so glad.
He's really fond of you, you know.
Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Hey, Sis.
It's Karen.
Do me a favor and get your sorry ass over to
Fairview Memorial Hospital A.
S.
A.
P.
I need you big-time, kiddo.
Come in.
Hi.
I'm looking for Orson Hodge.
I'm Peter Hickey.
Oh! Yes, of course.
Uh, I'm his wife Bree.
I'm afraid he's out running errands, but he's
told me all about you.
Oh? Yes.
He said you were roommates back in college.
Yes, we were.
Have a seat.
Anyway, my parents' and I thought I'd surprise
them with a family reunion.
What a thoughtful son you are.
So, uh, have you given any thought to the
venue? Uh, yes.
I have a summer place up in Lake Pleasant.
Ah, pretty sure the terrace fits eight tables of
ten.
My, that's a nice little terrace.
We, we will throw you a party so special that
you'll want us to cater your anniversary, too.
Uh, actually, I'm not married.
Oh.
Well, let's talk about food.
With a new client, what I usually do is discuss
possible menus, and then I have my very best
chef prepare a sample dinner.
"Sample dinner"? We don't do sample dinners.
But this is Orson's college roommate.
And he's quite the catch! Oh, wait a minute.
Is this a setup? Because I loathe blind dates.
Well, that's what's so great about it.
Technically, it's a business dinner.
It has all the potential upside of a date while
still being tax-deductible.
But I am not going to get dressed up.
I'm not going to put on makeup, and I am not
going to flirt.
He came while Orson was out.
I let him record a message on my phone.
Orson, sorry I missed you buddy.
Catch you next time, okay? You realize you
could have just led with this and saved us this
whole discussion? Jeez, Roberta! Put that
damn thing out.
You're not in a corner saloon.
Then how come there's bourbon in my coffee?
Do I have to call a nurse? Fine.
I drove 80 miles to see you, Karen.
You better be dying, or you're gonna pay for
my gas.
I'm not dying, but there's someone who sure
wishes I was.
Son of a bitch landed me in here.
You tell me where to find him.
I'll clean his damn clock.
No, we've got to be careful with this guy.
Mm.
- He's dangerous.
That's what you said about that biker in
Florida who now has to puree all his food.
Hmm, nearly forgot about him.
That was a fun vacation.
So what do you need me to do? Let me come
stay with you when I get outta here.
This guy thinks I'm out of commission, And I
want to keep it that way.
And you can help me do some digging.
You still work for that cell phone company?
The Teleshore.
Yes, god help me.
Good.
Pull his records and see what turns up.
The name is Dave Williams.
How do you know he's with Teleshore? I went
through his mail.
God, you remind me of Mom.
So what else you need? Could you smuggle
me in a cold brewski? Boy, no one knows you
like family.
Jackson? It's me.
Hello? That'll work.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Are you okay? I think so.
Good.
So who the hell are you? Darcy.
Who the hell are you? Susan, Jackson's
girlfriend.
He never said anything about a girlfriend
when we hooked up at the club.
- Well, when guys go out, they tend not to
play the girlfriend card.
Did you just call me a slut?! You met the guy
tonight.
Now you're in his shower.
I'm just doing the math.
Got the pizza.
Oh crap.
So we break up, and 15 minutes later you're
with someone else? You got over me fast.
I'm surprised it took 15 minutes.
- Stay out of this.
Susan, why are you here? I wanted to talk
about our future.
You--you said you didn't want a future.
Well, I was starting to change my mind, and
then I show up and find 5 feet of lip gloss in
the shower.
I brought hot wings.
You're not getting any.
Hi.
What's that for? Well, I was gonna use it to
wash down a bottle of sleeping pills the next
time your husband's "band" defiled another
rock classic.
But since you got them a rehearsal space, I
thought we could share it over ice.
- Come on in.
Hey.
- We're taking off.
Remember, I'm spending the night at Kirby's
house.
Oh, right.
And, Kirby, tell your mom thanks.
That place she found for Tom is already
paying off.
Yeah, she said she was there yesterday and
said it was looking pretty cool.
- Sh-she was there? Why? She was just
dropping off some old furniture for Mr.
Scavo-- A couple chairs, lamp, futon.
Oh.
Well, see you tomorrow.
Okay.
Drive safely.
Yeah.
Um neat or rocks? So why does Tom need a
bed in his rehearsal space? Not a bed-- a
futon, like a couch.
- That folds out to a bed.
What are you saying? Well, if it's just a couch,
why didn't Tom tell you about it? How do you
know he didn't? - I don't.
Did he? No.
Well, good for you.
Good for you for not worrying about your
husband's bachelor pad.
You are not the teeniest bit paranoid, and I
say brava.
Now why aren't we drinking? Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Not bad! I mean, we were really cookin' there.
Tom, you got any beer in the fridge? I got
nothing but beer in the fridge.
All right, everyone, go grab a cold one.
You earned it.
You sounded great.
Oh, do we blow.
- Oh, yeah.
Not you, though.
Man, you got the heart of a real blues guy.
Ah, that's what five years in prison'll do to ya.
Oh, yeah.
I heard about that.
Still It's fun, isn't it? Highlight of my week.
You know, uh I was thinking, maybe we should
bump up our rehearsal schedule, you know, to
start working the kinks out.
Ah, twice a week's about all I can handle.
What are you doing that's more important
than this? Well, let's see.
My job, my son.
Uh also, I just met this woman.
Oh, no, dude, not blowing us off for a girl.
Buddy, I just started seeing her, all right? It's
kind of important for the whole "getting back
on the horse" thing.
Right, what about Saturday afternoon? I mean,
come on, man.
We gotta do this.
Why? You're putting a lot of time and effort
into a neighborhood garage band.
Why is it such a big deal to you? It's not.
I'm--I'm just having a real good time.
All right, boys! What do you say? We gonna
drink beer or we gonna play some rock 'n' roll?
Tom, where are you? Hey, babe, we just really
going to a groove at rehearsal, and I think
we're gonna play for a couple more hours.
Yeah? Anyway, I just wanna say don't wait up
for me.
And I will, um, I'll see you in the morning,
okay? Okay.
Bye.
Oh, my god.
Lynette! You said you were rehearsing.
I know.
I know.
The guys--the guys left, and I just figured I'd,
uh hang out for a little bit.
Why can't you do that at home? What the hell
is this? You moving out on me? Why would I
move out? So you can have your affair-- You
know, the one that follows the sports car and
the garage band and wanting to quit your job,
the final stage of your mid-life crisis.
Oh, and then when I hear Anne Schilling has
been dropping by-- Lynette! She had a bunch
of old, crappy furniture in her garage.
I bought it for 50 bucks.
You don't really think that Okay These past
few months, when we've been fighting about
the car and the road trip, part part of me
thought that you were just complaining to
complain, trying to ruin my fun.
But if it's affecting you like this, if it's making
you actually think that I would hurt you in that
way, I'm done with all of this.
So you'll come home? Of course.
Let me just square all this stuff away, okay?
And then I will see you there.
Good.
Maybe when you come home, you could
teach me how to play that video game.
That'd be great.
Okay.
Hey, Clay.
Is Mr.
Banks around? Uh, he's not back from lunch
yet.
What's up? Oh, I need to sweet-talk him into
giving Carlos two months off.
Oh, you two going away somewhere? - No,
just Carlos.
Mrs.
Hildebrand is taking him to Europe as her
personal massage therapist.
Personal massage therapist? Paying him a
fortune.
But he's worth it.
I mean, what he's done for that woman, no
one else has been able to do.
So he told you about that? They both did.
You should have seen the woman, looking at
Carlos, gushing like crazy.
And you're okay with them going away
together? Why should I be jealous? The
woman's, like, 60.
If she gets off on Carlos' magical touch, what
do I care? Yeah.
Well, you're broad-minded.
You know, if my girlfriend knew that my
massages were giving a woman orgasms, no
matter how old she was-- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody used the "O" word.
He didn't mention that? No! - He's giving her
orgasms?! Nah, not deliberately! Uh, he swears
he's only been doing his standard massage.
Oh, I bet he does! Where is he? Is she here
now? Oh, no, no.
She prefers her place, so she's been sending a I think I remember you.
car for him. Well, anyway, I thought we really clicked, So I
Where? Where does she live? It's that big was wondering if you might want to have
house on the corner of Lake and Pinehurst. dinner with me.
I'm sorry, Gaby. Okay.
Is there anything I can do? Hm well, when the When? Tomorrow.
time comes, an alibi would be nice. I know this great Mexican- French place.
We need to talk. Sounds great.
I have the mailman upstairs in my tub. Pick me up at 7:00.
You know what? You have no right to be mad Great.
at me. Where do you live? May I help you? Excuse
I don't? I try to commit to you, and you push me.
me away. I am Gabrielle Solis.
I try to move on, and I'm a shallow jerk, what Perhaps you know my husband? He "rubs"
the hell are you doing? Yeah, I have been your boss.
married twice, and both times that's imploded, Where are they? I am under strict instructions
so really, I feel like love is not my friend. not to disturb Mrs.
You know, I-I wish that I could say it was just Hildebrand.
rotten luck, but I just am thinking that I can't You can wait here.
do this. Fine.
You can't? I-I never even had a real girlfriend When the cops bust up this brothel, I'm gonna
before I met you. tell them you're the madame.
I didn't want one. Mmm.
And the first time I try to commit, bam! I get Mmm, yes.
smacked. That's it, right there.
Look, I don't even know where we are You sure this isn't too rough? Mmm.
anymore. No way.
Wow. Go deeper.
We really messed this up, didn't we? Pretty I can take it.
much, yeah. Ohh.
We just have so much baggage. Mmm.
I wish we could start over. Mmm.
Can we start over? Hello? Hi. I've got a crick.
Uh, is Susan Meyer there? May I ask who's I Carlos, I just remembered I had an important
calling? This is Jackson Braddock. business call to make.
Uh, we met once. Could you give me the room for a minute? -
I don't know if you remember me. Absolutely.
I have brown hair. Mrs.
Uh, yeah. Solis, what are you doing here? I know what
you've been up to, and shame on you.
What are you talking about? I know about the
big "O.
" Oh, dear.
He could tell? I'm beyond mortified.
I understand your concern, but I assure you it
was only that one time.
It's never happened again.
And it never will, because if you think I'm
gonna let you drag Carlos off to Europe,
you're nuts.
That a woman as young and beautiful as you
should see me as a threat.
But it would be a shame to let it end a
friendship that's come to mean so much to
me.
Maybe a little too much.
Mrs.
Solis, my husband's gone.
I'm estranged from my family.
If you live with loneliness long enough, it
becomes an ache inside you-- an actual
physical pain.
I thought I'd live with that pain the rest of my
life.
Then your husband healed me.
Can you blame me for being grateful? No, but
I just think we should end things before they
get any weirder.
Carlos tells me you used to be a fashion
model.
I've always had a passion for clothes.
The reason I'm going to Europe is yo see the
couture collections in Paris and Milan.
Lucky you.
It's not so much fun going alone.
But if I had a knowledgeable companion like
you to be my guide In fact, you could be my
personal shopper.
That is, if you don't mind being paid in
dresses.
Gosh, that's a a hell of a sweet offer, but I've
got the girls, and, um We'll bring them along.
Think what fun we'll have dressing them up.
What the hell? You're never too young to see
Paris, right? I'm so glad! I can see we're going
to be great friends.
Carlos! I'm done with my call.
Hello! Mm! Hey, hon.
Check this out.
If it's the cat eating spaghetti, I've already
seen it.
It's our band logo.
We're thinking of getting t-shirts made up.
"Blue Odyssey"? Who came up with that? This
was the name of my brother's band when he
was in high school.
You have a brother? Had.
He died.
Well, you never told me about him.
What happened? His name was Steve.
He was a great guy Just kinda got caught up
in drugs and couldn't get out.
He went to prison, and when he was there,
was killed by another inmate.
And what happened to the guy who killed him?
Oh, the court ruled it self-defense, so the guy
finished his time, and he got out.
I can't believe you've never told me about him.
I mean, it might help you to talk about stuff
like that.
I have my own way of dealing with it.
Oh sorry, I'm late.
That rehearsal was awesome.
They're letting me sing lead vocal on "Hotel
California.
" - Oh, that's nice.
Hey, was there a blue convertible parked in
front of Katherine's? - Yes, there was.
Nice one.
My god, he's still there.
- Who's still there? Well, Katherine's been
lonely, so I set her up with a client, and he's
been there for over four hours, so you know
it's going well! Good for you! My clever little
matchmaker.
Mmm.
Ohh.
Mwah.
Well, you deserve some credit, too.
I mean, you brought us Peter's business.
Peter? Peter Hickey? Yes.
You set him up with Katherine? - Is that bad?
Potentially.
Is he gay? Ugh! I knew he had too much
product in his hair.
No, it's just that when I booked the
anniversary party, I didn't want you to be
uncomfortable around Peter, so I said we'd
met in college, which is not actually the case.
Well, where did you meet? - Prison.
Peter's a felon? But he's so refined, so
handsome.
Two qualities that did not serve him well
behind bars.
My god, Orson.
What kind of criminal is he? A killer or a rapist?
- Oh, no, no, no, nothing like that.
They got him for organ trafficking.
What?! He was a surgeon, and it seems that
when the opportunity presented itself, he'd
harvest the odd liver or kidney from a
deceased patient and then sell it on the black
market.
- Are you telling me that I set Katherine up
with a convicted graverobber?! Well, you said
yourself, women over 40 can only be so
choosy.
That is not funny! I have to go warn Katherine.
Hello? Katherine, hi! Is everything all right over
there? Yes, everything's fine.
Then why are you whispering? Peter just fell
asleep.
I don't want to wake him.
Oh, my god.
You slept with him? You can wag that finger
all you like.
I've got just six words for you, Bree Hodge
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh, I just
really wish you'd taken things more slowly.
Bree, you have given me the most magical
night I've had since I don't know when.
Are you gonna make me feel bad about it
now? Oh! He is just so wonderful.
I tell you, if I'm not careful, this guy could
steal my heart.
Well, if he tries, just promise you'll call.
Sorry I'm late.
I was sleeping so soundly.
Peter didn't want to wake me.
What's this? A cosmopolitan.
That's your favorite, isn't it? It's 10:00 A.
M.
I don't want a drink.
You will.
But these homeless people whose kidneys he
bought-- he at least paid them well, right? Oh,
I am so, so sorry.
Oh, it's not your fault.
You didn't know.
I have no one but myself to blame.
That's it.
I'm going to Maryland.
You can't just move because of one bad date.
You don't get it.
When we started this, you were justs lonely as
I s-- Orson in jail, Benjy gone.
And I felt bad for you, But, boy, was it nice to
have somebody in the same boat.
And then Orson got out, and now he's here all
the time.
And I feel like you're this Fun, happy power
couple, and I'm just this needy, pathetic idiot
who hops into bed with the first pancreas
thief who kisses her.
I should be with family.
and I'm not family? Katherine, all my life, I
wanted a sister.
And now I feel like I finally have one.
But we're always fighting and competing with
each other.
Well, what could be more sisterly than that? I
know I'm not the most demonstrative person,
but I care about you deeply, and if you were
to just walk out of my life, I would be very
very unhappy.
Well, I wouldn't want that.
Good.
Well, now that that's settled Let's make some
pies.
- Okay.
No.
Hey, is Porter still at Kirby's? Yeah.
What's wrong with you? You've been antsy all
night.
Nothing.
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Okay, I know what it is.
I have had this nagging feeling that I've
forgotten something, and then I just realized I
think I left the freezer door at Scavo's open.
You sure? No.
That's why it's gonna drive me crazy.
I better go down there and check.
Mmm.
Okay.
Hurry back.
I'm so glad you were able to get away.
I didn't think you'd make it.
Yeah.
I'm glad my parents still think I'm young
enough for sleepovers.
Crap! It's my dad! Dad, hi.
I was just--I was just I know what you were
"just.
" When I found this, I thought, oh, great! One
of the guys in the band is having an affair.
And then it hit me-- Porter has a key.
Where is she? Oh.
- Dad.
Don't.
She isn't wearing anything, all right? Who is
she? Just some girl from English class.
You--you don't know her.
I'm gonna go in the bathroom.
You got 60 seconds to get her out of here.
Oh.
Hey, Mike.
Wow.
Look at you all dressed up.
Oh, I was, um, kind of on a date.
Oh.
How did it go? Pretty bad.
Basically, she just grilled me all through
dinner-- what do I think about this? What
would I do if that? I barely even know her.
I felt like I was on trial for my life.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I just wanted somebody nice to have a cup of
coffee with.
I guess that's too much to ask.
Well, it's kinda late for coffee, but I do have
lemonade.
I'd settle for lemonade.
Hey, you know, I know it seems like I am
being hard on you, but like I told you before, I
don't think I know.
You said.
Just making sure you heard me.
Mm-hmm.
Now go to bed.
It's late.
Mm.
Want me to, uh, put the car cover on for you
first? Sure.
Thanks.
You shouldn't be here.
Someone might recognize your car.
Is everything okay? Yeah.
My dad doesn't suspect anything.
I'm sorry if I got you in any trouble.
It's okay.
You're worth it.
There are dangerous women in this world.
Some are lovers, blind to the consequences of
their actions.
Some are wives enraged by the betrayal of
those they trusted.
Others are predators, deviously setting traps
to get what they want.
If you're unlucky enough to come upon one of
these dangerous creatures, the safest thing to
do I pulled those records you asked for.
Looks like your Mr.
Williams is keeping a little secret.
is run the other way.
507 - What More Do I Need?
Scavo's house
Mary Alice voiceover: There was a slight
misunderstanding among Scavo that evening.
You see, a family member had a relationship
with a mother, Lynette and her husband
suspected.
Lynette is pacing around the house when Tom
appeared.
Tom: False alarm. The fridge was closed.
Mary Alice voiceover: Unfortunately for
Lynette, she was mistaken.
Lynette: Liar.
Tom turns to face him: What?
Lynette: I always knew that things could
change us, but I thought I would always have
your respect.
Tom: What happened to you?
Lynette: I followed you to the warehouse. I
know everything.
Tom laughs and turns to open the fridge.
Lynette: At this point, I shall want a little more.
Tom: You're right. I should not have to hide it.
And ... knowing that I intended to tell you
about it.
Lynette: Hein
Tom: But I was afraid you réagisses excessively.
He opens the beer bottle and starts drinking,
passing Lynette to sit on the couch.
Lynette: That's what you were afraid?
Tom: I'm shaken, too. But let's face it. Teens
will always be teenagers.
Lynette: I think I need to sit down.
Lynette sits down in front of Tom.
Tom: Are you really surprised? This is not the
first time and this is surely not the last.
Lynette: You know what? I'll kill you.
Tom: This is your son.
Lynette: Who?
Tom: Wear
Lynette: What are you talking?
Tom: I discovered that Porter was sent up to
the warehouse. And you, what are you talking?
Lynette looks stunned while Porter arrives
home.
Mary Alice voiceover: And so the slight
misunderstanding among Scavo ended ...
Lynette is always in the same position to look
at her husband while Porter enters the house.
Porter: Hi. What's new?
Lynette gets up to face him: Are you sleeping
with the mother of your best friend?
Tom gets up at that time to watch his son in
surprise and horror.
Mary Alice voiceover: And a huge family crisis
began.
Porter looks at them with his mouth open.
Generic

Mary Alice voiceover: Desire ... It's an emotion
made to go astray, causing purchases above
our means ...
Gaby comes out of a horn she bought a set.
She looks at her bed is covered with parquet.
Edie's house
Mary Alice voiceover: We encourage them to
sample the desserts superfluous ...
Edie looks at the plate of chocolate cake in
front of her. She dips a finger and tasted.
Scavo house
Porter is sitting in the kitchen with his arms
crossed.
Mary Alice voiceover: and project ourselves
into bonds for which we are not ready.
Lynette asks her the phone to him and she
gets a little behind to watch, alongside Tom.
Lynette: You call this woman and you tell him
you do not see him again.
Porter: Her name is Anne.
Lynette: Her name is Mrs. Schilling. She taught
you baseball when you were 6 years old. In
fact, your best friend knows that you sleep
with his mother?
Porter: We hide our relationship with Kirby, for
now.
Tom: It's not a relationship, this woman is
using you.
Porter: No. I love it.
Lynette: OK That's enough. I call it.
Porter picking up the phone in his hands
when his mother does the same: No. And if
it's her husband who wins?
Lynette: It's part of the risk of an affair with a
married woman.
Porter: Listen to me! It should not be that Mr.
Schilling's knowledge. It is violent. It would kill
her.
Lynette: You've put in a dangerous situation, it
seems.
Porter: Okay I'll tell him it's over. But I would
say that you know. It péterait a lead. But you
must promise me not to tell her husband
tared.
Lynette: I promise nothing.
Porter: So I swear if she is suffering because of
you, I would leave this house forever.
Lynette: I beg you, you would never do that
Porter: No. I did lots of stuff that you never
imagined.
Lynette turns around and goes to the kitchen.
Tom to the attention of Lynette: Wait.
He starts arms crossed in front of his son
while Lynette is the back of the room.
Tom: We will not say anything.
Lynette: But if you do not stop it, you will not
have to leave, you are Fichera outside
ourselves.
Wear the look and leaves the room.
House Bree
A young man arrives in the kitchen used for
its revenues.
Young man: You wanted to see me?
Bree: Sit down.
Orson: Tell us, Charlie ... It pleases you to work
at Mrs. Van de Kamp?
Charlie: Yes, it's great.
Bree: You do not feel underpaid?
Charlie: No.
Orson: So maybe can you explain why you
stole 200 dollars in cash yesterday?
Charlie: What? (Rising) I did not steal anything!
Bree: We do not accuse without proof certain,
and efficient thanks to my partner here, we
are.
Charlie sat down again: So I'm, like, fired?
Bree: More than kind fired. You're fired. And
we want our money back.
Charlie: I did more. I spent it.
Bree: I suggest you get your money back. Do
you have an invoice?
Charlie: Yeah. Like those that give the herb
dealers.
Orson: Well. You'll be covered with glory.
Charlie: Please do not tell my parents. I
promise to reimburse you.
He gets up and leaves the room. Bree turned
to Orson.
Bree: Do you believe? Thief and drug addict!
Orson: At least we know what happened to
these two books of cookie dough.
It is also in the room and Bree shakes his head.
Restaurant
Waitress: A little too much?
Susan: I need another! Thank you for that.
Jackson: We had to reparte basics right,
right?Honestly ... This is the second best first
date I ever had.
Susan: Is it not? And we know not sleep after
all the pressure away.
Jackson: It's something we know?
Susan: Yes. One starts completely from scratch
so this time, we do things correctly.
Jackson: Which means?
Susan: Well, no sex before the fourth meeting
minimum. I want to dedicate this time to really
know.
Jackson: I know you.
Susan: What is the word I like the least?
Jackson: Phlegm
Susan: You have guessed. It's
underwear.Although some days it's larva or
chunks.
Jackson: Well, I'll try to remember.
Susan: Now, tell me something I do not know
about you.
Jackson: I am a painter.
Susan: I was more or less saw that you had
painted my house.
Jackson: I mean, tables. With a canvas, a frame.
Susan: Really?
Jackson: I'm fine arts in Paris. And my teacher
was wearing a beret, so we knew it was good.
Susan: Whoa. And now ... you paint my
bathroom?
Jackson: Yeah. It sucks. I'm stuck for a year.
Susan: Blocked?
Jackson: I try to start the paintings, but ... It
does not come. It drives me crazy.
Susan: I'm sorry that it goes wrong but I'm
glad you told me it board. You see? It
happens to know each other, not like we had
spent the evening in bed.
Jackson: And now I'm frustrated sexually and
artistically.
He takes her hand.
Jackson: The first appointments are incredible.
Susan laughs and brings his glass to his lips.
Roberta
Karen arrives at the show with a plate in his
hands.
Karen: Roberta, I know you do not like
throwing garbage but bring you stuff now?
Roberta: Forgive my language but fuck you.
Roberta is sitting on the couch at
computer.
Karen: You said that Dave had a secret. How
did you find it there?
Karen uses the back of the couch and takes a
list of phone numbers.
Karen: It's just phone numbers.
Roberta of taking her hand: It's maybe just
that for you, but for a smart sleuth to the
sharp eye and nose of a truffle dog ...
Karen getting up: Yes, you are Miss Marple
with a liver off. So what does he hide?
Karen sits down on the side of the sofa near
her sister.
Roberta: I'll explain. Around the first of each
month, Dave received several calls from this
number in Boston. Still very short. I think he
does not answer, he leaves messages.
Karen: Once a month, huh? I think an ex-wife
who wants his pension.
Roberta: Except it's not it. You see that? He
still remembers every few days. And who do
you think he called? A Boston hospital. The
Cabinet of Dr. Samuel Heller ... Psychiatrist.
Karen stood up: So ... once a month, Dave
laments his life to a shrink from Boston?
It bypasses the affairs of his sister to sit beside
her on the couch. It takes the list in his hand
but it takes the Roberta.
Roberta: I searched the doc on the web, it's
not a single psychiatrist. It is a renowned
psychologist, published in a very specialized
his field.
She opens his computer and showed him the
page.
Roberta: And that my dear Watson, it's the
little secret of your neighbor.
Karen approaches the screen to read the
text."Treating criminal insanity. She opens her
eyes wide.
Virginia House
Gaby is on an air mattress floating on the
water in the pool property. A waiter brought
him a drinking glass.
Gaby: The luxury ... It missed me.
Carlos directs his gaze to Gaby while their
children play on grass. Virginia arrives at that problem?
time. Carlos: That it's a bad idea to mix work and
pleasure.
Virginia: The chef comes out of cookies fresh Gaby: Says the man who massaged to
from the oven. orgasm ...
Juanita and Celia short to reach the kitchen of Carlos: One more reason to keep a
the villa. professional distance.
Gaby: It's just a lonely old lady who wants a
Juanita is before: You will not get me! little affection. And I am happy to provide it.
Virginia turning to Carlos: I can not tell you
how it's nice to hear children's laughter in the The waiter arrives at the pool.
house. You know what I was thinking? Why do
not you all would stay the weekend? Brandon: Mrs. Solis? Your margarita.
Gaby raising his glass: We'd love to! Gaby: Damn! I can not catch it!
Carlos: You can not!
Gaby: Why not? She looks at the server that shakes her head.
Carlos: Celia's birthday is Saturday. We must It then enters the pool and brings her
prepare, right? margarita.Carlos left speechless when he heard
Gaby: Prepare what? A cake to 9 Dollars. A noises.
pinata hanging in a tree and it's party time.
Carlos: But I do not have a change of clothes. Local recurrence
Virginia: My nephew left a closet full of
clothes, they surely would suit you. Dave: Hi guys. Sorry for being late.
Gaby: Just do nod, because I do not go out of Mike: Did you bring beer?
this pool. Dave: I had?
Virginia: Okay, that's settled. Gaby, your Mike: No. Tom was
margarita is almost over. Brandon I send you a Tom: Sorry. I thought the two packs that I
report. made last more than a rehearsal Monday.
Gaby raising his glass: Thank you. Dave: We better not to drink today. There has
Carlos: What are you doing? been much work to do in a week.
Gaby: You heard. She wants children's laughter, Mike: What are you talking?
and I want what the chef prepares lobster for Dave: We play for the battle groups to the
dinner. Win-Win. White Horse!
Carlos: It makes me uncomfortable. Tom: It is not for amateurs, the battle groups.
Gaby: Why? Look at this place. Looks like Must audition.
Shangri-La. Dave: Not us. The husband of a friend of
Carlos: It's true. The black screen I see here is Edie's club owner.
so much more dazzling than the house. Mike: Are you kidding. We'll do a real concert?
Gaby raising her sunglasses: What's your Tom: In front of people who are not family?
Orson: It's great!
Dave: Yes. But it means we have the
pressure.Shall be repeated at the bottom
again. And ... we need an original song.
Orson: I can not write songs.
Tom: I know a little.
Orson: Yes. You do not know.
Dave: Okay Mike and I are going to write
something. You have a moment later?
Mike: Not tonight. I have plans.
Dave: Any plans? What's her name?
Mike: You can repeat it please?
Dave: It seems that Susan and Jackson broke.
Tom: They are back together.
Mike: It's not Susan. Stop looking. And then
you find a life.
Dave: Whatever you say, Mike. As long as you
have fun.
At Virginia
Juanita and Celia sit at the end of the bed, the
floor with a bowl of popcorn at their feet.
Gaby and Carlos are lying on the bed. It also
takes a bowl of popcorn.
TV: Who told you ... Reports of the board.
Back.No! Just tell me!
Virginia opened the door: Sorry to bother you.
I wanted to see if everything was OK before
going to bed.
Gaby: Yes. All is well.
Carlos: You sure you do not want a margarita
12th?
Gaby: You sure do not want to close?
Virginia: It's so cute, your bickering. Carlos, this
pajama suit you?
Carlos: Great. I hope it does not bother your
nephew.
Virginia: He will not know anything. We do not
see more.
Gaby: Finally, all is well. Good night.
Virginia turned to the TV: Whoa. What is it?
Gaby: A kind of cartoon.
Virginia: I love animated films.
Gaby: The girls wanted to look at, so we made
an evening TV family.
Virginia approaching girls: Sounds fun!
She sits down on the edge of the bed next to
the girls who are always on the floor.
Virginia: Great God, what is the surfing
penguin?
Gaby: I do not know. I see over the screen.
Virginia getting up: My god. I'm rude.
Gaby: That's okay.
She then comes to sit next to Gaby and puts
the covers.
Virginia: Well, that's better.
To the attention of Carlos Gaby: She just slip
under ...
Gaby: Yes.
They look at Virginia who claps his hands,
smiling.
In Jackson
Susan and Jackson are sitting on the couch
with a glass of wine.
Susan: So, I was in third and I had no breasts.
I was desperate.
Jackson taking his glass: Let me tell you
reused.
Susan: I was caught in the act of stuffing at
the meeting of cheerleaders. 6 months later,
tada. I was elected queen of my class. Good
job, my babies.
Jackson finished filling his glass and put to
music.Susan jumps up.
Susan: Stop it immediately.
Jackson: What?
Susan: The lascivious music. Extinguish it.
Jackson: It's not the lascivious music.
Susan: We will not make love until our fourth
visit, and we are in the second.
Jackson returned to sit beside him: I know. But
you're so sexy in those pants, and your hair
smells so good. And your eyes ...
Susan remains unmoved at what he said.
Jackson: I've prepared for dinner.
Susan: Yeah.
Jackson: I made the braised meat for you. You
know how hard it is to braise meat?
Susan: You know how much it saddens me
that thou hast done for me just jump? You're
supposed to ask me questions. All that was to
become better acquainted.
Jackson: What it will strengthen our
relationship as I know that in CM2, we sent
you to a shrink because you could not stop
chewing your hair?
Susan: It was hard for me to admit, when you
do not care ... I declare our second meeting
officially closed.
She gets up and puts his jacket.
Susan: And you know what? I intended to let
you touch me over my blouse but now, no
nothing.
She takes her bag and turned to leave.
Jackson leaves fell against the back of the
couch, annoyed.She closes the door and
Jackson gets up, thoughtfully. It opens a door
to his apartment and into his studio where he
takes his brush and installs a fabric on one
foot.
Association of Parents
Anne: Before closing the meeting, we still
need guides for first.
Woman next to Anne: Anne Schilling
coordinates the volunteers, and she needs
help.
The two women look at the room and we see
that Lynette is sitting across from Anne with
her arms crossed.
Woman: No one?
Anne stood up: I know we're all very busy, but
it's important. We want our kids have fun but
we have to face facts. If you do not keep an
eye on them, God knows what a mess they
will get.
Lynette looks at her the evil eye, takes her bag
and stands up.
Anne: Marjorie? You will help? Great. Thank
you girls.
Lynette finds himself with toilet and wash their
hands when Anne appeared.

Anne: Hi, Lynette. These meetings are they
increasingly long, or is it a print?
Lynette: I do not know.
Anne: So ... How's your family? It's been so
long since I have not seen Penny, and children
grow so much. The boys will soon leave for
college, right?
Lynette tries to remain calm but to no avail,
she turns around and pushes against the wall.
She landed against the hand dryer.
Lynette: I know everything, right?
Anne: I'm sorry, but ... You have
understand ... I love Porter.
Lynette slaps her and begins to whack it with
his hands. She grabs him and stuck against
the wall.
Lynette: Me too. If you ask again a hand on
him, you'll know how.
At Bree
Orson is cleaning up the kitchen that serves as
a work in Bree when she appeared.
Orson: Hey. I have good news.
Bree: So do I. You first.
Orson: I hired a girl to replace Charlie the thief.
Bree: Are you sure it is trustworthy?
Orson: It is recommended by the FBI chief of
the city ... his father, who is Mormon.
Bree: Orson Well done!
Orson: Thank you. Your turn.
Bree out of his bag a magazine: New Readings
Christian has just published a review of my
book preview. Listen! "The colorful stories of
Mrs. Van de Kamp attest honest values but
these recipes are delicious immorally." They
give me 4 rings!
Orson: Oh. So I think this should ... My
goodness!
They hug one another.
Bree: I had some reservations about working
together but that it worked beyond my
expectations.
Orson: It is a good team, right?
Bree: Yes, and well, is that we are together all
to the time.
Orson: I know and the harder it is to keep me
constantly caress you.
He takes off his glasses, kissed her and the
door to sit on the edge of the kitchen.
Bree: You're not serious? Here?
Orson: It is in this kitchen comes our success.
What better place to honor him?
Tear off his shirt and layer on the counter. The
camera then goes under and we see the mitts.
Bree: The counter is too hard.
Orson: You want me to stop?
Bree: Yes. Give me a potholder.
Orson takes pot holder and gives it to Bree.
Bree: This is much better.
At Virginia
Gaby opens the door to the room where his
daughters sleep while attaching his bathrobe.
Gaby: Standing girls.
She widens her eyes and mouth constantly
that her daughters are busy drawing on the
wall of the chamber.
Gaby: My god! What are you doing?
Virginia arrived with a tray behind it: It's okay,
Gaby. We do some visual art. I told the girls
they could decorate the room as they wanted.
Juanita turned to watch her mother: I draw a
castle.
Celia: It's stupid.
Juanita: No, it is you who are stupid!
Gaby advancing towards them: You are both
stupid. Stop! Ms. Hildebrand is very kind of
you but why would you spoil your beautiful
piece?
Gaby takes the pencil from the hands of
Juanita girls but in another that takes him
renlève Gaby soon.
Virginia: It is not my play. It is theirs.
Gaby: What?
Virginia: This will be their room whenever you
come. They will have a new TV and bunk
beds.Everything will be ready when you come
the next weekend.
Gaby: The next weekend, Carlos and I have
plans.
Virginia: But girls do not. I would send a car to
get them.
Virginia gets up and sits on the bed. Gaby is
uncomfortable.
Gaby: I do not think ... that's a good idea.
Virginia: What do you think girls? You want to
come the next weekend?
Juanita Smiley: Thank you Mrs. Hildebrand.
Virginia: What I told you?
Juanita: I'm sorry. Thank you grandma.
Gaby looks at the scene completely shocked
by what she hears.
Virginia: Come!
The girls come close to her so she could hug
her.
Gaby is in her room doing the suitcases while
Carlos is sitting on the bed, facing her.
Carlos: She told them to call her grandma?
Gaby: Yes and that is why we are headed.
Carlos: You told him that you were staying the
weekend.
Gaby: I do not know. Finds an excuse. Say you
have to go to something blind.
Carlos: It must be very careful. This woman
has tremendous influence at the Country Club.
And then there was this trip to Europe
happens.
Gaby: We start in Europe with no grandmother,
kind of crazy.
Carlos: I will not give up to 100,000 Dollars.
We need the money.
Gaby: It is not worth the trouble. She really
starting to freak me.
Carlos: Damn, Gaby. It is dangerous to make
friends with customers, but you wanted to
stay for the lobster.
Gaby: I seem to recall melted butter on your
towel, too. How to get out of there now?
Carlos: She knows it's Celia's birthday Katherine: It's you mind if I leave early today?
tomorrow.I'll tell him we should go shopping. Bree: Not at all. In fact, everything is almost
Everything will be fine. ready.You can go now if you want.
Katherine: Thank you.
Gaby is completely disrupted and continues to
pack remaining in his thoughts. Katherine goes to the door and crosses
Andrew before going out.
Park
Katherine: Andrew, you are so beautiful.
Anne sits on a bench while Porter comes near Andrew: Oh yeah? Super.
her. Orson turning: Something wrong?
Andrew: Do you remember Charlie, the boy
Porter: Sorry. I had to wait for my friends go fired because he was flying? He called and
to the store to be able to escape. What's asked how you could prove it, and I said: "We
wrong? Are you okay? have a surveillance camera, big crap." Guess
Anne: I do not know what to do. who stole the tape last night.
Porter: About what? Let me help you. Bree is Enough. It complains.
Anne: This is such a mess. Andrew: You should think twice because
Porter: Wait. This is my mother? Did she even Charlie, the cassette contains a sex scene.
done anything? Bree looks Orson then back to Andrew: What?
Andrew: He says he sees a couple in action.
Anne shakes her head while looking straight So ... You know that these two might be crazy?
ahead. Orson: My god.
Andrew: Yeah. That's what I thought.
Porter: It's called your husband? Bree: How is this possible?
Anne: No.
Porter: So what? Tell me. Bree turns at the same time Orson talk to him
Anne looks at length before adding: I'm softly.
pregnant.
Bree: Before it became compromised, I turned
Anne turns her face towards the park and off the camera.
watch children play. Porter also directs his Orson: I also turned off
gaze towards the park, completely stunned by Bree: I've seen you do.
the news. Orson: No, you were looking for olive oil.
Bree: Obviously, you've rekindled.
At Bree
They turn to watch Andrew. Her mother smiled.
Bree and Katherine are doing the cooking.
Bree: We need to recover the tape.
Andrew: So get out your checkbook because it
requires 2,000 Dollars.
Bree: 2,000 Dollars?
Andrew: Yes. He balance on Youtube.
Bree watching Orson: What will we do?
Andrew: You must first select your name stars
X.
Bree: It's not funny. My book comes out next
month.My book of the old traditional recipe!
(Turning to Orson) It could make me run!
Orson: Ok It's going to pay.
Bree: No! I refuse to pay a thug blackmailer
who has stolen twice!
She turns pensive to Andrew and smiled.
Bree: All my life I have done my best to teach
you respect for God and the law and never
hurt a living being. Forget it and retrieves the
tape.
Andrew: Wow. So ... I have carte blanche?
Orson: Within reasonable limits. We do not
condone arson, and violence ...
Bree puts her hand on the chest of Orson.
Bree while continuing to watch his son Leave
him to his own way.
In Solis
Everyone is there to celebrate the anniversary
of Celia. Gaby comes with towels she puts on
the table, smiling and applauding her
daughter. Celia is installed in front of a
birthday cake with lighted candles on it. Carlos
kneels beside her.
Carlos: Come on darling. Do not forget to
make a wish.
She blows out the candles.
Everyone: Happy Birthday!
Gaby looks outside and sees a black car. She
sees Virginia out. She then rushed out to meet
him.
Gaby: What are you doing here?
Virginia: I bring a gift to Celia.
Gaby: It's a bit busy with her friends, then give
it to me and told him transmettrais.
Virginia laughing: I'm afraid it is not possible.
My gift is to take her to a store that sells the
most beautiful dolls that are and let them
choose the one she wants.
Gaby: She will not leave his party to go buy a
doll.
Virginia: Of course not. I will wait on the porch
it's over.
She begins to miss Gaby to head on the porch
but retains Gaby's arm.
Gaby: I'm sorry but I do not want you to take
my daughter.
Virginia: You know that nothing will happen
with me. But if you prefer to join us ...
Gaby: You make things really difficult. I tried to
be nice but then it gets hard. So now that's
enough.
Virginia: Pardon? What is enough?
Gaby: That scary thing: I am your grandmother.
Virginia: But I'm here to be the grandmother
of girls.
Gaby: In 3 days. That's the scary side.
Virginia: What hurtful, especially when you
know how much I was generous.
Gaby: Yes, too generous. It's like you're trying
to buy us. It is not for sale, then the wind.
Virginia: Who do you speak? Kind
ungrateful wicked girl! You're not the first little
bitch I want to bleed before I throw.
Gaby: Ok, this is good. Goodbye.
Gaby goes towards home but Virginia does
not move a step. Gaby turns around then.
Gaby: I'm not clear enough? Go away!
That's when Carlos appeared up the stairs
outside.
Carlos: What's going on there?
Virginia: I came to buy a doll for Celia. I think
you've heard the answer to Gaby.
Carlos: Virginia, please. Let me apologize.
Virginia: I think it's a little late for that.
Jackson toured the vehicle and opened the
door for Susan might get out. He hands her
his hand.
Susan: Thanks for this wonderful ... third
appointment. (It's a bit Bouree, Jackson is
forced to hold his arm) And I'm glad you're
back in agreement with our plan.
Jackson: I'm starting to feel the positive effects.
Susan: The killer question! Kim Beale why I did
more talking in the fourth?
Jackson: You said Erin Connors she had a nose
job done.
Susan: Yeah! What time is it?
Jackson: 10:48.
Susan: No. It's time for sex!
She indulges in the kissing but Jackson
regrowth.
of Jackson: Wait, wait, Susan.
Susan: What?
Jackson Stops. No sex before tip-off the fourth,
remember?
Susan Jackson, look at me. I'm drunk and I
feel like it. You can have me whenever you
want.
He goes up to Susan and takes her hands.
Susan looks at him smiling.
Jackson: I'll call you tomorrow.
It makes him a kiss on the forehead and walks
away while Susan looks at him, frowning.
Susan: On the front?
At Virginia
Virginia on the phone: Sorry to say this but
you're President of the Country Club. You
should know that how Carlos has touched me
on my last massage ... Let's say it was very
inappropriate. And this kind of behavior can
not be admitted to the Club. Fine. I appreciate
you occupied.
We see it is in the room occupied by Juanita
and Celia. She stares at the wall where they
have drawn.
Dr. Heller's office
Dr. Heller is at his desk putting away papers
when his phone rings. He won.
Dr. Heller: Hello?
...: Hello. Dr. Heller?
Dr. Heller: Yes. Who is it?
...: Maggie Keller, Hilltop Insurance. (Karen and
Roberta are actually on the phone and
pretend to be a person of the insurance) We
received a request for a new life insurance
quotes you and the client as his former doctor.
I would check his medical history. His name is
Dave Williams.
Dr. Heller: Dave Williams? Never heard of.
Karen: Of course I do. You call every month.
Roberta pushing: How Maggie is supposed to
know that?
Karen: I guess.
Dr. Heller: Who is it?
Roberta taking the phone to Karen: Hello Dr.
Heller. Lindsay Thorne, the top of Maggie. She
is confused and will be dismissed. We just
wanted you to confirm that you are dealing
with a David Williams.
Dr. Heller: What is your license number?
Roberta: I'm not certain. We are now moving
to the metric system.
Dr. Heller: I do not know who you are but do
you know what you are doing is illegal?
Roberta: Ok We just try to have some info on
this guy. He just moved to Fairview and he
freaked everyone.
Dr. Heller: You live in Fairview?
Roberta: Why? Does it matter?
Dr. Heller shocked sit upon his chair: No, I try
to have maximum information before
contacting the authorities to let them know ...
Roberta hangs up immediately.
Karen: There was really no guarantee on that
shot.
Roberta: Yeah. Back to square one. Some
whiskey in your coffee?
Karen: There must be noon somewhere.
At Bree
Bree and Orson at his desk in front of the
door, also at a desk when Andrew appeared
and came to Orson, pointing to the CD of the
video.
Bree: You have the tape!
Orson: How did you do?
Bree: No need to know.
Andrew: Yes, but it's pretty amazing what can
make a motorcycle gang for a pack of beer.
Bree: My god!
Orson: I'd better destroy it.
Andrew: Actually, you might want to watch it
before.
Bree: Why? I am already quite embarrassed
like that.
Andrew: Do me a favor. I put it.
Bree: You've watched?
Andrew: I had to be sure it was good. Just
look at one end.
Andrew put the cd in the computer and puts
on play. Two people are in the process of
making love.
Bree: My god. I can not watch it. Andrew really.
Bree Orson back then the place look carefully
filmed.
Orson: Wait. Bree, it's not us.
Bree: What? It's that then?
Andrew: Wait. Wait. It will backfire. This is
where it gets interesting.
We then see that it's Mike and Katherine are
in the process of making love. Bree is shocked.
Bree: Katherine!
Orson: And Mike.
Andrew: Whether you know it, I will not eat
anything that comes out of this kitchen.
In Jackson
Jackson is busy painting in her room when the
bell rang the front door. He puts his brush and
leaves the room, closing the door. It opens
and sees Susan. He brings.
Susan goes before him in the living room and
takes off his coat to find themselves in black
and white suits in front of him.
Susan: I declare that this is our fourth visit,
ok?(Jackson remains speechless) We followed
the rules you can start to undress ... Now.
Jackson: Let's say I'm a little busy here.
Susan: I come to you half naked. I should be
your only concern. (Jackson smiles) What is on
your face? Paint? You paint again? (Jackson
does not know where to go) I thought you
were doing a craft.
Jackson: Yes, but ... This few days of abstinence
allowed me to reboot. So I'd like to finish ...
Susan: Your creative block is gone?
She turns around and takes the arm of
Jackson to tighten against it. It is back to her
and made a kiss on the head.
Susan: Congratulations. Why not celebrate by
tearing off my clothes with your teeth?
Jackson: Can I still have not finished.
Susan: You're in for a long time? I can wait.
Susan rushes into the room.
Jackson: Wait, no. Do not look ... again.
She stands in front of the canvas and the
paint looks by being upset. This is a portrait of
her.
Susan: It's me.
Jackson: Yes. It's supposed to be you.
Susan: The expression on my face ... I've
seen ... in the mirror, when I feel ... How do
you know this expression?
Jackson, stroking her hair: I know a lot about
you.
Susan turned to face him, her face was sad
and surprised.
Jackson: I know that you blush when you say
you're pretty. I know your eyes fill with tears
when you talk about your grandfather. And I
know when you're really sad, you have this
wonderful expression tormented you trying to
do away before anyone sees it.
Susan in tears: How could I believe you did
not know me?
They kiss and at the end, she ultimately turns
to gaze at the picture again.
Susan: I should let you finish. I miss the hands.
Jackson: It's a detail that someone could help
me with.
Susan smiling: Really?
Jackson: Unless you do not veuilles pose nude?
Susan began to undo his tracksuit: Come. I
think you know the answer.
In Katherine
Bree arrives and knocks on the door of at
Katherine. It opens with a smile.
Bree: Hi Katherine. I think you
interested in this tape (she hands him the cd)
of our camera.
Katherine raising his eyes: We have one?
Bree: Yes, in the kitchen
Katherine: My god. It means that you saw me
with ...
Bree: Mike. Yes, indeed.
Katherine laughing: I'm so embarrassed! What
you must think of me!
Bree: Do we not dwell on it.
Katherine: Making love in a kitchen where
food is prepared ... What a crazy sassy would
do that?
Bree: I said ... Do we not dwell on it.
Katherine: Thank you for letting me made.
Katherine wants to close the door but Bree
holds her hand.
Bree: Sorry to ask you this. Are you sure of
what you do?
Katherine: How so?
Bree: Susan is your oldest friend here.
Katherine: They divorced, Bree, and she sees
someone else. Mike why could he not do the
same?
Bree: Because you are friends and we are
women.It does not happen that between us.
Katherine: Listen ... I'm alone for 5 years. I
finally met someone and you want me to feel
guilty?
Bree: What I saw on this tape, it's a serious
relationship?
Katherine: I do not know. But I know ... I'm
having.
Bree: Okay, but beware, it's very complicated. I
would not want it to end badly.
will be Bree goes while Katherine looks. It then looks
at the cd, smiling and closes her door.
Scavo house
Porter is sitting on his bed while Lynette
arrives.
Lynette: Breakfast is ready.
His son does not respond and it makes it sad.
She still decides to stay in the room to talk.
Lynette: Porter, I know you hate me right
now ... Believe it or not, I know what you're
going through.
Porter always focused on what it does: I do
not hate you.
Lynette: But one day you will meet someone
more ... appropriate. Someone who shares
your philosophy of life. And you will
understand what true love. And there, I hope
you will understand what I go through.
Porter's cell phone rings. Lynette stops talking
and sits down on the bed while Porter
responded.
Anne: It's me. You can talk?
Porter: Hi Gary. I have a job. I can remember Mike opened the door and smiled motioning
later? him to return.
Anne: Listen to me. I can leave town Saturday.
You have money? Mary Alice voiceover: to behave recklessly.
Porter: Yes. No problem.
Anne: I love you. Dr. Heller opens the medical records of Dave.

Porter hangs sadly. Lynette looks. He turned
toward her with a smile.
Porter: I know what you're going through
Mom. And ... I want you to know that I
appreciate what you have done for me.
Lynette surprised: Good. I'm waiting for you
downstairs.
She gets up and leaves the room. Porter takes
out a small box under his bed.
Mary Alice voiceover: And when the pursuit of
the desires of our heart becomes an obsession,
one can only hope that a dear friend to come
to us ...
Dr. Heller on the phone: Hello. I want a place
on the next flight to Fairview.
Mary Alice voiceover: And we stopped.

Mary Alice voiceover: Desire ... It's an emotion

made to destroy us, END

Bring out the silver box and starts counting.

Mary Alice voiceover: to persuade those who

thirst for love doing stupid things ...

Virginia is facing the wall where the girls did

their drawings.

Mary Alice voiceover: to push those who

aspire to have a family to act out of anger.

We notice that the wall painted in red.

Katherine rings at a door.

