Beyond their dreams

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/30225927.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: OMORI (Video Game)
Relationship: Basil/Sunny (OMORI)
Character: Sunny (OMORI), Basil (OMORI), Kel (OMORI), Hero (OMORI), Aubrey
(OMORI), Sunny's Mother (OMORI)
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Everyone Has Issues, How Do I
Tag, Slow Burn, Sunflower, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Post good
ending
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2021-03-23 Completed: 2021-08-31 Chapters: 36/36 Words:
95858

Beyond their dreams

by singular_accretion

Summary

Sunny is still struggling after moving away, and his former group of friends is all but
disbanded. So many questions are still open, so many things unresolved.
He misses them all, but foremost Basil. He wonders how his best friend is.

Notes

Yo. This is the first fanfic I've written in many years, and I might be a bist rusty. Feedback
is appreciated.
 The new home

It was a week after Sunny moved, not yet settled in in their new apartment in the city. There were
still boxes to unpack, and Sunny felt so foreign in his new bedroom. But maybe that was a good
thing, a complete change of scenery might help him, see things in a new light. Help him move on.

He was lying on his bed, staring at his ceiling. He was tired. Since he moved, he had trouble
sleeping. The nights were no longer an escape, instead he was lying awake in cold sweat, thrashing
and turning, trying to find a comfortable position. But he never found it.

The last thing that had happened in Faraway Town was him being in the hospital, in Basil's room.

I need to tell you something.

He told them the truth. That Mari did not kill herself. Their fight. The accident.

Sunny still felt their eyes on him, their painful stares. "I… need a minute", Hero had said before
leaving. Aubrey and Kel were still there. "You… staged her suicide?" Kel asked in disbelief. Sunny
nodded. His stomach was in a knot. Aubrey left. "We panicked" Sunny stated. "I was so scared
when she did not wake up."

Kel shook his head. "That's messed up man. … I'll go check on the others." He left too.

Basil was awake. They shared one last smile, knowing Sunny did the right thing. Their friends
deserved to know the truth, as painful as it was. "Goodbye Basil" said Sunny. He wanted to hug his
friend, tell him how much he missed him those past years, how much he would miss him, but this
was not a good time. They would have to talk later. He went outside looking for the others, but
they were gone.

Soon after, his mother picked him up. She tentatively tried to get Sunny to explain what happened
in those three days but gave up after she noticed it was stressing him out. Before leaving, Sunny
tried to reach out to the others once more, but he didn't get a response. No one opened the door for
him, no one answered the phone. He didn't blame them and wanted to give them all the time they
would need. He left cards in their mailboxes with his phone number and address, in case they
wanted to reach out.

Here he was, a week later. Alone in his room. He had to give them time, sure, but without the
refuge in his head Sunny felt so lonely.

He should eat something. He slumped off his bed and went into their tiny kitchen. His mother was
not home, probably working. There was nothing exciting in the fridge. Sunny grabbed two slices of
bread and some bologna and made a sad sandwich. Back on his bed, Sunny couldn't help but
remember the picnics they had done as a group, together with Mari. She would make them
sandwiches and pester Sunny to eat some fruit too. He imagined sitting there with his friends, Kel,
Hero, Aubrey, Basil. Eating together, laughing together. Yet something was off.

Basil tensed up. "I'm sorry" he said, but the others were already ganging up on him, punching and
kicking the boy on the floor, their faces not visible to Sunny.

All those ways he lost Basil, all those gruesome visions, were still twirling in Sunny's head. He
could not snap out of it, as he saw Basil getting hurt. It was Sunny's fault. He deserved their hate.
Basil too?

Suddenly Sunny found himself back on his bed, his heart pounding, his face feeling icy. He
wondered how his friends … his former friends, were feeling right now. Was Basil out of the
hospital yet? Was Basil safe?

Not being there for his best friend hurt Sunny. He put the truth on the table and left, with Basil all
alone. Worse even, he left Basil all alone those years before.

Sunny was a terrible friend.

Something new was that Sunny would cry now. It was hard enough to show emotions, let alone
strong ones, but something had changed and if he was overwhelmed, he would start crying. It felt
cathartic, in a way.

With sunken shoulders he sat on his bed, crying, a half-eaten bologna sandwich lying on the
blanket.

Everybody probably hated him. With good reason, too, but this feeling gnawed at him. The
constant fear of never talking to his friends again, unable to forgive him, his loneliness; those
things kept him awake. Sunny was tired.

How could he make his friends forgive him? Let them all reconnect? It was… hard. It seemed
impossible.

But Sunny knew that it would be hard, and he almost accepted it. His thoughts were working on
this and around it all the time. What really bugged him was just how bad he let the situation
become. How late he told them, and just how badly he treated Basil.

He lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Basil deserved better. He had always been there for
him, they would hang out all the time, even when the others were busy. Sunny never felt
overwhelmed with him, despite his low capacity to meet with people. There was only so much
twelve-year-old Kel you could endure in a day, bickering with Aubrey of the same age. His father
used to say something along the lines of …

His father. Sunny frowned, he hadn't thought about him in ages. He tried to circumnavigate around
that part.

Back to imagining hanging out with his friends. Sunny's crying was almost subsided.

This was nice, albeit not as vivid as the world he used to flee to, but that was probably for the
better, it made discerning between his imagination and reality a tiny bit easier. Maybe he should
call Basil. Sunny got up again and almost walked against the doorframe - his depth perception was
not up to par, thanks to the patch on his eye. Feeling with his fingers to make sure, he found his
way through the door and back towards the kitchen. He picked up the phone. Basil's number. He
still knew it, it was one of the very few numbers Sunny memorized, and he remembered them
talking over the phone when they could not see each other, or when Sunny asked whether he could
come over to Basil's house.

The house where they fought, where Sunny's eye…

Sunny was wondering what Basil had wanted to do that night. They were both not in their right
mind, but Sunny pondered what would have happened if he hadn't chosen to go into his friend's
room. If he hadn't picked up on how weird Basil acted prior. Did his friend… was Basil's plan to
hurt himself? The image of that night shot straight into his stomach, he felt sick. He put down the
phone and rushed to the bathroom, managed to reach the toilet and threw up.

It would have been Sunny's fault if Basil had died.

He felt bitter bile shoot up his throat. Into the bowl.

He would have to call some other time.

With no appetite and a foul taste still lingering in his mouth, Sunny disposed of his sandwich. He
would eat tomorrow. He'd call Basil tomorrow.

The next day, Sunny had to help his mother in the apartment. Cleaning, moving stuff around,
taking things out of boxes. What day was it, Saturday? Maybe?

When evening arrived, Sunny fell on his bed, exhausted.

A few more days passed. Nobody called him, nobody wrote him. School would start soon enough.

Sunny was not looking forward to going to school again. He was a good bit older than the rest of
his new class, and he had to take extra curriculars to try and get up to speed. It sucked.

The next days were a blur of doctor appointments, helping around the apartment, getting dragged
to the stores by his mother, lying in his bed. At least lying in his bed wasn't the only thing he'd do
anymore.

Sunny did not realize a month had passed. School had started. As usual, Sunny was not
comfortable around the other people, people he didn't know. His bad eye certainly wasn't any help
in getting a friendly interaction with his peers. After a few days it became an act of mutual
ignorance towards each other. Sunny did not mind.

In a particularly boring class, his mind decided to wander. Daydreaming was more fun than
whatever this was. His friends were there. All was well, right?

Did he ever leave? It felt so real, so alive. He sat next to his best friend and jolted slightly when
their hands touched. Then he was alone, his friends were gone. Was he sleeping? This felt different.
Cold, dark. Disorienting.

"Sunny" a voice cried at him. "Sunny!" He lifted his head from his desk. The class was sneering at
him, his teacher looked with a mix of anger and bewilderment. "Did you really just fall asleep?"

The scolding did not really impress Sunny, neither did the laughs nor looks from his classmates.
What disturbed him was how loose the distinction between realities was for him.

More time passed, yet Sunny did not notice. Everything was a blur, just like when he locked
himself inside.

Sunny decided to finally do it, finally call Basil. Once again, it took him way too long to do
something important. He stared at the phone, punched in the numbers. Sunny's throat was dry. His
heart was pounding.

There was an error tone. Did he type the numbers wrong? No, that couldn't be. He knew this
number.
He dialed again. No response. What was happening? Sunny's heartrate increased.

Again.

The call didn't go through.

He slumped to the floor, unsure what to do. What to feel. Why couldn't he call? Maybe there were
some technical difficulties over in Faraway Town. That was probably it. Right?

Sunny bit his knuckle. This couldn't be.

A dark thought entered his brain. What if something had happened? What if Basil was still in the
hospital, or what if he -

What if he never came home? With his grandma gone, what - what would happen?

What if he -

Sunny felt like throwing up again. He had to find out what was going on.

Was it okay to call someone? Who even? Next to the phone lay his mothers address book. He
snatched it and started flipping through the pages. Someone, someone…

Sunny froze. In front of him was Hero's and Kel's number. He wasn't sure why this was even in
here, they never called their immediate neighbors, it was always quicker to just hop over. Should
he - should he call them? He promised himself not to contact them and to give them time to process
everything, but Sunny was losing his mind.

His head kept replaying gruesome scenes, gruesome ideas, what ifs. What would have happened if
he had never entered Basil's room that night.

Trembling fingers pushed the buttons. Sunny waited. His breaths were uncoordinated.

"Yello?" asked an oh so familiar voice. Sunny couldn't talk. "Hellooo?" the voice asked again.

"Hi Kel", Sunny spoke.

"Oh."

A long pause.

"Hi Sunny." Sunny was not sure how to interpret that voice.

"Can we - can we talk?" Sunny managed to ask. Hopefully Kel wouldn't feel pressured to talk to
him that way.

"Wait, let me just - "

Rustling came through the speaker, footsteps, a door. "I'm in my room now, sorry about that."

Another long pause.

"How… are you?" Kel finally asked. Sunny was not sure how to answer that. Kel felt so cold.
Talking to his friends had filled him with so much dread, and his fears seemed justified. They
hated him. A quiet sob escaped Sunny's throat.
"Listen man…" Kel said after a while.

"I know we haven't talked in a long time. I… I've been wondering how you were holding up. Over
in the city."

Sunny couldn't speak.

"I'm glad you called."

"What?" Sunny pressed out. "You heard me. It's uh… a complicated situation. But I meant to talk
to you. Couldn't bring myself to call you though." Kel's voice sounded less cold, and a bit
melancholic.

"How are you, Kel? How are the others?"

"I'm not sure. I… kinda wish things would magically fix themselves, you know? To be honest, I
was so pissed at you. So fucking pissed."

Sunny nodded silently.

"Mostly because of Hero. He didn't take this well. At all. He was grieving hard, again."

Sunny tried to silence another sob. Crying was not something he deserved right now, but this
situation wrapped around his neck like cold hands.

"I'm not even sure he is mad at you. He's just… I can see how he was just after Mari died. And that
hurts me."

"I'm sorry -"

"Don't apologize. I don't want to hear that." Kel paused, collected himself, and went on: "I'm not
sure what Aubrey is up too, she didn't take it well either. I tried to reach out, but she won't talk to
me."

This was horrible.

Sunny wasn't sure if he heard Kel stifle a cry. It might have been a sigh. "Just when I thought I had
you back, had the whole group back, you drop that bomb on us, and then you leave. It's… just not
fair."

Sunny nodded again. Another pause.

"Say something." Kel demanded.

"W-what?"

"Say something. You didn't talk to me for years, and since you moved, I haven't heard anything
from you. Say … anything."

"I - listen, Kel, I… I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner, or that I did not confess sooner. That it
happened at all. It's… so messed up."

Kel was breathing loudly.

"Sunny, we… we'll have to talk through this some time. Not over the phone. In person. Alright?"
"Uh - sure."

"I'm not even sure how I feel towards you right now. It's all a mess. But - I'm glad that you called."
There was a slight smile in the voice.

"I'm serious. You're still my friend. You just have to give us all some time to process this."

Sunny felt as if he was punched in the face. "Wait, Kel, are we - "

Kel didn't even let him finish. "Yes. Of course. We'll always be. I can't imagine this is easy for you,
and I don't even want to imagine what you went through those past years."

"Thank you" was all Sunny could say. He did not deserve any of this.

He could practically hear Kel smile, even if it wasn't his usual cheerful grin. "I… I want us all to
move past this, some day. I'm still… upset? I think? But I don't want to blame you, Sunny. It's just
a lot for all of us."

"Yes. I understand."

"You know, I was trying to think what I was gonna say to you, if I was going to yell at you or if I
would cry, no idea. … Sorry for being so loud earlier."

"No, it's alright Kel. Thank you for being honest."

An awkward pause interrupted their chat. "So, how is the city? Are you in school?"

"Yeah, it's… loud. I liked the town better. And school is busy too."

They both seemed unsure what to talk about - things were too tense for small talk, but over the
phone did not feel serious enough to talk things through.

"Kel?"

"Mm?"

"Do you know how Basil is?" Sunny felt bad for asking, he had no idea how the others felt towards
Basil.

"I… I don't know." Kel admitted. "I have not talked to him since that day in the hospital."

"Oh…"

"I meant to check on him, I… man I'm a bad friend." Kel sighed.

"I think his house got sold. There was a sign like in front of your house there, but I only saw it from
afar. I think he moved, but I can't say for sure. I'm a bit sad he didn't say goodbye, though I don't
know how I would have reacted a few weeks ago…"

Sunny's mind was blank. Basil… moved? Where?

"Sunny?"

"Oh - yes? Sorry, I was zoning out."

"I gotta go, but… thank you again, for calling. I hope we can talk more soon." - "Bye Kel." - "Bye
Sunny."

A conflicting mix of emotions was brewing inside him.

His fears that his friends were angry and hated him were at least partially correct, they were indeed
angry, upset, and hurt, and it was his fault. On the other hand, Kel talked to him. And he asked
Sunny to talk again, and more. Maybe there was some hope for all this, for his friends. If anything,
they should all get some closure and stop hurting. Sunny could work on that. His friends forgiving
him was another issue, and probably impossible, but small steps could work.

However, something immediately buried this glimpse of hope. What happened to Basil? His house
got sold? Did he move? Did something happen to him?

He tried to stay calm, but it wouldn't work.

The next thing he remembered was his mother shaking him awake. The living room was looming
over him, it was still bright. "Sunny!" His mother held him. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He
shook his head. "I… must have fallen asleep."

His mother made him drink something, eat something, and sit with her.

The result of all this was that she finally convinced Sunny to get a psychological evaluation, even
therapy if that was an option. She tried years before, but he wouldn't budge, wouldn't move,
wouldn't leave the house. He didn't blame her for giving up, that's what he did too. But somehow
this conversation went smoothly enough that he reluctantly agreed. After dinner, he went to bed,
despite his apparent sleep earlier Sunny was still dead tired.

For the longest time he had to think about Basil, how he was gone, how he might never talk to him
again, before his exhaustion finally pulled him into some shallow, unpleasant sleep.
 Reminiscing
Chapter Summary

Sunny can't sleep.

Chapter Notes

Hope you enjoy!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Everything was a blur. Sunny might have tried Basil's number a few more times, just in case it
would still work. This was all just a mistake, right? Kel didn't see the sign properly. Sunny
probably made lots of typos when punching in the numbers.

School was a drag, Sunny couldn't pay attention. When he got home, he threw his backpack on the
floor and picked up the phone.

He dialed Basil's number.

"Hello?" he heard a familiar voice.

"Basil!" Sunny cried out. "Hey Sunny! How are you?" Basil asked. He sounded happy. "I'm good!
What happened? Where were you?"

"You left me" Basil said. Sunny could not speak. He felt like drowning - he was drowning. Nothing
would come from his mouth.

The pitch-black room was quiet except for Sunny's quick breaths as he sat upright in his bed, trying
to figure out if he was awake. There was no call. Just a nightmare. An empty feeling pressed in his
chest, mostly loneliness. Like on many nights, he just sat in his bed, unsure what to do. He did not
have a plan how to move forward, and although Sunny disliked planning ahead, this time the
uncertainty kept annoying him.

Basil left him alone too, didn't he? No, no, Sunny immediately shook his head and tried to rid
himself of that thought. All this time Basil had his back.

After laying awake for too long, sleep finally washed over him. Not much later he woke up. The
morning felt dreadful. He went to the kitchen, in search of something to drink. "Oh Sunny, you're
up early."

"Morning mom" he said and slumped on the nearest chair, one hand rubbing his eye. He meant to
rub the other one too but remembered not to touch it. Adjusting to a prosthesis was taking its time.

"You look like you haven't slept much, how do you feel?" Sunny shrugged silently in response. "I
have to leave in a bit" his mother said, "do you want me to make you some breakfast while I'm still
here?"

Sunny shook his head. Mom took a sip from her coffee and looked at the clock on the wall.

"Actually, could you make me a coffee?" Mom looked surprised, her son never drank coffee.
"Sure sweetie."

Shortly after, they sat opposite to each other in the kitchen, a steaming mug of black coffee in front
of Sunny. Mom and he did not talk much over their coffee, but sharing this moment was a nice
change of pace. Sunny tried the coffee and nearly spat it out, it was very bitter and weirdly sour.
His mother laughed and nudged the carton of milk towards him, but Sunny bravely took another
sip. The light caffeine buzz made him feel a little better after that night of sleep, or lack thereof.
"Oh, before I forget it", Mom said while gathering her things and getting ready to leave, "you have
your first therapy session today. I'll pick you up after school and we can drive there together." She
smiled warmly at him, almost looking proud at her son.

A minute later she was gone. Sunny still had half an hour before he had to leave. He thought about
lying back down on his bed, maybe get a few more minutes of sleep, but he did not want to do this:
The apartment was too quiet for him, the coffee was doing something, and if he did fall asleep, he
might miss school and get in trouble with his mom.

Oddly enough, trouble at school did not phase his mother, but him missing a day made her
absolutely furious. She probably feared Sunny ditching school would become a recurring pattern
again.

He packed his things and decided to go outside. At least walking in the fresh morning air would
wake him up some more and pass the time. Sunny was not bad with directions and he already knew
the way to his school by heart. He stopped at a crossing. Waiting half an hour at school would be
even worse than just waiting in the apartment. The people there were not outright hostile, but so far
not exactly friendly. At least he got fewer odd looks now that he did not wear an eyepatch
anymore. The impression however had already been made. Sunny decided to walk the opposite
direction at the crossing. This was new for him. He never walked along this street before, up to this
day the city was not enticing enough to explore, especially alone.

Some apartment complexes, some shops, so far nothing interesting. Another corner, Sunny guessed
this way would lead to the school, and an odd smell mixed with the usual city odor. The source
was a small park with some greenery in the otherwise dull and grey environment. Sunny wanted to
go near it, but a look at his watch made him speed up. He had loitered for too long, if he didn't find
the way now, he'd be late. He barely made it. Sunny was embarrassed by how out of breath he felt
after.

Therapy started. The first session was mostly assessment, questions, his mother joined in for a
while too. Sunny did not really listen and tried to zone out. Then the first session was over.

He was not sure what to make of this, but his mother seemed adamant that he would continue.

Despite the initial distrust and discomfort Sunny felt, after a few sessions he warmed up to his
therapist. A little bit. Got some meds. Maybe things would become better from here. He could
hope, at least. The first week of medication felt very strange, but Sunny dared to say he felt a little
better after that. Or he was imagining feeling better, he did not care.

Once again Sunny woke up at night, his sleep was shallow as always. He rubbed his face with a
tired groan. Breathed in, breathed out. He was not entirely sure what happened in his nightmare,
but he suspected the usual barrage of fears regarding Basil. His therapist was eager for him and
Basil to reconnect, she said it might help with Sunny's feelings of guilt.

You say he was your best friend growing up?

It took a while for Sunny to tell the complete story, but his therapist just jotted down some notes
with an unreadable face.

And this Basil, do you want to see him again?

She seemed understanding.

Reconnecting sounded wonderful, but Sunny still had absolutely no clue how to find Basil.

The situation reminded him of the adventure in his head, where Basil had gone missing too. It was
so long ago, but it was still fresh in Sunny's mind. How could he forget the dread he had felt when
his best friend went missing?

Unsurprisingly, the ceiling was as uninteresting as ever and did not lend any help in falling back
asleep. His heart was still racing. Perhaps Sunny could replace the unpleasant dreams and visions
that kept creeping into his head by something more positive, he remembered his therapist
mentioning something in that regard. Instead of feeling guilt when thinking of Basil, he'd have to
focus on good memories or thoughts. Sunny did not have to think at all, he immediately got a
particular day in his head.

They were playing in the park, all six of them. It was a mild day in spring, not long after Basil's
birthday.

A tinge of guilt pulled at Sunny's heart, but he did his best to ignore it. Focus.

Running around all day was fun, but exhausting. They played with a frisbee Kel had brought,
before switching to tag. Hero and Mari had joined in too, but since both were not the fastest
runners, they were not very threatening and instead relied on teamwork to tag the others. Their
strategy was effective enough that only Kel managed to slip through again and again, proudly
declaring himself the winner while they all sat around the sandbox. Sunny had his legs tugged
under his chin and stared silently at the big metal cat that had been on this playground for years.
Basil sat next to him, his eyes fixed on a daisy he had plucked from the grass. He was twirling it in
his hands, smiling softly. Kel was kicking sand at Aubrey, who yelled something back. Hero and
Mari sat close together, a bit away from the rest. They didn't seem to notice the commotion.
Another wave of sand splashed into Aubrey's direction. Basil was still playing with the flower, as if
he were memorizing every single little petal. Sunny liked how content Basil looked. The blonde's
eyes moved from the small flower to Sunny next to him and they looked at each other for a second,
before Basil quickly turned away. A faint blush appeared in his face and his smile seemed to get a
little wider, Sunny was not sure if it was forced or not. He decided it was not.

Once more, Basil looked over, only to discover Sunny was still looking at him. "I-is something
wrong?" Sunny shook his head. "Y-you know, I really like daisies, they may seem unremarkable,
but I still think they are really pretty… Bees love them, and you can even use them in soups!" Sunny
was not sure how to respond, so he just gave an understanding nod. Basil chuckled nervously, his
eyes moving back to the flower in his hand. "I talk too much about flowers, haha…" This chuckle
sounded less sincere than the previous one.
 "No." said Sunny. Basil looked at him. "What?" His eyes were nervous, his mouth was still
pretending to smile. "You don't. I like it." They smiled at each other, another blush glowing at
Sunny. Basil's eyes were smiling too, Sunny was sure.

The rest of Sunny's daydreaming quickly became decoherent. It was filling him with a warm
feeling, completely pushing away the nightmare that had lingered, but he could no longer follow
the pictures in his head and soon fell asleep.

Warm sunrays woke him up. A nice autumn day was greeting Sunny through the window, and the
low sun filled his room with a pleasant orange glow. He blinked. What time was it? What day was
it? Probably a weekend if his mother didn't shoo him out while it was still dawn. The air smelled
warm and a bit dusty. Small specks were twirling in a ray of sunlight. The memory with Basil was
weakly lingering on his consciousness. Sunny did not remember all the details of what he recalled
last night in an attempt to ignore more negative emotions, but he certainly still felt the cozy, fuzzy
feeling that seemed to engulf his chest.

Actively focusing on nice memories seemed to help with his anxious feelings, Sunny found. It was
no cure, but it certainly distracted him enough to not obsess over it for a short time.

The ceiling stared back, still uninteresting but at least friendly in the daylight.

There was something about his best friend, about their shared attention for one another, their
exclusive smiles, something about both feeling comfortable enough to hold hands when they
needed it. Sunny had to admit he was suspecting it for a while, but Basil felt a lot closer than his
other friends. Sure, Kel was awesome. He was a great friend, to this day even, despite the mess
everyone found themselves in, and ever since they knew each other, Kel was such a positive force,
such a delightful human in Sunny's life. Hero too, he was the male equivalent of Mari, a force of
pure good and a constant supply of cookies. Aubrey was great. She could be a handful at times,
more so than Kel, but she was always a dear friend to Sunny, and he might have suspected the
slightest crush, at least in retrospect. But he was content with being friends.

Basil felt totally different. He would listen, he could listen. He could comfort, he would be
comforted by Sunny.

Basil appeared to be the one in the group who liked Sunny the most; all his friends had liked him,
Sunny reassured himself, but some uncertainty and some anxiety always remained. Was Hero only
in the group to spend time with Mari? Was Kel only there for his brother? Those were small
thoughts, irrational quips his brain threw at itself - but they were there. Not so with Basil.

Both boys felt like they completed each other. The warm ache in Sunny's chest made him certain of
that. The guilt and fear about not being there for his friend, of not being able to reach Basil, had
eased a little, but they were replaced by something else:

Sunny missed Basil. So, so much.

Chapter End Notes

This one came out to be a little shorter than I would have liked, but it made sense for
me to cut there and continue in the next chapter.
Feedback is highly appreciated.
 Exploring
Chapter Summary

Sunny is having a long day.

Chapter Notes

Who needs sleep when you can write instead. Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Once in the kitchen, his mother handed him his mug of coffee. This was something they did now,
when the time allowed it: drinking a coffee together for breakfast. Sunny was still getting used to
the taste but he enjoyed the buzz. It made waking up just a little bit easier.

"I'm glad to see you smiling some time" his mother chuckled, tinting Sunny's ears a light shade of
red. He hadn't realized he was smiling, but he guessed he felt good about the day? The sleep he got
that night was mostly alright, especially compared to the usual he got. Did he feel happy? Not
quite, but it was good enough for now.

"Wanna go with me to the store today? This apartment could use some life."

"Life?"

"Oh you know, some small things, maybe some plants?" his mother pondered aloud, placing a
finger on her chin and looking into the distance. "I guess" said Sunny, mindlessly chewing on some
dry toast. "I always wanted to get some house plants, your father always managed to kill them
immediately."

They looked at each other for a second, both not sure if this was a joke or if there was anything
serious in there. His mother laughed, the tension slowly crept away. "Your friend, what was his
name…"

Oh no.

"Basil, right? He used to have so many plants, I remember he was really into gardening."

An unchewed piece of toast slowly slid down Sunny's throat. His mother was putting all her feet in
her mouth this morning.

She laughed. "I remember his face when he saw my rhododendron, he was very upset that it was
inside and just how dry the soil was."

The toast looked just as clueless as Sunny. Staring at it would not tell him what to say.

"What happened to him? I don't take you saw him before we left?"
Sunny shook his head, his hair fell in front of his eyes. He put the slice of bread down and got up.
"Is something wrong sweety? Wait -" But Sunny was already out the door. Why did he go outside?
Maybe to just be by himself. His mother would probably go to the store soon and then he could go
back inside. The day was still nice, the sky was mostly clear, and the slight wind was just cold
enough to be nice on his skin. Still, Sunny felt cold, but at the same time furious. How did his
mother manage to bring up both his father and Basil in the span of two sentences? What was wrong
with her? Didn't she know how -

Well, no. At least not the thing with Basil. The good mood, the slight caffeine buzz, the
friendliness of the day, it left him like air left a leaky balloon. Straight ahead, past the street, he just
kept walking. In front of him was the way to his school, but he really did not want to see that ugly
old building right now, so he took a sharp right. Running around for a little should cool his head
off, he thought, unsure where to go. He decided to just go along streets he vaguely knew or
believed he had seen before. There was that one condo he knew, maybe? They all looked the same
anyway.

No, he had not seen Basil before they left. Yes, he should have.

Fuck.

He bit back tears, the thoughts in his head tumbling around, his heart rate was rising. What was he
supposed to do? He closed his eyes, but the darkness was not comforting at all, it just made the
incoherent thoughts in his head louder and louder.

Breathe in, breathe out. It didn't help.

As if the floor had disappeared, he fell. He kept falling. Sunny wanted to yell out. He opened his
eyes, did he walk around until it was dark? It was nighttime. He kept walking. The buildings
around him were all dark, only a few windows were lit, the sky was overcast and blocked out any
moonlight.

Sunny stopped. There was a small plaza here, the only place where there were some people. Was
this still in the same city? It must have been unless he was running into one direction for hours
now. He doubted that. How did he not recall the past hours? He should mention that, he thought.
To his therapist. When he got home. Where was home? He wanted to ask someone, but no one was
close enough to him, this plaza was a lot bigger than it initially seemed.

A single person stood near the center at a water fountain that was switched off for the night. Their
back was turned to Sunny. He wanted to speak, but he had to catch his breath first. "Hey, sorry" he
gasped. The person turned around.

Basil looked at him with utter disgust.

"Basil?"

"Get lost" the boy said, walking away from him. "Wait, wait!" Sunny cried out, still gasping for
air. Had he been walking all this time? His legs ached. "Wait, Basil! Please!" But he had
disappeared. Sunny fell to his knees, he simply could not catch his breath. He tried to get up, but
his legs felt so heavy. Small steps, he tried, small steps towards the fountain. Some cold water in
his face would make him feel better, right?

Every step took longer than the last one. People must have been staring. He finally reached the
smooth stone of the fountain, reached into the ice-cold water, so cold it hurt his fingers, and before
he could splash it into his face, he saw Omori stare back at him. His hand was pulled deeper into
the fountain, Sunny could not resist the strong force that was ripping on his arm. Below the surface
water shot into his mouth and his lungs, every panicked breath felt painful in his chest, the lack of
air making each breath even more frantic than the one before.

Sunny found himself sitting on a bench near a street. It was day.

How often does this happen?

His therapist seemed very interested in Sunny's vivid dreams, that seeped into his wake hours
lately.

Sunny was not able to read his therapist's face as she was scribbling down notes in a rapid fashion.

"We'll have to keep an eye on that", she had said between questions. She never stopped asking
questions.

Sunny remembered something about dissociation, delusions, big words. He just wished he stopped
losing track of reality. How much time had passed? Did he manage to sit down on this bench or
how did he end up here? The air was burning in his lungs, he felt awfully out of breath.

A minute or two later, Sunny decided to get up and walk home. Being out here alone was
dangerous, and this was his worst loss of reality in a few weeks. He craned his neck, trying to take
in where he was. It was the same ugly, grey buildings here as everywhere else. Was he awake
now? Lucid?

Down the street was another block of houses he didn't know. He had to stay calm now, he could
not have been walking around for very long, this was probably close to his house anyway. Around
another corner something tugged at his attention, something unusual, but he could not place what it
was. While walking Sunny tried to steady his breathing. This had to be his neighborhood.

Again, Sunny noticed something, but he was not sure what. He stopped and looked around. What
was he supposed to notice? He did not know the house fronts, they looked the same as everywhere
else, and that uninteresting shop in between was nothing special either. Another deep breath, to
steady himself, and Sunny immediately understood. He smelled flowers. Flowers and greenery.
With curiosity now overtaking his nervousness, he tried following the smell, and surely enough he
found that small park again he saw some while ago, squeezed between streets, looking very out of
place. There was a small dirt path leading over the grass, on the grass grew a few flowers. Sunny
decided to walk through the park. Near the center was a small playground, just a set of swings, a
small sand box, some benches. A stray cat was sitting in the sand, looking back at him with big
eyes.

The dirt path wound past the benches and Sunny was greeted by a wide field of flowers. He was
surprised just how many flowers there were, in so many colors, especially considering it was
already fall. There were big round ones with many little leaves, glowing bright orange in the sun,
there were smaller ones with fewer, but speckled, petals. There were flowers with stupidly small
blue flowers that smelled very strongly.

Sunny didn't know the name of any of them.

He decided to sit down on a nearby bench, just to take it in for a little longer. Basil would have
loved it here, he'd tell Sunny all the names he could not think of right now, tell him how to take
care of them, exactly when and how often to water them, he'd probably be bubbling forever about
flowers. Or at least that's what the Basil he knew would have done, the Basil from four years ago,
his childhood friend. He probably still liked flowers, right?

A wave of discomfort moved through his stomach. He still did not feel exactly right after what
happened earlier, but Sunny thought he at least had a grip on the situation now. With his eyes
closed, Sunny took a deep breath. He'd go home soon and lie down a bit. Would it be time for his
medication yet? Maybe he could take it early today, just to make sure. Breathe in, breathe out, he
thought, focus on the flowers.

Sunny opened his eyes and Basil stood near the flowers, his back turned to him. He wanted to call
out but decided against it. Focus, he thought. Engaging with his dreams only made him lose touch
even more. Colorful patterns danced in front of his eye as he squeezed them shut with all his might,
pressing on them with his hands too. He breathed, stood up, and turned around to walk away.
Slowly, trying not to fall while not seeing anything. He opened his eyes. The dirt path would lead
him back to the street. After a few steps Sunny decided to look back. Basil was gone.

He really had to tell his therapist about this.

There was still a knot in his stomach, but he felt in control, for the most part. Luckily, he knew the
way home from here quite well, it was close enough to his way to school.

Seeing where he lived made him a little uneasy. He hoped his mother would be gone by now.

The apartment door opened quietly, and he stepped inside. "Sunny!" a voice cried at him. Evidently
his mother had not left yet.

She ran up to him, her eyes were wide. "I was so worried! Don't just run off like that!" Mom
sounded angry. Her face immediately softened though, and she went in for a light hug, careful not
to overwhelm Sunny. He just let it happen. "Sunny, I'm sorry if I upset you. Are you okay?" She
got on his height to look into his face. "How long was I gone?" Sunny asked. His mother hesitated
for a second. "Almost an hour." Sunny looked onto the floor. "I don't remember much of it" he
admitted, feeling shame rise to his face.

His mother hugged him tighter.

They moved to the kitchen and sat down together, after Mom gave Sunny a big glass of water. He
greedily drank it down at once, he did not realize until now how thirsty he had been. The cold
water felt nice in his mouth.

"Your therapist mentioned something like that could happen. Are you still upset?"

Sunny shook his head.

"Was it about your father?" his mother asked after a while, her voice carrying an uneasy tone.

Sunny shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"Your father leaving was hard for both of us" she said, "but I think it was for the better." She
looked at her son, waiting for some sort of response. He nodded carefully. "Do you want to eat
something? Or lie down for a bit?" Sunny shook his head again, he did not feel like it.

They sat in silence for a while, Sunny was not sure what to say or what to do, and his mother
seemed to be in the same position. It was not unpleasant or anything, it was actually nice to just sit
together.
"I found a park, not far from here." Sunny finally said. His mother perked up. "A park?"

"Just a small one. With a playground and some flowerbeds."

"That sounds lovely, I'm glad there is some nature in this city."

"I sat there for a while. Didn't know there were so many flowers still blooming in fall." He paused.
"It reminded me of Basil." Mom did not say anything for a while. She seemed unsure if it was a
good idea to approach this topic. "You two were inseparable, back then", she finally sighed. Sunny
looked at her, slightly pained.

"Are you still in touch?"

From Sunny's silence she seemed to infer the answer. "I see" she said.

"I miss him."

Mom smiled weakly. "Did you see him before we left?" she asked. This time the question sounded
more worried, more tender, less like unimportant small talk.

It was hard to talk about, but he finally managed to say a quiet yes. "He was… not good."

"A bit, like me" he added. "He's the reason I was hospitalized."

Mom looked concerned now. "I, I had to", Sunny stifled a cry. "I had to help him, Mom. Or, or he
would have…"

Nobody said anything for a while, but when Sunny felt a few tears run down his face, his mother
had taken his hand and firmly held it between hers. Mom seemed to understand, at least a little.
She did not ask any more questions, she just waited silently for Sunny to calm down, still holding
his hand.

"I didn't go to the store yet, do you want to come with me?"

"You didn't?"

"Goodness no", she furrowed her brow. "I was waiting here for you to come back. I was thinking
about going after you, but I figured you needed some time alone." He nodded.

"But sure" he said after a moment and drank the last of his water.

They talked a little during the car ride, mostly about ideas how to make the apartment look nicer.

A new lamp, some colorful towels, and a poster for Sunny's room later, they got to a small flower
shop. Humid, floral air hit Sunny when they entered. They were looking for some small
houseplants, one for their living room, one for the kitchen, and maybe one for each bedroom.

He remembered his friends browsing the plants section together with Basil, who was always drawn
to the back of their local Fix-It. Aubrey seemed to like the flowers, maybe not as much as their
blonde friend, and Kel would hang around the carnivorous plants. Hero would just browse
aimlessly, and Sunny would stick close to Basil.

From the corner of his eye Sunny thought he had spotted his friend again, happily looking at some
plant with long, hanging leaves. Sunny squinted his eyes. This was not real. He shook his head and
took a deep breath.
 "Sunny?"

Sunny half expected this to be his mother, but the voice did not match. He opened his eyes.

Basil was staring at him, the blood draining from his face. Nobody said anything. Sunny couldn't
speak. He closed his eyes again, he just needed to find his mother and get out of here, get home, lie
down for a bit. Today was just very stressful, despite it being the weekend.

"Are you okay?"

Basil was still there, standing right there in front of him. He had a nervous smile on his face, the
one Sunny had seen so many times before. The face was a pure symbol of "I am uncomfortable".
Sunny could only shake his head.

"Oh, sorry…" His friend narrowed his gaze back at the plant. "Seeing me is probably the last thing
you wanted." No. "I, uh, I can leave…" Still no response from Sunny, no matter what he tried his
thoughts would not make it to his mouth.

"Wait", Sunny finally pressed out. "Wait, please." Basil froze with his back to him, hands clutching
the strap of his bag. He wanted to tell him he missed him, he wanted to ask how he was, where he
had left to, why he did not reach out, so many questions, but he couldn't do it. Their eyes met, and
both understood how hard it was to talk to each other right now. "I, uh, I gotta go" Basil said,
trying to get out of this uncomfortable situation, "I, I'll talk to you?" he said, with the same
unhappy smile.

"Promise me", Sunny responded. Basil looked down, his hands were fidgeting. "O-okay" he said
after thinking for a second. "I will."

Sunny could not think straight, and before he could say another thing, Basil had disappeared.

"Oh Sunny, there you are, I wondered where you went" his mother said, startling him. "What's
wrong?" she asked, noticing his reaction. "Can we leave?" - "Of course honey!" - "And… can we
get this one?" He pointed at the small pot Basil seemed to have looked at before he noticed Sunny.
A small, bulbous plant with long, thin leaves. "Sure." Mom picked up the pot and marched ahead,
visibly trying to accelerate leaving for Sunny. They left, drove home without talking much, and
Sunny placed the new plant on his bedroom's windowsill. Despite how the day started, he was glad
it got him and his mother talking, at least a little bit.

He was still debating with himself if he actually met Basil that day, or if it was just another
delusion, triggered by the smells and sights he so closely associated with his friend. The sun was
already starting to set.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Feedback is appreciated as always.

 The long way ahead
Chapter Notes

Hope you all enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Therapy that week had been very stressful. As expected, his therapist was very interested in
Sunny's loss of reality. Her face was still hard to read, but Sunny thought he noticed some genuine
concern hidden beneath.

From his walk in the city to the sudden darkness he found himself in, Sunny tried to recount the
whole story with all details he could remember. Even meeting Basil before getting drowned in the
fountain.

"Basil seems to be a recurring person in your episodes." Sunny nodded. "What about the rest of
your friends? You told me you had dreamt about you all being together in the past."

"They don't appear as often anymore." He paused. "Only sometimes, to… to hurt him."

"Basil?"

"Yes."

The session dragged on.

"Earlier you mentioned you had more episodes during that day?"

"Yes, I - I met him multiple times during the day."

"Did those moments all feel the same to you?"

"I'm not sure." Sunny thought for a moment. "I think I know they were", another pause, what was
the word, "delusional?" The therapist nodded. "But I can't place one of them." Scribbles. She
seemed to never stop, and Sunny felt a sensation of shame, getting examined and prodded like this.
Her pen stopped, and she looked at him as if he should continue. "The last one was - it did not end
badly. And he talked to me first."

"That does not usually happen?"

"No. I can watch what I see but I think as soon as I want to act it breaks apart. Does… does that
make sense?" Sunny had a sheepish look in his eyes. He felt weird talking about this and he did not
like it. He was just some deranged teenager, why waste the time on him?

"Don't worry Sunny, it does." She smiled. "So you are saying Basil talked to you first and that is
uncommon in your episodes?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think it could have been real?" The question sounded like she was trying to coax
something out of him.

"I want it to be real. But Mom was somewhere else and did not see him and it's weird to go to the
store and ask the employees hey did two teenagers stare at each other here", Sunny laughed
awkwardly. The therapist tilted her head.

"Why is it weird?"

God, the questions just never stopped.

A few days later, there was a letter in the mail. For him. Sunny was not sure whether to feel
excitement or dread.

He went into his room and sat down at his desk. He opened the letter, inside was a sprawling text
in horrible handwriting.

Dear Sunny,

sorry I took so long to write you. Figured this was a better way than just calling. This is Kel by the
way, in case you couldn't tell from my amazing handwriting skills.

How are you? Hope youre well. I wanted to talk to you but I'm not sure when I could visit you and I
couldn't bring myself to say all this over the phone. I've spent days thinking about what to write but
I guess we'll just see how this goes?

Hero is doing a little better, I think. He is grieving, but honestly I think he got some closure at least.
Pretty sure he was blaming himself for Mari's death all this time. I tried talking to him about you
but he didn't seem to be up for it yet… Sorry. I'm working on it.

Aubrey … still won't talk to me. I have no idea why. I see her hanging out with her friends
sometimes, but she ignores or actively avoids me. It's a little sad, that we had just reconnected and
then we stopped talking to each other again. I guess I'll just have to give her some time. But I
wonder what's her problem with me now all of a sudden

Have you managed to find Basil yet? His house was actually sold and some new people moved in
already.

I don't like that I lost three friends just like that…

Its really hard for me to put into words, but its very lonely here. I know things would be difficult too
with you two here, but this makes it worse somehow? I dunno. I'm still not sure if I'm mad at you.
For doing what you did, and for lying about it, and for breaking up our group. But… somehow I
know those feelings don't make sense. Like, I have been thinking about this so much recently, I
wonder what I would of done?

Hero and I had our fights too, and accidents can happen. Shit I remember how I was when I was
12, I remember panicking about really minuscule things like breaking a window with a ball or
something. Kids are just stupid like that. I pretended the window was not broken and when my
parents suspected me I think I blamed Hector. What I'm trying to say is I think I can understand
why things ended up like this. I dunno, this probably sounds weird, but I can't talk about this with
Hero.

Also I can't even accuse you of lying. You just disappeared for years. I guess that's lying by
omission but I can't imagine it was malicious. I just can't. You should of come clean of course but I
can't blame you. I've seen how Hero acted, and I know how I felt myself. That must have been hell
for you.

I'm probably not making a lot of sense right now… I'm just trying to convey my thoughts here. And
I want to tell you I do not want to be mad at you, and I'm working on forgiving you, I promise.

I just want things to go back to normal. I feel like I failed as a friend to you all, I should of reached
out earlier or should of tried to keep the group together after you told us what you did. But I just
kept to myself and now everything turned to shit again.

Sorry, before I scrap another letter I gotta stop here.

I really hope you're well Sunny and I hope we can meet soon.

Your friend,

Kel

Sunny put down the letter. His heart felt heavy after reading it. Should he call Kel, tell him his
letter had arrived? Maybe he should give it a day. Or perhaps Sunny could write a letter back. That
would be the less awkward option for both of them, probably.

He wondered about Aubrey and Hero. Would they ever talk to him again? Who knew. He'd have
to trust Kel on that and just give them time.

One day, maybe, things would be okay.

Sunny folded the letter and placed it inside his desk drawer. He did not feel like doing homework,
but his mother would bother him until he did it anyway, so he might as well just do it now.

Some uneventful days went by, luckily without any major episodes for Sunny. He saw the usual
shadows of his childhood friends once or twice, but he managed to stay grounded. His thoughts
kept wandering to that one Basil incident. It had been replayed in his mind so many times Sunny
had trouble knowing what was memory and what was his mind filling in the blanks. Did Basil wear
his overall as he usually did in his head? The voice seemed deeper than that of his childhood friend
too, but the more mature forms of his friends were part of his dreams and hallucinations at this
point, so that was no help in distinguishing reality from whatever was in Sunny's head.

School was boring, but Sunny kept at it. He would still daydream a lot during class, recently he
would try to come up with some plan for the future. Some course of actions, and he'd play out the
results in his head with varying degrees of realism. Sometimes he imagined Basil would just show
up, his friends would forgive them, he'd convince his mother to move back to Faraway town with
him. Some other results were the compete loss of contact with his friends.

He was mostly wondering about Aubrey when it came to that. Sunny was sort of talking to Kel, or
would be when he would send back a letter, so there was some path for reconciliation. Hero would
be difficult, but with his brother there Sunny was sure he'd come around too, eventually. Perhaps
there wouldn't be forgiveness, but they could talk about things.

Aubrey on the other hand… She was completely cut off from the group. On her own volition, but
why? Why was she mad at Kel? If the situation was bad enough for her to be angry at Kel, who
Sunny suspected got secondhand rage that was aimed at himself, there was no way she would cool
down enough for them to talk things through. She once almost bashed his head in, and that was
probably a less severe situation. Sunny understood her and couldn't deny he'd feel like he deserved
getting her bat to the skull but defusing everything seemed like a better longterm goal.

The bell rang. Sunny packed his things and got up and out of the classroom. Lots of students were
pouring through the hallways, it was always crowded at this time. He ignored a glass eye someone
sneered at him when he walked past a group of nasty looking people.

There were so many students, Sunny had trouble getting through. He managed to untangle himself
and got out of the crowd, at least for a moment.

At the end of the hallway walked Basil. Sunny tried to follow, his heart beating quicker, but there
were too many students in the way. He decided to be blunt and just pushed himself through
towards the end of the corridor. He couldn't see Basil any longer. "Basil!" Sunny called out, he
didn't care if people would stare at him. No response, no sudden appearance of the blonde boy.
Sunny slowed down, then stopped. He was chasing a phantom, wasn't he?

Sunny decided to go home.

He was lying on his bed, his head hanging down the foot end. Upside down his room looked even
more foreign and unfamiliar to him.

What if Basil hated him, just as his other friends did? He was probably hurt from Sunny not
checking up on him, leaving him alone after exposing their secret. It was no wonder he would not
reach out to Sunny. Or what if Sunny wrote a wrong number on his letter to Basil he threw into his
postbox before moving? What if the card got lost?

No, Basil probably wanted peace and he was glad Sunny was out of his life.

He looked over at the plant. It was still alive and Sunny had never forgotten to water it so far. It
felt like his last connection to Basil.

For a second he thought about discarding it, but instead he got up and got it some water. He did not
hate Basil. Even if Basil were glad Sunny was gone, Sunny would cherish his friend forever.

It became easier to navigate with only one working eye, he was getting used to his lack of depth
perception. He reentered his room, poured half of the glass of water into the small yellow pot and
drank the rest.

The phone rang, making Sunny wince. His mother wouldn't be home for a few more hours. He
hated talking on the phone, and it would be for his mother anyway. They'd ask some questions he
didn't know the answer to, either from work or something related to Mom's car or whatever. If it
was important, they'd call again when she was here.

Sunny tried his best to ignore the annoying sound. What would be for dinner? Maybe they'd get
some takeout.

The phone stopped ringing. Finally.

Sunny took a deep breath. That was better.

Then it started ringing again. Sunny felt a bit annoyed. The sound was so grating. But he got up
and walked over to the living room where the phone stood. Maybe it was Mom trying to reach
him?
 He picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Sunny."

Chapter End Notes

The chapter is a little shorter than I would like it to be, but I had quite some hardware
troubles and I'm just glad I managed to produce something.

As always, feedback and comments are highly appreciated. Til next time!
 A first step to reconciliation
Chapter Summary

Sunny hates talking on the phone.

Chapter Notes

I couldn't stop typing help

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The reply to his Hello came after a long time and sounded forced. It was clear that this would
become uncomfortable.

Sunny had frozen - his mouth would not move, his brain became a mess of static and loose
thoughts, all trying to make sense of the situation. As if someone punched him into his stomach, he
had a hard time keeping his posture, the feeling of nausea and having to throw up emanated from
his torso. His breaths barely provided enough air for him to function.

He really, really hated talking on the phone. Sunny feared he was losing his mind.

"Hello…?" came from the phone, with a sort of resignation. Sunny's mouth felt glued shut,
something was choking his throat. The oxygen in his breaths did not reach his lungs. Every attempt
to force air down his windpipe felt like icy needles. Sunny saw his t shirt move, flying from quick,
too strong pumps in his chest.

"I, uh… I'm sorry for calling."

Sunny had to sit down. He stumbled towards the sofa and managed to fall onto the cushioned seat.

"Uh, so, bye?"

Sunny managed to take a deep breath. There were stars flying in his vision. He heard that same old
fake smile in the voice.

"Wait", he finally said. "I'm here." Another breath. "Please don't hang up."

For a second Sunny worried the call was over, the silence was lingering far too long, but a quiet
sigh of relief escaped him when he heard …okay.

Sunny didn't know what to say. So many questions were on his mind, questions he was wondering
about for months now, questions he was too afraid to ask, and some he was too ashamed to. One of
the latter ones was is this real, but that was something his therapist would have to deal with.

"Uhm, if you want to talk later, that's fine, you sound a bit, uh, out of breath…"

No, anything but that. "No, it's fine." Sunny hated how cold his voice must have sounded, but he
couldn't help it. Emotions were hard, especially when they kept spinning in his head.

So? What would he say? Where should he start?

"Are you okay?" Sunny asked. Not the best first question but it was a start.

"… yeah."

The speed of this conversation was agonizing to Sunny. He was not good at conversations, why did
he have to lead? And such a difficult one at that? He hated this. Sunny wanted to hang up, to throw
the phone at the wall and just curl up on the couch, preferably under a pile of blankets.

"I - I'm sorry."

Sunny perked up at that.

"Please don't be angry."

Did someone read Sunny's mind?

"This… this is difficult for me, too."

Nobody said anything for a while.

"I meant to call you sooner, but I…" The voice was trailing off.

Sunny decided to take the initiative, there was nothing to lose. He'd be brash, just this once. He
could do this. "Can we meet?" he asked. His heart was fluttering, but it would be easier talking in
person than over the phone.

As soon as he asked that question, Sunny was no longer sure he wanted that. A small part of him
hoped for a no but another part was begging whatever entity would listen that the next answer
would be a yes. But despite wanting it he was debating with himself if it was a good idea. When
would they meet? Now? Where?

"Uh, I, I-" stuttered the person on the other end. Sunny could hear a deep breath. "Yes."

Now what?

"Should I come over? I… I still have your address…"

Sunny felt like he would explode. He kept pacing around the apartment, into his room, out of his
room, into the kitchen, into the living room, into the bathroom, back into his room. He felt like a
mouse in a maze, and he feared any of the doors he kept going through would suddenly lead
somewhere else. Did his room look okay? He didn't have anyone over yet since moving here.

His heart was still beating fast, but at least he could breathe again. Once he was back in the
bathroom, he stared at his face. He disliked his new eye, and his face was red and blotchy from his
earlier struggle to breathe normally. Some cold water in his face seemed to help a little with that.

The doorbell rang.

As he was walking to the door, Sunny could feel his heart pumping. He pressed the opener to open
the front door. Downstairs echoed the door falling back into the lock. Footsteps. Sunny opened the
apartment door just a little and felt like he had to hide.

The apartment door swung open, and opposite to Sunny stood a thin person, a little shorter than he
was. Basil was smiling weakly at him.

Sunny was not sure what to do. His mind was surely playing tricks on him again.

Their eyes met, but both boys looked away immediately.

"Come in" Sunny invited, he had left Basil standing way too long in the staircase. Basil looked
around the apartment as he walked next to Sunny. As he followed Sunny into his room, he took of
his shoes and placed his bag on the floor. Sunny could feel the tension between them.

Sunny sat down on the bed and motioned Basil to sit on the bed. The blonde boy awkwardly sat
opposite to him, his hands fidgeting. A nervous smile was playing around his lips. Both were
horrible at engaging in conversation. In person at least it was a little easier for Sunny to read his
friend. He was amazed Basil had agreed to meet up with him.

"Basil?"

"Yes…?"

Sunny pondered for a second how to word his question without sounding too accusatory. "Where
have you been?"

The smile faltered and Basil's eyes filled with a contagious sadness. "And why did you never reach
out?" Sunny blurted out, this time the words had no problem rushing to his mouth. He was kicking
himself internally for asking that.

It wasn't like Sunny was innocent. There were so many instances where he could have had reached
out to Basil, yet he didn't. The mild annoyance and anger he felt towards his friend were both
unjustified, but they still squeezed Sunny's heart tightly.

Basil's fingers were gripping each other, pulling at each other, and the blonde boy would stare at
them, silently playing and fidgeting. "When my grannie died", Basil swallowed and Sunny could
see another layer of sadness emanating from his eyes, "my parents decided to sell her house. Since
she won't need it anymore.

So as soon as the house was sold, they, uh, moved me to the nearest city. At least til I'm eighteen, I
guess." He looked into a corner of the room, then at Sunny. Sunny could not read the look on
Basil's face.

"I wanted to reach out to you", Basil began, "e-especially since you could not contact me after I
moved." He took a shivering breath. "But I couldn't do it. Do you know that situation when you
mean to do something important, but days go by and every day you feel worse about not doing it?
Until you start avoiding it because it has been too long anyway?" Sunny gave a small nod. That
was literally what leaving the house had become for him in the past. "I… really wanted to, Sunny.
But after everything, I did not think you would even want to talk to me." Yet Sunny wanted to, all
this time. "I, I honestly think you hate me. I can't imagine you not hating me." There was that
stupid smile again, that smile that hurt Sunny so much, that bad attempt of Basil to hide his own
pain.

Of course Sunny had similar thoughts, his friends hating him after what he did. The truth was,
however, he did not hate Basil, not in the slightest, and Sunny felt sick at the thought that Basil felt
like Sunny hated him. He wanted to tell him this, tell Basil how stupid he was being right now,
how angry Sunny was for Basil to even consider that, how much he did in fact not hate Basil, quite
the opposite. Why was talking so damn hard?

He remembered the last time they saw each other, back in the hospital. How much Sunny regretted
not spending just a little more time with his friend back then, giving him a proper goodbye.

Before Sunny could even register what he was doing, he instinctively leaned forwards and hugged
his friend. Both Basil and Sunny were quite shocked at that, but after Sunny decided not to let go
immediately and to just hold Basil, he could feel the other boy lose some of his tension.

"I missed you." Sunny said.

Basil was silent.

"And I don't hate you."

Basil kept silent, but Sunny felt small shivers shaking his friend, each accompanied by an audible
sniffle.

Sunny stopped himself before he would unleash the torrent of thoughts and emotions he kept
thinking about those past months. When they were younger and Basil would cry, Sunny holding
him was usually enough to calm him down again, so he said nothing. He just held his friend.

"I'm so sorry" Basil hiccupped between quick breaths, his eyes pressed against Sunny's shoulder. "I
was angry, I thought you had left me again, I was scared, I, I"

"I'm sorry too" Sunny answered quickly. "I hate that I left you alone for so long and that you had to
deal with everything on your own. I really, really regret that." He was almost reciting what he said,
Sunny had imagined this situation so many times. But it was genuine.

Basil seemed to calm down, slowly, after a few minutes of them just sitting without talking.

"I guess we have lots to talk about" Basil chuckled, wiping away some tears. He was not smiling.

They looked at each other and despite the heavy topic, despite Basil crying just now, Sunny felt a
jolt of happiness looking into his best friend's eyes. Maybe, he thought, maybe this was real.

Basil's face quickly filled with concern. "Sunny, your eye", he must have noticed the glass eye,
"did - did I", Basil stuttered.

"Don't worry about it" Sunny said firmly, feeling a bit of shame and he worried his friend would
become upset again. Basil looked away, and apparently noticed the plant on Sunny's windowsill.

"Oh, a spider plant" he said after looking at it for a while, trying to change the topic. "I really like
those… They are very pretty but are easy to take care of." Sunny was convinced he saw a small
smile on Basil's lips.

Sunny decided to go ahead and slowly work through the thousands of questions that were spinning
in his mind for months now. "Did the others talk to you?"

Basil shook his head. "Not since they left the room that day, and I was too scared to reach out
before I left." He took a deep breath. "Aubrey can be quite horrible. Pretty sure she would try and
kill me." He laughed dryly. "What about you?"

"I talked to Kel briefly."

Basil nodded. When Sunny did not elaborate, he asked carefully "And - do you go to school
again?"

"Yes, but I don't really like it. I have to retake so many classes and I'm older than my classmates."

The blonde boy looked relieved. "I'm glad you're going out again. How… how are you? Mentally,
I mean. If that's okay to ask"

Sunny was not sure what to say. Should he be honest? How much context should he give? He'd
probably just scare his friend away when he told him the full extent of everything. Basil saw
Sunny's puzzled look and tried to change the topic.

"You look better, Sunny." Basil whispered. "A-anyway, how do you like the city?" He seemed
desperate to keep the conversation going.

"I don't like it" Sunny said bluntly. He admitted to himself he was no help to Basil with his own
short answers. "It's all so dull compared to Faraway. Nothing to do around here."

"Yes, it's too many buildings and not enough greenery for my taste" Basil agreed. Of course he'd
miss the greenery, but Sunny did too. He hated the endless desert of concrete and streets. "I miss
my garden, too."

"Oh, you also live in an apartment?"

"Yes. On paper with my parents, but they're not there." He sighed. "Polly looks after me. My
parents thought since she took care of grannie and me for a few years she might as well take care
of me until I'm old enough. I have a lot of plants in my apartment though, at least."

"What kind?"

Basil recounted a long list of plants, many names that Sunny had never heard before, but he did not
mind. For a second the Basil sitting there, smiling shyly, bubbling endlessly about plants, was the
same boy Sunny knew as his best friend when they were younger. It was just like back in the day,
Basil would talk and talk and Sunny would listen. Gladly. Sunny was happy that despite
everything, at least some of the Basil he knew and loved was still in there. Despite the sadness,
despite their trauma. He wondered if Basil would feel the same, if he would recognize the old
Sunny under all this, and if he too would feel happy at that. Or had Sunny changed too much? Was
there anything left of his childhood self? Something that was not Omori?

Basil suddenly stopped. "Sorry" he said.

"Huh? What?"

"I'm talking too much again."

"No, I'm happy to listen." Sunny said, trying to sound as earnest as he meant it. "Basil?"

"Hm?" The blonde boy looked uncertain.

