QUESTION: As major cities around the world are growing, so are their problems.

What are
these problems for young people living in cities? What are possible solutions for these problems?

It has been argued that a number of drawbacks for junior citizens have been created owing to the Comment [w1]: Lack of general statement

growth of large cities in every corner of the world. This trend can be ascribed to a number of
reasons and it must be addressed by definite actions.

Reasons for the trend vary. At the outset, having experienced unprecedented population growth, Comment [w2]: Lack of topic sentence

large cities have confronted with job opportunities shortage. To broaden my notion, due to
escalating competitiveness of the job market as a result of excessive cities extension, youths have
faced with difficulties to find appropriate job. As a result, cities expansion has created
deleterious problems for young people all over the world. Another clear reason is that not only
does the trend mitigate life qualities for younger inhabitants, but also extensive cities growth has
generated influx of problems on the environmental levels. Take slums and air pollution in large
cities as salient examples, the trend could deteriorate youngers lives features. Therefore, cities
expansion could bring a great number of challenges for junior citizens. Comment [w3]: Instead of stating multiple
ideas, develop one of them properly
In this way you lose cohesion coherence score
Some immediate actions should be implemented to tackle the issue. Firstly, pouring capital to
various aspects of the economy, governments are capable of creating job opportunities for
younger people in order to restrain the problem. Iran government can be a great illustration, by
enhancing tourism industry in Isfahan and Yazd cities, junior citizens are earning competitive
edge in these cities. As a result, the solution lies in the hands of the governments to alleviate job Comment [w4]: Develop your example

deficiencies in large cities. Secondly, not only could governments create motivation to younger
people to live in rural areas through large investment in such areas in order to halt younger
people’s immigration to large cities, but also they can impose outright ban on polluters in larger
cities to build an environmentally sustainable societies. Thus such actions could be beneficial to
solve large cities’ problems. Comment [w5]: Like comment 3

All the aforementioned points lead me to a firm conclusion that junior citizens issues in large
cities can be addressed through efficient actions by governments. Comment [w6]: Restate your major ideas here

Score 6

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