Mary Alice voiceover: To enable the lonely

souls ...
508 - City on Fire
Previously on Desperate Housewives I love you.
You're having sex with your best friend's
mother? An affair was revealed You must
promise me that you won't say anything to
her psycho husband.
A good time was brought to an end -Back off!
-Who do you think you are talking to? We're
done here.
Good bye.
And a man's past was uncovered We're just
trying to get some info on this guy.
He just moved to fairview, And he's really
creeping people out.
You're in fairview? Yeah.
Why? Does that mean something to ya? Once
a year, the owner of the white horse bar
Would host a competition known As the battle
of the bands.
Give it up for Cold Splash.
And young musicians would come With their
drums And guitars And dreams of stardom.
This year, those young musicians Were joined
by a group of middle-aged men Who came
with their stiff joints And high cholesterol And
dreams of being young again If only for one
night.
God, look at those guys.
They'er so young.
No wonder they went first.
They probably have homework.
Would you guys relax? Rock 'n' roll's not just
for young people.
Why are they so loud? Not helping, carlos.
They're really good, and we're really old
enough to be their fathers.
Okay, we may look a little old up there, and
we may hit a few clams, But who cares we're
here to have fun.
Yeah, tonight we're not the Plumber and a
masseur and a guy that makes pizzas.
We're a rock 'n' roll band right, dave?
Absolutely.
Look, I've gotta check with the guy about the
light cues.
You're sure we're not gonna humiliate
ourselves? I promise you it'll be a night to
remember.
And it was In ways they could never have
known.
Oh, my god! Fire! It's locked.
Straight back.
The next morning, news of the tragedy began
to spread Along with rumors that the blaze
had been set intentionally.
It wasn't long before the police began using
the word "arson" And someone was taken into
custody.
The Day Before Oh! Look at my little girl.
Isn't she adorable? Oh, I missed her so much.
Oh, I can't wait to meet her.
Oh, not yet.
I wanna give her new boyfriend the once-over
wow.
He's as cute as she said-- nice smile, and look
at that hair Don't you just wanna run your
fingers through it? Fortunately for you, no.
You know, I'm very good at first impressions.
I'm gonna like this guy.
Why is the cab driver handing julie's boyfriend
money? Why is julie's boyfriend getting back
in the cab? And why is the middle-aged cab
driver kissing julie? I think what's goingn is-- I
know what's going on.
Let me enjoy my denial.
Honey, I'm home.
You wouldn't believe the traffic Hello, gabrielle.
Virginia came by to say hello.
Isn't that a nice surprise? I have news I wanted
to share.
You don't seem happy to see me.
Well, maybe that's because the last time we
spoke, You called me a greedy bitch, and I
called you a scary old hag.
Weren't we a fine pair of hotheads.
But what family doesn't have its squabbles?
Family?! Lady, you had carlos fired.
That was a terrible misunderstanding.
And she straightened it out, and I got my job
back.
Isn't that nice? Delightful.
Now leave before there's a terrible
misunderstanding between My foot and your
ass gaby, could I see you in the kitchen Now?
Save your breath, carlos.
There is no way we're letting grandma screw-
loose back into our lives.
She put us in her will oh, my god! That
woman is crazy.
Is she crazy or just desperately lonely? I don't
care.
All she wants is some human contact-- To
hang out with us on the occasional weekend,
Maybe a holiday or two.
Right, and in exchange, When she finally kicks
the bucket, we wind up with a lamp.
I'm sorry, carl we're the sole heirs of her entire
fortu And her blood pressure is 220/90.
Virginia! Why can't I stay mad at you? All right,
then, we'll see you soon.
The reporter's almost here.
I am so nervous.
Why? You've done lots of interviews.
That w all local.
This is "the new york dispatch.
" If this goes well, my cookbook could be on
the front page of Their weekend style section.
Katherine, what did you do to your hair? I've
never seen it look so thick and lustrous.
I'm already planning to say nice things about
you.
Good.
I can check that off my list.
When's the reporter coming? Any minute.
Oh, my gosh, andrew.
Don't you look sharp today? Don't worry.
I-i won't tell her I'm gay.
Check and check.
Mom, do you ow anything about this reporter?
Only that her name is sandra birch.
We just spoke, and she seemed very nice.
She isn't.
I went online and pulled a bunch of her
articles, and a lot of them are Complete
hatchet jobs.
"a deeper look suggests something darker,
"something more ominous, a woman whose
perky surface conceals a deep, Almost
demonic thirst for power.
I doubt betty white saw that comi Mom, if this
woman tanks you, I could kill sales of the
book.
You're gonna have to figure out a way to
handlthis.
Knock, knock? I'm looking for bree.
You must be sandra.
What a sharp outfit.
And look at that hair-- so thick and lustrous.
Um Mom, you got a minute? I do.
Why do I have a sense you're gonna take it
away from me? Porter got anne schilling
pregnant.
Mom, are you okay? Oh, yeah, I'm great.
That it? No.
There's more.
They're planning to run away.
Okay.
Well, your minute's up.
Aren't you gonna go talk to him? No, I have
to talk to someone else first.
Remember when you left that soda can on the
coffee table, And it left a ring, and I yelled at
you I take it all back And we always sell out,
so I want the band there by 6:00.
Any questions? Sounds good.
When are we on? Sec ond.
You got the primo spot as a favor to my wife.
Since she rented you the space, she feels like
part of the band.
Well, rock on, anne schilling.
If she requests "free bird," we're doing it.
Hey, uh, tom, I saw porter at my house the
other day.
Yeah, he and kirby were shooting hoops.
I can't believe how big he's getting.
Yeah.
They grow up fast, huh? Yeah.
Little too fast.
Uh, hey, doc, I know I owe you a phone call.
I'm gonna cut to the chase, dave.
Are you in fairview? What? Where did that
come from? Doesn't matter where it came
from.
Are you in fairview? Look, I don't know what
brought this on, but I'm really busy right now.
I'll call you tomorrow.
I promise.
And we can talk about it then.
Okay? Bye.
Excuse me.
Could you tell me how to get to wisteria lane?
So there we were, huddled under this broken
umbrella, and He just kissed me.
It was so romantic.
She's skipping the part where one of the
spokes got me in the eye.
Julie, I'm gonna take your suitcases upstairs
now, okay? Oh, I'll come with you.
I need to check my e-mail.
Be right back.
So, susan, I'm I'm sensing that, uh, you're a
little freaked out about my age.
You know, when your 24-year-old daughter
calls you and tells you She's bringing home a
boy from college, you sort of expect it to be,
well A boy.
Well, I just want you to know that we didn't
srt dating until after the Semester was over I
don't date students.
That's-that's a rule with me.
And a damn good one.
Although strictly speaking, I suppose my third
wife was my teaching assistant, But she was
really more of my employee than my student.
-Your what? -Student.
Before that.
Employee.
Before that.
Third wife.
That's the one.
So you've been married three times? Didn't
julie tell you that? I don't believe so.
Although I may have blacked out after she
told me you were 40.
So how does a man your age get married and
divorced three times? Well, my first wife and I
were only married a few months, So i-i almost
don't like to count it.
Did someone throw rice at you? Yeah.
It counts.
Is this upsetting you? I-i thought you'd
understand.
Julie said you'd been divorced yourself.
Yeah. family strives to uphold.
Only twice. But not everyone can keep a perfect house for
Two. a perfect Family with perfect food and perfect
Small number. flowers.
Much smaller than three. Of course they can.
And my first cheated on me, so that doesn't If they read my book, that is.
even count. Okay, truth be told I'm far from perfect.
Did someone throw rice at you? Shut up. Only yesterday, I burned a whole tray of
Look, you and I both know that sometimes it biscotti.
just doesn't work out. And to think, I was worried about finding a
That's true. lead.
And besides, it--it's different with julie. Andrew, please.
I love her so much. The machine can get it.
It's very important that you know I take my We never answer the phone while entertaining.
commitments seriously. So rude to one's guests.
Why? Oh, my god. Mm.
Lloyd, come here. Now, um, may I pour you some more tea?
I can't find my cell phone charger. This is mr.
Please, please, don't say anything. Jones for orson hodge.
I want it to be a surprise. Due to vacation schedules, I'll be filling in for
Thanks Mom. your parole officer.
And this is my own little kitchen. Give me a call, please.
I'm pretty sure my husband's here somewhere. So, mr.
Orson, dear, are you decent? In here, love. Hodge You've been to prison.
Nice to meet you. Now can I be gay? Kirby, is that you? I
I've had the most delightful time with your thought you went to the movies.
wife and stepson. Are you really pregnant? Yes.
Your home is stunning. A couple of months back, warren and i W-we
You cannot run a business and do all this, too. fought.
Tell me you have a housekeeper. I was pretty banged up, and--and Porter came
Why would I pay someone to do work that by looking for kirby, and--and He was so Kind
gives me such joy? Now who wants a little and And gentle.
snack? Bree, the idea was for me to spend a Don't.
typical day with you. Don't try and justify this.
So this is legit? You're really this donna reed This is sick.
housewife from the '50s? You say that like it's You are sick.
a bad thing. Your son Loves me.
I think that decade had a lot to recommend it. And--and I love him.
Mm, people had values then-- values this And--and--and you know what? I'm glad I'm
having porter's baby.
Damn.
Not exactly what a husband wants to hear
coming in the door.
I suppose dinner's not ready, either.
Warren, I'm sorry that-- thank you.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Don't go.
I need to talk with my wife right now.
I'm sorry for any pain this has caused your
family, mrs.
Scavo.
Damn it.
You think you can humiliate me?! You piece of
filth! Aah! Get off of her! Get off of her! I'm
calling the police! Stay out of this! Aah! Okay,
well, just so you know, I hit back.
Call the police.
I'd love to hear her explain her way out of
statutory rape.
You don't live here anymore.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Thank youFor
coming back.
Here we are, boys.
Are you psyched or what? Oh, I feel like I'm
gonna puke again.
You guys cold splash? Yes, sir.
"sir"? We're blue odyssey.
Yeah, I can see that.
So after the gig, we're having a party at our
manager's loft.
You guys should come.
Abso-tively.
We just gotta check with our wives.
Why were you talking to that woman? She just
walked up and asked if we knew you, Wanted
us to confirm a bunch of rumors.
What kind of rumors? Just Stuff she'd heard
around the neighborhood.
Were you really a boozehound? Lee No, I'm
just saying, I wish I'd have known you then.
We'd have been such good friends.
She seemed to know an awful lot about you
key word--"awful.
" I cannot let this happen.
I have to find her.
Well, she's gonna be at the battle of the bands
tonight.
Why? She wants to hear orson, and I quote,
"sing harmony with the guy he tried to kill.
Oh, dear god.
This woman is determined to make my life
sound ten times -Worse than it actually is.
-yeah.
So was your first husband really into s and m
hooker And you wonder why we're never
invited anywhere.
Okay, girls, mommy's leaving.
I love you! I'm planning on having a massive
hangover tomorrow, So keep the girls up late
so we can all sleep in.
My, don't you look festive.
Virginia.
What are you doing here? What do you mean?
We're going to watch carlos' band play.
You invited me this morning, remember? No,
uh, what I remember was you asking me to
the movies tonight, And me saying I couldn't
because I was going to Watch carlos' band
play.
You got invitation out of that? Well, I'm here
now, dear, and I have this lovely limo.
So come on.
We'll ride over to the club in style.
Well, here's the thing.
I'm supposed to go with my girlfriends.
Oh, gaby, please, I was so looking forwardo
this.
Don't make me go all alone.
Well, I guess we're all going to the same place.
I'll just see my friends there.
Oh, goody! Dr.
Smith to cardiac i.
C.
U.
Where's anne? Oh! She's asleep.
She's fine.
What happened? I went over to talk to anne
about recent developments.
You went to her house? Yes, I did, porter.
I had to talk to anne.
I didn't know that her husband was there, and
he overheard us and The doctors say she's
gonna be fine.
Porter, wh-- where are you going? Damn it!
"tonic water, bourbon, ketchup.
" this is your grocery list? There's got to be
something else on dave's phone bill that will
help us.
Uh, there isn't oh, don't get broccoli.
It is not your friend.
You're telling me that you cross-checked all
those other numbers, And there was nothing?
Squat.
The key is this doctor guy.
Yeah.
Maybe we should just bite the bullet and go
to boston.
Yeah.
Maybe we can get more out of him face-to-
face.
Hey, you wanna go to a rock show tonight?
Me? With you? Well, I'm a little out of your
league, but if it'll get you there, sure.
I don't think I can, but thanks.
Here, in case you change your mind.
And then I noticed that maria's pockets were
stuffed with silverware.
I'm telling you, it's impossible to find good
help these days.
Well, you'll know soon enough when my
cholesterol Finally gets the better of me don't
talk like that.
You want a cheeseburger or something? That
has got to stop.
I'm gonna do something.
Why? Julie's a grown woman.
Uh-huh, she's a grown woman With stars in
her eyes who's in love with a 3-times loser.
If she wants to accept his proposal, that's her
business.
But in the meantime, you're not gonna ruin his
surprise.
Aren't i? No.
Aren't i? No.
You're right.
I'll stay out of it.
Oh, now where is the little girls' room? Hey,
why did that guy hand you a cd? Your name
isn't julie, is it? No.
Why? Well, there's a song on there he wants
me to play.
I guess he's gonna propose to his girlfriend or
something.
Tonight?! Isn't that lovely? Hey, you two.
What's going on? Um, nothing.
What's going on with you? Oh, I just love this
song.
And jackson doesn't like to dance, so Isn't this
fun? It was.
Oh, reminds me of being young and single.
Oh, I wish I'd never given up that.
Uh Yeah, susan.
Listen, uh, I don't want to, uh, sound rude or
anything, But this is really a-a moment that's
meant for two right! Right You mind easing
away so I can dance with my dauter? Susan?
What are you doing? I'm Just movin' to the
music.
Mm, yeah.
You're coming with me.
Uh, no.
No.
No, no.
No! No, no, no! Oh, all right! But no matter
what he asks you, promise me you'll say "no.
" Susan! Lloyd, I'm sorry.
I can't help I i don't want my daughter to be
Someone's fourth wife wife? Were you gonna
ask me to marry you? Oh, uh, were we not
clear on that by now? You can't be serious.
We've only been dating three months.
Well, yes, I know, but I have such a good
feeling about us.
Right, better feelings than you had about
wives one, two and three? Mom.
You are very sweet, but I'm not getting
marriedEver.
"Ever"? W-what do you mean "ever"? We'll talk
about this later.
I just really need a moment to myself.
Thank you.
Bree, darling.
Spare me your "darling," sandra.
I know you've been trying to dig up dirt on
me.
Mm, just doing my job.
And frankly, I didn't have to dig all that hard.
I wrote a cookbook, sandra-- meatloaf, pot
pies, peach cobbler.
Why are you trying to crucify me? Because it's
not a cookbook, bree.
It's a "look how great I am" book-- One
designed to make every woman who reads it
Feel like a failure if she doesn't measure up.
What you're selling's a total sham.
But it isn't, sandra, because I don't think I'm
great.
I have fallen down more times than I can
count, Just like so many other housewives out
there, We're all just barely holding on, and we
all think that we're alone.
So maybe you're right.
Maybe it isn't a cookbook.
It's a lifeline from me to those other women,
Because I want them to know There's always a
chance to get something right.
Even if it's just a casserole.
Why didn't you just tell me that right up front,
bree? That's an angle I can work with.
I got some good news today.
I've been speaking with the headmaster at
greenbrier country day school, And I got them
to reserve two spots for the girls.
They start next term.
Well, thanks, but the girls already have a
school.
Yes, I know--a public school.
This is a good school.
Virginia, they're happy where they are.
They love fairview.
Besides, greenbrier's, like, an hour away.
So I'll get them a driver.
That would be a real treat for them.
No, I want them to be close by.
They could need me during the school day--
get sick or something.
Oh, That's what school nurses are for dear,
This is a decision I feel very strongly about,
I'm afraid I have to insist.
Excuse me.
You don't get to insist on anything When it
comes to my daughters.
I think, given the extent of my investment in
this family, I should have some say. apology for butting into my life for the
I'll just give you some time to think about i I millionth time.
don't need any time to think about it. What is this about you never getting married?
Keep your money. Why would i? If there's one thing I've learned
Now you're being reckless. from your experience, Marriage is a joke hey, I
You know something? I like money. believe in marriage.
I like it a lot. Why? First there was dad, who left you for his
A couple years ago, u could've bought me secretary, and then mike He was the love of
with that big fortune of yours. your life, and it still went to hell.
But I'm a mom now, and I make the decisions I mean, honestly Just tell me what the upside
for my kids. is.
And that is something that cannot be bought. Oh, julie, you're way too young to be this
Gaby, I can make a decision, too. cynical.
I can call my lawyer tomorrow morning and I am not cynical.
take you out of my will. I'm realistic.
And that is your right as a crazy old rich lady. I'm I'm just trying to protect myself.
Thank you. Well, putting a wall around your heart doesn't
Screening your calls now, dave? Let me guess. protect you.
You can explain everything. It just keeps people out.
I'm really, really sorry, doc. I learned that the hard way.
You changed your name and didn't tell me. Now with jackson I remember that I like
You're living in fairview-- The one place you feeling hopeful.
swore you wouldn't go. I like believing in "happily ever after.
I didn't change my name to be deceptive. " I really wish that you felt that way, too.
I just wanted a fresh start. Sorry about the tip, but I just lost $50 million.
Fairview is not a fresh start for you. Excuse me.
My wife edie-- she's from here, and she really Gaby, have you seen porter? No, I haven't.
wanted to move back And I said okay did you Why? Is he supposed to be here? No.
tell her your history? Did you tell her why it's So if you see him, please tell me.
not healthy-- or safe. Mm-hmm.
For you to be here? She knows everything, Thanks.
and I'm in a really good place right now. Yeah, come on.
But Can we talk about this after the show? Tonight, we're not a plumr and a masseur and
These guys They're my friends, and they're A guy that makes pizzas.
depending on me. We're a rock 'n' roll band right, dave
The moment you're finished playing. Absolutely.
Let's start this year's battle of the bands with Look, I'm gonna check with the guy about the
our first group. light cues.
Give it up for cold splash! Spare me the Hey, doc.
He's in your band?! Oh. We're up.
I know. Where the hell is dave? Sorry.
It sounds crazy, but we've worked through We thought you ditched us.
everything. Where were you? Needed a little liquid
It's cool. courage.
No. Come on, boys.
This is too dangerous. Let's do it.
I need to speak to him right now. Odyssey! Odyssey Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
Doc, you just have to trust me on this one, the battle of the bands is back, So please give
okay? Now, dave. a big welcome to blue odyssey Hey warren.
I speak to him right now Or I call the police. Yeah? Get up, you little basrd! Don't you touch
Okay. him! Don't you touch him! Go home now! I
You win. know what you did to anne.
Come on. Better listen to your mommy, little boy.
I hope you realizeI'm only doing this because I Go home.
want to help you. You're dead.
I genuinely care about you, dave. I don't care what it takes.
I know you do, dr. You're dead.
Heller. Stop it! Go on! Go on! Go on! Hitting women
And I like you. and children? You must be so proud.
Actually, I like you a lot. Lock that door.
I'm sorry. What were you thinking? You could've gotten
I know this is gonna sound crazy, But I can hurt in there! You are responsible for this.
actually smell our fear. Whatever happens is your fault.
If I could see where the exits are, I'd run for Oh, my god! Fire! What's--what's happening?
'em I can't believe we let dave talk us into this. Jackson-- he's in the bathroom.
By the way, where is dave? Hey, jackson. Oh, there's an exit there.
Where are you going? The guys are about to He'll get out.
start. Come on.
Uh, bathroom. We have to go now.
Back in a sec. Hey! Hey! Open up! Gaby! Your friend! Crap!
Oh, the men's room's packed, But there's an Come on.
employee bathroom back there. Let's get you out of here.
Thank you. Let's go.
Hey, dave, is that the bathroom? No. Hey, since I'm saving your life and all, you
I think that's it there. wanna think About maybe keeping us in your
Oh. will? No.
Okay. Eh, it was worth a shot.
Thanks. It's locked.
Look out! Quit pushing! Come on. What you won't read about are the reasons
No, I gotta make sure everyone gets out of for this bravery.
here. You're the one who pulled that guy out of the
Go! Go! Don't push! One at a time! Jackson fire.
Jackson What are you doing? Get the hell out Can I interview you? And that's because No
of here! Jackson--he's still in there. one ever doubts A hero.
He's in the bathroom.
I'll get him.
Go.
Just go.
Mike-- get out! Go! Jackson Jackson Jackson.
Thank god.
Where's mike? I don't know.
I didn't see him.
Is he still in there? Yeah! He went in there to
find you.
What? Mike? Mike's still in there? Dave, no!
Mike Mike Mom! Dad.
Aah! Porter, I told you to go home.
What are you doing here? You! You son of a
bitch! You did this! What are you talking about?
Stay away from my kid! Your kid burned down
my club.
Susan, do you think he's still in there? I didn't
see him.
Look, my husband's still inside.
You've gotta go back in there! I'm sorry.
That roof is about to collapse.
Now please get back.
Someone's coming! Hang in there.
I'm not done with you yet.
There was a fire last night in fairview.
If you open up your morning paper, you can
read about those who survived.
.
And those who were injured Those who barely
escaped with their lives And those who didn't.
You can also read about a man who risked his
life to rescue his neighbor.
509 - Me and My Town
Previously on Desperate Housewives Porter's
affair Your son loves me, and i love him.
Escalated into violence.
- Hey,warren.
- Yeah? I don't care what it takes.
You're dead.
But the full extent of Dave's rage was realized
Fire! During the battle of the bands.
Mike! And out of the tragedy came a hero.
Hang in there.
I'm not done with you yet.
Something awful happened to gabrielle solis
And she was reminded of this every time she
looked in a mirror Every time she glanced at
an old photo And every time she walked past
a man.
Yes,gabrielle knew she had lost her looks.
But she tried her best to look on the bright
side.
After all,what woman needs to be beautiful
When her husband is blind? Hi,sweetie.
How's our patient? Well,he took a pretty nasty
fall in the fire last night.
But,uh,the c.
t.
scan shows no bleeding or swelling.
That's it? No concussion? Actually,there is
something.
Please tell me it's not my hearing.
I'm already down to four senses.
The scan revealed a tiny bone fragment that
may be putting pressure on the optic nerves.
And,what,you're afraid it's gonna impair his
vision? I'm sorry.
You were saying? The bone fragment might be
a remnant from your injury five years ago.
Due to its small size, the original scan might
have missed it.
Mm,five years.
Can't we just leave it? Actually,there is a
chance if we remove that bone fragment, you
could regain your sight.
- Are you serious? - That's fantastic! I'm not
promising a slam dunk here.
I'm just saying it's possible.
Doc,two days ago,i spread moisturizer on a
cracker.
I'd kill for "possible.
" I've spoken with ted daniels.
He's the best eye surgeon in the state.
He says he could fit you in for surgery in
about a month.
Oh,my god.
If this works, i'll finally be able to see my little
girls and my gorgeous wife.
This is unbelievable! Thank you.
Doctor, thank you very much.
Yes,gabrielle solis knew she had lost her
beauty.
She also knew the time had come to get it
back.
proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ&µ°¸â¸â
Housewives Season05 Episode09 TRAGEDY IN
NIGHTCLUB There was a fire in the town of
fairview, And those who had been injured
came to recover at fairview memorial hospital.
INTENSIVE CARE UNIT By morning, their burns
had been bandaged Their broken bones had
been set.
And their wounds had begun healing.
Yes,everyone was well on their way to recovery
Except for the man who had started the fire.
You see,hissuffering was just beginning.
- Sorry.
- That's all right.
- Are you Dave williams? - Yeah.
I'm detective collins. You haven't told Susan we're dating yet.
This is detective lyons. I'm waiting for the right time.
You have a moment? Why? We wanted to talk Her friendship's very important to me, and i
to you about the fire at the white horse bar. want to ease her into this.
We've been interviewing everyone who was Okay.
there last night. I get it.
We were told by an Orson hodge that you See ya.
were onstage with the band when theire broke Just walk out slowly.
out. Give me something to live for.
Yeah. Susan.
We had just started when Suddenly the How's jackson? Uh,he's fine, just getting some
curtains went up. stitches.
Everything happened really fast after that. How's Wait,who are you here to see? You
That's okay. know Everybody.
We know how hard this has got to be. So many people in the neighborhood were
So Have they figured out how the fire started? hurt in the fire.
We know it was arson. I just thought it would be nice to bring them
Really? It's looking like the point of origin was Gifts.
the storage room off the back hallway. Crap! I didn't get anyone gifts.
And there was a body in there,too. But ididgive blood, so i'll just remind
And you think that's the person who started everybody that i did that.
the fire? No,we don't think so. How you feeling? I just gave blood.
But this guy was pretty badly burned, so it'll Uh,i'm fine,just a little smoke inhalation.
take us a while to identify him. How's jackson doing? Oh,fine.
Anyway,if you,uh, remember anything you He just needs some stitches.
think we should know, Give a call at that Ooh,those cookies look delicious.
number there. Where'd you get 'em? A friend.
All right? Dave williams Aren't you the one Have one.
who went back in and saved that delfino guy? Oh,i shouldn't.
Yeah. They're yours.
You're an honest to god hero. You know you want to.
You should be real proud of yourself. Well,i did just give blood.
If you say so. Attractive.
I would've come sooner, but i burnt the first Mm,i hate macadamia nuts.
batch, And i wasn't sure you'd appreciate the You think they're white chocolate chips until
irony. it's too late.
I'm so hungry, i wouldn't have noticed. Stupid hawaii.
Hey,can i get a kiss from my cookie? Mike! Who made 'em? Like i said, a friend.
What if someone sees us? What if they do? Yeah.
But what friend? Wait.
Is this a woman friend? Um,don't you wanna
throw that macadamia nut away? When i'm
done.
Don't change the subject.
Are you seeing someone? Why doyoucare? I
care because you mean a lot to me, And it
makes me feel good knowing that two people
have found love and happiness.
So what's her name? Who am i happy for?
Susan,i'm not tellingou.
Why not? Because she wants to tell you
herself.
So I know her? Whoa,i think my meds just
kicked in.
I don't know what i'm saying.
You're dating a friend of mine? Don't be angry.
i'm not,but now you have to tell me who she
is.
Fine.
Have it your way.
Oh,if he ever needs a transfusion, you are not
allowed to give him my blood.
Hello,dr.
Cominis.
How's my husband doing? Well,the x-rays
indicate there was no concussion, So i think
we're gonna release him today.
Wonderful.
The house was too quiet without him.
You'll have to wait to talk to him.
He's been in a lot of pain, so we gave him
something to help him sleep.
Oh,that's all right.
I can wait.
Mmm,he looks so peaceful.
Goodness.
I'm sure if orson were awake, he'd apologize
for that.
Has he always snored? Occasionally, but never
quite this-- robustly.
Well,the injury to his septum might've made it
worse.
But it can be corrected with a simple surgical
procedure.
Well,if it's so simple, what are we waiting for?
It'll take a few weeks to schedule.
So Soon as he wakes up, you can take him
home.
Well At least the house won't be quiet
anymore.
I ran into katherine.
She said you wanted to see me about
something.
Right.
What was it? Oh,yeah.
Thanks for saving my life.
Yeah,well We all did what we had to do,right?
And you went back in for jackson.
Yeah,but i ended up passed out on the floor,
Which,technically,makes me an idiot and you a
hero.
Yeah,people keep saying that.
I don't Feel like one.
Well,i would've been dead without you.
So How about free plumbing for the rest of
your life? That sounds fair.
Seriously,you've,uh, you gotta let me do
something to thank you.
Well,ever since my brother died,i haven't had a
Really good friend.
Think you could handle that job? I think i
could.
The stitches are in.
I'll need to see you again in a few days.
Would you like some pills for the pain?
Nah,stitches never bother me.
I'll be fine.
Great.
Then let me get another bandage,and we'll be
done.
Thank you.
Mr.
And mrs.
Scavo? Can we ask you a few follow-up
questions about the fire? We already told you
everything we can remember.
This will only take a moment.
It's come to our attention that the owner of
the club And your son got into a fight minutes
before the fire broke out.
Now did you witness that? I saw a grown man
beating up on my teenage boy.
What else do you want to know? During the
altercation, did your son threaten to kill mr.
Schilling? No.
Really? Well I was right there,detective.
My son said no such thing.
You sure? Absolutely.
Thank you for your time.
Maybe i'm being a little paranoid here, But i
sort of got the feeling that you were lying to
the police.
Lynette,please, tell me that porter did not
threaten to kill mr.
Schilling.
Got the bandage.
You might wanna go ahead and give him
those pain pills,doc.
He's gonna need 'em.
I don't understand.
Carlos might get his sight back.
You should be thrilled.
Oh,i know.
It's just He's been through so much these past
five years, and he's never complained.
I just think he deserves to open his eyes to a
wife who doesn't tuck her boobs into her
pants.
Oh,Gaby,please.
Most women would kill to look like you.
But i'm not most women.
I was an international fashion model, and
that's how carlos remembers me.
You are still beautiful.
So you've gained a little weight.
Who hasn't? Don't go by me.
I have a weird metabolism.
Hey there! I just heard the good news about
carlos! What's wrong? Gaby thinks that carlos
isn't gonna find her attractive after he gets his
sight back.
Yeah,that was my first thought,too.
- Edie! - Oh,it's okay,it's okay.
Let her talk.
At least she's being honest.
It's the kind of support and friendship i need
right now.
Fine.
You're a pig.
Thank you.
God,what am i gonna do? Well You're gonna
stop whining,for one.
You got a month,right? That's pley of time to
go on a diet and start exercising.
By the time carlos gets his eyesight back, you
are gonna be looking hot Or hot-ish.
Really? I mean,do you think i could pull this
off? Of course, even though i still think you're
beautiful just the way you are.
You gonna start that crap again? I don't
believe it.
Tom,i was 6 feet away.
Porter looked warren schilling in the eye and
said, "you're dead.
I don't care what it takes.
You're dead.
" That doesn't prove a thing.
And--and--and i'm sure he didn't mean it.
Maybe he didn't.
But ten minutes later, that nightclub was on
fire.
No.
No! I know porter.
He wouldn't commit arson just to get back at
someone.
What about rick's restaurant? Porter and his
brother burned that down.
That was five years ago.
I mean,they--they were trying to protectus.
They--they--nobody got hurt.
The building was empty.
Yes,thattime, the building was empty.
This isinsane.
Lynette,are you actually telling me that our
son is a murderer? I'm lling you i heard him
threaten warren schilling.
I don't know what happened next.
What if somebody saw him? What if he left
behind evidence? What are we gonna do?
We're going to protect our son.
Even if he killed six people? We're going to
protect our son.
Okay.
Oh,boy! Who knew healthy food could look so
tasty? Okay,dig in.
What's wrong? It smells like the beach that
time they wouldn't let us swim.
It's a recipe i got from a diet magazine.
It's--it's fish and broccoli.
Fish? Yes.
Not all fish is shaped like a stick.
Now i know you're not used to it,but give it a
try.
You're gonna love it.
Yummy.
It's still in your mouth.
See? Delicious! I want macaroni.
Hey,i'm not a short-order cook.
I don't have time to make different meals for
everyone.
It comes in a box.
It's not that hard.
Okay,look.
Mommy needs to lose a few pounds, and it's
not easy eating healthy with you two in front
of me, Scarfing down all the good stuff.
So what do you say? You want to help
mommy be beautiful again? No.
You got a lot of nerve.
Part of the reason i'm on this diet is because
carrying you 2 brats for 18 months made
mommy fat! And you with the head-- you
ruined me! So this is how it's gonna go down.
You're gonna eat fish with mommy and you're
gonna like it.
Got it? Thank you.
A spokesman from fairview memorial hospital
says this latest death raises the total to seven.
- Oh,come on.
You're watching that again? - Authorities
estimate there may have been as many as
100-- Sorry.
Are you okay? I just This fire--i still can't
believe it really happened.
I mean,they just said another person died this
afternoon.
That makes Seven.
Well,if it makes you feel any better, they think
they know who did it.
Who? Well,it's just a rumor, but i hear they're
looking at porter scavo.
Porter? Why would they think it's him? I don't
know.
I guess there was a fight between him and the at the mall.
guy who owns the club. If i don't get my rest,it could affect the launch
You know,i've known that kid since he was 6 of my book.
years old, and i always thought he was trouble. Well, that's very reasonable.
And trust me,i'm areallygood judge of Youget to be a best-selling author.
character. Iget to b an organ donor.
You slept on the couch? Why? It's so Orson,if we can't share a bed, it's going to
uncomfortable. hurt the intimacy of our marriage.
Yes,it is. My death will have the same effect.
Sit down. Oh,orson, i can't help but take issue with
We need to talk. yoursarcastictone.
What's wrong? Orson,dear, because of the way I hear you're getting discharged today.
your nose was broken during the fire, you now Are you going back home? Home? Hmm,let's
snore. see Two cracked ribs, black eye Nope,got
Oh,didn't i snore before? Good point. everything i need from there.
Snoring is too mild a word for what you're I'm sure you heard about the nightclub
doing. burning down.
Imagine a terrified elephant summoning his Yeah,i heard.
herd. Your husband's blaming porter.
You know,Bree, i can't help but take issue with What? Porter would never do anything li that.
your sarcastic tone. What's this? I'm helping you help me.
Snoring is not something that i can help. This way,you get to start a new life, And i get
Not exactly true. to not have you around while my son is going
The doctor said there's a very simple through all this.
procedure-- Procedure? Very routine and-- What if i'm not ready to leave? Well,then you
and practically outpatient. can face statutory rape charges without the
You mean surgery? No way. money.
I had an uncle who died during an "outpatient Your call.
procedure. I'll pick you up tonight.
" He went in for a broken wrist. I'll give you a ride to the bus station.
They put him under. You can count it then.
He never woke up. Hey,do you wanna take a walk? I need a little
You don't have an uncle! Fine. girlfriend time.
He was more of a family friend. I've got something in the oven, but you can
No,the point is, he's still dead, and i am not come in if you want.
having unnecessary surgery. So What's on your mind? Well It's about Mike.
This is absolutely necessary. - Mike? - Yeah.
I am going through a very stressful time. Can you imagine how upset i was when i
I have interviews,that cooking demonstration discovered he's dating a friend of mine?
Oh,Susan,i'm so-- it's gotta be lisa wallace. katherine and Mike? Oh,god,Susan.
So shocked at lisa! How dare she? You Can't this wait till after my nap? Why didn't
know,she has wanted to get her hooks into you tell me? I didn't think it was my place.
Mike for years. I thought katherine should tell you.
Every time she would have us over for a Well,she didn't.
barbecue, she always wore something booby. I'm sorry.
Well,in lisa's defense, maybe she thinks you're Uh,not good enough.
over Mike, Which is something i've heard you Y-you had a million chances to say something
say more than once. and you didn't.
Well,it doesn't matter. That is just the same as lying to my face.
She's my friend. You know,i always thought that the one thing i
She should've co to me and discussed it first. could depend on you for was honesty.
Well,you're not always available. What happened to that? You want honesty?
And besidesMaybe lisa was waiting to see if Fine.
this thing had a future. You didn't want to divorce Mike.
All things we can discuss when i knock her You hit a really bad patch after the accident,
teeth out with a pool cue. but you never stopped loving him.
You know,it's sad when you can't trust a friend. And why would you? Your relationship didn't
Or maybe the lesson here is that she wasn't have a natural end.
really a friend to begin with then. So face it.
What's wrong? Susan,i swear i was gonna tell y. You're not mad at me or Mike or katherine.
It's fine. You're mad at yourself for letting your
It's Fine. marriage fall apart.
I just didn't think it would be such a big deal. What am i supposed to do? Either tell Mike
I mean, you're seeing jackson now. how you feel or move on, Because that's what
Yes,i am. he's trying to do, and it's not fair to stop him.
You're perfectly right. You need to make a decision, Susan.
And i've been so lonely lately. And i need to get back to my nap.
Well,now you're not. I know ****not to get our hopes up But i can't
I know you're mad at me. help it.
Would you just please yell at me or something? My hopes are up.
Oh,damn it. I am gonna see again! I knew it.
I should've listened to Bree. Ou're excited,too.
- Bree? - Yes. I can hear it in your voice.
She told me weeks ago i should've told you. Hi,dr.
- So Bree knew? - Yes. Bach! How are you? Hi,mrs.
Okay. Solis.
Well,have a nice day. Hey,doc! We are still reeling over the good
So We're okay then? You knew about news.
Well,i have even better news.
Dr.
Daniels just had a cancellation.
He can fit you in next friday.
Friday? But you said it would be at least a
month.
I mean,that's so soon.
So? Friday's great.
Okay,i didn't wanna have to say this, but you
should never have surgery on a friday.
The surgeons are thinking about the weekend.
They're all distracted.
Next thing you know,you come out of the o.
r.
still blind and missing your right leg.
Why are you talking like this? Also,the surgery
is very expensive.
We need time to figure out how we're gonna
pay for it.
How about using our insurance? That only
covers 85%.
And we arebroke.
You know what? The hospital has a foundation
to help people in this exact situation.
No.
We don't accept charity.
What? Wealwaysaccept charity! Well,i have
turned over a new leaf.
I'm sorry about the timing, carlos,but it is
what it is.
Gaby,we are doing this friday.
Now drop it.
So you say this guy's good, huh,doc? Dr.
Daniels is one of the top guys in the country.
That's what i like to hear.
Bree Pleaselet me sleep in my bed.
No.
I promise not to snore.
And--and if i do, i will go down to the sofa
and stay as long as you say.
And how exactly are you gonna stop snoring?
Well,i read somewhere that chamomile tea
helps prevent it.
That doesn sound right.
Well,it's worth a try, right? Look,i'll-- i'll brew
you a cup,too.
Whatever.
There you go.
Drink that up.
All right,but i think i'll be too tired to finish it.
That pill i took really kicked in fast.
You took a pill? When did you do that? When
you were downstairs.
Uh,oh,well, then you shouldn't drink this,
because the chamomile actually,uh,
Counteracts the effect of the sleeping pill.
Since when have you become such an expert
on chamomile? Well,the point is, we shouldn't
risk it.
Fine.
I just know i need my sleep tonight.
That's it.
We'll finish that thought Tomorrow.
I,um,don't suppose you'd tell porter something
for me,would you? I know this is probably the
last thing you want to hear, but Idolove your
son.
He was very sweet to me.
Kindness has always Been a weakness of mine.
Good luck.
Anne? When the baby comes, you don't
contact porter.
You can contact Tom or me, and we'll do what
we can for you from a distance.
Understood? There's no baby.
Never was.
Hello? I just got a call from the lady at the
department store.
She said that mom's late. than just recipes,isn't it? Yes,my book is about
Late for what? For the cooking demonstration. food and families and how food brings
That's today? Yeah. families together when they make food.
It was supposed to start ten minutes ago. It's mothers teaching daughters how to cook.
Look,i'm in mt. So i'm gonna cook pancakes with my daughter,
Pleasant right now buying some end tables so Only she's not here 'cause she grew up and
you're gonna have to get her there. stole my baby.
Orson? Bree,honey? Wake up. So Who wants to be my daughter? Hello? It's
It's 9:15. me.
to be at the mall. I just wanted to tell you I've been thinking
Did i forget to set the alarm? We need to get about it, and,um, i'm okay with you dating
dressed. Mike.
I'll get you some clothes. You are? You don't hate me? No And i think
I'm so thirsty. it's great.
Well,i'll bring you some juice. Oh,Susan,thank you.
That's all right. I was so worried.
I'll just drink this tea. I just I didn't know what i'd do if i lost you as
Bree. a friend.
What? On second thought, you need coffee. Well,you haven't.
Almost there. Just Treat him well, okay? He's a really good
All right,coffee time. guy.
Enough coffee. I will.
It's not working,anyway. Hey,um,i was just about to make a cappuccino.
It must be decaf. You wanna come over? No,thanks.
No,it's a triple espresso. I'm really busy.
I just don't understand why i feel so loopy. I have a lot of things to do today.
Very mysterious. Another time though,okay? Bye.
Look,Bree,all you gotta do is whip up a few Just call me back,okay? I really need to talk to
pancakes, Hand out some advance copies of you.
your book, and we're outta here. Who's that? Nobody.
Do you think you can handle that? Of course i Just a kid at school.
can. I lent him my bus pass.
You are such a nervous nellie,rex. Listen,we need to talk.
Oh,and here's the lady who's gonna teach us What's up? I have to ask you something, and
how to make her traditional buckwheat it is very important that you tell me the truth.
pancakes-- Bree van de kamp. Okay.
Thank you for joining us. Did you set that fire at the nightclub? Before
Thank you for having me to your lovely home. you answer, let me say that if you did, I
Bree,um,your book is about so much more promise,your father and i will stand behind
you and try and find some way out of this
nightmare.
But if you lie to me, d i find out later that you
Killed Those people Well,i will love you.
That will never change, but i won't believe in
you anymore, and if i Don't believe in you I
can't help you.
We have to tell each other the truth from here
on out.
Mom I don't know who set the fire, but it
wasn't me.
Of course it wasn't.
Of course.
Then we're gonna be okay, as long as you
keep telling thtruth.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Mom? There is one thing i lied about.
What? When you walked in, i was leaving a
message for anne.
She hasn't returned my calls, and the hospital
said she checked out.
Do you have any idea where she is? No.
Sweetie,i don't.
You know what i'm really excited about?
Christmas lights.
I might be able to see christmas lights again
and holiday derations.
Man,i really miss that stuff.
Yeah,well,let's keep Our fingers crossed.
You okay? Yeah.
It's my hamstring.
I've just been working out.
You want me to rub it? No,no,you rest.
You're gonna have surgery in a couple days.
I know.
I can't wait.
You know,carlos, i know you're really excited to
see christmas decorations again, but I just
want you to be prepared because Well,so of
those lights may have lost their luster.
So should we buy new decorations? No,i'm
talking aboutme.
Imay have lost my luster.
Come on.
I'm always gonna find you beautiful.
I told you that.
Yeah,that's when you thought you were gonna
be blind forever.
But if this operation works, i just don't want
you to be disappointed.
Oh,come here.
Did i ever tell you when i knew i was gonna
marry you? First time you saw me on the
runway.
No,that's when i knew i was gonna sleep with
you.
No,i knew i was gonna marry you the night
we went to that restaurant on third street.
Mmm,i remember that place.
You wore a white linen sundress.
And you ordered this giant plate of ribs.
And you ate them with such gusto, up to your
elbows in barbecue sauce, Meat hanging from
your teeth and grease in your hair.
And when it was all over, i pointed out what a
mess you were.
Well,you pulled out your mirror, took a look at
yourself and just let out this huge,Happy,
totally unrestrained laugh.
The room completely filled with it And i
thought to myself, nowthatis a sound i'd like
to hear the rest of my life.
That's why i proposed to you, and it had
nothing to do with your looks.
You know when i decided i wanted to be with
you forever? No.
When? About two seconds ago.
Up until then, it was pretty touch-and-go.
********* well,my husband has agreed to the Oh,hey,guess what? I,uh,i picked up our new
procedure you suggested. end tables today.
Oh,the one to alleviate his snoring? Yes,that's Yeah,hurry home.
the one. I want you to see 'em.
So anytime you wanna get in there and start If you walk through fairview memorial hospital,
hacking away, he's ready for you. You will encounter all sorts of people doing
Aren't you,love? Yes,dear. their best to recover.
Well,how is two weeks from friday? It might be a husband licking his wounds after
Well,fridays are when orson plays golf. a marital battle Or two parents rallying from
So friday's perfect. an attack of doubt.
Right,orson? Right Dear. It might be a wife who's been cured of low
I'm sorry,mr. self-esteem Or a pair of lovers who find
Hodge. honesty to be the best medicine.
I'm sensing you're a bit apprehensive about Sadly,you will alsoind some poor souls
the surgery. afflicted with a condition they will never
Oh,he's not apprehensive. recover from.
He's terrified. Detectives,i heard you were still here,
And i don't care, because he owes me one-- A interviewing people, and i haveSomething to
big one. tell you.
Don't you,darling? I sure do. Okay.
I'm sorry. The night of the fire I was back by the storage
What's going on here? Are you married, dr. room.
Cominis? No,but i just moved in with someone. Yes? And i saw somebody come out-- a kid
Well,over time,you'll learn that there's a who lives on my block.
balance of power in relationships, And if your His name is porter scavo.
beloved ever pulls a nasty trick on you, like You asked me to tell you if i remembered
say, Drugging you into a stupor, then the anything, and I remembered that.
balance of power shifts to you, And then you
can demand they prove their love
by,say,undergoing surgery.
Do you understand? Not really.
You will.
Come along,orson.
Hey,hon,listen, can you promise me something?
Tell me we'll never grow into one of those
insane couples that just lives to make each
other crazy.
Well,no worries there.
You already make me crazy.
510 - A Vision's Just a Vision
Previously on Desperate Housewives A tragic
event Led to the end of a marriage He's
dating a friend of mine.
And the pain of moving on.
Medical wonders were promises If we remove
that bone fragment, you could regain your
sight.
Both large and small.
My husband has agreed to the procedure you
suggested.
Oh, the one to alleviate his snoring?
Detectives And a devastating lie was told.
The night of the fire, I saw somebody come
out His name is porter scavo.
One morning, it occurred to lynette scavo She
could not remember The last time her family
had breakfast together.
So lynette did What any mother would do In
that situation See ya later, mom.
The first person who steps foot out that door
will lose a leg.
She threatened her family with violence.
That was delicious.
But I did promise chrissy I'd walk her to school
today.
Oh, you are such a gentleman.
Sit your ass down.
Dad, make mom let me go.
Everyone at this table who thinks I have the
power To make your mom do anything, raise
your hand.
Wish I could have helped.
Look, this family has been through a lot lately,
And your dad and I feel we'll be better parents
If we know what's going on in your lives.
So, parker, how's that science project you've
been working on? Hey.
Can I help you? Is this the residence of porter
scavo? Yeah.
Why? I'm porter scavo.
Sir, can you step outside? Can you step
outside? Porter scavo, you are under arrest.
What? You have the right to remain silent.
Wait.
What's going on? Ma'am, I'm gonna have to
ask you to step back.
Okay, Guys.
Look, if this is about warren schilling's bar
Porter had nothing to do with that fire.
Apparently, there's a witness that says
otherwise A witness? I-- now will you please
step back and let us do our job? If you give
up that right, Anything you say can and will
be used against you.
A witness? What are they talking about? It's
gonna be okay.
We'll call a lawyer.
We'll get through this.
Lynette scavo couldn't remember The last time
her family had breakfast together I guess we're
done talking about my science project, huh?
Yes, sweetie, we are.
And she couldn't know It would be many
years Before her family would have breakfast
together again.
It's an awful thing to live in the dark, Unable
to see what others take for granted.
But sometimes for a lucky few, A flicker of
light pierces that darkness And brings with it
the promise of better days to come.
Do you see anything? I see light And some
fuzzy shapes.
That's it? That's all he can expect to see right
now, But if he's able to see that much, It won't
be long till his full sight returns.
Can you see me, babe? Just your silhouette.
I can tell you cut your hair short. the slightest interest in my love life.
It kinda makes your ears stick out, but I like it. Of course I have.
Carlos, that's the doctor. Handing me a pamphlet on the resurgence of
I'm right here. gonorrhea? That's not what I'm talking about.
It doesn't matter. Think about it.
I can see something other than nothing. Have you even once asked if I was dating
Oh, this is a good day. someone? You see? You didn't really want to
Oh. know.
Now remember, His eyes will be very sensitive That's why I didn't tell you.
for the next few weeks, So low light indoors, Well, I want to know now, so that's why I'm
dark glasses outside-- Uh, doctor, we are very having You and alex over to dinner tomorrow
grateful, So don't take this the wrong way, but night.
Well, your septum looks great, and you say What? Yes.
your snoring's gone. If he's a part of your life, I want to get to
I think we're in good shape. know him.
Will we need to come in for a follow-up? No. I think I'll serve fish.
I think we're done. Actually, I said it wrong.
You know, I always tell my patients I'm gonna Um, i-i think it's kind of cool The way that you
miss them, But this time, I really mean it. ignore my love life.
Oh, We feel the same way about you. Nice try.
You've been lovely Ah. Tell alex we dress for dinner.
Please excuse me. Mom, please don't.
What are you doing? Leaving the man a Andrew, you can't criticize my parenting And
thank-you card. then deny me the chance to make up for it.
For a doctor? He helped you through a very Orson and I will expect you at 8:00.
difficult time. Okay.
The least we can do is let him know how Are you sure you want me there, too? I mean,
much we appreciate What the hell is this? after all, I'm only a dentist.
You're living with the man? Since when? Um, Oh, for god sakes, orson.
alex moved in six months ago. Let it go.
Why the secrecy? Did you think I'd disapprove? M.
The man's a doctor, for heaven sakes. J.
You've done better than I did. , hurry up.
That was a bit of a drive-by. Your dad's here.
I'm just trying to understand How my son Hey, katherine.
could keep a secret like this from his own What are you doing here? Well, I'm a big zoo
mother. fan, And when mike said he was taking m.
Mom, uh, come on. J.
I mean, since I came out, You haven't shown , I asked if I could tag along.
So is that okay? Of course.
Why wouldn't it be okay? I think it's Great.
Really, really great.
Sweetie, good news.
Katherine's gonna go to the zoo with you.
Why does she have to go? Well, she and your
daddy are friends, And the more, the merrier.
I just want daddy.
Oh, you got me, pal.
Hey, we're all gonna have a great time, And
we'll show katherine That funny swing the
monkey goes on.
Oh, that sounds so cool.
Will you show me that? I guess.
Okay.
Let's go.
Oh, don't forget his coat.
I'll find some way to get him to like me.
I'm sure you will.
Boy, I'll bet the gift shop at the zoo just loves
divorce.
So How you doing, son? Not so good.
Okay, well, don't worry.
Bob here has agreed to represent you.
And when we're done here, I'm going to go to
the d.
A And we're going to start talking about bail.
But first, I gotta ask you a few questions.
Like why do the police have a witness? Lynette.
The d.
A.
Says you were spotted coming out of the
storage room Right before the fire started.
What gives? I don't know what they're talking
about.
I have an alibi.
Oh.
You do? G-great.
Great.
Whoa.
Why haven't you told anyone this? It's just So
embarrassing.
You are up for manslaughter, And you're
worried about being embarrassed? If we can
verify your story, I can probably get the
charges dropped.
We wouldn't even need bail.
So where were you? I was at edie britt's.
Oh, please.
Tell me you're not having sex with her, too.
Dad.
What is wrong with girls your own age? Do
you know what I would give to date a 17-
year-old? Okay, we're gonna talk about that
later.
You were saying? I'm not having sex with edie.
After I left the club, I went to her house, But
only so I could break in and steal her gun.
Why would you do that? Mr.
Schilling beat up anne and then humiliated
me.
I wanted to s-scare the hell out of him Just to
wipe that smug look off his face.
But when I got back to the club, it was on fire,
So I went home And hid the gun in mom's
flour jar.
Anywaythat's my alibi.
Think that'll help? Did anyone see you do this?
No.
Then this is really not an alibi.
It's more a confession to another crime.
Well, you missed it.
Missed what? Porter scavo got arrested today.
I knew he set that fire.
Poor lynette.
"poor lynette," my ass.
Poor seven people who got burned to death.
Boy.
I wouldn't wanna be in lynette's shoes right
now.
Can you imagine what she's going through? I
mean, he is her son, So she's kind of
responsible.
God, the guilt she must be feeling.
Dave, what the hell? You-you're bleeding.
Okay, come on.
In the house.
Let's get this cleaned up.
Come here.
You're just gonna sneak it back into edie's
house? What, are you crazy? Tom, if you're
gonna freak out, Can you do that in the other
room? I'm kind of busy here.
What has happened to us? I mean, w-we're
posting bail, Returning stolen guns-- when did
this become our life? If edie reports this gun
missing, You don't have to be the sharpest
cop on the force To figure out where to start
looking, And that's the last thing we need
right now.
Thank god for you, lynette.
You always know what to do in a crisis.
Well, I try.
You're my rock.
Lynette.
You know that, don't you? Tom, your rock is
trying to get fingerprints off a weapon.
You mind? Thanks.
You're home kind of early.
Is everything okay? Go up to your room.
I'll come in in a minute.
We'll talk about what happened.
What did happen? Well, m.
J.
Threw his hot fudge sundae at katherine.
Seriously? That's terrible.
Is she okay? Well, she's got nuts And whipped
cream all in her hair, And that little plastic
coconut bowl scratched her forehead.
Susan.
I'sorry.
The--the image in my mind is Probably way
funnier than what actually happened.
Why did m.
J.
Do that? I don't know.
Katherine and I were talking About spending
christmas in bermuda, And she said she didn't
want to go, 'cause she thinks she doesn't look
good in a bathing suit, And I said she could
be On the cover of "sports illustrated," And
bam! M.
J.
Throws his dessert.
That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
Well, he is only 5.
No, I'm talking about that line you fed her.
"sports illustrated"? What's the issue about,
the senior olympics? I'm going to talk to m.
J.
I mean, I could see her On the cover of
"menopause monthly.
" Everything is still a little blurry.
I can only make out, like, shapes and shadows.
But in a week or so, everything should be
clear as a bell.
Wow.
The whole thing's like a miracle.
And gaby h been so patient through all of this.
She's really been an angel.
Damn it, carlos.
What are you, a ron? Ah, I hear a little voice
from heaven now.
Why aren't you wearing your blackout glasses?
The doctor says your eyes can't be exposed to
any light.
I can only handle my husband going blind Oh, thank god.
once per marriage. How much? $20,000.
Whoops. That's high.
Was that my baseball? Yeah. Where are we gonna get that kind of money?
I got it. I guess we'll have to tap our emergency fund.
What do you think? Pretty cool, huh? Uh, yeah. We've got 14 grand in there.
It's Round. We've got another 800 more in the christmas
Look at it. club.
It was signed by lou gehrig. Look, we'll scrape it together.
Oh, looky there. Oh, god.
Lou gehrig. G--i gotta get to the restaurant.
Wow. Lynette, can you go to the bank and take care
It was a gift passed down from my of that? Oh, sure.
grandfather to my father Then to me. Okay.
It was? I didn't know that. Good.
I thought it was some stupid collectors item. Thank you.
No. Yeah.
That's why I wouldn't let you sell it When we Okay, well, I'll notify the judge That you intend
were low on cash. to post bail.
Uh, carlos, I think it's time to put your Wait.
eyedrops in. Slow down.
Why don't you go do that? Excuse me, ladies. What? You're my lawyer, So anything I tell you
Oh, don't look at me that way. is in confidence, right? Well, technically, I'm
I did what I had to do. porter's lawyer, so don't-- Just go with me on
Gaby, you never sell a man's autographed this.
baseball. There is no emergency fund.
The car needed tires. I gave that mone to anne schilling So she'd
How was I supposed to know he was gonna leave town, and tom has no idea.
get his sight back? I mean, of all the rotten Okay, just so I have this straight, You paid off
luck. a potential witness to get her to flee? Hey.
Who did you sell the ball to? I don't know. Whose lawyer are you anyway? Again, I'm
Some italian guy. porter's-- What am I supposed to do? Where
Hey, mike's into baseball. am I gonna get that bail money? You could go
He must know someone who can track down to a bail bondsman, put up the house as
this lou gehrig guy And get him to sign a new collateral.
one. No.
What? It's okay. The house is mortgaged to the teeth.
What's going on? Is there news? The judge Well, there is the restaurant.
just set bail. I guess I have no other choice.
But again, this is all in the strictest confidence.
Remember, you are my lawyer, not tom's.
Actually, lynette, I'm-- Shut up! So you see it
belongs to my husband's grandfather, And if I
don't get it back, I am telling you, I'm gonna
be in the crapper.
(Speaking Italian) Crapper.
Speaking Italian Speaking Italian What does
that mean? Means "no way.
" I'm sorry.
Oh, please.
This is important.
Speaking Italian Speaking Italian Speaking
Italian Speaking Italian Va bene.
Va bene.
What? What's he saying? He'd like to watch
you dance What? On the table.
Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna have to call a
big, fat On that one.
Oh.
Hi, lynette.
Hey.
So sorry about porter.
If there's anything that we can do Well,
Actually, I wanted to borrow edie's yellow
sweate For the, uh, arraignment.
Sorry.
Edie's not here.
Well, is it okay if I go up and get it? Sure.
Go ahead.
Thanks.
Please.
You have to leave.
This isn't a good time, okay? Fine.
I'll--i'll come see you tomorrow.
Just know that I still love you, And that'll never
change.
Well, let me start by saying, it's so nice to see
you In a social setting, dr.
Cominis.
Oh, please.
I insist you call me alex now.
All right then, alex.
Oh, look at you two, sitting so far apart.
Scootch over.
Uh, mom, w-we--we don't need to scootch.
Well, I just want you to know, if you need to
scootch, alex, I am okay with scootching and
The rest of it.
Uh, look, mom, as much as we appreciate
your tolerance, Uh, we can wait until we get
home to make out.
Well, I just want you boys to know That I am
comfortable with your lifestyle.
Now who would like a strawberry daiquiri?
Are--are you expecting someone? Well, orson
and I thought it would be nice To share this
special occasion with some dear friends.
Bob and lee? What, are you sponsoring a float?
Bree, you handle the introductions, And I will
check on dinner.
Bob hunter, lee mcdermott, I would like you to
meet Andrew's new life partner, dr.
Alex cominis.
Hi.
Ooh.
A doctor.
He's a plastic surgeon.
Mm-hmm.
You hear that, bob? I like my eyes the way
they are.
You're so touchy.
Hi.
Have we met? Not that I recall.
No, we have.
I-i can't think where, though.
I hear the gym is a popular meeting place.
No, it's not that.
Oh! My mistake. You can see, and that's all that matters.
I must--i must have you confused with You sold my lou gehrig baseball? Yeah, but it's
someone else. just a thing.
Dinner's ready. We don't care about things.
Shall we? Not so fast. Right, right.
Do you know that guy? Yes. But it was my father's And his father's before
Oh, my god. him.
You're right. Yeah, and I know that now, but Juanita, dance
It is him. for your dad.
Mm-hmm. Juanita, actually, why don't you take your sister
Carlos, what's wrong? Gaby, I can see them. And, uh, go to the kitchen and get some
What?! I can make out colors and shapes. cookies? I'll be there in a minute.
Everything's starting to come into focus. This is a very special day for all of us, So I'm
Oh, my god. not gonna get mad.
That's wonderful! Oh! Look at all my girls. Uh, I'm just gonna say that I don't know What
Oh, you're right. was going through that featherhead of yours,
She does look like mama. But I want that baseball back.
Oh, I told you. Got it? Hey, this featherhead kept this family
Daddy, now you can watch me dance. afloat for five years.
I know. You have no idea what I had to do To keep
I can't wait. this roof over our heads.
Oh, it's amazing. Look, There were two things that I asked you
I can make out almost everything-- The not to sell- My baseball and my watch.
fireplace, our dining table. I didn't sell your watch.
Where's the painting that we bought in greece? Only because you couldn't get it off my wrist,
Oh. you little thief.
I had to sell it a few months ago So I could Gaby, you lied.
make the mortgage. I want that baseball back, and you're gonna
I'm sorry. get it.
Mm. And you might want to lower the middle
I don't care about things. finger.
I can see my family. I can see now, remember? Right.
That's what's important. Damn.
Really? That makes me feel so much better. Bree, that was hands-down The best dinner
You wouldn't believe all the stupid things I've I've ever had in my life.
been worried about. You are so sweet.
Like what? Oh, it's silly. You know, bree is the number one caterer in
I sold that baseball of yours. fairview.
But you're right. Oh, that's right.
Do you do weddings? Ow! I wasn't gonna say Are you sure? Well, we might be wrong.
anything. No.
Say anything about what? Uh, nothing. We rented it last month.
Nothing. We paid the late charges.
We're gonna have to tell them sometime. Trust me.
Oh, my goodness, are you two Yes, yes. That's him.
We're We're getting married. I just don't think they should advertise
And I hate you. something With a lifetime guarantee if it's
Oh, my god. gonna break After four months.
Congratulations. Or maybe you used your corkscrew as much
Oh, my god. in four months As most people do in a
Yay. lifetime.
Wow. Ever think of that? Your mommy lashes out at
See how excited they are? Why would you people prettier than she is.
Wanna keep it a secret? I am gonna handle You ever notice that? Hey, katherine.
everything for this wedding. What a cute top.
That's why. So, uh, where you guys off to? Bowling.
Now let me give my new son-in-law a hug. Come on, buddy.
Butt out. Let's get your jacket.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go get By the way, uh, I don't think you're gonna
a pie that you are going to love. have any problem.
And you two are going to help me. I had a little talk with m.
All right, you two, what is going on? What are J.
you talking about? Don't give me that. Sure you did.
You've been whispering to each other all night. What is that supposed to mean? It means
You obviously know alex. things will be a lot easier with m.
How? It's not important. J.
The man is going to marry my son. If you weren't talking trash about me and mike
If there is something about him I should know, dating.
I want to hear it now, please. What? I don't do that.
We think we saw him in An adult movie. Really? M.
By "adult," you mean complex and J.
sophisticated? No, we mean gay porn. Always liked me before, And then I start
What? We saw this movie, "rear deployment. seeing mike, And suddenly, I'm taking
" All the actors played soldiers. incoming rocky road.
Bob likes uniforms, so Oh, thank you. All right.
No, no, no. Let's go knock over some pins.
This can't possibly be true. See you, ladies.
The man is a doctor. Okay.
Bye. I'm fine.
What? I have never said a negative word Stop worrying.
about them dating ever. Look who just got bailed out.
I believe you. You got a lot of balls, kid.
It's just-- you don't have to say anything. You nail my wife, you break up my family, You
It's the way you act when she's around. burn down my business.
Kids pick up on that stuff. I didn't burn down your club.
What do you mean, the way I act? "oh, And you can accuse me all you want, but I'm
katherine, what a cute top. not going to jail.
" Kid translation-- "have a nice time At the If I were you, I'd want to go there.
bowling alley with my ex, whore. It's a hell of a lot safer.
" Okay. Otherwise, someday, You'll be walking home
It-it's a little uncomfortable, This whole from school Or work or your buddy's house,
situation. And you'll just Disappear.
I mean, if m. Poof! And if they ask me about it, You know
J. what I'm gonna tell 'em? I was at the movies.
's picking up on it, How am I supposed to fix Enjoy your freedom.
that? Well, I didn't say anything about fixing it. Um, so right down the middle Okay.
Two of my friends involved in a nasty catfight I No gutter balls.
live for that stuff. Right.
Thanks for the corkscrew. They're getting along great, huh? You're
There you go, sweetie. welcome.
Is that tight enough? I guess. Hey.
What is going on? Why were you on the I admit it.
phone so long? Um, susan's coming. You being here does seem to be helping.
What? Why? Well, she wants m. You're welcome.
J. Okay, let it go.
To see us all having a good time together. All right.
That way, he might be more accepting of you God, look at him.
and me. Remember when he needed one of those little
I suppose it's not a terrible idea. kiddie balls The size of a cantaloupe? He's
Well, I think it's a good idea. getting so big.
She feels like she's been sending the wrong I know.
signals, And she wants to make up for it. You know, that colts jersey you bought him
Well, it's nice of her to try, But just how much doesn't fit anymore.
of a show was she planning to put on for-- No.
Hey, everybody! Are we ready to have the best God.
time ever? Don't fall down, okay? I'm not I'm gonna try it.
carrying you home. How did that little peewee we brought back
From the hospital turn into this bruiser? Mm.
Mike, I need you.
I got another split.
What did I say about aiming the ball? I don't
remember.
Come show me.
Um, be right there.
Hey there.
Do you have a second? Now where did you
get that? A video store I will never return to.
Are you aware that one of the stars of this film
is-- Yes.
I know about alex's movie, mom.
You do? Yeah.
He told me a long time ago.
He calls it the biggest mistake he's ever made.
Why would he-- Well, he couldn't afford the
tuition to med school, And he was approached
by this so-called director, And well, he Anyway,
I would appreciate it If you didn't let on that
you know.
And you're okay with this? Yeah.
Well, you know, I mean, We both know that I
have sort of an interesting past myself.
So, you know, uh, Glass houses, stones.
Not to mention the fact that i-i love him Very
much.
So He's the one? Yes, mom.
Even with his sordid past, he's the one.
Why did you bring this here? You're going to
marry him.
I thought he wasn't being honest with you.
I wanted to protect you, so i-- So you decided
to meddle in my love life? Yes.
You know what, mom? This might be about
the nicest thing You've ever done for me.
Come here.
I mean, not every boy can say that His
mother's willing to rent gay porn for them.
Yes.
Which reminds me, that needs to be back by
3:00.
Could you? Absolutely.
Uh, you gotta avoid those late fees.
Oh, you know, um, you know, I can have alex
Autograph this for you if you want.
Just take it back.
Oh, mrs.
Solis, may I help you with something? Get
your boss.
There.
You got it back.
Why are you limping? Fell off a table.
Don't want to talk about it.
What took you so long? I just wanted to
coach porter a little bit Before the arraignment.
What's he doing? He needed some time to
himself.
I'll meet you inside.
You might want to give him a moment.
I think he's pretty nervous.
That's because he's preston.
What? Oh, crap! Hey, mom, dad.
Hey, preston.
Aw, you know? Of course we know.
What the hell is going on? Where's porter? He
took off.
What?! Uh He was scared out of his mind.
He didn't know what to do, So he left town
and asked me if I'd help him Give him a head
start.
Do you have any idea how bad this is? We
had to post bail If the judge finds out porter
skipped town, We're gonna lose A lot.
Guys.
Guys, they're calling us.
Well, You know what? He's gonna find out
right now Because you are not going in there.
I'd rather forfeit the bail Than risk having two
of my kids go to jail.
Tom-- No, bob will just tell the judge what
happened.
We'll take the hit and we'll go forward.
It's just money.
It's not just money.
What are you talking about? Hey.
Come on.
We're up.
Okay, look You know how you're always saying
I know what to do in a crisis? Yeah.
Here's what we're gonna do.
You--no questions.
You--you're porter now.
Let's go in.
Come on.
Come on.
You like it? It's beautiful.
Where'd it come from? I bought it today.
It's yours.
What? We can't afford this.
I sold the baseball.
You never told me things had gotten so bad.
You were blind and depressed.
I didn't wanna add to it.
Thank you for taking such good care of us.
I plan on spending the rest of my life making
it up to you.
First thing tomorrow I'm selling my watch So I
can buy you some new shoes to go with that
dress.
You should know that watch is a knockoff.
I sold the real one two years ago to get the
roof fixed.
So how is katherine's foot? Well, she's kinda
got a psychedelic toenail, But she'll be fine
Which doesn'excuse what you did, mister.
What's going on? Sweetie, if you're worried
that I don't like Your daddy spending time
with katherine, don't be.
I think it's great.
But they can't be together.
Why not? 'cause you and mommy are getting
back together.
What? That's what mommy said.
Um Hey, I've got an idea.
Why don't you go make a get well card for
katherine's foot? Okay.
Okay.
I can totally explain this.
I swear.
I'm listening.
It was--i don't know, uh, about a month after
you moved out.
It was bedtime.
I was trying to read to him, but he only
wanted you.
And he was crying so hard, And he kept
asking me if you were ever coming back, And
so I finally Said maybe you would.
I just didn't want him to be so sad.
Oh, susan.
I didn't even think he'd remembered it.
Of course he remembers it.
How could you say that to him? Because we
have never said it.
What? We've never looked each other in the
eye And said that there is no chance We are
ever getting back together.
O-okay.
Maybe we haven't, but we moved on.
Did we? Susan, what are you doing? You're
with jackson now.
I'm with katherine.
What are you doing? I don't know.
I You don't ever think about it? I've gotta go
check on katherine.
It's an awful thing to live in darkness, Unable
to see what others take for granted.
But if we are lucky, the darkness lifts And we
can finally see The secret sacrifices made by
our wives The surprising progress made by
our mothers Or the unintended consequences
Of our own actions.
But there are those who prefer the darkness,
Because there, they see only what they choose
to see.
I know it must seem like I've forgotten about
you, But you have to know, I think about you
every day.
I live for you, just like always.
But I have a plan, So I hope you can wait a
little longer.
I'll be with you soon, But first mike delfino has
to pay For taking you away from me, And I
need just the right moment to do it.
He destroyed what I loved the most, And I
want him to feel that hurt.
I want him to lose what I lost.
511 - Home Is the Place
Previously on Desperate Housewives do you
do weddings? Oh, my goodness.
Are you two yes.
Yes, we're getting married.
Oh, my god! Congratulations.
Those in love made the next step or tried to.
I need more from you.
- gaby, I can see them.
- That's wonderful! Eyes were opened in more
ways than one the key is this doctor guy.
Maybe we should just bite the bullet and go
to boston.
You break up my family.
You burn down my business.
I didn't burn down your club.
And a thre was made.
Someday, you'll be walking home from school,
and you'll just disappear.
Poof! there are important events in the history
of every famY joyous births tragic deaths
sublime weddings.
But the one event every family dreads is the
moment when they finally meet the in-laws.
Mom, this is alex's mom melina cominis.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Likewise, and thanks again for letting me stay
here.
I just can't afford a motel right now.
oh, alex mentioned that you were laid f from
your job.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, that's okay.
You know what they say-- in a bad economy,
the mature cocktail waitress is the first to go.
Real? They say that? Mom, we're gonna go get
your luggage.
That way, you two can get acqunted.
Thank you again for making the long drive
down from oakdale.
It's high time our families got together.
Absolutely.
Now speaking of family get-togethers, that
reminds me-- I call christmas.
What? Now that the boys are getting hitched,
we're gonna ha to split the holidays, so I call
christmas.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is not how we decide family get-togethers.
What's the problem? I'm letting you have
thanksgiving.
I'm a caterer.
I oversee events on thanksgiving.
It's the one holiday that I don't need.
Great.
I call thanksgiving.
Stop that! You can't call all the major holidays.
No one's called easter yet.
Going once - I am not bidding on time with
my son.
- Going twice melina, this is childish! - My
hand's going up.
- Fine! I call easter.
That wasn't so hard, was it? Look, I know it's
very difficult for two families to negotiate the
holidays, but I fe strongly that this is not the
best way to handle it, and I'm sure that the
boys would agree with me.
I called christmas fair and square, and I wanna
spend it with my son.
So if you go to the boys and try and screw
me over, I'll remember that for a really long
time.
Got it? Yes, there are important events in the
history of every family.
Meeting the in-laws is one.
Look at you two.
Have I told you how great you look together? we moved here to get away from that.
Have I? The moment you decide to hate them i didn'T.
is another. I moved here for you.
proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ Housewives I've got a deposition to prep for.
Season05 Episode11 There's a home for Well, then I will go clubbing without you, and
everyone in suburbia, and a realtor eager to I will be wearing my "not coming home alone"
find you exactly what you want. jeans.
Whether it's something warm and cozy or By "wearing," you mean "squeezing into"?
something dignified and elegant or perhaps Damn you! Miss anything? Need a juicy recap?
something affordable with a porch. No.
Yes, everyone wants a home with a lovely I'm good.
exterior, mostly so the neighbors will never Boy, you just have to stick your nose into
suspect the ugliness going on inside. other people's business.
There you are! I just got the listing for the I'm sorry.
adams house. If you're interested, I have dirt on bree.
Ind I thk the best way to celebrate is for my Go on.
sexy husband to take me out dancing. You're no better than I am.
oh, babe. - Nicely played, mayer.
not tonight. - Thank you.
What's wrong? Are you sick? No. Can I go clubbing with you tonight?
No, uh I'm good. Overplayed, mayer.
Really? 'Cause you look like hell. Oh, please! I'm bored.
I'm good, edie. Mike has M.
I just, uh I-I just feel like staying in tonight, J.
that's all. , Jackson's out of town, and you're gonna need
Ah, you're doing it again. somebody to bitch about bob to.
There is something upsetting you, and instead You do realize I'm going to a gay club.
of letting me help you, you're shutting me out. Yes, that's fine.
I just don't like to talk about my troubles. Ys love me.
and I don't like sitting at home doing nothing Name three.
when I feel like dancing. You, bob, andrew.
Edie I am sorry you're unhappy. Th's two.
There's something you should know about me. - Come on.
I don't stay unhappy for long. - All right, all right! Meet at my house at 9:00.
hey, it's jackson, having fun at the old alma And you might wanna pile on the makeup.
mater. Drag queens get their first drink free.
We need to talk. Okay, well, let's try something easier.
Only good news, I promise. After you left mr.
Did I mention miss you? Bye. Schilling's nightclub, where did you go first? I
don't recall.
Did you maybe drive somewhere? okay, porter,
when the D.
A.
, O also has this police report, asks you these
questions, and you suddenly "don't recall"
anything you said, that's bad.
Bob, you've been going at this for over an
hour.
why don't we take a break? Fine.
Porter, go and chill.
I need to talk to your parents anyway.
- okay, what's going on here? - Nothin'.
You know, porter's just nervous.
He was also nervous when I first interviewed
him in jail, but he was still able to keep his
story straight.
- preston! Where's my cd player? - what?
Parker saw you take it.
Mom, please tell preston to stop taking my
stuff.
Honey, that's porter.
No, it isn'T.
Right.
Sorry.
You guys have something you wanna tell me?
Gaby, you should've come.
You missed a beautiful walk in the park.
Mommy, look at what we found! A ladybug!
Neat! Why don't you guys go wash your
hands for lunch? Oh, look at her teeny black
polka dots.
There's so many beautiful things I used to take
for granted before I lost my sight.
Yeah, pretty.
What? You're gonna be late for work.
- Yeah, about that I should've told you before
- what? I don't want to give massages
anymore, so I quit the country club.
You quit? Why? Okay, I know this is gonna
sound bad when I was blind, I never realized
that naked people are gross, especially the
middle-aged slobs that belong to this country
club.
Carlos, you don't just quit a job because of a
few moles and a little back fat.
But I can find other work.
Now that I have my vision back, the world is
my oyster.
In the meantime, I just wanna spend a few
days with my daughters and smelling the
roses, soaking in nature.
Like that beautiful spider right ther god's
perfect design.
Isn't it amazing? yeah, it sure is.
I'll get you the want ads.
what's all this? Oh, andrew thought it would
be nice to have a formal dinner tomorrow
night.
Well, if it's a formal dinner, why aren't we
using your grandmother's tablecloth? For
melina? She'd probably blow her nose on it.
No, I will not let that woman defile nana's lace.
I know melina isn't what we hoped for, rely are.
Need I remind you of my mother? Well, at
least gloria had the good taste to have a
paralyzing stroke so we don't have to deal
with her.
True.
That was a merry christmas.
But melina appears to be in tragically good
health, which means we've got quite a few
beer-drenched holidays ahead of us.
You have got to figure out some way to be
nice to her.
I don't know if I have it in me.
She's such a troglodyte.
Please.
No one's better at plastering on a fake smile gabrielle solis? Bradley scott.
and pretending to like someone than bree Remember? Carlos and I did some business
hodge. back in his finance days.
You're sweet. Oh, right! How are you? Good.
oh, all right. Maria and i finally gomarried.
Get the lace tablecloth. I started my own investment fund.
I will pretend to like this woman. How about yourself? Good, good.
just like pretended to like nana. I don't know if you heard-- carlos got his sight
Bob, we're so sorry. back.
We meant to tell you. Oh, my--my god.
We really did. I had no idea.
So where the hell is porter? We don't know. I know.
That's why we've been trying to get you to Life is good.
postpone the hearing date until we could find now all we he to do is find him a job.
him. Well, your timing just might be perfect here.
Oh, we have a much bigger problem than the - Why? You need someone? - As a matter of
hearing date. fac I dO.
What do you mean? Well, now that I'm aware Think he'd be interested? I don't know.
of this, I have a legalbligation to report it. I-I can't speak for carlos.
What? No, no, no, you can't-- Now my hands It's an upper-level position with lots of perks
are tied. and the salary's in the high six figures.
But if the judge finds out that porter's gone, - I'm now speaking for carlos.
we have to forfeit the bail. He'll take it.
And since my genius wife used our restaurant - Great.
to post bond, our only source of income will I'd kill to have carlos on my team.
vanish. That man was a shark.
I feel for you guys. - Have him call me.
I really do. - Yeah.
- But I'm not gettin disbarred over this. so long, sucka.
- Bob please. Hello.
We're desperate. Is dr.
I'm not meeting with the D. Heller in? I'm sorry.
A. He's not.
For another two days. Can I help you? Not really.
If you find porter by then, I won't say anything. See, we ne to talk to him about dave williams.
thank you so much. - Dave williams? - Yeah.
We are so sorry that we-- just find him. Dave is a patient of his.
Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you know him-- blond hair, ue eyes,
I'm comin'. creepier than all get-out.
I'm not in a position to confirm that.
And I don't think the doctor would discuss his
patients with you either.
Oh, he'll talk to us.
- Dave's been up to some pretty sick stuff -
yeah.
And I-I'm bettin' dollars to doughnuts dr.
Heller would wanna know all about it.
So when does he get here? I couldn't say.
We'll wait.
Is that a beer? We're not in a position to
confirm that.
your new shoes are pretty.
Aren't they? Daddy bought them for mommy-
- he doesn't know it yet-- because he has a
wonderful new job.
He doesn't that yet either.
- good news! - Me, too.
Me first.
Remember bradley scott? I ran into him today,
and he's giving you a job.
That'S nice.
But that's what I wanted to tell you.
- I just got a job.
- fantastic! Well, you didn't sign a contract or
anything, did you? 'Cause maybe we can get
them into a bidding war.
unlikely.
It's at the counity center.
I'm gonna work with the blind.
Great.
And what's the signing bonus for that--a cup
of pencils? I thought you were gonna get a
better job.
What happened to the world being your
oyster? 'S meaningful work.
Who cares? Bradley's offering perks.
What kind of perks is this blind thing offering?
Hmm, let me think making the world a better
place, personal fulfillment.
Carlos, I've spent the last five years working