"I'm glad you're still you." Sunny felt blood rushing to his cheeks, this sounded so much worse
than he imagined in his head. But Basil looked so alleviated, so happy at that remark, maybe it was
good in this situation that he would just blurt out whatever came to his mind. It was better than not
being able to say anything, at least. The slight mood increase made it easier to chat for both of
them.
They talked about miniscule things. Turns out Basil was attending the same school actually. They
joked about some teachers. Basil gave some tips on how to take care of the spider plant. Despite
him saying earlier it was really easy the list of tips seemed endless.

They both jolted up when they heard the apartment door open. "Sunny, I'm home!" his mother
called out.

"Oh, I - I should leave, probably." Basil said, his hands fidgeting again.

Sunny felt a bit sad Basil would leave already, there were so many things they did not yet talk
about. But it would be too much for one day anyway. Opening up was hard, and they would both
need their time to do so.

"Are you sure?" Sunny tried, unwilling to let their first meet up in months end just yet.

Basil nodded, looking a bit scared almost.

"Okay, I'll bring you to the door."

Basil put on his shoes and grabbed his bag. Sunny opened the door of his room and they left. Mom
came from the kitchen and froze when she saw Basil. She seemed very confused to see two boys in
the hallway. She shook her head in disbelief. "Basil, is that you?"

"Oh - hi" he stammered in response. "I was just leaving."

Mom looked at Sunny who tried to tell her without words not to press the issue. He understood
how Basil felt, the urge to rush home. Mom seemed to get what he was trying to convey.

"Ah I see, bye!" She smiled warmly and disappeared again in the kitchen.

"Are you good to go?" Sunny asked, opening the apartment door.

"I think so, yeah." Basil clutched the strap of his bag and went through the door. Sunny stood
there, feeling a little lost.

"Here, I'll walk you down" he said, promptly following Basil. They descended the stairs and Sunny
opened the door to the building for Basil.

"It was good to see you, Sunny" Basil said quietly. His eyes were darting around nervously.

They both looked at each other, their incompetence at conversation apparent to anyone who'd see
them. Sunny was the first to speak: "So, should we … soon … again" This was not working out, so
he just gave up and tried to overplay it with a forced smile.

"Oh right - I almost forgot!" Basil pressed his palm at his temple and pulled out a post it from his
bag. "I, uh, I - I wrote down my number for you so I would not forget." He chuckled a bit. "I
almost did though." He handed the pastel green paper to Sunny.

In a very pretty handwriting it said Basil's number:, it was the same neat and careful lettering the
boy had used in their photo album.

"If… If you want to call me." Basil added, he seemed nervous again.

Sunny had again the urge to hug Basil, as part of his brain told him this would be the last time he'd
see Basil, and yet another part screamed at him this was all fake, he had to wake up. He decided to
ignore those, as best he could.
Do it, he told himself. They had hugged in the past. They even hugged earlier today. Come on. His
limbs wouldn't move.

"Uh, I'll be going then." Basil stated, a bit confused by Sunny's expressionless face. He waited
another moment, his face turning a light shade of pink, before he carefully hugged Sunny. It felt
just like old times. "I missed you, Sunny."

They awkwardly untangled their hug, now both too flustered to say anything, and shortly after
Basil disappeared.

Sunny returned upstairs, Mom was waiting for him. He didn't know what to say to her.

"Mom?"

"Yes honey?"

"Did you see him too?"

Her face lost a bit of color for a second, but she regained her composure. "Yes sweety. You're not
having an episode." She was delighted at the slightest smile on Sunny's face. "Do you want
dinner?"

"Can you tell me what happened?" Mom asked. "I'm really curious." She snatched a shrimp with
her chopsticks out of a takeout box.

Sunny had opened up in the past, about what happened between him and Basil, their stay in the
hospital, but that was the extent of what Mom had known so far. He mentioned Basil's
grandmother passing which made his mother surprisingly sad. He explained Basil moving away
and his inability to contact him.

"Is he … part of your hallucinations?" Mom asked carefully. It was obvious she had been thinking
about this a lot. Sunny nodded. He never really talked with his mother about this.

"I felt horrible for leaving him alone for so long." He was poking a piece of meat with his
chopsticks. He didn't feel like eating. "I guess my mind wants me to pay for that."

"Don't say that, Sunny."

He didn't respond. Instead he finally put a piece of food into his mouth. "He had our new number,
I, uh, gave it to everyone before we left. And he called today." Sunny chewed and swallowed. His
stomach didn't agree with his choice of food and felt like it twisted around itself. "And I - I asked
him to come over. Kinda. I hope that's okay."

His mother looked a bit irritated at that last sentence. "Sunny, of course it's okay. I'm just so happy
you had a friend over."

Sunny forced himself to eat another bite. A friend. He was glad there was still some semblance of
friendship between them.

The day was playing on repeat in his head as he was waiting for sleep to come. There was some
happiness radiating a pleasant warmth in his chest.

Maybe things would be okay, some day.

Chapter End Notes

Hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Thanks for all the comments.
 Feeling out of breath
Chapter Summary

Meeting his friend again felt too good to be true.

Chapter Notes

Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Something had changed, but Sunny was unable to put his finger on what exactly. Between his usual
bouts of apathy and just existing in his room he would sometimes get restless. His heart would beat
rapidly, he'd feel all shaken up, but it was different from those dark thoughts and painful moments
he still endured from time to time. This was not him panicking. Sunny just felt weird.

Soon after, Sunny sat in the familiar therapy room, with its ugly carpet and those abhorrent
paintings you'd only see in the waiting room of some doctor. His therapist was sitting in her
oversized leather armchair, leaned forwards, intently scribbling once again.

He had mentioned Kel's letter.

"Did you write back yet?" she asked. Sunny shook his head. "Are you planning to?"

He gave her a small nod after staring blankly at her for a while. "But I don't know what to write at
the moment" he admitted.

"That's okay Sunny. It's important to do this one step at a time." She smiled. "I'm still proud you
actually called your friend back then. Him writing you is a good sign."

He did not mention all the details, but it was nice talking about the letter. This way at least, he
wouldn't have to be alone with his thoughts. Sunny mentioned how hard it was for him to turn his
thoughts into words, and luckily his therapist seemed to understand.

The next topic was more difficult for him to bring up. Basil. The usual blockade threatened to jam
Sunny's brain, but somehow his therapist managed to prevent that from happening. Either via her
calm questions or by giving him time and space to answer in his own time.

Finally, he managed to say, "I met Basil."

His therapist looked a bit concerned beneath her unreadable, friendly mask. Sunny wasn't even
sure how he picked up on that, or if he interpreted the clues right at all. Maybe he just wanted her
to look concerned. It didn't matter to him.

She took some more notes. "Did you have another episode?"

Sunny shook his head. Then he stopped, looked pensive for a moment, but shook his head again. "I
don't think so. Mom says I didn't. I mean, I think I saw him here and there and that was probably
not real. But, I, uh." Sunny struggled for a second. "I met him" he said quietly, feeling a sense of
shame almost.

"Well now you have to tell me the whole story" she said, smiling wildly.

So, he did. He mentioned the phone call, explained a little his struggle to talk to his friend.

His therapist seemed captivated by the story, for a whole minute her pen didn't touch her paper.
Sunny did not tell her everything, just that they talked a little. Her question on how he felt about it
made Sunny come to a sudden stop. How did he feel about all this? There was dread, there was
guilt, but still he was so, so glad to see his friend again. To see Basil was still there, still Basil, and
they were still friends. Or, that they had the chance to become friends again.

One of the ugly paintings stared back at him. It was a square head with one ear visible that Sunny
felt like it should have been somewhere else. "I – I guess, happy?"

Sunny wanted to call Basil. Ever since he had gotten the number, he had this urge to call him.
Something had always stopped him, always pulled him away from the phone. Some voice in his
head kept telling him, if he called, he would realize this was not real, that it was just make believe.
Wrong. Fake. It was just one of his fantasies were Basil would randomly show up to fix everything.

School was slow and dry. No wonder he had stopped going. The lesson dragged on and Sunny was
playing with a pen, but it wasn't really fun. He was feeling restless again. It did not feel like his
usual descent into a panic attack, he did not feel like choking, he did not feel those tiny icy needles
piercing his face when he tried to breathe. He supposed it was good it wasn't that but not knowing
what it was that made him feel like this turned Sunny even more anxious. Something was looming
over him, was it his medication? His therapist mentioned the dosage might have to be adjusted in
the future, and the list of side effects was nauseating in itself. Surely, that must have been it.

Hearing the bell ring was liberating for Sunny, he had to get out of this classroom. It was only
lunch break now but walking around a bit would get his thoughts in order, he hoped. Or exhaust
him enough to stop this feeling of having to run somehow. Having to go somewhere, talk to
someone or something. Just – not sit here.

For the first time in months, Sunny decided not to sit around somewhere indoors, instead he went
outside to the school grounds. He steered away from groups of people, but the walking helped with
his agitation. Sunny was not sure where he wanted to go, so he decided to go around the main
building, he'd never been here before.

Behind the building was a fence, and just before the fence was a bit of lawn that extended beyond
the main building's sides, and on the lawn were some small flowerbeds. It wasn't the most
impressive arrangement, especially when Sunny considered the effort he had seen Basil put into his
plants, but it was nice nonetheless. Sunny looked to his right where he couldn't see as much, and
froze.

Basil was sitting at the edge of one flowerbed, reading a book with a neutral expression on his face.
Sunny did not need this right now. He was on edge already, but having hallucinations now would
probably make him pass out. He felt his breathing get quicker, his chest constricting. Sunny
stumbled a few steps backwards. The boy on the floor looked at him, and his face rushed through
multiple emotions. Dread, surprise, and dread again. Sunny couldn't take it. He closed his eyes, he
tried to breathe. He couldn't calm down. A familiar cold feeling washed over him, squeezed him
uncomfortably hard.
He turned around and walked. Ran. His short breath was making that exceedingly difficult, but he
had to find a place to sit down. Not here. Not next to the flowers. Tears were blurring his vision
and he felt disoriented. Sunny managed to run inside the main building and into a bathroom, into a
stall, before he threw up.

Adding to the pile of unpleasant emotions that weighed his head down as he threw up was the
anger he felt at himself. How did he get so overwhelmed again? After all those weeks of therapy,
his medication, why was he still so weak? What if –

What if that was no hallucination? No weird vision, no trick his broken mind played on him?

Sunny shook his head. No.

Blood was rushing through his face. He was feeling very sick, he didn't feel like going back to
class later. Thoughts were racing through his head.

Sunny decided to go to the nurse, and given his history, his mother was called.

"Are you alright sweetie?" she shot him concerned looks while driving. Sunny sat slumped in the
seat, looking and feeling like a deflated balloon. He moved his head vaguely, not sure himself if he
wanted to nod or shake his head.

They arrived at home shortly after, and Mom lead him up inside. Despite still wary of being
touched, Sunny didn't mind, he felt like he'd fall down the stairs otherwise.

Mom sat him down on their couch and gave him a glass of water. Sunny stared at some drops that
clung to the outside of the glass. He grimaced slightly. Forcing his mother away from work made
him feel bad, this wasn't serious enough for her to leave.

"Do you need anything?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. She didn't seem to accept his
lack of an answer, but sat down next to him. Sunny expected her to speak but she didn't say
anything. He was glad his mother understood that part about him. Sometimes he just needed a
quiet minute, some time to collect himself. At the same time Sunny was happy not to be alone
though.

"Can I ask you what happened?" she eventually asked, Sunny knew she couldn't keep quiet forever.
He sighed.

"I met Basil again."

Just a few months ago, Sunny would never have expected to ever talk to his mother about it. About
the demons in his head, his loose distinction between reality and dream. Probably thanks to
therapy. It had helped him open up just a little, and Mom seemed to have learned a thing or two on
how to handle her emotionally unstable son.

They talked a bit about Sunny's encounter, about his anxiety.

"But didn't you see him the other day?" Mom asked, looking confused.

Sunny turned towards her so he could see her face fully. "Did I really, Mom?"

"Yes Sunny. He was here." Mom gave a pained smile, hearing her son struggle must have been
painful for her. "Why don't you call him later? When school's over I mean." Mom grabbed his
shoulder and gave him a reassuring look. "I can help you if you want."
"Thanks Mom." It may not have sounded like it, but Sunny meant it.

He went into his room and lay down for a bit. He needed it. His body ached and his chest still felt
sore from his breathing. It's not like he did not want to call Basil, but it was so hard to actually do
it. But with Mom's reassurance – he had met Basil – he was sure he could do it. There was no risk
of exposing any make believe, right? His memories were real, of real events, Sunny told himself
multiple times.

A few hours later, Sunny left his room again and went into the living room. Mom was cooking
dinner and it smelled delicious. She must have heard his footsteps because she stuck her head out
of the kitchen. "Feeling better? I decided to cook something since I got off work so early today."

Sunny walked to the telephone, it beckoned. Talking on the phone was still more than unpleasant
for him, but he had to do this. He picked it up and dialed Basil's number. He didn't need the small
post it anymore, it was safe under Kel's letter in the drawer, after Sunny stared at it for hours when
alone. In the process he might have memorized the new number of his old friend.

Sunny waited for Basil to pick up.

Nobody did, though. Perhaps he wasn't home yet? No, it was evening already. Sunny hung up.
Dread and fear were creeping up his back.

No, he'd just have to stay calm. He would try again later.

Dinner was good. Mom seemed happy to cook something more elaborate. Sunny wished he could
enjoy it more but his mind kept wandering off to Basil.

Finally, after eating the last bite and putting his dish in the sink, he rushed back into the living
room to the phone. His mother seemed like she wanted to protest his haphazard dish placement and
his lack of cleaning, but she backed off when she understood he wanted to call someone.

Sunny dialed the same number once again, eager and hopeful Basil would respond any second
now. What would he say? Ask him about school, if he wanted to hang out tomorrow? They could
go to the park, like they did back at home all the time. Come on. He kept waiting, but no response
came. No one answered.

Mom's voice startled him and he almost dropped the phone. "Something wrong?" His look seemed
to have said enough. "Oh I'm sure he's just busy." This didn't calm Sunny down all that much.
Finally he had the courage to call, and no one answered. "Have you called Kel recently?"

Sunny winced. He didn't. He didn't talk to him since their phone call a few months back. "No." The
letter was still inside the drawer. "I bet he'd be happy to hear from you", his mother said with an
encouraging smile.

He did not exactly want to call Kel right now but talking to someone might be nicer than just being
alone in his room for the evening. Plus he felt pushed to it with his mother waiting there.

Sunny sighed. He'd do it.

Kel's father answered. He was delighted to hear from Sunny and called Kel to the phone.

"Sunny?"

"Hi, Kel." His voice sounded flat.

"Hey man, I was wondering when I'd hear from you. How are you? … Did you get my letter?"

"I – yes, I did. Sorry for not replying sooner."

He heard a light chuckle. "It's fine. I know how it is."

"I guess."

"But really, how are you Sunny? Be honest."

"Alright, probably? School is a drag."

"Same here." Kel laughed.

"I'm in therapy."

"That's great! How's that going? Come on don't make me ask so many questions."

"It's, uh, it's going, somewhere. Turns out I have something along anxiety and psychotic
depression." Sunny wasn't sure why he told Kel that.

No response came. "And … meds. I have meds too. I think I'm doing better."

"That's so good to hear." Sunny was sure he could hear Kel smile his wide, toothy grin on the other
side of the phone line.

"How about you, Kel?" Sunny mustered.

"Actually I'm doing really good! I'm captain of the basket ball team this year. Hero's still bugging
me about my grades, but things are looking up I think."

"…how is Hero?"

Kel was quiet. "He's okay."

Nobody said anything. Sunny was expecting more from Kel, but nothing came from him.

At least, until he broke the awkward silence after waiting far too long: "Is there any reason you
called?" He suddenly sounded more hostile than Sunny had expected.

Sunny felt like in an interrogation, a bright light shining into his face. "Oh, I just wanted to talk to a
fri- to someone, uh", Sunny's tongue turned into a knot, "I mean", he tried to say something that
made sense, "I –", he took a deep breath. "I needed to talk to a friend. I hope that's okay."

Kel's voice was much softer and no longer hostile: "Are you okay Sunny?"

"I think so. You, uh, you still have my number, right?"

"I do, yes. Sorry for not –"

"If, uh, if you are in the city some time give me a call, okay?" Sunny smiled stupidly, he sounded
like an idiot but he guessed that was fine, especially with Kel. He heard a chuckle.

"Will do! I hope we can see each other soon, I missed you."

"I missed you too Kel. I – I hope we can talk things through."
 "We will, don't worry."

Chapter End Notes

Once again, thank you to everyone who's reading, commenting, giving kudos, the
works. You're making this worth it for me.
 Nightmares
Chapter Summary

Sunny pulls an all nighter.

Chapter Notes

Mild content warning, expect what you expect from the game.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Talking with Kel turned out to be just what Sunny needed. Not only did it distract him enough to
stop worrying for just a moment, but it also seemed to pave the way towards reconciliation just a
little bit further, a step or two. Sunny was proud of himself to tell Kel to call him sometime, when
he was around the city. An opportunity for them to talk things through. Sunny would like that.

Still though, there was an aching longing inside him to talk to Basil. After being on the phone for
an uncomfortable amount of time with Kel, Sunny felt very drained, and he was unsure if he could
take another phone call. Not to mention talking to Basil would be draining in a different way, and
after all that happened that day Sunny was wary of putting too much load on his psyche.

His hand remained on the phone for a while, staring at the gray plastic. Pros and cons shot through
his head, his longing was clashing with his exhaustion. One finger was just approaching the first
digit on the keypad as his mother called him and made him lose his train of thought.

"Sunny? You've been staring at the phone for five minutes now." She gently took the phone from
him and placed it back into the charger. "Maybe you should lie down for a bit."

He agreed. Sunny's whole body ached and hurt. He felt drained.

Inside his room greeted the same old darkness. The blinds were down, as usual, and the air was
both stuffy and chilly. Sunny's bed was somewhat comfortable, but despite the tiredness tugging at
every fiber of him, sleep took a long time to finally come.

Sunny was back at school and decided to look behind the main building once more. Sure enough,
Basil was sitting there, playing with some flowers he had plucked from the bed. He was looking
very peaceful. The boy must have heard his footsteps, he turned towards Sunny and smiled widely.
He was waving one hand, the other one was holding some pink flower Sunny did not know.

Sunny took a step towards Basil, who was humming something to himself. He stretched out one
hand, not quite sure why, but grabbed his friend by the head. He couldn't stop his hand as he threw
Basil towards to ground. Backing off felt like he was getting pressed against a wall, he tried
resisting his hand's movement, but he just moved forwards, towards Basil who was slumped on the
ground. With all his strength, as much as he wanted to resist it, he punched Basil square in the face.
Again. Basil whimpered, but did not move.

Sunny stared at his hands. They were white as paper. One of his white hands was holding Basil,
the other one had a knife.

He wanted to scream, to struggle, but he couldn't stop. Something was forcing his hands to move
on their own. Sunny wanted to scream with all his might, he shut his eyes, but the images did not
stop.

Breathing heavily, eyes wide open, Sunny was upright in his bed. He swallowed thickly, his throat
burned from breathing. It was pitch black in his room. Small invisible things were tugging at him,
at his blanket, he felt things moving around in the darkness.

He struggled to find his bed lamp. As he switched it on the light hurt in his eyes but Sunny did not
mind. Sunny just wanted to be awake.

His heart was racing, exploding almost, every beat feeling strong and painful, with a frequency he
only achieved when feeling completely stressed out and horrified.

What the fuck was that dream?

Sunny felt his clothes stick to him from cold sweat. Barely enough air made it into his lungs, his
breathing was erratic, shallow, and quick.

Sunny threw the blanket off him and got out of the bed. His bed lamp filled his room with many
angled shadows, but he did not pay any attention to them, as looming or dark as they may have
been. He rushed to his drawer and opened it quickly, almost ripping it out of the desk. There was
Kel's letter, Sunny threw it out, he kept digging between sketchbooks, stacks of paper, stray pens,
he threw it all on the floor.

Finally he seemed to have found what he was searching for, a small pastel green piece of paper,
still all neat and without a single crease. It still said Basil's number:, and for a second Sunny just
looked at the hand writing.

The smooth letters and the strong nostalgia that took over Sunny when he saw them calmed him
down a little bit, just enough to gather his thoughts for a short moment.

He walked into the living room, careful not to make a noise. His eye was adjusting to the darkness
of the apartment and the lack of depth perception proved difficult in such low light, but Sunny
managed to stumble into the living room without stubbing his toe a third time.

With his eyes closed he took a deep breath, focusing on his breathing, trying to find some steady
ground. Feeling a little calmer, he went on to switch on the living room lamp.

Using the green paper as a reference, Sunny dialed Basil's number, making sure he would
definitely dial the right number. The last digit made his finger tremble, his gaze moved quickly
between it and the sheet of paper, dimly lit by the lamp. There.

Another deep breath, and Sunny was asking himself what he was even trying to accomplish. What
time was it right now? He was about to hang up as he heard a quiet "…hello?"

"Basil?"

"Sunny? It, it's three in the –"

"Are you okay?" Sunny couldn't stop himself. Processing what he had dreamt just a few minutes
prior strangled him with a bitter feeling of guilt. "Are you hurt?"

Sunny could hear Basil breathing. "Why do you ask?"

Because I had a nightmare

But Sunny couldn't say that, what would Basil think? He scrambled for something to say. "It – it
felt like something was wrong. Sorry."

Basil scoffed. "Yes something is wrong!" he complained, his voice was weak. "And why are you
calling me at three in the morning?"

"What's wrong?" Sunny asked, his stomach churning. Basil was not behaving right.

"Please Sunny, don't play stupid. What was that today?"

Thousands of thoughts made thinking exceedingly difficult for Sunny. What about today? "My
calls?" he asked.

"So that was you!" Basil accused.

"Yes" Sunny stuttered, "you gave me your number, should I not call you?" This situation made no
sense.

"I am going to hang up now" Basil said. The tone of his voice made Sunny wince.

"No!" Sunny pleaded softly.

"What?"

"I swear Basil, I don't know what you are talking about."

"Stop messing with me! Why did you call?" He sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

So was Sunny.

"Why did you call me?"

"I had a nightmare about you, you idiot!" Sunny barked louder than he wanted. "Shit" he cursed,
hoping he didn't wake up his mother.

"You – what?"

"You got hurt. In my dream. I felt horrible and I called you." It did sound as stupid as Sunny had
feared.

No response.

"Why did you pick up?" Sunny asked in return.

"Couldn't sleep."

Sunny turned off the lamp and maneuvered back into his bedroom.

Basil did not speak.

"Basil?"

"Hm?" His voice sounded even weaker.

"I can't sleep either. Do you want to talk?" Sunny still felt out of breath, and the exhaustion of his
body was weighing him down hard, but he knew he wouldn't get any sleep soon.

He carefully placed the paper back in his drawer and closed it. The rest he'd do later.

It took long for Basil to respond. "I'm not sure" he said quietly. "I'm confused."

Sunny picked up a piece of paper on the floor and a sharpie.

"Are you mad at me?" Basil asked.

He froze at Basil's words. "No! Wha- why?"

"Then why did you, at school –"

"At school?" Something dawned on Sunny.

"when you saw me", Basil's voice was close to cracking.

Sunny uncapped the sharpie. "When I saw you", he repeated. "I – Fuck. Basil. I'm so sorry." A
sharp breath escaped his lips. "I can explain."

In big letters he wrote across the sheet: not a dream

"Can we see each other tomorrow?" Sunny added when Basil did not respond. "I won't go to school
later. Please?"

Basil let out a defeated sigh. "If you explain yourself."

"Yes! Yes. I will."

"Uh, should I come over? I", Basil hesitated, "I'll stay home too", he said with some more
resolution. "Or do you want to –"

"Come to your place?" Sunny finished Basil's question.

"Yeah" Basil said shyly.

"Sure" he responded with a small smile. The prospect of seeing Basil, albeit daunting and exciting,
made his heart calm down. "Uh, do you want to sleep?"

"I won't be able to anyway", Basil laughed somberly.

"Why?" Sunny could hear the other boy tense up.

"It's nothing."

"Tell me."

"Just, uh, I was just feeling a bit stressed. I feel better now."

A pause.
"Sunny?" Basil asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"Did you really call me because of a nightmare?"

Sunny felt his face heat up. Why did he even say that? "Yes" he admitted, not able to come up with
any other response than the truth. "Sorry. It's dumb."

"What happened in the dream?"

"You got hurt."

"How?" Basil seemed anxious.

"I… I don't want to think about it. You got stabbed at some point."

"Oh." What kind of response was that?

"I felt horrified when I woke up and thought something was off. As I said, it's dumb."

"Thank you for checking up on me, Sunny." There was a genuine smile in those words, Sunny was
sure of it. "Even, uh, even if it was just a dream, haha", Basil chuckled with his usual awkward
tone again.

Basil seemed to think for a moment. Sunny's face was still burning hot from all the blood rushing
to it.

With a much quieter, sadder voice, Basil asked another question: "Why did you call earlier?"

Sunny felt his throat tighten. Talking about his issues was hard, and he felt such a weird shame and
uneasiness about bringing them up in front of Basil. He was not yet sure how he'd explain
everything to him later, but he guessed he'd have to figure that one out when the time came. He did
not say anything.

Basil was breathing audibly.

"I was not feeling okay." Sunny stated simply. "And I needed, uh, you", Sunny shook his head in
shock, his face growing ever redder, "I – I mean, I, uh, needed to talk to someone." Nice save,
Sunny scoffed at himself.

"What happened Sunny?"

"I'll tell you later, okay?" It took so much force to get the words out of his head and into his mouth.

Basil scoffed in protest but seemed to understand quickly. "Oh, yeah, when exactly is later?"

"Mom leaves at seven or so."

"Oh, well, I'll be home."

Sunny felt every shadow tug at him, he was so exhausted. With Basil on the phone, he did not want
to hang up. He'd have to make up for his reclusion anyway, one night of no sleep was the least he
could do when his friend couldn't sleep either. He felt like there would be many more such nights
to come. Sunny had slept enough in four years to make up for that anyway. If feeling exhausted
would help him get some of that lost time back, he was okay with it. Sunny yawned.
"Where do you live?"

"Oh, right!"

Sunny got up again and wrote down the directions Basil gave him. He had no idea where those
streets and landmarks were, but he was assured it was close by.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Basil asked. "I don't want to keep you up…"

"No, it's fine. I'm too awake now. What's bothering you?"

"Can we", Basil paused, "can we talk about that later too?"

"Sure."

It was clear they were both exhausted, and no one knew what to talk about exactly.

"Do you often have nightmares?"

"All the time."

"Me too", Basil lamented.

"Oh, that reminds me of, uh, do you remember that one night I stayed over and we built that huge
fort next to your bed?" Sunny remembered a certain day.

Aubrey had to leave early, her dad picked her up at the park. She was still covered in the sand Kel
had been kicking at her. Kel had some practice tomorrow and couldn't stay that long at the park
either, so Hero took him and after saying goodbye they also left when Aubrey did, as it felt like a
fitting point to end their meet up for the day.

Sunny and Basil looked at each other. Basil seemed almost a bit sad that everyone was going
home. Mari approached Sunny, "Ready to go little brother?"

Sunny shook his head. He wasn't. Basil stood up and patted sand off his overalls. "Do you want to
play more Basil?" Sunny asked.

"Oh, I better get going, granny will get worried if I stay out too long."

Mari pulled her brother up by the arms so that he would stand. "Why don't you go with him
Sunny?"

And as such it was decided that Sunny would sleep over at Basil's place. They got some clothes
from home and walked over to the house with the green roof.

Basil and Sunny looked through their photographs, they'd talk about games, books, cats, but
eventually they were tired and would sleep. Sunny had a pile of blankets next to Basil's bed, where
he quickly curled up and was fast asleep.

"I had a nightmare that night, right?" Basil asked in between reminiscing with Sunny.

"Yeah, me too."

When they both had woken up and realized the other one was awake, they started talking, but they
were too agitated and anxious to fall back asleep.
Basil had the idea to grab whatever blankets and pillows they could find and build a blanket fort.
It wasn't as impressive as the ones Kel could build, but a fort was a fort. They were proud of their
construction and crawled inside, Basil armed with a flashlight.

Instead of sleeping, they'd talk more, make jokes, Basil would watch Sunny play a game on his
hand held.

Soon, they were both exhausted and calm enough to fall back asleep.

"It's a bit like today, isn't it", Basil said solemnly.

"We should build another fort" Sunny said, making Basil laugh.

Eventually, dawn arrived. It was still dark, only a slight orange tinge came through the window
into Sunny's room.

"I gotta hang up, Mom is probably up. I'll come over in a bit, okay?"

"See you, Sunny."

"Bye Basil."

Sunny left his room and surely enough, Mom was already up and in the kitchen. He carefully
placed the phone back in the charger, and joined her.

"Morning Mom" he said, nonchalantly.

"Jesus, Sunny! Don't scare me like that. Up already?"

"Didn't sleep at all."

"Oh no!"

"Yesterday was too much, I think." Sunny said. He hesitated. "Can I – Can I stay at home today?"

Mom looked at him. "Sunny –"

"Just today. I'm so tired."

She sighed. "Promise me it'll be just today."

"I promise. Just today."

"Do you want your coffee?"

He nodded and shortly after Mom handed him his new mug. It was light blue with a yellow sun
and it said Good Morning Sunshine.

As soon as Mom was out the door, Sunny went back into his room and packed some things
together. On his desk still lay the paper that said not a dream. Sunny was very glad about that. He
grabbed his bag, put on his shoes, and after making clear Mom was really gone and out of the
house, he left too.

The directions Basil had given him proved to be very helpful, and soon enough Sunny found
 himself in front of another apartment complex. He rang the doorbell.

Again.

Sunny was getting anxious, but soon enough the door opened for him. He went up some stairs and
there was Basil, waiting in the door frame to his apartment. Sunny felt something squeeze his chest
tightly.

"You actually came" Basil smiled.

Chapter End Notes

Hope you enjoyed the new chapter.

Thanks go out to all of you.
 Visiting
Chapter Notes

Hope you all enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny felt the tiredness gnawing at him, and Basil was feeling it too. The boy looked horrible. Red
eyes with dark rings under them, disheveled hair. The smile on his face looked strained. His fingers
were fidgeting.

"Oh - uh, come in!" Basil exclaimed, nervously stepping aside. He seemed conflicted letting
someone inside his apartment.

Sunny stepped out of the bright hallway into a dimly lit apartment, the few lamps that were
switched on contrasting with the early morning darkness that shone through the windows.
Immediately, he was hit by a strong memory: While it did not match exactly, the smell of the
apartment was remarkably close to what Sunny remembered from Basil's house, the familiar smell
he had spent so many hours in. A smell that symbolized safety, refuge from his family and friends
when he needed it, calmness on a stressful day, and just a familiarity few other things were able to
give to Sunny.

Even in the low light, Sunny was able to see arrays and clusters of pots around the apartment.
There was a considerably sized palm tree behind the sofa, and small pots with flowers and
greenery lined the windowsills.

Sunny turned to his right where Basil stood, and saw the boy was almost shaking.

"Are you okay?" Sunny asked.

Basil nodded. "Yes, just… worked up. Sorry." He smiled before looking around his apartment.
Sunny followed his gaze. He wasn't able to see everything, and it was a bit messy, but it was nice.

Sunny placed his bag on the floor and looked at his friend, unsure what to do next.

"Do you want something to drink?" Basil asked, also unsure. "I, I have tea! Not sure if I should
drink any now, haha…" Sunny tilted his head in question. "Anyway, if you want, I -"

"I'd like that", Sunny said, trying to get the conversation going. He missed the old times where they
just meshed like two gears, able to engage without any effort. It was different these days.

Basil looked happy to have something to do and went into the kitchen, Sunny followed suit. There
were more plants here. Basil prepared a kettle.

"You have a lot of plants." Sunny remarked.

"Y-yeah."

"It's really nice in here."

The blonde boy smiled warmly at that as he poured hot water into two mugs. One was handed to
Sunny, who gladly received the pink mug with strawberries drawn all over it.

Basil walked out of the kitchen and Sunny, a bit lost in the foreign rooms, followed him. They
walked towards an open door to what Sunny assumed was Basil's room.

"Here we are", Basil said quietly, placing his mug on the nightstand.

More pots lined the windowsill, in between lay a pair of garden shears. The sight of them made
Sunny wince and his eye feel weird. Basil seemed to notice Sunny looking at the window, he got
up and took the tool. "Ah, I forgot to clean up", he laughed a little. Sunny took a closer look at the
pots but couldn't see anything growing there.

"What's in here?" he asked, still warming his cold hands on the steaming mug.

Basil had stashed away his shears. "Tulips. They, uh, they don't usually grow indoors. But I didn't
want to pass up on seeing them bloom so I decided to grow them here. They'll take a few more
weeks, though." He sat down on the bed, not able to keep his hands still. It looked like he had
words in his mouth, but he was unable to get them out.

Basil looked flat out uncomfortable.

"Isn't it winter by then?" Sunny asked, trying to stick to the flower topic.

"Almost, yeah", Basil said, his mind wandering somewhere. "They thrive indoors even if it's too
cold outside." Basil sighed and looked at Sunny. "I thought this would become easier."

"What do you mean?"

"Talking to you. To anyone." Another sigh left Basil's mouth. "It's just getting harder."

Sunny stared into his mug, loosely focusing on the faint swirls of steam rising from it. "It's hard
talking to me?" he asked.

"It is. We didn't talk in four years. I want things to be as they used to but…" Basil paused. "We're
both too different now, aren't we?"

Sunny didn't know what to say. He had similar fears after all.

"Ah, I'm just, uh… I'm too tired to think straight."

"We're still friends, aren't we?" Sunny did not look at Basil, he had to concentrate on staying calm.
Or, as calm as he could be in this situation.

"I - I want to think so, but…" Basil's voice broke off. "You still owe me an explanation."

Right. Sunny had banned that thought from his memory. "Can you tell me what happened?" Sunny
asked carefully. He swallowed thickly.

"I have to tell you what you did?" Basil asked, frowning.

"Please."

"Is this some kind of joke I'm not getting?"

Sunny turned towards Basil, finally breaking free from staring at the mug, and as soon as Basil saw
his face his angry expression immediately softened. Shame stirred inside Sunny.

"You… you approached me in school, I didn't notice you at first. I turned around and you just…
stood there. Staring at me. Or, uh, looking at me with pure disgust. I think. I wasn't sure what was
wrong, but you wouldn't answer me. And then you turned around and walked away."

An invisible fist was clenching around Sunny's stomach. So that had been real.

Basil sunk his eyes. "Why am I telling you this?" His lips were trembling. "And why are you even
here after that?" Basil's shoulders sunk. "Do you really hate me so much?"

Piercing pain shot through him with every sentence Basil uttered.

Basil seemed to be on the verge of tears, but he kept it under control. Sunny was too shaken to
speak. Pure disgust bubbled up in his throat, at himself. He was so angry. It tried to get out of him,
he wanted to lash out, just do something, but he knew he would have to be careful around Basil,
especially now, even if it was not aimed at the boy. It was all aimed at himself. Not only was
Sunny weak enough to get overwhelmed by anything, he also managed to hurt his best friend in the
process.

"Basil, I -" He reached out one hand and placed it on Basil's shoulder, who weakly tried to evade it.
"I am so sorry."

"I was so close to believing we could -", but Basil's voice trailed off again.

"Listen to me." Sunny said firmly. He tried to order his thoughts, form some coherent sentence. "I
am not myself sometimes."

After thinking about that sentence for a while, Basil turned towards him, looking confused and
unconvinced.

"It's complicated. And hard to talk about."

"What isn't…"

"But I do not hate you."

That did not seem to satisfy Basil, he nodded but Sunny could tell he was not being honest.

"I swear. I don't. You're way too special for that." Special was the first and only word Sunny was
able to think of.

"Just tell me what that meant, Sunny…"

Sunny took a deep breath. He owed an explanation to Basil, no matter how hard it was to talk
about. He closed his eyes and braced himself, he'd just have to get the words out. Sunny imagined
he was at his therapist's office. "I hallucinate. All the time." Cold rushed down Sunny's back.

Basil looked at him with a too complex expression for Sunny to read.

"And I keep seeing", he paused, knowing he had to do this, "you."

"Me?"

"Yes. But something bad always happens. Or you disappear. And it makes me", Sunny swallowed,
his voice became much quieter, "panic." There. "I have a hard time keeping reality apart from, uh,
from whatever is in my head. I keep losing touch. I never know if I actually met you."

"But I'm right here!"

"Yeah… But… it's hard to convince myself."

Basil nodded, turning his gaze away from Sunny.

"I was thinking I had another episode. That wasn't disgust or hate, Basil. That was pure fear."

They sat in silence for a while.

"I really don't hate you. My head is just a mess."

"I'm so sorry", Basil sobbed. "I'm so sorry. I made this all about me."

"It is about you, though!" Sunny countered. "I hurt you by being stupid."

"I…", Basil straightened up, "I thought in that moment you had made up your mind and you
loathed me, like the others."

Sunny looked at the space between them. Basil felt so far away. The sadness and hurt in his
friend's eyes tugged at Sunny, he wished he could do something to make it all better, but he
supposed he was unable to. "Basil?" Sunny asked. "Just… You're my best friend."

Basil smiled lightly and couldn't help but yawn. "I didn't sleep at all last night" he said to explain
the obvious.

"Why not?" Sunny prodded.

"It just happens sometimes", Basil shrugged. It didn't look like Sunny would be able to get
anything more out of his friend right now.

They decided to sit more comfortably, both were leaning against the wall now and sat at the head
end of Basil's bed, legs stretched out.

"This will sound silly, but…" Basil began, fidgeting, "I'm actually grateful about last night."

"You mean me keeping you company?"

Basil shifted. "That too… but also just that you called." He scoffed lightly. "I, I guess it's nice to
have someone worry about me." They looked at each other. "Thank you."

The warm smile shining at Sunny made him instantly want to jump at his friend, tackle him and
not let him go until Basil understood just how much Sunny worried, but he was both too tired to do
so and also his shame wouldn't let him do it anyway.

"Was the nightmare that bad?" Basil asked after he watched Sunny for a bit.

Sunny just nodded.

"I don't think I ever dreamt a lot" Basil said, leaning his head against the wall. "But lately I have
more and more vivid nightmares."

"I've always had vivid dreams." Sunny paused. "During my… while I was staying at home, I think
I spent more time dreaming than being awake." A long, embarrassed sigh came from him.
"You dreamt?"

"Couldn't stand being conscious."

"What were you dreaming about?" Basil looked at Sunny tenderly. This was not just curiosity, it
was real concern.

"About you guys. Or, how I remembered you all. Mari was there."

"I see…"

"It's getting harder to think about, like I'm forgetting it, but you were all in there. I think you lived
in a big shoe or something."

Basil's face contorted and Sunny was worried he had said something wrong, but he was pleased to
see Basil let out a genuine laugh. Sunny loved seeing his friend like that.

"A shoe? That's adorable."

"I kinda miss it…" Sunny said, pulling his legs towards him and wrapping his arms around them.
"It's easier than doing this whole life… thing." He chuckled weakly.

Basil's look was blank. "Well, I'm glad you're here instead of stuck in your head."

Sunny looked at him and smiled back at the blonde boy. "Me too."

"I missed you a lot." Basil had hugged his legs now too, holding them tight. Sunny could see his
friend's face was a bit pink.

"I think I remember you got lost at some point" Sunny recounted. "And we all tried to find you."

"And did you?"

Sunny shook his head. "That was just before I moved. Leaving the house kinda screwed things up
on the dream side."

"Sunny?"

Sunny looked at Basil.

"Why did you leave the house? I - I mean, why then, all of a sudden."

"Kel." Sunny stated simply. "He somehow managed to get me out of my rut. I didn't realize I
needed help." Sunny could barely keep his eyes open. Every time he closed them, they were shut
just a little longer than the last time. He yawned. Basil joined in.

"I… I'm glad you're here." Sunny heard, before sleep finally caught him.

The room was mildly bright when he woke up. His head was resting on something hard. Sunny
opened his eyes and tried adjusting to the orange light that filled the room. He was sitting upright,
and his neck felt a bit stiff. With a light groan he got upright and stretched.

Then he realized Basil was sitting next to him, holding a book. "Morning Sunny." Next thing he
realized was that his head had been resting on Basil's shoulder. "Did I wake you up?" Basil asked.

Sunny shook his head.

 "Ah, I'm glad. I woke up a while ago but I didn't want to disturb you, so I just let you… stay there."
Sunny felt something warm rush to his face.

"Oh, sorry." Sunny mumbled uneasily. "That must've been uncomfortable."

Basil shook his head, rustling his blonde hair. "No, no, it was… good. I – I mean, I didn't mind."

"Wait, what time is it?" Sunny asked, suddenly agitated.

"Uh, I think just past four? Oh, almost five."

"Shit!" Sunny jumped up, still feeling a little stiff from his uncomfortable sleeping position. "Mom
will be home soon."

"Oh…" Basil looked a bit sad. "I guess you better go then. Don't get in trouble."

"We should, uh, continue this?" Sunny said. He grabbed his bag and walked towards the door,
Basil followed him.

"Yeah." Basil nodded. He looked much better now than in the morning when Sunny had arrived.
Basil hesitated, and then slowly came towards Sunny. "Sunny?"

"Hm?"

That moment, Basil had wrapped his arms around Sunny and pressed his face against his shoulder.
"Thank you again for checking up on me."

"Uh, I… anytime, Basil."

Basil didn't let go immediately, and Sunny thought he saw Basil wipe something from his eyes, but
he couldn't see it properly.

"Bye Basil." He waved to his friend as he walked down the stairs, and Basil waved back. "See you,
Sunny." They exchanged a short smile before Sunny was out of sight.

He had to get home quickly now.

Chapter End Notes

A special thank to everyone who leaves kudos and comments. I read every single
comment with the widest, stupidest grin on my face. Thank you.

I will probably take a short break from writing and instead the next chapter will be a
bit longer.
 Days alone
Chapter Summary

An exciting weekend lies ahead.

Chapter Notes

I said I would take a break. I lied. To myself. Oh well. I'll def take a breather after this
one tho, see you in a few days.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The sun was already setting, and Sunny hurried back the way he had come in the morning. He
hoped Mom would not be home yet, because if she were, she'd be worried that Sunny wasn't
anywhere to be found, and Sunny would have to explain where he had been. Nothing he looked
forward to.

He entered the apartment quietly, but as usual his mother noticed when the door opened or closed.
"Sunny!" she exclaimed, "Where have you been?" She looked worried.

"I was just – catching some fresh air. Needed to clear the head a bit."

"That's good. Were you able to sleep a little today?"

Sunny nodded, growing lightly pink in the face when he wondered just how long he had been
leaning on Basil. All day, until he had woken up? He rubbed his neck where it still felt stiff.

His mother smiled. She didn't seem too stressed that Sunny had been gone when she got home, he
was glad about that. "I'll go grab some dinner for us, what do you say?"

Despite not eating anything all day, Sunny wasn't hungry at all. Hunger wasn't something that
bothered him usually, instead it was something he would notice randomly and deduce he should eat
something. Sunny was convinced he was bad at said deducing, considering he was still trying to
gain some weight after barely eating for years.

Sunny forced himself to eat at least a few bites, otherwise Mom would tell him once again how
important it was for him to eat properly and get some nutrition. He was still growing, yadda yadda.
She was right, of course, but that didn't make eating any easier.

"Anything interesting happen today?" Mom asked, waving her fork around while talking.

Sunny looked at her, chewing, then away, before swallowing. Should he mention Basil?

"I – uh, I talked to Basil." No point in hiding it, she'd figure out if he were lying anyway.

Mom's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Good to hear that! Did he call you?"
"Sorta…"

"How is he?"

Sunny looked at his mother and his face seemed to say enough. She dropped it.

"You could ask him to stay the weekend, if you want" she suggested after eating quietly for a
minute or two. "What?" Sunny must've looked at her strangely. "Having a friend over would be
good for you."

Did he actually want that? Sunny was worrying it was too soon for them to do something like that,
but they basically spent last night together, and it got them talking. Quite a lot. And once things
calmed down between them their shared time felt nice, Sunny had to admit. He just hoped Basil felt
the same.

He would think about this, first he had to get through the rest of the week.

Sunny was lying in his bed, as usual staring at the uninteresting ceiling. Sketchbooks and pens
were still littered across the floor, he'd put those back into the drawer tomorrow. After sleeping all
day, he did not exactly feel tired, but he decided to try and sleep anyway, so he'd be awake at
school.

His mind was dwelling on what he said to Basil. Was it enough? Should he have said more? Was it
too much? Did his friend think any less of him for being like this? Did Basil think of him as
broken? Maybe. Sunny still felt uncomfortable about opening up about those things, but he
suspected it was the right thing to do. Especially considering he had hurt Basil with his behavior.
That fact made Sunny's stomach turn.

Would Basil want to see him again? Probably not, right? Sunny was oversharing his issues, he was
weird, he hurt his friend, he…

He replayed Basil saying goodbye in his head. Sunny felt how Basil had hugged him tightly,
thanking him. That was not what someone who never wanted to see him again would do, right?
Sunny grabbed his own shoulders, longing for what he felt that morning.

There was that agitation again. Sunny wasn't able to rest, he got up, his heart was beating rapidly.

A few deep breaths later, Sunny felt marginally calmer, but he was still so worked up. Sunny was
thinking, wondering how Basil felt, and if he was able to sleep. What kept him up the night before?
Was it just the incident at school or was there more to it?

Due to all this, all those thoughts, he felt quite helpless. Although he managed to set things straight
regarding the incident at least, he feared Basil was suffering more than Sunny understood so far.

If Sunny had locked himself indoors for multiple years, how did Basil cope? They barely talked
about the aftermath of it all. If Sunny was traumatized enough that it manifested in him losing the
ability to tell what is real and what is not, twist his mind enough that he had almost starved in the
past because he did not even feel that anymore, how would it affect…

He had to sit back down.

Of course Sunny knew Basil was not well, but the probable extent of it just hit him. The years
passed quickly for Sunny, in no small part due to his long and vivid stays inside his head, but he
had to realize he was over sixteen – Basil had been carrying around all that guilt since they were
twelve, and he had no refuge like Sunny did. Not to mention, Aubrey had been bullying him. Ever
since their confession Sunny did not have a whole lot of social interaction, he couldn't imagine
Basil being in a better spot there. It was easy enough for himself to deal with that, he was never the
most social one, but Basil? Basil needed friends and support, now more than ever.

The feeling of Basil's hug was lingering, the way he had rested his face on Sunny's shoulder, the
tight grip of his thin arms, the almost cracking voice. Sunny felt even more agitated. He swore to
himself, he'd make it up to Basil, he'd make up for abandoning him for years, leaving him alone
for so long.

With a skewed sleep cycle, school was going even slower for Sunny. He was thinking about
checking out the flower fields behind the school, but he decided against it – he feared it would
trigger something, especially after that horrid nightmare he had.

He could swear he had seen Basil walking across the school grounds, but Sunny was still too
scared to engage with him, and a bit later he had to tell himself it was indeed not Kel running laps
around the campus and he just imagined it.

It was time for another therapy session. Sunny sat there, feeling uneasy. He'd have to bring up that
dream.

Even after his therapist doing her best to tell him it was normal to have weird dreams, that there
was no need for Sunny to feel horrible about it, he couldn't help but cry. With half closed, wet
eyes, hex turned towards his therapist, seeing if she wanted to continue, or ask him something, or
tell him it would be okay. She didn't do anything but look at him with a sympathetic smile while
handing him a box of tissues.

A little later Sunny had mentioned talking to Basil on the phone all night, and then going over to
his place.

"Did you ditch school for that?" his therapist asked with a scolding eye on him.

"Yes. I…" Sunny wasn't sure how to say it. "I wanted to be there for him."

She nodded. "I suppose as long as you're not closing yourself off again, it should be fine. Don't tell
your mother I said that."

Sunny smiled back at her, even though he felt weird.

Sunny was staring at some stupid homework problem. He decided to get everything out of the way,
just in case he would invite Basil later.

"Sunny, it's for you!" his mother called. Sunny stuck his head out of his room, his mother was
holding the phone. She silently voiced "It's Kel."

Sunny had not expected a call and he gulped.

Mom left him alone with the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sunny! How are you?" Enthusiastic as always, Kel almost yelled into the phone.

"Hi Kel. Uh, good, thanks. You?"

"Oh I'm just fine, listen are you free tomorrow?"

"Uh"

"I convinced my mom to drive me to the city. We'll go shopping for a bit but I'll be there til the
afternoon, wanna hang out?"

"Uh…"

"Come on! It'll be fun, I promise. We haven't seen each other in ages now."

"Right." Sunny was thinking quickly. He felt obliged to meet with Kel, even if he didn't really feel
ready for it yet, and even though Basil –

"So?"

"S-sure."

"We can pick you up and you can come with us to the mall!"

"Kel, are you sure that's a… that's a good idea?" Sunny wasn't sure how to approach this.

"Of course! I really wanna see you again." Kel was probably smiling, his voice was a clear
indication.

"Alright. Uh, so…"

"10am, your place?"

Sunny couldn't keep up with Kel. Neither in running, nor in talking, it seemed. "Yes."

"Sweet! See ya then pal!"

And that was that. Sunny stared at the phone in disbelief.

"Mom?" he called.

"Yes sweetie?"

"I, uh, well, Kel will pick me up tomorrow."

"That's great! Just a day out?"

"I think we're going to the mall?"

"To the mall?"

"I only got like half of what he said."

"That does sound like Kel." Mom laughed.

Now what. Should he call Basil? He could still spend Saturday night with him. Though… after
spending a day with Kel, Sunny would probably be exhausted. And what if Kel wanted to talk? As
in, bring up heavy stuff that was not easy for Sunny to talk or think about? Sunny would be even
more drained than usual. Maybe some other weekend…
Sunny shook his head at himself. Spending time with Basil after being exhausted from Kel and the
others had been the norm back when they were young, Basil wouldn't deplete his social capacities,
right?

Sunny was feeling nervous, with a fuzzy heat radiating around his body. All those discussions with
himself were moot anyway, he knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was spending time with
his best friend. More so than he wanted to spend time with Kel if he was being honest, but Sunny
didn't have a chance to pull out of that arrangement, so he'd just have to plan around it.

He picked up the phone again and dialed Basil's number. Sunny's heart was beating heavily as he
waited for the other boy to pick up, and to Sunny's surprise – and shock – a female voice greeted
him. Of course, it was Polly.

"Oh hello Sunny!" she greeted as soon as she recognized who he was.

"Is Basil home?"

"Yes, one second."

Basil sounded anxious when he answered the phone, Polly apparently did not tell him it was
Sunny. Or at least Sunny did not hear her say anything.

"Hi Basil." He tried to sound neutral, but his brain was spinning.

"Hi Sunny." Basil's voice was quiet as usual.

"Uh, so, you know", Sunny was stumbling over his own words. He laughed nervously. "What I am
trying to say, uh", he hesitated.

"Are you okay?" Basil asked.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm okay. Do you… do you want to come over tomorrow night?"

Basil was quiet for a moment. "Sure! That sounds nice."

Later when Sunny tried to sleep, his whole body seemed to fight his attempt at getting rest. He was
excited, and nervous, and scared, and happy, all at once and it was almost nauseating.

He lay on his bed, arms stretched out, slowly floating on this cloud of emotions. First thing on his
mind was Kel, the prospect of spending an entire day with him after not seeing him for a long time
seemed daunting. On the other hand, back when Kel managed to pry Sunny from his bedroom
during his last days in Faraway Town, Kel had no problem reconnecting with Sunny immediately.
Kel's impressive friendship skills were very reassuring. Not that the usual doubts about Kel had
vanished. Sunny was still very anxious about their future, and especially about how Kel had
processed their whole mess Sunny and Basil had put them in, but still, Kel managed time and time
again to show his true colors of a really, really good friend.

Sunny told himself that everything would be alright, and that he'd have a great Saturday, first with
Kel, then with Basil.

He'd have to calm down though, if he wanted any chance of sleeping that night, and he feared he
was edging into some sort of panic, judging from how agitated he felt. It wasn't yet panic, his
breathing was okay, but he did not feel calm, or relaxed. His mind was jumping from topic to topic,
he was trying to figure something out. The problem was, Sunny had no idea what.
 Sunny took a deep breath and watched as his ribs rose. For some reason, his mind wandered back
to that one day he'd keep daydreaming about, the same day he'd reminisced about with Basil on the
phone. Sunny remembered how well he slept that night, despite the nightmares he had at first.

It took a while, but after telling jokes, playing games, Basil talking about some ideas for his photo
album, both just talking about whatever, they became very tired. Basil put away the flashlight and
lay down, resting his head on his hands. They could barely see each other in the darkness.

"I don't really like the dark" Basil said. "But it's okay when you're there." It sounded like Basil was
telling that to himself.

Sunny was staring at the makeshift blanket ceiling.

They fell silent, and soon he could hear Basil's quiet breathing. This felt nice. Something nudged
Sunny, and he felt Basil's head touch his shoulder. This was nice, too. He decided to lean his head
towards Basil.

"Night Sunny", Basil whispered barely conscious. Their hands touched, and Sunny squeezed it.
That moment Sunny realized just how important Basil was to him.

He was still awake, a little annoyed now. This feeling of having to get up and run and jump around
just wouldn't go away. Sunny puffed an annoyed sigh, closed his eyes, and decided to wait until
finally, eventually, he fell asleep.

Chapter End Notes

I hope you liked this chapter.

As I mentioned, I'll try once more to take a short break, see you soon when I fail to do
so!

Once again, thank you so much.

 Going out?
Chapter Notes

Ten chapters already, wow. Never expected this fic to grow this much in such a short
amount of time.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Next morning, it took a lot of effort for Sunny to leave his bed, let alone his room. Meeting up with
Kel was intimidating, and Sunny would have loved to just stay inside and pretend he didn't exist.
Mom had made breakfast and coaxed him out of his room. She sat opposite to him. He was
munching on a strip of bacon as his mother was talking about things that happened over the last
week.

"Anyway", she said, "looks like you'll have a busy weekend. Oh I'm so excited for you!"

Sunny was chewing and looked at her.

"When did you say Basil would come over?"

"I think around five."

"I'll drop by the store later, do you need anything for tonight?" She seemed to count things in her
head. "Snacks? Ice cream? A movie?"

Sunny put down his piece of bacon. It sounded good on paper, but what kind of movie would Basil
enjoy? What kind of movie would he enjoy himself? He didn't exactly keep up with any new
releases over the past years and he doubted Basil would still like what they used to watch back
when they were twelve.

"How about a horror movie?" Mom stabbed the air with her fork and laughed. Sunny winced
slightly.

"I, I don't think Basil would enjoy that very much."

"I was just joking", she was still chuckling, "I wouldn't allow it anyway."

Sunny decided to try the hash brown that was sitting on his plate enticingly. He prodded it.

"How about I'll check out the movie rental down the block and see if I can find anything?"

"Sounds good."

"Does Basil like ice cream?"

"I guess?" Sunny didn't know. It had been years since they had all gone out to get some. "Probably
strawberry."

"Noted."

"Mom what are you planning?"

"Me? Nothing!" She pouted lightly. "You haven't had a proper sleepover in years, might as well go
all out, huh?"

Sunny wasn't sure he wanted that. He just wanted a nice evening with his friend. They didn't need
all that accommodation in the past, after all. However, it didn't sound bad either. He decided to just
wait and see.

"Is that why you suggested inviting him over?"

No response.

Mom looked at the kitchen clock. "Kel should be here soon, eat up!"

Kel was not on time.

"Hey Sunny!", Kel was beaming at him. Sunny had forgotten just how towering his friend was, he
felt very small compared to him.

Sunny waved in response.

"Come here you", Kel said, slinging one arm around Sunny and pulling him towards the car.
"How've you been man?"

"Uh, good. I think. You?"

"Doing just fine!" Kel smiled widely. "Ready for a great day?"

Sunny nodded, a little overwhelmed. Kel opened the car door and climbed inside, followed by
Sunny. Kel's mom and dad were in the front and greeted him, Sally was strapped into a seat and
was bubbling happily as Kel was making faces at her.

"Let's go!" Kel pumped his fist, he smiled at Sunny, and they started driving.

"Settled in already, chap?" Kel's dad was asking, looking at him via the rearview mirror. Sunny
just nodded.

"We need to get some stuff for Sally and I want a new coat", Kel's mom explained to her son, "and
you need some new shoes."

"Yes mom", Kel rolled his eyes. "Can we do that first?"

"Sure son", Kel's dad said.

"Sweet!" He turned towards Sunny. "I've heard they have an arcade at the mall! Wanna check it
out?"

Sunny managed to relax a bit, that did sound fun. "Yeah."

"Nice." Kel put his hands behind his head and leaned into his seat. "This is gonna be great."

They arrived at the mall. Despite living in the city for a few months now, Sunny had never been
here before. It had never been enticing and it was too far to go there by foot for him anyway. His
mom would go shopping in smaller shops she found, and Sunny accompanied her only sometimes.

"Ever been here before, Sunny?" Kel asked excitedly.

He shook his head.

As promised, first thing on their agenda was getting new shoes for Kel. Kel's dad was pushing
Sally around in a stroller and Kel's mom immediately found a shoe store, darting there with a quick
pace.

It had been a long time since Sunny stepped into a store like this and he still did not like the smell
that usually came with them.

"I promise this won't take long." Kel whispered to Sunny, placing one hand on his shoulder.

Sunny sat down somewhere in the store and watched Kel and his mom argue about what shoe to
get, and she kept piling different ones she'd find onto him. Kel's dad was standing a bit farther
away, gently rocking the stroller with Sally.

This would probably longer than anybody wanted to. Sunny closed his eyes and pretended he was
somewhere else, but the music playing in the store, the strong smell of shoes, the bickering, it all
made zoning out exceedingly difficult. Sunny sighed. This would be a long day.

Something tipped on his shoulder. Kel was standing there with a pair of bright orange sneakers
under his arm. "Got what we need, ready to go?"

Kel's parents waved them goodbye as they walked off, Sunny had trouble keeping up with Kel's
quick pace. "Alright, let's see." Kel said, stopping in front of a map of the mall. "We're right …
wait, where are we?"

