19.

Masculine
Insensitivity

_
I look at you sometimes and wonder, “What is
going on with her?” I can tell that something
is happening, but I don’t know what. Are you
angry but not showing it? Are you bored but
not saying it? Are you simply happy and
relaxed? Sometimes I really can’t tell.
Even during sex I wonder. Are you motion-
less because you are lost in bliss or because
you are trying to give me a message that you
are tired? Did you just have an orgasm or did
I accidentally hurt you, so you trembled and
moaned? Are you ready to stop making love or
just getting started?
I try to feel into you but often I’m at a loss.
Your women friends don’t seem to have this
problem. They seem able to read your feelings in

Masculine Insensitivity 115

 the subtle way you narrow your eyes or pause as
you speak or withhold your touch. But I’m not as
sensitive as your friends are, although I really do
want to get your messages. I need you to amplify
your communication for my sake so I can notice
and hopefully understand the messages you
may be sending.

T he masculine lives in a domain of goals and schedules, righteousness

and injustice, success and failure. He probably can’t feel the subtle
energetic messages that you give him until your energy is quite loud. You
might be angry for three days before he notices and asks, “Is something
wrong?” Likewise, in bed, your pleasure may be invisible to him as he
wonders, “Did you come?”
The masculine is not sensitive to the very energy that is your most
obvious environment. Therefore, you may need to exaggerate your
responses if you want your man to take your heart into account. Don’t
fake your feelings. Fully embody and exaggeratedly magnify your heart’s
true response for the sake of your man’s “deafness” and “blindness” com-
pared to your sensitivity.
When your heart is thrilled with the depth and integrity your man is
offering, then show him. Loudly. Overtly. Wrap yourself around him as
you make orgasmic sounds of pleasure. Tell him that you worship his
integrity. Actually say, “I worship the depth of your consciousness. I wor-
ship your depth of heart. I love your integrity.”
On the other hand, when your man is off, when his integrity disin-
tegrates behind his false pursuits and narrow blindness, let him know
equally loudly. Yell and scream. Weep and tremble. Show your disgust as

116 Dear Lover

if acting on a stage to an audience of thousands. Magnify your displeasure
as well as your pleasure, and your man will notice.
Although lesser men will run or turn away—you’d be better off without
them anyway—a deep man will respond to your worship or wrath with
instantaneous correction of action. Your worship of his integrity draws
him deeper into love, opening him to feel deep into your heart’s intuition
and wisdom, encouraging him and empowering his commitment to love’s
depth. Your wrath in response to his occasional self-deception or numb
ambiguity will be a slap on his face, awakening him to an emergency situ-
ation of which he was probably unaware, giving him the opportunity to
take urgent measures instead of blindly bumbling on.
Without your exaggerated heart-responsiveness, your man will tend to
lose touch with everything but his own agenda. He may be able to maintain
a relationship with you, but his consciousness tends to become shallowed
in the pursuit of paths and points of completion. His life becomes flat. Your
heart’s fully offered energy—wrathful or devotional—awakens and deepens
your man’s heart into a domain of otherwise inaccessible sensitivity.
Remember that your heart’s expressions don’t always need to be
squeezed into words of sensible reason. Sometimes it is better to give your
man a chance to feel your heart-responsive energy without trying to men-
tally figure out the content through your words. You may not be able to
exactly explain your feelings, anyway. You may want to give him a chance
to feel and penetrate your flow with his loving presence so he can come
to know your deepest heart as his. Then, even your heart’s inexplicable
and unfathomable wisdom can fine-tune his life’s offering—as long as you
magnify your responses enough so he notices!

Masculine Insensitivity 117