with the blind.
Trust me, it's not that fulfilling.
Look, when I lost my sight, those people were
there for me.
Ah, I just wanna give something back.
Not to mention bradley scott? Kind of an ass.
No way I'm working for that guy.
Hi, bradley, it's gaby solis.
I just talked to him, and he's intrigued.
How would you like to come over for dinner
and seal the deal? this is so fun! I haven't
been out in ages.
Tonight, I am gonnaboogie-oogie-oogie you
really haven't been out in a while.
Go ahead.
What do you want to drink? Oh, I'll have what
you're having.
Cirrhosis of the liver, coming right up.
hey, jackson.
What? Really? Here you are.
yeah, just taking in the scenery.
You know, we actually have some very
comfortable patio furniture in the backyard
along with a place to put your recyclables.
No, I'm good here.
What have you two been up to? Edie was
shong us some houses.
I didn't know know you two were house
hunting.
Yes.
We've got to get out of that apartment.
Did edie show you the adams house? She did,
and it's fantastic.
And if we could figure out a way to move it
next to a toxic waste dump, maybe we could
afford it.
Holy moly, would you look at these prices! You
know, for this kind of money, you could come him a job.
up to my town and get a 5-bedroom house That's cool.
on the lake. And he wants me to move there with him.
I'm sure they could. You gonna go? Well I wanna be with him, so I
It's too bad your practice is all the way down think I have to.
here. You're that serious about this guy? Yeah.
It is now, but it's not like there aren't sick Sure.
people in oakdale. why not? you sure you're not just waiting for
Who, undoubtedly, already have doctors, just closing time? What does that mean? You know,
like your patients in fairview have you. 2:00 A.
Fine. M.
Let them stay in that teeny apartment. , Bar's closing.
Who cares if the other doctors make fun of You haven't found the perfect guy, so you
you? You know, I think we should talk about settle for something like that.
this. Oh, crap.
You'd really like oakdale-- no traffic, fresh air. Look away.
Hey, I'm open. Look away.
Maybe we can go up there this weekend and Look away.
look around. Lee, that is not what I'm doing.
what are you doing? Just helping the boys live Is jackson perfect? No.
the american dream. But I don't think there is such a thing, and I
I'll tell you what. have a history of sabotaging relationships.
If the guymove up near me, you can ha 'em no, I'm doing this.
for christmas. M moving.
I just wish there was some way I could get Well, congratulations to you.
back at bob. Scary guy's coming over.
I'm so sick of his smug attitude. I have to throw him off the scent.
"I'm the provider. Do you mind if I grab one of your boobs?
I bring home the bacon. Knock yourself out.
" Well, you know what? I contribute, too. Jazz! Oh, my god! why didn't you wake me?
I handle the bills. Bob is going to kill me.
I clean the house. But that was, uh, fun last night.
I thought you had a housekeeper. different, but fun.
Jeez, you're an ugly drunk. see ya.
Come on. *****In his english class, the entire debate
It's a joke. team.
What's with the face? I just jackson called Porter hasn't contacted any of them.
earlier, and, um you know, he went to riverton Well, hurry home.
to visit his old art professor, and she offered We gotta decide what our next move .
All right. Okay, let's skip to the important part--who
I love you. was it? Just a friend.
Bye. Oh, gaby, do you think I did this
- preston, why didn't you pick up when I subconsciously just to sabotage my
called you? - What? I called you, like, five relationship with jackson? It was tom scavo,
times. wasn't it? Will you stop guessing? Oh, god!
- No, you didn'T. Why won't I just let myself be happy? Was it
- Yeah see?You're not even on my callog. lou? My mechanic? Are you crazy? Come on.
hey, dude. You were with a plumber and a housepainter.
Is mom still there? Porter, it's mom. I mean, let's face it-- you like your service
Where are you? Porter! - you know where he providers.
is! - I don'T. - susan, you home? - Bob! uh, what are you
He won't tell me. doing here? Well it's about lee.
But you have been talking to him. He told me he took you out last night.
What the hell, preston? - I want my phone Yes.
back. Uh, we had a very nice, uneventful evening.
- Fine. Why? what did he say? 'Cause he was pretty
You know what you're going to do with it? You drunk, so he was probably making stuff up.
are going to call your brother and tell him to Well, he didn't come home.
come home. He claims he spent the night here.
He's not coming home. oh, my god.
Mr. Oh, hi, gaby.
Schilling threatened to kill him. I didn't know you were here.
What? What? That's why he ran away? I Never mind her.
thought he was afraid of going to jail. She was just leaving.
Well, I'm sure warren schilling was just tryinto No.
scare h. I think I should stay and clean this up.
It worked! Rter's terrified! Okay, we'll get a-- It's A huge mess.
we'll get a restraining order. Uh, bob uh, lee did stay here last night.
I don't think that's gonna stop this guy. he slept on the couch in the guest room.
I can handle warren schilling. So you have nothing to worry about.
But if porter doesn't show up for court, we're Oh, thank god.
gonna lose our restaurant! A guy threatens to I just had this awful feeling that he spent the
kill your son, and that's what you're worried night with another man.
about? No, I'm not gonna let my brother risk wolee uldn't do that.
his life so you and dad can sell pizza. He loves you.
how do you sleep with someone and not I know he does, but he's got a few drinks in
remember? I don't know. him, he'll bang anything with a pulse and
I was drunk. facial hair.
You still haven't heard from him? For the 17th
time no.
Where does she get off having all that attitude?
She's young and pretty, and we're not.
She's not that pretty.
I can hear every word you're saying.
From all the way over there? Boy, she is young.
look, I'm very tired, so I'm going to break the
rules.
Dr.
Heller went on some sort of trip.
He should've been back a week ago, and I
don't know where he is.
Why didn't you tell us that in the first place?
Because it's none of your business! hello? Dr.
Heller's office.
Uh, hey.
It's david dash.
Is he in? Did you hear that? He should've been
back by now.
Why isn't he back? I'm sorry, mr.
Dash.
Dr.
Heller's out of town.
What are you saying? You think dave has
something to do with heller being late from
vacation? Don't ask me why, but I got a
feeling there's a connection.
Well, can I still get a prescription refilled? Re.
Dr.
Lybrand's on call.
Could you see him tomorrow ound 2:00?
Actually, I've moved.
- You know what? - What? I'm done.
Meaning what? I'm sure we can work it out.
What's your new adess? What, you're just
gonna abandon me? I went on this wild goose
chase as far as I could.
Oh, don't--please don't go, roberta.
I need your help.
Then get somebody else.
I'm tapped out.
Roberta, wait! "Wisteria lane.
" What a lovely name.
bree, you sure there isn't anything I can do to
help? I'm just standing here with my thumb
up my butt.
Uh, no help needed.
Certainly nothing that would ruire your thumb.
Uh, sorry we're late.
We got hung up at the realtors.
Actually, you're right on time.
We're just about to eat.
- Shall we? - Yeah.
Excuse excuse me, melina.
That's my chair.
I just wanted to sit next to the boys.
Well, did it occur to you I might want to sit
next to the boys? Did it occur to you that I
already called it? She did.
She called it.
Why don't you sit re, bree? guess who just
called the burnt lamb chop? I just wanted to
see the look on your faces when you heard
my good news.
Really? What is it? Well, I told dr.
Hardy you're moving to oakdale.
Uh, thinking about it.
They're thinking about moving to oakdale.
Not after they hear this.
Anyway, he's retiring next month, and he
thinks you'd be perfect to take over his
practice.
Are you serious? Wow, this could be a good
opportunity for us.
Yes.
A good opportunity for andrew to commute
ve hours to his job.
I don't know, alex.
This is all happening pretty fast.
But it's the only way we're gonna be able to
afford a house, - and if we're gonna have kids
- you're gonna have kids? Oh, this is perfect! I
can look after them for you! Let's toast to seal
the deal.
Here's to oakdale.
I bought you the adams house! - What? -
What? What? It was going to be a surprise,
you know, for your wedding.
Unfortunately, this whole silly oakdale thing
has forced me to show my hand.
Mom, that's too generous.
Yes, that's, uh that's way too generous.
You shouldn't do that.
Oh, it's nothing you wouldn't do.
Bree, I don't know what to say, except thank
you so much.
- I really love you for this.
- Oh, and I love you, too.
Orson, dear, would you pour melina another
glass of wine? - calling edie, are you? - you
know it.
hi, honey.
You remember bradley and his wife maria.
They dropped by for dinner.
How fun.
Can I ask you something about the trash cans?
Excuse me.
what is that miserable S.
O.
B.
Doing here? I already took the job at the
community center.
I know.
Just listen to what bradley has to say, and if at
the end of the evening you're still not
interested, I support you completely.
Deal? If it'll get you off my back deal.
After I got concessions from the union, I laid
off a third of the workforce, outsourced
another third.
A year later, I sold the company for twice what
I paid for it.
Impressive.
Huh, carlos? Very.
It'll be a great story to tell all the other C.
E.
O.
S in hell.
- Carlos, be nice.
- No, it's fine.
Just taking care of my kids.
Yeah.
I've got a picture of them in my purse.
Wanna see how many you can name? More
wine, maria? So, bradley, if carlos were to
come work for you, what would a typical week
look like? Oh, lots of high-end deal making,
uh, international travel.
oh, yeah.
We travel all over the world together.
It is so fun sitting alone in a five-star hotel
while your husband is out crushing the third
world under the heel of his jackboot.
You hear that, carlos? Five-star hotels.
Listen, bradley, really appreciate the offer, but I
told you-- I already have a job.
Why can't you do your work with the deaf on
the weekends? First of all, because they're
blind.
You tell him.
um, honey, bradley's right.
You could take this job and do your charity
work in your free time.
No, don't listen to her.
You are a good man, and you are going to
help people.
And even if you never end up making a penny,
you'll be worth more than this soulless bastard.
I work very hard to provide for you and the
kids, and I would like a little respect.
We, you know what i would like? A big divorce.
so is eye care included in the health plan?
'Cause that's obviously a big issue for carlos.
daddy misses you so much.
I'm so sorry.
okay? Bye-bye! I miss you two so much.
very soon, honey.
It's just a little teeny bit longer.
Oh, my little girl.
You look so beautiful.
I've missed you so much.
We're gonna be together soon.
I promise you.
Just a teeny little bit.
It'll be fine.
Dave? I'm sorry.
You scared me.
Who were you talking to? No one.
I heard you.
Edie, please, j-- I'm not feeling well.
Who the hell were you talking to? leave me
alone.
why did you turn down here? I thght we were
going to the store.
mom, what is this place? Before I became a
mother, I didn't know it was possible to love
another human being so completely, and with
that love comes this need to protect you.
It wasn't a decisiit'S pral.
It's just something in my D.
N.
A.
Whatever it is, it makes me not care about
myself, and it reminds me that my reason for
being on this planet is to look after you kids.
Why are you telling me this? Yesterday, you
said warren schilling will kill porter if he gets
the chance.
I will never let that happen.
Mom, where are we? You see that bar? Warren
schilling goes there every night.
Tonight, when he leaves I'm gonna do what I
have to, to make sure my family is safe.
So I need you to get out now.
You can't be in the car when this happens.
Are you serious? You're gonna run him over?
Like I said, it's in my D.
N.
A.
that could be him.
Get out.
- Get out! Get out! - Okay! Stop it! I get it! I'll
call porter and tell him he doesn't have to
worry about mr.
Schilling.
And you will convince him to come back
home.
Shut the door.
so remember how you said I just had to hear
bradley out, and then whatever I decided,
you'd support me? Well, you may be surprised,
but I am ready to render my decision.
Let me lay it out for you-- either I do
something fulfilling where I help other people
and feel good out myself, or I take a job I hate
where I make a lot of money, but it eats my
life and crushes my soul.
Hang on.
Before you do that, let me lay it out for you.
Either you let your family continue to sacrifice
so you can feel good about yourself, or you
grow up and make real money and look after
us like we've been looking after you for the
past five years. Yay.
You know what these jobs are like, gaby. now I can move in with jackson with a clear
I'd never be home. conscience.
And when I was, I'd be tired or irritated. - good.
It will take a toll on all of us. Good.
It took a toll on us when we couldn't pay the s - Wait, so I just-- I have to ask.
bill, carlos. Why exactly are you moving in with jackson?
It took a toll on us when juanita was sent Because he loves me.
home from day care because the check Do you love him? I'm getting there.
bounced. Don't you think maybe you should wait until
But I handled it, and now it's your turn to you've arrived? Mike and I will never get back
handle it. together.
Gaby, please don't make me do this. I know that now.
bradley? Hey, it's carlos. And i really need to move on with my life.
Well, I've, uh, done some thinking, and I You know moving on doesn't have to mean
actually I wa that job, if it's still on the table. moving in.
yeah. Jackson has made it pretty clear that he
I was surprised, too. doesn't do good with long-distance
sounds great. relationships.
See you monday. - I could lose him.
hey, susan. - So lose him.
I just made tea. I'm not good alone.
Come on in. I ne a man in my life.
Lee, um well, there's just no graceful way to But why? We're so useless.
ask this, so I'm just gonna say it straight out. But you are fun to dance with.
When you spent the night, did we get it on? I think you should tell jackson you're not ready.
ye gods, no. Anif he ends up leaving, then, hell, i will dance
Are you insane? So nothing happened with you.
between us? Hello? Gay! Listening to opera in At least until someone better comes along.
a kimono. How does that sound? If this is your attempt
What more do you need to know? oh, thank at bedding me again, miss mayer, I'm gonna
god. have to ask you to leave.
You know, when I woke up next to you mom really wants to talk to you, just for five
yesterday, I just didn't know what to think. seconds.
But why would you think that? 'Cause you Do it for me, okay? - Sweetie, where are you?
were mad at bob, and I told you about how I - I don't want to tell you.
sometimes sabotage my relationships. Porter you have got to come home.
Well, u didn'T. Everything will be fine.
Not this time, anyway. I promise.
How? Either warren schilling kills me, or I end parents wracked with guilt wives tired of
up in jail. struggling lovers who have been lied to yes,
We can get a restraining order to protect you, everybody needs a lovely home in suburbia if
and bob thinks there's a good shot at getting for no other reason than to have a place to
the case dismissed. come home to.
You know, I've been reading the fairview
papers online.
Everybody thinks I did it.
There is not a shred of evidence against you.
When people see that, they will be on your
side just like we are.
Sweetie, you have to trust me.
I do trust you.
It's just I-- don't fall for it, kiddo.
I trusted her once, and look where it got me.
- Good morning.
- Is it? I didn't get a lot of sleep.
Okay, about last night, I'm sorry.
Let me stop you right there.
I don't need an apology.
I need an explanation.
and if you can't give me one I'm thinking
we're finished.
Look, I'm just stressed out.
Stress doesn't make you talk to people who
aren't there.
What is going on? Okay.
Before we met, I was married to someone else.
But she died.
And last night she was sort of on my mind.
You were married before? She's dead, edie.
What does it matter? Oh, it matters.
You have until tonight to get your things
together.
Then I want you out of my house.
Everyone needs a lovely home in suburbia,
mostly so the neighbors will never suspect
what's going on inside.
Behind these freshly painted walls you will find
512 - Connect! Connect! all I got is "that sucks.
" That it does.
So where are you headed? Oh, it's such a nice
Previously on a call was made. night, I thought I'd walk to at motel on the
Sweetie, where are you? I don't wanna tell you. interstate.
And if porter doesn't show up for court, we're Might as well enjoy the stars while my life falls
gonna lose our restaurant! A guy threatens to apart.
kill your son, and that's what you're worried it's getting late, and so, uh hey, why don't you
about? And as one love affair blossomed, stay with me? Really? I, uh I wouldn't want to
another you were married before? She's dead. impose.
I want you out of my house. Dave, you saved my life.
Withered on the vine. I owe ya.
Mike delfino has to pay for taking you away Well, now that you mention it, I guess you do.
from me. come on in.
I want him to lose what I lost. And just like that, dave's dream of revenge
it had been a long journey for david williams, was salvaged lead the way, roomie.
and though it began years ago, he And he started to feel his long journey would
remembered every step of it walking outside soon be over.
his front door to find a policeman with news proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ Housewives
of a car crash running into the hospital only to Season04 Episode12 At 9:02 the next morning
be told his wife and daughter had died no! No! edie williams began calling her friends to let
Let go of me! being dragged into a psychiatric them know something humiliating had
facility after his mental breakdown no! happened to her.
Strolling into a hotel weeks after being By 9:06, her friends had begun to arrive, just
released and bumping into a beautiful blonde so they could hear the juicy details.
marcng down the aisle with a woman who, as So he was married before.
it turned out, once lived on the same street You don't kick a man out for that.
with the man who had killed his family. no.
But his bride was now unhappy, and dave but you do for never mentioning it.
williams was worried that his dream of And especially when I laid out mentire past.
revenge had been destroyed. Emphasis on the word "laid.
Luckily for dave, fate was about to take some " Exactly.
steps of its own. Gaby gets it.
Hey, dave! What's going on? Edie and I had a Well, maybe they were only together a short
fight. time, and she didn't mean anything to him.
I take it you're giving her time to calm down? I doubt it, since he walks around muttering to
No, I think I'm looking for a place to stay her ghost.
while she's looking for a lawyer. You know what would lift your spirits? We
Oh, man, I wanna say something helpful, but should all do a spa weekend.
Yeah! Let's do that.
Oh, I appreciate the offer, but I think I'm
better off gettinlost in my work.
Well, maybe I can help you.
Think you can rent my house out? What?
Jackson got a teaching job at the college in
riverton, and I'm going with him.
Uh, wait, you're moving? I know it's sudden,
but I feel really good about this.
And it's only two hours away, so it'll still be
like we're practically next door.
I am so happy for you, but we're gonna miss
you.
Oh, don't worry about us.
Jackson is so great.
You are making the right choice.
Absolutely.
Come here, you! I can't believe you're leaving.
When you're done here, you wanna come do
my lawn? Well, I figure since mike's letting me
crash here, it's the least I could do.
Well, that's very nice and brave.
Mike takes a lot of pride in his yard.
- Yeah.
Look at his roses.
Every time I walk by here, I just want to steal
one.
Here, let me cut you one.
- Oh, no.
Couldn'T.
He wouldn't like that.
Hey, you.
What's up? Not much.
Got a call from dylan.
Hehusband's traveling more for his business,
and she doesn't have anybody to help her
with the baby.
She's trying to pushe to move out
baltimore.
So, uh, what'd you say? Oh, just that I'd think
about it.
What do you think I should do? Well, she
really needs your help.
I guess you should help her.
Well, I don't know that she need it.
Honestly? I think she's just lonely.
of course it would be nice to be closer.
But is that a good enough reason to uproot
my whole life here? What do you think? I'm
not sure.
It's up to you.
I know.
I just thought you might have an opinion.
oh, shoot.
I'm, uh, expecting a call from a supplier.
I'll, uh, I'll talk to you later.
on second thought, I'm sure he won't even
notice it's gone.
Of will require an updated irrigation system,
which I'm happy to take care of.
Bree, you bought us a house.
We can't let you do all this, too.
Nonsense! It's a small price to pay to make
your home more beautiful.
I insist.
-yes! It's gonna be here tomorrow.
Orson, take it easy! impossible.
Soon, I, the grillmaster, will christen a brand-
new barbecue.
You're pretty excited about a grill.
Oh, it's so much more than that, young man.
This is the prairiefire turbo.
It's 122,000 btus of charbroiling power.
Look out, cattle! You think you're excited? Just
imagine the salesman who overcharged you.
Well, bree, I got a very good deal.
to He only thinks he got a good deal because
the salesman threw in one of those "kiss the
cook" hats.
And the temperature-sensing rbecue fork.
Well, that sounds good.
- Yeah.
Don't encourage him! Orson is a horrible
negotiator.
He's never met a sticker price he didn't like.
Oh, no, bree, that's-- - it's true.
There's a reason the local car dealers send you
a fruit basket every christmas.
W hush.
bree, could you please not do that? Do do
what? It's just when you talk to your husband
that way, it really pushes a button for me.
My mom used to do that, and it, uh drove my
dad away.
I think he was tired of being emasculated.
Did I mention it has a rear-mounted rotisserie
rack? what exactly are you saying, alex? I'm
saying, if you're gonna be rude to your
husband, could you just not do it in front of
me? So rotisserie, huh? Yeah.
Good for chicken, rolled roasts, legs of lamb.
This thing is so advanced, I could obably use it
to make soup.
I'm sorry.
Daddy has to work.
Carlos, what is going on? You're gonna miss
your plane.
They're upset.
They're not used to me being away.
Oh, for god sakes, girls.
It's not like he's going off to war.
He's gonna be back tomorrow.
Why can't daddy work here? Because daddy
has a new job that's gonna make us lots of
money.
We don't need lots of money.
Hey, what did I say about that kind of
language? Look, gis Daddy's gonna be home
tomorrow in time for dinner.
You can call me whenever youant.
Okay? And the best part is you get to spend a
whole day with just mommy! heoh, llo, mr.
Fishmanan.
I'm coming in.
Watch the wheels.
Boy, you just had to put a rug here, huh? Uh,
is everything okay? It's about your damn son.
Porter? - How the hell do I know? He's got red
hair and he's got a face you just wanna slap,
and he's driving my sister crazy! What are you
talking about? The retirement home.
Your kid has been staying in your mom's room.
What? Muriel thought he was just visiting, but
he's been there for a week.
Now the rules clearly state no visiting after
dark.
Tom, I know where porter is.
He's hiding at my mother'S.
Oh, hiding, my ass.
He's not hiding.
He's living there.
He even stole my sister's orange juice.
I'll take re of it.
Thank you.
Call bob.
Tell him we can make the hearing tomorrow.
Nobodyan sleep there because he's got that tv
blaring all night long.
Look, tom, I can't talk now.
Just call bob.
I'm going over there now.
Okay.
Bye.
parker, I'm gonna be back in an hour.
Mr.
Fishman, thank you so much.
well, don't just stand there.
Make me a sandwich! Uh, one more thing.
Could you see about having the basement
cleared out? Yeah, e last time we went down
there, it was filled with mildewed boxes.
Oh, I'll take care of that.
There's nothing worse than having old junk
around.
Edie! Case in point.
edie? edie! Do you not hear me? Yeah, I heard
you.
Why do you think I kept walking? Looks like
the mailman switched our mail again.
Do you have mine? Yep.
T's in my garbag come by and grab it at your
convenience.
What is wrong with you? I asked everyone
over this morning because I had this huge
thing to share about kicking my husband out,
and you prance in with your, "me and jackson
are moving to a fairy castle.
" I'm sorry.
I thought we gave your latest breakup the
three seconds of shock it deserved.
Get the hell out of here.
Gladly.
what have you done? - nothing.
It's locked.
do you have a key? In my purse.
Which I left in the kitchen.
Does anyone know you're here? No.
Help!Get me out of here! - Somebody help
me! juanita, it's time for your bath.
I'm watching my movie.
You've seen it a hundred times.
She loses her shoe, the prince finds it--end of
story.
Let's go.
I'll go when I'm ready.
hey, it's not finished! - It is for you.
Now move! Juanita solis, I am not kidding.
Okay.
That does it.
Juanita.
If you think I'm not gonna drag you to the
throom, you are sadly mistaken! You're never
gonna make it.
Oh, yes, I will.
My rage is fueling me in ways you can't
imagine.
what's wrong? My rage just needs to catch its
breath.
okay.
Okay.
I am willing to forget this entire incident if you
just go jump in that bathtub right now.
What do you say? I am gonna scrub that
smug look right off your face.
Oh, my back! where is he? I'm sorry.
Have we met? wait you're the girl who stuck
me here three years ago.
You come by every christmas and look at yo
watch while I unwrap the socks you bought
me on the drive over.
Do you know what's going on with porter?
The fire? The arrest? Yes.
I read the newspapers.
Everybody's ying for that poor kid's blood.
No, no.
We have this great lawyer.
He thinks he can get the case thrown out.
Oh, really? I didn't realize that.
porter! Come out from under the bed!
Mommy is here to take care of you! Just like
she took care of me.
Okay.
I know you're mad.
I know we have a lot to hash out between us.
But don't take your hate for me out on your somebody else? This is a stupid exercise.
grandson. I refuse to-- when was it? - Lunch.
Now where is he? He's safe. It was lunch.
I heard muriel fishman rat me out to her You know, I'm feeling a bit randy tonight.
brother, so I-I made sure that porter cleared What do you say we make a little love? Well,
out. we've got 15 minutes till the news is on.
Mom this is wrong. Why not? I still can't get over the way alex
Please. behaved this morning.
Sucks to feel powerless, doesn't it, lynette? "Emasculating.
Please, help! Please! I'm getng a really " I' never heard such nonsense.
unpleasant picture of what u're like in the ol' Don't you think so? Well, I thought the matter
sackarooni. in which alex made his point was
Face it, mer. inappropriate.
We're stuck. But? Well, I wouldn't say it was nonsense.
Gotta get out. You can be a little tough sometimes.
I'm supposed to be meeting the moving "Tough"? That's not a word I would use to
company. describe myself.
what? Keep talking about how you're going to Nobody blames you, bree.
move away and be with jackson. You run a business.
I ar stupidi makes time go faster. You have to be formidable.
So now me wanting to be with the man I love Sometimes, if that frame of mind carries over
is stupid? And needy and pathetic and kinda into your personal life, it's only to be expected.
hilarious. I don't think I do that.
But there's one thing it's not, mayer. I know you don'T.
That's "unexpected. It's not worth getting upset about.
" What are you getting at? Have you ever in Andrew and I are used to it, and I'm sure in
your life been without a man? Of course I time, alex will get used to it, too.
have. Now on to more pleasant things.
- When? I don't know. Even though it's my turn, I don't mind if you're
I'm not sure. on top.
What are you doing? making a calendar. I think we forgot one.
- Edie oh, come on. Didn't you date somebody after you stole karl
We've got nothing but time, and I assume you away from me? Ron.
don't wanna make out, so first boyfriend? Dr.
Todd shaffer. Ron.
I was 14. Are we done? - Yep.
And why did you and hot toddy break up? He Here it is--the history of your love life.
dumped me during math class. Proof that you can't be happy without a man.
And how long did it take you to start dating This is not proof of anything.
Seven boyfriends through high school and
college-- only What does that tell you? My
grades sucked? It's a cry for help, mayer.
and it doesn't get much better into the many
decades of your adulthood.
Hey, I was single for several months after karl
and after mike.
But that wasn't of your choosing.
They dumped you.
I know.
It's hard to look in the mirror.
Have you ever looked in your mirror, edie?
You're famous for the number of men you've
conquered.
Thank you.
- It's not a compliment, you tramp! Okay, i am
not gonna take relationship tips from a
woman who has hooked up with what is it?
Over a thousand men? Okay, that's tE.
I enjoyed the '80s but the difference is, I go
after men because I want them.
You go after them because you need them.
That is not much of a distinction.
Yes, it is.
You have holes in your heart that can only be
filled by a pair of trousers.
Face it, mayer.
You're weak.
porter wasn't there, and she won't tell me
where he is.
did you tell her that he could end up in jail?
Of course I did.
Lynette, you're really upset.
Just hang up and come home.
She's so angry at me.
She's never gonna tell us where he is.
lynette? Lynette? uh, we need to find lynette
scavo.
Let me check.
This is all my fault.
She was so worked up when she left my room.
I'm not finding a lynette scavo.
Oh, my god.
Does that mean she's dead? No.
No.
It means she outsmarted her mom.
Oh, my god, porter, we missed you so much.
I-I don't understand.
I thought you were in an accident.
No, sweetie.
I was driving home last night, talking with
your dad on the phone, and two cars in front
of me had an accident.
And I thought, damn, that could be me.
And then I thought, that could be me.
You scared the hell out of me.
We are sorry, but we had to get you back.
You've gotta be in court by 5:00.
I don't want to go to jail.
Porter, listen to me.
Bob talked to the judge.
He thinks he can get them to drop the
charges.
I don't know if I should believe you.
You're gonna have to.
Okay.
- great.
Come on.
Let's go.
That was a rotten thing you did, lynette.
I thought you were dead.
Yeah, well, what can I tell ya? I learned from
the best.
celia! Juanita! I am not gonna ask you again
to pick up these clothes! You've got till the
count of three! One two three! You can hear
me, right? yeah! All right, that's it! I'm calling
your father! You are gonna get it now! He is
gonna tear into you! It is gonna be a
bloodbath! hey, babe.
What's up? It's your children.
They've run amok.
- What? Now that you've gone back to work,
they won't listen to me.
They know you're not in the next room, ready
to drop the hammer.
Help me! How? I'm in a meeting.
O-okay.
I'm gonna put you on speer, and I want you to
rip 'em a new one.
I'm with clients.
I don't have time for this.
But-- - I gotta go! Carlos? Carlos! I think he
hung up, mommy.
Can you bring us a lemonade? hi, mike.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
- Where's katherine? Ah, headache.
She ses her regrets.
you mind if I grab a beer? Uh, yeah.
In the test kitchen.
Uh, beer sounds good.
I think I'll grab one, too.
Excuse me.
So katherine not feeling well, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, I think she also might be a little miffed
with me.
this about baltimore? it's not that I want her
to go, 'cause I don'T.
They why don't you tell her? I don't wanna be
the guy that comes between her and her
daughter, not to mention a grandchild.
I thought this was because I don't know.
Maybe you're still hung up on your ex-wife.
Susan? No.
No, that's over.
You sure? And most guys I talk to, they say
they only really fall in love once.
And even if it doesn't work, they spend the
rest of their lives thinking about the one that
they lost.
I always wondered if that's how you felt about
susan.
Why would you wonder about something like
that? Oh, I don't know.
You're my friend.
I care about you.
well, no.
In fact, dave, I think I might be falling in love
with katherine.
Did you just use the "l" word? See, I-I didn't
realize it was that serious.
Ll, to be honest, it didn't really hit me until she
said she might leave.
Where are our guests? The food's gonna get
cold.
Oh, I'll go find them.
And bring some steak sauce.
Oh, you're not gonna need any sauce with
these babies.
They are seasoned to perfection.
bring it.
Well, there's no sense in waiting.
Dig in.
Oh, dear.
Are they overcooked? No, they're well-done.
That's the way I like them.
Bree, what do you think? Oh, I really couldn't
say.
You couldn't say if your meat is overcooked?
No.
I wouldn't want to upset anyone.
Well, don't rrY.
You won't upset me.
I don't think she was referring to you.
Well, it's just that grilling is suca manly
pastime.
If I suggested that orson somehow failed to
produce the perfect steak, you might see it as
another example emasculation.
I see.
You're not gonna let that go, are you? Well,
for all I know, telling orson his steak tastes like
charcoal might be deballing him.
You know, bree, you can make your point and
still be nice.
You know what else would be nice, alex?
Showing gratitude when people have been
generous with you.
Don't listen to her, alex.
She's not mad at you.
She's mad at me and the meat.
Gratitude? What do you mean by that? I mean
I bought you a house.
You'd think you'd show me a little respect.
seriously? You're bringing up the house? Well,
why not? It was a fairly grand gesture on my
part.
Yes, and one that apparently comes with
strings.
If by "strings," you mean I won't let you be
rude to me in my own house, then yes.
You know wha I think I'm going to have to
decline your grand gesture.
Keep the hse.
What's wrong? Orson burnt the steaks.
Susan, how can you tell if pickles have
botulism? Ah, what the hell? I shoot this stuff
into my forehead.
Forget it.
I'd rather starv for a day or two.
By then, you'll be dead, and I can use your
remains as a source of protein.
Oh, come on.
That was funny.
You know maybe i do feel incomplete without
a man.
But I wouldn't trade places with you for
anything.
You wanna know why? No, but I'm trapped, so
knock yourself out.
It's the way you are with men-- they're like
tissues.
You use one and then toss it awa and then
you're on to the next one.
At least I'm looking for something al.
so you think this happy ending crap that you
believe in is real? Please.
I know what men are really like.
Really? Well, when I was 16, my dad had an
affair with this woman who had a 10-year-old
daughter.
And one day, he told my mom and me that he
was leaving us for them.
Oh, my god.
No talking.
A week later, he comes to the house to get his
stuff, and my mom didn't want to see him, so
we went to the movies.
Now I had this, uh, horse figurine collection.
Plastic, glass, ceramic-- hundreds of them.
Anyway, we come back from the movies, and
my dad had taken all his stuff.
So I go into my bedroom, and something
seems different.
And then I realize all of mhorses were gone.
My mom called my dad and screamed and all
he said was, I was too old for th and that his
girlfriend's daughter would appreciate them
more.
can you believe that? What a fungus.
oh, god.
Are you crying? it's just now I get it.
Get what? All these years, I have judged you,
and it is not your fault.
Oh, come here. you love him, but it was your daddy.
you are the way you are because of your Enough chatter.
father. Ke moving! when they're done, you want me
Edie, what the hell? Don't psychoanalyze me, to make them vacuum? If you wouldn't mind.
you simp! I was just trying to tell you how - Nah.
selfish men are. Gues aw, come on, edie.
And I was just trying to be nice and give you I said I was sorry.
a free pass for being such a big slut! Edie! - Guess July? Wrong.
Okay, girls. March! Man, you're bad at this.
Pick up your toys and put 'em in the basket Guess.
before dinner. oh, hey, mrs.
Dinner's not for two hours. Williams.
I've had enough of your crap. I didn't know you were down here.
Now pick up these toys! No! Okay, juanita. Oh, thank god! We've been locked in here all
What is going on here? Why are you being so night.
difficult? When daddy asks you to do Really? Good thing I came by to check the rat
something, you just do it. traps then.
That's because I love daddy mo. I'm glad I forgot about those until now.
Fine. uh, mayer? I, uh, would appreciate it if you
everything okay, mrs. wouldn't talk about what we talked about.
Solis? Yeah. I wasn't planning to.
just my kids. Good, because I'll deny it if you do.
They really know how push my buttons. I won'T.
Oh, yeah. And I'll kill you.
I got a couple monsters at home, too. Good-bye, edie.
The key is, you gotta be the bigger monster. oh, I'll bring your mail over when I get home.
Well, unfortunately, they're not afraid of me. Thks.
Ooh, that's bad. Hey, mom.
Fear is the foundation of all good parenting. I just came by to tell you that the judge threw
You gotta practice your big voice. out porter's case for lack of evidence.
finish that broccoli now! you see how that Isn't that great? Mom I did not put you in
works? Yeah. here to punish you.
It's very effective. I didn't have a choice.
well hey, you got an extra 15 minutes? do it! You had a choice.
Faster! Faster! Faster! I wanna see this place - No, I didn'T.
sparkle! Mommy it's out of my hands, girls. From the moment glen died, u were out of
Word got out that you were disobeying, and control.
they sent reggie over. It's true you lost all that money in vegas.
Who sent reggie over? Well, I know how much You started drinking again.
D how many times did I go to your condo,
only to finyou asleep on the sofa with a
cigarette in your mouth? No, I won't apologize
for bringing you here.
I did it because I love you.
Then why don't you come visit me? It's not a
very pleasant experience.
So I yell a little.
So I toss a few curse words your way.
Big deal! Last time I came, you threw pudding
at me.
I'm an angry old woman, lynette! What do you
expect? Here's a thought-- stop being angry.
How? I can't make a friend in this place
without having them drop dead of a stroke
five minutes later.
I-I feel like hell.
Every time I look in the mirror, I wanna scream.
My anger is all I've got left, baby.
If I let go of that, it's over.
I know it.
The ball game will be over.
The ball game is going to end whether you
like it or not.
I would like to be here with you for whatever
time you have left.
But for that to happen, things have to change.
Would you come visit me more often? At least
twice a week, and sometimes I'd bring the
kids.
I'd like that.
You know, they turned out really good.
How'd you learn how to be such a good mom?
I have no idea.
Well, now that you're here, why don't you stay,
and we can talk a while? I--and get my flask
out of the drawer.
Hey, I can't be nice, forgiving and sober all at
the same time.
Daddy! - daddy! Missed you guys.
You're really helping mommy, huh? That's
great.
The scary man told us we had to.
We don't even know the guy.
He left a flier in our mailbox.
You left him do your parenting? Hey, you're
the one who told me to get creative.
This wasn't what I meant! Easy for you to say.
They told me they love you more than me.
And when I was running things, they said they
loved you more.
Really? So don't get your feelings hurt, and
stop asking strangers to discipline our kids.
Well, I wouldn't have to if you would do it.
so you want me to go twork all day, go out
on business trips, and what little time I have
here with the girls, you want me to spend
screaming at them? Just for the first 15
minutes after you walk in the door.
Then it's carlos time.
Forget it! This was the arrangement you
wanted.
You made me take this job.
I just wanted us to have a normal life.
Well, guess what, sweetie? Dad's unhappy at
work.
Mom's home with the screaming kids.
You got one.
Oh, good.
You're back.
Can we talk? If it's about work, yes.
If it's about what happened at the barbecue,
no.
Fine.
Then as my employee, I authorize a 5-minute
break so we can talk about my son's boyfriend
and his absurd overreaction this afternoon.
Th's it.
I'm out of here.
Andrew, please.
You were there.
Alex started the whole thing.
You need to tell him to stop criticizing me.
I'm--I'm not getting in the middle of this.
If you have a problem with alex, you tell him.
I tried.
He won't listen to me.
Don't you mean obey? He's not your son.
He's not your husband.
He's not your employee.
Not everyone has to listen to you.
I'll--I'll do this tomorrow.
I got the flowers.
They were from you, right? Oh, yeah.
I just have a minute, and I don't want to get
into a whole thing with you.
This won't take long.
I don't want to fight anymore.
Please, just take the house.
I don't know how else to say this.
What happened yesterday is gonna happen
again.
It's not gonna be the last time we fight, 'cause
that's who we are.
Let's not make it worse by living on top of
each other.
Alex I'm gonna tell you something I haven't
told anybody-- not orson, not andrew, just
you.
I know that I've changed since my business
took off, but I didn't want to admit it.
I've watched myself become selfish, impatient,
rude.
I was never thtype to suffer fools gladly, but
now I seem to find fools everywhere.
And I don't want to be that way.
I need someone who isn't afraid to speak out,
to call me out when I cross those lines, and I
would love it if you would be that person.
Did my mother-in-law just give me permission
to criticize her? Yes, I did.
I'm a lucky guy.
Edie.
Listen, um I'm not happy about you lying to
me, but I think what we have is real, A I'm not
ready to throw it away.
Really? And don't tell anyone, but I'm at the
point in my life where I could use a happy
ending.
I'll get my stuff.
hello? Jackson, hi.
Do you have a sec? Sure.
Is something wrong? Uh, no, nothing's wrong.
Just we need to talk about this move.
At 5:15 that afternoon, edie williams began
calling her friends to inform them that her
husband had come home.
Sadly, she never got through to any of them.
gabrielle never picked up.
She was too busy watching her children being
told they had to obey their mother and trying
not to smile.
Lynette wasn't home when edie called.
she was with her mother, laughing and sharing
stories about the old days and enjoying every
minute of it.
Bree was outside showing her future son-in-
law color samples for the home she had
bought him and smiling politely when they
disagreed.
And susan-- well, she didn't answer because
she was sittinin her favorite chair with a cup of
tea learning to enjoy, for the first time in her
life, what it was like to be alone.
513 - The Best Thing That Could Have
Happened
Eli Scruggs was the handiest of all handymen.
You could ask any of his customers, and they
would tell you, there was nothing he couldn't
fix.
Whether it was a broken vase a leaky pipe or
a shaky banister, Eli always knew how to get
the job done.
But sadly, the man who had fixed so many
things for the residents of Wisteria Lane was
now about to break their hearts.
Eli Scruggs, get down from there! Mrs.
McCluskey.
Just found this note in my mailbox.
Says you're retiring? What the hell? Yes, ma'am.
It's true.
Now why would you want to do something
stupid like that? My doc says I got a bum
ticker, have to take it easy from now on.
Well, once I'm done fixing Mrs.
Mayer's shingles, I'm on a plane to Waikiki.
- Well, this is very annoying.
Who's gonna fix my water heater when it
breaks? Oh, I met this young guy named Toby.
Very bright, just turned 30.
He'll take care of you.
Ah, damn it, Eli! I am not comfortable with
strangers in my house.
Took me ten years to trust you.
- I know.
Most of those guys leave tools and nails all
over the place.
You never leave a mess.
Thank you, ma'am.
Have you told everyone else you're leaving? I
left copies of that same note in everybody's
mailbox.
Well, that's not right.
After all these years, people will want to say
good-bye, and you know, maybe throw you a
party or somethin'.
Oh, no.
I prefer to go quietly, if you know what I mean.
I don't want a big fuss.
Well, I'll miss you, Eli.
There will never be another one like you.
With that Eli Scruggs climbed his ladder for
the very last time.
And once he had finished making his last
repair, Eli Scruggs-- quietly, with no fuss-- had
a heart attack and died.
And most importantly without leaving a mess.
It took an hour for someone to finally notice
the body laying atop Susan Mayer's roof.
Aah! It was less than ten minutes later that the
neighbors began arriving, each determined to
get a look at the various paramedics and
policemen who were all frantically trying to
figure out exactly how to bring the body
down.
And it took two days for my friends to realize
this tragedy had affected them We're ready!
Come on.
more than they were willing to admit.
Hey, Gaby, did you remember to get change?
'Cause when I cash in my chips, I don't want
to hear you say, "all I've got is $50s.
" - Speaking of cashing in your chips, anyone
know when Eli's funeral is? - Oh, I think it's
Saturday.
I wonder how many people are gonna show
up.
Mrs.
McCluskey was saying he didn't have much
family.
Poor Eli.
We should make sure he's got flowers at his
funeral.
I'm in.
- How much are we talking? I don't know.
What do you think, Gaby? Gaby? Wow! Jimmy
Choo! Oh, Carlos! These aren't even in the
states yet.
What's the catch? What are you talking about?
You never buy me a present unless I'm mad or
about to be mad.
And I don't think I am, so why am I about to
be? I have to go to Cleveland tomorrow.
- Carlos! They're begging me.
The merger's going south.
You just got home! With shoes.
Don't leave me here.
I'm going out of my mind.
Everyone is so boring and suburban.
And how many freakin' honor students can
that school have? Can we please not argue in
front of the handyman? He has a name.
What's your name? Eli Scruggs.
You hear that, Carlos? You've brought me to a
place where people are named "Eli Scruggs.
" Fine.
I'll give up my job and everything that comes
with it.
Not the Jimmy Choos.
They're the only friends I've got.
Thought so.
I'm going to pack.
You know, it's none of my business You're right.
It's not.
But the ladies in this neighborhood are
actually pretty nice.
- Yeah.
They came by, brought muffins.
One of 'em wants her basket back.
That'd be Bree.
Anyhow, she and the other ladies, uh, play
poker every week.
If you'd like, I could talk to 'em, see if they'll
let you host a game.
Hi.
We're, um the neighborhood.
Gabrielle invited us to play poker.
So is she in? Mrs.
Solis will be right down.
She likes to make an entrance.
What does that mean, "an entrance"? Hello
there.
Welcome to my home.
Oh.
That's what it means.
So I said, "pumpkin"-- That's what I call Jon
Bon Jovi-- I said, "pumpkin, even if I could
steer a yacht, I'm certainly not about to do it
in 5-inch heels.
" True story.
Well, you've certainly had quite a glamorous
life.
Well, it was before my husband moved me
here to East Nowhere.
Seriously, I don't know how you girls do it.
Do what? - Get out of bed in the morning.
I've only lived here a month, and I want to put
a gun to my head.
You know what I mean? No, we don't.
There are no good nightclubs, no theater.
What do you do for a good time? Well, we
watch the kids play soccer.
And the school drama department puts on
some really great shows.
And then there's church, of course.
Church.
Oh, you're serious.
Look, I know it's quiet here, but I think you'll
find there's a real charm to Fairview.
No, no, it's cute. Well, thanks for the advice.
It's cute. You wanna add that to your bill? No.
I get that. It's on the house.
It's just I was a top-tier fashion model, and I I brought muffins.
guess I'm just gonna have to get used to the That's so nice.
fact that the best part of my life is behind me. We were just Playing poker, and I wasn't
Good-bye doing vodka shots with Kate Moss, invited.
and hello to sipping international coffee with I know.
you girls. I get it.
Full house. I just wanted to tell you guys I know I made a
Yes? Hello. horrible first impression.
Is Mrs. Now you know why models don't usually talk.
Solis here? Oh, I got it. Because we say a lot of stupid, patronizing
I got it. things.
Go, go, go, go, go. What I should've said was my husband's never
Ma'am, here's the bill for fixing your sink. home.
Okay. I miss the city.
Thank you. I miss my life.
By the way You made quite an impression at I'm lonely all the time and I could really use
the poker game. some friends.
Really? Oh, yeah. Anyway, here.
The ladies can't stop talking about you. Now that's how you make an entrance.
Aw. Gaby? I'm sorry.
Well, I'm sure it was kind of exciting for them What? We're getting a wreath for Eli's funeral.
to have a star in their midst. Are you in? Actually, why don't you let me pay
Uh, let me think did they say "star"? I heard, for it? It can still be from all of us.
uh, "stuck-up," "obnoxious," "bitch. - No, you don't have to do that.
" What?! You know, I went out on a limb to I sort of do.
get you into that game, and then you go in Now let's play some poker.
there acting like you're better than they are. All right, time for my luck to change.
Oh, my clothes said that, not me. This hand is for Eli.
Well, did you ask them anything about their Hmm.
lives? Why would they want to talk about their Next hand is for Eli.
lives? Their lives are boring. You know, if we're gonna have a get-together
Well, you know what's gonna be really boring? after the funeral, we should start thinking
You sitting here alone in this big house about food.
without any friends. And by "we" and "food," you mean Bree, right?
If I were you, I'd drop the attitude. I thought that was clear.
Learn to like your neighbors. I'd be happy to.
Any special requests? How about we pick
something from your cookbook? Great.
Gaby, do you have your copy? I'll go get it.
You use my cookbook to balance your table?
Oh, it's only temporary.
Juanita needed her coloring book back.
Oh.
- All right.
Watch out, ladies.
I'm sorry if the frittata is a bit dry.
Are you kidding? It's great.
You should give Linette the recipe.
- Yes, 'cause that's what women in their eighth
month really crave--more stove time.
Mine is so erratic.
I'm not even sure what the real temperature is.
Of course, if a certain doctor would loosen the
purse strings - We're not getting a new stove.
If you would just take on a few more patients,
we could afford it.
Well, if I'm not supporting you adequately, my
dear, by all means, feel free to do something
about it.
Such as? Well, you could maybe I don't know,
get a job? I have a job.
I'm a homemaker.
And a damn good one.
So to make this, you--you just s-sauté some
ham and some onions-- It's not happening,
Tom.
I just sometimes think maybe you would
appreciate the value of a dollar more if you
had to work outside the home.
And I think you would appreciate my value
more if, for once, you had to cook your own
food and wash your own clothes.
Lynette makes me sew my own buttons.
- I'll sew anything you want if you just stop
getting me pregnant.
I want a new stove, Rex, and if I need to get a
job to pay for it, so be it.
If you're looking for a stove, we've got one
that's hardly ever been used.
I wish I could say the same for my uterus.
Oh, yeah.
I ruined the brunch.
Hey, how's it looking under there, Eli? Is it
gonna cost me an arm and a leg? Nah.
A few fingers, maybe.
Honey, my stomach's growling.
When's dinner? Oh, we're having leftovers.
You can heat them up yourself if you want.
Since when do we have leftovers? Since I
started writing my own cookbook.
Remember how you told me I should start
making my own money? Well, I've been going
through all my old recipes, and I've got this
great idea for a real home-style American
cookbook.
- You're not serious? Why wouldn't I be?
People are always complimenting me on my
cooking.
You're great, but come on.
Every bored housewife who pulls off a decent
lasagna thinks she can write a cookbook.
You think I'm just like every other housewife?
No.
No, no, no.
That's not what I'm saying.
It's just that what do you really know? I'll learn.
And I want it to be more than just a cookbook.
I want to talk about traditional values and give
helpful hints about homemaking.
Look, look, this is my fault.
You know, I-I was ribbing you the other day
about getting a job, but you took it seriously.
If you really want a new stove, I'll get you a
stove.
Now can you stop this foolishness and make
me something to eat that isn't leftovers? Mrs.
Van de Kamp? I fixed your banister.
Should be fine now.
I'll just go.
You can pay me whenever.
I know this is a rough time for you.
Thanks, Eli.
By the way, the service for Mr.
V.
was really nice.
You were there? I sat in the back of the church.
I wanted to say good-bye to Mr.
V.
So uh have you thought about what you're
gonna do now? You mean, with my life? I
don't know.
Mrs.
V I've been meaning to give this to you for a
while now but I, uh, could never find the right
moment.
I kept it for you, just in case you might need it
someday.
Hope you don't mind.
Oh, I gotta tell you.
I made your Cajun meatloaf.
Whoo! That may be my favorite meal ever.
I can't believe you saved this.
Ah.
Of course, I'm not really in the mood to write
a cookbook right now.
Well maybe one day you will be.
Hey, Bree, I know what you can make for the
wake-- that flaky-breaded-shrimp thing.
Thanks, but I know exactly what I'm gonna
make.
Dave, it was a nice trip, but I gotta tell you, I
don't know why we spent all that money
going to the Bahamas.
If we're not gonna leave the hotel room, then
why not just cover ourselves in suntan lotion
and have sex here? You just got a message
from Mrs.
McCluskey.
Oh? She said your handyman died.
Eli? Oh, my God.
He was working on Susan's roof and dropped
dead of a heart attack.
Can you believe that? No, no, no.
You are not going to the gym again.
You said we were gonna have afternoon sex.
We'll do it when I get back.
You say that every time, Umberto, And then
you're too tired.
Maybe I wouldn't be if you weren't so clingy.
Clingy? We haven't had sex in two weeks.
It's like I'm 15 again.
Not us.
You.
Your libido is out of control.
Umberto-- Look, you've got a drawerful of
toys.
Use 'em.
Oh! Ahem.
Oh! Oh! Eli! I-I forgot you were in there.
Yeah.
I'm done fixing your faucet.
Actually, I was done ten minutes ago, but I
was afraid to come out.
- I'm sorry you heard all of that.
The good news is, while I was in there, I re-
grouted your tub free of charge.
Wait a second.
What do you think of my ass? Sorry? My ass--
on a scale from one to ten.
Well, I-I-I, uh ticktock.
Ten.
It's a ten.
And the boobs? Perky and firm? You've named
them? Oh, come on, Eli.
My husband won't have sex with me.
I just need to make sure it's not me.
It's not you.
Are you sure? Trust me.
I used to work in construction.
My buddies would've gone crazy for you-- cat
calls, uh, nasty gestures.
"Hey, you, with the sweater meats! "If you ever
need any work done, call me! 'Cause I got the
perfect tool for the job!" Y-you get the drift.
Yeah.
I do.
That was insulting and demeaning.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
Miss Britt? The door was wide open.
I got the paint.
You want to check the color? Eh.
Is everything okay? Things are great.
You want some wine? We're celebrating.
What's the occasion? I am no longer married
to a gay guy.
Umberto was gay? So you wasted your time
installing that light in the closet, because he
went flying out of there.
At least you know now it wasn't you.
Wasn't it? He said that being married to me
was what convinced him that he liked men.
Oh.
You could imagine what a boost to the ego
that was.
Come on.
You had a gay guy sleeping with you for two
years, and those guys are pretty hard to land.
No.
No, trust me.
No need to be sad.
You're a knockout.
No, I-I-I need this hand back.
It's hard to be a handyman without a-a hand.
Mm.
Miss Britt, what are you doing? You put the
mirror over my bed.
You know exactly what I'm doing.
Are you sure about this? I don't want to take
advantage of you.
Oh, I'm sure you'll be gentle.
Anyway, I guess they're burying him on
Saturday.
Obviously, you want to go.
Yeah.
I do.
Oh, leave that black dress out.
I'll get it dry-cleaned for the funeral.
A little sexy for a funeral, isn't it? Oh, I don't
think Eli would mind.
Mom? That's Penny.
I'll be right back.
Mom! Hey, sweetie.
What's up? You said you would help me with
my math.
We're dividing fractions.
Oh.
I wish you'd caught me two Chardonnays ago.
Mom, you promised.
I know, but mommy's still planning Eli's
memorial.
Start without me.
I'll be there in a little while.
Oh, my gosh.
Lynette, are you okay? The doctor just called.
I'm pregnant.
This is fantastic! You-- Yeah.
Whoop-dee-doo.
Honey, you don't sound too happy about this.
I was planning to go back to work.
What? What a-- what are you talking about? I Oh, three weeks.
had it in the back of my mind for a while, and That's a little soon, but, uh, sure, I could make
then yesterday, I got a ph-- - Hold it. that work.
Sorry. For God sakes, Lynette, we gotta go to the
I was having trouble paying attention. hospital.
Jeffrey Cuevas is retiring in September. - In a minute.
I am the perfect person to step into his job, I'm trying to lock this job down.
and that is exactly when Parker starts What kind of perks are we talking about here?
kindergarten. Okay, you're having contractions.
The timing is like a dream. That's it.
But what about our dream of having a-a little You-- I swear, if you touch this phone, I will
girl? This could be our chance. have this baby right here and then beat you
Oh, please. with it! You're insane.
You know it's gonna be a boy. We have to go.
It's always a boy. Could you hold on one second? We agreed I
It's just gonna pee in my face and hide dead could go back to work after I gave birth.
things in my shoes. - After, Lynette, not during! I'm sorry.
I am doing this, Tom. Is there any way we could finish this
I am going after this job. conversation tomorrow? Oh! L-l-later in the
But who's gonna take care of the kids? Well, I day works better for me, too.
was hoping you could cut back on your hours Well, thank you very much.
at work. Bye.
I can't do that. - Hey.
I have a career. Whew! I got the job.
You did not just say that. Congratulations.
No, I-I didn't. The baby's arm is sticking out.
I didn't. Why don't you high-five it? Tom, I am in pain.
Tom, I cannot just stay at home wiping noses. Do you mind? Oh.
I need it for my sanity, and I need you to back You'll see, Tom.
me up. I know.
Oh! Mom? Well, the kids are up. People say that you ooh! You can't have it all,
They're gonna want their breakfast. but I know we can.
And I'm gonna back you up by, uh, making it Oh, Mr.
for 'em. Swenson, I can't tell you how excited I am.
My hero. Maybe you could schedule a staff meeting so I
Jeff Cuevas is fantastic, but I know I could take could hit the ground running on Monday.
his department to a whole new level. No, no.
What the hell is that? Oh, my water broke. No, it can't be Friday, because, remember, we
Take the overnight bag out to the car. agreed that we would start next week? So
again, thank you so much for this opportunity. Karl said he was coming by to get some of his
Mrs. stuff, and I want this place to be a fortress by
Scavo? Yeah? I think you might have forgotten then.
somethin'. You're doing all right, though? Oh, well, on
Could you hold on a second? Oh, my God. one hand, I got dumped for a pair of
Oh, my God. headlights named Brandy.
She's fine. On the other, I reported Karl's credit cards
I was on the phone. stolen, and I cut the pockets out of all of his
I was talking to my new boss, and I - She was pants.
only in there for a minute. So a little from column "a," a little from
But it's 85 degrees outside. column "b.
I've never done this before. " Oh.
You got a lot on your mind-- three kids and a Sorry.
newborn, it sounds like new job. Well, if it's any consolation, redheads are nuts.
Yeah, I do. What do you mean? That she'll make his life a
Yeah. living hell.
It's a lot to handle. It sounds like what he deserves.
There you go. Brandy's not a redhead.
Mm. She's blonde.
I should probably get back to Susan's windows. So, uh, you maybe want to go with a dead
Uh, you take care. bolt this time? What do you know I saw him
Lynette, are you still there? Lynette? Hello? Are around town a couple times with a redhead.
you still there? Hey. Uh, people in the neighborhood were talking.
You coming back in? No. I-I thought you knew.
I'm gonna go help my daughter with her I didn't.
homework. Would you feel any better knowing that, uh,
Ugh. she's kinda chubby? Just leave! But what-- but
Yard sale! Oh! Good. what about the locks? I-i-if Karl's coming
You're here. Change the locks, then leave.
How are you, Eli? Fine. Okay, but I really am sorry-- Change the locks,
You? Great. don't talk to me, then leave.
Yeah, I haven't worn these Jeans in a while, Susan? Susan, did you call me? I couldn't
and I found 20 bucks in the pocket. really understand the message.
Don't you just love when that happens? Also, Oh, wow.
Karl left me for his secretary, so I need you to You want me to come back later? Are you all
change these locks. right? No.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Of course you're not.
Oh, thanks, but don't be. I heard you and Mike are getting divorced.
Just hurry. I'm sorry.
Probably not what you want to hear, but I
thought you were a great couple.
Thanks.
Sweet.
Do you--maybe you remember what you
wanted me to do? Locks.
Change the locks.
Got it.
Let me go see what I got out in the truck.
Susan I don't know much about love.
I I dabbled in it once or twice, but it always
seemed more trouble than it was worth.
I told myself I wasn't missing much.
But watching you all these years, how how
hard you've tried, how how hurt you've been,
but you still keep getting back up, you dust
yourself off, then you try again.
Maybe I am missing something.
Maybe maybe it is worth it.
And, um, I'm sure it's not gonna help for you
to hear tell you this, but you're damn heroic to
me.
You are.
Yeah.
Hey.
Just dropping these off.
I finally got 'em cut.
Tell Jackson I'm sorry it took me so long.
Actually, um Jackson and I split up.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
Am I sorry? Oh, yeah.
He's a great guy.
I just, uh, want to be alone right now.
Well, good for you.
Oh, hey.
- Mm? As long as you're here, I think there's a
loose shingle on my roof.
Do you think maybe you could fix it for me?
Oh, I'd be happy to.
But just so you know, it'll be the last thing I
ever fix for you.
I'm retiring.
What? Today's my last day.
You can't retire.
I break too many things.
I know.
You paid for the trip to Hawaii I'm gonna take.
No, it's the right move.
Be happy for me.
Hey, I am happy for you.
It's just, uh this is gonna sound crazy.
What? Um, I think you have been the most
consistent male relationship in my life.
You're so stable and reliable, and I just always
thought you'd be around.
Which is funny, because I don't really know
anything about you.
Well, how about this-- I fix your shingle, and
when I'm done, you can ask me anything you
want.
Great.
I will go to the store right now and get some
wine so we can toast your retirement.
I like that.
Perfect way to end my time on Wisteria Lane.
Oh, yes.
What kind do you like-- red or white? Either
one.
Just make sure it's a screw top.
Eli Scruggs was buried on a Saturday and all
the people that Eli had helped over the years
came to pay their last respects.
But one person was missing-- someone who
had changed Eli's life in a way he never forgot.
Hope I'm not interrupting your day.
Not at all.
Can I help you? I was hoping I could help you.
I'm a handyman. wanted.
Just moved into town. Finally found one that matched.
Looking for work. Want me to install it? Not today.
Sorry. Okay.
I, um, I don't have anything that needs fixing. I'll just be going then.
Well, if you ever do, uh, here's my card. Eli, wait.
"Eli Scruggs. What? Do you remember this? Oh, right.
" What a distinctive name. This is the very first thing you ever fixed for
People do seem to remember it. me.
So if any of your friends, uh, need help, I can Yeah, that must have been what, uh, two years
do pretty much anything. ago? Yeah.
- I don't know. I just that glue really held, huh? - Yeah.
Um If you have a extra card or two, I-I could I want you to have it.
hand them out. What? Why? I've just been doing some
Oh, I'd really appreciate that. thinking about the people I know, the ones
Oh. who've walked into my life and made it better
Oh. than it was before - Oh.
Anyway thank you for your time. People like you.
I have a broken vase. - Oh.
I'm sorry? I-I was, uh, dusting the other day Anyway, I've--I've-- I've never said "thank you.
and knocked it off the bureau, like an idiot. " Oh, no, I'm--I'm the one who should thank
Anyway, I saved the pieces. you.
If you could glue it back together for me, I'd You--you introduced me to all your friends.
really appreciate it. My business couldn't be better.
Oh, ma'am, you don't have to do that. I'm so glad.
Mr. Yeah.
Scruggs, I need my vase fixed. Anyway, I, uh, I want you to have this.
It means a lot to me. Mrs.
Now you're not gonna make me beg, are you? Young Are you all right? Everything's fine.
No, ma'am, I'm not. Are you sure? You should go now.
Good. So I look in the window, and there's blood
Come on in. everywhere-- all over the walls and the ceiling
Mr. - Oh! Not to mention, her hardwood floors,
Young? Oh. which she just had installed last week.
Didn't mean to disturb you. I don't know what she was thinking.
Your front door was wide open. I just wish there had been some warning,
Oh. some sign that she would do such a thing.
Eli, I-I don't have any work for you today. Eli Scruggs sat in his truck for almost an hour,
I'm just here to drop off that handle you devastated that he had done nothing to save
me.
He then made a quiet vow to God-- From that
moment forward, he would do what he could
to help people, to help them fix their lives.
And for the rest of his life, that's exactly what
he did.
That was a lovely service.
Eli would've liked it.
Hell of a turnout.
- Who knew he had so many friends? I'm not
surprised.
He was a good man.
I can't help feeling there's more we could have
done to honor him.
Well, let's just make sure we remember him.
Eli would have said that's more than most
people get.
And he would have been right As usual.
Wait.
I wanted to fix something for Eli for a change.
And somewhere, in a place reserved for the
very best of us, Eli Scruggs smiled and said,
"thank you.
"
514 - Mama Spent Money When She Had
None
A ticket is on the ground in the neighborhood
of Wisteria Lane.
Mary Alice voiceover: People do not talk
about money in the suburbs ...
Because of the wind, it goes away.
Mary Alice voiceover: Especially because they
do not need it. Those who have shown.
Edie takes a packet of the car.
Mary Alice voiceover: with their new clothes.
She joined the rear of the vehicle to go to
Dave that takes a lot of bags in her hands.
Mary Alice voiceover: Their expensive
appliances.
Lee gesticulates delivery people to be careful
with the package.
Orson: These are good ...
Mary Alice voiceover: and manicured lawn.
Those who do not have the hints
barbecues in poor condition ...
Mike, in his garage, looks at his gate in poor
condition.
A woman leaves her house and look at the
state of his house.
Mary Alice voiceover: walls need a coat of
paint ... and car collections
Lynette comes near the car with keys in hand.
Mary Alice voiceover: to be sold.
Lynette takes the sign "For Sale" and removed
it.
Lynette: And now Walter, it's yours.
Walter: That's great! Where is Tom?
He takes the keys and wants to climb into the
car.
Walter: I want to thank him, this is the
happiest day of my life.
Lynette: It is inside but wish you the best
route between two sobs.
Walter starts and goes away with a smile.
Lynette looks from Katherine and comes to
meet her.
Katherine: Where does this man's car with Tom?
Lynette: This man is Walter Brotski and just
buy it.
Katherine: Tom loves this car. Why sell it?
Lynette: You can pay the midlife crisis of Tom.
by Katherine smiled at this remark.
Lynette: That's the story. It is ... a little broke.
Katherine looked at her and loses some of her
smile.
Lynette: Between legal fees to Porter and this
no man's land called restaurant ...
Katherine: I thought it worked fine.
Lynette: When times are tough, people
sacrifice things like pizza or sports cars.
Katherine turned to her: I'm sorry. I knew not.
Lynette: It's okay. Keep it for yourself. It's a bit
annoying.
Katherine: There's no reason. This is the
crisis.We're all in this together.
That's when Bree comes up with a great car all
smiles.
Bree: Good morning, you say what?
Katherine: You got a new car?
Bree: My book is in the list of best-selling
"Times".They speak of a contract of 3 books
so I wanted to splurge. Oh, and look what
landed on my windshield to stop!
She shows them dollar bills.
Bree: Life is good.
She repaired leaving alone.
Mary Alice voiceover: People do not talk
about money in the suburbs. Because when
they do, they annoy others.
Lynette looks at her with a nasty look.
Mary Alice voiceover: Once a resident of
Wisteria Lane buys a new car, a little ritual is
observed.
Gaby and Edie observes Katherine's new car
Bree.
Bree: So how are you?
Edie: She is beautiful!
Katherine: I'm jealous.
Gaby: I have the same.
Mary Alice voiceover: But that day, one of the
friends of the owner refused to participate in
the ritual. And even more curiously, the owner
of the car in question did not even notice.
Lynette stands next to the car but did not say
a word.
Bree: Look, there is even a fridge.
The three friends look inside with an open
mouth.
Bree: According to the seller, there is enough
room for champagne and two cold drinks. In
addition, the best is that it is a hybrid so you
can hardly hear it.Look.
Lynette: Well, I have to go to work. But
congratulations Bree. It is a wonder.
It goes quickly. Bree does not understand his
response and turns to others for their opinion.
They shall consult the car behind.
Bree: It's me or it was a bit cold?
Katherine: The is not for you. I think she has
other things in mind.
Bree: Something wrong?
Katherine: Apparently, she and Tom have
money problems. They had to sell Tom's car.
Edie: And you know, I saw the recycling
center.She sold her cans.
Gaby: A little more and she will sell her eggs
on the internet.
Bree: And I wave my beautiful new car under
his nose. I feel bad.
Edie: You must not. How you could have
guessed?
Bree: Fortunately I have not shown him how
the car pulls only.
The girls watch the envious air.
Katherine: But you'll show us, right?
Bree looks: This is pretty cool!
Oakridge School
Mr. Hobson: Welcome back Ms. Mayer
Susan: Thanks for having us Mr. Hobson.
Leading a school like Oakridge should not
leave you much ...
She puts her hand on the thigh of his son for
him to stop swinging his leg.
Susan: free time.
Mr. Hobson: Glad to help.
Susan: So I thought I heard that a space could
be freed for a new student?
Hobson: I assume you're talking about the
expulsion of Henderson?
Susan: Yes. He bit his teacher, right? They had
the same problem with the eldest, Toby. This is
a family of biting.
Mr. J. Hobson looks to return to Susan: It was
really unfortunate, but ... We can not tolerate
such behavior.
Susan looks at her son and takes off the hood
that goes over the head.
Susan: You will not have this problem with MJ
is so high.
Hobson: I know how you want it to between
Oakridge. You have called us every week the
last 5 months.
Susan: I was too insistent. Do not think it
penalizes MJ He's a child so smart. Say
something in Spanish.
M.J.: I'm bored.
Susan uncomfortable: bored yourself in
Spanish.
Mr. Hobson: Relax. We would love to welcome
M.J.
Susan: Really?
Hobson: Yes. In fact, his name was first on the
waiting list.
Susan relieved: It's fantastic!
It embraces M.J.
Mr. Hobson: Here is a schedule for you. These
are forms for insurance. And tuition. As you
can see, it has increased a tad.
Susan looking at the sheet: one big tad. Given
that we take mid-year, you pay half?
Hobson: Yes. We have already done the
math.That's half.
Susan plugging his legs: Fantastic.
MJ him then puts his hand on the thigh so
that she stops moving her legs.
House of Solis
Gaby is now back in the sofa cushions order
when Carlos arrives in the lobby.
Gaby: I thought of a way to celebrate our
anniversary next week.
Carlos: You want to have dinner in Palm?
Gaby: At Palm? The Palm where they do not
even display the prices on the menu?
Carlos nodded his head.
Gaby: Honey, we discovered our refund yet.
Carlos: Not anymore. I closed the deal. I got
the premium.
Gaby ecstatic him jumping into the arms: Oh
my god! It's great! Why hast thou not say that
when you wanted to have sex this morning?
You would have found there too. We're rich
again! Hallelujah!
Carlos: It still does not light cigars with 5 bills
but we are on track.
Gaby sitting on the edge of the couch: We will
become what we were ... The old Carlos and
Gaby.You know what? I would wear the same
dress as the night of your marriage proposal.
Carlos smile: You go into it always?
Gaby looks méchemment.
Carlos: We're rich! Allélulia!
Gaby: You did not notice that I was moving
the buttocks? I have almost regained the
weight I had when we got married!
Carlos: I just wanted to say ... No need to wear
an old dress. I would buy you a new one.
Gaby: It will be much more romantic. A good
enema and I found my old waistline!
She gives him a kiss and walks towards the
stairs.
Carlos: I called the restaurant. They can mark it
on the cake.
Garage Scavo
Tom is cleaning up an oil stain with a cloth
and looks up to see Bob and Lee stare at him.
Bob: Sorry. I know how much you loved that
car.
Tom looked at the cloth: That's all I have left
her. I called her "Foxy". Want to know why?
Lee: No.
Dave arrives at this moment: So you sold your
car?
Tom as he rose: We needed the money. The
restaurant runs. People want to buy pizza for
parents of a suspected arsonist.
Dave: But Porter did nothing.
Bob and Lee attended the scene but do not
know where to go.
Tom: Some may think he is guilty, or maybe
it's because of the crisis. Or both. I know. All I
know is that I drive a family while another
type is a spin with Foxy.
Dave: I'm sorry buddy.
Bob Lee look, shaking his head. Dave puts a
hand on Tom's shoulder.
Dave: I wish I could do something.
Bob: We're going to go away. But if we can
help you, tell us.
He approaches him and hugs him.
Tom: Thank you.
Bob Lee looks to go and finally gives a pat on
the shoulder prior to Tom to go running to
join Bob.
Lee: What happened?
Bob: Nothing.
Lee: As if I'd believe you. Why do you
remember that you never deal? I can do that
all day.
Bob: Okay.
Bob stops and stands in front of Lee.
Bob: The day that Porter was released, I
watched the exhibits sent by the prosecutor.
Lee: And?
Bob: The witness who saw Porter in the
reserve of the club, the only one that
connected directly to the fire ... it was the
devoted friend of Tom ... Dave Williams.
Lee: What?
Bob and Dave Lee look away.
Bob: Porter was not even in the building. What
plays Dave?
Lee: I know but they should be told.
Bob: It's going to escalate.
Lee: It's not bother me.
Bob: The charges were dropped. It concerns us
most. In addition, there is something in what
Dave scares me.
Bob goes while Lee turned to see Dave get his
hands on Tom's shoulder. He is thoughtful for
a moment.
House of Solis
Gaby began her red dress, but the woman
who can not help to close.
Gaby: I'm only a few kilos of the mannequin.
Woman: You want me to expand?
Gaby: That would be cheating. I will return piss.
Woman: It's normal. You had two children.
Forms change. Let nature take its course, I did
it myself.
Gaby: John, it's not just nature. The cheese
helped you. Yes, I said. Make the hem now.
And this time, try not to let the edges fray.
John bends down to the hem while Gaby
looks outside. She sees someone short and to
open the window.
Gaby: Edie! Wait!
Gaby then goes back inside Edie raises her
arms to indicate that she does not have the
time. Gaby leaves her house with John.
Gaby: Remember, the clasp is broken
Jean: I would change. It may be no match but
conceal the hair.
Gaby: Carlos takes me to the Palm not at the
pub.Make it perfect.
She puts the dress in the arms and then John
goes Edie comes near her.
Edie: I see that John is back.
Gaby: Times are good.
Edie: Not for her.
Gaby: Mrs. McCluskey told me that you had
lost 3 pounds in one day. How?
Edie: I was drunk and I threw up on his lawn.
Gaby: No, not that. She spoke of a military
camp.
Edie: Yeah. It's new. Very military, very intense.
Gaby: Perfect. I try to go in an old dress. This
is what I need.
Edie: Forget it. You can not enter without
recommendation, and I will recommend it.
Gaby: Why?
Edie: You'd shame. This is the real sport not
the lotus position followed by a mocha latte.
Edie goes by continuing to run.
Gaby: You're just afraid that I become more
beautiful than you!
Edie goes back by continuing to run.
Edie: Meet at 6am at the park. Prepare to die.
Gaby watches her go, smiling.
Susan House
Mike and Susan look at documents.
Mike: What are the fees? We'll spend the
money to the university for CP.
Susan: I know. We'll have to make some
sacrifices.
Mike: Like eating or heating
Susan: You know there are problems at his
school.And with all the budget cuts ... This
place is great.
Mike: I have not said otherwise. I'd love him
to go. I can do anything.
Susan: We must find a way. I have more of my
books and publishers are not selling like
hotcakes.You can make additional rounds?
Mike: Yes, of course, as soon as we invent the
days of 30 hours. I kill myself at work.
Susan: And this big job to which you have 3
months? What did you do with that money?
Mike: We are no longer married. And what I
do with my money does not concern you.
He starts to leave.
Susan: If we were still married ... you'll surely
let me finish my sentence.
House Lynette
Bree and Lynette are at the kitchen table and
Bree hands her an envelope.
Lynette: What is it?
Bree: A check. Tom and I know you are going
through a bad patch.
Lynette: Oh. Thank you, but I can not accept.
She puts the envelope on the table and slides
it up to her friend but resumes near her.
Lynette: That said, I would like to know how
much I refuse.
She opens the envelope and the check out.
She opened her eyes.
Lynette: 20,000 dollars! You've sold how many
books?
Bree: We just launched a second edition and
they speak of a contract of 3 books. So really,
I will not need the money.
Lynette: It must be nice. But ... I can not
accept.
She slid the envelope next to her.
Bree: Why? What is the point of success if we
disagree with those we love?
Lynette: Because they can not possibly repay
you and you love the most.
Bree: So it's a gift, not a loan.
Bree him again slide the envelope.
Bree: It's not your birthday soon?
Lynette smiling: Yours too.
Lynette gives him the envelope.
Lynette: I would feel embarrassed when you
déballeras your pearls bath with lavender.
Bree: Lynette Gone. You can not deny that this
money will help you cope.
By Lynette nods: Indeed. But I can not. I do
not want this to affect our friendship.
Bree looks at her and takes the envelope in
his hand.
Lynette: Although ...
Lynette takes the envelope slowly from hand
to Bree.
Lynette: How would you like to own shares in
an Italian restaurant?
Bree: What?
Lynette: This is neither a loan nor a gift. It
would be representing an investment of say ...
15% at Scavo.
Bree: It's an interesting offer.
Lynette: If it does well, you win some profits. If
it does not work, it is liquid, and you gain the
20,000 dollars. Then, of course, we move in
with you. So ... Done deal?
Bree: Absolutely ... Associate.
They shake hands.
House of Solis
Gaby is flipping through a packet of foil while
a man stands in front of her.
Man: Some are strange to sign a contract to
integrate my course. But we must understand
the implication that I wait. In the past, I ...
Gaby: That's it. I signed.
Man: You have not even read.
Gaby: No need. I am ready for anything. That
said, I just had a manicure, I not want to
damage the nails.
Man: Ms. Solis ... Let me tell you what I
learned in the Israeli army. A group that is not
involved fail.Women after my morning classes
are involved. I start thinking that you are not
strong enough.
It begins to rise. Gaby does the same.
Gaby: Not strong enough? Listen to me, Mr.
Iraqi soldier.
Man: Israeli.
Gaby: Whatever. I was a model and we do not
know what war is until you have not been in a
box with skeletons fighting for the last rice
cake. I am strong enough.
Man: I'm not sure.
He turns away and starts to leave.
Gaby: I know people who follow your
progress.What they do more physical, it's cut
the cake.
Man: And a round of field!
Gaby: Pardon?
Man: It's in the contract. There are certain
words that I do not agree. Cake, tired, not
donut. If I hear them, you must go around the
field.
Gaby smiling: This is a sports lesson. Why it
looks like donut?
Man: And another round!
Gaby: Well, I should perhaps take a quick look
at this contract.
She takes the contract of human hands and
sits down to study it.
Women are doing abdominals.
Man: Come on you all! When I was in the
army, we did sit-ups under a blazing sun. I still
have sand on the buttocks. You are weak! Go!
Go!
Gaby is, unlike other, kneeling on his carpet. It
is suffocating.
Edie: Gaby, stop. You're going to cause us
problems.
Gaby: It's hard.
Edie: Of course. Hence the name of the
military camp.
Woman: Hold on, we all been there.
Gaby: The Farm, Mona. I spray of air.
Edie: It happens. Do sit-ups.
Gaby hurries back to bed to do abs.
Man: What is this talk?
Edie: I'm sorry. She wanted to vomit.
Man watching Gaby: I have nothing to fight
your problems. You vomit later.
Gaby: We gotta talk.
Man: What are you doing? Sit your ass!
Gaby lifted: Timeout.
Man: Timeout?
Gaby: It's nice this staging military, but I
started and it's a little too hard.
Man: A little too hard?
Gaby: We will soon take a break?
Man: You want a break?
Gaby is nod.
Man: With coffee and pastries?
Gaby smiling: It gives too hungry. You?
Man: No, I have not! So, on the carpet if I put
the mat!
Gaby: I said dead time!
Man: There's no downtime! You signed a
contract!So, that's enough!
Gaby: Me not talk like that. I pay ...
Man: Go! Go! Go!
Gaby goes back to bed quickly on his rug to
resume his abs. He turned to the group.
Man: Who we brought her?
Edie: It's me! Sorry sir!
Man: Because of Edie, our race 3 km to 6 km
happening!
Everybody despairs when Edie turns to eye
with Gaby really nasty.
Susan comes to put his cornet trash outside
and she sees Lee and Katherine on the
sidewalk.
Lee: My god! Look at that!
Susan: What's the matter?
Lee: You gotta come and see it.
Katherine: Do not make a fuss.
Lee: It's beautiful! Susan, look.
Susan: I watch what?
Lee: The necklace.
Susan: Oh, that! It's great!
Katherine: Thank you. I have a Bar Mitzvah
preparation. See you later.
She leaves leaving them alone.
Lee: She is lucky. Mike is a great guy.
Susan: What? Mike bought her that necklace?
By Lee nodded: Must keep this guy. I had
forgotten.You did not keep you, huh?
Susan goes mad with rage.
Bree is putting away a few things into his bag
when Lynette emerged.
Bree: I wish to discuss but I have an
appointment.I'll maybe create my range of
utensils, do you realize?
Lynette: It will not last long. To thank you for
your investment, we want you organize
something.
Bree: It's very nice.
Lynette: We would like to close tonight At
Scavo and have a party in your honor. With
family and friends, we celebrate your success
and we spend a nice evening as the good old
days. So what?
Bree: Sympa. We can talk while walking?
Lynette: Yes.
They leave in Bree.
Bree: You know what would be even better?
My editor begs me to organize a local launch
for my book. I can do a book signing for the
place is finally open. Will you hold me that?
Bree hands her his jacket and they end up
next to the car.
Lynette: The place was already full but often
it's your birthday. Anything you want.
Bree: You can hang it behind? I want it to be a
good opportunity for you. One can transform
one of your empty Thursday in a real event.
Lynette: I know what to say.
Bree: not thank me. It was your idea.
Lynette: Correct.
Bree gets into his car and walks away.
Lynette: Glad to have thought.
Susan House
Susan is in the kitchen watching the flyer
Oakridge School where GM should go.
Mary Alice voiceover: Susan Mayer knew she
could not always give her son everything she
wanted to give ...
Susan turns his head to look out the window.
She then sees Mike's house.
Mary Alice voiceover: But when she saw the
tuition of his son around the neck of Katherine
Mayfair, she felt that it was the flight vis-à-vis
his son.
She approaches the window to return to the
kitchen table and typing fingers on.
Mary Alice voiceover: And he did not take him
long to decide ... what she would do to
recover what was stolen.