Sunny pointed out the little you are here marker.

"Right! So… food court's up there… look, they have a store just for comic books, we should check
that out later. Hm… ah! The arcade is just down that way." Kel pointed towards some escalators.

They walked down and entered a barely lit, noisy arcade. Beeps and chippy music were playing
from all the machines.

"Wow, I've never seen an arcade this big before!" Kel exclaimed.

"It's pretty big, yeah." Sunny admitted.

They got some quarters and looked around what the arcade had to offer. "There's a pinball
machine." Sunny noted.

"Let's see who can get a higher score!" Kel said, jumping to the machine before Sunny could say
anything.

He wasn't doing badly, but Kel got too eager hitting the sides of the machine and managed to tilt it,
prompting a game over. "Ah! Damn it!" He hit the glass surface lightly. "Still, good run. Betcha
can't beat it." Kel stuck out his tongue.

"Oh yeah?" The sudden competitiveness in Sunny's voice surprised himself. Kel had always been
better at sports, but games were his domain.

"Loser's gotta buy a hotdog for the winner."

"Get your money ready, then." Sunny smirked.

Kel laughed and slapped him on the back, "I'll still cheer for you!"

Sunny was a bit rusty and he could feel his fingers weren't responding as quickly as they used to,
but it was still easy enough to beat his friend's score.

Kel didn't say anything, his mouth was pressed into a thin line. He did not look amused. "Let's
throw some hoops next!"

Sunny was pulled across the hall towards a game where you had to throw small balls into different
targets.

"Loser's gonna buy another hotdog?" Kel asked, looking at Sunny with scary conviction.

"Sure. I can eat two, I think."

They laughed, and Sunny went first this time. One miss, another one, and a few more.

"Not bad!" Kel said, grabbing Sunny at his shoulders, turning him slightly to his right. "Try like
this." To Sunny's surprise he managed to hit one target, prompting a cheer from Kel. The rest of his
attempts however were all failures. Sunny sat down so he could watch Kel try.

Kel obliterated him. He sunk every single ball. It was no competition. "Alright!" Kel shouted.
"Guess I win this one."

They tried out some more machines, there were a few two player games, sometimes Kel would
watch Sunny, Sunny would give tips to Kel, and soon enough, all their quarters had run out.

"Should we get more or do you want to grab something to eat?" Kel asked. "We can't forget our
bet."

The light outside the arcade was uncomfortably bright, they had spent a long time in the dark hall.
Each of them bought a hotdog at a stall on the top floor of the mall. Sunny just wanted to take a
bite, as Kel stopped him. "Wait, that's mine!"

"What?" Sunny was a bit confused. They had the exact same one, fixings and all.

"And this one's yours." Kel offered Sunny the hotdog he was holding. Sunny was still processing
what Kel was trying to tell him as he took the hotdog and placed the one he was holding himself
into Kel's hand.

"I owed you one and you owed me one. That's the rules." Kel looked serious, but let out a hearty
laugh as he saw Sunny's face get even more confused.

Sunny stared blankly at Kel. This was definitely something twelve-year-old Kel would have done.

Except for Kel being much taller now and sounding much deeper, their whole stay in the arcade
could have happened just the same before Sunny had become a recluse. It was nice how normal
everything felt.

While Sunny had some trouble eating his food, he stared at how quickly Kel managed to make his
disappear. He had an impressive appetite.

"What should we do next?" Kel asked, still chewing and wiping his mouth with the back of his
hand.

Sunny was only halfway through his hotdog. "Comic books?" he asked, forcing himself to take
another bite.

After browsing through comic books, magazines, after being amazed that Captain Space Boy was
still going somehow, they decided to take a break and just sat in a comparatively empty area of the
mall. Kel was telling a story from school, something involving his new friends. Sunny was zoning
out. Then, a thought struck him.

"Can I ask you something?" Sunny started, interrupting Kel.

"Sure!"

"How, uh, how is Hero doing?"

Kel frowned. "He's fine." He did not say anything after that.

"Fine?" Sunny asked after a while.

"Yeah. Still at college."

Kel sighed. "Should we get going? I bet there are some more stores we can check out." Kel was
smiling again, but Sunny felt it was not hundred percent genuine. Not that Kel was able to fake a
smile, but maybe that was exactly why Sunny noticed something else in there. He did not press the
issue, and Kel seemed to go back to his story quickly, laughing at some punchline he made.

Much later, Sunny noticed the time on a clock. It was getting quite close to five, and Sunny had to
get home before that. He hadn't told Kel yet about having to leave.

"Kelsey!" Kel's mom shouted, waving towards them.

"There they are!" Kel said, walking towards them, quickly followed by Sunny.

All reunited, Kel turned to him. "I think the plan was to get some dinner on the way home, you
in?" They started walking towards the parking lot.

"Oh, uh", Sunny started, "I, I think I have to go home."

"Aw come on!" Kel pleaded.

"Sorry, but… I really need to go."

"It won't take long! And I bet you're hungry!"

Sunny wasn't, at all. How should he do this?

"And it'd be cool to spend some more time together, right?"

Sunny was looking at the big clock hanging above them. "Uh", he stammered, not sure how to say
no to Kel.

"Come on!"

"I, uh, I'm not feeling that well." Sunny lied, trying to get Kel to just stop talking for a second. He
felt bad about it but he had to get home.
 "Oh shoot, why didn't you say so? Was it the hotdog?" Kel looked worried at his own stomach.
"Never trust mall dogs."

"No, it's uh - not that, it's…", Sunny was gesturing vaguely.

"Don't worry dear, we'll drop you right off" Kel's mom said, placing Sally in her seat.

The drive back was uneventful, Kel was musing loudly what he'd want for dinner, with Kel's dad
making suggestions. Sunny was just staring out the window, looking at the city go by.

It didn't take long for them to pull up in front of Sunny's house. Sitting on the stairs was a blonde
boy. Sunny froze.

"Here we are, residence of sir Sunny." Kel announced.

Sunny got out of the car, and Kel followed him. "It's a shame you can't join us for dinner but it was
good to see you again!" Kel said, smiling.

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

"Well then, I'll…" Kel's voice trailed off and Sunny followed his gaze. He had noticed Basil sitting
in front of Sunny's house, with a bag next to him. Kel turned to Sunny with a knowing expression,
almost disappointed. Sunny couldn't bear looking Kel in the face.

"Bye." Kel said, getting back in the car.

Sunny's stomach twisted, and Kel's family drove off.

The disappointment in Kel's eyes was lingering on Sunny's mind as he walked towards his front
door.

Basil noticed Sunny approaching and smiled at him. Sunny's breathing felt erratic.

Chapter End Notes

I keep saying I want to write longer chapters but those bite sized ones allow me to
structure the story a little neater, I think.

As always, huge thanks for reading, commenting, sticking around.

 Too much
Chapter Summary

What happens when you place two psychologically unstable teenagers in a room?

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Basil immediately noticed something was wrong. His smile disappeared, his eyes were fixed on
Sunny, filled with worry. Quickly, he got up and held him, giving him a light shake. "Sunny!"

Sunny did not respond, instead he was trying to rid himself of the creeping feeling of heat and cold
that was coming over his body.

"Are you - are you okay? Here, let me bring you inside." He carefully guided Sunny to the door,
took Sunny's keys and opened it. They walked up the stairs and Basil opened the apartment door
for Sunny. He had left his bag downstairs to hold his friend more easily.

Sunny sat down on the couch, Basil next to him. It was impossible for Sunny to get a word out. He
saw Basil had difficulties staying calm himself. The boy looked completely helpless.

"Should I leave?" Basil asked.

Sunny shook his head. That made Basil sink back down into the cushion, looking just a little less
anxious. Sunny tried focusing on his breathing, focusing on the uncomfortable beat in his chest. He
tried understanding the situation. Was it Kel that made Sunny lose it just now? Was it the look in
his eyes? What even was that expression? Anger? Disappointment? Was Kel angry at Basil? Was
Kel angry that Sunny was meeting Basil? Was he still mad at Sunny, and seeing Basil made him
show his true colors? The thoughts were rolling in his head, tumbling over each other, knocking
each other out of focus, forcing Sunny's mind to scramble not to lose his train of thought. Did Kel
hate him after all? Was that disgust in his face when he promptly turned around and left? Their day
together, the illusion of normality, it was all a façade? But, Sunny stopped his mind, why would
Kel do that?

Sunny managed to get some control over his breathing, his nose producing a whistling noise as he
deeply inhaled. Basil turned to him.

"Are you okay? I - I wasn't sure how, what to, I…" Basil shut up. His eyes were still full of worry.

"I'm alright." Sunny managed to say. "Sorry." He shot a pained smile to Basil.

"What happened, Sunny?"

Sunny hated seeing Basil like this, so worried. Sunny was supposed to be there for his friend, he
felt guilty using Basil as comfort and requiring his help instead. But - Basil was still here. He still
came. He did not leave. Was it alright to rely on him? The words were hard to articulate, hard to
focus on, and Sunny had to swallow some saliva first before he could try another attempt at
speaking.
"I - I don't know." It took a second for the situation to fully sink in for Sunny. "Why were you
downstairs?" he asked quickly.

Basil was taken aback. "I… I was waiting. Nobody opened the door and I figured you were out
getting groceries or something." Basil looked at the still open apartment door. "Where were you?"

Sunny swallowed once more. "Kel, uh, I was out with Kel. Sorry I'm late. I thought Mom would let
you in." Sunny looked around. Where was she?

"Kel?" Basil asked in surprise. The hint of excitement in his face quickly faded into a sad
expression. "Did something happen between you two?"

Did something happen? Kel was being weird earlier but overall their day seemed to go by fine.
"He, uh, he got really cold when I left the car. All of a sudden. And he looked at me with that look
of…" Sunny looked at Basil, not able to think of a proper word, but Basil seemed to understand.

"All of a sudden?" Basil repeated.

"He was saying goodbye and I think when he, he saw, uh", Sunny bit his tongue.

"Oh." Basil acknowledged with that smile Sunny hated so damn much.

"I - I don't understand it." Sunny tried to explain further, but their conversation ended quickly. They
quietly sat next to each other, unsure how to proceed, Basil was fidgeting. Sunny just watched his
friend's fingers intertwine and play with each other for a while.

"Why is the door open?" made both of the boys jump. Mom was back. "Sunny!" She turned to
Basil. "Oh, hello Basil!"

Basil tried to smile at her.

"I just got back from the store", she explained. She placed a bag of groceries on the floor. "There's
a backpack downstairs, is that yours Basil?"

"Oh, yeah! Let me go get it." Basil seemed eager to leave the living room and quickly disappeared
down the stairs.

Sunny's mother looked at her son. "Everything alright?"

He nodded, but she looked skeptical.

"What's wrong?"

"Kel was a bit weird when he saw Basil."

Mom wasn't sure what to make of that. "Weird?"

"Just -"

Basil was coming up the stairs again and they dropped the topic. Sunny got up and led him to his
room. The blonde boy was tense, and as they entered Sunny's room he did not take off his
backpack, that was loosely slung over one shoulder.

"Should I go?" he asked.

"What? Why?"
"I, I made Kel mad and made you have a panic attack."

"That was no panic attack." Sunny argued.

Basil shook his head. "Whatever, are you sure you want to have me here right now? If I should
leave, just -"

"Stop saying that. Stop asking that." Sunny's voice sounded harsher than he wanted it to. Basil
shrunk a bit. "Don't leave." The atmosphere was still tense, so he decided to approach Basil, take
off his backpack and give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Sorry, I just get… scared, easily." Basil said, looking at his feet.

"Let's go see what Mom got for us, I think she was so excited with me having someone over she
went overboard with preparations." Sunny explained, moving the conversation away from where it
lingered just now.

"Huh?" Basil looked spooked.

They checked out what Sunny's mom was unloading from her bags, and Sunny was right. There
was a stack of movies on the couch table, some drinks, and a surprising amount of snacks. Basil
was looking at Sunny, who just shrugged.

"Mom, we're only two people."

"So?" She smiled. "I didn't know what Basil liked so I just got a selection for you two.

"…thanks." Sunny smiled lightly at her, and she beamed back. He occupied his mind with the
prospect of having a sleep over with his best friend, something they hadn't done in years. The smile
on his mother's face also reminded him, with a bittersweet tug at his heart that Sunny wasn't sure
he liked, of Mari. When Mom wasn't dealing with her own set of troubles, it was obvious where his
sister had gotten her ways from. Sunny decided to ignore the sadness that realization would always
bring him and focused on the nice gesture from his mother.

"If you want dinner just tell me or get something delivered, there's a flyer on the fridge and some
money."

Basil and Sunny looked at each other. "I can still wait", Basil said, and Sunny didn't feel
particularly hungry either. Sunny nodded in agreement.

"Well, I'll leave you two at it then. Don't go to bed too late." And as such, Mom disappeared into
her room.

"Are you feeling better?" Basil asked, still unsure about the situation he was thrown into.

Sunny nodded. "You too?"

Basil's mouth betrayed him and let a smile slip through. "Yes, I think so."

Sunny walked over to the couch table and spread out the stack of VHS tapes. He had never heard
of any of those movies. Basil noticed his puzzled look and joined him, looking at the cover of each
box.

"I guess this is a movie night, then?" Basil asked.

"I suppose. To be honest I didn't plan anything, this was all", Sunny looked around, "Mom."
Basil chuckled. "That's really nice of her. How about this one first?" Basil was holding up an
animated movie. "I've heard it's fun."

"Sure."

They started the movie, sat down on the sofa, a good bit apart, and watched. It was an odd feeling,
just sitting there next to each other, with pictures flickering on the television. Sunny felt like he
wanted to talk to Basil, actually spend time with him, instead of having to keep quiet over here.

"Sunny?" Basil looked at him, all flustered. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

Sunny quickly turned back to face the TV. "I zoned out a bit, sorry."

"Everything fine?" Basil turned the volume down a bit.

"Yes, why?"

"Oh, uh, never mind."

"What about you?" Sunny asked.

"M-me?"

"You look", Sunny had to pause, and looked at his friend. Basil was sitting with his feet on the
sofa, resting his hands on his knees, drumming on them. He looked like he was about to curl into a
ball. "…tense?" Sunny finally finished his sentence.

Basil looked even more flustered. "Oh - I'm sorry, this…" He struggled for words, turned to
Sunny, and paused.

Sunny wanted to ask more, to dig deeper, but Basil looked like he would break. He did not want to
risk pushing their time together into disarray again, putting more stress on each other, so Sunny
decided against it. He'd try and keep his mind on the movie and on the fact that he was watching it
with his friend. Taking a deep breath, Sunny got up. There had to be a way to defuse the situation.
"Want, uh, want something to munch on?" Sunny asked, looking for the pile of various snacks his
mother had acquired. Basil caught up quickly.

"S-sure! What do you have?"

"Everything, it seems."

Basil paused the movie and joined Sunny, his face had a lightly shocked expression when he saw
the assortment.

"I haven't had most of that stuff in years", Basil said in disbelief. "What would you like, Sunny?"

Sunny rummaged through the pile. There was a bag of BBQ chips, and he remembered liking
those. He picked it up and looked at Basil. "What about you?"

"Oh, not sure you should open something just for-"

"Just take something. Look how much it is."

Basil wanted to protest but soon enough his curiosity got the better of him and he started looking
deeper into the pile. He eventually settled on a bag of gummy candies. He held it up with two
hands to show Sunny.

Rummaging through the pile of junk food completely distracted both of them and they resumed
watching the movie. They sat in the same seats, but soon Sunny asked to have some of Basil's
candy, and when Basil had trouble reaching Sunny's bag, they edged closer together. Eventually,
they sat directly next to each other, and Sunny had a hard time focusing on the movie. A light
sense of nausea came over him, probably from the candy he forced himself to eat. Despite that, he
felt quite content, watching cartoons, eating junk, he felt like a kid again.

Some time later, the movie concluded, and they sat in silence as the credits rolled. Sunny leaned
back, waiting for the music to fade out.

"Should we get some dinner?" Sunny asked, feeling quite full but having the urge to keep the
evening going. He got up, unable to sit still any longer.

Basil looked unsure. "If you want, I guess."

"Wait, I think Mom bought ice cream, do you want that instead?"

Sunny almost laughed at the face Basil made. "Sunny, that's not… you can't eat ice cream for
dinner." Basil had to laugh. "It does sound good though."

Sunny walked to the freezer in the kitchen and opened it. There was a tub of strawberry ice cream.
Sunny grabbed it and got two spoons, before walking back to the couch. Basil was meanwhile
looking at the VHS boxes again.

"I chose the last one, so now you … wait, did you really get the ice cream?"

Without saying anything, Sunny held out a spoon until Basil took it. Then he shrugged. "Choose
the next movie too, I have no idea what's good."

"Hm… How about…" He moved his fingers over the boxes. "This one?"

Sunny truly had no idea about movies, not after hiding away for so long, so he accepted whatever
Basil suggested. He got up and switched out the tapes.

Half a movie and way too much ice cream later, Basil let out a sigh. "I… I ate too much."

"Me too." Sunny yawned.

"This movie is a bit… boring", Basil said, looking nervously at Sunny.

Sunny agreed. "Should we call it a day and go to my room?"

"Uh – sure!" Basil didn't look like he would disagree, but something about him had tensed up.

Sunny put away some trash and switched off the TV. Basil awkwardly stood next to the couch,
unsure if he should move, so he just held his arms and waited.

It wasn't that late yet, but the sun had already set. Switching off the TV left them in low light, and
Sunny had to blink in order to rid his vision of some shadows crawling into his direction. He
suddenly felt cold.

"Let's go", Basil said with an unexpected resolution. He grabbed Sunny's hand and pulled him
towards his room. The tug at his arm surprised Sunny, but he followed. They entered Sunny's
room, and he turned on his bed lamp. Basil let go of his hand and nervously looked around. "I… I
still don't like the dark" he said with a nervous smile. "Sorry for pulling you like that."

"It's fine."

Basil was quiet.

"So…" Sunny began, uncomfortable with the silence.

"We could build that pillow fort", Basil suggested, sounding half serious. With a lack of a better
suggestion, they decided to do it. They got some pillows from the couch, the blanket Mom had put
on a dresser for Basil, and stuff from Sunny's bed. Even without Kel, and without any practice in
recent years, they soon had a proper pillow fort. It was a bit small for two teenagers, but they were
content with it.

"This takes me back…" Basil sighed, lying down on his back and stretching. "What should we do
now?"

Sunny got Basil talking about the plants in his house, and not long after they shifted to school, to
random things they had done, Sunny recounted a vivid dream he had in the past, and Basil brought
up a day they spent together as kids.

Mentioning Mari's name was a bit painful, but it was still nice to talk, or so Sunny thought.

Sunny noticed Basil was no longer talking. Had Sunny been zoning out? If so, how long? He
turned to face his friend and saw a pained expression on Basil, a forced smile threatening to crack.
His blue eyes betrayed him. Basil noticed Sunny looking at him, and he laughed nervously,
swallowing audibly afterwards.

"Can I ask you something?"

Sunny did not like the tone of Basil's voice.

"Is it – is it really alright for us to do this?"

"What?" Sunny didn't understand.

"Spend time together, pretend everything is fine, while the others, they…" Basil lowered his gaze,
Sunny noticed Basil had started fidgeting again. "Are we repeating what we did?"

Sunny couldn't answer.

"It feels wrong to, to watch movies, and eat candy, and pretend we're still kids, and", Basil's
breathing was getting quicker, "while, Kel, and Aubrey, and", he shuddered, taking in a sharp
breath, "Hero", Sunny could see tears swell up in Basil's eyes, "while they are hurting, because of
me, us, I –" His eyes widened, his mouth unable to get out any more words.

Sunny was overwhelmed. He breathed in, out, steadying himself as best he could, and then made
Basil sit up. The boy was limp and Sunny feared Basil would pass out or throw up or…

He sat him up, placing a hand on Basil's back, and, without a second thought, wrapped his arms
around his friend.

"I have hated myself for so long", Sunny said in a voice barely escaping his throat, "I, I still do, so
often, but", he had to think, what should he say? "You told me we'd have to trust them to forgive
us, we told them the truth. We did what we…", another blank in his head prevented him from
finishing the sentence. "Basil" he attempted, holding his friend still. "We are not pretending things
are fine."

Basil protested quietly.

"I have hated myself, you – you probably did the same. We can't… we can't do that. We can't keep
hating us." Sunny scoffed silently. "At least that's what I heard in therapy."

Sunny was still shaken. He was surprised, shocked, he was devastated at how easy it was for Basil
to get overwhelmed, how little Sunny could help, and it dawned on him just what the past years
must have felt like for his best friend.

"I'm here, Basil. Everything will be okay."

Those words seemed to make Basil recoil, but Sunny's grip prevented him from doing so. Sunny
tried to breathe as steadily as he could, to give some reference to his friend.

It took an uncomfortable amount of time for Basil to calm down. He was red in the face. Basil
wiped his nose and looked away. "I feel bad that you had to see this", Basil stated, his voice devoid
of any emotion. There was so much shame in his face, and Sunny hated every bit of it. "It's so
pathetic isn't it."

"It's not."

Basil shrugged.

"Basil?"

The blonde boy turned slightly towards him, still not looking at his face.

"Are you in therapy?"

He shook his head.

"Why not?"

"I would have to tell Polly or talk to my parents or something."

"Then do that!" Sunny said firmly, making his friend flinch.

"Maybe", Basil said without any conviction.

Sunny was not sure how to respond to that, and their conversation turned into a long, awkward
silence.

It was hard to organize his thoughts, to think of what to say next, but after an eternity, Sunny
whispered "I'm worried about you."

Basil smiled slightly at Sunny. There was so much in Basil's eyes Sunny was unable to understand,
so much depth that simply confused him.

"I'll try and help you, okay?"

Basil breathed in, out, more even and coherent this time. "Thank you, Sunny."
Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading, commenting, being cool.

 Mind games
Chapter Summary

The sleepover continues, with some difficulties.

Chapter Notes

I'll be frank, I had trouble writing this chapter. Thank you J for preventing me from
getting the shredder.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny felt an oppressing helplessness. He opened his mouth a few times, trying to say something,
but never did. It was hard not to get overwhelmed, especially since Sunny had issues so close to
those of his friend.

Basil was bashful, the discomfort of talking was written across his face. He didn't say anything, he
was just waiting for something to happen.

"Do you want to watch another movie?" Sunny asked, a little awkward.

Basil shook his head. "I don't think I can concentrate on a movie right now." He looked apologetic.
"If you want though…"

"Not really, no." The posture of his friend didn't exactly look like he was in the mood for a movie.
Sunny had let go off Basil a long time ago, but he had the urge to hug Basil one more time. Would
that be okay? Would Basil mind? He reached out one hand, carefully placing it on his back,
checking if Basil would flinch or avoid being touched, but he didn't react.

"What's on your mind?"

"I'm scared", Basil whispered, avoiding Sunny's eyes. "What if things will never go back to…"

"They won't."

Basil looked taken aback. Sunny had to admit he sounded very brash.

"They can't go back to the way things were", Sunny sighed. "But I'm still here, and you are too,
and we just have to wait and see." It didn't exactly sound encouraging. It wasn't easy for him to
believe either.

"I'm scared of being alone", Basil said barely audible.

"I'm here." Sunny tried to get Basil to look at him. "And I won't leave you alone."

"But what if…"

Sunny had the same fears. There was still that voice in his head telling him Basil was not his friend
anymore. The voice that told him he was worthless, not worthy of receiving love and compassion.
He tried his best to ignore it for the time being, and instead wanted to comfort Basil. "I promise."

They looked at each other, just taking in the moment. Despite the pain and sadness, Basil's eyes
were deep, blue, and Sunny could not look away. Those eyes understood him, and he felt at least
partially like he understood them too. Eyes that went through a similar past, that saw similar things.

Despite the damage, despite it all, Sunny couldn't look away.

It was probably just a few seconds, but Basil turned even redder than he was. He would always get
flustered when someone stared at him.

Sunny couldn't describe it, but Basil seemed weird to him. Somehow different.

"Sunny?"

Sunny ignored Basil as he leaned in, taking a closer look. Whatever it was, it confused Sunny.
There was that agitation again that plagued him almost every day now. What was it about Basil?
Was he looking ill? Did he change somehow? What prompted Sunny to feel this weird twisting in
his chest that didn't let him go?

"Sunny!" Basil said a little louder, looking very tense.

Sunny quickly moved away from Basil, realizing just how close he came to his friend. "S-Sorry!"
A wave of shame washed over him.

"Were you zoning out again?" Was that worry in Basil's voice? Accusation? Sunny couldn't tell. It
was hard to focus.

"I, uh, I'm not sure." Sunny said, smiling nervously. Just what was going on with him?

"Is something wrong?"

As if he could tell. Sunny was puzzled. He shook his head and thought for a second. Their evening
had been not the smoothest of rides, and he could tell they were both exhausted from what
happened. But nonetheless, something inside Sunny was radiating a warm, happy feeling. He was
glad his friend was with him. "Basil?"

"Yes?" The boy still looked worried.

"Let's uh… I mean, it's still early, right?"

"Early? I, I guess?" The concern faded into confusion.

"Should we get some more snacks?"

Basil agreed after looking around. "Sure, that, that sounds nice." Moving on was a good idea right
now.

They left their fort and Sunny was walking towards the door.

"Uh, wait."

He stopped and turned his head. He could barely see his friend in the far right of his vision.
"Just, uh, sorry for making this all weird."

"It's fine Basil."

"Really?"

How could Sunny convince him? Shut up that constant voice of unease in his friend's head?

Just say it, Sunny thought to himself.

He inhaled deeply. "I - I'm glad you're here, okay?"

Sunny could not see Basil's reaction but he didn't hear a response. He quickly turned around and
walked out of the room, towards their stash of food. They settled on a package of chocolate chip
cookies.

Basil got a card game from his backpack and they decided to bet their cookies. It didn't take long
until Sunny had all of them lined up in front of him, arranged into individual stacks, after winning
again and again.

Basil furrowed his brow before putting his cards down. "No chance", he said. "No cookies for me."

Sunny held out a cookie for Basil to take.

"They're not as good as Mari's" Sunny said without thinking, nibbling on one.

"Yeah…" Basil agreed quietly. "Hey, I've got an idea."

"Hm?"

"We should try baking cookies some time, maybe we can recreate her recipe." Basil's face bore a
faint smile.

Sunny nodded. He'd like that.

"I - I wonder if Hero knows the recipe." Basil went on, his smile slowly disappearing.

"Should we try and talk to him?"

"I don't know", Basil uttered.

"Kel said he was working on getting him to talk to us, but… I don't know what's up with Kel
either."

Basil let out a soft sigh.

"I still don't understand what happened", Sunny rambled on.

"He just turned strange when he left the car?" Basil tried recounting what he remembered.

"At least I think so." Sunny thought for a while. "Other than that he was perfectly normal, did
some dumb jokes, he… wait." Sunny looked up. "There was something before that. I asked about
Hero and he turned really cold for a second."

"Do you think something happened between them?"

"I have no idea. Now that you mention it, he seemed a bit sensitive every time I mentioned Hero."
"Did you bring him up in the car?"

Sunny shook his head. "It doesn't make sense." Some frustration was audible in his voice.

Basil wasn't sure how to respond. He gladly took the cookie Sunny was offering him from his pile.

"Nothing makes sense." He felt a light sense of dread, crying for attention in the back of his mind.

"But you're right, Sunny." Basil turned with a somber smile to him.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"We do have to just wait and see, I guess. Even if it looks like nothing makes sense. We just have
to… to keep at it, you know?"

"I guess."

"I'm just glad I don't have to do this alone."

"Me too." Sunny said. He decided to reach for Basil's hand. There. He carefully put his hand on
Basil's. The other boy jerked slightly.

"Sunny…?" he asked, unsure and smiling nervously.

Did Basil dislike this? Instead of letting go, Sunny closed his fingers around his friend's hand. "I
just need… reassurance." Sunny turned away, something was keeping him from directly looking at
his friend, he preferred just feeling the much warmer hand resting in his.

Basil closed his hand. This was something that always used to calm them down when they were
younger, it should still work, right? Even if it felt so different from before.

"I think I'm getting sleepy", Basil said after a they sat together in silence for a while. "Let's take
down the fort?"

They deconstructed their arrangement of blankets and pillows and Basil placed a bunch of them on
the floor as a makeshift futon.

"Do you remember that big pile of stuffed animals I had?" Sunny asked, still feeling the need to
talk, staring blankly at the dark ceiling of his room.

"Oh yeah!" Basil laughed. "Why did you have so many?"

"No idea."

"Why do you ask?"

"Randomly thought of it."

"It was so comfortable", Basil sighed. "Remember how we'd all fall asleep in it?"

"By the way, how comfortable is the floor?"

"Huh? Oh, it's fine."

"Is it good enough to sleep on?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me."

Sunny wanted to ask Basil not to sleep on the floor, but he couldn't open his mouth.

"Good night", Basil said quietly.

"Good night."

Sunny was startled from his sleep, unsure what it was that woke him up. The room was pitch
black. A strange noise was audible, some sort of loud, ragged breathing. Sunny's heart was
pounding. What was happening? What was that noise? It took Sunny a while to order his thoughts.
He could only see faint outlines of his room, but it was too dark to make out any details. "Basil?"
he asked into the darkness. Sunny was trying to remember if he dreamt anything, but the last thing
that was faintly present in his mind was Basil sleeping in his room.

Sunny forced himself to get up and he turned on the light. He had to squint at the brightness. He
opened his eyes again, taking another second to fully adjust to the light. The drawer to his desk was
open, and the items inside strewn across the floor. There was a sketchbook lying open, pencils
littered everywhere, and what Sunny recognized as Kel's letter.

Another second later it hit him, that something was amiss. Wasn't Basil here? The floor war empty,
there were no blankets, no pillows, no makeshift futon. There were no traces of anything. It was
just the blank floor.

Sunny's heart sank. His body resisting every movement, Sunny just wanted to curl up on his bed,
he forced himself to stand up. A familiar nausea kept tugging at his insides as he walked through
his room. He opened the door and stepped outside into the hallway. The darkness was making it
hard to maneuver but Sunny could make out just enough to find his way.

The living room was empty too. There was no food, there were no movies stacked on the couch
table, the couch was as tidy as mom always left it. Sunny had to hold himself at a chair, the
realization pressing all the air out of his chest, the nausea was now turning into a burning pain in
his stomach, he would be sick, he couldn't help it, was his mind this broken? This couldn't be.

Sunny couldn't hold himself up any longer and fell to his knees. He pressed the palm of his hand
against his eye, trying to mitigate the shock he was feeling, before he threw up on the floor. He
started crying. Loud sobs shook his whole body as he heard a door.

He couldn't understand the voice as his vision turned black.

As he woke up again, he saw many eyes staring at him, dark shadows circling around his head.
Wherever he was, it was cold, it was dark, the floor felt weirdly wet below him. Had he been
wandering around? Where was this? Whatever was pushing him down pushed harder, hurting his
wrists. He couldn't even open his mouth, a hand was pressing it shut, trapping his tongue between
his teeth. Sunny could not swallow the bile in his mouth, the feeling of liquid entering his mouth
growing ever stronger.

He knew this feeling. It was sleep paralysis. He closed his eyes but the staring thing was still there,
ignoring that Sunny shouldn't be able to see it. Something was moving to his right where he
couldn't see well. It was approaching quickly. Sunny wanted to say something, to yell, to scream
for help, but he only produced a pathetic squeaking sound in his throat. His tongue hurt, he could
taste blood, his neck was in an uncomfortable position, he couldn't move his arms, nor his legs, nor
his toes, barely his eyes.

Something was moving in the blind area of his vision. It latched onto him.
 Sunny poured all of his leftover strength into moving whatever he could, and his body shot upright
from the floor, without a thought shoving away the thing on him. It didn't let go, he tried to wring
free.

His chest hurt, his ribcage expanding and contracting quickly, as he let out a whimper.

"Sunny!" a voice called out to him. "Sunny, you're fine!"

Mari? No, Mom? Sunny couldn't place the voice as his consciousness slipped back into darkness.
He felt so alone, so cold.

Something jostled him awake once again, but Sunny didn't dare open his eyes. Tight grips were
holding his arms and neck.

"Everything is okay!"

Chapter End Notes

Thank you all for sticking with me. I will do my best to make it worth it. Takes a
while for flowers to bloom yknow?

Title was inspired by this if anyone remembers that game.

 In between
Chapter Summary

Sunny wakes up from his worst nightmare.

Chapter Notes

I recommend listening to this while reading.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny's vision had to adjust to the bright ceiling light. Something was holding his hand. There
were no hands on him, no wringing grips, but his muscles felt sore. A shadow was looming over
him. It was impossible to speak, his heart was beating almost painfully hard. He could barely
breathe, his nose producing a high whistle with each quick, shallow breath. His skin prickled and
his field of view felt very fuzzy. Scraps and flashes of memories or dreams were churning around
his aching brain. He had woken up, he had been sick, he had been hurt, he had been all but alone.
Thoughts were trying to assemble themselves from bits and pieces, and different realizations hit
Sunny at once. Or was it more questions? His mind was still reeling, and Sunny had trouble
deciding what memory was real and what was fake. Did he see Kel? Did he ever call Basil that
night? The sleepover was not real. When was the last time he had talked to anyone? How much
time had passed? What day was it? Sunny could feel eyes staring at him, digging at him, observing
him painfully. He pressed his eyes shut again, welcoming the darkness that was just a bit calmer
than what his mind showed his opened eyes.

"You were dreaming. Everything is okay." Sunny's hand was squeezed tightly. Finally, his strained
eye was able to squint away the blurriness, adjust to the painful light, make out what it saw. The
shadow looming over him was the silhouette of Basil, sitting at his bed. The sight of him made
Sunny panic. He had to wake up. He couldn't take this anymore.

"Breathe, Sunny. It's okay."

The wall was cold as Sunny pressed himself against it, sitting up slightly. Was he in bed? What
room was this?

"In," Basil took a deep breath, "out," he blew out the air again and repeated.

Sunny tried to follow, to calm down, get the lightheadedness out of him. Nothing made sense. He
sat up more. His instinct was to back away, to run, but the cold wall behind him stopped him.

"I'm here Sunny."

The resulting hug, the safe feeling, it managed to get Sunny out of his state. With hurting lungs,
aching muscles, he was too tired to carry on. He just wanted to cry.

A shudder shook his whole body and he could feel tears forming in his eyes. He wrapped his arms
around the person holding him and gave up on making sense of the situation. Some proper breaths
later, the prickling feeling on his skin disappeared. His pulse was getting slower, but every beat
still felt like a punch to the chest, almost making his body shake, and he could feel the blood pump
through his body with every strong contraction of his heart. The dark fringes at the edge of his field
of view slowly crept away. This was better. This was so much better. Sunny felt like he had run a
marathon, short of breath, hot, sweating, but he finally felt lucid. He didn't care if he was but he felt
like he finally outran the bad thoughts, the hands that would grip him, the dark place that
threatened to consume him. For now, at least. He was in his bed. Someone was holding him.
Mom? Mari? No, not Mari, unless - this was still a dream. Sunny shook his head. This was no
dream. He did not want this to be a dream. He just wanted to be awake.

"Calm down, everything will be alright" a voice whispered in his ear. The grip around Sunny was
not loosening.

"Basil?" Sunny asked weakly, scared of the response. Still too shaken up to recognize who it was,
still waking up when he thought he saw his best friend there, still doubting he had ever seen his
friend. What was even real anymore? He expected his mother to let go of him, to look at him with a
confused look, ask about Basil, that boy you used to be friends with, that Basil? Was this their old
house? Another sob shook him.

The arms around his shoulders let go, Sunny wanted to protest, and the person backed away from
him. A warm, genuine smile, full of relief, was the only thing Sunny was able to see. The tears had
made his vision blurry again. Then he saw those blue eyes directly opposite to him. They were …
sad? Sunny could not say. How could he smile so genuine but look so sad?

Basil was looking intently at him. "It's okay!" he assured once more. "I'm here. You're not alone."

It took a few more minutes for Sunny to feel somewhat better, and Basil had brought him some
water when he seemed confident he could leave Sunny alone for a few seconds. The water felt nice
in Sunny's mouth, it washed away the strange iron taste. Had he bitten himself in his sleep? Sunny
leaned against the wall behind him, it felt a lot less cold now. Basil was sitting next to him,
shooting concerned looks, his fingers intertwining.

"I couldn't sleep and you suddenly started breathing quickly, but I couldn't get you to wake up",
Basil explained. Sunny was rubbing his temple. "You got more and more agitated and I couldn't
get you to calm down, I - I think you were awake for part of it?" Basil watched as Sunny took
another sip from his glass of water. "Are you okay? Was that a nightmare?"

Sunny shrugged. He did not feel like explaining right now.

"Or something more serious?"

Sunny shrugged again, looking away from Basil. He looked at the glass. His mouth tasted gross.

The lack of response made Basil perk up lightly, Sunny felt his weight shift on the mattress.
"Whatever it was", Basil continued, "you'll be fine. Do you need anything?"

Sunny shook his head.

"Should I tell your mother?"

Sunny looked at him and hoped Basil would understand the look on his face.

"Do you - can I do anything?" Basil asked. The tone in his voice was unpleasant. It sounded sad. "I
can't - I can't stand seeing you like this, Sunny. I -"
"Sorry", Sunny mumbled, heat rising to his head, he felt ashamed.

"No! That's not", Basil attempted to say, stumbled over his words, tried again, "I hate seeing you
unwell, Sunny." He grabbed Sunny's hand again. "Please tell me, can I do anything to help you?"

Sunny closed his eyes. There was something, maybe. Sunny was not sure. He leaned over to Basil,
resting his head on his friend's shoulder. After a short moment of being still, Basil supported Sunny
with his arm, slowly rubbing his shoulder.

"Are you really here, Basil?" Sunny asked, not opening his eyes.

"Yes."

With his muscles aching, the soft rubs on his shoulder felt very relaxing. However, sleep was
probably not an option right now. Sunny was too scared of going back wherever his mind wanted
to take him. He didn't want to be alone, alone in his head, isolated, feeling that oppressing sadness
that would drown him. Sunny wanted to stay awake. At least until he felt safe again.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" Basil asked. "I can go back to my pile of-"

"No."

Basil looked surprised at the quick, sharp response. "No?"

"Please, don't go." Sunny swallowed. The fear in his head was forcing him to speak quicker than he
could think. "I need you." He leaned more into Basil, hoping that would persuade him to stay.

Basil seemed nervous, but did not budge. Sunny was resting his head in Basil's lap now.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Basil asked after a while. "Maybe that helps?" He didn't sound
convinced.

Sunny thought for a while. "I keep losing track of what's real. I think I'm awake or whatever and
suddenly I'm not sure if everything was… fake." Sunny had to think for a moment. Basil did not
respond, but Sunny knew he was listening. He would have never asked otherwise. "I… woke up,
and you were gone." It was hard to say, the words grating up his throat, and Sunny felt so stupid for
saying it. "You were never here." Sunny could feel something touch his hair. "I woke up like the
last week didn't happen, I think." He paused. "I thought we'd never even talked on the phone."
Something was slowly stroking his hair, it felt nice. "I got up, the room was empty, the living room
was empty, I panicked." Sunny pressed his head against the hand. "I was so scared." Sunny turned
his face towards Basil. The blonde boy was staring blankly into the distance, mindlessly playing
with Sunny's hair.

He noticed Sunny looking at him, looked at his hands and quickly pulled them away as if he had
touched something hot. Sunny frowned slightly but hoped Basil would not see. "S-Sorry, I was, uh,
just spacing out." His face turned pink. "I, I tend to do that when I'm, uh", he was so flustered, "I,
sorry -"

"It's okay. This feels nice." Sunny turned his face away again to lie more comfortably. He felt the
hands back on his head, albeit they felt a bit more tentative.

"You were scared?" Basil repeated, trying to help Sunny regain his train of thought.

"Yeah…"
"Because you were alone?"

"Because you were gone." Sunny's face prickled. "I was so scared of all of this not being real."

The hands in his hair kept him calm.

"Just… losing you again, I guess. You asked me to promise you…" Sunny had to swallow, "not to
leave you alone again. I thought I failed that."

The hands stopped moving.

Sunny feared he had said too much, or he had upset Basil.

"You're a good friend, Sunny." Basil said, quietly. "I know I accused you of…" The hands started
moving again, but they felt nervous. "of leaving me alone, and, I…" Basil accidentally pulled on a
strand of hair, making Sunny flinch. "I left you alone too. I should have checked. I…" Basil
stopped himself. "I care a lot about you." Basil swallowed, Sunny felt Basil's hands tense up. "I
mean, uh", he stuttered.

"I care about you too." Sunny said, hoping his face was not visible. "So much." The hands stopped
again and Sunny turned to face Basil again. They looked at each other. For a second, Sunny could
swear the sadness in those blue eyes disappeared, they looked how they used to look, friendly and
calm. He loved them.

He loved him.

The long silence made Sunny uncomfortable, he wanted to look away, but he couldn't. If only Basil
could read his thoughts, actually that was a bad idea, but, Sunny waited, what if -

Perhaps Basil could read his mind, or had similar thoughts when he looked at Sunny. No, that was
impossible. Or was it? Should he say something? Sunny wanted to open his mouth, but didn't say
anything.

He was convinced Basil had read his mind.

The blonde boy leaned down to him, carefully, slowly, bashfully. Sunny felt cold air streaming
from Basil's nose into his face. He was so close, what was his plan? Did he actually -

No, that couldn't be.

Or, maybe, perhaps?

Sunny lifted his head a tiny bit to close the distance.

They both looked surprised.

Sunny felt his heart pumping in a rapid fashion, his ears were hot, and for a split second he feared
he made a huge mistake, he misread Basil's intention, this was wrong, he would only alienate his
friend, but Basil closed his eyes and leaned in further. Sunny closed his eyes too, the only things he
could feel were his thumping heart and Basil's lips on his.

Right there, even if it was only a short moment, Sunny felt happy, carefree, with a fuzzy sensation
in his chest. It did not feel real, Sunny could not believe this was happening. He realized just how
long he wanted this, how much he needed this.

Sunny felt like he had to jump up and yell something at the top of his lungs, and if his body didn't
hurt as much he might have done it. His head was spinning.

Basil slowly pulled away, and Sunny couldn't help but stare at his friend. Basil opened his eyes and
seemed to fully understand what just happened. His face practically started to glow red, his eyes
didn't dare look at Sunny.

Sunny couldn't help but smile. It was rare that he showed emotion so openly, let alone such a
positive one, but his mouth did it on its own and there was nothing he could do about it. He
couldn't stop looking at Basil.

"Ah, s-sorry" Basil stuttered, looking like he would explode from tension. "I didn't know what, I –"

Sunny gently grabbed one of Basil's hands and got Basil to finally look at him. The tense
expression on his face took a second to fade away. "That was nice", Sunny said quietly, unsure if
he felt stupid or embarrassed for saying it out loud. He felt so jumpy, nervous, excited. Was this
what would put him on edge all the time? Was it okay he kissed Basil?

"Yeah", Basil said in a low voice. He too was smiling, although it was more subdued by shyness.

Sunny enjoyed just lying there in silence, Basil still playing with his hair, nobody saying anything.
The dark thoughts in his head were reduced to a faint afterglow that Sunny was able to easily
ignore. "Are you tired?" he asked, his eyes closed.

"I… I didn't really sleep yet", Basil laughed nervously. "Kind of, yeah."

"Not at all?"

"No… it's pretty hard for me to fall asleep."

"Was the floor too hard? Or was it the food?"

"Oh, no, none of that. Just… thoughts."

"Do you want to sleep in the bed?"

Sunny felt Basil's hand tense up.

"It's fine. There's enough room."

After some light protest, Sunny managed to convince Basil. They both lied down on the bed, a fair
bit of distance between them.

"I'll wait til you're asleep." Sunny said.

"What? No that's not…"

"You can't force me to sleep."

"Fine…"

Sunny was lying towards the edge of the bed so it was easier for him to see Basil, who was to his
left near the wall. He decided to hold his best friend's hand. He was sure it would calm him down
enough to fall asleep.

"Sunny?"
 "Hm?"

"I… I really care about you." Basil blushed, swallowed, but looked determined. "I – I felt like I had
to say that again."

Sunny gently squeezed Basil's hand. "Good night, Basil."

"Night Sunny."

After hesitating for a minute, he leaned forwards and planted a kiss on Basil's cheek. It was still
hard to convince himself it was allowed to do that, but the content smile it forced out of Basil
helped settle Sunny's doubts, for now.

It didn't take too long, and he was happy to see Basil fall asleep with a small, honest smile on his
lips. He scooted a little closer to his friend, still holding his hand, and soon enough he too fell
asleep. With his last lucid thought, he assured himself that he was really holding Basil's hand, and
something told him he did not have to fear any more nightmares tonight.

Chapter End Notes

A heartfelt thank you for everyone who's still here, still reading. All your comments
make me a very happy writer.
 Sunday
Chapter Summary

The weekend comes to a close.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Several hours later, Sunny woke up. He did not know what time it was, and the sun was not yet up.
His room was filled with the pleasant darkness of a late autumn morning. Scenes from before he
fell asleep repeated in his mind. Instead of the grueling fear that his mind was playing tricks on
him, a different kind of disbelief occupied him, it was a positive kind of doubt. He had kissed
Basil. Or, Basil had kissed him. Did that really happen? It felt too good to be true. The happiness
he felt in that moment was still there, still making his body tingle. But, did it really happen? Did he
understand the situation correctly? Was it an actual kiss? Sunny wanted to let his frustration at
himself out, but he didn't dare move.

Basil was lying next to him, on his side and curled up a bit. He had snuggled up to Sunny during
the night, knowingly or unknowingly. He looked very peaceful, which made Sunny feel glad.
Offering his friend some solace, helping him with his demons, giving him some of the happiness
back he deserved, it was what Sunny had sworn himself.

Instead of getting up, Sunny stayed where he was, unwilling to risk waking up his friend. He didn't
mind, though. Staying calm like this was nice. Maybe he could ask Mom to make them breakfast in
a bit?

A bit later, Basil woke up. He shifted and took in a deep breath, before opening his eyes. It took
him a second to realize where he was and seeing Sunny so close seemed to scare him at first, but
quickly his face shifted to embarrassment. "Good morning", he mumbled, avoiding Sunny's eyes.

Was something wrong? "Morning." Sunny answered, unusually upbeat.

Basil sat up and stretched.

"Did you sleep well?"

"I - I did." Basil looked content. "You?"

"Best sleep I had in a long time."

Basil laughed and turned to him. "No more nightmares?" he asked with a serious face.

Sunny shook his head.

"I'm glad."

They looked at each other. Sunny felt flustered, and Basil seemingly did too.

"Can I - uh"
"Hm?" Sunny tilted his head to one side.

"Uh, never mind", Basil said, eyes wide, smiling uncomfortably.

"Tell me."

"Uh, what", Basil sputtered, "we did, uh"

Sunny felt the same as Basil. Why was it so hard to talk about? He wanted to respond but couldn't
bring himself to do it. His mouth would not budge.

Basil sighed. He leaned onto Sunny. "Is this okay?" he asked.

Sunny leaned against Basil to support him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

"Be honest."

"I - I'm just a little overwhelmed, is all."

"Overwhelmed?" Sunny didn't have to ask, he knew exactly what Basil was talking about.

"I don't want to… I don't know what is okay, you know?" Sunny felt Basil snuggle up against him.

"This is okay."

Basil chuckled.

"Don't worry about it."

"You too, okay? I can see you're tense…"

Sunny smiled stupidly. Here he was offering advice while facing the same thoughts. "In that case",
he said, turning to look at Basil, "I want to… try again."

Basil seemed to understand.

It was simple on paper, but Sunny could feel his chest constricting. It was frustrating, he was
getting almost angry at himself. Come on. Basil's shy smile made his face feel hot, and it was Basil
once again who leaned in first. This still felt so surreal, but Sunny enjoyed every second of it. His
mind just blanked.

"Should we get some breakfast?" Sunny asked, still feeling the heat in his cheeks.

Basil nodded awkwardly. "Uh, before we…"

"Hm?"

"Never mind, actually." Basil got up. "Any menu planned?" he asked tongue in cheek.

"Not really, let's see if Mom bought anything."

"Uh, how about you go check and I go take a shower?" Basil touched his hair. "I could use that
right now."

Basil grabbed some things from his backpack and vanished into the bathroom.
"Towels are in the cabinet" Sunny said through the door before walking into the kitchen. Mom
was reading a newspaper at their dining table.

She looked up. "Morning Sunny! Up already?"

He nodded.

"I expected you to sleep longer, how was your night?"

"It was okay."

Mom didn't seem to like that answer. "Just okay? You barely ate anything, did you get something
for dinner?"

"Ice cream."

She laughed. "Should have expected that. Want some breakfast?" She looked past him. "Basil is
taking a shower?"

Sunny nodded, then wondered what they could eat for breakfast. "Can we make pancakes?"

"Sure sweetie."

"Can I help?"

Mom almost dropped the bowl she got from the cupboard.

"If… that's okay."

"Of course! We haven't cooked anything together since…" Her smile faltered a bit. "In a long
time." Her smile came back quickly. "Get me milk and eggs from the fridge?"

Sunny tried following her directions. He was a bit clumsy and didn't really know what to do
without directions, but he was doing his best. Soon after Basil emerged from the bathroom, hair
still wet, in a light green hoodie. He looked a bit lost with Sunny's mom in the room.

"Morning Basil! Care to help?"

"O-oh, yes." He walked up next to Sunny who was stirring ingredients on the counter. "Uhm, what
should I do?" he asked with a nervous smile. Sunny noticed he was fidgeting again. He tried to
ease his friend's nervousness by smiling at him, but that just made Basil tense up more.

"Can you put some plates on the table please?" Mom asked.

"S-sure!" Basil was happy to do something.

Sunny kept mixing the batter. "Once the egg is incorporated stop stirring!" Mom said, peering over
his shoulder. "That should do it."

She then made Basil cook the pancakes, and he did quite well. None were burned, instead they
were all equally browned and fluffy. Sunny was sure he himself would have ruined most of them.

Breakfast was good. Sunny got some coffee, and Basil, after politely saying he did not enjoy coffee
all that much, got a mug of black tea.

"Should I drive you home later, Basil?" Mom asked after they sat for a while.
"Oh - no, no, thank you. I can walk."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded quickly. "It's not that far."

She seemed skeptical but didn't press any further. They ate the last bites of their food and Sunny
and Basil helped with the dishes, before both of them snuck back into Sunny's room.

"What's wrong Basil?" Sunny asked him as Basil examined the plant on the windowsill.

"Huh?"

"You've been… weird."

"Sorry…"

Sunny feared he'd see his pancakes a second time. He screwed it up. Right?

"It's uh… your mom", Basil almost whispered, gaze fixed to the floor. "I, uh, feel a bit weird
around her. Because… you know."

He knew.

"I didn't mean to… make things weird."

"It's fine." Sunny tried to sound as reassuring as possible.

"Oh, I should probably leave soon, Polly will check on me later and I don't want to worry her."

Basil leaving was the last thing he wanted right now. Should he ask for them to meet again soon?
Or was that too early? He hated how tense he was himself. He took a deep breath. "Basil?"

"Hm?" Basil looked at him with wide eyes.

What did he even want to say? His mind pulled another blank. "Uh… This, this was nice. Despite
all the, uh, nightmares." He smiled weakly.

"We should", Basil paused, growing ever redder in the face, "do this again, sometime."

Basil gathered his things, packed his bag. They walked downstairs to the front door. "See you at
school?" Sunny asked.

"Y-yeah", Basil smiled.

Sunny held both of Basil's hands. Should he go in for a hug? They smiled at each other.

"See you, Sunny", the blonde boy said, letting go of his hands.

"Bye Basil."

And with that, he was gone.

The rest of the day went by very slowly, after spending all Saturday around people it was awfully
quiet today. It felt similar to the first day after they had moved, for three days Sunny would run
around the town, and from one day to another, there was silence. In a way he enjoyed the calm
after such a hectic time, but strangely he was longing for interaction. And for Basil. Four years of
not seeing his friends had left a mark, and Sunny wanted to regain that time as quickly as possible.

Sunny was lying on his bed, staring at the boring ceiling. He kept replaying last night over and
over. The panic of having lost Basil, the realization he was there, Basil trying to calm him down,
their kiss. Sunny touched his lips. He remembered how gross the concept of kissing had been to
him, he remembered Kel and even Mari teasing him he and Aubrey would kiss someday, and he'd
blow a raspberry at them while Aubrey would yell out ew! Those were simpler times. Sunny
couldn't explain what changed, but in retrospect he had always been drawn to Basil. The burning
feeling every time he looked into his best friend's eyes finally made sense.

Were they best friends? Should he tell Basil he loved him? Sunny pondered that question.
Suddenly he realized that he could be Basil's boyfriend. And Basil would be his boyfriend too?

Yes. He'd like that.

Alone with his thoughts, he remembered Kel's behavior the day before. What was that about?
Sunny had the urge to talk to him. His day with Kel had been rather nice, a bit strenuous but nice.
Kel would probably need time, but Sunny did not care in that moment. The uncomfortable end
would just burn in Sunny's mind. Was Kel alright? He had to know. He got the phone from the
living room and sat down on his desk chair. Nervousness was creeping up on him, he took a deep
breath and dialed Kel's number, knowing it from memory at this point.

"Hello?" It was Kel's mom.

"Oh, hi, this, uh, this is Sunny."

"Hello Sunny! Feeling better today?"

Shit. Sunny remembered his lie. "Y-yeah, thanks."

"I bet you want to talk to Kel, one second."

Sunny heard her call Kel. It's for you.

"Hello?"

"Hi Kel." Sunny heard a loud sigh.

Almost whispering, probably with his mom nearby, Kel said: "I really don't want to talk to you
right now."

"I… get it."

"Do you?" Kel's voice was harsh. "Because I think you don't."

Unsure what to say, Sunny kept silent.

"At least say something."

Sunny really did not know what to say. "I'm sorry, Kel."

"For what?" He sounded so upset.

"For… seeing Basil." Sunny heard a loud scoff.

"You really don't get it. I don't need this right now." Sunny felt like someone punched him.
 "Can we please talk?" he pleaded.

Silence. "So you can feel better?"

"What the hell Kel!" Sunny shouted louder than he wanted. Kel was acting too strange for his
comfort. "What is wrong with you? Why are you so mad at me?" Sunny paused, his anger making
him speak faster than he could think. "Why do you always get weird when I mention Hero?" he
added, he didn't care about asking carefully.

Silence.

Sunny was breathing heavily. He was clutching the phone hard.

"So you did notice." Kel said, sounding much smaller than before.

"Notice what? You acting weird?" Sunny was still too aggravated to ask normally.

"I'm sorry Sunny." The words stung. "I shouldn't have let that out on you."

Sunny took a deep breath. "Explain. Please. What's bothering you?"

"I can't. Not right now. Sorry for being a jerk. Take care, bud, alright?"

Kel had hung up.

A conflicting mix of emotions was brewing inside Sunny. He didn't like hearing Kel unhappy like
that. There was still some anger left over too, both at Kel for being a jerk, and for him just hanging
up like that. It was overshadowed by worry, though.

Sunny lied back down, blankly staring at the ceiling. So much had happened this weekend. He
feared he was on the verge of losing Kel again. There was still no sign of Hero coming back, and
Sunny didn't even know what Aubrey was doing these days. A long sigh escaped him.

The road ahead was still so long. At least he wouldn't walk it alone.

Sunny hugged a pillow and he thought he was able to smell Basil.

Barely audible, for no one to hear but himself, he whispered

I love you.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you so much for the reponse to the last chapter.

 Warm Coffee
Chapter Summary

Getting out of bed can be quite hard.

Chapter Notes

Please enjoy.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The week was moving by slowly. Kel was lingering on Sunny's mind, his strong anger, followed
by the flat sadness before he hung up. Sunny couldn't recall ever seeing Kel burst out like that,
especially not at him.

To add to Sunny's uneasiness, he only found Basil twice that week in school, and one time they
only talked briefly. They had both been too shy to hug or hold hands in public. The other time they
sat around for a bit, talking about everything and nothing.

Seeing Basil made Sunny's heart flutter in the most pleasant way possible. Looking forward to
seeing his best friend was even helping him get up in the morning, since nothing else about the
school made him want to go there.

The week ended without anything noteworthy happening, even if it felt like it took forever. Now,
Sunny was dreading therapy. He'd probably have to mention his breakdown, and he'd talk about
Basil, and he'd probably say something embarrassing. Was his episode more embarrassing, or the
fact that he had a sleepover with his best friend and they… Why would he even mention that?

"What do you want for dinner?" Mom asked, pulling Sunny out of his thoughts. He was staring out
the car window.

"No clue."

"Hm." Mom drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "No preference for tonight?"

"Nope."

"So, Sunny, how was your week? Anything you want to talk about?" His therapist was sitting in her
huge armchair, examining him with her professional smile. Her notes lay ready in her lap, but
Sunny was not able to see what was written there.

"I had another episode. I think", he started without warning. The smile looking at him got a little
thinner. "I had… Basil over, and," finding the next words took some time, "I thought it was all in
my head. Not real. The entire week or so."

She nodded thoughtfully.

"Anyway, I think it was just a nightmare, but it felt so real. I was panicking when I woke up and I
felt like… things would hurt me."

"Things?"

"I don't know, hands. Eyes. Just… we talked about sleep… para, paralysis, in the past. Right?"

She nodded once more.

"That. I felt watched. And hurt."

"Was there anything that prompted it? Did you feel uneasy before?"

"Uh… We were talking about some, uh, heavy topics, but… I didn't feel anxious falling asleep.
More the opposite."

"I see." She scribbled something down before looking at him, prompting Sunny to continue.

"Luckily, Basil was there, he managed to calm me down. He, uh, he really helped me." A blush
crept on his cheeks.

"That's good to hear!" She asked him some more questions, how he felt, what he felt. "I was
thinking once you get used to your medication those episodes would pretty much stop. Maybe we
have to readjust or put you on something else. What do you think?"

"Me? I, uh, I'm no psychiatrist."

"But you have to take the pills. If you feel uneasy about it, I will not force you to take anything.
Switching can be unpleasant. And so far, your medication was, let's say, mild. The alternative I
have in mind can have stronger side effects."

