Falling from Grace – Creative Writing Assessment

Student writing sample

#1 - Grace

Fear overwhelmed me as the weak unsteady ground that I was clinging to released from the cliff and
fell into the now pitch-black ocean. I was not far behind. Shock engulfed me and time distorted as I
fell towards the deep abyss of mystery. The skyline of menacing clouds fell further out of my reach
and so did Annie.

I tried to scream, to do something! Annie was screaming, I needed her help. But, it was already too
late. The cold clasp of the menacing ocean overtook me and my body. The air left my lungs leaving
only a sharp chill in its place. It was peaceful if only for a second. The what seemed a quiet and calm
ocean mesmerised me as I began to surface. Then the waves from the incoming storm began to
crash.

Like fruit in a blender, I was torn apart. I was thrown by the hand of the waves, bobbing up and
down grasping for air. Panic began to set in. The whirlwind of water tossed me into a rock. I felt the
impact yet there was no pain. My mind was panicking, thinking and unable to focus. My jeans were
torn apart. My vision faded in and out and my thoughts began to stop. The once overwhelming panic
grew ever smaller the less oxygen I had. I felt peaceful as I lost consciousness feeling nothing.
Accepting the cold embrace of incoming death, as I let go of my thoughts.

Yet, I came to my senses in a in a dark area feeling a tremendous amount of pain in my leg. I had
given up, but I was given a second chance. I couldn’t see much but I could smell the salty ocean
breeze. There was water close to me, but I couldn’t tell where. My mouth was a desert that had
been abandoned by the rain. I needed water and I tried to think. I had trouble focusing. I could
barely string together my thoughts. Then the voices started.

I could hear them calling my name and searching for me from above. How depressing, they were
right above me and they didn’t know. Even if I used the rest of my strength to yell back they
wouldn’t hear me. Is this how I die? With help this close to me? No! I had already abandoned my will
to live once, I wouldn’t do it again.

Abruptly, thoughts began to fill my head, the survival videos I used to watch with my mum came to
my thoughts. I remembered something about water being the number one survival tool. What once
seemed like useless trivia information could help save my life. I mustered up the rest of my strength
not knowing if there was some water nearby, I crawled across the cold floor, each centimetre
causing more pain than the last. I was determined. That’s when my hand met a wet patch on the
floor. It was definitely water, but could I use it? Thirsty, in pain and not thinking straight I decided to
take the risk and sip from this promising puddle of possible life. It wasn’t your refreshing tap water,
yet it was usable. This was my lucky break. If I could just hold out until someone finds me I can
survive. Despite this helpful finding one thought clogged my mind. What if no one found me?
#2 – Ted

There is that kid again. He’s talking to the police officers, what do the officers want with him? You
can’t trust anyone who wears a uniform.

I bend down and look through my telescope toward where Kip is. He looks at me. Will he rat me out
to the police officers for spying? I hope not. Then my memory cuts out again, why am I here? I head
home.

At home I meditate and try and regain some normal state of mind without the alcohol affecting me. I
fall into a nice slumber and dream about my Gretsch as I play it on top of a mountain overlooking
the sea. Majestic.

I wake up and decide to read, I find a book by Terry Pratchett. I sit down and start to read, I look over
at the clock, 2:00am. Then there is a knocking on the door. I turn my head and see Kip, I enjoy the
company of this kid.

“Hi there, soldier”, I say to him as he arrives.

I open the door for him, and he walks in. His face turns red as he comes in, must be the heater I left
on.

“Hi”, Kip replies.

He started to apologise about something that had happened the day before. What day was that
Monday, Tuesday? I act like I wasn’t drunk all day and reply vaguely. I decide to change the subject
and talk about my self-appointed area of expertise, storms and weather patterns.

“You know, the eye of a tropical cyclone can be calm, sometimes you can see blue sky”, I say.

“But it’s not over man. The other half of that cyclone is still to come”, I elaborate.

He looked confused about what I was saying. I start praying please don’t let him bring up yesterday it
was all blurry. So, I talk more about weather.

“44 degrees Fahrenheit”, I inform.

“I only know Celsius”, He says.

So, I tell him some basic math, that they really should teach in school.

I take Kip outside and move the conversation toward music. I ask him how his guitar is.

“Remember, I said I wasn’t allowed to bring it to the beach house”. He says.

I feel a little cold after leaving the warmth of my living room and I can tell Kip is to, so I offer to start
up a fire. I grab my old Weber and start up the fire, but I need some briquettes. I go to Grab Them
from the shed and the handle comes clean off. I stumble back a little fazed, but mainly cold.
After I set up the fire, I need a beer, so I offer Kip one.
“Only light”. He replies.

I never have light beer so I grab a can and take it over to him. We sit down and just enjoy the view
and talk about books. Kip seemed happy to be hanging out and I also enjoyed it. I be a good host and
ask after his family and how his school is going but I mainly sat there and listened. After that the
conversation drifts to music and then over to Point Nepean.

“Wild place”, I tell the young fella.

Then the conversation drifts toward the missing girl. A lot of bad things have happened in those
heads many deaths. I tell Kip about useless infrared beams and prime ministers who have died there.
Kip gets up to leave and I decide to go for a walk.

“Maybe you should get some sleep”, kip tells me.

“Piss off”, I walk away into the night.