She digs into her bag and puts his hand on
his laptop.
Katherine House
Katherine walks up the stairs to take his cell
phone and answer it.
Katherine smiling: Eh
Susan: You're at home?
Katherine: I'll take a shower. What's new?
Susan: It drives me crazy, I think I forgot to
lock my door. You could go check? I am in line.
Katherine leaving her house: I totally
understand. If one day I will not close, I always
say it is the day I'm going to get robbed.
Katherine goes while Susan watches her go
hidden behind the balustrade.
Susan: Exactly.
She joined Katherine and rummages in a
drawer.
Susan: And even though I was already halfway
to the airport, I turned around to go and
indeed, I had left the mill junk running. Since
that day, I check all the time.
Katherine: Mine is the same. Finally, be quiet.
Your door is shut.
Susan continued to search: You know what?
I'm not sure either to have closed the other
door. You could also check?
Katherine: Already done. It's good. I'll take my
shower now. A most dear.
Katherine is in her house and get to the room.
She sets her laptop on the bed. Removes her
necklace and places it on the nightstand.
Susan is hiding under the bed. Katherine
removes her skirt and leaves the room. Susan
tries to get out of bed but his pants get
caught in a latte, but it forces moves the bed.
Katherine: Mike, is that you?
Susan horrified strength thing and managed
to get under the bed. Katherine has a cloth
around it and back into the room.
Katherine: You fall very well.
She arrives at the door and opens her clothes
but it's not Mike in the room but Susan. They
are both horrified. She closes her clothes on
while Susan grabs the necklace and left the
house. Katherine runs after him.
Katherine: For heaven's sake, give me back my
necklace!
Susan grabs a piece of towel Katherine,
turning, she holds in one hand and the same
time taking the necklace.
Susan: The collar or towel, up to you.
Katherine: Oh. You never dare.
Susan: I've been naked on this street. It would
relieve me whether your turn.
Katherine: You're crazy or what?
Susan: Mike says he can not pay the private
school of J. Now, I see why (pointing to the
necklace). He wants his girlfriend wearing a
collar when she undresses in front of him.
Katherine: But it does not pay the school of
MJ?
Susan: No. So I wanted to take the necklace
and sell it to try to pay it, and yes, by saying, I
realize that this is ridiculous.
Katherine: I can not believe Mike did that.
Susan: He did.
A boy falls to bike across the sidewalk and
they turn and stare.
Boy: Hello Mrs. Mayfair. It's nice to see you.
Katherine puts her clothes properly and Susan
looks.
Katherine: We should talk about that later.
They each return home.
In the evening, Mike drives a car pulls out in
front of his home to Katherine and Susan
sitting on the steps talking.
Mike watching them: This is not a good sign.
This approach girls.
Mike: You are happy to see me because I've
missed you or ...
Susan holds up the necklace in front of Mike.
Mike: Oh
Susan: Yeah, Oh. I thought you did not afford
a private school to MJ?
Katherine: Do not get me Mike. It was really a
very generous gift. But you can not waste
money for your son.
Susan: To buy jewelry to your girlfriend. It cost
you how much? 4,000, 5,000 dollars?
Mike: $ 129.
Susan: What?
Mike: It's fake! I knew you really wanted a
necklace but I had not the means. The seller
told me that you would not see the difference
and she has not seen it (watching Susan).
Susan uncomfortable: At least it does not
matter if you lose it.
Mike takes the hand of Katherine to move
down the stairs.
Mike: I just wanted to offer you a nice gift,
and I do not know ... I had not to be ashamed
of.
Katherine: You do not need to spend money
to impress me. Believe me. I am already very
impressed.
She kisses him in front of Susan who feels too.
Susan: We get it. Separate yourselves.
Katherine to Mike: I'll prepare for dinner.
Mike turned to Susan.
Mike: I believe it.
Susan: I did not know that it was fake.
Mike: No, I can not believe you should have
believed that buying jewelry to my girlfriend
was more important than the education of MJ
Susan: I may have jumped to conclusions but
this school is important for MJ I feel terrible
for not being able to pay.
Mike: I work from 6am this morning and after
eating dinner in 5 minutes, I go back until
midnight. I bend 4 to give the best to my son,
so if you have the means, I am nothing.
He climbs the stairs of his house and goes Gaby: Oh, really? Try to see. I go to bed
leaving Susan alone and completely disrupted. because I'm tired. When I get up, I would eat
maybe a piece of cake and it is impossible to
House of Solis stop.

Gaby and Carlos are asleep but the phone She turns and goes up the stairs to enter her.
rings what Gaby wakes with a start. She takes The coach looks wickedly Edie and Gaby
the phone with one hand while still having eventually follow.
their eyes closed.
Edie: Where are you going? If you stay inside,
Gaby: What? he will take revenge on us.
Man: You are where? You're late for training. Gaby: Some need it. I just wanted a little
Gaby: Yeah. I actually stopped. remodeling, they, they need a complete
Man: You can not. It's in the contract. metamorphosis.
Gaby: You should see it with my lawyer. I'll put Edie: You're a kid spoiled rotten and selfish.
you through. GABY: But Edie finally, it is nothing but a poor
sport courses. I tried. It was so bad. I want to
She puts the phone to Carlos and goes back quit.Relax.
to sleep but gets up with a start. Edie: Poor sports lesson is followed by women
who move the ass three times a week with
Man: We go away! You all gone, continue! their kids and raise them full time job.
Gaby: They are crazy. They jump when he
Gaby and throws the covers finally got up. The mouths.He told them to run so far and they
coach is actually in the garden of Gaby and obey.
other causes. Edie: He has not forced us to come here, we
agreed to do so.
Men: Keep moving! Gaby: Why the hell?
Edie: You told us that it was important for you
Gaby leaves her house in a bathrobe. to get into that dress. So we came to support
you.
GABY: But what are you doing?
Man: If you do not come to camp, the camp Edie turns around and goes to leave but she
will come to you. In the row! again faced with Gaby.
Gaby: You are crazy! My two daughters sleep.
Man: I know. I saw cellulite. In the row! Edie: You wanted to get the old
Mona: Obey Gaby. We can not stop. Gaby?Congratulations. The are back bitch ... A
Gaby: The Little Mona ass-licking. I saw you selfish and detestable. Personally, I preferred
last buy a donut. the poor and Gaby coated. At least she was
Man: Doughnut! It's been a ride! humble.
 Bree: Apparently, you and your leaders are
Gaby looks at her with tears in his eyes. going to serve my four cheese pizza
Outside, Edie and others raise dumbbells. Lynette: Yes. I put the parmesan there.
Gaby leaves her house wearing her sports Bree: But it's industrial Parmesan.
outfit. It starts next to Edie and also raises its Lynette: So what?
weights. She looks at Edie and smiles. Bree: It's like sweeping dirt on the ground that
a place that makes real cheese.
Man: It's time to stretch. Not you! (Attn: Gaby). Lynette smiling: No. It is good. It is used all
You have 25 minutes late. You make me 50. the time.
Bree: Maybe my recipes but indicate that it
He stands in front of Gaby continues to do his must be freshly grated.
weights. He smiled and returned his smile. Lynette: No one will notice. Parmesan cheese
is the # 4 of 4 cheese pizza. This is the Ringo
Restaurant Scavo of these cheeses.
Stove: Mr. Scavo said the grease trap
Bree arrives in the main room with a smile and overflows again.
she sees the panel dedicated to her. She walks Lynette: For heaven's sake. I come
and a woman calls out. back.(Attention: Bree is left speechless).
Bree: Take your time.
Woman: Oh my god. The picture is you!
Bree: Actually, the photo represents me, but The range continues to put parmesan on pizza
yes. in front of Bree.
Woman: Your turkey tetrazzini saved my
marriage.You do not mind me sign it (handing Bree: I'm sorry. I did not attend. Bree Hodge,
him the book) co-owner.
Bree: My pleasure. Range: For me it's Cindy
Woman: I can not wait to taste your food Bree: We will talk after.
tonight.
Bree: My dishes? How so? She puts on an apron.
Woman: It is said that the cooks of Chez
Scavo will prepare recipes from your book. Bree: Spread batter me and show me where
Bree: Oh? the basil. Tonight, we will serve pizza cheese 3.
Woman: I can not wait to sample your pizza 4 Cindy: And the pizzas just made?
cheeses.
Bree: You may have to wait. Excuse me. Bree makes her a sympathetic smile.

It happens all smile to Lynette who did some Bree throws them into the garbage bin
cleaning. outside the restaurant. Inside, Lee is at the bar
and watch Dave and Tom together talking.

Dave: Tom, I'm really happy for you. This place
is packed.
Tom: Bree has really saved my life
Dave: Even if it had not done so, you would
have arranged everything. I had faith in you.
Tom: And your liver is suffering after three
whiskey and Coke.
Dave: Dude, this money goes directly into your
pocket. I support you, that's all.
Tom: I'll take care of the grease trap
Dave: I find Edie. She wanted me to come
22h.Well, anyway ... Congratulations. I'm proud
of you
Tom: See you.
Tom misses the stop Lee.
Lee: Nothing. Forget it. You're busy. No, wait. I
just want you to know ... This is not your
friend.
Tom: Who? Dave?
Lee: We can isolate to discuss?
Tom: Yeah.
Lee and Tom go off while Lynette goes outside
to an ice bin. She then sees its pizzas in the
container.
Lynette: For fuck's ...
She drops the trash and ran inside. Bree is
sitting at a table and sign autographs for his
fans.
Bree looking up: If your mother-in continues
to criticize your kitchen, I will refund in full.
Lynette arriving at her: Can I talk to?
Bree: Now? People expect.
Lynette: You'll always be famous in 5 minutes.
She takes her hand and drags him outside and
watch the pizzas in the container.
Lynette: Will you explain?
Bree: I did not want to hurt you but now that
you know, I did not like the idea that my
recipe is made with ingredients of lower
quality.
Lynette: We use the parmesan all the time.
You can not change things without telling me.
Bree: I am associated. I can change 15% of
things, I chose the Parmesan. I do not know if
you heard but people love my pizza.
Lynette: They would surely have loved my
pizza but we will never know because my
partner threw it. What a waste.
Bree: Okay. I'll pay you back if that fixes the
problem.
She turns to leave but Lynette continues to
speak to him.
Lynette: Of course. Is that money after all, eh?
Bree turning: What does that mean?
Lynette: We all know that you live comfortably.
You did well we understand. But you should
avoid taking people up just because you had
any luck.
Bree: A little luck? I worked very hard to get
where I am.
Lynette: I too have worked very hard. But I'm
not as fortunate as you.
Bree: I always thought that was causing his
own luck.
Lynette shocked: You mean that I have caused
my own failure, right?
Bree: Not totally, but it must be recognized.
You go to the easiest. I can teach you the
importance of attention to detail.
Lynette: I, lucky, actually. When I've proposed
this party to thank you, I did not think I would
have the opportunity to learn the great Bree
Hodge.
Bree: I did not need 20,000 dollars for my
company survive, me.
Lynette: But you're going to do everything I
forget.
She leaves the planting there.
Bree: Where are you going?
Lynette: My Home. You tell me how was the
party I've organized.
Lynette gets into his car and gets his hand
Bree remaining outside.
Bree: I do not understand why you're upset.
Lynette: I know but 5 years ago, you would
understand why.
Lynette puts into reverse and back fast
enough to ram the car Bree who looks with
big eyes.
Bree: My car!
Lynette: You know it was an accident, eh?
Bree looks horrified.
In Solis
John is in the room of Gabrielle.
John: I have done my best to clasp Mrs. Solis.
I think you will see the difference.
Gabrielle: Be honest. I go out.
Gabrielle opens the closet and show himself to
Jean that she remains in awe. Gaby turns to
see it back.
John: You are beautiful. Radiant.
Gaby: Really?
John: Really. You're back exactly as before Mrs.
Solis.
Gaby: I think I've changed a bit.
John: For me, no.
Gaby remains pensive before the mirror and
John is taking business.
Jean: If nothing else, I'm going.
Gaby: John, wait.
John: What? There is a problem?
Gaby: No, that's fine. I wanted to tell you how
much you had been helpful over the years,
and I am very grateful. Thank you.
Gaby takes her in his arms, and John is
perplexed.She gently pats her back.
House of Dave
Tom knocks on the door and Dave opened the
door.
Dave: Hi buddy. How did it ...
Tom swings his fist in his face and Dave falls
to the ground.
Tom: I know what you did.
Dave: What?
Tom: Me am not an idiot! I know you've told
the cops that Porter was the arsonist.
Dave: I did not say that. I said that I had seen
at the rear.
Tom: That's impossible! He was not there!
Dave: The cops are full of questions posed.
They not stop. I had to tell them what I
thought I saw.
Tom: Porter could go to jail. You've almost
destroyed my family, destroy our business.
Dave getting up: I will redeem it. I swear. I did
not want you to hurt you and Lynette.
Tom: Lynette does not know. If I had told him,
you'd be dead.
Dave: I'm sorry. I should not have to speak to
police. It was dark. I had drunk. You must
believe me.
He turns to leave but comes back to Dave for
him still sticking a fist but Dave is the master
and his arm behind his back so that it no
longer moves.
Dave: Come on. Stand still. Have you finished?
He releases it and Tom finds himself in the
doorway entrance. He faces Dave.
Dave smile: This is madness. There must be a
way to fix everything. We are friends.
Tom: I thought so too. But I know who you are.
Tom turns and walks away.
Dave looked at him from Tom. Tom!
He then closes the door slamming.
Edie and Dave are in bed and read a book
each.Edie looks.
Edie: Can I ask you a question?
Dave: Go ahead. I'm listening.
Edie: I've been thinking about your first wife.
Dave looked up straight ahead: Edie
Edie: I know. Just one question after I stop.
Dave: I do not like about her.
Edie: It's been weeks since I learned that she
had existed, and I have not spoken to her
once. Gone.Considers that this is my reward.
Dave turned his head toward her with a smile:
Ok A question.
Edie: Being married to her ... or be married to
me ... What is the biggest difference?
Dave: Really? Our marriage is more real.
Edie smiling: Really? How so?
Edie huddled against Dave's chest and she
spent her husband's arm over his shoulders.
Dave always looks ahead.
Dave: With her, it was rather ... a fairy tale. I
always thought it durerais. I was wrong. You
and I have been a more real because I know
she will not last forever.
Edie is still stunned by what she hears and
says nothing.
Dave: When I hold you in my arms when I kiss
you, I tell myself that I should enjoy the
moment, because tomorrow could never
happen. Love is ... fleeting. The fairy tale
ends ... with death.
Edie: I originally wanted to ask if she was
prettier than me. I must learn to listen to my
instincts.
She is recovering in the starting position,
leaning against the bottom of the bed to keep
reading his book but it looks, frowning.
Private school
Hobson: I'm sorry. You can not pay for school?
Susan: Yes. I read in your brochure that
employees had a 50% reduction, then how
about integrating art into your section an
award-winning illustrator of children's books
that has good contact with kids and whose
face you from to refuse?
Mr. Hobson: Unfortunately, our art section is
full.
Susan showing her face with her hands: You
can not refuse.
Mr. Hobson: Miss Mayer, I appreciate your
enthusiasm and your face but I'm afraid it will
not be walked. I wish you luck.
He makes his business while getting up from
his chair.
Susan: Yes. Okay.
She puts her things in her bag and looks at
him sadly before getting up to go away.
Before reaching the door, she turns around.
Susan: No, no deal.
Mr. Hobson: Please, I am very busy.
Susan: I know I said that MJ was a model
student, but in truth it is a child who needs
more attention than others. Classes at his
school are overstaffed and I see him losing
ground in all this. And if he loses foot now ...
My ex-husband is doing all it can and I know
that I do the same. I will serve meals. I am
guardian. Whatever. But I do not spoil the
future of my son.
Mr. Hobson: One of our art teachers need an
assistant but you're overqualified.
Susan: I agree.
Mr. Hobson rises to face into Susan:
Congratulations on your new job.
Susan: Congratulations for making me get out
of your office.
They smile at each other by shaking hands.
At Bree
Lynette stands and slid an envelope that Bree
is sitting at the table.
Bree: What is it?
Lynette: A check to repair the accident. I can
not afford to go through my insurance.
Bree: Let not stupid. Is that the bumper. You're
not obliged to do that.
Lynette: Yes, I am obliged. And once the
situation will work out, I'll pay off your
investment ... every last cent, with interest.
She turns and starts to leave but Bree gets up
to join her.
Bree: Lynette, stop. Expect. Please do not make
me do that. I do not want that money is put
in through our friendship.
Lynette: It's a bit too late, I feel.
She goes leaving Bree totally disoriented. She
opens the envelope to get out the check.
Mary Alice voiceover: In the suburbs, you can
do many things with money.
Gaby comes down the stairs of her house in
her beautiful red dress.

Mary Alice voiceover: You can pay a night out.

She joined Carlos downstairs and he makes

her a kiss on the cheek.

MJ is in his handsome uniform of the school

and joined his mother in the kitchen.

Mary Alice voiceover: We can bring in a

private school eduction.

Katherine is wearing a beautiful black dress

and she is in her room. She touches the
necklace that Mike gave her and is on his
neck.

Mary Alice voiceover: You can get a proof of

affection.

Mike comes over to her and kisses her.

Bree is still in the kitchen and out the check

for the tear.

Mary Alice voiceover: But what we should

certainly not do with the money is used as a
weapon, because there will inevitably ...
anyone is hurt.

It opens the door and check the small pieces

of flies. She leaves the room.