"Will it make those hallucinations go away?"

She looked pensive. "Perhaps. There is never a hundred percent guarantee, but in most cases it
helps. Plus you are still young, so the long-term outcome is generally more positive, and you
should be able to deal with a switch more easily."

Sunny sat in silence for a while, thinking. Meds were still scary, and he did not like the way they
made him feel, but it should help him in the long run. Or so he hoped. She explained some more
details, but Sunny barely listened. "Can I ask a weird question?" Sunny felt blood rushing to his
face, and he nearly choked on his words. He took a deep breath.

"Of course! What's on your mind?"

"Uh, during the sleep over, when Basil was calming me down", Sunny stopped.

The square head painting stared at him. Mocked him.

"This is a dumb question."

"I can't imagine it is", the therapist said with an encouraging smile.

"Basil and I kissed."

She looked at him, down at her notes, as if she wanted to write something down, but didn't, then
back at him.
"Is that normal?"

"Normal? In what way?"

"I've never heard of two guys, uh…" Sunny felt his ears starting to glow.

"Oh, yes. Some people might disagree but that is perfectly normal." She paused. "How do you feel
about it?"

The question clogged up his head, answering that was impossible.

"You don't have to answer. But, do you think you have feelings for him?"

Sunny swallowed. "I think so."

"That's great! Ah, young love." She looked into the distance. "Don't let anyone tell you you're not
normal, okay Sunny?"

He nodded. What a weird thing to say.

Sunny had done most of his homework, he had watered his plant, the next two days were almost
completely free. What should he do? Maybe Basil would like to come over? Or he could go to the
park with him? Or they -

He stopped himself. This was getting obsessive. And while he truly, truly wanted to spend time
with his best friend, who seemed to be the most interesting thing in the world at the time, he feared
he would be too pushy.

Just lying there, nothing to do, his mind started drifting. Slowly, somewhere, Sunny wasn't sure
why or whereto. Keeping him adrift was an uncomfortable loneliness, that he couldn't explain, but
it pushed him ever further. He knew this sensation.

Sunny blinked slowly, not sure how long he had been aimlessly gazing into the air, the ceiling was
staring back with a dull grey. He turned to the alarm clock on his nightstand, it was the middle of
the night. With a heavy arm he turned off his lamp and decided to go to sleep.

There was a knock on the door, and a second later Mom stuck her head in his room. "Good
morning sunshine!" she called cheerfully. "Are you hungry? It's past noon."

Sunny shook his head. Mom continued talking for a bit, but he didn't listen.

Next was dinner, but Sunny didn't budge.

His body felt quite heavy. Would the side effects of his new meds kick in so soon? He recalled
reading something about at least a week, but what did he know. Slowly and excruciatingly boring,
the night passed by. Did he even sleep? Sunny didn't care.

"Sunny, darling?" Mom asked after coming in. She didn't even knock this time. "Would you like
some breakfast?"

Sunny shook his head. He didn't look at her but he could almost hear her face shift to a frown.

"You haven't eaten anything since Friday", she remarked. "Get out of bed, okay? We can make
breakfast together if you like."
Sunny didn't answer, the thought of breakfast lying heavy in his stomach, the thought of eating
made him near sick.

"Sunny, get out of the bed." Her voice was louder than before. "Now." Even louder. "Please", she
added.

Hearing his mother's annoyed voice made him frown.

She quickly approached, pulled him up by his shoulders. "For God's sake! You can't do this
again!" Mom shook him slightly.

"Let me go", he said without conviction.

"Get out of the bed", she demanded. "You haven't eaten, you haven't showered, you haven't moved
since Friday." Her face was scaring him, what was that look? Anger? Rage? No, it didn't fit. Her
voice was angry, but her face looked like she was in pain. "I've been nothing put patient! I've been
nothing but forgiving! Even if your father…" Now she was looking angry. "Just, move!"

Her loud voice was ringing in his ears. Why did she bring up his father? Was she crying?

"I can't do this again", she said, almost resigned. "You've been skipping so much school lately, and
now you won't even leave the bed." Sunny could see her struggle to find the right words. "This is
exactly how it started after you…" Mom let go off him, turned away.

Sunny wanted to be angry at her, but he just felt deflated and sad. She was right. Was he falling
back into his old pattern? He couldn't bring himself to say anything. Seeing her like this felt like
someone was choking him.

With a frustrated sigh she left him in his room. Frustrated, resigned, angry. Sunny could hear her
grab her keys and a bit later he could hear their apartment door shut. The loud noise made him
wince.

His body felt even heavier, his Mom's anger was warranted but he hated that she was right. He
hated himself. Everything was pointless.

Sunny knew where his mind wanted to wander and forced himself to think of something else. Kel?
No. Hero? God, no. Aubrey? Sunny hadn't heard anything from her in months. Would she even be
interested in talking to him? Why did it all seem so hopeless?

After stewing for a bit, Sunny decided to stand up. Mom was right. He went into the kitchen and
found a mug of coffee waiting on the table, its Good Morning Sunshine text pained him to look at.
The coffee was still warm enough to not taste disgusting.

This week Sunny had barely seen Basil, maybe he should check up on him? That would get him
out of the house at least.

Basil seemed very quiet on the phone, after it took a long time for him to pick up, making Sunny
feel a slew of fears once more.

Not long after, Sunny was sitting on Basil's bed, and he could tell his friend was nervous. The
room was barely lit, the blinds were down. Their greeting was awkward and Sunny felt out of
place.

He decided to break the silence. "Something on your mind?"

"Hm? Oh, no, just…" Basil shrugged, eyes low. He was sitting opposite to Sunny, but his gaze
went right through him. "Don't worry about it", Basil said with a smile.

Sunny hated that smile.

"How are you, Sunny?"

"I'm, okay, I think." He wasn't sure if that was true or not. "I fought with my mom", he added after
some consideration.

"What happened?"

Sunny tried to say something but his voice trailed off. The full weight of their exchange had hit
him. He could feel his throat constricting and he swallowed thickly, leaving an unpleasant tension
behind his tongue. "It's hard to explain."

Basil looked at him, and Sunny both hated and loved the admiration and worry he saw in them.
Both of his hands were squeezed slightly. "I'm here to listen."

"I didn't really leave my room in two days and she started freaking out", Sunny said, surprised he
overcame the shame that was clawing at those words in his head. Immediately he felt horrible
about speaking it out, Basil's face hurt to look at.

"You didn't leave your room?" he asked quietly. The boy looked like somebody drew a gun on
him, eyes wide, mouth half open, blood draining from his face.

Sunny nodded, avoiding Basil's eyes.

"That's how you, how it…" Basil squeezed Sunny's hand harder now. "Why?" was all he could
muster after he fruitlessly attempted to get Sunny to look at him.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"The time… passed, suddenly. No thoughts, nothing to do, it's as if nothing happened at all."

Basil sighed. "You can't start to lock yourself up again." His face was pleading.

"I'm trying. Maybe it's the new meds? I dun-"

"You have new meds?"

"Yeah. After two episodes my therapist decided I wasn't fit for whatever they gave me."

Those blue eyes stared intently at him, still emanating worry.

"Maybe it was just that? Maybe it was just… temporary."

"I hope so."

"School sucks, I don't have any hobbies, it's hard to find motivation after… what I did."

Basil nodded, chewing on his lip.

"There's not really anything to get up for," Sunny sighed, the emptiness he felt the past days
 creeping up in his mind.

Basil nodded again, but Sunny couldn't see what he was looking at.

"Except, uh", he tried to continue, lifting his gaze again, seeing Basil just sit there, gently holding
his hands. Swallowing was still hard. "I can't break my promise."

"Huh?" Basil snapped out of whatever was happening in his head and lifted his gaze too.

"I can't leave you alone." Sunny wasn't sure if he heard a laugh or a scoff. Basil was smiling
however, even if he had to look away. "After all…" This time, Sunny leaned forward first. His
heart was beating so quickly, and he was screaming internally, trying to drown out all the voices
that told him this was a bad idea. He needed to show Basil he loved him. He needed to feel Basil's
love towards himself.

The blonde boy sat quite still, but didn't seem to avoid Sunny's advance. Sunny slightly pulled
Basil towards him, still holding his hands, and they kissed. The feeling was as fascinating as the
first time, and it filled Sunny with an immense, rushing sense of joy.

It was nice.

Should he say it? Could he say it? The simple, plain truth, the words that would make it clear to
Basil just how important he was? Sunny's pulse was too high for him to think straight.

They broke their kiss, Basil's face was red.

Should he say it now?

"What are we even doing", Basil interrupted Sunny before he spoke.

"Hm? What?"

Basil gathered himself. "Is this really okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know… being so close, kissing, is that… okay with you?"

This moron.

"I'm making things awkward again aren't I…" Basil laughed softly, but his eyes betrayed him.

For lack of a better option, Sunny pulled his friend into a hug, who let out a surprised gasp of air. A
second later, realizing what just happened, Basil hugged Sunny back.

"I worry too much", Basil mumbled. He rested his head on Sunny's shoulder.

"Basil?" Sunny cooed.

"Hm…?"

"I love you."

Chapter End Notes

How does this chapter end with the same three words as the last one? Am I that
unoriginal? Tune in next week to find out.

On a more serious note, you're all great. Comments are more than appreciated.
 A loss
Chapter Summary

Basil is quiet.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The confession made Sunny's ears ring, his whole body had tensed up as if someone had dumped
cold water over him. The words were out and there was no taking them back. Sunny was still
holding Basil, and he was sure Basil would feel his heartbeat, quick and strong enough to make his
chest move. More than trying to brace his friend at this point, Sunny was actually supporting
himself via Basil. Beneath the tangle of thoughts he hoped he wouldn't topple Basil over with his
weight.

Focusing on a single thought was impossible. It was all very familiar to Sunny, although usually
for different reasons. There were fears, hopes, irrational thoughts, wishes, and insecurities whirling
in his mind, all equally trying to get Sunny's attention. Was it a mistake to say it? Did he mean it?
Would it scare Basil? Would he… what would he respond? But, next to the unending list of
questions, he had thoughts that pulled him into the opposite direction - he loved Basil, he was
happy he had said it, he was sure Basil would respond the same, and Sunny was almost proud of
himself for actually saying it. He was sure Basil would respond the same - right?

Sunny always enjoyed his time with Basil, no matter if it was when they were younger or now. It
was for almost the same reasons nowadays too, although perhaps they had become a little more
complex and nuanced as Sunny grew older. At the core was his best friend, the calm, friendly boy
who would always listen, whose smile was so infectious it would light up an entire room, whose
curious eyes encompassed nothing but friendliness and fondness for his friends. Even despite their
troubled past and their mistakes, despite the trauma and depression that had changed both of them
so much, Sunny was still able to see his friend under it all. It all assured Sunny that he was right, he
did love Basil, and it was the right thing to tell him.

Basil kept quiet. Sunny felt him rest against him, felt him breathe, but he did not respond anything.

Slowly, Sunny let go of his friend and held him by the shoulders, trying to get a look at his face.
The barely lit room cast a dark shadow over Basil. His body looked rigid, his arms were hanging
straight down his sides, his eyes were fixed downwards, the smile visible just moments prior had
disappeared. Quiet breaths were the only thing moving Basil, gently rocking his body.

"Basil?" Sunny asked, his voice almost cracking in anticipation, in fear.

Hearing his name made Basil slump a little, his blank expression slowly drifted into a sad frown.

Sunny's ears started ringing again, there was no sign of his heart slowing down, and the voices in
his head he attempted to drown out came back louder and more obnoxious. The tinge of joy he had
felt at expressing his feelings vanished. All that was left was just dread and fear. He had taken the
initiative, he had wanted more than he deserved, and he ruined it. His thoughts jumped to damage
control.
"Sorry," Sunny pressed out after mulling over what to say for too long. "I didn't - I shouldn't - I
ruined it." The whole situation was a gut punch. His eyes were filling with tears. This was it.

Basil let out a shuddering breath, still avoiding Sunny's eyes. He timidly shook his head.

"I'm sorry", Sunny apologized again. He felt so stupid. Just minutes prior they had been hugging,
kissing, Sunny had thought they both enjoyed this. Was that wrong? Was Basil's what are we even
doing his attempt to tell Sunny he did not like it? A tear left a wet trail on his cheek. Sunny wiped it
away immediately, too ashamed to let Basil see his reaction fully.

No response, except for a loud swallowing sound. Basil's hands searched for each other,
interlocked, and he started tugging at his fingers again, fidgeting and playing. With blank eyes he
was staring at the bed, his mouth was wavering ever so slightly.

A tight feeling filled Sunny's chest, he felt so helpless, so awkward. If only he hadn't fought with
Mom, he wouldn't be here now, probably, if only he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Don't." Basil said quietly, pressing his lips together. He shook slightly. Was he crying? Another
shake. Sunny couldn't hear it but he was convinced those were sobs.

"Don't…?" Sunny repeated, barely able to speak. At this point he only wanted it to be over, but
time seemed to have come to a crawl. Every second ticked by slower than the last one, leaving him
alone with his thoughts. Sunny wanted to get up, to leave, but he kept himself from doing so,
unable to accept Basil's response.

"Don't do this", Basil whispered, his hands still wringing each other. Was he scratching himself?
Sunny couldn't tell. The whisper was followed by another quiet sob, and his breathing had turned
heavier.

"Do what?" Sunny asked, unable to make sense of Basil. "Don't apologize?"

Basil was looking away now, but shook his head.

The lack of answers discouraged Sunny even more, it almost made him angry. What to say next
was a tough question, and after trying to sort his rushing thoughts, Sunny settled on nothing. Every
now and then a question or thought popped from his mind into his mouth, but he stopped himself
from speaking them every time. He should just leave. Would he be okay on the way home? Sunny
was anxious his stress might trigger something, the day seemed to just throw more and more bad
things at him. If he - if he really tried, he should be alright, he just needed to get out of here.

Just as he wanted to push himself up and get off the bed, Basil turned towards him, his eyes
glistening with tears. "I'm so sorry Sunny."

Sunny's arms lost their strength and he sunk back down. He couldn't help but inhale sharply, and he
could feel the heat in his face that he would not be able to hold himself back from crying.

"I don't - want this."

"Oh…" There it was. It made Sunny feel even more stupid, had he really expected any other
response? He was broken, he was unlovable, this was what he deserved. But why did he have to
gamble his only friend away in this stupid attempt? Sunny was feeling irritated at himself.

"Wait, no, I…" Basil sniffled loudly and wiped something from his eye. "That's a lie. That's
wrong."
"I don't understand", Sunny said, more coolly than he wanted.

A long sigh followed, Basil's sad eyes turned away again. "I don't know how to say it", he
breathed.

"You do not love me back", Sunny said, even more coolly. His mind just blocked out all emotions
at this point.

"That - that's mean."

"What?"

"That's mean, Sunny." Basil sobbed.

"And what you're doing is not … mean?"

"Sunny, I -"

"What?"

Basil started crying.

"Just… talk to me. Please." Basil's shaking frame was hard to look at, and Sunny felt horrible just
leaving him sit there. He felt hurt himself, and maybe a little angry, but he couldn't stomach it. He
had to comfort his friend, keep his promise, even if… even if Sunny's desires were unfulfilled, his
love unreciprocated. Almost reluctantly he hugged Basil again, who let out a loud shudder.

"God I… I am so stupid, Sunny."

Sunny held Basil without responding.

"I… I didn't mean it." A shudder interrupted him. "That I don't want this. But… but", he squeezed
Sunny tightly. "You shouldn't. I don't…"

"'love you'?" Sunny finished the sentence.

"deserve this", Basil finished with a barely audible whisper. He was still crying.

"What…?"

"You shouldn't love me", Basil said more clearly.

"But what about - the kissing? And all -"

"I know, I know…" Basil let go one arm around Sunny, probably to rub his eyes. "I… I like that. A
lot."

That sentence reassured Sunny just a little while simultaneously making him more upset.

"But… it also made me worry."

"Why?" Sunny asked carefully.

"Like, about everything. You, me, us." Basil's hug was close to suffocating. "I… I shouldn't even
be… here, I… I put you through so much, and you're still my friend, and I… I want to, but I can't…
accept it, I guess."
"Accept it?" Sunny asked stupidly.

"It was hard enough to convince me you don't hate me, Sunny. But… I don't deserve this. I don't
deserve you. Hell, you don't deserve this… misery."

"What the fuck, Basil", escaped Sunny.

Basil winced. "If I hate myself, how can I… This wouldn't be fair to you."

Sunny didn't know what to say. "Basil, I…"

"I'm worried I'll mess this up. I mess everything up."

"Basil."

"I'm scared I will … I dunno. Disappoint you. Hurt you."

"How?"

"By being me. Worked so far."

"Basil", Sunny called out again.

"I just… I can't do this, Sunny. I am so scared of… disappointing you, of hurting you, that I won't
be a good friend, or, I don't know, I don't know what to think anymore, it's all so overwhelming and
scary, and I don't want to lose you, I do love you, but"

"You love me?"

Basil froze. His stream of consciousness suddenly stopped. Sunny could feel his fingers dig into
Sunny's back, trying to reassure himself, as if Sunny would disappear if he'd let go. He nodded
after a while.

Sunny's heart started beating even harder. His whole body was feeling strange, the tears in his eyes
threatened to swell up again.

"I do, but…"

"I love you, Basil."

"But -"

"No. No buts. It's the truth. So much."

Basil was quiet for a moment, a small sob shaking him once or twice. "I love you too, Sunny", he
finally whispered. With an even quieter, even shyer voice, he added: "I always have."

Sunny pulled Basil away from himself, one hand on his shoulder, the other wiping the tears from
his friend's face. "Sometimes I hate myself too. It sucks." He gently stroked Basil's cheek. "I will…
I'll try and be here for you."

They looked into each other's eyes. Basil was looking shy, almost shocked, but looking at Sunny
made him smile just a little bit. Both, albeit tentatively, approached each other and this time their
kiss felt no longer awkward.

Basil pulled away and rested his forehead against Sunny's and sighed. "Are you upset with me?" he
asked quietly.

"What? Why?"

He shrugged.

"Did you mean it? Do you actually -" Sunny began.

"Yes. This is… embarrassing." Basil leaned back and started fidgeting with his hands again. "I'm
pretty sure I've always had a crush on you, but… in retrospect you were always…" Some redness
spread across his face and Basil shrugged again. "What about you… are you… sure?"

Instinctively, Sunny nodded. "One hundred percent."

They sat together for a while, before Sunny's stomach growled audibly. The fact that he hadn't
eaten in days hit him with a sick feeling in his insides.

"Did you eat anything while in your room?"

Sunny shook his head.

"Nothing at all? When was the last time you ate anything?"

"Friday I think. Dinner."

"Damn it Sunny, come with me." Basil got up and extended one hand towards him before he led
Sunny to the kitchen where he rummaged in the fridge for a while. "There are some leftovers from
yesterday, uh… see for yourself, if you want anything?"

Promptly after, Basil was reheating two containers of rice with some veggies.

"It's no fancy dinner", Basil laughed awkwardly, putting out plates, "but mediocre lunch is fine too
for a d-, uh…" Sunny saw him blush.

"Date?"

"Y-yeah. If you want to call it that."

The food was anything but mediocre, and Sunny felt like he really needed it. Basil had even pulled
up the blinds and the still bright day was nice to look at while eating.

"I wonder if Mom is back home" Sunny mused while he was helping Basil clean.

"Huh?"

"She… took off after the fight."

"Does she know you're here?"

"I left her a note. Hopefully she calmed down a little…"

"Most likely, and you did leave your room too. She can't be mad at that."

"Fair, but I'm not sure I can look her in the eyes right now…"
 "Do you want to stay a little longer?" Basil asked, wiping the table.

"Would that be alright?"

"If you help me water my plants", Basil teased.

After helping Basil tend for his vast number of plants and spending the afternoon together, Sunny
decided to head home.

They hugged goodbye and Basil placed a quick but earnest peck on Sunny's cheek.

Fueled by his lunch and newfound resolution, Sunny rushed home. He entered his apartment and
Mom was sitting on the couch with a book, immediately jumping up when she heard him.

"Sunny!" He couldn't place the emotion in her voice.

"Hi Mom", he replied flatly. "Did you see the note?" he asked a little scared.

She nodded. "Were you over at his place the whole time?"

"Yeah." Sunny put up his jacket and kicked off his shoes. "Mom, I'm sorry for…"

"I'm sorry Sunny." She came to him and gently held him. "What I did was completely out of line. I
was getting so worried, and it made me lash out." Her voice was apologetic. "But you have to
promise me not to turn into a recluse again."

"I'll do my best", Sunny mumbled.

"Have you eaten anything?"

Sunny nodded but he felt already hungry again. "What's for dinner?"

"I don't know yet, got an idea?"

He didn't, but he told her he was happy to help her prepare it later. For now Mom had sat back
down on the sofa with her book, and Sunny decided to get a book from his room and join her. He
was much too agitated to be alone right now anyway. Mom's questioning look when Sunny
returned shortly after he went into his room turned into a delighted smile when he sat down next to
her.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and your continued support.

Comments are appreciated.

 Another step
Chapter Summary

Sunny drinks more hot beverages.

Chapter Notes

Really tho that's all he does.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Without any incidents, the week moved by quickly. Sunny had spent a lot of time with his mother
this week, they had been cooking together a couple of times, school had been as always with the
exception that Basil would join him during breaks, and Basil came over for dinner once. Whatever
their relationship was, no one but them knew, both were too shy to display any kind of affection in
school, and during their dinner Basil and Sunny had put artificially much distance between them,
which seemed to mildly concern Mom. At times Sunny felt a bit sluggish, but overall things felt
okay.

Holding back any signs of affection in school or in front of Mom was hard, Sunny had the constant
urge to reassure Basil of his love, to tell him how important he was, because every time he did, he
got to see the most beautiful smile in return. Basil seemed much less stressed and less antsy this
week. He didn't really have an eye for it, but Sunny was convinced Basil was looking healthier.

Even therapy went by without a hitch, and even though Sunny did not directly admit to what his
status was with Basil, his therapist's face let slip that she understood what he was avoiding saying
directly.

Going out, spending time with Basil, spending time with Mom, it brought a sense of normality
Sunny hadn't felt in years. It was this normality, probably, that prompted Sunny to stand with quick
breaths in front of the phone, Mom's address book lying open on the small table. He could do this.

The line was busy. Sunny took a deep breath, not sure how long he should wait until he could try
again. He could go back to his room but he feared he'd lose the little glint of courage that got him
to pick up the phone in the first place.

He nervously tapped his foot, looked at the clock on the wall, was that enough waiting? Just to be
sure, he counted to ten. Redialing the number, Sunny could hear his own heartbeat very clearly.

"What?" shot at him from the speaker. "Didn't get enough?"

Sunny was taken aback, he almost dropped the phone.

"Too timid to say anything?" followed, a sardonic smile clearly audible.

It took a second for Sunny to gather himself. "Hello Aubrey", he said quietly.
"Sunny?" Aubrey sounded both shocked and furious. "Why – you –"

"Bad time?"

"Horrible time."

"Should I call back later?"

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk."

Aubrey scoffed. "Now of all times?"

"Yes", Sunny said plainly.

"Fine. Talk."

"How are you, Aubrey?" Sunny was trying very hard not to lose his composure.

"Good."

"I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner."

"U-huh."

This was going nowhere. "Aubrey…"

No response.

"Can we please talk?"

"We're talking."

"Properly. Please. We haven't spoken in months."

"So?"

"Are you listening to yourself? I get that you're mad at me. Everyone is."

"Figures."

"But… I miss you. All of you."

"Could have reached out earlier."

"So could you! Don't pin this on me."

She was quiet for a moment. "Fair."

"You don't have to forgive me or anything, but… maybe it will give you some closure."

She kept quiet.

"We can talk in person too if you prefer."

No response.
"Aubrey?"

"You wanna talk? Fine. I need to get out of here anyway."

"So…"

"I can take the next bus to the city."

This was moving along too quickly now. "Uh… Sure." He didn't exactly expect to see her the very
same day, but now it was decided.

Later that day, Sunny was nervously standing around the bus stop he had instructed Aubrey to get
to. Her voice on the phone was so angry, although it had mellowed out the longer they talked. In
his head echoed Basil's voice, Aubrey can be quite horrible. Would he be alright? He would be
alright. Right? It was Aubrey, what was the worst thing that could happen? Sunny swallowed as he
remembered her bat.

The out-of-town bus stopped at the station and a few people got off, in between a girl with
blindingly bright pink hair. She looked around and spotted him. Without a smile she approached
him.

"Hey", Sunny greeted, glued to the spot. She nodded in response before craning her neck.

"So this is the city, huh? Never been here before."

They walked around a little in awkward silence, before they sat down outside a small coffee shop.
It was one of the few possibilities to sit comfortably around here.

"I… I think we should order something", Sunny said as he noticed a waitress approaching.

"You pay."

Sunny ordered a plain coffee, Aubrey a latte.

"I can't believe I'm out getting coffee with you", Aubrey said unamused. "Don't take this that we're
good."

Sunny nodded but her words stung.

"So?" she asked, propping her head on her hands.

"How've you been?"

"Good."

"Aubrey…"

"Fine, okay. It's been rough. School is shit, my friends are annoying, my house is a mess, I've been
picked up by the police, I –"

"Wait wait wait, what?"

"What what?"

"The police?"
"Had a disagreement with someone's car."

"I… I see."

She laughed but didn't smile. "How about you?"

"Well… school sucks, I give you that. Uh… I have this now", he said, pointing at his right eye.
Aubrey leaned forwards, squinting slightly before she realized, looking taken aback.

"Sunny, that…"

"From that last night."

"Oh…"

"I am in therapy now. That… that's about it." He didn't want to mention Basil here, not in front of
Aubrey.

Aubrey looked pensively into her coffee. "Sunny?"

"Yes?"

"I'm pretty pissed at you."

Sunny blinked.

"I am angry. I was disgusted at what happened with Mari, I was upset that you managed to break us
all up again after we just reunited, pissed that you never called… I was so sure I would deck you in
the face when I saw you, but… you were lucky."

"Why didn't you?"

"No clue."

Sunny stared into the coffee, his reflection staring back dully.

"Can't say I don't miss it. Those last days were great, until you dropped the bomb shell."

"I'm sorry."

"Why? Better than if you'd kept it secret."

"Is it really?" It pained Sunny to ask him and he immediately wished he could have taken it back.
Aubrey stared at him with an empty glare that softened quickly.

"Yeah. It is. But I get what you mean." She sighed. "It's just… things feel like they will never
return back to normal."

"I know…"

"It's weird. I have been brooding over this for some time. That thing with Mari is… it's horribly
messed up. It's horrible that it happened. But you can't take it back, yknow? So coming clean was
the next best option."

Sunny nodded, his head feeling like it was stuck in a vise.

"I'm so angry at you. At Basil. At whatever the fuck you thought you were doing. I hate it."
Nobody said anything for a while. Aubrey was slowly stirring in her coffee, producing silent
clinks.

A thought popped up in Sunny's head. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why are you not talking to Kel?"

She snorted. "You talked to him?"

"Somewhat. Long story."

"That idiot… He wasn't fazed at all."

"Huh?"

"You didn't know?"

"What do you mean?"

"The thing with Mari. It didn't hit him at all. Too dumb to get it or something."

"That… that's not true."

She looked at him. "No?"

"He was upset at me, same as you.

"Pft, sure. He basically asked me not to be upset at you, acting like it was no big deal. As if he
couldn't comprehend how vile it was what you did."

Sunny didn't respond.

"He kept pestering me, asking me to hang out but I didn't want to see him. It pissed me off to no
end how he was not upset. I finally snapped and said some unsavory things to him and then he
stopped annoying me."

Sunny nodded solemnly. Aubrey's voice was cold on the surface, but he could see in her face that it
wasn't easy for her to say.

"So that was that."

Sunny took a deep breath, trying to sort the information in his head into something that made
sense. "What about Hero?"

"What about him?"

"Did you talk to him at all?"

"Not much. He was lashing out at everyone at the hospital, even me. Apologized for that later. He
seemed to be doing better, I think, the few times I saw him. He was grieving but… I saw him at her
grave a few times." Aubrey swallowed, her eyes looking a little sadder than before. "I saw him last
at the cemetery too. He looked pretty angry but he kept telling me he was fine. And then he left for
college."
"Did he fight with Kel?"

"Beats me. Maybe. That moron is so thick I wouldn't put it past Hero to finally fly off the handle."

"It's still Kel we're talking about", Sunny said, staring at his coffee.

"True. He is a moron though."

"Sometimes."

"Have you heard anything from Basil?"

"Uh", Sunny felt his face turning red. Shit.

"He disappeared without a trace. Cold feet?"

"His parents sold his house after his grandmother died."

The mean look in Aubrey's eyes disappeared almost immediately. "Oh. Right."

"He… suffered a lot. From… what we did. And what I did."

"Hm."

"Anyway. It hasn't been easy."

They were silent for a while and Sunny was on the last bit of coffee in his cup, it was cold.

"Sunny?" Aubrey asked.

He looked up from his mug.

"Why did you isolate yourself?"

He had not expected that question. Answering took a while, he had to focus first. "Guilt."

"Explain."

"I… couldn't deal with what we did. The accident was…", Sunny had to steady himself, "it was so
horrible, we were fighting and next thing I know is she's…" Sunny closed his eyes and took a
shuddering breath. "We took that accident and by trying to make it look like it wasn't my fault…"

"Do you hear how selfish that sounds?"

Sunny nodded.

"She was your sister."

"I know! You don't have to tell me!"

"Then why did you do that?"

"I was out of my mind. I thought I had… I had killed her." He whispered the second sentence. "I
couldn't think. At all. Basil was coming over that day and he witnessed the fight. He was panicking
too."

Aubrey scoffed.
"I don't know why, okay? I don't know why we decided to… to do it. I think because we both
couldn't deal with it being my fault."

"Was it?"

"I'm not even sure. We fought at the top of the stairs, we were both angry, I shoved her. That was
that. But… I felt so guilty. I think I was mostly trying to fool myself into thinking I was innocent."

Aubrey stared at him, he couldn't read her face.

"And… it kind of worked. But I was starting to repress everything, and eventually I wouldn't even
leave my room anymore. I would just sleep."

"Sleep?" she repeated with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah. I hated being awake and listening to my thoughts. At some point I just… forgot, I guess. I
think I lived those four years just in my head."

"Jesus."

"I couldn't deal with my thoughts, I couldn't deal with being awake, with being alive even. Even if
I managed to repress it…"

"Did you try and forget about your sister?"

"Just about… about… she, she was alive in my dreams."

"That's…" Aubrey didn't finish.

Sunny drank the last bit of his now cold coffee and grimaced. It tasted foul.

They stared at each other.

"I miss her", Sunny said quietly, lowering his gaze.

"Me too. I… I'm still upset that she's gone, but at least I know she didn't… leave. You – you
know."

Sunny nodded, a certain pressure squeezing his heart tightly.

"I have to think of her so often, she was like a big sister for me… Losing her and then you guys
was…" she didn't finish her thought. "Do you want another cup?" Aubrey asked, shifting the mood
suddenly and pointing at his empty coffee cup. "I could use another. I'll pay."

Both got another hot drink and sat together at the small coffee shop. The mood was hard to
describe, Aubrey emanated anger and tension, but at least she wasn't kicking him to the curb,
instead she told some stories and even laughed once or twice. How he missed that…

The afternoon went by quickly. The tension between them became thinner the more they talked,
and even if it never went away completely, Sunny still enjoyed it. He had feared this would go
much worse, would be much more painful.

They paid, got up, and slowly meandered towards the bus stop where Aubrey would leave.

"I'm still angry you know?" she said after a while, kicking a rock in front of her. "I probably will be
for a while."
 "I… get that."

She didn't elaborate further. Her bus came, she punched Sunny in the shoulder, she got on, and the
bus left.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading, for sticking with me, for being cool. The comment section is
wired directly to the reward center of my brain.
 Cold wind
Chapter Summary

Late autumn days.

Chapter Notes

Sorry for the small hiccup in the schedule, please enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Meeting Aubrey made Sunny unexpectedly optimistic. They had managed to talk, earnestly and
honestly. She had listened, she did not lose it at him. It was still a long way to go, but a first step
was a first step.

Sunny was glad he was able to offer just a bit of closure to his friends, but he had his doubts their
group would ever reunite. Aubrey seemed so dismissive of Kel and quite angry at him, there was
so much disdain in her voice. Sunny had feared that Kel was receiving second hand anger from
Aubrey that was meant to be directed at himself, but why was she talking to him but not
Kel?

Kel on the other hand didn't even mention Aubrey lashing out at him, he didn't talk about her ever
now that Sunny thought about it. Except during their one phone call a couple of months back.
Sunny cursed at living in the city, away from it all, away from his hometown, away from all the
people he knew. Living so far off made it hard to reconnect and while they could talk on the phone
there was only so much you could say there. Sunny was not able to see the interactions, couldn't
form his own opinion, he had to try and pry information from his friends.

Just what had happened? Kel even stopped talking to Sunny, but to his knowledge Sunny did not
say anything that would make Kel stop, unlike what Aubrey apparently did. Sunny shuddered. Kel
was resilient and stubborn, and he wouldn't take a no for an answer if he was convinced he was
doing the right thing, his attempts at coaxing Sunny out of the house before moving was a prime
example of this. But getting Kel to stop talking to you? What unsavory things did Aubrey say to
him? She probably had a colorful vocabulary, Sunny couldn't even imagine what kind of insults
she could have thrown at Kel.

What about Hero? The fact that he was lashing out at Aubrey, that he was angry at Mari's grave,
and the story Kel told him back in Faraway all painted a grim picture. If only Sunny could give up
instead of having to try and fix this…

He had been running away for four years. There was no way he could go back to that, no matter
how much he longed for the blissful ignorance sometimes.

"Sunny?" shook him out of his musings. He turned towards Basil who had been reading a book
next to him. "Something on your mind?"
"Hm? Why?"

"You look like you're thinking."

The only person able to notice that was Basil. "I guess you're right…"

Basil edged a little closer to Sunny, a gentle smile on his lips. "What's up?"

"I met Aubrey yesterday."

"Huh?"

"I convinced myself to call her and she decided to come to the city. We talked a bunch."

"Oh wow, I… I did not expect that. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I meant to but I was still… trying to process it in my head. Sorry."

"It's fine. She came over right after you called her?"

"To be honest I didn't expect her to just take the next bus."

"Our friends were always quite impulsive", Basil chuckled. Something about him was… off.

"Should I have called you?"

"What? Why?"

"So you could have seen her too."

"Oh, no, no, that's alright. I don't think she would have liked to see me."

Sunny shrugged. "I thought the same about me but she came anyway."

"How… how was she?"

"She yelled at me on the phone and I expected her to be angry when I picked her up, but… she was
calm, I guess. She said she was angry at us but… it felt like she wants to get past it. I think. I don't
know."

Basil listened calmly. "She yelled at you?"

"Well… not sure if that was even aimed at me. I think she expected someone else on the phone."

"Hm."

"What's wrong?" Sunny asked with a concerned tone.

"Oh, nothing." Basil smiled. "I'm glad you two could talk."

Sunny looked at his friend. "I think she fought with Kel."

"Oh no", Basil said quietly.

"She said he kept annoying her and that he didn't understand the situation at all."

"Uh… in what way?"

"Like… he wasn't angry at us, I guess."

"Oh…" Basil's face changed.

"He told me he was trying to get Hero and Aubrey to talk to us, back in… uh… shortly after we
moved. I didn't expect her to get pissed at him because of that."

"Do you… do you think this is why Hero snapped at him?"

"Aubrey was thinking the same… But… it doesn't sound like Kel."

"I can't help but think that's my… our fault, too." Basil looked sad.

"Hm. Basil?"

"Yes?" He looked up.

"Do you want to go out for a bit? The sun should still be out."

"Out? Is there anything… worthwhile?"

"There's a small park I meant to show you."

Basil perked up. "Really? Gosh I'm so sick of the cityscape."

The weather was rather cold, but the sky was clear and blue. They stuck closely together, going as
far as holding hands. Not long after, they arrived at the little patch of color amidst the grey desert
of buildings and streets. Most plants were withered already but nonetheless it looked much nicer
than the surroundings. Yellow and orange leaves covered the grass beneath the trees, and the
distinguished smell of late autumn was in the air.

"How did I not find this", Basil muttered to himself.

"I only stumbled across it by accident."

"It's beautiful." He smiled brightly at Sunny. "We should come here more often!"

"Definitely." Any way to spend more time together was good in Sunny's book.

They slowly strolled across the park, examining the gnarly trees shedding their colorful leaves,
looking at the last remains of the flower beds, before arriving at a bench alongside the little dirt
path.

"This was maybe not the best time to come here…" Sunny mumbled, surveying the, while colorful,
somewhat gloomy surroundings.

"What do you mean? This is great."

Sunny scooted a little closer to Basil who became flustered.

"Sunny, stop, I"

He froze. "What's wrong?"

"Uh - I'm not sure how I feel about this when people can see us."
Sunny's smile slowly disappeared.

"Not - not because of you!" Basil explained. "Just - some people at school, uh…"

A chilly breeze made Sunny shiver.

"They don't seem to like me that much", Basil laughed nervously.

Sunny nodded. He still got the occasional creep, glasseye, or freak when walking around the
school grounds, but he did his best to ignore the people at school anyway. That of course didn't
help his reputation but since he didn't have any intention of becoming friends with that unpleasant
bunch, he did not care. Basil on the other hand would probably have a harder time ignoring such
things, and he quickly became the victim of whatever bored bully was around.

"Do you… do you get what I mean?"

"Yes, Basil." Sunny smiled. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

Basil nodded unconvinced. "I don't want you to think that I don't… take this seriously."

"I know. It's fine."

"I love you Sunny", Basil said with a serious face.

How could it feel so different? How was it possible that that statement forced such a distinct
reaction out of Sunny? Saying I love you to Basil always made Sunny feel such a flurry of
happiness that he had to keep himself from repeating it over and over. Hearing Basil's shy I love
you too, those words always came after Basil getting flustered, smiling nervously, too filled Sunny
with so much joy it was hard not to smile stupidly. Yet, hearing Basil say it first, seeing the
conviction is his blue eyes, it felt so weird. It completely froze Sunny's brain. The reassuring
realization that yes, someone loved him, Basil of all people loved him, was simply too much for
him to handle.

"…Sunny?"

Sunny snapped out of his thoughts. "Oh, uh-" he stammered.

"I don't know when I last saw you smile that widely."

He felt heat rushing to his cheeks and tried to force himself to change his facial expression, but his
attempt made Basil laugh.

"I love you too", he finally said.

There it was, that bright smile. They looked at each other for a long time, much longer than usually
comfortable for either of them, but they did not seem to mind. Even Basil, who would get flustered
quickly when someone stared at him, simply smiled at Sunny.

For a short moment Sunny felt nothing but happiness. For just a second, just a quick respite.

However, it didn't take long for reality to catch up to Sunny and a familiar clump of thoughts began
gnawing in the back of his head. Ignoring it did not help. He sighed. "Basil?"

"Yes?"

"I am worried about Kel."

"Me too", the blonde boy answered, his face returning back to the neutral, almost sad expression,
he usually showed. "I wonder if he's alright."

"We should check on him."

"We…?"

Sunny tried reading Basil, his face, his posture, but he did not understand what he meant.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am sure, what kind of question is that?"

"S-sorry, I meant … uh…"

"Something is wrong and I owe it to him that I make sure he's okay."

"I get that, but… should I really help with that?"

"Yes! Why not?"

"I, uh, I'm scared that he doesn't want to see me."

"If Kel is talking to me and trying to forgive me, he'll do the same for you. Okay? He's our friend."

Basil nodded lightly. "Sorry for worrying so much again…"

Sunny squeezed Basil's hand.

Sitting around the park was nice, but they headed back before it turned too cold. Basil had been
reading more in his book, and Sunny had been surveying the park mostly, imagining silly stories
happening between the trees. At some point he had grabbed a book from Basil's bag and they had
been reading together for a while, until a particularly cold gust of wind made them leave. Just
before the sun was starting to set they arrived back at Sunny's place.

"Do you want to stay for dinner, dear?" Mom asked Basil, but he waved his hands and shook his
head.

"Oh, no, thank you. I still have some homework and I should probably head home." Sunny frowned
slightly at that, he too had procrastinated a couple of things.

"Well, you're welcome anytime."

Sunny led Basil back to the door. "So…"

"Talk to you tomorrow, then?"

Both looked if Sunny's mother was in sight or in audible range. It didn't seem like it. "Bye Basil",
he said with a small smile.

"See you, Sunny. It was nice with you at the park."

Once more they checked if Mom was in range, before they somewhat reluctantly hugged. Sunny
kissed Basil on the cheek. They shyly smiled at each other before Basil disappeared out the door.
"Can I help you with anything?" Sunny asked as he came back into the kitchen.

Mom smiled but shook her head. "When did you get that enthusiasm for cooking lately?" She sat
down at the table. "Not that I'm complaining but you were never one for doing much work in the
kitchen."

Sunny joined her at the table, slowly sinking in his chair. Where did he get it? Whatever triggered
it wasn't clear at all to him, but - he immediately understood. He remembered his musings with
Basil about cookies, and Mom's behavior when she helped them make pancakes. It was all
bittersweet, and something kept him from saying it out loud. This was not the time to talk about
this.

He shrugged.

"How was your day out?"

"It was nice."

"Did you do anything interesting?"

"Not really… We just hung out a bit and then we went to the park because the weather was nice."

"That sounds wonderful. Oh I'm so glad you managed to reconnect with Basil."

"Yeah…" Sunny nodded with a very faint smile.

"May I ask something?"

Oh no.

"How… uh, how do I phrase this." She looked pensive. "Is he okay? You mentioned he… needed
help."

Sunny didn't respond immediately. Suddenly old fears bubbled up again, he hadn't thought of his
last night in Faraway Town in a long time, but he clearly remembered Basil's face as he had entered
his room. Just, what if - what if Sunny had not opened the door? What if he had not woken up
randomly? It turned his stomach thinking about it. With Basil being so out of it that he almost
stabbed Sunny, imagining the job of those shears was not hard to do. He tried getting the images
out of his mind.

Mom was looking at him.

"I - I think he's doing better. We both are. I really -" Sunny bit his tongue.

"Having a childhood friend like that is truly something special. He was over almost every day",
Mom laughed. "By the way, how is Kel? I didn't get to see him when you two were out."

Sunny froze. Mom noticed immediately.

"Did something happen?"

He let out a small sigh. "I wish I knew but he has been acting strange. Can we… can we drop it?"

"Of course honey. But talk to me when you need to, alright?"
 He nodded.

"Oh my, I think the food is burning", she yelped, jumping from her chair.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading, you're all great.

 Cold
Chapter Summary

Something goes wrong.

Chapter Notes

I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Some music for you.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Much to Sunny's dismay, he did not find Basil anywhere on the school grounds the next day. He
was not sitting where they usually met, and even though it was too cold to sit near the patch of
greenery behind the school, Sunny checked there anyway. No luck either. Maybe he was not
feeling well?

Stuck in a well of worry, the last classes of the day crept by slowly. He rested his head on his hands
and listened with one ear to the teacher, but Sunny could not help but let his mind wander. It was
what he usually did in class, especially that late in the day, and now with Basil worrying him it was
even harder to stay focused on the lesson.

Checking on his friend was paramount, so Sunny didn't take his usual way home. He knew pretty
well how to find Basil's place nowadays. Sunny shivered slightly, it was very cold today, and his
lungs felt unpleasant from the cool air. His quick pace was of no help either.

Just a bit later, he arrived at the familiar building, another dull house front between many more.
Sunny rang the doorbell and waited, bouncing slightly on his feet. A few people were walking
around and he eyed them while waiting. Sunny turned back to the door, expecting to open it, but
no, nothing happened. The door remained closed, Sunny remained outside.

Maybe Basil just took a minute to get to the door and he'd open any second now. Sunny was still
standing in place, bouncing slightly quicker now, the cold creeping up his legs. Almost running in
this weather and with his stamina made his mouth taste weird and like iron but standing here was
somehow more uncomfortable.

People were looking at him and Sunny did not like it. He felt watched, something Sunny hated.
Were they staring at him? Did they know he was not from this neighborhood? Was it weird that he
was lingering in front of a door for so long? Maybe he should ring the doorbell again, but that
would be even weirder.

Why couldn't they leave him alone? Why were they looking? Sunny focused on the door. Maybe if
he concentrated really hard on it opening -

No. Sunny sighed. Why did Basil not open the door? Was it already a minute of waiting? Two
minutes? Come on, he thought. He felt himself getting jumpy, his breathing was still quick from
walking and it was getting shallower. Squeezing his eyes shut he pressed the button again, hoping
for a reaction, and pressed it once more just to convince himself he really did it.

There had to be an explanation for this and Sunny's mind was frantically searching for it. Was
Basil ill? Was he angry? Had Sunny said something to upset his friend? Or perhaps he was
sleeping, the poor boy always had trouble with sleep. What if he was out somewhere? But then
why was he not at school? Perhaps Sunny had just missed him out of bad luck, or Sunny's mind
was playing tricks on him again? Were people still staring? He felt so awkward standing here,
where he didn't belong. Please open, he begged internally. Sunny wanted to kick against the door
in frustration but he felt those eyes lingering on him. Quick breaths produced small clouds in front
of him, puffing up in a dizzying frequency. Grabbing his arms he tried to warm himself and ward
off all those people looking.

He heard steps behind him, approaching, getting louder. Walk past, walk past, walk past. They
stopped. "Excuse me", asked a voice behind him.

Sunny whirled around. "Leave me alone!" escaped his mouth before he could think. What he saw
was a startled young woman with brown hair, staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"How rude", she scoffed with a serious face. "Now, young man, if you would please let me pass."

She seemed familiar. "Wait - Polly?"

The young woman blinked. "How -"

"It's me, Sunny! We, uh, briefly met. I'm a friend of Basil."

She eyed him, looking up and down.

Suddenly Sunny felt horrible about lashing out at her. "Uh - I'm so sorry. I… thought you were
someone else." Sunny tried cracking a nervous smile but his face felt too stiff to move properly. He
most likely just stared creepily at her. "Really, I'm so sorry."

Polly still looked both nervous and wary of him, but she nodded. "It's… alright. But, good to see
you Sunny." She paused. "Did you two just come from school?"

"No, well, I did. Basil was not at school." Shit, should he have kept quiet about that?

"Huh? Basil didn't go to school?"

Sunny shook his head. "Do you mind if I check on him?"

She looked him over once more, unsure what to do with this rude person on her doorstep, but she
nodded. "I think that should be alright."

A small, quick wave of relief shot through Sunny. Polly moved past him and opened the front
door, Sunny took another look at the empty street. They walked up in an oppressing silence. Sunny
was not in the mood to talk to what was essentially a stranger, especially not with worry on his
mind, and Polly still seemed somewhat taken aback.

They arrived in front of the apartment door, the anticipation was tearing at Sunny.

"Basil, I'm coming in", she announced herself to the unlit apartment. It was dark and quiet, the
blinds weren't even up. Chills shot down Sunny's back and he had to swallow before he could
speak.
"Basil? It's, uh, Sunny."

No response. Polly and Sunny looked at each other. Sunny put down his school bag.

"Maybe he's in his room?" Polly suggested, walking to a window and opening the blinds.

"Basil?" Sunny asked carefully, knocking on the white door. No response. "I'm coming in", Sunny
said with feigned resolution. His mind was racing, what was wrong? Putting his hand on the cold
doorknob made him almost recoil. It took all the strength in his arm to grab it, twist it, open the
door. He opened it only a crack and saw nothing but darkness. "Basil?" he asked again, the words
barely leaving his mouth.

Finally he pushed the door open, illuminating the room just a bit. Before entering, before saying
more, Sunny listened.

There was breathing.

A shudder shook Sunny and he clenched his fists.

On the bed was a shadow, and after his eyes adapted to the darkness he identified it as Basil.
Quickly he dashed to him, halting just as quick, unsure what to do. Was Basil hurt? He didn't react,
he didn't answer. Basil just sat there, leaning against the wall, slumped a little, arms hanging limply
at his sides. Sunny didn't dare look at his face, he grabbed Basil's arms, checking, seeing if -

Basil startled and almost let out a scream. "Sunny!" he yelped, looking like a deer in headlights,
trying to pull his arms from Sunny's grip.

"Are you okay?" Sunny kneeled down a bit to be on Basil's height. "I'm here. Polly too."

Basil nodded without saying anything, Sunny could see and hear him breathing quickly. Basil
wrapped his arms around himself and began tugging on his long, leaf green sleeves, pulling them
down to his hands.

"Basil? Goodness, are you okay?" Polly asked, standing in the door. She switched on the light,
blinding Sunny and making Basil jolt.

Sunny turned to her. "Can you get him something to drink?"

"Drink! Of course", and she rushed off.

Seeing Basil in the light was not pretty. His face was red, blotchy, his eyes looked wet and his
eyelashes seemed to stick, his hair was unkempt and his face had a horrible expression Sunny had
seen only a few times before. Dark rings and bloodshot eyes made Basil look so tired and resigned.

"I'm here, Basil. I'm here." He had grabbed his friend's hands, gently but firmly coaxing them out
of their tight grip.

"S-sorry" Basil stammered.

"It's okay. Everything is okay."

Basil shook his head.

"Are you hurt? Are you sick?"

Basil shook his head again.

"I was worried when I didn't see you at school, and -"

Polly came back and handed Sunny a glass of water who gently nudged it towards Basil. "Is he
hurt?" she asked.

Sunny shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Should I, uh, should I leave you alone for a bit? Or do you need anything?" She was looking
uncomfortable. "You seem to know him a lot better than I do."

"Would that be alright?"

"Of course. I'll be in the living room if you need anything." With that, she left.

He looked back at Basil, who was shaking and seemed to be crying, but there were no tears, the
trails of dried-up tears were faintly visible. "Are you hurt?" he asked again, not trusting Basil's own
assessment.

"N-no…" Basil said, his voice shaking.

"Can I sit down?" Sunny asked gently.

Basil nodded and Sunny sat down next to him, wrapping one arm around Basil.

"What happened?"

No response.

Sunny was losing his mind. "Should I - should I be quiet for a bit?" he tried, uncertain what answer
he wanted to hear. He just wanted a reaction from Basil, just wanted to know what was wrong,
what had happened.

Basil seemed to think for a moment, taking in a shaky breath, but eventually nodded, his face
looking pained.

Sunny was unhappy with that response, feeling helpless, feeling panic creep up inside him again,
he wanted to ask so many questions, but he would keep his mouth shut. He had to, for Basil. To
mitigate his feeling of helplessness, to feel like he was doing something to help, he pulled Basil
into a hug. Basil felt awfully cold.

For a long time, they just sat there, Basil quietly crying, Sunny feeling awful, helpless, like he was
failing once again. Being an awful friend, an awful - boyfriend?

"I'm sorry" muttered Basil after a while.

"For what?" Sunny coaxed, as careful as he could.

"For… everything."

"What happened, Basil?"

It took another while for Basil to simply shrug. "Nothing, I suppose…"

"This is nothing?" Sunny asked poignantly.

"N-no, I mean…" Basil took a deep breath. "I - I don't know, what, why, uh…" He shook his head
in resignation, hitting the bed with his right hand.

"Shh, it's okay. How are you feeling?"

Basil shrugged, avoiding Sunny's eyes.

"Is, is this why you were not at school?"

"Yeah… sorry, I know it's not… a good reason…"

"Did you sleep?"

"No."

"Not at all?"

"I think I, I'm awake for about thirty hours now."

"Jesus Basil, why?"

"Couldn't sleep." Basil jerked, his midriff forcing out another sob.

"Basil this keeps happening, what is keeping you awake all the time?"

"Everything!" Basil blurted. Was that anger in his face? "Everything is just horrible." It was not
anger, instead it was sadness, or even apathy. Sunny couldn't tell, his mind was preoccupied with
feeble attempts at parsing what Basil said.

"Everything?"

"Mari, my parents, our friends, me, you, us-"

"Me…?" Sunny asked. "I'm horrible?"

Basil's face immediately shifted, he was looking with pure panic at Sunny. "N-no! That's not what I
meant!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Hell, Sunny, I love you!"

This time, the words didn't make Sunny feel that sense of joy, of carefree happiness that would
squeeze him for just a second.

"I do!" Basil was scrambling for words. "Please, that's not how I meant that…"

Sunny took a deep breath.

"I meant - I meant, it's just so much to think about and I get overwhelmed so easily… I want to be
with you, I love you, but it's… it's so hard to convince myself that this is right, that I won't screw it
up…"

Sunny nodded. He understood. He mentally kicked the thoughts away that tried to make him doubt
Basil, and curbed them, at least a bit, at least for now.

"Basil this is not healthy."

"I know…" The blonde boy let out a resigned breath. "Please don't be upset with me", he added
quietly.

"I'm not upset! I'm worried!"

"Sorry…"

"And stop apologizing Basil", Sunny pleaded.

"Sorry, I - shit…"

"It's okay. How are you feeling?"

Basil shrugged, but out of shame this time. "I dunno. Better with you here." He smiled weakly.

"Do you want to sleep? Should I leave you alone?"

"I don't want to be alone…"

"Should I stay?"

"If - if you're okay with that. I feel like I'm, just", Basil let out an annoyed sigh. "I can't think
straight. Can't phrase it."

"Have you eaten anything?"

Basil shook his head. "Polly came over to make lunch and dinner for the next days, can you ask her
about that?"

Sunny nodded, got up and reached out to help Basil.

"Uh, can you go ahead? I… I have to gather myself for a minute. Okay?"

If it was only a minute while Sunny was just a room away, it was probably okay - he hoped. Sunny
agreed and left Basil's room. Polly was nowhere to be found, she had opened a window to let in
some fresh air but Sunny couldn't see her in the living room.

A rustling noise and what sounded like a drawer came from Basil's room, and a second later he
joined Sunny.

Polly was already in the kitchen preparing food. "Basil, are you okay?" she asked immediately as
she saw him.

"I'm better", he said. "Sorry for the scare."

"Don't apologize hun. Is your friend staying for lunch?"

Basil nodded and Sunny smiled a little bit, remembering his encounter with Polly downstairs and
still feeling bad about it, but she seemed to have accepted his earlier apology, perhaps after she saw
him interact with Basil.

"It'll be a few more minutes, you two can eat while I prepare the rest, okay?"

Soon after, Basil and Sunny were sitting in the living room, quietly eating their food. Sunny was
surprised at his own appetite, the stress of a day like this usually made him want to reject eating
entirely, but he really enjoyed the food instead. Basil was eating much slower, seemingly stuck in
 thought.

"Sunny?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"What? For what?"

"For… for being you. It… it's nice that you worry about me." He paused, but before Sunny could
reply, he continued: "N-not that I want to worry you, I… I feel horrible about that. But, it's nice to,
to feel this…"

"That I love you?"

Basil looked shocked, and Sunny was not sure if blood was draining from his face or is he was
blushing, perhaps both, it was hard to tell. "S-sunny, don't…"

"Because of Polly?"

Basil nodded.

"Sorry."

"But - I, I love you too. I mean it. I, God, I feel like I keep messing this up… Every time we talk
about this I… I screw up the whole situation."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is and you know it. It's just… scary, you know? Love is a big emotion, it makes you think,
it makes you worry… What I mean to say is, I… I want to be with you Sunny. I don't want to be
without you. You're… I need you. I'm not sure I could do this without you."

"And I need you."

"Are you really not upset?"

"About what, Basil?"

"Me being an idiot."

"It's fine, it happens. You're my idiot."

"You're the worst, Sunny."

"Why?"

"You're making me cry again."

"Pft", Sunny snorted, kissing Basil gently on his cheek. Turning left a bit Sunny saw Polly coming
in behind them and his heart sank - but she just lifted her hands up, mouthed a silent Sorry and
quietly walked back out. Sunny decided not to mention this to Basil just yet.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading. And, as always, the most special thank you for all the
awesome peeps that write comments, I love you all.
 Doldrums
Chapter Summary

Mom needs to do something.

Chapter Notes

Sorry for the sorta hiatus. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

A few days passed, Sunny and Basil had spent an afternoon or two together. On one hand, Sunny
just wanted to spend time with what he assumed was his boyfriend, on the other Sunny didn't trust
Basil, or himself, to be alone for too long. Forcing himself to go out, to see his friend, cook with his
mother, do anything but stew in his room, Sunny found to be a good remedy against those phases
where he preferred to simply exist.

They were sitting on the couch together, and Sunny was holding the grey phone in his hand,
anxiously eyeing the numbers on it. He took a deep breath.

"You don’t have to be nervous", said Basil, gently holding Sunny's left hand. His smile was mildly
encouraging, but more than that Sunny found it cute – despite his anxiety about the object he was
holding, or the call he wanted to make. "I'm right here. Okay?" A gentle squeeze of Sunny's hand
punctuated Basil's attempt at making his voice sound convinced.

Sunny took another deep breath. He could do this. Slowly, he dialed Kel's number and waited for
someone to pick up.

Basil shot him a questioning look, and after a while Sunny put the phone back down, because no
one answered.

"Hm." Sunny placed the phone on the couch table. "Weird."

"No response?"

He shook his head. "Maybe we should try again later? He's probably out."

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. So… what should we do now?"

Sunny shrugged. "TV?"

"Sure."

Some time later Mom arrived back home, prompting the two to quickly move apart as soon as they
heard the door open. They were still too shy and unsure to show any form of affection in front of
anyone.

"Hi boys", she greeted them. "How was school?"

They shrugged in unison.

"What a crowd. Basil dear, are you staying for dinner?"

He glanced at Sunny, waiting for a sign, but Sunny didn't say anything.

"Oh – if, if that's not too much of a hassle" he stammered, but Mom cut him off:

"No no don't worry. I better get to it then."

"Should we try calling again?" asked Basil.

"It's kind of late…"

"Yeah…"

"Let's do it, the worst that could happen is that we interrupt their dinner."

Their second attempt at calling Kel was still unsuccessful. Basil and Sunny looked at each other,
unsure how to proceed after this. Mom was busy in the kitchen.

Something felt plain wrong, something irked Sunny about this situation, and his face must have
shown it. With a deflating sigh, he leaned onto Basil, who grabbed his hand again.

"Don't worry", he said quietly.

