SOUTHERN HOSTESS
H
ere in the South, hospitality is held
in highest regard, but what happens
when we trade in the well-worn hat
of hostess for that of guest—and an
extended guest at that? As upcoming
The Art of Being a Gracious Guest
travels bring you to the homes of out-of-
town friends and family, there are plenty
of ways to showcase our region’s signature
charm when these roles are reversed,
Visit the homes of friends and family with grace and ease following the expert many of which Kathy Bertone outlines in
her book The Art of the Visit: Being the
advice of a seasoned hostess who wrote the book on becoming the ideal guest. Perfect Host, Becoming the Perfect Guest.
by Elizabeth Bonner Czapski | photography by John O’Hagan
With myriad literature available on
classic Southern hospitality, Kathy realized
there was little devoted to the overnight
houseguest. For years, the South Carolina
native entertained weekend and holiday
visitors in her three homes that spanned
Florida to Virginia, eventually deciding to
write a book based on what made such
occasions go smoothly.
“Being a gracious overnight guest is
not hard, but it does take some planning,”
Kathy says. “Take simple steps to make
sure things go right by preparing a bit
before your visit even begins.” She
recommends several go-to guidelines
for before, during, and after a trip to
guarantee your host looks back on your
stay with the fondest of memories.
1 PREPARE AND COMMUNICATE IN
ADVANCE. Be mindful of what you
might do on the visit, and pack accordingly.
“If you’re not sure, ask,” Kathy says. “I am
a believer in talking about things with your
host before you go. It’s always better to be
prepared.” It’s also a good idea to make
your host aware of any needs you or your
family might have, such as dietary
preferences. Additionally, ensure she
knows when and how you will be arriving.
“You would be surprised by how many
people don’t do this—and by the shock on
the host’s face as they open the door in
their bathrobe with dirty dishes on the
table, thinking their guests were arriving
that afternoon,” she says.
2 ALWAYS BRING A GIFT. Greet your
host with a token of your gratitude, like
a bottle of wine or a variety of teas. “The
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part—making your hosts feel that you
appreciate the time and effort they are
putting forward is,” Kathy says.
3 BE AS HELPFUL AS YOU CAN.
“Some hosts love their guests to help
out, and some want to do everything
themselves,” Kathy says. “Either way is
fine, and it doesn’t matter, but offering
does. Your host will remember, even if they
said no, that you were kind enough to
offer.” She suggests offering to cook dinner
or taking your hosts out to eat one night.
4 GIVE YOUR HOSTS SPACE AND
PRIVACY. If your trip extends beyond
a couple days, make time for yourself,
allowing your hosts to do the same. “Go for
a walk, or find a spot to read a book,” Kathy
says. “Even though you may be on vacation,
your hosts still have their daily chores and
routine.” With this said, be careful not to
overstay your welcome.
5 BE INTENTIONAL WITH QUALITY
TIME. “Take time to really visit—to
connect or reconnect with people you love
or want to get to know better, and make
new memories,” Kathy says. To accomplish
this, be conscious of phone and computer
use. “We all love them, can’t seem to live
without them, but remember the point
of the trip,” she says.
6 FOLLOW UP WITH A THANK-YOU
NOTE. “In our world of texts and
emails, taking the time to write a note is
just so special,” Kathy says. Feel free to
send a gift too, but only to people you know
well. Normally, Kathy says, a letter is all
that’s needed. “In the South we like
manners, and this shows not just good
manners, but a certain amount of class,
which is a good way to be remembered,”
she says. “It is a lovely keepsake, and
like so many things that are really at the
heart of any visit, it makes both parties
feel special.”
Through the years, Kathy has learned
that Southern hospitality is ultimately a
two-way street; it’s about guests aiming
to ease the burden of their host as well
as a host striving to meet the needs of
their guests. “It means being grateful and
graceful—a powerful combination for
any Southern lady,” she says.
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