END
515 - In a World Where the Kings are Ms.
Employers Nelson's septic tank is expecting me at 9:00.
You're a plumber.
Previously on He's in your band. Ms.
- This is too dangerous. Nelson is not expecting you on time.
There were victims of both violence and hard In fact, if you show up before dinner, she'll
times. turn cartwheels.
- We're sort of broke. I'm a teacher.
I thought Scavo's was doing well. It's different.
- When times get tough, people do without Wait, I thought you were just a teacher's
things like pizza. assistant.
And beneficiaries The deal closed. Well Listen to me.
I got the bonus. The whole reason I went back to work is so
- and good work and perseverance. we could both afford to give M.
Congratulations on your new job. J.
Congratulations on getting me out of your The things we felt he needed.
office. Now I'm doing my part.
It's not hard to spot a mother who works It's time you do yours.
outside the home. I'll reschedule Ms.
Just look for someone who dresses in a hurry Nelson.
eats her breakfast while rushing to her car and I gotta go.
applies her makeup as she drives away. You get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids,
But the surest way to spot a mother who okay? You never left me when I'm sick before.
works outside the home? Just look for a child Oh, I know, Honey.
- M. But mommy has a job now.
J. Come on.
, why aren't you dressed? We're gonna be late We talked about this.
for our first day of school. You understand, right? Don't be sad.
who gets sick at the worst possible moment. I am gonna pick you both up at 6:00.
Hey, guys. Yes, it's not hard to spot a mother who works
How you doing? He's sick. outside the home.
I'm late. Just look for a woman who leaves her house
- Thanks for helping. every morning feeling incredibly guilty.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It begins just after sundown, after a long day
I gotta work. at the office, exhausted people start coming
- So do I, and it's my first day at a new job. home.
I win. Some are met by faithful pets Some are
What Look, I'd really like to help you out and welcomed with dry martinis.
spend some time with my best bud, but, uh, Others are greeted with dinner on the table.
Then there are those who return from a long Please.
day at work only to discover unpleasant Uh, he's running late.
surprises. Um, do you know why? Ah, he's cleaning up a
Oh! Good. little mess.
You got my note. Someone didn't know you couldn't serve
Come on in. bacon-wrapped shrimp puffs at a Bar Mitzvah.
Okay, Sure. I knew.
Uh, where's M. I just thought if they'd tasted mine, they
J. might change the rules.
? Here I am, Mommy. So would you like something to nibble on
Oh, hey, baby. before dinner? Is that cut crystal? It's exquisite.
How's my boy? I missed you so much. Andrew again.
Are you feeling better? Yeah. He's got expensive taste.
Katherine made me soup and read me a story Thank God he brings in the big bucks.
and showed me how to play blackjack. He does? Well, he does now, ever since you
What are you gonna remember? Always gave him that raise.
double down on a pair of aces. That is a delicious snack.
That's cute. Did you make this? Uh, yeah.
Where's Mike? Plumbing emergency. It's just party mix.
Ms. Oh.
Nelson's toilet began erupting, and I wasn't You gave Andrew a raise? - A tiny salary bump.
busy, so Uh-huh. "Tiny" is not the word for your extraordinary
Well, uh, thank you very much for helping us generosity.
out. Oh, look! There's pretzels and cereal.
Come on, M. I can see why they call it "party mix.
J. " It's like a party in a bowl.
It's time to go. When you say "extraordinary"-- He's
thank you. exaggerating.
We already thanked her, buddy. They're children.
Let's not make her uncomfortable. It just looks like a lot of money to them.
Thank you for having us over. My God! Is this a '96 Latour? I know.
We are so honored to be the first guests in Andrew bought a case of it at a wine auction
your new home. to celebrate that huge raise.
Your stunning new home. Once you've had a few glasses of this, you're
I can't believe this. not going to remember this evening at all.
The theme of my first place was Early We'll see.
American beanbag. Boy, dinner without the kids It's nice to eat
Well, it's all Andrew. without having macaroni thrown at you.
He's the one with the taste. Yes.
Well, we, uh, we really wanted to find a way to Wrap up ten lobsters to go.
thank you both. Ahem.
- Thank us for what? Saving our marriage. Tom? Come here.
Please. We haven't had a customer in about a half an
It was our pleasure. hour, so maybe we should just close up early.
How did we do that again? Well, Bradley had No.
been working around the clock, and I was I got an idea.
feeling neglected. Hey, everybody, hey, take off your aprons and
But things are different now that he has Carlos. come sit near the window.
We have never felt closer. What is this? - It's called psychology.
And, Gaby, I know I've been relying on Carlos Come on! Hey! Guys Nobody wants to eat in
a lot. an empty restaurant, right? So, guys, this is
I-I hope it's not a problem, his being away what we are gonna do.
from home so much. As soon as you see someone go by, you laugh,
Oh, I'll be more willing to forgive once his act like you're having a great time.
bonus check comes in. It'll draw them in.
- And the only person more excited than Gaby So now we have pretend customers? Gee, let's
about that bonus is her jeweler. think of something to do with all the pretend
Brad, don't. money we're gonna make.
It's been such a nice night. Trust me.
He's gonna hear it tomorrow anyway. This is gonna work.
Hear what? Look, I'm sorry, but we're forgoing Okay, hey, you guys, you're a group of old
bonuses this year. high school buddies.
Can I get anyone dessert? Beat it. You haven't seen each other since the big
What? It's the economy. game.
Um, our C. And you two-- you're on a hot date, okay? All
F. right.
O. Hey, look! There's somebody! Laugh! Have a
feels we need to do some belt tightening. great time.
But do you know how much overtime Carlos Awesome.
has pulled? How many trips he's taken? He's Just like that.
killed himself. Okay As much as I love Tommy Scavo's improv
For God sakes, don't do this to my jeweler. theater, we need to face some facts here.
But, Gaby, no one's getting a bonus, not even - It's a slump.
Brad. We--we--we--we'll ride it out.
So this was his bonus? A salad and a stuffed We've done it before.
chicken breast? Look, hopefully next year will We-- - It's not a slump.
be better. In this economy, people aren't eating out as
We're ready for dessert now. much.
Between that and Porter's legal bills and
paying Bree back, we are about a week away
from going bankrupt.
Honey, please, have a little faith.
I did, for seven years.
Now I'm gonna be a realist, and I need you to
be one, too.
Okay, I understand.
You're worried.
I am, too.
But we can make it.
We just have to be creative.
But-- if we sell this place now, We can escape
with some dignity and maybe even some
money.
But if we keep on going like we are, We're
gonna lose everything.
No! No.
I am not going out like this.
I am not gonna be a failure.
Please tell me they just saw a customer.
So with all the calories we just burned, I say
we deserve a huge lunch at a fancy restaurant.
You do like to live well, Honey.
Well, why not? Life is brief and mostly sucks.
Gotta grab all the good you can while you're
on this side of the dirt.
That was very poetic.
But sure, we'll go any place you want.
Mmm! That was easy.
Well, since I'm on a roll, how about this? Let's
go away this weekend-- pick a five-star hotel
with a great spa and just live it up.
I don't know about that.
I've got a lot of stuff I need to do.
Oh, come on.
Big fluffy robes, long massages.
Do you hear that? That buzzing.
Uh No, I don't hear anything.
Oh, maybe it--it's-- - Shh! Shh! I hear it up
here sometimes.
What the hell is it? Hey, you know what? I kind
of like that hotel idea.
Really? Yeah.
You were right.
Life is brief.
Why don't you go call the travel agent and
see what's available? You know, you're kinda
sexy when you buckle.
I'm gonna call right now.
Dr.
Heller? Listen, I got your latest text, but you
know, it's been a few weeks now, and people
are freaking out about you being gone so
long.
So now there's a staff meeting on the 15th,
and if you're not back by then, I'm just gonna
have to tell people that I don't know where
you are.
So will you please just call me? Hey, Mike.
How's it going? Well, so far, I've broken off
three of these stupid plastic sprinkler heads.
But other than that, I'm great.
Well, good.
Look, I was coming over to ask, what would
you and Katherine think about going camping?
Oh, man, I love camping.
When? Well, my schedule gets busy on the
15th, so it would have to be before then.
I don't know, this weekend? - Oh, I'm
definitely up for it.
Uh, I'm not sure if Katherine will be.
Well, if she doesn't go, then Edie won't go,
and Well, I guess if Katherine knows another
girl's coming, maybe I can convince her.
Good.
Tell her the menfolk will do all the hard work--
Build the fires, dig the latrines.
Hey, I wouldn't mention that, uh, latrine part I simply gave him a cost of living increase.
until we're actually at the campsite. The cost of living in a home with silver pens
That's a good point. and rare French wines? Honey, please don't do
I'll, uh, dig my gear out tonight. this.
It's gonna be fun. Oh, my God.
Yeah. Is he making more than me? Orson, drop it.
This is gonna be fun. I am not telling you how much Andrew makes.
My, that's a beautiful pen Is it a Montblanc? I'd be happy to give you that information, sir.
Uh, yeah. Am I speaking to the account holder? No, I'm
Yeah, I've always wanted one. her business partner.
- Ah. Very well.
Well, I guess you can afford it now with your Account number? Yes.
new raise. Um, 8-5-9-7-3.
Oh, you heard about that? - I sure did. Name on the account? Van de Kamp's old-
Well, the Chamber of Commerce just called. fashioned foods.
They've added 40 people to their guest list. And the password? Password? For security
Damn it. purses.
I only planned for a hundred. Um Oh.
W-we're gonna need tables. Yes.
- Relax. Of course.
They always pull this crap. It's, um Uh, you know Uh, it's--it's completely
So I called the rental company and had 'em slipped my mind.
put a few extras on the truck. It's the name of her childhood pet.
We'll be fine. Oh.
Oh, thank God. Right.
- But you know what? We can tell the Uh Fluffy.
Chamber people That because it was so last- Nope.
minute, we had to bump our fee by 30%. That's not it.
- I like the way you think. Fido? No.
Ohh. Spot? Rover? Mittens? Sorry, sir.
What would we do without him? Hmm, yes. Uh, Marmaduke.
He's worth every penny you pay him. Old Yeller.
By the way how many pennies is that? I'm not I cannot give out you information without the
discussing Andrew's salary with you. password, which you obviously don't know.
It's none of your business. Then ask me a different question.
You're right. How about her date of birth? Her social
It's not. security number? Good-bye, sir.
So How much? Andrew moved into a new How about her real hair color? Trust me, it's
home. not what you think it is.
If you're looking to get fed, it's gonna be a
while.
No, Dad called a family meeting.
Yeah, Mom, he said it's about the restaurant.
Oh, boy.
I think I know what this is about.
Listen, kids, things have been tough down at
the restaurant, and i think your dad has finally
decided to sell it.
Wow.
I know.
Is he gonna be okay? I don't know.
That's why we all have to be really supportive.
Are you with me? Hey, guys.
Good.
You're all here.
I love you, Daddy.
Not yet.
So I wanted to talk to you all about our
pizzeria.
Just know we're 100% behind you.
That means a lot, 'cause this was a really
rough day for me.
I had to let all our employees go.
So starting tomorrow you kids are my new
waitstaff.
Tom, what the hell are you talking about? I
got it all worked out.
You and I will handle the days, and the kids
will join us after school and on the weekends.
Um, at the risk of sounding spoiled no.
Come on! It'll be fantastic.
We'll love working together.
Why? We don't even like living together.
Look, labor is our number one cost.
If we can eliminate it, we'll start making a
profit again.
What, you're not even gonna pay us? I'm 9! Is
that even legal? I think so.
But just to be safe, you're now 15.
Happy birthday! Mom, please do something.
I ought maybe after our conversation today,
you'd realize it's time to pack it in.
I have got to do this.
I can't walk away from that place until I have
done everything that I can possibly think of.
But having the kids work there? - You said
that you were behind me 100%.
Really? That doesn't sound like me.
Lynette Okay.
Fine.
Kids, we are going to support your father by
working in his restaurant.
You've got to be kidding me.
Just so you know, when you and Dad are old
and feeble-- - You're putting us in the
cheapest nursing home you can find.
Yeah, I got it.
Mrs.
Solis, I didn't realize you were here.
I've got your bracelet I polished and ready for
a night on the town.
Oh, put it on and have a good time.
Turns out I'm not gonna be able to afford it
right now unless you can help me out on the
price.
What did you have in mind? You give it to me,
and then call your insurance and say it was
stolen? I didn't think so.
I'm really sorry about the bracelet, Mrs.
Solis.
Perhaps I can show you something a bit less
expensive.
Maybe some, uh, earrings-- - Oh, will you
excuse me a minute? Ah! Carlos! Get in Here! I
got a real shockeroo for you! You are not
gonna believe this! Brad! Hi.
Uh, what's going on? He just stopped by with
great news.
I'm getting that bonus after all.
Really? Well, I went to our C.
F.
O.
, And I told him it just didn't seem fair that my
right-hand man should go unrewarded.
Isn't that great? What kind of guy does that?
Oh, I think I know the kind.
So, Brad What sort of bonus are we looking at?
How does 20 grand sound? Like a great
jumping off point.
Gaby.
Oh, honey, you heard Maria the other night.
Your hard work is what's brought them so
much closer.
Pay no attention to my wife.
You know, now that I hear the number out
loud, it does seem a little low, after all you've
done.
Oh, Brad.
Come on.
Saving a marriage? You can't put price on that
at least not a small one.
Gaby, will you knock it off? You're being rude.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
It's just--I really wanted to buy this bracelet I
saw today downtown in this little jewelry shop.
You know the place, honey.
It's right next to the, um Lexington hotel.
$30,000.
Are you sure? Yes! You deserve it.
You both do.
I don't know what to say.
You're the only one getting a bonus, so what I
think might be best is if we all agreed not to
say anything.
Do we all agree? Absolutely.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll leave you two to
business.
All this negotiating just goes right over my
head.
Ha! Thunder McFadden.
What a hoot.
What's that? Oh, it's my porn name.
Friend sent me an e-mail.
You take the name of your childhood pet and
the street you grew up on, and voilà! That's
the name you'd use if you were a porn star.
So I'm Thunder McFadden.
My buddy here is Snoop Windemere.
Mm.
Hey, who would you be? Orson, I'm preparing
a buffet for 200.
I don't have time to explore my hypothetical
career in the adult film industry.
Fine.
But you should know that's why people find
you so rigid, because you can never just let go
and have fun.
Coco Saugatuck.
Happy now? Sure am.
Thanks, hon.
Of course it could just easily be Munchy
Cedarhurst.
What? Or Taffy Swallow.
We moved around lot and had three dogs.
Bree, focus.
It has to be your favorite pet.
Like if I asked you, "what's your childhood
pet?" This is the one you'd say.
- Well, I didn't really have a favorite.
I loved them all equally.
Oh, please.
If Coco, Taffy and Munchy were in a burning
building and you could only save one Orson,
why are you being so morbid? No.
I-I just want to know your porn name. Dude, back off.
Okay, fine. That's my table.
If I had to pick a favorite, I guess it would be Not anymore.
Munchy. You can take the 4-top of old farts.
She was a bit rambunctious. No way.
Father sent her to a farm so she'd have room I-- - What's going on? He took my table.
to run. So? Take another one.
I cried for weeks and weeks. What's the difference? Well, since I'm the only
Munchy, huh? This was fun. one here who can wait on that table without
All right, that's a large mushroom pepperoni knocking over a glass with my pants, how
pizza and two salads. about I take it? You handle the cash register.
I'll get that started. You bus tables.
Tom, I got need a large-- Large pep/mush at Go on.
table nine. Well, look at this.
I'm way ahead of you. Everybody's happy.
Thanks. Things are running smoothly.
And do you have the calzones for table three? Don't worry.
Oh, crap. I'm not gonna say, "I told you so.
Setie, I need two dinner salads. " Hey.
What's the matter? Parker said the only reason Katherine said you wanted to talk to me.
you had me make salads is because it's a job Yeah.
for babies. Come on in.
Well, clearly, that's not true because you're not You know, you could have just called.
a baby. You don't have to use her as an intermediary.
You're 15, remember? - Also, I can't find my Really? I thought we were using Katherine for
band-aid. all sorts of things-- sending messages, raising
Okay, you fill water glasses. our kid.
I'll make the salads. I don't see what the big deal is.
Hey, Mom? - Yeah? This is for table five. I have to work, and she has some free time.
Oh, thanks. It's better for everybody.
Yeah. Well, it's not better for me, especially when I'm
Uh you didn't give them enough change. not even told about it.
Yeah, I know. Fine.
I figured this out. Here I am telling you.
You can short people 1%, and they won't even I have to work Friday, so Katherine will be
notice. picking M.
If they got a buzz on, 3%. J.
Okay, you make the salads. up from school.
I'll handle the register. No.
What do you mean, "no"? Let me remind you,
I have custody on Fridays.
Hey, thanks.
Let me remind you that the reason I agreed to
custody is so our son could spend time with
his father.
You have a problem with Katherine? No, she's
a peach, but she's not the one that dragged
me to court to hammer out some custody
agreement.
Now if you'd like, we can go back, and the
judge can explain to you the difference
between you and your girlfriend.
Okay, you listen to me.
Mommy? Are you guys fighting? No, sweetie.
We are just trying to figure out what is best
for you.
Aren't we? I'll see you Friday, buddy.
Looks like I'll be picking you up from school.
Andrew makes twice as much as me? Who
told you that? A little bird or should I say a
little dog named Munchy? That's why you
wanted to know the names of my pets? Orson
Hodge, you are shameful.
What's shameful is how much you're paying
him.
Andrew has been with me since I launched the
company.
He runs every aspect of the business.
He deserves what he's making.
But I am your husband, for crying out loud.
Yes, Orson, we're all aware of how you got the
job.
You know what the real travesty is? I'm more
educated than the lot of you.
I went to grad school.
I'm a dentist.
- No, you were a dentist.
Now you're a caterer, and you're paid fairly
based on your expertise and contribution.
Oh, this is not about money, Bree.
It's about value.
And you're saying I'm worthless.
No, I'm just saying you're worth less.
I'm sorry, Honey.
I'm just being honest.
Very well.
Oh, since we're being honest, Munchy didn't
go to any farm.
That's what parents tell their kids When they
just had their pets gassed.
Hey.
Hi.
You got a minute? I have a really big favor to
ask you.
Uh, sure.
I need a little detective work done.
It's about Bradley.
So What's going on? I'm gonna buy a golf
club.
A baseball bat would be cheaper.
Maybe I should let you finish.
See, I don't know anything about golf clubs,
But I know Carlos does, so I was hoping you
guys could snoop around and find out what
kind of driver Brad wants.
Oh, it's a gift.
Sure, yeah.
We'd love to help out.
So what's the occasion? - No occasion.
I just want to thank him for being a wonderful
husband.
Well, don't spend to much.
Why don't you just get him a card? So our
marriage counselor said we should get each
other little gifts now and then to keep things
spontaneous.
Oh, you're in counseling.
That's great. Susan, you got our message.
We were, but we stopped. Yes, and imagine my surprise, 'cause the last
We don't need it anymore. time I talked to Mike, he promised me he was
Are you sure about that? - Yeah. picking up M.
Brad and I are solid. J.
Well, ice is solid, too, until it cracks and you're from school.
drowning in freezing water. Oh, Mrs.
I'd stay in counseling if I were you. Nelson had another plumbing emergency.
Gaby, I'm home! Can you come in here for a Apparently this new oat bran diet she's on-- I
minute? Brad gives me a huge bonus and you don't need the details.
repay him by telling his wife that they need I had a long day.
marriage counseling? I'm sorry. I just want to pick up my kid.
I think they do. Mommy, we had paninis for dinner.
Their marriage is none of your business. You want one? No, thank you.
Besides, I think they're a very happy couple. Let's go.
Who? Him and Maria or him and the blonde I But we were gonna make brownies for dessert.
saw him kissing yesterday? What? No way! But we can make brownies at home.
Yeah. The box kind? Katherine says those aren't real
And Brad saw me. brownies.
Why do you think your bonus jumped from a Except when your mommy makes them with
stuffed chicken breast to 30 grand in a day? love.
Oh, my God. Good save.
This is illegal. Let's go.
I'm getting a bonus no one else is getting Susan? Look, I know you were surprised to
based on blackmail. find M.
You're welcome. J.
I can't believe you did this. here again today, But I really was trying to do
Well, thank God you came to your senses. you a favor.
All right, let's get in there and tell her. Well, I don't need you to do me any favors.
No, we can't tell her. What I need is for everyone to just stick to the
We'd have to give the money back. plan.
Don't we have a moral responsibility to tell her? Monday, Wednesday, Friday-- Mike watches
It's like you said-- Their marriage is none of his son.
our business. He doesn't pawn him off on his girlfriend.
He's the one who's cheating. I had a really fun time.
If we say anything, it'll just make things worse. Big group coming in.
We're the good guys here, Carlos. It is now officially Saturday night.
Really? 'cause it sure doesn't feel like it. Finally.
It's open. Oh, great.
They're kids. him! Let go of him! Guys? I just sat a 12-top.
Stop being such a downer. Who's taking it? I will.
We're finally making a go of this place. I started getting our accounts in order.
All you want to do is complain. If we're gonna sell this place, We should
We're taking a break. probably know exactly how much it's worth.
N-not now. I think this can all wait until morning.
- We just got a big party. Don't you? Hey.
Good luck with that. I just booked us into the Brunswick Inn For
We're outta here. this weekend.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on Great.
here? Those kids go our school. Prepare to be pampered! Oh, shoot.
- And you know who that big guy is? Kevin This weekend isn't gonna work.
McDermott. Mike really wants us to do that camping trip
The guy called me "Jesus" for a year 'cause I that we've been talking about.
wore sandals one day. Camping? Have you met me? I figured you
If he sees me wearing this, I'll never hear the were gonna say that.
end of it. I just can't blow him off.
Fine. This is the only weekend that works for him.
Don't wear that apron. Then you're on your own.
That's - No, I'm not waiting on a kid who's Have fun wiping with leaves.
gonna make fun of me on Monday morning. - Oh, Edie? Please don't tell Katherine that
It's humiliating enough having to work here. you're not coming.
Humiliating? Guys, easy. All right? Mike really wants her there, and if
- No, you're-- you're not humiliated when you she hears that you're not going, she won't
use the money that we make here to buy your either.
clothes. Will you take me to the Brunswick Inn next
- Tom, it's fine. weekend? Yes.
I'll take the table. Then I won't say a word to Katherine.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey.
Your mother can't wait on this whole When did you two get here? Just a minute
restaurant by herself. ago.
- Well, then you do it. They said they have something personal they
Porter, I'm your father and your boss, and I'm want to talk to us about.
telling you right now to go take that table. Oh, really? What is it? We're pregnant.
Or what, you're gonna fire me? Go for it. Oh, wow.
You think this is a joke? This is my life! Tom! - Yay! I know.
You worry about being embarrassed? I have We are so happy.
put everything I have into this restaurant! All But that's not all.
right, that's enough! Let go of him! Let go of See, even though we've only known each
other for a short time, your friendship has , Honey, where are you? M.
meant a lot to us, which is why Maria feels J.
strongly that you should be the baby's , where are you?! M.
godparents. J.
Do you hear that, Carlos? Godparents. ! M.
Yay! You are such good people, so J.
kindhearted and decent, and that is the kind ! What is he doing here? He wanted panini,
of influence that we want in our baby's life. said you knew.
How could we say no? Oh! Oh! Oh. M.
I see you got your bracelet after all. J.
Oh, yeah. , go wait outside on the porch.
Uh, but I'm not enjoying it as much as I I need to talk to Katherine.
thought I would. You can take the sandwich.
Ok, watching a movie. Look, he showed up on my doorstep.
You are one lucky boy. He seemed hungry.
I'm gonna take a quick shower. You think I don't feed my kid? Okay, well,
Try not to get any crumbs on the couch. maybe he just wanted to come see me.
What's wrong? It's peanut butter, no crusts-- Yeah, 'cause you make it like Disneyland over
your favorite. here, with your paninis and your blackjack.
I want a panini. You're trying to do everything you can to
I don't know how to make paninis. make him think that you're the other mommy.
It's just turkey and cheese. What? You're trying to get your hooks deeper
Do we have any provolone? No, we do not into Mike by showing him how much his son
have any provolone. loves you.
Can we borrow some from Katherine? Susan, I am being nice to the child of the man
Absolutely not. I'm dating.
In this house, we do not eat pretentious How does that make me evil? - No, not evil.
cheeses. Devious.
We eat honest American peanut butter. Well, you know, I hate to tell you, but your big
Now watch your movie, and I'll be back in a plan is not gonna work, 'cause from now on,
minute. M.
Will you make me a panini? Uh, well, sure, J.
sweetie. is either at my house or Mike's.
Does your mommy know you're here? Hey, He is no longer allowed to be here.
sweetie. - Yeah, uh, that's gonna be tricky.
How was your sandwich? M. Well, that's the way it's gonna be, whether you
J. like it or not.
? M. No, it's gonna be tricky because Mike's
J. moving in here.
What? First of the month, he's giving up his
place and moving in with me.
So M.
J.
is going to be spending a lot of time here,
whether you like it or not.
Orson, I'm glad you're here.
I was doing a recount of the goblets for the
Hopkins wedding reception, and we're short
by about 30 - Oh.
So I have to run over to the supplier and pick
up the rest.
Could you hold down the fort for me? Sure.
No problem.
Thanks.
Hey, you know, Andrew? It never would have
occurred to me to do a recount of the goblets.
Bree's lucky to have someone as conscientious
as you working here.
Wow.
Thank you, Orson.
That-- that means a lot to me.
It begins just after sunrise.
After a good night's sleep, people leave their
homes to go to work.
They do this so they can provide a better life
for their families afford to buy nice things and
have a reason to get up in the morning.
And when their exhausting work is done,
people come back home again and some
begin counting the days till their next vacation.
516 - Crime Doesn't Pay
Previously on Dave got caught changing your
name and living near your family, it's not
healthy or safe.
Gaby got leverage.
I'm getting that bonus after all.
So, Brad, what sort of bonus are we looking at?
Katherine dropped a bomb.
- Mike's moving in here.
What? - Tom called it quits.
If we're gonna sell this place, We should
probably know exactly how much it's worth.
And Bree got honest You're paid based on
your contribution.
- You're saying I'm worthless.
No, I'm just saying you're worth less.
Which resulted in some strange behavior.
Everyone who met Orson Hodge knew he
believed in being polite.
He greeted his neighbors each day with a
sunny Good morning.
He opened doors for young women with a
gallant Allow me.
If he bumped into a stranger on the street Oh!
He'd cheerfully say - I beg your pardon.
And if one of his friends was having a hard
time, Orson was the first to say - You need
some help there? Whether his friend wanted
his help or not.
Orson.
What are you doing here? Well, I heard about
your going out of business sale, and I thought
you could use a hand.
I'm good.
Thanks.
Oh! Wow.
This is charming.
Oh, it's a salt shaker my grandfather gave me.
Used to display it on the shelf.
How much you want for it? It's not for sale.
Everything in that box is stuff I'm taking with
me.
Oh.
Okay.
Just trying to help out.
Know it's a difficult day, And I think I, of all
people, understand what it is you're going
through.
Why you "of all people"? Well, I know what it's
like to have your livelihood suddenly vanish.
Remember, I used to be a dentist.
Oh.
Right.
Right.
Of course, it's not really the same, is it? What's
not? My business started going south because
of a bad economy.
It got worse when my son was accused of a
crime that he didn't commit, but you lost your
license because you went to prison for a crime
you did commit.
Why are you being this way? Because what's
happening to me is unfair.
What happened to you was - Justice? Yeah,
and to compare my situation with yours, on a
day like this, well, I gotta tell you, it's a little
insulting.
Then I apologize.
My intention was never to insult you.
I wanted to support you in your--in your hour
of need.
Uh-huh.
Um, vultures are starting to arrive.
I'll leave you to it, then.
Yes, everyone who met Orson Hodge knew he
believed in being polite.
What they didn't know is that he also believed
in punishing those who weren't.
Captioning provided by abc studios and abc,
inc.
And brought to you by Ford.
Drive one.
Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.
The day after Mike Delfino moved in with
Katherine Mayfair, she thought it would be
nice to share her happiness, so she decided to
throw a housewarng party for her friends and
neighbors.
But from the moment the first invitation was
delivered, her friends began making
assumptions about those who had been
invited and about those who hadn't.
I know it's late notice, but I do hope you'll all
be able to make it.
- Now does this really mean no gifts, or is it
like when Gaby says "no gifts" And she means
no cheap gifts? - You know, Katherine, if you
need any help, I would be happy to make my
fam-- - Shh! Hey, guys.
What are we talking about? The federal deficit.
Whoo! That sucker's big! Actually, Susan, we
were talking about my hsewarming party.
Oh, yeah.
I'm so excited.
You got my R.
S.
V.
P.
, right? Yes.
I'm so glad you're coming.
Oh, um, by the way, can you bring your blue
punch bowl? - Absolutely.
Anything else you need? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's happening here? Why isn't hair being
pulled? Why would we do that? Um, let's see.
She's shacking up with your ex? Something
which, when I do it, I get an angry mob on my
front lawn.
- I mean, let's be honest, Susan.
You weren't exactly over the moon when you
heard they were gonna live together.
Well, yes, I was upset at first.
But, you know, Mike was gonna be with
someone eventually, and I consider myself
lucky that it was someone, who, after all is
said and done, has always been my true friend.
Susan, that's very sweet.
And admirable.
And abnormal.
Hey, Gaby, remember when I was with Carlos?
- Shut it, bitch.
See? That's normal.
I'll give you $6,000 for it.
What? It's a $12,000 oven.
There's a dent in the door.
Not a dent.
A fist print.
My husband's been a little frustrated lately.
On the plus side, it matches the shoe print on
the dishwasher.
$6,200--take it or leave it.
Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi.
Fine.
Congratulations.
You just stole a pizza oven.
Hey.
- Hey.
I got $6,200 for the oven.
What?! That guy is ripping us off.
Yeah, well, putting an "everything must go"
sign kind of eroded our bargaining position.
How are we doing on the other stuff? Well, by
the end of the day, we should be able to pay
off our creditors, give Bree back the $20,000
that we owe her and have enough to live on
for Forget I asked. wrecking whore.
I don't want to talk about it now. Hey, Carlos.
Ohh. Uh, why don't you take, uh, Maria and the kids
Just Look, I know this is a crappy day for you, Inside and introduce them to the girls? -
but we need to start thinking About what our Come on, guys.
plans are going to be. Come on in.
- I told you, I'm gonna get a job. - All right.
And that is so great. Let's go.
So when do you think that great thing might You're using me as an alibi now? I paid you 30
happen? Lynette, don't. grand.
It's taken everything I got not to lose it right I want my money's worth.
now. And by the way, your tennis game with Maria
Sorry. tomorrow-- You need to move it to noon.
You honestly think you're gonna get $200 for Why? So you can go get another "haircut"?
that cappuccino machine? I'll give you $50. Shayla's got a couple hours off, and I want to
- You--ah. spend 'em with her.
Hey. - Well, Bradley, we all want things.
I think you better stop with the bargain For instance, I would like Carlos to have a
hunting unless you want your face to match week off next month.
the oven and the dishwasher. Impossible.
Hey, guys! What the hell are they doing here? It's our busiest time.
They had theater tickets, and their sitter Come on, Brad.
canceled. We don't want to be late.
We're only gonna watch their kids for a couple Oh, Gaby, we're still on for tennis tomorrow,
hours. right? Um Actually, noon would be better for
Good idea, Gaby. me, could you do noon? Oh, I was supposed
We're helping the slimeball cheat on his wife. to have lunch with Brad.
Why not babysit for him, too? - Shh. Do you mind, sweetie? Well, I was really
Hi! Oh, you guys are angels for doing this. looking forward to it, but, uh go ahead.
Well, what are friends for? Speaking of which, You girls have fun.
thanks for hooking Brad up with his new girl. Listen to him.
Uh, Shayla, right? You know, that hairstylist Can you believe this guy? Nope.
you recommended-- Uh, I was at the mall He is not to be believed.
making an appointment, and Maria walked by. My, what an interesting coat hanger.
Oh, that Shayla. It's shaped like a sofa.
How many shaylas do you know? Two. Please put it in the closet.
Two. Sorry, darling.
There's, uh, Shayla the hairstylist and then Orson? Why do you have a salt shaker from
there's this other Shayla I know who's a home- Scavo's Pizzeria? Oh.
I stopped by to express my sympathies with
Tom, and I-I remember l-looking at it, and I-I
guess I absentmindedly put it in my pocket.
Well, take it back now.
They're liquidating, And they're gonna need
every penny they can get.
Ma I want to stay here with you.
Me no like-a the Scavos so much-a.
No? No.
Oh.
Very well.
Though I'm not looking forward to going
down there again.
Really? Yes.
I only went down there to commiserate, and
he was very dismissive.
Tom has a lot on his mind.
I'm sure he didn't mean it.
You weren't there, Bree.
He was downright rude.
You know, it would serve him right if I kept
this.
Don't be ridiculous.
Tom's rudeness does not give you license to
steal.
Return it immediately.
Ma, you-- you such a pretty girl.
I wanna live-a here with you.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Hmm? Hey.
Oh, great.
You found the punch bowl.
Washed, cleaned, ready to go.
Sorry about the mess.
Mike's still unpacking.
Hey, did you manage to keep that antler
chandelier out of here? Yeah.
That went right to the garage.
The tough one was the framed towel with
some football guy's sweat on it.
That "football guy" is Peyton Manning.
You would do well to learn that name.
- Ah.
Oh.
Wow.
Oh, now that I really love.
I almost couldn't believe he had something
that nice.
Thank you.
- For what? I painted it.
It was a gift for him.
Really? You painted that.
He didn't mention it.
Yeah.
It was a little beach we went to for our
honeymoon.
Uh, I mean, you know how much Mike loves
the ocean.
Yeah.
Now I can see it every day.
Anyway, um, can't wait for the party.
It's gonna be fun.
Yep.
I'm sorry you have to go through this.
It must be so hard.
The hard part was when my friend tried help
me with a loan, and I thanked her by
becoming a lunatic and denting her car.
Now that you brought it up, Lynette, I've been
feeling just awful about the way I took over
your restaurant and insulted you and what can
I say? I think we have the kind of friendship
where you don't have to say anything.
Let's just hug and move on.
Okay? Oh.
How's Tom holding up? He's doing great.
Isn't it noon? Yeah.
He's up early today. it.
He just doesn't know what he's doing next. Okay, you know what? Let me show you
Maybe I can help. something I think might change your mind.
My publisher is thinking about doing his So Katherine has a picture that I painted for
advertising in-house, and he's been looking Mike hanging over her mantelpiece.
for someone. - Does she know you painted it? Yes, and we
Seriously? - Yeah. talked all about it.
Oh, my God. She loves it.
That would be great. You painted that? Wow.
And if he gets the job, you can actually cash You're good.
the check. What? Where the hell is it? - Bye-bye, high
I tell you what. road.
I will invite Bruce over for dinner, you and Tom What's with the puss? Katherine hung one of
can join us, and we'll turn it into a low Mike's paintings over the mantel till she found
pressure job interview. out Susan painted it.
Thank you. Then she took it down.
This will really cheer Tom up. Ooh.
Great. Something tells me this party's about to get
I'll call Bruce this afternoon. good.
Could you call him now? Hey, Mike. You know, there could be A perfectly innocent
Oh, I'm looking forward to one of your world- explanation.
famous martinis. - Hey, Kathy.
So was Mrs. What happened to Susan's painting? Oh! I am
Mccluskey. such a klutz.
She got here early. I was dusting yesterday, and, well, it just fell.
Ah. The glass shattered, and ugh.
Yeah, but don't panic. It took it to the framer.
I sent Edie out for more booze. It'll be back in a jiffy.
Ah. Mm.
So you sent the mouse to buy the cheese. Oh! Excuse me.
Well done. See a peectly innocent bald-faced lie.
Well, look who's here. It is possible.
Somebody owes me $20. I just drained a pitcher of martinis.
How about we let it ride? Double or nothing-- I'm not buying it.
McCluskey slugs someone by 5:00. Really, Susan, there's not a woman in the
Katherine and I told you guys we were taking world who doesn't know what "I broke it
the high road. dusting" means.
Why won't you believe us? - Because I vividly That's how I got rid of Tom's last bottle of
remember yesterday, and I wasn't born during "musk, the cologne for men.
" All right, you guys think what you want. Brad.
I'm gonna choose to believe her. Yes, he wants me to take Maria shopping
All right, so we have whiskey and bourbon. tomorrow.
What else does Mike want? Bup, bup, bup. Yeah, so he can grab a quickie.
We need a system. You know, this whole thing is disgusting.
Let's start over there in Scotland, Head over to I can't take it anymore.
Russia and work our way around the globe. - I know.
Wow. Just keep reminding yourself that we're getting
It's crowded in here. things out of it, too.
- They're all buying lottery tickets. Things I don't want.
The jackpot's $100 million. Things I haven't earned.
Look. No, I'm gonna tell Bradley we're out.
There's a priest. What? You can't do that.
I knew that vow of poverty was a crock. You'll lose your job and all that money.
Hello! You remember me. - I don't care about the money.
Father Drance. I do And so does my personal shopper and
I-I didn't know you'd moved back to the area. pilates instructor.
Oh, I just remembered. Gaby, no.
Mike wants vermouth. We're doing the right thing.
Can you grab that before we forget? Sure. Or we can make someone else do the right
Right away. thing.
It's wonderful to see you looking so well. Gaby, what does that mean? It means
I-- Shut up. tomorrow I'm going to the mall to get my hair
I'm only gonna say this once. cut by a slut.
I've moved on. Mm.
I've remarried, I have a new life, and that's the Hey.
way I want it to stay--new. Uh, look at what I found-- my beach painting.
Of course. Oh, yeah.
So, uh, what was that about? Oh. Katherine told me it broke.
He said we sat together once on an airplane. Sorry about that.
Apparently he's less memorable than he thinks Yeah, that's what she told me, too, Only, uh, it
he is. didn't.
Come on. That's weird.
Don't want to miss the party. Why would she I don't know.
Fine Fine. She seemed to love the painting until I told
Fine. her that I painted it.
I will do it, but you owe me. Excuse me just a minute.
I gotta go. I'm not making a big deal.
Let me guess. I just want to know why you lied.
Mike, please, not now.
We have a house full of guests.
- No, we'll talk about this now.
What are you doing? - Uh, nothing.
Susan showed me the painting.
There's not a scratch on it.
She what?! You didn't.
Susan! I hope you enjoyed that.
- I didn't.
I didn't.
Uh So what are we thinking? Well, Shayla-- it
is Shayla, right? Mm-hmm.
I need a fresh look.
- Mm.
I've been going through some pretty intense
personal stuff lately.
Oh.
Really? Fine.
I'll tell you.
I have been having an affair with a married
man, and it's come to that point where I can't
even look at myself in the mirror.
So I want a new style that says I'm not a giant
turd of sin.
Well, it's not your fault that you fell in love
with a married man.
- Yeah, that's what I thought at first, and then
I realized that's stupid.
I mean, what about his poor wife? Well,
maybe she doesn't love him enough.
Oh, no.
She does.
She loves him plenty.
So you want to take the bangs up a little bit?
And he has kids-- two adorable little kids.
That's sad, but sometimes you just have to
look out for yourself.
Well, maybe I am tired of being that kind of
selfish bitch.
Have you ever considered, uh, highlights?
Focus, Shayla! We are talking about how I'm
ruining innocent people's lives.
Gaby, you seem like a lovely, warm person.
Stop beating yourself up.
Oh, for God sakes, you bleached blonde twit.
I'm not talking about me.
I'm talking about you and Bradley.
What? What--what is this? Who--who are you?
I'm a friend of Maria's, who, by the way,
happens to be a warm and lovely person.
Well, maybe she is, but Brad doesn't love her.
He says he's gonna leave her.
Oh, Shayla, he's lying.
She's pregnant.
That's impossible.
They haven't had sex in over a year.
Well, call the Vatican, 'cause we're gonna need
a manger and some hay.
Get out.
- I'm just trying to protect you here.
I said get out now.
Okay, let's just take a deep breath here-- Let's
not do anything we're gonna regret.
Now.
This is why people should never get their hair
cut in a mall! Mwah.
Ohh.
You couldn't shave? Come on, Tom.
You need to look nice.
Bree's going to a lot of trouble for this dinner.
What, is she debuting a new salmon puff?
Okay.
I was going to wait to tell you this when you
were in a good mood, but I realize that's not
gonna happen, so Bree has a special guest
tonight, her publisher - Mm-hmm.
And as luck would have it, he's looking to hire
a new marketing executive.
Oh, my God. Could be "Orson.
What are you-- are you tricking me into a job " Oh, that's them.
interview? I'll find something, okay? I just need Wait till you meet Tom.
some time. You'll be so glad you had that tape recorder.
You're grieving. He's just bursting with ideas.
I get it. Hi.
But this sounds like a fantastic job. - Lynette, Tom, hi.
Please just hear the guy out and make a nice Hey.
impression. I'd like you to meet my publisher, Bruce.
Fine. It's nice to meet you.
I'll shave. Hey.
And brush your teeth. Bree, I'm getting a beer, if you don't mind.
My eyes are watering. Hey, Katherine.
Oh. Mike is standing across the street watching to
And don't just wet the toothbrush. make sure I apologize, even though it's clear
I can tell. to me you're the one who should be
Bruce. apologizing for the way you ruined my party.
- Hello. One, two, three.
Hi. Well, that should be long enough, so here.
Come on in. Kiss my ass.
- Hi. Bye.
Hi. Hold on.
Thank you so much for joining us tonight. I'm sorry.
May I take your coat? Sure. But neither of us exactly gets a gold star for
Let me. model behavior.
Oh, wait. It's not the same.
Let me get my "brain" out of there. Why not? I mean, you loved that painting until
I never go anywhere without this. you found out that I did it, and then you
That way, when I get a bright idea-- wham! acted totally petty.
Right into the tape recorder. So why am I the only bad guy here? Let me
Huh. ask you something, okay? Didn't it give you
Sounds like quite a handy gizmo. just the tiniest little thrill to tell me that that
- Thank you, Orville. painting that I was so happy about was yours?
It's Orson. That I had something in my house that
Orville, Orson--either way, he came home represented the love between you and Mike?
from the playground covered in bruises. No.
Am I right? Idea for children's book-- kid who Then what are you doing, Susan? Can't you
gets the crap kicked out of him 'cause he has see how hard this is for me? You live right
a goofy name. across the street.
You guys share a kid.
Do I have to have a painting of your
honeymoon, too? Look, I knew I wasn't going
to get a clean slate with Mike, okay? I just
wanted a clean mantelpiece.
Oh.
Fantastic dinner, Bree.
This was a great idea.
Well, I just wanted to get you together with
Tom here.
I thought you two might hit it off.
Yeah.
Tom, Bree says you used to be quite the ad
wiz.
Oh, I don't know.
He's being modest.
He was the best.
Good, because I'm looking for someone to
head up a new division.
I'm going to put some coffee on.
Orson, would you give me a hand? Let these
three chat.
So do you think you have any interest in
getting back in the game? I don't know.
The timing's a little weird.
How so? I don't know.
Well, Tom was just running a very successful
restaurant, and he just sold it at a handsome
profit.
So he's waiting for the right opportunity.
You might have to do a little selling here,
Bruce.
Huh.
I guess the good ones are always the hardest
to land.
Yeah Let me give it a shot.
We represent a small stable of elite nonfiction
authors from all over the world.
So you'd be working closely with those writers
to come up with creative approaches to selling
their books.
That sounds amazing.
I don't know.
Are there more potatoes? You can have mine.
Stop saying, "I don't know.
" Mm.
Sounds like there's a lot of traveling.
I'm not, you know, really big on living out of a
suitcase.
Even to do two weeks at the book fair in Paris.
While you stay at a five-star hotel? Paris? Like
France? Yes, like the greatest city in the world.
Gee, I'm getting Lynette excited.
Too bad you don't have any advertising
experience.
Oh.
Actually, I have Really? Yeah.
I was account executive for eight years, V.
P.
for four more after that, and by the way, I
wrote my graduate thesis on the rise of the
nonfiction novel.
W-wow.
I know.
So what kind of starting salary are we talking
about? Lynette, can I see you for a sec? Okay.
Bruce, could you hold that thought? I'm gonna
be right back.
Well, we're on pins and needles.
How's it going? What the hell are you doing?
- I'm getting this job.
That's what I'm doing.
I thought it was my job.
Well, you're not acting like you want it very
much, mister "uh, I don't know.
Are there any more potatoes?" - It's not that I
don't want it.
It's just that it's all happening so fast.
I need a little time to lick my wounds. penis-shaped tape recorder.
- Okay, you lick. So I said to him, "je crois que c'est l'homme
I'm going to Paris. qui fait Les chez d'oeuvres.
You're not taking my job. " And he said to me, "non, Lynette.
Your job? The one you're magically gonna get Ce sont Les chez d'oeuvres Great story I
by sulking and acting like a brat? You had a assume.
shot. I don't speak another language, but I've had
You blew it. ad campaigns translated into 12 different ones,
Oh, yeah? - Yeah. including Professor Crispy's potato chips.
You just messed with the bull, sister. I love that campaign.
Prepare to get the horns. You did that? I did.
I ugh! Maybe we should slice the tart in here. Yes.
I don't want to bring a large knife into this. Tom was very good at his job, right up until
Bruce I was just saying to Lynette, I gave you he got fired.
my "I don't really care about this job" thing to Well, actually, I was relieved to get fired.
see if you really care about this job, and you My boss was kind of a ballbuster.
do, and I like that. Oops.
Clever. She's right here.
Now we haven't talked compensation package Je regrette.
yet, but I got a good feeling-- You know, Tom, Oh.
you're right. Would anyone care for something sweet? I
Bruce does care about this job. know I would.
That's why he wants to make sure he gets the Well, we've all had our troubles as bosses,
perfect person for it. haven't we, Tom? I was sort of sugarcoating it
Well, Lynette, you yourself said I was the best. when I said his restaurant was very successful.
Oh, you were. The truth is, he mismanaged that pizza joint
You were the best person who ever worked for right into the ground.
me. Let me be very clear.
I used to be his boss. I think Lynette is fantastic.
This is not what I had in mind. She is a great manager, She's got terrific
- I don't know why either one of them wants people skills and is very reliable As long as the
to work for that jackass. cancer doesn't flare up again.
Now, now. You know what? It's getting late.
He's been very good to me. I should probably hit the road.
Well, of course he has, because he knows you But what about the job? Yeah I just started
make him a lot of money. looking.
Me, on the other hand, he sees as an I'm sure it's gonna be a long process, but trust
insignificant little man, barely worth me, you've certainly made an impression.
mentioning as he talks into his annoying, I'll get your coat.
Oh, it's a shame you can't stay for dessert. You're in no position to judge me.
I've made Tarte Tatin. Don't forget, I was working with Carlos when
Idea for novel-- woman who's married to a you cheated on him.
gay man and doesn't know it. Yeah, well, I'm not that person anymore.
Well, thanks again. I've changed.
I don't know when I've had such an interesting Right.
evening. You're worse.
I'll call you tomorrow. You're so worried about Maria until there's
We'll talk about your friends. money or vacation time at stake.
Uh, Bruce, why don't I wrap up a piece of that Then you're only worried about Gaby.
tart to go? Yeah. You know what? You're right.
Give it. I'm out.
Give what? - Bruce's tape recorder. What do you mean? - Deal's over.
I don't know what-- - You took it. I'm not covering for your stupid little fling
I saw you. anymore.
Hey. It's not a fling.
Has anybody seen my tape recorder? It was I love her.
right here. She's the most incredible woman I've ever met.
- I'll look. Shayla? She has a Hello Kitty tip jar.
Hey. Well, she makes me happy.
Ah. I can't give her up.
Stop. Well, at least be man enough to tell Maria,
I don't have it. because if you don't, I will.
- Ooh! What do you call this? Uh, Bruce is All right, fine.
looking for, uh Never mind. I will tell Maria.
We will talk about this later. And you can tell Carlos to bring a box to work
Oh. on Monday 'cause he's fired.
Look what got brought in with the dirty So dinner Wow.
napkins. Lynette, I will regret for the rest of my life
Thanks. what I said tonight.
Hello, Gaby. I I don't know what's going on with me.
- Ooh! Jeez, Bradley, you scared me! You I do, and it's okay.
talked to Shayla. Besides, did you hear what came out of my
- Yeah, she's a real gem. mouth? Like I said wow.
You shouldn't have done that. Wouldn't you love to hear what Bruce said
We have a deal. into his tape recorder on the ride home?
Well, I'm tired of the deal, And what you're "Idea-- check local mental hospital for
doing to Maria is despicable. escaped married couple.
Hey. " So were you serious about wanting to go
back to work? I was talking about that job
tonight and trying to convince Bruce I was
good, and I remembered something.
I am good.
And I would like another chance to prove it.
Okay.
Really? Yeah.
We did my thing for seven years.
Now it's your turn.
Oh! Mwah.
Do you know how embarrassed I would have
been if Bruce had seen you take it? He
deserved it.
He insulted me.
So say something.
Stand up to him.
But stealing? Honestly, Orson, why would you
do something like that? I don't know, Bree.
I don't.
Here's something I do know-- When I was a
successful dentist, no one spoke to me the
way they do now.
When I lost my practice, I lost people's respect.
And you hope to earn it back through larceny?
You haven't walked in my shoes.
Tom lost his job.
Everyone jumped to his rescue.
Even you-- bending over backwards trying to
get him a job.
I don't need to walk in your shoes, Orson.
What you did was embarrassing and childish,
and it's never gonna happen again.
Understood? See you.
Thank you.
Father? - Yes.
Can I help you? Oh, I hope so.
I, uh, saw you the other night when you were
buying your lottery ticket.
I was with my husband Dave.
Ah.
Yes.
He said that you barely know each other, but
it didn't seem that way to me.
And, well, he refuses to talk about his past, so
if there is anything that you could tell me
about him-- I'm not sure I can do that.
Please.
He has so many secrets, and I don't have
anyone else to turn to.
I wish I could help you, but this is something
you need to discuss with your husband.
Well, if it was that easy, do you think that I
would be here? - I'm sorry.
Please know that my thoughts are with you
both, Mrs.
Dash.
It's Williams.
I'm too old-school for my own good.
I shouldn't just assume that you took your
husband's name.
Anyway Good luck, Mrs.
Williams.
Hey, Susan.
I thought I had M.
J.
till 7:00.
Uh, you do.
I am here to take my painting back.
But you gave it to me.
It's mine.
Well, now I'm ungiving it.
Try to keep up.
Okay, if this is about what happened at the
housewarming It is, actually, because that is
when I decided that I don't want this piece of
art that I slaved over hanging in the house
you are sharing with your new girlfriend.
Capisce? Okay, so the other night you were
mad because it wasn't hanging up, but now him.
you want to take it? Yep. He finally understands what love means.
I'm complicated like that. I just wanted him to stop talking.
Aren't you glad you divorced me? If you two You should never be too impressed by people
want a painting so bad, paint your own. with good manners.
Susan-- - Mayfair. They're the ones who will give a friendly wave
Stay out of this. even when they've stolen from you they're the
This is between me and my ex. type to sweetly welcome you even as they try
Got it? Unbelievable. to uncover your secrets They're the kind to
Anyway, I'm thinking a brighter color for the offer you coffee, even as they report you to
baby's room. the police.
Now I know it's a bit of a stretch, But how do And don't be too offended by someone who's
you feel about turquoise? Sweetheart? We openly rude because they may be that way for
need to talk. the nicest of reasons.
What you reading? The want ads.
Can't decide if I should be a data entry
operator or join the Marines.
I'm so sorry.
Don't be.
I told you, I hated working for that jackass.
You did the right thing.
I should have done it sooner.
But you did it, Even though you knew you
were gonna lose a lot of money.
You're a good person, babe.
I'm very proud of you.
Well, that means a lot, coming from a United
States marine.
Mm.
Hello? Maria.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Okay, we're coming over.
I guess Bradley told her.
Thanks for coming.
I didn't know who else to call.
It was horrible.
He just kept telling me he loves her.
She's the best thing that ever happened to
517 - The Story of Lucy and Jessie
Previously on Before we met, I was married to
someone else, but she died.
Edie's quest began.
- What would you and Katherine think about
going camping? - It's gonna be fun.
And Dave's plan moved forward.
- This is gonna be fun.
Were you serious about wanting to go back to
work? Lynette took a new path.
- Now it's your turn.
Tell Carlos he's fired.
But it was Carlos' boss He just kept telling me
he loves her.
- who was terminated.
I just wanted him to stop talking.
Come on, Gaby.
We're gonna be late.
(Mary Alice) Gabrielle Solis hated going to
funerals for all sorts of reasons-- Black was
not her color (woman crying) Crying
depressed her And lilies made her sneeze.
(sneezes) (sighs) Also, Gabrielle despised any
event where she was not the center of
attention.
Luckily, at this funeral, that would not be a
problem.
(lowered voice) Gaby, I was hoping you'd be
here.
Everyone is saying that you and Carlos were
there, you know, when Maria killed Bradley.
(scoffs) You know, Jody, I really don't think this
is the time or place to discuss gory details.
You're absolutely right.
(whispers) Sit next to me at the wake.
(whispers) I want to go home! Well, we just
got here.
The funeral hasn't even started.
Yeah, well, I have a feeling most of these
vultures didn't come to pay their respects to
Brad.
They're just here to pump us for dirt about his
murder.
Okay, even so, I can't be seen walking out of
here early.
These people are my coworkers.
Were your coworkers.
Bradley fired you.
Remember? Yeah, and Maria killed him eight
hours later.
He might not have told anyone, so pipe down.
We don't need people thinking that we put
the knife in Maria's hand.
Carlos.
(Carlos) Oh, hi.
Gaby, this is, uh, Owen Johnston, our C.
E.
O.
Oh, hi.
How do you do? - I know it's an awkward time,
but I must catch a plane right after the service,
and I need to talk to you.
- About what? Bradley called me before he
died.
He wanted to discuss your job performance.
Well, what did he say? Well, sadly, by the time
I returned the call, he was dead.
Really? But I think I know what he wanted to
tell me.
Oh? Based upon the big bonus he fought for
Carlos to have, it's fairly obvious he was going
to recommend a promotion.
That was my guess, too.
The terrible irony is he didn't realize the job
he was recommending would turn out to be
his own.
Wait.
So you're offering me Bradley's job as Just want to make sure that he's not giving me
President of the company? I can't think of the runaround.
anyone better suited. Sure.
Now, of course, it would be the same What's his name? David Dash.
compensation package. All I've got here are the obituaries.
Please. Anything else will take me a couple of days.
Tell me you'll accept. Fine.
He sure will. Let's start with the obits.
(chuckles) The man has a plane to catch. No David That's probably because he's not
I'd be honored to step in for Bradley. dead.
Good. Try Lila.
I'm glad we've got that handled. Lila Dash.
Now we can focus on the sorrow of this tragic Killed three years ago, car crash.
day. That was his wife.
Mm. Give me that one.
(lowered voice) The same compensation Okay.
package! We're rich! (gasps) (lowered voice) You want Paige Dash, too? Paige? Yeah, their
We are at a funeral. daughter.
Please be quiet. "Paige Dash, 3 years old, daughter of Lila and
Okay. David.
Yes, Gabrielle Solis hated going to funerals " It says here she died in the same crash.
And for god sakes, stop smiling. (speaks inaudibly) Who are we dishing? I do
Mostly because she couldn't pretend to be sad hope it's not me.
when she wasn't. No, we've already covered you.
You can find them on any sidewalk in any city We've moved on to my daughter, the thief.
people with agendas-- The woman who calls Oh, dear.
up an old friend because she wants to borrow What happened? I'm missing my small candy
some cash The man who takes his boss to dish.
lunch because he wants the corner office The I had it last night when you guys were over
girl who looks after her uncle because she for dinner, because I remember Orson
wants to be in the will Yes, you can see these admiring it.
people almost everywhere. Yes, I, uh remember that.
Doing what they can to keep their agendas Anyway, Juanita went over before breakfast to
hidden. invite M.
Hello. J.
Hello. to her birthday party, and, well, candy plus
I need to look someone up in your archives. Juanita.
It's a client, and he's, uh, a bit of a smooth You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to crack
talker. this case.
Well, we don't know that for sure.
I could have misplaced it.
I'm sure it'll turn up somewhere.
Well I'm off.
(tires screech) Andrew, cancel my lunch.
No, everything's fine.
Your stepfather's just misplaced a few things,
and I need to find them.
(beep) (Lynette) Hey, Tom.
No, still waiting.
Big surprise.
They're running behind at an ad agency.
(laughs) So did any of those other places call
back? Seriously? Six interviews and nothin'?
Well, I should probably try and keep my game
face on here.
I'll--I'll call you later.
I love you.
Bye.
(beep) Mariana! I had a feeling that you'd be
interviewing for this! Hey, Nikki.
(laughs) So I guess Anna should be showing
up any minute, too.
No.
You didn't hear? She's pregnant.
Oh, my God.
A kid and she just turned 30? Bye-bye, career.
- Oh, don't start.
I'm gonna be 30 in 2 years.
I feel so old.
Do you wanna know what's even sadder? I just
heard that Veronica's looking for work, and
she's 39.
In this business? (laughs) After 35, they take
you out back and they shoot you in the face.
(laughing) (laughter) Lynette Scavo.
We're ready for you.
Coming.
Do me a favor.
If you hear a gunshot, tell my four kids I love
them.
(reggae music playing) Now as you listen to
the music, see what pops into your head.
What shapes does it make you see? What
colors are you thinking of? Uh, why are the
children drawing with crayons? They're
supposed to be making clay vases.
Well, I wanted to do something more free.
It's an imagination-building exercise.
Looks like a lot of scribbling to me.
(turns music off) Susan, these parents pay
$22,000 a year to send their kids here.
As art teachers, it's our job to give them
something adorable to put on their desks to
smile at while they write those tuition checks.
I mean, no one's gonna find this meaningless
chicken scratch adorable.
Not yours, Mia.
Yours shows real promise.
Jessie, you said that I could plan the lesson
today, and I think this is valuable.
I'm just trying to be creative.
Fine.
But you know where I stand.
What's an "evalley-ation," Miss Susan? An
evaluation? Well, that is when someone judges
your work and gives you a grade on it.
But don't worry.
I'm not doing that today.
No, they're doing it to you.
Who? Miss Jessie and Principal Hobson.
I heard them talking.
Oh, right.
That's not till later this year.
No, it's this week.
I hope you don't get fired.
The lady with the purple sweater argued with
Miss Jessie like you did, and she's gone.
The lady with the purple sweater? I never
learned her name.
She wasn't here that long.
She was creative, too.
All right, everyone.
Grab some clay.
We're making vases.
Darling, I'm home.
Oh, and I'm famished! What are we having for
dinner? How about a confession? Sit down.
Start talking.
What do you want me to say? I want you to
explain to me why this insanity is still going
on.
When you stole that tape recorder, you said it
was a one time thing, an impulsive act of
revenge.
It was, at first.
But then (sighs) I know it sounds odd, but it
started giving me a thrill.
A thrill? Stealing a ceramic duck gives you a
thrill? It's hard to explain.
Well, maybe you'd feel more comfortable
talking to a professional.
A psychiatrist? (laughs) Good heavens.
Bree, I'm not crazy.
(chuckles nervously) Look, I'll stop.
I'll--I'll tell everyone I'm sorry and return
everything.
You will do no such thing.
From this moment on, you are forbidden from
entering any of our friends' homes.
But how are we gonna get these things back?
I'll take care of it.
I'm so glad you could make it.
I know I sprung this on you at the last minute.
Oh, actually, I was just gonna watch a DVD
and order some takeout, so I'm looking
forward to a home-cooked meal.
Oh, well, keep looking, 'cause I don't cook,
and Shanghai Panda delivers.
Oh.
Well, that'll be fine.
You know, Susan, I was a little surprised to get
your invitation.
Oh, well, you know, I just think that school is
such a formal environment, and I thought it
would be nice if we could let loose and drink
a little wine, get to know each other.
Oh, my gosh.
(cork pops) What? (laughs) - Look at you.
You're like that schoolmarm in the movies who
lets down her hair and va-va-va-voom.
(laughs) I've never gotten a va-va-va-voom
before.
Thanks.
You look nice, too.
Oh, please.
I didn't even get a chance to change.
My ex was late picking up M.
J.
, which is insane, 'cause he lives right across
the street.
Your ex lives across the street? (sighs) He
decided to shack up with my best friend.
And people wonder why I'm through with
men.
So what are we toasting to? Getting to know
each other better.
(clink) Oh, napkins.
I'll drink to that.
(grunts) Oh, hey, Mike.
Come on in.
I went a little crazy at the camping supply
store.
Hey, check this out.
I got Katherine her own lantern.
I know she was a little worried about finding
the latrine in the middle of the night.
Uh, actually, that's, uh, why I came by.
Katherine sort of bailed.
Bailed? You mean she's not going camping
with us? Ah, she's really sorry, but she's gotta
get her taxes done.
So Katherine is blowing us off for taxes.
Also, I think she's worried she'd just be a third
wheel.
What? Oh, come on.
I mean, this trip is as much about her as it is
about us.
Tell her she's gotta come.
First of all, I don't tell Katherine to do anything.
And it'll be better with just us guys.
We can burp and scratch to our heart's
content.
Besides, Katherine was never part of the
original plan anyway.
No, she wasn't.
All right, I'll, uh, see you Saturday.
Yeah.
(door closes) (slurring) You're not listening to
me.
I'm not saying I'm giving up on love.
I'm saying I've already given up.
No.
I-I will not let you.
You are too smart and funny and adorable.
Am I? It's been a long time since I've been
complimented like that.
Well, I mean it.
Anyone would be lucky to have you.
You are a catch.
(gasps) Jeez.
How did it get so late? Is there a school policy
on showing up to work drunk? (swallows) It's
frowned upon.
Oh.
I've had the best time tonight.
Oh, me, too.
You know, I think we should probably keep th
between us.
We don't want people talking at work.
- It'll be our little secret.
Ohh.
So You think you might wanna do this again
sometime? It's a date.
Va-va-va-voom! S-so what kind of kiss are we
talking about? A regular kiss on the mouth
that lasted a little longer than I thought it
would.
So was it a good, old-fashioned American kiss
or are we talking the infinitely superior French
variety? Mm (flaps tongue) Okay, I'm probably
just blowing this out of proportion.
I mean, she never even said anything about
being gay.
Well, that doesn't make any difference.
Right, Lee? Why ask me? Aside from the
occasional parade, gay men rarely interact
with lesbians in the wild.
Susan, if you're not sure what she meant by it,
why don't you just have a talk with her? Oh,
that would be way too awkward.
She's my boss.
She's your boss? Let her kiss you again, then
sue her.
(laughs) Okay, we're gonna figure this out for
you.
Were her eyes open or shut? I don't know.
Well, how many seconds did the kiss last? I
don't remember.
Oh, for God sakes.
Was it this mm.
Or was it this (Moans) The second one?
Congratulations.
You're now dating a lesbian.
See you at the parade. friend, and I love you, but as far as knowing if
(groans softly) Hey, Gaby? (laughs) I'll see ya. you're any good at your job (inhales sharply)
I wanted to ask you something. Enough with the shrugging.
Feel free to say no. Come on.
Oh, Honey, I'm flattered, but I only did that to - You're putting me in a tough spot.
help Susan out. Carlos is under a lot of pressure now, and he's
Yeah, this isn't about that. not really in a position To be taking big risks.
Um, I wanted to say I heard about Carlos' big - You think I'm a big risk? Well Okay, that's it.
promotion. Four shrugs.
(chuckles nervously) Congratulations. I'm out.
Thank you. Thanks for your help.
I mean, it's sad how it happened, but, you Ugh.
know, when opportunity knocks, you gotta (door closes) Yeah, just follow the road as it
answer the door, right? Absolutely. curves.
Now you know I'm looking for work? Oh, yeah. We're the second house on the left.
How's that going? - Not great. Okay, bye.
(chuckles) See, while I was working at Scavo's, (beep) Oh, place looks great, babe.
I got seven years older, which is weird, seeing Thanks for doing this.
as how all the C. It's all part of being the President's wife.
E. So tell me about your new hire.
O. She's gonna be your number two? Yeah, and
s got seven years younger. I'm lucky to get her.
The bottom line is, no one wants to hire Smart as a whip, Harvard M.
someone who could have made out with their B.
dad on prom night. A.
(chuckles nervously) Anyway, I hear Carlos is I've probably mentioned her before.
looking for a new Director of Marketing. Lucy Blackburn? Maybe I'll go put on some
Think you could put in a good word for me? music.
Oh. Lucy Blackburn? Please tell me it's a
Uh I don't know. coincidence that your new V.
Y-you don't know? Well, I thought you did P.
advertising. has the same name as your ex-girlfriend.
Yes, I helped advertise what companies She wasn't my girlfriend.
decided to market. We were roommates.
It's the same thing. We shared an apartment.
Come on. You told me you slept with her.
You know I'd be great. - Well, it was a small apartment.
I guess. Come on.
You guess? Gaby Look, Lynette, you're my It was a casual thing, and it was a million
years ago. ethics that need compromising.
I don't care! Why couldn't you have told me (chuckles) Wow.
this before she's about to appear on my Now I know why you wanted to hire her.
doorstep? I wanted to but you were always She's a force of nature.
next to something sharp. - Mm, you should see her close a deal.
Gaby, I am in over my head with this new job, I'll bet.
and I need Lucy's help. Ahh.
Please don't be jealous. So were you surprised when the door opened?
(scoffs) I'm not jealous. What do you mean? Well, she's obviously
It's just you can't hire her. stopped counting calories Since the last time
I'm Mrs. you saw her.
President, and I get a vote. No, she looks about the same.
(doorbell rings) There she is. What? But you two used to have sex.
Now please, I'm begging you (scoffs) Well, you Yeah.
can beg all you want. So? So don't get me wrong-- she's attractive.
I am not on board with this! (chuckles) Hey, It's just she's not really your type.
Lucy! Hey! Hi. Your type is skinny model.
I'm Lucy. Okay, so you're not gonna see her on a
You must be Gabrielle. runway.
You can call me Gaby. Except maybe at an airport.
(chuckles) Come on in! (whispers) I'm on - Gaby! You think I'm that shallow, that all I go
board. by is looks? Yeah, I thought that was
I got a bead on Charlie Fields for C. something we had in common.
F. Look, Lucy is brilliant and witty and has more
O. confidence than anybody I've ever met.
Charlie Fields? There's no way you're gonna That type of personality can be very seductive.
get him. Ahh! Someone light me a cigar.
He's the number two guy at Brewster and - You got him? I find poaching is easier when
Parent. you lead with, "we'll double your salary.
Relax. " (Carlos laughs) Sizzle me.
It'll take some maneuvering, but I'll make it (hissing) Ah, there it is, that thrill you get from
happen. taking something that's not yours.
- How? Carlos, you're the President. (laughs) (laughs) Hey, are you still looking for
It's best you don't know where the bodies are a Marketing Director? I have a friend that I
buried. would love to see working with you two.
(Carlos laughs) Ah. No problem, Bree.
(chuckles) (cell phone rings) Well, speak of the We buy aspirin by the pound in this house.
devil. I'll get you some.
If you'll excuse me, I have some professional Ah, you're a lifesaver! Yes, we have lots of
screwdrivers. she did it.
What kind do you need? Phillips head? Yes, Juanita! Whenever my children stole, I sent
that would be lovely. them to bed without any supper.
I don't have cumin, but I probably have Just a thought.
cinnamon. (door closes) Orson? Orson! (strained voice)
Oh. Orson! Orson! (normal voice) Orson! No! Hi,
(chuckles) Close enough. Bree! - What were you doing at Bob and Lee's?
(unzips bag) Yeah, no problem. Well, they invited me over for coffee.
Two eggs coming right up. After I told you to stay out of the neighbors'
Oh! Wait. houses? (sighs deeply) You stole again, didn't
I made omelets this morning, so I'm all out. you? No.
Oh, that's all right. No, I didn't.
I'll just go to the store. What are you hiding behind your back?
Where did that come from? Oh. Nothing.
I don't know, but it's awfully cute. It's mine.
Unbelievable. You're telling me you own a mug with a
(scoffs) Juanita, get your butt down here. picture of Bernadette Peters in "Gypsy"? This is
Why are you, uh, calling Juanita? To find out quite a résumé you got here.
what McCluskey's sleeping Mexican is doing in - Oh.
my house. Northwestern, huh? Yep.
That's not yours? - No. Thank you.
Why would you think that? Oh! Uh, I don't So, Lynette - Mm-hmm? How old are you? Um
know. Mr.
But, you know, there it is. Vivinetto, I'm not obligated to answer.
It's been sitting on McCluskey's porch for It's the law.
years. Right, right.
I keep telling her how racist it is. I was only asking 'cause I-I also went to
First the candy bowl and now this? How many Northwestern, and I thought maybe we
times have I told you not to steal? I didn't take crossed paths there.
that. (chuckles) Oh.
Juanita, you play with it every time we go by (laughs) What--what year did you graduate?
Mrs. (chuckles) Well, if I was dumb enough to
McCluskey's. answer that, I never would've gotten into
Now either tell me the truth, or I'm gonna Northwestern.
cancel your birthday party. I-I understand, but, uh, I'm gonna be honest
I am telling you the truth! - That's it. here.
Party's over! Gaby! Aren't you being a little We have certain accounts that cater to a
harsh? I mean, perhaps she didn't take it. specific demographic.
Well, then how else did it get here? Maybe Okay, I'm gonna stop you.
What is this obsession with age? I am a vital
woman with passion and a library
knowledge when it comes to this industry.
Why doesn't at count for something? - What
I'm saying is, we just landed the Cosgrove's
Revitalizing Serum account.
It's an antiwrinkle cream, and I need someone
more mature who can identify with the-- - I'm
54.
He didn't even flinch.
I said I was 54, and he bought it.
There was not a "wow, you look great for your
age!" Not even a courtesy gasp.
Look, you got the job.
You're making $80,000 a year.
What--what does it matter? It matters because
I'm only 43, and I look like I'm 39.
You're 43? But I'm-- I'm 2 years younger than
you, and I-- - Nobody cares how old you are,
Tom.
(knock on door) Hey.
Great news! You got the job! - Yeah! How'd
you hear about it? Hear about it? Honey, I did
it.
I talked to Carlos.
You're in.
Oh.
Wow.
That job.
Um I don't know what to say.
Say, "how do I thank you, greatest friend in
the world? What's your birthstone?" (laughs)
Well, thank you, greatest friend, but I just
accepted another job.
Well, un-accept it.
You have to take this job.
It's essential that you be there.
- Why? Because it's a great opportunity.
I'm confused.
Before, you didn't even want to talk to him.
of You weren't even sure I was good.
Yeah.
Yes, and then I went home and thought, what
a horrible thing to say to such a dear, dear
friend who's probably really, really good at her
job.
So I said, "Carlos, you have to hire Lynette.
" I don't know.
Well, he'd have to match my current offer.
Yeah, okay.
What are they paying? $100,000 a year.
I don't think that'll be a problem.
Oh.
By the way, you're gonna be reporting to this
woman Lucy.
She's a real star, so you're gonna wanna keep
an eye on her.
(footsteps approaching) Decaf soy latte-- your
favorite.
Thanks.
I was thinking about the other night - Mm,
me, too.
Maybe Friday you could come over to my
place, and we could hang out or (groans) You
know, I-I think you may have gotten the
wrong impression.
I'm not into women.
Mm-hmm.
Nice boots.
(gasps) I thought it was gonna rain.
Okay, um I'm not gay.
Mm-hmm, then what was all that stuff about
the other night? The--the touching my knee?
The "oh, you look so sexy"? The good night
kiss? Oh, we, that kiss was all you.
Oh, it was? (chuckles) I seem to remember you
being there and not pulling away.
Well, that's because-- Why didn't you say
something then? - Because I-- Cause you're
tired of living a lie.
- What? I was you You're obviously worried
there's a lesbian inside of you trying to get
out.
Actually, I'm more worried about the lesbian
that's outside of me trying to get in.
Um, can we just teach the class and talk about
this later? Fine.
Shouldn't you be doing your taxes? Oh! God,
Dave! (laughs) You scared me.
Oh, sorry about that.
- Oh.
What's this I hear about you not going
camping? Oh, well, it is that time of year, and I
got all these receipts to go through.
I gotta say, I'm mighty disappointed.
Please.
I'm sure you're relieved there won't be a girl
tagging along to spoil all your macho fun.
Well, see, now that's where you're wrong.
I mostly saw this trip As a chance to get to
know you better.
Me? Why? Katherine, the truth is, I don't have
a lot of friends.
Maybe that's why Mike's become so important
to me.
And ever since you came into his life, well, I
can see the change.
He's so much happier, so much more relaxed.
You've given him this sort of inner peace.
I just thought it would be cool to become
buddies with the woman who did that for my
friend.
Well, when you put it that way So you'll go
camping with us? I'll go start packing my
fleece.
Fantastic.
(chuckles) Dave? Do you really think I've made
that much of a difference in Mike's life? Oh,
absolutely.
If he ever lost you it would destroy him.
Okay, class, let's see how our animals of Africa
drawings are going.
Oh, Emma, this is beautiful.
Emma drew a gazelle.
Isn't she pretty? (gasps) Zachary, is that a
rhinoceros? Wow! He looks so big and strong.
I love rhinos.
Do you, Susan? Do you really? Excuse me? I'm
just saying, if you were on safari and you saw
a sleek gazelle next to a grunting, sweaty
rhino Your eye wouldn't go straight to the
gazelle? Uh Though I would definitely
appreciate the beauty of the gazelle, uh, if I
was going to take a trip to Africa I would be
more excited to see the rhinos.
I like rhinos, too.
Yes, we know, Jeffrey.
We've all seen you playing hopscotch at recess.
Are you gonna tell me that you've never had
any experience with gazelles? Not even in
college? No.
And I was on on the softball team.
Look, Susan, why don't you just say it? This
particular gazelle isn't young enough for you,
and you don't want to hurt my feelings.
That is not true, and I think we are
dangerously close to no longer speaking in
metaphor.
Well, then why were you so interested in me
in the first place? Why did you ask me to your
house? Because I wanted you to give me a
good evaluation.
I see.
(sighs) (door opens and closes) It was nice
knowing you, Miss Susan.
The problem--how to attract high net worth
clients in a down economy. evaluation anyway, so everything's fine.
The solution? Be creative. Look, I need this job.
Christie's is hosting its first ever "sea auction" But even if I didn't, I would still like you as a
on a yacht in St. person.
Barths. Please, stop.
(chuckles) I see a boat full of millionaires I don't need your pity.
waiting to be wooed. (chuckles) You know, I don't get why people
This is not a bad idea. say that.
Besides, I haven't been to St. I-I love pity.
Barths since you took me there to celebrate (chuckles) Pity means someone is trying to
my first promotion. understand what you're going through, that
(cell phone ringing) (laughs) That was a fun they sympathize, and I do.
weekend. Susan (sighs) I'm someone who never went
(Lucy) Yeah. out and looked for love.
(sighs) Let's do it. Assumed it would find me.
- Yep. But it didn't.
I gotta take this. And now I'm making a fool of myself (sighs)
I'll be right back. throwing myself at straight women, because
- Okay. I'm so afraid of being alone.
Okay. Now how can you possibly understand that?
Not to pry, but when you said Carlos took you Well, here's how.
to St. Um, I (sighs) I've spent my whole life putting
Barths Oh, yeah, we lived together for a while myself out there, and, um, I'm still today, alone.
back in the day. Just like you.
Oh! (chuckles) Gaby didn't mention that. It's not the same.
See, that is what I love about her. Well, okay, it's not, because I'm alone but I'm
Most women would freak out if their husband not lonely 'cause I have friends.
hired an ex-girlfriend and they were working Love doesn't happen for everyone.
together unchaperoned. You know what? I don't even know if it's
But she's got the confidence to just be cool gonna happen for me anymore.
with it. But my friends are there for me no matter
Yeah. what, and that helps.
Yeah, that Gaby's a real class act. So at the very least, you know, let me be there
(chuckles) (sets down eraser) Jessie, I-I am so for you as a friend.
sorry. That'd be nice.
Why? You were just being honest. Do your friends hug? What's that in the
Still, uh I never meant to lead you on. garbage can? My boots.
Uh-huh. Hey! (chuckles) What are you doing here? I
Well, I was planning on giving you a good just wanted to see how your first day went.
Sit.
Take a load off.
Spill it.
(chuckles) Oh, that is so thoughtful of you.
You're such a good friend.
- Oh, well, you know me.
Yeah, I do.
(sighs) So did you get a good office? Were the
people nice? Oh, what about Lucy? Do you
like her? Actually I am kinda tired.
I think I'm going to head inside.
Ooh! What's going on? I mentioned Lucy, and
you get all weird.
Is something going on with her and Carlos?
What? No.
I'm sure she's just affectionate.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean by affectionate? Well, it's
probably nothing.
But when Carlos works on his computer at
home, does he take his shirt off there, too?
That son of a-- I'm gonna kill him! No, you
won't get the chance 'cause I'm gonna kill you
first.
Huh? The houselights are up, Gaby.
You can drop the act.
You only helped me get this job because you
needed a spy.
How dare you! And, yes, I did! Gaby! You
needed a job.
I did you a favor.
And then I brought you hot cocoa.
Why don't you ever thank me? - Because you
used me! At least when I asked you for a favor,
I was up-front.
Oh, were you, Miss "they offered me $100,000
a year"? Oh, you found out about that? Honey,
I've played poker with you for the past nine
years.
I think I can tell when you're bluffing.
Okay, it's true.
I used you to get more money, but you used
me first.
- Fine.
We're a couple of users.
(sighs) The big question is, are we still friends?
Do I still get my salary? Will you still be my
spy? Dave, I'm curious about something.
What about? Well, how do you feel about kids?
Kids? Yeah.
Haven't you ever wanted one? Is this your coy
way of telling me you want a child? Maybe.
I hardly get to see Travers anymore Now that
he's off at prep school.
And I always wanted a girl.
Doesn't that sound like heaven? A beautiful
little girl with blonde curls.
I had this friend who had a little girl.
From the moment she was born, she was his
whole life.
Unfortunately, she was in an accident.
.
and died.
He told me that when that happened, a part
of him died, too.
He spent the rest of his life in a kind of daze,
always wondering exactly how old she
would've been, what she would've looked like.
No.
I don't think I'd want a child.
It's just not worth it.
You okay, babe? (whispers) Yeah.
(normal voice) I (sighs) I'm just sad for your
friend.
Yeah.
I had hoped that this compulsion to steal was
something we could solve privately, but Orson
seems unable-- or unwilling-- to control
himself.
Is that true, Orson? Are you unable to control
yourself? You'll see when he leaves, and your
lamp is missing.
So how do you want to proceed? Would you
like to begin with some couples counseling?
This isn't my problem, Dr.
Bernstein.
He's the sick one.
Fix him.
(door opens and closes) You know why she's
so angry? Because this is something she can't
control, and I love it.
Now there's no phone in the cabin, but if it's
an emergency, you can reach me on my cell.
You just be careful out there.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Bye.
(sighs) Here's the article that lady was looking
for.
You want me to fax it? Ah, take your time.
She's a pain in the ass.
She's pretty hot, though.
How does that help me? She can wait until
tomorrow.
- All right.
You can find them almost anywhere-- friendly
people with hidden agendas-- The woman
who uses her neighbor to get herself a job
The wife who uses her influence to hire a
friendly spy The husband who uses his charm
to steal from his friends and you can be sure
the friendliest people of all have agendas that
won't ever be discovered Not until it's too late.
518 - A Spark. To Pierce the Dark. simple plan (he joined the car with a bag of
food), but he would soon see ...
Dave is in a phone booth

The Gazette
Dave: I am in the office of ranger? I did not
know who to call, either you or the SPA, but ...
I think I saw some poachers in the forest of
Emerson and I was worried because I know Old man: You have faxed this article to Edie
that people love to go camping and I do not Williams?
want anyone getting hurt. No need to thank
me. I'm just fulfilling my role as citizens. Boy: I do it right away
Goodbye.