"Hm?"

"I can see you're thinking", said Basil. "Just because he didn't answer the phone today doesn't mean
anything happened."

"I guess you're right." Sunny did not feel reassured by Basil's words, but he knew that obsessing
over it would just make him feel awful. Was Kel alright? Was it just bad luck that they did not
manage to reach him, or was it something else? He shook his head slightly as he realized he was in
fact starting to obsess over it. "Do you think he's okay?"

Basil shrugged. "I hope so."

Sunny nestled his head against Basil's shoulder. At least he could share his thoughts with Basil.
Getting them out of his head took so much pressure from his mind, and even if the thoughts were
still scary or unsettling, he was not alone, and that grounded Sunny substantially. "Basil, I –"

That moment, Mom called. "Dinner's ready!"

They scrambled like startled cats and Sunny could feel his heart beating quickly. He looked
towards the kitchen to see if Mom was standing there but, to his relief, she was not.

Realizing their reaction just now made them exchange a sheepish look. They couldn't keep this up
– but even if Sunny wanted to, he would have been unable to tell his mother about this. Why
exactly, he was not sure, but it made him feel uneasy. Perhaps he feared her questions, or she
would ask too much, or she would think it's weird, or – Sunny sighed, once more forcing his mind
off a thought it would not let go willingly.

The kitchen was filled by a delicious smell, and there were plates waiting for both Sunny and
Basil. Sunny was glad that Mom did not mind his boyfriend being over so often, or Sunny being at
Basil's place now and again. She seemed to be happy to have the house, or rather, the apartment, a
bit fuller than she was used to, and she would keep mentioning how happy she was that Sunny had
a close friend like that.

After dinner, Basil was staying only for a little longer before he went back home. Out of sight from
anyone, they kissed in the shadow next to a lantern in front of Sunny's house, where he had
accompanied him to. Basil waved goodbye as he turned around a corner, and Sunny glanced at the
cloudy, cold sky.

Back upstairs, Mom was still sitting at the dinner table, holding a mug in her hands, her face
looking like she had been thinking for a while. He responded with a questioning expression.

"Sunny, I've been thinking", she began.

He did not like this. Where was this going?

"It's okay if you don't want to", she continued. Her face was hard to read, but it was unnerving. "I
was thinking – do you want to visit Mari's grave with me?"

Sunny swallowed.

"We could drive down to Faraway, and when we're done you could visit your friends, if you want."

It had been too long since he had been at her grave, but going there with Mom was much worse
than going on his own. And seeing his friends was not really anything to look forward to either.

"What do you say?"

He nodded. He owed this to her. To both of them. "Yes, that… that sounds good." Sunny had an
idea.

"How about Saturday?"

"Can Basil come with us?" he asked in return.

Mom hesitated for a moment. "Sure honey. Maybe he can visit his grandmother."

Sunny did not know if she was even buried on the local cemetery, and he suddenly felt awful for
never asking Basil about his grandma, or how he felt with her gone. He made a mental note to ask
him at a later point.

Saturday came without any trouble, but Sunny was dreading the day. He and Basil had attempted
to call Kel one more time, to no avail, so they still didn't know what he was up to, nor could they
announce their trip to their old hometown to him. Basil seemed even more anxious than Sunny
already was, and it took a good bit of persuasion from Sunny's side to convince Basil that he should
join them, even more so when he told him he was planning on paying Kel a visit. Their phone call
not succeeding was stressing Basil out too now, he hated the idea of appearing unannounced on his
doorstep.

Mom was driving, being awfully quiet. The radio was switched on, but barely audible. Sunny and
Basil were sitting in the back seats, nobody talking, the tension in the car was palpable. There was
a basket on the passenger seat with two flower bouquets. Basil's fingers were intertwined, his brow
was furrowed, his gaze fixed in front of him. His eyes were surrounded by dark circles and Basil
looked, for lack of a better word, tired.

"So…" said Mom after a long time, trying to break the uncomfortable silence, "after we – we go to
the cemetery, do you two want to roam the town for a bit?"

"Uh, sure", Sunny responded, glad the silence was finally gone.

"Then I'll pick you up later and I will run some errands while I'm here, what do you think?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Y-yeah, that… that sounds good", Basil added.

The car turned and they were now crossing the town border.

"It feels weird to be back…" muttered Basil, absent mindedly staring out of the window. "I haven't
been here since I… since I moved."

"Me too", Sunny said, feeling bitter dread climbing up his throat. He remembered the hospital, the
last day, the day their group broke apart, once more. Despite spending his childhood in this town,
everything was so foreign to him. He felt out of place, unwanted here, and if it weren't for his
mother visiting Mari's grave he would have asked her to turn around on the spot, instead he just bit
his tongue, perhaps a bit too strongly.

They drove past Sunny's old street, past Aubrey's house, towards the church. He felt his heart sink,
the sight of the big building was unsettling.

Mom parked the car near the church, and they all got out. The day way overcast and quite chilly,
Mom was wearing a somber outfit, Basil a sweater vest and Sunny a dark shirt. It was not exactly
planned to look this dreary, but their somewhat non casual look was fitting, Sunny thought. The
bouquets went to Mom and Basil, who held them closely as they walked to the gate of the
cemetery. The air was seemingly even colder in here – there was no wind, just almost stagnant,
mildly damp air. Sunny felt a shudder shake his body.

A familiar face greeted them, the old man who Sunny met before was walking around the grounds.
Sunny heard Mom take a deep breath and she took a first step towards Mari's grave. He followed
her and, without thinking, took her hand. She turned to him, smiled softly, and together they
walked towards the grave. Seeing it filled Sunny with a horrible, gnawing emptiness, the finality
and tragedy of it all hitting him, making his eyes burn, his lungs tingle, his heart race. He wanted to
cry, seeing his Mom's sad eyes made him want to wail, but – he had to stay strong. Losing it here
was not fair to his mother who just wanted to spend some time at her daughter's grave. Sunny
stayed back as she took the last steps and she carefully placed the bouquet on the somewhat
unkempt, but not abandoned looking grave. She stood there and Sunny saw she was speaking, but
he did not listen, actively preventing himself from overhearing what they were talking, Mom and
Mari.

Looking around he tried to find Basil, who stood somewhat lost a few feet behind him. He was
actively trembling, and it looked like he was doing his hardest to keep himself from crying. Sunny
walked towards him. "Want me to come with you?" he asked.

Basil didn't respond immediately, he was thinking, looking at the bouquet, but eventually nodded.
"But – what about –"

"Let's go", Sunny said, waiting for Basil to move. They walked across the graveyard to a grave
with a new looking tombstone. Written on it was Basil's grandmother's name.

"I hope she's not upset I haven't been visiting her…" muttered Basil under his breath, the bouquet
slightly trembling in his hands.

Some encouraging words, some helpful advice, a warm presence – Sunny was trying to come up
with something, but he could feel his mouth cramp shut, not a word managing to escape. Instead,
he took a step towards Basil and gently but firmly pried one hand from his tight grip around the
flowers.

Basil's hand was just a bit warmer than his own.

"Thank you Sunny", he said quietly after gently placing the bouquet on the grave. "For… for
convincing me to come here."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

Basil looked like he was concentrating, he was silent but his face looked like he wanted to say
something. Sunny kept quiet, enjoying the mild warmth radiating from Basil's hand resting in his.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he saw Mom walk away from the grave, her face
bearing a somber but not unhappy expression. Sunny took a deep breath. He wanted to let go of
Basil's hand, but Basil did not let him, the look on his face making Sunny understand he'd come
with him.

A knot in his stomach was growing with every step he took towards Mari. Should he say
something? Think something? Maybe not. He looked at the grave in silence, a confusing tumble of
emotions spinning in head. Sunny had to steady himself, but he was glad he was here. The few
flowers growing on the patch were gently swaying and the dread inside Sunny abated slowly,
getting replaced by a sense of comfortable emptiness.

There was no point in apologizing, in trying to explain what happened, in asking for forgiveness –
Sunny had to move on.

He glanced at Basil, unsure what to make of his expression. Their hands were still entwined, and
he gave Basil a gentle pull. They smiled at each other with sadness in their eyes.

Mom was patiently waiting near the entrance as they approached her.

"How about I pick you up at the park at six?" she asked, walking to the car.

"Sounds good to me."

"Alright, then I hope you two have fun, I have some errands to run."

They waved as she drove off.

"What do you want to do now?" asked Sunny, but Basil just looked puzzled at that.
 "I thought you wanted to go to Kel's place?"

"Well, yes, but if you're not feeling like –"

"I'm fine."

"Are you – are you sure?"

"Yes."

Sunny wanted to ask more but Basil's tone stopped him. "Then I suppose – we, uh, we check it
out?"

"Let's go", Basil said, a nervous smile on his face.

Of course they still knew the way, they had no problems navigating their old town, and soon
enough they were close to Kel's house.

Sunny threw a nervous glance at his old house but squinted his eyes before he fully registered the
image – he did not want to know, he did not need to, whatever was over there was the past, and
there was no need to remind him of what was. He'd just feel bad, or even worse, miss their old
house. His family, his –

Sunny stopped himself once more, forcing his brain to drop whatever it wanted to obsess about.

"Ready?" Sunny asked.

Basil nodded. "I think so."

Both took a deep breath. "Wait", asked Sunny, stopping himself halfway from the doorbell, "where
is Hector?"

The doghouse was empty, and no dog was yapping at the intruders of his front yard. "Huh", said
Basil. "Maybe in the backyard?"

"I have to be honest I'm getting really worried right now", Sunny said, feeling something gnawing
at him, a familiar sensation that he despised. Sunny took another step forward and pressed the
doorbell hard.

Sunny could hear the doorbell inside, then silence. He wanted to hit the door with his fist when no
response came, but then he heard shuffling, steps even.

Something was moving, and Sunny heard a key turn on the other side. The door opened, to his
disbelief, slowly, and then he saw a head.

The door swung open, and a familiar person stood there, looking somewhat confused.

"Sunny? … Basil?"

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for sticking around. And thanks to all the people who comment, reading
them makes me smile so much, even if the day is kinda... not good.
 Gale
Chapter Summary

The door is actually open.

Chapter Notes

Please enjoy the next chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny couldn't help but stare. The door had opened. It was what he wanted and he did expect
something to happen, but it still stumped him. He looked at Basil whose face was stuck somewhere
between startled and scared.

The figure of Kel was towering over them, looking at them with a more than puzzled expression.
He looked at Sunny, then at Basil, then at Sunny again.

"What are you two doing here?" Kel asked with utter disbelief. He held the door against himself, as
if he wanted to close it.

"Uh –", Sunny began, not knowing what he wanted to say, turning to Basil as if his face had words
written on it. Basil looked just as clueless as him. "We wanted to see you."

Kel smiled, but the uneasy feeling tugging at Sunny did not go away, it just got worse. "Oh, I see",
Kel said. "A little, uh, unannounced. Good to see you two!"

"Are you okay, Kel?" blurted Basil.

"Me? Oh yeah, sure. How bout you?"

Basil exchanged a look with Sunny.

"Uh – can we talk?" asked Sunny, trying to read Kel's face, but his smile was too good to let
anything else slip through, if there was anything.

The brown-haired boy looked like he was thinking for a moment, his smile wavering slightly,
barely noticeably, before he nodded with a wide grin. "Uh, sure!" He hesitated, looking behind.
"Actually, let me come with you. It's a bit of a mess in here. I'll grab my shoes and be with you in a
second, alright?"

"S-sure."

Kel promptly closed the door in their faces, making Sunny jump.

"This is… weird", said Basil, visibly struggling. "What's going on?"
"I have no idea."

"He seems… normal? But not normal at the same time."

"Yeah, I get what you mean."

Basil shuddered.

"Are you alright?" Sunny asked with a concerned tone. Basil's tired eyes were darting all over the
place and he started plucking at his vest.

"Oh, y-yeah, don't worry."

"Basil, I –"

The door opened again, which Sunny had to admit was not what he had bet on. Kel leaving the
house ended the conversation with Basil.

"So, what's up you two? Come here Basil", Kel said, slinging one arm around the shaking boy, "I
haven't seen you since – uh, in so long! Damn, how are you?"

"I… I'm good."

"What about you Sunny?"

"Me too. Listen, Kel –"

"Wanna go to the park?"

"Kel, please."

"I'll take that as a yes, let's go!"

Kel marched ahead at a pace difficult for Sunny and Basil to keep up with, the difference in leg
length alone was hard to compensate.

Sunny wanted to speak but he had to actively concentrate on not passing out at this pace, and Basil
didn't say anything. A short run later they arrived at the empty park. Sunny's lungs burned from the
cold air, he rested his hands on his thighs and panted loudly. "Holy…" He looked over at Basil.
Basil looked like he dealt better with the sprint than Sunny, which was not surprising, but his face
had lost all color.

Sunny sat down on a bench, followed by Basil and eventually Kel. Kel stretched out his legs and
put his hands behind his head.

"Kel", the cold air doing anything but soothe his breathing, "what, where, uh…" Deep breath.
"Where have you… been?"

"Me? What do you mean?"

"We tried calling you multiple times and you… didn't answer."

"Oh, you must have missed me."

"And… your family?"

"Bad timing, I guess", he shrugged.

It was almost painful for Sunny to push through this conversation. There was no way Kel did not
know what he was trying to get at, was he playing stupid? Or did Sunny completely misread the
situation? Perhaps he had talked himself and Basil into it, and Kel had been perfectly fine this
whole time. Perhaps Kel had not been angry at him, and Sunny had misunderstood. Was he
misremembering their phone call?

"So…" How should Sunny even address this? Basil still looked out of it, either from running or
from something else, and staring at him would not give Sunny the answers. "We need to talk."
Deep breath. He could do this. He had been thinking about what to say and even played it out in his
head a few times in the past, but Sunny was never satisfied, and now he couldn't even remember
what he had planned.

"You said that already", laughed Kel. "What's up?"

Once again, the words and thoughts in Sunny's mind would not leave his mouth. No matter how
hard he forced it, how much he wanted to say them, yell them out –

He took another breath, the cool air still feeling unpleasant. Closing his eyes, calming himself
down a little more, he put all his energy into saying what he had on his mind.

"Can you – can you please explain what's wrong?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Our last phone call."

"Oh, that… don't worry about it, okay?"

Sunny jumped off the bench. "I swear to God Kel, if you don't tell me what's up I will… I don't
know! Just, fuck, tell me!"

Kel looked at Sunny in shock, and Sunny saw Basil shrink at him cussing. He felt a little
embarrassed at his outburst but Kel acting ignorant, for lack of a better word, pissed him off. For
weeks, no, months, he had worrying, and everything Kel did was just making it worse, and now he
was acting like nothing was up?

The smile plastered on Kel's face was gone, and he was looking away from Sunny, gears turning in
his head.

"Listen…" he began, and those words, their difference in tone, made Basil and Sunny perk up. "It's
just been a stressful time, but everything is good now. Okay?"

"No. Not okay." Sunny could feel heat rise to his face.

Basil intervened. "Why – why did you get angry when you saw me?" His face was devoid of any
color, except for the dark circles around his eyes.

Without a word, Kel turned to Basil, the gears seemingly still turning.

"W-when, uh, you and Sunny were out."

Kel sighed. "Don't worry about it."

"Fucking hell, I have been nothing but worrying about you!" burst Sunny, agitation and anger
spewing from his face.

"Fine." Kel was quiet for a moment. "Things haven't been the best."

Sunny waited for him to continue.

"And now you say you care?"

The words stung, and Sunny did not know what Kel was trying to tell him.

"What do you mean, Kel?" asked Basil, his voice very quiet.

"You two just, pissed off and left me in this mess."

"What? I didn't want to move away", Sunny said defensively. "And I tried staying in contact with
you."

"Did you?"

"Yes!"

"And why?"

"Because you're my friend!"

Basil shrunk.

"Jesus Christ Kel, what happened?"

There was anger on Kel's face that Sunny had never seen before. He leaned forwards now, looking
tense, as if he were to jump up any second. "What happened? What fucking happened? I tried my
best to patch this situation, to remedy it, to keep us together after what you two did." Sunny saw
Basil from the corner of his eye, holding his arms, face blank. "You guys meant the world to me
but nope, apparently that was one-sided!"

"What…?"

"Oh don't act like you're all concerned now."

"But I am! I have been so worried about you, for months! Ask Basil! Ask Basil how much we
talked about you!" Sunny felt the hairs on his neck stand up, every muscle in his body was tense.
Basil twitched at every mention of his name.

Kel scoffed, but a glance at Basil's figure made his features soften for just a bit before the anger in
his voice returned. "Sure. Sure!"

Sunny couldn't take it anymore, Kel yelling at him was a horrible feeling. "What did I do?" he
asked, his voice cracking.

"Hmm, I don't know? How about we start with lying to me that you were feeling unwell, but you
actually just wanted to get away from me?"

"What…?"

"When we were at the mall." Kel turned to Basil. "Said he wasn't feeling well, turns out he wanted
to see you instead."
"Is that true, Sunny…?"

Sunny was not even sure. Was it? "I – I'm sorry, Kel." He felt the tension turn into a painful,
hollow feeling inside him.

"Sure you are! You just don't like people being upset at you."

"Listen, I even called you to apologize."

"You didn't even know what you were apologizing for!"

"Then tell me! What else did I do to piss you off so much?"

"How about, you never listened to any of the stories I was telling?"

"That – that's not true, what the hell!" Sunny's head was spinning.

"Every time I talk about something you dismiss it. You're only ever interested in Hero and Aubrey.
Nice story Kel, now let me completely change the topic!"

"That's – I ask because you're the only person I can ask about them!"

"Sure, doesn't mean you have to bring them up all the time."

"What are you even saying?"

"Oh, I talk about something good that happened to me, or something fun that I did, no, Mr. Sunny
has to ask more important questions, how is my brother, everybody just wants to fucking know
about my brother! Everybody just cares about him!"

Sunny did not know what to respond. The anger that made him jump off the bench had left him.
He felt his shoulders sink and with a defeated sigh sat back down. Basil took Sunny's hand, quietly,
but it was his best attempt to help.

"Kel that is… that is not true", Basil said quietly. "We care about you. Right Sunny?"

Sunny nodded.

"We're worried about all of you… after… after what we…" Basil did not finish his sentence.

"But I guess Kel has to wait in line, huh?" Kel asked with a disgustingly mocking tone in his voice.

"No!" protested Basil.

"You both could have reached out some time, you left me alone in trying to keep the group
together. Guess that was easier."

"S-sorry", said Basil, the sadness in his voice punching Sunny in the chest.

"Every time I try and do something about this situation it bites me in the ass."

"In… in what way?" asked Sunny, regaining his voice.

"Oh, how about that letter I sent you? How long did it take you to respond to that? Or even
acknowledge it?"

"I did call you, eventually…"

"Sure, eventually."

"You could have called more often too!"

"Yes, of course I have to do it! I have to do everything and when it goes wrong it's my fault!"

"That's not what I meant!" Sunny shouted, tears welling in his eyes.

"And you, Basil, didn't call once."

"S-sorry…"

"Sure, you two can reconnect, everything is good, no need to reach out to Kel, huh? He can manage
on his own."

"I'm so sorry Kel…" stammered Basil.

"But…" started Sunny, trying to somehow understand this mess, "every time… every time I asked
how you were doing you said fine and we dropped it. How was…"

"Because I thought you had enough on your plate! I didn't want to pull you down further!
Apparently that was wrong too!"

"Then… be honest. Please. I do worry. Basil too."

"You want the truth?" Kel was breathing quickly. "I've been effin miserable", Kel spat out. "And
everything I try to help makes it worse."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, when you two… came clean, I was upset, I was pissed, I don't want to say it but I think I
actively hated you."

Sunny felt his heart sink even further, ever deeper. He squeezed Basil's hand.

"But – I realized that was not right. I didn't dwell on that. And then you called me, which… was
nice. I was happy to talk to you again, despite everything. I thought things could be fixed."

"And then…?"

"I – I brought it up with Hero and he absolutely lost it. He was so angry. We reconciled but it was
hard to bring you two up, and I knew it had to, or I thought I knew, or whatever. I don't even know
anymore. Point is, it is a touchy subject with Hero, and I carefully tried to talk about it, and tried to
explain the situation to him because he – he didn't understand it correctly."

"How?"

"Yknow, it's fucked up, it's horrible, it's a shitty situation, but you two deserve forgiveness. I think.
I thought. Whatever. Hero did not agree, he was just… angry. All the time. I understood him in the
beginning when he was basically grieving all over again, but at some point he kept lashing out at
people."

"I'm sorry Kel", Sunny said, his voice cracking again.

"And we fought and he accused me of being too dumb to fucking understand it. Mom and Dad
didn't even realize we were fighting when we saw each other, or on the phone, but… yeah. He said
that. And not to mention Aubrey…" Kel went quiet, blankly staring into the distance.

"What… did she do to you?" Sunny was trying to phrase the question carefully, making sure Kel
was the focus.

"Basically the same thing. I tried talking about the situation, because… I needed to, talk about you
guys, us all, but… She said I was too upbeat to really be upset about it and obviously I didn't
understand."

"What?"

"I do understand! I just… didn't agree with their… with their views, and I tried helping them with
their anger while I too tried to, well cope. Guess that makes me a fucking moron."

"…too upbeat? In… in what way?"

"I mean, people ask weird questions when I'm not as happy as usual, so I just… did that." Kel's
shoulders sunk. "Because that's all I know. All I can do. Pretending things are alright."

Sunny swallowed.

"You were pretending to be happy?" asked Basil, his voice weirdly cold. Was it cold? It was so
quiet and flat that Sunny was not able to hear any emotion in it.

"I mean, not all the time, you know?" said Kel, much quieter, the anger in his face and body long
dissipated by now. "But, yeah, essentially. Maybe it was the same mistake that I did when Mari
died, but… I somehow thought things would just improve, magically."

"And Hero and Aubrey… disagreed?" Basil asked.

"It's not that I pretended nothing happened, like they said, no. But I thought if I… if I can't work
through this, I'll fail the group. Fail you guys. Make things worse."

"I'm not sure I understand…" said Sunny.

"I didn't want to let you all down. Or pull you down with me. So I… tried to, uh… I don't know."
He sighed. "Everybody's always relying on Hero and I… wanted to, uh, provide that too. Didn't
think I would fail so hard…"

Sunny wanted to hug Kel, somehow comfort him, but he was glued to the spot, and he feared Basil
would collapse if he let go of his hand.

"So all I did was push people away, but I knew Aubrey and Hero were talking, and you two were
talking, and I was just… left out. Mom and Dad were just worried about Hero acting weird,
precious Hero, they didn't even realize how I felt the whole time."

"But… if you pretended that things were alright…" began Sunny, stopping his train of thought
halfway through, but the words were already out.

"Yeah. I guess that is my fault too, then."

"Kel, that's –"

"No, it's true. I messed up. I tried keeping us all together and I failed. It just… hurts to be left out,
singled out, just… being alone. Being called the dumb one. Guess I am. All of you caring about
everyone except for… me. Because, hey, Kel is doing alright. Doesn't need his friends. He'll cope.
He's too fucking stupid to get it anyway. Aubrey's words."

"I… I'm sorry I never reached out", said Basil. "But… I, I thought you would not want that."

"What? Why?" Kel's sad face quickly switched to absolute bewilderment.

"I think you hate me."

"I don't!"

"You… said you did."

"I was angry at you, with all the emotions that come with that. You're still my friend."

"I'm sorry." Basil's voice was weak, his hand felt cold, and Sunny had to concentrate hard not to
get overwhelmed.

"God, I've been sitting on this for months now." Kel slumped into the bench.

Sunny silently examined him. Had he lost weight?

"And after Hero kept being… being an asshole about it, I, uh, started avoiding him."

"I… I guess that makes sense", said Sunny. "Are you talking again?"

"Nope. I don't even think he's sorry. My parents are visiting him at the moment and left me here."

"They're not home?"

"Nah. Been gone for almost a week now and it'll be a few more days. I didn't want to go with them
and kinda hoped they would stay with me because I wasn't feeling… my best, but nooo, Mom has
to see her baby, bla bla bla. And they even took Hector with them. Probably didn't trust me with
him alone. At least it's quiet, I guess. Sally still starts crying every time she sees me."

Sunny saw Kel chew on his lip, and his eyes were horrifyingly sad.

"It… it feels like no one cares. No one knows. I'm just an afterthought. Just… disregarded."

Sunny felt a tight grip around his heart, felt his fast breathing, and the pure pain of seeing his friend
like this. There was no way he could fix this. "We do care about you." That wasn't enough.

"We do!" Basil agreed. "You're not an afterthought, you're not…"

"I'm useless", said Kel. He sounded so defeated.

"You're not!" said Sunny.

"And I ruin everything."

"You don't."

"Oh yeah?"

"You saved my life."

"What?" Kel and Basil exclaimed in unison.

"You got me out of the house. I… I don't know what would have happened to me if you failed at
that."

"Sunny, that's –"

"No. I'm serious." Sunny stared deep into Kel's eyes. "You allowed me to… to come clean. To tell
the truth. I don't know what would have happened to me if I had been stuck in there any longer,
stuck with my guilt, probably never seeing any of you again. Getting me out of there… that was all
on you."

"And – you, you stood up for me, you stopped Aubrey from bullying me. I don't know if she would
have stopped without you intervening. How far she would have gone. That… that was horrible."

Kel remained silent.

"I – I'm not sure if I, if I – " Basil stammered, he pulled his shaking hand out of Sunny's grip.

Sunny felt so lost. This was all, by extension, his and Basil's fault. "I'm sorry if … if I hurt you,
Kel", Sunny said slowly, concentrating on not messing this up, "and – I get that you're mad, but…"
But what? What should he say? "I didn't mean to upset you by asking about Hero. Or Aubrey.
And, shit, I… I didn't mean to make you feel like I was not listening."

"Are you okay?" Basil asked, leaning towards Kel. "Can you… can you forgive us?"

Kel shook his head. "There… there is nothing to forgive. It's on me."

"No, we … we messed up."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Kel got up. "I'm getting cold, you too?"

"Uh, I guess, but –"

"I, uh, I'm sorry for lashing out at you two." Kel stretched. "I gotta head back, alright? I'm pretty
tired."

Sunny looked at his watch, Mom wouldn't pick them up for a long while.

"Are you sure? We, we can still talk –" said Basil, rubbing his arms.

"Oh, uh… Thanks for the talk, I … I had to get that out of my system. I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Wait, Kel", Sunny got up too. "Are you sure you –"

"Yeah. I… need a little. Thanks for checking up on me."

Sunny glanced at Basil, unsure what to do. "Can we come with you?"

Kel sighed. "I appreciate it but I… I think I really need some alone time right now. Are you two
okay?"

"Yes, but –"

Basil interrupted Sunny, "We can't let you leave just like that. At least let us walk you to your
house."

"Fine, fine."
They started walking.

"So… how's school?" asked Sunny, unable to think of anything else.

"Kinda boring. How about you?"

"Here too", lamented Basil.

Sunny decided to walk to the right of both of the others. "Are you still captain of the basketball
team?"

Those words coaxed a smile out of Kel. "Yeah. That seems to be going well."

"I'm glad."

They talked some more, all three of them, even if it was just the short walk from the park to Kel's
house, but things felt a lot less damaged than they did before. Nowhere near repaired, nowhere
near complete, but at least, they took a step in the right direction.

"So…" said Kel, awkwardly waiting in front of his own front door, "I'll see you around then. And,
uh, call some time."

"And you pick up."

"Can't promise anything", Kel said with a grin. "Bye you too."

"Bye Kel."

"I didn't know you could get so angry…" said Basil, his face still lacking color.

"Sorry, I… I got overwhelmed."

"No it's fine, it was just a bit… scary, you know?"

"Sorry."

"Just uh, don't ever lash out at me, okay?" Basil asked with a nervous smile.

"I promise, I won't."

"What should we do now?" asked Basil, looking somewhat tense. "That went by quicker than I
thought it would…"

"Are you okay, Basil?"

"I think so."

"Should we… check on Aubrey?"

Basil's face was a clear answer.

"So, uh… we could check out the old hideout?"

"Ah – s-sure." Basil's face was still looking off to Sunny.

 "What do you want to do?"

"M-maybe just walk around for a bit? Maybe, uh, what about the Plaza?"

"Let's go", Sunny said with a small smile, grabbing Basil's hand.

Chapter End Notes

Thanks everyone for the continued support. I love reading your comments.
 Silent musings
Chapter Summary

Sunny and Basil talk.

Chapter Notes

Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Exploring their old town together had been interesting. Everything was familiar, after all they had
spent most of their lives here, but even after only a few months, things had noticeably changed.
There were people they knew, people they had never seen before, and overall seeing a so familiar
place as visitors had been somewhat confusing.

They had looked into Hobbeez and the other stores at the plaza and strolled around a little, and
sooner or later they had been picked up by Sunny's mother at the park.

Sunny and Basil had not talked about Kel or what Kel had said, but they had agreed to go over it
once their thoughts had settled and they were in a more comfortable place to talk.

It was already dark when Mom picked them up, and the drive back was a bit gloomy. With silent
fascination Sunny looked at the streetlights flashing by, ignoring his thoughts for a while.

Mom asked a few questions but soon realized the two boys were quite exhausted, and she too did
not seem too talkative, so they silently drove, only listening to some calm music on the radio.
While still quiet and somewhat solemn, the ride back home felt quite reassuring and Sunny was
happy to be on the way back. The new, foreign apartment started to feel like home, which Sunny
had never expected, and he was glad to spend more time with Basil alone and out of the eyes of the
public. Even just standing too close together was scary.

Car rides had become different ever since he lost the vision in his eye. He remembered the day
they left town, shortly after the hospital stay, sitting on his usual spot in the back of the car.
However, he soon noticed with vision to his right being absent, looking out the window was
putting a strain on his neck. Back then he had been worrying so much about the future and staring
out the window should calm him down, so after a while and with a resigned sigh he unbuckled his
belt, much to his mother's dismay, and shifted to the left of the car. This way he could look out the
window much easier, he could follow the trees and streets whizzing by.

For the same reason Basil would always stand, walk, or sit to the left of Sunny. It made talking
easier and their unspoken rule of who sat where was, for some reason, a small source of happiness.
It was a symbol of how well they understood each other.

Sunny had to make a choice in the car – would he sit on his usual place, look out the window, or
would he sit to the right of Basil? Both rides this day he had chosen the right of Basil, him and their
agreement being higher priority than Sunny being able to comfortably stare out the window, but it
was still weird to Sunny and with so many things on his mind he wished he could just stare into the
distance for a bit.

Basil's hand lay idly on his seat, his other hand rested under his chin. He looked like he was
thinking, a blank expression masking how he felt. Sunny's hand twitched slightly as he felt the urge
to hold Basil's, show him he was there, but Mom would be able to see. He decided against it.

Time went by slowly – even if he had wanted to look outside, there was nothing but streetlights
anyway, and he did not want to disturb Basil while he was deep in thought.

The atmosphere warmed up a little with dinner. Mom sat with them for a while, they helped with
the dishes, and soon enough they sat together on the couch. With Sunny's mother in her room, they
felt comfortable enough to sit close together. Basil was leaning against Sunny.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Sunny asked after a while. Basil had been pretty quiet all afternoon.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Is it about Kel?"

Basil sighed. "I feel so bad about the whole situation."

"Me too."

"Do you think he will forgive us?"

Sunny didn't say anything.

"Sunny?"

"I don't know. I hope so." He gently rubbed Basil's shoulder. "I guess we have to wait."

"Yeah…"

"Aubrey must have really hurt him", mused Sunny silently.

"Oh I… I can imagine that."

Sunny didn't know what to respond and they sat in silence for a while.

"What Hero might be up to", wondered Basil quietly. "I – I hope he will apologize to Kel."

"If he lashes out at his brother like that…"

"You think he's still angry at us?"

"I wish I could say no, but…" Sunny swallowed.

Basil leaned harder into Sunny. "Do you think Kel is right?"

"About what?"

"That we deserve… forgiveness?"

There was that question, a question that had been on Sunny's mind for so long. It depended on the
day what he thought himself was the answer – he ignored the question and the discussion in his
head as best he could, instead he simply hoped, he hoped his friends would forgive him, he hoped
they would remain in his life, or, well, come back.

Finally seeing Kel again, finally getting some answers out of him, not leaving on a negative note,
were good signs, Sunny thought. Kel seemed like he really wanted to forgive them, and he did not
hate Sunny or Basil, as much as Sunny wanted to believe it sometimes. There were wounds to heal
and Sunny had to make up his shortcomings to Kel, but if he squinted his eyes, if he really tried to
see it, there was a future where they would be friends again.

Even Aubrey had talked to Sunny, so perhaps there was a possibility to become friends again too.
Sunny didn't know.

The biggest question mark was Hero. If Sunny had to wager a guess, Hero was not thinking they
were deserving of forgiveness, when he treated his own brother the way he did.

But those were what Sunny thought his friends were thinking – his musings and wishes. What did
he think himself? What did he think himself?

"Yeah. I trust Kel with that", he finally said.

"But what about Hero and Aubrey?" Basil didn't look at Sunny.

"I trust Kel."

Basil snuggled against Sunny, letting out a soft sigh. "I guess I have to trust him too, then."

They sat together for a while, the TV flickering lonely opposite to them. Sunny did not pay
attention to what was on, his attention was divided between simply looking at Basil and trying to
calm down his thoughts.

"Hey, I think we still have some ice cream", Sunny said suddenly. "Do you want any?"

A couple of hours later, Sunny and Basil were sitting on Sunny's bed. Mom had once again
brought them some blankets so Basil could lay on something soft, and she had offered him the
couch to sleep on, but Basil insisted he was fine on the floor. Little did she know he was not
sleeping on the floor, but Sunny had no intention of telling her.

"Do you want to sleep?" asked Sunny, feeling the day catch up to him. He had been walking
around a lot, and he felt emotionally drained.

"I – I don't know", Basil said.

"Something on your mind?"

"I'm not sure if I can… if I can sleep after a day like this."

"Want me to stay up with you?"

"Oh, no, if you're tired –"

"Don't worry about it." Sunny had seen Basil struggle all day, on the graveyard with Mari and
Basil's grandmother, with Kel, with seeing their old town, and he had felt so powerless all day – he
needed to make Basil feel better, and even if it was just keeping him company during his insomnia.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Hmm?"

"This is, uh, this might be a weird question."

Basil tilted his head. "A weird question? Just ask me Sunny."

"How are you?"

"H-huh?"

Sunny felt his face getting red. It was a weird question. He tried to explain. "Just – you know, uh, I
– I never really ask that. Explicitly."

"I – I think I'm good?" Basil said with a nervous smile. "What made you ask that?"

Sunny sighed. "I just… want to know if you're okay. How you're feeling. You looked so shaken up
today at the", Sunny took a breath, "cemetery. And I realized I never really asked you about your
grandmother. Or if – if you're okay."

"Oh, that…"

"Sorry Basil", Sunny said quietly.

"What? No! Don't apologize." Basil sighed and waited for Sunny to say something, but when
Sunny kept quiet, he took a deep breath. Basil closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.
"It's okay. I… I miss her a lot, and I wonder if she's angry I never visited her."

"I can't imagine she would be."

Basil shrugged softly. "It's… You know, she was ill, for a long time. She was barely lucid during
the end. So, uh, in a way I had a long time to say goodbye, you know? It still hurts that she's gone,
but – I, I thought it would hit me harder." Basil opened his eyes and stared ahead with a resigned,
slightly sad face. "I feel horrible for saying that. That sounds like… I didn't love her. I did. She was
the best. What I mean is, I, uh, knew she was going to leave us, so I could… prepare myself. Does
that… make sense?"

"It does."

"I do miss her."

Sunny noticed Basil's eyes were glistening, his mouth was a sad smile.

"I guess seeing her grave for the first time in so long was just… too much for me at that moment,
especially with our plans for the day and your mother there and Mari and you were also –"

"Hey, shhh", Sunny cooed, "calm down. Everything is okay." Was Sunny doing this right?

Basil closed his eyes and stopped talking for a moment.

"Thank you for coming with me today."

"I'm glad you made me do it", said Basil. "And – uh, thank you for… for asking. About granny.
And me."

Basil was thinking for a while, and Sunny was not sure what to say.
"How… how about you?"

"Hm?"

"How do you – feel?"

"Good, I think. Better."

"Do you still sometimes get that nausea?"

He shook his head. "Only sometimes." Sunny noticed once more how bad he was at keeping a
conversation going. He had to think too much between sentences.

"Sunny?" Basil asked quietly. "Are you happy?"

"Happy?"

"Yeah."

Sunny felt stumped. "Not sure. Overall, probably not. But I … I feel better when I'm with you."
There was that heat rushing to his face again.

"I love you, Sunny", Basil whispered, leaning against Sunny again.

"I love you too."

They sat together for a long time, Basil seemed a lot calmer than he did earlier, but instead of lying
down to sleep he would just keep sitting there, mindlessly fidgeting.

"Can I do something to calm you down?" asked Sunny. He felt very tired himself. His eyes felt dry
and threatened to ache, and he could barely keep himself upright.

"Don't worry, I will fall asleep eventually", Basil said with a laugh. "If you're tired please sleep."

Sunny pushed himself away from the wall and lay down in his bed, with Basil getting out of the
way, but still sitting. "You gotta lie down too."

"I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep, and I'll just keep –"

"Please."

Sunny expected Basil to reject his plea but he was pleasantly surprised when he lay down next to
him. "Sorry if I'm keeping you up."

"You're not."

"But you look really tired, Sunny."

"Basil I don't mind staying up for you, okay?"

"That doesn't mean that I won't feel guilty about it…" Basil said, followed by an awkward laugh.
"Really, I'm sorry."

"Basil it's fine."

"Good night Sunny."

 "Good night Basil." He hugged him. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too, Sunny."

Sunny had one arm wrapped around Basil, and feeling his presence was sure to put him to sleep
very quickly. Still, Sunny tried to keep himself awake for a little longer, to see if Basil would calm
down enough to sleep himself. It wasn't easy and he had to shake himself out of drifting away
multiple times, but eventually, after some time, he could hear Basil's even, silent breathing. "Good
night" he whispered once more, but he was happy to get no response.

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for sticking with me, I love reading all the comments and feedback, thank you.
 A visitor
Chapter Summary

Sunny is trying to do homework.

Chapter Notes

Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

A few days passed and Sunny was sitting in his room, staring at his homework with a small pout.
Math. He didn't outright hate math, he was not even that bad at it, but doing homework took the
joy out of his afternoon. Sunny caught himself scribbling little sketches next to what he was
supposed to be doing and erased them again. His teachers did not appreciate the drawings.

Sunny leaned back in his chair and sighed. The routine of doing homework again was annoying,
but he appreciated it, giving him a little structure to hold onto. Still, it was no fun. He had to do just
a little more today, he could do it. The problems on his worksheet were doable, but it was hard to
stay motivated. Basil had things to do, errands to run, clean his room, catch up on some homework
– they wouldn't be able to spend the evening. Even if Basil would come over, he'd have to leave
again. With school tomorrow either that, or they'd have to sleep early. Both having their insomniac
tendencies, Basil always having trouble falling asleep – Sunny did not mind, at all, but getting up in
the morning would be so much harder.

Maybe he could talk with him on the phone. Mom was on the verge of forbidding Sunny long
phone calls in the evening when there was school the next day. However, Mom told him she'd
work late today, she even gave him some cash to order a pizza if he wanted, so perhaps there was a
chance. She would find out when she got home that the phone was not in the charger. She'd find
out, she might get mad, and there was a real possibility he'd fall asleep on the phone. And the
problem with getting up in the morning remained.

Sunny bit the back of his pencil.

Mom not home, Basil not coming over, talking on the phone a bad idea – the rest of the day did not
seem enticing, making the homework all the more grueling. He should look forward to the pizza,
at least. If he even ordered any.

Back to the homework, he couldn't keep daydreaming.

Just as he reread the problem one more time, a sound startled him. The phone. Sunny perked up
and stared at his door. Who was calling? Mom? He took a deep breath and got up. Talking on the
phone remained unpleasant but he had gotten somewhat better at that lately. He walked out of his
room and towards the small table with the phone on it. Sunny took another deep breath and picked
it up.
"Hello?"

"Sunny? God I'm so glad you picked up." Aubrey sounded stressed. "I need your help."

"…hello Aubrey."

"Sorry. Hi Sunny. How are you?"

"I – I'm okay, you?"

"I'm not okay. Do you have time?"

"Uh… what's wrong?" Sunny was starting to feel worried.

"Can I crash at your place?"

"Uh…" She really couldn't, but – did he owe her his help? What would Mom say?

"Please. I'll make this up to you, I promise."

Sunny had a hard time reading the tone in her voice. Aubrey sounded angry, but not at him, and
there was clear desperation in those words.

"Sunny?"

"Aubrey, this is really - listen, I, I don't know -"

"Please. I really need your help."

Sunny hesitated for a moment, wondering what predicament she was in, what his Mom would say -
a sleepover, on a school night, with a girl, and perhaps Sunny would even skip school the next day,
and Mom would be angry, and -

He stopped himself.

"Okay", he said with some resolution, "but, uh, you'll have to explain yourself."

Sunny heard a loud sigh of relief. "You're a life saver. I'll be over in a bit."

"Wait, in a bit?"

"I, uh, I'm at a payphone. I'll explain when I'm there."

Sunny blinked.

"The address you gave me is still correct, right? On the, uh, blue index card?"

"Yeah. It is."

"Okay good. Thank you Sunny. See you in a bit."

"See you."

He sank into the sofa, letting out a long breath. His heart was beating quickly as he surveyed the
apartment. It wasn't as tidy as it could have been, his room even less so, but Mom made sure Sunny
did his chores and everything was at least presentable.
Would he skip school tomorrow? Would he even sleep? What kind of help would she need? And if
he skipped school, would Mom understand?

After Sunny's relapse, as he dubbed it in his head, Mom made sure he left his bed and went to
school, so his recent record looked much better. Perhaps she would understand a single day,
especially if it was for a friend.

How long would it take for her to arrive? If she was taking the bus now, and if she got the
connecting bus to get to the closest station, then -

The doorbell shook Sunny. Was - was Aubrey here already?

He opened the door and waited. Sure enough, he immediately recognized her pink head as it
became visible, and a moment later she stood before him. There was no bow in her hair and she
was wearing a white, somewhat crumpled looking coat. Aubrey's face looked pained, but she
cracked a small smile at him. "Hey."

"Uh, come in", Sunny said, stepping aside.

Aubrey came inside the apartment, put down her backpack and took off her coat. She closed her
eyes, took a deep breath, and let out a long sigh.

Sunny wasn't sure what to do. "Do you - do you need anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm good."

Sunny sat down on the sofa and looked at her expectantly. She sat down too.

"So…" she began, rubbing the back of her head. "I, uh, I'm sorry for… this. Is it really okay if I
stay the night?"

Sunny wasn't sure but he knew he would feel dreadful if he threw her out again. He simply nodded.

She was not looking at him, instead he saw her eye the floor.

"Why?" asked Sunny. "I mean, why are you … here?"

"Because -", Aubrey looked back down and thought for a while. "Do you want the long story or
the short story?"

"The long story."

"Alright." She cleared her throat. "Remember the car thing?"

"Car thing? I… don't think so?"

"When -"

"Oh wait. You called it a disagreement."

"Yeah…" Aubrey laughed nervously.

"You, uh, didn't elaborate."

"I smashed someone's window in."

"What?" Sunny had suspected something like that but hearing it out loud was still shocking.
"Why?"

"That's uh, not important. Anyway. I got picked up by the police, the whole shebang."

Sunny nodded.

"Nothing came of it, luckily. Or, well, nothing… legal. My mom was a bit on edge because of the
whole thing."

He remembered seeing Aubrey's mother shortly and the state Aubrey's house was in.

"I thought that was all fine, but, uh…" She looked sad. "My friends… you've met them. A few of
them told me they wanted to stop hanging out with me because…" Aubrey sighed. "According to
them I was doing more and more violent stuff. And their parents forbade them to hang out with me.
At some point only Kim stuck around."

"Oh… I'm sorry Aubrey", was all Sunny could say.

She looked at him. "I've fought with Kim too. She said I was… I am too savage and she was
worried I'd do something stupid, yadda yadda. So we stopped hanging out too."

"What did Kim mean?"

"I guess I… did some mean jokes to people. Broke stuff. You know?"

"But - why?"

Aubrey shrugged but looked defeated. "I don't know. I really don't."

Sunny bit his lip. "And – then what?"

"To make it short, after some more… bullshit, I had a fight with my mother. That was quite, uh,
ugly, if I say so myself. And, well, now I'm here."

"And you're here because -"

"Because I needed a way out and my friends all hate me at the moment."

"So you come to … me?"

"I - yes. Yes. I like to think we're still friends."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Also… I was getting desperate because I couldn't stay home."

"I see." Sunny moved his feet in place, thinking of a better response.

"Gotta admit it's been a bit abrupt", she smiled a little, "but, uh, I couldn't think of anywhere else to
go."

"I haven't told my Mom yet that you would be staying over, so…" there might be a possibility
she'd throw her out? Sunny grimaced at himself, that was absurd. However he'd probably get an
earful the next day.
"So you might throw me out later."

"No! I won't do that. She neither. But I'll have some explaining to do when she gets back."

"That's fair." Her eyes darted around the room. "It's, uh, good to see you. And thank you for
helping me."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Did your mother kick you out?" The question almost hurt to ask.

Aubrey didn't say anything for a while and stared blankly at him. "She – no. We had a fight and I
couldn't take it anymore to stay in that house."

"Why did you fight?"

"This time?" She took a deep breath as Sunny nodded. "I – stole cigarettes."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah. Don't lecture me, please. I've heard it all."

"Aubrey…" Sunny was feeling genuine worry for her.

"It's fine. Please don't press on it. Okay? I… I've learned my lesson. Anyway… How, uh, how are
you? What happened since we last talked?"

He had to think. What had happened? It's been a while. "Well, uh, I think I'm doing better. I'm still
in therapy. Switched meds, uh…"

"I'm glad to hear that." She smiled weakly at him. "How is Basil?"

Sunny's heart skipped a beat and immediately he felt tense. His breathing became quicker and a
strangling feeling in his chest prevented him from saying anything.

"Sunny?" Aubrey looked at him as if he had misheard.

"It's complicated."

"Is he okay? I… haven't talked to him ever since."

"Somewhat, I think." Sunny wasn't sure what to say. He kinda wanted to tell her about their
relationship, finally let someone else in on their secret, but for some reason the possible response to
it scared him. Would Aubrey mind? Would she get angry at Sunny, proxy of being still angry at
Basil? He did not know.

"That does not sound convincing."

"It's not easy, okay? He's having a hard time, same as we all."

"Why are you so defensive? I didn't say –"

"Sorry." Sunny's heart was beating quickly.

"Are you two…"

Sunny had to swallow, he felt sweat on his forehead.

"talking to each other? What even happened after he moved?"

"He doesn't live too far from here actually, his parents put him in an apartment."

"Is he living on his own?" Aubrey asked in disbelief.

"On paper no, I think, and technically Polly is looking after him from time to time, the way I
understand it."

"Wow, imagine that, a whole apartment for yourself."

"I'm not sure he's too happy with the situation."

Aubrey looked at him.

"Anyway - We even go to the same school."

"Oh huh, small world I guess. Do you two talk?"

"We, uh, we see each other a few times a week."

"A few times a week?"

Sunny froze again. Was that weird? "Yes."

She leaned back. "I guess when you don't know anyone in town… Did you make some friends at
school?"

Sunny shook his head.

"What? No?"

"No, they're all… I don't like them. They don't like me."

"Shit, I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

Awkward silence followed.

"Aubrey?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't understand… something."

"What is it?"

"When we met the last time you said you were still angry at me."

"Yeah…"

"But you're here and you're asking about me and Basil and stuff when I thought you'd still be… I
don't know."
 "I can't explain it."

"Can you try?"

"Well, you two … we went over this last time, Sunny. But, as I said, I like to think we're still
friends, regardless."

Sunny swallowed and had to ask the question that was bugging him this whole time. He braced
himself for whatever reaction came from it. "And – you're not just acting nice because I'm the last
place you can go?"

Aubrey stared at him.

Shit.

Then she dropped her gaze and grinned. "Ouch. I deserve that."

Sunny didn't respond.

"I guess it looks like that." She swung her legs slightly. "When I rushed to my room, I grabbed
some things and saw your address –"

"You still have the piece of paper?"

"The blue one, yeah."

"Wow, I… did not expect that."

"I… I wanted to throw it away, when, when I found it in my mailbox." Aubrey sighed and leaned
forwards, resting her arms on her legs. "I couldn't do it." She paused.

"Honestly I thought you had thrown it out."

"I really wanted to." She looked at him with a sad, sympathetic look. "Sorry if that sounded harsh.
But part of me wanted to cling onto it…" Her face was blank. "This is some cheesy bullshit."

Sunny shrugged lightly.

"What I'm trying to say is, uh… I'm not trying to pretend anything. Okay? I'm, uh, asking for
friendship's sake, not… because of a favor."

He smiled weakly. "I guess I can believe that."

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading, for commenting, for sticking with the story. It means a lot.
 Whiplash
Chapter Summary

Aubrey stays over.

Chapter Notes

Please enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny looked at Aubrey, wondering just what to make of the situation. She looked downtrodden
and her smile towards him seemed genuine.

Nobody spoke for a while.

"Are you still angry at me?" asked Sunny.

"Jesus, that…" Aubrey sighed. "I don't know. Maybe? Not as much as before, I think."

The response convinced Sunny she was being honest with him. His mind immediately sprang onto
a trove of questions he had been saving for whenever he would see Aubrey again, and he was close
to bursting from the thoughts swelling in his skull, but Aubrey did not seem to be in the right mind
to answer questions about Kel and similar things.

Aubrey leaned back. "Come to think of it, when was the last time just the two of us hung out
together?"

Sunny was stumped.

"Five years? Six? Did we ever? I know you and Basil spent quite a few days together, but just the
two of us…" She made a whistling sound. "We're old." She laughed a little.

"So many years, huh…"

"I still can't believe you spent four years inside."

Sunny's mouth went dry. "Y-Yeah."

"And it's insane I haven't seen you in all those years. But, uh, despite everything it's cool to see
you're still… Sunny."

He looked at her, tilting his head. Was that a good thing? "I, uh, I'm not sure if that is really…
something to be proud of."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure if I developed at all in those four years."

"Sure you did."

He shook his head. "I'm still hung up on the past, and… you've all changed so much."

"You think so?" Aubrey looked a bit hurt at that. "Guess you're right. I have changed a lot." She
sighed and started playing with her hair. "I have changed, Kel has changed, Hero has changed… I
guess out of all of us Basil is still the closest to how he was four years ago."

Sunny froze. He suddenly felt cold sweat in his face.

"Sunny?" She moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you alright?"

He couldn't speak. His breathing accelerated and became shallower, his back felt cold, his vision
felt weird. Shit.

"Hey you look like you've seen a ghost", Aubrey laughed awkwardly, but when she realized Sunny
was not laughing in the slightest, pure panic shot into her face. "Breathe, Sunny," she got up,
cursed a silent shit under her breath, and held his shoulders.

"It's – it's fine", Sunny managed to say eventually. Aubrey's worried face almost upset him even
more.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

Sunny sat up straight and tried to fill his lungs with air. "Not sure", he mumbled. Half a lie.

She sat down next to him. "Need to talk?"

Ever so slowly the warmth was returning to his fingertips.

"If – if you want."

"I guess something just… upset me?" Sunny stared at his hands, drumming his fingers silently on
his leg.

"Was it something I said? Us being old?"

He shook his head.

She looked pensive and like she would not drop the topic. So far she had not seen Sunny's
problems, except for the fact that he had become a recluse and the events leading up to that.
Perhaps she had her own picture, but Sunny never told her the extent of his psyche and its damage.

He didn't move, didn't budge. Sunny felt his fists clench.

"Really though, if you need to talk I'm here. I guess I owe it to you after taking me in."

He nodded, his hands relaxed. "Oh, uh, how long are you going to stay?"

Her face looked once again sad. "Tomorrow. I can't leave Bun-Bun alone."

"I see."

"And I don't want to push my luck here."

"What? No, it's fine if you want to stay longer –

"I appreciate that, but… I'm not sure if I would be okay with that. I feel bad for the one night
already."

"Aubrey –"

"Thank you Sunny." She smiled at him.

They sat for a while, no one really sure what to say.

"Aubrey?"

"Yeah?"

"You said you're still angry at me."

"Wait, no, I –"

Sunny lifted his hand to interrupt her. "It's okay. What, uh, what about Basil?"

"Basil?"

"Are you angry at him still?"

She was thinking for a while, mindlessly playing with a strand of hair. "I guess so. Not as much as
back in summer, but… something is still there. I do miss him though. And I – I feel bad about
being an ass to him. I keep thinking how I would make that up to him, and give him a proper
apology. I… I don't blame him that he did not reach out to me. I still can't believe you did it."

Sunny smiled awkwardly at her.

"That last night really gave me whiplash."

Sunny's smile disappeared. "What – what do you mean?"

"The whole three days, actually, not just the night. I see you again after years, I talk to Kel again,
we… we were so worried about Basil, remember that?"

"Yeah" said Sunny, barely audible, not looking at Aubrey.

"God, I woke up from some noise and then I saw you – you two, in, in his room, and – ugh, I will
always remember Basil's face."

There was that sensation again, that grip around his chest, slowly squeezing the life out of him. He
too remembered Basil's face. The last moment he saw with his right eye.

"I gotta be honest, before I knew the truth I blamed myself for Basil's state. That I broke him or
something. And then – you tell us the truth. And then you're gone." A dishonest laugh escaped her.
"Whiplash."

"Yeah…"

"Sorry for… bringing that up. I haven't really talked with anyone about this."

"Not even your friends?"

"Nah.", she almost snorted. "Of course Kel and Hero when you two were in the hospital, but no
one else."

"I, uh, I'm sorry, Aubrey, for putting you all through this."

She stared at him, and Sunny felt honest fear for a second, unable to parse her expression. "I don't
blame you. I did, but… no. I can't even say I feel angry at you either anymore. Or that I feel
anything right now."

She shuddered slightly and Sunny sunk into the seat.

"This week, or whatever, has been so intense and stupid and I feel almost burned out from it."

"I get that…"

"I figured… maybe that's why I came here? No idea." She sighed. "When things calm down, I
should probably talk to Basil." She turned silent. Nobody spoke for a while.

"I, uh, I still have some homework to do, and I'm kinda behind…"

Her smile became thin. Not unfriendly, and probably not unhappy, but thin. "Oh shit, sure, why
didn't you say so? I didn't mean to uh, disturb you like that."

"Do you want to stay here or sit with me or –" Sunny didn't know where he was going, or where he
preferred Aubrey to stay. "Oh and do you want something to drink? I, uh, I'm parched." He got up,
standing half ready to walk into the kitchen.

"Please, actually."

Aubrey got something to drink and they pulled a chair from the kitchen to Sunny’s room. He
continued doing his homework, barely able to concentrate, and Aubrey was sitting at his desk next
to him, looking very misplaced.

"Do you need help?" she asked after a while.

He turned to her. "Oh, uh, not really. It's just annoying."

"Yeah. But ask me if you're stuck." She grabbed a small music player from a coat pocket and put in
some earphones.

They sat like this, Sunny trying to finish his homework, Aubrey listening to music, she had taken a
book from his shelf after a bit, and time was passing very slowly. Admittedly he wanted to talk
more, but at the same time he also had enough of it all for a while. Not to mention this homework
really had to be done and he would rather not spend the whole evening on it.

Aubrey in fact helped him once or twice, it had taken Sunny quite a bit of willpower to ask her but
with her help a couple of the harder problems suddenly became very simple.

"When's your mom gonna come home?" asked Aubrey, flicking an eraser over the desk between
her hands.

"Oh, right", Sunny said, dropping his pen and rubbing his temple. "She'll come home late tonight."
The almost finished worksheet stared at Sunny with a few creases. "Are you hungry?"

"To be honest… yeah."

"Want to order pizza?"

"Sure", she said with a smile.

They sat in front of the TV, watching some movie, and the rest of the night had passed remarkably
fast. Every now and then a thought bubbled up inside Sunny, but he managed to stay focused on
the movie and they even laughed about some jokes. The pizza they ordered was good too, and
Sunny had to admit he was glad he got Aubrey to call the pizza place.

Keys opening the apartment door startled Sunny slightly.

"Sunny, I'm home!" called Mom as she came through the door. She approached the couch they
were sitting on. "Hello Basil!"

Sunny almost choked on his bite.

"Oh, mam, it's, uh, me. Aubrey", Aubrey said with a horribly pained smile.

"Oh dear me", Mom said, switching the light on, "I'm so sorry! Didn't recognize you in the
darkness. Hello Aubrey, look at you!" Sunny saw Mom look over her, lingering a moment on her
hair. "You've grown so much since I last saw you!" Aubrey was evidently uncomfortable.

Sunny got up and followed Mom into the kitchen, giving Aubrey a knowing look. Mom took the
explanation remarkably well, and when Sunny mentioned Aubrey needed a place to stay, she
immediately said she could stay the entire week, which Sunny quickly shot down.

"I'm not sure if she needs help tomorrow or if she needs to vent or whatever, uh", Sunny began,
"could I stay home tomorrow? For her?"

"Sunny…"

"I know, I know. But I haven't missed a day in a couple of weeks now."

"That's true. Hm. Let me consider it, alright? No promises though."

"Thanks Mom."

"No promises."

Aubrey and Sunny went to his room after they had eaten, the mood seemingly sour ever since
Mom had come home.

"You two really see each other a lot, huh? You and Basil, I mean."

"Y-yeah."

"I'm glad you two are still close. Despite everything."

"Yeah…"

"You're only spending time with him, right?" Why was she prying like that?

"U-huh…"

"Did he make some new friends already?"

A shuddering breath escaped Sunny. "No, I don't think so."

"You only have each other?"

"If you say it like that –"

"Damn. Well, I guess it's good to have a friend who is always there."

Should he tell her? His face felt hot already, and he was probably getting red, he finally wanted to
tell someone, but he felt utterly terrified. "Actually –" But he broke off again.

Aubrey looked at him, expecting him to continue.

Eventually Sunny opened his mouth again, "we – we're not friends." That sounded stupid, and
wrong.

