Ask for Help

Asking a question is a great way to start a conversation. Doing this not only gives you
a reason to engage the other person—but it also gives them a chance to be helpful.

When using this approach, start with something simple that can be accomplished
without a great deal of effort. For example, you might ask someone if they know what
time a workshop begins or directions to a particular location.

Conversation Starters
“Do you happen to know where I could get a schedule?”
“Have you seen an earring? I seem to have lost one.”
“Do you know if there will be refreshments served after the workshop?”

One of the benefits of this approach is that asking a simple question can lead to
further conversation about other topics. Once you have posed your question and the
other person has offered their assistance, it creates something of a reciprocal social
contract between you and your conversation partner.

Since they have offered their assistance, it is now up to you to give your thanks and
introduce yourself. This can serve as an opportunity for you to ask more about the
other person—who they are, what brings them here, and other questions that are
relevant given the setting and situation.

Check Your Body Language

Sometimes what you don’t say is just as important as what you do say. As you strike
up a new conversation, it is important to pay attention to your nonverbal
communication.

Body language can be used to convey interest and emotion. A friendly expression,

comfortable stance, and good eye contact, for example, can help show that you have
a genuine interest in learning more about another person. Slouching, looking away,
and frowning, on the other hand, might make your conversation partner feel that you
are bored or disinterested.

Encouraging nonverbal signals include:

An open posture, which involves keeping the trunk of your body open with your
arms relaxed, helps convey a sense of friendliness.
Good eye contact involves looking at a person’s eyes. Don’t stare, which can be
threatening. Instead, keep things natural, looking at the other person’s eyes but
glancing away occasionally.
Smiling can be helpful, as long as it seems genuine and natural. Avoid faking a big
smile and try to go for a relaxed but uplifting expression.
Listen and Express Interest
It can be intimidating to try to talk to someone when it feels that you have little in
common. In these situations, getting the other person to talk about their own
interests, work, or expertise can be a useful way to start a conversation.

Ask a question about what the other person does, then focus on really listening to
what they have to say. People often enjoy talking about things they are passionate
about, so expressing a genuine interest in the things that other people enjoy can be
excellent fuel for a great conversation.

Text or Social Media Conversations

The same rules apply if you are trying to start a conversation in text or
online. Start simple and ask a question, preferably something that
requires more than a yes or no response. Keep it positive, and show
interest in what the other person says.

Strike a Balance
A good conversation does not rely on just one approach.

The best discussions involve a mixture of asking questions, listening to

what other people have to say, and sharing things about yourself.

A simple conversation might start by:

Asking some basic information (“Did you enjoy the presentation?”)

Listening to the answer (“It was great! I feel like I really learned a lot!”)
Disclosing your own thoughts (“I thought so as well. I already have some ideas about
how I can incorporate those tips into my work process.”)
Next, you might repeat the process by asking another question, or your conversation
partner might then choose to ask a question about your earlier response.)

You may also find it helpful to ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered
with a simple "yes" or "no." For example, you might ask "How did you like the
speaker?" instead of "Did you like the speaker?"

Learning how to start a conversation is an important skill that can help you build
social connections in a wide variety of contexts. It can be difficult initially, particularly
if you struggle with shyness or social anxiety, but gaining plenty of practice is the key
to become more comfortable talking to other people.

Try to think of every one of these interactions as a practice session. The more often
you initiate discussions with others, the stronger your conversational skills will
become.