Mary Alice voiceover: that there was nothing

He hangs up and leaves the shop. simple ... in the murder.

Mary Alice voiceover: Dave Williams had
planned the murder for years. And like all best
laid plans, it was simple. First he would take
Mike Delfino and Katherine Mayfair in a
remote cabin (Dave shows them a place on
the map). The next morning, he would pretend
to sleep (Mike and Katherine leave the hut,
leaving Dave to sleep) while the two lovers
would leave for a hike. Dave would then take
the gun he had hidden carefully and begin to
follow its prey. He expected them to do a
break to catch their breath and then he would
press the trigger (he shoots Katherine)
breaking the heart of man who killed his wife.
When the Rangers arrive, they evoke the
poachers in the area reported. Mike and Dave
accompanied back home while enjoying the
pain. Yes, Dave Williams had developed a very
We then see the past and fax the article about
Mike's accident.
House of Solis
Mary Alice voiceover: Life is full of nasty
shocks ... (Juanita sticks his finger into the
neck of her sister Celia) From unpleasant
surprises that shake us ... (One of the twins
trying to get his bread the grid) and make our
heart misses a beat (Karen is in the process of
vacuuming when there is a short circuit. And
these shocks always occur ...

School
Karl: Susan?
Susan: Hi Karl.
Mary Alice voiceover: When you least expect it.
Susan continues her way but realized who it
was and turns.
Susan: What are you doing here?
Karl: I just register Evan.
Susan: And I was worried that we never meet
again. What luck.
Karl: And you, what are you doing here?
Susan: I am an art teacher.
Karl: Oh? They know about?
Susan: Now, I will ignore you and speak to
Evan.
She puts her basket on the bench and began
to live up to Evan
Susan: Hi Evan.
Karl: Evan, Susan here. This is the mother of
your sister, Julie. We were married. She was
much younger.
Susan: Evan, and if you went in the classroom?
I must speak to your father and I will maybe
have to use big words.
Evan gets up to in class. Susan and Karl face.
Karl: Well Susie Q What is the problem? Free
yourself of that weight that you compress the
chest.
Susan, holding his chest with one hand: I have
enough of an ex-husband around. I do not
need that other teachers and parents to know
that I have two. So not a word about the fact
that we have been married. No more valve. No
Susie Q. I'm Susan, a professor of art.
Karl: Okay Susan.
Susan takes her things and leaves.

Karl: You want me to rub the table after
school?
Susan: I'm serious, not kidding me. I have a
great rule and I hesitate to use me (she
showed him the rule)
Karl laughs.
Work of Lynette and Carlos
Lucy: We will make a presentation to the
Morrison project ahead of schedule. There are
many box on the spot and ... Damn! Lynette!
Do not touch my miniatures. They are worth
more expensive than your house.
Lynette: No kidding. This is already the case
with this cup.
Carlos: Well, we'll take a lunch break.
Lucy: So we have not concluded, we work at
lunchtime. As a consolation, we bossera too
late.
Carlos: In the evening? You think this is useful?
Lucy: This contract is worth 10 million. How
much you want to have?
Carlos: You've heard it. We will work in the
evening.
Lynette: I have a little problem of schedule. I
coach the basketball team of my daughter on
Friday. If I could ...
Lucy: We work on Friday evening. If it
succeeds, will be commissioned to do a lot of
money. For others? You keep your job, which,
in this economy, is already a bonus. In short,
run a sandwich, we find ourselves here in 5
minutes. You (turning to Lynette) Hands
(referring to his figures). Yes, I'd notice.
Lynette and Carlos find themselves alone in
the office.
Lynette: It is funny, right?
Carlos laughs and prepares to leave office.
Lynette: I've already said we seriously expected
that Gaby and you're godparents Penny?
Carlos: You still bosseras Friday night.
Lynette: I do not like this schedule.
Carlos: I miss my children, me too.
Lynette: So, find a solution. You are the
president. Braking Point Lucy.
Bree: Oh yeah? Yet he continues to make me
Carlos: I committed to it is demanding, it is. pay. So Doctor, what is this revelation that you
It's good for the box. hide from me for 200 dollars an hour?

Lynette: But employees not support it. You

would not read for speaking it quiet?
Dr. Orson looks to encourage him to tell the
Carlos: I would see but do not ask me to truth in Bree.
make you flowers. In the office I am not your
neighbor or your friend. I'm your boss, it's
clear?
Orson: I fly to hurt you.

Bree: Why do you want to hurt me?

Lynette nods her head and Carlos is about to
walk out the door when he returns. Orson: Every day for a year, gradually, slowly
but surely, you're making me eunuch.

Bree at the doctor's attention: Would you

Carlos: In fact, Tom and you, you just take a excuse us? It has just become a private
drink on Saturday? conversation.

Lynette: I am planning to get drunk and Dr. Bernstein: If I stay, I might be useful
complain about my boss.
Bree: Want to help? And if you went to the
pharmacy downstairs to buy some aspirin? I'm
going to need it.
Cabinet

She hands him a ticket and he decided to

Bree: I'm sorry but this is unacceptable. At leave.
least you know why it flies? If it was because
of a problem during her sordid childhood, it
would help me much with neighbors.
Bree: I do not deserve this. I have always
Orson: He knows why. Dr. Bernstein has maintained that since you got out of prison.
discovered in the first session. I've even given work.

Orson: I wanted to be your partner. You gave
me a place employee.
Bree: And you decided to punish me by
committing petty theft? For heaven's sake
Orson, I'm your wife.
Orson: Maybe but I'm not your husband. We
share a bed but you keep your passion for
your business
Bree: Not true!
Orson: Oh? Every day for a year, I'm in the
background, a trivial idea, while you take care
of your business, day and night.
Bree: While thinking I was supporting you.
Orson: I tried. I thought it would not mind
being Mr. Bree Van de Kamp. But it tortures
me. Every day I walk away more and more.
And if nothing changes, Orson Hodge will
eventually disappear altogether.
House of Solis
Carlos down the stairs: The girls are exhausted.
Thank you for dinner.
Gaby: You must return to work?
Carlos: Gaby, I have a meeting.
Gaby: Lucy can not deal with it?
Carlos: You know, the more zeros you love so
much to see at the end of my salary? The
advantage of being president. These hours are
part of the job.
It goes to make him a kiss on the hair
Gaby: It tells you a little help?
Carlos: Honey, I have no time.
Gaby: I have not proposed a long shot. Gone,
I promise you that your eyes will make rounds
in their orbits in three minutes batteries.
Gaby sits down on the dining table
Carlos: You want to do this before the glass-
billed girls?
Gaby turns around and throws partaire cases
that were on the table
Gaby: Over there. It does now. Like the good
old days.

Carlos: It was never on the table.
GABY: But if there has for years. Do you
remember?
There's something that you not need? Well,
guess what? I'll call you tomorrow from the
supermarket, right?

Carlos: I coirs that it was not me She leaves the kitchen and the camera caught
the fax that says there is no paper and there is
Gaby: Right. So we will create memories to the a message waiting.
table.

Carlos: If you had intended to excite me, this

is completely missed.

Gaby: You know we have not slept since Brad

died and you've replaced? I miss you. I wanna
be with you. Removes the corn puree and School
jumps me!

Carlos: Tomorrow night, it tells you?

Susan: This is a beautiful rainbow, June. I give
Gaby: I've heard that, and the next you're too you a star.
tired.

Carlos: This weekend while. I'd be all yours.

We can do that on all the furniture you want. Approaching a boy

It goes by a kiss on the head of Gaby. Susan: You know, elephants do not have wings
but I like your thinking.

Edie is on the phone: Tell Karen, you would

have to fax paper by chance? Of fax paper! She gives him a star. She then turns to
Ask your glass, it looks like Dean Martin! No another boy.
problem, I'll buy tomorrow. You need
something? (She takes a sheet to record
things) eggs ... milk ... bulbs ... It will be easier.
Susan: So Evan, that represents your drawing?
He shows his drawing and saw two people on
the ground with a lot of blood.
Susan: Oh, there was a lot of red.
Evan: This is blood.
Susan: So ... This man (pointing to the drawing)
is surely a doctor treating the man who bleeds?
Evan: No, he stabs him in the stomach with a
sword.
Susan shocked: Oh, Evan, is a drawing ... pretty
scary.
Evan: It's funny
Susan: No, my great, it is moved, especially
since you had to draw something that makes
you happy.
Evan: But it makes me happy. It happens that
star?
Susan looks shocked by his remarks.
House Lynette
Gaby takes the coffee pot: I'm not the idea
that all bossent ... First Bree, Lynette and
Susan, and now. Fortunately you're there.
She sits down at the kitchen table and we see
Tom sat down beside him.
Gaby: I had to give up the boredom of home.
Tom: What do you do when you come
together?
Gaby: It is told of gossip. You're in good?
Tom: Apparently, Ed Simmons bought a Harley.
Gaby: I'm going back.
Tom: Wait. Leave me a chance. I started there.
Gaby: We'll start with something simpler, to
complain.
Tom: I can do. Come on, you coward.
Gaby: Carlos irritates me too. He is never at
home. And when he's around, he is too tired
for everything. When I say "everything." I talk
about sex.
Tom looks a little stunned.

Gaby: It makes you uncomfortable?
Tom: A little. Continues.
Gaby: It has never been so serious. It has done
nothing for two weeks.
Tom: 2 weeks? And you think that's bad?
Gaby: Yeah. Right now, Carlos does not want,
that's all.
Tom: False. The guys have always wanted.
Gaby: Oh?
Tom: Yeah
Gaby: Even if they are tired and it's late?
Tom: Even if one is punctured, it comes very
late and it was shot in the leg, see two. We
still want. You have exceeded the adult tired
to find the hidden excited teenager in him.
Gaby: It's good to know. You're strong girls in
these discussions.
Tom: Thank you. Does Lynette tells how it is,
sex with me?
Gaby uncomfortable: Well, I'll go.
Gaby gets up and walks away leaving Tom
completely lost.
School
Susan and Karl are sitting opposite each other
in a classroom. The main one is standing next
to them.
Karl: I had to move to that? This is a child who
plays football
Susan: This is a head and he stabs someone
with a sword.
Karl: It was perhaps self-defense.
Principal: Mr. Mayer, in general, when children
show behavior of this type is that it is a
problem. (His phone starts ringing) I must
respond. Excuse me.
The headmaster goes leaving the two young
people in the room.
Karl: Thanks for exposing my kid on his first
day.
Susan: I'm here for nothing. I showed the
drawing to the school psychologist. She gave
it to the principal. I was stuck.
Karl: This is necessarily the fault of Evan? This
impossible that he misunderstood. The orders?
Susan: Students were asked to
something that made them happy. I saw cats,
rainbows in the sky. Your son has drawn from
the bowels after a sword.
Karl: Let's talk right away from the real issue.
You hate me and you refuse to have my son
in your class.
Susan: That is wrong!
Karl: Oh no! Yet you take your revenge for
what happened between us. You do not
advance and you reproach me with your life
sucks!
Susan: You can call the record books? You just
set the world record in the number of bullshit
in one sentence.
Karl: Fuck you!
It is at this point that the main back in the
room.
Main: I started when?
Susan: It's nothing Mr. Hobson. We have
different opinions, that's all.
Karl rising: And I believe that your teacher
does not see the difference between creativity
and emotional problem.
Susan: Shut up, Karl.
draw
Main: Forgive me. You just tell him to shut up?
Karl: This is typical of Susan. This is not
surprising that no man gets to stay with you.
Susan pours red paint on the face. The
principal looks at her with big eyes.
Susan: It would be less appalling if I told you
that we have been married for 12 years?
The principal looks at Karl who then tries to
remove paint the eyes.
House Bree
Bree is on the phone: Hello, Mr. Dinsmore you?
This is Bree Van de Kamp. Delighted to tell
you about myself. I think you know that your
company has made several offers to buy mine.
Yes, I said that I was not interested, but there
have been some upheavals in my personal life
and I think I'm finally ready to conclude an
agreement. Really? It's wonderful. And if you
come to my office tomorrow to talk about?
Goodbye Mr. Dinsmore.
She hangs up and we see Orson. He extends
his hand to take hers.
Edie House
Edie: Well, the rest is for you.
Karen: Thank you. I do not know where it
came from. Every time I go to the supermarket,
I forget stuff.
Edie: I know why. You are old.
Karen makes a face and it does the same.
Karen: So, where is it, Dave?
Edie: He went camping
Karen: From the campsite, it's fun. Enjoy the
weather, banging a handful of teenagers on
holiday. It will explode.
Edie: I know you think it is a psychopath, but
you should know that he had a very hard life,
and there are things about him that escape
you.
Karen: Like what?
Edie: He was married before and his wife died
in an accident that also killed his 3 year old
daughter.
Karen: Are you sure?
Edie: Yes. So if sometimes their behavior
seems strange, try to remember the grief that
drives him.
Karen: You know, I lost a child. It'll return these
things. No wonder it ... If only I had known.
Edie: Now you know. Next time, try to be
more understanding.
Karen: Of course. I'd love a shot. Come to my
house, we will pay tribute to Dean Martin is by
stringing a few. Gone, just.
They go leaving the fax as it is. Edie has not
even had time to reload paper.
Office of Bree
Bree is currently storing a sheet when she
finds herself at the wall where hang all his
paintings of merit. She looks sad and runs a
hand over the cup she received from the city
of Fairvew when Andrew walks through the
door.
Andrew: Mom?
Bree: Andrew. I did not get heard.
Andrew: A Mr. Dinsmore waiting for you
downstairs.
Bree: Thank you darling.
Andrew goes away leaving his mother alone in
her office.
Mr. Dinsmore: I must admit, I was very
surprised by your call. You said that you never
would sell.
Orson: Bree decided she wanted to spend
more time with his family. This is a very
traditional woman you know. This is one of
the reasons that I love.
Andrew looks at his mother and Orson in not
understanding.
Mr. Dinsmore: It means that you will stop
complement? I know your fans are hoping for
a second book, including my wife.
Bree: That's nice but I decided to concentrate
on other projects. Yes, his only ambition now
is to become Mrs. Orson Hodge. And the risk
of sounding selfish, I am pleased to be the
only one where it will cook.
Mr. Dinsmore: Are you ready to check out the
contracts I have sent?
Bree watching Orson: I left them up.
Orson: I will show you the office before the
demolition begins.
Mr. Dinsmore Orson leads to head the office,
leaving Andrew and his mother alone.
Andrew: You get rid of your office?
Orson before leaving the room: We no longer
need, and Bree knows I've always wanted a
game room.
Andrew at his mother: So it is your only
ambition is to become Mrs. Orson Hodge? I
need to know. Why you let Orson sell your
company?
Bree: It was my idea. My work is my marriage
in jeopardy. I had not realized it was too hard
to Orson.
Andrew: Okay, he is not happy. Buy her golf
clubs, puts it on batteries but do not loose
what you worked so hard.
Bree: You know why my book is selling well?
Because it is authentic. I really believe in old
traditions on which I write. I think men who
open doors for ladies and children who
respect their elders. I also believe
sometimes, women must make sacrifices for
their husbands. I would be the
hypocrites if I preached these values without
respect myself.
Andrew: I get it. Do you like Orson and you're
ready to sell your company to prove it. What I
wonder is that if he loves you too, why would
he want you to stop doing what makes you
happy?
He looks at his mother's long but it says
nothing. He then goes to the kitchen not
understanding anything.
Work of Lynette and Carlos
Lynette knock at the door: I bother?
Lucy: What's the matter?
Lynette: I brought a small gift.
Lynette hands her a figurine
Lucy looked up: Oh, how nice.
Lynette: I thought it would add a nice piece to
that your collection
worst
Lynette raises the glass figurine among the
others. Lucy looks the part and put it off for
the front of her.
Lucy: I knew it was you.
Lynette: Excuse me?
Lucy: You complained of me to the head.
Lynette: I'm not sure I follow you.
Lucy: You've stabbed in the back and then you
play it naive? According to Carlos, some have
problems with me and I should watch my
behavior. And I thought, who are these "some"?
And it came to me ... It's good buddy nearby.
Lynette: Carlos and I, we talked about but I
thought he had sent me walk.
Lucy: That's your defense? You thought your
combination did not work?
Lynette laughs and uncomfortable: I admit this
is a little way, but until I found better ...

Lucy rising: the next time you have a concern

with me, you know where my office. Mr. Dinsmore goes away leaving them alone.

Before leaving her office, she turns to face Orson: What has he?
Lynette.
Bree: It all goes too fast.

Orson: Yes, that's true. But it was your idea.

Lucy: And regarding the Friday night, consider
it as a permanent job. If you are as bad to Bree: I have a new idea. I would expect.
drive as you are in diplomacy, your daughter
will not miss much. Orson: Wait? I need to heal.

Bree: Just give me one year. It's not too much

to ask, is it?
Lucy out of the office leaving Lynette alone.
She looks and the figure of a finger, the shoot Orson: You made me a promise. You have to
and it breaks in two. yours.

Bree: Think of all this company that I created

from scratch, how it brings me joy, pride and
Bree is in the kitchen with the sad eyes when sense of the work. Is it really something you
Orson opens the door. She is back. want me to leave?

Orson: Yes.

Orson: I found the contracts. Everything is in

order.
Orson looks while Bree's eyes again become
Mr. Dinsmore: that's missing is your signature. sad. He drops his hands to go to the door.

Bree, turning round, Mr. Dinsmore, do you

mind if I talk to my husband for a moment?
Orson: Mr. Dinsmore, you can come back,
Mr. Dinsmore: Please, go ahead. I wait outside. please?
Mr. Dinsmore: Everything is ready.
Bree turns: Actually, no. I do not sell.
Mr. Dinsmore: I beg your pardon?
Bree: Tell your wife I would do a second book
finally.
Mr. Dinsmore: Sorry to hear that.
Mr. Dinsmore goes away when Bree Orson
looks.
Orson: And my problem? I will perhaps start
to fly.
Bree: Steal what you need my love. But it will
not be my company.
She goes Orson leaving alone in the kitchen.
Forest
Katherine arrives at the lounge with a cup in
hand while Mike sleeps on the couch. Dave is
sitting at the table.
Katherine: Look at him. He is already dead.
Dave: That's what it's like, a whole day to fish.
Katherine: It's going to need all his energy for
our hike tomorrow, right?
Dave: Actually, I do not come with you. My
knee is acting up.
Katherine: It has to wait until tomorrow and
see how you feel?
Dave: Not so good. I will stay here. In addition,
it is a hike so romantic. You should go as a
couple.
Katherine: You always have a remarkable
behavior.
Dave: Really?
Katherine: You seem to take everything the
right way. As if you saw of course the glass
half full.
Dave: I wish it to be natural. I had to learn to
react like that. With what happened to me, I
would never have survived otherwise.
Katherine: What is your secret?
Dave: I realized that ... I was waiting for
someone arranges things. But nobody had to
do. It was for me to handle it. I had to decide
what was important and darken. I had to force
myself to be happy.
Katherine: And you are? Happy?

Dave: I take the path. You should go to bed. A She removes her robe to the ground
busy day awaits you. underneath black and white before him. He
stares at her without saying anything.

Katherine gets up to go to bed. Dave takes his

glass of wine and watching Mike. Gaby: Feeling better. Looks like you got a little
hot, too.

House of Solis
She approaches him.

Carlos on the phone: Lucy Finally, why did you

accept this meeting? It already exceeds the Carlos: I see your point.
limits. Okay. Meet at 7 am in the conference
room. Gaby: If this were true, you'd already trousers
to the ankles.

He hangs up when he arrived in the room.

She begins to loosen his tie and she pushes
him onto the bed.

Gaby: Good evening.

Carlos: Gaby, what do you do?

He turns to see Gaby with a silk bathrobe. Gaby: I release the hidden excited teenager in
you. Gone, two breasts, hurry up.

Carlos: Damn, Gaby. It had to wait until this

Carlos: Hi, honey. What are you doing up? weekend. I'm tired.

Gaby: I could not sleep. I was a little hot. Gaby: That's not my problem.
Carlos: And yet so! If the great Carlos is tired, Carlos: Good night.
it's the same for the little Carlos.
Gaby: Carlos, where you going?
Gaby: Listen to both Carlos. I have not worn a
thong all night for fun. You go to bed, I tell Carlos: Take a few hours sleep before
you. returning to work.

Gaby: Carlos, come back here!

He returns to find himself on her.

But Carlos is already out of the room.

Gaby: It's better that way!

Carlos: I'm awake. In fact, It tells you which Gaby: Will you scratch my nose, at least?
spices up the trick?

School
Carlos then attaches to the bar of the bed.

Students are one behind the other to submit

Gaby: I had forgotten that they had been their design to Susan, their teacher.
stored there. It will be nice.

Carlos: Well, that's how?

Susan: Amy, it looks nice.
Gaby: Tight, as I like.

Carlos: Me too.
Amy goes leaving room for a little boy.

He leans over to give her a kiss and stood up.

Susan: I love the colors you used.
 Edie comes to the kitchen, opens the packet
of foil and put it in the fax.
The boy goes and another little girl advance.

Forest
Susan: Danielle, it's really beautiful.

Katherine and Mike finalize their preparations

Danielle goes and Susan looks up to see that to go hiking. Dave is still sleeping.
it remains only Evan. He gets up and slowly
approaches the desk with his drawing pressed
against him. Susan grasps the edge of the
table. It captures a lot to see the drawing. Katherine to the attention of Mike: The wake
Evan raises the drawing on the desktop. Susan up.
notices that it is a house with a sun.

They go on leaving the house. The door closes

Susan: Evan, it is very beautiful. You have
respected the setpoint. Nice work!
Evan: This is not mine. Annie asked me to
bring your own. (It removes the drawing) This
is the one mine.
and we see that Dave opens his eyes. He
removes the cover and you can see he is
dressed.
Edie puts the sheets in the tray and close the
fax.

Susan is horrified to see a pattern identical to

the above with someone who stabs another
person with a sword. She looks Evan smiling. Dave runs into the forest with his gun in hand.

Edie House Edie finally receives the fax and reads the
article.
Dave arrives near a tree trunk where it hides. Katherine: I want to go. Can we?
He then saw Mike and Katherine. He points
his gun at them. It is Katherine who stopped Mike: Sure. We will gather our things and
to catch his breath. He hesitates, then pulls we're going. I'm sorry (to the address of Dave)
the neck but sometimes in the tree next to
Katherine. She bends down and gets up by
reflex while Mike takes her by the shoulders.
Mike and Katherine are going towards the
cottage while Dave is on site.

Katherine: What was that?

Mike: We're going. Dave: And me.

Dave takes his phone and reads the message House of Solis
"I know everything. Returned immediately.
Edie. "

Gaby is the living room and opens a box to

discover a pair of shoes. It is not even happy.
Mike and Katherine short while Dave comes It puts the boot in the box and took the small
their way. box where it says "Sorry about last night. I
love you. Carlos ".

Dave: I heard a shot. It looked like a shotgun.

Gaby: Juanita! Celia! Put your coats! We'll see
Mike: Katherine was nearly hit. Dad.

Dave: Are you okay?

Katherine: Yes, I think Susan House

Mike: It's a natural park. It is illegal to hunt

Dave: I think these guys do not care. Susan opens the door to meet up for Karl.

Karl: Show me.
Susan: For your information, I should show it
to shrink. But I have not done, because this
kind of free expression usually leads to
dismissal.
Karl: Show me, that's all.
They are in the kitchen and Susan showed him
the drawing.
Karl: Damn.
Susan: Yes, damn. There is a concern. Your son
has major anger issues, and we must find
where it came from.
Karl: I know where it came from. It was his
mother, that.
Susan looks at the drawing and then up the
eyes of Karl: Marisa?
Karl nods her head
Susan: Why he would draw like that?
Karl sitting: She's gone ... There is one and half
months.
Susan sits down in turn, uncomfortable.
Karl: One day when I woke, I found it with his
bags ready. She told me she had passed, she
loved it but Evan was not meant to be a
mother.
Susan: And she's gone?
Karl: And I find myself alone in raising this kid.
And obviously I'm doing really well. You have
to gloat.
Susan: Why?
Karl: Because I've done the same.
Susan: Oh, yeah.
Karl: I understand your reaction when we meet,
I see why bother you. I had never understood
until now.
Susan: Before, I was hoping that one day, you
know the effect it did, but now that you
know ... I'm sorry.
Karl looks at her, smiling a little. Susan takes
her hand.

Work of Lynette and Carlos
Gaby arrives at work by Carlos and his two
daughters and saw Lynette's office. She walks
and Lynette is surprised to see her.
Gaby: Oh. Nice your office. You're busy,
apparently. I will not bother you. I wanted to
drop the girls to talk to Carlos. Went to the
girls, have fun with Auntie Lynette.
She goes and the girls look Lynette. The latter
does not know what to do and is planted in
his office watching them.
Gaby and Carlos happens to him balance the
cardboard shoe on the desk.
Gaby: You think you can buy me with this?
Carlos: Gaby, this is not the time.
Gaby: We have only to speak tonight but who
knows if you go back?
Carlos: Damn, Gaby. (He gets up to close the
office door) It was you who pushed me to
take that job. Since, you have to complain that
my attendance.
Gaby: You are right and I apologize. But ... I'm
afraid. One becomes what one was. I feel bad,
you bumps all the time, you buy me with gifts,
you're too tired to show your love. We have
already made mistakes Carlos. For heaven's
sake, let us not repeat them.
Carlos: I am committed, Gaby. I can not
withdraw like that.
Gaby tears to my eyes: I know well and that's
what really scares me.
Juanita: We are bored
Lynette: I gave you sodas, right? You could use
the paper shredder.
Juanita: There's no toys?
Lynette: No, but I have a puncher. Sorry, I
better not. Come.
Juanita and Celia arrive at the office of Lucy
and see the glass figurines. Lynette is already
in his office.
Juanita: And this stuff in glass? They are pretty,
I can take?
Lynette retracing his steps: This is not meant
to play, unless you want to see someone
become hysterical. In fact, it made me look
very fun. If only I could stop you ...
She pushes them inside the office. We see
them play with the latest figures while Lucy
arrives at his office door.
Lucy: What are you doing?!?
Juanita: We play. We seem to do anything?
Lucy turns around and sees a maid. She
addresses her with Juanita and Celia in front
of her.
Lucy: What are your daughters? They played in
my office with my figurines that are imported.
They are worth a lot of dinero. You understand
what I say?
Carlos arrived with Gaby: What are those cries?
Lynette: I have no idea. I am also concerned as
you.
Lucy: I will explain it clearly. Work? Si Daycare?
No.
Carlos arrived near Lucy: Lucy, what happens?
Lucy: There does not seem to understand that
here we bump and that their kids should stay
home!
Carlos: It's mine that you should take time.
He waved to his daughters to come to him
and Gaby.
Carlos: These are my girls.
Lucy: I do not know. I thought it was hers
because ... Go, eh? Sorry.
Carlos: And if it was her daughters? That's how
you talk to people?
Lucy: I said I was sorry. I do everything for this
contract is obtained. It seems that stress
affects me.
Carlos: It affects us all. This may be a sign that
we must change our methods.
Lucy: We want to play in the big leagues. This
is no time to relax. You want this box to
succeed, right?
Carlos: I want a company that treats its
employees well and let them come home to
visit family.
Lucy: Okay I know I'm not soft. But you hired
me to make this the best box. So, if you do
not feel like I'm not the one you need.
Carlos: That's exactly what I thought.
Lucy: What took you? The old Carlos would do
anything to be the best.
Carlos: I guess I am no longer the old Carlos.
Gaby stroking the hair of his daughter smiled
on hearing the words of Carlos.
Lucy: All right.
Lucy returns to her office while Carlos goes.
Lynette comes and puts his head in the
opening.
Lynette: Do not forget your pets!
House Bree
Orson is going to put a blanket on the couch
when Bree comes from the kitchen.
Bree: Orson, up please. I know it hurts sofa
back.
Orson: Do not worry. It will fit me very well.
Bree: I know you're disappointed but we need
you to know I really want to find a way to
make you happy.
Orson: Me too.
It turns out the light and lies down on the
couch. Bree, resigned, up to bed. He gets up
moments later.
Dave, Katherine and Mike are back in the
neighborhood. Dave goes off leaving his
belongings in the trunk of the car.
Mike: And your business?
Dave: I can retrieve them tomorrow? I really
want to go.
Orson is outside and sees a house where
there is the open window. He smiles and walks.
Dave opens the door and enters the house.
Edie is sitting down the steps of stairs with a
glass of wine in hand.
Edie: I've always wondered why you wanted so
much to live on Wisteria Lane. You said we
would be happy here and I wanted to believe.
But it turned out ... you just wanted to get
closer to Mike Delfino.
She then shows him that she received the fax
with the printout of the article in
newspaper about the accident.
Dave: Who gave you that?
Edie: Nobody gave it to me. I did some
research. You think I bitch too for that?
She gets up and goes against him for him to
put the leaf on his chest.
Dave: It makes no sense.
Edie: All're there. The accident, the acquittal of
Mike, it's even mentioned that ... David Dash
was unable to come to the funeral because he
had a nervous breakdown.
Dave: Honey, let me explain.
Edie: So now you wanna tell me? And if you
begin by explaining why you married me?
Dave: I married you for love.
Edie: No! You married me because you
needed a cover to get closer to the man who
killed your family.
Dave: This is ridiculous
Edie: Yeah, that's crazy. But you did it for that.
And you gonna do now? You're going to hurt
the him?
Dave does not respond and looks intensely.
Edie: ... This is the only logical explanation.
And I do know one thing,
It is a piece of paper and keys to the cabinet
input Edie then march against the back of the
room. She is back at him.
Edie: What did you fucking all the time?
Dave approaching his wife: Honey, you do not
feel well. Come up to bed
Edie: Tell me the truth, kind of monster. You
made us move here to hurt Mike Delfino?

Dave: ... He destroyed everything I ever loved,
and he was never punished. I must re-
establish justice.
Edie coming off of his hands, crying: Why? But
why did you do that? We could have been so
happy.
takes his keys and leaves the house.
Orson is inside of a house. He wears a black
hood and is stealing personal belongings. But
he gets caught by the owner who dealt him a
blow on the head with a baseball bat.

She walks into the living room and grabs the Woman: Come out! Remove from my house!
phone lying on the coffee table.

Orson gets up and leaves the house.

Dave: What are you doing?

Edie: I will warn you before ... before you to

do anything. Woman: I'll call the police! Can you hear me?

Dave: Edie stops.

Edie leads and tries to open his cell phone to

call someone but she sees Orson in the
He comes toward her furious. middle of the road and diverts his car to take
a power pole. The cable breaks and falls.

Dave: Give me that.

Orson freaks out and escapes.

He takes her hand and puts his other hand

around his neck. She struggled and he put his Edie is assomée against the wheel of his car.
second hand around the neck. He strangles
her and keeps her eyes wide open. In a lucid
moment, he let her go. She gets up painfully
and Dave gets back and starts to cry. She Mary Alice voiceover: Life is full of nasty
shocks. And they always seem to occur ...
when we least expect it.

Edie looks up and runs a hand over his

forehead. She opens his door and puts a foot
on the ground that meets a puddle. She
always has a hand on the door and down the
cable. She gets electrocuted. It falls to the
ground.

Mary-Alice off to see: And once it has been

shaken, the question becomes, you will survive
it?

The camera moves to Edie and especially to

his hand. She then moves a finger.

To be continued ...