"Sunny, I'm so sorry – what happened?"

"No, I – I mean – ", Sunny was grasping for words, his mind was going blank, he could barely
concentrate.

"Did you two fight?"

"We're – uh, a couple."

"What?"

"He – he's my boyfriend."

Aubrey blinked and stared blankly at him. "What?"

There was the wave of panic Sunny had been dreading. It pressed his heart painfully tight, it
prevented him from taking another breath. This had been a mistake.

"Do you know what that word even means?" she asked with a neutral tone.

"Y-yeah of course."

"Sunny it's okay if you don't, you haven't int-"

"I love him." There. He said it in front of someone else.

"Sunny – are you listening to yourself? Basil?"

"Yes. Yes I know."

"Okay, weird", she said with another unreadable face. "If, uh, if you think so." Aubrey shrugged.

"I know it sounds weird, but… I do love him. And he loves me too."

The gears were visibly turning in Aubrey's head.

Sunny had wished it felt better to tell someone about his relationship, but now he just felt weird.
"Let's change topics, okay? Sorry for mentioning that." A strange feeling of disgust lodged itself
into his chest. Were those tears in his eyes? He had to keep it together before he started crying.
Why did her reaction hurt so much? What was that dark lump of thoughts he felt brewing inside
him?
"No, no, it's – that was just… unexpected." Aubrey sat up.

He just wanted this topic to be done with. "Sorry", he breathed again, pulling his legs towards him,
wrapping his arms around them, trying to make himself small. Sunny was not sure if his mind was
racing or blank, either way he could not focus on a single thought.

"So, uh…" Aubrey looked as lost as he felt. "I can go to the couch if you want to sleep."

"Yeah, I – I'm pretty tired."

She gave him a small smile and grabbed her backpack. "Night Sunny." She opened the door.

"Good night Aubrey."

"If you want to talk, wake me up, alright?"

"Thanks. Same goes for you."

Sunny was lying in his bed, staring at the dull ceiling. He was tired. However he knew exactly the
state his mind was in right now, the endless rushing and twirling, and he was certain he would not
close an eye that night.

He let out a long, slow breath and turned to his side, feeling it would be more comfortable to lie
like this. What a mess. With every step forward, Sunny had to make a leap backwards, he thought.
The situation was seemingly cooling down, enough for Aubrey to talk about apologizing to Basil,
spending the evening having fun with Sunny, the path to reconciliation seemed so close – but then
he had to tell her about his relationship. Sunny still did not understand one hundred percent why
exactly he was so scared of showing it to people, but Aubrey's reaction validated his fears. Sunny
hated it. Sunny hated the reaction, her stupid "weird", her disbelief, treating him like he did not
understand what he was talking about. As if Sunny was stupid.

He turned on his other side, the first one being no longer comfortable.

Was she thinking he didn't get it? Get what a couple was? Why? Because he had been a recluse?

Was he really stuck behind the others? She had changed so much in those years, her hair color
being the least drastic change. Kel had grown so much, both his height and as a person, being no
longer the silly little boy he used to be. Sunny meanwhile had no human interaction in multiple
years. He had trouble talking to people and was somewhat skittish when it came to strangers, but
did he not change at all in those years?

And was what Aubrey said true? Did Basil not change either?

Was – was that the reason Sunny and Basil understood each other so well?

Was that the only reason?

Sunny turned back on his left side, silently staring at the wall.

Not to mention Basil was in fact the only friend he had at the moment. Was that weird? Was that
also a reason for their relationship and not the other way around?

Did he really love Basil or had Sunny just convinced himself he did?

And did Basil love him back?

 Was that wrong too?

Was it weird?

Sunny sat up and threw his pillow across the room, frustrated with how incredibly uncomfortable it
was. He felt warm. Too warm. He scooted to the wall and leaned his back against the cool
material.

He sighed.

He would not sleep that night.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting. Your comments make my day.
 Trip
Chapter Summary

Sunny and Aubrey talk.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

He was not sure if he slept at all or if he was awake the whole time. If he had been sleeping it
would have been unpleasant and shallow at best. Leaning his head back against the wall, he stared
blankly into the air, his eyes felt sore and stinging.

Sitting alone with his thoughts, suddenly questioning everything, it had made him cry. It was an
ugly crying, the sort that shook his whole body, the sort that would run out of tears long before the
sobbing would stop.

After that, after calming down, he sat there for an hour or two, feeling empty. His eyes hurt.

Was everything wrong? Was being with Basil a mistake?

Were his feelings genuine?

Sunny perked up and rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand and looked around the floor of his
bedroom, wondering where exactly he had thrown his pillow. There. Now he just had to actually
move and get it, but his body felt heavy and he did not feel like moving at all. On the other hand,
his mind was screaming exhaustion at him, so getting that pillow was a crucial step in maybe
getting some rest.

He pushed himself off his bed and walked through his dark room to the pillow, picked it up and
threw it on his bed. While he was up he might as well go to the bathroom.

A bit later, just as he was about to open the door to his room again, he heard a quiet "Sunny?",
making him freeze. The cold doorknob was resting in his hand, waiting for him to open the door,
he'd just have to pretend he did not hear anything, just open the door –

He turned around. "Aubrey?" He could barely see her.

"Up, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Can't sleep?"

"No."

Aubrey was quiet for a moment. "Want to talk for a bit? Maybe that'll help."

Sunny really did not want to. Not right now. But he couldn't pretend he did not hear her, and saying
no felt rude. "I guess, sure." He walked to the couch and sat down next to Aubrey. Sunny put his
hands in his lap and didn't say a word.

"I couldn't sleep either", said Aubrey in a quiet voice. "There's just too much going on."

"Hm." Sunny wasn't sure what to say to this.

"Is everything alright with you?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm just tired." He looked at her briefly, barely able to see her face in the dark room.
Aubrey looked like she did not know how to proceed, her eyes shimmering ever so lightly. Tears
perhaps?

Oppressing silence hung over them, and it seemed to get louder with every second no one was
speaking.

"Sunny, can I ask you something? It's…" She sighed. "It's a weird question."

"Hm?"

Aubrey seemed to gather herself, the question taking a lot of effort to get out. "Are we still
friends?"

"What –"

"Hear me out."

Sunny shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Our old gang is… completely broken up. Nobody is talking to each other anymore, except you
and – uh, and, and Basil, maybe, but, what's left of us?"

Somewhere in his head might have been a response, but Sunny was unable to find it.

"And – that wasn't just the whole Mari thing. Your confession."

His heart sank. What happened to Mari would always remain a gut punch, always fill Sunny with
horrible thoughts, horrible guilt.

"Before that, we didn't talk in years, Kel and I had our issues, Basil and I –" She went quiet.
"Anyway. When you came out of your – when you left the house, and after you all made me
realize I screwed up, I had this brief hope that we would all become close friends again."

He nodded.

"And then –" She choked up. Sunny was convinced he heard her sniff.

"I know. I'm sorry." Was his voice even audible?

"I'm sorry I keep bringing this topic up. But – " She took in a shivering breath. "It's just… ah, fuck
this, I don't have to tell you, right?"

"Tell me what?"

"That it's a heavy topic."

"No…"
"But what I mean – what I want to ask…" Her voice sounded weak. "Are we still friends?"

"Aubrey…"

Was she crying? "I – I know I messed up, but…"

"Do you want to?"

There was a quiet sob.

"And – shouldn't I ask you that?"

"God this is all such a mess, and I just keep sinking deeper and deeper. I, I just pushed everyone
away."

"Do you still want to be friends?"

"I think so."

"Then – I guess we are."

"You don't, uh, sound convinced." She laughed awkwardly between another sob.

"Just a lot of things on my mind."

"You can tell me, you know? If things are bothering you."

Would he be able to say what was on his mind? That he felt upset at her? With all that was said,
was he still interested in being friends with her?

After how she treated Basil?

Kel?

Sunny accepted her behavior towards him after he told her the truth, but that did not excuse any of
her other behavior. Not to mention he had some trouble staying convinced that Aubrey was here as
a friend and not just out of desperation.

"Do you really plan to apologize to Basil?" he asked.

"Yeah… I uh, still feel like scum because of that."

He caught himself before he could say good. What was wrong with him? He took a deep breath
and got up.

"Sunny?"

"Sorry, I – I'm not really in the mood for talking right now." The darkness barely concealed her
confused face. "Catch some sleep, alright?"

She was speechless. "You too…"

Back in his bed, Sunny tried to calm his thoughts and just lie down, but it was a hard task. It felt
weird – being the upset one in this situation. Was that okay? Was it okay that he was upset? Did he
deserve to feel angry at Aubrey?

An exasperated sigh escaped him as he pressed his pillow into his face. Maybe he'd feel better in
the morning.

He did not.

Perhaps he had slept a bit, but he remembered too many instances of being awake throughout the
night. Sunny remembered staring at his ceiling, turning from side to side, feeling plain
uncomfortable.

He did not want to leave his room. He spent a good ten minutes, maybe more, sitting at the edge of
his bed. If only he could stay in here for a little longer, or forever maybe –

No point in waiting. Sunny got up and left his room, walking quietly into the living room. Aubrey
was sitting on the couch, her back against the armrest, not doing anything. She seemed to notice
him and took out her headphones.

"Morning Sunny." She cracked a grin at him, but he was not sure if it felt genuine.

"Good morning."

"Your mother left already, uh, said something about no school for you today. So, yay?"

He nodded absentmindedly and walked towards the kitchen. "Did you eat something for
breakfast?"

"Yeah – your mom made sure I ate something." Aubrey turned and stretched her legs off the
couch. "She's nice."

"I'll go grab something to drink, do you want anything?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine."

He poured himself a mug of coffee and joined her again in the living room, warming his cold hands
on his Good Morning Sunshine mug. The day outside looked dreary, gray, and sad.

The coffee was still warm, but Sunny grimaced at the sour taste.

"Did you sleep alright?" he asked.

"Somewhat. You?"

"Eh."

Sunny hated how this conversation moved.

Aubrey seemed to be in thought. "You know", she started, prompting him to look up from his mug.
"I can tell something is up."

He did not respond.

Aubrey shifted, looking uncomfortable.

"You asked me if we're still friends."

"Yeah – I did", she lowered her gaze.

Sunny took a deep breath, trying to turn the mess of thoughts in his head into something that made
sense. "I – I have been thinking about that for a long time. About all of you. Because frankly I
didn't know if any of you would ever talk to me again."

She nodded.

"And – I try to make amends. To somehow resolve all this." Sunny stared blankly into his coffee.
"Why did you come here and not ask Kel, for example?"

"I'm not talking to him! I thought you knew that."

"Why not?"

"Because he was being an inconsiderate asshole!"

"Have you talked to him at all? Have you seen him recently?"

"No I haven't –"

"Do you have any idea how he's feeling because of you? Or Basil for that matter? Or me?"

"Wait, Sunny, I don't –"

"You're just mean to people and you don't realize how bad it is. And you come here, fine, and then
you insult me to top it off."

Why was he saying all these things? His chest felt close to bursting. His breathing was heavy and
he had to put down his mug out of fear he'd spill it.

"Insult you?" she asked with a solemn face.

"You're weird Sunny!"

"That is not what I said!"

"You don't know what a boyfriend is Sunny!"

"Sunny – I –"

"And for some reason you always need someone else to tell you you've overstepped a line!"

She shrunk.

Sunny was agitated and the mix of exhaustion, bad mood, of anger, it made him feel truly awful.
He almost wanted to apologize to Aubrey, but he could not take back what he said.

"You're right.", whispered Aubrey as she got up. "I never realize in time what I do."

All the anger dissipated from Sunny.

"Guess you're not the only one who messes things up, huh?"

"Aubrey –"

"I don't want to hear it. You're right."

He looked at her stupidly.

"I'm sorry for giving you trouble." Aubrey slung her backpack over her shoulder and shoved her
music player into a pocket. "I didn't mean to… to insult you." Her weak smile hurt Sunny. "I gotta
head home now, alright?"

"Wait, you can't just leave like that."

"Yes I can. I gotta think about what you said and it would just be awkward for me to stick around."

Sunny nodded slightly, avoiding her eyes. "Sorry for being an ass."

"Nah, shut it. I had to hear it."

They awkwardly said goodbye, Sunny unable to think of any way to make her stay, or if he even
wanted that. Of course he worried where she would go, but she mentioned looking after her bunny
so she would probably be fine?

Then he was alone. He sat on the couch, trying to calm down and think, think about what
happened, about Aubrey. Did he mess up? Or was it right to say what he said?

Sunny got up and snatched his mug before pouring the rest of his gross coffee down the drain. At
least he didn't have to go to school, he thought.

What should he do today? Call Basil? Basil was probably at school. He'd just have to be alone.
Maybe he could watch TV. Yeah.

Distracting did not work as well as Sunny had hoped, he had a hard time keeping his mind off
everything. Sunny just wanted a moment of quiet, but he couldn't get it.

He wanted to see Basil – or did he? Would it be a good idea to see Basil in Sunny's current state?

There was the question that had been eating at him all night.

Was his relationship with Basil a good idea?

Were they only friends because of their shared guilt? Were they only thinking they loved each
other because they understood each other, both barely making any development in the past years?
Was that what brought them together?

Or was it more?

Was the crush Sunny suspected really always there?

Or was he just scared of being alone?

He had been alone for years. He was alone right now. He hated it. Was that what made him spend
time with Basil? Fear?

Or did he love him?

He tried answering that question, tried remembering the flurry of emotions he felt every time he
said or heard I love you when being with Basil, but his mind refused.

He just sat there, feeling empty, and alone.

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for reading. Comments are appreciated.

 Downwind
Chapter Summary

Sunny's thoughts run wild.

Chapter Notes

Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

When Mom came home she expected Sunny to be in a better mood, but she soon realized that he
was not up for talking. The rest of the day went by eventually. Sunny did not even notice time
passing, he just lay on his bed, staring at his ceiling, trying to outrun his thoughts.

If only he could stop worrying, for just a second, stop the damn thoughts that kept telling him his
emotions were fake. There was one thought that kept popping up, bubbling up, creeping up, over
and over again. A thought he tried to ignore, push down, a thought Sunny did his best not to dwell
on, but it kept coming back, and with the worrying getting worse it came up more and more often:

He should break up with Basil.

He did not want to, but what if that was only because of his fear of being alone?

Basil was his last lifeline.

At least until he either found new friends or fixed the relationships to his old group of friends.

Would he be with Basil until then?

Until there was no threat of being alone?

Was he using Basil?

Sunny sat up and had to hold his face, digging his nails into his skin, pressing into his eyes until his
vision turned dark and then all colorful, just to get his mind to finally move on.

He had to talk to someone.

Basil?

No.

"Sunny? How are you?" asked Kel, sounding somewhat upbeat through the speaker.

"Hey Kel."
"What's up?"

"Uh – several things."

"Oh?" Sunny could nearly hear Kel's brow rising.

He took a deep breath. "Do you feel better?"

A pause. "Yeah." It was a short, plain answer, but it sounded genuine.

Sunny waited for Kel to continue.

"Speaking my mind seemed to really help. Sorry if I was brash to you two, but, uh –"

"No, it's fine."

"Turns out I really needed someone to pry me out of the house. Guess that was payback?" He
chuckled.

Sunny was not sure how to approach the topics he wanted to ask about. "Is your family back?"

"Oh, yeah. Had a good trip, now they're back, nothing exciting."

"And – uh, are you", Sunny paused, he feared Kel would be upset at the mention of Hero, but he
was genuinely worried about his friend and if the two were seeing eye to eye again. "Are you and
Hero, uh –"

"No." Another plain answer.

"Ever since you said you and Hero were on no talking terms I've been… I don't know."

"Hm?"

"It feels like it's my fault."

"Sunny, it's not."

"Anyway –", Sunny gathered himself, "I, I hope you two make up. Eventually."

"He'll come down for Christmas." Kel's disdain was strongly audible in his voice. "That will be…
something."

What should he say to that? He was not very good at comforting people.

"Anyway, enough about him. How're you? Any news from your side?"

"Oh, well, I – I think I had a fight with Aubrey."

"What? Why?"

"It's… complicated."

"Damn, I'm sorry. Did she hurt you?"

"No, no, it was just an argument, but… I feel shitty about it."

"Wanna talk?"
"Not – not on the phone. But, uh, I have the slight hope she might apologize to you."

"Wait, did you fight about me?"

"You were one of the reasons I was upset at her."

Kel laughed. "Oh Sunny."

"What? I was genuinely angry."

"I'm sorry I said you didn't care. Feel like I, uh, should apologize for that. Because that was mean."

Sunny didn't know what to say. He did not want to hear Kel apologize.

"Man talking about this stuff is kinda awkward."

"Yeah…"

"How is Basil?"

"Oh, uh – I –"

"Yeah?"

"That's also complicated."

"What is happening over there Sunny?"

"I don't know Kel. A lot, I guess."

"Should I come over tomorrow?"

"…what?"

"To talk. I can tell you're upset and you said you didn't want to talk about it over the phone."

Sunny grimaced slightly. Why were people always inviting themselves over to his place? He had to
admit he was not the best at inviting people himself.

"Also I have never seen your new living place and I'm curious. What do ya say?"

Kel was one of the few people Sunny actually wanted to see. "That sounds good."

"Nice!"

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see ya Sunny! Looking forward to it."

Back alone, Sunny was still plagued by the never-ending torrent of thoughts in his head that he
could not silence, but a strange anticipation for tomorrow competed with them now.

He could probably talk about Aubrey with Kel, and maybe about Basil – should he mention their
relationship? Maybe Kel had an idea on how to proceed.

Would Kel also think Sunny was weird?

What if Kel reacted the same as Aubrey? There was a possibility. Sure, Kel seemed to have his
back so far, but – Sunny felt so uneasy about it.

He never put too much thought into it, less so than Basil probably, but when they were together in
public there was always that distance, and when it became too small people seemed to stare. There
were quite a few times some unpleasant people from school sneered queer or similar things after
them when they were seen together somehow.

Something about that, something about Basil's skittishness was bothering Sunny too. It was not
technically Basil's behavior itself, but the fact that the relationship made Basil act that way at all.
Was it doomed from the start?

Sunny buried his head under his pillow, his breathing struggling to get through it. He had to
concentrate on something positive. Meeting Kel? That just made him worry how Kel would react
to it all. Basil? The same old slew of thoughts that had been bugging him ever since Aubrey
planted that seed of doubt inside his brain. Instead of thinking about anything, Sunny tried his best
not to think of anything. He knew exactly what it would feel like and he was really good at it.

Some deep breaths later, he finally slipped into sleep, mostly due do his lack of rest the night
before. It wasn't good sleep, but when Sunny woke up in the morning he was relieved he had some
thoughtless hours behind him.

School dragged on endlessly, and he mostly kept to himself, not trying to find Basil for once. He
was too scared to see him, wasn't sure what to say to him.

Sunny felt pathetic.

Basil deserved better, but Sunny was too scared to do anything about it. If only he weren't such a
coward.

There was a certain part of his brain that kept telling him to seek out Basil, see him, talk to him, but
the sheer terror that idea filled him with kept him from doing that.

Kel had agreed to come some time in the afternoon, Sunny had given him some instructions on
what bus to take and where to walk. So far he had only seen Sunny's front door so far, and Sunny
was nervously darting around the apartment. Aubrey completely surprised him, but with Kel he had
some time to maybe make things look neat and tidy – yet again, with Kel that was probably not an
issue anyway, and he would not care in the slightest.

The doorbell, as per usual, startled Sunny, but he immediately felt a mix of joy and dread. He
opened the door, waited for Kel to climb the stairs, and he was barely surprised his friend ran up
the stairs at a pace that would have Sunny probably break his neck.

He gave Sunny a high five as a greeting and was completely unfazed by his sprint just now. Sunny
just stared at him.

"Hey man, good to see you!"

"Hey Kel." Sunny was still intimidated by Kel's sheer size. He went out of the way and led Kel
inside the apartment, who looked around with big eyes.

"Man, this is much smaller than your old house."

"Yeah. I like it."

Kel noticed the sofa, walked towards it and put down his backpack. "It's nice." He sat down, Sunny
joined him.

"How are you?" Sunny asked, feeling uneasiness growing in his chest.

"I'm better", Kel said, an honest smile glowing at Sunny. "As I said, I think I really needed it to
just… say what was on my mind, you know?"

Sunny nodded, bouncing his leg. "I'm sorry that Hero is still…"

"Oh, that, yeah. Don't worry about it." Kel looked away for a second, then back at Sunny.
"Anyway, Aubrey."

"Aubrey?"

"What happened? If you want to tell me, of course."

Sunny sank back, feeling his heartbeat strongly now. "Can I just tell you the whole story?"

"Please."

"Alright, so… I don't think she's in a good place at the moment."

"You mean with her house and all?"

Sunny blinked. "I – yes, that too. But more in general. I think she broke someone's car window or
something."

"Holy shit, really?"

"And I think she has been stealing too."

"Wow."

"So… she apparently fought with her friends, and her mother and… she came to me because she
said she needed a place to stay."

Kel nodded. Sunny expected him to say something, perhaps speak out some judgmental thoughts,
but he just listened.

"I let her stay, of course. And we talked, and she…" Sunny looked down, not sure what to say
exactly. He had been thinking about this conversation all day and night, but now that he was here
his brain did not cooperate. Sunny looked at him, expecting Kel to look impatient, but he did not.
"I… I need to tell you something."

And with that all blood left Kel's face.

Sunny's heart was pounding almost painfully now and he felt very cold. "It's not – it's nothing bad,
I think, but…"

"What is it?" He was tense.

Shorter and shorter breaths prevented Sunny from speaking.

"Sunny?"
"It's – it's… it's the thing Aubrey got weird about."

"You gotta explain man."

Sunny looked back down.

"Hey, it's okay."

"It's just… scary to say." Sunny wanted to kick himself for feeling so scared, for feeling so upset
about this. But what if Kel would react the same way as Aubrey? Was Aubrey right?

"Take your time."

"Basil, uh –"

"Yes?"

"He's… my boyfriend." Sunny could barely hear anything over his heartbeat thumping in his head.

"You and Basil are a couple?"

Sunny nodded, swallowing thickly.

"Huh."

What kind of response was that? Kel looked like he was thinking, and Sunny's mind started to run
wild with possible responses Kel could give him.

"You two always had a thing for each other, didn't you?"

"Uh…"

"And?"

"And what?"

"Wait, is that the scary thing?"

"It – yeah, it is."

Kel leaned back. "I guess I can see why."

Sunny was fidgeting.

"What did Aubrey do?"

"She… thought I didn't understand what that meant."

"Wait what?"

"Like, if I even knew what the word boyfriend meant, and –"

"What the hell, really?"

"Yeah… and she said it was weird when I insisted I meant it."

Kel's eyebrows moved up and he leaned back, groaning slightly. "I did not expect that from her."
"Me neither, I guess."

"I don't think it's weird."

"You… you don't?"

"Nah. I'm glad you two have each other."

"There's another thing that's… that's been on my mind."

"What is it?"

"So… I've been stuck inside for four years."

"No kidding."

"And… I'm scared I didn't… change."

"Change?"

"Grow up, I guess? I haven't talked to people in so long and it's still hard for me to do and I've been
stuck in my head all those years…"

"So? You were always a quiet kid."

"Yeah but… Aubrey said something about Basil not changing either."

"What?"

"And I'm scared that's… I don't know."

"Don't worry about that Sunny."

"And it made me scared about the whole relationship."

Kel didn't say anything, and Sunny just shrugged when he looked at him.

"This is hard to say for me", mumbled Sunny.

"So just that I get this straight – you're with Basil?"

"Yeah."

"But you're worried about your relationship?"

"Yeah…"

"Damn, I'm sorry to hear that." Kel seemed to think for a while. "How long have you been
together?"

"Uh… I'm not sure exactly. A few weeks, months?"

"Hm. Let's see. Do you want to be with him?"

"I – I don't know." That sentence made Sunny shudder.

Kel nodded and thought. "What's the problem exactly?"

 "Aubrey said it's weird… and I… I feel like I'm only telling myself I love him."

"Why?" Kel sat up.

"I can't explain it, really… What if I'm only with Basil because he's the only… the – you know?"

Sunny himself did not know what he was trying to say, but Kel seemed to understand, somehow.

"Aubrey saying that we both didn't really change in the past years scared me."

"Do you love him?"

"I… I'm trying to answer that question but I can't… can't think straight."

"Hm."

"I thought I had a crush on him all this time but… it's like I forgot if I actually did."

"Well you did."

"What?"

"Sunny, let me be real. You two clung to each other. You've always been around each other. I think
I was jealous some time just how much you two hung out back in the day but it was clear to
everyone you two were something else."

Sunny's face started to feel hot. "Uh…"

"I mean I don't know what's the situation between you two right now, but… honestly I'm not
surprised that you're a couple." Kel chuckled.

"Yeah… anyway… I feel like a mess."

"I'm sorry Sunny."

Sunny didn't know what to say.

"Thanks for telling me by the way."

He nodded absentmindedly.

"Hm… let's do something. Hey, I haven't seen your room yet!"

Kel did his best to distract Sunny and despite Sunny's constant worrying, being with Kel was a
good way to spend the afternoon.

Sunny felt strangely happy. Kel's reaction, his reassurance, while embarrassing, felt… nice.

Before long, after spending all afternoon together, Kel left again.

The thoughts in Sunny's head did not leave, nor did his doubts, nor his insecurities, but at least he
was able to sleep that night.

He did not know if things would be okay, but that was fine for tonight.

Chapter End Notes

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for reading.

I love reading your comments.
 Less than alone
Chapter Summary

Some thoughts won't go away.

Chapter Notes

I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"You are very tense today."

Scribbles.

The ugly painting was staring at Sunny, who solemnly stared back.

"I… guess."

"How was your week?"

Sunny recounted what had happened. Boring days at school, homework, Aubrey staying over. He
went silent.

"Aubrey? She was one of your childhood friends, right?" His therapist peered over her glasses.

"Yeah. She needed a place to stay."

"Oh?" Scribbles.

"She ran away from home and came to my place and I let her crash."

"That was very nice of you."

"And then we had a fight", he added nonchalantly.

She looked at Sunny, her pen stopped. "What happened, Sunny?"

Reluctantly, he continued. How everything started out fine, how they ended up at Sunny not
growing in those four years, then he stopped again.

"Take your time."

"And then we came to Basil."

Her eyebrows moved up. Scribbles.

Sunny felt his heart beating faster. Could he tell her? Kel reacted alright, and then he suddenly
remembered his therapist's reaction at earlier hints of his relationship with Basil that were outright
positive. Don't let anyone tell you you're not normal, okay Sunny? He could do this. "So I never
mentioned this, but Basil and I are… a couple." No scribbles. "We're together."

She looked at him and smiled faintly. "I had a suspicion. Please, continue."

"I mentioned that to Aubrey, and… well, first she thought I didn't know what I was talking about,
the recluse that I am…" Sunny sighed. "And when she finally understood she called it weird."

His therapist looked at him with sympathetic eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that, Sunny."

"And she mentioned Basil has changed the least in the past years. Well, except for me." Sunny
shrugged weakly. "And now I'm worried."

"Worried about what?" she asked carefully.

"That I'm only with Basil because of that. Because he's the only person to be in a similar situation
as me. And then it all spiraled from there. What if I'm only friends with him because he's the only
person… around, I guess?"

"Why would that be?"

"It just feels like that. I'm just… worried. All the time."

"Do you want to talk about that or continue with your week first?"

"Oh, right. I… called Kel. Because I needed someone to talk."

"Really? Did things calm down since the last time you've seen him? You mentioned you had a
fight with him too." She looked at her notes.

"Yes, he was actually thankful because it made him speak his mind."

She nodded. "Sometimes conflict can help with healing. Continue."

"And he came over the next day to cheer me up, essentially."

"That is very nice of him. How was that?"

"Good, I think. I was really nervous before he came over but we talked a lot. He actually managed
to take my mind off it for a while."

"I'm very glad to hear you two appear to be on good terms again. Kel seems like a good friend."

"Yes… he is." Sunny couldn't help but smile at that, a small, secret smile.

"Have you told people about your relationship with Basil?"

Sunny shook his head. "We're both too… nervous about it, at this point. Only Kel and Aubrey
know." Sunny froze. "And, uh, Polly."

"Polly?"

"She, uh, was the caretaker of Basil's grandma and now she does some house keeping for him or
something."
"I see."

"She… saw us kiss." Sunny wasn't sure why he mentioned that, it was an unnecessary detail of the
story.

His therapist looked at him. "Is Basil the reason you're so tense today?"

"Probably, yes", he muttered. The painting was still ugly.

"Worrying about relationships is normal, however it's not at all good when that stresses you out or
even takes a strain on the relationship."

Sunny nodded. Nothing new.

"The way you were talking about your friend in the past… you are fond of him, aren't you? Why
doubt that now?"

"When Aubrey said –"

"Ignore her for a minute. Just listen to yourself. What do you feel?"

"I don't know", said Sunny a lot sharper than he wanted. He was trying. He had been trying. He
had been listening. He didn’t know. "Maybe it would be better if I broke it off with him." It was
almost as if he had to spit those words out, gross and bitter as they were.

His therapist thought for a while. "I can't tell you what to do or what not to do, but I want you to
think about this carefully before you decide. Okay?"

The rest of therapy went by, and Sunny felt even more confused.

Of course he liked Basil, a lot, he knew that, but could Sunny provide more? Could he make Basil
feel loved? The thought of breaking up with him, hurting Basil once again, it made his stomach
hurt, and if Sunny hadn't felt so emotionally drained that week he would have sat in bed crying, or
he would even had thrown up, but instead he just felt a cold, fuzzy void inside him.

Thinking about his conversation with Kel, a new thought sprung up in his mind. Was there any
way he could help with him talking to Hero again? Being pretty much the source of their conflict,
Sunny would not be able to be mediator, and he couldn't tell Kel anything Kel didn't already know.
Perhaps he could talk to Hero beforehand, before the two brothers met. Did Hero even know he
was hurting Kel?

Sunny had managed to confront Aubrey, something he had never dreamt of in the past. If Aubrey
would apologize to Kel that would be a good indication that Sunny had a chance to convince Hero
too.

But, despite all his musings, there was one question mark in his brain that would not budge, instead
it just grew and threatened to push all his other thoughts away – how would he even do that?

How would he talk to Hero? He didn't have his phone number, nor his address. And no way of
getting either of them. Asking Kel was out of the question, he wouldn't want Sunny to interfere.

Sunny turned on his side to look at his bedroom wall. It was dull, boring, just what Sunny wished
for right now. Dullness, a lack of excitement, a lack of conflict. Why had everything to be so
complicated?
His thoughts came to a crashing halt. Where did the sudden motivation to talk to Hero come from?
He had to admit the mere thought of talking to his former friend was absolutely terrifying. Of
course he planned to do that, eventually, try and salvage whatever was possible between them, but
now? Especially with Kel and him not talking? Hero had to be hurting badly for him to in turn hurt
his brother like that, and for so long too.

All the more reason to try and help resolve the conflict between the two. Kel was Sunny's friend
and he needed help. He owed it to Kel, after everything he did for Sunny. Especially for sticking
with him after what Sunny had put them all through. He was more than thankful for that, and he
felt obligated to do something to pay back that insurmountable debt.

Just how would he do that. Perhaps he would think of a way, now that he had some weirdly strong
resolution to do so.

Sunny turned the other way, now looking across his room. On his windowsill sat in its tiny pot the
spider plant he had bought a while ago, after perhaps running into Basil at the flower shop. Sunny
couldn't clearly remember. It looked dry. It's thin, spindly leaves were hanging weakly down the
windowsill, their color edging into unhealthy. He forgot to water it, maybe he should get up and do
just that.

A long, resigned sigh escaped Sunny. All his resolution and motivation suddenly evaporated and
left him feeling even emptier than before. The illusion of having something to do, power to fix
something, the ensuing realization that Sunny was so powerless and would just hurt people in the
process, that he would hurt Basil, it was almost mockery. He turned left and stared at the ceiling.

Just what should he do? The feelings in his chest were still so confusing, and he cursed Aubrey for
planting that seed of doubt in his mind. Or maybe he should be thankful?

Kel on the other hand disagreed, and his therapist did too, but it was just so hard to believe.

He hadn't seen Basil in almost a week and while there was some aching in his chest about that, he
felt dread about seeing him again. Some part of him wished he would never see Basil again,
wished he would just avoid him forever. Avoid everyone.

An old, familiar slew of guilt and fear came over him, the worries if he deserved his friends, if he
deserved Basil, why was it all so complicated?

Did he love Basil?

Did Basil love him?

Was Basil happy?

Was Sunny happy?

What would happen when they met? It all felt like a ticking time bomb below Sunny. Should he
ask Basil to meet tomorrow?

Should he - would he - would he be able to break up with him?

It took a while for his crying to subside and for Sunny to finally fall asleep.

"Are you alright Sunny?" Mom asked as he was prodding scrambled eggs with a fork. "You've
been so quiet recently."
He shrugged.

"I hope you know you can talk to me if something is wearing you down."

"Yes Mom." He stabbed a piece of egg.

"Do you want some more coffee?"

"Yes please."

They sat in silence for a while. Mom perked up. "Will Basil come over today? It's been since last
weekend that you've seen him, hasn't it?"

Sunny wasn't sure what look exactly was on his face, but Mom dropped the topic immediately.

"Please talk to me if you need to." She gave him a worried smile and reached for his hand,
squeezing it lightly.

Sunny was surprised he did not flinch at someone grabbing his hand. He sighed. "Aubrey and I
didn't, uh… she didn't leave on good terms."

"Oh Sunny I am so sorry to hear that."

"On the other hand, Kel came over the other day and I think I had a good time. He's a good friend."

Mom didn't say anything, she just smiled a little as she poured herself another mug of coffee and
added a heaping spoon of creamer.

"And sometimes I get stuck thinking about something. That's all."

"Do I have to tell you that I worry about you, Sunny?"

Sunny didn't respond and avoided her eyes.

"I know I haven't been the best mother, and I am responsible for you, for some of your problems,
but…" She put down her mug and looked at him. "I don't want to hear you say that's all when it's
clearly taking a toll on you."

He shrugged.

"Just know I'm here."

"Thank you Mom." A small smile was on Sunny's lips.

He ate the rest of his breakfast and then sat idly, waiting for his mother to finish.

"So, I was thinking", she began, gathering the plates and putting them in the sink, "I wanted to go
and check some small stores, maybe get another plant or something for your room. Want to come
with me?"

"I… I'm not really feeling like that."

"Oh." Was she disappointed? "You still have some time, should you change your mind."

"Yeah."

"Do you want anything? A poster? A plant? Maybe I can find something for you."
 "Not really, no."

She pursed her lips. "Well, anyway, if you change your mind tell me."

Sunny nodded and got up. He'd think about it in his room. The spider plant was looking even
worse than last night. Was there even a point in watering it now? Was it too far gone? He looked at
it for a while, just observing the plant.

Going out with Mom would probably get his mind somewhere else, but he was really not feeling it.
He spun around his chair, blowing air out through his mouth. The nights were short recently and he
was very tired, so maybe he could go out with his mother some other day. He wanted to rest. No
school, no therapy, no people, just rest.

"So, any change of heart?" asked Mom, sticking her head in his room.

"I'll stay home."

"Alright sweetie."

She got her things and left, leaving Sunny in an oppressing silence. He decided to read a book,
which helped him spend at least an hour.

Something startled him and he almost threw the book across the room. Was that the doorbell? His
heart was beating quickly now, he got up, took a deep breath, and left his room.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting. You're all great.

 A conclusion
Chapter Summary

Sunny has another visitor.

Chapter Notes

Eternal gratitude to my friend who immensely helped with this.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny simply opened the front door and sat back down on the couch, waiting for whoever it was.
He had a suspicion but he actively tried to avoid thinking about it. Was it Mom? Had she forgotten
her keys or something? Or did he just let in a complete stranger?

There was an unpleasant restlessness growing inside him. He got up again and opened the door to
the apartment, listening to the footsteps echoing up the stairway. The door was not far open, and it
covered most of Sunny except for his face. He was holding on to it, steadying himself, waiting.

When Basil's head became visible his heart dropped. Basil came to the door with his usual,
unhappy expression. Or perhaps not unhappy, but it was this neutral face he often had. It had been
a lot rarer when he would spend time with Sunny.

"Hey Sunny" he said in a meek voice, one hand playing with one strap of his backpack. His hand
squeezed the strap, tugged it lightly, it didn't look like Basil was aware of what he was doing at all.
There was already tension between them.

Sunny couldn't bring out a word so he just nodded with tight lips, his heartbeat feeling stronger
every second. He opened the door fully and let Basil inside, but for just a fraction of a second he
was thinking about closing the door in Basil's face. Rip the band aid off quickly, so to speak, and
save them the pain of having to talk. He regretted not doing it, simultaneously cursing himself for
considering it, even if it would have made things easier. Seeing Basil here, knowing what would
come terrified him, and he had to concentrate hard on staying as calm as he could.

Basil put down his backpack near the sofa and his hands, now unable to hold onto the strap,
immediately found each other and the boy began fidgeting. A nervous expression was plastered
across his face, his eyes close to Sunny but unable to look him straight in the eye. Sunny was glad
about that because he would have collapsed like a house of cards if he had to keep eye contact with
Basil. Despite Basil not looking at him Sunny felt watched, stared at, and he hated it.

For a moment they stood opposite to each other, no one saying anything, no one sure how to start
the conversation, and what to talk about. It was gnawing at both of them.

"Why are you here?" asked Sunny, and as soon as he had spoken those words he wished he could
take them back. The coldness in his own voice made him wince. And what kind of question was
that anyway to start a conversation?
"I… wanted to see you", Basil said quietly. His hands were no longer fidgeting, it looked like he
was scratching his arms.

"Sorry", Sunny replied with quiet remorse.

"Is something wrong? … Should I leave?" He looked like he was about to get up again, every
muscle on him tense.

"No, don't."

Shortly after they were both in Sunny's room. Despite the light shining in through the window it
felt dark and gloomy.

"Sunny, your plant –" Basil said as he got up to examine the spindly plant on his windowsill. "Did
you forget to water it?"

"I think so, yeah."

Basil's gaze dropped to the floor, a finger tracing down one long leaf. "What's wrong, Sunny?"

Sunny remained silent.

"I… I can tell something is wrong."

"Sit down."

Basil joined him, sitting a good bit away. It looked like he was humming something, but it was
painfully quiet in Sunny's room.

His face felt hot, uncomfortably so, and Sunny's heart was palpable with every beat.

"So? I'm worried about you." Basil's words were so honest.

Sunny couldn't speak, he could barely breath.

Basil looked both mildly annoyed and concerned at the lack of response. "I haven't seen you all
week! I didn't find you in school, I didn't hear from you, you didn't come over…" Basil smiled
weakly. "Is that… me overreacting?" He chuckled nervously, eyeing Sunny. "Or is there
something… else?"

Sunny's mouth wouldn't budge. Instead of thoughts there was just noise in his head. Loud, white
noise, or even a whistling, that made thinking clearly so hard.

"Sunny?"

He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to block out everything. "I'm sorry. I… haven't been feeling
that great lately."

"You know you can tell me, right?"

"Yeah…"

"I was so… terrified something happened to you. I know you don't like it when people come over
unannounced, but…"

"It's fine."
"No, it's not. But… I had to check on you."

"Thank you, Basil." Sunny shrunk a bit. He felt horrible.

"How are you feeling now?"

Sunny shrugged.

"Sunny, what's on your mind?" Basil asked, carefully reaching for Sunny's hand.

Seeing Basil reach for him felt like it flipped a switch inside his head. "I'm not sure this
relationship is a good idea", he said with a strained voice, almost whispering so that no one would
hear it. Sunny felt cold.

Basil froze, his hand not even an inch away from Sunny's. Sunny looked away. "What do you
mean?" he asked directly. His eyes showed Sunny that it was no real question.

"Us. We should… we shouldn't…"

"Are you –"

Sunny almost choked up. "Basil, I think – we should break up." Saying that sentence felt like what
Sunny imagined Aubrey's bat felt like hitting his face. The floor was ripped from beneath his feet,
he couldn't believe he said it, it was out in the open and there was no way back. The finality of it
was strangely comforting.

"Okay."

Okay?

Basil was smiling. Why was he smiling? Sunny still did not dare look into his eyes. Loud ringing in
his ears drowned out any noise, any thought in his head. He felt sick.

"I'm sorry, Basil." What was he apologizing for? This didn't make any sense.

"Don't worry, Sunny, I… understand." Basil's smile was his old, dishonest smile, the one Sunny
had always hated. "I guess I leave now, huh?" He seemed unfazed by Sunny's words. Did it hurt
more for Sunny than it did for Basil?

"Yeah." Sunny felt empty, gutted, his breathing felt strained. He hated this. He hated this situation.

They stood opposite to each other at the apartment door, Basil standing outside. "Bye Sunny", he
said with a quiet voice.

"See you Basil", Sunny said even quieter. Any more of this and he would topple over, a cold, dark
feeling tugging at every fiber of his being.

"I guess I'll – see you –", Basil's voice cracked. His smile was wavering, his eyes looked even
sadder than they did before, Sunny could see him breathing quickly.

He couldn't stand to look at Basil, see the shock wear off, see Basil finally fully grasp the situation
on an emotional level.

Basil started crying. It started with a long, shuddery sob, then his face contorted, then he shrunk.
He stood there, visibly shaking, one hand covering his face. Another sob shook his small frame.
Basil took a deep breath, wiped the tears from his red face, and looked through Sunny. "I'm sorry."
He turned towards the stairs.

Sunny realized the tugging feeling in his face, the prickly numbness in his head, the painful
breathing, he was crying too. "Wait." This did not feel right.

Basil halted at the top of the stairs, his head hanging low, letting out a shaky breath. "Why?"

Yes, why? What did Sunny even want?

"Can we", Basil began, hiccuped, "can we talk?"

Sunny nodded, not visible to Basil. "Come back inside. Please." It was hard to speak through his
tears.

Basil was hesitating for what felt like ages, standing with his back to Sunny and not saying
anything. He slowly turned around and squeezed past Sunny back into the apartment, almost
collapsing onto the sofa.

He joined him. Basil was still crying, some quiet sobs, some louder ones, and every single one
stung in Sunny's chest. Should he hug Basil? Comfort him?

Why did this hurt so much?

He had been mulling all week over whether or not he loved Basil, unable to find a clear answer in
the mess inside his head, being too overwhelmed by everything that happened, and when he finally
thought he had decided right it still hurt. It was unfair. Was his decision so wrong? Was this pain
proof of that?

It didn't matter. Sunny could not take this back.

Was asking Basil to wait, to come back, was that a mistake? Should he just accept the situation he
created himself and live with the consequences? Why even ask Basil to stay? He was hurting, and
Sunny would just make it worse. Sunny's crying made his lungs feel unpleasant, there were almost
no more tears, he had to find some tissues to blow his nose. A prickling sensation itched his face.
Adding to the pain was a horrible confusion - seeing Basil cry made Sunny want to comfort him,
and crying himself made him want to talk to Basil and be consoled by him, but he had to remind
himself multiple times that this was no option. How could he expect that from the person he just
hurt like that?

Should he comfort Basil? Would he even be able to?

Nobody said anything for a while, and Sunny felt guilty for making Basil cry like that. It shook
Basil to the core, and he seemed to want to look at Sunny but turned away again and again, every
careful, desperate approach leading to nothing.

Basil took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and finally faced Sunny. "Why?"

"Why…?" What a dumb response.

"Why are you breaking up with me?" The tone of that question was that of a lonely, broken person.

If only Sunny knew. If only he could answer that question. If only he could explain to Basil
whatever messed up thought process had led him here.

"Sunny?" Basil's voice was weak.

"I… I felt so anxious about us."

A pause. "That's it?"

"Aubrey –" Sunny bit his tongue. It hurt.

"What?" Basil's face shifted.

"I was talking to her, and… it shoved me down this spiral of questioning everything."

"Hm…" Basil looked pensive beneath his crying.

"I fear I didn't develop at all those past years, and what if I – what if I forced this relationship onto
you because of that?"

"That doesn't make sense", Basil said quietly.

"Because you're the only person who understood me and that's the only reason –"

Basil shrunk more.

"Sorry –" pressed Sunny out with a cracking voice.

"But what about – Sunny, I love you, and you – was that all a lie?"

Sunny swallowed. Hearing Basil say it burned. Those words that had him feel on top of the world
previously now stung his heart.

"Why would you lie about that…?"

He shrugged in shame. He genuinely didn't know what to say.

"Not to feel alone? Is that it? Is that what you're saying?"

"Basil, I –"

"I was so worried about you when I didn't see you, and… this is what I get. You lying about loving
me."

"No, that –"

He was cut off. "Do you know how much that hurts?" Basil asked, his face full of pain.

"My head is a mess lately, I don't even know what to think even –"

"Oh don't give me that! Weasel your way out of it."

Sunny nodded weakly, feeling his own arms wrap around him. What he wished would feel like a
comforting hug instead felt like tight ropes choking the life out of him. If only he could make
himself small, disappear, escape all this.

"So was all this – a lie?"

"No, but…"

Basil cut him off again. "Then what is it? Did you ever love me?"
"I – Basil, I did, but –" He was such an idiot.

"But what?"

"I'm so sorry."

"So – this is it, then?" Basil asked, a shudder shooting through his body.

Sunny couldn't speak.

"Are you so unhappy with me?"

"Basil, I am depressed", he whispered.

"Because of me?"

"Well, no, but –"

"Am I making you that miserable?" The question was horrifyingly genuine.

"No, but – I just, I can't deal with anything right now."

"I am trying to be here for you, you know…"

"Yeah, and I appreciate that, but sometimes thoughts run wild and –"

"And you just decide to break up?"

"Basil –"

"What the hell Sunny?"

"I met with Aubrey and -"

"And she talked you into hating me?"

"No."

Basil shook his head, bit his lip, and went silent. He clenched his fist and weakly threw it against
the mattress.

This was a horrible situation.

"Why are you - crying?" asked Basil, an inaudible sob interrupting him.

Sunny couldn't help but chuckle. He felt like an ass for that. "Because it hurts." At least he was
being honest. It did hurt, much more than he had anticipated.

Basil scoffed. "So, just to get this straight, when you said you love me was that a lie or no?"

"It was no lie -"

"And now you … don't, anymore?" The tension in the blonde's voice was rising.

"I became worried I talked us both into this -"

"How would that even happen?"

"We're both…"

"I told you I… I had a crush on you, Sunny, didn't I?" Some anger and bewilderment joined the
pain in Basil's face.

Sunny nodded, barely moving his head. Basil had told him, and Sunny remembered feeling happy
about that.

"And you said you loved me, and… is this about, is this about me being uncomfortable in public?
Are you thinking I'm not… I dislike this? You?" Was Basil trying to take the blame for this
breakup?

"I don't know! I'm just… I feel horrible, Basil."

"Well so do I." Basil sniffed loudly and looked away, resting his head on his hand, tightly gripping
his own hair.

"Do you know that… that…" His thoughts didn't seem to make sense. Sunny paused and took a
breath. "When you try to figure out how you feel but you… can't?" Sunny scoffed at himself, did
this make any sense? Would his words just upset Basil further?

"Yeah…" Basil was holding his arms close to himself. He looked utterly miserable.

"And… I got scared…" He wished he were able to explain better just what he felt, just what was
going on in his mind. Getting scared was putting it mildly.

Basil nodded, one hand playing with his hair, his eyes avoiding Sunny, his mouth frowning
slightly.

"I feel horrible for hurting you like this."

They went silent, then Basil laughed quietly. "So much for our promise…"

They went silent again, sitting together a while without a spoken word, and Sunny was aching to
hug Basil.

"I guess I'll leave now. I… I don't want to make this awkward. More awkward."

Was this goodbye?

"Do you… do you want one last hug?" asked Basil, a sad glint in his eyes. He looked broken. Was
this mocking Sunny? No, Basil was serious.

Sunny was not willing to let him leave. "Do you want to look at the photo album together?" he
asked suddenly.

Basil's pained smile disappeared. "What…? You still- Why? Why now?" His voice sounded as
confused as his eyes looked.

"My… my thinking was, when you leave now, and… when would, you know -" Sunny's mind was
actively working against him, he was amazed he thought of mentioning the album at all.

"Sunny, I'm not sure I want that now", Basil said quietly with a frown, but Sunny had already
gotten up and pulled the album from a shelf. Basil sighed. "Fine." He wiped a hand over his face.

Sunny placed it between them closed, almost scared to open it. "I haven't looked in here since I
moved…" He couldn't help but sniffle.

"I had almost forgotten about it. I thought you threw it away or something…"

"Why would I do that?"

Basil stared at Sunny. "I thought you hated me for the longest time, so why keep this? Why not
take the photos out?"

Sunny did not respond, instead he opened the album. Seeing them, all of them, Mari - it hurt.

There was Sunny with his violin. Seeing it felt strange, filling Sunny's chest with a numb pain.

There was Basil's birthday. "I still remember that day", said Basil with a shy voice. "I thought you
all had forgotten, but… instead you surprised me." He laughed meekly. "That was one of my first
birthday parties. And my last one too. Look at them…" His hand gently touched the page. "I miss
it", he whispered solemnly.

"Me too."

"There's you after you had enough of everyone and you fled to the couch", Basil said, pointing at
the photo of Sunny playing a game.

"Didn't you sit with me once you got overwhelmed by the party?"

"Yeah…"

"That was nice."

Basil did not answer.

There were pictures of Mari and Hero together, and a multitude of guilt and grief washed over
Sunny. Hero would never forgive him.

"Do you know if Kel and Hero are… did they make up?"

"They didn't."

"Damn…"

Every picture made Sunny feel a different strong emotion. The next one was him and Basil sitting
together. He remembered how comfortable he felt around his friend, always seeking to be near
him.

"I don't know what book I'm reading there", mused Basil. He seemed enthralled by going through
their memories together.

Every picture made Sunny feel something deep inside of him. Every picture made him recount
some memory. A few of them painful, a few of them happy.

There was one constant in all of them.

Sunny was getting angry at himself. He was such an idiot.

Every day he remembered, every photo he saw, there was always this one thing. It existed back
then, and it still existed today.
He suddenly remembered his restlessness. He remembered searching for Basil, the aching in his
chest. He remembered Kel's words. He remembered just how much happier he had felt.

You'll hurt him like you hurt everyone.

But something stirred inside Sunny. He finally realized what he should have this whole time,
finally standing up to it instead of just taking what his head spat out.

Neither of you have changed.

"I'm glad you're still you", said Sunny.

You're stuck behind everyone, same as him.

"You were always a quiet kid", said Kel.

You don't deserve him.

"I don't… deserve this", whispered Basil.

You're weird.

"Don't let anyone tell you you're not normal, okay Sunny?"

You just don't want to be alone.

"I'll try and be here for you", said Sunny, stroking Basil's cheek.

You just can't move on from your past.

"I'm not sure I could do this without you", whispered Basil.

Loving you is a mistake.

"It… it's nice that you worry about me", Basil admitted.

You never loved him, you were just desperate.

"I don't know when I last saw you smile that widely", said Basil.
 Basil is the only one who didn't leave you, the only one who still likes you.

"I'm serious. You're still my friend", said Kel.

You forced him into this.

Basil leaned in first, closing the distance.

You couldn't keep your promise.

How could Sunny have been so blind?

How could his apathy, his overextension, how could that all make him question himself so easily?

Sunny was a horrible friend, and a horrible person.

"Basil?" he asked, the name barely leaving his lips.

"Hm?" Basil became much quieter and browbeaten as his attention left the photo album. Their
shared memories had him almost forget the mess they were in at that point in time. A flicker of
fear was in Basil's eyes, fear of what Sunny would do next.

Sunny swallowed, bracing himself for the pain he would feel immediately after. There was no
doubt about it, he finally had the answer, he finally beat the apathy, the inability to feel, the horrid
numbness inside him that made him question everything in the first place. He had to take another
deep breath, his heart was beating hard. Sunny could feel how close he was to tearing up.

Basil looked at him in worried anticipation.

"I love you."

"It's the truth. So much."

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting.

 Afterthought
Chapter Summary

Sunny has to deal with the ramifications of his words.

Chapter Notes

Please enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Basil stared at him. It looked like he wanted to say something, or as if a thought tried to creep into
his mouth, but he just stared, mouth slightly agape. His blue eyes were still sad, they were red from
crying, and they were fixed on him.

He was fixating on different parts of Sunny's face, eyes darting quickly, but never leaving Sunny.
His gaze was relentless, and it made Sunny feel strange. Basil's quick breathing was silently
replaced by a slow, ghostly breath that was no longer audible.

Every now and then, it looked like he wanted to say something. Basil's face would shift, his chest
would rise, he would pause. But he did not say anything.

Sunny felt the tears burning in his face, he could barely see Basil. He wanted him to say
something, respond, to say anything, but Basil remained silent. He was just staring at Sunny, open
mouthed, slowly breathing. His body was tense, tear drops stained his grey sweater.

His blue eyes, which Sunny loved so much, emanated nothing but hurt.

Finally, Basil made a noise, but it was only a sniffle he couldn't suppress. He turned away, finally
lifting his gaze from Sunny's crying face, and blankly stared into nothingness. Now it didn't even
appear like he was thinking anymore, Basil just looked like a lifeless husk.

"Basil –" Sunny began, unable to bear the horrible silence any longer, needing any kind of
affirmation that Basil understood.

There was no response.

"Please –", Sunny choked. Gently his hand reached out, but it was like Basil wasn't even there, his
hand was reaching through him.

There was no reaction.

His mind was racing now – this had to be a bad dream. This was not real. This was all in his head.
This was just another of his delusional states, right? He just had to wake up. He just had to find
back to reality. Basil was not here. Basil was at home, happy.

Basil was still his everything.

Right?

An ice cold feeling of despair came over him and put its ugly hand around his throat. He felt like he
needed to throw up. There was a taste of bile in his mouth, of pure disgust, at himself.

Sunny wanted to make himself small. His arms wrapped around him again, even tighter this time,
squeezing him hard, his hands holding onto his upper arms, nails digging into his skin.

An apology was waiting on his tongue, a confession of love, a question of forgiveness, but Sunny
wouldn't dare speak any of it. He had messed up, he had hurt Basil, there was no way back. This
was the end.

"Just when I thought… I had some happiness…" Basil's voice was weak and devoid of emotion.
He was still staring into nothingness, seemingly fascinated by a random spot on the floor in front
of the couch. "Just this… tiny little bit of happiness… You take it away from me."

Sunny wanted to say something but he just produced a pathetic sound in his throat.

"You know, the worst thing about all this?" He was almost whispering, the strain of crying still
audible in those words. "The…", he swallowed, "worst thing," Basil closed his mouth, his brow
lowering a little, "you've done it before." Basil's fists clenched, gripping the fabric of his pants
tightly. "You've taken it away, and I've… I have lost you once again." He chuckled bitterly, it
sounded like he spat something out.

The tone in Basil's voice scared Sunny, it made his heart hurt, it made his body tense up, there was
something so brutally honest about it. He didn't sound angry, not even upset, not even sad – he just
said it, as fact. And he was right. This was Sunny's fault, and Sunny had hurt Basil. Broken his
promise. The one he was so eager to keep – he remembered the guilt of leaving Basil before. That
time when Sunny could not leave the house anymore, when he essentially stopped existing, and the
time where he last smiled at Basil in the hospital, knowing things would get better. Did they, ever?

"Do you… do you really hate me so much?" Basil asked.

The words punched out all air from Sunny's lungs. He just wished he were alone.

If only he had closed the door in Basil's face. If only he had talked to him before. If only he had
done something different. If only he – he wasn't such a horrible friend. It happened before, too. His
mind kept obsessing over things, talking itself into it, convincing Sunny of horrible truths that were
nowhere near reality.

"Basil…" Sunny whispered with a weak voice.

The blonde boy did not respond but Sunny understood he was listening.

What should he say? Was there anything to say? "I… I love you" was all he could produce, but his
words sounded flat.

"Why do you say that, Sunny?"

"Because I – I do and… I made a huge mistake", the weight of it all made him shiver once more.

No answer.

"Can you – can we – Basil – "

The blank expression on his friend's face gave way to one of sadness.

"Can you … forgive me?"

Basil was still gripping the fabric of his pants tightly, veins were popping up on the backs of his
pale hands. "You know", he began, voice still low, "the fact that you didn't mean it makes it so
much worse."

Now Sunny was just confused. The sudden disbelief made him stop his tearless crying. "What?" he
asked quietly. He looked at Basil, unable to parse his face.

While he still looked tense, Sunny saw Basil's hands slowly let go and limply lay in his lap. Basil
was breathing idly, and a few seconds of silence later his hands gripped each other, his right hand
moving up his left arm and holding his elbow tightly. It looked like he needed something to hold
on to, his expression changed but Sunny was still unable to decipher it. "If… If I would have done
something wrong, or… if I had upset you and you… realized that you", he swallowed and paused,
"disliked me, and broke up with me", Basil's voice was flat and neutral, "I could have understood
that. If you… if you stopped loving me, somehow, I could have understood that, too." He blinked,
concentrating on some spot in front of him.

Waiting for him to continue, Sunny stared.

"But… doing this… all this, and then… telling me you still love me? Why would you do
something like that if you love me…? What am I supposed to believe?" Basil spoke in a slow,
meticulous way. "That you don't love me? That you love me but are willing to hurt me anyway?"

"Basil, I –"

Basil wanted to continue, but Sunny kept talking.

"I am so sorry. I am. I promise." His voice lost all force.

Basil scoffed.

"Please listen to me…"

"Hm?" Basil looked like he was indeed listening. Still obviously thinking, Sunny noticed
something else in the expression, or he hoped that there was something. Was it hope? Was there a
small glint in Basil's eyes, waiting for the right words, for some explanation, to forgive Sunny and
salvage their relationship? Or was it just his own hope, his own wishes, that he saw in Basil?
Should Sunny even continue talking or would he just make everything worse? Wouldn't every
word he'd say just dig deeper?

"I know I messed up… but…" Sunny sighed. "I can't explain it. You know those… fears? That
everything you do is wrong? That everything you say is a lie? And you're trying to feel, but… you
can't feel anything?"

"I guess", Basil stated softly.

Sunny blinked. He sounded ridiculous. "What I'm trying to say… I was anxious, about the
relationship and us, and… I obsessed over it. I sat in my room all week trying to figure out what to
do. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to feel." He had to take a deep breath before he
could continue talking. "I was scared that I forced you into this relationship, and that I would mess
it up, or that I would hurt you, or that this is bad for you, or…" His voice turned silent, his mind
was running out of things to say. His explanation was going nowhere.
"Why didn't you… talk to me?"

"I was too scared to. My mind was in a dark place and I couldn't get out of it."

"And… you're expecting everything to go back to normal?"

There it was. He knew it would come, and there it was – the sign that there was no way back. It
was truly over. He had hurt Basil, he had done what he feared so much, and it was fatal for their
relationship, for their friendship. He slowly, sadly shook his head.

"No…?" Basil sounded almost surprised.

"I… I want you to forgive me. I want to be with you. But… I can't take back what I said, and I can't
undo hurting you."

"I suppose…"

They sat next to each other in silence for a long while. Their crying had stopped, and Sunny did not
look at Basil for the entire time. Maybe Basil looked at him, he did not know. Was time even
passing? Was anything happening? Or was this only a minute, infinitely stretched out? An endless
waiting?

Sunny sat alone in his head, trying to think of a way forward, but his mind would not let him. Fear
of being alone was coming back, and the recurring realization that he might never see Basil again
was burning away in some lonely corner of his head. The aching in his chest was slowly replaced
by that numbness, that fuzzy nothingness he knew so well. He wanted to explain further, somehow
justify what he did, but there was no way. There were no words that would explain what he
thought, or that would console Basil, or save their friendship.

"I need you", Sunny said quietly, honest longing hidden in those words.

They looked at each other.

"I do." Just saying those two words took a lot of effort out of him – not because he did not want to
say them, or because he didn't mean it, but because it hurt so much to know Basil did not want to
hear it.

"Sunny…" Basil's expression was conflicted, then he sighed. "You're so mean", he said, tears
welling up in his eyes again.

Without hesitation, Sunny hugged his friend, holding him tight, feeling Basil shake. Basil seemed
to protest slightly, weakly pushing Sunny away, but Sunny did not let go. He rested his head on
Basil's shoulder and slowly stroked his back.

"I want to tell you to go away", Basil muttered, "but I can't do it."

"I won't let you go." Sunny felt Basil relax ever so slightly.

"You know what's strange?" Basil asked sniffling.

"Hm?"

"A while ago I'm sure I would have begged you not to break up with me."

Sunny was not sure what to do with that information. Was it that Basil liked him less? Or did he
learn to look out for himself?
"But I still can't tell you to let me go", he laughed sadly.

Sunny thought for a moment, then, carefully, he asked: "Can we work past this?"

"I'm not sure", Basil said quietly. "What if we… hurt each other again?"

"I will never. I promise." He meant it.

"I want to forgive you, Sunny", Basil whispered. "But… I don't want you to hurt me again…"

"I won't."

"Am I weak for doing this?" A strong sob shook his body. "Am I making a mistake?" The question
was not for Sunny, it was for Basil himself. Although he wanted to answer, Sunny decided not to –
he'd have to let Basil think.

"I'll be there for you."

"Sunny… what if this happens again? What if you… if your feelings… you know?"

Sunny couldn't answer.

"Is this my fault?"

"Huh?" Sunny jerked up slightly.

"Because you couldn't talk to me. Wouldn't want to."

"That was on me."

"What if you're right and this relationship is a bad idea?"

"Basil, please –"

Basil gently hugged Sunny back. "I'm an idiot for doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Forgiving you again."

Sunny disliked that last word. That again. The mere fact that Basil had to forgive him in the past.
The word was lingering in Sunny's head, sitting there, taunting him, reminding him of his past
mistakes. "You're not an idiot, Basil."

"Yes, I am." He chuckled faintly. "I'm your idiot, remember?"

Sunny let go of the hug and grabbed Basil by the shoulders, holding him in front of himself,
looking into Basil's eyes with a serious expression. "Are you sure you want this?"

"I need you too, Sunny." Was he smiling? His eyes were avoiding Sunny's, instead he looked at his
hands. "Remember when I was worried too? Worried that I don't deserve this, worried what people
think?"

"Yeah…"

"And remember when you came over when I was feeling horrible?"
 "God, I feel terrible about all this…"

"You beat me to my senses when I needed it, so I suppose I have to make sure I'll do the same
thing to you next time."

"Do you really forgive me? Are you sure –"

"I… I try to. I have to."

"I am so sorry –"

"Sunny."

He wanted to ask what Basil wanted to say, but before he understood what was happening Basil
had approached him and pressed his lips against Sunny's, hugging him tightly. The warm embrace,
the feeling of love, it almost made him choke up. He needed this.

Basil relaxed more in Sunny's arms and they lost their balance, falling over. It was fine, though.
For a while, they just lay together on the couch, enjoying each other's presence, not talking, not
thinking.

Sunny hoped, no, he knew, things would be fine.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.

Thanks for all the comments and feedback.
 Hot chocolate
Chapter Summary

Sunny drinks more hot beverages.

Chapter Notes

I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Similarly to how Sunny felt after his first kiss with Basil, he couldn't help but doubt the reality of it
all. The calmness was almost unnatural, it felt weird, Sunny felt as if he was looking at the
aftermath of a storm. The week of turmoil, the strong outburst of emotions between him and Basil,
it had drained a lot of energy from Sunny. Somewhat disconnected he was watching it from afar,
seeing the last of the dark clouds clear up near the horizon, trying to make sense of what had
happened, what it had left behind. He wanted to feel horrible for doubting himself, he wanted to
feel concerned for their future, he wanted to feel vigilant, to learn from their mistakes, but it was
too much to ask at that time. Instead, Sunny felt the warmness of Basil next to him. He was resting,
eyes closed, breathing mostly calmly, one arm over Sunny's chest, his blonde hair somewhat
disheveled.

The grey void inside him was calm, and slowly something crept over it, replacing it more and
more. It was that feeling he was not able to find, buried beneath his doubts. It was the feeling that
came back to him after his horrible realization, the realization that he was making a mistake, that
he almost threw everything under the bus. It was a feeling he was sure of again, more so than
before, burning again like it did when Basil had kissed him for the first time:

He loved Basil.

It was this simple fact that grounded Sunny, combined with the quiet, honest I love you, Sunny that
Basil whispered into his ear. For once, those words did not make him feel joy, but both gladness
and somberness.

Basil moved. He was not asleep. Their talking, their crying, their almost yelling at each other took
a lot out of both of them, and knowing with certainty they were there for each other right at that
time was the perfect point to rest. There was barely enough space on the couch to lie next to each
other, but that was no problem.

For the first time in a while, Sunny felt safe, and the storm in his head had moved past.

"Sunny?" mumbled Basil.

"Yes?" His voice was still quite weak.

"I'm sorry I let it get this far."

"What do you mean?" Sunny feared their argument would continue.

Basil sighed. "I should have checked earlier on you, and I should have been there for you…"

Sunny wanted to protest, but he did not know how.

"If you're feeling unwell… talk to me, alright?"

"I'll try", Sunny stated plainly.

"I… I want to be there for you." He turned on his side to face Sunny. "I don't want you to feel
alone." Basil's eyes were shimmering, they still looked red, but they stared intently at him.

"That was not your fault, Basil. I thought I… made that clear."

"I love you you dork", said Basil, and he couldn't help but smile at his own words. He tried to
suppress it to keep a serious face, but Sunny felt the same. Sunny too couldn't help but smile, and
seeing Basil's failed attempt at keeping his mouth in a straight line made him laugh, and soon they
were both laughing.

They sat back up, and sat for a while in silence, letting the last bit of tension between them
dissipate.

"What should we do now?" asked Basil, almost timid.

"Do you want to go out?"

"It's really cold…"

"Want to stay here?"

Basil thought for a moment. "Do you mind if I stay?"

"What? Of course not!"

"Can we just cuddle for a bit? I… kinda need that."

Sunny was glad to comply.

The light shining through the window was cold, and the day outside was dreary. The sky was as
grey as the streets, and Sunny understood why Basil did not want to go outside. The park they
sometimes went to must have turned into a sad pile of dead plants and leafless trees.

"Hey", began Sunny, "I think Mom bought some hot chocolate mix the other day." He pushed
himself off the couch, looking at Basil. "Should I make some?"

"Hot chocolate?" Basil placed a finger on his chin. "I haven't had any in so long", he laughed. "Do
you have marshmallows?"

"I… I can check if you like."

Basil smiled coyly. "Do you need help?"

"Oh, no, you stay here, I'll manage."

Sunny went into the kitchen and rummaged around a cupboard for the tin can of hot chocolate mix,
almost falling off the little step stool he had to use. He was not sure why Mom had to put it in the
highest, hardest to reach place, but to his delight he did in fact find a bag of marshmallows behind
it. Mom must have had bought them with the hot chocolate for the cold months, and he hoped it
would be alright to open them now. The weather was certainly cold enough.

It took him a long time to choose a fitting mug. It was a non-issue, but he felt weird using his Good
Morning mug now, and there was no mug that he felt Basil would like. It gave him an idea, but
when he finally chose two mugs he put the idea to the back of his mind and tried his best following
the instructions on the tin.

As he came back, being very careful not to spill anything, he noticed Basil had arranged some
blankets and pillows on the couch for them to sit comfortably.

Not long after they were sitting together, wrapped in a blanket, warming their hands on their mugs.
Sunny burned his tongue a little. They switched the TV on to have some distraction, some
background noise, and Sunny thoroughly enjoyed it.

Except, one thought kept nagging in the back of his head, scratching at the walls, trying to break
out of its containment and trying to ruin Sunny's mood with its existence.

"Basil", he began, his voice quiet.

"Hm?" Basil lifted his head off Sunny's shoulder to look at him.

Sunny stared at the half molten marshmallow floating in his mug. "Is everything… good? Between
us?"

Basil remained silent, a subtle, sad expression spreading over his face. "I hope so."

"You don't want me to apologize right now, right?" Sunny wanted to, but usually people did not
want to hear it.

Basil shook his head. "But I want us to… work together in the future. You know? I want to be there
for you."

"Yeah…" The marshmallow bobbed slightly and tumbled over. Sunny stared intently at it. Being
there for Basil, providing an outlet for his thoughts was something Sunny wanted. He couldn't bear
seeing him sad, and seeing Basil happy made him feel happy, too. The act of helping itself came
both from an enjoyment of it as well as his desire to make up for his absence over the past years.
He understood Basil well. But being at the receiving end of it made it feel so different, and part of
him felt as if he would be scared by it, scared of being an inconvenience to other people. He feared
being in a bad mood would pull other people down with him. Slowly he peered over to Basil, who
almost stared at Sunny.

There was a strong resolution visible in his still tear streaked face, and a light blush when he
realized Sunny was looking at him.

Sunny's tongue moved past his teeth, tingling the numb spot where he burned himself on his hot
chocolate, but it felt better now. Tentatively he took another sip, much slower this time, and the
taste immediately hit him with a strong sense of nostalgia, and a pleasant calmness pulled him
deeper into his seat. His eyes darted back to Basil, whose ears turned pink. Basil turned away
quickly and took a sip of his mug too, holding it with two hands. There was a thought, not a new
one but it was as prominent as if Sunny just understood, and it made him grin slightly. A warm
flurry of feelings was beating in his chest, and the thought was slowly meandering in his brain,
eventually to his mouth.

"You're really cute." Sunny enjoyed seeing Basil stare at him in disbelief and he could feel blood
rush to his face, but he did not mind.

Basil looked at him for a second and then turned away. He mumbled something Sunny was not
able to make out and Basil's lips curled into a shy smile. Now he was intently staring at the melting
marshmallow in his drink, Sunny could see those blue eyes closely follow every bob.

What followed was a strange silence, no one really sure how to proceed. Although the tension had
left them, although Sunny felt much better than before, although their interaction felt like that of a
couple again, traces remained. Not direct tension, but the strain of it was still there, aching like an
overextended muscle. It was low, it was faint, but they both felt it. But, strain or not, Basil's small
smile, his blush, his shoulder rubbing against Sunny's, those things overshadowed whatever was
left over from their earlier outburst.

The hot chocolate, their cuddling, it was nice, and some time passed, the TV silently going on in
the background.

Basil stirred, gaze fixed on his half empty mug. "I really like this", he said quietly.

"Me too."

It was dark outside, and they were still sitting together, mugs placed on the little couch table. Basil
had dozed off, head resting softly on Sunny's shoulder. He too was on the edge of consciousness,
his lack of sleep finally catching up to him. With half a mind he was watching what was on TV,
but he noticed how little sense it made and that if he blinked there was a good chance some hours
would pass.

Sunny got startled by the sound of the door opening. Quickly he turned to Basil who was still
dozing, and he was debating weather to wake him up or not. Before he could think, Mom had
already entered the apartment.

"I'm back!" she announced. "It all took a little longer than I – oh, is Basil here?" she asked as she
looked at Sunny's panicking face.

"He, uh, dozed off."

"Oh I see." She put down her bags. "Are you boys hungry?"

"I'm not at the moment. We, uh, made some hot chocolate. I hope that's okay."

Mom looked at him. "Of course honey!" She clicked her tongue before entering the kitchen to put
some groceries down.

Sunny felt awkward and didn't know what to say.

Eventually Basil woke up. He smiled wearily at Sunny, then realized that Sunny's mother was
home.

They had dinner, and Basil apologized for coming over unannounced, to which Mom plainly told
him that that's nonsense and that he was welcome anytime.
 "Do you want to stay over?" Sunny asked some time after they were done eating.

"What do you want, Sunny?"

"I want you to stay." He wanted to fill this day with more positive moments than bad ones, and
spending all evening together sounded like a nice idea.

Basil smiled at that. "I'll stay then."

"Hey, Sunny." Basil snapped out of his daydreaming next to him, while Sunny was continuing that
book he started reading the other day.

"Yeah?"

"Can I… can I ask you something?" Basil was tugging at his own sleeve.

"Of course!" A tinge of worry came over him.

"What were you talking about with Aubrey?"

"Oh… should I just tell you the whole story?"

Basil nodded, looking uncomfortable.

Sunny told him. Why she came over, what they talked about, and some bits of the story were hard
to get out of his mouth, but he managed, after some time.

"And then what?" Basil asked with a downtrodden voice.

"I got angry at her. For how she acted to us all, you and Kel especially."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not feeling too great about that but maybe she'll apologize or something."

"And… Kel? Did you talk to him?"

"Yeah. He's doing better, I think. Hero is still… missing in action. They're not on talking terms."

"That is so weird to me", he said quietly.

"I want to do something about that", Sunny said firmly.

"Like… what?"

Sunny's shoulders sunk and he looked away. "I don't know."

Basil sighed. "Me neither." He grabbed Sunny's hand and squeezed it gently.

Sunny had to think of something, and do so before Christmas, but he tried to get those thoughts out
of his head for the time being.

For now, he simply enjoyed having a bit of peace.

Chapter End Notes

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading, and thanks for any comments and feedback.
 Tulips
Chapter Summary

Time passes.

Chapter Notes

Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

A few days had passed. Sunny was unsure whether the cold weather or the aftermath of the
weekend was making him feel a little odd, but he didn't care to question it.

He wondered if Mom would ask anything about the weekend, after all she did make an offhand
comment about Sunny being in a much better mood than the days before. He dreaded her
questions, feared what she would say – even if it wasn't particularly negative. The embarrassment
alone was for some reason enough to paralyze him and his thoughts.

There he was, sitting on Basil's bed, eyeing the boy who was standing in the room, endlessly
rambling.

While the bed was not as comfortable as his own, Basil's room made more than up for that with its
décor, and the oh so nostalgic scent in the air, something between different house plants, both
floral and green, and something indescribable, something comforting, familiar, and nice.

They had spent all afternoon together, talking a lot, and Sunny did his best to recapture how they
felt before the weekend. There was still that strain, a faint pain that was barely painful, that hung
above them. Both of them could feel sudden bouts of nervousness when looking at each other, but
it always went away after a few seconds.

Sunny hoped intently it all would not leave a mark.

They had been talking about everything and nothing, they didn't talk at all for some of it, but their
shared time felt special to them. Sunny had been telling some story when he noticed near the
window the pots he remembered to be empty. Did he just not pay attention in the past? He
specifically remembered the pots, as every other vessel in Basil's vicinity was filled with some
form of plant, except those.

Now there stood, almost glowing against the ashy white sky, several tulips with colorful petals.
The cold weather outside made them look out of place, and even in the safety of Basil's room there
was nothing so boldly colorful as these.

Sunny had to point them out, which prompted Basil to get up and excitedly tell him all about those
flowers. He explained that they could thrive indoors if properly cared for, and that they were his
pride and joy.
With a bit of a sad smile he whispered that they reminded him of better times.

Basil told Sunny about the different plants in his apartment, some new ones among them since he
last told Sunny, and Sunny gladly listened to his boyfriend explain all there was about the numerus
flowers, succulents, palms, and other plants.

Sunny was happy to see Basil like this.

It, however, also made a question pop up again, a question that first appeared when he asked Basil
to look at the photo album with him. The photo album that was so dear to both of them, that Sunny
was almost scared of it. There was a reason he never touched it since moving, too afraid of the
memories, but he knew it was important to Basil too and would keep him from leaving – and he
was right, and somewhat glad about that. Even if it felt like a dirty trick.

Basil's ramblings were coming to a close, he appeared to be between nervous and flustered, and
Sunny came to expect him to apologize for talking endlessly for so long, so he smiled warmly at
him. Basil smiled back, his eyes dropped, and he held his own arms for comfort, as he usually did
when he noticed he was talking for a while.

Sunny took a look around the room, to make sure the answer for his question was not already there,
only for him to miss it. It was not.

He felt a strange sense of anticipation that gripped him, he licked his lips to speak, unsure how to
do so properly.

"Basil", he began, the tone in his voice immediately grabbing Basil's attention. Sunny couldn't
exactly tell what his voice sounded like, or if he liked the tone, or if he could change it. To what,
even?

"Hm?" Basil asked, looking up from the floor, his pale face neutral.

Sunny's mind stalled.

Basil waited for Sunny to speak.

"What happened to your camera?"

The room seemed to chill a few degrees. Basil's gaze dropped again, his shoulders sank. "Oh, that
old thing…" he mumbled, slowly walking back to the bed and sitting down to Sunny's left. He
sighed softly. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you used to love it."

"I loved the memories I could capture."

"So… what happened?"

"I stopped using it a few years ago, when… you know." Basil's voice was dry, it almost croaked.
This was still such a hard thing to talk about.

"Never picked it up again?" Sunny asked gently.

His boyfriend shook his head. "No reason."

"Do you still have it?"

He shook his head again. On his face was almost a trace of shame. "When I was packing stuff I…
threw it out. The film was too old anyway and I didn't think I'd ever need it again. I was scared it
would just remind me of the past and mistakes that I've made, and friends that I've lost, and… I
don't have to tell you. The camera was old, anyways, and…" He sniffled. While talking he had
knowingly or unknowingly taken hold of Sunny's hand. A shivering breath escaped him.

"Basil…?"

"I… I can't believe I threw it away."

"Hey, it's okay."

"It was a present from Grandma, you know. She gave it to me and…" He paused. "It feels like I
lost part of her by throwing it out but back then I… I did not want it." He buried his face in his
hands.

"Shh", Sunny cooed. "It was probably for the best."

"What - what do you mean?"

"I - I want to say if you were willing to throw it out you had your reasons." His response sounded
awfully stilted for some reason.

"Guess you're right", sighed Basil. "I wonder if she would be upset at me…" He blew out a long
breath. "Back then I didn't think there were any moments for me to… to turn into memories, you
know? That there would be anything for me worth… living for." Basil's voice broke with the last
words. Basil looked up from his wringing hands, and Sunny followed his gaze to the colorful
petals in front of the window. Yellow, red, white, blue, some even with multiple colors, the tulips
made the room feel a lot warmer than the icy, diffuse light from outside should allow. Sunny
turned back to Basil, whose eyes were fixed on the flowers. "Back then everything seemed so
hopeless, and that I would never feel happiness again, but…" Without looking, Basil's and Sunny's
hands found each other again. No one was sure who reached out first, or how it happened exactly,
but their fingers interlocked and Sunny enjoyed the warmer hand holding his. Basil did not
continue his thought, but Sunny saw the faintest smile on him. "You know", he shifted slightly, "I
would never have thought I'd want to take pictures again."

"Of what?" asked Sunny stupidly.

"Of… of you, of us." Basil's cheeks went pink. "I – I mean, I want to… to always remember this.
Us." He smirked. "Maybe I can even get one of you smiling."

Sunny grimaced. Getting photographed always made him feel weird, he hated the feeling of being
watched and a photo was like that but stretched out. But being in a picture with him was different,
somehow, and it was something he wished he had. He wouldn't even mind smiling for Basil.

"I need to think of a way to make Hero apologize to Kel", said Sunny. Another day or two had
passed since they last met, he wasn't sure exactly.

Basil lay on the bed, arms stretched out.

"I feel like I need to talk to him."

"But how?"
"I don't know!" Sunny said. "I don't even know how to reach him."

"Hm… I don't suppose asking Kel is an option."

"Of course not –"

"I know, I know." Basil sighed.

Sunny stopped abruptly. "Actually, it might be the best option."

"Huh?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"If I had a better idea I'd have told you."

Sunny was back to pacing around the room.

"Sunny, sit down", said Basil, sitting up slightly. "You're getting all worked up."

He sighed deeply. "You're right, you're right." He sat down, drumming his fingers on his leg. "I
just… I just want to do something. I need to do something."

"I know, Sunny, so do I." He sat up more. "I still feel bad about that whole Kel… mess…"

"Me too."

"But… what do you mean Kel is our best bet?"

"Can you think of anyone else who has Hero's address or number or whatever?"

"No…"

"And maybe he'll tell us. Somehow."

Basil looked away from Sunny, chewing on his lip. "That's the hard part, isn't it."

"Yeah." When no response came, Sunny continued: "Will you visit him with me?"

Basil hesitated for a second. "Of course I will."

Not having to face the situation alone was a huge relief. Still, there was no way forward, even if
Sunny pretended there was one. Sure, Kel was the only person he could think of to be of any help,
but he wouldn't be able to ask him. Kel was as much the solution as he was the problem.

He'd figure it out, somehow. Christmas was not far away, and Sunny would have to act soon if he
wanted to talk to Hero before then, before he and Kel met.

With a frustrated sigh he flopped onto his back.

"Should we call him?" asked Basil. He was somewhat tense today, Sunny guessed it was from
Sunny obsessing over Kel and Hero.

Sunny had to admit he felt on edge, and every day it got more intense. He still felt very much
responsible, but at the same time fixing their issues felt scary and intimidating. The time limit on
finding a solution was of no help either. "Let's do it."
 "Oh hi Sunny!" exclaimed Kel, voice muffled through the phone.

"Hey Kel, how are you?"

"Doing mostly fine, how about you?"

"Can't, uh, complain."

"Nice! Any reason you called or you just wanna chat? I gotta head out in a bit."

"Oh, if you have to leave –" Sunny felt tense. "Uh, anyway, Basil and I are going to be in town
tomorrow. And we –"

"Oh crap, really? Wanna meet up?"

"Y-yeah that's what I wanted to ask."

"It's a deal, then! See you tomorrow!"

"Wait, what time –"

"I mean, when are you in town?"

"Uhh –"

"I'll be home all afternoon so just drop by whenever, alright?"

"Sure."

"Bye Sunny! Tell Basil I said hi!"

Basil heard Kel's voice boom from the phone and said a quiet hi that was not picked up.

The next day, Sunny was unable to concentrate on school at all, and he was reprimanded more
than once by the teachers. He tried to come up with a plan, which was not Sunny's forte. Could he
just ask Kel to tell him where Hero went to college, or maybe he would be able to motivate Kel to
speak to Hero instead.

Would Sunny even be able to do anything? Or was he perhaps doomed to watch from the sidelines,
and he could only hope that the two brothers stopped fighting? How could it have gotten so bad?
That Hero was not talking to Kel after all this time made Sunny feel almost nauseous, because that
did not bode well for any interaction he'd have with Hero. Or was Kel stubborn and also to blame
for the situation?

Sunny did not know how to proceed, and he felt utter confusion at the motivation he had felt some
days ago, he had to sneer at his own utter ignorance that he did not pay any attention to in that
moment. Would they be alright? He did not know. He'd have to try, at least. He owed that to Kel.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting.

 Icy skies
Chapter Summary

Basil and Sunny pay Kel a visit.

Chapter Notes

Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Basil was waiting at the school entrance, hands clutched around the strap of his schoolbag, trying
to look calm. As soon as Sunny saw him he noticed just how tense the boy looked. Basil was
leaning against the wall, and he was staring through anyone walking past him. Sunny understood
perfectly well how he felt, and he had to consider that Basil had not seen Kel since they last visited
their hometown – and back then Kel was not the most amicable. Of course their relationship with
him had improved, and Sunny knew that – probably only Sunny knew that. He too felt nervous,
humbled by the monstrous task before them.

Sunny approached Basil, pulling him out of his nervous daydreaming. "Hey", Sunny began, "are
you alright?" He tried cracking a small smile at him, which seemed to be somewhat effective.

Basil nodded, leaning away from the wall. "Lots of things on my mind."

They began walking. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Basil shook his head. "You know how nervous I get around… Kel, and the others."

"There's no need to feel nervous."

"I know" puffed Basil, shoulders sinking slightly. "I can't help it."

Once they were out of sight of school, Sunny walked a little closer to Basil. At first he noticed
Basil tense up slightly, but after a few steps in continued silence he relaxed.

There was still more than enough time, so they didn't hurry, instead they slowly went towards the
bus station. Cold air, an overcast sky, it all made the day feel quite dreary and as such they were
quite alone on their way. Basil seemed to have noticed and Sunny felt his hand grabbing his own.
Peering to his left, he could see the little puffs of vapor quicken in front of Basil's face, and even if
his dark green beanie covered the tips of his ears, Sunny was convinced they were turning pink.

After several minutes of walking, they arrived at the bus stop.

"Did you think of anything?" asked Basil after sitting down on a bench.

"To ask Kel?"

Basil nodded.

"No, nothing. You?"

"Nope."

Sunny sighed as he leaned against the cold wall behind him. His mind kept playing through
scenarios, but as if he was running in a dream it did not feel like he made any progress. His
thoughts kept circling around, coming back to earlier moments he dreamed up, and all around the
situation just made him feel anxious. He hated the fact that he could not relax, and that without a
proper plan he couldn't keep his mind off it. Though, Sunny had to admit, even with a plan he
would probably obsess over it.

"We'll figure it out, okay?"

Sunny nodded.

Nobody said anything until the bus arrived. It was no awkward silence, but both seemed to know
that there was nothing to say.

Riding busses was never something Sunny had enjoyed in the past, and that had not changed. He
wasn't sure if it was the smell of the strangely patterned seats, or the unpleasant shaking at every
turn, but it was close to turning Sunny's stomach.

Basil was sitting next to the window and silently watched outside passing by.

They looked at each other for a second, and then resumed doing nothing for most of the bus ride.

Most likely Kel still did not want to talk about Hero, and Sunny didn't know if he felt comfortable
bringing it up. An annoyed sigh escaped him, making Basil look.

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm thinking."

Basil sighed too, looking back out the window. "I'm nervous, Sunny. What if he is still upset at…
at me?"

"He isn't."

"Are you sure?"

Sunny nodded and tried to give Basil a reassuring smile.

"But if we bring up Hero… Do you think we should do that?"

"I don't know, Basil. That's what I'm trying to figure out, I don't want to make him upset." He
looked at his friend, who was nervously staring out the window again. At that moment, Sunny
realized he was obsessing about the topic again – knowing full well where this could lead. Sunny
decided to do his best in putting those thoughts away, instead focusing on what lay before him: a
potentially very nice day with a close friend and his boyfriend.

He took a deep breath, regretting smelling more of the bus interior with its old fabric odor and what
could be cigarette stench too.

"What do you think we'll do?"

"What do you mean?"

"With Kel. Videogames?"

"Probably. Why?"

Sunny hesitated for a moment. "I'm trying not to think about the…" He waved his hands vaguely
around, not intending to speak it out. Whatever excuse for a brain he had stuck in his head, he
cursed it for constantly working against him. Not just now, but always, it seemed – it would freeze
him in fear, it made him believe lies it invented, it placed him in made up realities. If he was the
product of his brain, why was he working against his own interests? And at what point did his
medication come into play? Were his thoughts a product of it? Or did it alter them? Or was it more
complicated than that?

Sunny heard Basil snicker next to him.

"Huh? What?"

"You just made the funniest faces", he laughed, making Sunny grimace slightly. "I'm not used to
see your thoughts on your face."

Sunny didn't say anything, instead he continued brooding over it for a few seconds. He was never
quite expressive, and people had told him that over and over. But now hearing that he made faces
while thinking? "I just had to sneeze", he said jokingly.

"Pfft" snorted Basil, resulting in a wonderful smile.

Perhaps, Sunny thought, he had let his guard down or whatever – feeling comfortable enough to do
so with Basil. Even if they were sitting in a dingy old bus. He took hold of Basil's hand, and
together they waited in silence for the bus to arrive at its destination.

When they left the bus in Faraway, the sky showed first signs of getting dark. Driven by icy wind
they hurried towards Kel's home. As they approached it, Sunny managed to be braver than last
time they were here – he looked at his old home. It looked both completely the same and
absolutely unrecognizable, which didn't make sense to Sunny. But he was more occupied by the
weird nausea looking at the house gave him, so he turned away.

A dog nose peeked out of the little doghouse in the yard, Hector was sleeping.

"Ready?" asked Sunny.

"Yeah. You?"

Sunny nodded and pressed the doorbell.

Kel was beaming at both of them when he opened the door. It looked like it took him a second, but
a wide grin shone first at Sunny, then at Basil.

"Hey you two!" he said, stepping out of the way. "Come in, come in." He waved them inside.

His parents were home and greeted them, looking mildly surprised. Sally was bubbling happily
somewhere.

Sunny was hit yet again by a strong wave of nostalgia. While he had been here before they moved,
Sunny clearly remembered not being in the right state of mind at the time - and it took him until
now to welcome that barrage of memories flooding through his brain as he walked through the so
familiar house.

Kel's room looked like a mess, as expected, but different from when Sunny saw it last. His stuff
was slowly creeping over to the quite empty looking side that used to belong to Hero. There was a
TV on the floor, comic books, some clothes.

"How are you two?" Kel asked, eyes moving between Basil and Sunny. "It's been a while."

Sunny looked at Basil, who spoke up first, a tense posture straining his voice slightly. "Oh – good,
mostly." He nodded to reaffirm himself. "I, uh", he stopped, voice dying down.

"Me too", said Sunny after a while.

"How are you, Kel?" asked Basil.

"I'm better. Still some things to iron out, you know, buuut", he stretched, "can't do it all at once."
He chuckled. "Now sit down you two, damn! Make yourself at home." He approached Basil and
took his backpack off him, making him wince slightly. "On the bed, on the floor, wherever you
want."

Kel's positive energy slowly warmed them both up, and they started talking. Luckily Kel could talk
both a lot and quickly, so even in a conversation with Basil and Sunny there were no awkward
pauses or breaks.

"Oh yeah", said Kel suddenly, interrupting a tangent he started off another tangent a few minutes
ago, pushing himself up from the floor a bit. "Meant to say this in person. I'm really happy you two
found each other."

"Wha –" asked Basil and Sunny felt himself freeze.

"That you're a couple, I mean." Kel was smiling at them, genuinely happy that part of his group of
friends appeared to be healing.

Silence.

"You told him?" cried Basil at Sunny, and Sunny was not sure if he saw anger, shame, surprise or
something else.

"You didn't tell him?" asked Kel, also looking at Sunny.

Sunny fumbled with his hands, "I – I, uh –"

Kel and Basil looked at each other. Kel looked serious. "I guess we have both been betrayed", he
said, then he laughed.

Basil was red in the face and looked quite uncomfortable, but he couldn't help but laugh at Kel's
remark.

"I'm sorry", apologized Sunny with a quiet voice, feeling cold, but hot in his face.

"I – I didn't expect you to tell anyone", said Basil. He quickly turned to Kel, "No offense."

"None taken."

Basil chuckled awkwardly, scratching his head.

"So…", began Kel, trying to defuse the situation he created. "Airplanes, huh."

"…yeah."

Kel looked around the room. "Wanna play some video games?"

The awkward moment was quickly forgotten and the three spent a good while on games, or
talking, or both.

Then, Sunny remembered why he wanted to see Kel in the first place, and he could no longer
ignore it. The fun they were having was now accompanied by a bitter anxiety that was growing
inside him, the time was ticking, and he had to do something, somehow, before they both headed
back.

"You good?" asked Kel.

"Oh, yeah."

Sunny and Basil exchanged knowing looks. To Sunny's shame, Basil was now looking tense again,
as he did when they arrived.

Some more time passed, it was dark outside already.

"Kel!" shouted a voice through the house. "Kelsey!"

Kel groaned slightly and got up. "My Mom wants something, I'll be right back."

After he left, Sunny and Basil sat in silence.

"Should we ask him about Hero?" asked Basil in a low voice.

"I don't know. What do you think?"

Basil shook his head.

Sunny was looking around the room and noticed a cork board above Kel's desk with various pieces
of colorful paper attached to it. He suddenly had an idea.

"Sunny, what are you –" asked Basil as Sunny got up to examine the cork board up close.

"I have an idea." There were small notes pinned to the board, a tiny calendar, a few photos and –
down in the corner was a postcard, with what looked like some official building on it. Some papers
overlapped it, but he carefully pried it off the board, careful not to disturb anything else on there.

Sunny's throat felt tight and he felt absolutely disgusted at himself for doing that, but it wouldn't be
the first time he stuck his nose into places it didn't belong. He had the postcard off the board now,
and his heart was beating strongly. The front looked promising, so he turned it around.

Quickly he read the few words on the back, talking about settling in, something about freshmen, he
skipped to the bottom –

Love you bud,

Hero

Sunny almost dropped the postcard.

"Sunny…?" asked Basil.

"I've found a postcard from Hero, can you get –"

"something to write?"

"Yeah." Sunny felt short of breath as he scanned the card, and indeed, on it was Hero's address.
Basil wrote it down quickly in his notebook, then they both scrambled to put everything the way it
was before.

They heard footsteps and Kel opened the door, and Sunny could swear he felt sweat run of his
temples, and his heartbeat felt so strong he could feel it in the palms of his hands resting on the
floor.

"You two alright?" Kel asked with mild concern, one eyebrow rising up.

"Yeah, why?" asked Sunny.

Kel shrugged. "Mom wants to know if you two stay for dinner."

Basil and Sunny looked at each other. "We gotta get the bus, and it'll be really late if we stay too
long."

"Good point." Kel leaned out the door, shouting a loud no, before sitting down next to them. "Oh
by the way, I completely forgot – Aubrey came over the other day."

"She did?" asked Sunny, not sure how to feel about her being brought up. A glance at Basil
revealed that he too was caught off guard by her name.

"You were right Sunny, she did apologize." Kel paused for a moment, lips turning into a small,
maybe bittersweet smile. "I think we both cried at the end."

"So – how, uh, are you two, you know –" Sunny fumbled.

Basil jumped it: "Did you forgive her?"

Kel nodded. "It's – still sore, you know, but I think it's a start. Oh, Basil," he said, turning to the
blonde, "she brought you up as well. Said she felt nothing but disgust at her own behavior and she
is trying to build up the courage to apologize to you."

Basil shrunk a bit. "She is, huh…"

"Sorry for spoiling the surprise I guess", laughed Kel, "but I wanted you to know, and if you're
comfortable with that at all. She told me some of the things she did."

Basil didn't speak or move for a short, painfully long moment. "Yeah" he said quietly. "I think I'd
like that."

Sunny wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm not sure what you said to her Sunny", continued Kel, "but you made her do something I wasn't
expecting." He smiled. "Thank you."

"I'm glad she did", said Sunny. "Maybe we can… all become friends again." He swallowed, feeling
a slight tingle in his eyes.
 Basil and Kel reassured him and before he and Basil could react Kel had pulled them into a bone
breaking hug.

Not long after they were sitting in the bus again, and Sunny was resting his head on Basil's
shoulders.

"Is what we did wrong?" asked Basil after some time, street lights shooting past the window.

"Hm?"

"Prying for Hero's address."

Sunny shrugged with a sigh. "At least we have a way of contacting him."

"Still, didn't we… abuse Kel's trust?"

"I managed to reconcile him and Aubrey, right?"

Basil pouted. "I guess." His hand gently touched Sunny's. "Something something, ends justify the
means, huh?"

"Did you have a better idea?" Sunny asked, feeling a bit sour.

"No, I didn't."

"Sorry."

"It's fine." Basil paused. "Do you want me to stay over at your place?"

"I thought that was the plan all along."

"It's a date then", Basil chuckled.

Sunny sighed as he eyed the bus that managed to be even dingier than the one they used earlier in
the day. "Thanks for doing this with me."

Basil placed a gentle kiss on Sunny's cheek before resting his head on Sunny's shoulder. "We can
fix this." He sighed softly. "Everything will be okay."

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting.

I will now collapse and sleep.

Maybe.
 Embers
Chapter Summary

Sunny can't sleep.

Chapter Notes

I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

From all the ways Sunny had imagined the day to go, snooping around for a method to contact
Hero had not been among them. Even less anticipated was how nervous it made him, both the fact
that he essentially stole the address as well as the address itself.

Sunny hoped intently that Kel would understand and not be angry at them. There was good reason
they failed to bring up Hero during their day with Kel, Basil and Sunny understood well how the
subject made Kel feel, and they both knew how unpleasant topics felt, especially when brought up
by others.

And now that they knew where Hero was, what good was it to them? There was no number
anywhere, and Sunny remembered the card saying something along the lines of contacting Hero
without their parents overhearing, and that he knew Kel had already lost his address.

Sunny felt even more disgusted at himself, going behind Kel's back.

Hero's college was across the country, not a trip Sunny and Basil could undertake, especially on
such short notice. They'd probably need a flight, or ask Mom, or –

No, visiting him was not an option. Visiting Hero was also not what Sunny would have wanted, if
he could avoid it. Not now, not at this time. The only option, Sunny reasoned, was writing a letter
– but would a letter be enough? Would Sunny even be able to write what he felt, would his letter be
able to convince Hero to apologize?

The feeling of wringing thoughts in his head annoyed Sunny, and the more he thought about things
the less clear they became. There was a good chance his letter would not do anything, and also a
chance that his letter would just make everything worse. If Hero became angry at Kel for wanting
to reconnect with Sunny and Basil, wouldn't a letter from the person at fault make Hero even more
angry? Or would he see Kel's point?

Multiple times, Sunny narrated a letter in his head, his mind always stalling after a few sentences
and he'd start anew, sometimes willingly, sometimes unwillingly. Every now and then a distracting
thought would tear up the letter in front of him.

Remembering his motivation in the past felt odd – the thought that he would somehow be able to
fix this, and reunite their friends. He thought he was making progress, and then things became
more complicated, and now Sunny didn't even know where he stood, with anyone.

Even with Basil, who stuck to him this entire time, Sunny painfully remembered what happened
between them recently, and a dark lump of fears started spreading in his mind. There was no
chance he'd be able to help in any way with Kel's and Hero's relationship, and even if he managed
to make Aubrey apologize, it did not look like there was true reconciliation on the table. And after
essentially breaking up with Basil, Sunny sadly realized there was a good chance that wound may
not heal, and that he seriously hurt his boyfriend. He knew he loved him dearly, and he hoped that
Basil knew what was good for himself. Even if that meant he would have to eventually let go off
Sunny.

Eventually they'd all have to let go.

Perhaps there was no room in his friend group for him anymore, and they'd all be better off with
him removed from the group – and if it would get Hero and Kel talking again, Sunny would take
that on himself.

A hollow feeling started to gnaw at him, slowly growing in his stomach. The dark ceiling was
gloomy as always at this time of night, the pitch-black room threatening to swallow Sunny whole.
There was that sense of looming dread again, that would soon be followed by disorientation, there
was that feeling of being watched by more eyes than Sunny could count – his head was actively
spinning now, and he hated every second of it.

He wanted to get up, unable to lie there alone with his thoughts, but Sunny felt his muscles lock as
he tried to move, cold hands holding him down, rendering him unable to do anything. But not only
did those hands prevent him from lifting his arms or legs, they actively twisted him into
uncomfortable, outright painful positions. Sunny wanted to scream for help, scream for it to stop,
but his mouth was shut, every muscle in his body resisting every movement. It felt like Sunny had
no mouth. He blinked, his eyelids seemingly the only piece of his body that still listened to him,
and in front of him was a set of eyes, many eyes, and a cold darkness washed over him, threatening
to drown him.

Sunny felt so alone, sitting somewhere that he couldn't place in his mind. He noticed a couple of
figures walking in the distance, were those his friends? Was that Basil? He seemed to be walking
away from him, and the one time he turned around to face Sunny, Sunny saw nothing but hatred
there. He wanted to yell something, ask them to stop, ask Basil to wait, but his closed mouth
swallowed every sound, a hand around his neck squeezing it too hard to breath. There were still
eyes around him, watching him, and Sunny wanted to scream in terror, but he only produced a
whistly, pathetic whimper. A hand touched him and Sunny winced, but it was different, it was
gently touching his shoulder, and gently but firmly it shook him.

"Are you okay?" whispered a voice next to him, cutting through the shadows in Sunny's head
easier than anything else.

He blinked the stars away from his vision and took a deep breath, doing his best despite the shivers
in his stomach. The dull ceiling was the same as usual.

"You're breathing really quickly – can I turn on the light?"

Sunny nodded, accompanied by a quiet "mmhm".

Basil switched on the lamp on the bedstand, and it burned Sunny's eyes, Basil was reduced to a
dark shadow against the light, but after some squinting he could finally make him out between the
blurry blotches in his vision. Sunny sat up.
"Nightmare?" asked Basil, sitting next to him.

Without a word, Sunny leaned over and let his head sink into Basil's lap, who instinctively started
to stroke his hair. "Something like that."

"It's okay, you're awake."

"Am I really?"

Sunny could feel Basil hesitate for a second, his hands had stopped moving. "That bad?"

Sunny nodded, feeling too exhausted to speak.

"Did you forget to take your medication?"

Sunny shrugged. Between all that happened, there was a good possibility he might have, even if
Mom was always after him to take it at the right time. "Even if," whispered Sunny, "that shouldn't
immediately have an effect."

Basil was thinking for a while. "Pondering about Hero?"

"Yeah… I couldn't sleep. And then…" Sunny didn't know how to finish his sentence. "Did I wake
you up?"

"No, don't worry. You know how I and sleep get along", he laughed weakly. "Are you feeling
okay?"

"I think so." Sunny turned his head. "Basil?" he asked, looking him in the eyes.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for waking me up."

Basil smiled warmly at Sunny, hands still moving through his hair. "You don't have to thank me
for that."

Sunny closed his eyes. "This is nice."

Nobody said anything for a while.

"Do you want to sleep?"

Sunny shrugged lightly. "I'm tired but I'm not sure if I'll be able to fall asleep again. What about
you?"

"I slept a little before waking up, and I'm tired, but… there's too much going on in my head to
sleep." He sighed. "This happens so often."

"It does, Basil. Want to talk about it?"

"Just more of the usual."

Opening his eyes again, he saw the somber, thinking expression on Basil's face. It wasn't sad per
se, but Sunny knew that beneath the surface Basil was stewing over something. Was there anything
he could do? "Hey", he said, an idea forming in his mind.
"Hm?" asked Basil, shaken out of his thoughts.

"Give me a kiss."

For a second Basil stared at him, then he smirked and complied. It seemed to work and lift his
spirits somewhat.

"Did that help?"

"It did, yeah… I wish I could stop feeling scared of everything for a second."

"What's bothering you? Hero?"

Basil nodded.

"I want to write a letter tomorrow, and… somehow, try to get my thoughts out and convince Hero."

"Do you think that will work?"

"Basil, I… don't have the feintest idea. I'm not sure if there's a way to convince Hero, and I'm even
less sure that my letter will manage to do that. Do you want to help me?"

"I… can try. I'm no good at writing."

"Neither am I."

"Do you think it will get them to talk?"

"Well, Hero will come down for Christmas and maybe the letter does… something." Sunny
deflated a little, feeling his motivation leaving his body. "I hope so, at least."

"Christmas, huh…"

"Oh right, what are you planning for Christmas?"

"Me?" His hands drummed on Sunny's head, he was thinking for a bit. "Nothing, I suppose. Polly
will be with her family, as expected, and my parents… No idea. We never celebrated Christmas
together anyway so I'm not counting on starting this year." Basil chuckled disingenuously.

"You'll be all alone…?" asked Sunny.

"Yep." Basil was almost smiling.

"Want to celebrate with us?" Sunny asked without thinking.

"W-what?"

"It'll just be Mom and me, and I know she'll be happy to have you here."

"Sunny, are you –"

"Yes, I am sure. She keeps telling me you liven up the house."

"Me, of all people." Basil looked slightly perplexed.

"She likes you."

"Even after…"

"Yes." Sunny squeezed Basil's hand. "And I love you. And it won't be a big celebration anyway, it
will be just like any other dinner you've spent here, except probably with some awful Christmas
music in the background."

"That sounds nice", whispered Basil.

Sunny was sure he could see a tear in those blue eyes.

"Thank you Sunny."

"What for?" Now Sunny was perplexed.

They spent some time the next day thinking together on what to write, but every attempt resulted in
a ball of scrunched up paper in the corner of Sunny's room. Basil had to leave eventually,
apologizing that he was no help.

After dinner, Sunny sat down in his room, determined to finally write this letter.

He looked at the paper, wondering what he should say. Wondering if he could somehow help Kel.

Maybe he was right and there was no future for Sunny in the group, or for Basil, but he realized he
felt anger towards Hero. He was upset at how bad the situation had become, and suddenly he felt
all his worries, all his thoughts of the past months come back to him.

Dear Henry,

I hope you're good. I haven't written a letter in ages and I hope what I write will make sense.

We haven't talked in so long and I doubt you'd even want to hear from me, but I needed to talk to
you so please hear me out. There are some things I need to say, and since I did not have that
chance so far this is the next best option.

You're probably still angry at me, or us rather. And I get that. There is nothing that I can do to
undo what happened, and if I could switch places with her I would.

Henry, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for what happened to Mari and that we kept the
truth from you for so long, and that we made you think she killed herself, and that we made you
grief all over again.

I don't expect you to forgive me, and I don't want you to.

This letter is not about asking you for forgiveness, it's about something else. Or, someone.

Shortly after I moved I talked to Kel, because I was all alone with my thoughts, and I… somehow
knew he would listen. And he later told me that afterwards he brought it up with you, and that you
did not take it well. I get that. I understand. I would not have wanted to hear anything from me
either.

Kel told me he did his best to support you during that time while grieving himself, and that you two
fought over it. I get that too.

What I don't understand is how you could call him too dumb to understand the gravity of the
situation, or how you kept lashing out at him, while he was hurting and doing his best to do
something, anything to keep his group of friends together he just got back.

I don't understand how you two are not on talking terms for all this time, while your parents don't
realize the extent of Kel's feelings, and how much this all weighs on him.

I know you talked to Aubrey and she too accused Kel of being too dumb to understand. Do you
hear how cruel you two were?

If you need an outlet for your anger and your hurt, use me, not Kel.

And to be honest I don't even know if I agree with Kel. I'm not sure I am worthy of forgiveness, or
reconnecting with you all. But that doesn't mean that you can treat your brother like that.

I can stay out of your lives if that's what you want, I can stay far away from both you and Kel, if
that makes you apologize to him. He told me you'll see each other on Christmas and, please,
apologize to him. Kel needs to hear it, and he needs you.

Goodbye, Henry.

Sunny

Sunny was not sure if this was good enough, but at least he managed to put his thoughts on paper.
Mom had given him an envelope and he sealed the letter with a few tear stains inside. This should
reach Hero before Christmas.

Christmas.

He got up and left his room again, looking for his mother.

"Mom!"

"Yes sweetie?" She was sitting on the couch with a book and a mug that said "#1 MOM" in big,
tacky letters.

He suddenly felt very hot. He had told Basil already that she would not mind, but what if she did?
And why was he feeling so embarrassed about this question?

Mom was looking at him patiently.

"It's a question about Christmas", he said.

"Oh, finally thought of a present I could get you?"

He shook his head, making her look slightly disappointed. "No, it's… would it be okay if Basil
celebrated with us? He'll be all alone and –"

"Of course honey!"

Sunny felt huge relief.

"I told you he was always welcome. He'd be all alone?" she asked with a concerned voice.

"Yeah…"
 "Well all the more reason for him to be here."

"Thanks Mom."

"Oh nonsense!"

He sat down next to her. "I have another question", he asked sheepishly, but Mom was happy to
listen.

Chapter End Notes

Sorry for taking a while with this update, stuff happened.

Thank you for reading and commenting.
 Holidays
Chapter Summary

Sunny celebrates Christmas.

Chapter Notes

Yes, the Christmas chapter has been published in August.

I hope you enjoy it.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

When the letter was sent, Sunny felt a strangely calming finality. There was no taking back, there
was no rewriting, the letter was sent, and he could stop worrying about it, for now.

The questions Sunny asked were all met with positive reactions from Mom, and they agreed to
tend to those over the next days.

Together they went to some stores, and even the mall. There were decorations all over the place
that slowly warmed Sunny up to the idea of celebrating Christmas for the first time in years. Mom
was happily ranting about all the things they had to get, things they had to prepare, she was
planning on cooking food for the holidays, and with Basil as an excuse she seemed to go a bit
overboard with her plans.

School had already wrapped up for the year, which allowed for quite a few trips with Mom, as well
as spending a lot of time with Basil. He too seemed to breathe a little more freely ever since that
letter had been sent.

The days leading up to Christmas were both hectic and calm, and Basil had become a permanent
resident for that time. Despite Mom's ongoing preparations, it was a nice respite for Sunny and
Basil.

One morning, they were all sitting at the dinner table and Sunny was warming himself on his
coffee mug, Mom asked them if they wanted any Christmas cookies.

"Christmas cookies?" asked Basil.

"Oh you know, those little things in all sorts of shapes, with icing" explained Mom.

Sunny shrugged. "Not really to be honest."

Mom turned to Basil. "What about you?"

He looked like he was going to panic, his eyes darting between Sunny and his mother.

"I see how it is", said Mom. "You're not in the mood for cookies either." She looked slightly
disappointed.
Basil sighed in relief when he realized he did not have to answer anymore.

Sunny had an idea. "I'm not sure if… if it fits", he began, and Mom took a sip of her coffee while
listening intently. He hesitated.

"In what way?" asked Mom. Basil tilted his head in question.

"It's not really Christmas themed", he said, gaze lowering towards his mug. The few bubbles
floating in little eddies were quite calming. "How about", he began again and had to swallow,
"chocolate chip cookies?" He looked up to see the reaction.

Basil seemed to have frozen, but Mom just repeated what he said, "Chocolate chip cookies?"

"Like… like the ones Mari used to make", Sunny whispered. He could see his knuckles turn white
as his grip tightened around the mug.

Mom did not say anything. He sheepishly looked up to see a solemn smile on her face. "I think
that's a wonderful idea" she said. There was something inside Sunny that wanted to feel bad for
bringing it up, for reminding Mom of Mari so close to Christmas, but he realized – if Mari was
always somewhere on his mind, he could not imagine Mom ever not thinking about her.

Still, the topic stung them all.

Sunny couldn't bear the silence. "Basil and I, uh, we were talking about trying to replicate her
recipe some time, but…"

"We never did."

Mom looked at them. "I know the recipe." She smiled. "I remember teaching it to her."

"Wait, you did?" It made sense but Sunny was nevertheless surprised.

"Of course, she had most of her cooking from me." Mom got up. "Want to help me?"

Sunny agreed without thinking, warm memories of baking with Mari and the rest of his friends
immediately flooding into his brain. He didn't care about the light melancholy those memories
brought, Mom looked excited enough to make Sunny look forward to it.

Basil kept quiet, seemingly overwhelmed by it all. On his face was a nervous smile accompanying
a questioning expression.

Sunny tried to smile encouragingly. Under the table, as Mom was moving stuff around the counter
so she did not see, he gently squeezed Basil's hand. Basil closed his eyes and sighed, calming down
in the process. "Okay", he said quietly.

They got up and helped clean the table and counter from their breakfast, before they got to baking.
Mom took the role of instructing Basil and Sunny on what to do, eyeing every step closely. They
both had a hard time keeping up, as every step seemed to contain some special technique or
explanation from Mom.

It took a while, but soon enough Basil was waiting with a big bag of chocolate chips clutched
against his hoodie on the OK to put them in the dough.

"Now", said Mom, "there are two secrets to great cookies:", she was holding up her index finger as
if this was an important lesson, "The first one is love", she looked at them, "the second one is –"
"A big pinch of salt", Sunny automatically finished the sentence, making his mother lose her train
of thought.

"That – that's right, yes." She looked slightly confused and took her hand down, now that her
lesson ended prematurely.

"Mari always… Mari used to do the same thing, but she would whisper the second secret in my ear
so that no one else could hear it." Sunny produced a sound between a sigh and a chuckle.

"So that's what she always said!" Basil exclaimed, eyes wide as if some big secret of his childhood
had just been revealed. "I remember arguing for hours with Hero what the second secret could
be…" Basil looked slightly disappointed. "Salt."

"It's doing a whole lot!" explained Mom, playing lightly insulted at how quickly Basil's enthusiasm
about the secret disappeared. "Sunny, if you would be so kind."

His first two pinches were too conservative for Mom, but eventually she told him he had added
enough. Basil separated from the bag and poured it all in the dough.

It took a couple of hours until the cookies were ready to eat. They had been packed up nicely in a
cookie jar, and both of the boys had gotten a cookie and a glass of milk with it to sample what they
had produced together. They were sitting on the couch and Mom was waiting expectantly. First
Sunny took a bite, and the still somewhat warm cookie melted away in his mouth, a flood of
memories washing through his brain, a melancholic nostalgia tugging at his heart. They had nailed
it.

Basil also took a bite and halted, not even chewing. Sunny turned to him slightly concerned, seeing
how Basil stared into nothingness for a short moment, the gears turning in his head. Then he
slowly started chewing again, lowering the cookie before grimacing. He sniffled loudly, his whole
body shaking with it, and when Sunny saw his face there were tears running down his face already.

Basil's crying combined with the bittersweet memories the cookie brought wrenched Sunny's heart,
squeezing it like a vise. The cookies they made were perfect, too perfect, and with every breath he
could feel the need to cry himself grow.

Quietly, Basil whispered "I miss her", his voice cracking under hurting honesty.

"Me too", said Sunny, and he saw that all three of them were crying now.

Crying in front of Mom was a bit weird for him, and seeing her cry was too, but he did not care
right now. There was hurt in his heart, in everyone's hearts, and it had to get out. Mom had sat
down next to them on the couch.

"We all do", said Mom, smiling at them while wiping a tear from her eyes. "I can't believe it's been
so long already."

Basil did not say anything and Sunny nodded, not looking at her. Somehow he was glad the three
of them were able to cry together about this. Maybe they would be alright, some day.

He didn't know for sure, but something made him hopeful.

A little while later, things had calmed down.

"Mari loved Christmas", Mom said as Sunny was chewing on his cookie in silence. "She loved the
decorations and the music, and baking, and… I hope we can have a couple of peaceful days
together."

Sunny looked at her, and the genuine, Mari-like smile on his mother's face made Sunny swear to
himself he would do anything to make her wish come true. Even if the past years were somewhat
of a haze in his mind, he clearly remembered no Christmas celebrations, or birthdays, or anything
remarkable really. He wished that some normality would come back to his family, and then a light
smile crept on his face at the realization that he called Mom and Basil his family in his head.

He couldn't wait for Christmas.

Christmas Eve was uneventful, except for some hot chocolate they drank together and the fact that
Mom was playing tacky Christmas CDs in the apartment.

During the night, as usual Sunny and Basil were sitting awake on the bed, somewhere between
talking and being silent at each other, they noticed it had started snowing.

Sunny woke up first in the morning. It took some convincing to leave the warm bed, but the
realization that it was Christmas pulled him quickly out of bed. He was excited to give Basil his
presents. Sunny walked past the window, stretching his arms, and he saw a white dusting of snow
outside. It had already become mud on the streets but combined with the light sky it was enough to
make Sunny even more excited for the day.

He joined Mom in the kitchen, who pushed his mug towards him before saying "Merry Christmas,
Sunny."

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

"Basil still asleep?"

"Yeah. I almost woke him up though."

"Excited, huh?"

"I want to give him his presents."

Mom smiled. "You two are truly inseparable, just like back in the day."

Sunny felt his face heating up, not sure what to say.

"I'm glad you two are still friends."

"Yeah…" Sunny thought for a while. "Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

His heart was beating quickly. "Can I… can I tell you something about Basil?"

She looked curious, and maybe a little concerned. "Of course."

Sunny was trying to find words for his thoughts. Why was this so hard? Was Mom any different
then, say, Kel? Then again…

The carefully prepared string of words he wanted to say crumbled away as he heard footsteps
behind him.

"Basil!" he exclaimed louder than he wanted.

The blonde boy was rubbing his eyes and yawned, but Sunny saying his name like that startled him
lightly. "Y-yes?"

Now what? "Uh – merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Sunny. And to you too, Ms. Nishimura." He smiled awkwardly.

"Merry Christmas Basil. Do you want some breakfast?"

After everyone had eaten a few bites, they sat together at the table.

"So", said Sunny, almost jumping from his chair. Basil made a questioning sound but Mom just
chuckled. He didn't hear what they were talking as he almost ran to his room to grab three parcels
from his closet. Since he never went out much, Mom was generous enough to pay for part of the
presents under the pretense of "allowance", that he technically had not received in a long time.

Sunny placed the three parcels on the table, Mom had gotten two, and Basil got an envelope as
well as a small box with another envelope stuck to it.

"Okay, how do we start?" asked Sunny.

Mom just pushed the two boxes to Sunny and Basil without saying a word.

Inside were a sweater for each of them, marine blue for Sunny and a friendly forest green for Basil.