END
519 - Look Into Their Eyes and You See
What They Know
Well, I was driving my car one night I crashed
into a utility pole.
And then to add insult to injury, I was
electrocuted.
What can I say? It was one of those days.
All my neighbors heard it happen, so they
quickly left their microwaved burritos and their
expensive jars of moisturizer and their racy
pay-per-view movies and they hurried outside,
excited to see what all the ruckus was about.
But then, when they saw it was me, this weird
thing happened.
For a moment, no one moved or said
anything.
They just stared.
And then Oh, my God.
All hell broke loose.
Does anybody know C.
P.
R.
? There's been an accident.
Edie! Can you hear me? Yes, everyone
suddenly became very concerned, which was
touching, but ultimately pointless.
Moments before the ambulance finally arrived,
I heard someone whisper Don't worry, Edie.
You're gonna get through this.
You're gonna be just fine.
Susan Mayer--wrong again.
Two seconds later, it happened.
With all of my neighbors surrounding me, I
took my last breath.
The good news? I died just like I lived-- as the
complete and utter center of attention.
Two days after I kicked the proverbial bucket,
my husband asked my neighbors to do me a
favor.
You could tell from the looks on their faces It
wasn't something they wanted to do, But they
agreed to do it anyway.
So the next day, they piled into a car with two
thermoses filled with coffee, a basket filled
with baked goods and an urn that was filled
with me.
I hate that we have to do this.
So you've said.
I mean, it really is the kind of thing a relative
should do.
Maybe it is, but we're in the car, on our way
there, so stop your bitching.
Well, can you at least put the radio on? I
won't feel like bitching if I can sing along to
something.
If you start singing, I'll start bitching, and you
don't want that.
It's a 4-hour drive.
We have to do something to pass the time.
Here's a thought.
Why don't we talk about Edie? And say what?
I don't know, but she is the reason we're on
this trip.
Uh, maybe we could share memories or tell
stories.
Mm.
Why don't you start with the time she tried to
steal your comatose boyfriend? That was fun.
- Okay, I was thinking of stories that put Edie
in a positive light.
And after that five minutes is up, then what
do we do? The woman is dead, people.
Let's honor her memory.
Well, I'm all for saying a few nice things but
you were never really friends.
You and Edie clashed right from the start.
Yeah.
That's what everybody thinks. street with the muffin basket.
But the the first time we met, it seemed like That's a robot, right? Funny and likes to gossip.
we'd end up being the best of friends. We're gonna get along just fine.
Oh, that's disgusting. - Yes, we are.
No, it's okay. Wait.
It landed on the detergent box. Stop.
Here. Could we just rest for a second? We've only
You go buy yourself a fresh doughnut or gone four blocks.
booze, crack, whatever eases the pain. Okay, I lied.
Just move it along. I hate running.
Uh, you think I'm homeless. Well, why didn't you say something? We've
Oh, no, no, no. been doing this for a week.
No, I live here. Because we were starting to become friends,
I-I can prove it. and you like to run, and I like to sit and one
I know exactly what's in this garbage bag. of us had to give.
Um, empty carton of eggs, coffee grinds, Hi, Susan! - Oh, hi, Helen, Ed.
shampoo bottle Wart removal cream? You're I would have introduced you, but once Helen
right. starts talking, she doesn't shut up.
I'm homeless. Right.
Susan Mayer. Ed told me that.
Oh. - Oh, you met Ed? Oh, yeah.
It's all cleared up. I've gotten to know him quite well.
Mm. Yeah? We're kinda doing it.
Edie Britt. Doing what? It.
I just moved in down the street. Ed is married.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a naughty girl.
I saw the moving van. No, you're being immoral.
Welcome. You're committing adultery.
Thanks. Actually, Ed's committing adultery.
So is it just you, or do you have a family? I I'm just getting laid.
have a son. You know, forget I ever mentioned it.
He lives with his dad. I can't forget something like this.
It's a long story. Helen is my very good friend.
I'll tell you one day over a margarita. - I thought you just said that she was-- She is
You wanna invite me in for a margarita? How annoying, and I hide when she knocks on my
about coffee? I just put on a pot. door, but she does not deserve for you to be
Great. wrecking her marriage.
You can fill me in on all of the neighborhood Where are you going? Home.
gossip, starting with the redhead across the Oh, so you're not gonna be my friend
anymore? I don't think so.
I thought you didn't like running.
Well, it depends on what I'm running away
from! Hi.
I'm the whore that lives down the street.
Could I borrow a cup of condoms? A cup? Are
you sure that'll be enough? Look, I know that
you don't like me, but I am here to do you a
favor anyway.
I was out to dinner last night, and I saw your
husband with another woman.
Really? I feel bad saying it, but if I were in
your shoes, I would want to know.
You're welcome.
Oh, I get it.
So you feel I judged you, and for revenge,
you're trying to make me insecure about my
marriage.
If I wanted revenge, I would have joined them
and made it a threesome.
You know, Karl would never cheat, And the
woman he was with-- Brandi, his secretary,
and he took her out for her birthday.
Oh, the old "I'm taking my secretary out for
her birthday" routine.
Hmm.
Nice tip of the hat to the classics.
Okay, well, since you're on this moral roll, why
don't we walk over to Helen's? and I will
introduce you.
We can have some tea, And then you two
could swap stories about Ed's favorite
positions.
What I do and what Brandi's doing
completely different.
How? I'm not looking to break up anyone's
marriage.
I'm in it for a little fun, some free meals and
to help an unhappy man through his midlife
crisis.
Wow.
You're just a giver.
Fine.
Use all of your energy judging me and ignore
the real problem.
But let me tell you something.
This is my area of expertise, and I saw the
look in that woman's eyes.
She's not in it for the free meals.
She's in it for keeps.
You should leave now.
You know, Susan, I'm trying to help my
neighbor out.
I thought it was the moral thing to do.
Three weeks later, I found Brandi's bra in Karl's
glove compartment, and, well, you know the
rest.
Say what you want about Edie, she really
understood men.
I should hope so.
After all those years of research I can't help
thinking about all the times Edie and I sniped
at each other.
We could have been good friends.
Well, if she knew what you're about to do for
her, she'd forgive you for everything.
Okay, my hour's up.
Someone else hold Edie now.
Mm.
- I'll take her.
Kinda looks like cat litter.
Lynette, don't look at Edie.
is Or what, I'll turn to stone? She's all rough and
gritty.
Uh, Gaby, before we learn what Edie tastes like
I got it.
I think a little more reverence for the dead is
in order.
Oh, please. You're gonna love it.
We're talking about Edie. Hey! Love it? I have cancer.
A little more irreverence is what we need. I probably shouldn't even use the ladies' room
Give it. in this place.
Do you guys remember when you took turns Oh, there isn't a ladies' room, so that's not a
driving me to chemo? Well, none of you did it problem.
like Edie. Um, I Edie, I have chemo in half an hour.
Hey, Lynette. Fine.
Hey. Then we better start drinking.
How you feelin'? Eh, same. - I'm not supposed to drink.
Well, here's the DVD you asked for. And they're not supposed to do tattoos in the
Thanks. kitchen, but I have a bald eagle on my ass
I'll watch it during chemo if I'm not too tired. that says otherwise.
Here we go. Two tequila shooters! Hey, Edie! Reggie! Oh, I
Oh, hi, Edie. thought you were in Florida.
Hi. Nah.
Ugh. That was just a body they identified as me.
What is that? It's a health shake of fermented Oh.
brown rice, and for her entrée, a salad of Reggie, this is my friend Lynette.
radish, burdock root and Bok Choy. I'm trying to cheer her up a little.
Mmm. Right on.
What's for dessert, waterboarding? Thanks. You wanna shoot some stick? Uh No, thanks.
I can't get comfortable. Oh, come on.
Could you fluff my pillows? - Of course. You can totally take him.
Well, I've got errands to run, and I'll be back No, I can't.
to drive you to chemo. Uh, see? Cancer.
Before you go, would you put my socks back Oh.
on? My feet are cold again. No sweat.
Oh, of course. I'll play you one-handed.
Katherine, you have got stuff to do. Can you excuse us for one second? I need to
Why don't I take her to chemo? It's fine. go to chemo.
Okay. I have-- - Cancer.
See you tomorrow then. Yeah, I heard.
Bye. And what do you want from me? I want you
Okay, where's your coat? Why? Chemo's not to fluff your own pillows.
until 5:00. You need to start fighting this thing.
Yeah, I've gotta make a little stop on the way. I'm doing the best I can.
Edie! - Whoo! Been here before? A couple of Oh, not even close.
times. Hell, Lynette, you--you are the strongest
person I know.
You're even stronger than me, and that's
saying something.
Now I may be a little out of line bringing you
here, But you need to remember who you are.
Screw cancer.
You are Lynette Scavo.
Two tequilas.
Now where's that one-armed friend of yours?
I'm--wanna shoot some stick.
Wow.
It sounds like she gave you just what you
needed.
Good for Edie.
- She never let me forget it either.
She always insisted it was the tequila shooters
that killed the cancer.
Oh, what the hell is that? Oh, not now.
We have a flat.
Maybe it's a sign we're not supposed to do
this today.
Nice try.
We don't have time for this.
Anybody know how to change a tire? You
want to hand me that cross wrench? - Do you
wanna tell me what that is? It's the T-shaped
dealie I'm gonna whack you with if you don't
hand it over.
You know, Edie used to live around here when
she moved away from Wisteria Lane.
You mean when you gals gave her the boot.
- Less yakkin', more jackin'.
Bree, how did you know where she lived? Um,
I ran into her once, unexpectedly in a place I
never thought I'd be.
Bree Hodge.
Follow me.
I'll get you situated, and I'll bring your
husband in.
Is that the visitors' room? Yeah.
Why? You don't happen to have a private
room, do you? You mean, like an upgrade,
something with a couch and softer lighting?
That would be lovely.
Oh.
You were being sarcastic.
Yes, ma'am.
Are you ready to-- Oh, not, uh, just yet.
It's not a bad idea, having an upgrade
available.
I bet that's a perk people would be willing to
pay for.
Ma'am, it's a prison.
The only perk we offer is a cavity search.
Um To be honest, I-I'm not feeling up to this.
I'm gonna have to come back another day.
Fine.
He's got another visitor scheduled anyway, so I
don't even have to tell him you were here.
Another visitor? Who? Some lady.
She visits him every week.
Every week? What's her name? I can't give you
that.
If she's visiting my husband, I think I have a
right to know.
Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I cannot give you her
name.
Really? Because I would consider that a perk
worth paying for.
Well, well.
What are you doing here? I wanted to see you.
And you didn't bring muffins? It isn't that kind
of visit.
No muffins, no small talk.
Should I be scared or grateful? I stopped by
the prison today.
The guard tells me you've been visiting Orson-
- Sometimes twice a week, she said.
Oh.
Who knew lady prison guards could be so
chatty? What are you up to, Edie? I'm not up
to anything, you redheaded ice cube.
He's 15 minutes away.
And quite frankly, I feel sorry for him.
After all, I know what it's like to be exiled from
suburbia.
So you're not Trying to start up something?
He's in jail.
My boobs are impressive, but they can't bend
iron bars.
Well Thank you for checking in on him and for
answering my question.
I have a question.
Why aren't you visiting him? Oh, well, my
schedule is just unreal, what with the catering
company and looking after Benjamin.
Yeah, well, we're all busy.
Come on.
Why haven't you been to see him? That jail is
it's disgusting.
All those men in cages, like animals.
Even to step foot in that place is humiliating.
That man went to jail for you.
Do you have any idea how much he must love
you? I do.
Then why can't you suck it up once a month
and go and say hi? Try to help him get
through this living nightmare.
Why can't you do that? Now as I think about
it, don't visit him.
He can do so much better than you.
So how are you doing? How do you think?
You're right.
I shouldn't have asked.
I know it's horrible here.
How would you know? You've never been.
You have every right to hate me.
There's no need to be melodramatic.
I meant for asking you to come here, for
insisting you turn yourself in.
Oh.
Now that I see this place, I don't know what I
was thinking.
You were thinking I needed to take
responsibility for what I did, and you were
right.
But still, asking you to make this sacrifice and
not ever coming to see you How can you ever
forgive me? Just be there when I get out.
I never told you about that because I was
embarrassed.
Yeah, Edie Britt shamed you into being a
better human being.
That is embarrassing.
All right, ladies, we're ready to ride.
Good.
We got some ground to make up.
I was hoping we would be able to get there
before dark.
How do you think he'll react when we tell him?
How do you think? I never thought Edie would
be cremated.
I figured she'd wanna be pumped full of
chemicals and preserved.
Isn't that what she did for the last 15 years?
My theory-- Edie knew if she was buried, her
true date of birth would be carved into a
tombstone for all the world to see.
You really think she spent a lot of time
thinking about her death? Yeah, I do.
I spent a night with her right after Carlos and I
got divorced.
Is this too red? I think I need something pinker.
It's fine.
Hurry up.
I want to get to the club while this bikini wax
is still fresh. We're just different types.
This is gonna be fun. You're right.
I can't believe we've never gone out on the Some like tall, blonde and sexy, And some
town together. men like that.
Well, we've never been single together before. Now, now, Edie.
Oh, I feel so sorry for all those other girls in Don't be snarky.
the bar. We're both hot, remember? Although,
Oh, so do I. apparently, I'm just a little bit hotter.
To be fair, we should probably walk in Well, one guy might think so.
backwards. One guy who's evidently intimidated by full-
Oh, no, that won't work. sized womanly breasts.
We're an unstoppable team. Hmm.
Mm, the hottest chicks on Wisteria Lane. Yes, I guess I am a little on the small side.
Oh, be nice. That's the drawback to having ones that are
There are lots of attractive women on the real.
street. What are you talking about? These are real.
Like who? How about Bree? Uh, with that hair Oh, Edie, come on.
color, you could stick a red nose on her, and When you jump up and down, the room
she could join the circus. moves more than your boobs.
Lynette's beautiful. Well, someone obviously has a chip on her
Mm, for a baby factory. shoulder.
And Susan? - We're the hottest, okay? Wow. I'd reach down and knock it off, but I can't go
Too much? No, it's great. down that low.
All right. Okay, you really think you're hotter an me?
Come on. Let's just say that I have more of what men
Let's go. want.
Wow! You were right about this place. Yeah? Well, I have a vodka soda here that says
Told ya. otherwise.
A lot of hotties, very few "notties. Ooh! So he bought you one drink-- A well
" Ooh. drink, I might add.
Ladies, this is from the gentleman at the end Well, it's one more than you got.
of the bar. Are you saying that I can't get a man to buy
Oh, and I just sat down. me a cocktail? Sure, you can, just not as many
Well, that's a personal best. as me.
Actually, the drink's for her. One hour.
Oh. Whoever gets the most swizzle sticks by the
Oh! - It's pretty dark in here. end wins.
He probably didn't get a good look at me. See ya in an hour, loser.
Oh, Edie, don't take it personally. # I know what boys like, we know what guys
want # # I know what boys like, we know what
guys like # # I make them want me # # I like
to tease them # # they want to touch me # #
I never let them # # I know what boys like # #
we know what guys want # # I know what
boys like # # boys like # # boys like me # #
sucker # # I know what boys like # # we know
what guys want # # na-na na-na na # # na-na
na-na na # Count 'em and weep, Solis.
Well, I guess I could do that.
Or I could do this.
Ah.
I should make some kind of speech.
But I think it's enough.
We both know I crushed you, right? Now if
you'll excuse me, swizzle stick number 17 has
a yacht and giant feet.
Whoo-hoo! What the hell were you thinking,
abandoning me at a singles bar? I'm sorry.
I just needed to be by myself for while.
Why? Don't tell me you're depressed because
you lost some stupid game.
I'm not depressed.
I'm surprised.
It's going by so quickly.
What is? My youth.
The harder I try to hold on to it, the more it
just slips through my fingers.
And all the makeup and dim lighting in the
world can't seem to stop it.
Oh, please.
You're gorgeous.
And you are going to stay that way forever.
Hmm.
That's the tricky part.
I'm not gonna be old.
What? Ever since I was a child, I've known that
I was never gonna see 50.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
No, it's true.
As far back as I can remember, a voice in my
head said, "live it up today, 'cause you're not
gonna have a lot of tomorrows.
" You do realize there's medication designed
to get rid of those voices? It's not a bad thing,
Gaby.
It's actually a gift.
I appreciate my life in a way that most people
don't.
I just didn't expect it to go by this fast.
That's all.
Well, you know what? I have a voice inside my
head that says you're wrong.
It tells me that 50 years from now, you and I
will still be wearing dresses too tight and
walking in heels too high and going to bars
where we'll meet old geezers who'll buy us
drinks with the last of their Social Security
checks.
If you say so.
Now come on.
Let's go to my house.
Let's pop open a bottle of wine and toast to
our future.
Why not? Isn't that weird? She knew she was
gonna die young.
What do you mean, you two were the hottest
chicks on the lane? She called me a baby
factory? Yeah, Gaby, in hindsight, maybe you
shouldn't have told that part of the story.
Oh, pfft.
I think we're here.
So are we ready for this? I don't know.
Can you ever be ready to tell a boy that his
mother is dead? Hey, Travers.
Remember us? Sure.
Wow.
You brought the whole neighborhood with
you. late.
Did my mom come with you? We brought you Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey.
some muffins. Wait a second.
You can share them with your roommates or Travers, you need to know something about
maybe a favorite teacher. your mom, and I'm gonna tell you.
What's going on? Is my mom in trouble or Now sit down.
something? Come here. I'd only known your mom about a year when
I'm afraid we have some bad news. she came over to my house this one day.
Your mom was in a very serious accident, and Hey, Karen! Your porch light's on.
I am so sorry but she passed away. Whoa.
She died? When? A couple of days ago. Sitting in your bathrobe drinking, and you
We've been trying to get in touch with your didn't call me? I kinda wanted to be alone.
dad, but he's still out of the country. Why? It's the anniversary of my son's death.
And your mom's new husband's never met Ohh.
you, so he thought it would be best if we told I'm sorry.
you. Every year I think it'll get easier, and it never
Wow. does.
If you'd like, we could give you a moment. Nothing worse than losing a child.
No. In a way, you're kinda lucky you don't have
I'm okay. any.
Well, I have a class. Actually, I do.
Uh, I'm sure the school will understand if you What? Mm, I have a son.
need to miss a few days. You lived here a year.
I don't need to do that. How do I not know this? Because he lives with
I mean, I'm sorry she's dead, but we weren't his father.
very close. When I got divorced, I gave him full custody,
Still, she was your mother. so I kinda know how you feel.
Technically. I mean, we've both lost kids.
But not a very good one. No.
Look, Travers, we're all moms here. I lost a kid.
We've all made mistakes with our kids, and You gave yours away.
what we count on is when they grow up, And you have the nerve to tell me you know
they'll forgive us. how I feel? I gave him up because I wanted to
- My mom didn't even try to raise me. protect him.
I mean, she just handed me to my father and From who? From me.
walked away. You know, I tried to be a good mom.
How do you expect me to forgive that? Look, I really did.
I'm sorry. But I know myself.
I don't mean to be rude, but I'm gonna be And if he if he was gonna grow up normal, he
needed to get away from me. Okay, we're here.
What a cop-out. Guys wake up.
I think you're just being selfish. Guys? We're home.
You know, trust me, Karen, there is nothing Get out.
that you could say to make me think less Lord, Lynette.
about myself than I already do. You nearly gave me a heart attack.
But if it gives him a chance, it's worth it. Yeah, I'd like to see Edie again, but not tonight.
Aren't you afraid he's gonna hate you? I love Oh, I think my leg's asleep.
him enough to let him hate me. Actually, that's my leg.
Well, I hope you're not making a big mistake. Get your hand off.
Well me, too. Lynette, thank you again for driving.
So I'm not defending everything she did, You bet.
Travers, but you have to know, she loved you, - Hold it.
more than you can imagine. We still gotta figure out where we're gonna
I really need to get to class. spread the ashes.
Bup, bup, bup. Now it's gotta be someplace that was
I believe I called shotgun. meaningful to Edie.
God, she is so good at that. Well, Edie once told me she lost her virginity
She should be. in a cow pasture.
She's been doing it since she rode shotgun on If we can find that exact field we'd find a lot of
an actual stagecoach. traumatized cows.
Hey. Do we really need to do this tonight? They're
Hey. ashes.
I realized I never thanked you for coming all It's not like they're gonna go bad.
the way out here just to tell me. Fine.
That was really cool of you. We'll talk tomorrow.
We felt we owed it to your mom. Oh, Edie, what are we gonna do with you?
Oh, my God. Subtle as always, I see.
I can't believe we forgot. This was a wonderful idea, Karen.
What? We, uh Also came to give you your It wasn't exactly mine.
mom's ashes. Now be careful.
We thought you might wanna scatter them You're spilling Edie.
somewhere. Urn is empty.
Unless that's a little weird for you. Let's do it.
Why don't you guys take 'em? Are you sure? Shouldn't we say something first? Like what? I
Yeah. don't know.
You were her best friends. A few words describing how we felt about her?
I'm sure you could think of the perfect place I don't think Edie would want us to get all
to put her. sappy.
Well, I think if we're quick about it, she'd be driveways, coffee cups and vacuum cleaners.
fine. I let go of all those things which seem so
Mm. ordinary, but when you put them together,
Here's a thought-- We all say one word that they make up a life a life that really was one
sums up what we thought of her. of a kind.
And then we dump her? - Then we dump her. I'll tell you something-- It's not hard to die
Just one word. when you know you have lived, and I did.
This is hard. Oh, how I lived.
Mm.
Okay, I got one.
I'll go first.
Edie Britt was sexy.
Perceptive.
Strong.
Beautiful.
- Mm-hmm.
I need four words.
Ay.
Okay.
I want to do Edie justice, and for that to
happen, I need four words, okay? Edie would
so not be surprised you're ruining this
moment.
Go ahead, Susan.
What are your four words for Edie? One of a
kind.
Now it's time.
And that is how Wisteria Lane came to be my
final resting place.
My ashes were spread over grass I had once
walked on beneath trees that had once given
me shade on top of roses I once admired and
beside fences I once gossiped over.
And after my friends had finished saying
good-bye, a wind came along and took what
was left of me into the air.
As I looked down on the world, I began to let
go of it.
I let go of white picket fences and cars in
520 - Rose's Turn
previously on lynette went back to work, and
tom filled his days - you're good at this girl
talk thing.
- Well, thanks.
Do you at least know why he steals? I steal to
hurt you.
Bree struggled to understand her husband's
problem, while down the street, edie finally
figured out her husband's plan you married
me so you could get close to the man who
killed your family.
He was never punished.
rose kemper was a survivor.
You could see that by looking into her eyes.
She had buried one husband, given birth to
five children, survived illness, bankruptcy, even
the loss of her teeth as a result, rose kemper
was no longer afraid of anything.
Sadly, the man who climbed into her window
that night was unaware of this but rose was
more than happy to explain it to him.
get out of here! Just get the hell out! I'm
calling the police.
Do you hear me? mrs.
Kemper? Katherine! What are you doing here?
Oh, I heard you weren't feeling well, so I
brought you some flowers.
The doctors te me you had a mild heart attack.
Did they tell you why? It was death.
He came for me.
Death came for you? But I chased him out
with my baseball bat.
I gave him a good whack, too, right on the
old noggin.
how much morphine do they have you on?
You know that shelf where I keep my
knickknacks? He tried to take one.
Death collects knickknacks.
And when he couldn't get me, he went after
that oth lady-- the one who crashed.
Edie britt? Oh, yes, and I saw everything.
Death just staggered out into the street, and
he raised his hands, and he made her run into
that light pole.
Katherine you believe me, don't you? Oh, I
would never make anything like this up.
I know you wouldn't, sweetheart.
Listen, I'll stop by tomorrow.
You just get your rest, okay? Uh, katherine? If
you see death lurking in the hall, you tell him
he better not come around here, 'cause I am
not afraid of him.
No, rose kemper was not afraid of anything
but the man who had broken into her home
was now very afraid of rose kemper.
proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ µ°¸â¸â
Housewives Season05 Episode20 The fact is
everyone does it-- sometimes with the help of
an overturned cushion sometimes by means
of a large potted plant other times using the
top button of a shirt.
Yes, everyone has something they want to
keep hidden from prying eyes it's hard to
believe you got this bump just by falling.
But some people are better at cover-ups than
others.
I know, but that's what happen.
I went for a walk, I tripped, and I hit my head
on the curb.
Okay, well, everything's looking much better.
I see no reason why he shouldn't be released
this weekend.
Really? That soon? You can pick him up in the
afternoon.
Orson, I'll check in one more time before you
go.
Well, you don't seem all that thrilled about the
prospect of me coming home.
Honey, I don't mean to be negative.
It's just what's gonna happen? Will you keep
stealing and lying to me? I love you, but I just
can't put up with that anymore.
Don't worry.
Things are gonna be different.
How? Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking
lately, and I've decided finally, to be happy.
How can you just decide something like that?
Look there are things that I don't like about
my life, but there is so much that is good.
Do I really wanna risk losing everything? I
mean, if I can decide to be resentful and
jealous, I can damn well decide to be happy
and be the kind of husband that you deserve.
Do you really mean that? I do.
I hope so, because I just cannot take any more
lying.
You won't have to.
I can promise you that.
Dave? Hello? Dave? He didn't answer.
Okay, now I'm starting to get worried.
Yeah, I left that casserole three days ago, and
it's still there.
I'm surprised the squirrels haven't gotten to it.
Maybe they did.
Anybody seen any dead squirrels around here?
Even if dave wants to be alone, we have to
make sure he's taken care of.
We owe it to edie.
I say we keep showing up here until he lets us
help him.
We need to be annoying and persistent.
We're good at that.
So who can come by later and check on him?
I'd do it, but I'm working late.
I'm in the classroom all day, and I have
meetings after.
I have a rehearsal dinr to cater.
Ugh, and I have a garden club meeting.
You're in a garden club? - Yeah, I just joined.
- Wait.
There wouldn't happen to be actual gardeners
in this club, would there? Hot shirtless
gardeners with great abs and learner's permits?
Gee, this bit just gets funnier and funnier.
Oh, we tease beuse we love.
Now back to dave.
I'll ask mike to check in on him.
That'd be great.
Remember to tell him "annoying and
persistent.
" And I can make another casserole.
Yeah, 'cause he hasn'suffered enough.
that's a bit that I never get tired of.
dave? Hello? It's mike.
Dave? Dave? hey, I'm, uh, sorry to barge in.
I just want to make sure you're okay.
Katherine made you lasagna.
Thought I'd be a good idea to eat something.
Want me to get you a plate? I'm good.
you'll get through this.
Buddy, you will.
- Look, I have gone through some really-- -
you've gone through nothing.
And if you stand there and try to tell me you
understand how I feel, I swear to god, I'm
gonna lose my mind.
- I'm just trying to help.
- You can't, okay? So why don't you go back
to katherine and your happy little life and
leave me the hell alone? You're right.
I don't have any idea what you're going
through.
sweetie, I'm home.
Don't make plans on tuesday.
We're having dinner at the solis' and What's
that look on your face? You didn't eat dairy
again, did you? No.
I've been working out.
If you're good, I'll let you cop a feel.
That's okay.
I can see it from here.
It's thrilling.
you smell good.
I just took a shower, and I know where you're
going with this - But I am exhausted.
- Oh, come on, lynette.
Please? Whining--that's hot.
Fine.
Let's have sex.
But I warn you, I'm just gonna lie here,
resenting you the whole time, waiting for this
hell to be over.
Okay.
If you're sure.
- Tom! Come on! - All right, all right.
Okay, forget it.
wait.
Y-- you just took a shower? Where? At work.
Didn't know you had a shower there.
I don'T.
Carlos does.
So you went into carlos' office, stripped naked
and took a shower? No, I went into carlos'
bathroom, closed the door, then stripped
naked and took a shower.
I'm not comfortable with this.
What if he walked in? Then maybe I'd get that
raise I've been asking for.
This isn't funny.
You already spend 16 hours a day with the
guy, and now I find out that some of those
hours, you are naked and wet.
Hours? It was two minutes.
It's not like I'm lighting candles and putting on
barry white.
I don't care.
I want it to stop.
Fine.
I should've just had sex.
I'd be asleep by now.
oh, and, ladies, we have been asked by the
city council to beautify the center divider on
main street.
So make sure your calendars are clear next
tuesday.
I know I'm new here at the garden club, but
what's with all the gardening? I thoughtthis
was just an excuse to get together for bitchin'
and boozin'.
Blame edna, the flower fascist.
Yeah, when we first joined, we used to sit
around in wicker chairs, drinking margaritas
and just looked at the flowers.
Oh, I'd kill for a margarita.
Don't cluster, ladies.
Vary the colors.
And she's the one I'd kill.
I mean, really, who died and left her in charge?
Alice koontz.
Grand mal seizure while driving.
Well, this edna has got to be stopped.
How? Oh, my god.
You're planning a coup, aren't you? I'm in.
Me, too.
Well, that's three.
Who else can we get? Definitely judy.
And terry's allergic to everything.
One bee sting, and she blows up like well, like,
judy.
How about the woman in the overalls? Phyllis?
She just got her second D.
U.
I.
If there's cocktails, she's in.
okay, so the lush gives us six.
What about them? No way.
They're all friends of edna'S.
All right, so they have six, and we have six.
We're gonna need a tiebreaker.
hey, uh, are men allowed to join the group? I
don't know why they wouldn't be.
Ladies, start your blenders.
Orson, I heard you wanted to see me.
Yes, dr.
Kagen.
I heard you're treating a lady across the hall.
Uh, you mean rose kemper? Yeah, she's
actually my neighbor.
I wanted to knowhow she's doing.
Sorry.
I can't discuss her condition with anyoneshe's
not related to.
Well, that's a problem.
See, she has no family or friends, for that
matter.
And, uh, because of her dementia who said
she has dementia? Well, certainly you've heard
some of her bizarre ramblings.
If she doesn't have dementia, it's something
just as troubling.
She has been saying some very sturbing
things.
But I wasn't aware it was an ongoing situation.
Oh, yes, it is.
And I'm so worried about her going back to
that big house with no one to look after her.
I hate to get social services involved.
They'd probably just stick her in some state-
run facility.
Oh, that would be a shame.
But what if she ends up hurting herself or
someone else? I mean, I'm no lawyer, but
wouldn't the hospital be liable? hey, penny.
Aren't you gonna be late for school? My
stupid brothers hid my homework.
Real mature.
is your mom ready? She's in the shower.
What? lynette! carlos, you're early! Didn't you
get my text? The meeting got moved up.
Oh, crap.
I'll be right there! lynette, you okay? Lynette?
Are you all right? if you don't answer me, I'm
coming in there.
Oh, my god.
All right, doctor.
Thank yoU.
Bye.
He says that since you weren't out very long,
you should be fine.
And don't worry about the meeting.
I pushed it to lunch, and I can handle it alone.
- No, I'm fine.
I-I want to go.
- You sure? Okay, I'll let you get dressed.
Hey, carlos, quick question for ya.
Last thing I remember, I was in the shower,
naked, reaching for the soap.
Then I was here on the bed, under a blanket
still naked.
And my question is, how did I get from there
to here? Well I carried you.
Which means you saw me lynette, the only
thing I was thinking about was were you
gonna be all right? Oh, well, I appreciate that.
and here's something else I'd appreciate--
could we not tell anyone else about this? Not
tell anyone? I'm a first-time hero.
This was gonna be my lead item in this year's
christmas letter.
If tom finds out, he'll freak.
He has this weird thing about being the only Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to
guy who gets to see me naked. my gardening.
You goit. sorson's decided to be happy.
Now get dressed. Isn't that great? He sounded very sincere.
We gotta go. I'll bet.
Could you maybe step outside? I only do one So just how happy is he going to be? Will he
show a day. whistle while he works, or will he just skip
Sorry. around the house occasionally? I did not raise
here you go! edna, here's your diet soda. you to be bitchy.
Try to keep your pants on. no, you raised me to be passive-aggressive.
You know, I don't mean to be a killjoy, but are My bitchiness-- that was self-taught.
we gonna do any planting today? There's Well, save it for those karaoke parties at bob
some seeds in this. and lee'S.
Knock yourself out. I am not amused.
patty, do you mind if I steal tom for a sec? - mom, your B.
Okay, but only a sec. S.
- Okay. Meter might be broken, but mine works just
What's up? First of all, you're a real prince for fine.
coming today. Orson's up to something.
Thanks to you, our coup is complete. Well, I can understand why you're a bit cynical,
no probleM. but I'm giving him another chance.
Anyway, I know you must be bored silly, so go He's my husband, and I still love him.
ahead and make your escape. He's been stealing stuff from your friends.
Actually, I'm thinking of staying. He tried to get you to sell your business.
I'm having a great time, meeting some nice I know.
people. Fine.
Yeah, about that-- I gotta warn you. Go ahead.
Patty's kinda got a thing for married men. Take him back.
Oh, patty? No! No, no. But while you're watching orson skip and sing,
She's just being nice. I'll be looking up divorce lawyers, just in case.
Yes, she's like that. Susan, you here? in the kitchen.
She'll give you the bra off her back. why are you mopping the ceiling? I was
We're just talkin'. cooking, all right? Lids.
"Oh, tom, what big arms you have"-- that kind Susan, you really gotta start using lids.
of talkin'? Oh, that. Sometimes it's the stove's fault.
Okay, fine. So I, uh, saw dave last night.
Fine. - how'd that go? - Not good.
Point taken. He's in a really dk place.
Okay, great. He kinda lashed out at me.
At you? Why? I don't know. but edie was my friend, so please,let me help
It's like all of a sudden, he resents my you.
happiness with katherine. Just a little.
- That's weird. you sure you don't want one? 'S really good.
- Maybe not. Still not hungry.
When your wife dies, it must be depressing to Sohave you thought about what you're gonna
see other people in a loving relationship. do now? I'm gonna sell the house.
Hey, maybe you could look in on him. You're kidding.
Yeah, yeah, that didn't come out right. So soon? I've got a realtor coming by today.
I know what you meant. I'm gonna put the money in a trust for travers.
I'll stop by tomorrow and see him. It's,uh,it's what edie would have wanted.
Thanks. okay,well at least you're making plans for the
You know, this whole thing with edie I mean, future.
seeing her lying in the street that night oh, it Everything that ever mattered to me is gone.
just brought up all those awful memories from The future's the last thing I'm thinking about.
our accident. Uh,well,I should probably put these away
Susan. before I finish them off.
We did what we had to do. Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help
Yeah. you? A load of laundry? No,thanks.
look what it did to us. How about a pot of coffee? Or I could just
Daddy! Hey, buddy. straighten up in here? Susan,please.
Hey, you hungry? No. I need to be alone.
Mommy made spaghetti. okay.
all right, I'll, uh, I'll have him back before Sure.
school. Do you know what is a great cure for the
You take care. blues? Cribbage.
You, too. Do you have a cribbage set? I thought you
I'm on my way to work,but I just wanted to had to go to work.
bring you these. I'll call in sick,take the day off.
Uh,chicken salad sandwiches,which I did not Susan I really don't want to be rude,but you
make. need to leave.
I bought. Okay.
I learned my lesson from the casserole. You have a realtor coming,right? You nnot let
Uh,thanks. him see the house in this condition.
uh,wait. So just let me clean up a little.
Could you maybe have one right now so that I You won't even know I'm here.
know that you actually ate something? I'm not All right.
hungry,but again,thanks. I will be back after work to check on you.
Dave,I know that you're going through hell, But until then,here's the phone,in case you
wanna order chinese or call a hotline or
something.
hey,katherine,can you call me back as soon as
you can? I just left dave,and he's in bad shape.
I actually think that he might be-- oh,crap.
I gotta go.
yes,officer? License and registration,please.
Oh,okay.
Uh,what did I do? It's against the law to talk
on a cell phone without using a hands-free
device while driving, as of january 1st.
Right.
I know that.
I just was worried about a friend,so I forgot.
I'm sorry.
Step out of the car slowly.
Uh,what? You don't want the license? Out of
the car.
you think that I'm dangerous.
No,I totally have an explanation for those.
Stop talking.
You're gonna feel really silly when you hear
what it is.
Get out of the car now! Okay.
- On the ground! - Oh,yes,sir! Hey,susan.
I just got your message about dave.
I'm on my way to the hospital,but if you want
me to,I you know,why don't we talk later?
Hey,tom.
Was that patty rizzo? Yeah.
I had some car trouble, so she followed me
over to the garage and gave me a lift back.
Patty lives six blocks away.
I live down the street.
Why didn't you ask me to take you? Are you
going somewhere with this?
right,look,tom,I'm sorry,but I got
responsibility here.
I brought you into the club.
I introduced you to the horny homemaker.
I just don't want you to what,gaby,cheat on
my wife? I was gonna say "die of gonorrhea,"
but that's close enough.
Okay,um,I really appreciate your concern,but
how can I put this? Butt out.
All right,tom,you leave me no choice.
You are no longer allowed to see patty.
"Allowed"? Who are you,my mother? I trump
your mother.
I am garden club president.
This is ridiculous.
I thought you were my friend.
Look,I love you,tom,but you're my friend with
a small "F.
" My friend with the big "f" is lynette.
So if I see something that could hurt her,you
bet your ass I'm gonnado something about it.
A neighbor offered me a ride.
If you want to hurt lynette and twist it into
something that it isn't,screw you.
And that's with a big "F.
" hello,my love.
Oh,hello,darling.
Please tell me you're here to spring me.
Not that I haven't enjoyed every moment of
your poking and prodding.
I'm just taking one last look at your husband.
Are you sure he wasn't in some sort of bar
fight? It looks like he got smacked over the
head with a pool cue or something.
Orson's not exactly the bar-fight type.
He's more of a raised-voices- at-a-cheese-
tasting type.
While I'm finishing up here,do you wanna go
All sign the discharge papers? Great.
a Be back in a minute.
bree? Katherine.
What are you doing here? Oh,I came to see
rose kemper.
Oh,right.
I heard she was here.
Yeah,it's so sad.
I'm here to help her pack.
Social services is coming this afternoon to
take her to some nursing home.
I'm surprised.
I knew she was a bit dotty,but didn't think it
was that serious.
Oh,yes.
She's been telling people this story about how
death broke into her house.
Death? Oh,dear.
Apparently he climbed in through a window
and then tried to steal one of her knickknacks.
well,that's odd.
Yeah.
Then she whacked him across the head with a
baseball bat.
A bat? Which is what I would do if death were
ever to steal one of my knickknack so did she
get a good look atdeath? No.
She said he was wearing some sort of mask.
She tells the story so convincingly,you almost
believe her.
oh,there's the social worker.
I wanna be there when she talks to rose.
He's all yours,bree.
Wonderful.
This dinner is delicious.
You really didn't have to do this.
With the long hours you've been putting in,I
just wanted to do something special to say
thank you.
And by "do something," he means having me
slave over a rack of lamb all day.
I would like to propose a toast.
Who says that friendship and business don't
mix? to friendship.
Hear,hear.
To friendship.
so I want to hear more about the garden club.
Tom says he's meeting all kinds of nice people.
Really? Any favorites,tom? They're all great
gals.
One's sort of a pain in the ass.
Other than her,I'm having a great time.
Although I keep telling tom how dangerous
gardens can be.
Everywhere you step,there are shovels and
rakes and hoes.
You know,lynette and I should really be
toasting you two.
Us? Yeah,for putting up with all the long hours
we've been keeping.
Hey,I didn't mind the long hours.
I wasn't so crazy about the whole shower
thing,but oh,so lynette told you about that?
Yeah,she thought I was nuts for getting weird
about it.
I get it.
A guy carries your unconscious,naked wife to
your bed what are you talking about? Hey,is
this gorgonzola? The other day when she fell
in your shower.
What are you talking about? When she took a
shower in your office.
You took a shower in my office? What's going
on here? Lynette was taking a shower and
carlos came by to drive her to work.
She slipped and fell,and he helped her.
You told her? I asked you not to.
She's my wife.
I tell her everything.
Oh,you hear that,lynette? They tell each other
everything.
That way they know that they're not hiding
anything. Well,that'll teach me to fight with my lovely
I was just afraid you'd overreact,like you're wife.
doingright now. And that's all you were doing,just going out
Full disclosure,lynette-- that's what a marriage for a walk? That's all.
is about. Oh,you know,I just remembered some
So I assume you fully disclosed your little business I have to discuss with andrew.
"friendship" with patty rizzo. Enjoy your tea.
What little friendship? You know what? I think Hey,mom.
this is gorgonzola. What's wrong? Orson's lying to me again.
Tom? Well,patty gave me a ride home,and for So I think I have to divorce him.
some reason,gaby's making a big deal about it. Just,uh,tell me how I can help.
Because it's patty rizzo. you okay? I just keep thinking about dave.
She's a total slut. His life was so great.
You should be on antibiotics just for sitting in He had everything.
her car. Then one day,boom! All gone.
Exactly. Yeah,I know.
Stay out of this,gaby. Life cdave,edie,rose kemper the one thing it's
You've done enough damage. made me realize is I don't want to live with
Hey,don't snap at me. regrets.
Lynette's my friend. Me neither.
I was just watching her back. I've been wanting to tell you this for some
While your husband was watching her front. time.
Drop it,tom. Remember when I suggested moving in
We'll continue this at home. together? It wasn't just about saving rent.
If you have a shower at the office,how come I was trying to pull you closer,manipulate
you come home smelling so bad? I don't know. some kind of commitment out of you.
Why does the lamb taste like sawdust? And that's not who I am,so i want you to
Oh,thank you,darling. know that I'm sorry,and it won't happen again.
I can't tell you how nice it is to be home again. From now on,no hidden agendas.
Well,it's wonderful to have you home. I like that policy.
How's your head? Mm,it still hurts. I'm always gonna be honest with you.
Well,that'll teach you to go out walking in the After all,you're the guy I'm gonna spend the
middle of the night. rest of my life with.
you know,I still don't know why you were out ah,more sandwiches.
so late. Or is my gun in there? it's just your belts and
Well,I told you. ties.
We had a little spat,and I wanted to clear my The police kept the rest.
head. I know.
And then you bumped it on that nasty curb. They called.
You told them I was suicidal.
I'm sorry.
It's just-- the things you said I'm worried
about you.
Don't be.
I told you,I'm fine.
You are not fine.
how could you be? You have suffered a
horrible loss.
And you are allowed to feel any way you want.
But I know that you are not fine.
okay,well,I'm sorry for ransacking your house.
I'll stop bugging you.
Edie and I had a fightthat night.
A bad one.
I came home.
We argued.
She stormed out,got in her car and died.
Oh,dave that does not make it your fault.
Doesn't it? If things had been different,if Ihad
been different,she'd still be alive.
You can't think that way.
I mean,what happened is bad enough.
Y-you can't blame yourself for it,to if you do
that, you will destroy everything you have left
that's good.
Trust me.
I know.
Trust me.
You don'T.
A few years ago,mike and i got in a car
accident.
A woman and her daughterdied.
Yeah,I-I heard about that.
mike was driving,right? that's what we said but
it wasn't true.
After the crash,I couldn't find my license.
I had switched pursesthat night,and I had left
it at home,and so miketold them that he was
driving.
He took the blame for me.
SoI understand guilt.
And I want you to understand that edie's
death was an awful tragedy.
It was not your fault.
Maybe you're right.
Thank you for telling me.
Heck of a dinner party,huh? It's amazing how
fast you can eat in total silence.
It's my fault.
I should have just told tom the truth, although
it turned out to be kind of a wash with the
whole patty rizzo thing.
You know what I think is cool? You guys have
been married a long time,and you still get
jealous.
Yeah.
But just to be on the safe side,if I fall in my
tub again,let me die there.
Okay.
Back to work.
Yes.
And we shall never speak of this again.
I am embarrassed enough.
Lynette? I saw you without your towel.
You got nothing to be embarrassed about.
How's the garden club today? Oh,phyllis got
tanked on cosmos and threw up on edna so
now we're back to planting crap.
Look,I'm really sorry for sticking my nose into
that whole patty rizzo thing.
It's okay.
I the truth is,is I knew she was coming on to
me.
Then why did you keep hanging out with her?
Lynette has been so swamped with work
lately,that she doesn'T it's just nice having a
woman notice me again.
Is that terrible? No.
I get it.
When we first moved here,carlos was working
round the clock, and he'd come home and
barely say hello to me.
It was like I was invisible.
Invisible-- that's the word.
So when he didn'see me,I found someone who
did.
Y-you know I'd never do that to lynette.
I never thought I'd do it to carlos.
Wellthen it's a good thing I've got a friend
around to keep an eye on me, even if it's one
with a small "F.
" well,for the record,you're growing on me.
You know what? I'm thirsty.
Let's start a book club.
The fact is everyone does it.
Everyone tries to cover up what they don't
want others to see.
Women hide their need for commitment men
disguise their growing insecurity wives mask
their intense disdain.
How can ordinary people hide the truth of
their feelings so successfully? All it takes is a
friendly gesture you can't play in the street,M.
J.
You could get hurt,and that would really tear
your mom apart.
And a plan.
521 - Bargaining
Previously on desperate housewives does this
relationship have a future? Can't we just keep
Going the way we are? Jackson left.
Orson's lying to me again.
Bree made a decision.
So i think i have to divorce him.
Karl signed up.
Karl, what are you doing here? - Well, i just
enrolled evan.
- Wow.
And susan confessed.
Mike and i got in a car accident.
Mike was driving, right? That's what we said,
But it wasn't true.
He took the blame for me.
on this street, The bargaining begins at sunrise
an old woman offers a paperboy a generous
tip If he'll throw the paper onto her porch a
wife tells her husband she'll make his favorite
dinner If he'll bring home roses a man tells his
neighbor he'll take in his garbage cans The
day she finally mows her lawn.
Yes, on wisteria lane, Everyone knows how to
bargain-- Absolutely everyone.
I don't want oatmeal.
Can i have pancakes? Katherine's not a short
order cook, buddy.
If she made oatmeal for breakfast, we're
having oatmeal.
I tell you what, m.
J.
If you finish just half of it, I will make candied
apples for your sleepover.
I love candy apples.
She's letting you off easy.
You should thank her.
Thank you, katherine.
You are so welcome, you sweet thing.
Dad, are you gonna marry katherine? um
That's, um i don't know.
Why not? Oh, well, oh, because we haven't
talked about marriage.
Why not? M.
J.
, you're being rude.
Oh, i'm not offended.
Don't you wanna marry katherine? well i love
her.
She's absolutely fantastic.
So why don't you marry her? Can you help me
out here? Are you kidding? Buddy, um, when
it comes to marriage, The truth is wow.
Would you look at the time? I'm late for work.
we're gonna have to talk about this later.
Coward.
You got that right.
How'd i do? You were great.
But he didn't answer me.
Doesn't matter.
Issue's on the table.
Yes, on this street, The negotiating begins at
sunrise, And it doesn't end here's the ice
cream i promised you.
Until someone gets exactly what they want.
Desperate Housewives s5e21 Walter bergen
was a divorce lawyer, And the women who
hired him always had something to say About
the men they were divorcing.
He's always talking to his grandmother, Who
died six years ago.
He spends all his money on hookers, Who
may or may not be women.
He says he needs more money for the
children, And by "children," I mean racehorses.
Yes, walter bergen thought he had heard it all
Until the day when one of his clients actually
said my husband is a decent man, and i want - Hey! - So he finally won? yeah.
to do right by him. There's gonna be a huge dinner, And we're
Women who seek my services rarely take that taking a picture with the mayor and his wife.
attitude. Oh, not necessarily.
Welli like to think of myself as a good person. I hear they're getting divorced, And it's gonna
I'm sure you are. get ugly.
And i wouldn't worry about your husband. really? How do you know? The wife hired The
The income he'll derive From his half of the sleaziest, most unethical divorce lawyer in
catering business alone should-- Wait. town.
I'm not planning on giving him half. Oh.
It's my business. Who--Who's that? My ex-Husband.
Which you started after you were married. Oh, right.
That entitles him to half. Karl's a divorce lawyer.
I-I may have overstated things When i Yeah, and a total shark.
described my husband as a decent man. The worst thing about our divorce Was that i
He actually has a wide variety of psychological couldn't hire him to represent me.
problems. But i thought you just split everything done
Mrs. the middle.
Hodge, it's state law. Oh, not with karl.
What do you want me to say? I want you to By the time he's done finding loopholes and
say that for $300 an hour, You have some hiding assets, There's nothing left to split.
lawyer tricks up your sleeve To help me You don't say.
protect my business. Hey, ladies.
Surely you're not asking me to do something Uh, lynette, ahem.
criminal? Mrs. It's getting kinda late.
Hodge, didn't you say You like to think of Are you kicking us out, tom? Uh, no.
yourself as a good person? Well, clearly, i like No, just reminding lynette That it's, uh, ten
to think of myself As a rich person even more. minutes till midnight, Which means ten
Oh! Full house. minutes till tomorrow.
Bree takes the high. I got it.
Gaby gets the low. I'll be right up.
- Split the pot. What was that about? Tom and i are reading
- Oh, i hate splitting the pot. this book that suggests Couples make a pact
Well, that's the rule. to have sex every night for a month.
There's nothing you can do about it. Let me guess.
So stop bitching. Written by a guy? Was his name carlos solis?
Well, you can't talk to me like that. we've been having some problems, So the
I am the wife of fairview's latino businessman theory is it creates intimacy and brings you
of the year. closer.
- Is it working? - I've gotta say it is. Is it in here? Why do you have this? Juanita.
You become more attuned to each other's I was trying to look like you.
needs And more sensitive to-- - lynette! - Jeez! Why? Some girls at school saw you pick me
Two seconds! We--We should go. up yesterday And told me i must be adopted.
No, we're in our third week. They said i wasn't pretty enough to be your
We got this down to a science. daughter.
Just deal me out a few hands. How's it feeling, mr mccluskey? I-It's really
juanita, hurry up. throbbing.
The bus will be here any minute. Oh, please hurry.
Be right down! There's an extra piece of Hi there.
cinnamon toast on the table. Jackson, hey.
Not hungry. You're back.
Bye! Susan? It's dave. I needed to talk to you.
Hey, remember i was telling you about my Why didn't you call? I wanted to surprise you.
buddy That owns that boat on bass lake? Yeah, Well, you did.
well, he's not using it this weekend, So i Ahem.
thought maybe i'd take you and m. Oh, uh, right.
J. Jackson, you remember mrs.
Fishing. Mccluskey, don't you? Sure.
Yeah, i know it's short notice, But i really How are you, mrs.
wanted to do something to thank you. Mccluskey? Oh, i'm in agonizing pain.
You've been so good to me since edie died. Thanks for asking.
Plus i know m. I'm taking her to the doctor So he can
J. perform a little procedure.
Would love it. He's gonna lance a boil on my backside.
Great. It may rupture any second.
I'm really looking forward to it. Okay.
Bye. I just had my car detailed, so i should
chlid dead in tragic ??? hello? Oh, hi, principal probably go.
hardy. No problem.
What's up? She's wearing what? Now march in Uh, when can i see you? Um how about
there and wipe that stuff off! You don't have dinner tomorrow night? Sounds great.
to yell. If you two want to keep staring at each other,
Yes, i do. I can just go lay down on the lawn and die.
Do you have any idea How humiliating it was I don't mind.
for me to get that call today? Now every I'll see you tomorrow.
parent in town is gonna think That i let my 6- - Karl.
Year-Old wear makeup to school! And i want - Hey, mike.
my makeup back. Heard m.
J. tomorrow.
'S having a sleepover. Lynette, i have been looking forward to this all
I thought i'd hit you up for an invitation. day.
Aren't you a little old for sleepovers? Cards on I know, and i'm really sorry.
the table. Listen, i gotta go.
I need your help. I will call you later.
Evan's one of the only boys in class who I love you.
wasn't invited, And he's really upset. Bye.
Okay, cards on the table. Tom.
M. What are you doing here? Is everything all
J. right? Everything's fine.
Says evan's a bully, And he doesn't want him Well, then what are you doing here? Oh, no.
at his sleepover. Are you crazy? Crazy about you, baby.
Well, what if i promise evan will be on his best But i have so much to do, And i'm not gonna
behavior? I'm sorry. be done till 2:00 a.
It's out of my hands. M.
M. Possibly 3:00.
J. - Whoo! - Come on.
Finalized his guest list. This is important.
Well, i think if you check that list again, You'll Remember what the book said? Every night,
notice evan's name's on there. no matter what.
I'm m. no, this is a really bad time for me.
J. Well, you did buy me that deodorant.
'S dad, Not his bouncer. Ooh! lynette, i have carlos on line two.
But thanks. Uh, tell him i'll call right back.
Hey, honey. He says it's really important.
How's your day going? Very exciting. Hello? Hey, lynette.
Just got back from the grocery store. I'm over here at capital consultants, And the
It is double coupon day, sorta like the oscars guys have a question.
And the super bowl all rolled into one. I need you to pull up their account.
did you remember to get my, um my special W? I'm kind of busy! Well, the ad has to be at
deodorant? I sure did. the printer's by noon, So yeah, now.
Milady's armpits will be aluminum-Free. Lynette? Lynette! Yes? What's going on? You
How is your day? I'm totally slammed, which is all right? Sorry.
why i'm calling. Just had the handyman in here, but he's
It looks like i'm gonna be here late tonight, finished.
And by "late," i mean past midnight. Thank you, handyman.
Wait. you're welcome, ma'am.
W-What about our pact? We'll double up So carlos where were we? Could i get you
something? No, thanks, i don't drink. Mm-Hmm.
Oh, that's right. You know, i had this one client his wife had
Glug glug. been with him since junior high.
I remember now. She supported him through med school, Gave
I'm bringing you business, karl. him three kids and the best years of her life.
Try not to insult me. Once i had done my particular brand of legal
Sorry. magic, He ended up with 90% of the money,
So you want to divorce orson. And she ended up in a studio apartment with
Yes, i know that comes as a surprise. a roommate.
Not really. Then again m.
I've met him. J.
The guy's a stiff. Does love my macaroons.
Karl, if we move forward, I will insist you sweetie???idiot You are a gorgeous little girl.
handle our divorce with dignity. You have to say that.
Are you sure? I don't know of a dignified way You're my dad.
to screw a spouse out of money That they, by No, it's the truth.
law, are entitled to. You are naturally beautiful.
That is why you're hiring me, right? I just want Makeup just covers that up.
to protect what is rightfully mine. He's right, sweetie.
Can you help me? sure. You don't need all that gunk on your face.
- Lovely. - Then why do you wear it? - Because i'm an
I'll make out a check. adult.
- Yeah, not so fast. And besides, i hardly wear any.
Uh, i said i could do it, not that i would. Come on, gaby.
I need a favor. Let's try to keep this real.
Well, what kind of a favor? M. Are you gonna wear makeup when daddy gets
J. his big award? Well, it's a big, fancy dinner.
Delfino is having A sleepover at his house in Of course.
two days. - But that's not fair.
My son wasn't invited. - Sweetie, you're 6.
Now his feelings are hurt. There's a lot of things i can do that you don't.
So? So i want you to get my son into that So you get to look pretty at daddy's party,
sleepover. And i have to look like this? Hey, i have a
How would i go about doing that? Gosh, i great idea.
don't know. Okay, see? Your daddy's got a great idea.
How would i go about hiding your assets from How about if neither one of you wears
orson? I need your help, karl. makeup to the dinner? Okay.
I really do, But i am not comfortable No, no, no.
manipulating a 6-Year-Old. Your daddy's just being silly.
Can i talk to you for a second, silly daddy? are
you a lunatic? I am not walking Into a
ballroom full of people without my face on.
Come on.
This is To teach her that beauty's only skin
deep.
Yeah, well, once you see this skin without
foundation, You may want to rethink that.
Gaby, your daughter is in pain.
And don't you love her enough To put your
vanity aside for one night? I was in labor for
20 hours.
She still owes me for that! fine.
I will make the ultimate sacrifice, And i will be
ugly for my daughter.
But if she ever needs a kidney Wow.
Wow.
You're really going all out on this sleepover.
although i'm not sure That tons of sugar and
whistles are a good combination.
Oh, good point.
I'll make us some goody bags filled with
earplugs and vodka.
It's great.
I'm sure m.
J.
Will appreciate it.
I'm sure he will.
He's a great kid and funny.
that was hilarious the other day, When he
asked us when we're getting married.
I'm glad I was tap-Dancing my ass off.
No, you were great.
Although someday you'll probably have to
answer the question.
I'm sure he's forgotten by now.
You know kids.
Kids are like that.
Grown-Ups on the other hand not so much.
We're not talking about m.
J.
Anymore, are we? Oh, you want to go run and
get your tap shoes? No.
No.
I'll be completely honest here.
Moving in with you is One of the best
decisions i ever made.
You make me really, really happy.
But? I've been married before, And i just don't
see myself getting married again.
Okay.
Probably not what you wanted to hear.
I wanted the truth.
It's not your fault the truth sucks.
So could you get the streamers out of the car?
Sure.
Oh, by the way, For what it's worth, I do love
you.
I've only been working there two months, but
i love it.
And the kids are so cute.
And i get to see m.
J.
During the day, which is nice.
Uh, you know, uh, For a guy that just had to
see me so bad, You you seem awfully far away.
I'm sorry.
I'm just a little nervous.
I have something to ask you, and i don't know
how you're gonna react.
What is it? Oh.
This is gonna come out of nowhere, but i want
you to marry me.
A-And here's how i came to this.
The other day What are you doing? I have to
go upstairs.
Now? - Susan, are you okay? - I'm fine.
I just didn't want you to see me crying.
Honey, you didn't let me finish. Oh, they're all starting to blur.
Oh, i'm sorry. Look, i worked till 3:00 a.
Just, um, All these months, I've been telling M.
myself that i didn't really care about you, Last night.
Which was easy to do because you left so I'm exhausted.
suddenly. How about we take a rain check? - A rain
But i am so lonely. check? - Mm.
And as much as i tell myself That i like being This isn't baseball.
the strong, single woman on her own, The Every night for 30 days-- That's the law.
truth is, I think about you all the time. Tom, i have a 7:00 a.
And i wanted to call you, But i thought yod M.
gotten over me. Meeting.
And to hear that you still love me that is just How about i take a long lunch, And you do
something That i really needed to hear right me twice at work tomorrow? Come on.
now. This is important.
And i want you to know-- Oh, god. Okay.
I want you to know i love you, too. Okay.
Jackson i love you. We'll have sex.
Jackson? Oh, god. But can you make it quick? Lynette, please.
I really wish you'd let me finish. You can't rush an artist.
Finish what? Susan, i need you to marry me Morning.
So that immigration doesn't deport me back Oh, sorry.
to canada. I don't have time for breakfast.
The one thing i didn't tell you is that I'm here good.
on a student visa that expired six years ago, I didn't make you any.
And i got a call from the authorities, So unless Oh, okay.
i can find somebody that will marry me, I'm Uh, coffee will be fine.
gonna be in really big trouble. Beans are right there.
Susan? Susan, did you hear me? I heard. Grab a handful and grind.
So what do you say? Okay. Is there a problem? You don't remember? Last
Okay, it was a bad idea. night, we were having sex? You fell asleep?
Get out or i will kick your ass back to the After? During.
canadian border! ow! Took a shower, brushed Oh.
my teeth. Was it good? I didn't finish.
We are good to go. God, you ruined our streak, lynette.
Lynette. I'm sorry.
What are you doing? You know, the pact. I was exhausted.
Oh. It's not like i was asking you to scrub a floor.
Didn't we already do it tonight? no. All you had to do was lie there, like you
usually do. Well, i don't know ?? Have you talked to him?
Oh, okay. We've been trying, But he left town, and we've
I'm gonna let that one go, 'cause you're upset. been unable to find him.
Well, it's true. That's a shame.
With you being so tired from work lately, I'm - We'll figure it out.
the one doing all the heavy lifting. - Thanks for your time.
Tom, you're being completely irrational. You bet.
We've had sex I've seen re ceiling than Hey, susan.
michelangelo. It's dave.
We made a commitment, lynette. You know, i was thinking i'd pick up you and
- ?? - Oh, would you stop with the book? You m.
bought it at a car wash Along with a pack of J.
gum and an air freshener. Around 6:00 a.
You're right. M.
It's stupid. Saturday for the trip.
??? I should just stick to doing chores. Yeah.
Don't just walk away. I figured the earlier we get going, the better.
You better get to work, lynette. Okay.
You're gonna be late. Well, hello there, m.
Hey. J.
Haven't seen you boys in a while. I was baking this morning, and like an idiot, I
There's been a break in the club fire case, mr. made too many macaroons.
Williams. Would you be willing to take one? I would
You got a minute? do you know this guy? No. hate to see them go to waste.
Who is he? Dr. Macaroons are my favorite.
Samuel heller, psychiatrist from boston. Oh, really? What a delightful coincidence.
He's the guy who burned up in the fire. You know, i could bake these for you every
What's a shrink from boston doing in fairview? week, And all i'd need in return is just the
No idea, but we'd like to find out If anyone tiniest of favors.
knows him or what he was doing there. What kind of favor? Invite evan mayer to your
Did you see him backstage? No, i didn't see sleepover.
anybody. I don't like evan.
Except porter scavo. He's mean.
Yeah, but i told you. Oh, no.
That was a mistake. Deep down, he's just a fragile little boy Who
Do you know a guy named jackson braddock? wants to be liked.
He was backstage. He hit me with a dead squirrel.
Was he? Yeah, he got locked in the employee Now, m.
men's room Right before the fire started. J.
, we can find faults with a our friends If we Not really.
nitpick. And besides, you moved on.
What do you say? Will you invite him? Would Well, i had to.
you like some ice cream with your macaroons? You pushed me away.
Because i could make that happen. I had to heal my heart and get over it.
Bree? I'm late for my golf game. This--I mean, this is really the only thing you
I don't have time to go to the a. can do To stay here and do your work? Yeah.
T. I'll help you.
M. Really? Yeah.
, So i took the cash out of your wallet. I'll do it.
Bye. But that's it.
M. No love, no sex, just marriage.
J. No sex? You want people to think this is a real
, there's someone in my life Who hits me with marriage, don't you? Gaby, come on.
a dead squirrel Every single day. For god sakes, will you take those off? It's 8:00
And you are the only one who can help me. at night.
Please, please invite evan to your party. Oh, fine.
Okay. As long as you don't mind people thinking
thank you. You're out on the town with your anemic
Oh, thank you, sweetheart. lesbian sister.
Boy, the stuff i do for macaroons. There's our man of honor.
Go away! I-I don't want to talk to you. gaby, this is stephanie.
Come on. She put this whole banquet together.
Let me in. Hi.
Thanks, but i've reached my maximum Nice to meet you.
allowance For humiliation this week. You're probably wondering why i look like this.
Listen, i'm sorry you thought it was a real Excuse me? I'm not ill.
proposal. I'm just not wearing any makeup So i can
?? Maximum allowance exceeded. teach my daughter that beauty's what's on the
What do you want? I wanted to apologize. inside.
You have every right to be mad at me. I don't actually look this hideous.
Oh, i'm not mad at you. Okay.
You know, i'm just disappointed in myself. Will you please stop explaining yourself? I
I was a little lonely and a little afraid And i just mean, it was bad enough when you did it
did what i always do-- Let some silly romantic withhe valet.
fantasy take over. I can't help it.
I didn't know you still felt that way about me. I don't want people thinking i condone this
I don't. face.
This isn't about you. I'm gonna go find our table.
- Champagne? - Oh, thank you. newspaper wants a photo with him and your
I'm not ill. family.
I'm just not wearing any makeup. Oh, that's so sweet.
gaby! Gotta go. Tell him no way in hell.
Come on, guys. Tell him we'll be right there.
No running in the house. The newspaper? Forget it.
These candy apples are great. Gaby, i do business with the city.
Can me and evan have another one? Well, i I cat just blow off the mayor.
better ask katherine. Seriously, we cannot allow this ??? Next time
Where is katherine? Hey. there's an epidemic, People are gonna think
You're missing all the fun. i'm patient zero.
I just got a candied apple out of a kid's hair. You're not getting out of this.
Sounds like you got everything under control. Fine.
No, come on down. But just so we're clear, you're also latino jerk of
It's not as much fun without you. the year.
Okay. Come on.
You were honest with me, so i'm gonna be Let's go.
honest with you. Oh, can i at least use the bathroom first?
I got scared. Ladies! Attention, please.
Of what? I was hosting a party with this I am in a jam, and i need lipstick and eyeliner.
amazing man And his adorable son, And we Come on.
were like the perfect family, And then i Chop chop.
realized we're not a family. You can use my makeup.
It could all go away in an instant. Oh, that doesn't really go with my skin tone.
Katherine, i'm not leaving. What do you mean? We have the same
But you're not committing either. coloring.
Why not, mike? Is it susan? You still in love Yeah, it doesn't really go with your skin tone
with her? No. either, But i can only deal with one disaster at
No, i've told you that. a time.
Then it must be me. Ooh.
Katherine, i love having you in my life. Asian girl.
I'm just not ready. Close enough.
I don't know what else to say. Um, i don't think so.
I'm not trying to get you to say anything. Ugh.
I just have to take care of myself. Was it the "chop chop" thing? Fine.
I should probably go make sure the first floor I'm sorry.
is still there. Now can i borrow some blush? I don't share
Excuse me. cosmetics.
The mayor's about to leave, And the I'm sort of a germ freak.
Oh, don't worry. only thing in my life That i'm passionate about.
I'm as healthy as a horse. That is so sweet.
Really? You look sick. No.
That's 'cause i don't have any makeup! I said No, it's not good, lynette-- Not for me, not for
no. you.
Now leave me alone. I i need something else to be excited about.
Okay, okay, look. I thought you wanted to do this, to take a
I'm sorry. break and stay home.
You're right. I did.
I never should have asked. You know, i figured, the kids are grown i can
Oh. take care of the house and the errands, And
Oh! Hey! Come out now, or i'll call security! it'll be easy, and it is.
You know, for a woman who has a purse fu of It's too damn easy.
dinner rolls, You sure have a lot of attitude. I am finished with my work by noon, And then
Oh, good. i just sit around, Waiting for you to come
We're all here. home.
By the way, mrs. So what do you want to do? Hmm? What are
Solis, you look absolutely stunning. you passionate about? I don't know.
Thank you. I'm a middle-Aged guy, And i don't know what
Yeah, mom. i want to do with my life.
You look great. I told you it was stupid.
Okay, big smiles, everyone. No No.
See this? My third espresso. Hey.
I'm wired. I know i disappointed you tonight, and i'm
No way i'm falling asleep tonight. really sorry.
Hey. It's okay.
How about we throw a pizza on the front lawn, I know why you did it.
And when the kids run out to get it, We lock I need makeup, too.
the door and do it in every room in the house? Honey, i know you think being pretty Seems
Tom, i'm sorry. like the most important thing in the world
I don't know what else to say. right now, But believe me, it's not.
If you wanna stay mad, i guess you're gonna You were a model.
stay mad. Yes, i was.
- I am not mad, lynette. And my whole life, People told me how pretty
- Then what's wrong? You're gonna think it's i was.
stupid. So you know what? I never-- thought i had to
Tell me. work hard in school Or work on friendships Or
You want to know why sex has become so my personality-- None of it.
important to me lately? Because you are the And then i stopped modeling, And i realized i
didn't have much on the inside. capable of doing whatever needs to be done.
And i don't want that for you. You know what that makes you? The perfect
I want you to be brave and funny and creative client.
to be more than just a shell. On this street, The bargaining is finished by
I want you to have the whole rich, gooey sundown a daughter agrees to go to bed early
center. If her mother lets her dress up in her old
Will you promise to do that for yourself? Okay. gowns a woman agrees to let her fiancy
When do i get to wear makeup? I tell you Spend the night.
what. If he'll agree to sleep on the sofa a man allows
You can wear makeup The day you realize you his lover to get close As long as they don't
don't really need it. discuss the future.
hey. Yes, everyone knows how to bargain on
I bought m. wisteria lane hi.
J. What are you doing up so late? well, ??? i ???
A fishing pole. for ??? tonight.
I figure i'd teach the little guy how to cast why not? but sometimes they get more
Before we hit the water. than ???
Oh, my god.
We're not gonna be able to make it this
weekend.
I'm kind of getting married.
What? To who? dave williams.
I thought i heard you out here.
Jackson.
Just when you thought i was out of the
picture, i'm back.
Since you held up your end of the bargain, I'm
going to hold up mine.
I'm gonna make sure that you walk away from
this marriage With your business and your
assets intact.
Now to accomplish this, I may need you to lie,
stonewall, Even resort to some outright
trickery.
My question is will you be up for that? I used
to think of myself as a good person.
If i had a choice, i would always choose the
high road.
Lately i've begun to realize that, um i'm
522 - Marry Me a Little His client agreed.
He suggest a secret bank account.
Previously on Dave! Is that the bathroom? No. She agreed.
I think that's it there. He suggested a second set of books.
Oh, okay. She agreed.
Thanks. And then the lawyer looked deep into his
Dave tried to eliminate a witness to murder. client's eyes and made one final suggestion
Hey! Uhh! But Jackson survived I bought M. that she was completely unprepared for.
J. You want me to rob my own house?! Not
a fishing pole. exactly.
We're not gonna be able to make it this I was thinking we'd hire my friend Tony to do
weekend. it.
I'm kind of getting married. Absolutely not.
- What? I thought I heard you out here. I am all up for a little creative accounting and
- Jackson. some secret bank accounts, but hiring some
Forcing him to change his plans. thug to stage a break-in? It's a community
I'm a middle-aged guy Tom was searching. property state, babe.
And I don't know what I wanna do with my Orson's going to get half of everything,
life. including your jewelry, your artwork, your
We're rich again! Hallelujah! Gaby's life antiques.
returned to normal. Wouldn't it be easier to just have him killed?
We're gonna be us again-- the old Carlos and As your lawyer, I can't condone that.
Gaby. That said, I have a cousin-- - I was kidding! So
I'm gonna make sure that you walk away from was I.
this marriage With your assets intact. Loosen up, freckles.
Now to accomplish this And Bree agreed to Well, I just never know with you.
protect what she felt was hers. And don't call me "freckles.
I'm capable of doing whatever needs to be " Look, if you're not comfortable with Tony,
done. why don't we do the job ourselves? I bet
The lawyer arrived just after sundown. you'd look hot in a ski mask.
He checked to make sure no one was You are repugnant, and this conversation is
watching, then he hurried to the front door over.
where his client was waiting. Fine, but since I'm charging you for the full
As she poured him the scotch he requested, hour, let me make it worth your while.
the client began to wonder exactly how he Sit down and close your eyes.
planned to hide her assets from the husband What? No! Just humor me.
she was divorcing. Come on.
The lawyer suggested some creative Now I want you to picture Orson after the
accounting. divorce.
He owns half of your business, half of your
assets.
You see it? Go on.
Now I want you to picture Orson dating some
young bimbo.
And don't kid yourself.
He will get a bimbo.
Now picture your favorite strand of pearls
dangling in the 24-year-old cleavage of said
bimbo while she is using your first edition
Robert Frost as a coaster And your 19th
century french crystal vase as an ashtray.
If you can live with that I will leave.
And with that, The client offered a suggestion
of her own We should probably break a
window to make it look more real.
And the lawyer agreed.
Masks-- you can find them in any home.
Some are used once a year to scare the
neighbors Some are needed for the occasional
chore.
Some are applied every other Thursday.
Then there's the kind of mask some men wear
every day.
It's a friendly smile designed to hide the most
wicked of intentions.
Hey, M.
J.
, is your mom home? She's inside talking to
Jackson.
Really? So what do you think of Jackson? I like
him.
He buys me comic books.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
He was very brave that night during that fire
at the nightclub.
Does he ever talk about that fire or anybody
he saw that night? Have the police stopped by
to ask him any questions? If they do, would
you let me know? Why? Well I wanna make
sure they're being nice to our friend Jackson,
'cause he's such a good guy.
It is such a stunning piece.
It's simple and elegant.
Don't you think? I mean, I know it was
expensive, but you can't put a price tag on
beauty.
Am I right? So when daddy finds out how
much I spent, would it be okay if I used you
as a human shield? You know, I should really
get you tested.
Mom? Hey! Did you have a fun playdate with
Heather? She's got a canopy bed.
I want one.
We just bought you a bed.
It's not even a year old.
I don't like it anymore.
I wanna sleep under a canopy.
Then go move in with Heather, 'cause I'm not
getting you one.
Why not? We're rich.
Who told you that? - I heard you telling Aunt
Bree, since daddy got his new job, we're
rolling in money.
Well, mommy shouldn't have said that.
Just, when Aunt Bree started bragging about
her Prada bag, mommy kind of lost it.
Whatever.
I want a canopy, and you gotta get me one.
I don't have to get you anything.
And stop acting like a spoiled brat.
I am not spending a fortune on a bed you
don't need.
Oh, but you can spend millions of dollars on a
stupid vase? That vase is not stupid.
Is that vase stupid? Okay, you know what? This
conversation is over.
Go to your room! You, too, bobblehead.
Okay, my clothes are in the closet. It's okay.
I'm going to put my toothbrush in the I wanna do this.
bathroom. Truth is I miss you, and the house has been
Oh, just leave the toilet seat up, and the kinda lonely since you left.
immigration people will totally think we're Well, I hear you loud and clear.
married. Not that lonely.
Yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna thank you What are you doing? - Thinking.
for doing this. Well, think inside.
Actually, I did think of one way you could I made pork chops.
repay me. Aren't you gonna ask me about my job
Mmm. interview? Oh, right.
You got it. How'd that go? Okay until the 30-year-old
Uh, no. who was interviewing me asked me if I'd ever
not like that. used twittering as part of a marketing
No, I was thinking that after our quickie campaign.
courthouse ceremony, you could buy me a And what'd you say? Nothing Because I don't
cake. know what "twittering" is.
I love wedding cake. It's a social networking tool where you send
It's the one part of marriage that never lets instant updates to anybody who signs up for
you down. them.
Well, I can do you better than that. So you knew about this, and yet you kept it
How out I throw us a big engagement party? from me? I didn't keep it from you.
What? Well, we're not having a wedding, and It's just one of those tech things that you
we're gonna need pictures of something to don't care about.
put in our photo album as evidence. It's for young people.
Okay. And I am a dinosaur marching into the tar pit.
Yeah, I guess that could be fun. I didn't say that.
While our friends are toasting to our You're not gonna get a whole lot of sympathy
everlasting happiness, we can yell, "surprise! from me.
It's all a sham! Thanks for the crock-pot!" No, I just went through the same thing.
no, no. Remember? Yeah, but you didn't tell me how
We can't tell anybody this is a fake. bad it was.
The whole thing could blow up. That's another thing you kept from me.
- Can't I at least tell the girls? No way. for that one job, and I was 10 years older than
I mean, they don't call her "gabby" for nothing. every single one of 'em.
Wow. I could hear 'em twittering as I left the room.
Ah, fake marriages-- they're complicated. I think you mean "tittering.
I-I-I know I'm asking a lot, Susan. " Sorry.
No, no. Please, don't hit me.
I heard a door slam shut today, Lynette. her to spend time with the great unwashed.
It's official. You wanna ditch this place for a cappuccino?
My time has passed. Um, actually, I'm here to eat.
I am no longer relevant. Oh! It's Susan.
Oh, for God sakes, knock it off! I am not Great.
gonna let you feel sorry for yourself. We don't see enough of her.
You are Tom Scavo, damn it! And? Sorry. And she's not alone.
I got nothing else. Hey, Jackson.
Come inside and eat your pork. Long time no see.
This place smells funny. What's going on? Um we sort of have an
I don't wanna be here. announcement.
Well, you should've thought about that before We're getting married.
you started acting like such a diva. Oh, my God! This is such great news! Oh! So
Now sit down. when's the date? Monday.
Father Crowley! This is a surprise. Whoa.
What brings you to our soup kitchen? Well, I W-- well, that's kind of sudden.
want Juanita to work with the poor. Well, when you know, you know.
I want to teach her to be grateful for how Why wait? And we're having a little
good she has it. engagement party on Friday, and you're both
- Oh, well, we can always use a hand. invited.
And four hands? Well, that's a blessing. A party? Count us in.
Oh, me? No, no. I can't think of a better reason to celebrate.
Not me. Have you told M.
I'm not really dressed for ladling, but, um, I J.
could stand by the condiment bar and spritz yet? Yeah.
people with my Chanel. He was on board when he found out there
And you say Juanita is a little ungrateful? was cake.
Hmm. Okay.
Fran Schulman? Fran. Just wanna make sure this isn't all happening
- Huh? It's Gabrielle Solis from the tennis club. too fast for him.
Oh, of course. You know kids.
Wow, it's been years! The last time I saw you They need a little time to adjust.
was at that charity fashion show. Oh, kids are resilient.
Wasn't that fun? - Yes. He'll be fine.
Yes, it was. I'm so excited! Well, uh, we wanted you two to
So what are you doing here? Are you be the first to know, and we should probably
volunteering? Not exactly. get going.
- Me either. Got a few more neighbors to shock.
My daughter's gotten so snooty, I am forcing Oh, well, we are just so happy for you.
Yeah. Based on what? She never missed bingo night
Congratulations. at Immaculate Heart and she was Lutheran.
Now if we're going with the Damask for the You really think she bingo'ed her house away?
settee, then I strongly suggest that we do the Uh, I don't know.
couch in the chenille. There has to be some reason.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You don't fall that far that fast without making
The only word I understood there was "couch. some really stupid choices.
" I'll explain it to him later. Why you gettin' so angry? It was Tiffany china,
Good, because they're only going to hold this Carlos.
fabric for a couple of days. Aha! There's the man that ruined my fishing
Well, I am off. trip.
Ohh. Sorry about that, Dave.
Isn't that vase divine? I am so glad you like it. - Oh, no worries.
I thought we were just trying out the vase. Hey, I am so happy for you and Susan.
I'll explain it to him later. Congratulations.
- Okay. Thanks.
Mm-hmm. So how have you been? We haven't had a
Thank you. chance to talk since I don't know, probably the
Can you believe this? Seven years ago, Evelyn fire.
did Fran's house. Uh, yeah.
Now? No house. You were the big hero.
That's crazy. I was the doofus that got stuck in the men's
You ask Fran what happened? No! I didn't room.
want to embarrass her. Oh, that was a hell of a night.
You met her in line for free soup. Sure would like to forget that.
How much more embarrassed could she get? - Yeah, me, too.
Remember that dinner party she gave? She Unfortunately, I have to go down and talk to
had 20 place settings of Tiffany china. the cops on Tuesday.
How does this happen to someone who has Really? Yeah.
Tiffany china? This is $200 a yard. I went down to city hall to get my marriage
Tell Fran to save us a place in line. certificate, And I ran in one of the detectives
I bet I know what happened. from that night, and apparently, they've been
She drank it away. trying to get in touch with me.
That one New Year's Eve where she got so So now I get to go down there the day after
plowed she fell in the koi pond where she my wedding.
landed on you, drunky sue. Some honeymoon, huh? Wow.
Everybody was hammered at that party. Those guys really know how to put a crimp in
Well, then it must've been a gambling your day.
problem. So did they say what they wanted to talk to
you about? I guess they just wanna know if I Hey, you're not paying me to just go through
saw anything suspicious. the motions.
Hmm. Speaking of which are you nailing Orson like
Did you? Mm, no. we discussed? That is none of your business.
I mean, I was backstage. Well, we have to make sure he doesn't suspect
I was headed to the men's room, and I ran anything.
into-- Oh! Ugh! I am so sorry. I do the bare minimum.
Oh, no. No more, no less.
Don't worry about it. So is he just missionary? He seems like a
I'll take care of it. strictly missionary kind of guy.
I mean, there's gotta be a mop around here Must you be so crude? Must you always be
somewhere. such a priss? You freak out at the mention of
That's not coming out. sex.
Oh, Bree can get rid of that in a jiffy. You never want to make a mess.
Now where did she go? Okay. You suppress every spontaneous urge you
Showtime. ever have! Man, it must be exhausting being
- Wipe your feet first. you! Yes, being a lady takes effort.
I just had the carpets cleaned. Well, maybe give it a rest once in a while.
Just because we're thieves doesn't mean we It might surprise you how good it feels.
need to be untidy. You wanna be a Neanderthal, Karl? That's your
Are we stealing this? Uh, yes. choice.
As I recall, it's quite valuable. I prefer to behave with class and dignity.
What about this? - Oh, God, no. Now may we please finish robbing my home?
That's Orson's dental Innovator of the Year Bill Brown! It's Tom Scavo.
award. Tom! Oh, my God! What are you doing here?
I've always hated that thing. Well, Jackson and I are in the same soccer
Oh, here. league.
What are you doing? I, uh, took some of my Lynette, this is Bill Brown.
silver off the mantle, and it threw off the We were roommates freshmen year in college.
balance. Hi.
Yeah. Really? - Yeah! God, you look fantastic.
You're right. You haven't aged a day.
Let me help. Hey, right back at ya.
There. Liar.
Balance restored. You didn't even recognize me.
Was that necessary? This place has to look like Back up a second.
it was ransacked by robbers, not someone's You guys were classmates? Yeah.
personal shopper. Meaning you were in the same class at the
Fine! But do you have to do it with such relish? same time? That's what classmates means,
Lynette.
We're the same age.
Actually, I think I'm six months older.
You're older?! I'm sorry, I just cannot believe
That they're out of stuffed mushrooms.
Excuse me.
Okay, my wife's annoying, but she is right.
What's your secret? What is it? Diet? Exercise?
You eatin' a bowl of stem cells every morning?
Come on.
What's going on, Peter Pan? Okay You really
wanna know? Hi! This is for you and Jackson.
Congratulations! Aw, how sweet.
Oh! And heavy.
Score.
Yeah, well, we can afford to be generous now
that I'm off the hook for alimony.
Yeah.
What? You're getting remarried.
So I can stop sending that check every month.
Everybody gets a gift.
Right! Score for you! Uh, can I talk to you for
a sec? Yeah? Oh, thank you.
You get alimony? I thought you were too
proud take alimony.
I was too proud to admit it.
I'm not too proud to take it.
I need that money, Jackson.
Well, I-I can try to chip in.
- "Chip in"? It's not a birthday cake for Shirley
in accounting.
It's mortgage and food and insurance.
I'm sorry, but I can't marry you.
No, Susan, they'll send me back.
It's Canada, not Iran.
It's like America with free health insurance.
Okay, I know this is important to you, but I
depend on that check every month.
- And I know you do.
I just can't believe that I finally found a job
that I love, and now I just gotta give it up.
Well, look, maybe I could talk to Mike.
I could see if we could work something out.
You'd do that? Yeah, I'll try.
Don't think he's not gonna want his gift back.
And it's really heavy, too.
So you thought my friend bill looked pretty
fantastic, huh? Okay, I went a little overboard.
You know me--two margaritas, and I need a
muzzle.
No, I completely agree with you.
He looks really young.
I know, right? He must take care of himself.
Actually, he told me his secret, and I'm
thinking of doing the same thing.
No, you're not having plastic surgery.
It's my face.
Uh, we live in a community property state, so
half that face is mine.
Fine, you know what? You get the half below
the nose.
But these wrinkles up here? All going away.
Tom, men don't need plastic surgery.
They look better as they age.
Real? Because you couldn't stop talking about
how great Bill looked.
"you guys were classmates? You mean the
same class at the same time?" Okay, that's a
lousy impression of me.
Look, Bill said it really gave him a leg up in
job interviews, and I could use that right now.
You don't need a face-lift.
What if I went out and got a boob job and
came home with big, giant sideshow boobs?
How would you like that? I'd learn to live with
it somehow.
You're not doing this.
We can't afford it! It's an investment in our
future. But we were young, and we thought we had
We can't afford not to. time to save for the future.
I'm calling the doctor and making an Then he died.
appointment. Mark died? I didn't know.
If you want, I can also get a price check on a He was sick a really long time.
pair of-- I'm not getting a boob job. He couldn't work.
Why don't I make you a nice cup of Earl Grey He lost his insurance.
Oh, dear God. By the time he passed away, we were
Orson, we've been robbed! It wasn't me. completely wiped out.
I swear. Oh, Fran, I'm so sorry.
No cuts! Back of the line. You didn't have any family to turn to? Any
Oh, relax. friends? No family, and as it turns out, not too
I already ate dinner at home in my box under many friends either.
the bridge. Look, Gaby, know you came here wanting to
Fran? Oh, God. find out what I did to make this all happen.
I was afraid I wouldn't find you here. But the truth is, we're all just an accident or a
Ah, lucky you, I'm still poor. tumor or a bad investment away from
I feel bad I ducked out so fast the other day. standing in line for free soup.
And I've been thinking about you a lot, and I Thank you.
just-- I really wanna help. I don't agree, Fran.
Wow. You know, Carlos went blind for five years.
Thank you. We went broke.
Thank you! Now I just wanna make sure that We almost lost our house.
you're not gonna you know Drinking was But we worked our asses off and we made it
never my problem, Gaby. back.
I didn't think so. Oh, so just because you survived that, you
You were always so classy. think you've crossed some kind of finish line,
Was it drugs? No. that nothing bad can happen again? Well, no,
I never did drugs. but-- - Listen.
Good to know. I hope it works out for you.
Because gambling is bad enough without I hope you never lose that big, beautiful home
being high. of yours.
I never gambled a day in my life, Gaby. God knows I wish I'd appreciated mine more
Well, then what the hell happened? This while I had it.
doesn't make sense. Thank you again.
I was at your house. Remind me again when you're getting your
You had such lovely things. teeth cleaned.
Yes, Mark and I lived really well. Um the 14th.
Probably a little too well. And the 15th, we have tickets to that play that
you're dragging me to. your life, but with me, you felt-- Like I could
Yes. finally take it off and be myself.
Why? I'm just--I'm trying to figure out when Yeah.
would be a good time to get married. Anyway, I faxed it to the shop in Venice.
I'm sorry. They said they could make a new one.
What did you just I know, I know. I should have it for you in about a month.
Not the most romantic proposal in the world. I can't believe you went to all that trouble
I shouldn't have led with the teeth cleaning. then you must not know how much you mean
I feel I can overlook that. to me.
So is that a yes? Yes! It's a yes! Oh! Wow! Hello? Oh, hi, Dave.
What brought this on? It just seemed like the No, of course not.
right time. What's on your mind? Well, I figured it was
Oh, Mike. time to get back to work, so I put together a
I'm so happy. speaking tour-- Seattle, Portland, my usual
I love you. route.
I love you, too. Work? Are you sure it's not too soon? - Well, I
I understand taking things, but why smash have to do it eventually.
something you're gonna leave behind? They're Anyway, I was hoping you could check in on
robbers, dear. the house now and then.
Not personal shoppers. Of course.
Yeah, well, whoever did this should be shot. Oh, someone's at my door.
Well, I wonder if the victims of your Let me get rid of them.
kleptomania felt the same way. Hey, Katherine, is Mike here? No, he's at work.
You know what? You're absolutely right. Oh, shoot.
I never realized what my stealing put people Um Well, can you tell him to call me as soon
through. as he gets back? Sure.
Maybe this is karma. Is everything okay? Uh, well Okay, you know
What is that? Oh. what? Mike's probably gonna tell you anyway,
It's a picture of the mask they stole. so just can't tell anyone else, okay? There's not
I drew it from memory. a problem with the wedding, is there? It's still
Wow. on, right? It depends.
Hmm. Jackson and I are only getting married
Remember where we got it? Was it Florence? because he needs his green card.
Venice. Oh.
We walked past that little shop under the And then I realized that I would lose my
bridge, and you saw it in the window. alimony.
Oh, that's right. So unless Mike will keep paying me, I can't get
Mm. married.
You told me you'd been wearing a mask all You have to.
I mean, poor Jackson.
I-I would hate to see him deported back to
where's he from? - Canada.
Oh! Oh! Brr! We can't have that! If you want, I
could talk to Mike for you.
That would be great.
Just tell him I need an answer quickly 'cause
the wedding is Monday.
Well, don't cancel anything yet.
You'll have your answer tonight.
Thanks.
Sorry, Dave.
Dave? Hey.
Hey, Lynette.
How's it going? Oh, my husband wants to
spend money we don't have on a face-lift he
doesn't need, so not great.
Mm, tell him to be careful.
Have you seen Bruce in payroll? He just went
in for a little nip and tuck.
And? How's he look? Like he's standing in a
wind tunnel.
Really? - Mm-hmm.
Poor Bruce.
Yep.
What's his extension? And I'm thinking I may
have acted rashly.
I mean, every marriage has its rough patches.
Orson loves me, and deep down, he's a good
man.
If I stick with this, maybe we can make it work.
Are you even listening to me? Don't need to.
Heard it all before.
Oh, really? I've been doing this And trust me,
every woman gets cold feet.
"Am I making a mistake?" "Was he really that
bad?" "Maybe I could try harder.
And I'm gonna tell you what I tell them--
you're not making a mistake.
He really is that bad.
And no matter how hard you try, he's still
gonna be the same jerk who sent you into this
office in the first place.
Oh.
So I'm just like everyone else, and you know
everything I'm going to say.
Yep.
I even know the stuff you're not going to say.
I doubt that.
Let me give it a shot.
You've been thinking, "What happens if I walk
away from Orson and everything I invested in
this relationship?" "Will I ever find another
man?" Will you spend the rest of your life
alone? Close? In the ballpark.
Well, you listen to me.
You've got nothing to worry about.
You're a beautiful, elegant, classy woman, and
there's no way you're gonna end up alone.
And do you say that to every woman, too? No.
I mean, I get some real uggos in here.
You know, the kind that are gonna die alone
and get eaten by their cats.
Charming.
So are we back in business? Send me the
papers when they're ready.
Honey, I'm glad you're home.
I brought someone me from work I want you
to meet.
w-- Ohh.
Yeah.
It turns out he got the same procedure that
you're thinking about getting.
So I thought maybe you could chat him up
about it.
So you're finally on board with this? Well, like
you said, it's your face.
Come on, I'm dying for you to meet Bruce.
Bruce, I want you to meet my husband Tom. looks, someday you're gonna be unsatisfied
Hi, Tom. with mine.
So, um, Lynette tells me you're thinking about No.
having a little elective surgery. No.
Did she? - Mm-hmm. - Yes.
Now you may not be able to tell, but I've had You are going to look at me someday with
work done. your brand-new face And say, "when did she
Really? Have they finished? Yeah. get so old?" We won't look like we belong
Now I should warn you that, uh after they together anymore.
operate, it looks a little weird. Lynette, I'm just talking about gettin' rid of a
Oh, I was wondering about that. few wrinkles.
Yeah. But I don't see your wrinkles, Tom.
But eventually it settles, like this. I see our whole life together.
Mm. This is you worrying about how you're going
Isn't it exciting, Tom? In a few weeks, you are to provide for us.
gonna look just like Bruce. This is Penny falling out of the tree house and
Hey, if you want, I'll give you the name of my breaking her arm.
surgeon. This is my cancer.
Yes. These are the millions of laughs that got us
I definitely want the name of the guy who did through all those tough times.
that. It's like a map of our marriage, and I don't
Lynette, um, Bruce looks like he could use want to lose it.
something to drink, and I know that I sure And it if keeps me from getting a job? You're
could. gonna get a job, And it'll be because they're
C-could you excuse us for a sec? Very clever, impressed by your experience, not your
Lynette--inviting the joker over to scare me. wrinkle-free face.
I wanted you to see the face they don't put in I know exactly what you mean.
the brochure. And I love your face, too.
I will be having my work done by a reputable Mmm.
surgeon. Mmm.
Bruce looks like his was done by a bear. And this wrinkle here, that's when-- This isn't
That's my point. about me, Tom.
You don't know how these things will turn out. Come on.
Well, I am willing to take that risk. Mwah.
I'm doing it. Hey.
Why are you being so stubborn? Why do you Good news.
care so much? Because I don't want to have Looks like we're getting fake married after all.
plastic surgery. Really? - Yeah.
What? Tom, if you're unsatisfied with your Mike agreed to keep paying me alimony.
He just sent me a text.
Oh, man.
That's a relief.
And unbelievably generous.
I'm gonna send him a thank-you right now.
You're welcome.
You know, I really can't tell you how much I
appreciate you doing this for me, Susan.
And I promise, as long as I'm here, I'll pitch in
around the house, run errands.
You know, just like a real husband.
Clearly, you've never been married before.
Well, you know, just because this is, um a fake
marriage, doesn't mean it can't be wonderful.
Well, I've been in some real marriages that
weren't, so maybe you're right.
Oh, look.
Cans.
You can't have a wedding without cans and
signage! Sweet! Let's get to the car wash on
our way to the courthouse.
Mm-hmm.
Jackson Braddock? Yes? We're
immigration.
You're in the country on an expired visa.
You're gonna have to come with us.
- Oh, no, no, no.
You--you can't take him now.
- Ma'am, I need you to step back.
Susan, there's a business card on the dresser
with an attorney's number.
Would you call him for me, please? Please,
can't this wait? We're about to get married.
Not today you're not.
What's going on? Who are these guys? - Uh
immigration agents, and I think
sending Jackson back to Canada.
Hello? May I speak with, uh, Bree Van de
Kamp? Oh, she's not in at the moment.
Can I take a message? Uh, yeah, this is Sheila
with Weston Brothers Storage.
It's about the storage unit she just rented.
Storage unit? Uh, yeah, we overcharged her on
the deposit.
Tell her not to worry.
We're gonna deduct it from her next bill.
Okay.
Uh, thank you.
- You're welcome.
Everyone wears some kind of mask, so you
must look closely to find the truth that lies
beneath.
Hi.
Mwah.
Some conceal anxiety about growing older.
Some hide fears of financial ruin.
Others cover up a love that continues to linger.
And then there are those who let their masks
slip.
If you look to their eyes, you'll see who they
really are and exactly what they're capable of.
with
they're
523 - Everybody Says Don't
Mary Alice voiceover: The thing to understand
about Dave Williams is that he wanted to be
forgiven. That's why he recorded the tape.
Dave: I did not kill M.J. Delfino. But he had
to.Susan Mayer killed my wife and daughter.
The police concluded was an accident. But I
think a person who takes away two precious
lives can not be allowed to escape. Some will
wonder "Why did he not kill Susan?" But what
would it serve? She died, she would not ...
suffered. And those who hate me because I
have taken the life of an innocent child, I tell
them ... Damn.
It stops the camera and down the stairs to
open the door.
Mary Alice voiceover: Yes. Dave Williams
wanted everyone forgive him ...
It opens the door to find M.J.
MJ: See, I have a tackle box brand new for
Saturday.
Mary Alice voiceover: But not before he
committed the unforgivable.
They smile.
Mary Alice voiceover: After the White Horse
Club was destroyed by a suspicious fire, a
body was not claimed. Inspectors on the case
referred to him under the name of the
unknown A-37. For months they tried to
identify it. And then one day, they received a
call of a pound. Apparently a car had been
taken to parking the pound the night of the
fire.
Contemplate the police car.
Mary Alice voiceover: A Sedan which had
been rented by a certain Dr. Samuel Heller of
Boston, went missing four months earlier.
Dental records confirmed their doctor's theory.
This was not the case with his secretary.
Secretary: Impossible. Dr. Heller has not died
in that fire.
Policeman 1: His dental impressions prove
Secretary: I do not care. The fire took place
there four months? He sent me text messages
from.
Policeman 1: Really?
Secretary: The last date a few weeks ago.
Policeman 2: We should perhaps answer him
(talking to his teammate)
Policeman 1: You have your phone on you?
The secretary opened his drawer and pulls out
his phone it tends to police.
Dave walks down the stairs of the house and
takes a horn which was stored at the bottom.
He left his home when his phone starts
ringing.
He arrives at Susan.
Susan: I was going to call you
Dave: Oh yeah?
Susan: Did you talk to MJ this fishing
expedition?
Dave: Yes. You're going wrong since Jackson
was ejected, so I said it was the perfect time
to go to the lake, all three. I took MJ to her
own life jacket.
Susan touched: I wish I could, but no. I'm
worried about Jackson.
Dave: All the more reason. You know what
they say about fishing, it is the nature of
tranquilizer.
Susan: I have no news of Jackson since his
arrest and I want to be there when called.
Dave: no problem, take your laptop
Susan: I would feel better if I'm close
Dave: This is insane. Jackson wants you to stay
here not to worry for him.
Susan: Sorry. We will fish again.
Susan wants to close the door but he puts his
hand so that it does not close.
Dave: You do not think it's a little selfish? M.J.
and then? Want to go fishing, eh kid?
M.J.: Yes
Susan: What are you doing? I just tell you, I
do not want
Dave: It's for the good of M.J.
Susan: It will go for him
Dave: You know what? You're right.
apologize.This is an excursion
Susan closes the door and Dave turns in being
unhappy.
Scavo house
Preston: You want to hear! 6 months in Europe,
it would be instructive
Lynette: And yet more informative? Go to the
University
Preston: It's been 12 years already that I am
going to school. I need to relax
Lynette: In your last newsletter, it's been a
while since you relaxed.
Preston: I'm 18 now. If I want to go to Europe,
I would
Lynette: Good luck to finance it. If you ask for
a passport, we'll cut your food.
Preston: And farewell the great fortune of
Scavo?Not so!
Preston goes back to his room while Lynette is
in the kitchen and Tom reads the newspaper.
Lynette: Tom, why you supported me no?
Tom: Because I agree with him
Lynette: What?
Tom: He's young. He must have fun. Look at
me. A quarantine that reads ads for jobs that I
would never. I should have stayed in Europe
teen.
Lynette: It focuses. Our son wants to ruin his
life.We must stop him.
Tom: It's so great to be conformist? I have
been. I did everything I needed. I made myself
eat and spit out.
Lynette: I know you are discouraged, but let
I our son make a huge mistake, it will not help
matters.
Tom: Huge mistake or not, we must let people
make choices in their lives. Your way is not the
only
Lynette: I'm just trying to prevent Preston is
stamped "missed unemployed"
Tom: Okay. You want me to do what?
Lynette: I want you to forget him fasses this
stupid idea to go to Europe. Visit the campus
together.Show him that college is fun
Tom: Okay
Lynette makes him a kiss, happy.
Tom: On the way, I will introduce my university
degree at Burger Barn. They hire a cook to
make the fries.
He gets up and goes to the kitchen while
Lynette is thoughtful.
Lynette: If you go really out there, reports of
onion fritters
Juanita is sitting on the bed of Gaby while the
latter looks in the mirror.
Juanita: Mom, what do you do?
Gaby: You go to a family reunion at Aunt
Connie, Saturday, and I want to be beautiful.
Juanita: It's gonna be good?
Gaby: If for you, it's fun to sit on lawn chairs in
an alley to eat fried chicken, then yes, it's
gonna be awesome
Juanita: an alley?
Gaby: Honey, you're 6 years old so I think it's
time we had a discussion mother / daughter
Gaby sits down next to her daughter on the
bed.
Gaby: Your paternal family is good to throw
away.Questions?
Juanita: If you love it, why you put your finest
jewelry?
Gaby: That's what adults do. When you do not
like someone, you do not fight with him, we
say nothing nasty. There are subtle ways to
make them hate their lives. The earrings, for
example. Connie does not have the means
and it will make it sad. And that, that the will
kneel (pointing to his wrist). And that, that her
breath away (pointing to his collar)
Juanita: If you hate them as much, perhaps we
should not go
Gaby: No, darling. We need to go. It's family.
Bree and Karl is in the warehouse.
Bree: So I wanted to check my stuff. Leave a
painting of value on the ground, it does not
happen.You have to put something
underneath.
Karl: Okay, take that awful doormat.
Bree: This is not a doormat, it is a Kurdish rug
woven by hand.
Karl: You know Bree, when I hang out with you,
I realize the limits of my culture and also how
I do not care.
He holds a vase and step above.
Bree: Give me that. I am delighted that this
divorce will soon be finished. A man is hateful
and unpleasant out of my life, and as Orson.
Karl: It's not finished yet. There are still
hurdles.Orson again spoke of the theft report?
Bree: He thinks I have met.
Karl Super. When he realizes this, you will be
divorced, it will be ruined and you in
moqueras.
Bree: Yes and I am single, I could focus on my
business, maybe travel a bit.
Karl: Spend some time at the intersection of
left and right leg, if you know what I mean.
Bree: This is sadly still the case.
Karl: If you want, can I arrange a coup. I know
full of owls type starters for a free dinner and
a few laughs (he shows her the mask at the
same time)
Bree: I'm not even divorced yet and when will
be the case, you will not play matchmaker. Between a policeman at that time in the room
where Jackson was sitting.
Bree out of the warehouse while a car is
parked on the other side of the fence. We see Jackson: Time. I gotta go. I try to remember
that this is Orson and it starts with a bang. before you go.
Karl finally leave the room and close.
He hangs up and puts away his notebook
Susan leaves her house while her cell phone Susan in her purse. She gets up and looks at
starts ringing. the house opposite where she sees Mike out.
He waved his hand and above all,
She responds. uncomfortable, return it.