"Thank you!" said Basil with a smile, feeling the material. Sunny found it was very soft and the
sweater seemed very comfortable. He put it on, and Basil followed.

"Do they fit properly?" asked Mom, plucking and pulling at Sunny to make the sweater sit right.

"Yes Mom, it", he fought her hands, "it does. Thank you. I like it."

"Me too", added Basil. He looked at the two things in front of him, then expectantly at Sunny.

"Right", said Sunny, grabbing a big, thin parcel and handing it to Mom.

"Now I finally see what you were being all secretive about", she murmured, carefully removing the
paper. Sunny did his best, but it did not look as neat or tidy as Mom's parcels had looked.

She opened it, and at first looked a bit confused. She was holding a large, empty picture frame.

Then Basil handed her the envelope, smiling nervously.

She unfolded the flap and pulled out a sheet of colorfully printed, glossy carton. Mom read it.

"It's, uh, it's a gift card for a photography session. I thought maybe you wanted a picture of you and
me to, uh –"

Mom had gotten up and hugged Sunny in his chair. "Thank you honey." She kissed him on his
head. "That's a wonderful present." Then she looked at Basil. "And thank you too."

"Oh it – it's nothing. Since you always allow me to stay over and –"

Basil could not finish his sentence before Mom had also embraced him.

Sunny smiled stupidly. He was happy she liked the idea. "Okay, uh, guess it is still my turn."
Sunny looked at Basil. "Choose one."

"W – what?"

"Choose one."

"Are they both – uh, this one, I guess?" He pointed at the somewhat bigger box, and Sunny slowly
pushed it towards Basil over the table.

Basil looked nervous as he carefully opened it, and inside he found a brand new polaroid camera.
His jaw almost dropped.

"A camera? Sunny, isn't that way too –"

"Do you like it?" he asked in return, feeling slightly nervous. It had seemed like a great idea and
Mom thought so too when he had asked her.

"Of course I do! But isn't that way too much for me?"

"It's barely enough. Which is –"

"Thank you, Sunny." He looked at the camera from all angles. "I was thinking about starting this
hobby again…"

A warm, fuzzy feeling spread inside Sunny's chest. "As I said, it's barely enough. Which is why
I've got you something else."

"Something else?"

Sunny held the third box out for Basil to grab.

Basil removed the paper and was looking at a plain cardboard box. He opened it and was greeted
by scrunched up paper scraps. After some digging, he pulled out a mug, on it an image of a black
and a green cat curled up against each other.

"I wanted to get one with flowers, but then I saw this one", Sunny explained, feeling some
embarrassment.

"Thank you Sunny." Basil looked at it and smiled, but Sunny thought he did not look convinced.

"It's your own mug, for, uh, for when you're staying here."

Basil looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"Well, Mom has her mug, and I have one, and you always get one of the boring ones when you're
here. So, I thought, that…"

Basil had jumped off his chair to tightly hug his boyfriend. "Thank you" he whispered in his ear.

Sunny was sure his face was glowing red, but Mom just laughed.

Awkwardly the two disentangled and Basil sat back down, blushing. "I guess that only leaves your
present", he said to Sunny, handing him the little box with the envelope attached to it. "Open the
box first."

Inside the box was a small set for growing miniature sunflowers, with a tiny pot and a ridiculously
small watering can. Then he opened the envelope and pulled out a Christmas card. Inside seemed
to be another piece of printed cardboard, but first he read the text written in Basil's meticulous
handwriting:

Dear Sunny,

I was wondering for so long what to get you and I think I found just the thing! Maybe we can go
together, maybe as some form of date? Pfft!

Thank you for always being there for me.

Merry Christmas,

Love, Basil

When Sunny looked back up from the note Basil was blushing profusely. Inspecting the other item
in the envelope revealed it to be two, actually.

"It's two tickets for the symphonic orchestra that's playing in the city", explained Basil when he
noticed Sunny's puzzled look. "Since you always liked classical music, uh…"

"Thank you." Sunny was hugging Basil, in that moment feeling very happy.

Everybody was occupied with their presents after, Mom was trying to find a good spot on the wall
for the frame, Sunny was carefully reading the instructions on the miniature sunflowers, and Basil
was trying to figure out the new camera.

"Hey Sunny", he said.

"Hm?"

Basil leaned over to him, holding the camera up. "Smile!"

The photo captured Sunny looking more surprised than smiling, but Basil looked happy enough for
both of them in the picture. "You'll have to warn me in the future, I need at least three days' notice
when you tell me to smile."

Basil laughed. "You know that I think spontaneous pictures are the best."

"Then I guess we have to practice."

"Yeah. Thank you again, Sunny. This means a lot to me. I hope the orchestra is not too lame of a
present…"

"No! I love it! Thank you. I'm looking forward to our, uh, date."

"Me too."

They all spent the rest of the day doing various things, they watched an old movie on TV and
overall had a good time.

Basil was taking a shower and Sunny was helping Mom in the kitchen preparing the extravagant
dinner she had planned, including a roast and dessert.

"I hope the empty picture frame was an okay present –"
 "Sunny, you didn't have to get anything for me. And what you got is better than anything I could
have asked for."

"Do you think Basil liked his presents too?" asked Sunny.

"I think you know that better than anyone" smirked Mom. "That reminds me, what did you want to
tell me this morning?"

"Oh – uh –" Sunny froze. "So… Basil and I…" Sunny sighed. He could do this. "I love him. We're
a couple."

"I knew it."

"What?" asked Sunny in startled surprise.

"I was suspecting it for quite a while."

"Oh…"

"I'm happy for you two."

Sunny had to process her words for a moment. "Thanks Mom."

"And let Basil know he should stop feeling bad about spending so much time here, he's always
welcome. Alright?"

"I'll tell him."

Without warning, Mom had hugged him again. "I know we hadn't had the Christmas dinner yet
and the day is not over, but…" Sunny was sure he could hear her sniffle. "This has been a
wonderful Christmas so far. Thank you."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, honey."

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for reading, commenting, being cool.

 Calcine
Chapter Summary

Sunny and Basil meet friends.

Chapter Notes

Please enjoy the new chapter. It took a bit longer but I hope you enjoy it all the more.
Special thanks to my friend who helped.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny didn't think it was possible, but he thoroughly enjoyed the holidays. They left a warm, fuzzy
feeling behind for everyone, Mom appeared to be in great spirits, catching herself multiple times
humming some Christmas song while doing something else, Basil had taken quite a few pictures,
and Sunny was looking forward to the orchestra.

When Basil finally left to go home, Sunny was sad but he realized that a day or two apart was
probably good after sitting in the same apartment for such a long time.

He hoped the afterglow of the past days would linger for a little more, but when he closed the
apartment door after Basil, when he sat down on his bed unsure what to do next, a cold feeling
came over him when reality crashed down on him.

At this point, Kel and Hero had to have talked. So, did Sunny's letter arrive in time? Did it arrive at
all? And if it did, had Hero even read it? And if he read it –

Did it help in any way? Or did Sunny pour fuel in the fire in his vain attempt at help?

For a long while Sunny just sat on his bed, staring mindlessly at his desk. He was waiting,
although he did not know for what, exactly. Mom was in the living room, but he also needed a
break from her, so there was no incentive to leave his room.

He lifted his legs on the bed and pulled them close. Sunny wanted to make himself small and go
back to the happiness he felt just before, but his thoughts and regrets once again suffocated him,
pressing and holding him down.

There was nothing he could do but wait. Either for some sign of life from Kel, or for his head to let
go off this again.

The rest of the day slowly moved past him, time moving with an excruciating trickle, second after
second.

Sleep was also different now, without Basil there the night felt awfully lonely. He sighed, turned
on his other side and pressed the green sweater against himself, wondering if Basil did the same
with the blue one right now.
He decided to call Kel the next day, which was enough to convince himself to stop worrying for a
while. Sunny turned around again and eventually fell asleep.

Mom was back to work, and Sunny was unsure how he felt with the apartment so weirdly quiet.
Slowly he trudged around the apartment for a bit, feeling neither hunger nor thirst. Eventually he
ended up at the couch, wondering how he'd spend the day, nothing he could do alluring in any
way. Perhaps some chores would take his mind somewhere, somewhere else, and despite every
fiber of him resisting when he stood up he much preferred doing something mundane and boring
instead of nothing. He had done enough of that for a lifetime, and he would not start again even if
it beckoned with its familiar, safe feeling. Sunny got to work.

At some point he remembered he wanted to call Kel. Calling people had gotten easier, or well,
calling his friends had gotten easier. Yet, the prospect of calling Kel now, after Christmas, turned
his stomach into a knot. Hero's reaction to the letter was one thing, but did Kel know at all? And if
he knew, did he wonder how Sunny managed to get hold of Hero's address?

He took pause for a second, holding himself steady, waiting for the light nausea to dissipate.

He'd call later. Probably.

Before long he found himself on his bed again, waiting.

The phone rang.

Sunny perked up, wondering if it was Mom or Basil calling, and he went to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Merry Christmas, Sunny!" exclaimed Kel. "Little late, I know."

"Uh… Merry Christmas, Kel." He was not sure how to feel.

"How are you?"

"Oh, good – I think. Yeah."

"Nice!"

"How… how about you?"

"I'm doing okay." He did not elaborate, but Sunny was curious.

"Okay?"

"Some ups, some downs, as it goes." He sighed. "Had a heart to heart with Hero", he stated,
stressing those words weirdly, almost mockingly. "That was… a thing. I'm still trying to process
it."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry."

"Sure?" Sunny was agonized by Kel not explaining what went down.

"I think so. Listen, I… have two questions."

Sunny swallowed.

"Hero mentioned a letter."

He felt the blood draining his face.

"And… that you sent it."

"Y-yes."

"Now I don't want to know what you wrote, that's between you two, but… Man, this has had me
scratching my head. Hero never gave you his address, and Aubrey said she didn't tell you either,
so… how, uh, how did you manage that? Don't think he's in the phonebook."

Now what? Sunny could lie, maybe he overheard what college Hero went to last summer, or Hero
told him before Sunny ended up in the hospital, or he could even claim that Aubrey had given him
the address and was now not telling the truth. Sunny shook his head at his own thoughts, at his
desperate attempts to find an exit.

"I got it from your room", Sunny said flatly, his ears ringing.

"Huh?" Kel's voice was bewildered.

"When Basil and I came over recently. There… there was a post card."

"You… rummaged around my things?"

Was the embarrassment cooking inside him about getting caught or for doing it in the first place?
He felt as if someone was wringing him out like a towel. "Yes."

A pause. "…why?"

Yes, why? Would he even be able to explain his thought process? "I… I'm sorry, Kel."

"That was not my question", he retorted coolly.

"I wanted to help."

"With what?"

"Your problem with Hero." Sunny had to take a deep breath. "I felt responsible."

Sunny heard Kel's breaths.

"Because in the end it was my fault, just the same as you and Aubrey fighting. And since I
managed to make her apologize I thought I… I could do more."

Kel still did not answer.

"I didn't… Kel, I…" Sunny struggled to find words. "I'm sorry."

Kel sighed. "Not cool, man."

"Yeah…" Sunny had to sit down, his face feeling numb as if he had been punched.

An unpleasant silence followed. Should he try to explain more? Sunny's heart was beating quickly.
"You meant well", said Kel but to Sunny he did not sound entirely honest. "It did get us talking in
the end."

"I get if you're mad at me."

"I'm not. Or, I shouldn't be. Anyway", his voice shifted suddenly, "I was wondering if you wanted
to over tomorrow. Aubrey will be there too."

"Uh – " Sunny was stumped.

"With Christmas and all I thought we should get together some time. Oh and ask Basil to come too
in case I don't reach him."

"Will… will do that."

"How about eleven? We can all go grab a pizza or something."

Sunny just agreed, his brain lagging behind in processing everything.

"Well, see ya then! Bye!" And Kel had hung up.

Meeting with Kel and Aubrey – that should be nice, right? And if Basil came too it would almost
be like old times.

Had Hero left already? Sunny didn't had the chance, or the thought, to ask. Probably Kel just
needed some time away from his family after the holidays. Sunny did too and he was on good
terms with his mother, so it made sense for Kel to need to get out of the house a bit.

Gnawing at him was Kel's reaction at Sunny going behind his back, especially since he couldn't
make out how them talking went, and the effect his letter had. It got them talking – he took that
was a good thing.

And if their confrontation had ended badly, or rather if the confrontation ended badly because of
the letter, Kel would not invite him.

Right?

He sunk into the couch with a tiring anticipation spinning in his head.

It would be the first time in a while for him to see Aubrey, ever since she crashed at his place. Did
she even want to see him? Did she know Basil and he would come too?

Sunny was just confused. He feared of overinterpreting the scraps of information he had, there
were pieces missing of the picture. Yet, once again, he could not let it go, mulling over it,
wondering what went down without him there. Sometimes he preferred being able to let go of
everything, but it was easy to overdo.

He decided to call Basil.

"Sunny?" Basil's voice was somewhere between delighted and mildly confused.

"Hi Basil", said Sunny while trying to figure out what to say.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes – uh, listen, Kel called."

"What – ? What happened? Is he okay?"

"He…" Sunny sighed softly, forcing himself to focus. "He knows we took the address."

Sunny practically could hear Basil's shoulders sink.

"And he talked with Hero –"

"How did it go?" interrupted Basil.

"I don't know to be honest, Kel didn't say that much."

"Oh."

"But, he, uh, asked us to visit him tomorrow."

"Visit him?"

"He called it another Christmas thing, and Aubrey will be there too."

"And Hero?"

"…I don't know. I didn't ask."

"Hm…"

"But it might be nice to hang out, all of us."

"Do you think so?" Basil's question sounded honest and it stumped Sunny. Did he think so?

"I… I hope so, at least. And I… I wouldn't mind our friends all being… friends again. After
everything."

Basil did not say anything, but Sunny was sure he nodded, probably one hand climbing up the
opposite sleave.

"So…?"

"So?" repeated Basil with a quiet voice.

"Are you coming?"

"I don't know…"

"Kel specifically asked for you."

"Still… it… it makes me nervous." Basil sighed. "Too nervous." He paused, then added quietly:
"Sorry…"

"No it's fine, just… I just want you to be okay."

"Thank you, Sunny."

"Do you want me to stay with you instead?" Sunny only now noticed he was pacing around the
apartment. He decided to grab a cookie from the cookie jar while he was there.

"No, no. You're right, it might be nice. I just… I just need a little more time. Okay?" Basil sounded
anxious, as if he was scared he'd upset Sunny.

"Okay. No pressure."

"Thank you." The relief in those words was obvious.

So he'd be on his own, then. Just him, Aubrey, and Kel. He'd manage that.

Right?

He'd be fine.

Later that night he told Mom about his plans for the next day, she seemed happy at the mention of
his friends. He never told her about their reactions, about his struggle to reconnect with them all,
and his downright fear of confronting Hero.

There he was, worrying again. Was there still a place for him in that group of friends? Was that
group of friends even a thing at this point? He couldn't deny the good chance that soon enough,
despite his attempts, they would soon all drift apart, for better or for worse. For the better,
probably.

He felt horrible about it all, and wished he would not have to see them the next day. Sunny had to
get up earlier than he was used to, and the tiredness was gnawing at him. This way at least his
mind was too preoccupied with staying awake to dwell on anything else. Still, waiting alone at the
bus station was quite annoying. There was still some time to wait, but he preferred to be early and
wait.

"Sunny!"

He looked up and saw a small figure approaching, wrapped in a thick jacket and hair hidden under
a beanie.

"Basil? What are you doing here?"

Basil jogged the last bit to the station and had to catch his breath before he could speak. "I… I
didn't want you to go alone."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I kept thinking about this and I decided I wanted to come with you. Could be fun, right?" The
question sounded like he was reassuring himself.

They walked from the stop down to Kel's house, Sunny was feeling cold from the wind and hoped
his jacket would keep him warm enough until they arrived. Puffs of steam blew from his nose as he
walked. When they stood in front of Kel's house, his face felt almost frozen. Warm fingers grabbed
onto his hand, and Basil's warmth made him feel a little better. Sunny pressed the doorbell.

Kel opened the door and beamed at Sunny. A gush of warm air washed over him and Sunny longed
to go inside.

"Hey Sunny! Hi Basil!"

"Hi Kel."

"Come in, don't you freeze out there."

Sunny took his wet shoes off and put his jacket up, Kel's father greeted him. Basil did the same.
The house looked still quite festive, the decorations were still up, and Sunny hoped he'd soon warm
up a little. Basil looked a little less frozen, thanks to his thick jacket.

In Kel's room Aubrey was waiting, smiling but not looking Sunny directly into the eyes.

"Hey, Sunny, hey Basil." She looked up slightly.

"Hi Aubrey", said Sunny.

Basil nodded with pursed lips.

Kel ushered them into the room and sat down on his bed. Sunny sat down on the floor next to
Aubrey, and Basil sat down close to him.

"So, uh, merry Christmas you two." Sunny said awkwardly. Why was he here?

"Merry Christmas", mumbled Aubrey, looking a bit nervous.

"How are you two?" asked Kel.

"Oh, uh, good. I think."

"I'm okay", mumbled Basil. He looked out of his comfort zone, but he seemed to relax a bit when
Sunny tried giving him a reassuring look.

"And you?" Sunny looked at Kel, then at Aubrey.

"I'm okay", she said. "I, uh… things improved, somewhat. Even if I had to right some wrongs."
She had a solemn look on her face. "Might, uh… might as well do this now." She took a deep
breath. "Basil?"

"Hm?" Basil winced slightly at the mention of his name.

"I – I am so sorry for everything I did to you. I mean it."

He looked at her, processing what she said. Then he nodded.

"I was a horrible bully to you, and… I want to know how I can make you forgive me. If, uh, if you
even want that."

Basil looked down. "I'd like to, yes."

"And… to you too, Sunny. I'm sorry for giving you trouble."

He didn't know what to say. "It, it's fine, Aubrey."

"No it's fucking not. You were right. I… was a bad friend to all of you. I did dumb, bad shit. Thank
you for making me realize that." She looked at Kel. "I didn't expect you to forgive me either, to be
honest."

Kel shrugged with his usual smile. "That's what friends are for, right?"

Her gaze dropped, and she smiled weakly. "Yeah…"

"Oh, and…" Aubrey looked really uncomfortable now. "I… I want to apologize for… for calling
you weird. Or, your relationship." She thought for a second. "That's… that's not how I meant it, and
I… I don't know. I know it hurt you and I regret saying it."

"Weird…?" asked Basil.

Aubrey sighed and looked angry at herself. "I'm dumb. I didn't understand properly what Sunny
meant when he told me and I… called it weird. I didn't realize how bad that was until Kel told
me… I'm sorry. I really am." She let her words sink in. "You two are cute together."

"What?" exclaimed Basil and Sunny.

"She's got a point, you know", added Kel laughing.

Sunny felt awkward, his face was hot, and he saw Basil was blushing too. He didn't want to be the
topic of conversation. "A-And how are you, Kel?" asked Sunny.

"I… I'm alright."

"You and Hero finally talked?"

He nodded. "It was… awkward. Your letter confused him a whole lot."

Sunny swallowed and waited for Kel to continue.

"He said he didn't expect you to be so… confrontational. Wonder what you wrote."

"Sunny's really putting us in our place, huh?" chuckled Aubrey halfheartedly.

"Anyway, he… it's hard to explain. He did apologize. Earnestly. I didn't want to talk to him at all at
first and my parents lay into me for being all moody during the holidays." Kel sighed. "I locked
myself into my room and he talked to me through the door at first. That's when he brought up that
he needed to apologize, and that he feels bad, and that he loves me." Kel thought for a while,
apparent that he wanted to get this all off his heart.

Sunny looked at Aubrey and she shot him a small smirk.

"And then we talked. For, uh, for the first time really, ever since he left back then." Kel scratched
his head. "It's stupid to think about in retrospect. We were both stubborn and I think I avoided him
too much. He said he didn't realize at first how his words hurt me, and then he… got somewhat
resentful, I guess?" Kel grimaced. "Because he felt like I left him alone. Which I guess I did? But
he did too?" He looked at all of them. "Am I making sense?"

Sunny nodded.

"And when he eventually wanted to make amends, I avoided him. Didn't take his phone calls and
all that. Because I was hurt at… what he said. I didn't want to talk to him. And my parents did not
understand at all what was happening. I just sat here alone."

"I'm sorry, Kel", said Aubrey.

He smiled sympathetically at her. "I think I projected part of my anger towards my parents onto
Hero, somehow. But your letter made him feel quite… horrible. It took a while for both of us to
really admit where we went wrong, and it all feels a bit… I dunno." Kel shrunk a bit. "It won't be
fixed overnight but… I guess we're working on it? It feels like I have my brother back, at least."

"Did he leave already? Back to college, I mean?" asked Sunny after a minute of silence. Basil
perked up.

"He's still here. Mom wanted to take him shopping today."

Sunny's blood felt as cold as ice. "Wait – you didn't tell me –"

Kel looked past Sunny. "I finally want you three to talk. I… I guess I should have told you."

Sunny turned to Basil who was white as paper, then he looked at Aubrey, feeling how the blood
left his face too.

"You'll be fine. We're in this together, okay? Kel and I got your back."

This felt odd. "Are you sure?"

"Of course!" chimed in Kel. Aubrey nodded.

"…does he know we're here?" asked Basil.

"Oh – no, he doesn't."

Sunny felt like he was going to panic, but Aubrey's hand on his shoulder felt reassuring. He
grabbed Basil's hand.

"They'll be back before lunch, so…" Kel looked at his watch. "Soon? I swear, you'll be fine."

This was all too much. Hero would probably get angry when he saw him. He'd yell at him. He'd
yell at Basil. He'd yell at Kel. Their relationship, that had just recovered from months of fighting
and no contact, would immediately take damage again, Hero would feel deceived that Kel had
invited him. Would he be angry at Aubrey too? For talking to Sunny? For taking their side in this
argument?

"Kel? Aubrey?" came through the door. A voice that gave Sunny a feeling of pure panic, Basil
tightly squeezed Sunny's hand.

The door opened. "So about –" He froze when he saw Sunny. The smile of his face immediately
disappeared into an expression that Sunny could not read, it was strangely neutral. "Oh."

"Hi, Henry", greeted Sunny weakly. He didn't dare use his nickname when addressing him. Basil
averted his eyes.

"Why are you here?"

"I invited them", intervened Kel.

"Why?"

"So you can finally talk."

Aubrey looked as clueless as Sunny felt.

"There is no need for me to talk to them." Hero's voice was cold, and he was talking like Sunny
and Basil were not there at all.

"Hero, please –" said Aubrey, but when she saw his face she went quiet.
"So you two want me to talk, huh?"

"Yes! Damn it", Kel said, now standing and clenching his fist. "Sit down."

Reluctantly, Hero sat down. His posture was tense and he had crossed his arms.

"Now what?" Hero asked, but Kel just looked at him expectantly. He let out a long, frustrated sigh
and turned to Sunny and Basil. "I am very angry at you two. I am repulsed by what you did. I regret
calling you my friends."

Sunny nodded, feeling as if he was watching from afar, as if he was barely conscious. He could not
respond, he could just take it. Was Basil okay? He was not able to tell.

"I hate that you made Kel and I fight. I hate that you have been on my mind for so long. I hate that
we lost her because of you."

"Hero –" Kel tried getting his attention.

"And now I'm supposed to talk to you? Accept your apology or whatever?"

"Hero, that's enough."

Sunny just sat there. "No."

They all turned to him.

"You're not supposed to accept my apology", he said weakly.

"Yes he is", interrupted Kel, but he stopped when Sunny signed him to wait.

"Did you read my letter?"

Hero was quiet for a while, the redness in his face slowly fading. "I did." He looked at the floor.

"I told you I don't want you to forgive me. I need you to forgive Kel and apologize to him for being
a shitty brother."

"You –"

"And… if you can't forgive me, that…" Sunny clenched his fists. "That's fine too. I can go away
and never talk to you again, ever." He couldn't see the faces of the others.

"Sunny is right", said Basil. "We… we want to give you closure. Even if you… can't forgive us."
His voice was so frail.

"I can't", Hero spat out aggressively.

"Okay Hero, that is enough." Kel's voice was angry. "I get that you're hurt but you have to let go of
your anger at some point."

"Oh yeah? And what good will that do me?"

"Hero, we… avoided each other for months." Hero wanted to say something, but Kel just kept
talking. "I know, I know, it's my fault too. But don't you understand how bad that felt? And…" Kel
thought for a second, "didn't you just say they were constantly on your mind?"
"He took Mari! He and Basil! Do you not care about her anymore? Is that what you want from me
too?"

"No, I'm not asking you to stop caring about Mari. We all do. We all care about her, even now. But
you have to let go of that… of that rage."

"I don't get your point."

"It made you a horrible person!"

"What?"

"You lashed out at me! And at Mom too once! You and me had a huge fight because I needed to
vent my thoughts about Sunny and you disagreed! Because you were so angry!"

"They made me think Mari killed herself! Are you listening to yourself?"

Sunny couldn't say anything, but it looked like Kel had enough. There seemed to be enough
residual anger to fuel him. "Can you please look at the whole picture? I get that what they did was
horrible! Even if you don't believe me!"

"Kel, I –"

"You still think I don't get it, right? Even after you apologized?"

Hero looked crestfallen. "No, Kel." He paused. "No. I just feel like… nobody understands me.
How can you two forgive them?" Hero turned to Aubrey. "You were so angry at Sunny when we
talked, and now you… you're here? You're not screaming at him? What's up with that?"

"I was angry. I still am, somewhat." Aubrey shifted uncomfortably. "But… I can't hold it against
them. And Sunny proved he's still our friend, multiple times."

Hero stared in disbelief. "How does that make up for that god damn atrocity that he committed?"

Aubrey looked away. "I don't know."

"You, Kel? Do you know?"

"No. I don't get it. But… it doesn't feel right. Don't you think they suffered enough?"

"Did they? Sunny didn't face any consequences. Neither did Basil." He scoffed.

Sunny wanted to die.

"Are you serious? Sunny locked himself inside for years you numbskull. Do you think that's a
normal reaction?"

Once more Sunny felt like he was far away, their voices muffled and low.

"He told me he couldn't bear being awake", said Aubrey. She still looked uncomfortable. "I'm
pretty sure it still haunts him."

Kel nodded. "He hasn't talked to us for years, he hasn't eaten properly, I don't want to know what
kind of rift it had opened between him and his mother."

He felt like he was being dissected.

"She lost her daughter and then her son refuses to live. And Basil suffered too, don't you think?
With everything that happened?"

Aubrey's shoulders sunk, her face turned white.

"They had a nervous breakdown and put each other in the hospital!" Basil's face was pained when
he looked at Sunny, he was on the verge of tears. Sunny noticed he was looking at his bad eye.
Instead of saying anything, he wasn't able to anyway, he tightly squeezed Basil's hand, hoping that
Basil would trust him that he did not hold it against him. Sunny then looked at Hero, who froze
when he noticed the glass eye.

Kel put a hand on Sunny's shoulder. "And despite that, despite thinking we all hated him, he still
tried to help us. He and Basil came looking for me when nobody else would."

"And Sunny let me stay with him when I was in a bad place", added Aubrey.

Hero didn't say anything.

"I get how you feel", said Aubrey. "I do. I really do. I still miss Mari. I wish she was still here. I…"
She sniffled, her right hand clenched into a fist. "I don't know how I could move past all that, but…
I did. I just want my friends back."

"Me too", said Kel.

Sunny's face was blank, he felt empty.

"I miss her too", said Hero. "I miss her every day. I… I thought for so long it was my fault. I
thought I missed signs or made her unhappy or…" He swallowed audibly. "I guess I… I just
replaced that guilt with anger. God…" He blew a long breath out of his nose. "I don't know how
you two do it. I… I can't. I can't forgive them. Not now."

Sunny nodded weakly.

"I guess I should be thankful that you eventually told us the truth", Hero said flatly. "That doesn't
bring her back though."

"Are you at all seeing my point?" asked Kel vexed.

"Henry, I…"

Hero glanced at Sunny, once again Sunny was unable to read him.

"I don't want you to forgive me. Okay? It's… it doesn't matter if you care how I felt over the past
years, or that I want to apologize, whatever." It was hard to speak. "But Kel is right. In a way.
You… have to move past this."

"I can't." For the first time, something other than anger lingered in his words. They became softer,
ever so slightly.

"You'll have to", said Aubrey, surprisingly sternly.

"I don't want to forget her", Hero replied quietly.

"What the hell!" Kel almost jumped up. "This is precisely what I mean! We talked about this,
Hero!"
"What…?"

"We have both been stewing in this mess for so long, that's not healthy. This is not about forgetting
her, this is about moving on. And even if you… if you don't forgive Sunny, you can't stay angry at
him. You're hurting yourself, you're hurting me, it's hurting all of us."

"Don't you think I have tried? I've been lying awake so many nights thinking about this! About
what happened, and… how to proceed. And every time it just hurts and…" Hero was breathing
heavily, then he bit his lip. "It hurts so much." His arms slung tighter around himself. "Do you…
not get that?" he asked, his voice close to cracking, on his face an expression between hurt and
confusion.

"I get it", muttered Aubrey, holding onto her arms. "Mari was like a sister for me." She sighed.
"And… I get what you mean. I've been hurting too."

Kel looked sympathetically at her, Sunny just listened.

"First when Mari died. Then when you all disappeared out of my life. And then when Sunny told
us the truth." She paused, and when Sunny glanced at her he saw she was looking in his direction.
"You're not alone, Hero. But… unhealthy coping is, well, unhealthy." She snorted. "Look where it
got me."

"That's different", Hero retorted.

"How?" she shot back, hurt by what Hero said.

"I… I don't know."

Kel got up again and sat down next to Hero, putting one arm around him. "We're all hurting. All of
us."

"Fine." Hero looked away.

"I know you can't just get over that in one day, but…" Kel's voice trailed off, and he was looking
sad.

"I don't think anyone of us coped well", Aubrey scoffed with a sardonic grin on her face. "And I
can't judge you for being angry, Hero."

"Hero…?" asked Sunny quietly.

The mention of his nickname made him jolt slightly. He lifted his head but didn't respond.

"It's… it's okay if you're still upset with me. Hell, I'm still upset with me. But, I…" Sunny fidgeted
with his hands. "I want to tell you, now, I… I am so sorry." He felt a tear run down his cheek. "For
everything I did. It won't bring her back, I know. My words won't stop you from feeling this way.
My words won't stop the… the hurt." Sunny laughed meekly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just want all
of you to be friends again. I want you all to be happy again, at some point. I'm sorry for all this
trouble." More tears were rolling down his face. "If I… If I…" his voice died down, he had to take
a deep breath. "If I could trade places with her I would. She deserved to live. I don't."

"Sunny –" exclaimed both Aubrey and Kel.

Hero laughed. Not mockingly, not happily. He just seemed overwhelmed, maybe it was his way to
avoid crying, maybe he just didn't know what to think. "God…"
"I am… I am sorry, too", whispered Basil. "I hate what we did. I hate myself. I… You deserve
better than to stay angry at me."

Silence.

"I… I can leave now, if you want." Basil exchanged glances with Sunny, and he too was ready to
leave. Everything had been said.

"I don't know what to say", Hero mumbled. "I don't know what to think, or feel."

It was quiet. Too quiet, and for too long. Sunny tried holding himself back from crying,
questioning what exactly pushed him on the verge. His apology? Hero's reaction? Aubrey's and
Kel's support despite it all? Basil saying he hated himself?

"You're right. I can't move on like this." Somehow his face scared Sunny. There was no anger in it,
no rage, just taken aback reflection. Why did it scare him? Hero's pensive eyes turned to Sunny.
Thoughts were running through his mind, judging from the way they lingered, first on him, then on
Basil. Then, slowly, he got up. "I'll have to think about this. On my own."

"Don't isolate yourself again", said Kel quietly, a scared sadness permeating his words.

"I won't." For the first time since he came into the room, Hero smiled, even if it was the faintest
smile he was able to produce. "I'll need your thoughts later." Standing there, Hero looked like he
did not know where to go. "I'm not sure what you want to hear from me, Sunny," he said calmly,
"and I don't know what to say to you. I… can't forgive you. Not now, at least." He reached out his
hand. "It was good to see you, though." Sunny got up and reluctantly shook Hero's hand. It felt too
formal, unpleasantly so, but he was glad it did not feel hostile. "And you Basil, I… the same
extends to you. It was good to see you." He shook hands with him. "Goodbye."

"Bye, Hero."

"And later you two", he said to Kel and Aubrey. With that, he disappeared out of the room.

Sunny stood there, hand still stretched out slightly, completely overwhelmed by the conversation.
He was glad his friends were there, and something inside him was worried that Basil had been
here. Neither Basil nor Hero struck him as stable enough to deal with the whole situation just now,
but they did anyway. At least all of them exchanged some words, some first step towards getting
closure.

Or so he thought. Maybe Hero would indeed never talk to him again, and Basil even less so. He
said what he wanted to say, Kel talked much more than they did and he probably would in the
future. As long as it helped them all move on, Sunny was fine with it.

"Should we leave too, now?" he asked.

"What? Why?"

"We talked to Hero, finally. That's why we're here, right?"

Basil nodded.

Kel grimaced. "Are you serious?"

"…isn't it?"
"We both wanted to see you", said Aubrey. "Hero being here just… opened up a possibility."

"I see", Sunny mumbled sourly. Basil was quiet, he seemed to be thinking.

"Want to order some pizza?" asked Kel, his smile slowly returning to his face.

"I'm not hungry." It was true, he had zero appetite after that.

"Come on, you gotta eat something."

"I'm quite hungry", said Aubrey. "Sit down you two."

Sunny sat down again and fumbled with his hands, Basil sat down next to him. Somehow his body
was stiff, so Sunny pulled him slightly towards him, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder.
It made Basil lose some of his tension.

"By the way, I… I'm sorry for putting everything you told me on the table like that", Kel stated
awkwardly.

"Me too", added Aubrey.

"It's fine."

"Anyway – pizza." Suddenly Kel was all excited. "It'll just be like old times."

"Is it really?" asked Sunny weakly. "Hero hates my guts."

Basil shifted slightly. "And I'm scared you two hate me too."

Kel looked like he got punched in the stomach, and Aubrey looked ashamed. "I don't hate you,
Basil! We're friends!"

"I don't hate you either", said Aubrey, trying to look at him. "I know it… it must have felt like I
did. I'm so sorry."

"You don't…?"

"No, not at all. I… I just want you all back in my life."

"Me too. And Hero… will be Hero", said Kel. "He has a good heart. He'll come around. And next
time everything will be alright."

"Next time?"

Aubrey laughed. "Do you think this is the last time we'll pry you out of that dumb city?"

A smile crept on Sunny's face. "I suppose not."

Perhaps there was a place in this group for him after all. And Hero – he'd need time, and space.
Sunny didn't know if he'd ever be friends with him again, but seeing both Aubrey and Kel smile in
the same room as him warmed his heart in a strange way he hadn't felt in forever.

"That was something", Kel said, eyeing a slice of pizza for the best angle of attack. "Are you both
okay?"

Sunny nodded.
 "I… I think so", said Basil.

"The more I think about this the… worse I feel." Kel laughed. "It's, uh, I should have given you
some warning."

"It's fine, Kel."

"And I feel like I handled all of this badly." He was still staring at the slice.

"Why?" asked Aubrey.

"I… I don't know. It was messy."

"Yes. That's in the nature of it."

"Did I mess up, Sunny?" The question almost crushed him.

"W-what?"

"I wanted to fix things. Like Hero always did. And…"

"And?" repeated Sunny.

"It's not my forte."

"What are you talking about?" asked Aubrey.

"Hm?" Kel finally pulled his gaze from the slice of pizza.

"You've been nothing but fixing things recently. When I apologized to you, I… I didn't know what
would happen or what I would do afterwards, and you, despite being hurt, picked me up again."

"And you… helped me too, multiple times. When I was struggling, you… you listened. You
helped." Sunny felt strange bringing up this topic next to Basil.

"And in summer, too, remember?" Aubrey put her slice down. "I was such an ass to all of you,
and… without you Kel, things would have went down differently."

"That was all on Hero", Kel scoffed.

"It wasn't." Sunny smiled weakly. "You're the best, Kel."

Basil smiled at the tall boy. "He's right."

"You really are", added Aubrey.

Sunny was sure a faint blush crept over Kel's face. "Oh stop it you. I just… that's what friends are
for, right?"

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and sticking with it so far. Thanks for all the comments, I love
reading those.
 Cadence
Chapter Summary

Sunny reaches the end.

Chapter Notes

This chapter too took a while to write, I hope you enjoy it.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

All things considered, the day went better than Sunny hoped, but the thought of Hero was
somewhat of a sore spot in his mind.

Sunny was glad that Basil had accompanied him. All four of them talking had made it easier for
every single one of them to speak their mind, especially after Aubrey apologized to them all, after
Hero explained how he felt – it had removed that threshold one had to cross to open up. For the
most part.

The rest of the day was surprisingly nice. Basil had warmed up a little, and for a short moment,
almost like déjà vu, everything felt right.

When they came back home, Basil admitted that he was glad he came along, even if there was a
lingering sadness in his eyes.

It was as if some weight had been lifted off Sunny. Those worries constantly screaming at the back
of his mind, his thoughts obsessing over finding a way to fix everything, they had been muted ever
so slightly. They had not gone away, not entirely, but finally there was some semblance of closure.
It was not what Sunny had hoped for, but it was the best he could have achieved, probably.

Every now and then he wondered if Hero and him would ever be on good terms again, or if that
bridge was burned, but for the most part Sunny's mind kept quiet about it. He enjoyed the silence,
an earned silence, not of the toxic kind where he forcefully pushed everything away from him.

The final days without school passed by. School was still no fun, and Sunny did not particularly
like the people there, but it was manageable. At least seeing Basil now and again during the day
gave him enough energy to sit through it all.

For a while, things appeared to be okay. The weather was still cold, but Sunny was starting to
enjoy the new apartment – it really started to feel like home. Mom had been in a great mood ever
since Christmas, and even if Sunny could not explain it, she seemed a little more open, whatever
that meant. She was less often cooped up in her room and usually did things around the apartment.

It was strange to think about, but somehow Sunny was looking forward to the next year.
Considering how little he wanted to live just a few months ago, how close he was to giving up
everything, he, for the time being, felt like he made it over the hill. He did not know if he would be
fine, he was still taking his medication and would be for the foreseeable future, but his therapist
was more than happy when Sunny told her about the holidays.

She was glad to hear about him spending time with his friends, and she listened silently, nodding
now and then, to Sunny recounting what Hero said. It was unpleasant to talk about, and he choked
up more than once, but he did it.

One Friday, not long after a therapy session, Sunny was sitting in his room pondering what to do.
Mom was making dinner, and he was feeling a bit shaken up from the session. He was feeling
tense, and he caught himself a few times wandering in his mind, thinking thoughts that only made
it worse. He told himself he would be fine, and tried his best believing his own words.

He sat by the window and examined the spider plant he nurtured back to health, then looked at the
little sunflower sprout that was idly growing in its pot. The sky outside was already getting dark,
the sun hidden either by clouds or the horizon. The weekend was going to be cold, but he did not
mind.

The weekend was usually when he spent the most time with Basil, and he wondered how he was
right now and if or when they would meet. Would he come over later? He didn't say anything
when Sunny last saw him, nor did he call that day, so perhaps he would not. Then again, he was
longing to see his boyfriend, especially feeling as shaken up as he was.

Ever since their meetup after Christmas, Basil had been a little calmer than he usually was - a little
less fidgety, less panicky even. The way Sunny understood it, finally seeing some resemblance of
forgiveness from his friends combined with the fact that Kel and Aubrey still like him, it reassured
Basil. He had told Sunny again he was glad he came to the bus stop in the morning, after a night of
arguing with himself whether or not he should.

Sunny wondered what Basil was up to now. Maybe he was cooking dinner, or Polly was cooking
something for him?

He sighed and flopped onto the bed.

The evening passed. Dinner was okay, but Sunny just waited for something exciting to happen.
Maybe he would be able to go over to Basil's place tomorrow, or he would come over and they
could bake something together with Mom, or…

Should he call Kel sometime? Kel had told him he'd contact them when things had calmed down a
little, and Sunny trusted he would do so.

His thoughts kept circling, but he felt much better after he had eaten something. He was not able to
eat everything Mom had put on his plate, but he did his best at least.

At some point, he decided to go to bed, not feeling tired after a day of essentially doing nothing. He
was glad it was Friday, of course – no need to get up early the next day, no school, manageable
responsibilities.

He lay there, staring at the ceiling, observing the thoughts that went by in his mind, drifting slowly
from place to place. He could not sleep, and time trickled by as slowly as it did all evening. It was
completely dark outside, except for a street lamp or two shining some dim light in the direction of
his window.

A noise startled Sunny. Looking at his alarm revealed it was past three in the morning, and he was
not even sure if he had been sleeping. If he had been awake the entire time, he still felt disoriented.
The noise. It took Sunny a second to recognize it, and when he did his heart skipped a beat – the
phone was ringing.

Suddenly he felt very cold. Who was calling at this time? His mind was racing. Was it Basil? Was
it Kel? Was it Aubrey? Or was it Hero? Did anything happen to them? Or was it just some prank
call? Sunny kicked off his blanket and stood up, not able to see a thing when he opened the door to
the pitch-black corridor. The lamp behind him barely provided any light, but kept his eye from
adapting to the darkness, and blindly he stumbled towards the living room and towards the small
table with the phone on it. The ringing was grating to his ears and he was not sure if Mom would
wake up from it.

Sunny expected to feel annoyed, but somehow he felt mostly nervous. After feeling on edge for the
entire day this phone call was stressing him out badly, and he could feel his chest constrict.

Finally he took the phone, fearing that it would wake up Mom, and answered, feeling out of breath.
"Hello?" The grip around him forcing his voice to sound weak and quiet.

The only sound he could hear was sobbing, muffled slightly under the phone's static.

"Basil?" he asked carefully, his brain firing off a thousand thoughts a second, and between them
somewhere he placed the sound of the voice on the other side.

His question only led to another loud sob, followed by a loud, whistling breath as Basil sucked in
air.

Icy prickling washed over Sunny's face, he was worrying more with every sound he heard.

"Sunny…"

The sound of Basil's voice forced Sunny to sit down, almost shoving him. He knew the tone Basil
put in his name, a tone he had heard, regretfully, a few times in the past. It made him shudder, it
made him want to throw up. Basil sounded utterly broken. He put his hand next to the phone's
mouthpiece so that his voice would not carry far. "Are you okay?" he barely whispered.

"No", was the quiet answer.

Sunny felt like he was falling, a bitter taste was filling his mouth. "What happened? Do you need
me to come over?"

Silence. Every second was excruciating.

"Basil?"

"I – I'm sorry, Sunny, I…"

"What happened?" Sunny needed a response.

"I'm not feeling okay."

Four words, four words that felt like a gut punch.

"I – I'm, uh" Basil stuttered, then he sighed. It took him a second to collect himself, and Sunny
could hear how jumpy the other boy was. "I – I feel bad for asking, but…"

"But?"
"Can… can you come over? I… I think I need help."

"Basil, what happened?"

"N-nothing!" he yelped defensively, but it did not sound entirely honest. "I'll… tell you when
you're here" he added quietly, before another sob cut him off. "If you're okay with coming over"
Basil said, his voice shaking.

Sunny was already struggling to put on his shoes, a burst of motivation and fear stringing him
along. "I'll be over as fast as I can."

Quick, labored breathing was the only response.

The night was surprisingly icy but he didn't care. The shadows creeped him out, the lonely
streetlights barely providing enough light. Their dim, yellow light cones were like little safe islands
between the dark, concrete ridden streets.

Sunny ran as fast as he could, the cold air biting hard through his pajama pants that he didn't bother
to exchange for some proper clothes. He didn't care.

The familiar building was as dark as all the other ones. Sunny ran up to it, his legs almost giving
out, and he violently pushed the doorbell button. He pressed it again, hard, long, as if pressing it
harder made it ring louder for Basil.

Then, silence. Except for his breaths. He was still in no form to run, and the cold air made his
mouth taste like blood, his side stung. Sunny rubbed his hands over his jacket to warm them up, the
rustling way too loud to his ears. Some cars drove some streets over, but Sunny was completely
alone.

Time passed.

Sunny felt cold now, but finally the door opened for him. He rushed inside, taking two steps at
once, up to Basil's apartment.

The door was open, slightly ajar.

"Basil!" he called out as he entered, looking around the dimly lit apartment.

Basil was sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around his legs. Slowly he looked up and turned to
face Sunny. Basil looked awful.

Sunny ran over, throwing his damp jacket off in the process.

Basil flinched at his touch, and he realized how cold his hands must have been.

"What happened?"

Basil's eyes were wide open, and he was looking around as if he was searching for something. He
didn't look Sunny in the eyes, and he didn't speak.

Sunny looked down between them, there was something in the way. The sight made him almost
lose his dinner.

Next to Basil lay the telephone and the gardening shears he still owned. Sunny threw them to the
ground, startling Basil, and put the phone on the table. He scooted a little closer and hugged Basil.
"I'm here. It's okay."
"I – I'm so sorry Sunny" stuttered Basil, the first words he spoke since Sunny had put down the
phone at home.

"What happened?" he asked carefully.

Basil was breathing quickly, perhaps he had been hyperventilating, and now and then remnants of
his crying shook him again. Instead of saying anything, he wrapped his arms around Sunny and
started weeping. Despite Sunny being cold, after the night air cooling him on his way here, Basil's
arms felt barely any warmer than he was. Basil buried his face against Sunny's shoulder who felt
the tears soak through his shirt, and the visceral, loud crying coming from the broken figure
holding onto him wrenched his heart. Basil's hands were gripping tightly around the fabric of
Sunny's shirt, and after several minutes he whispered with a weak voice "I'm so sorry."

Sunny still didn't know what Basil was apologizing for. "I'm here", he said simply.

"Please don't be angry with me", Basil said quietly. "I – I wanted to hurt myself."

He didn't respond.

"I… I don't know why." His arms went limp. "Or… I guess I do but it doesn't make sense."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Basil shrugged lightly. "It's all so much, and… I started worrying about things, and that… that
people hate me, or that I – that I should not exist, and –" He was speaking quicker and quicker. "I
just… I just…" He sniffled loudly, bracing himself. "I wanted to die." Basil pressed his face
against Sunny's shoulder. "I wanted to die. I – I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I just
wanted to disappear."

Sunny felt an empty feeling in his stomach. Seeing Basil like this, hearing Basil's thoughts was too
much for him.

"I… I couldn't bring myself to do it", Basil muttered. "I got scared and… and then called you."

"Basil…" What even should he say? Was there anything he could say? Any words of comfort?

"T-this is the second time I… went this far."

"What do you mean?" Sunny asked concerned.

Basil was quiet for a bit. "U-usually I get scared earlier. But this time I… I thought this was it."

"Did you hurt yourself?"

Basil slowly shook his head. "I – I don't know what to say, Sunny… I… I don't know what pushed
me this far. I couldn't think of anything else." Basil's arms wrapped around Sunny again. "W-what
if – what if – " His voice broke down with a silent croak, and a shiver shook his body.

"What… what do you mean, second time?"

"The – the last time was, when I – when I – " He sobbed loudly. "God I am such a failure." Slowly
he let go of Sunny. "When I… hurt you. Back in my old room." He wiped his face. "How – how
did you ever forgive me for that?"

"I love you."

"Sunny – how?"

"I don't know. I just did. You're… too important for me. And I hurt you too, remember?"

"B-but –"

"We were both not in our right minds."

Basil nodded absentmindedly. "I – I'm sorry for making you come here."

"It's fine", Sunny said poignantly.

"My head is such a mess right now…"

"Are you feeling better?"

"I – I think so." Basil looked around the room for a bit. "This is the first time I ever told anyone
about this."

"…about what?"

"A-about these… thoughts."

"What do you mean?"

"W-wanting to… to die."

"Not even your therapist?"

Basil froze.

Sunny was waiting for a response, but none came. "Basil?"

"Hm?" he asked, shaking slightly.

"Not even your therapist?"

"I – I" stuttered Basil, pulling away from Sunny. He made himself small. "I am not seeing a
therapist."

"WHAT?" escaped him. "Do you have meds at least?"

"No", Basil confided quietly, fidgeting with his hands.

"Did you talk to a doctor?"

Basil shook his head.

"A nurse? Anyone?"

"N-nobody."

"What the hell!" cursed Sunny, and Basil looked at him like a deer in headlights. "We talked about
this!"

"I know", whined Basil, making himself even smaller.

"And you said you were looking into it… That things were going along…"

"I – I'm sorry, Sunny."

"You lied to me?"

"N-no! I just… I…" Basil started crying again. "Please don't be angry with me."

"Basil, I'm…" Was Sunny angry? Not really. It was hard to put into words. There was some
disappointment but he knew the struggle himself all too well – but then again, he had hoped Basil
would have entrusted him with his troubles. Sunny could have helped. Maybe. More than any
anger or annoyance or disappointment, Sunny felt worry.

What if Basil hadn't chickened out? What if he had not called Sunny?

It made his throat feel dry. This felt like back when he was tormenting himself with reliving that
night over at Basil's place, with Hero, Kel, and Aubrey peacefully sleeping in the living room.
What if Sunny had not picked up that something was off that day?

What if he had lost Basil?

He could not hold back his tears.

"You idiot", he hissed through his teeth, holding Basil tightly.

Basil too was crying, and for a while they just held each other.

"Basil you have to promise me that you seek help", Sunny said eventually. The thoughts in his
head were spinning rapidly, showing him gruesome outcomes, what ifs. "Please. I can't lose you."

"I – I feel like I don't… deserve this."

"Why?"

"I did only bad things in my life, why should I… why should I… live?"

"That's precisely what a therapist would talk to you about."

"But I'd… I'd have to talk to Polly… or… m-my parents…"

"I'll help you. I'll do it with you."

"Sunny…"

"Hm?"

"Why?"

"I love you!"

Basil grimaced slightly. "Still? Even after what I did…?"

"Yes!"

Basil thought for a bit. "I… I guess I can see why you got so worried that you broke up with me…"

It stung. He did not want to be reminded of what he did, of how he hurt Basil.
"Our brains are messed up, huh."

"Yes."

Basil softened a little in Sunny's arms. "What would I do without you."

They sat together for a while.

"Did you run here in your pajamas?"

"Yes." Sunny was not amused. "I… I panicked."

Basil smiled sheepishly. "Again, I'm… sorry."

"Promise me."

"The therapy thing?"

"Yes." Sunny's voice was firm.

"I promise."

After some time, they went to bed. Sunny felt shaken up from the night, his mind still running wild
with thoughts, but seeing Basil somewhat peacefully next to him, holding onto him, it grounded
Sunny. Before he drifted off to sleep, he was planning out the conversation with Polly. Somehow,
he knew things would be okay for the near future.

Two weeks later, they went on their date. Sunny was looking forward to it for multiple reasons,
and Mom drove them to the concert. They both wore fine clothes, and Sunny couldn't help but keep
thinking how cute Basil looked.

The symphonic orchestra was overwhelming. Sunny always loved orchestral music, especially the
violin – but he actively avoided listening to it for the past years. So when the violin and the big
piano playfully called and answered each other before joining together, accompanied by cellos and
flutes and oboes and so many more instruments, Sunny choked up. With teary eyes he looked over
to Basil, the joy of rediscovering what he loved so much about this kind of music making him
grasp Basil's hand. Basil looked over, opening his mouth in concern when he saw Sunny's teary
face, but he soon realized those were happy, maybe slightly bittersweet tears, and he gently held
his hand.

Sunny loved every minute of the concert.

The conversation with Polly took some time, Sunny gently coaxed Basil into the right direction
until he felt confident enough to bring it up. Sunny still remembered when Basil almost proudly
showed him his pill bottle as a way of proving that he kept his promise.

Kel had called at some point. He and Hero were on good terms again, and Hero had even asked
about both of them. Of course, he was still wary, but Kel happily explained that his brother was no
longer obsessing over Mari, over Sunny, over Basil, and that he too was receiving the help he
needed.

Aubrey and Kel invited them to hang out a few times and while still on shaky grounds, their
friendship looked like it was starting to heal. Scarred, a bit broken here and there, but healing.
[Some music for your reading:]

One day, Sunny and Basil were both visiting Faraway. It was a hot day and they decided to check
out their old hiding spot, the sweltering heat being the perfect invitation to sit by the lake and cool
off their feet a bit.

They were talking for a bit, about everything and nothing, and after a while they both fell silent.

Some time passed like this, and Sunny thoroughly enjoyed it.

"What are you thinking?" asked Sunny, eyeing Basil who was staring blankly ahead.

The question startled him slightly. "Me? Oh, uh…" He kicked some water and watched the ripples
expand over the lake. "Nothing, really. Just, uh, ruminating, I guess?"

"What's on your mind?"

Basil shrugged slightly. "It's weird, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're both here."

"And?"

"There was a time when I wished I… wouldn't be here."

The sentence twisted Sunny's stomach, but he knew what Basil meant.

"And if you told me two years ago that one day I would be sitting here at the lake, holding hands
with you, talking about our future… I would have thought that was a cruel joke."

Sunny nodded. A lot had happened in the last year. "Me too."

"We've been together for some time now and…" Basil blushed slightly, but his eyes looked a little
sad, "and I love that. I love you. But…" He kicked the water again, and Sunny saw how Basil's
eyes followed the ripples. "It's almost surreal."

"You mean that feeling that something is… off? That it's not real?"

"It feels like a dream, almost. Or just… too good to be true."

"After what we did?"

"Yeah…" A long sigh escaped Basil. "I sometimes wonder… Would Mari be upset with us? Or…
is she?"

"No." Sunny was not sure himself why that answer was so obvious to him.

"And your mother?"

"What about her?"

"I'm still a bit nervous that she's… angry with me, or something."

Sunny looked at the sky. "I'm scared about that too, but… she tells me she loves me. She does her
best to be a good mom. And if she has it in her heart to forgive me, she… has to forgive you too,
you know?"

"I suppose?" Basil's eyes were a little more sad now. "What… what I'm trying to get at… I would
never have thought to feel happy again, or feel the urge to keep going, or to actively…" Basil
looked away. "To want to keep living, I guess."

Sunny couldn't say anything, so he just nodded. Knowing the pain Basil was in was torture for
him.

"I'm glad you stuck with me", he whispered, then he buried his face in his hands. "Is that selfish?"

"What?" Sunny couldn't follow.

"I don't know. It feels selfish."

"How could that be selfish, Basil?"

He shrugged, hands still covering his face. "I… I just feel like I demanded so much from you. You
stayed with me despite everything, you forced me to go to therapy, it…" Basil scoffed. "It feels like
I don't deserve it. My therapist told me not to say that."

"He's right."

"I'm trying to believe that."

Sunny squeezed Basil's hand, who smiled meekly at him.

"Am I talking too much?"

"Not at all."

Basil was quiet for a bit. "Am I there for you?"

"Excuse me?"
"Like, am I… do you feel like you can rely on me?"

Without hesitation, Sunny nodded. "Of course."

"That – that's good. You mean a lot to me, you know that?"

"I had a hunch" teased Sunny, forcing Basil's lips to turn into a thin line.

"Sunny!"

"You mean a lot to me too." He stretched. "I wish… we could stay here forever."

"It's nice, yeah." The ripples were slowly disappearing, no longer obscuring the reflection of the
little island in the lake.

"Do you know what you'll do after school?"

Basil turned to him, confused. "Where on earth did that question come from?"

"I'm just… wondering."

"I have no clue. You?"

Sunny shook his head. "I'll need another year or so."

"That's fair."

Sunny thought for a second. "Do you think we, uh – " He could not finish the question.

"Hm?"

"Never mind. But… tell me if you move, okay?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Sunny. Not without you." He leaned over and rested his head on Sunny's
shoulder.

Would they be alright?

He looked over the pier, his legs dangling into the cool water of the lake.

There were things he knew, and things he didn't know. He felt as if he was standing on a ledge.

He wondered, would their group of friends ever be complete again? He did not know. He did not
know if Hero would ever forgive him, or trust him again, or consider him a true friend ever again.
He knew Kel had his back. He knew Aubrey had his back.

He didn't know what would come next, he felt like something was about to change. He knew
something was about to change.

He did not, however, know what that was.

The past year, Sunny had done his best at clawing his way out of the hole he had dug himself and
Basil into, and without Basil's help he would still sit down there. Instead, he was living again.
Mom was smiling again.
Would he go off his meds? Would he still need therapy? He did not know.

Would Basil feel better? Would Basil be able to forgive himself, some day? Would Sunny be able
to?

He did not know what school would bring in the future, or what to do after. After doing his best to
deal with his demons his life was a blank slate. He had his old friends back, for the most part, even
if Hero might never come back fully, and perhaps Sunny could make some new friends too.

Not knowing what to do next was somewhat terrifying. The past year, every day Sunny mulled
over how to fix everything, everyone, how to make up for his mistakes. He had done all he could
now. Was there more to do for him?

He peered over to Basil, who was slowly moving his feet through the water, mindlessly looking
over the lake with a faint smile, a light breeze moving his blonde hair.

There was something about him. Was it his calmness? Was it his friendliness? Was it his deep
fondness for his friends?

Was it his ability to calm Sunny down, no matter what?

His ability to make Sunny feel safe?

Was it love?

He smirked.

"I love you", said Sunny.

"I love you too, Sunny."

The smile beaming at him made him feel warm inside.

Would they be alright?

Perhaps, someday. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But they could dream. They could
dream of a brighter future, a future together. And maybe, someday, everything would be okay.
Someday beyond their dreams.

The End.
Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading.

I remember back in March, when I just finished Omori, that I wanted to continue the
story, that I wanted to give Sunny and Basil their own, happy ending. I started writing
one night, posted the first chapter, then the second chapter, I didn't think much of it.
And now? I made so many friends by writing this silly little story, people told me I
made them emotional, and it made me enjoy writing again.
I do hope you all thoroughly enjoyed it, and thank you to everyone who stuck with it
til the end, thank you to everyone who commented. You would not believe the
dopamine rush I get at every email I receive about new comments.

I might write more in the future, I might not. There are one or two other Omori related
fics floating around in my head that I might attend to, but I'll take a rest for now.
Am I crying right now? Maybe? I won't tell you.

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!