Jackson: Susan, it's me Lynette is preparing dinner when Tom and

Susan Jackson, I was so worried. Where are Preston arrive.
you?
Jackson: In the prison of Fairview. They treat Lynette: Well, the campus tour?
my deportation papers. Tom: Fantastic! This college is great! The
Susan: So, they will return home? When? teachers are super involved, the kids were
Jackson: In a few days. I wanted to call you to open and friendly.
thank you and tell you that you were going to Lynette: Really?
miss me Tom: Yes, it was very inspiring. You were right
Susan: You too I'll miss you. You entered my to send them.
life in a very difficult period for me, and you Lynette: Well. I knew that seeing the campus,
were great.Finally, you're great you'd change your mind.
Jackson smiles: You too Preston: I? No. I always start in Europe.
Susan: So ... People of immigration have told
you how you have found? Preston goes away while Lynette understands
Jackson: An anonymous call. But hey, we know nothing.
very well who is this "anonymous". Does Mike
really takes me for a fool? Lynette: I understand it. The tour was fantastic,
Susan: You think it is Mike? right?
Jackson: Who else? Mike and Katherine were Tom: We'll have some more convincing
the only ones who know. Katherine was very Preston.But not me. I go back to college.
exhilarated by our wedding, so ... Lynette: Excuse me?
Susan: It makes no sense, Mike knew it was Tom: It's not very banal, I know, but when I
the toc walked into the courtyard, I felt so alive. I
Jackson: No matter, he had the look of spoke to a manager, I only have to pass an
someone still holding you. entrance examination.
Lynette rubbing his head: So ... you'd be a Gaby: It's not easier to close your check until
study in college again ... (she continues to cut he capitulates?
food for lunch) 25 years after the first time. Susan: I think Bree is right. Tom goes over to
Tom: But concentrate this time. Knowing see you deny him his treat, he'll want more.
exactly what major I want. Bree: So you expect a great opportunity, you
Lynette: That's to say? seize hold of the flight and during that time,
Tom: The Chinese. you make him believe that you support.
Lynette: The Chinese? Lynette: That's your advice? I hope that
opportunity jumps into his arms? As well go
House Lynette right away to buy combinations of acipulteur.

Bree, Gaby and Susan: The Chinese? Susan looks out the window and sees Mike.
Gaby: The Chinese even as "moo goo pan
gay"? Susan: Girls, I'm sorry, I gotta run.
Susan: What good will it serve, see Bruce Lee
movies without subtitles? Susan arrives at Katherine.
Lynette: We could not talk. I fainted and went
to buy a backpack. Susan: I have to talk to Mike
Bree: Lynette, it smells Katherine: It takes a shower, but I would tell
Lynette: It comes out of nowhere and the him that you're gone
worst part is that if I told him, I go for the slut. Susan: No need. I'll wait.
Susan: Why? Since when to act with realism
and usefulness becomes synonymous It then enters the house while Katherine is not
pétassitude? happy.
Gaby: The first time a guy did something
stupid and showed him a woman. Bree arrives home.
Lynette: I know Tom. He will learn to count to
10 in Chinese and then it'll get drunk then it Bree: Orson, I returned.
will change the dream to become a beekeeper.
Gaby: So you got no choice. Throw yourself She turns on the light in the hall and saw a
into the water and too bad. picture on the wall. This is the picture she had
Bree: No, she has a choice. It can quite get placed in the warehouse. She looks the part
what she wants without being perceived as and then sees the little vase on the coffee
long as a real weasel. table and she sees Orson sitting at the end of
Lynette: I beg Sensei, teach me your ancient the table holding the mask with one hand.
rituals.
Bree: You must ensure that you do not know Orson: Sit down. So there has never been a
what frames. This requires observation, burglary. You took these items and hope to
manipulation and deceit. hide me. I tried to find a reason but I'm not
happened. So I must ask: Why? Why would
you do something like that?
Bree: I want a divorce.
Orson: Excuse me, I do not understand.
Bree: According to my lawyer, half
property acquired during our marriage is
yours, so I tried to hide some of these objects,
because, let's be honest, I paid them.
Orson: You've already hired a lawyer?
Bree: Yes, but I am tired of all these lies and
deceit, I will tell him that you can take what
you want.
Orson: I want to divorce
Bree: This part is not negotiable.
Orson: We can at least talk about it.
Bree: Why? So you should take a piece of
paper and start making a list of what you
want to take with you
Destroyed Orson: So you do not want any of
that?
Bree: No, all I want is to end.
She leaves him and goes.
Katherine House
Katherine: It may take a while. Are you sure I
can not help you?
Susan: No, I must talk to Mike. You could flush
the toilet and try to get him out of there.
Katherine turns but stops smiling: You seem
upset.There is a problem?
Susan: Mike Jackson threw to immigration?
Katherine: No, why would it?
Susan: I do not know. By jealousy? Jackson
thinks that Mike has feelings for months.
Katherine: Susan Believe me, Mike Jackson has
not swayed.
Susan: You do not hear the shower. We'll know
in a few seconds.
Katherine: Listen ... Mike was unable to call
immigration because I've never told him that
Jackson married you for a green card.
the Susan: Someone did, because he sent me a
text message to confirm support.
Katherine: It was me. I sent it.
Susan: Are you crazy? Why is it that ...
Katherine: Mike asked me to marry him
Susan: Huh?
Katherine: And I was afraid he discovers that
you were not really in love with Jackson, and
he changes his mind about me.
Susan: Katherine is ... This is really unfair to
Mike.He must know the truth.
Katherine: I can make him happy, Susan. It just
has to forget your history.
Mike on the floor: Katherine?
Katherine at Susan: Please do not spoil
everything.
Mike: You spend the?
Mike comes down the stairs and came to
Susan.
Mike at Susan: I'm glad you're here. I have
something to tell you.
Susan: I Katherine has already announced the
great news.
Mike uncomfortable: I hope we have your
blessing
Susan and Katherine looks back on Mike: Yes,
of course. If you say so.
Mike: I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you myself.
Susan: Do not want it to Katherine. We all
know it ... can not keep a secret.
Susan opened the door and goes a little sad.
The Solis family arrives in the neighborhood
where Aunt Connie lives.
Gaby: This place has never been so ugly.
Carlos: The lounges Aunt Connie did not fare
well.You should remove some diamonds.
You're going to put it uncomfortable.
Gaby: Say no more
Carlos: Aunt Connie, it's like a second mother.
Why can not you see?
Gaby: It just put me down. If you watch out,
you'll see.
Aunt Connie happens to them.
Aunt Connie: This is my Carlos! She throws
herself into his arms.
Carlos: Hi, tia.
Aunt Connie: These are the girls? They have
grown so much. And Gaby ... It's me or you
are more beautiful every time I see you?
Gaby: It's not just you.
Aunt Connie: Come here. Make a hug.
Gaby: Let me see your hands.
Carlos and Gaby looks oddly starts in the arms
of Aunt Connie begins to wear.
Aunt Connie: Come, come! The whole family is
there. And I made my famous tamales (at girls
Solis)
Aunt Connie brings with her and Celia Carlos
the monitors while Gaby and Juanita are
thoughtful.
Juanita: Aunt Connie looks nice. She may have
changed.
Gaby: Waste not change. It is up to
something.Come on, we will take chairs before
you are stuck on the grass because of the red
ants.
Scavo house
Lynette comes into the kitchen where she puts
the cones on the table. She starts the
answering machine to see the messages.
Mr. Cummings: Tom Scavo is Mr. Cummings.
The gentleman of your campus visit. Sorry but
I have given you the wrong date for the
entrance tests.That's tomorrow at 8am. So get
a good night's sleep, and see you tomorrow in
the first hour.
Tom arrives at this point in the house with
arms full of horn.
Tom: Help, help!
Lynette: I can
Tom: Take that, then.
Lynette: So ... I thought this whole thing back
to school celebrates it deserved.
Tom: Really? I thought you were not in the
game.
Lynette: I want to support you. One only has
to be a good restaurant, take a bottle of
wine ... See two since we did not get up early
tomorrow
Tom: Or, as we go into this thing that makes
great Mexican margaritas.
Lynette: You and tequila? What a great idea.
House Aunt Connie

Woman: Okay, everybody, come all that way.
Aunt Connie has something to say.
Carlos: Gaby Go. My tia expected.
Gaby: Leaves, I need to drink. I try to put one
of these famous tamales.
Carlos pulls her by the arm she listens to Aunt
Connie.
Aunt Connie: Thank you all for coming today.
It's been a that was not all together.
Woman: We love you Aunt Connie.
Aunt Connie: And I love you all. There is
nothing more important than family. And now
I have an announcement to make. As many
know, I struggled against my weak heart all
my life. And the doctor tells me now that I
have perhaps only a few months.
Gaby is currently opening a can while Aunt
Connie stops talking.
Gaby: I'm sorry. A bad heart. Go ahead resume
Aunt Connie: As some here know, I looked
after my granddaughter, my sublime Ana.
Because of my condition, I am more capable,
and I need someone to take it. I realize that is
asking a lot.
Woman: We would have loved to help but
Miguel has just lost his job. It's hard to make
ends meet.
Aunt Connie: I understand. Obviously, it must
be someone who has the means.
Gaby takes off her earrings after hearing the
sentence.
Man: Would have liked to, but it was a house
so full. There should be someone without
children.
Gaby brings her children with her when she
hears this sentence.
As Connie: I know it will not be easy, but it is
a family and we must help each other.
That's when Carlos walks into the circle that is
formed family. Gaby tries to restrain him, but
Carlos is broken.
Gaby stepping in front of Carlos: You know,
there will always be a family tomorrow, so I
think we should pass the night to think about
and look into our hearts to find where your
home is best for Ana.
Aunt Connie: Gabrielle is right. And I want you
to know that I would like you not. If you
decide you can not take care of my little girl
sublime.
Gaby: We love you Connie.
Gaby clapping while turning to Carlos who
looks strangely.
Bree is in the kitchen trying to stir a salad
when Orson comes to use in the fridge.
Bree: What are you doing?
Orson: I will help.
Bree: I do not need help. And again, my
Parisian salad does not need chives.
Orson taking a knife: Yes I always thought it
was a bit bland. I think chives give it a little
more flavor.
Bree: My salad was full of taste. So ... when do
you go?
Orson: Actually, I'm not leaving.
Bree: Sorry?
Orson: I decided to stay to save our marriage.
I do not cut too late?
Bree: I know it's a shock, but you must see the
truth in the face. Our marriage is over.
Orson: When you're aware of the issue, you
will change your mind.
Bree: If you speak of the financial terms, I've
already said I did not care.
Orson: Actually, I'm talking about your
freedom. I've been in jail, Bree. Believe me,
you will hold to 10 seconds.
Bree: Prison?
Orson: Yes, of course. The insurance fraud is a
crime.
Bree: But I never said claim.
Orson: But I do.
Horrified Bree: What?
Orson: I thought we had been burgled. So, I
acted as it should and I said ... in both our
names. And as you casually rented the
warehouse under your name, I think the police
will not withhold any charge against me.
Bree: You would send your wife really in jail?
Orson: My wife? No. My ex-wife? Won. But it
will not work until then darling. I know you
can found what we knew.
Bree: It will never happen.
Orson: Sure, we got our different ... Your
penchant for castration, my kleptomania. But
every marriage has its ups and downs.
Bree suppliant: Orson, please, do not do that. I
do not love you.
Orson wipes his knife: It's okay, honey. I have
enough love for both of us (he puts the chives
into the salad and it tastes it) here, it is more
bland.
He goes leaving Bree devastated.
House of Solis
Gaby is sitting on the couch while Carlos
downstairs to join her.
Carlos: The girls are lying. Can we talk?
Gaby: Talk about what? You do not want that
girls have a dog and now you want to
accommodate a teen?
Carlos: It's not what I want. They are doing the
right thing. We do this as a family.
Gaby: Fortunately, this is a great family. It will
go live with Nina and Luis.
Carlos: They have eight children.
Gaby: another, it's nothing. They will not see
the difference.
Carlos: You're selfish.
Gaby: No, I think our girls. They are very
happy.Welcome a girl who even know, this is a
big risk.
Carlos: Aunt Connie has taken the same for
my mother and me. When my father left, we
had nowhere to go. Mama and me. Aunt
Connie took us home. It saved us the street.
Gaby: And knowing Aunt Connie, she waited
this long to ask you something in return. She
did it on purpose to be dying.
Carlos: We're really blessed. This is an
opportunity to restore it. God has perhaps
made the order and the money so I can help
my family. Think. If something happened, you
would not want someone to do this for our
daughters?
Gaby looks at length touched by his words.
Scavo house

The whole family comes home and is Lynette
and Tom Porter that helps to advance.
Lynette: Slowly. You're a little drunk.
Tom: That's because I love you!
Lynette: I, too, darling. That's it.
Tom: And I love you, you, Preston!
Porter: Mine's Wear
Tom: I've never been able to differentiate
yourself.But you're my favorite. (He sits down
on the chair. Directed by Lynette) Why you let
me drink as many margaritas?
Preston: And why we stayed until closing?
Lynette: It is almost two hours.
Preston: No matter what time.
Lynette: We celebrated a great change in the
life of your father. There was a message.
Mr. Cummings: Tom Scavo is Mr. Cummings.
The gentleman of your campus visit. Sorry but
I have given you the wrong date for the
entrance tests.That's tomorrow at 8am.
Tom horrified: I'll have to log!
Lynette looks uncomfortable.
House of Dave
Dave receives a message from the secretary of
Dr. Heller "Dr. Heller, contact me asap. Claire. "
He rests his laptop and pours himself a glass.
...: They are close. The messages you have sent
my secretary to have fooled anyone. They
identified my body ... and now they want to
trap you.
Dave: It will not work.
Dr. Heller: They can trace the signal. They will
find you.
Dave looks at the laptop and takes to throw
all his strength against the wall. He breaks into
a thousand pieces.
Dr. Heller: It's too late. Whatever your plan, he
missed when you have killed me. You should
continue treatment.
Dave: You know not whereof you speak. I'll get
through.
Dave's wife: Why you wanna leave? San
wanting to criticize you, I thought you were
doing this for us.
Dave: This is the case. I want our family get
justice.
Wife of Dave: So how important is if you get
caught? We miss you Dave. We should be
together.
Dave: So ... What do you propose? I cross the
street to kill MJ now?
Edie: Yes, why not? Admittedly, your idea of
taking the kid on a lake and make believe he
was drowned by accident. Really rotten. It
would be better than Susan knows why his
son should die?The goal is to make her suffer.
Not?
Dave: It's true.
Edie: Then the world will finally understand
what you went through.
He holds a revolver in his hand and he looks
down to watch it but when he raises his eyes,
everyone was gone.
M.J. plays baseball with Mike out.
Mike: Congratulations! Well done. One more
like that.
Susan arrives at that time to intercept the ball
as MJ has launched to the attention of his
father.
Susan: Can I talk a minute?
Mike: Sure.
They go together in the house of Katherine.
Mike: I will drink. You want something?
Susan: No, thank you. Listen ... Sorry for my
lack of enthusiasm the other day about your
marriage to Katherine.
Mike: I understand. You came to learn that
your boyfriend was deported. It was not a
good time too.
Susan: Ca and then ... it was rather unexpected.
Mike: We live together
Susan: I know. But still ... It was so sudden. I
want to be sure you know what you do. I
know. Not hesitate to send me tampers if I
crossed the line ... But, do you love?
Mike looks up the sink and turns to face him.
Mike: Why do you ask?
Susan: Answer the question.
Mike: Yes ... I love it.
Susan: Good. That's all I wanted to hear. I
hope you will be very happy together.
Mike: And I hope everything will work out for
you and Jackson
Susan: I know if it will be possible.
Mike: How so? You get married anymore?
Susan: Oh, really ... it's complicated.
Katherine joined this time in the house: MJ
told me you were there. What are you talking
about?
Mike: We were talking about you actually.
Katherine: From me? How so?
Susan: I realized I did not have you praised for
your wedding.
Susan Katherine approaches for the hug.
Katherine: Really?
Susan: Really.
Katherine, feeling relieved, smiled.
Scavo house
Tom arrives home while Lynette is on the chair
with his computer on his lap.
Lynette: Hi darling. How was the test?
Tom: It's like ... I dug deep and I had found a
level of invalidity that I do not know.
Lynette: It was certainly not so bad.
She sets her computer on the coffee table
while Tom sits down on the couch.
Tom: I threw the tequila in the car park. I
fainted twice in the exam room, and I could
not help but laugh when reading the word
"Uranus". On top of that, I'm pretty sure I
misspelled Scavo, and I think I am right in
saying that it is not soon I will expand my
horizons.
Lynette rising: Do not worry. You wanted to
learn Chinese ... We will buy you a book.
Tom: Mandarin is a very complicated
language.One can not learn to speak it
fluently enough for the labor market with a
book. Dave smile: You're right. It would do us good
Lynette: The labor market? at all.
Tom: It is the goal. China has one of the
strongest economies in the world. Aunt Connie
Opportunities for someone with my
experience in advertising, and who can speak As Connie on the phone: You can not imagine
Chinese are impressive. We talk about a lot of how it touches me to know that Gaby and
money. I could reinvent myself completely. you'll take care of my sublime Ana. It's a relief.
Lynette horrified ... This is an excellent I love you too.And tell Gaby that I thank.
project.Why do not you have not told me?
Tom: What's the difference? It's over. Sorry to She hangs up while her friend sits down at his
have disappointed. side.

He goes upstairs, leaving a Lynette who feels
completely.
Katherine House
Susan: Wow, you are getting married this
weekend?
Mike: That's what's great about Las Vegas. No
need to provide
Katherine: You know what? If you come with
us?You'd be my bridesmaid. This is nonsense,
eh?
Susan: That's nice, but ... In fact, this is
nonsense.And then, MJ and I, we have plans
for this weekend.
Dave is at home. He takes his gun and goes
to meet MJ He wants his pistol out of his
pants when Susan comes to MJ
Susan: Oh, Dave. Glad to meet you. The boat
of your friend is still available for this weekend?
Dave: What?
Susan: I thought about what you said and you
were right. It would make me really good to
here from some.
Friend: You're gonna tell them the truth about
Ana?
Aunt Connie: They discover it soon enough.
Roberta's sister Karen
The phone rings. She is lying on the sofa and
takes up the handset.
...: Hello. I want to talk to Roberta Simmonds.
Roberta: That is itself but in bad shape. Who is
it?
...: I'm Claire Cormier, the secretary of Dr.
Heller.Remember me?
Roberta: Yes, but I take my breakfast there, if
you could call me back around 11 ...
Claire: I thought it would interest you to know
that the police fell. Apparently, Dr. Heller is
dead.
Roberta: Go on, I'm all ears.
It rises abruptly to get seated and concentrate
on the conversation to follow.
At Karen
Karen: Dr. Heller died in a fire at the White
Horse?
Roberta: Apparently, there was no smoke in
the lungs. So he was dead before the fire
started. I think that he came to see is the
same one that killed him.
Karen: Dave
Roberta: Yeah
Karen: What do we do?
Roberta: Let's see the police.
Karen: To say what?
Roberta: We know that Dr. Heller was a
psychiatrist for criminals, and we're pretty sure
that Dave was his patient.
Karen: I would feel better if we had evidence.
Roberta: I would feel better if I had a liver in
good condition but sometimes you have to do
with what you have.
Karen: If you go see the cops with a lame
story, they'll fuck off, laughing. I do not know
how but we must find something else to show
them.
Roberta: You told me that Dave had brought
with you, right?
Karen: Yes ... Why?
Roberta: It may be time to return the favor.
Karen smiles as Roberta puts his arm around
her shoulders.
Immigration Office
Agent 1: When you did not come to the
appointment Monday, we told you we had let
them down.
Jackson: As you see, I was held back by
something else.
Agent 2 by showing a photo: You know him?
Jackson: Who is it?
Agent 1: Samuel Haller, the man who died in
the fire of the club. You have not seen the
bottom in the hallway?
Jackson: No. I have told you that night, I only
stayed a minute.
Agent 2: And you did not see anyone?
Jackson: It's been a long time. I was looking
for the toilet. I met Dave Williams. He came
out of the reserve ...
Agent 1: Wait. Did you see Dave Williams out
of the reserve?
Jackson: Yeah. I have not already said? I
thought it was the toilet, but Dave showed me
the right direction.
Agent 2: And right after, someone has locked
up.
Jackson nods his head: Wait. You think that
this is Dave.
Agent 1: no idea. He has a reason to hurt you?
Jackson: No. We are friends. I have rarely seen
someone so nice.
Officer 2: Thank you for responding, Mr.
Braddock.
Jackson shaking hands: Sorry for not being
more helpful.
Jackson part of the room while the two agents
remain.
Agent 1: He has spoken many times to
Williams?
Agent 2: I do not know. 4?
Agent 1: He has already said he was in the
reserves?
Agent 2: Oh no.
They smile and leave the room.
House of Dave surprised.He starts the car and leaves. Mike
returns home and puts the tape in the unit of
Dave pulls out a small box from his briefcase input.
and takes a post-it notes to record something.

Susan and Mike are being installed in the car

MJ. To be continued

M.J.: I'll catch a big way.

Susan: If you get it, we wash and we serve
dinner
M.J.: Otherwise you eat maggots?
Mike laughing at Susan: Make sure he catches
a fish.
Dave by closing the trunk at Mike: I've got
something for you. This is a video of our
group, one of our first rehearsals.
Mike: This is drinking at least?
Dave: Yes. It's not bad. But look there after
your honeymoon.
Mike: It works. Thank you.

Mike shakes his hand and went back to Susan.

Susan: So long, Mike. I wish you a beautiful

wedding.
Mike: Thank you.

They hug one another. Mike looks sad but

leaves nothing to see Susan. She entered the
carriage and Mike leans out the open window
on the side of MJ

Mike at Dave: Take care of my son well, okay?

Dave: Count on me.

Dave turns and we see his face in the mirror

but also that of Mike in the background. Mike
saw Dave's face is determined. Mike looks
524 - If It's Only in Your Head
****** the first thing lila dash thought about
that fateful morning was her husband dave.
It occurred to her she should buy him a new
tie.
She thought of her husband again that
afternoon and decided she would make him
something special for dinner.
That evening, lila once again thought about
her husband and she asked herself what she
had done to deserve someone so wonderful.
Hey, you.
What are you thinking about? Nothin'.
so what do you say we all go out for ice
cream? Oh, I'd love to, but I brought work
home.
Again? I know.
I'm so boring.
Hey, why don't you two go? No.
We'll all go tomorrow.
Now how can you make this face wait a whole
day for ice cream? look sad.
yeah.
Oh, fine.
I'll take her now.
Come on, sweetie.
Hey, how about tomorrow night, I'll leave my
briefcase at the office, and we do something
special, just the three of us? It's a date.
but there would be no tomorrows for lila and
paige dash because that was the night they
crashed into susan andike delfino.
the last thing lila dash thought about before
she died was her husband dave.
She wondered what her death would do to
him.
Luckily for lila, she would never know.
proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ ÅÝÅÝ·É Ö¥Ê¿µ°¸â
Housewives Season05 Episode24 There was a
wedding recently at fairview presbyterian
church.
The minister spoke about the nature of
marriage and then said what all ministers say
to conclude such matters.
You may now kiss the bride.
it was then the church bells began to ring,
telling brides-to-be everywhere their turn was
next.
Hello, groom.
Guess what? I called the hotel to tell them we
were getting married.
They promised to upgrade us to a suite and
have champagne on ice.
- Isn't that terrific? - Yeah.
Yeah, that's great.
Wow, I hope you can muster up a ttle more
enthusiasm for the "I dos.
" I'm sorry.
I'm just thinking about susan and M.
J.
Why? Well, when they left, I just got a weird
vibe from dave.
Dave always gives off a weird vibe.
That's just dave.
No, I-I think I should call 'em.
Or maybe you should get our bags in the car
so we don't miss our flight? Because if we
miss our flight, we're going to miss our
wedding day, and if we miss our wedding day,
we're gonna miss our wedding night.
yeah, you're right.
I'm probably worried about nothing.
I'll load the car.
Uh, we need to stop at the store.
I have to get videotape for the camera.
Oh, I got some old ones in the desk.
Just grab one.
We'll record over it.
she's two blocks away.
She'll be here any second.
Great.
are you nervous? Why would I be nervous?
Well, you're about to have a teenager in the
house.
Well, I didn't say I wasn't sedated.
Yeah, I'm a little freaked out, too.
But we're doing the right thing.
Yeah, when I think about everything that little
girl's been through her dad walked out, her
mother's in jail, the way she bounced from
relative to relative-- I just want this to be the
end of theine for her.
Me, too.
Mommy, here comes the taxi! I wonder if she'll
even remember me.
Oh, I doubt it.
You haven't seen her since she was 6.
Yeah, and when she was little, I used to spend
a lot of time with her and herad before he left.
I remember taking her on the swings at the
park.
I remember buying her ice cream.
I remember giving her piggyback rides.
I don't remember that.
you told him about the divorce? I had to.
He found the storage unit.
He wanted an explanation.
I was in such a state of shock, I couldn't think
of anything else to say.
Bree, this isn't good.
you have no idea.
Now he's saying if I try to divorce him, he can
go to the police and report me.
Report you? For what? Filing a false insurance
claim.
He's the one who filed it, but he's gonna say
that I told him to.
Oh, crap.
I told him I don't love him.
He said he doesn't care.
He wants us to work on our marriage.
Well, clearly, the guy's a little crazy.
A little? The man put chives in my parisian
salad! He should be in a straightjacket! Okay,
calm down.
This isn't the end of the world.
Isn't it? I'm being blackmailed by a man I'm
starting to despise, and if I don't pretend to
love him, he can have me arrested.
Bree I don't want you to worry about this.
We're gonna think of something.
What can we think of? He's holding all the
cards.
Trust me.
No one ever holds all the cards.
lynette, get down here! what's going on? I just
g off the phone with the university.
- I'm in! - Really? You passed the test? not
only did I pass the test, your genius husband
scored in the top 5%, drunk out of his mind!
Which, by the way, I am not condoning ever.
Congrats, dad! thank you, baby.
I can help you study if you want.
I'm not sure how much help you're gonna be.
I'm majoring in chinese.
I know how to say "take me to a strip bar" in
mandarin.
I'm so proud.
Porter, aren't you gonna congratulate your
father? Congratulations on ruining my life.
If you see me on campus, you're not allowed
to talk to me.
Okay, that's everyone.
This calls for hot fudge sundaes.
Everybody in the car! You coming? Uh, I'm
gonna make a quick phone call, and I'll be
right out.
This is lynette scavo.
May I please speak to dr.
Rushton? Tell him it's important.
dr.
Rushton, I need to come in and see you as
soon as possible.
I think the cancer's back.
mommy, can I have a juice box? Oh, sweetie.
You just had one, and we don't want to have
to stop ten times so you can go to the
bathroom.
I miss diapers.
oh, the joys of being a parent.
Yeah, I remember.
You do? I had a little girl.
She died.
Oh, my god.
I I-I had no idea.
I'm so sorry.
That's okay.
I'm learning to deal with it.
I can't believe edie gave you a key.
Why not? She trusted me.
And I only used it when I was out of milk or
bread or cash.
Okay, look for anything that could tie dave to
dr.
Heller.
Look through his files, his papers, even his
trash.
roberta, what are you doing? We're trying to
catch a murderer.
I know, but before I get to the bottom of that,
I'd like to get to the bottom of this.
oh, look! - muscle relaxers--score! - Put that
back! They're not yours.
Yeah, apparently, they're not his either.
Who's david dash? mr.
Williams? It's the police.
oh, cheese it! We need to ask you a few
questions.
please tell me you doesn't have anything
illegal on you.
I do, but it's hidden.
And if they find it, we got a lawsuit.
ladies? Open up, please.
uh, hi there.
- Can I help you? - Well, I hope so.
- Are you orson hodge? - Yes, I am.
You are you want me to let go? - you want
me to let go? - Yeah.
there, I let go.
now you gotta do the same.
I don't know what you mean.
Oh, I think you do, and I am dead serious.
If you don't let go next time, neither will I.
brought you a laundry basket.
You need me to show you how to use the
washer? It's my clever way of saying you're
gonna be doing your own laundry.
Okay.
you know, the girls have chores, too.
It's how we teach 'em responsibility.
Speaking of which, uh curfew's 10:00, 11:00 on
weekends.
- Does that seem reasonable? - Sure.
No problem.
This teenager thing isn't so bad.
So what are my other chores? Oh, well, not to
push my luck, but I was thinking you could
sweep the front porch and take care of the
guest bathroom.
You got it.
Oh, that's a pretty dress.
Oh, my god, it's versace! Yeah.
It's all right.
"All right"? Young lady, if you live under my Who else would have done it? I don't know.
roof, you will not disparage versace. But I swear to you,we may have our
- Sorry. differences,but I would never hire someone to
- No, I'm just kidding. attack you.
it was a joke. You have to believe me.
Funny. I do.
Well, I guess I'm gonna get started on my Forgive me.
laundry. I should've known you could never hurt me.
Vera wang! where are you getting all these I'll stay.
dresses? They were gifts. What? Once I've unpacked,I'll bring you my
You know, from boyfriends. shirt so you can mend it.
Boyfriends? How many do you have? Not as We're just running to the store,ana.
many as I used to. We'll be back in a bit.
I had to make some cutbacks. Okay.
Yeah, the economy has hit us all. I'll sweep the porch while you're gone.
So what kind of boyfriends can afford things And if you don't mind,will you make sure
like this? They're college guys with rich juanita and celia do their chores,too? Sure
parents who can pay for everything. thing.
And so they give you designer clothes, and I got the rest,babe.
you give them the pleasure of my company. All right,I'll see you inside.
Yeah. oh,you're bk.
okay, well don't take this the wrong way, but Oh,my god.
that's not exactly from the versace virgin line. Ana,the houses so clean.
I don't have to do anything. Just wanted to do my part.
They just have to think I might. Well,how did you get everything down so
Uh-huh, and how long do you think that will quickly? we finished upstairs,ana.
last? Till 10:00, 11:00 on the weekends. Anything else you need done? They wanted to
Just kidding. hang out,but I had chores to do,so they
It was a joke. insisted on helping me.
Funny. Aren't ty sweet? Hey,um,I'm not bragging and
Are you all right? What happened to your shirt? I don't recommend it, but you could so eat
Why don't you ask your friend? The one you out of your downstairs toilet.
hired to assault me. Okay,boys,thanks for your hard work,but
You were assaulted? He, uh grabbed me by maybe it's time to go home and take a shower
the throat, threw me to the ground and told preferably a cold one.
me to "let go. Bye,preston.
" Your message came through loud and clear. -I'm porter.
I had nothing to do with that. -I'm preston.
Please. Oh,you can call me whatever you want.
All right. so she had a couple boys come over and do
Mommy,it was so cool. her chores.
Ana got the boys to do my chores,too. You've been doing stuff like that your whole
Did she? I wanna learn how to make boys do life.
stuff. That's not the point!You didn't hear the way
Can you teach me? Uh,okay,juanita,go to your she talked to me! I don't care! You don't tell a
room. kid who's been bounced around her whole life
And don't come out until you're 18. that you're gonna throw her out on the street!
Is something wrong? Ana,the whole point of I didn't tell her that!I just kind of threatened to.
chores is that you do them. Bottom line--she is my niece,and she is not
You don't bat your eyes and call rent-a-horny- going anywhere.
kid. You're the adult,gaby.
The house is clean. Start acting like it.
What do you care how it got that way? I care I know this looks bad,but we did what we did
about the message it sends to my little girls, for a good reason.
and I'm starting to care a little bit about your Ma'am,you can't break into a person's house
tone. for any reason.
Oh,I'm sorry. Uh,what if there's a baby inside and there's a
How do you like your housekeepers to speak fire? see?Everything's not all cut and dry,is
to you? and the teenager has finally arrived. it,rookie? Roberta,don't piss him off.
Ana,listen. You can't take a club to the head like you
We want you to be part of this family. used to.
We will love you and support you and take Okay,I just got off the phone with heller's
care of you, but in exchange,you will show us secretary.
a little bit of respect and obey our rules, which David dash was definitely a patient there.
means doing your own chores,no boys in the well,that's why we couldn't make the match.
house and no more gifts from men. He changed his last name.
I get it now. Mm-hmm,and get this.
You're jealous. He's the same guy whose wi and daughter
Of what? Of me. were killed in that car crash up on canterbury
You're not young anymore. road.
You can't get guys to do things for you, and canterbury road!I remember that accident.
that drives you crazy. My neighbors mike and susan were in the car
you wanna see crazy? Make one more that hit 'em.
statement like that,and I am throwing your ass Oh,wait.
out on the street. Now wait.
You care to test me? ana? What's wrong? I Okay,that's weird.
don't know what I did. I mean,why would dave move onto the same
She wants to kick me out. street as the people who killed his family? The
doctor hasour results.
He'll be here in a minute.
Do you know what they are? You'll need to
talk to the doctor about that.
Come on.
I know you know.
It's cancer again.
Am I right? I honestly don't know.
Now please,he'll just be a moment.
If it's cancer,and I find out you knew,I won't be
dying alone.
Hello,lynette.
Well,I'm glad you came in we got the results
back,and the test did pick something up.
So it is the cancer.
oh,god,I can't go through this again! No,no,no.
It's nothing like that.
You're pregnant.
Excuse me? About six weeks or so.
Are you sure it's not cancer? okay,susan.
But when you're out on the boat,make sure
you put on sunscreen.
And on your feet,too.
Remember our trip to mexico? okay,I'll talk to
you guys later.
Everything's fine.
I don't know what I was worried about.
Are you sure you wanna do this? Do what? Go
to vegas,get married.
I mean,it is a whole weekend away from susan.
katherine,I told you.
I just wanted to make sure M.
J.
Was okay.
why don't you just admit it? You're still hung
up on her.
Oh,for god sake,are we gonna do this again?
All I know is,it's our wedding day,and you were
in a crappy mood until you talked to your ex-
wife.
Katherine,I wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't
want to marry you.
Okay? -Really? -Really.
Do I need to shout it out in the airport? -You
wouldn't do that.
-Oh,I will.
I'll--I'll do whatever I need t to prove my love!
no,it's okay! You convinced me.
I am dying for a cappuccino.
You want one? yeah,I do.
You said it.
"I do.
" can't take it back now.
should be allowed to just walk away.
I know some people will wonder,why didn't I
just kill susan? But what good would that have
done? She'd be dead.
There'd be nosuffering.
And to those of you who hate me because I
took the life of an innocent,young boy,I say
katherine! Excuse me.
That woman I was with?Tell her I had to go.
It's an emergency.
oh,uh,your friend asked me to tell you he had
to leave.
What? He said to say he's sorry.
what were you thinking? First,tell me if it
worked,then I'll tell you what I was thinking.
Don't be glib.
Did you hire someone to attack orson? Yes.
Are you insane?Your thug tried to strangle him.
If he had tried to strangle him,he'd be dead.
Look,orson had the upper hand in this divorce.
We needed to regain it.
Not by resorting to physical violence.
I would never have given my permission for
that.
That's why I didn't ask you.
W-what's your beef here,bree? My beef is that -This sounds really-- -susan! Do you
from the minute I walked into this office, you understand me? Okay.
have pulled me deeper and deeper into your Dave's real name is david dash.
moral cesspool. He's the husband of the woman we killed in
That is not why I hired you. the accident.
Please. -Oh,my god.
That is exactly why you hired me. -Don't react! problem? that sucks.
Facet. How could they cancel your flight? All
You were tired of being a good girl. right,you guys are in danger.
You knew it was time to play dirty. Just get away from him.
I wanted to protect what was mine. Go to a gas station,a storeanyplace there's
You have turned into someone I don't people.
recognize. I'm on my way.
And you've loved every minute of it. Right.
No,I haven'T. So how long do you think you'll be delayed?
Yes,you have!And so have I. Uh,I'm a half-hour from the lake.
Because the truth is,I think you're the most I'm calling the cops right now.
fascinating woman that I have ever met. Just get away from him.
What? Karlif I have not been clear about how I Get out of that car and get away from dave.
feel about you, I apologize for any ambiguity. And you call me the second you do.
Understand this-- I detest you. well,I hope you get there soon.
No,you don'T. bumped his flight? Oh,what a drag.
I can see it in your eyes. Okay,from the top.
You want me to walk over there and pull you * there was an old lady who swallowed a fly *
up against me and kiss you until your knees * I don't know why she swallowed the fly * *
buckle. perhaps she'll die * Gosh,it feels like we've
You're fired. been driving forever.
Good. Maybe we should stretch our legs.
That keeps this from being a breach of ethics. Ah,we're almost there.
my knees haven't buckled yet. Let's keep going.
* she swallowed the spider to catch the fly * * Aren't you hungry,though?Maybe there's a
I don't know why she swa-- * oh,it's your restaurant up ahead.
daddy. I really don't want to stop,susan.
hey,mike. Okay.
Hey,where are you?Are you with dave? It's no big deal.
Uh,yeah. Hon! look what I got for college.
We are in the car,singing. I got pens.
All right,susan,listen to me. I got notebooks.
Do not react to what I'm about to tell you. Ooh,I got an english to mandarin dictionary
'cause you never know when you might need J.
A oh,and look at this. Don't go too far.
Check it out. hello? Dave,detective collins with the fairview P.
They're scented. D.
You wanna smell grape? What?They'relike We know everything.
candy. I-I'm sorry.
I went to the doctor today. What are you-- heller,your wife,your child.
what's wrong? I'm pregnant. All of it.
Pregnant? With a baby? How long have you If you come in now,I'll do everything I can to
been sniffing those markers? Of course with a help you.
baby. But let's end this before someone gets hurt.
But you can'T. keys.
I mean w-we can'T. Keys M.
W-we're old! Well,apparently,not old enough. J.
what am I gonna do about school? What am I ,Run! Come on,honey! Let's run! Let's run! Why
gonna do about my job? we're gonna have are we running? We're playing a game with
another baby. dave,okay? So run as fast as you can.
Actually,I have an addendum to that. are you okay? I'm fine.
Please tell me you're about to recite the girl susan! M.
scout oath. J.
No,tom. ! okay,listen.
We're having twinsagaiN. It's really important that you win this game.
I have to go potty. So I want you to find a good hiding place,
Okay,sweetie. and even if you hear dave, you don't come
Do you mind pulling over at the next rest stop? out no matter what,okay? Okay? don't worry.
We're almost there,buddy. I'm gonna hide,too.
Can you hold it? No. Now go.
I really have to go. Go! where is he? you are not gonna mess this
Fine. up! We are too close to the finish line! Now
Just hold on a few more minutes. call him! Call him.
here? He--he can't go here. M.
come on,M. J.
J. ! Don't come out! M.
Let's go. J.
Um,can't we find a gas station or maybe a ! You wanna go fishing,don't you,buddy?
diner? He's a big boy. Well,if you don't come out now,we're gonna
He can use the bushes. get there too late! I'll let you drive the boat!
Okay. okay,if you don't come out right now,we're
Here,M. gonna leave without you.
You don't wanna be in this scary graveyard Let me be the one.
after dark,do ya? All right,M. You're right.
J. You should be the one.
,We're leaving! Mommy,wake up. So we've got a deal? If I see one cop
I get to drive the boat. car,they're both dead.
Now keep the volume really high. No cops.
You don't wanna hear all the boring grown-up You just tell me where to meet you.
talk. Keep heading south.
buckle up. There's an abandoned gas station past the
what are you gonna do to us? Shut up. intersection of route 12 and canterbury road.
I'm trying to think. canterbury road? That's where we yeah,it is.
dave,please I'm so sorry about that accident. look familiar? what are you gonna do to us?
You don't wanna hurt M. Why did you bring us here? I thought it would
J. be poetic.
Or me. Mike should be here any minute.
You're a good person. Dave,please.
I know you. Don't hurt mike.
Don't analyze me. It wasn't his fault.
The last guy who tried that didn't do so well. No.
Well,you won't get away with it. It was your fault.
Mike already called the cops. But he wants to be the hero,so get out.
They're on their way. I'm not leaving M.
Enough! susan? Where are you? not up at the J.
lake. M.
You kind of screwed up my plans here,mike. J.
Mike! oh,and,uh,susan says hello. 'S coming.
Okay,dave,take it easy. I need to set you up first.
You want revenge? Let susan and M. Get out.
J. now.
Go. try not to scare M.
Take me instead. J.
how does it feel,mike,to know that you can't When you bring him here.
save the people that you love? Hopeless? Like Actually,change of plans.
your entire life has no meaning? Dave,please. what? M.
I-I can't be that far behind you. J.
I'm on route 12. 'S staying with me.
You're on route 12? Yeah. He and I are gonna pull into that intersection
Yeah,come on. just as mike comes barreling down that road.
You don't wanna hurt them. Oh,my god.
And you're gonna stay there and watch as boston ridgegate mental hospital two months
mike kills your child,just like you killed mine. later there was a wedding recently at fairview
I told you iwas poetic. presbyterian church.
Dave,please. the minister spoke about the nature of
Please. marriage the sublime joy of giving birth the
I cannot imagine the pain you went immense pleasure of raising a family the
through,but you can't do this. importance of fidelity and then he said what
You can't kill my little boy! Shut up. all ministers say to conclude such matters you
What if your daughter could see you now? Is may now kiss the bride.
this how you'd want her to see you? As a For a moment,the groom wondered if he was
monster who could murder an innocent child? doing the right thing.
I'm not a monster. that's when the bells began to ring,telling him
Dave! Dave! You don't need that. he had.
You're a big boy now.
Mike! Mike! Mike! Stop! no! M.
J.
! M.
J.
! Mama! Oh,god! Are you okay? Dave told me
to get out of the car.
mike.
Mike! Daddy! so what do you say we all go
out for ice cream? Oh,I'd love to,but I brought
work home.
Again? I know.
I'm so boring.
Hey,why don't you two go? Oh,fine.
I'll take her now.
Come on,sweetie.
Wait.
Don't go.
We have marshmallows and chocolate.
I can make s'mores.
Would you like that,my little princess? Yeah!
Yeah.
You sure? You said you had work.
It can wait.
I always have time for my girls.
I always have time for my girls.